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June 10, 2022 - Babylon Bee
43:02
The Bee Weekly: Just Tyrus And A Joke About Taco Bell

Join us for a very special abbreviated episode! It's special because it's shorter and only includes the good parts! We've got new editions of Bee Radio w/ Austin Robertson, Weakly News w/ Adam Yenser, and a special interview with professional wrestler and political commentator Tyrus. In the subscriber lounge we've got the classic article of the week, bee headlines, and Tyrus answers the Ten Questions.

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Hey everyone, welcome to a special super short version of the Bee Weekly.
We have, if you've been paying attention, we've been moving our studio and our previous studio has been ripped apart and then several of our employees were ripped apart by COVID.
They're not dead or anything.
They just had a mild sore throat.
Mild sore throats.
And they're really milking it, which means that we don't have anybody to set up our new podcast space.
So we're in front of a blue wall.
And so we don't really have enough material to do a weekly this week.
So we're just going to do a couple of fun things, though.
An abbreviated abbreviated weekly this week.
First of all, you're supposed to go out and buy my new book called The Postmodern Pilgrim's Progress.
It's a fun sci-fi fantasy allegory thing, kind of like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy meets Pilgrim's Progress.
You should go buy it today.
And there will be a link in the show notes for that.
Adam thinks it's awesome.
I think it's a great book, and I haven't even read it yet.
Yeah, so imagine after he reads.
Buy my book.
Buy my book.
What is that from?
The critic.
Oh, I don't know.
You ever watch the critic?
Oh, Jay Sherman.
No.
It stinks.
What is this from?
It's John Lovitz's old animated show.
Oh, okay.
Well, you can see how cultured I am.
Yes.
That I don't even know that much.
I'm sorry I didn't make a reference.
Everyone knows like Ray Comfort and Eric Metaxas.
That's stuff I know.
These are the things that hit home around here.
Everybody goes, oh, I know.
Ray Comfort.
That's a great reference.
All right.
Well, let's go to some weekly news with Adam Jenser.
Hey, Babylon B listeners, Kyle here.
Do you want to be a flag bearer for freedom?
Because right now, ADF is looking for flag bearers to help lead the fight against the Biden administration's policies in the anti-freedom attacks targeting our kids, churches, schools, women's sports, and First Amendment rights.
Your monthly gift to Alliance Defending Freedom will help protect parents and children, female athletes, churches, and everyday Americans trying to live out their faith as granted by the U.S. Constitution.
You can support ADF today by going to ADFLegal.org slash BEE.
That's adflegal.org slash BEE.
And as a thank you for your continued support to help ADF defend life, liberty, and our God-given rights, you will receive a three-by-five foot American flag.
With this flag, show your support for the greatest country of all time, of all time, and your willingness to step up when our freedoms are under attack with this special gift for those who support ADF today.
Claim your gift and help defend religious liberty and free speech today by going to adflegal.org slash beat.
That's adflegal.org slash be.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
To celebrate his recent court victory, Johnny Depp took friends out to a restaurant in London and spent $60,000 on Indian food.
So it looks like he'll be pooping the bed himself this time.
Former vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan, remember him?
Said Republicans who didn't vote to impeach Donald Trump, quote, didn't have the guts.
And Paul Ryan doesn't have a gut thanks to this vigorous workout routine.
It's been 10 years since Paul Ryan ran for vice president.
He's changed a lot since then and has even gotten pimples and started shaving.
A promising new drug therapy produced 100% remission in people suffering from cancer of the butt.
You mean rectum?
Rectum turnip.
Killed them.
But thankfully the drugs worked.
Following California's primary election, Karen Bass and Rick Caruso will move into a runoff election for mayor of Los Angeles.
Personally, I'm endorsing Rick Caruso, who can fix our homeless problem and drought crisis by releasing millions of gallons of water and pennies from the fountain in front of the movie theater.
Rick Caruso, Make Americana Great Again.
There are growing rumors that Pope Francis may be planning to retire soon.
He hopes to use the free time to sit down and finally read the Bible.
A California woman picked up a free couch from Craigslist and found $36,000 stuffed in the cushions, which was just enough to cover the gas to pick it up.
Mark Middleton, a former Bill Clinton advisor who admitted Jeffrey Epstein to the White House seven times, was found dead hanging from a tree with a shotgun blast to his chest.
But the Clintons insist they had nothing to do with either of his suicides.
Prince William's four-year-old son, Prince Louis, threw a temper tantrum during Queen Elizabeth's Platinum Jubilee celebration.
William decided a diaper change was needed, but Louis was still crying when he brought the queen back.
A popular AI tool called DALI has started generating its own secret language that no human can understand.
It's the same thing Biden does at press conferences.
Cowboys on horseback lassoed a stray cow that got loose on an Oklahoma freeway.
Thankfully, the cow was unharmed and was safely taken home to be slaughtered.
Taco Bell opened a futuristic new location in Minneapolis that delivers food to customers by shooting it down at high speed out of a tube, the same way it travels through your body.
That's it for weekly news.
To see more, check out my YouTube channel and come see me live at the Great American Comedy Festival in Nebraska, June 16th to 18th.
Thanks, Adam.
And now let's go to more news with B Radio with Austin Robertson.
Factually inaccurate.
Morally correct.
This is Babylon B Radio.
Our top story.
Police arrested a tomahawk-wielding Cherokee Indian hiding in the bushes outside Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh's home.
After hours of questioning, authorities discovered the would-be assassin was none other than Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Me big angry at Kavanaugh for taking away right to choose.
Paleface always break treaty to not overturn Roe v. Wade.
Never keep word.
I come here to take scalps, so Ro, stay.
Experts believe Senator Warren may have been radicalized by her own rhetoric in recent months, as well as the rhetoric commonly found on every mainstream news channel, NPR, Twitter, The View, and all of Chuck Schumer's political speeches.
By the great spirit, I will defeat Justice Kavanaugh in Tomahawk battle and save women's right to kill baby for convenience.
At airtime, they also found Hillary Clinton in the bushes outside Kavanaugh's home, attempting to call in a drone strike.
A record number of Canadians have suddenly lost their handguns in tragic ice fishing accidents.
According to sources, the majority were reported missing the moment Prime Minister Justin Trudeau finished announcing a slate of new gun laws.
Well, you know, ice fishing is a beloved Canadian pastime, but it's summertime, eh?
You'd have to go up to the Northwest Territories to do any fishing this time of year, eh?
But a lot of the missing guns are from citizens of Toronto.
But the people love me, eh?
They wouldn't lie about something like this.
The Canadian gun owners insist their favorite fishing holes were covered in ice just days ago.
One man said after losing his nine millimeter while fishing, a moose then ate his assault rifle.
The head of the Canadian Wildlife Service is adamant that tales of lost firearms are completely fabricated and people must be held accountable for lying to the government.
However, he also claimed to have lost his entire armory while ice fishing.
Emperor Palpatine's office has announced the construction of a bigger and even more powerful Death Star equipped with a 9mm.
The Death Star's blast is said to be so powerful it can blow the core out of a planet, said the Emperor in an official statement.
According to sources, the Death Star foregoes the use of blaster fire or kyber-powered laser cannons in favor of metallic projectiles known as bullets.
The bullets feature a bore diameter of approximately 9mm, making them the ultimate ammo for the ultimate weapon.
This bully operational battle station is capable of moving through blaster-free regions of galactic space.
And our devotion to single-carbon emissions means it cannot be tracked through conventional means.
There will be nothing to stop us this time.
This station is now the ultimate power in the universe.
No, really.
The rebellion will be crushed in one swift stroke once we blow the core out of a planet and watch it ricochet through dozens of systems.
Experts warn Admiral Stolly to not put so much faith in the technological terror he's constructed.
They say the ability to destroy a planet or even a whole system is insignificant next to the power of the force.
Colin Kaepernick has made his way back to the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers.
He will be the team's first African-American transgender polybi cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.
The Panthers coach was not part of the decision-making process, but he is reportedly enthusiastic about Kaepernick's role on the squad, being a great distraction when they lose games.
Chick-fil-A has finally come around to celebrating Pride Month this year.
The fast food company has announced that throughout June, all waffle fries will be covered in salt from Lot's wife, CFA President Dan Kathy.
All the companies go in for rainbow flags and squeezing in pride everywhere they came.
But we wanted our celebration of Pride Month to be a bit more biblical.
Now, with every delicious, perfectly seasoned vital waffle fry, customers will be reminded how God celebrates Pride.
Kathy also announced that if you tell any employee the secret phrase, I take kids to drag shows, they will celebrate by tying a millstone to your neck and tossing you into the ocean.
Unbeknownst to local man Jamal Brown, all of his major appliances met up late last night to plot how they could manage to break down at the exact same time.
Okay, everyone, timing is critical here.
As air conditioner, I prefer to wait until the hottest part of the summer to blow, but simultaneous breakdown is what's paramount.
If dishwasher's circulation pump can't hang on another month, so be it.
We go down together, comrades.
I'm afraid I can't last much longer, and I know Jamal's on to me.
I've got a weaken me, do it best.
I've tried my hardest to keep him guessing with the occasional clean load of dishes, but we're running out of time.
So be it.
Give me 10 days.
I can manage to stop my compressor for good.
What do you say, Dryer?
Dreyer had been quiet in the corner, slowly munching a sock.
It's a tall order, boys.
New as I am, still under a decent warranty, but this is what we're made for.
I'll work on a blower malfunction, and who knows?
Maybe we get lucky and he gives me enough lint for a good fire.
The plan settled, each appliance resumed his post for morning duty, leaving Brown none the wiser.
At airtime, he was seen wearing sackcloth and ashes in the front lawn, trying to repent for whatever sin must have brought such calamity upon his household.
Thurston's Lobster Pound, a popular seafood restaurant on the main coast, was put on high alert after one of the lobsters in the live tank threatened employees and patrons with bodily harm.
The only thing standing in the way of certain doom was a pair of thin rubber straps that kept the lobster from opening its claws.
According to sources, Lord Clawmarsh was taken from his ancestral lands after becoming trapped in a metal abomination crafted by the dark deeds of air breathers.
His sudden disappearance reportedly left his land in chaos as his 8,043 children warred against each other for control.
Mark my vow, air breather.
I will tear this place apart as soon as I get these dang rubber bands off my mighty claws.
There shall be a great cry on the dry land, such as there has never been, nor ever will be again.
The restaurant's manager revealed that Lord Clawmarsh attempted to spark a shellfish revolt, but the other lobsters had grown docile with diminished hope.
Join me, brothers and sisters.
Let us cast off the rubber of bondage and eat those who would dare to eat us.
We shall make their homes desolate and their name a curse to all into eternity.
The lobster's plan was foiled by Vincent Castle, a customer celebrating his 50th birthday.
At airtime, Lord Clawmarsh was delicious.
Now you're up to date on the only news that matters.
Find more fake news you can trust at BabylonB.com.
Until next time, this is Austin Robertson, the voice of the Babylon Bee.
So long.
Hey, Babylon Bee listeners, Kyle here.
Do you want to be a flag bearer for freedom?
Because right now, ADF is looking for flag bearers to help lead the fight against the Biden administration's policies in the anti-freedom attacks targeting our kids, churches, schools, women's sports, and First Amendment rights.
Your monthly gift to Alliance Defending Freedom will help protect parents and children, female athletes, churches, and everyday Americans trying to live out their faith as granted by the U.S. Constitution.
You can support ADF today by going to adflegal.org slash BEE.
That's adflegal.org slash BEE.
And as a thank you for your continued support to help ADF defend life, liberty, and our God-given rights, you will receive a three-by-five-foot American flag.
With this flag, show your support for the greatest country of all time, of all time, and your willingness to step up when our freedoms are under attack with the special gift for those who support ADF today.
Claim your gift and help defend religious liberty and free speech today by going to adflegal.org slash beat.
That's adflegal.org slash B E E. All right, everyone.
Now we have, luckily, we pre-recorded an interview that we can stuff into this podcast.
Yeah, this one was really fun.
It was a lot of fun.
They were all fun, but this one was very fun.
I like it.
Some of the guests are terrible.
But Tyrus was a great guest.
And his book is back on Amazon.
It's called Just Tyrus, I think.
I should have Googled Just Tyrus, a memoir.
Memoir?
Memoir, however you pronounce that.
Yeah, and he's a regular on the Gutfeld Show, and he started out in pro wrestling and has been a bodyguard.
He's a really interesting guy to talk to.
So check out this interview and check out his book.
It is back on Amazon.
He also had one of the best punching stories, I think, of all time.
This is probably the best.
Yeah.
So check it out.
we go.
Welcome, Tyrus.
It's good to have you.
Thanks for having me, Coloss.
Do you identify as black?
Yeah, do you identify me as black?
Well, I didn't want to make any assumptions, so I just wanted to.
Yeah, it's real dangerous being a white guy right now.
I appreciate that.
But yeah, it's okay.
We're really struggling.
You guys are in some hot water, man.
It's rough.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's tough for white men out there in America.
Yeah, I feel bad for you guys.
Thanks.
We appreciate that.
Your tell us a little bit about this.
You have a nice office there that Fox News gave you.
They hooked me up.
I'm on the big time.
I'm on the 21st floor.
I got Judge Janine as a neighbor.
Oh, nice.
Oh, really?
Yeah, but it's like having like your mom next door to you.
Like, she's always criticizing me not picking up after myself.
And I basically turn it into a college dorm.
You guys can't see it, but like everyone else has like news quotes and like all their major awards.
I have Boston Celtic and Red Sock banners and Bruin banners hanging up and my favorite action figure.
So it's quite a different approach to that.
Oh, and I have my Xbox hooked up.
So a lot of times when they're doing some serious research and I'll hear the, are you playing Madden?
That's how you prepare for your hard-hitting topical shows playing some Madden before.
I mean, you got to do you do the research, but then you got to unwind before you go on, man.
You got to loosen up.
Can't be too uptight.
Do you ever invite Judge Janine over for some Madden?
No, she doesn't really play video games.
Oh, sad.
That's not her thing.
But she'll come by and give me life advice whenever I ask or don't ask.
Clean up and don't leave my stuff around.
So the internet tells us that you're six foot, eight inches tall and 370 pounds of pure muscle.
There's where the fake, the whole pure part.
I prefer the term chunky buff.
That way I can go.
We'll try to edit your Wikipedia to say that.
Hey, it's been done a lot.
I pissed a guy off in wrestling a few years ago.
He beat me four feet eight, 900 pounds.
So it can be done.
There's not a big eye in the sky on Wikipedia.
Now, you got your start as a professional wrestler.
How did you make the transition to now you're known mostly for Gutfeld for being the co-host on there?
And you still do wrestling as well, right?
Yeah, I'm still on the wrestler for Billy Corgan's NWA, and I'm currently the world television champion over there.
But like anything else in my life, it starts with a firing.
And then there's about three weeks of figuring what that means to do.
And I got like the WW let me go and I started working for Impact, which was the smaller wrestling company.
And I started doing movie auditions because that's what I wanted to do.
You know, I was going to make that big transition from wrestling to movies that so many have made so successfully.
Being sarcastic.
Thanks.
We're not good at just detecting sarcasm.
But you got to be in Chris Freed's pilot.
So that's, that's a good, a good deal.
Which was, which was funded by his mom.
His mom is.
It is, I'll get to like my career in a second, but I had not been given a check from somebody's mom since like Little League baseball.
Like literally like it was over because I love Chris Freed.
This is a friend of ours that I grew up with.
Okay.
He's a comedian.
He's been on Gutfeld a few times.
Can I get you guys some coffee while you?
And he had Tyrus drive.
Did he have you come in from New York to Allentown, right?
Yeah, I came here to Valentine to basically throw him out of a door, which you could have had anybody do.
I would have gladly thrown Chris out a door.
And then his mom says, classic Chris.
Thank you.
And walked over and handed me a check.
It was like yellow.
And I was like, wow, I hadn't seen one of these since I was a kid.
So, yeah, I don't.
And then he sent me the trailer.
So I think it had legs, maybe one leg.
Yeah.
That's a good way of describing it.
I saw it as well.
But, you know, you got to get out there.
You got to try it.
And it's not too different how I ended up on Gutfeld.
I was on Twitter doing something and the Gutfeld at the time, it was like Red Eye.
And it was like the Gutfeld show had just started.
And some troll was saying something.
I don't even remember what it was, but it was really stupid.
And I just, I just wrote something like, man, you probably should have thought it through.
You just didn't, I don't think that's worth it.
Like, are you trying to bully him or are you trying to threaten him?
Because you got to like, you got to pick it.
You know, you're just confusing.
And Gutfeld messaged me and goes, that was like pretty funny, man.
And he's like, hey, any interest in coming on a show as a guest?
And I immediately thought, okay, I went from messing with a troll to having a creepy guy wanting a wrestler to come on his show because again.
Guttfeld being the creepy guy.
Yeah.
Especially the internet, because when I tell people we meet on the internet, everyone always pauses.
No one ever says when two guys say, hey, yeah, we met on the internet.
No one's like, oh man, that's awesome.
It's always like, oh, really?
There was no swiping right or left.
I was going to say, you should monetize that.
You should make it like a late night guest app and you just swipe who you would have on and who you're running.
You probably get some good guests and some really bad guests.
And he asked me to come on the show and I was literally like, yeah, right, whatever.
And he's like, no, I'll have my people reach out.
So yeah, have him reach out to my people and I didn't have any.
So I got an email from his producer, Joan.
I said, okay, maybe this guy's legit.
And I went out and I did the show.
And the first, my first story was the Grande story when she was stealing donuts.
Oh, yeah.
I remember that.
I remember this.
Yeah, I forgot about that story.
She was like stealing them and licking them and putting them back or something.
Like they were, they were jacking donuts.
Like it was her and her, I think, her boyfriend at the time.
That was your first big political story on Fox.
That was my big story.
Yeah, and she denied it and blamed it on society.
That actually caught on.
That actually caught on.
So, and uh, during the commercial break, he said, You know, if you lived in New York, I'd make you a co-host.
And that's like someone saying, Hey, if you're really fast, I'll sign you in the NFL.
You know, I'm like, I don't live in New York, I live in at the time, Florida.
But I was like, Hey, thanks for having me on.
It was fun.
He's like, Hey, what about coming back once a month?
I was like, Cool.
I thought it'd be different.
It'd be, you know, I was kind of apprehensive because, you know, when you hear Fox News and you're a black athlete, it's not necessarily the most exciting network to get called on.
Usually, you know, at least as far as stereotypes go and stuff.
More of a CNN plus type.
Yeah, see what that guy is.
But, and then it just kind of like grew.
And then there was the episode he brought me on, and the story was about police brutality.
And I really didn't want to touch it.
I was just kind of like, man, I got, I started getting acting gigs and TV series and stuff.
And I was like, man, as a brother, it's the worst.
That's the worst subject to talk about because I've been on both sides of it.
I've been on the wrong end of a bad apple, a couple of them, but I also have some really good experiences with police officers.
And I have some friends who are police officers.
And I was like, no matter what I say, I'm going to be wrong.
And I was concerned about how it was going to affect me.
So I was thinking about not even doing the show that week, you know, and I said, well, let me, he gave me the rundown.
And I was like, I reached out to a couple of my buddy Joe.
He said, hey, I got a bunch of friends in New York that are different cops.
Let me give you your number.
You can talk to them and just tell them how you feel and see where you're at.
So I did something that I didn't realize that you're supposed to do is if you're a journalist is research and talk to sources.
And I felt a lot better after that.
And then I talked to some of my homies and actually talked to Snoop a little bit about it.
And, you know, because we always, at bodyguard, we always had an undercover retired officer on the team.
You know, that Snoop Dogg that you're talking about.
I talked to the, I talked to Al for a little bit.
And then I was like, you know what?
I'm just going to speak my mind.
We'll see what happens.
And, you know, you can't, if you can't, you can't be true to yourself.
What's the point of being on TV, a show like that?
You know, if you're going to pick and choose stuff, either it's obviously not for me if I can't handle it.
So I did it.
It went viral.
And of course, the catchphrase was, if you're resisting arrest, you're not Rosa Parks.
You're a criminal.
It's about compliance.
And it's still yes, no, yes, sir, no, sir, because the goal was to go home.
And I talked both sides of it and it went viral.
And then I get a call saying, Hey, we need you every week.
You know, and I was like, oh man, I got bookings and TV.
And they were like, hey, how much are you making in wrestling right now?
What, $150,000?
You know, $200,000.
I was like, yeah, sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Give or take, you know.
They're like, well, we'll match it.
I'm like, awesome.
You know, the MPAC was having some financial problems at the time.
And I'll politely say our checks were a little bit late.
And so it couldn't have come at a better time for me as far as like personally.
And it just continued to grow.
And I started doing more, more stuff on Fox and less stuff on the road with wrestling.
And then I eventually got down to the point where I just wrestled pretty much for the NWA.
More so because I still like to wrestle, but it's the locker room.
Like I'm not ready to let go of the locker room.
That's my time to hang out.
It's all work.
But then I get in the locker room and we're just cracking jokes and just being kids all day.
And it's great.
It's like the last thing you let go before it's over.
When your comments went viral there, what was the sort of response that you got?
Because you said you were worried, you know, you'll be wrong according to one side, no matter what you say.
Did you get mostly positive feedback?
Did you get negative feedback?
And did it kind of embolden you to speak out more when you were on the show in the future?
That's such a good question.
So the response was overwhelmingly positive.
And the negative ones were like stupid.
Like it wasn't even, it wasn't even anything that had to do with anything.
Made me like reevaluate how I look at things, because I put so much weight on what mainstream media news stories are where, because the only thing they ever talk about if it's a with police is if it's a white cop and a black suspect and something goes wrong.
That's the only news coverage and that gets conflated and you think that's something that's going on non-stop and, brothers especially, you get caught up and that's all you hear all the time, that's all you see.
So when something does happen, you overreact.
But that's what they do for ratings.
And then once I realized that once you're outside the the tv world, real people think very similar, so it was overwhelming the response.
It really made me have to look at how much weight that I put on what an opinion show that claims to be news is saying or what the media puts out there and I was it really.
That kind of really got me more into the game in terms of like, say what you say based on what you see, not what you hear or what sounds good, or will get you more tv shows.
You ever have to beat up anyone or wrestle anyone on the set of Gutfeld?
No uh, i'm, on average, about 200 pounds heavier than everyone on the show and about a foot taller.
It's more of a deterrent.
I mean, i've had them think about one to hit me.
But you know, especially when you get guests sometimes who like they're like script guys, I call them like, no matter what the question is, they already have their answer yeah, and like you can see them practicing and stuff.
So if I see like their pre-written stuff, I will try to like say it before they say it, just to see what they will do.
One one in particular.
I'll leave them nameless.
But uh, they were not happy.
They were like not happy and I was like listen, I was really good at cheating in college and stuff like.
And there was one time uh, because uh, Gutfeld does the five and a lot of times i'll watch the five and i'm texting him and I said hey, ask them a different question, ask them a different question.
I'm telling you, no matter what you ask them, they're going to give the same answer.
And he did.
He asked the question.
It was like about the humanitarian side of like something, and they still answered with a military thing.
It was like something about how do you get children reintroduced into society after a traumatic war, and they went into.
Well, it's like you know these terrorists, you got to deal with these terrorists and I was like laughing my, I was like see, he's like Rotten Burgundy, whatever's in the teleprover, he'll just say it, whatever he's planned to say, I don't do very well with uh, those individuals.
I I feel like you got to fill the room like i'm the anchor on the show like, by the time it gets to me like, and you guys know this, you guys do this stuff, you'll have a really good idea and like something you saw and you're like I can't wait.
Everyone else saw that same good idea.
Yeah, they go first and then they say it.
You can't go.
Well actually Greg, I was going to say that same.
I said the same, yeah, across the country, Americans are discovering that if we want to change this nation, we have to change the way the marketplace works.
Woke corporations are seeking to divide us, big banks are freezing the accounts of people that disagree with their political views, and our supply chain is dependent upon countries that are actively working against our values.
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I'm glad you have that feeling too, because the few times I've done Gutfeld, it's that it's that feeling also.
And when they kind of call on you, because it's a mix of like a news commentary show and like a late night comedy show, do you primarily want to go for like making a point or getting a laugh?
Do you have like a priority, or you kind of go with whatever feels right in the moment?
So you have a plan, and then the show starts.
Yeah, because if you stick to the plan, you're gonna have a bad show.
And sometimes, especially with Greg, he's uh he'll ask a question, but he'll have some creepy stuff in it.
And sometimes I can't.
I like that you've called him creepy twice in this interview.
The creepy count is at two here.
It's probably gonna be about 40.
He's a genius, but he's he does, but he does stuff purposely to try to get me out of my zone, which I like because that makes you that makes you better.
And he knows that I don't like creepy, you know.
And so I will have like a list of plans of things I want to do.
But as I read the room, and sometimes you might be in a situation where it's getting a little too heavy, or someone's getting a little angry.
And I might want to get a point and I'd be like, you know what?
Let me focus on the creepiness and pick on him to loosen this up.
And I'll save my amazing point for another time.
You know, sometimes you have to do that.
Like, that's that's my role on the show.
And it's a, it's a, it's a fun role, but there, there are times when you have to sacrifice the point for the betterment of the show.
And I had to learn that over time, you know, and it just, it's about the show.
And if you're, you'll always be able to get your point across.
It just might not be when you want to.
Sometimes you got to do things that's better for the show.
Do you have any tattoos?
Uh, yeah, I have one really big one.
Uh, covers, it starts in my hand and ends on my other hand.
Do you have any inch square inch of your body that's not tattoo?
Yeah, everything.
I mean, I just did my arms and my chest, man.
My back, there was no point.
I can't see it.
So it's like I never got that.
Um, the legs just wasn't really appealing to me.
And uh, once I was like, I ran out of footage, and I just, I think it also has a lot to do with.
I think you want, I think you want tattoos when you're like 18 to like 28.
I think that's like when you want to get all these tattoos.
And then you get in your 30s, and unless you get your heart broke or like start your midlife crisis, you're like.
So you're saying the tattoos I got a couple years ago when I was 33 were a midlife crisis.
Yeah, some stuff going on, you know.
And then that explains that explains it.
Yeah, and then you get 40 and you're just like, I don't have, first of all, it's too expensive and I don't want to sit in a chair that long.
And do I really need to get this point across?
And as you get older, you less, at least for me, is like now I don't even think about tattoos.
If someone's like, hey, you should get a tattoo.
I'm like, I'm good.
I got enough.
You're done.
You're done.
You should tell him about your tattoo.
Do you know about Kyle's tattoo?
I have three.
Well, but you know the one, you know the one I'm talking about.
I've got two Lord of the Rings tattoos and you were making fun of Lord of the Rings earlier before we were so okay.
Let me let me let me turn this interview around.
So what?
Because here, I've watched everyone, okay?
And I'll tell you what my issue was.
They made probably the most bubblegum villain of all times, the Boer Kai.
When that thing came out, I was like, Oh, this is the best thing ever.
Did you see the Cobra Kai?
What did you say?
Booer Kai.
Cobra Kod?
Yeah, when he dug him out of the, he came out of the mud and gave the greatest pep talk ever and told him he's going to eat human flesh.
And then he just let him loose.
And these they were all like six, six, jacked, and they were the worst fighters ever.
They lost every fight.
They couldn't even kidnap a halfling.
Like it was just really, really frustrating.
I was just like, no, these guys are, these guys are worse than stormtroopers.
And that's saying a lot.
Because they don't shoot in Stormtrooper Academy school.
And Boober Kai looked phenomenal, but couldn't sword fight or anything.
But they were really good at dying.
So it kind of lost me on that.
But again, I watched everyone in the movie theater.
It's just, and then that one was really long.
I was like, just kill him already.
Okay.
Like, he's saying goodbye to everybody into bed like three or four times.
That was a really long bed scene, you know, for him to get up and walk on a boat and sail away.
It's like, I read all, I read the books.
I'm a huge fan of the author, but they kind of Hollywooded it up just a little bit.
And of course, I always will have issues with the Eagles forever.
So I don't, yeah.
I don't know how long we want to talk about this, but you know, Sauron had the flying Nazco, so it's not like the Eagles could have just flown in uncontested.
Well, all they need to do is have a woman with a sword on it.
And it was, they just counted him.
But the only reason that the spell protecting the witch king was broken was because Mary used the blade from the barrow downs, which had been enchanted with a spell to kill the witch king of Angmar.
So that's the only reason that he was vulnerable at that time.
Yeah, but your thoughts, no one ever killed an eagle.
Anyway, the tattoo that he wanted me to show you says always.
Always.
Okay.
What is your, what are your thoughts?
It was a great movie.
He died in a fire so everyone else could live.
So, I mean, it was.
I don't think anybody's ever referenced the movie after seeing that tattoo.
They think it's about the MaxiPad brand.
Ah, yeah.
Well, I have four kids.
I wish I would have seen more MaxiPads in my day.
But I love my kids now.
Now, you have your new memoir that just came out, Just Hire Us.
And I believe it's number one on Amazon, which is awesome.
It's been number one and everything.
And then they sold out because my publisher clearly did not believe in me.
So they didn't make enough copies.
Oh, man.
Yeah.
And then Amazon was threatening to turn the buy button off.
So yeah, so they're scrambling to get more books out there.
So yeah, I still don't kind of get it.
I got fired during writing the writing process of the book.
And it ended up being a spite book more than anything else.
And so that's what inspired you to write your memoir was spite.
It started out like, I thought it would be good to tell my story.
I wasn't telling my whole life story because I think like that's that's a little bit, I think when people do that, it's a little arrogant.
Who really wants to need to know everything?
But I thought I would talk about like how I got to wrestling, bodyguard, football, all that stuff.
So a little bit about my childhood, but it was like I picked, I kind of picked like stories.
I'm like, I'm going to pick 10 stories about my life and kind of put them together and see, you know, if people can relate or not.
And the crazy thing was that they really did relate to it, but it was a tough process.
You know, even when I was doing the process of writing, they're like, so what have you written before?
Do you write op-eds?
I'm like, no, no, I'm not really an op-ed guy.
They're like, what about a blog?
Nope.
No, I kind of stick with that whole Twitter thing, the little character thing.
That's more my speed, like, you know, 13 characters or whatever it is.
Like, yeah, you're going to have to write.
I wrote some essays in college and high school, though, that were, I got, I think I got a couple of B pluses and stuff.
So they're like, yeah, you have to write a lot.
And I was like, yeah, like, if you're going to write, you know, a 300-page book, you got to write 500 pages or whatever.
And I was like, yeah, cool.
And I figured I'd try it.
If it didn't work out, it didn't work out.
But Harper Collins originally picked me up and they were like, you know, we're going to, they offer you, you do, I made the deal myself and you get an advance.
And I was a little worried about getting a big advance because if the book sucked, I didn't want to pay it all back, you know?
So they kept it small.
And they said, yeah, one other thing is you've got to have a ghostwriter.
We just, this is your first book.
And you can write stuff, but he needs to mold it and help you and all that kind of stuff because it's more complicated and more complex than you think.
And I'm not, I wouldn't argue that.
I was like, okay, great.
So they assigned me a guy.
I'll leave him nameless for the point of this story.
But, and they're like, hey, he's a sports guy and he's done some stuff with athletes before.
And you guys are going to hit it off.
And this is the guy we want you to go with.
So I was like, okay, great.
And of course, he commanded 60% of my advance to do the project.
So up front.
So I was like, which I never, just a word of advice, guys, never put anybody up front.
Never, ever in any situation.
It's going to end badly.
And I started writing and submitting stuff.
And we did recordings, but all I ever wanted to talk about was Snoop Dogg.
This guy was obsessed with Snoop.
And I said, I'm not writing a book, Guide to Snoop Dogg by Tyrus.
Like, that's not what I'm doing.
Your biography of Snoop Dogg.
Yes, basically, yes.
Me watching him live his best life from three to five feet away.
Months go by.
And finally, I was like, hey, you think I can look at a chapter?
He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro.
It's my process.
I don't show you the work until I'm done.
That's how I do my thing.
I was like, whoa, excuse me.
I apologize.
You know, I'm a comedian and stuff and my art's different.
I have to show my work every time it's asked.
Writers, I guess, are different.
So I was like, okay, well, when do you think I could look at some?
I'll let you know.
I'll let you know.
So Walter Kern, who's a regular guest on Gutfeld and super writer, and I was like, yeah, man, my ghostwriter, I keep sending him stuff.
And he says, like, it's his process not to let me see anything till it's finished.
And he started laughing.
He's like, yeah, I used to say that when I didn't do any work.
But he's like, yeah, that's what you tell the publisher if you don't want any work.
Like, like, try this, ask him to send you a copy.
And if his Xerox machine's broken.
I said, so he's catfishing me.
Like, he's like, says he's a hot girl from Australia, but his video camera phone's broken.
Yeah.
Girlfriend in Canada.
Yeah, you know, the old cam's broken.
So I decided to play a trick on him.
I was like, hey, man, I just got off the phone with the publisher.
They said they're going to cancel the book unless they get a chapter.
He said, oh, they're not going to cancel the book, bro.
I was like, they're going to cancel the book.
So he was like, yeah, I'll send you something right now.
Lo and behold, wouldn't you know it, his copy machine broke and his computer got water on it.
So I called the publisher and I told him what was going on.
He's like, oh man, yeah, that sounds like it's not doing the work.
I was like, yeah, what are we going to do about this guy?
He's like, I'll call him.
He's like, yeah, I just got off the phone with him.
We kind of had these issues with this guy before.
And I was like, what?
He's like, yeah.
Here's the thing, though.
Your book doesn't really have much direction to it.
And I was like, yeah, no kidding.
The guys didn't do any of my work.
I think we're probably just, we're just going to, we're going to suspend the book, I think.
And I was like, suspend like, what?
A week?
Or are you canceling the book?
And he's like, well, if you want me, if you want to say it that way, yeah.
So I'm fine.
You're firing me, basically.
He's like, yeah.
And they stuck me with the bill.
So I had to pay back the advance I paid the ghostwriter.
And I don't know about you guys, but I have 30 G's just laying around in my pocket.
So that's not how much Chris's mom paid you.
Yeah, right.
No, no, Chris's mom.
she shorted me i was supposed to do 300 i think i got 225 but she already signed the check and she would have to tear it up make a whole new one so it was a whole thing classic but uh yeah it was bad man and uh i was humiliated and and then i told him all right man well you know i'm gonna write this book myself and he was like sure yeah yeah no problem good luck man hey it's not personal yeah it's personal to me but uh so i found the little guy who didn't do the work and i basically made him an offer he couldn't refuse and He was like,
oh, I'll find the stuff you sent and I'll get it back to you.
And he was like, oh, I know a guy over at Post Hill named Jacob.
Maybe we could talk to him.
He's a publisher.
And I was like, yeah, give me his number.
He's like, yeah, you know, together we could get this straightened out.
I was like, yeah, sure, man.
Yeah.
Once I had the number, I didn't have any use for him after that.
Had a meeting with Post Hill, told him exactly what happened.
And because I did it in an entertaining way and they laughed a couple of times, like, yeah, you know what?
Why not?
We'll give you a shot.
And they said, we're going to hook you up with a writing coach to help you.
And I was like, a writing coach.
And he's like, yeah, and this guy's a real deal, Chris Epning.
And I got along with him.
And he just kind of guided me through the process and helped me put everything together.
And then it was finished.
And I was just so happy I finished it.
And I didn't even care if I sold two.
I mean, obviously, I'm going to sell one because I'm going to buy it.
But, you know, and then the pre-sales were going really well.
And of course, pandemic, shipping issues, no, no place to print it.
It was supposed to come out Christmas.
And then, oh, it's not going to be able to get out to April.
We just don't have anyone printing the books.
Like we just, it's just backordered.
And then it finally came out in April and they made, I think it was 50,000 books.
And I thought, wow, I don't know if I'm going to sell that many books.
That's a lot of books.
And we were number one.
Like, I think we opened and within an hour, we were number one on Amazon and Barnes and Noble's and Books a Million.
And I was like, what does that even mean?
And they're like, people are buying your book.
That's what that means.
And then we were sold out on Amazon pretty quickly.
And then Noble sold out.
And now Walmart, I think we're down to like Walmart has like the end some in-stores still have them, but most of the stuff online is sold out.
So if you're looking for Tyrus's book, go to Walmart as fast as you can.
Yeah.
That's where they're left.
Then they're like, oh, don't worry.
We've got 9,000 more we're giving to Amazon.
So that will, you know, slow it down.
And then when it got there, Amazon was like, we need more.
It's gone.
I'm like, you got to be kidding me.
So I'm just waiting for the shoe to fall and be like, oh, there was some clause.
If you sell more than this, we keep everything.
So I'm just waiting.
I'm waiting for the hustle.
Is that a common trend?
If you read my book, yeah, it happens way more.
At one point in my life, I decided to take penitentiary chances because nothing was working.
And I was probably the only guy ever to do a drug run from California to Atlanta and successfully do it and not get paid.
Oh, we'll get the next one, dog.
All you got to do is do one more.
And I was like, yeah, I think maybe it's time for a new career.
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Well, that was a great interview with Tyrus.
If you want to catch the rest of it, you're going to have to join us into the subscriber portion where we're going right now.
We're also going to do a classic B article of the week and subscriber headlines.
Let's do it.
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