Marriage, Mailbag, and Mr. Magoo's State of the Union
Joe Biden gave his State of the Union address, so we focus on what's important: love, marriage, and the mailbag! The Babylon Bee wives are in the studio and we figure out who is better at this marriage stuff: the guys or the wives? Neat! There's also What's in the News This Week, Banger and Bomb of the Week, Sizzler Facts, Weakly News with Adam Yenser, and glorious hate mail. In the subscribers-only podcast, there are more questions for the wives, Bonus Hate Mail, and Subscriber Headlines of the Week! This episode is brought to you our sponsors: Better Help: http://betterhelp.com/babylonbee Allegiance Gold: http://allegiancegold.com/bee
In his State of the Union address, Biden made a strong statement on Schmurgerberg, Rushdermuffins, and Burotrushers.
Speedy delivery for Mr. McFeely.
That's right.
It's mailbag time.
The spy balloon popped, but sadly, it didn't fly crazily all over the sky while making a fart noise.
All this and morons.
The Babylon Bee Podcast.
Hey, everyone, welcome to the Babylon B podcast.
We're here in the beautiful United States of America, where there is currently no spy balloon flying over a rest in peace spy balloon.
There's probably another.
As far as we know.
We got one of them.
That was just a wild 48 hours.
A spy, like, little fly AI bot or something.
There's a sply after the spy cockroach.
TikTok app in your pocket.
Well, there's that.
Yeah.
We have those.
That was a fun time.
Like, just like for 48 hours, we all looked up.
And for our Babylon B channel where we pitch headlines, it was just non-stop balloon jokes.
Well, I knew we had jumped the shark when there started being headline pitches about how many headline pitches there were.
We were doing some of those.
They were all at least kind of funny.
It's hard to pick which one.
I liked all the balloons.
I liked all the balloons pitches.
But you couldn't do too many.
I think we did two or three stories on a balloon, but you can't do too many.
I think I saw, there was a meme that was, I love you, from Fang Fang to Arix Wawell.
I thought that was pretty funny.
She sent a balloon back over.
Every time there's this crazy media storm about something, I always wonder, what are they not reporting on?
What's the thing they're distracting us from while they're?
Like, quick, pass more aid packages to Ukraine while everybody's looking up and doesn't notice.
That's true.
We sent a balloon full of missiles over to Ukraine.
The most efficient way is a balloon.
I just think it's strange that China decided to choose a, they chose a balloon to use.
Like, that's the method that they used.
I guess it's the most.
That would be like if you still use sticks instead of a fork.
Well, it's on.
Yeah.
Who would do that?
It's like the most unthreatening thing in the world, too.
It's like, you know.
It's like we have this spy clown.
I looked it up actually because I was curious about that.
I think it's because it's very hard for radar to detect balloons at that high altitude.
Because they're like 100,000.
And it's mostly air.
It's not a lot.
You know, they have that infrastructure below it, but they're kind of hard to find.
Maybe there's just some plausible deniability with it.
Like they can just say, oh, it's a weather balloon.
It's a little bit blew away.
I don't know.
Yeah, I just got it.
I guess if they sent a plane over, it would be kind of a threatening.
Like if you had a giant military plane, you'd be like, oh, that's definitely.
But a balloon.
They're like, yeah, it's just a third one.
And Biden wouldn't have shot that down either.
Well, we would have shot it down as soon as it completed its mission.
Well, anyway, I guess I didn't tell you who I am.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon.
I'll be hanging out with Adam Yenser and Jarrett LeMaster today.
And later on, we got Destiny and Christina, me and Jarrett's wives.
Not collectively, but respectively.
Yes.
That will be coming in to have a special Valentine's Day segment talking about how we met.
We have two separate marriages.
That are closed marriages.
They're closed marriages.
Have you discussed opening up?
We haven't had that talk, but it.
Never really occurred to me.
We're going to give advice on married life because we're all very good at it.
So good at it.
We're so good.
And we also have, I got a surprise gift for my wife that I'll be giving to her.
Really?
Yeah, on the podcast.
Oh, Jarrett.
Jerk?
I didn't do that.
Yeah.
Take some advice.
Can I meet?
Hey, I got you this stuffed Bucky.
Did you notice I was looking around?
I was like, what do I do to her?
You got a Guy Fox mask.
Honey, I got you this guy fox mask.
To remember the 5th of December or whatever.
That's a terrible gift.
Hey, you got to do this here.
Cover your face.
I got you this one on the Sky Fox mask.
No, that's funny.
A zodiac letter signed by Ted Cruz.
By Ted Cruz.
That's a good one.
By Ted Cruz, hon. That's a good one.
I know how much you like him.
Anyway, I guess we'll have to figure that out.
It's going to be very embarrassing later.
I'm sorry, hon. All right, everybody, we want you to subscribe to our podcast accounts on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter.
We've got a separate Babylon B podcast account to follow that for some cool behind-the-scenes stuff and goings-on and all that.
Hit like, subscribe, and hit the little bell to keep up with our YouTube channel and subscribe to us there on the podcast.
Hey, also, come to Babylon Bee Live.
Except you can't anymore because we sold out all the tickets.
That's so cool.
All the tickets are gone.
That's awesome.
That's kind of a big deal.
Yeah.
So, cool.
It's a thousand-seat event, and we sold all thousands.
I don't think Ashley ever thought it was going to happen.
No, she was panicking.
I think I got a message from Ashley, who's working on the event.
I got a message from her a few weeks ago.
It said something like, this event is going to be a disaster.
It still could be.
It still could be.
But it's awesome that we sold out, that there's such a good fan turnout for all of us.
Yeah, come find out if it's a disaster.
I think that's the market.
Now we have to figure out what we're going to do at the event.
Oh, right.
We didn't expect anyone to come.
We've never gotten this.
I guess people are going to come.
I know.
We got Firefest food.
We got those little styrofoam containers with a piece of bread and cheese.
We have like disaster tents.
Yeah.
What about a drum circle?
Yeah, we could do something like that.
Blink 182 said they were going to play, but they're going to cancel.
They swore they would be there.
If you want to see just me, I'll be at the Looney Bin in Wichita this Friday and Saturday.
That's so good.
Oh, awesome.
Wish I could go.
You're going to try to make it?
You know what?
I would like to see.
Have you been to Wichita?
No.
I love Wichita.
Probably likes when I was small, but I've been to Kansas before, and it's great.
I like Kansas.
I like the picture.
You ain't in Kansas anymore.
I ain't in Kansas anymore.
Are you doing any shows in Finland?
I don't remember if I am.
I'm doing one show when I'm in Finland, March 1st in Helsinki.
There's a venue called On the Rocks.
They're speaking English there.
Everybody there, it's not an all-English language show, but the population there speaks enough English that some of the comics are, if you speak in English, they're smarter than we are.
So they will understand our language and by language.
Everybody has to understand English.
Yeah, everyone over there speaks like four languages.
There's a really great Finnish comedian named Ismo Laikola.
I know he goes up at the Laugh Factory sometimes and stuff, but he does his stand-up here in English, but just brilliantly funny.
No, that's great.
Really, that's interesting.
Hard to get the comedic timing in two languages.
Yeah, totally.
That's really interesting.
I wonder how different it is.
But Kyle, you're also speaking at a church coming up.
Am I?
Yeah.
Where am I kidding?
I got my mom.
This is how we speak.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm just letting you know.
Yeah.
I got you.
I hope you're free on this one.
I got you a church gig.
No, my mom sent it to me.
This is actually really, my mom sends me this thing.
She's like, hey, you know, Kyle's speaking real close to where you live, Jared.
Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like a men's conference.
There's a men's conference and you're talking about how to be a man.
What?
Something like that.
I like that look.
You're like, how does that work?
I'm trying to make that.
We'll see how that goes.
Well, number one, get gifts for your wife.
Like surprise gifts for your wife.
That's the number one advice that I have.
This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.
You know, all of us have times when we feel like our best self.
And usually it's when we're doing things that we love.
Connecting with friends and family, enjoying hobbies, going outside and touching grass, getting away from Twitter and social media.
Sometimes we just feel like there's this block and that we're not empowered to go out and be our best selves.
Sometimes working with a therapist can help.
I've definitely benefited from therapy, biblical counseling, talking to people, whether that's therapists or pastors, that have a lot more wisdom than I do.
And sometimes they're just a listening ear.
And I know therapy can be intimidating, but if you've been thinking about giving it a try, we can recommend BetterHelp.
It's a great option.
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And best of all for me, it's entirely online.
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That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P.com slash Babylon B. Hey, Mr. Postman.
What's in the mailbag?
All right, well, speaking of advice, we're going to go to Mailbag where we will advise you on how to live your lives.
And the first question from our subscribers is, hey, B, quick question.
Why does Adam pronounce Mario Kart as Mario Kart?
I was surprised he didn't get any heckling for this on the last one.
I've always said Mario.
Mario.
It's a Pennsylvania thing.
I say Mario.
I say Mario.
That's what I've always said.
I also, there are some times when people point out those little dialectic nuances, but I can't really tell the difference that much.
When people say it, I can't tell a hard difference between it.
And I think it's just a kind of nitpicky.
What's the Christian word for little thing that we can say for to point out something like that?
But thank you.
Thorn in our side?
I think that's the word.
I need a glossary of the translation of what the...
So, hey, Jackson Baker.
No, but...
Thanks for being a.
That's right, you know.
That's really funny.
You pay to subscribe to the B so that Adam can call it.
No, I've always said Mario, and I don't know.
I remember when I read this, I remembered when you said it, and I just, oh, yeah, you pronounced it.
I think that's how everyone I know pronounces it.
Well, the British also say Mario because my kids would watch British YouTubers and then be like, Dad, I'd like to get Mario Odyssey.
Mario.
Mario.
What do you mean?
I guess it depends on the dialect there, too.
But you know, it's interesting with Pennsylvania, Emma, who's also from Pennsylvania, whenever she says the word horrible, she says horrible.
Horrible.
And I think you say the same.
I think you kind of say horrible too, don't you?
I say horrible.
You say, well, it's kind of you're leaning towards that.
I split the difference.
Split the difference.
Split the difference.
Horrible.
Don't think about it.
Just say it.
Horrible.
Horrible.
Okay.
Yeah, he doesn't say horrible.
No, but I think I've heard certain words.
Rider.
There's certain words.
There's also strong accents in a lot of places.
There's certain words we say differently.
And then there are regions around Philly where they have a really strong accent.
It's not even all of Philly, but they do the water thing.
They'll say water instead of water.
Horrible.
Do they say pajamas?
I've never heard pajamas.
I have a hand that says pajamas.
Pajarmas.
We love it.
Yeah.
I like having an R at the end.
My grandparents were from Maine, and they always put R's at the end, just like kind of the British do.
Put pajamas in the word.
When you have a vowel at the end of a word, then they would put an R at the end.
So like if I were to say Christina and I, if you have two vowels like Christina and, you'd say Christina and I.
Yeah, I've heard people do that.
Yeah, they do Christina and I.
But $1 million.
Yeah, like that's that's how.
But I always liked that.
I always thought my grandparents did that, and I always thought it sounded like super hickster when I was a kid, but I like it now.
All you Maynards, I don't know.
Well, this has been a lesson on pronunciation and dialectics.
Hope that helps, Jack.
That's not the same thing.
And you're not a little bit.
We love you.
We do.
We love a lot of little bees.
We're all Babylon B's.
The price is wrong, B.
Yeah, what's next?
This is from Jason of the Stone.
I have been getting into music lately.
Do you all have suggestions for good music for an ex-Norse pagan wanting to love Christian music?
Oh, interesting.
Alternatively, do you all have any Christian bands that have good music and bad lyrics or vice versa?
My wife introduced me to Michael Card a while back.
His lyrics are incredible.
Visceral, violent, and vivacious poetry.
Vivacious.
But his music is awful.
I feel like someone should go death metal covers on his songs.
Thoughts.
Go for it, dude.
Take them.
Wow.
So Norse pagan.
So you're talking like Sigaros style?
Like that kind of Norse pages.
I don't know exactly what genre.
It sounds like he was one of the druids at Stonehenge or something.
Right.
Were you a Norse saved out of the Druids?
I was a Viking.
That was worship before.
The one that comes to mind right now that I've been really getting into is Theocracy.
They're like a Swedish-style power metal Christian band, and they have great lyrics.
They have one of their songs is about Martin Luther nailing the 95 Theses to the door, and they're just very theologically rich, and the music is incredible.
Really great heavy metal.
I like Striper, but Striper's lyrics can be pretty cheesy at times.
They're cheesy at times.
The yellow and black and poofy hair.
They're good at, but they're also dated.
It's a little dated.
Have you tried Tool?
You think they're a Christian band?
I don't think they're Christians.
No, they're very.
At least they're lyrics already.
I'd recommend Theocracy.
I really like them.
Give that a shot.
Switchfoot's my favorite Christian band just because the poetry is really good.
The lyrics are really good.
And the music is really innovative.
Like for a Christian band, I think it's pretty incredible.
Do you have any Christian bands that have good music and bad lyrics?
We did a whole episode where it was guess the bad Christian band lyrics.
You might be able to find that in some of our famous.
If you're just getting introduced to Michael Card, there's like a whole genre of Christian music that you can access.
So there's like, you got to go back and listen to like DC talk and stuff.
Like back in the day.
I feel like a lot of my favorite hymns have awesome lyrics and are maybe written to like second-rate tunes.
Like they're like they're old, maybe old bar songs or something.
But they're designed to be very simple for the congregation to sing along.
So it's forgivable, as Brandon would say.
I would say hymns, though, have their own charm, though, even though.
There's a charm.
I just think some of them.
Yeah.
I like a good hymn.
I like hymns.
I don't like the hymns that are hard to sing.
Some of them have really weird music.
What about Be That On My Vision?
Would you consider that?
Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
I actually like one too.
That's maybe a thing.
It's hard.
I don't mean hard in terms of range and hard to hit the notes.
I mean, some of them have a melody that's hard to follow.
You know, which one comes to mind is And Can It Be?
You know, it's like, and can it be?
Oh, that's it.
Well, you know, Mighty Fortresses are God is a difficult one to sing.
That's one.
Yeah, it could be difficult, sure.
I think good music and bad lyrics.
I don't know.
Good music bad.
I mentioned Striper.
Sometimes Striper can be real cheesy on the lyrics and very on the nose, but the guitar solos and stuff.
Well, back in the day, like Whiteheart, like the super, the power band Whiteheart was kind of this 80s butt rock band that really had butt rock?
Yes.
Yeah, it was like butt rock.
What's butt rock?
Yeah, like hair rock.
You know, I like hair rock.
I used to call it butt rock.
Why do you call it?
What do you call it?
I don't know.
Did you just make that up, Brian?
Did you just use the term that isn't a thing that, but you say it?
Yes, I think so, yeah.
It's a regional dialect.
It's an 80s butt rock.
No, it's because it was.
I used to love to play Mario and listen to buttons.
It's the hair metal bands.
It's like the really glammy hair metal, like after, not the David Bowie gland, but like they're really kind of.
Were you looking at their butts?
No, I think they wore really tight pants.
Oh, that's the reason I see.
So 80s butt rock.
But yeah.
But Whiteheart was always really good because you had Petra.
Petra is the other one that comes to mind.
I have some great songs, but also musically it's real cheesy and dated.
Jonathan Schlitt.
So there are some really good.
That's his name, by the way.
Question.
That's a joke name I'm going to use in this.
Questions.
Should I do this one?
Question over.
Next one.
Miles M. Miles M. Here we go.
What makes a thing a Christian?
Wow.
What makes a thing Christian?
That in and of itself.
Is a Christian band simply a band of Christians that play music?
Or is it a band of musicians that solely play Christian music?
What is Christian music?
What is Christian satire?
I think we've done segments on this before and we've talked about it.
I think it's a deep question that you could talk about for a long time.
You know, like is Mozart Christian or is Bach Christian or is Beethoven?
That's the only other guy I can think of.
Is Tchaikowski?
That one too.
You know, is that Christian, even though there's not lyrics that are explicitly Christian?
You know, Handel.
Does it glorify God just by being good art?
I think you can make an argument for that.
Yeah, I don't like the whole sacred secular divide in music where if a song doesn't mention Jesus every 0.4 microsecond milliseconds, then it's not Christian or whatever.
And that's like the aforementioned band switch, what I was talking about.
They hardly ever say Jesus or God, but the themes and lyrics are really, you know, deep and introspective.
Theologically rich.
Yeah, I think that's true.
And you will occasionally, there's a lot of songs out there by secular bands that occasionally explore spiritual topics that I think are great.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah, that's interesting.
I think that even with us with Christian satire, we're not always talking about Christian things and Christian themes.
I think it has to do kind of with worldview.
It has to do with the worldview you're presenting and not necessarily exactly what you're saying every time, but it's like, where are you coming from when you speak these things into existence or whatever?
So I don't know.
I think it has to do with that.
And then you can speak to all areas of life from your Christian perspective.
And that kind of makes it a Christian.
That's why I appreciate Chesterton.
When you read Chesterton's writings, he talks about everything, you know, from cheese to Queen Elizabeth the 18th or whatever, you know, and just like...
To the Lord.
G.K. Chesterton.
Just something about religion.
Was it Chesterton that said the, of course, I just discuss politics and religion.
There's nothing else to discuss.
That's right.
That's right.
Oh, that is interesting.
All right.
Well, we could explore that more.
Maybe we'll do a mega topic on that sometime.
Dissidente Redactico asks, would Be Sports have an audience?
Seems like we get a lot of sports-related headlines here in the forum.
Be sports-like, but what would that be?
Is that like B Sports?
A segment?
I would like to do more sports desk themed comedy.
But I don't know if this is everyone.
There are certain sports that, like, I follow college football closely.
And then every other sport I write a headline about, I literally know only enough about it to write that headline.
None of us are like big sports guys, right?
Or we're each into our own different sport.
I don't know that we're the type of people that know all the stats and can give in-depth analysis.
Yeah, it's hard to.
I'm wearing this Padre shirt because it looks cool.
Yeah, it looks like.
I thought that was a beer shirt.
It looks like a beer shirt.
Yeah.
I like the monk, you know, it's a cool religious theme with the friar.
Yeah, it is cool.
Yeah, we definitely want to do some more sports-related comedy, though.
Yeah.
I liked our Leah Thomas sketch.
Oh, that's one of those crazy.
What's in the news this week?
So Biden's State of the Union was last night.
Biden said finished the job 12 times and sparred with Republican hecklers.
Media reporting that Biden seemed energized, taking on people like Marjorie Taylor Greene, who shouted liar.
What was the line that she shouted?
I don't know about all the headlines because I didn't watch it.
I was out.
So I caught the very beginning and the very end.
But I see all the headlines that say he shouted liar, but I can't find what it was.
Was she right that he was lying about?
I'm sure she was.
Likely, but that's like a broken clock.
Yeah.
Liar, yeah.
Exactly.
They probably said a few true things, too.
And laughter broke out when Biden said we will be off of oil in 10 years.
Oh, my gosh.
Yeah.
McCarthy was seen glaring and shushing his own side several times.
And Biden made the Tyre Nichols story about race.
And then they shared this ban assault weapons graphic.
Ban Assault Weapons finished the job.
So, I guess they've decided this is the new slogan, finish the job.
Is that the maybe that's like his launch about the his launch for his 2024 campaign is like finish the job will be his motto or something?
Because they had branding ready for the logos for it already.
It does look, I wonder what graphic artists decided.
They really nailed that.
Ban assault weapons.
By the way, it says that Marjorie Taylor Greene called Biden a liar when he claimed that some Republicans wanted to cut Medicare and Social Security programs.
So I wish they did.
I wish they did.
I'm not a witch.
I'm your wife.
Lots of Democrats wore abortion pins.
Did you see this?
Was it Ed Malarkey or whatever his name is?
He had like a pin that said abortion with a heart.
Like, you know, usually they'll wear like a USA pin or something.
He's like, I love abortion.
So abortion with a heart.
It should have had a heart that had like something through it or a dismembered dead heart or a broken heart.
He also bragged about strength and backing Ukraine.
And he also shouted, name me one world leader who changed places with Xi Jinping.
What does that even mean?
I think he was trying to say like go toe to toe with Xi Jinping or something.
He said who changed places.
Xi Jingping.
So as usual, the state of the Union is a giant circus.
It's a dumpster fire.
And it's ridiculous.
Crazy.
Western powers blocked a ceasefire early in the Ukraine war, according to the former Israeli prime minister.
I hadn't heard of this story before.
Former Israeli Prime Minister Naftali Bennett, who was the prime minister during the start of the war, in an interview said that he tried to broker a ceasefire early in the war, but all the Western countries blocked it.
He secured a promise from Putin to not kill Zelensky, and then Zelensky came out of his bunker to announce from his office that he was not afraid.
According to him, both Putin and Zelensky very much wanted a ceasefire and made concessions.
So is this like a conspiracy theory thing that's coming out that they really wanted this war to happen?
So he was trying to broker a ceasefire and nobody else wanted it to happen because they wanted this war to happen.
I don't know what the is that the storm?
I haven't heard much.
I hadn't heard about this.
Yeah.
I heard Tucker Carlson mentioned it last night on his show.
Oh, did he?
But it wasn't much more information than what's here.
All right.
Let's see what happens with that.
All right.
So this is the next, there's not a lot to this, but there are thousands or 2,300 people have died in the 7.5 magnitude earthquake in Turkey and Syria.
It's terrible.
Yeah, I read like 5,000 casualties.
I'm sure that includes injuries and missing and stuff.
It's way up over that.
It's over 2,300.
It's way over 2,300.
It's way now, yeah.
Well, they didn't have any kind of, you know, their buildings were all, they weren't ready for this.
Yeah, Turkey's one of those countries where they have earthquake codes now, but they have so many outdated buildings that have been there for not just decades, but some years ago.
Centuries.
Maybe thousands of years, right?
Yeah.
And they said it's so freezing there right now, too.
The cold weather is making it hard to recover people and rescue people.
Yeah, it's terrible.
That's so terrible.
Is this a place that has ever had an earthquake before?
That's the other thing.
They've had earthquakes, but I think they said this was the biggest one in 100 years.
Yeah, that's always you see the large magnitude Magnitude earthquakes that hit like first world countries, and it's like, oh, five people got hurt or something, and some books fell off a shelf.
And then, whenever it hits a place that doesn't have the But that was also a massive earthquake.
I think the initial one was 7.8, and then the aftershock was 7.5.
It is what I initially heard.
Yeah, when comparable ones hit like LA, it's like, you know, I know the one time there was like that Northridge or the freeway overpass or whatever.
Early 90s.
I remember that.
You know, you just got to pray for those.
Pray for their tidy.
Wow.
That's wild.
And it's hard for me to wrap my head around whenever I see a news headline like that.
It doesn't hit us close to home because it's some country on the other side of the world, you know.
But like we think about 9-11 was what, 3,100 dead or whatever, and it's like something we still think about 20 years later.
Yeah.
This, I mean, goodness, even worse.
Wow.
So pray for them.
That's it.
And then Yoel Roth, the ex-Twitter exec, was forced to flee home amid Twitter files release.
He resigned in November, and he's been testifying before Congress today because they're investigating this.
It says, looks like Yoel is.
This is something Elon Musk tweeted.
Looks like Yoel is arguing in favor of children being able to access adult internet services in his PhD thesis.
And there's a screenshot of his dissertation.
He was talking about Grindr, a gay hookaback.
But I think in his thesis, because MTG, I think, referenced this when they were grilling him today.
And he said in his college thesis that kids should have access to Grindr, basically.
Well, yeah, MTG ripped into Yoel for banning her Twitter account, but letting 40,000, supposed, allegedly, I guess I should say, letting 40,000 child porn accounts stay up.
I'm so glad you are censored now.
I'm so glad you lost your jobs.
Thank God Elon Musk bought Twitter, she said.
Yeah.
And this was a quote from our producer Dan.
Whenever she isn't talking about Jewish space lasers, I really like her.
I think that was Dan, right?
Yeah, I think Dan said so.
That's really good.
Dan has come out in favor of MTG as long as it's not Jewish space lasers.
All right, let's move on to our banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
U.S. shoots down spy balloon as it was getting too close to Ukraine.
Yeah, wouldn't want that.
Yeah.
That's just crazy.
It is so funny to me that they waited until the second it hit the Atlantic Ocean and the moment.
When it's no longer there, there's nothing else for it to spy on.
Their excuse was that they didn't want to hurt anybody.
Yeah, but there's so much vacant land in the United States.
There had to be a moment.
Yeah.
Montana itself is not that populated.
There had to be an area.
Even the populated states.
They're clustered into cities.
You could shoot it down over most of California and it wouldn't hit anybody.
I know.
It's a ridiculous.
If anything would even make it to the ground, I don't even know how that works.
What were these guys thinking?
I don't know.
We also have a bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
Marie Kondo launches new parenting show.
Aiden, for the love of all that is holy, stop hitting your sister with that frying pan.
I liked this one.
I wrote the bomb of the week and the banger of the week.
Good job.
Yeah.
This is a twofer.
I like this one.
I think it's really funny.
So this was based on a real story, and I think a lot of people didn't hear the real story.
See, I don't understand the parenting angle.
I heard that she said in an interview that she's given up on the keeping tidy stuff.
Because she has three kids now.
Oh, so I'd never heard the kid part of it.
She has three kids and she's like, I'm done.
I can't do anything.
You cannot keep tidy with three kids.
I just like the idea of her being really frustrated.
And the world's best person at keeping tidy is not up to the challenge of three children.
I think it's wonderful.
One of my favorite Ellen bits is the writer in the office next to me, Troy Thomas.
You can look this up.
He's a hoarder and he would keep everything in his office.
And we brought Marie Kondo in to surprise him and make him clean his office.
And it's one of the funniest segments.
And then as soon as she was gone, he put everything back in.
And he saw this headline and he was like, I won.
I win.
But he didn't see the B headline because nobody shared it.
Well, he might have seen it.
All right, now it is time for Sizzler Facts.
14 weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Facts.
Here's ours for this week.
There are 256 calories in one serving, six ounce size of Sizzler steak, which is composed of 44% fat, 3% carbs, 52% protein.
There are 1,475 milligrams of sodium, which is 64% of your daily recommended amount.
And speaking of the steak at Sizzler, did you know that Sizzler has three big rules for steak?
Insist on slow-aged, hand-cut USDA choice.
Grill that beauty over real fire, and savor every juicy bite.
Hmm, Sizzler.
Sizzler.
This has been Sizzler Facts.
Did we get those steps from their website or something?
That's interesting.
I didn't know that.
All right.
Wow.
Wow.
This has been Sizzler Facts.
Never disappoints.
I've read Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, and now I know Sizzler's Three Big Rules for Steak.
The companion piece.
They do slow-aged, hand-cut USDA choice.
That's surprising to me.
Well, that's what they say anyway.
I don't know.
Anyway.
All right.
Now it is time for weekly news with Adam Jenser.
The dollar just hit a seven-month low.
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Visit allegiancegold.com slash B or call 844-790-9191.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
U.S. fighter jets finally shot down the Chinese spy balloon off the coast of South Carolina after it crossed the entire U.S.
So thank you, President Biden, for successfully stopping China from spying on the Atlantic Ocean.
Biden insists the balloon posed no risk to the U.S. since all of our secrets are safely hidden behind his Corvette.
At the Grammys on Sunday, Sam Smith performed a raunchy, satanic-themed version of his song Unholy.
The performance was so effective, it even summoned an actual demon.
In response to a tweet from Sam Smith promoting his satanic performance, CBS replied, we are ready to worship.
To thank them for the shout out, Satan let everyone in hell watch CBS for a little before switching back to the view.
A clip went viral of Ben Affleck looking bored at the Grammys.
It's the same look other people have when they watch a Ben Affleck movie.
Joe Biden muttered his State of the Union address on Tuesday and was interrupted several times by Republicans.
For instance, Marjorie Taylor Greene, who yelled, liar, followed by George Santos, who replied, what?
After opening a legal euthanasia clinic, Portland, Oregon has become a destination for death tourism, or you can increase your chance of dying by visiting Philadelphia, Detroit, or Chicago.
An Instagram model who goes by the name Mary Magdalene revealed that one of her 38J breast implants burst.
The Air Force has apologized, saying they thought it was a Chinese spy balloon.
That's it for weekly news.
Come see me live this weekend at the Looney Bin in Wichita, Kansas, February 18th at the Comedy Chateau in North Hollywood, and at On the Rocks in Helsinki, Finland, March 1st.
Oh, that was great, Adam.
Hey, thank you.
It's been great having you on the podcast.
Yes.
Here.
So now everyone that is married and will discuss that.
I guess I'll just if there's anybody who isn't, then I'll even go write that segment we just did.
Okay.
It wasn't too awkward, but all right.
Hey, let's bring in the wives.
Let's bring in the wives.
Wives.
And now the wives of the Babylon be all right.
Well, we kicked out everybody who doesn't have family.
Yeah.
That was hard.
It was a very awkward transition.
An unnatural trend.
Almost like a Leah Thomas kind of transition.
And so now we're going to have the wives here.
And this is my wife, Destiny.
Say hello, Destiny.
Hello, Destiny.
And this is my wife, Christina.
Hi, Destiny.
Hi, Kyle.
Thanks for coming in.
You're welcome.
Thank you, also.
You're welcome.
Is this going to be like a competition the whole time?
It is, actually.
I love you.
I love you, babe.
I love each other.
I love you, too.
I love meeting too, hon. I love you, Anne.
I love you more.
Speaking of competition, I got my wife a present.
I know.
I'm so mad at you.
And you didn't.
Here it is.
It's a packy sack.
I've always had a lot of time.
You can't just grab things in the room and say it's present.
Oh, shoot.
I almost dropped it.
Here.
I always wanted that as a present for you.
So go ahead and open it.
Pretty box.
Kyle is so thoughtful.
This counts for anniversary and Valentine's Day, by the way.
Oh.
Oh.
This is the Especially for Wives book.
We've had this on the podcast, but we featured this on the podcast before.
Especially for wives, when was the last time?
This is to help you self-improve as a wife.
Okay.
Which is really a gift for both of us because then we could just have a better relationship as you improve yourself.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And I'll lean to one up as well, but I got you a gift.
Oh, you did?
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Didn't either.
Oh, dude.
What?
Doom.
Ethereum.
Yeah.
This is the board game.
This is ranked like top 10 on Board Game Geek.
No, for sure.
Wow, you get to conquer Arrakis.
It's a little bit spice.
I expected it to be heavier.
Oh, really?
Is there not a lot of.
Oh, look at that.
This is actually, there's no game in here.
It's just.
That kind of seems like the.
Especially for husbands.
Yes.
When was the last time?
It's like the companion.
I felt like, you know, to better improve yourself as well.
Okay.
I thought I should get you the book you have mentioned on the podcast.
All right.
Well, thank you.
You're welcome.
It's good.
I mean, it's really exciting.
It's a pretty book.
That guy has a nice head of hair there.
Yeah.
It's probably a wig.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So why don't we play a little game?
This is like marriage advice from the 1970s.
So we're going to quiz each other on how good we're doing as spouses here.
Oh, I actually have a scoreboard.
Oh, so you did get her a gift.
A scoreboard.
I don't have a scoreboard at two markets.
That worked out really nicely.
Okay, so wives are going to rate the husbands and husbands are going to rate the wives.
Okay.
Is that what we're doing, Dan?
We're going to ask questions.
I'm going to keep scoring.
So I think you are going to take the wives one and ask us questions.
When was the last time you did this?
And it's husbands against wives.
Okay.
Oh.
Not couples.
Husbands against wives.
Oh.
Yeah, so we're going to crush us.
Well, no, Christina is a way better wife than I am a husband.
So you were hoping that she would really carry you along in the race.
So I don't like not being on the same team.
All right.
So do you want to take this one then?
Yes.
Okay, you can self-home.
Okay, so this is the self-evaluation.
So you can ask us one and then we'll ask you one.
And ladies first, go ahead and pick a question and we'll rate ourselves.
So we, this is for the last 12 months is what it is.
Oh, in the last, oh, that's right.
Number one, last 12, last four.
Isn't there like a four?
Oh, it's okay.
Last 12 months.
And then you have to say if you've done this zero times in the last 12 months to four or more times in the last 12 months.
Okay.
Okay.
And this, I'm rating myself.
Yes, you're rating yourself.
And then we can be like, you can vet.
We can vet.
Oh, okay.
I'd be like, nah, actually.
Yeah.
Fact checkers over here.
Well, this is probably better because when we did it before, we were rating.
Kyle and I were rating ourselves.
Oh, I would say pretty often.
This morning.
I would say this late morning.
Three, five.
Three.
I've probably done it.
X plus one, where X is whatever Jared says.
And there was no one to really.
And Emma didn't believe any of our answers.
And so I think this will be a lot of fun.
Your answers were a little sus.
Well, it was like, when's the last time you get your wife a dozen roses and went on a walk in the sunset and the beach?
And you were like, oh, this morning.
That was not.
That was clearly not.
Okay, and I actually watched that podcast and I can verify he was.
That he was lying.
But I was not telling the truth.
All right, so the first one for you.
Oh, go ahead.
And you guys go first.
All right.
You want to read?
All right.
So when, how many times in the last 12 months have you prayed with your wife?
Zero to four or more?
12 months?
Yeah.
Last year.
Easily four or more.
Yeah.
Well, four or more, but I mean, we're talking way more than four.
Okay.
It only goes.
It only goes to four.
And so you guys get eight points.
Four is the max.
Yeah.
You guys get eight points for that.
Yeah.
In the last year, we've prayed four times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Only four times.
Maybe 300 and win four.
300 and 40.
300 million times.
Some of these will have to save for the subscriber.
Yeah, I know.
That's what I was wondering.
When was the last time I told my husband I was happy with his salary?
When was the last time?
In the last 12 months?
So in 12 months, you have to, if you do this between zero and 12.
I mean, I'm happy with yourself.
Well, does it have to be those words?
Then I told him I was happy with the salary.
I guess I've never really said the words, but okay, I will say that I think Destiny just told me this like 30 minutes ago.
That she was happy with myself.
Yeah, they did.
Yeah.
Tell me.
What is your salary?
But not when you worked at the Christian Life bookstore.
That was not good enough.
We were talking about how you make more money than when you worked at the Christian bookstore.
That's true.
I was like, I've been with him since he was making $7 an hour.
I made more money than I was.
I made $6.75 an hour.
Yeah, or something like that.
That wasn't good enough.
But now it's okay.
So you guys get more.
My manager got fired for embezzling funds from the family Christian store.
That's true.
Really?
Yeah, that's a true story.
When I started working, the minimum wage was like $5,000.
The manager?
Yeah, the manager got $5 and $10.
I used to go to that store.
I don't know if he was just palming cash from the drawer.
I'm taking it.
Wow.
Palming cash from the title.
The husband's a winning, so let's.
But it's also embezzling, right?
I don't know.
I thought zero.
Oh, you guys.
Well, I technically didn't tell him.
I'm sure.
You didn't tell me.
That doesn't matter.
Are you giving her a pity point?
All right.
Ask us the next one.
And you said things like, I'm really glad that you're such a powerful earner one point.
You want to pick another one?
Oh, Christina would say things like, I'm glad you're an exceptional earner.
Okay.
All right, go ahead.
Okay.
So, husband, when is the last time you complimented your wife in front of your children?
So, zero to four times?
I'd say four easily.
What, in the last year?
Yeah.
We're going to all get fours.
No, we didn't.
What's the question?
I got zero.
I got zero.
All right.
All right.
I mean, at least four times.
I mean, you can verify, but at least four times.
Yeah, you guys.
I mean, like I would say.
That's where the kids are uncomfortable.
Yeah.
Yeah.
No, I'll be like.
Well, because I'll be specific about body parts.
Yeah, Jared is the most appreciative when he eats my food.
So he loves how I cook.
Oh, that's a good way to do it.
He's always complimenting my food.
This is so good.
And he never complains ever.
It's never bad, but if it was bad.
He compliments me a lot, too.
Do I?
In front of him.
Is it awkward?
No, I like it.
Oh, you do?
I appreciate it, yeah.
Oh, good.
Well, he's kind of a barcode, you know?
You're doing a good job, man.
I just want to tell you.
Yeah, I do say that kind of stuff a lot.
If it's awkward, I apologize.
Oh, you're telling me.
He does that with everyone in his life, though, because he does it with me.
I mean, about every, I would say you compliment me about everything.
Well, now it's making it sound like I'm disingenuous because I do it with everybody.
That's not true, though, but that's just who you are.
No, I think that you genuinely mean it.
And you notice people when they do things, and you're not afraid to say it.
Yeah, it's awkward for some people because they're like, men aren't supposed to be.
You're basically amazing.
Oh.
Wow.
This is great.
Well, I was going to do number three, but I think we can't do that here.
Yeah, that's the subscriber or some other portion.
Okay, how about this one?
I had a good open conversation with my husband.
Oh, a good open conversation with my husband?
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, four.
Four plus.
Four.
Yeah.
It happens like every day.
Yeah, we're killing it here.
You guys are killing it?
Are you an extrovert, Destiny?
Are you kind of sort of an extravert?
So you like connect and verbally.
Kyle, and Kyle does that too because he's comfortable with you.
Yeah.
He'll probably come home and just spill the beans.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
That's good.
You wrote on me.
Christina and I are both extroverts.
And so we every day when we get home, we have to sit down and talk about it.
Okay.
Oh, my God, Jerry.
Keep your eyes.
Are you guys okay over this?
Okay, this is a really, really good one, and I really want to know your answers.
Okay.
When is the last time you cleaned the bathroom?
Boy, I've done it about twice in the last year, probably.
Taking hair out of the chicken.
I have.
I've cleaned the toilets twice.
I have easily cleaned the bathroom four times in the last year.
Okay.
But I don't really do deep clean.
She's good at the deep clean of like every square inch.
I'm really good at the, like I move through and take up all the clutter, get all the laundry, do it like real efficient, and then she has to come and like do the actual work.
Which is and I'll do the show.
I'll do the drains all the time.
And yeah, because our hair, we have a lot of hair.
So does Jared get one point or two points?
So I got to say what I'm good at, too, because I'm not a good.
You're only getting two points for this.
And I'm a fixer, though.
So like anytime.
That's true, but that's the thing.
Anytime the bathroom is.
When the fixing question comes up.
There's no fixing question.
We had a fixed question.
Is there any way to do that?
Okay, I'm giving you two points, I guess.
No, I mean, just I've only cleaned the toilets.
I haven't cleaned the rest of the bathroom.
Okay, so one point for you.
And I've picked up the best.
You guys get five, so 21.
Okay.
Oh, shoot, Destiny.
We really need to catch up.
Okay.
I can't ask.
I'm going to get in troll for you.
I know you're having a lot of these, right?
You ask them.
I want to know what it does now.
I can't even say it.
I want to know what it is.
I'm not going to ask.
You can't ask that.
When was the last time?
Wait, this is.
Oh, no, I like this one.
When was the last time I let my husband know before I went out and bought something?
Oh, this is.
Okay.
He picked one that we're not going to catch up on.
I know.
See, right?
So four times in the last year did you say, I'm going to go and get presumably something for yourself or something.
I think you tell me that all the time.
I do.
I'm always like, oh, I spent so much money at Costco.
But before, you have to say before.
You have to say before.
You have to tell him I'm going out and I'm going to go.
And I don't think groceries count.
This is like something.
Yeah.
Because you always know when I'm, I always ask you, I'm going grocery shopping.
What do you need?
I guess I don't.
That's not for yourself, though.
I feel like grocery shopping is just like.
Am I good with buying milk?
Yeah.
Can I buy milk?
Do you have enough money to buy milk this week?
But like if you're going to go get your nails done, you say, I'm going to go get my nails done.
And you tell me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'll do that.
I'm going to get my nails done or a pedicure.
But you don't ask permission.
You just let him know.
But it doesn't, that's all you have.
That's all the question.
I have to let him know.
It says, I let him know.
It's not.
Well, I thought this was that kind of book where you have to ask permission.
There might be another question.
Yeah, that's it.
I mean, okay, I think that we totally have done that.
I'm giving you guys a little bit.
At least four times.
I would say that, yeah, okay.
I didn't think of it like that.
Oh, now it's a tie.
Okay.
Oh, good.
Okay.
Good job.
Okay, you pick the next one.
Oh, let's see, let's see, let's see.
That's a gift.
Oh, I don't want to do that one because they're.
Okay.
In the last 12 months, husbands, when was the last time you did the grocery shopping?
Last 12 months.
Or how many times?
Or how many times?
I'm in the actual grocery shopping.
Actual grocery shopping.
Not like, yeah, I got to go pick up.
I like picking up milk.
I'm going to give myself maybe one point for that.
Dang.
There's been like one time.
Like, I've gone with you, but I'm not going to count that.
There's been like one time.
I don't know if you were sick or something.
And I just went and did the full-on several hundred dollar trip.
Yeah.
Remember when I was sick and Chad sent us groceries?
Yeah.
Now, is this becoming like choosing these so that the other?
Oh, yeah, we're trying to win.
We're trying to win here.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
I wasn't.
I was going to go and order.
How many points did you give yourself?
I'm going to do zero.
Oh, so we got one.
I actually probably.
I've gone.
I was thinking maybe in the last 12 years, Jared, gets zero.
I've gone to the store to pick things up.
You know what?
Okay, that could just be because I like to budget.
I'm going to read this one.
Really?
I don't ever get that.
let's see um that's funny this thing is kind of implied That never happens.
It's comfortable.
That never happens.
What about this one?
That's kind of a similar question.
I would be like, this pays for a ton of time.
They're going to win.
No, I want to ask it just to.
Yeah.
We should.
That's a good thing.
You're going to win.
All right.
Okay.
I know how you answer that one.
When was the last time I wore clothes he liked?
Oh, my God.
Now that's hilarious.
Every day.
Yeah, 369 days a year.
Yes, there you go.
He always tells me, like, oh, you look nice.
Eight points.
We get eight points.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We win that question.
How about, how about did we, do we wear clothes you guys like?
I wonder.
I do, right?
You're seeing a dress is on.
What about that one?
Oh, that's.
I'm not kidding.
She's kind of weird.
She is?
Damn.
Yeah.
All right.
You guys just turn.
Okay.
When is the last, how many times in the last year have you told us that you love us more than you love your mother?
That's my favorite question.
And then you have to tell Diaz to do this one.
Zero.
More than I love my mother.
Because I've never said I love you more than I love my mom.
In the 70s, people were weird.
I know.
I love Destiny.
I love you so much.
I even love you more than my mom.
Than my mother.
You know, it kind of makes me sad a little bit because, like, I love your mom.
I know, but it's like different kinds of things.
I know.
It's a different thing.
To compare those two kinds of love, like, I love you.
I'm so deeply, madly in love with you even more than with my mother.
More than my mother.
It's so weird.
It's so edible.
It's a very like.
It's hard to say, but I mean, I think it's implied every day.
It's kind of implied, yeah.
So we'll give you guys two points each for that.
I mean, it's so Freudian.
All right, we're going to give you guys two points.
Freud was wrong, B. She's so nice, so I should be keeping score.
When's the last one when's the last time I massaged his back?
Oh, well, in the last 12 months.
In the last 12 months.
We lost 12 minutes.
Twice.
I got your neck the other day after, you know, messed it up.
Is a neck a back?
Sam Gere did mess up my neck.
Well, that was his fault.
He was initiating wrestling matches to initiate that wrestling.
I did not.
I did not.
I didn't wrestle.
But you were going around, oh, jiu-jitsu.
I can do Jiu-Jitsu.
You guys want to wrestle right now?
I am not walking around the office going, I do jiu-jitsu.
Then how do I know you do jiu-jitsu?
Because I said, I'm going to jiu-jitsu later.
Like, what, you know, you say that.
I'm going to tennis.
You know?
I'm going to go to, I have a softball game at the end of the week.
Like, that's what, you know, I'm going to go running.
You guys talk about your run to Morador or whatever.
Does that mean you're, I'm like, hey, let's run to Morador together.
But I just say, I'm going to the gym.
How many massage points did you get?
Right.
One or two.
I did it literally two in the last month.
Well, she definitely, we got one of those guns.
Yeah, and I've done that.
Oh, those guns are wonderful.
But in the previous 12 years, you got about a one.
I was like, that's one of the weak points.
I've got to get four since Christmas.
That's true.
I'll give you, I'll give you two.
I'll take you two on this.
I feel like I do, but I do it to show you how to do it to me.
I don't think you get credit for that.
It's so hard.
I'm like, look, he's horrible.
And so I'm like, get on your stomach and let me show you how to do it.
And then he just lies there and he's like, yes, keep doing that.
And I'm like, is he like kind of a soft massager?
But I'm like, get it.
Get out of there.
Parrett does it so hard that I'm just like, no, I'm like, I'm like, honey, hold still.
Yeah, that's me.
I'm like, get in there like elbow.
You got to get there.
I'm going there.
That's how I like it.
That's funny.
That's funny.
So I guess.
You're doing jiu-jitsu moves on your hands.
I'm like, hold still.
Knee in back move.
Before we got the massage gun, I'd be like, my hands hurt.
I'm like, honey, my neck hurts.
She's like, to like pinch my skin right here.
I always call it, I always say he does Chinese torture on me.
He just stays in the same spot.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, forget it.
Sorry, this is like, we're just making fun of our head.
Sorry.
When was the last time you did?
She gets zero points for this.
You're criticized.
You criticize your husband.
I gave her zero.
Now the score, just so you know, wives 31, husband's 26.
Oh, man.
All right, let's do one more question from you.
One more question from us.
Go ahead.
In the last 12 months, how many times have you balanced the checkbook?
Zero.
Neither of us are the finance guys.
You guys are both.
We are the finance guys.
You're both finance people.
Gosh, you guys really well, there's a couple questions we could ask.
There were so many.
Actually, you guys, I'll just be completely honest.
The whole list were like, I mean, we did that today.
Oh, we did that.
Literally.
She's like, they're literally like.
When's the last time we went on a walk?
I'm like, literally.
Yeah, when's the last time you ate dinner as a family?
When's the last time you had a night?
When you played a board game.
When did you play a board game?
All these things you guys do every day.
You guys are playing dirty.
So we're going to come back.
We're going to fight fire with fire.
All right.
When was okay.
In the last 12 months, when's the last time I came to my husband and I said, I respect you, and I want to let you know it.
I don't know that.
Boom, mic drop.
Okay.
When did you use those words?
I guess it is.
Remember when I hugged you yesterday and just gave you a kiss?
And I was like, oh, I love you.
Does that count?
No.
When was the last time I respected my husband and let him know it?
Women need respect.
I respect you.
Men need respect.
I need respect.
Yeah.
Okay, but just, I mean, what do I do that is disrespectful?
No, that's not the question.
Do I make you feel like I don't respect you?
No, that's not the point of this.
You're trying to get out of it.
You're trying to get out of it.
Don't change the subject.
We can clarify.
I'm still going to win.
I'm still going to win.
I feel like balancing the checkbook is like something that they don't do, but like implying that we respect you is something that we totally do, right?
Like we totally responded.
It doesn't say when's the last time you implied respect for your husband.
Because when's the last time I said I respect you, my husband?
I respect you, my husband.
You are not using it.
You have not used those words.
And I want you to know it.
I respect you and I want you to know it.
I'm really glad we had this meeting.
I should text you yesterday and be like, say all these things.
I know.
Of course, you haven't.
Okay, so the final score?
Get a zero.
Yeah, you guys both, you got a zero last time.
So it's husband's 26, wives 31.
All right.
Okay, so here's the thing.
They've bested us again.
Now, you may not have said they always do.
You may not have said those words, but you do actually imply respect all the time.
But that doesn't count for the game.
Constantly.
I mean, constantly.
And you don't criticize us in public.
I don't think you don't do that either, do you, Destiny?
No, unless I'm like joking with them.
Right.
Yeah, but there's certain wives that are like, my husband's a real piece of work.
Oh, no, no, no.
In front of all their friends.
You guys don't do any of that stuff.
I know.
I hate that too.
Yeah.
It's the worst way to be married.
And then husbands are like, hey, the old ball and shit.
I'm telling you.
The old battle axe.
I've never heard that one before.
I think that's, you usually refer to your mother-in-law as a battle axe.
Ah, the old battle axe.
You have to let her know you love her more than your mother.
That's part of the.
So basically, nothing's changed since the 1970s.
It's true.
Yeah, marriage is, yeah, having a good marriage is pretty much the same thing.
So in honor of Valentine's Day, we're having this, you know, couples thing.
How did you two meet, Jared and Christina?
Yeah, that's a great question.
We were in line at Starbucks.
In the clink.
In the clink.
They had a Starbucks in the lower left-hand corner of the clink.
What did Travis call the clink?
i don't know he called it like the it wasn't the claim it was It was something else.
It was like the, I'm not.
I can't remember.
Okay, sorry.
Anyway, the cling.
The clank or something?
The clank.
So he was in front of me in line, and then he turned around and was like, oh, hey, you're Christina, right?
Because we had had a class together in college.
But we had never talked or interacted, really.
So we ended up having this.
Jared talked to a stranger?
Well, a stranger who was very attractive.
I was like, I'm going to talk to that girl.
We ended up talking for an hour and a half, just standing right there awkwardly, right after we got our drinks, and we're just talking and talking.
And actually, the Starbucks closed, and they were like, Excuse me, we're closing, and we got shut, you know, shoot out.
And he asked me for my number, and he never called me.
For a month.
And then I saw her at a wedding after having not called her.
Oh, man.
And it was very awkward.
And I remember standing there thinking, I should have called this girl.
And I had these thoughts.
And I really was waiting for the call.
I didn't have voicemail or text messaging, and I was really afraid I was going to miss his call.
So there were two things going on.
What kind of phone did you have?
I was a little flip phone.
I think I had a Nokia as well.
I got a little Nokia.
But I got her number, didn't call her, and I thought every time I was going to call her, I would think, if I call this girl, I will, I'm going to marry this girl.
And I was 23, and I didn't want to get married until I was like 30.
In fact, our first conversation was about that.
I was like, I don't want to get married until I'm 30.
Can I have your number?
You know, like, it was like, I was leaving.
I was going to go live in Scotland.
I'm like, I'm going to go live in Scotland.
I don't know when I'll be back.
And then he's like, can I get away from that?
And I'm like, I'm going to be in theater.
And I had just booked this big theater contract, this equity contract.
So I thought I was going to be like an actor.
Yeah, I thought it was, and I was, and I was, I had a movie and I had this.
So I thought, this is my life now.
I'm going to be an actor.
And then I met Christina and it changed everything.
That show ended up going to Broadway.
And I said, no, because she had come back in town.
And I was like, I'm staying.
I want to stay for this girl.
So anyway.
And at the wedding, it was really awkward because he came up to me and he was like, oh, yeah.
Well, I never called you.
Do you want to dance?
Yeah, no, basically, she, okay, so I don't remember it exactly like that.
I was like, I said, hey, can I get your number again?
You know, and she was like, okay.
And then I watched her kind of like get hit on by all these drunk guys like the whole night.
And so I was really frustrated.
I'm the only drunk guy on the list.
And so I went over and I kind of was like, excuse me, everyone at the table.
I was like, excuse me, I have to show you my dance moves.
That's true.
He said that.
You look like you could balance a checkbook.
Hey, baby.
So I ended up showing her my dance moves.
And we were the only ones on the dance floor.
You look like a woman who would respect me and let me know it.
Let me know.
Let me know it.
You look like a woman who would clean the top of the refrigerator.
That was one of the questions.
There's actually other questions in the other day.
I would be able to say.
That's why we didn't pick it.
Well, Destiny, how did you meet Kyle?
How did you guys meet him?
I let him take my car.
I was friends with his cousin and his brother.
It was my birthday, my 20th birthday.
And he was there hanging out with, they were just evangelized.
They went out evangelizing.
And I came by and saying hi, and I met him.
And he had to go home to go to work in the morning.
And Ryan, his brother.
Do you have a Christian Stewart?
Family Christian Store.
Where they were embezzling money.
He had to go home.
And Ryan didn't want to go home.
So I said, here, stranger, take my car.
Yeah.
My brand new 2003 Saturn Ion.
You must have thought he was a dream boat.
He walks in, you're like, I'll let this guy borrow my car.
Because you wouldn't do that for just anyone.
No, I would.
Oh.
You're not like me, though.
We take many people home.
I'm like, Kyle, there's a homeless person over there.
We're going to go take them to a shelf hours on that.
I like that.
That looks like a guy who would do the grocery shopping.
Yeah.
And she was speaking in a southern accent for some reason.
Huh.
When I met her.
No, I wasn't.
She was like, here, I'm hanging out with my friends here.
And then she went on a walk with someone else that was there.
And then I was like, who's the hot southern chick?
He did.
They all said.
My friends, I was like, who's the hot hot southern chick?
Oh, that's Destiny.
And she comes back, and then she let me her car.
And then I left a note on her car with my AIM.
Oh.
Oh, with your AIM, really?
Is that how you guys started connecting?
So then we started messaging her.
She added me on AIM.
Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
So cute.
So this is another part of our story.
The way that we communicated when she left, because we dated for about a month, that she went to Edinburgh.
We communicated via email.
Over the Atlantic, you know, because you can't make phone calls.
I made one phone call to her.
It cost me a mint.
Literally cost me like 200 bucks.
Oh, my goodness.
Like, it was crazy.
And I didn't have 200 bucks at the time.
So anyway, my dad ended up paying for the phone bill.
But you better marry her.
We were emailing it.
We have like 150 printed emails.
I don't even have that email address anymore.
We have like 150 printed emails that we wrote back.
I had to go to internet cafes.
Oh.
Yeah, we're letting everyone know how old we really are.
Yeah.
Computer.
Yeah.
But we exchanged messages on AIM.
I still have the little note he gave me, too.
Oh, you do?
That's cute.
That's so cute.
You guys have a good relationship.
I like your relationship.
It was shortly after that.
I don't even know if we had gone on our first date yet, but we stayed up all night AIMing, and it was one of those things we were just like, I was at my friend Traig's house.
You meet Traig the other day, didn't you?
Yeah, that's right.
Trey.
My friend Traig's house.
And we were playing Counter-Strike all night.
And then I had her AIM up, and I was like, and then eventually they're like, what's Kyle?
Well, he's AFK.
It's because I was like messaging Destiny.
And then it was like the sun comes up and I'm like, I'm still talking about it.
It's a new day dawning.
I could talk to this girl forever.
What was your first date?
I don't know.
What was the first date?
Bennigan's.
Bennigan's.
Yeah, because I know what the second date was because I wore my California Thunder t-shirt.
That's right.
Or it was the second date, Bennigan.
Because I used to kind of dress more like just like a random t-shirt.
But it was mustard.
It was mustard.
It was a super nice black t-shirt.
It was mustard yellow, like almost like mustard yellow.
Yeah, it was kind of like, it was obviously somebody's softball team that they had.
I had bought it at a Salvation Army and somebody had this as their team.
It was California Thunder was the name of the team.
And one time he showed up in a furry sweater.
Oh, yeah.
She was very offended that time.
He was going to get a drink.
She started dressing me soon after this.
Yeah.
He was going to meet all my friends and he showed up in this.
I was on the phone.
I'm like, can't wait to see you?
Okay, I'll see you in a minute.
And then he shows up and I answer the door and I'm like, I just.
And we had no conflict resolution skills at the time.
So she just withdrew.
I just withdraw.
She like withdrew and she was silent for like, I was like, what is the problem?
What's your problem?
You somehow, like, it took me an hour to get it out of her.
We're better at conflict now.
I'm like, I'm so shallow.
I hate your sweater.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, all right.
Anyway.
I suppose I can fix that.
So anyway, but we ended up going to Bennigan's and I got the Monte Cristo.
She was like watching me eat it going like, I can hear you getting fatter.
Yeah.
So the Monte Cristo is so good, though.
It's such a good date.
Destiny, what was the first date that you had with your husband?
With Kyle.
Kyle.
I should be asking you these things.
I went to the movies.
And what did you see?
What did you see?
War of the Worlds.
Oh, yeah.
And he was in red high-top vans, board shorts, and like a red shirt.
No, no.
That was a lot of red.
That was when we went to the Harvest Crusade.
That's like Sam Smith red.
What the?
That was when we went to the Harvest Crusade.
It's so weird that we can remember what we wore on the first date, right?
I don't think so because I remember Kelly being like, no, that's what you have to wear because that's like you.
That was at the Harvest Crusade.
I'm pretty sure.
We went to the Harvest Crusade.
I mean, that's the first time.
Kelly was my first wedding together.
But you guys are so spiritual.
We didn't go to church together for a while.
Yeah, so she claims that this wasn't a date.
Okay, because I was like, do you want to go see a movie?
And she's like, sure.
But I see movies with all of my friends.
Oh, I just seen a movie with a guy alone.
He's offering to pay for my Quiznos sub.
Oh, we saw a movie our first date.
Some of all fears.
Some of all fears with Ben F. That's giving you some context.
That was after Bennigan's.
Yeah, we went to Bennigan's, and then I tried to talk to this guy a musician on the street corner to try to teach me how to play Simon and Garfunkel's The Sound of Silence.
And he rejected me.
So it was very embarrassing.
So we saw War of the Worlds, went to Quiznos.
She said, I'm not hungry.
So I just ate a Quiznos sub by myself.
I didn't frighten.
I already ate.
I do know if I do remember this.
I didn't think this was a date.
And then we went and played disc golf.
That's cool.
And then he didn't let me win.
So it really wasn't a date.
I beat her like zero to plus 14.
Yeah.
It's okay.
I beat you in Dart.
Is that a video game or an in-like a real disc golf?
You know, like disc golf.
Like throwing the disc.
Frisbee golf.
Frisbee golf.
Like you set it up yourselves?
Or you go to a place?
Well, usually you go to a course.
We just went to a park and like hit the street.
We're going to hit the tree.
These guys are so cute.
We are pretty adorable.
They do a lot of games.
Lean didn't play disc gol.
He'd be very jealous.
I hope you know.
Well, he didn't like games until you started teaching him some fun games.
You don't play a game?
I got snake oil.
No.
Let's do it.
Actually, that's a fun game.
I like that game.
All right.
We're going to wrap up this segment.
But first, what is your best piece of advice for married couples or people looking to get young married couples?
Okay.
Or engaged couples.
Well, best piece of marriage, best.
You know, at the risk of sounding bass.
Time machine and you can go shake young Jared.
Yeah.
What do you tell him?
Serve your wife and have a lot of sex.
That's the question we weren't allowed to ask in these questions.
No.
Well, now ask it.
Well, they're like weirdly worded.
Like, even if you don't want to.
It's not like how many times have you, you know, been marital?
It's like, how was the last time you were super aggressive?
Oh, my gosh.
Okay.
So my became more aggressive.
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my kids are out there.
I wonder if they're listening.
Oh, no.
So I would say the best advice is to, yeah, just like to grow in the Lord together.
Pray, read your Bible, grow.
Because we did a lot, I feel like a lot of our deep growth in our 20s when we were figuring out, working out our faith.
So have a lot of marital time.
Pray together.
And if you do both of those things, you'll be good.
Well, and be willing to be obedient to the Holy Spirit.
Because anyone, because as a wife, you cannot control or change your husband.
As a husband, you can't control or change your wife.
But if you know the person is submitted to the Holy Spirit in their lives, moment by moment, then you can trust that the Lord's going to take care of those character flaws that you guys, that you obviously see.
And so Christina doesn't have any and never has, but I've had a lot.
And so, yeah.
So that's the thing, you know.
You got to trust the Lord.
Be a person who's willing to be obedient to the Lord.
I think that's, but that's true for any person.
It's not just for marriage.
Yeah.
What about you guys?
Yeah.
What about you guys?
All right, now we're going on to our next segment.
I would say I'm going to punch you.
Wow.
Punch your husband sometimes.
I would say, like, don't let anybody in your little bubble.
Like, this is you and him.
You know, it's like there's God and you and him all together.
And then there's your kids.
And then the kids get in that.
Yeah, not even your kids are allowed in that little bubble.
They try.
They try.
Our five-year-old, six-year-old Calvin, we whatever, however old he is, we like we'll hug each other.
And he'll hear it from upstairs.
I don't know.
It's like, you know, we haven't talked all day, and I'm like, oh, you know, I'll dismiss you, whatever.
And he'll just like, you hear this like, and he comes thundering around the corner and dives in between us and literally just dive into it.
And be part of it.
Yeah.
Everett does the same thing.
I'm like, how did you know?
How did you know?
He senses.
It's so Freudian.
I wonder if he's going to love his wife.
He's going to have to tell his wife I love you even more than my mom.
Oh.
Oedipus was wrong.
Sorry, did we interrupt your advice or did you get it?
No, it's okay.
No, it was over.
Just don't let anybody in that, you know, don't let anybody in that little bubble.
Just get it.
That's good advice.
Do everything together.
Yeah.
We probably said this last time we did a wives episode, but having a lot of grace on all of the little things and like recognizing that you are two completely different people and that the other person is also being sanctified just as you are.
And like, I don't know.
Like, I think, I think a lot of early fights in marriage and a lot of fights that you see people getting into are just like the smallest thing.
And then an hour later, you're like, I don't even remember why we started.
You know, it's like you put the garbage bag in this way and I put it in this way.
And it's like, oh, you know, explode nuclear bomb, you know, and it's like, I think trying to learn that to let go of your own pride and say the little thing isn't as important as the big thing that we love each other, you know?
That's good.
And also sex.
Some of the men both said that.
We tried to be spiritual, but there's other things.
Ultimately, no shit.
Great.
Okay, well, we're going to talk a little more with the wives in the subscriber portion, but first we have everybody's favorite segment, hate mail.
Yay.
You used to be good.
Adam Ford.
Adam Ford.
I really miss Adam Ford.
And the first piece of hate mail is from Hornblot, who says, I'm sure Travis is a delightful human being, but that game segment was death.
Hornblot.
It was actually death.
Wow, that's okay.
Blitzkrieg death.
Blitzkrieg Dean.
De Antioch.
I think it's a good thing.
Oh, Blitzkrieg.
Blitzkrieg of Antioch.
Oh, there we go.
Bomb of the week.
Travis talking ad nauseum about flipping Sonic the Hedgehog.
I think, I mean, personally, I think Travis's game corner is one of the best portions of the whole show.
Yeah, he has a special place in Kyle's heart.
Someone want to read this.
Sure, Terry Boyer, all Japanese people are skinny.
Really?
Have you ever seen a sumo wrestler?
Is that hate mail?
When did we say all Japanese people are skinny?
I don't remember.
It's the context of that comment.
All Japanese people are skinny.
Who said it?
To you.
I want to know who said that.
Okay.
Was that Travis?
The Mario A Kart ride that.
Oh, that's right.
It was during the segment where we were talking about.
Oh, did you hear about this at Universal, the new Mario ride?
People are complaining because apparently fat people can't fit on the Mario Kart ride.
And they're sad about it.
That's sad.
They should lose weight.
Larger people.
Larger.
Yeah.
People with a little more.
A little extra.
I wonder how much extra.
Yeah.
They said a person of like, like, like a male with a 40-inch waist can't fit on the Mario.
Oh.
Oh.
40-inch.
So what I said is that 40 inches isn't that.
It's not.
That's kind of middle.
But that's overweight or whatever.
No, I don't.
It's probably squarely in the obese category.
But it's not like BMI.
Like BMI inside.
But it's not like someone that would get their own TLC show.
Like you wouldn't get my 40-inch waist life.
Yeah.
Because everybody would be on the show.
It's not that anyway.
All right.
All right.
Okay.
Well, this has been our Valentine's Day episode.
Thanks for joining us.
And thank you for joining us, ladies.
Yay.
Please join us for the subscriber portion.
We're going to dig into more fun stuff with the ladies, including we're going to ask the 10 questions.
Yeah.
So, and some bonus hate mail.
Join us at Be Live, except you can't, because you waited too long.
Subscriber portion.
I wish we'd all been ready.
You've been left behind.
It's too late.
There's no time.
There's no time to change your mind.
The sun has come and you've been left behind from Be Live.
You can't go to Be Live.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
Do you guys watch the podcast?
I do.
When Jared's on it.
Wow.
If you were elected Pope over all of Christianity, what would be the first thing you would do?
Is there a worship song you don't like?
You could like ban No More Good Good Father.
What is one thing that everyone else likes that you just don't understand?
You just don't get it.
The Babylon Bee.
Wow.
This has been another edition of the Babylon Bee Podcast from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee, reminding you that someone out there knows something About Carmen,