The Babylon Bee Podcast: FBI Raids Pro-Lifer, Gavin Newsom Says Abortion Is Love, and Bee Radio LIVE
The Babylon Bee welcomes Austin Robertson, the voice of The Babylon Bee, to the studio to officially celebrate the launch of Bee Radio, a punchy podcast that turns the award-winning reporting of The Babylon Bee into a nicely produced radio broadcast featuring the amazingly smooth, creamy voice of Austin Robertson. To celebrate, everyone in the studio tries their best to do a live Bee Radio broadcast from the podcast room, but Kyle keeps playing the wrong sound effects. The guys talk about the news of the week like, the FBI raiding a pro-life man, Hurricane Ian running through Florida, Gavin Newsom reading Scripture upside down and backwards to turn abortion into love, and Italy's new Prime Minister quoting G.K. CHESTERTON. Then, Producer Dan and Jarret talk to Tom DiLorenzo about owning the libs with sound economics. Check Out Bee Radio. It's a must! Check Out Tom DiLorenzo's new book The Politically Incorrect Guide To Economics. This episode is brought to you by our wonderful sponsors who you should absolutely check out: Allegiance Gold Better Help iTarget (Save 10% plus get free shipping when using promo code 'TheBee') Adam Yenser brings you the Weak-ly News in his usual style. There's also some of that spicy hate mail! Subscribers get access to the full podcast where Kyle, Austin, and Adam answer questions from you, the listener, and Austin answers the second set of Ten Questions!
We're told that Italy has brought back fascism this week.
Meanwhile, in America, the FBI has raided a pro-life man with their guns drawn.
Curious.
What's politically incorrect about economics?
We talked to Tom DiLorenzo to find out.
All this and morons, the B weekly.
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So let's take a moment to briefly review the current state of our economy and the global effect the war between Russia and Ukraine has had.
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Welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast, everyone.
Just three morons hanging out today.
Yep.
Kyle, Adam, and Austin.
Austin Robertson.
Voice of the Babylon B. You've heard his creamy voice.
Can you describe a voice as creamy?
Is that not?
You just did.
It's not a few.
I don't know if you can, but.
Rich, silky.
Love that creamy voice.
What is that your drink?
I like that mug.
You got a skull mug over there?
That is a local mug from Rad Coffee.
And you're taking a drink and for a few bucks more, you can take the mug home.
Nice.
Looks like that espresso is kicking in.
You're like shaking.
Is it a creamy espresso or just a normal one?
This is just a normal espresso from Brandon's Espresso Bar.
Okay.
So it's not as creamy as your voice.
It is not as creamy.
But it does go with the Iron Maiden shirt.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I got to talk about my Iron Maiden show experience.
Oh, nice.
I took my middle son, who's the big metalhead, plays guitar and all that.
He's 12 years old.
His first Iron Maiden show.
Oh, that's awesome.
He's been to Megadeth and Metallica.
This is his first maiden show, and it was amazing.
These guys are in their mid-60s.
And Bruce Dickinson is running around, waving the union jack, sword fighting with Eddie.
They played for two hours.
And some of their songs are 12 minutes long, and they're just like, there's so much energy, you know, more energy than most bands I've seen.
And they're so old.
And so we got to sit there and get high secondhand from all the metal heads around us.
As you do.
Yeah, as one does.
That was a great time.
It's the benefit.
It's like you have the moral superiority of being like, I don't smoke.
I don't get high, but at a concert like that, it's like, well, I'm high.
And the very best metal concerts are in South America and Central America.
Because like 100,000 people will show up to a maiden show.
Oh, wow.
This is about 20,000.
But they did it near the Mexican border so that all the Mexicans would come across.
So there was a bunch of people waving the Mexican flag.
Yeah, and then they just never leave.
But they were just waving their Mexican flags for Iron Maiden and singing in accents.
But it was wonderful.
And I got this cool limited edition California maiden shirt.
Oh, nice.
That I'll probably never wear again beside this one.
How many times have you seen Iron Maiden before?
Seen them twice.
Well, once and then this time.
So, this is my second time seeing Maiden.
It was awesome.
Great band and getting more Mexicans to come on.
Yeah, Mexicans coming across the border.
So, the only legit reason for them to come over.
Hey, everybody, we want you to check out our new Babylon Bee merch.
We have a Thomas Soule Fax t-shirt, and it is not Don Lemon, contrary to what some people thought.
Some people thought it was Tom Lemon.
You know what?
We should just say it is, and then we double our market for it.
The conservatives can buy it because it's Thomas Sowell, and then the left-hand side.
It's just you can't have two listings.
It's like that image of the rabbit or the lady, you know.
It definitely looks like Thomas Soule, but I think I imagine like the older Tom Soul, yeah, the older one.
Yeah, me too, because he's older.
But it's a great shirt, yeah.
But one shirt that's unmistakably the black man that it's supposed to be is our Clarence Thomas Hope shirt.
Yes, so Hope, yeah, get those, get those.
And we also got conservative tears tumblers, not to be confused with liberal tears.
All our merch is very confusing.
Well, I don't know that I would say those are confusing.
The conservative here's what is confusing until you look at it up close and it says of joy, and then it says because of Roe v. Wade being overturned.
It's a giant troll of a product.
Yeah, it's quite enjoyable.
It's good.
And be sure to check out the well, this will be on the podcast channel, right?
So we don't have to promote that.
It says promoted up there.
I'm like, oh, but we're there.
If you're watching this on the podcast channel, be sure to subscribe.
If you're not and you're just listening to this, go to youtube.com/slash the Babylon Bee podcast and click subscribe to help us get to watch it.
100,000 subscriber markings are our quick goal here.
I think we got 20,000.
So it'd be nice to do that.
Go to shop.babylonby.com for these products.
But for now, we're going to talk about some news.
What's in the news this week?
Let's have the voice of the Babylon bee read some news.
What's the first story here?
What's in the news this week?
A Catholic pro-life activist who served as a sidewalk counselor outside abortion clinics, Mark Hauck.
I'm assuming that's his name.
Sure.
Was arrested by some two dozen FBI agents in a raid with their guns drawn at his Pennsylvania home in front of his family.
Okay, so what normal stuff?
I know this was like the big story of the week.
I didn't really follow it.
Why did they?
I've looked up some information.
I haven't seen it a whole lot of places other than in the sort of conservatives here because they don't report on these stories much in the mainstream sites.
But apparently this guy was protesting outside of an abortion clinic with his son.
And then some counter-protester who was pro-choice came up and started saying something to his son, like insulting him or bullying him or something.
And then this guy, Mark, pushed the guy backwards.
And at first, the guy filed assault charges against Mark for being pushed in Pennsylvania, but those charges were dismissed.
And then like a year later, the FBI raids his home, draws guns on him, says they're arresting him under this law that you can't forcibly obstruct someone seeking reproductive services at an abortion clinic, basically.
Okay.
So, you know, I think that's the gist of the story.
All right.
Freedom of Access to Clinic Entrances Act.
Yeah.
Sounds like a good act.
And it sounds, you know, like, I'm sure what's weird to me is if they already dropped the assault charge, you know, I don't understand what happened in the initial confrontation, whether what was said to his son or if there was anything physical before that.
But the assault charge was dropped.
So it seems like this may just be a tactic to intimidate pro-life activists.
That's so crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wonder if the FBI would never do that, though.
No, yeah.
No, they're completely nonpartisan.
You wonder if there's more to the story or not.
If not, it seems like this is a pretty egregious assault on an American.
Well, Biden gave a speech labeling MAGA and conservatives as terrorists, and it seems like it's working as intended.
As an elderly pro-life volunteer in Michigan was shot after a heated conversation.
So there was an elderly Michigan woman that was going door to door discussing a ballot proposal on abortion.
Apparently, it got shot.
I didn't hear about this one at all.
That's horrible.
I wonder why we didn't hear about this.
Yeah.
It seems like there's just all this violence against MAGA people, and there's absolutely no problem.
There's no coverage of it.
They cover every fake story about a MAGA person attacking someone, but then they don't cover this story.
And, you know, off the other story, it said in the notes, like, they haven't sent the FBI with guns drawn to arrest anyone involved in these Supreme Court protests or any of the other things that the left has done.
Well, here's the story of the hurricane.
Yes.
Bob Dylan referenced.
Hurricane Ian is making landfall in southwest Florida on Wednesday, kind of right as we tape this right now, is when they're hungry down.
Yeah, we hope everyone is staying safe down there and praying for everybody in that storm's path.
It seems like, you know, this is a huge storm, but it seems like they're pretty well prepared for it, as bad as it may be.
And it's hitting the okay, so it's hitting the Gulf side, it looks like.
Yeah, and I was just down in it's it was originally going to hit Tampa Bay.
Now I think it's tracking a little south of there.
I was just down in that area like two weeks ago, like Sarasota, Naples area.
But it sounds like, you know, they have a good plan in place.
Ron DeSantis was on the news this morning giving a press conference.
They have like a, what do they call it?
Shelter in place, like information registry.
So if you didn't evacuate, you can kind of register ahead of time on the government website and let them know where you are.
And they have vehicles ready to mobilize.
So hopefully it won't be severe and they'll be able to get to anyone who needs help.
It was a weird thing to explain to our kids, you know, talking about hurricanes in Florida.
Like we live in the Midwest.
We live in tornado country.
So we're used to that.
And, you know, you hear the sirens and whatever, but it was hard for them to grasp that whether people can see these things coming and generally, generally speaking, give people enough time to prepare and do their thing.
And, you know, especially in that part of the country where those are fairly common, you know, their structures are reinforced and yeah, the officials can plan and do that.
So hopefully we have minimal impact from this.
But Ian is such an unmenacing name.
I feel like they should have to upgrade the hurricane's name when it's more severe so people will be more afraid of Hurricane Bob or something.
It just doesn't hit the same thing.
What would be a good intimidating thing?
Hurricane Butcher.
Yeah, Hurricane Butch.
I better evacuate.
It comes Hurricane Ian.
I'll stay at home.
I'll wait it out in the basement.
Well, do you guys have a preferred natural disaster?
You've lived a few places.
I mean, I like earthquakes because they earthquakes I've gotten used to.
They don't bother me anymore.
Although I'm sure if there was one that was like six or above, I'm sure that one would scare me.
When I was a baby, I don't remember this.
I was probably like two years old.
A tornado came right past my house and my mom hid with me in the basement.
Oh, man.
And it uprooted trees in our yard and went like right between our house and the next house.
So we didn't have any damage from it.
But I imagine like hurricanes are probably very scary, but they can generate tornadoes.
I imagine a tornado would be like the most terrifying weather phenomenon to be in.
So go ahead and defend your choice to live in tornadoes.
Well, I'll just say, yeah, tornadoes can be scary.
In a former life, I was a news reporter for a radio station.
We would have to chase tornadoes.
So as we were telling people, hey, go home and like shelter.
Don't do what I'm doing.
Don't go.
Yeah, do as I say, not as I do.
Train professionals.
Driving toward this storm and tell you.
Yeah.
So you were like in Twister.
You were like, oh, what's his name in Twister?
I was the cow in Twister.
Oh, the cow.
Have you ever been in a hurricane or tornado, Kyle?
Like or near one?
No.
When I grew up in, I was in Pennsylvania, so we would get like the tail end of like after the hurricanes had kind of become a tropical storm.
Sometimes they would pass.
Do you get like northeasterns up there?
Yeah, we would get severe snow.
Maybe once every like three or four years, we would get a snowstorm that dumps like more than three feet of snow.
But usually it was just like six to twelve inches of snow that we'd get.
We didn't get severe storms often.
The biggest storm I've been in is like whenever they do storm watch here in Southern California, like two inches of rain.
Everybody freaks out.
Two inches of rain.
Yeah.
And they have storm watches on the it is funny to me now living in California from growing up on the east coast because we would get like not hurricanes but hard thunderstorms regularly.
And here in LA, it is like crazy when there's rain coming and then it kind of drizzles half the day.
Yeah.
And there's like car accidents everywhere because nobody knows how to drive.
I remember the first year I moved out here, I went to the Van Nuys Sherman Oaks Park, like this big public park, and they have like soccer fields and a running track.
And it was cloudy that day and it thundered and I saw like hundreds of people in the park.
They go, they like flinch because they're not used to hearing thunder.
And it's like, oh, I heard that all the time growing up.
Yeah.
Here's the next story.
Gavin Newsom is running abortion ads invoking scripture to convict Christians that if you don't love your neighbor or that you don't love your neighbor unless you want babies, this is horrible.
Baby's skulls to be crushed.
So there's a classy.
There's a billboard that says that California will help you with your abortion if you live out of state.
And then it quotes scripture, Mark 12, and it says, love your neighbor as yourself.
There is no greater commandment than these paid for by Newsom for California governorship.
That's such a disgusting way to use that scripture.
It's just awful.
And the one thing I cannot stand that the left does, and they do this regularly, is I don't hear a whole lot of conservatives and Republicans genuinely making faith-based arguments publicly for political positions.
I think a lot of Christians and conservatives believe that our faith is in line with our political positions, but we also have political, logical arguments for why you should support these things.
The left will always say, oh, don't bring your religion into politics.
Don't do that until they can twist religion to support their side.
I say, oh, because you're a Christian, you should support socialism, or because you're a Christian, you should support abortion.
It's just such a gross way to use faith and scripture.
I've always been a little neck on neck on who is the worst governor in the country.
And Nasa just consistently keeps pulling ahead of it.
He really keeps trying.
He's so smug.
And he's just the worst man.
Well, he's running these ads like in Mississippi.
Yes.
Can you imagine just driving through your little state and this governor of a neighboring state is slamming all your beliefs?
And he's messed up so much here.
Like, it's not like California is in great shape right now that he can do this.
And that ad that he ran in Florida, like, come back to California where we still believe in freedom.
Everyone fled this country to go to Florida.
It's just, what reality are you living in, man?
Well, I would like to hear this read by the creamy voice of Austin Robertson.
Italy has no Italy has a new prime minister, Giorgia Maloney, representing a populist nationalist shift in power, which could be hostile to the liberal globalism of the European Union.
Did you guys watch the speech?
I did not.
I've heard like snippets of it.
Yeah, I'd sell snippets.
I watched, yeah, it was a clip that was being shared with the two-minute clip that was going around.
Yeah.
Fantastic.
Yeah.
She said yes to natural families, no to the LGBT lobby, yes to sexual identity, no to gender ideology, yes to the culture of life, no to the abyss of death, no to the violence of Islam, yes to safer borders, no to mass immigration, yes to work for our people.
More of this, please.
Sounds like Mussolini to me.
And she actually quoted G.K. Chesterton, which was awesome.
G.K. Chesterton.
Oh, can we get that one more time?
Let's get it clean.
Go ahead.
G.K. Chesterton.
The live sound effects.
Live one.
We need you to say some cuss words so that he can flowerbed them.
Oh, okay.
Oh, he can do it live.
He can do it live.
He'll be a little delayed.
Hold on, let's try to do that at the same time.
I'll say when you say some word right over it: one, two, three.
Snut.
We don't even have to bleep that one because nobody will know what I said.
Kyle, you told me to do that.
You can't make that face after you told me to.
What I can't tell about this is, what's her name?
Maloney?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, it sounds like from what she's saying, what's hard for me to interpret with this stuff when it comes to like a foreign leader like that, I honestly don't know a whole lot about her.
I don't know either.
But it doesn't sound extreme.
It just sounds like, you know, traditional conservative popular views.
But the media goes so out of their way.
CNN, every time they mention her, they go the most far-right person since Mussolini.
They go out of their way to put her name next to Mussolini every single time they mention her.
And, you know, I mean, I hope she's a good leader for Italy.
She said, we will defend God, country, and family.
Those things that disgust people so much.
We will do it to defend our freedom because we will never be slaves and simple consumers at the mercy of financial speculators.
That is our mission.
That is why I came here today.
Chesterton wrote more than a sentence.
No, no, you have to say G.K. Chesterton.
Fires will be kindled to testify that two and two make four.
Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer.
That time has arrived.
We are ready.
Thank you.
I was really just trying to get you to say G.K. Chesterton.
Well, that's okay.
G.K. Chesterton.
And Chesterton has a bit of a higher register.
Fires will be kindled to testify that two make fall.
Two and two make four.
Swords will be drawn to prove that leaves are green in summer.
Yeah.
That's closer.
We'll work on it.
We'll work on it later.
Yeah, so good job, Italy.
Now it's time for our banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
I love all the transitions in real time.
It's wonderful.
So great.
This is 10 signs.
It's definitely time to leave a church.
The first one is they buy their coffee beans from Costco.
Sad.
Second one, their Wi-Fi isn't strong enough to check your fantasy football lineup during service.
Oh, man.
The guy doing announcements asks you to stand up and introduce yourself.
The bulletins always have spelling mistakes.
The sermon calls you to repent of your sins, be forgiven, and live forever with Christ.
Why?
The elder board won't add your multicolored end times chart to the church bylaws.
Someone confronted you about your incessant complaining about the services and slandering of the leaders.
You weren't invited to lead worship on your first day.
They've asked you to stop blowing your trumpet before you drop your crumpled bills into the offering plate.
And finally, the movie clips are all from outdated movies.
It's nice to see a list get banger.
Yeah, list got banger that week.
That's cool.
It's not a frequent occurrence.
Yeah.
We also have a bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
Can you do the sound effect too?
I know.
Authorities remind nation that fall doesn't officially start until Carol puts up her sign reading, it's fall, y'all.
I like this story.
It's nice.
It's another Kyle bomb.
I think I've bombed like eight weeks in a row now.
Really?
You want to keep the street going?
I'm going to try.
So it's folio, you know, because that means you've had other good articles too.
It's just happened to be mine.
You're probably also one of the most prolific right along headlines statistically.
Yeah, you know.
Thanks, Adam.
And now it's time for Sizzler Facts.
Sizzler Facts.
You get to read the Sizzler Fact today, Austin.
Awesome.
So 100 weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Facts.
Sizzler has gone radio silent.
They've not updated their news tab on Sizzler.com.
The last update was on January 10th, 2019, with a blog post entitled, The Twinjas Love Our Lemonade, which links to an Instagram post from two children who really liked lemonade.
I like that.
I like that Sizzler Fact.
That's a good one.
And they weren't updating very often anyway.
It looks like there was two updates in 2018.
Food Beast Takes Over Sizzler was in August 2018, and then Celebrating Cheesetoast Month was September 2018.
It's like celebrated Cheesetoast Month.
It's like moms that start a blog and they just like, I'm going to write this every day.
And then it's like five months later.
Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated lately.
Anyway, this has been Sizzler Facts.
And now it's time for weekly news with Adam Yenser.
And now it's time for weekly news with Adam Jenser.
The Cherokee Nation is asking the government to make good on a treaty from 1835 that guarantees them a seat in the House of Representatives.
So far, they've only been given one 1024th of a senator.
Chipotle is testing a new robot called Chippy that would make tortilla chips in their restaurants, and they've hired a bomb squad robot to clean their bathroom.
U.S. News and World Report ranked Switzerland as the best country in the world to live in 2022 based on happiness and quality of life.
Boy, did that suicide pod company pick the wrong country.
Military-age men fleeing Russia to avoid the draft have been causing traffic jams at airports and borders.
Russia hasn't seen lines this long since that time a store got fresh bread.
This week, Cuba voted to legalize same-sex marriage, and Jamaica is so homophobic it floated further away.
The referendum passed in large part due to the work of Cuban LGBT activist Che Guevara.
24 hours after legalizing gay marriage, Cuba was hit by a category 3 hurricane, prompting Pat Robertson to yell, I told you so.
Many Florida residents have been told to evacuate as Hurricane Ian, which is now a category 4 storm, is about to hit the U.S., marking the first time anyone has felt threatened by an Ian.
In a statement on Twitter, chess world champion Magnus Carlson accused his rival Hans Nieman of cheating.
And he says it's only a matter of time before the audience stays awake long enough to catch him.
Alec Baldwin and his wife welcomed a new baby girl named Ilaria Catalina Irina, although Baldwin plans to call her a rude, thoughtless little pig for short.
A new study found that vegans and vegetarians are depressed twice as often as meat eaters.
Specifically, they're depressed during both lunch and dinner.
That's it for weekly news.
Be sure to subscribe to the Babylon Bee podcast channel and to see more jokes I can't do here, check out the canceled news on my YouTube channel.
And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.
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Well, that was great, Adam.
Now it's time for a very special segment.
We're going to do a live in-studio B Radio.
But let's talk about B Radio first for a quick second.
What is B Radio?
So, B Radio, yeah, I'll tell you.
So, B Radio is a short podcast that we're doing.
What are they, seven or eight minutes long?
Yeah, yeah, trying around seven, eight minutes.
A quick bite-sized summary of four or five different Babylon B articles from the weekend.
Right now, we're doing two episodes a week, I believe.
Yes.
And Austin pretty much records and produces and releases this whole thing himself, getting some voice help from voice actors and Babylon B people.
Yeah, that's been one of the most joyful things about doing this is discovering the people who work here behind the scenes and whether they're writers, they're producers, they're actors in the live sketches, and especially the people that if you knew what they did behind the scenes, and that's kind of like how you identified this person's job and skill set,
and like to see that we've got such tremendously talented people here and just call on people like, hey, can you do a voice for this?
And like, these aren't professional voice actors, and they're great.
They do a great job.
So, it's I love being able to have that resource.
Yeah, our janitor, Manuel, does a great job on B Radio every week.
Fantastic.
Yeah, and you wouldn't think so.
Well, I think because he does a bad job cleaning.
Yeah, he really missed his call.
He's focusing on recording voiceovers instead of taking out the trash.
So, B Radio had, we kind of had it as part of the B podcast for a long time, and we're kind of pushing it out of the nest into its own thing now.
And you've already been doing that for a little while now, at least a month.
So, we're going to be officially launching it this week today, actually.
Awesome.
So, everybody, go check out the B Radio.
There's a YouTube channel.
Actually, I think right now it's on the Babylon B podcast channel.
So, you can check it out on this channel.
We may end up spinning that into its own channel, but it's a separate podcast feed.
So, you can go subscribe to that on your normal podcast, wherever you listen to podcasts at, wherever you're listening to this at, you can go subscribe to the B Radio.
And then you get a little bite-sized, funny way to consume Babylon B stories.
Yeah, I really enjoy doing it for a lot of reasons, but I just, I love the idea of taking the B articles, which have so much thought and just great content poured into these articles.
And, you know, they go beyond the headlines that so many people just skim and share.
There are great jokes and just great nuggets in the articles themselves.
And this is a great way to highlight that and feature that and get it in front of people who may otherwise just kind of skim through.
And because we've got some funny people here, and I like to highlight the jokes.
Yeah, the audio format really works well into the humor of the article that, yeah, a lot of people skip when they just see the headline.
So if you can't read, check out B Radio.
So now what we're going to do is a fun, live, in-studio, B-radio, kind of like the old radio serial dramas.
We're going to see how this goes.
All right, everyone.
This is the very first edition of Live B Radio and probably the last.
We have Austin Robertson who will be reading the part of Narrator One.
Yes.
And we have a varied cast of characters that will be rotating in for different parts.
So, and I will be running the soundboard.
How could this go wrong?
This will not go wrong at all.
And so thank you guys for coming out.
And we hope you enjoy yourselves at this very special Babylon B Radio.
Factually inaccurate.
Morally correct.
This is Babylon B Radio.
Our top story.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi drafted articles of impeachment against newly elected Italian Prime Minister Georgia Maloney Tuesday to combat what she calls far-right extremist Mussolini cosplay under the Tuscan sun.
I can't understand a strong independent woman who puts family over government, Pelosi said in a brief statement.
The government should be your family.
I want everyone to look at me as their mother.
Prime Minister designate Georgia Maloney says she doesn't understand why everyone keeps comparing her to Mussolini.
I keep seeing reports that the party of Mussolini has finally regained control of Italy.
The National Fascist Party is outlawed in Italia's constitution.
I am not pro-polistite.
It has been one of my main campaign points.
Ama mamia, she added.
In response to the draft text written by Pelosi, which she co-authored with Representative Adam Schiff, the House Judiciary Committee is expected to levy two articles of impeachment against Georgia Maloney for, quote, being literally Mussolini and, quote, killing good vibes.
Pelosi admitted, however, that impeachment, if it passes, would be mostly symbolic.
America doesn't have much say over how Italy governs itself, but I have been in talks with the CIA to see how much meddling we can get away with.
Describing the experience as, quote, tragic, local worship leader Axel Johnson found his congregation totally unable to worship as the church's primary fog machine malfunctioned right in the middle of the Sunday morning set.
A visibly shaken Johnson spoke with reporters while sipping a latte macchiato in the church cafe after service.
Yeah, we barely got through our new song.
It was a real train wreck.
Just as the song, an original mashup between Huba Stank's The Reason and Gungor's Beautiful Things, reached its climax, a loud pop emanated from the 1600-watt machine positioned just in front of the plexiglass pulpit.
The device sputtered to a halt and ceased pumping out 30,000 cubic feet of water-based fog per minute into the venue.
Onlookers said it totally and instantly killed their personal worship experience.
It was a serious downer.
One moment I was caught up in the spirit worshiping the living God of all creation before his throne, and the next I was brought plummeting down back to earth.
The mood was totally ruined.
The church has ordered a full inspection of the remaining five fog machines as well as the laser light controllers as a preventative measure.
We're not losing the Holy Spirit again.
Not on my watch anyway.
We're a strong group on this life journey together.
We'll pick ourselves up and grow from this tragedy.
At airtime, the church is discussing a possible name change from legacy to the gathering to help the flock move on.
In a blow to believers across the West Coast, a new assembly bill assigned into law by Governor Gavin Newsom Tuesday will require Christians in the state to register Bibles of all sizes, shapes, and translation verses as assault weapons.
Many national public safety groups and political action committees praise the new law, saying that it will foster safer and more tolerant communities and save many people from having to hear words that conflict with their own worldview presuppositions.
Freedom from Religion co-president Dan Barker said that the bill should be a model that could be implemented nationwide.
California is blazing the trail for civil rights once again as the rest of the country lags behind.
There's just no place for these dangerous assault Bibles in a civilized society.
This isn't the Wild West anymore.
Already known to have strict laws, already known to have strict laws restricting the sale and possession of assault weapons, this will expand the definition of an assault weapon to include any Bible, book quoting significant portions of the Bible, and even the dreaded high-capacity study Bibles, which combined the scripture with commentary, creating an even more devastating assault of truth.
The official definition of an assault weapon will now be read as any weapon that has a, quote, pistol grip that protrudes from the bottom of the stock, a detachable magazine, or double-column alignment of dangerous words that cut and pierce, sharper than any two-edged sword.
piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, bone and marrow.
Governor Newsome has made some comments to reporters after signing the bill.
These deadly study Bibles can spit out 30 or 40 verses per page and then explain the historical grammatical context and exegete the text.
It's 2022, for goodness sake.
Can you believe that these religious wackos think they can just open carry Bibles in public spaces where young children and free thinkers are present?
Oh, hell no!
Spiritual people aren't having their rights taken away.
That's just the right-wing alarmists trying to scare you.
New age books will still be readily available in book retailers across the Golden State, he added.
Chaos erupted at a local convent yesterday as a team of FBI agents aggressively stormed the building in early morning hours.
Sources say they had received multiple reports of it being a gathering place for a large group of dangerous right-wing pro-life extremists.
We have been surveilling this terrorist organization's hideout for several weeks and simply felt it was far too dangerous to allow them to continue meeting, said Special Agent Josh Christofferson, who led the raid.
Allowing these types of devious extremist groups to fester as just too great of a risk.
The FBI strike team, wearing tactical gear and carrying automatic weapons, used flashbang grenades and tear gas to breach the doors of the convent before shouting orders and violently wrestling the building's occupants to the ground.
As the dust settled, it quickly became evident that this anti-abortion conservative hate group was, in fact, the gathering of elderly Catholic nuns who live at the convent.
Though questions were being raised about the issue of excessive force against a group of old ladies, the FBI was quick to defend itself and its mission.
What do you want us to do?
Let these dangerous people keep plotting to overthrow our democracy? said FBI spokesperson Judah Powers at a press conference following the raid.
These people don't believe women should be allowed to dismember and murder their own babies.
The next thing you know, they'll be disagreeing with performing gender reassignment surgeries on grade schoolers.
At airtime, the FBI was rumored to be planning more raids against other treacherous organizations, including church youth camps and adoption agencies, vowing to continue defending the country from dangerous domestic extremism.
Now you're up to date on the only news that matters.
Find more fake news you can trust at BabylonBee.com.
Until next time, this is Austin Robertson, the voice of the Babylon Bee.
So long.
Hey, that was awesome.
You guys got to come up and give a bow here.
Yeah, pass the cast bow at the end.
So we had credits as Nancy Pelosi was Bettina.
Playing the role of Nancy Pelosi.
Thank you.
There's our Nancy Pelosi.
That's Bettina.
Was that the only role you played, Bettina?
And then as Maloney was Emma.
That was a great Italian actress.
That was Emma.
And the church.
And she also played the role of parishioner number one.
Yeah.
So excellent job.
That was great.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I thought it was funny when Austin said a visibly shaken Johnson.
But no one else laughed.
No, it's just me.
I want to soundboard every episode now.
That's amazing.
Yeah, we got to get one of those going.
We used to have one.
Our old soundboard used to do it.
All right.
Now it is time for our next segment, an interview with Tom DiLorenzo.
And this is our producers Dan and Jarrett talk to Tom about his politically incorrect guide to economics.
So let's take a watch.
And now for another interview on the Bee Weekly.
Well, Tom DiLorenzo, thanks so much for joining us.
I'm pleased to be here.
Thanks for having me.
So I know you wrote a new book, but maybe before we get into the book, can you tell us how you really feel about Abraham Lincoln?
Yeah, well, for listeners who don't know what you're talking about, I've written three books on Lincoln.
The first one is called The Real Lincoln, and it sort of kicked over a hornet's nest because I portray Lincoln as a real live human being and a politician to boot and not God.
And that upset a lot of people.
A lot of Lincoln religion going on.
A lot of worship of Lincoln around.
I call it the Lincoln cult.
But anyway, I guess that's why he asked me that question.
I guess that is really surprising because I don't think I've ever met anyone that doesn't like Abraham Lincoln.
You haven't spent much time down south.
I guess not.
Yeah, that's true.
Yeah.
Well, I grew up in Pennsylvania myself.
I always thought there was something suspicious about the fact that every American president is criticized some, most of them relentlessly, except this one guy.
And I always thought there was something fishy about that.
So I did a little research and thought it was unjustified to hold him up as some sort of god and not just a real live human being and a politician.
Do you think that Liz Cheney would be a good fit to replace Abe Lincoln on the $5 bill?
Yeah.
Yeah, I blogged about that, the next Abe Lincoln.
Whenever Republicans start quoting Abraham Lincoln, you know they're probably planning another war because they always like to justify their wars by quoting who they call Father Abraham.
That's right.
You wrote the politically incorrect guide to economics, which is available now.
So tell us in 30 seconds, if you could, your elevator pitch, why should we, why should our listeners read your book?
Well, I quote a Wall Street guy named Doug Casey in the first chapter saying that most of the economists you see on TV, you're reading the New York Times, Washington Post, are really political propagandists masquerading as economists.
He calls them economic witch doctors.
And there's a lot of truth to that.
And the theme of my book is you need to be your own economist.
You don't need to go to college.
You don't need to take a college course.
You don't need to study a big dense textbook.
There's plenty of economic understanding that you can arrive at by educating yourself.
And the purpose of my book is to help you do that.
And all throughout the book, I have little boxes with titles, A Book You're Not Supposed to Read, and a one-sentence description of what that book is about to help you educate yourself and mostly free market economics and to learn about how so much of economists and economists or Doug Casey's economic witch doctors have sort of distorted the economic world view, especially among college students who take their classes.
Biden said that rising prices are all Putin's fault, though.
So he wouldn't lie to us.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, he probably doesn't know whether he's lying or telling the truth when he reads that teleprompter.
And yeah, his puppet masters sent him out last week.
And, you know, the inflation rate, the Commerce Department says the price inflation rate is about 8.5%.
And, but that's an average, an annual average.
So one month it might be 20%.
Another month, it might be 1%.
But on average for the year, 8.5% is what the Commerce Department said.
In July was since gas prices went down, they claimed that inflation was 0%.
And so Biden goes out there and insinuates that inflation has been cured altogether and says it was 0%.
I think he was trying to bamboozle who Rush Limbaugh used to call the low-information voters out there who don't really pay much attention to what's going on, but they still vote.
And I think that's what he was doing.
Okay.
So in that, so it is not 0%.
I figure that's a pretty good method is to raise the prices of something and then sort of lower the prices of something and then say, look, look, we won.
And that's kind of a good way.
We did it, guys.
So Biden is touting the Inflation Reduction Act.
And he's saying, look, these 130 top economists, they all say it's going to grow the economy and reduce inflation.
Did he give you the call?
Did he ask you?
No, I must have been busy at another radio interview when the White House called.
And yeah, well, those are all of Doug Casey's economic witch doctors.
And usually when they put together a list like that, a lot of them are not really, really economists.
They're just somebody like Robert Reich or Reich, who's been around politics for a long time.
He has a BA degree in sociology, and then he went to law school with Bill Clinton, but he calls himself economist.
That would be like me calling myself brain surgeon and something like that.
I just, because I feel like it.
But yeah, the Inflation Reduction Act is quite the farce because it will increase inflation.
They're going to spend an extra, several hundred billion dollars, which will push up demand in the economy.
And they tax production.
And, you know, there's an old saying: anything you tax, you get less of.
And so they're going to increase demand, which pushes prices up.
And they're going to decrease supply, which also pushes prices up.
So it's going to increase inflation.
So what's the single worst?
It's a chapter in your book, but what's the single worst economic idea in all of history?
The single worst economic idea is letting politicians determine prices rather than buyers and sellers in the open market.
And one story that I tell from this book is that when George Washington's army was in the field in Washington during the American Revolution, the Pennsylvania legislature thought they were going to help out by putting what's called a price ceiling on food.
If a loaf of bread costs 20 cents, for example, they would pass a law saying you can't charge more than five cents for a loaf of bread.
They thought they were going to help out the army.
Well, what they did was they made it unprofitable for anybody to sell food.
So George Washington's army literally almost starved to death in the field because of that, and they had to rescind it.
But politicians can't resist trying to make themselves sound popular because they know that most of us are what economists call rationally ignorant.
We spend all our time with our careers, our families, getting the bills paid.
We don't really pay much attention to government policy.
So the worst idea in economic history is not forgiving student loan debt.
No, I wouldn't rank that up there.
But economists give that sort of thing a fancy phrase.
They call it moral hazard.
In the name of helping students out, you're going to make them worse off because the tuition rates are going to go up.
I saw something similar to that with the Inflation Reduction Act that they were bragging about how it was going to lower the costs, or they were going to subsidize partly electric vehicles.
And then the very next day, Ford and whoever else, they raised their price of the car by that amount.
Yes.
Yes, they were promising tax credits that might be worth $5,000 or $6,000 if you buy a $70,000 Tesla and the government will save you $5,000 or $6,000.
But I saw the same articles that almost immediately, General Motors and Chrysler and some of the other ones raised the price of their electric vehicles by $6,000, $7,000.
Yeah.
Sounds like a good idea to go buy a Tesla right now.
Anyway, so I was thinking, so we've been informed by many people that real socialism has never been tried anywhere.
Never.
Ever.
It's never been tried.
And so if the question for you is: if AOC were in the room with us right now, what would you say?
What would you say to her?
I would say don't wait until socialism comes to America, moves to North Korea today or Venezuela.
If you want to see socialism move to Venezuela or North Korea, where they already have it.
And of course, they've always been saying that.
We've tried socialism 100 different ways in the world over the past 100 years or more.
And every conceivable type of socialism has been tried.
And so that's really a bogus argument as far as that's discerned.
And my old friend Robert Higgs, an economic historian, used the word participatory fascism to describe the American system that we have today.
Yeah, they allow us to vote, unlike Hitler and Mussolini, but the economic system is so burdened with hundreds and hundreds of thousands of thousands actually of regulations that the government controls almost everything every business does one way or the other.
Weren't there some good things that the government did that made like a safety net for workers?
Did the government do anything good or is it all bad?
Well, what the government doesn't have any of its own money, of course, it has to take from us one way or the other in order to spend it.
And so to give you an idea of what the government did during the so-called New Deal, the unemployment rate was 2.9% in 1929, the year of the stock market crash.
And after spending billions of dollars on public works programs from 1933 to 1939, in 1939, the unemployment rate was still 17.2%, almost five times higher than it was at the beginning of the Great Depression.
And so Roosevelt actually took more resources out of the pockets of Americans to pay for his programs to make himself popular than he were used to create jobs.
So they actually destroyed jobs.
They actually made the Great Depression worse and longer lasting.
It was actually the first time in American history that a recession was responded to with massive government intervention, and the result was a 15-year-long Great Depression.
I'm really glad that our politicians today have learned from history.
They're not going to repeat that mistake, right?
Yeah.
What about labor unions?
You know, is there anything good about labor unions to create protections for workers, wages, that kind of stuff?
Is there anything positive that you could say about labor unions?
Sure, there's nothing wrong with workers getting together and having a representative bargain for them with the employer.
As long as it's peaceful and doesn't harm anybody else, that's voluntary association.
When labor unions protest against imports coming into the country and complain about child labor, for example, it's not because they're interested in the children in Singapore or China or somewhere.
It's because they want to kick those children out of jobs because they're helping to produce goods that are competitive with American-made goods.
And of course, if it's an impoverished country or a lower-income country where they still have child labor, the alternative for these children is baking, thievery, child prostitution, that sort of thing.
And that's what unions are contributing to when they try to ban child labor, so-called, in low-income countries or so-called developing countries.
And so, like a good economist, my answer is yes and no.
There are good things labor unions do, but when they get involved in politics, that's where they do a lot of bad things.
Looking at the economy from like a traditionally conservative perspective, maybe people like G.K. Chesterton, people like that, that maybe Patrick Buchanan, those paleo-conservative types, where they kind of look at just a pure market economy.
It's something that will uproot tradition, basically uproot culture, uproot traditional values of family and localism, and maybe even religion.
I think Russell Kirk had some quote that I always have in the back of my brain of the automobile being kind of like a mechanical Jacobin that the forces of technology and industry and all these things are constantly uprooting culture and everything in civilization.
And you're coming at it from, let's just have a free market.
I'm wondering what your take is on that kind of criticism of the market.
Well, I think there's no evidence at all of that.
I've been reading these things by Russell Kirk and other people for decades, and they never have a convincing argument.
They never have evidence of that or any way of proving that that's true by any means.
And I think the opposite is true.
I think the alternative to a free market is government control.
Either we use volunteerism to engage in commerce or we use government.
And government is the big, big, big threat to traditional family values and religion and so forth, especially today.
And so I just don't buy that, that there's some sort of intractable barrier between markets and traditional values.
I like that.
You're making a moral case for capitalism.
All right.
So we're going to move into our 10 questions.
The 10 questions.
The very first question is, have you met Carmen?
No, I haven't met him.
Oh, sad.
Okay, second question.
Are you a Calvinist or an Arminian?
A Calvinist or a what?
Or Arminian?
Free will or determinism or free will.
Okay.
All right.
Next question.
You can add any one book to the Bible.
What is it?
I would add the Jefferson Bible, which is Thomas Jefferson himself wrote, put together this Bible, which is the words of Christ alone and not anyone else.
And so I would add that as an appendix.
It says that he also cut out all the miracles.
Yeah, he was an interesting kind of fellow.
Yeah, so also cigars or pipes?
Oh, cigars.
Who do you hang out with?
Any three people, living or dead?
Thomas Jefferson would be in there.
Robert E. Lee.
Well, the third one, I would say James Madison.
All right.
So whiskey or beer?
Depends on the kind of whiskey, I guess, but in general, beer.
Okay.
Like it's like there's a big difference between like your bottom barrel bourbon versus like a really high-end scotch, right?
First thing you do after you become president: I abolish the income tax and replace it with nothing.
Wow.
Amen.
And the IRS.
I would vote for you.
I would too.
Yeah, that's good.
That's a good pitch.
All right.
So have you ever punched anyone or been punched?
Is there a good story there?
Yeah, I played high school sports, so I've been in a few fights.
One concert, any band in history, who do you go see?
It has to be the Beatles.
The Beatles.
That's a good answer.
That was my answer.
Really?
All right, the final question.
And we are a Christian website, so we always ask everybody this: Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
Yes, I do.
Yes.
All right, we got him.
Got it.
Good job.
We got him.
This is all the laws con, that's the right answer.
Yeah, that's right.
Good.
All right, Tom.
Thank you so much for joining us.
Everybody, go out and get the book, which I have right here: The Politically Incorrect Guide to Economics by Tom DiLorenzo.
Thanks, Tom.
Thanks for having me, guys.
Have a great day.
Yeah, you too.
Thanks.
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All right.
Thanks a lot.
That was awesome.
Thanks, Tom, for coming on.
And now it's time for hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
This is a response to an email we sent out about some of the social media bans that we've gotten recently.
And this is from Daphne.
And I would like Austin to read this flowerbedding in real time.
Go flowerbed yourself.
I did not and would not ever sign up for your flowerbedding newsletter.
You conservatives have completely flowerbedded up our country.
Flowerbedded?
Is that the best?
My favorite part is the signature.
Sent from my iPhone.
Please excuse the typos.
But there's no typos.
No, that's typos.
You know what?
Good job, Daphne.
That's one of the first hate mails we've gotten that doesn't have just egregious typos.
She apologizing and grammar errors.
You apologize for the typos.
And then here's a hate mail from our My Pillow ad that we did about the FBI rating, what's his name, Mike Lindell.
This is from Polk High Graduate.
It says, This comes off as stupid more than anything else.
The most basic premise of your skit that his home was searched is factually incorrect, rendering the foundation of the joke a mere mirage.
There is no truth in the skit, not even the premise.
You guys get paid for this garbage.
And there was a grammar mistake because you put is stupid more than anything.
Thin instead of that.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, that's a good point.
Well, thanks for watching, everybody.
Stay tuned if you're a subscriber.
We are going to go and ask Austin the second set of tan questions, I believe.
And we also have an Ask Us Anything segment.
So we have some comments from YouTubers, not the Be social people, and Babylon B commenters asking us anything.
And I guess we have to answer any question they ask.
We have to.
We have to answer it honestly, probably.
You know, please be sure to subscribe to the new B Radio on your favorite podcast platform of choice.
And you can hear Austin's creamy voice in your ear.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers, subscriber headlines.
Is that the sound effect that plays?
What's that?
Is that what actually plays?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Nice.
I like that.
I don't remember that one for some reason.
I don't pay to subscribe, so I've never remembered it.
Do you guys think God created evil regimes and people to keep humor alive?
Giant smiley face.
Yeah, sure.
This has been another edition of the Bee Weekly from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee, reminding you that fake news of the people, by the people,