THE BEE WEEKLY: Bee Outtakes, Weight Loss Cult, and Homicidal Whales
Kyle, Ethan, and Adam talk about their favorite hilarious Babylon Bee Outtakes that didn't make the final cut of Babylon Bee sketches, the new HBO Max documentary on Gwen Shamblin Lara and her weight loss cult as another Hero of the Faith, and Homicide Whales now being a thing. The Bee guys go through weird news of the week and salty hate mail too. You can now Join the Launch Team for The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness. Pre-order your copy today! Check out Adam Yenser's YouTube channel and stand-up comedy schedule (http://adamyenser.com/). Be on the lookout for the next Babylon Bee Interview featuring James Poulos to learn why cellphones are demonic. Kyle, Ethan, and Adam talk about their week at the Bee, the Banger Article of the Week, the Bomb Article of the Week, and weird news like how squirrels hate the metric system and homicide whales now being on the loose. They then talk about a weight loss cult featured in a new HBO Max documentary The Way Down and how the cult's leader's hair gained weight as she gained influence in yet another segment of Heroes of the Faith. Then the Bee guys talk about their favorite outtakes from The Babylon Bee sketches on YouTube and give everyone a peak at what Bee subscribers have been enjoying for a while now. The Bee gets hate mail for making fun of Christians and then the guys jump into the subscriber-exclusive lounge for bonus hate and love mail, top subscriber-submitted headlines of the week, and the classic article of the week. To get the Lounge, click Join on YouTube or go to http://babylonbee.com/plans.
Squirrel fills man's truck with 42 gallons of walnuts, leading people to be shocked that walnuts are apparently measured in gallons.
Transgender weightlifter named Sportswoman of the Year, proving that women can accomplish anything with a little hard work and a ton of testosterone.
Sea Lion jumps onto woman's boat to escape pot of killer whales.
But don't worry, this story has a happy ending if you're rooting for the whales.
Drunk man reported missing joins own search party.
He left after realizing the party had no boobs.
We discussed the way down, the new HBO Max series about Gwen Shamblin, whose church members lost weight as her hair gained weight.
Let's get a picture of that.
And we look at some of our favorite behind-the-scenes mishaps while filming sketches for the Babylon Bee.
Aww.
All this and more on the Bee Weekly.
Hey, everybody, welcome to the Babylon Bee Podcast, the most exciting podcast that you listen to that is associated with the Babylon Bee.
I'm Kyle.
This is Adam, and this is Ethan.
Hey, hey.
Hi.
And thanks for joining us today.
We're all here today.
We're all here.
I got back from a fun-filled week in Vegas with the family.
We brought that up.
That's why you had dark rings around your eyes.
That's why I'm like, yeah.
You're all out of money.
Yeah, I was just snorting Coke off.
That's what happens when you go with the family.
Yeah, things.
You know, we did the family-friendly version.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
You went to the kids' Coke Lounge.
That's right.
They have Coke buffets, right?
That's a good deal.
Well, the Coke buffets are closed because of COVID.
So sadly.
I like those.
You just walk around with your own straw and just sample.
Sample all the different.
You can only pull your mask down if you're actively doing Coke.
It's part of that.
Or making that helicopter.
It's part of the Hello Crossroads.
Yeah, exactly.
It is really funny.
People are like sitting in the smoke-filled room and they're just like smoking packs and packs of cigarettes and they put their mask on after.
Yeah.
What are the rules like in Vegas right now?
Oh, I was going to say, it's insane.
It's like I'm going to this like restrictive land of where the pandemic is still happening.
Really?
Every single place you walk in, where's your mask?
You know, like, holy cow, man, it was nuts.
I haven't experienced that in a long time.
I'm not in LA or anything.
Because I thought they started to relax the rules there for a while.
Because I was there last year and it was super strict when I was there and it was weird because it was like you're in Vegas, but everyone's like sitting alone, like their own little bubble.
And it didn't feel like it.
I'm sure it's more relaxed than then, but still coming from, you know, our area is a little more relaxed out here.
And people were just slapping on the mask as soon as they walk in the store.
And we always wait until they ask us to.
So we walk in and it was kind of crazy.
But yeah, I guess it's that county, that county.
It's more liberal.
Hey, everybody, we got a new book coming out in just under a month.
You can join the launch team and we're going to have a link for that.
The Babylon Bee Guide to Wokeness.
It's hilarious.
The best book that you will read on your toilet this year.
So you can pre-order it today or you can join the launch team and help us get some reviews up and get some momentum going on launch day.
So check that out.
We'll have links in the show notes for you.
I love that we're making it to the top of Christian Inspirational books.
We're like above Joel Osteen.
And we're right there next to 1984.
Yeah, maybe we can pull that screenshot.
I think we ended up topping 1984.
We were right under it.
It was like 1984, The Babylon B Guide to Awokeness, and then Fahrenheit 451 on the chart.
So if we're above, if your book is above 1984, does that mean like in the future people are going to compare that dystopia and they'll be like, this is just like the Babylon Bee's Guide to Wokeness.
Well, you know you're doing good if your book is still on the top of that list in like, I remember how long it's been, 50 years or whatever.
Right, yeah, that's what's amazing about 1984.
It's been out for so long.
Yeah, still on the top of the 1940s.
It's good to see Joel Osteen's going so well also.
He needs that money.
Did you know 1984 was based on Chesterton?
GK Chesterton.
Anyway, sorry.
I didn't know that.
I don't think I did.
He used the year 1984 in one of his books, and that was apparently where the inspiration was.
Well, we know you've arrived because everybody says Orwellian.
If people said, like, this is so Babylonian.
Yeah.
This is Babylonian totalitarianism.
Yeah, well, it definitely has become a thing.
We'll go, this sounds like a Babylon B headline.
Yeah, we're not quite at the Orwellian level yet.
We're getting close.
Hey, we got an interview show coming out this Monday for subscribers and Tuesday for poor people with James Polis.
Polis.
This is a wacky interview of a smart guy talking about how the computers are going to take over or something.
Or they are.
Cyborg or something like that.
I wasn't quite picking it up, but it was a funny interview.
Yeah, he's the executive editor of the Claremont Institute, and he was a super smart guy.
And we asked him, hey, what do you think about smartphones?
And he'd have a 15-minute response for us about the spiritual significance of the smartphone.
Yeah, the cyborg takeover.
It was super exciting.
He actually got to come to our studio.
And I always like those interviews a little bit.
They're better fun there with us.
So check that out.
Become a subscriber at Babylon B, Babylon B.com slash plans if you want to get the interview a day early and get the full interview.
Yes.
We had more talk to say behind the paywall.
Let's do some Babylon B articles of the week, eh?
Hey.
Ye.
Hey, Calvinists slash reformed fans of the Babylon B. Are you ever standing in line and you see an eligible co-ed next to you or behind you or in front of you or however people stand in lines?
And you're like, hmm, I wonder if that eligible bachelor and or bachelorette knows that I'm a Calvinist.
Now you can inform them that you're a Calvinist and then maybe God will have ordained a conversation for you guys to, you know, hook up.
Not in the weird secular way, but in like the, you know, just normal like hangout way that we used to use it in the early 2000s, late 90s.
Anyway, you can buy this shirt that says no one is a good boy, Calvinist dog, which is funny because, you know, you always ask dogs, like, who's a good boy?
And then they're like, I'm a good boy.
And now you can be like, oh, look, that's funny.
And then maybe that girl's like, ha ha, that's so funny.
And then you get her number, and then you guys, you know, get married and everything.
And that's how God preordained everything.
So get the no one is a good boy.
Calvinist dog t-shirt today and your love life will skyrocket, as God has ordained from eternity.
Past banger of the week, hackers warned that if demands aren't met, they will reactivate Facebook.
Facebook really did tank for a whole day.
Wow, I wonder what that is like at Facebook that you're trying to think.
There's alarms yeah, fires going off everywhere like ants on an anhill.
After you pour some sprite into it, Zuckerberg is screaming at everybody.
Yeah, I guess the weird thing is that they use Facebook for a lot of their internal infrastructure of like getting into the building, like all their technology powers that.
So they couldn't even like get in.
Wow, the employees couldn't get into the Facebook headquarters to fix Facebook because that's integrated into their security system.
So eventually they actually deployed like a whole.
They're like we're sending a team to go reset the Facebook servers and they like to.
They like had to go over to their servers across town, open the building, turn everything off, turn it back on.
Did they ever identify what, like what the issue was?
Like they said they pushed an update and it broke the whole system.
Someone's in trouble?
Yeah, really it'd be wild to run a site that huge.
It's just unfathomably massive.
Yeah oh, it was a great day, though.
Facebook was shut down and Instagram was World Peace for fun.
It's kind of nice, it's good.
Yeah hey, let's.
You guys want to do our bomb of the week?
Bomb of the week, or is it dud?
Do we call it dud of the week or bomb?
You know, back in the day, me and Adam used to call them bangers and bombs and bomb.
You know bomb and jokes, so I kind of liked that.
But dud is fine with me too, because we already have it all.
We have a thing that pops up already that will say dud of the week.
I think it says dud, but we can change it to bomb exactly what you want.
This decision, it's bomb, it's bomb now.
Bomb of the week.
Amazon introduces a Lexa-powered robot that can slap problematic books out of your hand.
Funny?
Not funny?
Sure.
I mean, you know.
I'm thinking about it and processing it.
The visuals.
I like the visual of the robot slaps.
It's a very visual.
It's a very visual thing.
I don't think it's that funny.
Was that one that was published without your permission?
I had no knowledge.
I can't tell if it was a trick joke.
Like you're asking me if it's funny and you wrote it.
The end of the article says, as you can use voice commands to tell it to make fart noises, that always gets a laugh.
Fart noise is good.
How did that not do better?
Should have put it in the title.
New Amazon Robot Makes Fart Noises.
30,000 shares.
I'm just going to say it bombed because it's a conspiracy against conservative content.
Yeah.
Yep, it's right-wing suppression.
Right-wing suppression.
Sad.
You're going to do some weird news?
Yeah, that's my favorite kind of news.
This news is weird.
In squirrel news.
In today's squirrel news.
A squirrel filled this man's truck with 42 gallons of walnuts.
Do you even know how much a gallon of walnuts cost?
That's like what Rich.
Was that in the rich guy is asking his son, you know what a gallon of milk costs?
And they have no idea because they're rich.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's like how it shows that you're like how disconnected you are from reality if you don't even know what you got.
How much can a banana cost?
$10.
That's the rich squirrel asking his son that.
Do you know how much of a gallon of walnuts costs?
Okay, that joke's been over for a while.
Is that a big.
I don't know how many walnuts that, like, I can't.
I don't even know if that's a lot of walnuts or not because I can show you a gallon a gallon, what a gallon of walnuts is.
It shows him with like seven of those giant Home Depot buckets filled with the things after he took them out.
So that's a lot.
They should have said that.
A squirrel filled this man's truck with seven Home Depot buckets.
You're talking about Americans.
We don't want to use the metric system.
That's all there is to imperial measurements.
He filled it with one truck engine compartment worth of walnuts.
It says he's been saddled with a massive cleanup job after a squirrel filled his truck's engine compartment with walnuts, but he's also been gifted a massive amount of walnuts.
Does he like walnuts?
I'm not a big fan of walnuts personally.
He says he can't get some of them out.
Oh.
As he drives, he hears them rolling around in the frame rail well.
So he's just been crawling up in there.
That is just nuts.
I wonder how many gallons of walnuts he would say are still left in the truck.
Yeah, there could be more in there.
Well, one rail well worth of walnuts.
Still in the truck.
I would be.
I mean, can you imagine being the squirrel you all that work in?
And one day you come back and you're like, oh, come on.
Nuts.
Nuts.
That's what squirrels.
That's squirrel swearing.
I did a nuts pun and nobody reacted.
Gracious.
Hey, transgender weightlifter Laurel Hubbard was named the sportswoman of the year.
Biological male Laurel Hubbard was recently dubbed university.
Hey, who wrote that biological mail?
I didn't, I'm just reading.
University of Otago's Sportswoman of the Year.
So it's not like the World Federation of Women Sports.
That doesn't even sound like a real.
Otago.
That sounds like a fake university, like Prague or U or something.
Apparently, they've done this for 100 years.
The fake woman won this title at the fake university.
This is one of those things where you just don't.
I mean, there's the obvious.
I guess it is a big deal.
It's ranked in the top 1% of universities in the world.
It's a big one in New Zealand.
We just use a New Zealand weightlifter with big New Zealand.
New Zealand's small, so everything there's big.
This is the biggest university in New Zealand.
Well, yeah, what's New Zealand the size of Idaho or something?
The biggest university.
Even their women are big.
They're like the size of a man.
Oddly.
Yeah, remind you of a man.
It's really weird.
So she's the first transgender.
He, she, the first transgender winner of the word of the award during the event's more than 100-year history.
Breaking ground, taking away.
How they say, in the more than 100 year history you're never gonna hear like in 1897, a transgender woman won this title.
This was all made up in the last like two decades.
Do women celebrate this?
Like all right, cool?
Or is that like, oh wait, you just always?
I feel it's like the woke crowd celebrates it.
Yeah, like it's not.
It's not for the like women as a sex or a gender anymore, it's just the woke people that, like transgender issues, will celebrate it.
You always think that second place person who's sitting there like what?
Yeah no, really that person has to hate it the most.
The ball's on that woman.
And then this title Away From From The Cajones.
Yeah, there's.
Can I read?
Can I read the line about why Laurel Hubbard didn't place in the?
This is real because I looked it up.
We will not comment on it.
No, we're not adding.
I'm not.
I'm not making a joke.
This is a real thing.
This is the real line.
Uh, although Laurel Hubbard's Olympic run was short-lived, after the 87 kilogram division competitor failed to complete all three of her snatch attempts okay, moving on number three story, that's real of the day.
Uh, guy trying to sell auto parts online gets busted because there was a bag of meth in the photo he used.
I love this picture.
It's not like hidden, it's not.
Yeah sometimes, where's Waldo?
Sometimes there's like those embarrassing pictures take picture and there's like a mirror in the background and you can see someone's like not wearing clothes or like the selfie, and there's like a toilet way back there with a pumpkin.
Yeah yeah yeah, it's like he like lined it up.
It almost looks like he's selling a bag of meth on ETSY or something.
And he saw in this catalytic converter which makes me think that was stolen.
Yeah, probably stolen.
Posted sales for catalytic converter on facebook marketplace and he didn't realize the bag of meth, along with a syringe were in plain sight on the coffee table, jabbed into it like a detectives visited the sandwich toothpick and arrested him.
Sheriff Raider had some profound advice.
He said, make sure your drugs are not in the background.
Thanks, I feel like that.
The sheriff's name is Raider checklist.
When you're posting the photo, make sure all meth is out of the shop.
Sheriff Raider and detective investigator came.
Yeah, he has there like an online guide for how to take pictures to sell stuff like, make sure it's in focus, make sure your lighting's good, check to make sure there's no meth giant bags of meth in the background with a syringe.
Yeah uh, a sea lion being chased by a pot of killer whales jumped on a lady's boat.
The killer whales then surrounded her boat and she kicked the sea lion back into the ocean.
So this is a must-see video.
This poor woman she she uh, she narrates the whole thing.
Yeah, and she sounds very panicked the whole time.
Yeah well, because it is like, so it's like a horror scary, because there's killer whales.
Like right up there's a sea lion on her boat.
She's like, why are you here?
What are you doing here?
Where'd you come from?
And then she looks and she sees, all of a sudden she's like this black and white sort of like uh, you know, obscured thing, just giant thing go under A boat, and she goes, and as she's gasping at that, she looks up and there's another one right here that goes like out of the water.
And they're all like bigger than her boat.
And then she realized there's like six of them just circling her boat.
And they're like, give us the sea lion, lady.
And the sea lion's just looking at her like, and they're both kind of looking at each other like, what do we do?
I don't know.
We demand a sacrifice.
Fate brought us together.
And then she.
Oh, man.
Now they say she kicked the sea lion off the boat.
She did kind of come at it a bit and be like, get out of here.
Get out.
And she did.
She kind of gave a little pep talk.
Like, this is the way of the world.
Your dinner.
This is, yeah.
Her quote is your dinner.
This is how the world works.
This is how the world works.
And she chased it back into the water.
They just jumped back in.
She didn't kick it.
There's no foot involved.
She really just bullied it into suicide.
I think a sea lion's too slippery to kick.
You kick it and you go flying back like a banana peel.
Your life isn't worth anything.
Nobody likes that.
What confused me about the video is like after the sea lion leaves, she like turns on the engine of the boat and drives away.
I don't understand why she couldn't drive away with the sea lion just sitting on the floor.
She wanted to get in a high-speed pursuit with the sea lion.
I thought they were going to pursue her, maybe?
She didn't want to become the Liam Neeson of Sea Lions.
Yeah.
You know, and those are like the Russian is like his daughter.
Liam Neeson's daughter.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because that's a big commitment.
I would watch that movie.
Liam Neeson's saving sea lion.
Saving from killer whales.
Listen up.
But I love this tweet.
I can't remember who this Twitter person was, but they said she really looked at this handsome gentleman.
That's the sea lion she's referring to as a handsome gentleman, which I guess, you know, everyone has their sexual preferences.
She looked him in his eye and said, your dinner.
This is how the world works, and booted him to his presumed homicide.
Heartless, ruthless, cold as ice.
I love the idea that she becomes a cop and she shows up at a homicide.
Oh, this is just like when that sea lion got eaten by killer whales.
It's homicide.
It's just a little broader than usual use of that term.
Do we still say killer whales?
I thought they changed it to orca.
They're homicide whales now.
You're almost supposed to say orca.
Homicidal whales.
I always thought they were just giant panda dolphins.
Something like that.
Hey, Stanford Review discovered that students on campus are twice as likely to wear a mask than a helmet while riding a bike.
Is that okay?
Because you might pass through COVID clouds while you're riding.
So he sat there and he watched the cyclist go by.
And he wrote on a paper whether each cyclist wore a mask.
Oh, so this guy sat there and neither or both.
Yeah, it wasn't like a survey.
He was just watching him.
He couldn't lie.
This is interesting.
Is it that they're wearing the mask while they're riding bikes?
He's just watching them on the bike.
No mask and no helmet.
Oh, I see.
Was half of them.
Mask.
That makes sense.
Which that's pretty good.
And you're on a college campus, right?
You're not going to be getting hit by cars on a college campus.
That's why you need the helmet, right?
Okay, mask and no helmet, 34% of them.
This guy, is this his job?
Why is he doing this?
He's just bored.
He's just unemployed right now, so he decided to come in.
Stanford Reviewer's.
Is that a student?
I think that's the student paper.
It sounds like a student paper.
Yeah.
Which student papers, they're always looking for dumb stories.
Yeah, I got some.
Sounds like an elementary school science project.
It seems like being on a bike is a natural social distancing.
Yeah, you don't really need the mask.
Mask, no helmet, 34%.
Helmet and no mask, 10%.
Mask and helmet, 7%.
Those are the dweebs that get pushed into a locker.
Yeah.
Stuff into the locker.
Okay, so most still, there's hope for a world.
Most of them had neither.
Yeah.
Most of them were ready to die of either COVID or they took responsibility for their own life.
This is only tangentially related to this, but it reminded me, I went home to my apartment building last night.
We're supposed to wear masks inside still, but it's kind of like nobody does.
In your apartment?
Like in the elevator in the common area.
And I came in, I was carrying a case of food.
Like I'd been at the grocery store, and so I went to get the elevator, and there was a couple in there already with masks, and the doors reopened, and I walked in without a mask, and they ran as if I pulled a gun.
They ran out.
They ran out of the elevator, and I said, Oh, if you're uncomfortable, I'll put on a mask.
And they go, No, no, we're all right.
And they ran up the stairs.
Like, I have never seen, they like dove for cover like an unmasked man was gonna kill them.
We noticed in Vegas, like, we'd get on the elevator, and there were people that would leave or, you know, wouldn't get, or they'd look in, oh, no, we're good.
Yeah.
We got plenty of room.
No, we're good.
It's weird.
I did have a bicycle helmet, though.
That's good.
Well, this is my favorite story.
All right.
I think it's, what is it, Adam's?
Thanks, Adam.
Adam, get your favorite story.
This is the favorite story of the week.
Drunk man reported missing, joins search party for himself.
This happened in Turkey.
A Turkish man joined a search party for a missing person, not realizing the individual being pursued was him.
His name is Behan Mutlu, and he went drinking with a friend in a forest.
As you do in Turkey.
And his wife reported him missing after he did not return home.
She heard that he had walked away from his friend drunk.
So then, like, rescue teams went out looking for him, and he saw the search party and just joined them and started helping them look for the missing person.
I like how many little details here are just passed over who had gone to sleep in a house in the forest.
There's a house in the forest he just found and he fell asleep.
It's like a fairy tale.
What happened?
The search party is obviously walking around going, Behan, Behan, what is he doing?
So he says he came across members of the search party, decided to help them.
Maybe that's a common name over there, Behan.
He didn't realize he was the focus of the search when they began calling his name.
So once he heard it, I thought he was going to start, all right, who are we looking for?
Well, I also like that they searched for hours without using his name.
They're just like, drunk guy.
Hey, where's that guy?
Not you, the other drunk guy.
I told them I was Behan Mutlu, but they continued to search.
They didn't believe me.
The truth came out when my friend Mesut saw me.
He was like, I'll show you on Facebook.
Oh, no, it's down.
Yeah.
So he's part of the search team for more than half an hour.
That's amazing.
That's wonderful.
Feel-good story on the week.
It could have turned into an intervention at that point.
Just now that we have you here, we got to talk.
Someone's got to get the film rights.
Make that a movie.
Yeah, that would be a good movie.
A guy jumped onto the wing of his airliner as it landed at the Miami airport.
Wait, hang on.
This is kind of confusing because I'm looking for motivation for why he did this, and I can't find it in there except for that he had high blood pressure.
Yeah, the article gives that as the only excuse.
It says they took him to a hospital and found out he had high blood pressure.
He's got to be like a definitive or something.
Did he get high blood pressure from jumping onto the wing of a plane?
That would give me high blood pressure.
Either he was freaking out and he had to get out of the plane, or he's like, had drugs on him or something and he had to leave.
He says he was coming from Columbia.
Columbia, though.
It's probably drunk.
He's an American guy.
He might have been strapped with meth.
Oh, he's an American citizen.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
He's like hiding drugs and he's trying to get off the plane.
I don't know.
He bought a catalytic converter and then he just ate whatever it came.
I can relate to that note.
Everybody's taking forever to get off the plane and there's doors right there.
Yeah.
And you're like, come on, it's right here.
Yeah.
There's other ways out.
Maybe he was just winging it.
Maybe someone took another one.
Good one.
Maybe Adam Yenzer.
Better than the nuts punch.
Thanks.
Maybe Adam Jenser walked on the plane with no mask on.
Yeah.
He just had to dive out.
He's carrying stuff.
I can't put the mask on.
No, no.
Well, we have one more.
And it's, oh, look, what a shocker.
It's a Guinness record.
French chefs create pizza with 834 different cheeses to break the Guinness record for the number of cheeses on a pizza.
I didn't know there was 834 different cheeses.
I didn't know that either.
I figured the record would be like three.
Yeah.
Like a three cheese pizza.
Yeah, I think I had like macaroni one time, and I thought that was like maxed out.
Yeah.
There's got to be all kinds of mold and funk in that pizza, but I want to eat it.
It's just piled into a mound on top of the dough.
Like, was this even edible at that point, or is it just like a mountain?
It looks like a giant.
Like picture?
It looks like a giant pie, like a dome on top of bread.
Man.
Yeah, it was like one shred of each one or something.
Well, look, that's great.
Good for them.
You know, good for them.
Good job.
Sounds like a very French thing to do.
Yeah.
Sad.
All right, let's do, let's move on to our next segment.
Heroes of the faith.
The bee or not the bee?
That is a question I ask myself every morning as I drink from my the bee or not the bee mug.
Now you too can drink from this amazing coffee cup and ask yourself the same question.
Which is better?
It's so hard to decide.
In fact, I would say it's absolutely the Babylon B, but now the B is pretty cool too.
Enjoy this mug.
And now it's time for this week's Heroes of the Faith.
Now, most of our Heroes of the Faith segments so far, and I think we've done maybe two that have these long stories.
One of us has done more study on it than the other one.
And this one I don't really know much about.
So I'm going to get to sit here and enjoy your exposition on this crazy thing.
And I'm going to ask you all kinds of questions.
So did you watch the documentary on this lady?
We both watched it.
I watched it.
So there's a new documentary on HBO Max.
It is called The Way Down.
Cleverly named because she had a weight loss program in the 80s called The Way Down, W-E-I-G-H-Way.
This series is the way down W-A-Y.
But didn't she crash in an airplane?
And it really is about her...
Didn't she crash in an airplane?
...with...
Eventually.
Spoiler alert.
That seems like, well, it's like this in the first scene of this first.
It's how it opens with her crashing in an airplane.
But it really is about her journey from becoming like a weight loss, Christian weight loss guru.
That's the thing.
She starting her own church.
She used the weight loss program, like it's intertwined with the cult of her church.
It's like, if you join this church, God will help you lose weight.
And there's like commercials of people saying like, I lost 80 pounds with the Way Down program.
And then this church just started controlling every aspect of their members' lives and encouraging child abuse and stuff.
It was crazy.
Yeah, occasionally.
They eventually became, she started her own church called the Remnant Church in Tennessee.
And there's, yeah, there's the weird thing, like a lot of the cults that you will watch documentaries on have way clearer, like they all live in a commune.
There's clear abuse going on.
This one has some of that, but it is a little more murky because a lot of it's like, well, could that just be like the way they are in the South?
They're in the spankings or whatever.
But there was, for instance, she did at one point when she started her own church denied the Trinity.
Yes.
There's always a red flag, right, for cults.
Yeah.
Because that's something I find interesting is when a Christian church becomes a cult.
What is the lion?
Well, it had a woman pastor for one thing.
Yeah, that's over the line right there.
Her justification for that, she said she had male leadership above her that were secret.
Yeah.
But she's this weird like charismatic lady with like this hair that just when she starts out, she looks like a southern bell blonde lady.
And then as she like gains power in this church and gains more followers, her hair becomes this like it's giant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it's like Samson.
Like that's the source of her strength.
That could be it.
Yeah.
Yeah, let's talk.
Let's take a minute to talk about the hair before we dive in.
What is that?
That's just like.
And they said like inches tall.
Yeah.
It looks like it's like gelled up and then like a fountain of hair on her head.
That's where she goes.
She's probably, you know, she probably binges and purges.
So she just hides all her snacks up there.
And one of the followers, like they interview, and it's one of those things where like no one can like criticize the leader.
So like after the fact, they'll be like, yeah, her hair was ridiculous.
But they were like, no, we were in her face.
Nobody would ever dare criticize her hair or say how ridiculous it was looking.
Yeah, maybe it's a test to weed out the false believers.
Like you do this insane hair.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then if somebody criticizes it, you're like, you're out.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Well, there's also accusations that because it was a weight loss church in the beginning, like she's giving some deposition.
And they ask her if her church shunned fat people because they didn't want it to like spoil the image of like, if you join this church, God will help you lose weight.
Yeah.
She was married to a fat guy.
That was one of the weird things.
Yeah.
He kind of faded into the background quite a bit.
And then she just divorced him.
And she was very hard.
She wouldn't let anybody get a divorce in this church.
And then suddenly one day she just divorced this guy and married this kind of... Tarzan actor.
Sort of, yeah.
Yeah, Tarzan actor.
So this like young stud, he's not that young by the time they get married, but still he looks like a kind of a dollar store David Hasselhoff, which I guess David Hasselhoff's kind of David Hasseloff's like five below.
He's this guy's dollar store.
And he was famous for starring in some like 80s television Tarzan series.
But he went to the camera.
And she married him.
And then he would try to get into like country music singing for a while.
And I love at the one part it says like he wanted to focus on his hobbies like falconry.
Like I feel like that's a red flag that you're dating a weird guy.
His hobbies are falconry.
I wouldn't say 100% of falconry people are questionable, but probably a large red flag.
Yeah.
It's a yellow flag at least.
They can use the falcon to like take money from church members.
I mean, that's the even say her name yet?
Gwen Chamblin Lara.
Gwen Chamblin Lara.
And I mean, walk me through this.
What the heck is going on here?
So she had this, she had a weight loss workshop first.
The basic idea of her weight loss was you wait till your stomach growls and you can eat.
You can eat whatever you want, but it's only when your body is hungry enough to growl.
So you have to wait for the sound.
Yeah.
And like, yeah, like the diet strategy behind it was, it was all just like portion control to some degree.
And then when they were like really harsh on people, they would tell them to like fast for like days and weeks at a time.
Like if you put weight on, then you have to go with hardcore.
And they would use 40 days and nights of fasting.
I guess they thought that was Jesus trying to get fit.
And in the one interview, she like, she, in a positive way in her mind, compares her weight loss program to people losing weight in concentration camps.
And the interviewer is like, you did not seriously just do that.
And she's like, I forget what she says, but she's like, she seemed like they lose, they lose weight.
Yeah, it's the same thing.
Yeah.
It's the Soviet dog.
But then what?
So then, yeah, people join this church, and there are obviously like, you know, theological issues with her denying the Trinity.
And it seems like this very, you know, like heretical kind of church.
But it's operating just sort of like a weird group of like cult people to some degree.
But then there's this family in the church that their son is like, he dies.
And it becomes very apparent that they like beat him because like the things like, do you want to tell them what they taught people to beat their children?
Yeah, there's things in there where they're talking about, I don't know, my kid doesn't react to spanking or whatever.
Like, we don't want to do it.
And so there's tape of her recommending glue sticks as a thing to use to discipline your children.
It's like her life hack.
Yeah.
Have you tried one of those long glue sticks from Joanne's Fabrics or whatever?
Oh, the hot gluten guns.
They're using like a switch to like beat their kids.
That would hurt.
I can see that.
Hey, you're not one to talk, though.
You have the scream juice.
That was brilliant.
What's the scream juice?
Well, I didn't want to leave marks.
So I just, I made a concoction of different hot sauces and the lime juice and just the most horrible tasting thing.
And I just make him, when he would just like scream and throw a giant fit and be horrible, my little, you know, I just said, okay, take a little sip of this.
I probably did it twice in my life.
You could start a church around that.
Why not?
That is one thing that strikes me about when I see these documentaries.
I don't want to be too mean here, but it feels like people are very gullible.
Yeah.
That's what I was saying.
And I'm talking about like my people, Christians, like people that I love.
If you want to take advantage of them, like you really can get away with it.
It's always shocking that so many people are searching for that meaning in their life that they will fall for these like, you know, cult leaders and charismatic preachers and stuff that preach this stuff.
And it's also like we were talking about this a little bit earlier.
It's weird because you don't really think of God being like a diet program.
But then there are legitimate ways where people, when people are fighting a gambling addiction or drug addiction or alcohol or sex or pornography addiction, there is an element of like a spiritual aid in kind of overcoming those things.
And it's weird when people use something like that, that something's, you know, somebody's struggling against this and searching for meaning.
And then they use this spiritual aspect to manipulate them into following this whole cult where it starts taking over their entire life.
Like it's crazy.
Yeah.
And that's some of the weird stuff about this is like there's family members that have member or they've had daughters and stuff join the church and then basically be kind of cut off from the family.
They would get the daughter, you know, so the daughter could contact the church, they'd give them a burner phone, weird stuff like that.
And yeah, I don't know.
I think that we were talking about this.
I think there's an aspect here where I think a lot of these cult-ish churches, they focus on physical things.
I think that it's harder to focus on spiritual and theology and things.
It's easier.
I think this is why this is the appeal of environmentalism and of weight loss and health.
It's an outward, you can look at the results and they're in real time.
They're here on earth.
And I think it's hard to make the argument against that and say like, there's red flags there.
It gives people like gratification, like in the here and now, rather than, you know, pursuing being a better person or, you know, pursuing, you know, reward in the afterlife.
It's like, this is, and that's like the basis of, I feel like a lot of like prosperity gospel and like the stuff of like, you know, God will make you rich if you follow this teaching and stuff like that.
Right.
Oh, and it's produced by Chrissy Teigen.
Oh, yeah, that was interesting.
I thought it was canceled, but she apparently produced this documentary.
Yeah, maybe it was like, is she jealous?
Because Chrissy Teigen got her own like kind of weight loss books and she has like surgery to get take fat out and stuff.
Like is she kind of jealous?
Maybe that's maybe Chrissy Teigen's trying to take down this competing weight loss program.
The flip side of this was that the journalists and people that were some of the journalists that were documenting this on this series were clearly it was most like a general a general ignorance of Christian Christian culture.
Like these people actually believe the Bible.
Yeah.
So then you start to wonder like, I want to like step back and go like, is this, you know, like they're, the people that I don't really agree with are dogpiling on these people who I also don't really agree with.
And you're suddenly tempted to take a side, which I, and I guess that's why I thought it'd be good for us to talk about on this podcast.
Like, let's take the third side.
What is the more rational position here?
I mean, they clearly were cult or at least on the verge of becoming a full-on cult.
Yeah.
They didn't have the compound and stuff yet.
They have a big giant church, but.
And what I was wondering also, like, you know, it's not just the people that fall for these cults and become the followers.
I wonder like these like preachers like this that like, you know, gain these followers, do you think they start with like genuine convictions?
like when she started, do you think she really believed what she was saying, this was God?
Or do you think they're doing it as just an egotistical manipulation from the start that they realize they can have power over people by doing this?
And by that, and by that, like an extension of that, is it like a temptation that a lot of pastors or preachers have to wrestle with, like as they gain more power, that they're not doing it for their own, you know, acclaim and narcissism and like satisfying their own power?
Yeah, I think it depends.
I mean, I think it happens from both ways.
Like you definitely see guys that you could see you look at someone like Joel Osteen, who like obviously teaches this prosperity gospel that I think is false and terrible.
Yeah.
But, you know, his dad was a pastor at the same church and he's, he grows up in it and he's like, man, I'm going to take over.
I'm, you know, I'm the guy.
Yeah.
And I think kind of just at some point you realize you're at the center of this giant machine that you've created.
And what do you do?
Like deny it all?
Like there's, you've bought into it so much.
You know, I don't know.
You're almost brainwashing yourself, believing your own lives, believing your own mission.
That's a good way of putting it.
You're like brainwashing yourself because eventually you're like making yourself God.
Like it's no longer what is this teaching?
It's what can I teach these people and what can I, you know, what message can I give them?
This is tangential, but we just watched that LulaRowe documentary on Amazon.
Have you guys seen that yet?
I haven't.
It was pretty good.
You know, there was a couple of times they interviewed this crazy feminist journalist and just randomly commenting about race and gender that didn't have anything to do with it.
But it's like the couple is like an older Mormon couple.
And you could tell at the beginning she just wanted to help ladies like sell clothes.
And then by the end, she's like being deposed by the investigators like, oh, I just wanted to help ladies.
I don't know.
I started a pyramid scheme.
I think part of it is when you're in that position and you're helping people and changing people's lives, there are like the little voices in your head that are telling you like, you are an amazing person.
You probably had a lot of voices under that hair.
You deserve this fame, those things that you need to kind of fight back.
But then you have real humans saying the same stuff to you.
And like, you know, everybody is in their own little world, depending on what you're doing.
Like even the Babylon B, it feels like the whole world is talking about the Babyloni because that's the world we live in.
Really, there's a bunch of people that aren't.
Whatever you're doing, and I think when you're that celebrity in that world, it feels like this is the world that I'm in, and I am the prophet of this world, and it feels so much bigger than it really is.
And I think that the moment you're losing that perspective, you're just, you know, you're one more pastor and a lot of pastors out there.
Yeah.
And what you said there reminded me, I think one of the, you know, things in Christianity that keeps that in check among, you know, the pastors that do share the truth is a big part of Christianity is realizing that we're all sinners and we're all at fault.
Because I think when someone starts becoming the leader of a movement like that, and you see that in this documentary, is she becomes so obsessed with kind of protecting her own image.
It's like, I can't let them know that I have a fat husband or that I'm getting divorced or that my kid is having an affair outside of his marriage.
It becomes more and more about like presenting yourself as a perfect person where, you know, like the thing you always have to keep in mind, no matter how much you're a teacher or a preacher or you have followers, it's always like you're a fallible person too.
Another one that comes to mind is that Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast is out right now.
And they chronicle Mark Driscoll's rise to fame.
And it's pretty good.
And there's a couple episodes I didn't love.
But yeah, they go through his thing and you can hear, they play different clips where you can hear at the beginning him telling the story of how the church got founded.
And it's like a few of us got together and we just wanted to serve the Lord.
And by the end, he's created this whole myth of like, the Lord told me I had to come forward and be the one to fight for Christianity and save it in Seattle.
You know, it's like, yeah, it's like he starts to believe his own myth.
And yeah, at some point, it's like you can't let on that you're a flawed person because you've become the center of this movement.
We always just gravitate towards those kind of charismatic leaders.
Yeah.
And then we mentioned, you know, there was this murder trial of this couple within the church that beat their son to death.
And then the church actually steps in and has lawyers and they fund like defending this couple, I think, because they don't want it to reflect simultaneously deny that their teaching had anything to do with the kid being killed.
Even though I believe in the because there's a girl there who was like one of the Sunday school teachers or whatever, or days, date, yeah, watching children, and the dad goes, the kids throw in a giant fit, and the dad goes, all you got to do is hit him hard.
She's like, I'm not going to hit him hard.
He's like, you just got to hit him hard.
And then he took him to the back room and she could hear him being beat.
Yeah.
And she just kind of quit her job that day.
But that kind of thing.
So that was the shadiest part of that for me.
Was like they're paying all his bills, defending him.
She's showing up at his trials.
Yeah.
And then at the same time, saying like this had nothing to do with us.
Well, a little bit.
A little bit.
The other one weird thing in there was it went out of my head the moment I said that sentence.
Should we just start saying words?
Keep talking.
You guys keep talking.
Well, the what's her name?
Gwen.
She was like, you see her sitting in the trial, like in like, you see her hair in the paragraph sitting there observing everything.
She's like Big Bird back there.
And yeah, and the church they put out on this church still exists.
Like they have on their website like a response to this, still denying that they had anything to do with their this boy's death or any of the accusations against them.
That is another weird thing.
It's just another random weird picking from the tree of fruit of weirdness from this church.
They had one of their, so I think her daughter, so Gwen's daughter's baby died.
I think it was Sid's.
I think they said Sid's.
Maybe it was not feeding it.
Who knows?
So they believe that, you know, it's prosperity gospel.
If you're living and healthy, that's because God's blessing you.
So if somebody dies, that's bad.
You've been sin in the church.
Well, they said there clearly couldn't be us sinning.
So then they did it and started investigating church members for sin because they said that must be why our baby died.
Yeah.
They're trying to find the Jonah to throw off the boat.
And what you were just saying there, that like, you know, that it's always punishment.
There's a scene where she's, uh, Gwen is talking to the kids in the congregation about obeying their parents.
She's like, you have to listen the first time or else you will live a horrible short life and wind up in a painful afterlife.
It's like, you're going to die young and go to hell if you don't listen to your parents the first time.
The kid they're like locking in a box.
It reminds me of like Carrie or something.
Yeah.
And you read that stuff like, you know, Stephen King writes Carrie and you're like, oh, this guy doesn't understand Christianity.
And then she goes, hit him with the glue stick and then give him the scream juice.
Yeah, I think the nuanced perspective is basically like, you know, somebody from the secular world will watch that and go, this is what all religion leads to.
This is what all religion is.
It all, yeah, it makes for us we go, oh, it's an abuse of that system.
But because, yeah, I think because they have deeper issues with people having a belief system based on, I mean, you know, on scripture, for one thing, having that anywhere.
And then also disciplining your children, things like that.
You know, there's just these things where you can latch onto all that and go, see, or the idea that all the people in the South are fake.
It's all fake smiles.
You know, so you see this.
There was some of that too, the conflation of the exploitation with the actual belief in that little row thing where they're talking to the Mormon couple and they're like, they believe that men should be the head of the household.
You know, yeah, yeah.
Well, yeah, at the beginning of this one, they're saying how they're kind of setting up the scene of how this church developed in Tennessee.
And one of the like experts from outside the church is like, yeah, depending on where you grow up, you know, the Christian church and beliefs are very different.
Like if you grew up in Boston or New York, and they go, here in Tennessee, people believe that it's the literal word of God and like Jesus is the only one you should worship.
And it's like, well, yeah, That part is pretty sad.
Fairly sad.
A little bit.
Yeah, notice when they went off from that.
That's when things started going down.
Yeah.
Anyway, so hey, recommended it if you're interested or not.
And there's still two episodes left.
Oh, there are.
There are, yes.
Well, guess this.
They decided to add some because of the popularity of the death.
That's what's crazy.
While they were shooting it, it seems like it was over.
While they were shooting this documentary is when all the leaders of the church died in this plane crash.
And then after they died in the plane crash, more members were willing to come forward who didn't want to talk while they were still alive.
And they were willing to.
So it's only three episodes long so far, but apparently two more people.
Yeah, okay.
But it's nice they kept it shorter.
You know, as long as they stretch his things out a little too much.
I'm looking at a checklist of signs of a cult.
Okay.
Focused on a leader.
Yes.
The members seem to display zealous, unquestioning loyalty.
Troupe is preoccupied with bringing in new members and money.
That was another weird thing.
So they started opening all these businesses that the church was basically funding or whatever.
They were correctly connected.
So it was like all these different utility businesses.
So basically they were trying to build up enough of all these different utilities so that they could just self, they could stay.
Like you're always within the church community.
Electronics.
If you need your car repaired, there's an auto mechanic in the church.
If you need a plumber, there's a plumber from the church.
It's like everything in your life is controlled.
It's like a big industry to us.
It's not like a little tiny shop.
That's why I would never want to start a college.
It's just too much work.
Well, Jim Jones did it right.
You just go, you know, go out in the jungle, a little camp out.
Questioning and dissent are discouraged.
Yes, true.
Check.
Always suppress doubts about the group or leadership.
Check.
You have to get permission to come and go, where to live, how to discipline children.
That was one thing I said too.
You have to get permission if you're going to have family members visit you.
If you're going to go anywhere, even to a wedding or a funeral or whatever, like the church has to.
They showed the messages from their WhatsApp or whatever.
Yeah.
Well, we better check with Gwen on that one.
We don't know if she wants you to go to that funeral.
The leader is considered messianic and extra-biblical revelation.
God communicates directly to the group's leader.
I think that's one of those distinguishing things.
They're always like, God told me.
What are you going to say?
I disagree with that.
I disagree with your opinion.
All right.
Well, check out the documentary.
Take it with a grain of salt.
With a grain of salt.
Because they're heathens who made that.
Hey, we got some.
If you haven't checked out our sketches on YouTube, please do so.
Because the more views, shares, clicks we get on that, the more it shows our leadership.
You guys want more of that stuff.
And if you subscribe.
Genuinely funny sometimes.
Yeah.
And if you subscribe or you become a member on YouTube, it helps fund that.
Because, you know, we have to, we bought the Capitol, Lego Capital Building.
See, they want more followers and they're trying to get money from them.
This is life.
This is a cult.
Please laugh without questioning.
Yeah.
Laugh without questioning.
God told them to make these sketches.
But we need your money because we had to buy the Lego Capitol building and it cost like $150 to get the dang Lego building already assembled for a half-second shot in our FAI sketch.
But sometimes, you know, we do want to be a cult and you want to think that we're perfect, but sometimes we do make mistakes.
And so we have bloopers and outtakes.
And if you're a subscriber, you get those outtakes and bloopers.
But we're going to share some of our favorite clips right now.
The hijinks that have gone on behind the scenes.
Lots of wackiness.
Lots of wacky hijinks.
So this was my favorite one.
And are we going to be able to play these?
Is that the idea here?
You guys better play them.
Like back there, crestfallen.
We have to edit.
So to set this one up, we're doing our teachers' union sketch, and this was kind of a stitch into it from this whole pilot for like what a TV show would look like.
So Ethan comes running into the room and he's supposed to jump into the chair to be in the teachers' union and it was on wheels.
And he kind of, well, first, the first time you kind of slammed it.
He didn't get to the door a couple times.
It didn't open when I turned it.
Okay, action.
And we hear this boom.
Yeah, I hit it hard.
Are you okay?
Just watch it.
It's funny.
But anyway, the second time, you'll see what happens.
I got, yeah, the chair just kept going.
You alright?
You okay?
Okay.
I'm trying too hard here The thing is, it was funnier.
You can hear how hard we're laughing.
It doesn't look as funny.
It was funny.
But it's like you're.
Because I couldn't stop.
I was so out of control of myself.
And you were like 50 pounds heavier than you are.
True.
And you just kind of like supermanned across the room.
Because I was supposed to stop right there where the chair was, and then me and the chair went across the room to the couch.
We also did one, and I don't think this moment is on video.
Oh, this isn't on video.
So we had Kyle tied up as if it was Jeff Bezos, I think, who tied you up or something like that.
I think that one was the Snopes one of the Snopes one.
So he's just tied to a chair with ropes and gagged, and like it looks like an Austin situation.
And we had ordered a DoorDash.
And this guy, most people, because where we are, it looks kind of like a house.
So, but it's a business area, but they turn the houses into businesses.
So most people still knock.
But this guy, I guess, just walked right in.
And I don't know why he did that.
He walks in with the DoorDash and he sees Kyle tied up and cameras.
And he just like, before you guys can even explain what's going on, he just puts the food down.
I was like, I don't want to, what do you say?
No trouble.
I want to go.
No trouble.
No trouble.
And he just took off.
He just took off.
I think Ehrlich or somebody was holding a gun.
Yeah, had a gun off in the gun.
A fake gun.
And I said, oh, it's for a video.
He's like, oh, I don't care.
I don't care.
And he just walked out.
The thing is, cops came by later and actually unrelated.
A few minutes later, they're digging.
We're like, oh no.
So we had one where we had Brian Stelter appear and he was a little potato with a bow tie on.
And Ehrlich, our writer, lied under the table, holding up the potato for us to respond to.
And I can't.
And we were trying to have a straight face.
Yeah, a straight face talked to a potato.
I can't describe how hard it is to keep a straight face with when he would make it whip towards you.
You're talking all those things.
He would give his little speech.
He'd be like, Excuse me, Mr. Stealth here.
And he would just whip it around and look at you.
You just could not.
It would have to look up like that.
I can't think of it.
Like the toddler looking up at it.
There hasn't been too many times where we've had to do like 20 ticks or something because we're cracking up.
Yeah.
That one, like, I couldn't.
You should have the potato guest host.
Bring him on sometime.
Thanks for joining us, Brian.
Thanks for having me.
So stupid.
So dumb.
Thanks for having me.
Did Joe Biden make a mistake waiting this long to pull out of?
He turned and looked at me, I guess.
He did the stop sign with his hand.
I can't see.
Let me know.
Let's do a short one.
He liked it.
Okay.
I think this is a really I don't know Did Joe Biden.
Did Joe Biden make a mistake?
It's how fast it went around.
Did Joe Biden make a mistake waiting this long to pull out of Afghanistan?
I thought it was so calm and it just came out.
Did Joe Biden make a mistake?
Why are you doing this?
Try and stuff.
You were there for the Tupperware one.
Yeah, the Tupperware full chipper.
That was at our, so we did our FBI sketch.
Yeah.
And you were supposed to accuse one of the other FBI agents of taking your fettuccine out of the refrigerator.
Yeah, eating a Tupperware full of fettuccine.
And we thought it was like an ad-lib that you had done to be funny, but I don't even think you were just talking fast and in the moment.
And you go, where's my chini?
A Tupperware full of chini.
Yeah, it was, where's your Tupperware full of chini?
I put full of and feta together.
Full of chini.
Fullaccine.
Where's your Tupperware full of chine?
You mistook for mine.
Tupperware full chini.
No, no, no.
That's the best one.
Full of chini.
They say full of chini.
I said full chini?
No, that's the best one.
I thought that was a choice.
That was a choice.
That's the fetch.
That was a choice.
And then that take stayed in.
We all have to collect this.
Just sound like the guy at the office that shortens everything.
Yeah.
Eating my chini.
I like calling that, like, now I feel like I will refer to Fettuccine as chini.
Forever.
Forever it's going to happen.
I also got to say, just as a behind-the-scenes note, that it was about 180 degrees.
It was insanely hot.
And so in the video, you can see we're all just.
Yeah.
And we're getting sweatier as it goes on, which is perfect for the tenseness of it.
And it was about 100 degrees that day.
It was super hot.
And we'd open it every like four or five years.
And we're wearing to open the garage.
And it felt cold outside.
It felt like even though it was like outside and we're like, ah, I got 100 degree heat.
There's also another outtake where the sweat gets into your eyes.
Yeah, that's my eyes.
I'm in the middle of the line and I'm like, my eyes are burning.
Well, we did put a lot of work on this plot.
My eyes.
You know, the grime from your head goes into your eyes.
It was amazing.
And that was another one where if somebody had walked in on it, because there's like a Confederate flag and bombs.
We had a pizza guy shower.
We had a pizza guy show up and we're all holding guns with the Confederate flag on the moment.
Yeah.
Some plans in the Capitol building.
Yeah.
We're all wearing MAGA hats.
And I think Padre, did you talk to him?
Yeah, I was just like, it's this.
He's like, oh, we're filming something.
So, yeah.
So Ethan got a fork.
He got a, what is it called?
Tine?
Is that what they're called?
Tines.
Yeah, the little spiky part of the fork stuck in your throat.
So it was a plastic, one of those silver plastic ones.
We may have mentioned this in a previous episode, but I was just trying to go crazy as this angry senator who was trying to show how mad he is.
And I started biting things.
And I bit this fork.
I was thinking, I'll just bite it and spit it out.
But the tine kind of like bent and flung back and one of them just shot into the back of my throat.
I was impressed by how that fork like shattered.
It shattered.
It didn't break into big pieces.
It was like some of it exploded outwards and some of it went down your throat.
If you ever try to snap a CD as a kid because it was like Pearl Jam or secular CD or whatever, it's like it's shocking how it explodes.
That's, those forks do that, I now know.
I think there's a little shard of fork in my throat.
Hold on.
You all right?
I love the anti-secular CDs.
And it's so specific.
Yeah.
Pearl Jam.
Sad.
Oh, and my favorite line during that, when you got that in your throat, we were all asking if you were okay because we were worried about you.
And you're like, no, no, I just want to make sure it doesn't go down the wrong pipe.
And I'm like, it's a plastic fork.
There's no right pipe to that.
There's no healthy area of your body.
It's the medical diagram.
Plastic spike to go into your plastic utensils to go down this way.
Recycling.
Oh, this is.
We don't have.
Do we have this on video?
So the only video of this is Brandon was he was videoing me.
So if you've seen the Hank and Jim, Hank and Jim, yeah, the two were the two redneck guys.
And I wanted to look really authentic.
So I like ground bricks into my outfit and I wanted to cover myself in dirt, you know, and look like a real hillbilly guy that had never showered in weeks.
So I went out to the back alleyway and started to rub dirt onto my bare chest.
And we live in a normal neighborhood town.
And as I was doing this, Brandon was filming with his.
And Brandon's, you know, this handsome young Asian man.
So there's this handsome young Asian man filming a morbidly obese, pasty white guy in overalls, rubbing dirt off kind of sensuously, if you think about it.
And then this woman who looks like a real estate agent just walks by.
And he pulled the camera down once she gets it just he felt too weird.
But it was that moment of just her walking into that like what is happening right now.
Yeah.
And the funny part about you rubbing that dirt on yourself is we told you to like get a little dirty and you come up and it looks like you're in black face.
And you rub so much dirt on yourself.
So we had to take some off, but at the end of the video, it's still a lot.
And then you did it again because we filmed a little tag with Hank and Jim and you're like, okay, here I am.
Because I can't see my face.
I use you guys as the gauge.
I don't use them here.
So Ethan making dolphins.
Ehrlich mentioned that as his favorite clip.
And that was we were doing that one where we do different pronouns and the dolphin's pronoun.
Oh, yeah.
And you were supposed to do the sound.
And then I were listening.
It may be another one of those you had to be there moments.
I can't tell.
The best part of it was we were trying to get a dolphin sound.
And so we said, first thing, we'll just go, you'll make move your mouth and we'll add the noise later.
The pronouns, echo the dolphins pronouns are.
And then we said, oh, let's just open our mouth and we'll do it.
And then you're like, you said something like, or you could do something kind of like this.
You're all, I don't really know how to do a dolphin sound, but maybe something like this.
And you just like, go do it.
Give us a little dolphin sound.
I want to hear this.
He said it's the face I make.
That's fine.
I can't smile while I do it, though.
Whoa, that was not it.
That was not it.
That was a dolphin farting.
I think it was the moment coming out of nowhere.
Kyle, just open your mouth and we'll put dolphin sounds in it.
There you go.
The best thing is.
You gotta have a move.
And you could add like, whatever to it.
Everybody laugh at Argyll.
This is how you said it.
Like, it's not.
This is the best.
It's not high-pitched enough.
I've never practiced this.
It's not a jip there.
It's a noise.
I figured it out.
I couldn't possibly.
It's a weird noise to figure out how to do it.
I never thought it was a dolphin.
Someone said that.
And I'm like, well, I wasn't going for a dolphin, but I get an accidental dolphin sound.
I don't even know what a dolphin is.
I've never even heard of a dolphin before, but does it sound something like this?
Yeah!
Isn't that funny?
It's the face.
Half of it's the face.
Yeah, the face, man.
It's so weird.
Yeah.
But in the video, you're going to see everybody's dying.
So we have our animator, Gavin, has a large collection of firearms.
Fake ones.
Fake ones.
And lightsabers.
And lightsabers and all kinds of nerdy props.
And so we had to do this video where we had a terrorist and we said, do you have something that looks like an AK-47?
So he brings in a giant stack of different rifles for us to choose from.
His prized possessions.
And Patrick managed to snap the stock off of one.
So you have to watch this video.
But Patrick's going all just crazy.
Is it break in the video?
In the video.
We have it on video.
Yeah.
Watch this.
It's hilarious.
I'm a journalist.
I couldn't tell you what kind of gun that was if you put it to my head.
God, if you kill the coffee, you must refill the coffee.
No one killed the coffee.
Oh, no!
Holy kill!
Oh, no.
Oh, goodness gracious.
And then this is just a catch-all.
Seamus.
He's coglin.
All the outtakes with Seamus.
If you haven't seen our Rob Rod Butch.
Is it Rod Butch?
Rod Butch.
You know, his debate tactics video.
We've filmed so much on that.
So many jokes doing his pep talks and outtakes.
There's probably hours of footage of that one.
So subscribers got mega bonus footage.
And it's one of our, I think it's one of our funniest videos.
We put a ton of work into it.
It's very much got the 80s, you know, Mortal Kombat and fatality moves and stuff.
Just like we got to basically film our recession.
Ripped a skeleton out.
Yeah, ripped a skeleton out of a guy, ran over a guy with a truck, punched a guy into the sun, and nobody watched it.
So watch that, but then watch all the extras where he's chugging Sonny to light and stuff.
Hot dog is a sandwich.
You look like Nicolas Cage.
Don't touch my sonny T, bro!
Just itches!
You think you can run from me, boy?
You think you know how to this debate?
It was pretty amazing.
So yeah, good times over here.
Check out the outtakes and pay us money.
And I'm also infallible.
And God told me to tell you that you have to give us money.
Does this qualify for you?
Speaking of that, I was going to say, did we explain the heresy?
Does this qualify for heresy, Jar?
Are you trying to be heretical so we can put money in the hands?
No, I was trying to be like a cult leader, but I guess I am now going to.
Is it only if you sincerely believe a heresy, or is it just you even jokingly say so?
I say jokingly.
Okay.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it's probably more blasphemy than heresy.
So in the comments section, you're going to start calling us out on our heresy.
And we'll put some money in there.
If you're the type of guy that calls people out on their heresy, I think you're probably already doing it in the comments.
That's probably your thing.
Yeah, that's already your thing.
Hey, let's do some hate mail.
Okay.
Hey, sorry to interrupt that hilarious podcast that you were just listening to, but my buddy Ethan and I here were thinking, you might not be a Babylon B subscriber, and we need to correct that.
Yeah, in fact, I could smell it in the room.
It smells like a non-subscriber in here.
Or is that cow farts?
Could be cow farts.
I can't tell.
Hey, if you subscribe, you get this giant, awesome, beautiful coffee table book full of beautiful images.
What?
And hilarious stories.
Premium subscribers get this for a limited time, which is crazy because this book is like half the cost of a Babylon Book.
It's like a brick of gold.
It's a good way.
Yeah.
It's awesome.
So you get a coupon code for cheaper merchandise.
You get to be part of the community.
The advantages are endless to be a Babylon B subscriber.
Literally infinite.
Oh, you get our bloopers from her.
Oh, yeah.
Those are really funny.
Those are hilarious.
So please.
Yeah.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans.
Subscribe.
Become one of the elite.
The few.
The Babylon Bees.
I really miss Adam Ford.
All right, this is from Donna.
And Donna replies to an email we sent out.
And she says, usually love your articles, but when you mock faith slash evangelical slash Christian stuff, I cringe.
Not funny.
Hurtful.
And never done to Asian or Middle Eastern people.
Reconsider, please.
Well, technically, we do do any evangelical Asian or Middle Eastern person would be also mocking in there.
I would say we should reconsider and do more to mock Middle Eastern and Asian people.
She wants more.
That'll fix it.
Maybe she'll be happy.
All right, who's got a good Asian joke?
We need that.
Do we have Brandon here?
Accent Gavin?
We need Brandon for that voice.
What's your favorite Asian joke?
I just like that she's really offended that they're making fun of her.
And she's like, you know who you should make fun of?
Other people.
Asians.
And that she doesn't know our site.
That's like how the whole site got started.
I usually love your articles, Babylon B, except when you make Christian jokes.
Right.
It's like going to Subway meeting.
I usually love your salads, but you guys should stop at the sandwiches.
Stop with the sandwiches.
It's offensive.
All right, we're going to move into our subscriber lounge.
We've got some love mail.
We've got a classic B article.
We've got bonus hate mail that's absolutely insane.
I wanted to do it in the free portion, but it's going to be so believed.
I couldn't believe when I read it.
I can't remember.
Are we going to get this on here?
Say it.
Yeah.
There's a lot.
And then we're going to do some subscriber headlines.
We ready?
I'm ready.
Join us.
If you want to join us, you can click that join button on YouTube if you just like videos.
If you want to get the whole package, go to babylonbee.com/slash plans and really join us.
Coming up next for Babylon Bee subscribers.
There won't be any stupid flowerbed, snot face, strawberry, ivermectin.
Sucking drum falupas left, including that Joe the D wormer Rogan.
I could see someone from the left just hating me.
Just hating, yeah.
Because I just have that hateable face.
It's a really punchable face.
It was actually a pretty good conversation all the way through.
There was just a couple of times where she was trying to pin me down.
I'm like, why do you guys make fun of fat people so much?
They called Trump fat.
they rush limbaugh fat they like wondering what they'll say next the rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.