The Bee Weekly: Top Ten Comedy Shows and Bison Attack!
Kyle, Adam, and Emma from The Babylon Bee talk about what's in the news this week. Hide yo kids and hide yo wife because the bison are attacking everybody up in here! Also, adoption is creepy now, TikTok banned The Babylon Bee, and it was revealed that Joe Biden financed Hunter's trysts with Russian-linked escorts. They also do a rundown of their top ten comedy shows of all time and for some reason Kyle really really likes The Big Bang Theory. Really. Then, Emma, even though she isn't a biologist, claims to be able to tell Kyle and Adam what a woman is. This episode is brought to you by Better Help Counseling. Don't struggle alone! Get help from counselors who share your faith by going to BetterHelp.com/BABYLONBEE! Also, make sure to get some food stuff to prepare for the economic times we seem to be living in. Check out My Patriot Supply at PrepareWithBee.Com! We got a lot of hate mail for our recent amazing and very informative video Frightening But 100% True Facts About Guns. In the full-length podcast available to Babylon Bee subscribers only, there are even more crazy hate mail, a classic article of the week, and a rundown of the top Subscriber Headlines of the Week!
Biden told gas stations on Twitter to lower their prices.
Old man yells at cloud.
Three different big tech companies censored the Babylon Bee, or as we like to call it, a Tuesday.
We break down our top 10 favorite comedy shows so you know what to binge watch next.
What is a woman?
Emma knows.
All this and more on the Bee Weekly.
Hey friends, Kyle here broadcasting from my nerd cave slash survival bunker.
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Hey, everyone, welcome to the Babylon Bee Weekly.
I'm Kyle.
This is Adam, and this is Emma.
Yes.
Glad to have Emma here.
She killed it on the All Women Babylon Bee podcast.
High demand for Emma to return.
So here she is.
The people have spoken.
How did you enjoy running the podcast and hijacking it from us men?
Well, I like the hijacking part.
I'd say like- For women, they hijilled it.
Hijiled, sorry.
They hijilled our podcast.
I think I'll define what a woman is.
Thanks, Adam.
But the hijacking part was fun.
I think Chandler leading it was good.
And Claire and Bettina were fun too.
Yeah.
Why do you say Chandler and Claire led it and not make yourself the leader now that they're not here to object?
Well, because you're not the leader in this podcast and you know how Kyle is.
Terrible.
Chandler was sitting where Kyle sits.
And so that's the chairs are what designates the leadership.
I kind of do have to be the babysitter that just like moves to the next segment and like says, okay, people, let's.
But you were very disrespectful during their podcast.
They were trying to get through yet again a very important segment, Sizzler Fact.
And you couldn't take it seriously, could you?
I have a lot of soul searching to do, and I'm actually going to take a week off the podcast for the next six days.
I hope you go to Sizzler and sit in the corner and think about what you did.
I actually went to a Sizzler this week to pick up a gift card.
Oh, nice.
That's an employee appreciation thing for somebody.
And they were very nice.
They were really kind.
And they actually forgot to unlock the door when the restaurant opened.
So there was me and a bunch of old people waiting outside the restaurant.
And we're like looking in.
And then the lady comes up.
She was like, I'm so sorry, hon. I forgot to unlock the door.
But they were really kind.
Did they have a customer service experience?
Did they have to go in the back to get gift cards?
Do they think that's going to be a come on?
They did seem a little surprised that I wanted a buy gift card.
And the lady that was running it didn't know how to punch it in.
So they might not sell very many.
I don't know.
They were surprised because they probably watched the podcast and they're like, why do you want a Sizzler gift card?
You disrespect Sizzler every week.
We saw you disrespect Sizzler Facts.
That's when talking about our whatever the fact was.
Well, this week the men are back in charge and B Radio is back.
Austin Robertson had a week off last week.
And we've also got top 10 comedy shows.
Each of us wrote out a list and we're going to count it down backwards later on.
So the Facebook, Facebook this week flagged the Babylon B over our pregnant Kendall satire.
And there's a, so if you try to watch it.
Even read this.
What did we get flagged for?
If you try to watch our pregnant Kendall commercial uh-huh, it says false information, checked by independent fact checkers, and there's a giant banner like, so it blurs out the video and it's kind of weird because if you look at it, the fact checker is called Cotejo.info, which is a Venezuelan fact checker, so a site in Venezuela flagged the battle.
So why are they saying it's false information?
Because we said there's a pregnant Kendall for sale and it's not actually for sale right, and so they fact check it.
There's not actually a pregnant Kendall.
And what i've noticed this week I mean there's been examples of this in terms of the political bias on Facebook, where they'll fact check one side but not the other.
What I noticed recently, they'll come after us for something like this and anyone who ever questioned like masks or vaccines or medication, they'll always put on the fact check.
And then I constantly get these ads for like alien photographed over Brazil.
It's just like an ad, like on facebook.
They're paying Facebook.
There's entire.
No, it's not even an ad.
It's like facebook groups that are dedicated to like alien research and there'll be obvious photoshops of like an ancient Egyptian statue of an alien, but it's clearly made last week and they say it was found and there's no fact check.
It's just hundreds of likes and all these idiot new age people going, oh the, the aliens are here they, they built this, but there's no fact check.
It's only when something goes against the sort of leftist political leanings of the day that they'll put a fact check right.
Do you have any thoughts on aliens building things?
Well, I have lots of thoughts on like I don't really believe in aliens.
I'm more of like the Hugh Ross Edits demons um, but uh, I would say like I never see left wing fact checks ever.
Yeah, and i've saw so many things during Road V. Wade that oh, if right now, there's all that Stuff.
Even now, it's like, oh, if you get, if you have to terminate a pregnancy to save a woman, that's considered an abortion.
It's like, well, you're, what you're referencing, it's not medically considered an abortion.
Like, they'll talk about epic ectopic pregnancies.
Ectopic pregnancies.
It's like, that's not medically called an abortion.
And there's absolutely no scenarios where you can save that fetus and implant it correctly and it will survive.
It has never worked.
Not even into Pregnant Ken?
Not even in Pregnant Ken.
Now we're going to get fact-checked.
But that's like, it's never worked.
I could see the argument where it's like, oh, you could just implant it properly and save the fetus.
And then, but that's not true.
So what does this strike do?
Does this count as a strike or anything on Facebook or is it just that that video has a.
They're not very specific.
They say that if we repeatedly publish or share false information, our overall reach might be reduced.
And you know that.
They're already doing to us.
Yeah.
And you have like, how can you reduce our reach any further?
But you know that means that we're getting these dings behind the scenes.
Yeah, their algorithm's definitely bumping us down.
Well, we were also banned without explanation from TikTok.
Thank you, God, for this.
Less people on TikTok, us not being on TikTok.
TikTok is the devil.
Everyone who signs up for TikTok should be ashamed of themselves.
I'm so glad we're not on TikTok.
Okay.
Well, you're an awful concept.
It is like, but you have to be aware that the masses are.
Like, if the masses are on TikTok, we should be.
It's a wasteland of mediocrity.
Nothing on there is funny.
Oh, my goodness.
Nothing on there is funny.
But you're not on TikTok denial.
You should put Adam stand-up routines on TikTok.
And he's like, nothing.
For a while they were trying to, I think MJ was putting my weekly news clips on TikTok and I was not happy with that.
I don't want to be there, no.
I'm of two minds about it.
On the one hand, TikTok is destroying Western civilization, and I am happy to not have to participate in that.
I agree with that hand.
On the other hand, it is where the kids are, and it's kind of weird to just instantly be like, you don't get to reach them with your content.
And there was no explanation.
There was no flag of this video is the one that did it.
Or it was just like, no, you cannot appeal this.
This is a permanent ban.
And you're just like, okay.
And then on the third hand, if I can have three hands, if I can borrow a hand from someone, it's Chinese spyware.
So it's like, do we really want to be encouraging that?
I don't know.
I'd rather make content that pull people back to longer form content and funny sketches that require an attention span longer than 10 seconds versus adapting our stuff to that.
So I'm a little conflicted.
And then have a real punchline and aren't like fake pranks.
It's fake prank videos of people saying, oh, look at who this guy tricked his girlfriend.
And they're clearly all actors.
And the reaction is acting.
And it has like 8 million views because idiots are on TikTok.
I don't know if it's just me, but there are tons of idiots on TikTok and they can't tell like clearly staged things from real things.
They don't understand the difference.
Or even like there will be an Onion video on there, like an old Onion News Network video.
And they're like, wow, this is crazy.
And I'll flip through the comments and I'm like, it's like, Lord, if you can find five people who aren't idiots, please don't destroy this world or whatever.
And it's like, nope, 3,000 people that all think this video is real.
And it's like clearly an SNL skit sketch or something.
That could be a sketch.
Like, God's going to destroy you can't find five intelligent people on TikTok.
If there was a Thanos snap that would just make everyone on TikTok disappear.
That's my, like, my husband's on TikTok.
My mom's on TikTok.
I've thought about this.
Even if I had to sacrifice friends and family and people I love, it would be worth it.
Just make everyone.
I'm glad you're not angry.
And then I would have to be like...
Are you on TikTok?
No, I don't personally.
But I don't have it because of the spyware issue.
But you still would be.
You would still be.
But my husband would be dead.
My mom would be dead.
I'd be gone.
My other relatives probably would be dead.
Hanging out with your grandparents and Hitler.
But the world would be a better place, right?
Like, definitively.
I would say, like, they should just banned it when, you know.
Well, I mean, Trump is trying to ban it.
There's been several attempts to ban it.
I saw in the news again there's efforts to possibly ban it.
I don't think they will because of how popular it is.
Anyway, support the battle along the way.
Now let's get to the biggest story of the week: bison attacks.
There have been three bison attacks in less than a month in Yellowstone National Park, and they haven't been able to get the bottom of why these bison are rising up against us.
I only knew about this because Adam has pitched about 500 bison-related jokes.
Yeah.
And I didn't know why he was doing that.
Do you want to explain?
There was at least one of the other writers that's been pitching them also.
Is this like just a personal mission of yours to get a bison joke published?
I think we should be publishing bison jokes.
You're ignoring all the stories about bison attacks, just like those tourists did until the end of the day.
All those three of them.
Three of them in a month.
You got like three of them in a month.
Okay, but they weren't supposed to go within like 100 feet of a bison.
So what happens is there's all these signs in Yellowstone saying stay like 100 feet away from the bison, you know, be aware of them.
Don't approach them.
But tourists, because they look like big, friendly cows, they always try to get close to get pictures, and the bison will charge them and gore them, and you get fantastic headlines like this.
They're probably TikTokers trying to film a.
Oh, I would love if bison would just start killing TikTokers.
I mean, probably the first two because it's a 25-year-old and 30.
Yeah, okay, so here's the three incidents.
May 30th.
But then it's a 71-year-old.
That's like an accident.
So May 30th, 25-year-old visitor from Ohio was gored and tossed 10 feet into the air.
And they got within 10 feet of the bison before that happened.
June 28th, 34-year-old tourists from Colorado was charged and gored near a giant geyser.
And June 29th, 71-year-old visitor from Pennsylvania was gored.
Pennsylvania.
You know that person?
Who was gored by a bull bison near Storm Point at Yellowstone Lake when she inadvertently approached it?
And there's great videos of some of them.
There's one where there's a little kid running from the bison and a guy heroically jumps in and pushes the kid out of the way and then the guy gets gored by the bison.
They're just fantastic.
This has been bison facts.
But the sharks are not going to take this lying down.
Well, swimming down.
Go ahead.
Oh, no, never mind.
I was going to say, like, we could go back to Newsome, but no, we're still on animal attacks.
Let's stay here.
Yeah.
Just keep going.
Yeah, there was a lot of shark attacks this weekend.
Also, I think, where was it?
Somewhere overseas, two people were killed by a shark.
Two people were bitten within 72 hours off the southern coast of New York's beaches.
Oh, okay.
See, this is the New York one.
There's been several ones.
There was a girl who was like 17 that had her leg bid in Florida, and she's going to lose her leg.
And it was hilarious.
She has a sense of humor about it.
So everyone sent her stuffed sharks.
So she's like sitting in her hospital bed with a bunch of stuffed sharks.
I hope she finds that funny and she's just like being retrained.
She's got a good optimistic view.
Did they wake her up by like grabbing her other leg?
She posted a great TikTok about it.
Lifeguard Zach Gello, Jello, I don't know, was performing a training exercise.
He was playing the role of a victim and in the midst of that actually became the victim.
This is like a great document.
And in the midst of that, actually became a victim himself.
He said he fought off the shark by punching down on it.
I hit the shark three times.
I went boom, boom.
That's like what the Babylon Bee does.
Like punches down.
I guess in the third one, it spun back and its fall hit me in its tail hit me in the chest.
So that's a cool story.
Yeah.
Lots of good animal attack stories this week.
This has been Shark Facts, and Crosby Stilson Nash has returned to Spotify after protesting Joe Rogan's dangerous podcast.
Yeah, they made a big, a big show of taking their music off of there.
And now Joe Rogan's still there.
And of course they put their music back because nobody's going to listen to it if it's not on Spotify.
Also, this week, Biden has released over 1 million illegal aliens into our nation since he took office in January 2021.
And 17 red states are filing an amicus brief in a case against the Biden administration's handling of the border.
I don't know all about this.
I know Texas is it where they're trying to say that it qualifies as an invasion.
Basically, like a state of emergency.
Yeah, I think that this is like far surpassing last year already.
And that's just, yeah, it's crazy.
I feel like this is like treasonous for Biden to not go after this issue.
But I guess this is not his issue.
This is Kamala Harris's issue.
Yeah.
They're sort of disregard.
They're just disregard for securing the border in any way is just unbelievable.
It leads to all these tragic situations with migrants trying to get here illegally.
And then they wind up in these humanitarian crisis situations.
And what's ridiculous about it is they will never debate the issue honestly by referring to the difference between legal immigration, which we all support.
If you come from a country where you want to come to America and live a life legally, it's like, come here legally.
But they say, oh, you're just anti-immigration.
You hate other people if you don't want open borders.
Yeah.
And if you talk to people who have immigrated here, like none of them are fans of illegal immigration.
Like they had to wait.
It's a long process.
And I feel like we could fix that process more if we crack down on illegal immigration.
Yeah, it's a bad issue.
Good tacos, though.
So Mark Hamill, aka Luke Skywalker, tweeted this weird image of the Joker and Harley Quinn.
And it says, we will adopt your baby.
And these memes, they're all mocking because after the Supreme Court ruling, right, there was a conservative couple that was pro-life at one of the demonstrations holding a sign that said, we'll adopt your baby.
I didn't know that.
Yeah, I think that's where this meme started.
But yeah, so the left, one of their criticisms is always, well, why don't you care about babies after they're born?
Why don't you adopt babies?
But Christians and religious people have the highest rates of adoption.
So they're already doing that.
And then they have this Christian couple there.
At least I think they're Christian.
Were conservative at the very least, holding a sign saying, We will adopt your baby.
And then instead of being like, oh, they are doing the right thing, the left just starts mocking it like this.
It's like, oh, that's creepy.
Like, why is that creepy?
Adoption happens all the time.
Like, I think it's very strange.
I don't know.
And the left just wants to demonize people.
I was telling people about this in the office here the other day.
I went down this rabbit hole one time of this argument.
And they will basically say that pro-life people don't care about children because they're not adopting themselves.
Then if you look it up, it says Christians have the highest rates of adoption.
But then the left, there's articles criticizing that because they say, well, they're adopting white babies.
And there's all these minority communities and foreign countries where there's a crisis and they're not adopting those babies.
But then if you look up that statistic, white people in America and Christians are adopting the most babies from places like Africa and China.
Then there's another left-wing article saying, well, that's modern colonialism and they're trying to whitewash these babies.
It's just no matter what people do to help babies, the left has a problem with it and try to demonize the people doing it.
Yeah, I've seen those articles too where it's like, oh, white people shouldn't adopt babies that aren't white.
It's like, well, what's the solution?
Like, not have them have parents?
Like, how can that be the answer?
I don't know.
I don't know how you could criminalize adoption.
But I don't know what Mark Hamill was going for with this Harley.
Or did Joker adopt Harley?
Is that the.
I think he's.
I don't understand the joke.
If I had to guess at all, I think he's trying to portray it as like crazy people.
These two crazy people.
These look at these crazy people with the same views as those crazy people.
Is that what it would look like if like liberals adopted?
But didn't Joker kind of take in Harley?
They're writing something on the screen.
The joke is crazy.
People want to adopt, so they're crazy.
Okay, but still Joker and Harley, yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't resonate with me.
I don't get what he's trying to do beyond using the Joker because he voiced the Joker in the cartoon.
And I mean, they know someone whose parents are dead.
They never adopted him.
Yeah, I know, right?
Yeah.
Sad.
Then you wouldn't have had an enemy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I feel like you're testing me.
Like, do you know the reference?
Do you know who we're talking about?
Yeah, I have a guess, Spider-Man.
So I saw this story that Joe Biden unwittingly helped finance Hunter's trysts with Russia-linked escorts.
And I saw the screenshots of the text messages.
Could you watch the video?
No, I didn't watch the video.
The video is unbelievable.
It's crazy that this has not gotten more pickup.
It was, I always get the Washington Post and Washington Examiner confused, which is the conservative one.
Examiner.
Yeah.
They ran the video, and it's Hunter Biden in a room in Russia with an escort.
And they're having this weird conversation where he's saying, like, I didn't hurt you, did I?
You don't have bruises on you.
Have I ever touched you without asking?
And it's just this incredibly weird, dark, incriminating scenario.
And the video is not being played anywhere.
And it turned out that they found records on his laptop that Joe Biden wired him the money to pay for this escort.
Yeah, and you look at the timestamps, like he's texting with the escort or whatever.
And, you know, she needs this kind of money.
And then it's like him texting Biden and then like the money coming from the president.
Like literally, dad, I need you to spot me because the prostitute needs to get paid.
And if it's okay, like I don't know how much you normally spend on prostitutes, but $10,000.
I have a $200 max.
$10,000 seems like a lot.
Like, did you hit her so you could pay $10,000?
I think $10,000 is higher end.
I would say that's more.
Oh, you can get a good one for $10,000.
Like, can you hit them if it's $10,000?
I don't know, it's just like...
Especially in Russia.
Yeah, that's more discount over there.
Oh, okay.
Interesting.
But what's so insane is how little coverage anything from the Hunter Biden laptop is getting, especially considering what if Trump's children had done this?
What if there was a video while Trump was president of Don Jr. Or Eric Trump in this kind of stuff.
And for months and years, they pushed this idea that Russia had.
They called it like compromat, like compromising videos.
There was the P-tape thing.
There was videos of Trump supposedly with Russian hookers.
And they said, oh, Trump is compromised because Putin has this dirt on him.
Now we know Russia literally has videos of the president's son with prostitutes discussing payment, discussing abuse.
And now, you know, Russia is invading Ukraine.
We're trying to negotiate with them.
And there's no one asking questions like, oh, does Putin have dirt on Biden's family?
It's at least worth asking that question.
It doesn't get covered anywhere.
It's like it wouldn't even matter.
If they had dirt on Biden or Hunter Biden, like America would just not publish it or not care.
So if they did have dirt, what are they really holding over their heads?
You know, because like this video comes out and no one else replays it.
Yeah.
But not here at the Babylon B. Here at the Babylon B, we care about truth and we are the ones bringing you the truth, the Hunter Biden story.
And we crank out bangers of the week every week, which brings us to our banger of the week.
We asked a thousand Christian women what they want in a spouse, and here are the top responses.
This would be funnier if we actually read the article, but it's a list joke.
I feel like lists aren't frequently our banger of the week.
They usually do good.
They usually do, they do well with clicks, but they don't get shared that much.
But this one actually got shared in addition to.
I think all of our Christian single women.
I don't have to end the story.
I was just saying that it's not funny when you hear it.
What were some of the best ones?
Oh, Boaz.
That's what all Christian women say they want in a guy.
They want to find their Boaz.
Yeah.
We got a guy who doesn't want to have sex with you and then murder the child.
That's dark.
A godly man who loves kids and puppies and is over six feet tall and muscular and really tan with fertile seed.
We got to say the word seed in a Babylon B article.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
Are these accurate?
A guy who can fold a fitted sheet.
I wasn't one of the thousand that were asked.
Oh.
Yeah.
A guy with a completed awanim.
But you're married.
You're not a single Christian woman.
That's true.
But it doesn't say single Christian.
It says what a Christian woman would.
You're still kind of out there looking at what else is going on.
That's not.
All the comments are going to be like, is she single?
No.
No, it's going to be like what you were looking for.
You know, does that you already know what I mean?
But a guy who can open pickle jars and reach things on high shelves.
Yeah.
We also had a bomb of the week.
I'm going to read this one because I was completely opposed to this one in the first place.
Bomb of the week.
Simone Biles awarded second Medal of Freedom for backing out of first Medal of Freedom ceremony.
I'm glad this one bombed because I said I don't understand conservative's obsession with going after Simone Biles.
I hate Simone Biles.
I don't understand why we dislike her because she backed out because she had the twisties and then they were like, oh, she's not brave for doing like it's it's one of those arguments that I'm like, regardless of how you feel about it, she still won the most Olympic gymnastic medals in history.
And there's just no reason to go down that road and take that stand.
It's such a dumb thing to argue about.
She's so young too.
And she had like this really heartbreaking story when the Me Too movement happened.
Like I just feel if she was like, yeah, she was like a victim of this horrible abuse.
So like when you go after it, well, when you go after someone who's like horrible abuse, look at us.
Look at us with a straight face and say horrible abuse.
Without laughing, show us that you have concerns.
I have to do it later.
Come on.
When it's like, I have to do it.
Come on.
I can do it.
Horrible abuse.
It's bad.
I'm not an actor.
Horrible abuse.
Anyway.
So you would have to act in order to pretend horrible abuse was bad.
It's just like as soon as the dimples come out, it's really hard to get them to go away.
No, but I'm glad this one bombed.
I'm on Team Simone Biles.
And now everyone's going to write in the comments.
Oh, he's a progressive because he doesn't hate Simone Biles, like conservative.
He believes in red flag laws.
He loves Simone Lee.
I believe in them.
I said I was open to discussing them.
I did not love this one either.
And it was a day that I had actually taken off.
And then I was kind of flipping through the headline pitches and I saw people were discussing the story.
And I did think it was a little silly.
Back when she actually backed out, there were all these news stories because the media is really obsessed with the mental health thing.
It's like mental health.
You have to take care of yourself.
Self-care, self-care.
And it's like, there's truth to that.
But they're like, so why are you laughing?
Sorry, I'm trying to calm down so I can say horrible abuse with a straight face.
There's obviously a lot of truth to that.
But when she backed out, there was a lot of stories that were like, you know, she's the mental health hero and she's the true champion.
And you're like, well, I mean, she backed out.
So she's not the champion.
Like, there was some truth to that.
But at the same time, like, the Matt Walshes of the world were doing like this crazy.
Yeah, it was weird to lean in.
Candace Owens and Matt Walsh, they all just went hard.
I really like going hard against her.
And I couldn't muster up any care one way or the other.
I'm like, I don't even watch gymnastics, so I don't care.
So I did think it was weird to not do that.
She's won so many.
And I think it was like, oh, her aunt died.
And so she wasn't going to compete in one part of it.
Yeah, there was one event, right?
If she thinks that she's not ready, I get it that there's so much money that goes into every single one of those people, you know, and by training.
I get the other side of it.
But like, if she doesn't think she's going to win and that's how she wants to like end her legacy on, I don't know.
I just don't think it's a big deal.
We should have had our sponsor, betterhelp.com, sponsor that story.
This punching down mental health joke is brought to you by betterhelp.com.
Well, at the same time, wasn't Megan Rapinoe repeating?
I would have gone after her because she was also given a presidential motion.
Yeah, and she's the one I feel like who's more of a woke political person that I wouldn't mind going after.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, last time we had time here instead.
For the most serious and important segment on the podcast, Sizzler Facts.
17 weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Facts.
And Emma, would you like to do the honors?
Sure.
Are you going to not laugh?
You look like you have a little smirk.
She's already laughing during this video.
I'm still trying to find a way to say no hilarious abuse happens during this Sizzler fest.
So the tables in the original Sizzler restaurant in Culver City, California were made from a single redwood tree.
And Arthur S. Griswold, a family friend of the Sizzler founders, Del and Helen Johnson, personally cut down the tree and took over 10 years to haul it to his backyard and another two years to handcraft each artisan table.
That's an awesome Sizzler.
That is really cool.
But it's actually fascinating.
It's so cool until you get to like it took 10 years to haul it to your backyard.
There's a lot of time to put into making a table for Sizzler.
This like family friends of yours want to come up with this business and they want your tables for it.
Now they got to wait 12 years.
But if they put that much time and thought into their tables, think how much time and thought they put in their delicious food.
Was it two years for each table?
Because that would be even longer.
Because the way it's worth, it says two years to handcraft each table.
So they were like 40 years to get the first Sizzler restaurant ready.
That's incredible.
We should get a picture of it if we can find one.
Yeah, let's find a picture.
Guys, put a picture up with that.
Please.
Oh, this has been Sizzler Facts.
Yeah.
And we also gotten some comments from last week's Sizzler Facts.
Can we make that a little bit bigger?
And now it is time for Sizzler Comments.
Sizzler Commons.
This one's from Danger Boy.
I think he wrote Danger Buoy.
I appreciate that the ladies were able to step right in and bear the burden of presenting Sizzler Facts with the reverence it deserves.
From Jeremy Bertram, that chick didn't know the difference between Sizzler and Western Sizzlin.
Admonish her.
Which since there were four chicks, I wish they would be specific.
One of the chicks thought it was Western Sizzlin.
I think it was Claire, and she will be gone in less than a month because of that reason.
Okay, we were getting rid of her in about a month.
Yeah.
It was the guest who didn't.
Someone's trying to type to us, and they didn't know.
We have our notes on a screen, and sometimes in the other room, they'll try to type notes to us, but they're always misspelled or in all cases.
It was Kristen Hawkins.
Oh, Kristen Hawkins.
Because we asked her about, she drives her in RV, and I said, have you ever been to a Sizzler?
And she said she went to a Western Sizzlin or something.
Oh, yeah.
Would you like to read the last Sizzler comment?
Sure.
So this is Andy Smith, and the Scissor Facts apology was every bit as painful as listening to the real thing.
Couldn't handle it and had to stop watching.
All right.
Well, we will take it seriously from now on.
This has been Sizzler Comments.
Yes.
All right.
Welcome.
Welcome.
Welcome to Be Radio with Austin Robertson.
Here we go.
Thanks for tuning in.
Factually inaccurate.
Morally correct.
This is Babylon V Radio.
Our top story.
A whistleblower inside Facebook has publicly released a 1,400-page internal document trying to explain to Mark Zuckerberg how to appear human.
An excerpt from the section on talking to people reads: Remember to blink every five to ten seconds.
Vary your intonation, but strictly avoid singing.
Move your hands periodically in a somewhat rhythmic fashion to show that the rest of your body is connected to your verbal output.
Despite the clear source markings, Facebook is thus far disputing the authenticity of the manual.
It is simply ludicrous to think I would need instructions on things like how to react when someone tells a joke, said Mr. Zuckerberg, blinking precisely every 7.5 seconds.
I would never mistake a simple joke for being dangerous misinformation.
What a silly thought.
Listen to me laugh about it.
Ha ha.
The White House has repurposed portions of the manual to help President Biden also appear like a functioning human adult.
One source, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, quote, it was really very helpful.
We just went through and added the word you and then printed them out on postcards.
The part on how to act in a human restroom has really saved us a lot of international incidents.
At airtime, the perpetually awake Mr. Zuckerberg was dutifully laying still in his bed for exactly eight hours, as humans are supposed to do.
The British Parliament has convened for an emergency session to investigate the events of July 4th, 1776, in the colonies across the Atlantic.
Sources indicate an illegal insurrection took place there that cost many lives.
MP Peasley Peckinposh III was up in arms.
Bloody, these cheeky colonies are quite literally.
And I'm literally not exaggerating here.
An existential threat to democracy.
Prime Minister Boris Johnson has directed the House of Commons and the House of Lords to form a committee that will hold televised hearings on the matter every night for at least 100 fortnights.
It's fair to say we have to get to the bottom of this and find out exactly what these dodgy Americans are up to.
The Commission is already prepared to read the 250-year-old testimony of an American defector who claims George Washington grabbed the reins of his horse and assaulted him on his way to Independence Hall in Philadelphia.
The Commission has also sent subpoenas to thousands of Americans who promptly dumped them in Boston Harbor.
In response, Johnson has announced his resignation as prime minister.
For the first time since 1972, pre-born babies celebrated Independence Day on Monday as their human rights have finally been recognized in several states.
According to sources, future doctors, explorers, artists, inventors, mothers, and fathers currently in utero celebrated July 4th festivities with their fellow human beings.
Historians believe this will be looked on as a new chapter in a better, more righteous, and more just America.
At airtime, several thousand more babies in blue states confirmed they hope to celebrate Independence Day in the future if they survive.
After the Supreme Court ruling overturning Roe v. Wade, several major corporations announced large prizes for women who would still travel to obtain an abortion.
Amazon employee Emily Thomas began to wonder if the company offering to pay to kill her child really had her best interest in mind.
I just don't know if murdering kids to make female employees more productive is really what's best for women.
Maybe I'd believe them more if they at least let us have bathroom breaks.
My boss always says, no body break unless it's for an abortion.
An Amazon spokesman said even with incentives like offering a free Disney trip for each abortion their employees get, it's way cheaper than paying for maternity leave or losing that employee should they choose to stay home with their kids.
In spite of the company's great generosity, women like Ms. Thomas still had second thoughts.
I started to suspect Amazon's intentions when they also began offering cash bonuses to abandon any children we may already have.
I'm just not completely convinced.
That's really what being pro-woman is all about.
Amazon has announced they would also begin offering women free mastectomies and incidentally would no longer allow employees breaks for breastfeeding.
In an unprecedented move to curb emissions and save the planet, the Dutch government has outlawed food.
Farmers are being warned to stop producing planet-killing meat and vegetables before it's too late for Mother Earth to recover.
Local magistrate Luke Knieschberg spoke through a translator.
When we thought about what was harming the planet the most, we realized it was our own citizens.
Humans eat food.
Food gives the planet.
We realized if we just starve everyone to death, the planet will be safe.
Brilliant.
Farmers are being ordered to stop using fertilizer and get rid of their livestock by a set deadline, or their land will be confiscated and awarded to government officials.
Farmers have responded by being really, really mad.
A response that has been met with universal condemnation.
The Dutch government is negotiating with the farmers, offering them a complimentary pod to live in and a lifetime supply of bugs in exchange for their livelihoods.
Local husband and father Hank Parsons stopped by the grocery store today on the way home to, quote, pick up a few steaks to ruin for dinner.
Sources at the Parsons household confirmed.
Hey, honey, I'm at Meyer.
I'm just going to pick up a couple of sirloin steaks, maybe a bony ribeye, absolutely burned to a crisp before we decide to just order cakeout.
Parsons carefully picked out steaks from the supermarket's meat section, examining the marbling, look, feel, and texture of each steak that he would later completely roast to an unrecognizable black piece of charcoal by failing to marinate properly, put on at the wrong temperature after struggling to light the briquettes, and leave on the grill for 37 minutes too long.
Oh, I found a perfect steak.
Can't wait to crack open a cold one and completely destroy this guy.
Parsons then chose the vegetables he'd later forget about and leave in the fridge for three weeks before throwing away.
DoorDash has launched a new premium service, DoorDash Plus, where for $10 per order, drivers will briefly glance at the receipt to check if it's right.
A company spokesman says they even promised to not eat your french fries unless drivers are really, really hungry.
While some consumers are excited for the new option, many longtime consumers will reportedly stick with the old DoorDash.
It's like Mystery Dinner Theater, delivered right to your doorstep.
You hear the doorbell ring and it's like, whose order is this?
Is any of it right?
How much was eaten on the drive?
I really came to appreciate the element of surprise.
The announcement of DoorDash Plus came in response to a persistent vocal subsection of customers who preferred to receive what they actually purchased.
Yeah, the other day, I ordered some high-end sushi, but wound up with a roast beef sandwich from Arby's.
The weirdest thing is, there ain't even an Arby's within 100 miles of my house.
How'd they even get it here?
It's sort of impressive, really.
I mean, they got the meats.
DoorDash has confirmed that the new service will still come with $43 of unexplained fees on every order.
Now you're up to date on the only news that matters.
Find more fake news you can trust at BabylonBee.com.
Until next time, this is Austin Robertson, the voice of the Babylon Bee.
So long.
Thanks for tuning in to Be Radio with Austin Robertson.
Now welcome to Weekly News with Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jetzer.
WNBA star Brittany Griner sent Joe Biden a handwritten letter this week asking him to help her get out of jail in Russia.
Griner says she can't wait to get back to the U.S., rejoin the WNBA, and have her anonymity back.
Fun fact, as a WNBA star, her signature actually brings down the value of that paper she signed.
A biologically male 29-year-old transgender skateboarder beat a 13-year-old girl to win a women's skateboarding competition in New York.
Spectators became suspicious when a bunch of the girls fell on a railing, but only one yelled, ow my balls.
Tom Cruise, star of the summer blockbuster Top Gun Maverick, turned 60 this week and is now almost tall enough to ride the roller coaster.
This Monday was Independence Day, the day America declared its independence from Great Britain and the day this man's thumb declared independence from his hand.
Members of the alt-right group Patriot Front marched through Boston this week waving white nationalist flags.
They're being called the least racist people in Boston.
A 17-year-old Florida girl lost her leg in a shark attack but says she still plans to go back to the beach.
The teenager said she feels safe returning to Florida beaches now that Gheline Maxwell is in prison.
Travel influencer Jessica Nabongo became the first black woman to visit every country on earth.
And yet after visiting every country on earth, for some reason this black woman decided to live in the most bigoted racist misogynistic country there is America.
Gavin Newsom, the Democrat governor of California, has been running anti-GOP ads in Florida, which is where most Californians have moved since he's been governor.
That's it for weekly news.
Check out more on my YouTube channel and come see me live at Laugh Boston, that city I called racist, July 15th and 16th.
Thank you, Adam.
Some of those jokes were good.
And now it is time for our discussion of our top 10 favorite comedy shows.
Hey, friends, as editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, I have to stay in touch with what's going on around the world.
And sometimes that's banned for my spiritual and mental health.
So I've found ways to take care of my mind.
If your car was the only one you got for your whole life, you would take very good care of it.
And that's how our minds are.
So we need to find ways to take care of our minds.
For me, it's reading the Bible, going to church, praying, spending time with brothers.
There are plenty of ways to support a healthy brain, like learning a new language or taking power naps.
I love power naps.
But there's also BetterHelp online therapy.
Therapy is a little bit of a dirty word in some circles.
I think talking to whether it's a biblical counselor or a therapist is a good way to take care of your mind.
BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat-only therapy sessions.
I hate Zoom calls, so I could do therapy without even seeing anybody on screen.
It's much more affordable than in-person therapy, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours.
Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash Babylon B. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash Babylon B. Top 10 comedy shows.
So all of us this week we compiled our list.
Mine's on my phone, is that?
Yeah, I've got a paper.
Okay.
And we don't know what each other wrote.
This was hard because when I think about it, there's a few that I would say rise the top of like the top three to five.
But then lower on the list, there's so many good comedy shows that I feel like bad about excluding some.
And I feel like, you know, mine is a little, I just felt like I was falling into the ones that everybody expects.
But there are so many that are the top, like that just you can't ignore.
And it's not 10 lists.
It was difficult for me to do that.
So how are we going to go about this?
We'll start with number 10.
Start with 10 and we'll go around.
Yeah.
All right.
Mine at number 10, I have The Office.
Okay.
And for me, that's the American version.
I don't want to piss people off.
I just have never watched the British version.
I've heard the debate, but.
Yeah, I like the American version.
I need to give the British one a chance.
The British one is very British.
So, this is going to be controversial, but my number 10 is the Big Bang Theory.
I wish I might walk out.
Yeah.
This is like the, yeah.
This is like when people like Zoolander.
Yes.
So I pick this even though I know it's like just very canned and formulaic because it's just that I think it's that very formulaic sitcom thing like perfected.
Like it's just it's the jokes you expect.
The characters tell the jokes you expect and they get the punches.
So I don't, I mean, I'm a little contrarian because there was like a Reddit post that went around like, oh, the Big Bang Theory is blackface for nerds.
And you're like, I don't think it's funny.
It's that blackface for nerds.
It's funny.
Like the references are well done.
And if you like pop culture and nerd stuff, it's fine.
Well, I don't watch a lot of comedy shows, and I don't watch bad ones like Big Bang Theory, but my number 10 is Modern Family.
Oh, I've heard Modern Family is good.
I just never watched it over.
It's good, but it went on about 15 seasons too long.
Kind of like the Big Bang Theory.
At number nine, I have Monty Python's Flying Circus.
Yeah, excellent.
My number nine is Parks and Rec, which is an inferior version of The Office.
And you kind of have to discard season one and seven, so I don't know how that makes it onto a top 10 list, but I've heard it's very good.
See, my problem is I only ever gave it a chance for season one and I didn't get into it.
And then I've heard it gets much better after season one, Amy Pohler's trying to be Michael Scott.
And you're just like, okay.
Yeah.
But it comes into its own.
I think it's good.
I'm a little too optimistic compared to The Office.
I like how cynical The Office is.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So mine number nine is The Simpsons.
Excellent choice.
Any particular season or season two?
I don't know.
I think it's like episode by episode, you know, where sometimes it's like okay, and sometimes it's really awesome.
Nice.
At number eight, wait, no, yeah, 10, 9, 8, I have Kirby Enthusiasm.
Oh, excellent.
I love Kirby Enthusiasm.
I discovered that fairly recently and binged all 10 seasons.
Did you love it?
Yes.
It's on my list.
That show hooked me from the very, I think it's the opening scene of the first episode where he's doing the pants tense.
His jeans are bunched up and he's just hitting it.
It's a pants.
It's so funny.
And I think, you know, there's definitely some seasons that are stronger than others, but they all hold up.
And it's one of those shows that I can watch the entire series through over and over again.
It makes me laugh every day.
Once I finish it, I think I haven't watched this most recent one.
Once I finish it, I'm going to go back to the beginning.
My number eight is Monty Python's Flying Circus.
I liked this show so much that I wrote a play where we stitched together all the sketches and did it in high school.
I'm sure it was terrible.
I've got a picture of it somewhere.
I'll find it for you guys.
Mine is Rick and Morty.
I just started watching that on It's Weird.
I like Rick and Morty and I get its appeal.
It's not one of my favorites personally, but I think it's.
I don't know that I love the super like hyperactive on crack like punchline, punchline, punchline, jump around thing that they do, but it was cool.
Yeah, I mean, I like the story behind the creators where like you can tell where the seasons are going because of what's going on in his personal life.
I don't know.
I think that was cool, but I was stuck somewhere for a couple days where that's all that we had.
Like, so just the DVDs of Rick and Morty.
And so I just watched like one through three.
Where were you possibly stuck where all you had was Rick and Morty DVD?
Someone else's house.
But so like we just watched it over and over again, and I didn't like it at first.
And now I love it.
So I don't know.
I think it might be a little bit of an acquired taste.
I found it funny when I watched it, but it didn't hook me to where I was like.
Yeah.
I think the fandom annoys me.
Like people that wear Rick and Morty shirts and like I get them from my family members.
I'm sure you do.
At number seven, I have The Late Show with David Letterman.
Oh, yeah.
It's still one of my favorite shows.
I didn't consider late night shows.
I was thinking about SMS.
There's a few that dominate my list.
I have a few from that genre because that's what I grew up with.
There might be some coming up.
The Conan seasons that I worked on.
The late show with David Letterman, I think, just, you know, it sort of redefined what modern late night was, and I loved the absurdity of it.
What made Letterman unique or different from the other late nights?
So he leaned a little more into the absurdity of it because he was on later than like Johnny Carson.
Those shows, which I also think is a hilarious show, but it was a little more mainstream.
What you always loved about Letterman was both the bizarreness of it, and you could tell that he was doing stuff that he found funny, and he didn't really care who was on board.
It's like you were cool if you got it.
It was like cool if you got it and you could be on board with it.
But if some people didn't get it, it's like, that's fine.
We're just going to do what we think is funny.
And I always love that about his style.
My number seven is The Simpsons.
I wasn't allowed to watch it as a kid.
I recently started watching it and I got through like season 12, 13.
You could definitely see a drop-off in quality, but like you said, there's still standout episodes.
I do think they start leaning too far into like every episode is a parody of some other movie or TV show.
And it's like, this is the Lord of the Rings episode or this is the Harry Potter episode.
And I don't like that as much.
But seasons like two through eight or nine were just so many gold episodes on there.
Spider Pig.
Spider Pig, classic.
That's from the movie, right?
Actually.
I like the.
Oh, okay.
Mine is, what are we at?
Seven is Patriot.
It's an Amazon TV show that's a dark comedy.
Oh, it is a comedy.
I always say it's a comedy.
I've seen like the, you know, interesting.
I think it's a dark comedy, but I really, I mean, despite my bubbly personality, I really like dark comedies.
Number seven is horrible abuse on Amazon Prime.
But what did you ask?
Is it on Prime?
Is it on now?
Is it currently running?
No, they stopped it.
Oh, what's the elevator pitch?
What's that?
What's the elevator pitch?
It's a depressed spy.
And he, like, you know, the simplest things go wrong.
Who's in it?
It's modern day.
Is it somebody well-known that stars in it?
The dad from that 70s show is in that show.
Nice.
Now I just remembered about that 70 show.
I feel like that would have made my list.
It would not have made mine.
At number six on my list, I have your last choice, The Simpsons.
I think The Simpsons is one of the best comedies of all time.
I definitely like the earlier seasons more so than the more recent seasons, but it's so fantastic.
It's so quotable.
There's so many memorable episodes.
I also was not allowed to watch it as a kid.
Like I would sneak, you know, the number of people.
I saw a few episodes.
I sneak watching it.
And I think it was my mom that kind of didn't want us watching it as kids because they would say like mild swear words on there.
Yeah.
Marshmallow.
Yes, exactly.
That's actually the Bart quote when Homer's in the basement and something breaks and he curses and then Bart comes running down the stairs and he goes, I heard your curse and mind if I joined?
Marshmallow.
I don't even remember that.
But I always love that.
And then as I've gotten older, my mom now has heard us quoting from it and has seen a few episodes.
And she said recently, she goes, I wish I would have watched this show more when we were younger.
It's so funny, yeah.
But Simpsons is great.
My number six is King of the Hill, another cartoon for adults.
I like that they parody Texas, but they make the characters lovable.
So you put King of the Hill ahead of The Simpsons.
I think because I watched it.
Not a pose.
It's an interesting choice because I hear a lot of King of the Hill fandom and there's a lot of nostalgia for it.
Yes, but I watched King of the Hill earlier in my life to where, you know, I don't know.
It's a little more nostalgic for me.
Also, I wouldn't put too much stuck in the order of these beyond Big Bang Theory being number 10.
Yeah.
So mine is, it's always sunny.
Yeah.
I was allowed to watch The Sun.
That's a controversial choice for me.
I've never gotten into It's Always Sunny.
Is there an episode or two that's the like hook for somebody?
I think the Family Feud one is really good when they're on Family Feud.
Okay.
It was always pitched to me as like modern-day Seinfeld, but I never got that.
Like I watched it and it doesn't feel like Seinfeld to me.
It's just a low-budget comedy that took off.
But they kept that low-budget vibe of it, which I liked.
Is there any abuse or depression in all of it?
It's got a lot of dark stuff in it.
The ad that's coming up will help you with it.
I think some of It's Always Sunny is funny, but anytime I've given it a chance, I never find it as funny as people sell it as being.
But it's interesting that you also picked Rick and Morty because I feel like Rick and Morty and It's Always Sunny, it seems like there's a similar fan base that likes nihilistic, depressed.
Oh, yeah, alcohol abuse.
I'll see both.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's also from like Philly.
And so sometimes when it's specific about Pennsylvania, I like that part of it.
Nice.
At number five, I have Futurama.
I think Futurama is one of the best written comedy cartoon shows.
I need to do my homework and watch.
And I also put Futurama ahead of The Simpsons.
I think The Simpsons has a bigger cultural impact.
But if you look line for line, like from a writing perspective, Futurama has a joke in almost every conversation.
There's a joke in both parts of the conversation, every line.
It's such a funny show.
Is it a little more adult than The Simpsons?
Because I watch some Simpsons with my kids, but I have to skip some episodes.
I would say it might be a little more adult in its sensibilities.
It's not any more adult in that it's like any more vulgar or anything like that.
So they still just say hell damn it.
Yeah, yeah.
It's still got the same sort of rating, I would say, as The Simpsons.
It's just the humor, I think, is a little more polished and quicker in Futurama.
There's more like romance and stuff.
So I feel like in that category, it might be for kids, but I don't know.
I also grew up on The Simpsons and Rick and Morty.
Did you say it's better than Big Bang Theory, or is that higher up on your list?
No, we're not going to see Big Bang Theory.
We haven't gotten a number on it.
Spoiler alert.
Big Bang Theory is not on my list.
Everybody just clicked off and they're not going to watch.
My number five is I Love Lucy.
Of the classic black and white ones, that just has the most cultural impact.
And it still makes me laugh.
We were trapped in a place that only had I Love Lucy DVDs and we just kept watching them because they're just and it makes you love that show, right?
It's such a great show.
It's got so many memorable scenes.
Yeah, that's one of the ones that didn't make my list, but I put it in like an honorable mention.
I have another one.
I feel bad not putting it on the list because it's so great.
Yeah.
Mine is Wayne, another Amazon TV show that might be canceled.
But it's written by.
This is a good sign.
Well, I think Amazon like gives up on things or like they get to season two and then they ruin it.
Hungry for content and then it's like.
It's like, no, you should have invested in it.
It's the same writers from Deadpool, but it's just, it's really good.
It's really well written.
The characters are all really developed well.
And I hope they continue with it and don't mess it up.
Nice.
At number four, I'm biased, but I put Late Night with Conan O'Brien.
He's good.
He was always my favorite late night guy.
I think, yeah, when I grew up, that was the cool show to watch.
It was just this kind of humor that resonated with my generation.
And yeah, still when I see old clips and sketches and characters from that show, I love everything that Conan's done.
But the late night with Conan O'Brien period, I think, was just the peak of his son.
I'd love to go back and watch some of that Letterman and Conan and compare with the modern late night.
Well, what was so fun about it back then is that it wasn't super political.
Even Letterman, who's someone who is certainly more on the left and when he does make political comments, is more left-leaning.
The show wasn't about just pushing politics every night.
And I miss that.
I don't think there's any late night show.
They've all either gone towards heavy-handed political stuff or they've gone to this sort of light, lightly amusing fodder, like karaoke contests and things like that.
It's like talent show.
Yeah, James Corden does a lot of that.
Jimmy Fallon does a lot of that.
It's like fun, but it doesn't have that laugh out loud humor that late night used to.
I feel like you could watch it and don't watch the last season.
The last episode was good, though.
I liked New Girl.
We've watched it a couple times.
It's definitely like, I think girls would probably like it more, which is why.
But you watched it several times.
Well, it's like with my wife is into a show, I'll sit down and watch it.
And then it's like, oh, that actually hooked me, you know, a little bit.
It does fall into the category for me of like how I met your mother, where it's like, which I'm sure is on your list higher, is like people trying to sleep with people.
Yeah.
Which I don't always.
It's all about dating.
Yeah.
And it's like, I don't know.
I don't always like that.
Like millennials trying to sleep with people, all living in one house trying to sleep with each other and different people.
But it's pretty clever still.
Yeah.
I would say like outside of those parts of it, you know, I'd like to have like a TV show about a woman that's not just obsessed about a guy.
Right.
But yeah, New Girl is still like, I think the, it's written well.
Like, I like that all the characters aren't like none of them are boring.
All of them are really interesting.
Nice.
I've only ever heard good things about New Girl.
I've just never watched it myself.
Number three, I have the tonight show with Johnny Carson.
I think, you know, I have a big affinity for late night shows in general, and that's the one I think that kind of set the standard of what late night is supposed to be.
Have you ever been to Johnny Carrington?
Johnny Carson's house?
I was to Johnny Carson's house two weeks ago.
Wow.
I didn't know that.
My number three is Frasier.
I've never enjoyed it, I've never really gotten into Cheers.
My wife really likes Cheers.
I just watched Frasier and absolutely loved it.
It is, again, in the Big Bang Theory, you know, sitcom, set up punchline, set a punchline type format.
But it's done very well, and I like how much disdain they have for the characters.
Interesting.
That comparison of like Frasier and Big Bang Theory.
That was my favorite.
Yeah.
So my third one is Scrubs.
Scrubs made my honorable mention.
Scrubs is fantastic.
Yeah.
Did I watch Scrubs?
I think we started.
You were not allowed to watch that growing up.
It's so funny.
It's so funny and it has such heart to it, also.
I think the characters are like imagines things, right?
Yeah.
We started it, but we need to get back on it.
I think it's pretty good.
Just don't watch last season.
Okay.
It definitely has because it deals with relationships and there is definitely a little more of the like sexual content, like hookup narratives and stuff like that.
But it's not all that.
And they work in a hospital, so you have the kind of narrative of caring for patients and the dynamics of working in that environment.
But the characters are great.
And yeah, I love it.
Do they keep leaning into the imagination thing where he's always imagining things?
Is that it's a consistent trope in the show, but it's not necessarily what I think of immediately when I think of the show.
Because it seemed like that show would be really hard to shoot when I was watching it.
I was like thinking of like the constant costume changes and like swapping to do like just one-off little five-seconds of content.
Number two on my list, Saturday Night Live.
I almost put it on and then I thought, well, the uneven quality.
And I'm like, I don't know.
Maybe I could put a certain set of years.
It definitely has ups and downs in its season.
And there's certain casts that really shine and others that are weaker.
But I think just in terms of the history of comedy, in terms of the years that it's been on the air, the sketches that have just become iconic and the characters, I think SNL, number two, funniest show of all time.
Great.
My number two is The Office.
And I actually, I'm probably weird in that I like the first season the best.
That's great.
Very dry.
Because I know some people say, oh, it doesn't pick up.
This is the American version.
American version.
I love Diversity Day and just all those completely awkward jokes that you would not get away with today.
Just absolutely love them.
My second choice is also The Office.
Yeah.
But I don't think I enjoyed the first season the best.
I think I do want it to pick up a little bit.
Yeah.
You need the relationships.
No.
No, I'd like.
I know, right?
I need the gym and Pam.
But no, I mean, like, I don't know.
I don't think Michael Scott is like fully him until after that.
So how many shows have been on all of our lists so far?
The Office and The Simpsons?
I think it's Office and The Simpsons.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Here it is.
Number one for me, South Park.
I think South Park's the funniest show of all time.
I feel like South Park was such a, I don't know, influence on me.
Again, like The Simpsons, it's had some seasons that are weaker than others, but South Park at its peak.
The episodes like Scott Tennerman Must Die, I think is one of the best episodes.
Wilsiak is one of the best episodes.
I just, South Park always makes me laugh.
It's one of my favorite shows ever.
It was the one, another one I wasn't allowed to watch and caught up on a little bit later, but I still have only watched, like, friends would sneak me copies on thumb drives.
Yeah.
You know, but I, so I would watch the ones that got a ton of buzz in school.
Like, kids were talking about the World of Warcraft one.
Oh, that one's fantastic.
Yeah.
And the Christian Band one and Faith Plus One or whatever that was.
So I've seen a few episodes.
Okay.
Well, I wasn't allowed to watch it either.
That was like, that made the list.
I think.
Thumbs down.
I mean, yeah, any good Christian household would have banned South Park.
Yeah, Adam.
For sure.
Ironically, the thing is, South Park's one of those odd shows in that sense because if you're super conservative Christian in that sense, you wouldn't be allowed to watch it.
But throughout all the culture wars, South Park has been one of the most centrist and sort of open to going after the left even before it became sort of popular.
They were against a lot of the woke culture and they never leaned too hard into being conservative necessarily.
I think what are their names?
Trey Parker and Matt Stone.
They're both libertarian by identity.
But they, yeah, they go after both sides.
And they were one of the shows that had a more conservative leaning perspective on a lot of things when other shows didn't.
Well, my number one is Seinfeld, which is a solid choice.
I just can't, I can't watch an episode of Seinfeld.
I can't see it on the TV without sitting down and watching how it plays out.
I love it.
I love how Jerry is a terrible actor and laughs at himself the entire time.
It's like some of the SNL actors who were bad at constantly laughing at themselves.
I just love that he doesn't take it seriously.
And I love that there's absolutely no sincerity or heartwarming moments in the whole show.
You would like it.
Yeah.
Well, my number one is also Seinfeld.
Hey, all right.
Yeah, for probably the same reasons.
I also grew up watching it with my dad and then skipping some of the episodes.
But yeah, I think it's iconic.
Yeah, absolutely.
Great.
Nice.
Fantastic.
What are your thoughts on Seinfeld?
Why do you hate Sean?
Why do I what?
Why do you hit the list?
It didn't even make my list.
It did not make my list.
The reason for me is I respect what Seinfeld is.
I think it belongs on a list.
I just, I felt always that Curb Your Enthusiasm surpassed Seinfeld in terms of the humor, in terms of like just laugh for laugh.
I always liked Seinfeld, but it just never, it never hooked me.
I think quite connected.
Yeah, gotcha.
I tried Curb Your Enthusiasm a little bit, but it gives me like anxiety.
Like when he's, it didn't.
He goes into the gym and like the nine-month pregnant woman is running on the treadmill.
Like, that really bothers me.
I don't.
I would just like, and I know that's his whole thing.
So, I just need a break from that.
That's like Seinfeld.
I agree that with Curb.
Sometimes I will watch three or four and then stop because it's like I could keep watching it, but it's a little draining to watch those awkward situations.
It's like if Seinfeld was about George Costanza, you would need a break.
Because they wrote George based on Larry, and then Larry in Curb is just playing a version of himself that's unfiltered.
So I love the pitch of a guy if a guy, if somebody that's really cynical didn't filter themselves out in public.
It's all the things that you want to say when you're annoyed with things, but you can't.
Just say it.
Just go ahead, just say it.
Just say it.
Where are you by right now?
Should you mention a few honorable?
Yeah, we got some honorable mentions.
I had a big list.
I'll just go through some of them.
Two that were really hard to not put on my list are Chappelle show and the Cosby show.
I think that both of those are just, they're so good.
What has Bill Cosby done since then?
Anything else?
What's that?
I'm hoping he's going to make a comeback.
I would go.
I won't.
Would you go see it?
Even if you're anti-Cosby in his personal life, I think it's that argument over separating the art from the artist.
I think the Cosby show was fantastic.
I can still enjoy an episode.
The Chappelle show, I think, had so many iconic sketches and was just sort of so revolutionary as a sketch show in that era.
I think the only thing that kept it off my list is that it had such a short run.
When you have these shows like SNL or Simpsons or South Park that have just run for decades, it's hard to put on a short-lived show like that.
The original Colbert Rapport, I think, was hilarious.
I'm sad to see what Colbert has become now, but the original Colbert Rapport, I think, was great.
Mr. Show, I think, is a fantastic sketch comedy show.
And then two obscure ones that I kind of love.
Angie Tribeca, I think, is very underrated.
And there was a show that only lasted six episodes on Comedy Central called Gerhard Reichy's Wanderlust.
And it was a travel comedy show where he would go to Thailand and Ireland and South America.
And it was both an actual travel show where he would visit tourist destinations, but he played a German tourist and there was always like a fake narrative written through it.
And to this day, it's one of my favorite shows.
Awesome.
Did you have any honorable mentions?
I don't.
Or anything that almost made your list.
I mean, I feel like Futurama would have almost made it.
But I don't know.
Yeah.
All right.
Here's mine, or shows that I thought were funny, but not as funny as the Big Bang Theory.
Reno 911.
Oh, uh-huh.
A friend introduced that to me when I was just out of college, and we just, I just binged.
You know, it was one of those.
Great.
Better Off Ted got canceled after like one season.
I never watched that one.
It was good.
Yeah, just quality, quality comedy.
I have a soft spot for Home Improvement because that was like the one modern sitcom my parents let me watch.
Home Improvement was always solid.
We would gather around on Thursday nights or whatever and like watch it as a family, order pizza and watch Home Improvement.
And I actually quite liked Last Man Standing because I liked Tim Allen just leaning into the type of character that he's always played.
And they did a good job going after liberals and conservatives in the show, even though he's more conservative.
So I enjoyed that one.
Home Improvement, Last Man Standing, SNL.
I'm sure we could sit here all day rattling off honorable mentions.
Yeah, I love Lucy was on my honorable mention, too.
I just, yeah.
But that was a good list.
It was funny.
That's a good list.
Disgusting.
Interesting.
Good talk, everybody.
I don't know how to feel about like we had our first one and second one the same thing, but you have Big Bang Theory on there.
So what does that say about you?
I don't.
It says a lot.
So Big Bang Theory is boomer humor, but I don't think that's always a bad thing.
Maybe it's like clean.
Like if you had to be.
And it's like, oh, that was, yeah, that was a clever play on words.
Yeah.
Maybe I had to be like more of a nerd to.
It's like, did you like two and a half men?
No, I didn't like that at all.
Because in my mind, no, I didn't watch many of them.
I didn't watch many episodes either, but yeah.
Chuck Laurie.
Yeah.
It's just who.
One of my favorite Hollywood facts of all time.
Do you know Chuck Laurie wrote the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song?
I did not know that.
Yeah.
The theme song to the cartoon was written by Chuck Laurie.
This has been Teenage Chuck Lori.
I don't know where you're going with that.
All right, what do we have next here?
We're going to go into our next segment, which is called What is a Woman?
The question that stumps America.
We came up with this segment idea all on our own.
What is a woman?
Look for the full-length feature documentary coming soon.
So can you guys scroll down and show me this Bette Midler tweet that I'm supposed to read?
Oh, yeah.
People who are more traditionally on the left have been getting eaten by their own, as they always do, because the whole transgender ideology stuff doesn't make sense.
And you have people like Bette Midler getting in trouble because she sent out this tweet.
And I think Emma should read this.
Women of the world, we are being stripped of our rights over our bodies, our lives, and even our name.
They don't call us women anymore.
They call us birthing people or menstruats or even people with vaginas.
Don't let them erase you.
Every human on earth owes you.
So I feel like, you know, the trans agenda has gone too far.
You know, it was one thing for like the very, very rare person to be like, hey, I identify as a woman because I have this mental disorder and, you know, there's a suicide risk with that.
So can you call me she or he?
And then they added like non-binary.
So it's like, okay, now you're just making up stuff.
And then they're adding like more genders.
And now you can't say women anymore.
And you can't like women just means anything you want it to be or some like cosmetic changes.
Just therefore you're a woman.
If you just put a wig on or if you say, oh, I feel like a woman, how does a man know what it feels like to be a woman?
Yeah.
And there's people on both sides of the political spectrum.
You have them calling a lot of feminists are against the transgender ideology and they get called TERFs.
Like Macy Gray, I think also got in trouble this week.
Well, in trouble where people were accusing her of transphobia because she did an interview with Piers Morgan and she said something along lines of just because you change your parts doesn't make you a woman.
But I think what's where they've sort of overplayed their hand on the left with this movement is when they claim that this is always about hate or ignorance or intolerance, it's never been about that.
It's not that we hate transgender people.
It's that at some point this statement that a biological male is a woman is just false.
And when you can't define that and you can't defend it and you just say, oh, it's hateful for you to even question this.
No, that's ridiculous.
People on both sides know that's not rooted in hate.
And there's the argument like you were bringing up in the beginning.
I've heard it, the argument made, well, why can't you just call them by their preferred pronouns?
Because it will make them feel better, because it will, you know, alleviate this gender dysphoria or this depression they have.
But because it always leads then, first of all, it's not true.
So no one should be forced to say something that's not true.
And secondly, it's not like it's just a courtesy where you can leave it at that and move on.
Then it's, oh, and we also have to participate in women's sports and we have to use women's restrooms.
And if you're a heterosexual person, you have to date a transgender woman.
If you're homosexual, you have to date a transgender person.
It's like, no, you don't just want to be called that pronoun.
You want society to treat you as if you're something you're not.
That's the slippery slope fallacy.
It is, yeah.
Yeah.
Which I was hoping that wasn't going to like come of that, you know, because I had a high school class in 12th grade where I forget what it's called, like cultural something.
And we were taught that I really paid attention, got an A in it.
But you like, they taught you that gender and sex are separate and that gender is the social or social construct of what the roles would be for that sex.
But But now it's like, now you're going after kids and it's dangerous to tell a confused child that you can change your gender.
Cause it's like when you're a kid and you are a tomboy or like, you know, puberty is very like traumatic for women.
So it's not like the best, most fun time of their life.
It's pretty great for men.
There's issues there, but I feel like for women, when you're younger, it just seems like more fun to be a guy because you can like go get dirty, you can climb trees, you can build forts, you can play with spears.
And that's what we do.
We go into the forest and play with spears.
That's what I did.
No comment.
You go hunting.
And then it's like for women, it's like you wear stockings, which are incredibly uncomfortable.
You have to wear dresses.
You can't get dirty.
You can't play on the ground if you're wearing a dress.
So there's like more rules for your life.
But I think it's just dangerous to tell kids that you can change your gender.
And now you have kids who are like man or like male kids transitioning to female and they think that they're getting their periods.
Like, no, you are bleeding out.
Like you're dying if you think you're getting your period.
Like there's an issue there.
But yeah, this is just mass psychosis.
Yeah, and I see it does feel like a mess.
I read some of these descriptions of the genders.
I don't know if you've ever gone through like the into the rabbit hole and look at like the 500 genders.
I'm like, this gender is a gender that feels awkward about things, you know, or like sexual orientation.
Yeah.
This is like someone who's attracted to people, but not all the time.
Only sometimes.
And I'm like, that's just called being a person.
Like, why is this?
Well, and their whole, you know, one of the arguments they always try to use to shut people down, they go, you don't understand the difference between sex and gender.
I fully understand the difference.
It doesn't resolve what they're saying.
Because first of all, yes, gender is the social expression and the social construct of it.
But what they ignore is that it was always directly corresponding to sex.
It was the social constructs around the existing sexes.
It wasn't that there's a million different genders divorced from the idea of sex at all.
And even in their own ideology, they'll say, oh, well, sex is different than gender.
But also to transition your gender, you have to replicate sexual characteristics and have a, you know, bottom surgery and inject yourself with hormones and replicate these sexual characteristics.
Then you're not separating gender from sex at all, even in their own ideology.
And I had never really heard the gender sex separation thing until recent years.
Like, I'm sure that was a theory like decades ago or whatever, but I had always, you know, in classrooms or whatever, they always just said sex and gender is the same thing.
Like check a form that says sex or gender was always the same.
It was always used.
Yeah, but the nuance was that it was somewhat the social cues were gender, but it was always, it corresponded to sex.
Like that was always, sex was always part of the definition of gender.
So Mark Hamill apparently liked this tweet from Bette Midler.
Uh-oh.
And got people upset.
So this trends handicap something person says, not going to lie, if this isn't a mistake, I'm going to be beyond crushed.
Tag Mark Hamill.
Shocked and disappointed that the usually kind and decent Mark Hamill liked that awful Bette Midler tweet of the dumb idea that some groups using more inclusive languages in some instances.
And then the tweet cuts off because I assume it's really stupid.
It is always entertaining watching them eat their own, though, isn't it?
Yeah.
When they get these little intersectionality fights.
It's crazy.
They're looking at like who liked a post to go after those people.
Like, don't you have a job?
But when it's somebody like Bette Midler, I wonder if they will wake up to what's interesting about her tweet is she's saying they're trying to take our rights away, which I assume is referring to the abortion thing.
And then they go, they're not even referring to us as women anymore.
At some point, they have to get the disconnect that those aren't the same they.
It's not the same group though.
That's you know conservative on the issue of abortion.
Oh, yeah, these are the ones that are trying to take away what it means to be a woman or to pretend that women have no definition.
It's even interesting to see in like abortion bans that in those ban policy, it does mention like birthing persons.
Yeah, it's like it's like, are you trying to be conservative?
Are you trying to be woke in that banning of abortion for people?
Yeah, instead of saying just women.
Yeah.
But all right, well, cool.
It was good to hear from a person who bleeds, and let's move on to some hate mail.
some hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
So we published a video.
Maybe we'll just throw to it.
Let's throw to it.
We did a video where we talk about facts about guns.
So here we go.
For thousands of years, humanity lived in peace without any murders or violence at all.
And then, firearms were invented by notorious business partners Bill Whippen and Cornelius Gunn.
Personkind was instantly plunged into a horrifying hellscape of death and destruction.
And it's all thanks to guns.
Here are some facts about these deadly weapons of mass destruction that you might not know.
This is a deadly scoped semi-auto revolver with an extended mag clip.
A gun just like this one was used to kill Abraham Lincoln.
If guns hadn't been invented, Lincoln would still be alive today.
This is a 9mm handgun, though I measured it and it's actually much bigger than that.
This is one of the most powerful, fully semi-automatic, clip-loading assault firearms on the planet.
Let's take this to the range and see what it does to a human being.
As you can see, his lung was blown right out of his body.
And he's a dummy.
He didn't even have lung.
Terrifying.
This is the most fearsome weapon of all, the AR-15, which stands for assault rifle with a power level of 15.
It's so heavy you can barely lift it.
Help me!
As heavy as 10 boxes that you might be moving.
It is as heavy as 10 boxes that you might be moving.
This is the shoulder thing that goes up.
Scary.
This is the trigger which decides whom to murder without any human input whatsoever.
This is the antenna which receives orders from Nazi Germany.
This is a rail which can be used for all sorts of deadly attachments.
From a chainsaw bayonet and a Bible attachment to a MAGA hat launcher.
This is the 50 caliber round commonly used in AR-15s.
Let's go ahead and load it in through the 30 clip magazine.
30 magazine clip.
Now this gun is ready to blow the head right off of a target, decapitating them instantly.
Let's see this weapon of war in action.
Trigger warning.
This is really scary.
And finally, this is the Fortnite GL Blaster.
It fires deadly rocket grenades that punk 12-year-olds use to blow up your pathetic fort structures.
And then they say horrible things about your mother and floss over your dead body.
These WMDs are just horrible.
But one thing that these facts can't tell you about is the human cost.
Firing these guns, even for this brief demonstration, has given me a severe case of post-traumatic stress disorder from which I may never recover.
The deafening roar of a.22mm echoes in my nightmares.
I can't watch a Matthew McConaughey movie where he pulls a gun out without collapsing into a puddle on the floor.
I'm constantly fearful that Alec Baldwin may be in the room with me at any moment, ready to shoot me.
Friends don't let friends buy magic white man fire sticks.
They are weapons of war, but also they are useless against tyrannical rulers anyway.
So give up your guns to the government so they can supply them to Ukraine or the Taliban.
Oh, that was very informative.
Yes.
Good job.
That actor was great.
That actor was awesome.
And a lot of people didn't pick up on the comedy and thought that we were being 100% serious.
So here's a comment from Hall Leroux, who says, holy F, I went 20 seconds into this video and I'm thinking, who the F is this guy?
He has no clue.
It's scary that these people, these people don't want to protect their family.
What a joke.
He puts a comment later.
What a joke.
I love that.
I feel like, to go back to what I started the episode complaining about, I feel like this is either a product or at least correlated to TikTok.
People don't get what comedy is anymore.
They can't tell when something's clearly satirical or clearly a joke or an act.
Even with stuff like our spelling bee sketch, you'll have like a handful of comments mixed in that are like mad at the judges, that are mad at these people as if this is something that's actually happening.
And not.
It's like if somebody went to like watch the old like Chris Farley motivational speaker schedule, like, how dare a motivational speaker behave that way?
Entirely inappropriate.
Broke their furniture.
Very unprofessional.
Here's another hate male comment we got from that one.
So in there, we make a joke about if guns weren't invented, Abraham Lincoln would still be alive today.
This person wrote 100% incorrect.
If guns weren't invented, Abraham Lincoln would still be alive to die.
What would that make him?
A few hundred years old today.
Wait, go up.
I think we skipped a couple.
Okay.
Mark Smith says, man has been killing each other way before any gun was invented.
What about the Romans?
Apostrophe S, or even American Indians.
Take history lessons sometime, Dork.
Because they said in the video, it's like guns were invented or like no one had died and then guns were invented.
Here's one from Greg Muddy Edwards.
Ha All peace before guns.
Whole sh- Donkey.
You are full of PS.
What's funny also about these now that I'm reading them all is each one of them picks one thing to complain about in the video, but that means they all thought it was real and didn't complain about every other dumb drug.
Like that it was invented by, what is it?
Well, that was true.
But they got the fact about the peace right.
Yeah.
Oh, but this is where it was incorrect.
You want to get that one from Ravens?
Ravens O'Rion wrote, LOL, for thousands of years, humanity lived in peace.
Um, no, I didn't even finish listening past this false claim, LOL.
Because TikTok has ruined my attention speakers.
Exactly.
What about all something people that were killed before that with knives, spears, arrows, swords?
Yada yada, you're full of crap.
Little Seinfeld shout out.
Yeah, hey, all right.
The intelligence of Seinfeld.
Yes.
All right.
Well, thanks for watching the Bee Weekly, everybody.
Stay tuned.
If you're a subscriber, we're going to jump into the subscriber portion where we have some bonus hate mail.
We got all kinds of fun stuff and we read some subscriber headlines.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
And then Sheldon was like, oh, I'll go check the atomic clock.
Ooh.
Belinga.
And then Kyle laughed and laughed.
Bills Bodo says, puzzled atheist tell the genie he wished for eternal life, not a Bible.
I like in that world, genies exist, but also Christianity is still the correct religion.