Rabbits and Eggs Point To Jesus and Miss Me With Those Devil Shoes
This is the Babylon Bee Weekly for the week of 4/2/21. Kyle and Ethan are joined by good friend Kira Davis, editor-at-large of Red State. They talk about how easter bunnies and dyed chicken eggs clearly point to the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord. Trump crashed a wedding to give a campaign speech, there are devil shoes now, and the squirrels are definitely up to something! Introduction Kyle and Ethan and Kira Interview Show Upcoming Bishop Barron On the Show This Week Chesterton, Catholic Movie Reviews, Wokeism, and Catholic Politicians Stuff That's Good Kyle likes the Snyder Cut Ethan likes Journey Guitars so much that he does a worship-generated song. Buy your Journey Guitars here! Kira likes her short film Minty. It's a short film about Harriet Tubman. Watch it here. Subscriber Dare A big ol' birthday shoutout to Kyle Eckles Weird News Woman Rescued After Wandering Through Town's Sewer System For 3 Weeks The Ever Given Has Been Freed And Is Moving Again After 6 Days Blocking The Suez Canal Trump Crashes Wedding At Mar-A-Lago And Gives 2-Minute Political Speech Trolling Joe Biden Rapper Lil Nas X Comes Out With Limited Edition "Satan Shoes" That Include A Drop Of Human Blood Florida Mom Shows Up To Daughter's School Wearing Boxing Glove, Fights Child, Gets Arrested Anchorage Costco Customers Say Ravens Are Stealing Their Groceries In The Parking Lot New Jersey Gym Owners Offer Free Membership To Those Who Don't Get COVID-19 Vaccine Eastern Australia Experiences 'Monumental' Mouse Plague California Construction Workers Find 2 People Living In Cave They Were About To Destroy 'Emotional Support' Python Greets Officers During DUI Stop Drunk Driver 'Hands Themself In' By Crashing Outside Police Station Squirrel Steals Amazon Package From Porch In Chicago Video Florida Man Sees 'Avengers: Endgame' 191 Times For Guinness World Record Check Out The New Elmo Cartoon Elmo Teaches Some New X Words On Today's Sesame Street! Origins of Easter It is a spiritual time of year for people of faith around the world. A time where we remember the life, death, and resurrection of our Lord. Why An Easter Bunny? In ancient Mesopotamia and Syria, three thousand years ago, the hare symbolized death and rebirth to these ancient people Dyeing Easter Eggs The word 'dye' in it which sounds like 'die.' It reminds us of the suffering and death of our Savior on the cross on Good Friday. Jesus 'Dyed' for our sins. Hate Mail Subscriber Lounge Mailbag Bonus Hate Mail
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon B. Fake news you can trust.
Hello, everybody, and welcome to the Kira Davis Show with guest hosts, Ethan Nicole.
Kyle Mann.
Because every time we have Kira Davis on the podcast, we get a bunch of emails saying, why isn't she hosting the show?
That's like really freaking bold, by the way.
She actually knows how to podcast.
You're still winging it.
I love it that people are so bold that they would like call you or write you to tell you that you should not be hosting your own podcast.
They usually do it very nicely.
Like they're trying to compliment you, which I like.
I love compliments and like I'm happy to be elevated above Ethan and Kyle.
I enjoy that, but it's not my podcast, and I'm always happy to be a guest on.
So, hi guys, welcome to the show.
Oh, thank you.
Welcome to the show.
Did you want to ask us anything?
Tell us a little bit about what you guys have been doing lately.
What's going on?
Oh, man.
What have I been doing?
Well, my leg is still blood clotted, so I'm still on Kyle's side of the table with my leg on some boxes.
I've been fussing in this place all morning.
All I've been doing is fussing at Ethan.
Sit down.
Don't carry that.
I've been fussing at the guys.
Don't let Ethan carry this.
It's like put my mom voice on the second I walked in.
Brought Kira in to be our den mother.
Yeah.
Ethan, you don't put, don't carry that chair.
Put that down.
What are you doing?
Go get Ethan Water.
Somebody get Ethan Water now.
I tell Ethan to stay at home, but he won't.
No, yeah.
He's a typical guy.
Yeah.
Got to be.
Well, I get it.
Well, I just think that you have a bunch of children.
Right.
So it's actually easier to be here because they have no regard for my leg.
But the struggle is real.
Hey, Joey B. There are many parents who would rather go to work in pain and sick than be at home kids.
And I came when my leg was way worse than it is now.
Oh, man.
Well, I've been praying for you.
Thank you.
It's worth this.
Apparently.
I don't know if Kyle's been praying for you, but I have.
I have.
I have, actually.
Oh, okay.
And not in just the like.
Praying for you, man.
It's usually when I get to church and I see someone that I said I would pray for and they're coming up and I go, hey, I've been praying for you.
I got it.
Technically speaking.
If I tell someone I'm going to pray for my walker, they'll say, I know I'm going to forget.
Yeah, no, I actually have a list at home and I, and you are on it.
It's a whiteboard.
And because if I don't, I am, I'll do exactly that.
I'll be like, oh, shoot.
I said I was praying for this person and now here they're coming.
Oh, dear Jesus, heal them.
Amen.
Appreciate it.
Thank you.
I do have a list.
Can I get on the whiteboard?
Or would I?
Well, what do you need prayer for?
A lot of stuff.
You know, I'm a mess.
All right.
Fair enough.
Fair enough.
That's obvious.
So, yeah, I can put you on the prayer list.
Usually what I'll do is I'll leave you on there for like a month or so and then I'll check back and be like, do you still need me to be praying for you?
Or like, I need to bump you for you.
Constant prayer.
Constantly.
Okay.
I'm not that kind of a prayer.
Like, I'll pray you through your emergencies and then you're on your own.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Don't just get like, okay, all right.
No regular everyday prayer from Kira.
No, okay.
You should do a subscription service.
You know what?
We're charging for everything.
This micro charging thing is taking off.
So maybe that's not a bad idea.
I'd be like a patron.
It's for Jesus.
It's like only fans for, sorry.
Only fans for prayer.
Only prayers.
I'll pray for you with no clothes on.
Homeschoolers do not Google all my fans.
And hey, we wanted to mention that we have an interview show coming up on Tuesday next week.
We do an interview show every week, if you didn't know.
And we're talking to Bishop Barron.
Yeah.
The Catholic rock star.
Yeah, he is like, all the kids love him.
Really?
You know, it's like, he's the hip Catholic Catholic YouTube.
He watches movies and he's incredibly drinks beer.
It sounds condescending to say he's incredibly bright, but like he's like one of the sharpest interviews we've ever had.
Really?
Yeah.
I can't believe you're going to say that to my face right here.
Same right here.
His answers are so concise.
Yeah.
Well, you know what?
A lot of Catholic priests are, though, because they do have to go through a lot of education.
Catholics are still owning.
Is that what they do?
Yes.
Most of the pastors of the churches I've been at, you know, it's like they didn't graduate high school.
They go to the US.
Sad.
Cool.
Yeah.
So check that out.
It was a great interview.
We talked about Chesterton, Catholic movie reviews, wokeism, the whole stuff.
Nice.
So it's on Tuesday, April 6th.
Tune in for that.
And if you're a subscriber to the Babylon B, you get to see it a day early, Monday, April 9th, on our website.
So do that.
Let's do some stuff that's good.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
Kyle, why don't you tell your stuff that's good while I start getting out my stuff that's good?
Okay.
He is stuffed to get out.
As I talk about my stuff that's good, you will hear clutter being moved around.
And we can cut over to Ethan throughout.
We need visuals here.
Sorry for people that can't see.
Don't spell.
Okay.
It's going to be incredibly hard for me to talk about my stuff that's good while this is happening.
I'm being totally upstaged here.
It's just the Snyder cut.
I could say anything.
So it's the Snyder Cut.
That's good.
Having a good time.
Did you watch this?
Do you think that's a good thing?
Snyder Cut.
Superhero.
Did I watch the Snyder Cut?
Yes.
Did I sit for four hours with all my free time and watch the Snyder cut?
That's the worst way to use four hours.
No, I did not watch it.
That's why I didn't want to talk about it.
This is why my episode's good anymore because I say things and I just get insulted.
No, I did not watch it.
Did you like it, Patrick?
I haven't watched it.
Oh, okay.
You clapped, so you started clapping.
Because you recommended it.
Oh, okay.
My husband watched it.
My husband watched it.
It literally took him a full afternoon.
He loved it.
I walked in on one section.
I was just walking through the room and I actually stopped to watch it.
And I thought in that two minutes that I saw, if this was the movie I saw the first time, I would have come away liking it.
Like I liked the few minutes that I saw there.
I could even see a difference in just those two minutes.
So to be fair, I believe everyone who's raving about the Snyder cut, but I can't imagine sitting.
Okay, so I'll sit at the Sims and play Sims for four hours, but I won't watch a movie for four hours.
Snyder Cut.
A cut cut.
A cut.
Or edited.
An edited Snyder cut?
They should go original.
Like a movie.
Yeah, like a week of the Snyder Cut.
Two minutes.
Let's cut over to Ethan and because they wanted to make sure he said, so this is from a company called Journey Guitars.
They're not done talking about Snyder Cut, by the way.
They've given us the Babylon B a guitar.
They make these guitars that, you know, guitars, you want to travel the guitar?
I do.
It looks really cool walking on the plane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But you can't fit it in the overhead compartment.
Well, look at this thing.
This is made to fit in an overhead compartment.
And all you do is you take the pop the neck off, put it right here.
You got to put it between your legs, though.
You're not going to be able to see this.
You put it between your legs.
Sorry.
It's a little bit suggestive.
Pop it on.
It snaps in a place.
You were the only one making it snaps right on.
And then you turn this thing.
Look at that.
Now, the one thing is you do have to tune it as soon as you put the neck on.
So it's probably not going to sound perfect the moment I put it on.
That's interesting.
All right.
Now it's all tight.
The thing about the Snyder Cut is not that it's a fantastic movie.
It's that a director, a big-time director, was given full creative freedom to make whatever he wanted.
Yeah.
And he was given a large budget to do that.
And he didn't have to cut it at all.
So you get exactly what came from his brain is exactly what you see.
And I love that.
Yeah.
And so I don't.
Are we done with Joss Whedon now?
Yeah, he's canceled.
Yeah.
So he's done.
He got canceled?
Yeah, he got canceled because he was like super abusive to the film.
He still got away with that.
He was for a minute there, but.
Well, I think they're mad at him, but he'll probably be back.
I mean.
Cyborg.
He's a good side work.
Well, on that cut, but I'm saying it was like Buffy cast members.
Yeah.
Which I'm re-watching Buffy right now.
Oh, really?
And so in the context of what's happening now, it's kind of interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway, so Snyder Cut is still a huge mess.
If you watch Justice League in theaters, it was a mess.
It's still a huge mess.
Oh, and I wanted to say, my wife was the catalyst.
We clicked it on HBO, and it was like, she's like, what's this?
And I explained it to her.
She's like, let's watch Snyder Cut and every DC Universe movie.
Wow.
My wife is amazing.
Wow.
That's a keeper.
Yeah.
So we just watched that, and then we did Man of Steel, and then we did Batman for Superman Ultimate Edition.
We're going to go through all of them.
Kyle, good for you for putting a ring on it.
Yeah.
And I read somewhere that the Snyder Cut of Justice League is something like 12% of it is in slow motion.
Oh, wow.
But you know what?
I'm into it.
It's like 30 minutes of pure slow motion.
I love good, but if it's good slow motion, because it was the it was the end berserker scene that I came in on, and that was like way better than what I had seen because I went to the theater to see it and was grossly disappointed.
And going in, I was like, oh, wow.
And I love good slow motion if it's done right.
You know, and it helps me.
It's just so he just has a clear vision.
Whether he love or hate Snyder, there's a clear vision.
You could tell that he had his hands on it.
When it just felt so cold, like it's just the Marvel Paint by Numbers.
Yes.
So I really did like it.
What was your stuff that's good?
Ethan, are you?
Are we ready to talk about this guy?
Are we ready to talk about this?
I don't want to.
What's the name of these guitars again?
Journey Guitars.
Journey Guitars.
Thank you for the guitar, Journey Guitars.
I mean, does it play?
Well, that was the other thing I was thinking.
Like, okay, it's one thing to have a guitar that breaks down, but it's so good.
It's kind of a baby guitar, right?
Was that like three quarters?
Yeah, because you get like your 12th fret is like right there.
If you're doing worship, that's all you need.
Yeah, it's true.
You only need the first four or five frets.
Yeah.
And keep in mind, they are brand new strings too.
So brand new strings of attitude.
Are we going to do the Babylon B worship song generator?
Sure, do a quick performance.
Do a quick worship song.
Here we go.
Your worship song is called Flourishing Jesus Explosion.
First verse is, we sway, we sway, we sway here in the dark.
Four times.
We sway, we sway, we sway here in the dark.
We sway, we sway, we sway here in the dark.
We sway, we sway, we sway, we sway here in the dark, and we also sway a bunch more in the dark.
Keep swaying Jesus.
Okay, here we go.
Here's the chorus.
Run us over like a dumb truck.
Run us over like a dumb truck.
Jesus, run us over like a dumb truck.
Oh, yeah.
And then it goes to the bridge.
We are a, wait. We are.
We are a tidal wave of Jesus people.
We are a tidal wave of Jesus people.
Yeah, run us over like a dumb truck.
Oh, yeah.
Run us over like a dumb truck.
Like a dumb truck.
It works.
Thanks for keeping our clapping on.
It's amazing.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
Let me see that bad one.
Wow.
Look at that.
That wasn't even put together a minute ago.
Wow.
It got its arm put back a minute ago.
You could have walked onto an airplane with that thing.
It was necklace.
Mary had a little lamb.
Just like, just like on the horse.
Yeah.
It's got nice resonance.
Well, if anybody else runs guitar companies, because I really want a banjo.
Car companies.
Uh-oh.
You want to send us away.
Your next banjo is coming too?
Yeah.
Wait till this airs.
Yeah.
I need a necklace.
Banjo is actually, I think, is racist.
Yeah, we are.
Yeah.
Did you hear that?
I'm trying to deracify it.
Are you going to deracify it?
Yeah, we started a band called Taking Back the Banjo.
Nice.
Yeah, that's funny.
The banjo is a very cool instrument.
And of course, Steve Martin plays it.
And the Mumford guy dropped.
He's down.
Poor Bummer.
Mumford Banjo guy.
Yeah, Mumford guy's gone.
Double canceled.
There's an empty spot there.
Yeah, poor guy.
He didn't know.
He didn't know.
You never apologize.
Yeah.
Oh, he did a big apology.
Yeah, it was too big.
Way too big.
Over apology.
You never go full apology.
No, you never go full apology.
Everybody knows that.
Well, I think you don't want to say anything because even like a minor apology, they just don't acknowledge it at all.
Yeah, you don't.
That's how you get around it.
You just do that face like that.
Either say nothing or kill yourself.
Yep.
Those are your only in response to the comments on Twitter.
I just want to say.
Okay.
Hey, Mark.
Oh, I didn't get to do my good thing.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, yeah.
You do your good thing.
Yeah.
My good thing.
I'm going to plug my own good thing, which is my movie.
You made it a movie about Harriet Tubman, which I have talked about on the show, but I'm going to talk about it again because I think that it is coming around back as relevant as we're getting more into black filmmakers.
I'm going to commit to you that I'm going to watch this.
Okay, it's 11 minutes, Kyle.
You watched 40 minutes.
Oh, it's 11 minutes away.
Watch it right now.
And this is, and I'm going to release the actual, the three-hour version of my film.
The Kira cat, the Davis cat.
But it's called Minty.
And it's Minty.
And my anti-white, you can go to tubbinmovie.com for that or search Minty, Harriet Tubman movie on Twitter.
It'll pop up.
It's 11 move.
It's 11 minutes.
It's a reimagining of Harriet Tubman as an action hero.
I love retelling history, but in a modern sense.
And I love kind of mixing modern sensibilities with historical figures and making, and I love action films and science fiction.
So it was, it is and still is my goal to see this be made into a television series.
I wrote it as a series, but I got a grant to do a short film.
So my creative partner, Jim, and I did the short film.
We had a wonderful time making it.
Shot for three days out in Kostaic.
And I'm really proud of the product.
It was my first directing gig.
So go easy on me when you're watching it.
But I think it's a good thing.
Isn't that awesome?
I love it.
It looks like some old clinic.
Yeah.
That's a real kind of terrorist.
That is my creative partner.
Did that, Jim.
He's amazing.
And yeah.
And so we're filming another short film hopefully this fall or summer.
Okay.
It'll be a horror short film.
I will watch this.
Minty.
Harriet Tubman movie.
It's good stuff.
And imagine that as a Netflix series or a Prime Amazon Prime series.
I'm excited.
Super bloody.
That's my good stuff.
So yeah.
Shooting racist slave slave holder.
Shooting racists?
Kicking racist butt.
Yeah.
This has been stuff that's good.
This is subscriber day.
So, this person named Hannah says, hey, Kyle and Ethan, my younger brother is turning 16 on Easter Sunday, and he absolutely loves listening to your podcast.
He got the whole family listening.
Hey, younger brother.
So I was hoping to have him, have you guys give him Kyle Eccles a big old birthday shout out?
If so, I'd sign him up as a subscriber.
Oh, that's an easy one.
Easy one.
Where's that guitar?
Where's that guy?
Take off their shirt or anything.
His name's Kyle.
Put it together quick.
Okay.
Happy birthday, Kyle.
Sing the actual.
Happy birthday, Kyle.
Happy birthday, Kyle Echo.
Happy birthday, Kyle.
I lost my chords.
Kyle, it's Easter.
Don't forget Jesus, too.
But also, Kyle.
But mostly, Kyle.
Happy birthday, Kyle.
Happy birthday, Kyle.
Not mostly.
Mostly, Kyle.
Happy birthday, mostly to Kyle and thanks for raising from the dead, Jesus.
Yeah.
I'm glad you're bringing up the next generation of Kyle's right.
Hannah.
Yeah, that is good to see.
Younger brother, not his mom.
Yep.
Said bringing him on.
So that's good to see.
It's good to know that there's some other good Kyles coming up behind you.
You do.
The legacy won't die with you.
Like banjos.
They're taking back Kyle.
Just like banjos.
The Babylon beat, cutting edge, taking back banjos, taking back Kyle.
That's what it is.
All right, let's see what weird things happen this week, huh?
Yeah.
This news is weird.
Woman rescued after wandering through town sewer system for three weeks.
Sorry for laughing at this.
I mean, I'm so confused by this story.
Yeah, there's like this is a case of some details are missing.
Yeah, because who knows?
Because I guess she was a little homeless.
She was mentally ill.
Her family said she had mental illness problems.
The police couldn't necessarily confirm that it was all three weeks.
I read about it.
You read ahead of time.
I read Kyle.
We didn't show prep.
I actually prepped for this podcast.
You came at 10 and we show prepped.
Yes.
Yes.
So, but I was also wondering, like, what was she eating for three weeks?
Yeah, in the sewers and drinking.
And maybe she got taken in by the ninja turtles.
And that's what I was.
Maybe, you know, I didn't even think about that.
She ate pizza the whole time.
Sewer pizza.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sewer surfing.
She got when she came, she said she had been swimming in the canal and then was exploring a cave that she saw or entrance.
Like you do.
I mean, if there's emeralds in the well, now they're saying they don't know if it was actually three weeks.
Yeah.
So we have no way of knowing.
Nobody knows.
We have no way of knowing, but it's still a very Florida story.
She says she'd be amazed.
She says she didn't say if she ate anything, but she did find an unopened bottle of ginger ale in there.
Oh, unopened.
That's a find.
I got some ginger ale.
That added some ginger ale though.
In context, that's a great find.
It is a great find.
Honestly, any context is a great find.
I love me some ginger ale.
Yeah, well, that's a full bottle.
And that's the drink.
I think Kelly Erskine has that joke about how, like, suddenly when you're on an airplane, you act like you've always loved ginger ale.
Oh, ginger ale.
The number of people who order like a culp soda on a plane.
Yeah, ginger ale.
It's like ginger ale.
That's this stuff.
Wait a minute.
That's a good one in Rome.
Kellen.
Okay, the Evergiven has been freed and is moving again after six days blocking the Suez Canal.
So I was like in the hospital during this story.
I'm kind of like a boat got stuck.
Yeah.
That's the story.
A boat got stuck.
That is it.
But there's this tiny canal that goes up through Egypt on the east side of Egypt.
I don't know if you've ever heard of it.
These people are probably heard.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And it's like.
And it's called the Evergiven.
Well, and it's something like 30% of the world's trade goes through that canal.
Yes.
It was actually like we probably won't, we probably won't get the full impact of what happened this past week for another four to six months.
So, when the products that those ships are carrying that we need to make whatever your dish soap or your we'll start seeing shortages for a little bit because it it wasn't just that that ship didn't get through, it blocked over 60 billion dollars of product from coming through for that ship at the point other ships that are sitting there that were waiting.
Yeah, it's like a blood clot, it's like a blood clot.
It's like a blood clot in someone's leg.
Yeah, yeah, and you know what?
I'm gonna take this as a sign, Ethan, in Jesus' name that that boat got dislodged and it is gone and on its way, and your clot will disappear and you're and all the product that needs to get around your body.
We don't want it to travel what the ship did, though.
What did the ship do?
Right.
Because it kept moving through the canal.
You don't want it to move to the lungs.
Yeah.
Well, you want the ship to get to the lungs.
You know what?
Maybe this wasn't a great analogy.
I thought you were.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Hey, you got the next one, Karen.
Oh, okay.
Right here.
I'm going to put my glasses on.
I sent her the notes.
Trump crashes wedding at Mar-a-Lago and gives a two-minute political speech trolling Joe Biden.
That is absolutely freaking.
I did read.
You know, he's going to do it if you let him up on stage.
I did read the speech.
And frankly, it was amazing.
And if somebody did that, if Trump did that at my wedding, it would be the best thing ever.
And then you'll never forget it.
The whole speech is about I wake up every day to news about China and the border.
And all I can say is, Do you miss me yet?
And then, like, the last three sentences of his speech was, oh, and congratulations to the couple that's getting married today.
They are great and wonderful couple.
May they enjoy a long life in this hellscape that Joe Biden is creating.
He gave a toast and touched on subjects like Iran, China, the border, and the 2020 election.
Of course, he would have to do it.
Wedding toast.
And why wouldn't he?
And why wouldn't everyone there be absolutely enjoying it?
I actually think that's hilarious.
I'm amazing.
He only did two minutes.
Yeah.
That's self-control.
Yeah.
He only talked to me.
It really is.
I saw him at CPAC and he did like, I think he was supposed to do like 30 minutes and he did almost two hours.
Wow.
Totally off the cuff.
So rapper Lil Nos X Lil Nos has come out with limited edition Satan shoes that include a drop of human blood.
You know what?
And all 666 pairs sold out in minutes.
No.
Nope, not in my house.
I can tell you that every black mother out there was like watching these shoes and being like, boy, you better not bring these things into this house.
You know, I don't know.
I love Chance the Rapper because he's kind of like hip-hop culture, but he's also very traditional Christian.
And he's always like, no, I don't do that devil stuff.
I don't deal with that devil stuff.
And that was exactly what I thought about when I saw these Satan shoes.
I'm like, no, I don't care.
I'm all big into culture and stuff.
And, you know, expand your horizons, but there's some things I don't play with.
And you don't play with the devil.
You don't play with the devil.
No devil shoes in my house.
Rappers are always on the cutting edge of being shocking and stuff, but this is like 40-year-old shock.
I mean, this is stuff that Kiss was doing.
You're right.
When we were babies, yeah, they put their blood in their comic book ink and everything.
I mean, this is old hat, man.
There's nothing new under the sun.
Even Madonna, I remember back in the day, like she was sacrilegious because she was wearing her Catholic, you know, gear and garb and then rolling around on stage at the MTV awards.
And that was hugely contrary.
What would really be countercultural is if he went up on stage in like a polo shirt and some like new balance sneakers, khakis, and that would be really nice to know.
Then that would just be hip-hop.
That would just become hip-hop.
Yeah.
Florida mom shows up to daughter school wearing boxing glove, fights child, gets arrested.
Nice.
Nice.
So she walks in with boxing gloves on.
How'd she get the door open?
She said, this glorious glued.
Glued to her hand.
Well, just on one hand, I think.
Okay.
What was gluttony?
These are all singular.
She was there for a meeting with her daughter and vice principal.
All right.
Did it say, does the story say how old the kid she beat up was?
Like, is it a kid, like an eight-year-old kid or like a 16 or 17-year-old kid?
I would have had to proto.
Because the eight-year-old kid probably had it coming.
It says, after the meeting, the mother-daughter duo headed into the cafeteria where the teenager started beating up another student.
Security was called and arrived shortly, but not before the girl's mother joined in on the action using the boxing glove to strike the victim.
So did she just happen to have a boxing glued on and she happened to be there in the middle of fighting?
She's like, well, I guess serendipity.
She found it in the sewer.
She emerged from the sewer after three weeks with a boxing glove glued to her hand.
And a bottle of ginger.
Wearing a couple of the Satan shoes on her feet.
Yeah, I don't know.
I do.
There are many, many times as a parent and as somebody who used to work in education where I've wanted desperately to beat up teenagers.
So I'm all for this story no matter what happened.
Yeah, they need to be punched now.
No, sometimes some do.
That's true.
Like, we'd be a lot better off if some of them got punched once or twice.
Like, you should get one good time in your life.
Have you guys ever been punched?
I've never.
Well, my brother punched me once.
Once?
Just once.
We never fought.
And then one time I was sleeping on the couch.
He wanted the couch and he punched me in the face.
That was it.
And I cried.
In the face?
I think I cried and he cried.
Good Christian kids.
What about you, Ethan?
Yeah, I was bullied.
Okay.
I got punched like in the back and stuff and in the face a couple times.
Yeah.
Me and my brothers fought like crazy.
So there's those punches.
They're never like a full-on punching until your jaw is like dislocated, bleeding in the streets kind of thing.
Yeah.
Like Roddy Piper or something.
Yeah.
All right.
Who's up?
Me.
Anchorage Costco customers say ravens are stealing their groceries in the parking lot.
The Anchorage Daily News reported that ravens at a local Costco have been staking out the parking lot in search of their next steak dinner.
They say that the ravens are vicious and calculating and they know what they're doing.
They know what they're doing.
They know what they're doing.
They're stealing it out.
I told you birds are evil.
It's on my Twitter profile.
Birds are evil.
They are God's mistake.
Wow.
And I told you that my husband thinks I'm crazy, but I always say they're plotting.
They know what they're doing.
They know they have these long beaks that can peck out your eyes and they can steal your ribs.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's what it says here.
Olani Sanoa was finishing a shopping trip last winter, buckling her baby into a car seat.
That's when a raven swooped in and swiped some short ribs from her cart.
Short ribs.
But how long before those ravens move from the short ribs to the baby?
That's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
They can carry short ribs and fly.
Because, you know, like weight throws a bird off a lot.
Like my understanding of how birds work.
But a little bit of weight on them, it messes up their whole ravens.
They're huge.
I mean, have you ever seen a bald eagle in person, like up close?
They are freaking huge and very hard.
You can picture them carrying off a small child.
Right.
Well, they could for sure.
Yeah.
It depends if it's an African or European swallow.
What?
Oh.
Oh.
I didn't get the reference.
Sorry.
95% of our audience will be cracking up.
New Jersey gym owners offer free membership to those who don't get a COVID-19 vaccine.
Who don't get it?
Don't get it.
I should have read the better.
Who don't?
I thought it was like a typo.
I was like, okay.
Kind of makes more sense than the Krispy Kreme one.
The Krispy Kreme donut, yeah.
That is weird, Krispy Kreme.
Really do get a lifetime supply of Christmas cream?
No, it's no because all year you get to go once a day and get one free donut.
Wow, all year.
One year.
Jeez.
That because they know everyone's going to get more than one.
If you don't get you, we'll get one and you buy a box.
Yeah.
It's just funny.
Like, if you don't have the, how do you prove that you don't have the vaccine?
Because now we were talking about vaccine passports to prove that you do have it, but how do you prove you don't have it?
Yeah.
It's the yellow patch they saw.
I guess you have to take a COVID test if you test positive, then you're welcome in.
You got to take an antibodies test.
If there's any antibodies in your blood, get out.
Get out of here.
Is it me?
I think it is.
Eastern Australian, Eastern Australia experiences monumental mouse plague.
Millions of mice are running amok in parts of Australia's East States with residents sharing horror encounters on a daily basis.
Just a bunch of mice taking over.
Well, I have the perfect solution for this.
You take the ravens from Anchorage, you fly them to Australia.
Okay, hear me out.
You fly them to Australia, you set them loose, and they take care of the mouse problem.
Maybe the mice were like, ah, there's a lady in our sewers.
Get out of here.
Let's go to Australia.
God, this place is just really going to build the cinematic universe here.
The mice are like, we just can't.
This place is really going to crap.
Oh, this is normal in Australia.
It happens every five to ten years.
They have a mouse plague.
Australia is crooked, mice again.
You'd think being Australia, they would just fall off the earth.
Yeah, 95% of our audience.
I didn't even get Patrick to acknowledge that.
All right.
All right.
Here's our next story, you guys.
California construction workers find two people living in a cave that they were about to destroy.
So, okay.
So, how many caves have been destroyed where they killed people?
You didn't even know it.
Um, well, just on a serious note, this actually happens more than people think because homeless people do make their homes in abandoned areas or underground things that have been dug for construction and abandon, or even in more forested areas.
So, sometimes they're clearing trees out and they will end up killing homeless people because they have set up camp in these areas.
So, it's actually unfortunately more common than it sounds.
Sorry to they need to put like a home sweet home sign outside or something.
Yeah, there's got to be some kind of sign.
Construction crews were excavating near a bridge in the Bay Area when they heard voices and they switched off their digging equipment.
And then they discovered a cave about 20 feet long, three feet high on the side of the embankment with two people living in it.
Wow, did they find a cave Airbnb?
Were they hobbits?
Yeah, was that an Airbnb cave?
I just want no running water, no heat, and darkness, complete darkness.
Is there a place where it's nice and cool in there?
I know it happens a lot, and particularly, I can imagine in the Bay Area.
Rent's so expensive, I imagine there's a lot of people just living in caves and abandoned areas, painting buffaloes all over the wall.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, emotional support Python greets officers during DUI stuff naturally.
I love the emotional support Python, so they pull him over and there's this huge snake in there.
Oh, that's just my emotional support.
Yeah, they're about to shoot the snake off of him.
If I don't feel like I'm going to be strangled at any minute, I don't feel right.
Was the person drunk?
Yeah, but if you're drunk, driving, yeah, which is that is the Python working out if you're drunk?
You think that you'd maybe get a dog?
Well, it doesn't say that they were drunk, it just says they encountered the Python during the DUI stop.
Oh, so maybe they thought it was drunkenness, but it was really Python wrapping itself around him as he drives.
He's like, Oh, it's just this all the time.
I'm not drunk, I'm just struggling for my life.
He's always bumping into the stick shift.
He makes me drive in a serpentine fashion.
I'm just full of them today, and you guys are just nuts.
I like full of something today.
Drunk driver hands himself in by crashing outside police station.
You do what works.
Do what works.
You do what you can.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Was this, are these stories connected?
Say we're building the weird news universe.
The weird newsiverse.
Motors was detained during the early hours of Saturday morning, having smashed through a railing by the entrance to Northwick, Northwich Police Station.
This is UK.
And he just steps away from the front door.
That's probably something that's not Northwich at all.
Nor is your school.
So they're sitting around talking about how they have to make more DUI arrests.
We already got to catch more of those DUIs.
The police had a tweet.
If you drink and drive, please be so kind to hang yourself in like this chap.
The driver was arrested in the early hours and later provided two positive samples of breath.
It shows him crashed right there.
I love the Brits.
This chap.
They're so positive about everything.
It's like, you know what?
If you're going to do it, do it this way.
I'm sure all your British listeners are extremely happy.
Yes.
Oh, boy, you guys.
This is the universe, the weird newsiverse is building today.
We've had the rats.
We've had the birds.
And now look at this.
A squirrel steals an Amazon package from the porch in Chicago.
The squirrels are indeed up to something.
Yes.
A woman was on her front porch with her family in the Chicago suburbs when they spotted a squirrel approaching an Amazon package that had just been dropped off to a building across the street.
Okay.
Cool.
Grabbed the building and just took off with it.
He grabbed the package and just took off with it.
I wonder what was in it.
We have a double story there.
Yeah, see that.
What was in the package?
Some pistachios.
Ribs.
Yeah, they smell so bad.
Yeah, some ribs, a bottle of ginger ale.
What if it was one of those package bombs that bombs glitter all over the squirrel and we got you, sucker?
It's so embarrassing.
The squirrel's like, what the heck, man?
It was a sting the whole time.
It was a sting operation to catch the big squirrel ring, Amazon stealing ring.
There's video of the squirrel laughing in his living room, covered in glitter.
All right.
So final story.
I guess I have to read this one.
Florida man sees Avengers in the game 191 times for Guinness World Record.
If you can do it while sitting on your couch drinking beer, it shouldn't be a world record.
I don't know.
I have a lot of respect for someone.
That takes some commitment.
What he should have done is podcasted it.
So you should always be thinking about content.
I always think about content.
Because imagine how the movie.
Imagine how the perception of the movie changes with each viewing.
You notice something different.
You get bored of some parts.
He's a scholar now.
Interesting journey there.
Yeah.
It says it took almost two years for Guinness to process his application and go over his submitted evidence, which included photos and ticket stubs.
Oh, he saw it in the theater.
Oh, he saw it in theaters?
I guess so.
That's a lot of money.
Because, yeah, because it says it ended in July 2019.
Yeah, so he saw it in the theaters.
So what's the math on that?
191 movie tickets.
Did you get what's the most times you guys ever saw the same movie in theaters?
It's probably Ninja Turtles, the first movie, and I probably saw it like six or seven times.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
Mine would be Star Wars The Force Awakens.
I went to see that six times.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Yep.
Once I took my kids the rest of those.
I loved it.
I loved it so much.
I saw Fellowship of the Ring 11 times.
Wow.
Wow.
That's a long movie.
Yeah, that's not a short movie.
I think two towers I saw less, like maybe five or six.
And then Return of the Cave.
Return of the King, I saw six times.
I mean, I've seen those movies a lot.
They're my favorite hangover movies, first of all, but I also, I just, I love those movies.
The hangover is not your favorite hangover movie?
No.
No, like Shawshank Redemption and Lord of the Rings, the best hangover movies, but not in the theaters.
I couldn't imagine seeing it that many times in the theater.
That is a big commitment.
Good for you, Kyle.
At some point, when you're sitting in a theater seat, it starts to feel like all the different butts that have been in that seat starts to soak into your butt.
And it's just like, you don't want to be sitting there that long.
I've never thought about it that way, and now we'll never not think about it that way.
Thanks, Ethan.
A lot of things that Ethan says.
I know.
Oh, my gosh.
Thanks a lot.
John Paul, the Great Catholic University, is offering a free online crash course in storytelling for those of you who are passionate about writing meaningful and masterfully crafted stories with the potential to impact our culture.
I know I am.
Their instructors are veterans of Warner Brothers script department, of the Snyder Cut fame, Pixar's Braintrust, and Hollywood Writers' Rooms.
These are all dedicated Christians and all experienced creative professionals instructing you for free on how to tell a good story.
Nice.
If you haven't heard of John Paul, the Great Catholic University, they're a niche school in Southern California focused on creative arts and business programs.
This is what they're all about, whether it's animation or filmmaking or creative writing or illustration.
They're helping Christians cultivate their creative talent, get involved in the entertainment industry, and adding more conservative voices within those fields.
Just to clarify, it's John Paul the Great.
John Paul the Great.
Catholic University.
At first, I read it as John Paul.
Ivan.
The Great Catholic University.
No, the Great Catholic University.
They're not conceited.
They're just John Paul the Great.
There's a comment.
So it's like Ivan the Terrible or something.
Correct.
So head on over to jpcatholic.edu slash B E. Like Babalumpy.
JPCatholic.edu slash BEE to sign up for their free online crash course in storytelling.
It's free?
It's free?
It is free.
That's jpcatholic.edu slash B-E-E.
If you've been sitting on that screenplay idea or that half-written novel, now's the time to get it moving again.
Jpcatholic.edu.
Slash b, e.
Hey, we have a half-written novel.
Yeah yeah exciting, i'm gonna go there right now several, all right.
Well, i'm always excited to uh talk about cartoons.
We have a new one this week, oh great.
We have Elmo yay, and I got to do my Elmo voice, which I I I sold it as me being good at it, but i'm good at a really crappy Elmo voice.
It sounds like South Park Elmo.
Yeah, it's South Park Elmo.
Yeah, do we get to hear it?
So I don't know.
Yeah, or you have to say watch yeah, we'll watch it.
Have you seen this?
No, I haven't seen it, let's watch it.
Okay, great kids to day Jump at sentiment street is brought to you by a letter we haven't seen in a long time.
The letter X. Sounds like Crackdown.
It's the letter X. Finally.
Jeez, I haven't been letter of the day since 1982.
Took you long enough.
Well, you're letter of the day now.
What word are we gonna learn?
Let me guess Xyabophone.
What'd he do?
There are new words featuring the letter x.
New words?
Huh well, all right, about time.
Our x word now is, what the crap is that penix?
That ain't a word, sure it is.
Say it with me.
Kids, letting you make kids at home.
Say that word, i'll suck you in your fuzzy red mouth, got it?
Um yeah, sorry.
Well, let's learn another x word.
You gotta be kidding me.
How do you even say that it's inclusive?
It's the dumbest thing I ever heard is what it is next.
X word, please.
I'm done.
I quit.
Get a new letter.
Ah, come back.
Okay.
New letter, happy day.
A new letter is up.
You, yeah, you.
Let me tell you what really happened on January 6th.
Oh.
Okay.
Fantastic.
Wait.
Is there a post-credits scene?
Donald Trump is the one true president, and he will return when you least expect it.
Very good, Elmo.
Very good.
Fantastic.
That was a bit of a Elmo meets South Park.
Yeah, Elmo goes to South Park.
I liked it.
That was so good.
That was really good.
I'm impressed.
Yeah, that was a headline I pitched, and it never got, it kept getting rejected, but then it totally worked as a cartoon.
A lot of times the rejected headlines do both.
I love the idea of X being like, oh, finally, I got some new words.
Because every time you teach your kids letters, X has X-ray or Xylophone.
Xylophone.
That's all they got.
Yep.
And I'm like, oh, he's getting all these new words.
He'd be excited to find out.
He finds out the stupid words in the mirror.
Come on.
So, and I want to shout out to Ian and also Gavin.
Gavin gathers up a lot of the stuff that goes into cartoons.
He actually drew our Elmo.
But Ian, our new animator, he animated Elmo on there, so I can't take credit.
Okay, very good.
He did all those great animations.
The only part of Elmo that I animated was his eyeballs.
Yeah, they were a little crossed.
Yeah.
A little.
Oh, no, they were good.
Or you saw your eyes criticizing his eyes?
God made him just the way he's supposed to be.
That's what I meant.
That's what I meant.
Well, it's that time of year.
Easter.
Oh, yeah, that time.
Spring break.
I mean, Easter.
Easter break?
Easter is now.
My kids don't even go to school anymore.
My daughter's sitting at home on virtual learning and my son is like supposedly in college, but college is not open.
So we're going to talk about the origins of Easter.
What?
Egg hunts, bunny rabbits, dying Easter eggs, and what do they have to do with Jesus dying on the cross and resurrecting?
I asked my four-year-old this morning, he said, what is Easter all about?
And he said, eggs.
Yeah.
Nice.
And I said, no, why do we do it?
When it happened, Jesus died.
Close?
Jesus died.
Well, then, then eggs.
He always says, he doesn't say it like, you know, Jesus rose again.
He says something funny like Jesus got alive again or something like that.
Got alive again.
Yeah, well, sure.
Actually, that's a great explanation.
Got alive again.
I was chatting a little bit about this story earlier with Ethan, and I was saying that actually, this is always a gotcha moment for atheists.
They're always like, this isn't a real Christian thing because this is a pagan holiday and it was invented by pagans, but that is the whole point.
It's why we celebrate Christmas when we do.
It's why we celebrate Easter and other Christian holidays when we do, because when we were colonizing, when we Christians were colonizing when we, and I said we, like when we Christians were colonizing the world, but when Christians were, Christian cultures were colonizing the pagan world, it was a cultural exchange.
It was actually, it was actually, if you think about it, kind of respectful.
The idea of that, we're not going to come in and try to change everything about what you do.
We'll latch on to these holidays too so you can feel comfortable and this is part of your culture.
So Easter became at that date, you know, when you would celebrate the pagan festival of fertility and it helped cultures blend their own culture with Christian culture.
So it was quite deliberate.
It's not a gotcha, everybody.
Well, I heard all those memes about like Ishtar, you know, Easter is actually Ishtar is like completely made up.
Ishtar.
Like it's just completely false.
That's what we get every there's always the internet is a strange and disturbed place every Black Friday Thanksgiving when you go shopping, you know, there's always somebody on Twitter who's like, Black Friday, boycott Black Friday.
It's named Black Friday because that's the day that they took the slaves to market.
Oh, yeah, that is a meme that goes around every Black Friday.
It's like, no, it's the day that your books turn from red, being in the red to being in the black.
This weird idea that if something had some association thousands of years ago, that's what we're doing today.
Right.
That's how holidays form, and that's how traditions evolve.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And people like that sound like the really crazy, like, well, I'm going to be insulting some of our audience, but the people that are super Christian about Halloween.
Yeah.
Where they're like, you know, they just, they add this, like, they give it too much power.
Well, I tell you.
You know that hundreds of years ago.
Well, I tell you guys what we're for, a lot of black churches don't celebrate Halloween and work from a traditional black church.
And so we, we never did.
We have harvest parties, right?
Or hallelujah parties, right?
And when we moved to Orange County, I mean, Halloween is huge, mostly everywhere else except in the black community.
It was huge.
And so we were, for the first time in our marriage and raising kids, we were living in a non-black community and Halloween came around and our kids were the only ones not going anywhere or not doing anything.
And my son was like, basically, I hate you people.
Why are you doing this to me?
And we had to have a really serious, like my husband and I actually struggled over it.
Should we do the Halloween thing?
Like, this is not in our tradition.
We think that it's, you know, disrespectful to the gospel holiday.
And then after a minute, like after that first Halloween, we were like, is it culture?
Is it like spiritual or is it cultural?
Is this a secular holiday, basically?
We decided that it was a secular holiday.
So now we celebrate it.
And well, we don't celebrate it, but we just like do it.
Yeah, just do it.
Because why wouldn't you do like dress up for free candy?
You're saying you culturally appropriated white people's holidays.
It sounds like to me.
Well, you owe it to me.
You owe it to me.
It's not your holiday.
We owe you, I guess.
It's the reparations.
Consider it reparations.
We'll call it even.
We'll call it even.
Let's call it even.
We can call it even now.
Hundreds of years of slavery.
You guys can have Halloween.
It's like how we name all our cars and helicopters after Indians, you know?
It's like.
What are you complaining about?
What are you?
You have the cheap chariot.
Yeah, you got the redskins.
Oh, no, they're the football names.
The football.
So bunny rabbits, okay, I don't know how much of this is true.
I think Dan wrote most of this.
Are these jokes?
I can't tell.
Well, Dan's a report.
Well, let's just read them in the reputed liar.
Well, let's read them.
These are facts about Easter.
Yeah, about how the bunnies and the eggs.
What are they?
So, you know, bunnies.
So in ancient Mesopotamia in Syria, 3,000 years ago, the hair symbolized death and rebirth to these ancient people.
In ancient Rome, hares would decorate gravestones.
I don't know if that meant they would draw hairs on them or the hairs would decorate them.
Now we got bunnies and rabbits.
No, hair as H-A-R-E-R.
H-A-R E. Hair.
And bunnies come up and like they come up and paint on it.
A Karis.
He's just being Ethan.
He's ignored.
I'm sorry.
Now we got bunnies and rabbits.
Wait, this sounds like weird.
Now we got bunnies and rabbits are a symbol of fertility in spring.
No, so naturally, this makes us think of the life-giving resurrected Lord of Jesus, Lord Jesus.
And the word Easter probably comes from the German fertility god Yostra, who in some traditions was even associated with hairs, the rabbit kind of hair.
There's a similar Norse word that means spring.
Get it?
I don't really get it.
I don't get it.
Bunny rabbits have big, swift feet, like the prophet Isaiah says.
How beautiful on the mountains are defeated of those who bring good news.
So look at that.
Look at that.
This is funny because I think there's some real facts in here.
Bunny rabbits have.
And you'll never know.
Satire or not.
Bunny rabbits have long ears, which remind us that God hears our prayers.
That sounds legit.
Here, you can read this one.
Now, what about dying Easter eggs?
You can read this one.
Let's talk about dying.
Jesus.
Yeah.
Dying Easter eggs.
Dying Easter eggs has the word die in it, which sounds like D-I-E-D.
Naturally.
I don't know how this applies.
It reminds us of the suffering and death of our Savior on the cross on Good Friday.
Jesus died for our sins.
I don't know what you do if you're like, if this is not an English language Easter-speaking family, like I don't, I don't think that works.
That works for English.
This happened back in Mesopotamia.
Our sin covers us as the pastel colored dye sticks to the white eggshell, reminding us that we are not clothed in robes of white, but in our fallen state, we are covered in sin, like these sickly, sweet-looking pastel-covered hard-boiled eggs.
I want to bet that a lot of these inventions are still used in sermons.
The yoke of sin.
I wouldn't doubt it.
The yoke of sin.
We send our children to look for hidden eggs to remind them that life is hard, and God helps those who help themselves.
Oh, I know.
The Bible says, God rewards those who seek him.
Life is hard.
Jesus, yes.
Oh, yeah.
When you find one of those plastic Easter eggs that's normally got candy in it and it's empty, it reminds us of the empty tomb.
Woo!
Jesus.
Jesus takes our sadness of having no candy and fills us with joy.
Resurrected from the empty.
When you have one of those chocolate Easter bunnies in the box, but it melts in the car, it looks like a shriveled bunny mummy, which reminds us of the human condition.
Death throws us all and we need a savior.
Someday that shriveled up, melted, mummified bunny that looks like it is screaming in agony will be raised to new life because Jesus is risen.
Oh.
They should make a kit you can give kids that shows the shriveled, melted, agonized bunny.
But you have a new chocolate mold and you can dump it into it, melt it, and bring it back to resurrection.
I think you guys just found next year's Babylon B product.
Like the Sunday school project you can do on Easter.
Yeah.
Resurrect the shriveled bunny.
Sweet Easter candy reminds our children to taste and see that the Lord is good.
I'm sure that's the message they get.
Reese's bunny.
This candy reminds me of Jesus.
Yeah.
Easter along with Christmas is one of the two days a year that most Christians make sure to go to church.
Would they go to church without the bunnies and the Easter egg hunts?
Probably not.
If this still doesn't make sense, why bunny rabbits and Easter eggs point directly to Jesus?
Just go with it, kid.
It's Easter.
You get candy, man.
Come on.
Yeah.
All right.
Sweet stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You get candy.
It's like the sweet blood of Jesus.
I feel like all of those things that they try to do, like say, you know, on Christmas, they're like, the candy cane reminds us.
You know, this is blood.
Just admit we're doing something fun and we're eating candy.
It's just still remember the real thing that we're doing.
Yeah.
And also there's candy.
Yeah, but Santa Claus is Satan, so don't do that.
Did we talk about this?
We have.
Okay.
You guys know how I feel about it.
Yeah.
So no Halloween, no Santa.
I do Halloween now, but no Santa.
No Easter.
You guys like Jehovah's Witnesses or something?
Yeah.
Do you celebrate birthdays?
We do.
We do.
My BFF is a Jehovah's Witness, though.
So he told me a story once about how he came over to our house to hang out and he was like, yeah, my mom just went to the store, got a sheet cake.
And I was like, just out of, just randomly got a sheet cake.
He was like, yeah, like we just wanted some cake.
So we went and bought a big giant sheet cake and I was laughing and he was like, well, you get to have cake every birthday, you know?
But for us, there's no occasion to have, there's no like special celebration to have a birthday cake.
So when we want cake, we're like, well, we just have to go get one.
There's no excuse to get one.
They're like very careful not to buy the cake on the birthday.
What are they writing on the cake?
But that is for real.
They arrive on the cake Wednesday.
He would come to our house.
On holidays, like Thanksgiving and Christmas, after we would have regular dinner in the evening when the kids would go to bed.
And that's when we have grown up time.
A glass of wine, leftovers.
And he would come over and his mom would sometimes call him.
She'd be like, are you celebrating Thanksgiving over there?
I know you're celebrating Thanksgiving.
He'd be like, no, mom, we're just having leftovers.
Just sitting with Mark and Kira.
Do they do like surprise parties, but not for birthdays?
Not for anything, though.
No surprise.
I don't think they're supposed to celebrate anything.
No celebrating.
No, I don't think so.
I like the idea of having a Jehovah's Witness friend who just pops by.
So the doorbell rings and you open the door and there's the Jehovah's Witness guy and you're like, and he looks, he's like, no, no, I'm just here to hang out this time.
All right, come on in.
He didn't bring the flyers.
He did tell me the secret, though, of those people that knock on your door.
He said, if you get rid of them by giving them the flyer, you go on a list.
They'll come back because if you take the flyer, if you think I'm just going to get rid of them by saying, give me the flyer and then go.
He says, no, don't do that because that gets you on the list.
Circle your house.
What if I said that's got me?
Did you read the flyer?
Did you read the flyer?
And they'll come back and want to talk to you about it.
So don't take the flyer.
Just politely decline their invitation.
What if you take the flyer and then slowly repay each page and eat it in front of them and go, here's what I think of that one.
Next time, I'll try that next time and see.
I'll try it too.
I'm off the list.
They don't come around to my house anymore.
Well, happy Easter, everybody.
Happy Resurrection Day.
Indeed.
Happy Fertility Day.
Happy Egg Day.
Have an excellent Easter.
Thanks, Jesus.
Yeah.
Thank you, Jesus, for rising again.
Yeah, we should.
Raised for our justification.
Amen.
Yeah, man.
All right, let's do some hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Oh, this is a short and sweet hate mail, but it's been a long episode.
So here we go.
Somebody emailed us and said, no longer satire or even remotely funny.
Just a bunch of whining, meme-y babes and scammers.
I'm sorry.
I sent that when I was mad at you guys.
I was mad at you guys because you didn't invite me back.
And then I was like, that sounds like a beaker from Muppets.
Me, me, me, How do they know?
But how do they know?
This is the person, like, I'm always, I'm always just fascinated by hate mail.
This watch.
You've given, so you've given the money to watch the podcast or you've given the click.
You've sat the page on the page.
Well, it's probably for the website.
It's probably for thebabylonby.com.
You've read through an entire article or multiple articles to know this depth of.
Yeah, I really want to get in the heads of the people that do this.
Yeah.
Like that you hate the website so much that you're like, yeah.
Got to send an email.
I come on so mad in order to give these guys a piece of my mind, you whiny little brats.
It's like if I read a Garfield comic and I was like, that wasn't funny.
I got out my pen.
What are we scamming?
I don't know what our scam is.
Whining meme baby.
What is the scam?
Yeah.
Babes and scammers.
Babes and scammers.
It sounds like a musical.
You're selling fake news as humor.
That's your scam.
It sounds like a history channel show or something.
Yeah.
Reality shows.
Babes scamming.
Babes.
1920s.
Las Vegas edition.
All right.
Well, we're going to go into our subscriber lounge now.
Kira gets to hang out with us.
Okay.
Pay money to hear what else I have to say.
Maybe we'll talk about Easter more.
We've got some good mailbag comments that have come in.
And we also have some bonus hate mail.
We were talking about walking through and showing off each one of our trinkets in the lounge.
But since Kira's here, maybe we'll save that for now.
I'd save that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Save that for when you just don't know what else to talk about.
But if I'm here, it's nonstop topic.
Backup.
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah.
All right.
And Kira will tell a crazy story.
Kira will.
It's starting to run out.
I need to go.
COVID has prevented me from having new experiences.
She will give us all the dirt.
All the dirt.
Kirk Cameron.
Oh, I'm not going to tell those stories, you guys.
All right, here we go.
All right.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
People really do, I think, think that we're like behind the scenes having very deep conversations about doctrine and just having a very natural conversation here about how Avril Levine is a clone.
Ethan turns to me.
He's like, I have to say.
Good stories about your kids.
Kyle?
Kyle?
I didn't want to wear the smoking jacket.
I want everyone to know that they did offer me one.
So don't write them hate mail that they made the black woman come on the podcast and she couldn't even wear a jacket.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dylan for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.