Pro-Trump Manatees, Arminian Riots, and Big Tech Censorship
This is the Babylon Bee Weekly News Podcast for the week of 1/15/2021. In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's biggest stories like how Arminians are storming the gates of Heaven to protest election, wild manatees are suddenly coming out in a strong show of support for Donald Trump, and censorship is hitting anyone to the right of Stalin thanks to "Big T." Kyle's favorite bird to pronounce eats an alligator, samosas fly into space, and the squirrels are up to something! It's another The Babylon Bee news show! Be sure to check out The Babylon Bee YouTube Channel for more podcasts, podcast shorts, animation, and more. To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans Introduction Kyle celebrates his birthday with the California Highway Patrol. Stuff That's Good Kyle likes Pete Vik's Hope and Light & Darkness. Ethan likes Gran Torino… again. And The Outlaw Josey Wales. Okay, Clint Eastwood stuff n general. Weird News Game warden uses marksmanship to rescue deer with locked antlers Fulfilled prophecy? Mysterious NYC squirrel attacks rise in Queens neighborhood: Report Website seeks 'professional binge watcher' to watch Netflix, eat pizza Samosa sent to 'space' by British eatery crash-lands in France Scientists Report First Instances of Dwarf Giraffes Florida manatee has 'TRUMP' etched into its side; officials seek information Florida bird caught on video swallowing whole alligator Kyle gets three Guinness World Records since it is his birthday! Man chops through apples while juggling knives for Guinness record Siblings Set World Record for the Highest Combined Age, 1042 Years Athlete does 64 hand-release pushups in one minute for new record Stories of the Week Story 1 Arminians Storm God's Throne Room To Protest Election Summary:A gang of rogue Arminians has broken into God's throne room in order to protest the doctrine of election, sources confirmed Thursday. Hordes of the anti-Calvinist protesters stormed the gates of heaven before angels were forced to fall back and barricade the throne room. "Down with the predestined, sovereign election of God!" cried one man from Florida as he burst into the throne room wearing a buffalo hat. "This whole thing is rigged! Divine interference!" Arminians were seen scaling the walls of heaven. One managed to hang a "Who is able to resist His will?" banner on the gates of the place, while others busted in and started roaming the streets of gold looking for the Lord's throne room. A few made it in but were instantly killed by being in the presence of the Almighty God, sparking further protests. There was very little looting, though a few Chick-fil-A sandwiches were taken. At publishing time, Arminians had suggested the protesters were actually Calvinists disguised as Arminians to make them look bad. Calvinists say there is no proof of this as most of the protesters had neither beards nor smug looks on their faces. The Real Story: Oh wait, the capitol building got stormed too? The capitol building was stormed, presumably by pro-Trump fanatics who think the 2020 election was rigged. -A man in a buffalo hat was there and another man walked off with a podium. One man ransacked Nancy Pelosi's office. -Also, in related news, The Babylon Bee slack channel simply titled #Theology because #ArguingAboutCalvinism was too long, has kicked off with many fiery screeds about free will, election, predestination, and the love of God. -Imagine if Trump had won, none of this would have happened. this is Antifa at the capitol: -Antifa leader "Brothers, fret we may, but a fair election has ended and we must accept the results, though they were not in our favor. Lay down your bricks. Remove the vodka soaked rags from your molotov cocktails and drink with me as we accept these results like men. We shall leave the Capitol unmolested, we will don no buffalo garments, for we are not like those savages. Yes, we have a line we will not cross, and this is it." Then they sing an ancient Antifa war song about honor, tragedy, and losing with dignity.. Sad part of the story, in addition to the erosion of our norms and culture, was that a woman Ashli Babbitt was shot dead by the police, several other rioters died from medical emergencies, and a capitol police officer, Brian Sicknick, was killed in the riot at the Capitol. See also: Our NEW animation about Who Was Really Behind The Attack On The Capitol Story 2 After Being Kicked Off Social Media, Trump Forced To Go Door To Door And Shout 'RIGGED ELECTION!' Summary: After being permanently banned from social media, President Trump has been forced to knock on doors across the country, one door at a time. If anyone opens the door, he will shout one of his classic lines such as "RIGGED ELECTION!" or "Hillary is a loser! SAD!" at them before moving on to the next house. Real Story: Big Tech is going nuts on the censorship front.Donald Trump got suspended from Twitter and Facebook for "inciting a riot" Twitter's statement said, "After close review of recent Tweets from the @realDonaldTrump account and the context around them — specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter — we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence." Amazon, Apple, and Google got Parler got taken down. Ron Paul has been blocked from Facebook. Conservatives, libertarians and otherwise non-woke people seem to be shedding followers on Twitter and also 70,000 Q accounts are being booted en masse. Conservatives have been quick to point out the double standards and hypocrisy of social media companies letting leftist incitements to violence stay and slamming the hammer down on conservatives. Revealing CNN article: Defiant Trump denounces violence but takes no responsibility for inciting deadly riot Twitter blog about Trump tweets Story 3 Biden Unveils Skin Color Chart To Determine Who Gets Federal Aid Summary: President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package recently passed by Congress. "Our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses, women-owned businesses (real quote)," Biden informed the nation. "We are sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there is no malarkey…" Experts praised the administration's new color chart as being very unambiguous, black-and-white even, on who the government was going to help and not help. Real Story: From Joe Biden's website "To address the racial wealth gap, the opportunity gap, and the jobs gap for Black and Brown people, Biden will launch a historic effort to empower small business creation and expansion in economically disadvantaged areas – and particularly for Black-, Latino-, AAPI-, and Native American-owned businesses." Joe Biden Website Washington Post Article On Joe Biden Small Business Plan Joe Biden's reported nominee for head of DOJ, Kristen Clarke said back in her Harvard days, "Melanin endows Blacks with greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities — something which cannot be measured based on Eurocentric standards." Topic of the Week: Big Tech Censorship, what is the role of social media? -Libertarian private property trumps all so a private company can just do what it wants? -Federal Section 230 protections protect social media companies as being considered platforms instead of publishers- is that cool? -Jack was gloating about Parler being taken down. -Are we heading to a place where conservatives have to make their own phones, own networks, own web providers, own banks? They made their own, Parler, and it got taken down by Amazon, Google, and Apple. GoDaddy took away the domain registration for a gun forum AR-15.com Big megacorporations like AMEX, AMAZON, Marriot, Commerce Bank, Dow, Hallmark, Blue Cross, Charles Shwab, their PACs are cutting off donations to 147 Republicans who supported efforts against certifying the election results. At least three banks are cutting off ties from Trump. (Signature, Deutsche, and Profession banks) What are the implications for The Babylon Bee? What threats do we have and why do we need subscribers to support us. The hypocrisy of Big Tech of what they allow to remain up. Hate Mail Will says we are making Christianity look bad again. Subscriber Portion Behind the Scenes Update When this comes out Kyle will be at Winter Bee Con in Michigan. Mailbag Jackson Baker sent us a video about how the proposal went and answers some of Ethan's questions like if Kelsey got bored reading the list of tips from the Bee. Bonus Hate Mail Doug incites violence we think and maybe thinks we created social media? Headline Forums Got Any Cool Stories? Story Time With Ethan Nicolle Email us your cool stories!
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon B. Fake news you can trust.
Hey, everyone.
Welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
I'm Kyle Mann, the editor-in-chief of the Babylon Bee here with my buddy Ethan Nicole, who's the creative director of the Babylon Bee.
That's me.
I'm a creative director.
I direct creative stuff.
Yeah.
Kind of.
You made up your own title, too.
You just told me.
Which is pretty pretentious.
Like, I'm the creative guy.
Well, okay.
I got a job and you're like, come up with whatever title you want.
I just, I don't know.
I'm editor-in-chief, whatever that, you know, because we're a thing.
So I looked on the next one down from editor and creator or editor-in-chief was creative director.
You just googled it?
Yeah, I just looked at other like magnets.
I may have looked at, may have looked at the onion.
I was just like, who's the next guy down?
Okay.
Well, I have a secret.
That's what I did too.
Yeah.
So Seth said, you're coming on full time.
What title do you want?
And I toyed with doing something really dumb and silly, like Supreme Chancellor of, I don't know.
Yeah, it's like useless if you actually try to get another job as an editor-in-chief or creator-in-chief or creator-in-chief.
I'm a creative director.
And to be like, oh, yeah, so this is your, you have experience as a creative director.
Well, I made a lot of cartoons and Photoshops of Donald Trump wearing disguises and stuff.
The grand poo-bah of creativity, Ethan Nicole.
So I turned 34 yesterday.
And thank you.
Such a sapling.
Such a young'un.
I still feel like I'm closer to 30 than 40, so that's good.
You are.
Oh, I guess I am.
But I feel it too.
I feel, you know, feel young.
You don't feel 40 when you turn 40.
Like you feel younger?
You just don't feel it.
I don't know if anybody feels it.
Yeah.
It's weird.
Got a little gift from the California Highway Patrol yesterday.
A little birthday present.
Oh, yeah?
What's that?
First time I've ever been pulled over and got a speed.
Oh.
Yeah.
In your black car.
Yep.
Your fancy black car.
Yep.
I asked him if there was a birthday discount.
He wasn't amused.
Is that your first speeding ticket ever in your life?
Yes.
34 minutes to 34.
Is that because you don't speed a lot or because you get away with it all the time?
I don't.
I guess I get away with it a lot.
But I tend to, like, I'm not the guy who's like revving up next to someone trying to race and I'm not a moron, you know.
Yeah.
There's a lot of morons.
No, because now that I'm driving a Camaro, people will pull up.
Oh, they want to race you.
I'm not that, you know.
And I wasn't even thinking about it either because I know I've gone a little faster in my Camaro.
I was listening to Small Town Dicks, the podcast you recommended on this podcast before, and I was just spacing out, looking around, nothing.
So I'm like, you know, I'm thinking of the guy.
I'm like, dude, this is the Babylon Beast here.
Like, I'm on your side, man.
Back the moon, bro.
Black Baby.
Yeah, Blue Lives Matter.
Wasn't amused.
It didn't work.
But yeah, you know, 34.
So that's a very uneventful age to turn.
Yeah, it doesn't.
You know, 35 feels a milestone-ish.
40.
Yeah.
40s.
Yeah.
Yeah, cool.
Well, good job.
Thank you.
I did a very good job of staying alive.
Yeah.
Let's, you want to move on to stuff that's sure.
Yeah, let's do it.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
So I used to be a pastor, and my co-pastor, his name was Pete Vick.
It is Pete Vick.
He's not dead.
He's alive.
And he hasn't changed his name.
He hasn't changed his name as far as I know.
He isn't trans geography.
What would be the transgenderized girl?
That's not his dead name.
just making sure when people transition do they his name is now Vicky Pete Do they always pick a name that sounds like it's like Patricia?
They can do whatever they do.
Well, I know they can do whatever, but I'm wondering what the because I know they do seem to do that.
Like they pick something that's similar, right?
Yeah.
A lot of times.
Like they make the name that like a person jokingly would be like, if you were a girl, your name would be Pete It.
Yeah.
That kind of thing.
So his name would be, yeah.
Patricia.
Patricia.
I don't know if there's a girl version of Peter.
Anyway, yeah, so he wrote. a fantasy novel called Hope.
And I read it before I even met him, actually.
And then I ended up hiring him as the co-pastor of our church.
It was very good.
Kind of C.S. Lewis-esque, Tolkien-esque, very classic fantasy.
And I liked it because it was like 250 pages, very simple plot line where guy's protecting this girl.
He's got to get her out.
She's the only hope, you know.
And I really, I try to read fantasy novels nowadays.
There's 700 pages and it starts out like, oh, the magic weaving.
And you have to like get in this whole world building and things go crazy.
And it's like a guy who's, it feels like junior hires who like wrote all these crazy ideas down and then tried to stuff them all into this book.
So what I appreciate about this is it was not that.
I'm such a fan of like classic fantasy, Robert E. Howard, classic just pulp fiction.
And it's more in that vein.
It's more in just the traditional.
There's good and there's evil.
There's not this moral grittiness and like everybody dies and gritty.
So I appreciated that.
And he just had a new sequel come out.
I haven't read it yet, but it's called Light and Darkness.
It's a sequel to Hope.
They're both available on Amazon in paperback format or Kindle.
So it's called Hope and Light and Darkness by Pete Vick.
And I highly recommend the series.
I think it's a trilogy and there's going to be another one coming out at some point here.
Cool.
Cool, man.
So I'm just going to recommend because I ran out of ideas, but there is a movie that I realize I ask people all the time, oh, yeah, you've seen this movie.
And everybody's like, no, what?
You ever seen Gran Torino with Clint Eastwood?
Have I recommended this before?
Oh, did I already do it?
Dang it.
I thought maybe you did because I was like, hey, I've seen this one.
And then I'm like, wait a minute.
We talked about this.
Because I talked about how Dan lent me his copy and I never thought of it.
I thought I forgot about it.
I thought I didn't.
What about, have you seen The Mule?
Can you recommend that?
I haven't seen The Mule.
Is it good?
My stuff that's good.
The Outlaw Josie Wales is a great Clint Eastwood Western.
Watch that.
How about the good, the bad, and the ugly?
It's good.
The Outlaw Josie Wales was one of the first Westerns I watched and got really into it.
So it may not be one of the best Westerns, but it was in the moment that I watched.
Best Westerns.
One of those little moatel sixes.
I will admit that I watched the entire Mandalorian series.
Oh, nice.
Hey.
And I did get into it by like the last couple episodes.
Cool.
Go ahead.
I didn't hate it.
I liked it, but I was never like, oh, I got to see the next one.
I got to see it.
There probably is a little bit.
It's a little round towards the end, like the last couple episodes.
A lot of it was definitely like the story.
It was well verse.
It's like all of us.
That's an assassin droid.
We know what those are.
I don't know any of these.
Yeah.
So you didn't.
Yeah.
I haven't seen very many Clint Eastwood movies, though.
Now you're talking about it.
I have seen Good, Bad, and the Ugly.
I did see The Mule and I did see Gran Torino.
I know you recommended the Richard Jewell one that he directed.
That was good.
Yeah.
I haven't seen that.
I never saw Dirty Harry.
Dirty Harry's classic.
Classic?
Worth watching?
And I never saw the other.
Wasn't it like a series or a trilogy with the man with no name?
Like for a few dollars or something?
Yeah, they're all worth watching.
I can't.
I don't remember if I've seen.
I went through like a Westerns binging phase, and I watched a bunch of those on camera because I was also binging like Chris Sawa films and stuff.
So I can't remember which ones I did and didn't see.
They all kind of blended together.
Okay.
So I'm bad at retaining information.
But I'm a fan.
Cool.
So Ethan is recommending Clint Eastwood.
Clint Eastwood in general.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
Game warden uses marksmanship to rescue deer with locked antlers.
A sharpsuiting Kansas Game Warden rescued two bucks with their antlers locked together by shooting an antler off without injuring either animal.
Wait, but they shot the antler off.
Shot the entire antler off.
How is that not injuring?
Without injuring.
So they glue it back on.
This is like if two people were accidentally entangled in their arms or something and the cop's like shooting their arms off.
Like, yeah, Denindrum.
Yeah.
Got him.
They like lop off a limb.
They're like, I didn't harm my hair on his head.
Didn't harm him.
Saved him.
Just cut his arms off.
I just severed a whole chunk of them with a high caliber bullet.
Got him more burning.
Potential fulfilled prophecy here.
Mysterious New York City squirrels attacks.
Hold on, let me start over.
Mysterious New York City squirrel attacks rise in Queen's neighborhood.
Report.
20 unprovoked attacks since Thanksgiving.
How do you provoke a squirrel attack?
Come on, squirrel.
Take its nuts for it.
But these are unprovoked.
Okay, okay.
And these are unprovoked attacks.
Yeah.
They just randomly attack me, like the jump onto people out of trees on their head.
Yeah, so this was our Babylon View article, the report the squirrels are up to something.
So this is the fulfilled prophecy.
This is what their plan has been all the time to just unprovoked attacks.
They've been plotting.
They've been plotting.
They've been probably plotting on parlor.
You think?
That's probably where it's been going.
Yeah.
Jack Dorsey was hip to this.
Although, as you always say, it's the flies that are really plotting.
They're always plotting.
You can see him down there.
It's part of their to blame.
So a U.S. website is offering $500 for an unusual short-term job.
A professional binge watcher willing to watch Netflix and eat pizza.
For $500, huh?
So it's called Bonus Finder?
Is this Rust's Art?
What a real thing?
So they want to analyze him?
Are like scientists going to analyze the guy or something?
And is he supposed to write, you know, this kind of pizza goes good with this show?
I don't get what his job is.
Yeah.
I recommend the meat lovers while watching Ozark.
So it says the candidate will be required to review each series based on story and plot lines.
Acting quality and cheesiness, satisfaction of episode series endings, and then they will write the pizzas they sample.
Cheese gooeiness, quality, flavor.
Oh, you read the article, actually.
Value article.
Well, I'm curious what the point is.
I would love to know what they're like, you know, they bring people in to interview for this position and how do they qualify themselves.
I haven't worked since, you know, I was like, you know, ever.
And I just, I lay on the couch a lot.
I watch a lot of Netflix.
I love pizza.
Do you have any previous experience?
Absolutely.
I mean, I order pizza.
Another thing I love about pizza is you push a button, it just appears on your doorstep.
I don't have to have any social interaction.
That's more Netflix for me.
And so, I mean, this is a walk on the park for me.
I was made for this job.
How long did it take you to binge Breaking Bad on Netflix, Sir?
Well, I binged it multiple times.
So, and I actually created a, while watching Breaking Bad, I created a thing I call the taco pizza, which is I just buy a whole pizza, uncut, fold it, and then I eat it like this.
Well, I watch Breaking Bad, but I fill it with sour cream.
That shows a lot of initiative, and we really appreciate that.
That is what we're looking for in a candidate.
Excellent.
What do you say?
What would you say your greatest weakness is when it comes to binging?
This is the longest weird news segment ever.
It's only that I don't, you know, I care too much.
I love pizza too much.
Samosa sent to space by a British eatery.
Crash lands in France.
Samosa is a food.
Indian food.
It's like a little breaded pastry with potatoes in it.
So, a restaurant in Britain attempted to use weather balloons to send it to space.
Why?
And it ended up crashing in France.
So, I'm thinking space does not like samosas.
Rejected.
The aliens were like, What is this crap?
Should have sent up some calzone.
We do not like Indian food, sent pizza.
Yeah, sad.
All right.
So, scientists have reported the first instances of dwarf giraffes.
Dwarf giraffes.
One is a dwarf giraffe.
They found two individual giraffes spotted in the wild.
They seem to have the classic long necks.
Classic.
But unusually short, stubby legs.
What's it called?
I love that they're classic.
This is a classic example of a classic.
I love the idea of being like a monkey that lives among giraffes.
He just sees all these giraffes.
Classic.
Classics.
Classic.
Old giraffes.
They're long necks.
And like the giraffes with short necks aren't classic.
What are they?
Like the modern?
I don't know.
So they have dwarfism?
But I think it's just, yeah, they have dwarfism.
So it's not, the story makes it sound like, oh, we found a new giraffe.
There's a new species.
But no, it's just messed up giraffes.
They're just Jacko.
It's just a Bert defect giraffe.
If giraffes had, you know, something like eugenics, then they'd be fine.
They wouldn't have to deal with the stuff.
Because usually you think of it like a miniature thing, like the whole thing gets drunk down, but they still have the long neck and just tiny feet.
That's so like a dachshund with a super long neck.
Yeah.
It's not like that, though.
It's like the legs are slightly shorter.
It kind of looks more like a baby giraffe.
It's not that exciting.
But I was wondering if they could make a necklace giraffe because they've made seedless watermelons.
So things like to be done.
And then they can get through doors.
There's probably some federal grant.
Like someone's working on that right now.
50 million.
It was probably in the stimulus bill.
$50 million for necklace giraffes.
Either the head can be down here or it can just be floating.
Either way.
I want to get rid of the neck.
Looking at the picture, they don't even look that weird.
Yeah, they don't.
It's like very small.
Baby draft.
Florida manatee has Trump etched into its side.
Officials seek information.
What?
See, I like how dumb the headlines are.
I know.
An investigation opened after a manatee in Florida.
River had the word Trump?
This manatee was just swimming around and he had Trump written on him.
Officials said on Monday.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to know who defaced the animal in the headwaters of the Homosasa River in Citrus County.
Did I say that right?
Homosasa?
There's some editorializing there.
You say defaced.
I say improved.
Yeah, upgrade.
It didn't appear to be hurt, they said, because it seemed that the word was etched into algae on algae on its body.
So they're covered in algae.
It's kind of like, yeah.
That's all.
I was wondering if it was Mike Lindela.
The My Pillow guy?
Yeah.
Well, he likes to, you know, he's a really big Trump fan, and he may have been tossed into the water by some Columbian drug cartel, handcuffed.
You know, he's got a thing in his mouth, and he's like, Trump!
And he's hoping Trump will find their friends.
That's one possibility.
It could also be miraculous.
Like, you know, Jesus appears on toast.
Trump is starting to appear everywhere.
It's just that his name appears to let everybody know that he is chosen.
Yeah, do we know that a person on manatees did this?
I mean, nobody's a phenomenon, right?
Right.
Yeah.
It could be natural phenomenon.
Yeah, it could be evolution.
Yeah.
Manatees have evolved to have the word Trump on them to survive more?
I don't know.
Okay.
Florida bird caught on video swallowing whole alligator.
You know what kind of bird it was?
What was it?
It wasn't kind of a great blue Haron.
Haron?
Wow.
Wait, so how does a heron swallow an entire alligator?
Yeah, it doesn't have a big beak like a pillow can.
Yeah.
Yeah, orangutan.
I know if people hadn't listened to that episode, they were confused.
Kyle has cover with the word heron.
Heron.
Sounds like a product.
Heron for men.
I just want to keep thinking of animals the way Kyle would say them.
Okay, so for my birthday, you guys have gotten me a present.
Yeah.
You got me three different presents.
And here they are.
It's a baby alligator, by the way, just so you guys know.
And again, this is probably not that weird.
Like, probably happens all the time.
It was caught on video.
Yeah.
Which is cool.
Okay, so here's my birthday presents.
Thank you guys.
I really appreciate this.
Man chops through apples while juggling knives for Guinness record.
Siblings set world record for the highest combined age, 1,042 years.
That's either very impressive or not, depending on how many siblings there are.
And then athlete does 64 hand-release push-ups in one minute for new record.
They did nothing.
They just lived the siblings.
That's true.
They didn't do anything.
So the athlete does 64 hand-release push-ups.
Like, that's kind of cool.
Like, I think it'd be like physical feats of strength.
I accept that as Guinness record.
But the siblings.
Yeah, when I was looking at these, I was thinking, yeah, the siblings is the dumbest one.
It is dumb.
But I'm saying that it would be very impressive if it was just two siblings.
Is it?
I don't know.
It just says siblings set world record for the five.
Yeah, it's too they have to be 500 years each, huh?
So it's either that there's a lot of siblings.
12.
12 of them.
Wow.
Are they Mormon?
No.
Indian, maybe?
I can't tell.
I don't want to assume.
The D'Cruz film?
D'Cruz, so that might be, that sounds more.
Okay, so they're Pakistani.
Pakistani.
The cruz?
That's Pakistani.
Okay.
So the combination here that made this possible is a lot of kids, and they all grew up to be very old.
And they all counted their ages and called Guinness Book a World Record.
That's age, just so you know.
Yeah.
And they all lived a long time.
Yeah, yeah, Robert.
Good job, guys.
Thanks, guys.
I really appreciate the birthday present.
Happy birthday.
People just tag me in Twitter all the time now.
Guinness record.
Guinness record.
Thanks a lot.
Never say that you don't like something.
All right, let's do some stories of the week.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
A gang of rogue Arminians has broken into God's throne room in order to protest the doctrine of election.
Sources confirmed.
Hordes of the anti-Calvinist protesters stormed the gates of heaven before angels were forced to fall back and barricade the throne room.
Wow.
Arminians.
Those Arminians.
They're really known for how they stang up.
They organize.
Yeah.
They have these like Armenian groups, the Arminian community.
See, I feel like Arminians, you don't meet very many passionate Arminians.
Have you met one ever?
Seth.
But he identifies as an Arminian.
I don't even know if he would.
I would read Arminius like the Dickens.
Yeah, I don't even know if he would like Dickens.
I'd say that.
Like Charles Dickens.
I don't even know if he would classify as well as right?
Because Calvinists generally, they read some Calvin.
Yes.
Right?
Yes.
But Arminian just means not Calvinist.
Yeah, but well, it's based on Jacob, Jacobus, Arminius.
How did I do there?
Jacobus Arminius.
So they're Arminian.
So if people follow you one day, they used to cult, they would be Nicoleans.
Nicoleans.
Mannians.
Mannins.
Like you may.
You made that comment about how God created man.
And then he's like, ah, throw it all out except the rib.
And then he made woman.
Only thing I got right is this little rib.
And if that started a theological faction, it was all based on the Nicolean theology.
Yeah.
Or the rib.
I don't know.
Ribbonaic.
Yeah, the rabbinic teachings.
Rabbinic.
Yeah.
Nicolean scholars.
But while God's throne room didn't get stormed, the Capitol building actually was stormed either by Trump supporters or Antifa disguised as Trump supporters or Trump supporters disguised as Antifa disguised as Trump supporters.
And then maybe undercover cops disguised that were actually white supremacists.
And then under that was the KKK.
And maybe Juggalos.
And then under them was maybe like Mad Max guy.
Mad Max.
Master Blaster.
Or the little rascals piled up.
Oh, three of them all stacked up.
Yeah.
We're just referencing my cartoon I made.
That's true.
All right, cartoon.
Hit it.
The election was rigged.
Yeah.
Take this.
Hey, no violence.
You must not really be a proud boy.
You must be Antifa.
Oh, yeah.
Well, your Black Lives Matter.
That's right.
Now, let's peacefully protest.
Hey, that's not peaceful.
You must be a cop.
Well, you're not Antifa.
You're a white supremacist.
I bet you think you're real clever, don't you?
Actual Nazi?
At least I'm not in the KKK.
Better than being Ko-Pink, CNN anchor, Russian spy, incel, cross spinner, jungalo.
Oh, kitty.
We're the same, bro.
We are the same, bro.
The building was stormed by pro-Trump fanatics.
Well, we know all this.
We got the Buffalo guy.
We know about him.
He got, you know, they got into Nancy Pelosi's office.
But there has been a big thing with the Babylon B on the, I mean, this really was inspired by us, right?
Oh, the Armenian thing?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's like the rifts are beginning to open up.
Well, because there's like, there's a lot of Calvinists in Babylon B.
I don't think people ought to realize that.
A lot of the guys here are Calvinists, passionate Calvinists.
And Seth is passionately not Calvinist.
And he just, I think he likes getting you guys going.
Oh, he loves the read of it.
I feel like Seth, you know, he relaxes in his mansion.
Yeah.
For him, he pours himself like single malt.
Yeah.
What's good?
Single malt scotch?
Is that a thing?
He pours himself some single malt scotch, maybe another one.
And then he's like, let's rile up the Calvinists.
Because we'll get messages at like, because we'll get messages at like 10 p.m. our time.
And I'm like, dude, it's 1 a.m.
It's like 1 a.m. over there.
And he's just like, boom.
I think it's like when you decide to play Grand Theft Auto, even though you know it's immoral.
And then you sit down and you decide, since you know you're doing something wrong, you're going to go all out.
And you just start capping civilians everywhere, just murdering everybody.
Like when you have that mood, you just need to blow some steam.
I think that's the mode Seth is in when he's like, let's do this.
James White, let's go.
Let's Elbu drop some Calvinist attaching bombs to random people, you know, pulling them from their cars, just whatever you can think of.
Push this guy off this building.
You ever play a game like you play like Redhead Redemption?
You like carry the guy all the way up to like the white supremacist guy all the way to the top of a bridge, strap him with dynamite, and then just drop him off.
You're just having fun.
People do it.
I do it.
I've seen videos on YouTube of it.
I, for one, follow all the traffic laws and regulations in Grant Theft Auto.
My wife actually does that, though.
She drives me up to the stoplight and waits.
When you speed, you leave Jesus behind.
Digital or not.
Yeah, I was thinking, because if at the Capitol building, what if Trump had won and is like Antifa there?
How would that have gone?
What would the Antifa leader said?
The Antifa leader, he'd stand before the other Antifa guys.
He'd walk kind of like Braveheart.
Brothers, fret we may, but a fair election has ended.
We must accept the results, though they were not in our favor.
Lay down your bricks.
Remove the vodka-soaked rags from your Molotov cocktails and drink with me as we accept results like men.
We shall leave the Capitol unmolested.
We'll do no buffalo garment, don no buffalo garments.
We are not like those savages in the red hats.
Yes, we have a line we will not cross, and this is it.
Then they sing an ancient antifa war song about honor, tragedy, and losing with dignity.
That's probably how it goes.
We gave it our best shot.
We lose with dignity, for that is our way.
Trump won fair and square.
Fair is, fair is, fair.
That's fantastic.
This is beautiful.
That was an idea for a cartoon, but I know I'd never do it.
So just like the idea that's they would be all they're acting like they would not do this.
If it had been that way around, I don't know what the Capitol would be burned to the ground.
I don't know what would have happened.
Peace.
Peace would have broken out.
Peace would break out across the land.
All right, let's move on to our next story.
After being permanently banned from social media, President Trump has been forced to knock on doors across the country one at a time.
If anyone opens the door, he will shout one of his classic lines such as rigged election or Hillary is a loser, sad, at them before moving on to the next house.
I love this visual.
You're sitting at home.
It's 2.30 p.m.
Or dog barks.
Your phone, like the ring camera now, goes on your phone.
Oh, yeah, I got to get one of those.
Rigged election!
I love that you look at your ring and you see Donald Trump standing there waiting, adjusting his tie and everything, this thing he does.
Drinking his water.
Looking in the mail slot.
Donald Trump, ranked election.
He just walks to the next house.
Charges to the next house.
So big tech really is going nuts on the censorship front, though.
I don't know.
Do we call it censorship?
Is that the correct thing?
I know people are debating this, but I mean, to me, it feels like censorship, right?
It feels very much like censorship.
Just knocking people out left and right.
Trump got suspended from Twitter and Facebook for, these are air quotes for audio listeners.
Inciting a riot.
You incited it.
Now we are talking about big tech censorship in our main topic.
Okay.
So we can kind of go light here.
But it is interesting if you read what Twitter's statement on what Trump actually said that got him kicked off.
Did you see the actual quotes?
Yes.
I thought it was going to be in this article I just clicked on, but I don't.
I think it's in the notes.
After close review of recent tweets from the Donald Trump account and the context around them, specifically how they are being received and interpreted on and off Twitter, we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.
But it was like two tweets.
One was about, I don't have, I thought it was me right here.
Well, I know they kicked, they banned his videos where he gave them a video message after the Capitol riots or when they were kind of winding down.
And that's when he said, Everybody go home, stay peaceful.
And they deleted those.
Yeah, one of them was simply.
And then there was the one where he said he wasn't going to be at the 90s.
Yeah, that was one.
And they said, well, it's a dog whistle.
It's a coded message that you can attack the inauguration.
Yeah.
Hey, guys, I'm not going to be there.
Just saying.
Just saying.
So, yeah, I don't.
I don't know.
Yeah, I saw this.
It was an action article by an article from CNN.
Defiant Trump denounces violence but takes no responsibility for inciting deadly riot.
Yeah, and I kept seeing this.
It was one of those things that within like 24 hours just became the accepted line.
Trump incited violence.
And I still haven't found anything where he incited violence.
Like, I get that it probably wasn't the best political strategy.
And it was probably pretty short-sighted to be like, the election was stolen for two months, and then you ended up losing the Senate because nobody bothered to go out and vote.
Yeah.
And yeah, maybe that can lead to some people going crazy and going to the Capitol and going way too far there.
But he was like very specific, let's be peaceful.
I think there were some addresses beforehand where he said we're going to peacefully protest this thing.
And if you compare it to all the language from the people on the left during the riots, when they're telling people, like, we will not be silenced.
They shouldn't stop.
You know, these are like Democratic leaders saying all this stuff.
It's like a very clear contrast between how Trump was acting and how they were acting.
Yeah, the double standard's insane.
And this is another example of a time where like Donald Trump did a thing I would not defend, but then the left took their response to it so far that now I'm defending him.
I know.
Every time.
Every game.
Come on.
Stop making me defend Trump.
Yeah.
And then what's really scary, and we'll talk about this more in the main topic, is just how quickly everybody just lockstep banned everything.
Like Trump's been banned from Pinterest.
And it's like, what is Truck?
What was Trump going to do on Pinterest?
Pinterest.
I would have loved to find out.
Now we go.
We'll never know.
Etsy.
What would Trump's Etsy be like?
We will never know.
Selling little stitched.
Like a lock of his hair bookmark or something.
Selling little stitched MAGA pillows.
What kind of stuff?
I lost 2,500 followers on Twitter and the Babylon B lost 68,000 followers on Twitter.
So a lot of Nazis followed.
I don't know.
I don't even know.
What are the criteria?
Because they banned a bunch of people.
They banned like Sidney Powell got knocked off, Dan Bonganwino, or his name is Dan Bloom.
Bongino.
Bongano.
Yeah.
And Michael Flynn, I think I saw.
Crazy.
They kicked a bunch of people.
They're like, oh, yeah.
It felt like they've been wanting to do this.
And they've been like, we do, yeah, this is the moment.
Let's do it.
I know.
Wow.
Well, we're going to talk more about tech censorship in our story, our topic of the week.
Yeah.
Let's go on to our next story.
President-elect Joe Biden gave a press briefing from the basement of his Wilmington mansion announcing that his incoming administration will be utilizing an innovative skin color chart to determine who is the priority in receiving their share of the $900 billion federal coronavirus aid package.
Skin color chart.
He just checks it and you walk up and say, Just hold it up to the, there's like a hole with the skin colors next to it.
And you put it on and you just wait till it matches.
So you come up and you go like, please.
Please, sir, my business has been shut down for the last year.
My family's starving.
May I have more stimulus, please?
And he goes, you owe me $10,000.
But Biden actually said our priority will be black, Latino, Asian, and Native American-owned small businesses and women-owned businesses.
Oh, that's not real.
He didn't say women.
I was looking at.
No, no, that is real.
But then it goes on to say our satirical quote.
So I almost we're sending out a new color chart to all agencies involved to make sure there's no malarkey here.
No malarkey.
No malarkey.
So yeah, he said to address the racial wealth gap, the opportunity gap and the jobs gap for black and brown people, Biden will launch a historic effort to empower small business creation and expansion in economically disadvantaged areas, particularly for black Latino AAPI.
Is that Asian American Pacific Islander?
Wow.
And Native American-owned businesses.
That was on his website, or that is on his website.
That is there.
So wonderful.
Yeah, I was reading that.
This is going to go well.
There's.
A bunch of stuff he's got in there that's this is.
It's just all part of his what's it called big better backer builder, better backer, build back better, build back better, baby back, build back better baby, build them back.
Uh, so yeah, there was like these expanding ways that uh, like small business owners, you know there were certain protections for small business owners, like couldn't get sued for just an infinite amount of money if they had a certain amount, like you have like one employee, two employees, you'd be like a guy that hires one assistant, you know uh, you know you can't get sued for more than like 300 grand.
But they, they've taken a lot of these boundaries away.
They just make it like litigation.
It's like open season on small business employee owners, all the way down to the smallest.
That's wow and it's all.
It could be this the slightest accusation of racism.
It could even be an accusation from somebody who wasn't the person who they weren't, even they were offended or whatever.
Someone else can say it in that full court case.
It gives lawyers no full incentive to just litigate, because lawyers make money either way, whether they win or lose, and and in most of these situations these businesses don't make any money or they.
They come out poor.
If they win even, they come out still losing a ton of money.
Just fighting in a lawsuit in court is a huge drain on resources.
But luckily we know that Biden's administration is not going to have any racism.
Not, there's not gonna be any racists there, but at least there'll be racial harmony across the land.
Right, because his reported nominee for head of Department OF Justice, Kristen Clark, once said back in her Harvard days, melanin endows blacks with greater mental, physical and spiritual abilities, something which cannot be measured based on Eurocentric standards.
So good, this is going to go well, very excited for the future of our nation.
Sell melanin in like a vial, I know, like essential oils or something, just melanin yeah, you're gonna get.
A lot of business owners are gonna line up outside tanning salons to just get a little bit darker, to try to.
I love that.
Like our racial equality, like racial harmony.
World uh involves like all everybody doing great, except for poor white people.
That's the harmony there.
Yeah, as long as it's great that there's poor white people that need to have a hundred, they do exist.
I'm from a very poor white area I, that's what I grew up around and uh, they're real.
They really are poor white people, believe it or not, and it's so weird.
Isn't it racist to think that only black people are poor?
Isn't that the racism?
The racist racism?
Objection always betrays, like a certain racist belief in the person who's making the objection.
We're going to help the poor, helpless idiots out there who can't get a job, which I mean black people.
Yeah, it's like, wow, I don't.
That's my impression of I understand.
But that is now going to get cut.
I know.
And that's going to go all over the internet.
All right.
Let's move on to our topic of the week: big tech censorship.
And now, the Babylon Bees topic of the week.
Big tech censorship.
Censorship.
Well, we went different directions with that.
I sounded very excited about it.
Big tech censorship.
Big tech censorship, everybody.
Let's go.
Woohoo!
I like how there's like, okay, you imagine the voiceover guy, you know, and like big pharma.
And then he's like, big oil.
But they're never like, big tech.
Unless you're watching like Daily Wire.
But, you know, I think most, you know, people on the left, they like big tech, right?
Yes, because now this authoritarianism that they, I think that they kind of have their side in power and they want.
And they just, it's like, now it's cool.
Now it's popular.
Now they have an excuse for it.
And it's like, boom, all right, let's go authoritarian state.
Woohoo!
Yeah, I love it.
It's not Kyle.
It's the free market working, Kyle.
That's what's so crazy about all this.
Like I had to, I've had to think through a lot of this and work through a lot of this because it's like, yes, on the one hand, there's a private company that is saying you can no longer use our product.
And that is fine.
And if we're the people who are saying, you know, we don't have to bake the cake when the person comes into the shop, then on the one hand, there's a consistency.
It says, yeah, okay, well, the problem is right now that government is so tied up with these big tech companies.
Right.
You know, all the government has to do is be like, hey, Jack.
You know, they call Jack.
He comes out of his little van that he's living on the streets of San Francisco.
He's like, yeah, what's up, man?
Bro.
He's totally high in like some island in the Pacific and you're just sitting there like, oh, yeah, what's up, bro?
Hanging out with his spiritual advisor.
You know, Donald Trump's our political opponent.
Would you mind banning him?
Oh, yeah, and abroad, man.
And as long as they like have this barrier that it's not the government doing it, we're going to do anything.
Then it's fine.
Yeah.
And I don't, I don't think that's.
And the monopolies.
Like that was the thing that happened with Parlor.
Parlor had their servers on Amazon, but Amazon has like 50% of like, if you need space, like, you know, servers, Amazon owns like the largest portion of this.
Like it's a huge amount.
It's hard to get to do without them.
And Amazon also provides servers to Twitter.
So it's really bizarre because Amazon, that was really the devastating thing that happened to Parler.
It was devastating that Google and Apple pulled them from their app store, but even worse, Amazon took away their ability to even have their information online.
And they did it with a 24-hour notice.
They basically said, make all these massive changes that a company like Twitter could do with crazy algorithms.
And, you know, and they, and the thing that one thing that like I've seen stories saying Parlor didn't comply, Parlor was trying to comply.
I've watched interviews with the lady who's the people that run Parlor.
And I mean, they're devastated.
They're trying to keep up, but they don't want to be like Twitter.
They don't want to be like Facebook.
And it really does feel like Twitter, Facebook, and Apple and Google.
They're all kind of like these giant behemoths that are just, they run everything.
And they're all talking about all the horrible things that have happened and on their watch.
And oh, who's to blame?
And then there's like this tiny little parlor right there.
They're like, ah, that's who it was.
Blame Parlor.
Like there's nobody plotting violence, just saying horrible things on Twitter or Facebook.
Oh, I know.
That don't get taken down.
Yeah.
Twitter is all just a lot of positive comments all the time.
Yeah, like a good example is Ayatollah Khamenei.
Our stance against Israel is the same stance we have always taken.
Israel is a malignant cancerous tumor in the West Asian region that has to be removed and eradicated.
It is possible and it will happen.
Oh, that's fine.
That's a tweet that is on Twitter.
What is he and I'm Iranian something or another?
Yeah, he's Iranian, I believe.
He's like Iran's like head of department of blowing stuff up or he's a humany.
He's a spiritual leader.
Spiritual leader.
Okay, so I was right.
So he's like their Joel Hostein.
Yeah, he's like their Joel Osteen.
Yeah, and this is, you know, there's this argument like, well, if you don't like it, go build your own Twitter.
Yeah.
And you're like, okay, fine.
They go build Parlor and they're like, smash.
Go make your own web servers.
Yeah.
You know, go make your own email provider.
Go get in a rocket ship and go to your own planet and make your own society.
Like, that's what it's all coming to on some level.
Banks are cutting ties from Trump.
Mega corporations like Amex, Amazon, Marriott, Commerce Bank, Hallmark, Charles Schwab.
They're all cutting off any donations to Republicans who supported efforts against certifying the election results, which is funny because Democrats did the same thing back in 2017.
There was a movement.
I think it was more states than there actually were in the Republicans that were trying to fight against certifying the election results for Donald Trump.
And it's like, but then their side does it and boom, you're gone.
GoDaddy took away the domain registration for a gun forum, ar15.com.
How long until you and I are just crazy guys talking about it?
You just watch this happen and it feels like you see an avalanche coming down the mountain way up there.
And it's like, right now it's cool to watch, but it's going to hit us.
I mean, the thing is, the great thing about banning speech you don't like is it never backfires on Twitter.
It never is going to be used against you.
Yeah, that's a great way to end violence is to make people feel completely silenced and unable to have a voice in any way.
This is not going to have any kind of blowback whatsoever.
Whatever.
That's wonderful.
Yeah.
Generally, people just go, oh, I can't talk, so I'll just sit here and play Grand Theft Auto.
You know, yeah, so Twitter's constantly full of positive comments.
Like when this guy said, who are Mitch McConnell's neighbors?
I'm just saying Rand Paul's neighbor did what a true Kentucky hero should do.
It's your turn to step up.
That's not a call to violence.
No, not at all.
And Kelly Paul, Rand Paul's wife, says, Hey, Jack, remember how for the last three years you have allowed thousands of hateful tweets celebrating my husband's assault and encouraging more violence against him?
I do.
Boom.
Mic drop.
Destroyed.
Roasted.
Roasted by Kelly Paul.
By the way, I think a great name for a coffee shop would be Boom Roasted.
Hey.
Are we giving that to our listeners for free?
That's free.
But I want free coffee if you make it.
Okay.
Or a name of coffee.
Maybe a good name for coffee beans.
Costy Hinn, who we had on this show before, said, it's amazing that big tech was able to shut down so many accounts and ban parlor in a span of hours.
But no one could stop Pornhub from proliferating child porn and rape videos of abused women for years.
Boom roasted.
Boom roasted.
I love Costi Hinn.
So this feels like a brave new world.
I don't know.
This feels like a step.
Like this has happened before where it's like this guy got banned.
You're like, wow, you know, they went for Alex Jones.
Yeah, well, it's Alex Jones.
Or they went for this guy or that guy.
Milo or whatever.
Yeah.
And for him, yeah.
Yeah.
And then it's like, oh, you just banned the president of the United States from Twitter.
And a bunch of people.
You know, it's like, okay, this is probably like that slippery slope everybody was talking about.
Yeah, I've been seeing a lot of people comparing it to the response to 9-11, like how we went full-on Patriot Act afterwards and the war.
Oh, just all this.
Like everybody wants to overstep, just like do, you know, Joe Biden.
Joe Biden introducing Patriot Act 2.
Even more patriotic.
That's coming.
So what do we do?
Because it's like, as a person who's passionate about this, do you just like get off of Amazon and Twitter and Facebook and you go over and find like some little other website they're going to crush if they haven't already?
I mean, I think you do try to build the infrastructures that we can control.
I think, and things we can control, we do try to build our own.
We try to build our own networks.
It would be great if we could.
But does the internet become like a divided internet where there's like one half here and one half there?
And like there's conservative Twitter and left.
Is that better or worse than having us all be on one?
Well, I think let's say where the internet was five years ago or 10 years ago, like when Twitter was kind of growing in popularity and you had kind of this open discussion.
And I mean, there were tweets from Jack from just a few years ago where he's like, this will remain a place for open discussion because the left was pushing him like, ban people, bam people.
He's like, that's not what we're about.
We're about open discussion.
And I think that was kind of the ideal.
But if we're getting banned, what are we supposed to do?
Just have nothing?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, you can't just have nothing.
So I do think you build out the infrastructure where you can you work within where you can.
Yeah.
I'm hoping that this turns out to be a good thing for Parler.
It's made their name much bigger than it was before.
And I'm hoping that they can figure out their server issue.
Yeah.
And also they're suing Amazon.
I hope they win.
Yeah, that's fantastic.
Because Amazon, their contract was that they have, if there's a change Amazon wants, they have 30 days to make it.
They gave them 24 hours to make massive, impossible changes.
So I would love to see them win that.
I am seeing just how scary it is that at the push of a button, one phone call, there's like a big meeting and everyone's like, okay, we ban everybody now.
You know, and it's just that's it's scary how fast it happens and how in sync they are and how organized they are.
You know, you watch all those sci-fi movies like Alien or whatever, where there's all these, there's like three mega corporations that control everything or even aliens, like one mega corporation that controls everything.
And it was always like, oh, these, this is a, this is like a fascist, you know, neo-fascist, right-wing company that took over everything.
And it's like, that's where we are.
Yeah.
Except it's the left.
We land Utani Corporation run by Jeff Bezos.
I think also seek out.
I think a lot of people don't think this way.
You're used to having your entertainment and things given to you through giant corporations like Disney and things like that.
The internet has made it possible for creators to do things like crowdfunding.
Seek out people that you want to support.
Find their Patreon page.
Find their crowdfunding thing they're doing or whatever.
Find things like that that are indie, independents, things like that.
And then I think that I would tie in the Babylon B subscriber.
That's the way you can stay connected to us.
And when Twitter pushes the button, you won't even notice because we'll be right here with you.
And anybody you like, find how to get directly to them.
Find their website and their way to get to them.
Because a lot of us have to use Amazon.
I sell my book on Amazon, but I also have my own store where I sell it.
Seek out that person's actual site.
Seek out how the money gets most directly to them.
But even then, Stripe could shut you down.
I think buy local, shop local, buy directly wherever you can, exactly like Ethan's saying.
Subscribe monetarily and support the content you like.
Maybe that's us.
Maybe that's someone else.
How are we going to make a conservative Amazon?
Who's starting that?
Yeah, I know, right?
But again, that guy uses Amazon like crazy.
I know.
But I don't know if that's a societal good.
I don't know if it is a societal good.
I agree.
It's just so convenient, but it's super convenient.
I do think it's overall bad for society.
It's probably bad for us.
I mean, I remember back in the day when I wanted some weird board game or weird video game.
It's like I would go to some, I would go directly to this weird indie developer's website and go through their strange checkout process.
And like, I don't want to.
I think you meant like you went to some weird game store.
Well, that too.
Three hours ago.
That too.
But if I had to buy some.
Not now because they don't exist.
They've all been taken.
Shut down.
But you know, you had to go and you went and like had to go through the checkout process.
You're putting your weird address.
You're putting your address on this weird website and you hope that they don't like murder you or something.
But it was fun, you know, and you got this package and it was like, I don't know.
There's something just so like homogenous about Amazon.
That's, I don't know if it's good.
Homogeneous.
However, you said that.
Yeah.
Harry.
Very much believe GK Chesterton would have despised Amazon.
GK Chesterton.
Yes.
And I said it as a guy who shops like crazy on him.
Because Amazon is like the cheese.
The cheese.
The cheese.
Everybody gets the same cheese wedge.
Yeah.
And the internet used to be the wild west where you would get all kinds of weird kinds of cheese.
He might just hate the internet too, but yeah, he definitely.
Definitely.
Yeah.
It did used to be a good thing and a fun thing.
Okay.
We're going to move on to some hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Okay, here's hate mail from a fan named Will.
And here's what he says.
Fan.
Well, somebody.
It's really sad that you claim to be a Christian company and yet make fun of social justice efforts, people trying to get rid of racism and get someone out of office that clearly incites violence and hatred toward everyone except white males.
Shame on you.
You make Christianity look really bad.
Making Christianity look bad again.
Oh, yeah, bad to the bone.
When has the world ever thought Christianity looked good?
Yeah.
I just don't know if that was ever a thing.
Like maybe when Christianity was just real soft and like, but this is, I think this is actually a side effect that's going to happen.
It was like the real Christians are going to come out and the ones that aren't really Christian are going to kind of crumble away.
The real Christians who supported Trump.
Yeah, exactly.
There's going to be exactly 75 million Christians and everybody else will go away.
Yeah, I love the idea that you have to like accept completely what social justice claims to be doing.
Like you have to go, you can't oppose it in any way.
Well, it's so fun.
Yeah, and it is funny.
You're making fun of people trying to get rid of racism.
It's like, no, we're making fun of how racist those people are in their efforts to.
It's classic, like what comedy is.
If you're trying to prevent a thing from happening and you're actually causing it to happen, that's like comedy.
If you're a hypocrite, you're a great target for comedy.
Yeah.
And that's.
Or if you're trying really hard to do a thing and it's clear to the person watching that you will never accomplish it, but you are putting all your might into it.
That's the definition of what makes comedy funny.
That's Wiley Coyote.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's true.
It's everything.
Yeah.
It's the rule.
I like how I'm learning the rules of comedy five years after I started writing comedy.
Creative director from my lower.
Cal, let me talk to you real quick.
You don't know how to tell a joke.
So we're going to move on to our subscriber portion now.
And if you like hate mail, we have a great bonus hate mail coming up.
We also have a mailbag where we're going to talk about the guy who got proposed.
I keep saying mail.
You'll get that word a lot.
Who got engaged?
Excuse me.
The guy who got engaged through a Babylon B article.
He's got a video about it.
So we're going to watch that.
Hopefully it's not too inappropriate.
And then we're going to read our best subscriber submitted headline stories.
Headline, headlines.
You're just screwing me up.
All right, here we go.
We're going to go hang out in our subscriber lounge now.
See you later, Freeloaders.
And remember, support content creators directly.
That includes the Babylon B. You freelancers.
Not even us.
Because we get kicked off the internet tomorrow.
Yeah.
Don't let big tech win.
Cancel subscribe and save and subscribe and don't save.
Or, you know, Amazon.
Bye.
Bye.
Coming up next for Babylon B subscribers.
The bad guys and Ninja Turtles, like some of the Tatsu, like the guy that the Japanese leader of the foot clan.
He's like, oh.
Yeah, I'd be amazing.
I don't know if that was like having two scotches and sitting down.
I'm like, yeah, debate me.
But that's what he said.
So I'm down.
We'll see.
That would be fun.
Okay, well, here's some bonus hate mail for y'all.
Fart social media.
Is this inciting violence?
This is the first Babylon B arranged marriage.
Oh.
Wondering what they'll say next?
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
Go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dillon for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee.