THE BEE WEEKLY: Reformed Dating For Catholics and The California Bacon Apocalypse
The Babylon Bee guys are joined by Joe Baldwin from Strategic Swine Solutions to talk about how California is soon going to run out of bacon, leaving them in a post-apocalyptic nightmare straight from Satan. The guys also set up a dating profile for Catholic Patrick on a Reformed dating site. The Weekly News gets a revamp with Adam Yenser taking the lead and there's the latest Heroes of the Faith featuring Canadian nudist bombers. This episode is brought to you buy Issues, Etc. Radio Show and Podcast. Go to https://issuesetc.org/babylonbee/ to see their interview with Kyle Mann and Joel Berry. Be sure to check out Adam's Cancelled News Segment on his YouTube channel. Also be sure to buy pork products to make Joe Baldwin happy. In the subscriber lounge, the guys finish Patrick's Reformed dating profile with a video they coach him through, there are subscriber headlines of the week, bonus hate mail, and Joe Baldwin answers the Ten Questions!
Scientists say that blood from athletes could be transfused to keep lazy fat people healthy.
But of course, scientists say all sorts of crazy things.
California is making their best attempt to run everyone out of the state by reissuing a statewide indoor mask mandate.
And if that doesn't work, California is going to ban banking.
And we'll take a look back at Heroes of the Faith, the Freedomites, who like to bomb things and run around naked way back before either of those things were in vote.
All this and more on the B weekly.
Hey, you guys, Kyle here.
We've recently been doing a lot of interviews and promotion for our new book.
And I wanted to highlight one interview I did with a podcast and syndicated radio talk show called Issues, etc.
Now, if you've never heard of Issues, etc., it's a show that features solid, serious, substantive interviews with experts in theology, apologetics, ethics, philosophy, law, and culture, and a lot more.
It was one of the more in-depth interviews that I did.
It went about 40 minutes and we talked about a wide range of topics.
Host Todd Wilkin asked questions and just kind of let us go off and talk and he didn't interrupt us, which is a great thing.
Sometimes in these shorter radio shows, you end up having to just fire off a real quick soundbite and then you get interrupted by a commercial break or whatever.
So it was a great time.
I encourage you to check out Issues Etc.
Now, if you go to issuesetc.org slash Babylon B, you can hear that interview.
And I encourage you to check that out and also check out their other episodes as well.
Go to issuesetc.org slash Babylon B, you can hear that interview.
And I encourage you to check that out and also check out their other episodes as well.
How was your week?
Oh man, jolly good.
I had a great week.
We filmed the alien sketch.
Did you see our alien sketch, Kyle?
I guess you weren't there.
I wasn't there.
I missed it.
Yeah.
It turned out amazing.
It was a lot of our most highly high-production.
I did watch it.
I was not there, but it looked like incredible.
Yeah.
Your writing's all right, but you know, it's really good looking.
It was funny and it looked good.
We had our highest amount of people, extras, we had like a full crowd there.
And we even had our writer Ehrlich Wheatstain, who stays hidden.
But he was the alien.
He had full prosthetics.
He had like a makeup guy that sat there for hours putting it on his face, gluing it, gluing it on, gluing it, gluing it.
The spaceship effect, both the digital version and the lights in the trees, it all looked pretty cool.
Yeah, it looked amazing because we had all these giant lights up in the trees on our buddy's property.
It was cool.
And we did it all for like $17.
Oh, yeah, it's really cheap.
Which is dirty cheap.
Quite amazing.
We even had a comment, I believe, on the video, which is, oh, there it is.
Someone commented they saw my son Calvin because in the video, spoiler alert, the earth gets destroyed.
That's a little bit sad when you realize he was a child in the audience.
Like, yeah.
You know, we all know that the earth's covered.
I was going to say, if you see the earth straight, you're going to be like, thank goodness.
No, you're going to be a little bit more.
You still see him there.
And he's looking up at me, but also like, so this Lindsay on YouTube says, that poor little one, he was looking at you guys like, hey, there's an alien.
Does anyone else see this?
And he was kind of like that.
Like, we kept saying, like, the direction was, walk up to the trees, the lights come on, act surprised.
But he was like, with that, he was walking with me.
He's like, what is it?
What's up?
What's going to happen?
All of a sudden, Lex, is that an alien?
But my favorite part was that he was with my wife part of the time.
And my role in it was to just be shouting at the alien, you big dumb alien.
And so he kept asking my wife, why does daddy hate aliens?
He just couldn't understand why I was sitting there shouting the alien down repeatedly.
Did you ever explain to him that it was a sketch or is he going to be in therapy like yours or like on one of those history channel specials?
Like I had an alien encounter.
There's so many layers to the, you know, as a kid.
How can you understand?
Now I want to know, was Ehrlich directing in the he was directing in the alien costume.
He was.
That's wonderful.
Yeah.
It was hard to take him seriously too.
And he was very cold, so he was doing this weird like swaying thing the whole time.
You have to stop him like, he stops swaying?
It's weird.
Yeah.
Yeah, so that was that was cool.
Nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
Cool.
Cool.
Fun.
Nice.
Hey, we've got a subscriber there.
Oh, dear.
This is subscriber dare.
This is from Rachel Knutson.
Knudsen.
Knutson.
I think the case is silent.
Knudsen.
No, she says right here.
Oh, she told you how to say it?
Knutisen.
Oh, yeah, Knutsen.
Wow.
Okay.
So, all right.
She says, I'm currently a consistent peasant listener, and I'm finally ready to take the next step with the Babylon B. My subscriber dare is as follows.
You must cover this dating app website on the show.
It's called Reformed Mingle.
And you must set up a dating profile for Patrick.
Patrick.
The single man, the old Kacklin Patty.
And if you haven't, if you're not on the video feed, get on the video feed and look at the logo for the site.
Yeah, you got to see that.
Because it's John Calvin winking.
He might be wearing lipstick suggestively at you.
Yeah, so we're going to do this.
We're going to create a profile for...
Now, we're going to create it.
He has no say.
Right, correct.
All right, so first thing we're going to do is pick his profile picture.
And we had Brandon put together some photos.
So the first one is the original photo, right?
And we did some enhancements.
So we got the Axecott mustache.
Oh, the Burt Reynolds.
Wait, is that first one a real photo or did they touch that up at all?
It's touched up.
Oh, the first one's touched up too?
That doesn't, yeah.
He looks too good.
Yeah, we're going to say it's too handsome.
His lips look good.
Yeah.
We've got to make the facial hair patchier.
Okay, so the first one's kind of the J.J. Abrams director look.
Yeah.
Then we've got mustache.
Yeah, like Burt Reynolds.
Pedro Pascal.
And then we got the beard guy with the music producer kind of guy, like the guy that has a recording studio.
Or like a guy who has a band that's kind of like Creed.
Yeah.
He's like their manager or something.
Oh, no, that next one is more Pedro Pascal.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
He looks identical.
He definitely has some kind of drug use thing going on.
All right, so we've got Narcos or Mandalorian there.
And then the bald one.
Dude, the bald one looks so reformed to me.
Like, that looks like a Bible church pastor or something.
It does, yeah.
I can see him with a pipe in a C.S. Lewis book or I get Calvin.
He's like sitting down to counsel you.
Yeah.
About your flirting with Catholicism.
Yeah.
All right.
He's like, I understand you've been hooking up with people on Reform Mingle.
We need to talk about your behavior.
So we're going bald?
I understand that you've been reading some Max Lucado books.
All right.
I'm going to save this image.
So we've got Reformed Pick.
Okay.
And then we're going to go on the website here.
And I think Dana's already set up the account.
Yeah, we've started.
So we just got to fill out the must-haves, can't stands, the compatibility stuff.
You're signing in?
Yeah, I'm signing in here.
I haven't even seen this website.
All right.
So we've got his date of birth already in here.
It looks like City Gender.
Gender, Patrick.
We're going to go male.
He can't answer.
There's only two options for gender.
So far, so good.
Which, yeah.
Okay, so we've got three interests that it says we can pick a minimum of three interests for.
Okay, so what are the ladies really going to so child rearing?
Can't see.
Oh, yeah, child.
I see the children.
Sola scriptura.
Children.
Sola scripture.
Wait, Bible.
Oh, yeah, see, is there a Bible on here?
Let's see.
Bible's not on here.
Bible?
Oh, you can.
It's a drop-down?
It's a drop-down.
Oh.
I'm trying to have a predestined.
They have a set list of interests that they're allowed to be interested in.
The whole profile is predestined.
How about Meditarian?
Meditarian?
I'm going to pick Meditarian.
What else?
Maybe I can type one in.
Bible reading.
Nope, doesn't let me type it in.
Wow.
So we've got Medatarian.
What else?
I can't see the options.
What are some of the other options?
Martial arts.
Magic shows.
Yes, magic.
Not performing and I'm going to watch it.
Yes.
We're going to do an update with responses, right?
He's very into going to magic shows.
Okay, horseback riding, gaming, fairy tales on here.
There's LARPing on there.
Let's see.
LARP.
No, no LARPing.
RPGs or something, maybe?
Yeah, role-playing games.
Yeah, role-playing games.
Okay.
So he's into magic shows, role-playing games, and meat.
Okay, so we have an image.
Oh, it says we need a minimum of five images, though.
Oh, just put all these in.
I like every different look of him.
Yeah.
But Baldwin has the main profile.
Yeah, yeah.
How tall is Patrick in our fantasy world here?
Should we make him a little shorter than he is?
Women like the tall, right?
Yeah, you know.
That's the only thing he's got to do.
But what's our goal here?
Is it to find a match?
No, he's just 6'4.
6'4?
Yeah, okay.
We're not trying to catfish too hard.
Ethnicity?
Oh, yeah.
Throw a little, because he's partly Italian, but maybe we could throw in some Bolivian or I don't know, something Latvian latinx.
Okay.
What's like a sexy, what's a real sexy nationality?
French?
No.
Spanish?
Yeah, like Brazilian or like... Brazilian, Italian?
Yeah.
Yeah, South American, something else.
Because you get spaghetti, but you also get like a skewer of steak.
Steak skewer and a sword.
Huh?
I'm trying.
I was baffled.
I lost his is it a drop-down menu of ethnicity?
It is.
It is?
Oh.
All right, let us know our options.
Okay, we got Japanese.
Arab, Asian, black, Hispanic, Native American, Pacific Islander, South Asian, white, other.
Hmm.
Did you go the old other?
Other?
Yeah, that makes it a little mysterious.
Okay.
Okay, affiliation.
We can pick his church.
Oh, can we say he's Catholic?
Let's see.
See, that's what I wanted for ethnicity.
I wanted to say he was 98% Italian and 2% Catholic.
They have a lot of options here.
Okay.
But there is no Catholic.
What's the closest to Catholic you can get?
Probably Anglican.
Anglican?
Yeah.
Okay.
So let's say he's Anglican.
Is this thing purely drop-down?
This is really disappointing if it is.
So far, yeah.
Okay.
Job title.
I think we can type this in.
Yeah.
Okay.
Job title.
So what does a reform girl do I want to see?
Job title?
Like craft beer brewer or something heroic.
Firefighter or something.
Honey harvester.
Maybe like something naturalistic like that.
Yeah, I like that.
Essential oil.
What's the word for beekeeper?
Beekeeper.
There's a word for it.
Yeah, it's like a real word for beeper, isn't it?
Well, yeah, but there's a word for like a something.
Like a really technical, kind of like how boxers are called pugilists.
I have a really fancy word for it.
Another word for.
I know for butterflies, it's Lepidopterist.
We could make it a Lepidopterist.
We could make a butterfly farmer.
Butterfly farmer.
Farmer.
APRIS.
APRIST.
EPRIS.
Is that bird?
One who keeps bees.
Oh, APR.
All right, that's it.
All right.
Apiarist, however you say that.
Apurist.
Apurist.
Education.
This is a dropdown.
Okay.
Make him a doctor?
Sure.
Okay.
He's a doctor.
Should he be single, divorced, doctor and bees?
I like it's a hint, too, that he's from the Babylon Bee.
Hey, yeah, I didn't even think of that.
Oh, yeah.
Dropping it in.
Is he single, divorced, or widowed?
Should we go widowed?
I think we should.
We're screwing with people's hearts here, man.
Kids, no kids, grown children.
Have kids that live with me.
Wants kids?
Just no kids, yeah.
Okay.
Stance on alcohol.
Dude, there's only three options, and none of them is true of Patrick.
What are the three options?
Opposed to casual drinking.
I don't mind others drinking, and I only drink in moderation.
And I know none of those are true of Patrick.
How could a reformed bingo not have heavy drinking?
Yeah.
All right, I'm going to say he drinks in moderation.
Stance on tobacco.
I smoke cigarettes.
I smoke pipe or cigars only in moderation.
I don't mind others smoking a pipe or cigar, and I'm opposed to smoking.
Either way, he's got to be a cigarette.
Cigarettes.
It's like the idea of this doctor out there smoking cigarettes, working on the bees.
Yes.
Okay.
So the only thing is I need a buttload of images.
And then finally, if a train is about to hit the news, boys, you got to balance it out because the girl's going to be like, doctor.
And then she'll be like, cigarettes?
She's going to be torn.
You want him to be a total slam dunk.
Yeah.
You want him to be like intrigued.
Yeah.
And she'll be thinking, I can change him.
I can get him to quit sex.
I can reform him.
Yeah, I can reform him.
Anything left?
Is it not a dial or something?
That's it?
Well, no, I think there's another page.
Harmony has like five pages.
I think there is another page, but I have to get more pics on here.
Oh, yeah, or it'll let me read there.
If anybody has pictures of Patrick, I can use.
I like putting all those.
Can we call this calf fishing because we're putting a Catholic on a reform book?
He's calf fishing.
Oh, he turned out to be a Catholic.
I'll check his Facebook page.
All right.
I've got one of us in a teacup.
And I have one where you sit single riders.
He's standing in front of the single riders.
Oh, yeah.
I'm trying to go way back in his photos.
Oh, man.
Actually, he probably is a lot of them.
I have a picture of our legs in the teacup together.
That's a good one.
All right.
It's like four pictures of you in the teacup.
All right.
Let's check albums.
You got any good albums?
Oh, and you and MJ.
Should we do one of you and MJ?
No, that's like the worst on a dating site.
No, girls like when they see they got some competition.
Here's it.
They like when they see you around other attractive girls.
They're like, hey.
There you go.
Yeah, I'm doing it.
There's an album called Awesome Night on his Facebook.
It's like him and all his buddies.
Where he was not drinking in moderation.
It's very blurry.
There's no option for videos on there, is there?
What was that thing where he was screaming and pointing to his arm?
That millennial saying or whatever?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God, that's the next page.
Okay, so I have selected five images, all of Patrick in a teacup at Disneyland.
Back when he had hair.
Yeah, it's like completely different hairstyle than the other one.
Okay.
Oh, you have to have a spotlight video.
Spotlight video.
What was that thing that he yelled?
What was that line?
I just put in one of his Babylon B an action shot of you doing something you love.
So, upload video.
Man.
Reform mingle.
They like media.
Can I move to the question section?
Oh, I can move to the question section without doing that for now.
Okay, how did you come to savingly know the Lord?
Okay.
I was a Catholic and realized the error.
I was a Catholic and then I read the Bible.
And then one day I accidentally read the Bible and got saved.
How did you come to know of reform theology?
I just told you that I read the Bible.
RC sproll into my heart.
What are your beliefs as it relates to gender roles, parenting, schooling, and lifestyle?
Pro, pro, pro.
I don't know.
I am pro.
I basically follow everything that Maccabees says.
I follow everything in the book of Maccabees.
Probably give you the most responses on a dating profile.
I know it is not scripture, but there is still some good wisdom there.
How would you describe your personality and interests?
And what are you looking for in someone else?
It is not I who looks, but the Lord who finds it is not I who looks or makes that decision, but the Lord who directs my heart.
I also really like bees.
Anything else you feel your crush should know?
Hmm.
I don't.
I have.
Does he have any like on his record?
Anything on his record he needs to know about?
There are no secrets about me that I have not revealed here.
Nothing major.
I have a weird mole that you'll see if we get married.
I'm a registered sex offender.
But I can explain.
I can explain.
I'm an unregistered sex offender.
I'm just going to say no.
No.
What level of involvement do you have in your local church?
He attends infrequently.
Okay.
What are your views on homeschooling?
Yeah, what are your views on homeschooling?
I'm going to say he does not want to homeschool.
Viewer?
On the supernatural gifts.
I got my doctorate through homeschool.
I can only click.
This is a view on the supernatural gifts.
Is it a drop-down?
No.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
What are options?
Gifts have ceased.
I believe the supernatural gifts continue till today.
But I'm not charismatic.
Sounds good.
I like that one.
It's very nitpicky.
What's your preferred style of worship?
No instruments.
Some instruments.
Worship band.
No instruments.
No instruments.
It's definitely no instrument guy.
Gender roles in marriage.
The wife is to be the head of the marriage.
There you go.
How is that an option?
That's a reform thing?
What is your view towards a wife having a career outside the home?
He loves it.
I think a wife should be free to have a full-time career outside the home.
I kind of like the idea if he thinks the wife is the head of the home, but she also cannot get a job.
I like that if her supporting is a good thing.
She's got to stay home and be the head of the home all day.
What is your view on divorce and remarriage?
Did we say he was divorced?
No, we said he was widowed.
So he should say divorce and say, there should be no marriage after divorce.
All right.
I'm going to say no divorce.
What Bible translation do you prefer?
There's only two options: KJV or NASB and ESV.
Or I prefer some other translation.
Okay.
He's a KJV guy, I think.
How many children would be your ideal?
One to three, four to six, seven plus.
Seven plus.
Oh, yeah.
What is your view on spanking?
That's a hive.
For children.
What is your view on that?
Love it.
Are there options?
The options are giving or receiving.
Consistent, loving, spanking.
I don't believe in spanking or seldom spanking.
That's consistent.
For sure.
I want to have seven kids in spanking.
Consistent.
What is your view on adoption?
I really want to adopt.
How often do you read your Bible?
Every now and again.
Are you athletic?
Is it yes or is it just yesterday?
Really?
Yes, kind of.
I make him athletic.
Sure, yeah.
He's an athletic beekeeper.
Would you consider yourself an intellectual?
Absolutely.
No, for sure.
How many pets do you prefer to have?
Is there a seven plus?
There's a four plus.
Four plus.
All right, so we're done with the quiz.
All right.
To see the full thing of everything we just did, subscriber portion, you need to see the video we set up for Patrick.
But we need constants every week of.
But we need to see how we'll be coming back and reading with the responses that Patrick's going to get.
We will be replying to them.
Yes.
All right.
Great.
Cool.
We just got a new subscriber.
Welcome, Rachel.
That was a lot of work.
That was the longest subscriber challenge ever.
We made a quarter an hour there.
So we got our Babylon Banger of the Week.
Banger of the week.
Oh, yeah.
Rudolph changes name to Rolanda.
Dominates female reindeer games.
That's the same joke.
Same joke.
And it absolutely killed, man.
Good time.
They love it.
At least we didn't use the word identifies.
It's a name change.
It's different.
It's a new joke.
Yeah.
Change his name.
Yeah.
It didn't change the gender.
Yeah.
But he's wearing a wig.
Yeah.
Pink wig.
It's nice.
Okay.
And what bomb?
What did nobody like?
Bomb of the week.
Heresy.
This Christian band didn't replace the T in their name with a cross.
At least it's a new joke.
We didn't make that joke till now.
We didn't make it.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's just been sitting there waiting?
Yeah.
Oh, this bombed hard, man.
This guy like no likes.
Wow, sad.
This was a Chris Cowan joke.
Chris Cowan.
Chris Cowan.
Fired.
The dunce cap of shame for this week.
But yeah.
Cool.
All right.
Well, speaking of this week, we're going to get into the news.
And for news, we now have a special guest coming in on the weekly.
We're going to go to weekly news with our host, Adam Jenser.
It's time for the weekly news with Adam Jenser.
Thanks, Ethan.
An Italian bishop apologized after telling a group of kids that Santa Claus doesn't exist and was created by the Coca-Cola Company.
Said other Italian bishops who had to apologize to kids.
Wait, that's all you did?
Oof.
Oof.
We'd like to distance ourselves from Adam Yenser.
What do you mean by that?
Catholics are really getting hit a lot in this episode.
But the Catholic bishop, he did then walk back his comments and assured the children that Santa Claus is as real as Purgatory, the Immaculate Conception, and the authority of the Pope.
Classic Catholics owned.
Oh, man, we're losing all our Catholic listeners.
But he still insists the tooth fairy is a bunch of gay propaganda.
The woman who controls the rights to the James Bond franchise said that the next James Bond might be non-binary, meaning he'd still have a PP7, but no PP.
Can I scream?
These are the ones that pass by me.
No, this next one is the one you specifically don't want me to do.
In keeping with the politically correct theme, the new non-binary Bond's first love interest will be named Front Hole Galore.
Kyle told me I could say that in the Slack earlier.
I just like squeaked.
I put it in here.
That was like the sound of a ferret getting stepped on.
You can bleep out all of this.
You can bleep this entire segment.
We have four hours of Patrick's dating profile to fall back on.
Can I just say that the James Bond lady did not actually say this?
Which is a big right-wing outrage.
Oh, yeah.
She was kind of asked a leading question about it and kind of in a dismissive way.
Any chance James Bond could be non-binary?
Yeah, we're open to all kinds of things.
She says no.
Yeah.
Although the proper response is no.
James Bond is a man.
Last time I checked.
Jesus has to stay a man and the woman has to stay home being head of the household.
I heard originally James Bond was a girl in the books or something.
Really?
Maybe looked up and was like, kind of crazy.
I don't know.
I have to look.
Someone look it up.
Bye.
Go ahead.
I feel like this James Bond, like when that laser was coming out of his crotch, this James Bond will be like begging the villain to laser his groin.
Why?
It's a medical procedure.
There's nothing to do with it.
Get rid of the pain of parking.
I took that the wrong way.
I'm not sure about it.
Laser surgery.
On Saturday, former NFL star and host of Good Morning America, Michael Strahan, traveled to space.
And sort of a paradox because space is infinite, but somehow his two front teeth brought more space to space.
Does he have big front teeth?
It's a very visual joke.
Okay, we'll put the picture up.
I wonder if that gap whistled as he was going into space.
As he's soaring into the atmosphere.
Ultra-conservative lawmakers in Iran are proposing a bill that would almost entirely ban owning pets.
Said one lawmaker, animals aren't something you can just own and keep in a cage like a wife.
I hope you guys are enjoying the first and last segment of weekly news.
We did a lot of Iranians.
Yeah, we're losing our huge Iranian listeners.
I always like looking at that map of demographics.
Yes.
And it's like, we got a U.S. and Australia.
And then there's like always one guy.
Yeah, there's one guy in each case.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So we lost our one Irani.
Yeah, there he goes.
Oh, hey, he's critical of his own.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of people over there that oppose that.
Iran is a fantastic country with a diverse demographic.
We saved it.
In a PBS interview, Chris Christie said it is undeniable that President Trump is the person who gave him COVID last year.
Now, Trump was social distancing, but still coughed on the end of the six-foot party sub Christie was eating.
Makes it sound like they made out or something.
Yeah.
There's nobody else.
He's like, oh, yeah, I made sure I got it from him.
A professor at Fordham University was fired for accidentally mixing up the names of two black students in his class.
It doesn't sound that racist at first, but the two students were named Matt and Jennifer.
To prevent similar racist things from happening in the future, Fordham will now require all black students to wear jerseys with their names on them.
Hold on, I'm gonna.
You typed black with a capital letter.
I'm gonna uncapitalize it.
Whoa, racist.
Now who's alienating viewers?
Wow.
See, I okay.
I always opposed to it.
Oh, I always go capitalize black, but also capitalize white.
That's the new rules, yeah.
Yeah.
But it was like a year and a half ago they like memory hold like all people just.
Oh, the new rules, you capitalize everything capitalize everything.
But for a while, I heard, I don't know if it was a rule, but for a while, there's people pushing to keep black capitalized, but not capitalize white.
Right.
Because black is good and white is evil or something.
So they're not doing that now.
Yeah.
Well, I've capitalized.
Can I get back to my dirty jokes?
Yes, I've uncapitalized.
Do you capitalize white still?
No, I don't know.
He does white all caps and bold.
All cap.
Underlined.
Yeah.
In comic scenes.
There should be a different wild lesson.
That's how it should be.
Like for there should be a different font for each ethnicity.
It'll be diverse writing.
Yeah, exactly.
A Bitcoin millionaire who retired at the age of 35 is now complaining that being rich is boring.
So he'll be excited to learn that Bitcoin is crashing and he's poor again.
A growing number of men are opting to take their wife's surname after marriage and to wear their wife's wedding dress during the wedding.
No word on whether they'll keep her surname after she leaves them for a real man.
I feel like that's the kind of guy we made Patrick out to be in his dating profile.
The wife is the head of the household.
How do you have that conversation?
Like, whose name do you want to keep?
Yeah, really.
Yeah.
Is it like, you know, I think I have friends that mashed theirs together.
Like they did like an amalgamation of his last name and her last name.
So like if like one of us got married, so Jenser and Nicole.
Jenser.
If we if we got we're very progressive in that we got gay married.
Yeah, yeah.
And for you, it's a plural marriage.
It's true.
And then we're now, does your other wife, Ed Kids, take our maiden name too.
Yeah, if we'd use her just like five hyphens and you just make a word up.
Yeah.
O.J. Simpson was discharged from parole two months early and is now a completely free man.
Finally.
And he says he's all ready to get back out there and take another stab at the dating scene.
It's too easy.
I disapprove.
Should we just roll the tape?
I disapprove of it.
Door McDonald's for like 20 minutes.
Yeah, exactly.
According to her brother, even Ghelain Maxwell believes that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered.
Specifically, she believes he was murdered by this guy Benicio, who she paid $50,000 to murder him.
Are you saying people named Benicio sound like they're murderers?
It was just a random file I picked.
Yeah.
I'm going to put Hispanic in capital letters in front of it.
I mean, you know, the name Benicio, you probably have a higher chance.
Yeah.
That's a murder.
Statistically, highest hitman name is Benicio.
Yeah.
True.
Scientists say that blood from athletes could be transfused to keep lazy fat people healthy, except Magic Johnson.
Do you guys approve or disapprove of that one?
See, I'm not.
Do you guys get it?
I understand it.
It is weird.
It's like if only there was something else they could, some other way they could keep fat people.
But you could go outside and exercise.
And they're like, no, can you harvest Tom Brady's blood for me while I sit here watching him on TV and eating pork rice?
That's probably why they wanted, what's his name, Aaron Rodgers, to get vaccinated so badly so they can suck his blood and give it to other people.
These fat billionaire guys?
Yeah.
Give me the blood of the NFL star.
That was, yeah.
Didn't they do that in Silicon Valley?
That was a bit where the rich guy would bring in young men and There was a rumor for a while that like people in Hollywood were using like baby blood or something to like to put it on their face.
Chrome is a chromachome.
Oh, and there's the andrenochrome thing.
There's the andrenochrome conspiracy theory, but then there was a thing where there's like blood from like a placenta or something that women would like put on their face because it like makes your skin look younger.
Yeah, like lacenta blood.
You.
You.
Your skin does look pretty young, Adam.
Yeah, that's what's my secret.
And you have hung around Hollywood.
He's very Hollywood.
He's the most Hollywood of us all.
I paid a lot.
I got Tom Brady's placenta.
They kept it on ice.
They kept it on ice when they auctioned it off to the highest bidder.
One treatment took 10 years off my life.
Off my face, not off my life.
In an attempt to obtain vaccine cards for other people, a man in New Zealand got 10 COVID vaccines in a single day.
He says he wanted to help other people because he has a big heart.
And now, thanks to 10 vaccines, he has a really big heart.
He got 10 in a single day.
Is that healthy?
They say that he probably will be fine from it.
He'll just have a sore arm and feel like crap the next day.
Okay.
I didn't know that that was, I didn't know that you were allowed to do it.
Well, I guess he's not.
I don't know exactly what the plan was.
It sounds like he probably went under fake names.
Yeah, he went in in a different costume each time so that he could do all the, you know, go to all the activities in New Zealand.
He can visit all the Hobbit houses.
Due to the Omicron variant, California is reissuing a statewide indoor mask mandate.
Like previous statewide mandates, it will be observed by Los Angeles and San Francisco.
If you drive five miles in any direction from any city, no one listens to these mandates.
Yeah, I hear that stuff.
I'm like, oh, cool.
Yeah.
And they're so strict about it in the cities and don't care anywhere else.
Like at the height of COVID, like last year, like I wasn't doing stand-up for months.
And then there was a show out, where was it called?
It was like On Your Way to Big Bear, like in the desert somewhere.
And I got there and it was all at this like indoor auditorium.
And I walked in, I was like, oh, I thought it was going to be outdoors.
I didn't know you could have like indoor shows here.
And he's like, oh, you can't.
It's just like, no one.
No one cares.
No one cares.
When you find the random restaurant that's still, it's like walking back in a time machine a year and a half ago.
Like it's during the two weeks or whatever, like right after when people, there's plastic everywhere.
Everyone's wearing masks.
My suspicion all along has been that their goal is to every winter just be like, it is flu season.
Everybody wears masks for three weeks.
Like they're trying to implement because Omicron is basically the cold.
Yeah, they're saying it's not bad at all.
They're going to run out of letters.
They have to come with new names for it.
Yeah.
Well, I actually talked to a doctor recently about this because I wasn't sure whether I'm on the fence about the vaccine.
I haven't rushed to get it.
I'm not really like, I'm not a conspiracy theor about it, but I don't necessarily want it if I don't need it.
And he said that eventually they're just going to stop naming them because there's going to be so many variants and there's going to be a new one each year.
You'll just call it COVID and it'll be like the flu.
Oh, if you want.
And if you want the booster shot, you can get it.
Yeah.
Or lose your job.
Exactly.
Finally, a Catholic bishop in Spain was suspended after he married a woman who writes erotic novels.
Now, Kyle definitely won't let me do this punchline.
So if you want to hear the ending to this one, check out the canceled news on my YouTube channel.
I like how you wrote that before you knew that I would hate city guy.
I copied and pasted it into the script, and then I was like, delete, and I wrote that instead.
All right.
Well, yeah, find Adam Jensor and canceled news on YouTube and maybe on future episodes.
Yeah, we'll see.
There's five or six of those that Kyle was okay with.
We can always have animal jokes.
I'm an animal joke guy.
More animal jokes.
If you want my favor, I want animals.
Were there any animals?
There's the pet one about wives.
You guys love that one.
Yeah.
It's good.
I was wondering what's going on with ducks, otters.
Yeah, things like that.
Wives.
Wives.
Cool.
Thank you, Adam Yanzer.
Thank you.
You know what the worst thing in the world is?
It's when you're laughing at something and really enjoying it and you're not paying any money for it.
That sucks.
You feel really guilty.
You're like, man, there's all these people that are giving their lives to making this stuff.
And, you know, that's their whole job.
And I didn't even give them any money for it.
Now you can give us money.
You can become a Babylon Bee subscriber and ease that guilty conscience.
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That's what enables us to continue making all the amazing content that you enjoy 24-7 right into your brain.
Pork olipse 2022.
Pork, bacon, pigs.
We love it.
Now, what we really need is a hog farmer.
Holy crap, there's a hog farmer sitting right here next to us.
How did that happen?
You know what?
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
You need it.
And yeah, he opens it.
God closes the door.
He drops a pork farmer in front of you.
And so, yeah, you just happened to be in the studio today with our buddy Mason.
And are you guys brothers?
You're cousins?
You know, you're not.
Mason's a cousin of mine.
Okay.
And you got, okay.
So we got.
So you just happened to be here.
We actually had a guest cancel.
And you're a hog farmer.
You want to kind of just.
What are your hog farming credentials?
You got like five?
The other guest was also a hog farmer.
Yeah.
Is there a word that's like apiary for bees?
Yeah, what's like the fancy word for hog farmer?
Hoggiary?
Pork?
I own it.
Swine specialist?
I don't.
We could come up with something.
Okay.
I just know that if we write the word pig, we have to capitalize the P. You have to call that call.
Well, okay, so I don't know if people know this that don't live in California, but there's a law that went into, you know, it got voted in, even voters.
And, you know, it said, like, let's be nice to pigs.
And everybody, yeah.
But they don't realize that that's going to mean like no bacon.
We're facing like a bacon apocalypse, is what's happening.
California.
What was the rule?
It was that you have to make their pens bigger or something?
Yeah, you know the details in this one?
Yeah.
Briefly, I can explain that in 2018, California had a ballot initiative, Proposition 12, and it passed with 63% of the California population basically making a deal with the devil.
I say that because there's no one on the face of the earth that would steal your bacon but the devil.
You're right.
That's truly satanic.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So basically, the Humane Society of the United States is an animal rights organization that pushed for this ballot initiative to go through in California.
And it does require that we increase the amount of space we allow as hog producers for each individual pig during the production process inside those barns.
So what do they base that on?
Like, what do pigs need room for?
Like cartwheels?
Wallowing.
Wallowing.
More rooting?
They do a lot of rooting around.
Not in modern production.
There's not a lot of rooting.
They're on concrete slats.
Oh, really?
No rooting?
No rooting.
Concrete slats in environmentally controlled barns.
Okay.
Barns that were able to keep the humidity, the temperature, the environment year-round ideal for the life of the pig.
Okay.
So they're not covered in mud.
They are not covered in mud.
Like a Netflix subscription for each pig.
Yeah, what do you do to make their life enjoyable before fun?
Activities?
Feed.
We feed them.
Okay, they like that.
You read too.
Actually, some people play radios.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah, okay.
Have they done studies?
Like, I know I've heard them do this with plants.
Like, do they know what kind of music?
Like, and I think they've done it with cows, like, milk production.
Is there music that pigs like?
Like Lincoln pork or skillet?
Lincoln pork.
Most pigs fear skillet.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Okay, so we have these law.
So it's, it's going to happen, right?
So this is like, when's this happening?
January 1st is when the law goes into effect.
One of the problems that we have as pork producers in the United States is that despite the fact this law was passed in 2018 and goes into effect January 1 of this year, there's been no regulatory guidance written.
So we as an industry have no idea how we can comply with the law.
And there are virtually no hogs produced in California.
And what I would anticipate happening as a hog producer and from what I hear in the industry and discussions I've had is that there's going to be major hog suppliers, packers, that just elect not to ship pork to California.
So they're either not going to ship it or they're going to charge just a buttload of money.
Yeah.
Only about 4% of the hog production in the United States would currently comply with the law as it is written.
So that's expensive pork.
So the law in California is not just for producers here in California.
It's that you can't even import pork products from other states if they're raised in these countries.
Yeah, you nailed it.
I mean, this is government overreach.
It's crazy.
You know, California trying to, well, it impedes commerce, interstate commerce.
It's a government in California trying to tell me in Indiana how to produce an animal.
And these are lawmakers in California that have absolutely no idea what they're talking about.
No clue about hog production.
And not only just this law requires any pork sold in California, so they can't even import pork from another country.
That does not meet their requirements.
And the suspicion of the animal rights movement is like they don't want eating, they don't want the pigs more comfortable.
They want people not eating them, right?
Is that the suspicion that the goal here is to ruin the industry and not have people eating them?
Oh, yeah.
I mean, on the face, they want you to feel good about making an animal feel better just before devouring it.
Yeah, but in reality, these terrorist type organizations actually want to eliminate animal agriculture.
They want us to, I mean, they are very plant-based and involved in the plant-based meat alternatives.
Have you ever tried any of those?
They have impossible pork.
Vegan bacon.
I can't believe it's not bacon like that.
I think there are products.
No, and to answer your question, I haven't tried it.
Turkey bacon's garbage.
Yeah.
That's why it's made from meat and it's still not good.
Is there another animal that has bacon in its body?
Besides turkeys and pigs.
You just got the fun to that.
The hog farmer stared at him.
The little hog farmer tank guy.
Have you heard of late cow bacon?
Yeah, late cow bacon.
Remember, we were eating back in the early 1900s.
They tried to legalize the selling of hippo meat in the United States because there was like a farmer in Louisiana that wanted to raise hippos in the marshes and then make bacon out of the hippo.
Yeah, it's called late cow bacon.
No, I'm being educated today.
That was the first I heard about it was from one that was from some historical segment we did.
And there's probably unregulated hippo laws in California, so we could go hippo.
I do feel like, though, if bacon, like you can't get in California, that is what will finally get me to leave.
I'll be like, oh, these mask mandates are oppressive.
Oh, I'm not allowed to go in any restaurant or bar, but I'm still going to live here.
And then if they take away bacon, I'll be like, all right, I'm leaving.
But to answer your question, Ethan, alternatives to bacon, I don't, there's not a good alternative to bacon.
I looked online.
What are like animals that are similar in taste and texture to pork?
And the top results were duck and possum.
I've never had possums.
Yeah.
Could you imagine if I, because possums are like not really a farmed animal.
So if we start really pumping them full of steroids and feeding them, like you get some nice big, juicy possums, it could be good.
Give them some music to listen to.
They're easy to catch.
You know, they're slow.
They play dead.
They play dead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You just catch them when they're playing.
You don't even know if the yeah, you don't know if it's dead and you're eating it.
You're like, it might still be playing.
So, but there's definitely going to be some kind of a black market on the border of Arizona going on.
Oh, yeah, let's stop by to get your cigars.
There's an investment opportunity right there.
Get some cold storage on the border.
We were driving around Tennessee and Mississippi and Arkansas.
I don't know all the alcohol laws in the different counties, but you could tell you crossed a county line and there was like all the liquor stores right along the county line.
That's what it's going to be.
When you go into Yuma or whatever, there's just going to be like a bunch of bacon stores.
People are going to drive back with trunks full of bacon and resell it here.
I hope the cop doesn't open up the back.
Are you carrying bacon?
No, it's just fireworks.
Yeah, exactly.
It's just N80s.
Is there going to be like a special group of police that have to police this?
And are they going to be named something like the pork squad or something?
Because there's like all these things they're not going to be associated with.
Right.
Smell the pork product.
Okay.
But usually what happens with this stuff is the fallout actually hits because people feel good about themselves when they vote for it.
And then when they actually do the math.
And then they end up like pushing it out.
You know, they push the deadline out once there's a crisis and like, oh, well, we'll ease up on the regulations.
And so I imagine that's what's going to happen.
Yeah.
It's like you eat 12 pieces of pizza and then you regret it when you start pushing it out.
And that's like the look on kind of do pork producers right now plan to,
are any of them trying to comply with this ruling or are they basically just kind of going forward like it's it's going to get overturned or we're just going to stop sure there are a few pork producers across the country that are in the process of remodeling their facilities and do intend to make them Prop 12 compliant.
But it would not make sense to do it on a farm that does not need renovations currently.
If you didn't have to put capital into it today, you're not going to decide to spend $2 million just to be able to send pork to California.
Especially if the person you're selling your pigs to, if that packer has decided that they're just not going to ship product to California, there's no reason to do so.
But yes, I mean, there are people that would want to, they see an opportunity.
You know, it's an economic opportunity.
You have to kind of pick which side you're going to go on.
Either don't send to just cut California out of your budget or go with the pig, you know, whatever you call it, the pig resort.
Make a pig resort.
Yeah, big pig resort.
Yeah, pig spa.
Yeah.
Pig spa.
You ever name the pigs?
How many pigs do you have?
This is a real story.
When I was growing up, we had a pet pig named Webster.
And me and my brothers, we would feed him apples and he lived in our orchard in a little pen and then we butchered him and ate him.
And we had pork chops wrapped in the freezer that had Webster.
That's fantastic.
You know the role of a pig.
Yeah, it was good.
Yeah.
On my farm, I've got a couple of different farms that I own.
We have about 18,000 pigs.
Wow.
Wow.
So do you name a pork?
I don't know that I know 18,000 names.
No.
We can start naming them.
Send in your ideas for names.
Pass them along with the pigs.
All right.
Well, cool.
We'll find out where can people contact you if they want to get black market pork mailed to their house directly.
We'll put that in the subscriber portion.
Before we go, is there anything people can do to fight this or push back?
Or is there any movement to try to change the law?
Yeah, I mean, there's pending court cases.
The National Pork Producers Council has filed briefs, and we're awaiting the Supreme Court to step in and are very hopeful that it's clear that this is impeding interstate commerce.
Which of the justices looks like they eat the most pork and would be on your side?
Clarence Thomas?
Maybe?
Kavanaugh!
I like bacon.
I eat bacon.
All right.
Well, thank you, sir, for joining us.
I enjoyed it.
We look forward to the updates on the pig situation in California.
All right.
Thanks, fellas.
Thank you.
All right.
It's funny.
I'm not used to interviewing someone.
Like, I want him to pitch his book or something.
You can check out his book.
Where can people get your bacon?
You can buy bacon at your local grocery store for a little while longer.
January 1st.
What bacon should people buy to support your project?
Hey, any pork purchased is pork that's removed from the support the cause.
Yeah.
All right.
And now it's time for this week's Heroes of the Faith.
Welcome to another segment of Heroes of the Faith.
Today we're going to talk about the Freedomites, intriguingly also known as the nude bombers.
It's just a name and game.
I don't think they were technically nudes at all.
I mean, that was what they were known for.
They're known for being naked and mild.
I noticed they're, so they originally, they're from a group called the Dukabors.
Duke, which literally means spirit wrestlers.
It's a cool name.
And they were from Russia originally.
And it was like, I think it was a bigger religious group there.
Like it was a big denomination.
And then in 1902, because of the political situation in Russia, a bunch of them fled to northern Canada and settled in Saskatchewan.
Saskatchewan.
And then it says they insist on three different things, communal living, nudity, and anarchy.
I like how two of them are.
That's their three solos.
I like how two of those kind of make sense.
And you're like, okay, get it here, anarchy.
There's like a naked knuckle mouth.
No clothes.
It gets, I mean, I feel like it gets worse and worse.
You're like, communal living, it's cows, but whatever.
If it's voluntary, go for it.
Then nudity, huh?
And then anarch on it.
Well, so they're famous for their all-nude public demonstrations.
But you have to remember, like, this is like back in like the 1910s, 20s, 30s.
Like, this isn't when nobody was nude back then.
It had to be, because they were considered terrorists.
Like, that might be considered a terrorist act, like, just going naked out in public.
I don't think being naked was invented until like the 1960s.
Yeah, no one got naked.
Yeah.
But their big issue with the government was so they kind of wanted to live in their own little like communal town and handle all their own government issues, handle all their own education for their children was the most important thing because they were pacifists.
And at this time, pacifists who bombed people.
They have, we'll get there.
They eventually bombed people.
But they didn't want their kids going to public Canadian schools because they didn't want them learning anything that didn't fit their pacifist ideology.
And later on, as like World War I and World War II then took off, they didn't want their kids to go through the public education system and then get drafted into the Canadian Army.
So they kind of wanted to just be left alone.
And then, let me see, there was some big thing where, what was their leader's name?
Lordy.
Peter Virgin.
Yes, his real name was Peter Virgin.
But he went by Lordy.
Lordy.
That's a good call.
And he was kind of their ruler.
And then at some point, he died in like a fire or a bombing or something.
Let me see where it was.
Yeah, it was like mysterious, I think.
Yeah, and they blamed the government.
They said the government did it.
That was like a big uprising.
It said during, I found an article from the 60s.
And in that article, it said during the past 40 years, so this is like, you know, 20, 19, 20 and beyond, they have been held accountable for 1,112 depredations, ranging from blowing up power pylons and railroad bridges to planting ingenious booby traps and cigarette packs, which are then dropped in non-Dukabor towns.
All told, the Freedomite terrorists have caused $20 million in damage and taken 20 lives.
That's pretty good for pacifists.
Yeah, for pacifists, it's pretty good.
So do they never wear clothes?
Like if they're in Saskatchewan and they're running around.
That seems like the worst place to be a nude cult.
Yeah, why would he be like, I'm going to go start a naked cult in Tahiti?
I didn't plan it out.
Yeah.
I don't think they were naked all the time.
They thought, so their thinking behind it was that God created our bodies and nothing that God created isn't beautiful, so it shouldn't be covered.
So I think they were nude in their own town, their own religious services and stuff.
But then as they started protesting against the government of Canada started trying to force their kids into schools.
So there was kind of this thing where like the government came after them both to try to get their kids into schools and because at the time, because they came from Russia, a lot of Canadians were like skeptical that they were like this communist spy kind of group.
And then when they started protesting against the government, there was one point where it said the adults went like outside the school where the kids were, like an elementary school where the kids were forced to go.
And the adults gathered and protested naked.
In front of an elementary school.
That'll get you put on a list.
I mean, if Canada's like saying that all children have to go through public education, they're actually making me side with the crazy bombing naked guys.
Well, that's one of the things where it gets sort of tricky.
Once they started getting violent, it's like, well, they shouldn't have done these sort of terrorist activities.
They burned down bridges and burned down buildings.
But the Canadian government became kind of brutal to them for a while and was separating the children from their families and forcing them into schools.
And the parents were institutionalized and put in facilities where they were forced to live and basically held like prisoners almost.
It says 250 adult Freedomites paraded naked in front of the kids' schools.
It's a big crowd.
It's a lot of naked Freedomites.
So I love this.
They sent a, so after when things really spiked up, there's lots of bombings and they had this crackdown.
So this is from that same article from 1961, I think, or it's early 60s.
The violence reached a peak.
Oh, it says, Naked Siege.
The violence reached a peak in 1961 when Freedomite leaders raised community tempers to boiling point by blaming the Canadian government for the murder of Peter Lordy, an event that took place back in 24.
Bombs rocked every lonely mountain town from Nelson to New Denver.
And finally, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police cracked down a special Mounty D squad.
They call it a Mounty D squad for Dukabor.
Swarmed through the Kootenais.
I guess that's a place, the Kootenais.
Sent up roadblocks, searching their homes and cars for bombs, finally arresting 120 hardcore Freedomite terrorists.
The prisoners were given terms of up to 10 years in their prisons and a fireproof clink that prevented them from using their usual route to freedom just to burn it down.
A fireproof clink.
It seems dangerous to burn down a jail that you're in.
Yeah.
Trying to escape.
One of my favorite stories, I'm scanning here.
I don't see it, but when I was reading about them, eventually there was like when the government and this group really started clashing, the police were like sent into town to arrest the adults that were like trying to prevent their kids from like going to school.
And it said that the police raided this town in the middle of the night and banged on people's doors and they would enter the homes to try to arrest them.
And in protest, the Freedomites would start stripping.
So it's like, it's like, you can't arrest me.
I'm going to get naked.
Yeah, no, they're like, PETA.
In 1955, 70 police officers raided the town and took 40 children in the middle of the night.
In protest, their parents stripped in front of the police.
No, no, keep it on.
We'll give you your children anything you want.
That's like the opposite of like bachelor parties where the police show up and start stripping.
I don't know what's that in reference to.
You don't go to bachelor parties.
Typically.
Yeah.
I want to see the movie version of this.
It does sound like it would make a good movie.
And then how does it conclude?
It said in the early 1980s, the government of Canada sort of apologized for their treatment of the Freedomites.
And they reached apologized for everything.
Yeah.
They said sorry.
Sorry, ain't it?
Sorry.
And they reached an agreement with the remaining group.
So I think today it says there's 2,500 people still in Canada that identify as Freedomites.
And I think they kind of live probably still in Saskatchewan.
But when they moved here, it was like tens of thousands, wasn't it?
Like 20,000 or something like that.
It was a big agreement.
I'm like picturing like nudist, like Amish people.
Yeah.
They put it at the end of things.
It's like, hey, Jacob and whatever.
Hezekiah.
Naked.
Yeah.
But yeah, they were pacifists and they blew things up.
They were like BLM.
They were mostly peaceful except for the fires in the rise.
Yeah, other than that.
Other than that part.
Yeah.
Cool.
Well, God bless the Freedomites.
Yeah.
Heroes of the faith.
The B or not the B?
That is the question I ask myself every morning as I drink from my the B or not the B mug.
Now you too can drink from this amazing coffee cup and ask yourself the same question.
Which is better?
It's so hard to decide.
In fact, I would say it's absolutely the battle on B, but not the B is pretty cool too.
Enjoy this mug.
We've got a hate meal from James Reed, who left a comment with a fake email address.
Is that what it's?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I see that.
Okay.
He sent us a comment through our contact.
So read the email address.
And his email address is JamesReed don't care about your site at gmail.com.
Yet he is emailing it.
Yes.
So he does care, kind of.
He does.
To the extent.
And he says, garbage site.
I won't read what you post.
So he's on the site.
He won't read what we post, but he's closing the contact form.
He read it.
He knows it's garbage.
And he also won't.
He created an email address.
James Reed, don't care about your site at gmail.com.
And I like that our guy, Jamie.
Cool story, bro.
I want to request that other people know, if you want to send us a message, create a James Reed don't care about your site with like a one or a two and see how many of these email addresses we can get going up to 69.
Yeah, uh, so we're gonna move to our subscriber lounge now where we've got uh some bonus hate mail, got some bonus uh Patrick uh date profiles, dating profiles, footage, um, stuff.
Anything else, subscriber headlines of the week, yeah, classic story, everything so much fun.
Join us by smashing the join button on YouTube or going to babylonb.com/slash plans and subscribing.
We'll see you guys next week.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers, see the video.
We need the video of Patrick.
We make Patrick get on the camera and like talk and tell him what to say.
This is literally torture.
I'm doing this against my will.
So I think she thinks that you, the fake you, she's owning you, the fake you.
Whoa, there's a hog farmer.
Oh my god.
Here.
Laughing emoji, Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to babylonbee.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.