The Bee Weekly: Rippaverse! And Fight For California But Don't Use Assault Rosary Beads
This week at The Babylon Bee, Kyle and Adam talk with chicken coop owning and worship leading Ian Weeks, who is running for California assembly, about whether California is worth the fight. They also talk to Eric D. July about the Rippaverse, which is launching a new wave of non-woke comics and has already raised over $3 million! Also, be on the lookout for evil assault prayer beads that have been co-opted by extremist gun culture! You can support Ian Weeks in his run for CA assembly. Make sure to pick up ISOM #1 from the Rippaverse! Support The Babylon Bee by pre-ordering our new Babylon Bee Guide To Democracy! I t's awesome. Really! This episode is brought to you by our wonderful sponsors who you should absolutely check out: The Fight Laugh Feast Conference Allegiance Gold Better Help Counseling Liz Cheney lost her primary election, the FBI didn't take Trump's passport before they actually did, and only 12% of Americans think the Inflation Reduction Act will reduce inflation. Also it's the one year anniversary of when those Taliban guys were paddling around in swan boats. Sizzler Facts is back with a mystery this week and Adam Yenser is back with Weak-ly News. The Babylon Bee had an exclusive press conference with the FBI revealing what was in Trump's safe and Kyle, Adam, and Ian talk about some of their favorite jokes of all time. There may or may not be another edition of Travis' Game Korner this week. You just have to listen to the whole episode to find out!Hate mail gets read, subscriber headlines get read (with a new twist this week), and Ian Weeks answers the ten questions for subscribers!
The Justice Department does not want to disclose the affidavit that justified the warrant to raid Trump's home.
But don't worry, you can trust the government.
Liz Cheney lost her primary election in Wyoming, shocking ones of people.
Paper is the traditional gift for a first anniversary.
Word on the street is Afghan terrorists sent a framed map of the Kabul airport to President Biden to celebrate the time he gave them a whole country.
Aw.
And Ian Weeks is here, that voice you just heard.
He's a chicken-owning, worship-leading, non-politician running for office.
What a wacko.
All this and more on the B Weekly.
Babylon Bee friends, we have some big news for you.
If you read the Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness last year and you said, hey, there's only one book in this series, that sucks.
Do we have the book for you?
The second book in the series, The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy.
This comes out September 6th, and it is absolutely jam-packed, full of awesome drawings, illustrations, comics, stick figures punching each other, everything that a good book would have.
I never read War and Peace in high school because it didn't have stick figures.
This book does.
This book will teach you how to rig elections, how to bribe politicians, how to win a political argument online, and why democracy, actually a constitutional republic, is friggin' awesome.
It talked about all the branches of government, legislative, executive, judicial, and corporate.
So you know all about the government now and you can shut down opposing arguments from people who don't think America is awesome.
This book is awesome.
We want you guys to go pre-order it today.
You can pre-order it on the Babylon Bee store at shop.babylonbee.com.
You can go to Amazon.
You can go to any bookstore in the whole world and they will have it for pre-order.
Guaranteed, but not actually.
The Babylon Bee Guide to Democracy.
Go check it out today.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Bee Weekly.
I'm hanging out here and this voice you're hearing is Kyle.
And next to me, this voice is Adam Yunser.
And this deep, rich voice that sounds like a country boy that raises chickens in the middle of nowhere is Ian Weeks.
Hey guys.
You have to talk now so people can connect.
They have to hear that deep, rich country voice of a guy who raises chickens.
He's the only one of us who sounds like they should be on the radio or join a podcast.
Do you have your own podcast or no?
No, I don't.
I'm not the world's most tech-savvy guy.
So this is actually my first time sitting in a studio.
Well, most podcast hosts, I think, don't actually know the tech side of it.
Like they don't actually know.
Like, I don't know how to turn these cameras.
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
Everything here is real high-tech.
Like, did you notice the guy that comes in and bangs on the camera to make it straight?
Yeah, yeah.
I do that every single day.
He's got like the dog ear antenna too to make sure the reception is good.
Exactly.
Yes.
And this arm that Brandon just like, I asked him to tell me what kind of arms these were, and he sent me a list of like eight different parts.
I was like, oh, I just tied all that stuff together.
Man, I'm a very not tech-savvy person.
Yeah.
Well, Ian's running for California State Assembly in District 36, and we're going to talk about that a little bit later.
But yeah, we connected, I think, through some work my wife was doing.
And we're interested to hear about your whole experience getting to run for office.
Thank you.
I know you're not a politician, but like.
Yeah.
No.
But you are now.
Yeah, I am now.
And boy, it's an interesting world that we've jumped into for sure.
Yeah, it'll be fun.
And you're going to give us some tips on how to build a chicken coop as well.
Yes, I can do that.
We wanted to remind you guys to give us your hard-earned cash for some prod in exchange for some products.
We have a conservative tears tumbler, but it's a little bit tricky because it's a conservative tears of joy.
Commemorating the overturning of Roe v. Wade.
So, when Roe v. Wade was overturned, all the conservatives were crying joyfully, and now you can drink their tears in this convenient tumbler.
Tears of joy.
Yes.
So you can check that out.
We also have a brave man of color that brought hope and change to the nation.
Yes.
Clarence Thomas.
I don't know who we're talking.
Yeah.
Dang, I ruined the punchline.
Clarence Thomas, we have him on a beautiful hope poster that you guys can get.
I think there's a poster and a sticker and a t-shirt.
So check that out at shop.babylonb.com.
And the conservative here's mug is a great, or tumbler is a great product because it's a conversation starter because you have to explain and say, no, look what it says down here.
I like the double take products where people go, what?
Exactly.
Yeah.
Would you buy this, Ian?
As an outsider, we just, you know.
Well, yeah.
You have to say yes.
The thing that I want to work into it is that the natural progression from the overturning of Roe v. Wade, according to my opponent, is that we also want to outlaw the birth control pill and condoms.
So if we could work that onto the mug, you know, I mean, just a normal conservative position like that, that would make me happier.
But you had your first attack ad against you, right?
Like the email came out and it said that you want to ban condoms because you were excited that Roe v. Wade got overturned.
Yeah.
I mean, as I said, I mean, it naturally, one naturally flows from the other.
So, I mean, it made sense.
But do you want to ban condoms?
I mean, what reasonable person doesn't?
I mean, there's no distinction in my mind between preventing a life from beginning and ending one.
That's, you know, it's the same thing.
So, yeah, of course.
This is definitely getting clipped and used by your opponent.
We just ruined his chance at winning the seat in the State Assembly, but that's okay.
All right, everybody, we have a subscriber dare now.
This is Subscriber Day.
Hey, Babylon B, my birthday is the day that you will be recording the podcast.
How do they know when we record the podcast?
It's a little bit.
Probably mentioned it before.
We have some obsessive fans really following.
You're recording on Wednesday at 11 a.m. at the address.
My birthday is the day that you will be recording the podcast, and I'm considering subscribing.
However, I do have a subscriber dare.
It has come to my attention that two perfectly good words, fudgel and groak, have gone out of circulation.
I dare you to read aloud their definitions and use them in three sentences.
Okay.
I like this challenge.
Fudgel is defined as to pretend to work when in reality one is not doing anything.
So can we work this into a sentence?
Adam is at work and he's fudgling by playing Snake IO on his laptop instead of working.
Anybody else have a fudgel sentence?
Man, I mean, I could totally use that against my opponent.
I mean, he's an expert at fudgling.
He pretends to work when really he's doing nothing.
So that's that's true.
So did you say, did you just use fudgel in a sentence or no?
Well, I mean, I used fudgiling, but I guess if we want to do it.
Fudgling is fine.
He's fudgling up in Sacramento.
Yeah.
All the January 6th committee has done is fudgel for two months.
Liz Chaney's a real fudgeler.
All right.
And then groke is defined as to stare at people who are eating in the hope that they will offer to show.
It's great that there's a word for that.
Dogs like to groak.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I would say that that's that's yeah, that's very typical of a dog.
When me and my wife order takeout, she will get like the meal with the fries and everything, and I'll just get the burger and then I will groak her.
I will groak my wife so that she will share her fries with me.
Why don't you just order some fries?
Well, I feel like I don't want them.
You try to tell yourself that you're going to make a healthy choice.
I'm just going to have the protein style.
Yeah.
When you're eating in public, have you ever caught another man groaking your wife?
Often.
Often.
All right.
This subscriber dirt goes on.
It says, I would like to point out that this week there will be the 18th Sizzler Fact.
I would also be pleased if you reinstitute a segment where Kyle reads a Guinness World Record.
While you're reading this, what happened to your laugh track, aka Patrick?
Satisfy my demands, and I will give you unmoronic morons my money.
Patrick died.
And yeah, we'll do a Guinness Records fact.
All right, what's in the news this week?
What's in the news this week?
Well, we are still in the aftermath of the FBI raid on Trump's Mar-a-Lago, in which the former president claims that they even stole his passport.
This was, of course, the biggest story of the week, and it's just been going bananas over the day.
Didn't he say he had three passports that were stolen?
Yeah, because I think as a president, you get like a diplomatic passport.
And then he said one of them was expired.
He's just got, everyone says he has the most passports.
The most, everyone says so.
I have the most passports of anyone.
Probably, that's probably why they raided him because they considered him a flight risk.
He's got all these passports and he's going to flee the country.
Yeah.
Very dangerous.
Well, he's got to go to Eastern Europe to go wife shopping every now and then.
So he's probably got a lot of.
The weird thing is that originally when the story, when he was like, they took my passports, all the news reporters were like, no, they didn't.
He's lying.
And then like a few hours later, the FBI was like, yes, we took his passports, but we gave them back.
Yeah.
So, you know, that's good.
This whole FBI raid has been the craziest thing.
It's crazy to me.
There hasn't been this big of a news story in a while, it feels since the conservative tears news story.
But yeah, we'll see what happens with it.
And then Liz Cheney got voted out in the Wyoming primaries in a landslide with 80% of the vote counted before midnight.
Her opponent Hagerman was leading Cheney by more than 32 points.
Sad.
Yeah, I think everyone saw this coming.
Was she still hopeful that she was?
I don't even know what her goal was at this point.
She must have seen it coming.
What I heard is that she said that she could have easily won had she been willing to sort of sell her soul and be supported.
She's a little bit of a support Trump.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, but it's weird.
If there's one thing the Cheneys are known for, it's having souls.
Absolutely true.
Highly morally principled.
Yes.
She just, I don't really know anything about Liz Cheney.
I have no strong feelings about her one way or the other.
But I did see when you watch the hearings, it's like the luxury type look.
I was like, I don't.
The thing is, I don't like her, you know, her allying herself with the Democrats and all this January 6th investigation, but I honestly don't know a whole lot about her record beyond that.
Yeah.
Well, do you want to read this story, Ian?
This is the crazy thing.
Salmon Rushie.
Yeah.
So, sure.
Yeah.
Salman Rushi was stabbed multiple times before speaking at an event in New York.
For this fatwa on him, right?
Yeah, yeah.
So basically, he had an Iranian fatwa on him with a bounty of $3 million on his head after writing a novel called The Satanic Verses in 1988.
case anyone is unaware, writing anything negative about Islam can be moderately dangerous.
Vice is reporting that the man...
That's why we never make fun of Muslims.
No, no.
And I mean, what could you possibly make fun of them for?
Yeah, not that there's any precedent for that.
To make fun of.
Yeah.
So apparently Weiss is reporting that the man who stabbed Salmon had direct contact with the Iranian Revolutionary Guard.
Word is he's off the ventilator now, but expected to lose an eye.
He has severed nerves in his arm and was stabbed in the liver.
But he is alert and, you know, as we appreciate here at the Babylon B, telling jokes.
So that's.
I love that line.
He is alert and telling jokes.
Like a standard medical thing.
He's in the telling jokes phase of his recovery.
He's in good spirits.
Yeah, the only I can think of is that curb your enthusiasm season where Larry David has a fatwa out on him.
I guess these fatwas take a long time because he wrote this book back in 1988 and they work slow.
And they've stayed mad at him.
That's dedicated to number 30.
That is dedicated.
A dedicated fatwa.
Has anyone here read The Satanic Verses?
No, I don't even know what it is.
I don't know.
I know it's a novel that has something to do with certain verses in the Quran.
Oh, okay.
But I don't know the story of it myself.
I've never read it.
Well, it was written 32 years ago, so I don't think we were all.
I only read 34.
Only 12% of Americans believe the Inflation Reduction Act will reduce inflation, according to polling from The Economist and YouGov.
And 40% believe it will make inflation worse.
And only 25% of Democrats say that it will reduce inflation.
But at least it will hire lots of new IRS agents.
Yeah, that's what we need.
87,000 new IRS agents.
I saw that the news media, when they were reporting on this inflation reduction act, now they've stopped calling it the Inflation Reduction Act.
Like on Twitter, they'll just say like, the new act that President Biden just signed will really help fight climate change.
And everyone in the replies is like, what's the name of that act?
Why did you stop calling it the Inflation Reduction Act?
Oh, I'm impressed that they found 12% that believe that it would.
Yeah, it seems high.
Yeah.
Nice job, guys.
What is, yeah, I don't understand what's up with all the news media now is saying like Biden has made this big comeback.
Have you seen this line of CNN is trying that narrative, I feel like they say because he got this passed and because like gas prices went down a little bit and because there wasn't inflation for one month, even though it's still way up, they're saying he has a string of victories.
Yeah, well, and it's like, no, it's still much worse off than everything was when he took office.
I guess in the liberal worldview, if you pass some legislation that you're pushing for, that's a victory.
Yeah.
It doesn't matter if it's good or if people like it.
It's like, I got something done.
Just pass it.
Yeah.
If you make laws, you did good.
Yeah.
And even in the media with this Inflation Reduction Act, all the reporting I've seen is always about the IRS and the climate change stuff.
I haven't seen very much reporting on how even it's supposed to be.
It's supposed to reduce inflation.
I haven't just seen one talking point of how it's supposed to reduce inflation.
We also have a Christian nationalism alert.
The Atlantic said extremist gun culture is co-opting the rosary because Rad Trads, which is radical traditionalists, have been taking pictures of the AR-15s draped with rosary beads.
So they're now comparing the rosary to an assault weapon and saying that it's a symbol of extremist gun culture.
Okay.
That's cool.
That is kind of funny that they hang a rosary on their gun, though.
But I wonder how common that is.
It's probably one of those things where there's probably a few tweets that got likes and then they say, this is what the rosary needs now.
That's always how it is.
It's like when they did the okay thing was a white supremacist symbol.
They see one thing that says that and they say, this is the trend now and this is what it means.
Yeah, there's one Rad Trad who did this probably.
It says they said the Battle Beads culture of spiritual warfare permits radical traditional Catholics literally to demonize their political opponents and regard the use of armed force against them as sanctified.
Okay.
Well, that's cool, I guess.
Good job, Atlantic.
I know they did a great job when they interviewed me.
All right.
Well, you get to read a sad story for us, Ian.
Yeah, this one really I actually met the father like a month ago.
And so when I read this, I was heartbroken for this guy.
So, you know, for the listeners, you know, the brother of a Marine killed in Biden's Afghanistan withdrawal commits suicide at Memorial for Fallen Service Member.
And this young man's name is Dakota Halverson.
He was 28 years old.
He's the brother of 20-year-old Lance Corporal Kareem Nakoui from Norco, who died in the attack on the Kabul airport.
As many of you know, a GOP report says that Biden left 800 Americans behind when he withdrew from Afghanistan when he stated publicly that it was 100.
But back to the more important part of the story.
I mean, again, I met this young man's father, and I will say that I was blown away.
This man's a believer, and he really articulated that he knows where his son is and that God has given him the peace that surpasses all understanding.
Obviously, heartbreaking to hear that now he's lost another son.
And, you know, if anyone can handle it with grace and strength, it's going to be this man.
But unfortunately, I think we all know that the devil is a formidable adversary.
And, you know, I think he has come after this man and he's continuing to do so.
And that's heartbreaking.
Yeah, so this is a memorial for a fallen.
So this guy died at the Kabul airport attack a year ago, and they're just doing a memorial service now, or was this like a one-year anniversary thing or something?
Yeah, I mean, I'm not sure that they were holding a memorial.
I think it seems to imply that he committed suicide at the memorial.
Yeah, it's crazy.
You know, you can look at these numbers and you're always like, oh, 800 Americans left behind.
That sucks.
Yeah.
But then you see the personal element of people that, you know, yeah, Marines were killed there.
And that's that is wild.
So it is wild to me that they abandoned Afghanistan a year ago and there's still hundreds of Americans stranded.
And it's just nobody talks about it.
It's just swept under the rug.
Another victory.
I was going to say, but at least Biden has had a string of victories.
A string of victories.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I, you know, this is kind of cliche, but I think we would all agree, right, if there were a different man in the White House when that happened.
Absolutely.
The conversation might look a little different.
A different oranger man with bigger hands.
That's right.
That's right.
A bad man.
Well, that tragic story brings us to the banger of the week.
Banger of the week.
The FBI raid on Melania's closet was justified, says Merrick Garland, wearing gorgeous new evening gown and sun hat.
This is one of my favorite bangers of the week in a while.
This is a good one.
The Photoshop's great on that one.
Yeah, was that a Bettina?
Good job, Bettina, if that was you.
If that wasn't you, bad job.
I don't know.
Then we have a bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
Dad at theme park surveys map like Harden General executing battle plan.
Oh, this is a great one.
This should have been the banger of the week.
I think taking your little kids to Disneyland is a little bit like warfare.
That's a little crazy.
Yeah.
I thought that one did pretty well when I saw it on Facebook.
Yeah, I don't think it would be.
It sounds like it's very relatable.
Yeah, we are.
I kind of have different mindsets depending on the theme park and like where you're going.
Like, if you go for a day and this is your only chance to go to this one theme park, it has to be efficient.
And I'm like, looking at the time.
Now they have the app where you can actually see the times for each line, and that helps.
But it's like, you know, drawing this line through the park and figuring out where to go.
I'm impressed.
Kyle, my wife works part-time for Disney and I don't really know about that.
So good job.
About the app?
About the app.
Yeah, I don't know about that.
It's not a secret.
It's like everybody gets it.
I'm just saying.
I don't know.
It's not a trick.
It's just, you know, an app.
Treasure in Heaven is great, but it's not going to buy you a tank of gas.
So let's take a moment to briefly review the current state of our economy and the global effect the war between Russia and Ukraine has had.
We're in for a tough year here, and Biden's printing and spending could be catastrophic for the U.S. dollar and the market.
That's why a growing number of financial analysts are recommending you diversify with gold and silver now.
And the only company we recommend is Allegiance Gold.
Our friends at Allegiance Gold can help you protect your IRA or 401k with physical gold and silver and have it delivered securely right to your door.
The team at Allegiance Gold takes the time to educate their clients on the importance of having a financial portfolio that's diversified with gold and silver.
Allegiance Gold has been one of the top precious metals firms in the nation for their commitment to protecting your hard-earned savings.
They have an A from the Better Business Bureau, a five-star rating with Trustlink, and they're AAA rated with the Business Consumer Alliance.
If you act now by calling them and you mention Babylon B, we'll even give you $500 of free silver on a qualified purchase.
Call 844-790-9191 to get this exclusive offer.
Or you can visit allegiancegold.com/slash B. That's B-E-E.
Call 844-790-9191.
That's 844-790-9191.
Or visit allegiancegold.com/slash B-E-E.
All right, well, now it's time for everybody's favorite segment, Sizzler Facts.
63 weeks ago, is that right, 63?
This has been going on a while.
63 weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Facts, which was met with resounding praise and even nominated for a few podcast segment awards.
Today on Sizzler Facts, we're taking a slightly different approach and presenting a Sizzler mystery.
I want a sound effect for Sizzler.
Sizzler mysteries.
Sizzler, here is the Sizzler mystery.
Carrie A. Cramp became CEO of Sizzler in 2008, where he spearheaded the brand's post-recession modernization effort and basically took Sizzler to new heights.
In the early days of Cramp's leadership, his employees said he always had a sparkle in his eye and a sizzle in his soul.
Cramp knew how to hold to tradition, yet also keep with the times.
Fast forward to May of 2019, and here's where things start to get really crazy.
Cramp was ousted from his executive position and purportedly replaced with Sizzler chairman Theodore Perkins.
Ever since that announcement, nobody has seen or heard from Carrie Cramp.
What?
Perkins' LinkedIn profile consisted solely of links to hastily constructed GeoCities websites, leading experts to believe that Perkins doesn't actually exist and the Powers that Be just needed a convenient name to make it seem like there was a legitimate transfer of Sizzler power.
Perkins' LinkedIn page was deleted as soon as questions started arising, but none of that explains where Carrie Cramp is and why they needed him gone.
It gets even stranger though.
If you do a Google search for Sizzler CEO, it will show Cramp as the current CEO as if he never even left at all.
I don't know how much of what I just read was a real mystery and how much of it was made up by whoever producer was writing that.
Everything on Sizzler Facts is true.
But has this guy actually disappeared?
That is correct.
And it's not in the news or anything?
I feel like if the CEO of a company like that disappeared, it would be in the news.
They don't want you to know about it.
It's one of those stories that the mainstream media just doesn't cover.
Interesting.
This has been Sizzler Mysteries.
Now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp.
Hey, everyone here at the Babylon Bee.
We want to encourage our listeners to take care of their mental health.
That means maybe you don't spend so much time just doom scrolling on Twitter and reading all the news.
How well would you take care of your car if you had to keep the same one your entire life?
That's how your brain works.
How we care for our minds affects how we experience life.
So it's important to invest time and care into keeping them healthy.
There's plenty of ways to support a healthy brain, like, you know, learn a new language, play a video game, take some power naps.
There's also BetterHelp online therapy.
Anytime you're going through a tough time, it's good to find a, you know, find a Christian brother or sister, find a pastor, and talk to him about what you're going through.
You can also try BetterHelp online therapy.
BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat only therapy sessions.
It's much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.
Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash Babylon B. That's betterh.com slash Babylon B.
Now, if you want to know where B-Radio is, it's on its own podcast feed now.
So go subscribe to B-Radio and all your favorite podcast platforms if you want to keep hearing Babylon B stories in that soothing voice of Austin Robertson's.
And we wish Austin Robertson the best of luck with B-Radio.
And, you know, maybe we'll play some clips here from time to time, but it's on a separate feed now, so go check that out.
But we did keep an even funnier segment on the podcast, which is weekly news with Adam Jenser.
And here we go.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
Donald Trump claims that the FBI stole three of his passports during their raid on Mar-a-Lago.
A furious Trump said, I need those passports to visit wherever Melania is from.
He added that one of the passports is expired and comes from, quote, three wives ago.
On Wednesday, Liz Cheney lost her primary to Trump-backed rival Harriet Hagman.
So the January 6th investigation did get someone successfully removed from office.
This week, Taliban leaders in Afghanistan celebrated the one-year anniversary of Biden's botched withdrawal, as well as Wife 8's two-year anniversary, Wife 4's five-year anniversary, and Wife 2's 10-year anniversary.
A new climate study claims that California, which is currently experiencing a severe drought, could soon be devastated by mega floods.
San Francisco residents are taking the warning seriously and have put rainbows everywhere to remind God of his promise never to flood the earth.
Author Salman Rushdie is recovering in a hospital after being stabbed on stage in New York last week.
Rushdie has long been the target of death threats due to controversial works like The Satanic Verses and his essay in defense of Jarjar Binks.
A Lebanese American suspect is being held without bail for filleting salmon.
Hockey legend Wayne Gretzky is being sued for $10 million for falsely claiming that he lost weight by chewing OMG weight loss gum.
It turns out he actually stayed in shape by being hockey legend Wayne Gretzky.
OMG chose Gretzky as their spokesperson because he's the only hockey player who can still chew gum.
Thousands of pouches of Capri's son were recalled due to possible contamination from cleaning solution.
The recall specifically affects Capri's son's new Tide Pod flavor.
Arizona Republican gubernatorial candidate Carrie Lake said in a speech that she thinks Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis have BDE, but they could face a tough Democratic challenger if Michelle Obama runs.
Vice is releasing a 10-episode series called Dark Side of Comedy, which explores why many comedians' lives end in tragedy.
Sounds interesting, so I guess I'll stick around for another week to watch it.
Anyway, that's it for weekly news.
To see more, subscribe to my YouTube channel and come see me live at the Comedy Catch in Chattanooga, August 25th to 27th, and in Florida, September 1st to 8th.
Thanks, Adam.
That was a great weekly news.
And now we have an update from the FBI, who raided Trump's safe.
And I believe this is the FBI doing a press conference, telling us the items that they found in Trump's safe.
Let's take a watch.
Well, good morning, everyone.
As you know, it has been a banner week for us here at the FBI.
We've arrested hundreds of concerned parents at school board meetings.
We have busted several terror plots that were being carried out by, well, by us.
And most importantly, we raided the Mar-a-Lago home of Donald Trump.
So, of course, the purpose of this press conference will be to reveal the items from Trump's safe that we have recovered.
And Agent Scolder here will be demonstrating, showing to us the first of the items.
Yes, thank you, Agent Mulley.
First up, we have thousands, and I mean thousands of McDonald's receipts.
The guy ate a lot of McDonald's, and it appears he tried to flush this one down the toilet.
Despicable.
Well, we also have here an item of note: a giant bottle of tanning solution.
Unclear what it was used for.
Mr. Trump may have been using this in some kind of plan to blow up the Statue of Liberty or perhaps the moon.
This appears to be the kickstand for Joe Biden's bike, an act of treason and an attempt on our dear leader's life.
Despicable.
Here we have a birth certificate for someone named Barak Hussein Obama.
And unclear why he has this.
This person appears to have been born in Kenya.
Very strange stuff.
Never heard of him.
This one was a real bombshell.
Here's a sealed document marked Top Secret.
Let's see what it says.
It says, you FBI guys are low IQ.
Sad.
Not good.
Seems Mr. Trump is a real wise guy.
Very funny.
Wise guy on our hands here.
Well, he definitely violated the Presidential Records Act, though, by removing these small shampoo bottles from the White House bathroom.
Why does he even need those?
He has them in unlimited supply.
Dude owns a hotel.
And he still takes these.
Despicable.
Despicable.
Not only that, but he seems to have never returned this casserole dish to Mike Pence.
Mother is not going to like that.
No.
Or the TV remote to the Lincoln bedroom.
Despicable.
Despicable.
It's despicable.
What a scumbag.
Real sick stuff going on here.
Well, we also have some highly classified material.
Trump may have violated the SBNOJ Act.
He removed the top secret copy of Firefly Season 2 from the White House.
World's best president mug.
Still smells like Diet Coke.
Just real sickening.
But here we have a VHS copy of Home Alone 2 lost in New York.
A disappointing film when compared to the genius and charm of the original.
All the sequel could really do is repeat the same tire tropes from Chris Columbus's 1990 masterpiece.
Well, of course, it's a given that it can't hold a candle to the first film.
I think the sequel isn't without its charms.
And at least we can agree that it's better than the third film, whose protagonists lack the wit, spunk, and childlike wonder of Macaulay Colkin.
I am right there with you, Agent Mully.
The less we say about the third film, the better.
I guess you could say we could best leave that film home alone.
Well, I think it's pretty clear from all the items here that this raid was not politically motivated against this president that we hate and want to take down by any means necessary because he's evil and bad.
There will be no questions unless one of you reporters wants to get their home rated.
Anyone?
I didn't think so.
There's some really cool stuff in here, actually.
Can I take Home Alone 2 for investigative reasons?
Well, fine, but I get Firefly.
I get.
Give me.
Oh, very interesting.
I didn't know all those items in there.
All right.
So now we're going to talk with Ian Weeks for a little bit.
And he's decided to run for office and live in Sacramento a lot of the week, which, why would you do that?
What's wrong with you?
Tell us what's going on in your twisted mind.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Glutton for punishment, to be sure.
I mean, it is the belly of the beast.
I mean, it's, you know, to give you some perspective, I'm running for the state assembly.
There are 80 seats in the California State Assembly.
61 are held by Democrats.
There are 18 Republicans.
So dramatically outnumbered.
It's an enormous uphill battle.
Doesn't that only add up to 39?
79?
That's right.
There's one independent.
Good quick math.
I'm a good adder.
So one independent, he was a Republican.
He flipped to Independent a couple of years ago.
Does he vote Republican or does he vote?
It was my understanding that he actually endorsed my Democrat opponent.
So he's basically a Democrat.
Yeah, it's an interesting dynamic.
But, you know, I mean, I hate to bring too much seriousness into a Babylon B podcast.
Okay, we'll just make fun of you for it.
Everything, you know, all of the quality of life indicators in the state of California are heading in the wrong direction.
Crime's going up, cost of living's going up, gas is going through the roof.
We've got massive homelessness problems, you know, massive drug addiction problems.
And, you know, I think that what a lot of our constituents are starting to wake up to is: my goodness, my quality of life is a lot worse than it used to be.
And it's that guy behind you.
It's his fault.
That's right.
See the guy pictured behind you?
Guy behind me.
Not Kevin.
Not Kevin Sorbo.
Kevin Sorbo's fault.
Man, I want to like him.
Not Kevin Sorbo.
Yeah, look, I mean, you know, Gavin Newsom obviously is a big problem for this state.
But again, you know, if Gavin Newsom didn't have supermajorities in the state houses, I mean, again, 61 out of 80 seats in the state assembly, and we have a state senate with 40 seats, 31 are Democrat, 9 are Republican.
The Democrats have in this state what's called a supermajority, which literally means they don't even have to talk to Republicans.
They control significant majorities.
We call them supermajorities in both houses of the legislature, and they hold the governorships.
So they can do whatever they want.
You know, obviously, one of the things that I have Reminded people is that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
We keep electing the same people.
And our challenge to California voters is: look, if you think things are going well, I guess keep voting the way you always have.
If you think that things aren't.
I'm not blowing my mind like how bad California was during the pandemic.
And then he looked at the recall numbers and I'm like, you guys were okay with all this?
I don't understand.
I'll get it.
Because people were fleeing the state, including Democrats, including businesses, and the people that stayed here.
They see the crime.
They see the homelessness.
They see what's happening.
And then they go out and vote for the same thing over again.
It's unbelievable.
Yeah.
And I will tell you, you know, I find it funny.
You know, a lot of my district is out in the desert and the 10 freeway runs through it.
My opponent has a billboard that has a pretty picture of him and it says, help me continue fighting for you.
And I, you know, I. You say, farting for you?
That's right.
Yeah.
You know, good one.
He told you he'd made jokes in your serious talk.
That's what it sounds like.
So, you know, I mean, I'm tempted.
I'm seeking clarification here.
Fighting.
I'm tempted to put a billboard behind it that indicates crime's up, cost of living's up, gas is up, homelessness, drug abuse.
How exactly are you fighting for us, right?
You know, or maybe, you know, a pretty picture of me that says, help me actually fight for you.
I mean, it's remarkable, but one of the things that I was saying.
Was the picture pretty?
Is he a good-looking guy?
I mean, he's a regular-looking guy.
And by all accounts, he was saying a picture of him would be pretty.
Yeah, well, first he said his opponent had a pretty picture.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Photoshop is real.
And so we can make it work for me regardless.
But, you know, I mean, I just, I am learning, as you mentioned earlier in the podcast, you know, I'm new to politics.
I kind of had a sense of what to expect, but I am learning very, very quickly that these folks have no problem just saying things.
You know, we were joking earlier about the fact that because I came out in support of the overturning of Roe v. Wade and my actual position on it was: as someone who's running for the state legislature, I welcome the opportunity for this to be returned to state legislatures to be decided by the voters of the individual states.
They took that and ran with it and said, not only am I pro-life, but I actually want to take away people's right to birth control and even condoms.
So, I mean, it's remarkable.
It doesn't matter if it's true.
It doesn't matter if there's any basis in fact.
It's just, well, if we say it often enough and loud enough, people will believe it.
So, you know, this billboard will help me continue fighting for you.
It's just assumed to be true.
But again, folks, look at your quality of life.
You know, I mean, you can say, I'm fighting for you.
I likened it recently to hiring a bodyguard that lets you get beat up every day for two years straight.
I say two years because the term in the assembly is two years, but lets you get beat up every day for two years straight and then comes back to you at the end of that two years and says, extend my contract.
Help me continue fighting for you.
I mean, what an absurd statement.
I'm not going to rehire you.
I'm going to hire someone else.
You let me get beat up all the time.
I'm bloody.
I'm beat up.
Let's try something different.
And that's what we're exhorting the folks in California to do.
Try something different.
It seems insane to not consider that.
He's trying to take away each of our personal hobos that we talked about in the last episode.
Last episode, we determined that each person in California will soon be assigned their own hobo.
Yeah, this is my hobo.
So instead of the adopt a highway program and the adopt a hobo, that's nice.
And they become a hobo.
How you go from being homeless to being a hobo is you have a bindle.
And you become a.
A bindle is the difference.
Right.
So we need to make sure that we're correctly identifying hobos as we adopt.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't want them to culturally appropriate homeless culture.
Right.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Identity is very.
Sitting outside at this restaurant on Ventura the other week, and a hobo was groaking me.
Nice job, Adam.
Was he also fudgling?
No, he did that behind the dumpster.
But anyway, what do you think we can actually do to address some of these problems in California?
Things like homelessness and the crime rate.
What policies or issues do you think we could do to change that?
Well, yeah, and you talk about how bleak it is in the assembly.
Why does it matter getting one more seat for the Republicans?
Right.
Well, so, you know, one of the things that I talk about, right, is, and we talked about this earlier, a lot of folks are fleeing the state.
And I completely understand.
I don't blame anybody for leaving.
But at some point, somebody's got to stand up and fight for our values.
And so, you know, the short answer to your question is, I mean, I don't, this isn't going to change overnight.
We've been losing this state for decades.
It's not going to change tomorrow.
But the surest way to lose a fight is to not get up again.
And in my view, we got to get up.
We got to fight back.
We have to advocate for our values.
We have to let people meet us and hear from us and learn that we're not what we're not the caricature that our opponents say we are.
You know, the question is, you know, do you really think California can be saved?
And I mean, again, as I said, the surest way to make that, you know, make it a fact that it can't be is to do nothing.
We've been doing nothing for long enough.
Somebody's got to stand and fight.
And I've said numerous times, my life would be much easier if I didn't do this.
I am not a politician.
I've been a certified financial planner for nearly two decades.
As you said, I'm a chicken farmer.
You know, I mean, I've got, I, you know, I'm a worship leader at my church.
I got a lot of other things going on in my life.
I had a great life before I was called and asked to run for this office.
It really truly is a lot of personal sacrifice, but it's important.
It's important.
There are people that are suffering right now that don't have an advocate, that don't have a voice in this state.
And if it's got to be me, then I'm willing to do that.
And you can't bring your chickens to Sacramento, so someone's got to feed them while.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My wife and kids are going to have to step up to the plate.
And in the Adopt a Hobo program, I mean, we may have an opportunity to, you know, sort of dual purpose there, right?
Get a little bit of domestic help around the house in exchange for, you know, for.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Well, so the primary has already passed, right?
So general election coming up.
Yep.
So anybody in the Imperial all of Imperial County, eastern portions of Riverside County.
I have a small sliver of San Bernardino County, which is really needles.
That's pretty much all of San Bernardino County that I have.
You know, I do want to remind folks that at the end of the day, a California state legislator is a California state legislator.
So if you don't live in my district, you may not be able to directly vote for me, but you can absolutely help make sure that other people do by donating to the campaign.
Ian Weeksforassembly.com, you can go check it out.
You know, I've had folks, I know a guy that used to live here in Southern California, moved to Indiana, sent a campaign contribution because he knows that it's important.
You know, what we're doing matters.
So anybody can support what I'm doing.
And ultimately, if you want somebody who's going to vote your values up in Sacramento, support the campaign.
We're fighting a real David and Goliath fight here, and I'm willing to stick my own neck personally on the chopping block.
I would say I'm going to make it.
Looking like a real chicken farmer.
Right?
You know, I mean, it's, I'm willing to go up.
You're going to get beheaded and feathered and stuff.
Well, I just, you know, just last night, it came to my attention that, you know, I totally got tarred and feathered.
They put out this supposedly objective public opinion survey that was just a total hit piece on me and, you know, had all kinds of, you know, I mean, I'm basically this crazy radical extremist.
You know, that's what they do.
You know, they're going to tar and feathers.
Well, that means you get a shot because they don't do that unless they're a little scared.
Yeah, I hope so.
So they just ignore, they usually just ignore the other candidate if he's got no shots.
So yeah, hopefully it's a good sign.
All right, cool.
Well, check it out.
Vote for Ian Weeks if you're in the district.
If you're not, you know, vote for anybody named Ian on the ballot.
I'm sure they're a good guy.
Hey, do you like Jesus and beer?
Then you and your family need to come to the Fight Laugh Feast Conference in Knoxville, Tennessee on October 6th through 8th.
The topic of this conference is lies, propaganda, storytelling, and the serrated edge.
Satan is the father of lies, and the mother of those lies is a government that has rejected God.
Christians haven't been reading their Bibles, so we as a society are more susceptible than ever to Satan and his lies.
So join us October 6th through 8 as we fight, laugh, and feast with beer and psalms, our amazing lineup of speakers, including Pastor Doug Wilson, George Gilder, and Pastor Toby Sumter of the Cross Politics Show, and more.
And there's even stuff for the kids like jumpy castles and accidental infant baptisms.
Oops.
Sign up to attend with you and yours or become a vendor at fightlaughfeast.com.
FightLaughfeast.com.
FightLaughFeast.com.
Well, now we're going to talk to Eric D. July, who created the Rappiverse.
Rippiverse.
No, I'm going to go with Rappiverse.
Rappiverse.
I think he does rap also, but he's.
So that's why I got mixed up.
He started the Rippiverse and basically he started a GoFundMe to fund making non-woke comics.
They don't have a political message.
They're just not leaning into the woke onflation man versus the good old-fashioned comic book characters that people grew up with and loved.
And so he started this GoFundMe with a goal of, I think, a few thousand dollars.
And he raised over a million.
What is it?
Three million or something like that.
So there's a lot of interest in this.
And we had a great time talking to him.
And now for another interview on the Fee Weekly.
All right.
Well, thanks for coming on, Eric.
I appreciate you having me.
Yeah, man.
It's the month of August.
So we figured it'd be a great day to have on July.
Thanks for laughing.
I appreciate that.
So what the heck?
How do you get into this crazy world of writing comics and drawing comics that are good and not woke?
Well, I can't certainly say the recent era of comic books can light a fire under anybody, considering how bad a lot of them are.
But, you know, in all seriousness, I'm a comic book lifer.
This is something that to be able to write, and maybe once upon a time that was for Marvel or DC comics that people would read was something that I wanted to do.
However, with the recent success that we've had, you know, that I've certainly had over the last decade to sped that process up.
I'm thinking, hey, I'm not going to be, it's not going to be until like 40 years old until I'm able to even think about doing something like that.
And the success that I've seen just accelerated everything.
And it felt like a fantastic time to do it as comic book media and just the books in general got so bad.
And it was the rising demand for it.
And I just figured, hey, hey, it's a better time than now to take this risk.
And thankfully, the supporters certainly reassured me that it was a good decision to make.
You had a crazy success with this GoFundMe that you started to fund the Rippiverse, right?
Did you know?
I wanted to take the transparency that we saw from things like the Kickstarters, the Indiegogo's.
But, you know, because we had the startup cost, I figured, why don't we just have it be more of a traditional pre-order while having the transparency of that?
So people can see how many people bought what item, what all the campaign items.
But everything was already paid for.
You know, like right now, you know, we're waiting for like our second batch of books before we start the fulfillment because everything was already done by the time I'd ever asked for a dime for anybody.
So I loved that about it.
I mean, even in comic books, the whole crowdfunding element allowed people to skip the line, right?
They didn't have to go through some distributor or excuse me, publisher in order to get this stuff out.
They could have it funded.
So I always liked that idea of it because that element of transparency, people could know who was writing the books, what the status was, when it was going to get fulfilled, all of that.
And I was like, you know what?
That's a cool idea.
And I think that's the way of the future.
Why don't we take that, make it tailor-make, made for us, and instead of housing it on their platform and they're taking seven to ten percent or whatever it is that they take, you know, I keep all of that and I'll pay for someone to build the website myself.
So that was another creative thing that was just as much important as getting the product out itself was we were having our own, housing our own kind of stores that was unique to what it is that we wanted.
And my guys, I mean, they did a phenomenal job of making that come to life.
Oh, great.
So we wanted to get your reaction to some actual woke comic frames.
Okay.
All right.
So this is from Harley Quinn.
And we have a who is this guy with Harley Quinn?
I don't know.
You know who that character is?
That's Lucius Fox.
It's Luke Fox.
His son.
Okay.
So he says, see, you can shoot Joker in the face, but it's much harder to shoot issues like homophobia or systemic racism.
All right.
So Luke Fox, which is who's in this frame, he plays.
I mean, he is, again, the son of Lucius, but also he's known as his character named Badwing, right?
Just basically Batman, but black, I guess, or whatever.
And he got done big.
He has on technology and stuff or whatever.
And for even for him to say that is weird by itself.
But you know, he's got an arm wrapped around Harley Quinn.
It goes to show like this Harley Quinn would have shot this dude in the face, like if it was Harley Quinn of old.
Like this, this isn't a conversation that Harley Quinn just historically would have with people.
And it just goes to show like this is just a copy and paste of the ideology or whatever of the actual writer and the writers involved.
And they just say, you know what, we're going to put what we feel onto these characters.
And it just comes off as just terrible.
Well, it's funny that, yeah, that's what bugs you about it is it's being terrible art and that these characters don't make any sense to be having this conversation.
Yep, exactly.
It takes away from the story.
It's always so heavy-handed.
It's just an on-the-nose statement rather than anything that moves the plot along.
And you like how they made it bold and everything, like homophobia or systemic race.
And her look, she looks like she's getting me too in the picture.
She doesn't look like she wants to hear it.
He's mansplaining.
So we have another frame here.
This is from an Injustice comic.
And we have Catwoman who's lecturing some political leader that she and Batman have cornered.
And she says, you need to be a better leader.
We will fight against this regime, but you need to do a better job.
And he says, how?
And she says, health, education, gun control, poverty.
Not telling people who they can and can't love.
The reason so many support Superman's actions, who was a tyrant at the time, by the way, is because they're disenfranchised and disheartened, and they want the world to be a better place.
This country needs to have compassion again.
You need to do better.
Your thoughts?
This is terrible.
Believe it or not, I didn't even know this was a thing.
This is one I hadn't seen before.
Oh my, I'm guessing what he just, I can't remember if that's Tom Taylor that did.
That.
But if it is, that's the same guy that also facilitated the whole uh uh, gay Superman thing.
Uh, so that would be part of the course for something that he he would write.
But again, cat woman just lecturing people.
Yeah, we know where she comes from, she's from the slums and all this stuff.
But considering that she's a criminal in her own rights, to sit up here and be lecturing a politician uh, about what they need to do and do better, makes no sense whatsoever.
All right, so thumbs down on this one oh 100, two thumbs down, and then next here we have the famous uh, Jordan Peterson, red skull.
He's got his 10 rules 10 rules for life behind him.
This was good, mainly because of who the writer uh certainly is, Tanahisi Coates.
He is a guy that has no business writing comic books.
He came out of nowhere.
Uh, you know him as more of a social commentator.
He writes like Atlantic articles.
Yeah, he won that Harriet Beecher Stow Yeah, Award For Social Justice, that's the name of it.
He this, this guy is.
He's one of those when, when he first got in, you could tell the real, true shift of Marvel and who they were wanting to bring on.
Uh certainly, to work for him because there was no evidence that he was ever even a fan of comic books.
Uh, if he even done anything in the past that that warranted him writing, all of a sudden, these Marvel characters and it wasn't just Captain America, which is where that book came from.
He also wrote, he was writing Black Panther.
So he gets two of the most prominent characters that Marvel uh historically, has ever had and he's writing their books out of nowhere, you know.
So he, he wasn't equipped that.
But that Black Panther, it was like some Intergalactic Wakanda thing.
He was terrible.
He's trying to do, it was, it was, it was dog water.
But for him to uh to to do that, you know, you really saw, Marvel was like, obviously they weren't sending their best, they were really bringing people on that checked whatever box it was that they needed to check at the time and it didn't matter if their expertise was in that and they were all activists.
They're activists um first uh, writers second.
And that's why you get something that's so on the nose as that where you know obviously that's Jordan Peterson, that he's trying to write as one of the most prominent Marvel villains.
Well, that's why it's great what you're doing with the Riververse.
I think you've said it's not just about being anti-woke, it's about just creating good stories and good characters.
So for people who aren't familiar with it, tell us a little bit about uh, what your first campaign is, ice, ice on, ice on.
Yeah uh, tell us about what you're doing with the Ripperverse.
So obviously Ripperverse, we started that.
We finally got that bad boy lunch for pre-order.
You can get ice on issue number one and to your point, like that's what it is that I wanted to do.
I didn't want to even, as it's, Like an anarcho-capitalist libertarian.
I didn't want to just say, hey, I'm going to make that the comics.
You know, no, it was more, I wanted to just tell good, decent, you're not doing the opposite of what they're doing.
You're not having characters be like, we have to vote Trump back into office.
It's not like, no, we have to be at a pro-Second Amendment.
There's not lectures in it.
No, that's not, that's that would defeat the purpose of why I'm doing what it is that I'm doing if I wanted to, if I went inside out to do that, but I didn't.
Maybe you could add in those lectures as a stretch goal.
Yeah, I guess I could do that.
But you know, Greg Stanley once said, you know, he had social issues underlaying the plot.
Right.
And he never wanted to beat the audience over the head with it.
And that's what the essence of comic books for me is.
I think, of course, people would have less problem with what Marvel and DC does if there was more balance.
It's like, okay, if you go that route, at least depict the opposite party as a positive figure.
And they refuse to do that.
Hey, here's Marvel.
We'll put Barack Obama on the cover of Amazing Spider-Man and then we'll go make Trump MODOC.
It's like, okay, well, we know that there's no balance there.
But I just want to tell just good stories.
I don't even really want to reference real world politics on the nose like that.
I'm not at all interested in that.
And I saw him, number one.
It's obviously these are all completely original characters that I wrote.
That, you know, the book itself I wrote, my concept artists helped me design some of the like how these people look.
These characters, I know folks are going to, you know, they're going to love the story of a character that basically, you know, brief synopsis.
He comes through.
He's a name, the name of the character is Avery Sillman.
He used to be a hero under the name Monika rather ISOM.
And he recently hung that up and being a hero.
So now he lives on his own outside in his ranch that's outside of the big city.
And he once got a call from his sister who they had this old family friend that was interning for her at her company.
She comes up missing.
Last she heard, she was messing with this guy named Darren Fontano, who was an old friend of Avery.
So she's like, hey, can you go see what's up?
Just go visit him for me and see where she's actually.
She was interning for me.
She's just come up missing.
So that's where the story kind of takes place: him going back to the city that he didn't like really being in.
And he runs into all of these people having one of the longest days in his life.
So just a comic book story.
I'm writing this for people that are intrigued by these concepts.
They get to see these characters like from the ground up.
You know, I can, I know that Marvel and DC, if you, hey, I'm a fan of Batman, where do I start?
And I gotta, I mean, draw this like chart for you to follow.
Like, oh, yeah, good luck.
No, you can't start at you.
You start at number one, but not this number one, because that's a different Batman.
That's alternative.
Like, you know, you don't have to deal with any of that stuff with us.
I like that aspect of it because I've gotten so confused with all the multiverse stuff.
Yeah, it's like, good luck trying to get in on this stuff if you're interested.
And that's part of our like, if we call it our code of ethics that we have, that you can go visit riververse.com and see some of that stuff where we talk exactly about that.
Like one of my points of emphasis was no multiverses, no like time travel that'll erase events and stuff like that, because I want to make it easy for the reader or potential reader that may be into this stuff going into the future.
I love that.
No woke stuff and no multiverses.
Do you have a rule about nobody who dies ever comes back to life?
Yeah, that's the type like we want there to be consequences to the action.
So whether it's about what it is, you know, whether it be a death or whatever, the point here is that the continuity actually matters.
So even if you did do something insane, like bring a character back to life, you can't just have it be a typical comic book death.
And it's like, oh, well, we just decided to bring the character back like a shock value or what, like, that's lazy.
We've seen that done a million times, and I'm not, I'm not at all interested in doing that.
So, if I do, whether it be a death, whether it be whatever it is, a prominent event that happened, like that shit matter and that should stick.
And maybe it's a defining moment of that character.
We don't want to erase that with like some just random event where it says, Well, that character just no longer is that character anymore.
Now he's somebody else.
Like, that's just lazy.
All right, awesome.
Well, everyone go check out Rippiverse.
It's blowing the doors off.
And, you know, if you comics go woke, they go broke.
Simple as that.
So, you know, there we go.
Yeah, check it out and support it.
Well, we're going to ask with our, we're going to ask our rapid fire 10 questions now.
The 10 questions.
Have you ever met Carmen?
San Diego?
No, he's a Christian.
Well, he was.
He's dead now, but he was a Christian singer.
No, never met him.
Okay, sad.
Are you a Calvinist or Arminian?
Calvinist.
Okay.
I'll call that for the day.
I'm feeling that.
All right.
You get to add one book to the Bible.
What is it?
Oh, my.
Daredevil.
Catholic, for those of you that guys that don't know staunch, I know they're kind of moving away from some of that stuff.
But man, there's some good stuff of him actually dealing with his faith.
So with the book of Daredevil, that's what we're adding.
Any specific arc or trade paperback you'd like?
I would say just the entire.
I mean, yeah, obviously he has.
I mean, rest in peace, one of the one of his prominent writers just passed not too long ago.
I would say any man.
Like Daredevil, it seems that was one of the characters, not to go on a tangent here, that Marvel at one point were very, hey, not anybody can just write Daredevil.
You know what I mean?
So of all of the characters, he's remained most consistent where you can pretty much pick up a book from any era and it's at least solid.
Okay.
So you finish the book of Revelation and then you get it into Daredevil.
Next question: cigars or pipes?
Neither.
I don't smoke.
Don't smoke.
I thought you were a libertarian.
I know, right?
I know, but it turned in my libertarian card there.
No smoke.
No drink either, man.
Oh, yeah.
Completely straight edge.
Don't spoil the answer to an upcoming question here, but you get to hang out with any three people, living or dead.
Who are they?
Oh, Thomas Sowell, Walter E. Williams, rest in peace.
I did get to meet him.
Dr. Walter E. Williams, Murray Rothbard.
I know that's typical, right?
Anarcho Catholic.
Everybody says that.
Yes, I know.
Now, I think we know the answer to this question, but our next one is whiskey or beer.
Neither.
Neither.
Did you ever have a preference?
No, never, never drank, believe it or not.
All right.
What would be the first thing you would do as president?
Abolish every agency that I possibly could.
Okay.
Nice.
That's in my power to do so.
Have you ever punched anyone or been punched?
Oh, a hundred million times.
You have a good story about anyone?
I used to box, though.
So, you know what I mean?
Like, I used to actually fight in the ring.
Any street fights?
Oh, I've been in those two growing.
I was a knucklehead.
So I used to bang and do all that stupid stuff.
What's your best banging story?
Oh, man.
Best one, I guess.
I don't know.
I got in a fight like after school with some cat.
Funny story.
I actually, I'm from Dallas, South Dallas, Oak Cliff area.
And my senior year and junior year was spent in a town that was like 30 minutes away in Arlington, Mansfield area.
Well, during that time, they didn't like folk from Dallas.
We didn't like them.
So you can understand I was in hostile territory.
So I was looking for reasons to get in fights, and they were looking for reasons to fight me.
The one that I know, and this is back when like the razor phones were a thing for sure, where I know for a fact that that video footage is out there of me giving them a good one, you know what I mean, in terms of a beating with a guy that was bigger than I was, but I also used to fight, so like box box, so I know how to throw a punch.
So there's a 30 by 40 pixel video.
Yes, somebody, multiple people for sure have okay.
All right, we'll look for it.
You get to go to one concert, any band in history.
Who do you go see?
Oh, man.
I was too young to see Pantera and their prom.
So for sure.
Rest in peace.
Dimebag.
Pour one out.
Yeah.
And then our final question: Do you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior?
Yes.
You do?
Good question.
Yes, I do.
Good question and good answer.
All right.
Well, thank you, Eric, for coming on.
Everybody, check out Rippiverse.
This is awesome.
Thanks so much, man.
Appreciate you so much.
Thanks for coming on, Eric.
Everybody, go check out the Rappiverse and you can support that and fun, fun, cool comics.
Well, before we go into Haymail, we thought it'd be fun to tell a favorite joke from our jokes.
You know, here's just a classic joke.
And we were thinking what are some of our favorite sort of just classic jokes that you would tell a friend.
You know, these aren't jokes we wrote.
These are just like classic jokes.
You might have heard them before.
You know, it's just so.
Who wants to go first?
I will go first.
I had a hard time thinking of ones that are appropriate for the Babylon thing because I have two that I can't say right here that I enjoy a lot, but I like anti-jokes a lot.
One of my favorites of all time is two muffins are sitting in an oven.
The first one says, Is it hot enough for you?
The second one goes, Holy crap, a talking muffin.
I like that one.
Yeah.
I like that one.
Good one.
Yeah.
All right.
So mine is this is one that my dad would always tell us growing up.
This was around the campfire.
He always went back to the same joke and we always knew the punchline.
But there's something about the telling of a joke where they just like keep going on and on and elaborate on it that just makes it work.
So I'll tell this like the Norm McDonald's kind of.
So a guy is cutting down a tree and he has to go buy a chainsaw.
So he goes to the hardware store, buys himself a chainsaw, gasoline-powered, you know, goes back, starts cutting wood, returns to the hardware store an hour later, and he says, this chainsaw doesn't work.
It's, you know, I worked really hard and all I was able to cut is a few branches off the tree.
So the clerk kind of looks it over.
He says, well, let me take it into the back and I'll check it out.
Takes it in the back.
A few minutes later, he comes out and he says, it works fine.
You know, why don't you give it another shot?
So the guy takes it home.
Once again, about an hour later, he comes back and says, I only cut like four branches.
I don't know what you got to fix this.
It doesn't work.
So the salesman takes it into the back of the store.
He comes back.
He says, well, I looked it over again.
It seems to be fine.
I changed out the blade.
I oiled it up a little.
I made sure you have gas.
So why don't you give it one more try?
So the guy goes home.
Sure enough, he comes back an hour later and he says, I'm sorry, I got to return this.
It's just, you know, I can't get this to cut more than a few branches in an hour.
And so the guy goes, well, I don't know what your problem is.
It works fine.
And he grabs the cord and it goes, and the guy goes, what's that noise?
Because he was just doing this with the chainsaw.
That's great.
Good one.
It's excellent, Kyle.
There's laughter in the other room.
I want the audience to know.
Well, so respect, dad.
That was for my dad.
Nice.
So this one is also from family.
So I have two sons, ages seven and eight, and they're still trying to figure out how to tell a joke, which is fantastic, right?
I mean, they say very incongruent things and then just start laughing and think that they've told a joke.
My wife and I were trying to sort of explain the context and the structure of what a joke actually is, which is really interesting.
You don't think about doing that until you're actually doing it.
You're like, how do I explain humor to you, little guy?
Yeah.
And so, anyways, my wife begins to tell a joke, and I hear it.
That's pretty good.
Where'd you hear that?
I made it up just now.
So, credit to my wife here.
So, anyway, she says, This is very simple.
It's not a long story.
She says, What do you call a car with an eye patch?
And I really just could not think of it.
She said, A car.
I'm a fan of pirate jokes.
Yeah, I enjoy pirate joking.
Yeah, well, you know what?
Driving me nuts.
Driving me nuts.
That's a classic.
You know what?
I always like this.
I love what's a pirate's favorite letter.
Yeah, our son, our six-year-old got into your mama jokes.
And I don't think he understands why I'm fat or why that's funny.
Right.
But one time we're driving in the car, and so he must have been hearing his brothers tell your mama jokes.
And he just out of the blue, it's quiet.
We're driving, and he goes, Your mama's so fat, Thanos had to clap.
That's a good one.
And it's like a clap.
We're just like, he doesn't know who Thanos is.
He's just saying it.
Yeah.
That's always classic.
Oh, the other one I like is: you have to start ask me if I'm a refrigerator.
Are you a refrigerator?
No.
Anti-humor.
Yeah, if I had thought more about anti-jokes, I could have come up with some because I love anti-jokes.
Yeah, those are always classic.
Or what's the pirate movie rated?
It's like PG-13 for violence and nudity.
All right.
Well, anyway, so those are our favorite jokes.
And maybe we can reminisce a little more in the subscriber portion.
But for now, we're going to go.
Yeah, put your favorite jokes in the comments.
Yeah, we want to hear your favorite jokes.
Maybe we can read them next week.
Let's go to hate mail now.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Here's some hate mail from Liz Wilcher.
Dear Kyle and Company, I've been a huge fan of the B podcast since the first episode.
What the flowerbed is up with the recent turnip video game talk?
As a boomer, I have never played a pterodactyl video game, nor do I ever intend to.
Quit already.
In Christ's love, Red Lizard.
By Red Lizard, that sounds like a video game name.
And now it's time for Travis's Game Corner.
Travis's Game Corner.
There's one thing that you need to understand about Sonic the Hedgehog, and that's the idea of blast processing.
It made Sonic work, made everything faster.
Is it just a fancy name?
Yes.
They just coded it a little differently.
Could the Super Nintendo have made Sonic the Hedgehog 2?
Yes.
But blast processing.
I think that's pretty interesting.
What do you think, Adam?
Sad.
Oh, that was great, Travis.
Thanks for bringing that to us.
And we have some more hate mail now.
This is from Reverend Dr. Jebediah Woke Kraka.
He writes, so this is on Dan Coates' post.
We had at the bishop come to the Babylon Bee to talk about mullets and how libertarianism needs Christianity.
And he wrote, oh, shocking, Dominionist trash.
I think he spelled Dominionist wrong.
I think he wrote Dominionist.
Dominionist.
So, yeah.
All right.
I don't even really know what Dominionist means.
I don't know what it means in that context.
I think it's like Christians taking over, like Christian nationalism or something.
Oh, okay.
I don't know why that's Christian nationalist trash, but go watch the Tho Bishop interview.
It was good.
Well, thanks for watching, everyone.
Stay tuned if you're a subscriber.
We got a little more bonus content coming your way.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
You get to go to one concert, any band in history.
Who do you go see?
I think I'd go see George Straight.
Are you just saying that?
Because you think that's what your base wants to hear?
Are you picking up?
That's exactly why.
That's exactly why, because that's who I am.
I was on the fence about this guy, but then he picked George Straight.
You know, I know he's all right.
This has been another edition of the Bee Weekly from the dedicated team of certified fake news journalists you can trust here at the Babylon Bee.
Reminding you that someone out there knows something about Carmen.