The Bee Weekly: Mega Stuff That's Good Unlike Lightyear
This week at The Babylon Bee, Kyle, Adam, and Chandler talk about the very woke pro-LGBT+ Lightyear bombing at the box office, Rick Warren single handedly carrying the church on his back, and Ben Stiller going to Ukraine for some reason. MyPillow also got canceled by Walmart and Sizzler Facts is back! And, by popular demand, the crew have a mega edition of Stuff That's Good– unlike Lightyear! Kyle and Joel's new book The Postmodern Pilgrim's Progress is out and it is good– unlike Lightyear. Get it now! This episode is brought to you by our awesome sponsors My Patriot Supply, Better Help, and Alliance Defending Freedom. They are helping us to continue to bring you Fake News You Can Trust. Check them out. Bee Radio with Austin Robertson and Weakly News with Adam Yenser strike back and The Babylon Bee talks to education freedom advocate Sam Sorbo about the importance of home education. Also, everyone demanded more Travis, so we listened. Welcome to Travis' Video Game Korner. Be sure to check out Sam Sorbo online to find out more about her podcast, The Sam Sorbo Show, and The Home Learning Conference. In the subscriber lounge, the crew reads subscriber headlines, the classic article of the week, bonus hate mail, and then the amazing Chandler Juliet answers the newer better second ten questions.
Blade show staffers were arrested for trespassing at the U.S. Capitol.
And Triumph the Insult Comic Dog is now being held without bail at a CIA black site.
Rough.
Zoolander traveled to Ukraine on Thursday to mourn the tiny bombing of a tiny school.
All this in moron.
The Bee Weekly.
Hello, Babylon Bee fans.
Kyle here.
I wanted to start out this episode by issuing an apology for something that occurred on the previous episode.
I was reading that week's Sizzler Facts, a beloved segment on the Beat Weekly, where we give an interesting fact about Sizzler, and I begin laughing during the segment.
And I did not take Sizzler Facts seriously.
I did not give Sizzler the gravity and weight which it deserves.
And you spoke out.
And I want to thank you for calling me out and for holding me to the high standards that we have established for Sizzler Facts.
I reached out to diverse voices in the Sizzler community and I have begun to educate myself on these issues.
And I want to apologize for the way that I acted.
There's no excuse for it.
I'm not excusing my behavior, but I do hope that you can forgive me as I learn and listen to those of you in the marginalized Sizzler community.
I have committed to do the work and I promise that I will do better.
Hey friends, Kyle here coming to you from my secret survival bunker.
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Hey everyone, welcome to the Bee Weekly, the show where you get to hang out with the Babylon Bee people.
I'm Kyle, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee, along with Adam, writer of the Babylon Bee and Chandler.
Chandler of the Babylon B. Of the Babylon B.
The only Chandler that we have.
The only person here, Chandles.
Do we ever give you a title?
What is your title?
Like script writer and writer and all wearing all hats.
Yeah.
You never wear a hat, though.
Team member.
Sometime host, yeah.
Sometime host.
Yeah.
Yeah, you improve our thumbnail game, for sure.
Honored.
Wow.
I'll put that on there as well.
Thumbnail.
Thumbnail model.
Yes, thumbnail model.
I like that.
That should be, I bet you could make millions of dollars.
If there's any influencers out there, be a thumbnail model.
I bet that would be a thing.
Probably a thing.
Craigslist.
So many clicks for that.
I offer thumbnail model services.
Well, I spent the weekend in Nashville.
I'll talk about it a little later, pursuing the perfect Nashville hot chicken sandwich.
And I also got to see President Trump speak.
Oh, that's amazing.
Have you ever seen him speak in person?
Not in person, but it sounds amazing.
And I like that you were providing us live up to the video.
I was live quotes.
One of his greatest quotes was: he was talking about his speech on the National Mall.
And he was like, I gave a pretty good speech there.
He said, Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech there, too.
His speech was pretty good.
Mine was pretty good.
Was mine better?
And then he goes, I'd better not go there.
Like he says, I'm not supposed to say this, but I'm going to hint at it.
And it was, it was weird because he was so funny.
And when he first came up, like, I was just giggling.
Like, everything he was saying was so funny.
I was under his fascist spell or whatever.
But then he granted for like two hours about election fraud and like, it was like a two-hour, 15-minute speech or something.
That's what amazed me.
I mean, he's in his 70s, and you started texting us some live updates of what he was saying.
And then I would check my phone like three hours later.
I'm still talking.
And then at the end, he had some really good talking points, but the middle part, like, you know, he has these points written on the teleprompter.
And then halfway, you know, like, I don't know, 15 minutes in, he just gives up and starts ranting about.
Doing his own thing, going off script.
He's got an opening line and a closing line that just says riff.
It's expected to be badly for two minutes, turns into two hours.
He is really funny.
He should stick with this comedic shtick.
He's hilarious.
Yeah.
He's got really good timing.
Did you guys see this Rick Warren story?
I did not see this one.
No.
He's a, you know, obviously a really famous evangelical Southern Baptist pastor.
And he gave, he gave a weird speech at the Southern Baptist Convention Conference.
And he was like, going on, like, I've trained more pastors than any of your new seminaries out there.
1.1 million pastors.
And it came off really like conceited.
So now before I comment on this, I have to ask, where do we at the Babylon be officially stand on Rick Warren?
Because I've always found him, I'm sort of on the fence with him.
He's a female pastor.
I don't dislike him as much as I dislike a Joel Osteen.
I agree with you.
But sometimes I'm on the same page as Rick Warren, but not always.
I'm basically there.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he emailed us a couple times and like asked to talk on the phone and then never like never replied after we said, okay.
Oh man.
You left Rick Warren on red?
Yeah, we left him on red.
But you responded and he left you on red.
He left us on rest.
He was just seeing if he could get you guys to respond.
I see.
I see.
We didn't train enough pastors for him, I guess.
1.1 million pastories.
Yeah.
Oh, well.
So was he bashing the Southern Baptist Convention over this or what?
I think he got in trouble for something and he was trying to defend himself.
Oh, okay.
Oh, because he appointed Dan knocked three times if I'm right.
He got in trouble for like appointing his successors at his church because he's going to retire.
And knock once if he's wrong.
Yeah, knock once if I'm wrong.
No knocks.
And he appointed a man and a woman to like lead.
Kind of vaguely was like, both of these are the pastors.
Wrong, wrong, wrong.
Oh, no, three is right.
And so he kind of stood up to defend himself and said, I'm not going to defend myself, but just so you know, I trained a million pastors.
Do you think he'll still want to hang out and talk after hearing us bash him on our we're not really bashing him?
I'm just kind of like commenting on the news.
We're just calling him weird.
Rick Warren, we would love to have you on the podcast.
We still have a lot of people.
We controversially appointed a female co-host.
We did.
We're kind of the same.
Yeah.
We're super progressive now.
But to defend ourselves, we've trained 1.1 million satirists.
Any of you guys go see Lightyear this weekend?
No.
Bombed at the box office.
Sad.
Well, I don't know.
A bomb is always a relative because it's like I feel like it bombed based on the expectations.
The expectations.
They were really thinking this, like all their Pixar movies do crazy numbers.
They thought this one was coming off a Toy Store and it would just crush it.
Yeah, versus the budget.
When I saw Maverick, I saw the trailer and I was like, oh, Pixar.
And I kind of got excited knowing it was a Pixar film.
And the trailer didn't really win me over.
I like leaned over to my boyfriend.
I was like, that doesn't look very good.
And I didn't even hear about the, you know, the gay stuff.
Yeah, and then I heard about that and I'm just like, oh, I guess that probably contributes to why people are like, look, I just am being bombarded with it every day.
I don't want to, you know, I just want to have a kid's movie.
I don't want to, you know, they're just tired of it.
They're fatigued from all that.
I saw the trailer and I wasn't excited for it because A, I was confused by the plot.
I don't understand: is Buzz Lightyear a real person now or is he a toy?
I don't understand how it connects to anything.
And I was kind of bothered by the same sex kiss.
When I watched the trailer, I leaned over to him.
Wait, that was in the trailer?
Yeah, I leaned over to my boyfriend too, and I was like, I didn't even catch the same sex kiss in the trailer.
Okay, you're just a long walk to that joke.
Yeah, I appreciate that.
And I don't know if it's like, I don't know if it bombed or whatever because of the same sex kiss or because it's a movie about a movie that's inside a fictional universe that spawned a toy inside of the fictional universe.
Supposedly, this is the movie Andy watched.
So the Buzz Lightyear in this new movie is a real person.
Well, he's no, he's a movie.
Within the universe of Toy Store, he's a real person.
No, he's he's a well, he's a real, he's an actor that's playing Buzz Lightyear in a movie that Andy supposedly saw and that inspired him to want the toy for his birthday.
So he's not a real astronaut, he's an actor in a movie about an astronaut.
Right.
That inspired a toy that became and the toys all think that they are Buzz Lightyear, but they're just an action.
So for me, it's like I hated the idea.
This is more confusing than Doctor Strange 2, which I also almost walked out of because it was confusing.
And also had a gay kiss.
Yeah, that's right.
Stop making gay, confusing movies, Hollywood.
Either pick confused or pick gay, but it can't be both.
Well, I guess the world's swimming body has effectively banned transgender women from women's swimming events.
So this is called FINA F-I-N-A.
And they have to, if you're going to swim in a women's event, you have to show that you've not experienced any part of male puberty beyond Tanner Stage 2.
What is that?
Or before age 12, whichever is leaving.
I remember how awkward it was when I was in Tanner Stage 2.
Yeah, me too.
Me too.
The old Tanner stage two.
Can't relate.
Embarrassing.
So I don't know what this means for Leah Thomas.
It's Leah Thomas.
Because I don't know if Fina oversees Leah Thomas.
I guess that's NCAA.
So I think Leah Thomas right now is in the NCAA college swimming ranks.
This would prohibit Leah Thomas from making it to the Olympics or competing.
Yeah.
She got a few wins in.
But Leah can keep crushing the women in the college level.
Well, that's good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's so weird that we've gotten to the point where we have to make these rules.
It should just kind of go without saying.
Yeah.
That's why it took so long.
That's the league is for biological women.
I honestly can't believe that it's controversial that we have to have these discussions and that anyone considers it hateful or intolerant to acknowledge that there are biological differences between men and women.
There should be, if there is this much of a buzz about it now, there should be, you know, they can have their own league and then it's fair.
And yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
But then I don't think there would be enough demand for that at this point, which is why it's like crossing boundaries.
It is interesting to see how long it took to get to this point.
I see, I saw, I heard about this one.
I saw a lot of people online, well, finally, why did it take this long to get here?
And I think it's ultimately good news because it's showing evidence of the pendulum swinging back.
And it's also confusing that they go by the International Swimming Federation as an international English name, but they go the French abbreviation F-I-N-A.
Oh, is that the French?
Fina identifies as the abbreviation for International Swimming Federation.
We've hit our limit of identifies jokes for this podcast.
Well, at least we can go back to not caring about women's sports now.
Stephen Colbert's stampers were defend your gender.
Do you watch women's sports?
I don't watch a lot of sports, but I played a lot of sports growing up.
So I'm like, yeah.
Well, I think that's the level that most of us care about them, right?
Like, because we have daughters that play in that, or like, you know, whatever, and we go watch the oh, this is a complete aside, but it reminded me of that because you said you watched a lot of sports growing up.
I hung out with my younger brother and his wife's family this weekend, and I didn't know this.
His wife's uh parents were there, some of her cousins were there.
Their favorite sport is Battle Bots, and they've followed it for years.
Whoa, they know all like how some people know the stats about baseball going back years.
They know all the stats of Battle Bots going back to the robotics at the time.
Like where they build robots and hammer each other blades on each other.
Yeah, that sounds amazing.
I didn't know you could follow it.
I didn't know that either.
It was on TV.
I would watch it, but I had no idea that was a thing you could follow.
Wow.
I saw this.
Have you guys seen the professional tag league that's on TV sometimes?
Like, you know, when we're sitting at a sports bar or whatever, you look up and they're doing professional tag tournaments.
Yeah.
It's crazy.
It's wild.
Wow.
That's fun.
Anyway, Stephen Colbert staffers were arrested for trespassing on Capitol Hill.
I didn't know what was happening with this.
Fun fact, I know two of the people arrested.
Wait, is it because they were shooting a Triumph the Insult comic dog segment?
He's that dog puppet that goes to the Star Wars line, and that's the most famous bit.
But they were arrested because I think they had permits to shoot some stuff earlier in the day and interview some congresspeople or senators.
But then they went back in the building after having been thrown out by the Capitol police.
And they were trying to shoot what they call stand-ups, where they're just kind of setting up segments, but they were in a section they weren't allowed to be in, and they all got arrested.
So shout out to Josh Comers and Robert Smeigel.
Whoa, you're just going to say their name?
It was published publicly.
I guess so.
Yeah.
That's because Triumph used to be a character mostly on Conan.
It was Robert Smeigel's character, but he would do it on Conan a lot.
Yeah, that's why I remember that's why I didn't know it was connected to Stephen Colbert.
And I was with on one of the shoots in Chinatown in New York.
And the way they work is you usually have shooting permits for a few locations, but then if they're ad-libbing or improvising something, they're like, let's just go in here and shoot it and try to play later.
So if you're going to, you know, a massage parlor in Chinatown, that works.
It doesn't necessarily work in the U.S. Not as much.
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, but try to do that.
Why don't we spend this time?
I just hope, like, I hope the segment still airs, and I hope it's funny and is not, you know, it doesn't take on the Stephen Colbert overly political tone.
It was good.
Do you think that the security at the Capitol Hill is just stronger now, given the worst day in history?
They did not have a puppet snuck.
Yeah, like they didn't usher them in and say, come on in.
Yeah.
Yeah.
DNC slashed price for Photo Op with Kamala Harris by $10,000.
So, hey, get a discount for a photo.
How was it over $10,000 in the first place?
Oh, my gosh.
They said it used to be $15,000 and now it's $5,000.
Yeah.
It was slated to start at $15,000 until it was postponed to an apparent lack of ticket sales.
So that's one price that's come down during the year.
Yeah, see, he's slashing prices.
Yeah.
People can save money.
That's awesome.
Well, but I don't know if President Zelensky had to pay $5,000 to meet Vince.
Where does that money go?
Oh, so that money goes to the DNC.
That's like one of their fundraising segments.
You went right back.
Oh, sorry.
Go ahead.
No, that's all.
That's fine.
I wasn't paying.
Yeah, I'm sure it's just a fundraising thing.
You know, rich people pay a lot to it.
It was a perfect segue.
It was a really good segue.
I said, but even though you can pay $5,000 to take a picture of Camille Harris, Vince President Zelensky didn't have to do that.
But then what does the DNC use that money for?
Where does it go?
I'm interested too.
I'm over.
I'm over it.
No, it was a good segue, but not strong enough.
You know what I hate is I'm listening to a podcast and they have a segue and it's actually good.
And then they call it out on the podcast.
Normal segue here.
We're going to go right into it.
No, they'll have like an actual good transition where they're like, and speaking of that, that brings us to, and then they're like, that was a good segue.
And they're like, congratulating themselves.
I'm like, don't say segue.
As soon as you say it, it's not a good segue anymore.
So, anyway, we've completely ruined this book.
Like we just did.
So I don't know anything about this, but I saw this picture of Ben Stiller with President Zelensky.
That's the extent I know about this storm.
That's all I saw about it, too.
And I haven't seen it picked up many places.
I saw it in our Slack because somebody took a screen grab of it.
But apparently, Ben Stiller went to Kiev to meet with Zelensky.
And Stiller said, in so many parts of the world, war and violence devastate people and leave lasting traumatic effects wherever and whenever it happens, nobody chooses to flee their home.
Seeking safety is a right and it needs to be upheld for every person.
Protecting people, forced to flee is a collective global responsibility.
We have to remember this could happen to anyone, anywhere.
Wow.
I didn't know he felt that way about war, like he doesn't like war.
About the global community.
Yeah, I didn't know he was a super political active.
No, it doesn't seem to be, right?
I will say that it's a favorite.
I don't know.
Maybe he does.
Well, good for him.
Yeah, Dodgeball is a good person.
It's my favorite.
Doolander is overrated.
I agree that Zoolander is overrated.
I always, my opinion of someone's taste in comedy always drops a little when I find them raving about Zoolander.
I've tried to watch it three times.
Zoolander, I just watched for the first time during the pandemic.
So you probably don't like it.
No, I thought it was very eclectic, eccentric, and funny, but I didn't think it was better than Dodgeball.
And the reason Dodgeball came up yesterday is I was talking to a girlfriend about how overrated the movie Bridesmaze is.
And now they think that that's like the epitome of female comedy.
I'm like, I didn't think it was that funny.
But I will say my favorite comedy movie is Dodgeball.
And she's like, oh, I got Dodgeball.
So it's a very perfect-paced movie with amazing quotables.
Yeah.
Dodgeball is funny.
Although I am pro-Bridesmaids, I like Bridesmaids personally.
I actually do.
I actually do like Bridesmaids.
I like Dodgeball, but I also feel it's a little overrated.
It's super quotable.
But, you know, I don't know.
It's so funny, man.
It was a little paint by numbers, you know.
I like that, like, the perfect pacing, and it just, it just felt like it was fine.
It goes by.
Yeah.
I quote it sometimes.
What's the quote about?
Let's see how that works out for him.
You know, Chuck Norris and was it Fred Willard that are doing the great Jason Bateman.
Oh, is it Jason Bates?
Yeah, Jason Bateman and the other guy, I can't remember.
And he was, yeah, COVID.
That's a bold move, Cod.
And let's see how it pays off on it.
Yeah, right out there.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, we have a banger of the week from the Babylon B this week.
Woo!
Theologians believe Jesus slept through the storm on a MyPillow.
I like the artwork for that.
And he's still using his hand.
Oh, my gosh.
So I guess Walmart canceled Mike Lindell.
You can't buy a MyPillow at Walmart now.
It seems like Walmart shouldn't be that picky about the politics of their customers.
The people who make their pillows.
Yeah.
But I don't feel like a lot of people that go.
Well, I don't know.
Maybe it is big.
It probably is a big deal that people can buy it there.
Yeah.
I feel like people buy it from Fox News and commercials mostly.
But I don't know.
I have a lot of friends and family members who love their MyPillow, though.
Make sure you go out and buy your very own.
Get the best night of sleep you can get, just like Jesus.
Use promo code B. B-E-E at mypillow.com to fight cancel culture and support my pillow.
Is it still available for purchase on Amazon?
I heard a bunch of retailers canceled them.
I don't know if it's on Amazon.
You can buy it directly from his store.
Yeah, go direct.
It's better than those other crappy pillows they have at Walmart.
It was easily the best pillow at Walmart.
You shouldn't have done that Walmart.
Like, pillow game, not strong.
All right, we also have a bomb of the week.
Bomb of the week.
Man checks news each morning to see whether coffee is going to give him cancer or grant him immortality.
This was my joke.
I like that one.
And I think science does that with science, does that with a lot of products?
Eggs that are good.
Eggs as a way of doing it.
Yeah, bacon even, because bacon used to be terrible for you.
And then they said you could eat it for keto.
Yeah.
But then it's still bad for your heart and everything.
So they just go back and forth on these things of whether they're good for you or not.
5,000 shares is still pretty good.
It's decent.
Some people would kill for 5,000 shares on their page.
I don't think that's a bomb.
Chandler, do you want people to follow your page?
Yes.
It's okay.
Everybody go follow Chandler Juliet Music on Chandler Juliet on Instagram.
Yeah.
Do you think if you take a selfie with Kamala Harris when you see her out, you have to pay the $5,000?
She gives you like her Benmo QR code.
I doubt it.
I think they have like a setup, you know, like the VIP ticket somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Babylon B listeners, Kyle here.
Do you want to be a flag bearer for freedom?
Because right now, ADF is looking for flag bearers to help lead the fight against the Biden administration's policies in the anti-freedom attacks targeting our kids, churches, schools, women's sports, and First Amendment rights.
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And as a thank you for your continued support to help ADF defend life, liberty, and our God-given rights, you will receive a three-by-five foot American flag.
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That's adflegal.org slash B E E. 11 weeks ago, we debuted a new feature to the podcast called Sizzler Facts.
And here's this week's Sizzler Fact.
All Sizzler restaurants in Australia shut down in 2020 as a result of the deadly coronavirus pandemic that forced Australians into quarantine camps.
However, before closing their doors on November 15th, Sizzler revealed the top secret recipe for their delicious cheese toast.
And we would like to share it with you today.
Oh, this is a great Sizzler factory.
This is great.
I didn't know this was the Sizzler Factory.
Yeah.
Ingredients are thick sliced white bread, pecorino cheese, and margarine.
Rip Sizzla.
What is margarine?
Does anybody know what margarine is?
Is it something like butter or no?
It's like butter, but I don't know how it's related to it.
It's not like butter.
It's gross.
I mean, I.
I know it's not as good as butter.
I'm just.
Yeah, I think margarine is kind of done.
It's a butter-like substance, right?
It's a butter-like situation.
But they gave us the instructions on how to put all this together.
Combine equal amounts of margarine with pecorino cheese and mix to create a paste.
Paste.
Spread the mixture on one side of the bread.
Bread.
And cook it in your frying pan on a low to medium heat for about 60.
60.
Chandler, what have we told you about taking Sizzler Facts seriously?
Oh, sorry.
Cook it in your frying pan on a low to medium heat for about 60 seconds.
When it's golden brown, it's ready to eat.
That's amazing.
That was a great Sizzler fact.
I want to hear from you guys.
I want you to make the Sizzler bread at home and tell us how it turns out.
If you guys can submit pictures or you want to send us Sizzler bread, please do so.
I don't know how we send out our, if we give out our P.O. box or whatever, but email in and let us know.
And I can't give the full address.
I'm sure you can, as you have many times.
This has been Sizzler Facts.
Yeah.
And now it is time to get updated on all the news in the hilarious segment, B Radio from Austin Robertson.
Factually inaccurate.
Morally correct.
This is Babylon B Radio.
Our top story.
Amid rumors that Pope Francis will soon abdicate the See of Peter, the Sacred College of Cardinals has pledged to choose a woman of color as the next Pope.
Vatican spokesman Monitori Vaticani clarified that Cardinals felt it was, quote, about time for a woman pope of color to bring her unique woman of color perspectives to the church in Rome.
Pope Francis has been our most progressive pope by far, but he still has antiquated backward ideas about the homosexuality and abortion.
The church needs to keep progressing toward the greater representation, which is now the only valid moral law still remaining in the world.
According to sources, a small group of radicalized cardinals has strongly opposed any suggestion that a pope can be female or that the color of their skin even matters.
The majority of cardinals, however, remain committed to electing a BIPOC pope so they can add slay queen to their regular chants.
Pope Francis has yet to make an official statement on any pending renunciation of his duties, though sources confirm that cardinals are putting together a short list of papal nominees anyway because, quote, he's older than Biden.
Progressive chickens at Stoodland Farms recently held a fox storytime hour, which some of the older hens considered controversial.
During the event, various foxes were invited into the coop to read a story to the young chicks.
A number of hens were reportedly offended by the fox volunteers.
I can't believe what they're teaching our younger.
I know there are foxes in the world, but to actually invite them into our coop to reach it offensive chicks, it's uncheapable.
Protests aside, Pecky LaCorn left her chicks in the care of the fox because she had a feathering appointment and babysitters were so hard to find.
She reportedly took one last look and shook her head in dismay as Derek the Fox read from a book called Foxes Need to Eat Too, and That's Perfectly Normal and Beautiful.
Rooster McStavens, an old cluck who loves the little chicks, was insulted that anyone could be so bothered.
I'll say now it's the year 2022.
Your chicks ain't suddenly gonna turn into foxes by hanging out with one.
I say, I say this coop needs to mature.
I say we're done living in the dark ages here.
I say, I say foxes are beautiful.
At airtime, all poultry in the coop was torn to shreds.
Blood everywhere.
Not even the young ones survived.
With Lightyear and its cartoon lesbian romance flopping at the box office, sources say Disney has decided to quietly pull the plug on its upcoming movie, Broke Back Woody.
Actor Chris Evans said in a statement, quote, Little Bo Peep was about to find out what Woody and Pete the Prospector were really up to when they were off with the Roundup gang.
Such a shame.
One day all the backward bigoted dinosaurs in America will die off and our country will finally be ready for kids' cartoons with gratuitous gay toy cowboy sex.
Disney had planned to roll out Broke Back Woody in early 2023, followed later that year by Cars 4 Lightning Drag McQueen.
The film's director Angus McLean said it's definitely a setback.
We already had new Woody toys in production with a whole new set of phrases, he says, when you pull his string like this, out of life partner, and this, get it up, queen.
At airtime, Disney announced they would be replacing the Brokeback Woody project with a more subtle mixed potato head.
Local man Marley Mattingly is on his eighth COVID booster, but he's still chasing the high he felt when he got that first Pfizer shot to protect himself and others while showing the world that he was a good person.
It's just not the same anymore.
The rush of adrenaline, the swelling pride, the warm feeling of safety, as if being wrapped in the arms of loving pharmaceutical executives.
That's all gone now.
I feel empty.
Sources reported Mattingly is also quietly starting to question the effectiveness of these vaccines due to the fact that he's caught COVID four times and had three heart attacks in the last three years.
I made boosters in.
I'm in too deep.
It's too late to turn back now.
At airtime, Mattingly elected to try the monkeypox vaccine, scheduled his ninth booster, and had another heart attack.
A biblical scholar has put forth an exciting new theory that Jesus slept through a storm while on a fishing boat with his disciples because he was using a my pillow obtained via time travel, which was the most comfortable pillow he'd ever owned.
The idea has caught on and is now the majority view of theologians worldwide.
Some conservative scholars have disagreed, citing Luke 9:58 as proof that Jesus had no pillows.
The theory's author Dr. Edward Gadville has an answer for those critics.
Jesus is both fully God and fully man, so it's only logical that he would use the perfect pillow for a perfect night's sleep, even if it required him to exercise divine authority to travel through time and buy one from Mike Lindale himself.
If you don't believe Jesus was good enough for a my pillow, then you ain't Christian.
At airtime, Mike Lindale confirmed that someone resembling Jesus did purchase a pillow from him recently, although it may have just been a homeless guy.
In a related story, a longtime evangelist has found himself grappling with his Christian beliefs after an online debate during which a neck-bearded atheist shocked the man with a revelation that Jesus was not white.
The evangelist later had his faith restored when he ate a banana, remembering God's intelligent design in the natural peel, curve of the banana for easy consumption, and delicious taste with potassium despair.
A recently uncovered ancient diary has led biblical scholars to believe that we may now know the words Moses spoke after leading the Israelites out of Egypt and fleeing Ramses with his army.
The entry reveals that just as the Egyptian army was closing in through the same Red Sea waters that the Lord had parted, Moses took his staff in both hands.
Ramses, I'm the servant of the Lord of hosts, wielder of the staff of God.
You cannot pass.
The dark fire will not avail you, name of Egypt.
Go back to the shadow.
You shall not pass.
At that moment, the journal claims, the waters came crashing down on King Ramses along with his fearsome army of chariots.
Moses turned to walk away as the Egyptian army drowned, but at the last possible second, Pharaoh's whip cracked through the air and wrapped around Moses' feet, dragging him down with Ramses.
At airtime, another journal entry was found detailing how Moses returned to the Israelites who thought him dead as Moses the White.
He told them how he and Ramses dueled on the highest peak of the lowest dungeon until he smote Ramses' ruin upon the mountainside.
Now you're up to date on the only news that matters.
Find more fake news you can trust at Babylonbee.com.
Until next time, this is Austin Robertson, the voice of the Babylon Bee.
So long.
And if that wasn't enough satirical news for you, it's time for weekly news with Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
This week, the stock market crashed, Bitcoin crashed, and Joe Biden crashed.
But to help the economy rebound, President Biden has called for a three-month suspension of the federal gas tax.
And enthusiastic Biden said, I promise this plan will keep gas prices low for the rest of my life.
A production crew from the late show with Stephen Colbert was arrested inside the Capitol on Thursday while shooting a Triumph the Insult comic dog segment.
Capitol Police have been frustrated in their investigation as Triumph refuses to speak without Robert Smeigel present.
A 103-year-old Swedish woman became the oldest person in the world to skydive, which means she was able to successfully land after falling out of the sky from a plane, even though she's 25 years older than this man falling off his bike.
Although that guy does hold the record for oldest person to make the stock market dive.
Jennifer Lopez introduced her daughter for a duet at a recent concert using the pronouns they-them, which means J-Lo now has the hottest new celebrity accessory, a gender non-conforming child.
On Tuesday, Britain's Prince William turned 40 and his hairline turned 56.
Cleveland's Officer of the Year is being investigated for posting numerous pro-Hitler tweets.
In his defense, the officer said, No, no, no, not that, Hitler.
According to economic data, the K-pop band BTS contributes 0.3% of South Korea's GDP, and Drake contributes 100% of Canada's GDP.
Hundreds of British paratroopers were banned from deployment after a video surface showing them having an orgy with a civilian woman in their barracks.
They didn't identify the woman, but I know a single European lady who likes parachuting.
Experts are warning that popular skin whitening creams being promoted on social media are unregulated and could cause permanent damage to people's skin.
That's it for weekly news.
This episode was brought to you by Dr. Sosa's Face Bleach.
If you're trying to pull a reverse Dolzole, try Dr. Sosa's Face Bleach.
The sizzle lets you know it's working.
And come see me live at Veterans Hall in Morrow Bay, California this Saturday.
Thank you, Adam.
That was a great weekly news.
Now it's time for mega stuff that's good.
We have a segment where we do stuff that's good from time to time.
This is a mega stuff that's good.
Yeah, we did.
So we haven't done stuff that's good in, I don't know, six months.
And, you know, I've been consuming a lot of stuff.
And I thought we could do a mega stuff that's good and take our time and chat about it.
And let's do it.
This week's edition of stuff that's good.
Go on to the airplane, and we can rotate.
I don't have to rattle off my list the whole time, but on the airplane on the way home from Nashville, I watched Brian Wilson's long-promised road documentary.
It was awesome.
Brian Wilson is one of the founding members of the Beach Boys.
And just a musical genius, and he hears voices in his head, and he's kind of crazy.
Oh, yeah.
He's obviously old now.
And there's a Rolling Stone journalist who is the only guy that he'll get interviewed by because he gets anxious.
And he won't sit down for an interview.
So he has to just drive him around town in circles to get him to talk.
Oh, wow.
And he'll get like panic attacks in the middle of the interview.
And it was wild.
Is the content good or is it just entertaining to see him asking to see this guy go crazy though?
Get him into a mental state where he'll talk.
You know, the content is really good.
So, you know, you feel for the guy and it's just interesting to see how some of the great Beach Boy stuff came together.
And that leads me to two Beach Boys albums I've been revisiting lately, Pet Sounds and Surface Up, both of Brian Wilson's babies from the 60s and late 70s, or sorry, mid-60s to late 60s.
So check those out if you're not into the Beach Boys.
What do you guys got?
Any stuff that's good from y'all?
Yeah, I had a great weekend.
I was in Nebraska, and I promised them that I would wear this hat on the B podcast.
Hey, because I got this hat in Johnny Carson's boyhood home.
I was there for the Great American Comedy Festival in Norfolk, Nebraska.
And it was honestly one of the best comedy festival experiences I've ever had.
I got to sign the comedian wall in Johnny Carson's home.
The headliners at this festival were the Smothers brothers, who some people may be familiar with them.
They had a show similar to the tonight show, like a late night variety show back from the late 50s to early 60s.
I got to meet Tommy and Dick Smothers.
Dick Smothers talked to us for a while after our sets were over.
I got to meet David Kechner from Anchorman.
He was the headliner the first time there.
He did a whammy.
Yeah.
It was just an awesome experience.
And then while I was there performing in Nebraska, I got a text message from Los Angeles that the Ellen Writers for my last season there, we won another Writing Emmy Award.
Oh, wow.
So yeah, it was a very, very eventful week.
And that festival was fantastic.
If you're ever in Norfolk, Nebraska, visit the Johnny Carson Museum in his hometown.
It's really cool.
And if you get a chance, go to this festival when they have it again next year.
It was awesome.
Yeah, how do you guys split the Emmy?
Is it like?
So we each get our own Emmy.
When you win for your category, everyone who's nominated in that category gets an Emmy.
Wow.
So we're sitting next to an Emmy nomination.
Well, he already was.
He already was, but this is my 11th.
I'm tired of them.
Yeah.
Wow.
I said I'll bring in and use it as a doorstop here in the office.
In the presence of greatness.
Wow.
Excellent.
I like it.
So, Chandler, did you win any Emmys this week?
No.
I didn't, Adam.
Not even in the Women's League?
No.
Do they have a specific separate for me?
I think it's like in the Oscars, how they have like actor and actress.
Yeah.
It's interesting.
It's interesting that it's got to be that way.
Like women's best woman actress, best women.
Has a trans woman won an Oscar yet?
Like beaten the.
I feel like at least at one of the awards, either Golden Globes or Emmys.
I think it might have been that actress from Orange is the New Black.
Was it Laverne Cox?
Oh, yeah.
I think there is a trans person that's won for best actress.
Yeah.
Do you think that they're going to get to the point where it's like best Latinx actor, best black actress?
Segregation.
I feel like it has to go one way or the other eventually.
They either have to cut back on all this stuff or they have to have 25 different categories for every gender and race.
Yeah.
Sad.
Sad.
Not good.
Not good.
The thing I want to shout out that's good.
I discovered a new meal prep delivery service that this husband and wife duo created.
It's a chef that makes these meals by hand and sends them out.
It's called Nibble, N-I-B-B-L.
And it is so good.
It's so good.
It's so affordable.
And it's like pretty low calorie and healthy.
And I've been ordering it for a few weeks.
And it's been making dinners and lunches a lot easier and really, really tight.
Do the husband and wife bring it to you themselves?
No, they have delivery people.
I wish they came to everyone's door.
Yeah, that'd be cool.
Yeah, yeah, but they do deliver it and it's like a bunch and just three minutes in the microwave.
I had some other delivery services in the past that were you still cook it yourself, which is kind of fun.
It's like an activity, you know.
Wait, so this one does not bring you the ingredients?
It's already made.
Oh, they make you already made meals.
Yeah.
Can you order Sizzler bread?
Do they have Sizzler bread?
You know, the one thing about it is you don't know what you're going to get every day.
Oh, okay.
So they just kind of, but you can, they have everything.
They have like vegan, they have dairy-free, gluten-free, which is my plan.
They have margarine.
Pescillat.
I don't know if they use margarine, but you flip it over and you can see all the ingredients.
It's very few ingredients.
It doesn't have any of the extra stuff.
And it's just so tasty.
Every single one is good.
So wanted to give them a shout out.
Nibble eats.
Check them out.
And yeah.
Oh, the other thing I forgot to mention that I should is they gave me this hat.
They had all these events planned for the comedians to do Nebraska things.
And I got to drive a combine machine.
One of those big harvesters that they use on the farm.
There's a dealership there where they sell them.
Wow.
And they let each of the comedians sit in and take it for a loop around the lot.
And then they also took us to see one of the families there.
They have a farm where they raise show cattle.
They take them to the state farm and show them off.
And this kid, his name was Elliot, and he had a calf named Puppy.
And the calf was 1,100 pounds.
And he trains it to walk in a circle and stand so that its hooves are, its front hooves have to be lined up straight and its back hooves have to be one in front of the other.
And then it has to keep its chin up while the judges judge it.
And they want their calf to win, but if the calf wins, it has to die because they have to slaughter it and judge the meat.
What?
Is that horrible?
So they think, like, I won.
They want it to win, but then also they have to kill the cow.
Oh, my gosh.
But it was really interesting.
And they said they have to wash and blow dry the cow three times a day.
Wow.
In addition to all the other chores, yeah.
But so I got it.
I got, I had fun at the comedy festival, and I got to sample of Nebraska Farm Life.
It was very fun.
Wow.
That is wild.
Wow.
If you guys want to try Nibble Eats, use promo code B.
We don't know if it works.
We'll have to set that up with them.
We don't know if it works, but give it a shot.
Give it a shot and let us know.
Hurt to try because at worst case it'll just say invalid promo code.
Yeah right, if you haven't tried Nibble, try it, and if you're Nibble, send us some money for promoting it.
Well, I have a bunch more things that I can talk about.
Um, because I just did all my stuff.
That's good that we've skipped for the past six months.
So there's a dueling pianos bar in San Diego that we've gone to a few times, called the Shout House, and it is the best one i've ever been to.
Some of them are a little too like I don't know.
I don't know what they're playing or they're.
They're too crowd interactive where it's like I always feel tense, like they're gonna call on me to do something, you know, and this one does some crowd interaction, but it's it's all low pressure stuff and they're great.
Like they'll play.
They've played some really obscure songs that we've thrown up.
Really yeah, and it's pretty, it's pretty.
They don't just play like, don't stop believing in Bohemian Rhapsody, you know, like that's every.
Those bars are so much fun.
Oh, it's great.
I highly recommend.
Have you ever been to the one at Harrows in Las Vegas?
No, I haven't.
That's my favorite one.
Is it good?
It's such a fun bar, and every time I go to Vegas with a new group of people, the weekend turns into them all trying to decide what club to go to and me convincing them, let's just go to this piano bar.
And we always try clubs and they're terrible for a while and we get tired of them and then we go to the Piano bar and have fun there.
That's essentially.
That's essentially.
I think it's in Hairs, it's a, it's the one that's across from Caesars okay yeah, so go to that Piano bar and use the promo code, be for the tickets and uh, let us know how that goes for your drinks too, because we know how price it is.
Tell them, you know, the Babylon Beat guys.
Yeah, but that's essentially how we found this place.
Is that?
You know?
We got in there with friends and it's like dance club this that, and it's just not in my crowd at all and why don't we try this in such a fun social atmosphere?
But you can chill out and have good drinks.
Yeah, we just end up there every time because uh, I guess we're old, I guess that's what it is.
Yeah um, here's a board game that i've been playing, the Stardew Valley board game.
If you know, the video game on the Nintendo Switch, etc.
They made a board game version and me and my son have played it like 10 times in the last two weeks and we love it.
Uh, you get to farm and stuff, so that's fun.
Uh, Kingdom Builder is a board game that we've been playing in the office.
We played it with, though Bishop yesterday and that's a lot of fun.
If you're not into board games, it's a good starter one because it's very simple.
Um, I finally got to watch Cobra Kai on Netflix and I we binged all four seasons in like a week and I love it.
Have you guys watched Cobra Kai?
I have not.
No, highly recommended.
Cool, this would have been funner to talk about if you guys had seen it.
Sorry, and talk about it.
But um well what, what do you like about it?
Well so, they really lean into it's about the.
It's about not Danny, but it's about his opponent, Johnny.
Um, like the bad guy from from the Original Karate Kid and uh, they really lean into him being kind of a dinosaur.
That like uh, you know he hates all the new pronoun crap and he's like not woke and they really lean into an awful person like yeah, but they lean into it without making him seem like an idiot, you know.
And then the kids are like well there's, I think they they throw a little bit of gender politics into the fourth season and someone's like well, my pronouns are blah blah, blah.
He's like, shut up, you're a girl, you know.
Like it's just.
But they don't make him the villain, they make it like a loving thing.
Wow, he just drives around in his old muscle cars and he hates everything and it's wonderful.
So it's a good one.
It turns.
It turns a little bit too crazy CW, like weird teen drama by the fourth season.
I think there's going to be at least one more season, so I recommend it.
There's a video game I've been playing on my phone called Kingdom Rush, which is a tower defense game.
And if you need to kill time on your iPhone or your Android phone, play that.
Do you guys have any time killers on your phone?
Sort Puzz.
What is that?
Sort Puzz.
Sort Puzz.
I was so sortpuzzed.
And there's this one called Wall Kickers, which is really cute.
And you get to win all the little characters and you just tap and it hops from that.
One's really fun.
I was kind of hooked on those for a while.
And I would go to sleep, and I would kind of like dream about it.
I was like, okay, I think I'm a little hooked on the phone game.
That was me and Kingdom Rush.
I've probably logged like a thousand hours on it in the last year.
Just insane.
Sortpuzz is really cool because you get like these like, they look like little scientific test tubes and they have like multiple colors in all of them.
And you have to like, it's like a puzzle.
Yeah, you have to pull the red to the red and then the green to the green.
And if you mess up, you have to start over.
So it's really fun.
It's like a logic game.
So yeah, those are my two right now.
Do you do anything on your phone or do you just read like Scholar?
You know, I don't, I don't read that often like a scholar.
The only time wasters that I do are old ones.
I love, I used to do words with friends, and I'll go through phases where it comes back every now and then and I'll get into it again.
And then not so much on my phone, but on the computer.
Do you guys ever play Slither?
Slither IO, like the eating the other stuff.
I go through phases where I get into that for months and I get really good at it and I'm in the top of the room and it's so much fun and you get to see your name go up the list and I go through phases where I'll give it up for six months and then I get real into it again.
Get your six month chip and then you have to play for hours.
Usually when I'm supposed to be working, that's what I would do at Ellen most of the day.
Just supply it.
I'd just be in my office playing Slither.
And I was very open about it.
They'd be like, Adam, are you writing?
And I would go, no, I'm playing Slither.
I picked up my Game Boy SP again this week because I was tired of the phone games and I've just been playing Mario 3.
I really like vintage retro video games.
During the pandemic, we bought a Sega Genesis console, which was pre-loaded with these really cool Sonic and all the classics.
Oh man.
I just really like that.
The new stuff, I don't know.
I'm the same with music and new movies.
I like what I like and I don't want to discover anything new sometimes.
And I just want to have a guaranteed good.
There's old school games that will hook me where like we got the NES classic and we started playing Dr. Mario on it.
And I would say that's a good one.
I would just play it for hours.
It's like a better Tetris and you just sit there and play it for hours and hours and hours.
And those will hook you.
Those will hook you for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, my recent one, the one I've been playing on the plane and stuff is Dead Cells, but I've already mentioned it on stuff that's good, so I wasn't going to mention it again.
But that's a really good 2D version of Dark Souls on this mention.
Yeah.
Some other stuff that's good, and you guys can throw in what you want.
But I started reading Michael Crichton recently, and I had never read Michael Crichton before.
And I read Jurassic Park, The Lost World, Sphere, and Drama to Strain, and Airframe in like a week.
Like it was kidding me.
I was like.
See, I'm a slow reader.
I like to read a lot, but it takes me months to finish a book.
Really?
Even if I like it, I can only read as fast as I could process and speak.
And it takes me a while to get through a book.
I just find Crichton super like highly readable.
Yeah.
I read Jurassic Park and Sphere when I was a kid, and I remember loving both of them.
The Jurassic Park novel is great because it's really good and it's similar to the movie.
There's a few little differences, but I feel like they both hold up really well.
Yeah, I like the book better, but both book and movie were really good.
And the book has some crazy anti-science stuff that he's saying in there.
He has Dr. Malcolm say stuff like the scientists are ruining the world and we need to go back to the old ways.
And I'm like, dude, this guy was based.
But Jurassic Park and Sphere were my favorites.
Haven't read a novel in a while.
I got to read this one soon.
I'll get to that in a second.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
I'm going to plug my own book in a second.
Okay, great.
I would highly recommend if anyone's into the personal development entrepreneurship or just self-help.
It's not really self-help, but Atomic Habits is one of the best books I've read in the past year.
I've read Essentialism and I've read Atomic Habits and a bunch of others, but I would say Atomic Habits like blew, it blew my mind because it was just such an effective way to build habits and to learn about just implementing small changes for big results and the tipping point and compound effect and stuff like that.
So I definitely highly recommend that one.
And it's an easy read.
This guy's hook was amazing.
He talks about his story how he had this injury in baseball.
Like it opens up with him like having a baseball bat fly in and like, and he had to learn, he had to relearn how to talk and everything.
So he learned how to come back from his crazy injury by using small habits.
Nice.
Yeah.
So I like it.
Yeah.
I've been going back and reading, there's a lot of classics that I kind of know the plot of and know what they're about, but I never actually sat down and read them.
So over the past few months, I read Crime and Punishment, which I loved.
I've never read them.
It's fantastic.
One of the best books I've ever read.
Is that the really long one?
No, that's Roar and Peace or something.
Well, Warren Peace is long.
The Dunstory Peace is that one that's long is Brothers Karamazov.
Yeah.
Crime and Punishment, I mean, it's not small, but it's digestible.
It's a really good one.
I read 1984.
That's a good one.
Which, you know, I liked it in how much it's how sort of relevant it is and scary it is and sometimes what's going on.
I didn't find it the most exciting book to read.
Yeah.
But the one I've been reading now that I love is Catch 22.
Did you ever read that?
I did.
I recommend it for anyone who's a comedy writer because it's so funny.
And the way the dialogue is written in it, it plays out almost like an Abbott and Costello, like Who's On First kind of sketch.
It's where there's two characters just talking past each other, but it's like an entire novel that's these hilarious conversations where there's just these miscommunications.
And the chapters and scenes in it almost play out like sketches.
There is kind of a through line, but the individual interactions, it feels very relevant to comedy writing.
It's a long time sub reader.
I don't remember finding it funny, but I intentionally funny or do you just find it comedic with it?
No, it's supposed to be, yeah.
I mean, it's a satire of war and the bureaucracy of what goes on in those war situations.
Yeah.
Do you have any?
Oh, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Do you have any other books that you'd recommend for like new comedians or new stand, I mean, stand-up writers or anything like that?
Yeah, for stand-up comedy, I would say books by other stand-up comedians.
The one that everyone recommends that is very good is Born Standing Up by Steve Martin.
Everyone should read that one.
I personally really like Artie Lang's books a lot.
He's not by any means my favorite stand-up comedian.
I think he's okay.
But his life and his struggles with addiction and then his finding fame on the Howard Stern show and just his very raw relating of the life of a stand-up comedian.
His book, I think one is called Too Fat to Fish and one is called Crash and Burn.
And then there's a general book about comedy theory that I recommend to everybody called The Humor Code.
And it's this a philosopher and a psychologist traveled around the world trying to figure out what makes something funny because it's very hard to define why something's funny generally.
And they come up with this theory called benign violation theory.
There's a whole bunch of different theories.
There's incongruity theory.
There's a theory that it's a defense mechanism.
But yeah, benign violation theory, I feel like is the most comprehensive one.
So yeah, the humor code's a really good book to read.
Who wrote that one?
I don't know the author's name.
It's the psychologist and the philosopher that did it.
It's their names.
I forget their names offhand, though.
Yeah.
Cool.
I have Seinfeld's book, but it's just his bits written down.
But that's still funny, I guess.
And then Norm McDonald's autobiography.
Oh, how could I forget that one?
That one's fantastic.
Yeah.
I'm sorry to everyone that I didn't know.
I know who Norm McDonald is, okay?
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
She didn't know who he was.
I know him.
I know his face.
Were you on the episode when we found out he died?
Yes.
And I didn't recognize the name at first.
And you guys just talked about him the whole time.
And I stood there and everyone in the comments was like, who is this girl?
She doesn't know anyone.
Have you rectified the situation?
Have you studied Norm since then?
I haven't gotten into it yet, but I definitely know who he is.
And I'm going to get his book.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Check out him.
I promise.
He's one of the funniest people of all time.
For the comedy writing that we do, like at the Bee, like I really like just reading other funny comedy that's not, you know, not same as stand-up necessarily, but stuff like the Princess Bride and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
I reading it, reading an onion article, I think.
I like all that kind of stuff.
I also want to recommend Hattie B's for excellent Nashville hot chicken.
We've been doing, what's the one we do out here again?
It's called Clyde's.
And Clyde's is really good at it.
So good.
And their playlist is awesome.
When we went to pick it up, it was popping in there.
It was like a party.
Jared and I were like, yeah, that a great playlist.
We're like, oh, that's right.
It took so long for our lunch.
Well, we kept ourselves busy while they were frying our chicken.
And I want to say, as far as stuff that's not good, like we went to several honky talks at Nashville, and they all had terrible Nashville hot chicken.
And they would say Nashville hot chicken, and then they would bring you fried chicken with sauce poured on top.
Oh, no.
This is not Nashville hot chicken.
Did they do the New York thing when they're like, world's best, like number one Nashville hot chicken?
I didn't see too much of that.
I didn't see too much of the world.
I think some of the places like Hattie Bee's and Prince's, they'll say like world's first or world's original.
And there's a few that say that.
So they're arguing over who's actually got the first Nashville hot chicken.
But not the best.
Yeah.
Well, the final thing I want to plug is my own book, Postmodern Pilgrim's Progress.
We've been blown away by all the reviews that have been coming out for it.
It was a really fun read.
I wanted to read a few reviews that people had posted.
This person, Gwen42 and Not the Bee, said, I'll write up my full review after I digest what just happened.
But I just finished reading this and wow, I had to grab the tissue box off the table to wipe my eyes.
They were so blurred from the tears.
Good tears.
I'm glad they weren't crying because it was so terrible.
There's so much packed in this book, but I recommend you snag a copy, read it for yourself.
Kyle and Joel, I salute you.
Excellent work.
And now I want cheesy bread, which is something you only get.
No, not Sizzler cheesy bread.
I thought that was a reference to the book.
No, also.
You only get it if you read the book.
There's a reference to cheesy.
Did you get Sizzler product placement in the novel?
And then this is another one.
The narrator's voice is reminiscent of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
There's more of our efforts as to pop culture and church culture than I can count.
Several nodes to G.K. Chesterton.
And I find myself craving cheesy bread by the end of the book.
And while this story is delivered with humor, has a way of knocking the reader right in the feels.
Did I mention that I cried?
I refuse to spoil it.
You have to read it for yourself.
and you're making a lot of people cry on cheesy bread.
John Jay says- I'm getting emotional just hearing about people crying.
I wish I could give it more than five stars.
Unable to put it down, I read it in one sitting.
The author's writing hard-hitting parody of the time-honored Pilgrim's Progress with the Characters of a Believable Current Culture.
Witty, touching, painful, challenging, and captivated.
Highly, highly recommend.
And cheesy bread.
They didn't say cheesy bread.
And Norma C. Haar rated it five stars.
I thought this book was sensational.
It kept my interest from start to finish.
I didn't know if I would like an allegorical tale, but it surprised me as it far exceeded my expectations.
The book took me on a journey with the pilgrim totally absorbing.
And here's one more.
This is an email someone sent in.
Here's one more as we scroll up to three paragraphs of text.
Five stars.
I won't read the whole thing.
Maybe it's your book.
Wait, we'll put it on the screen.
Read it.
Thank you.
You deserve it.
All right.
I am thanking our Lord, our God, for leading me to move forward a few days ago to order your book.
Pick it up a little bit.
Okay.
The Postmodern Pilgrim's Progress.
Wow, that's the only word I can drudge up to describe this book.
I actually feel like I was hit with one of those head-exploding bullets.
I don't know if that's a good thing.
Is that the...
Metaphorically speaking.
Is that the 556 ammo in the AR-50?
I laughed and I cried like my heart, soul, and mind were destroyed, deconstructed, redeemed, and transformed, and embraced by Jesus in the space of four or five hours it took to read this book.
I had previously read The Pilgrim's Progress by Bunyan and The Pilgrim's Regress by C.S. Lewis, so I was pleased to understand and get the allegory.
Praising God for his grace upon Kyle and Joel.
We humans are such limited creatures, which is why I find it so difficult to express my gratitude to God for enabling you to write this book and for me to read it and enjoy it all while searching my humanness as to why I rebel against my creator.
Truly, only God, only God knows.
Hallelujah.
Thank you and thank God.
From Val, aka Cockroach.
So we made Cockroach cry, maybe.
Thank you, Cockroach.
We appreciate that.
What a tribute.
Wow.
Well, we have something exciting on this podcast now.
Oh, you can buy the book on Amazon or wherever, by the way.
Now we have something new this week.
We are going to call in Travis for a new segment called Travis's Video Game Corner.
I was thinking about first-person shooters recently.
I am obsessed with violence, but GoldenEye is routinely my favorite, but it has a different environment now that you don't see anymore, which I think is disappointing.
There's a mission structure where you have almost free reign within a level, and then you need to complete different missions.
And if you don't complete the missions, the level can't be won.
Whereas, like, something like Call of Duty, I've noticed it's a very linear level, and there might be mission objectives, but you almost part of the game.
It's the scripting comes in and takes over essentially.
So it might be like, oh, you're going to have to destroy these air guns or whatever.
And over the course of the level, you just end up running into them.
There ends up being a big fight around them.
They explode and you move on.
Whereas in Goldeneye, you had to actually think about it.
There'd be levels about, I don't know, destroying all the security cameras and things like that.
And I thought that was very clever.
And I'm surprised that no one's really caught onto that.
And the other thing that GoldenEye did that no one else seems to want to do is you could shoot a guard in the foot and then he would walk, he'd grab his foot.
And I don't know why games don't do that either.
You know, now, even with Call of Duty, you go in this big, huge AAA budget game, and you're shooting guards in the foot all the time, and they just, you know, collapse like you shot them in the chest.
It's very disappointing, especially when they have such a high budget.
You know, there was a Call of Duty game, Call of Duty World at War, had Kiefer Sutherland on the voice cast.
That's Mr. Jack Bauer, everybody.
And yet, they're still having the same old problems.
You know, guys get shot in the foot, they go limp, fall on the floor.
Where's the realism?
But I know that's that's kind of silly because video games kind of tie this marriage between reality and fantasy because you don't want it to be too real, otherwise, it's not a game anymore.
What's the point?
You know, which makes me think of Rainbow Six.
Rainbow Six was very good, but it had a huge problem with well, I mean, it would do the whole one shot, one kill.
But the problem is that people don't always die that way.
You know, you shoot somebody in the knee and they collapse to the ground and they're very upset, but they don't actually die unless you hit the femoral artery.
Everyone's already gone home.
No one's recording this.
You can go home.
They told me to.
Which brings me to Jurassic Park.
You see, in Jurassic Park for the Super Nintendo, they had first-person segments, but also an overhead view.
It was really fascinating, but terrible because it was a 16-bit console.
And I found that they always tried to work in 3D sections before the systems could really handle it.
And now, a word from our sponsor: BetterHelp.
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And our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/slash Babylon B. That's better H-E-L-P.com slash Babylon B.
Well, that was great, Travis.
Thank you for those thoughts on video games.
And now we are going to call in Sam Sorbo on Zoom, who is going to talk to us about home education.
Kevin Sorbo's wife.
It is Kevin Sorbo's wife.
And she's doing a homeschool conference and she's got some homeschool resources on the internet.
So we'll put links to that in the show notes.
All right.
Well, thanks for coming on, Sam.
It's good to talk to you again.
So, any of the longtime listeners of the podcast will remember we had you on before.
We talked about schooling and education and home education.
And that's what we're going to talk about again today.
So, why the heck should I homeschool my kids?
It's a lot of work.
You know what?
It's better for you as an individual to homeschool your kids.
In school, we are taught to put spirituality to the side.
So there's nothing spiritual about this earth.
And then you grow up your whole life, and the school tells you college prep and career readiness, that's what education is all about.
And what is college prep and career readiness but money, right?
That's their highest aim for you is money.
And in any case, you go through your whole life, you graduate college, you get a good job, you reach this pinnacle of success.
Like you say, yay, I've done it.
And you're not happy.
And you go, why am I not happy?
I did everything that they told me to do.
What is wrong with me?
Nothing's wrong with you.
The system.
The system is broken.
The system taught you a whole series of lies.
And we can't blame you.
You bought them because you were just a little kid when you started learning those lies.
And so what I'm saying is, save your children from that rude discovery and save yourselves too, because honestly, on the home learning journey, and this is what I teach, there's so much for you to discover from your children about yourself and about the relationship that you can have as a family.
And so we really ought to go back to the roots and understand that education, the education system in this country today, is actually the opposite of education.
It's basically the worst thing you can do for your kids.
The worst thing you can do for your kids is send them to school.
But what if I'm like Chris?
What if I'm a question?
What if I'm like Christian and spiritual and I want my kids to learn about God, but also I'm really lazy and I just don't want to teach them myself at home.
Is it a lot of work?
Is it a lot of work to teach your kids at home?
No, I mean, that, and by the way, I appreciate the photo that you have behind you.
I don't know who put that up, but I don't even know what's behind me.
Oh, it's our, I think you've got Sorbo behind you.
Oh yeah, yep, yeah.
I don't think we put that up specially for you either.
That's always there.
I love it.
I'm going to tell them that.
So, and this is what we talk about in the conference that I'm doing called the Playbook for Home Learning is I'm giving parents an actual playbook.
It's a book and it's like a workbook and a journal for their participation in the conference, but it's something that they can take home to reassure them because what you think about education is only what you've been taught to think about education by educators who wanted to make sure that they kept you in the system and got your kids when you had kids.
And so now we think that we have to educate a certain way.
And we don't.
We don't because it's built on lies.
You give the child the tools for learning and then you set them free with some guidance, but you set them free and they are intrinsically curious.
Is it difficult?
No, it's the greatest joy.
And that's what, see, see, if you look at it like it's difficult, you're only looking at one side of it.
You know what's difficult?
What's difficult is dealing with the bullies in the school system.
What's difficult is when your child comes home as a, you know, an eight-year-old and says, Daddy, what is, you know, that's difficult, right?
All the stuff that's going on in the schools, the abuse, the abject abuse, the child abuse that just happened in the preschool in Arizona, where a teacher purposely stepped on the hand of a two-year-old or a three-year-old little girl, need another little boy or two or three years old in the back.
And the other teacher, you know, was clearly pointing at him and being verbally abusive and then booped him in the head with her finger.
And what's hard is coming back from that.
It's easy to sort of look at it and say, oh, that just looks hard.
It looks easier for me to stick my children in with a bunch of strangers for them to indoctrinate, for them to put their ideas in.
And so then you have to look at the alternative.
And what I'm saying to you is, is the alternative is so much better than you ever dreamed.
I was at an event last night and a woman introduced me to her 12-year-old son and the boy was like, ugh.
And he sort of turned away and she got it.
She was booped.
Yeah, exactly.
She was a little embarrassed.
And she's like, you know, I'm sorry, he's 12.
I mean, what are you going to do?
And I said, well, if you're really asking, I would homeschool.
And she goes, really?
And I said, oh, absolutely.
You won't have to deal with that at all.
Oh, yeah.
But it's not just that.
You see, that's just the beginning.
That's the beginning of a trend.
If you don't handle that right now, you won't have a relationship with him when he's 18.
And so the playbook runs from June 24 and 25 in Fort St. Lucie.
I am planning to do the book that goes along with the playbook, but the in-person element, it can't be understated.
So we go through all of that, but then there's the exchange, like, well, what am I supposed to do?
I work, right?
What am I supposed to do?
Both parents work.
These questions that can be handled a little bit more intimately than just in a book somehow.
And then there's the community that I formed online, which is called Underground Education.
So I invite everybody to at least join the community and I'll be able to keep you up to date for things.
Somebody sent me a Facebook, you know, a picture of a Facebook thing.
And he said, I got a meme.
It's actually a message from Facebook.
He said, I got this, and I don't get this for anybody else.
And it says, you've received a video from Sam Sorbo.
Would you like to not receive any more videos from Sam Sorbo?
So I think my days on Facebook are numbered.
So join the undergrad education community so we can stay in touch because you know they took Kevin down.
Did they really?
Oh, they disappeared him and then they disposed of the body.
So there was like a message on Facebook discussion.
Was that figurative or?
No, for sure.
No, for real.
What did he get suspended for?
They didn't say.
They just took down his page.
He just went and the page was gone.
And then he had a friend who said, Kevin's at this page now because my husband just opened a new page.
He's like, I don't know what's happening.
I'll open a new page.
And Facebook said, you may not share this information, which is funny because isn't that like their whole business operation thing?
It's like you share friends' information and you, you know, you share.
No, this you may not share because Kevin Sorbo, man, he's dangerous.
Yeah, he is dangerous.
It's true.
I mean, LinkedIn took him down also.
How do you get kicked off of LinkedIn?
Isn't that just where you pick people up for jobs and stuff like that?
Call yourself Kevin Sorbo, and that's pretty effective, I guess.
I heard LinkedIn is pretty woke now.
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Well, look, they kicked off.
You have to put your pronouns in here.
What you're doing was posting things and saying, what do you think about this?
Posting Babylon B headlines.
Yeah.
Well, that's great.
Okay, so people can check out the conference.
They can check out your online community.
Now, I guess just as we wrap up, how did you get so passionate and involved in homeschooling yourself?
Oh, that's such a great question.
Well, first of all, I should say go to samsorbo.com for all the information on everything.
It's very clear that God set me on this path.
And so I'm just following up on a mandate really that I've been given.
But when I took my child out of school, I took him out after second grade, my oldest, and I started to homeschool the kids with a great deal of trepidation.
And that's all I tell those stories in my book.
And then I put him back in school and then I took him out again because I was so insecure.
And I started to realize that I'd been lied to a lot by the schools.
I understand what a tremendous gift I have in my relationship with my children.
It is tremendous.
There is no eye rolling.
There never was.
None of my teenagers.
None of your teenagers have ever rolled their eyes at you.
Not at me.
And not at their dad, maybe at other teenagers.
They are disdainful of teenagers who speak ill of their parents.
And, you know, on any given night, my teens, one of them will come into my bedroom when my husband's traveling just to sit and chat with me.
And that's a relationship, man.
And you can't, you're not going to have that when your child is away from you for eight hours a day, week after week, year upon year.
So we are a, we're a family.
And, you know, the Bible's very clear about that.
God created the family because that's, that's the, that, that's sort of the smallest level of government above self-government, right?
So, and, and we're, and what is the school doing?
It's, it's seeking to dissolve the family.
It destroys the family.
I say we have to find a topic she's passionate about next time.
All right.
Well, thanks for chatting with us, Sam.
And everybody go to samsorbo.com and check out.
What was the name of the conference again?
The name of the conference is the playbook for home learning.
It's right there on the samsorbo.com website.
And before I let you go, what does it make you if you only believe 12 and a half percent of the Bible?
What?
What does what?
What does it make you?
Is this a joke?
If you only believe 12 and a half percent of the Bible, an atheist, maybe.
Well, it depends which 12 and a half.
Well, you're an eighth.
Or an Episcopalian, maybe.
Oh, an eighth.
She said eighth.
Oh, I get it.
I get it.
Atheists.
You actually got it right and didn't realize that why.
Yeah, I just said atheist, but I'm going to post that on Twitter and not attribute it to you.
I'm going to steal that.
It's not mine.
Yeah.
There you go.
Well, thanks.
If you have any more jokes you want to pitch, you know, feel free.
You have our emails.
Have another one.
Yeah, we'd love to hear it.
Okay.
Who was the most business savvy woman in the Bible?
There's not that many women, so let me think.
Rahab was a prostitute, so that's pretty good.
That's like a lot of busy men.
I don't know.
Pharaoh's daughter.
She went down to the bank of the Nile and she withdrew a profit.
That's pretty good.
There's a lot of laughter.
It's pure teeth writing for you.
One of our B subscribers is a pun master.
Everybody's laughing in the other room, just so you know you can't hear them, though.
That got a big laugh from the bottom.
No, there's a lot of laughing over there.
I'm not lying.
I'm serious.
People are laughing at you, I probably.
Yeah.
The laughing people are in the room with us right now.
Well, thanks for joining us, Sam.
Everybody go to Samsorva.com, check out the conference.
Your studio looks great.
Thanks for having me.
Thank you, Sam.
That was awesome.
Keep being awesome.
Kevin Sorbo's wife.
Keep being that as well.
All right, here's some hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
You want to read this?
This is a one-star because I wasn't.
Oh, we got some.
We have some very, this, we got a lot of feedback on our Neil Brennan interview, which was one of my favorite.
He was the co-creator of Chappelle's show.
He's a great comedian.
He's a great special.
There's a lot of people that are fans that I guess didn't like the conversation.
This is from William79.
It says, episode 292 was terrible.
I had to keep checking to make sure I was listening to the right podcast.
And he kind of wasn't that like, he was, he's not, he's not like very conservative.
He's not super aligned with us.
He's not a conservative.
He's a fan of the show.
He's familiar.
Well, he's a fan of the Babylon B. He's he follows what we do.
I would describe him as somebody who's certainly more left-leaning, but he's open to discussing with people on the other side, not sort of beholden to one political.
I mean, he's, you know, he spent a lot of his life working with Chappelle, but he's a great comedian in his own right.
Yeah.
Three Mics is his stand-up special, which is very cool.
Yeah.
Yeah, he's just an interesting guy to talk to.
So what was the main criticism people had of this terrible episode of the terrible podcast with the terrible hosts?
You know, I feel like, I don't know exactly.
I think maybe it was out of the wheelhouse of our audience if they weren't familiar with it.
I know Neil Brennan.
And I think they're used to us having on people who are kind of 100% in line with our kind of political views.
He's, you know, in line with some of them.
I think where we disagreed a little bit was on cancel culture.
He's one of those people who believes cancel culture isn't a real thing or that people can survive it by getting their careers back afterwards.
And, you know, I also think if there are people who are coming in that are fans of his who might not be familiar with what we do, they might not like our point of view on it.
But I love that.
He was a terrible guest.
You thought he was?
No, I'm saying like if they were his fan, like if that, if that person was his fan, he said it was, he said the guest was terrible too.
So yeah.
So the Venn diagram crossover of Neil Brennan fans and Babylon B fans is like Adam Jenser.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It touches at one point.
I think it's good to discuss.
I think it's good to mine these different communities in comedy.
You know, I think it's important.
I like how I love that aren't 100% aligned with us.
So I think that's fine.
I think we're really used to doing that, you know?
And that's like something I noticed with cancel culture: people are like, oh, we don't agree 100%.
You're out.
Like, it's over.
It's like, well, I tolerate your views all the time.
So who's, you know?
Yeah.
Well, we give William79 a one star for a terrible review.
Bad review.
Terrible listener.
Terrible, terrible.
Terrible type.
Terrible comments.
Terrible grammar.
If you want something that's not terrible, continue listening to the subscriber portion where we have some bonus hate mail.
People didn't like our discussion about red flag laws.
So we're going to talk about that a little bit.
And we have a classic article of the week and we have some subscriber headlines.
Here we go.
Thanks for tuning in, everybody.
Coming up next for Babylon Be subscribers.
You know, I'm open to discussing that with people on the other side.
Well, I'd like to distance myself from the progressive comments that Adam.