Anonymous Sources/Demon Bread/Weird Christian Videos News Show 9.11.2020
This is The Babylon Bee Weekly News Show for the week of 9/11/2020. In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk about the week's biggest stories like California's progressive green energy grid leading the nation in brownouts, anonymous sources totally confirming that Trump punched a baby, and a man blowing up his house in an attempt to swat a fly. Kyle and Ethan also dig into the video archives to find really weird videos from Christian music and educational programming to talk about how weird they are. For example, why is that loaf of bread talking to us? Intro Kyle and Ethan discuss September 11 and Frank J. Fleming's Superego: Fathom Audible release. Stuff That's Good Kyle likes the video game Fall Guys. Ethan likes a Youtube Channel called Corridor Crew. Weird News Beer made with whale testicle and sheep dung among exhibits at 'disgusting' booze museum The Swedish museum says people can be "very desperate to get drunk" and in such a situation become "quite inventive" Other gross brews: wine fermented in a prison toilet, a spit-fermented cornmeal beer from Peru, a Ugandan gin made from fermented bananas, and an ancient Korean beverage fermented from children's faeces and rice, which was thought to be medicinal in the past. There is also a strong Scottish brew served from the mouth of a taxidermied squirrel. Anheuser-Busch's non-alcoholic 'Dog Brew' quickly sells out Why not feed the dogs the whale testicle beer Doctors pull 4ft snake from woman's throat after it slithered in as she slept Doctors remove 15lb ball of hair from teenager's stomach Residents rescue donkey with plastic chair stuck around its head Goat hops into deputy's car, chews on civil papers, head butts officer Man, 80, blows up his kitchen while trying to swat a fly Stories of the Week Governor Newsom Claims Rolling Blackouts Are To Show Support For Black Lives Matter Summary: California has been experiencing blackouts across the state. While many thought the blackouts were due to poor planning and unrealistic green energy requirements, Governor Gavin Newsom clarified that he ordered the blackouts as a powerful display supporting BLM. CA passed AB-32 in 2006 which basically says the state should be half green energy by 2025. CA currently is about 30% powered by wind and solar (mostly solar) During heatwaves there is no wind, and at night there is no sun, so at night, CA loses nearly 30% of its energy. SCIENCE! 'Humans Are Basically Good,' Says Man Who Has Never Met A 3-Year-Old Summary: Local man Chad Bruner says he believes all humans are born good, that altruism is man's natural state, and that it is society and parenting that corrupts them. Incidentally, Bruner had no younger siblings, no kids of his own, not even any nephews or nieces or even some neighbor kids. When asked 'Have you ever even met a three year old once in your life?" he answered no. Anonymous White House Source Claims Trump Punched A Baby Summary: According to an anonymous source in the White House, President Trump shocked aides and other staffers last year when he lost his temper and punched a baby in the face. The Atlantic published a piece saying that Trump called the dead soldiers in a war "losers." When [John] McCain died, in August 2018, Trump told his senior staff, according to three sources with direct knowledge of this event, 'We're not going to support that loser's funeral,' and he became furious, according to witnesses, when he saw flags lowered to half-staff. 'What the f--- are we doing that for? Guy was a f---ing loser,' the president told aides." Trump and many from the White House staff have forcibly denied the allegations published in The Atlantic on Thursday, alleging, according to four unnamed sources, that the president referred to dead soldiers buried at the Aisne-Marne American cemetery near Paris as "suckers" and that the land was "filled with losers" during his visit to France in 2018. People present came out and said it didn't happen, including our favorite walrus, John Bolton. Topic of the Week The Babylon Bee Writers React to Weird Christian Videos Jesus is a Friend of Mine Third Eagle of the Apocalypse The Renewed Mind Is The Key Carman - A Witch's Invitation Creepy bread loaf at minute 1:50 Hate Mail Young earth creationists send in some hate over our recent interview and some guy wrote us to make sure we knew that Trump did not punch that baby. Subscriber Portion Calvin H. sent in audio and wants to know from Kyle what a libertarian America would look like and the guys tell more stories about crazy stuff that neighbors and family friends have done to them. To watch or listen to the full podcast, become a subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans.
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon B. Fake news you can trust.
Whoa, hey, it's a Babylon B podcast.
And it's me, Ethan Nicole.
And I'm here with my friend, Mr. Ma.
Well, it's not MAGA, it's Ms. Ga.
miss ga i'm wearing a hat that's sort of like lady gaga but you're miss ga Make Satire Great Again or Ms. Ga.
People that just glance at that, have you gotten you wear that in public?
My wife does not allow me to wear this in public.
Although in our new neighborhood, those are on our store, just so you guys know.
Yes, you can get the Make Satire Great Again, Ms. Ga. If you want to be murdered.
There's a B emblem on it somewhere on one of these sides.
On the side there.
Look at that.
It's a little embroidered.
It's pretty.
This is where the American flag usually would be.
Porpoises.
Well, you can say that?
Probably not.
We're going to have to flower better.
No.
It's awesome.
And so, yeah, the new neighborhood that I moved to, we went outside and at the cul-de-sac, there was all these families out playing.
And this is exactly what we wanted for our kids, you know?
And there's like a couple guys wearing MAGA hats, big Trump flag, and they're just standing out in the middle of the street drinking Corner's Light all night.
Big burning cross out there.
Yeah, and they were wearing this white kind of sheet-looking pointy hat thing.
But not really.
Actually, it was kind of great, and they were very kind.
So, you know, I'm a fan of the Rednecks.
No, they're great.
I don't know.
You have to have like only lived in a city to have this cartoonized version of what small town people are like.
I think when we were first married and looking at places to live, and when we first went home shopping, I was very concerned with getting like the suburban, you know, look.
And like, we have to have this really nice area.
And that's what I want.
Even though we couldn't afford it, you know, we'd always ended up not in that area.
That's what I wanted.
And now I've embraced, I want to live among rednecks.
So people have like old cars in their yard and like.
That's what I want.
Big old moonshine stills and stuff.
Yeah.
I'm a fan.
Corpses strewn everywhere.
Yeah, because you know what?
Or like the family graveyard right out front?
Yes.
Yeah.
The distillery in the backyard, the meth lab in the basement, the whole thing.
Yeah, the one-eyed dog on a chain.
Because you know what?
They're kind of weird.
But if your home gets broken into.
Oh, yeah, everybody, you got the bad boy.
They'll be right there with the shot.
I mean, that's really, in all honesty, pretty much where I grew up.
We grew up around that.
Yeah.
Trailers.
I lived in trailers.
I lived in a trailer park.
But yeah, there's a loyalty and yeah, it's much different than the city.
It may be people just, they don't want to interact in the city generally.
They didn't move there to be part of a neighborhood or part of a group of people.
Yeah.
Our last house was in the suburbs, kind of near you.
Suburbs are like that too.
It was like our neighbors never said hi to us.
We didn't meet our neighbors for like six months.
And then our neighbor across the street was crazy.
And we didn't meet him for a while.
And finally, like a month after we moved in, two months after we moved in, he like knocks on the door and he's like, your car's parked in front of my house.
And that was like the only time, you know.
So I'm a fan of the redneck thing.
Yeah.
And then other crazy stuff happened.
And I'll tell you about it on the subscriber portion.
Okay.
See, got to tease it.
Teasing it.
Got to tease it.
We wanted to mention a couple of things.
This is coming out on September 11th, which was a big day.
I don't know.
Do you have any reminiscence?
I was a freshman in high school when 9-11 happened.
Really?
You're that young?
Oh, wait.
Yeah.
You are young.
You're that old.
You were old, right?
My main memories of that day, I think we talked about this last year on 9-11.
We probably did, yes.
But my main memories of that day, uh, it was kind of awakening to how ignorant I was and how uh focused on my own life.
I was where I was calling this girl I had a huge crush on, and uh, her dad answered, and he's like telling me, Are you seeing the news?
The World Trade Centers went down.
I didn't even know what the World Trade Center was.
Oh, it's some big building or something.
Uh, but I just didn't know what to make of it.
It didn't kind of set into it, really didn't set in for like months when it happened.
It took me a long time to like realize, like, really the I don't think not living there, not being part of it.
I don't know if I can ever really say I felt it, but but uh, yeah, it was obviously totally different for a New Yorker or certain people.
I didn't say anything about happening.
The thing that freaks me out about it is that's a giant national tragedy I've lived through.
Just I've just been alive during it.
That's it.
I got it, I wasn't there, but um, but you do you start to understand older people the further we get from it, the younger generations don't take it that seriously, they kind of joke about it.
The further from it we get, the more they'll kind of joke about it because the less real it is.
So, I kind of get it as cheesy as it is to say never forget.
Like, I completely get it.
I think it's probably a healthy thing, though, to some extent, to some extent, that we can make jokes about the Peloponnesian Wars and not never forget it or something.
Yeah, I mean, you remember the lesson time heals all wounds, yeah, true to some extent, yeah.
I don't know, but I also get the visceral kind of thing of being, I was I remember that day, and to them, it's just kind of a cartoon, you know.
Yeah, I was kind of wondering if the flower bed thing.
Oh, can we say that?
Bleep that out, Dan.
The current disease that is occurring top of the charts is uh, I was kind of wondering if it would unite us in a way that 9/11 did, and it didn't.
Oh, that was crazy.
9-11 did unite us, it did not.
So, no, not at all.
I wonder if 9-11 would unite us now.
No, absolutely.
I don't think it would.
I don't think so.
I think we're a different nation now.
You can't, if you weren't really around at that time, you can't imagine it.
It was wild.
Like, we, I haven't told this story, but I lived, I worked at a sign shop, Ethan Storytime.
He's never boring, he's never dull.
It's story time with Ethan Nickel.
Started making little flag stickers, just a little American flag for a buck a piece.
And people would just put all the little signs as flag stickers, and just non-stop all day.
People were coming in, the whole town had American flag stickers on their cars.
Didn't matter what your political background was.
So, yeah, it was wild.
It was probably like month, maybe.
Like, you, everybody's all unity and super patriotic.
I feel like it lasted for a while because Bush's approval rating was really high.
Yeah, it might have been longer than that.
For a while, I mean, yeah, he won the second time, too.
So, all right, we also wanted to mention our senior writer, Frank Fleming, has a book, Super Ego Fathom.
It's a sequel to his book called Super Ego, and he just got an Audible release for it.
He just put out the audio version on audio.
So, if you like having your books read to you by a person with a nice voice, now you have it.
I uh just got I started doing audiobooks when I started going to the gym a few years ago, and I quickly fell out of it because a podcast was much easier to digest in that short amount of time.
Uh, but I recently got a longer commute because I didn't move to the boondocks, so I started listening to 12 Rules for Life on Audible, and I'm quite enjoying the experience.
So, maybe I'll do Super Ego Fathom next.
I love a good book read by the author.
Yeah.
Did Frank read this one?
Do we know?
No, he hires people.
Oh.
Because he's got that snibbly engineer voice.
I think his voice could.
Yeah, maybe.
I don't know.
He likes to.
Yeah.
I think Jordan Peterson starts crying at the end of one of his chapters.
Does he?
You've got to find the meaning in the game.
Yeah, I got to hear that.
I heard that was good.
You don't have meaning.
It's not good.
I read Barry Valley Possum.
If you read the audio, listen to the audiobook of that.
I gave the performance of a lifetime.
You gave it your all.
You left it all.
I did.
I left it all into it.
I did a different voice for every character, so it was pretty intense.
It's beautiful.
All right.
Hey, how about stuff that's good?
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
I'm going to talk about something that's good called Fall Guys.
It's a video game, so you can just tune out now, Ethan.
There's Ethan tuning out.
While Ethan goes and gets a coffee, I'll tell you about Fall Guys.
It's a new video game that's on.
I should have looked it up.
I know it's on PC because that's what I play it on.
I think it's also on PlayStation and maybe Xbox.
But it's a Battle Royale game, which is hot right now, like Fortnite and such, where you, you know, 100 people para-drop onto an island and they fight until one guy's left standing and that's the winner.
Except this one is because they fall and they're in their guys.
That's why they have the name.
They fall on their guys.
Okay, so this one is different.
It's not that.
But it is the concept where you have a bunch of people and one person's the winner.
But why is it called Fall Guys?
Because they all fall.
It's like the TV show Wipeout or any of those shows.
So you're basically all these little cartoon characters that are really goofily drawn and are animated or whatever you call it, rendered.
And you all are going through kind of like a Japanese game show where they're trying to drop the floor out from under you and there's big fists are coming from the wall and punching you and big thing.
So you're trying to be the last one to make it to the top.
And then the top 10 of the 60 will move on to the next round or whatever.
And then finally they'll do two or three of these minigames and one person will be left standing.
It's hilarious.
My kids enjoy it.
We play together and it's a lot of fun.
So fun case, we've been enjoying it.
Sounds fun.
It is fun.
That sounds fun guys.
That was good.
You're very good at feigning your enthusiasm.
Social skills are coming along.
I think I may have mentioned this, but it might have been on an audio mullet, the other podcast that we do.
There's a channel called Corridor Crew on YouTube, and it is guys that do special effects.
They do reaction videos.
Oh, you were talking about it.
They're a pretty big channel.
Yeah, I think it was with.
Was it on this show or on?
I can't remember.
I don't remember.
But I'll officially say it's, I highly recommend it.
Content warning.
I mean, they're looking at effects scenes and stuntman scenes.
There's going to be fight scenes.
There's going to be some violent scenes.
They also do videos where they'll take a G or PG rated movie and make an R-rated version of it where just up the violence.
They did one with Home Alone.
When the guy's head's getting blowtorched, his eyes start to boil in his sockets and his face isn't.
It's more realistic then.
Yeah, they got to take it to the extreme that it would be.
They did it with Willy Wonka, the Chaco Factory, and everything.
So yeah, they have those, but I find it kind of fascinating.
They have Stunt Men react and they have special effects guys react, animators react, and they'll watch scenes from movies and they'll break down how they did those effects.
They'll show good ones, bad ones.
It's very entertaining.
They're like 15-minute videos.
And even if you're not into that stuff, you'll find it fascinating what goes into it.
It's pretty cool.
And I'd like to warn you that Ethan's content warnings are correct because we just watched one of the shows he recommended.
I gave a strong content warning on bodied on YouTube.
I said, I had my fainting.
I had my fainting couch behind me and everything was all right.
All right, let's do some weird news.
This has been stuff that's good.
This news is weird.
In weird beer news this week, beer made with whale testicle and sheep dung among exhibits at disgusting booze museum.
So these are apparently real booze that were made.
Because this Swedish museum says people can be very desperate to get drunk in such a situation become quite inventive.
So yeah, whale testicle and sheep dung.
So you have kind of primitive civilizations that are looking around like, what can we ferment?
Why do you get that whale testicle?
I imagine you're wailing.
I imagine they're like pirates or something.
But you're wailing, you know, you got the fat, you got all the stuff.
Like, yeah, what are we going to do with these giant whale testicles?
Because they've got to be big, right?
I mean, a whale is like the size of a, what, an elementary school or something?
They're insane.
I don't think they're as big as an elementary school.
I remember, yeah, they're big, though.
There's the really big ones.
Whales are big, yes.
It depends on the elementary school.
It could be a small town one.
Okay, maybe an older one.
Yeah, like a one-room schoolhouse.
Well, wait.
Whales are like a white.
How big is a whale?
The biggest whale.
Whales are like a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a blue whale, the big one, the big one?
They're like 100 feet long.
Yeah, I think the blue is the biggest.
Okay.
I googled this because I was just reading 20 years ago.
I don't know Google that.
How big is a whale testicle?
The blue whale is 98 feet.
How big is the biggest whale test?
Hold on.
I got to go into incognito mode to Google this.
How big is a whale?
Up to 150 pounds per test.
Holy, so that's like monkey.
Wait, don't block that.
I can't say monkey.
That's bigger than my monkey.
Don't say, don't.
You can't.
If you ever had the temptation to use your comparison for weight, do not.
What else is 150 pounds?
It turns out that one fin, what's fin?
The size of a basketball?
I think it's...
No, that ain't right.
Other gross brews at this museum.
Wine fermented in a prison toilet, a spit-fermented cornmeal beer from Peru.
Ugandan gin made from fermented bananas.
An ancient Korean beverage fermented from children's feces and rice, which was thought to be medicinal in the past.
And then I like this one.
There's also a Scottish brew served from the mouth of a taxidermied squirrel.
You want to try some of my brew?
It comes out of the mouth of the taxidermied squirrel.
I can't do it.
That was about one.
Does that make it better?
Well, my sweetie, yeah, it's like how beer snobs are like, no, you can only drink that from this kind of glass.
It brings out the notes.
Does it come out of its mouth?
That's what it said, right?
The mouth.
The mouth of a taxidermy.
So they hold it up like maybe they pinch it by the tail and it's like and they swirl it.
Or is it like this?
Just like a mason jar where they like just like stretched a squirrel's carcass around it and its head is going to spout or like are they just hollowing out of it?
I think if you're going hardcore, you gotta, it's gotta be in the hollowed out carcass.
I don't think so.
So the carcass is sealed enough that it can hold it.
Otherwise, it's just a gimmick.
Yeah.
It sounds like a gimmick to me anyway.
Here's some more weird beer news.
Anheuser-Busch's non-alcoholic dog brew quickly sells out.
It's not that weird.
They made actual beer for dogs, but it's not alcoholic.
Oh, it is.
I thought this was just sold out.
It's four dogs.
Yeah, it's not dog beer like, hey, let's name our.
Yeah, it's not dog rouse.
Is there like lonely bros that are hanging out and like, I wish my dog could have a beer too.
Just feeling really lonely.
I've got to have beer.
Does real beer hurt dogs that bad?
I would think you probably can't give beer to a dog.
Can dogs.
The Babylon Bee Show where you get to listen in as we Google things in incognito moments.
You suffer from alcohol poisoning and toxicity.
They're more susceptible, quickly over-imbibing.
We can give a little bit.
All right.
Well, I was just thinking if I mean, the dogs are probably really like the whale testicle and sheep dung beer.
I would think some of the more snobbish breeds, like poodles, would only drink like a micro brew.
They wouldn't drink the Anheuser-Busch.
Oh, yeah.
I think that's for basic dogs.
I like those greyhound-looking ones.
They're all like slender-looking, snobby.
They're drinking it out of a squirrel.
Yeah.
They would probably like it out of a squirrel.
Yeah, they love that.
Squirrel.
Here's your weekly news update on removing things from people.
Multiple stories this week on that.
Doctors pull a four-foot snake from a woman's throat after it slithered in as she slept.
Four foot.
Oh.
She's just sleeping.
So she was sleeping in her garden.
Why?
Why?
What does she think?
Who does she think she is?
Like Alice in Wonderland or something?
She's just sleeping in her garden.
I like how these stories are really bizarre.
And then, as you hear the details, you go, okay, that kind of makes sense.
I like this.
Oh, she was in her garden with her mouth open.
Oh, it was Russia, too.
That was the last thing I was going to say.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it was in Russia.
But I like this.
According to local reports, such innocents are unusual, but older residents advise the young not to sleep outside in case a snake slithers inside their mouths.
Listen very carefully.
Piece of wisdom to him.
Ivan, listen to me.
Intrinsic romance.
Do not sleep.
I was trying to think of like Klotsky or something.
Do not sleep in the garden.
In case unusual, but snake could sleep.
It actually sounds like an idiom, like some metaphor for something.
Yeah, not literal.
Don't sleep.
You know what they say?
Don't sleep outside unless the snake slithers in your mouth.
No, I meant it.
It was real.
And she's just like, cramming, old man.
I sleep where I want.
She pulls up some ivy and you can't tell me what to do.
It's nice out here.
Old people are idiots.
I tried to tell you.
Wakes up with a little tail in her hand right here.
Did all four feet make it in?
Yeah, it was like all the way down there, I believe.
I guess they couldn't tell if it was still alive when they got it out.
I guess they were pretty freaked out.
You can see it on there.
What else do we got to do?
Also, the doctors removed a 15-pound ball of hair from a teenager's stomach.
So apparently, this is one of those girls who likes to hold her hair in her mouth and be like, chew on it while she's doing stuff.
How many Ethan's monkeys in ball of hair?
I'm not.
No.
I'm not going.
That better gets censored.
Monkey.
I have a hottest.
Monkey.
I mean, the people I know.
It doesn't make sense.
Yeah, no, I have one of the best looking.
Monkey.
Yeah, I've dead.
By all accounts.
By all accounts, it makes no sense.
Same, though.
Same.
I give hope to the fat man everywhere.
I want to be.
So this lady, this teenager girl, she just chewed on her hair a lot.
Yeah, she's just chewing on her hair.
Was it her hair?
I've seen that.
My daughter likes to chew on her hair.
Did you know if it was her own?
Yeah, it was her own hair.
And I guess they cut it out of there.
They thought it might be like a tumor or something.
And I can't read it because you're like editing it or something.
I got OCD and I changed my mind.
I just put it back.
Okay.
So 15.
But isn't it kind of inspiring that people can have a four-foot snake in their body or a 15-pound ball of hair and they're just like, I'm mildly not feeling great.
And they just take it out.
This is a mild inconvenience.
Humans are very, we can put up with a lot.
There's a lot of stuff we can do.
We probably don't even know.
That's like how David Blaine makes his money.
He's like, you know what?
Nobody even tries stabbing themselves with giant long things all the time.
Oh, look, the human body can handle it just fine.
Yeah.
Good for him.
Who knows what we can't do?
I'm looking forward to the David Blaine swallowing a snake and a giant ball of hair.
He'd probably do the snake.
He swallows all sorts of stuff.
Didn't we talk about this before that it's kind of like the old woman who swallowed a fly now?
Maybe she got the hair in and then she sent the snake down to get it.
To retrieve the hair.
I don't know.
Is this still in removing things from people?
Okay.
All right.
Island.
So this week in Donkey News, residents rescued donkey with plastic chairs stuck around its head.
Head.
Sorry, it got cut off.
It just says it's on our document.
So I was thinking this story would really put the seats.
Oh, come on.
I just, you have to laugh that there's a donkey with its head stuck in a chair.
Wouldn't that chairs are for?
For a donkey.
It's going to get edited donkey every time I say it, isn't it?
Jack donkey.
It's an animal.
Yeah.
So good for the donkey.
Goat hops into Deputy's car, chews on civil papers, headbutts officer.
So is this an Antifa goat?
I was thinking if a human did any of this, they would like be dead.
You like go into the cop's car, sir!
Get out of the car!
And the guy looks out of the car and he's got a mouthful of civil papers, which apparently means like a ticket or something, like tickets, or yeah, it's like stuff where, yeah, you're getting arrested or something.
That's all the cops' documents.
Important documents, irreplaceable.
Looking at it with crazy eyes with a mouthful of paper and pulp.
And then like she comes near you because it's a female cop and she's got her, you know, she's got her hand in her holster and you just like headbutter and knock her down.
I mean, I go, dude, there's cops.
Well, you can hear cops right now.
I don't know if they can.
Maybe if we can hear iPhones.
But that's funny because that's the right timing.
Maybe someone's currently chewing their papers.
Possibly.
Man 80 blows up his kitchen while trying to swat a fly.
Isn't this an episode of Breaking Bad?
That was the worst episode of Breaking Bad.
You didn't like the episode.
The bottle episode.
I liked it.
I love bottled episodes.
I'm a huge fan.
The story was good.
Do you like it?
And then they just paused to make him obsessed with the fly for a whole episode.
I hated it.
It was a character building.
And the worst thing is I watched the whole series like three times because I watched it alone.
And then my roommate wanted to watch it.
So I watched the whole thing with him.
And then Jess, when I got when we were recording, she wanted to watch the whole thing.
There's like three times I'd have watched that stupid episode.
Is this a general consistency that people don't like the fly?
I don't know.
I wish people are like, oh, I thought it was brilliant.
It's actually rated pretty low on IMDb.
Maybe I'm the outline.
But this guy, he's out trying to kill a fly.
The man 80 was trying to reach the buzzing insect, but he hadn't planned for the fact that gas was leaking into the property.
He's like, oh, there's gas leaking.
I don't know if he, did anybody know that?
He waved the bug zapper, which is kind of like a tennis racket.
You got seen those tennis racket that zaps, the zap racket, designed to burn flies the moment there's contact.
But instead of swatting the fly, the instrument ignited the gas.
The kitchen and part of the roof was destroyed.
The man escaped serious injury by diving on the floor.
So he did like the whole like Rambo like dive.
Yeah.
Did he dive?
Like, how much time you have time to turn around and dive after you've hit some gas with your electric racket.
Yeah, I wonder how you know.
It's just a it seems like it would be an instant explosion.
Yeah, it seems like maybe things started to catch fire, and then he's like, Oh no, and then it blew up.
He hit the fly, and then it's like everything starts rumbling and shaking, and the flies looking around, like, what's happening?
You look at them, make the walk-eyes, like it's gonna blow the fly jumps this way.
He saves the fly.
Let's go on to some of the things.
That's the question: did he get the fly?
Stories of the week.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Every week there are stories.
These are some of them.
Man, now I wanted to keep talking about the fly.
All right, here we go.
He jumped it.
So California has been experiencing blackouts across the state.
While many thought these blackouts were due to poor planning and unrealistic green energy requirements, Governor Gavin Newsom clarified that he ordered the blackouts as a powerful display to support Black Lives Matter.
So you remember the black squares on Instagram?
Yeah.
Now, if you look at California from space, it's just a black banana.
Is that California's banana?
I always think of it as a banana.
What would you call California?
Yeah, what is that?
It's like a lawn chair, maybe.
Like one of those lounging lawn chairs.
Yeah, I can't think of anything.
It's an L for Libs.
Like a very slack L.
It's how a lazy liberal would draw an L.
Yeah.
Just runs out of steam.
Yeah, I was trying to figure out like, why are we having blackouts?
Like the biggest state, you know, we have tons of resources.
So I was looking into it.
Science.
Science.
That's why we're having blackouts?
Is science?
Well, apparently in 2006, they passed this law that the state's supposed to be like half green energy by, I think, 2025.
I think this is basically we're on this trajectory.
So I was looking it up, and so currently we're powered by wind and solar about almost 30%.
The state is.
That seems like a bad idea.
That's a lot.
That's like a third.
Because wind and solar are pretty finicky, right?
Right.
So, well, what's happening during heat waves?
You get this massive heat wave, which you think, oh, yeah, solar.
But for one thing, in a heat wave, there's like no wind.
So wind power is gone.
So that's about 10%, 7 to 10% of the power is wind.
And then at night, you get no solar.
So every night, we're losing like a third of our power.
And then we're using way more than we usually do because it's so hot.
Yeah.
This seems poorly thought out.
Yeah, it really does.
Yeah.
So bad.
I don't know.
It's weird how these things are kind of coming back to like being a problem.
It seems like a lot of these kind of like the grocery store bags, how now you can't use them during the pandemic.
It's like all these things are set up for like when the world is perfect and glorious and everything is good.
But we're not there yet.
We're not there.
What didn't we recall Governor Gray Davis for this?
Yeah, but that one had to do with Enron and stuff.
I don't know.
That was a little bit more blackouts and stuff.
Yeah.
If I remember.
Okay, they basically had something to do with they had incentivized power companies not to buy enough power or to buy it cheaply or whatever.
And so when this hit, they weren't ready.
They didn't have enough.
Because I guess power companies actually purchase power from there's the company that makes the power.
There's a company that distributes the power.
Listen to other people that understand it, not me.
There's a company that delivers the power.
They put it in a little box and bring it to your front door.
Yeah, then there's like the marketing of the power.
The marketing department.
I don't know who else.
Right.
The retail, the guys that sit at the store and sell the power to the end user.
Little samples with toothpicks.
Yeah.
You want to try some?
Uh, yeah, so it seems, it seems dumb.
Are we not doing nuclear?
Is that nuclear is off the table?
Nuclear is pretty green, right?
It's green.
It's like they're freaked out by it because I think it's going to explode and everybody's going to turn into three-eyed zombies.
Yeah.
When we talked to Scott Adams, he was talking about the generation four nuclear plants and how they're like, like we think of nuclear, we think of Chernobyl, you know.
And he says that, no, the generation four is completely failed safe, which is what everybody always says before something explodes, but still it's completely.
But I guess, and we're also having these crazy fires around here.
I just walked out to my car and there's like white everything's covered in.
There's white stuff on my head, like white specks.
It's from the ash from the fires.
So I guess the one that was around here was caused by a gender reveal party.
Yeah.
Did you hear this?
They had some explosive device.
It's a boy.
And then just fire.
Just fire everywhere.
Wow.
This is why you don't have gender reveal parties.
I don't understand who has those.
Most people I know that have had babies recently have had gender reveal parties.
Really?
It must be a millennial to Gen Z thing.
I don't get the point.
On the one hand, as like pro-lifers, I appreciate the let's celebrate a baby as much as we can.
And hey, binary gender.
Yeah, it's also that.
It is very, that's true.
On the other hand, it feels a little extra.
Like you're trying to go for that.
Are you doing that and a shower?
Is it in place of a shower?
It's always and a shower.
I think they managed to get a few, like maybe an announcement one, the gender reveal, the baby shower.
You know, they, they tried.
I think they're trying to milk for extra gifts.
Because what do you do at if you're at a gender reveal party?
You don't even know what to get the baby yet.
Right.
Unless you're like buying totally gender neutral stuff.
Because you don't bring gifts, do you?
Maybe you have to bring a boy gift and a girl gift and you wait and then they it's a boy.
Yeah, there's the explosion.
They put all so they find out it's a boy, so they put all the girl gifts in a pile of dynamite and blow it up.
Yeah.
This is useless.
That's exactly what it oops.
Ah, well.
Local man Chad Bruner says he believes all humans are born good.
Altruism is man's natural state.
That it's just society and parenting that corrupts them.
Incidentally, Bruner had no younger siblings, no kids of his own, not even any nephews or nieces or even any neighborhood kids.
Then asked when he was asked, have you ever even met a freaking three-year-old once in your life?
He said no.
Oh, now it all makes sense.
He thought that mankind was good because he had never met a toddler.
He hadn't met my four-year-old or your three-year-old.
He's three now.
Three-year-old.
Yeah.
Both of which are named Calvin.
We have two little monster Calvins.
Calvin is getting out of the crazy phase.
He's a little more, my Calvin's a little more just cute and adorable right now.
But there was about a year or two there of like he was never terrible.
He was never the like, you know, throw macaroni and cheese everywhere and smear feces on the windows kind of kid, like demon-possessed.
That's totally Calvin.
I know.
Those are actual things that probably happened in your household.
But he's just intense.
He's just a very intense personality.
Yeah.
Okay.
I texted him.
I've told her to send me things Calvin has done.
Okay.
He dumped out an entire box of lucky charms on the living room carpet.
He picked out all the marshmallows and then left the rest on the floor.
So he just dumped the entire box on the carpet and then went through and ate the marshmallows.
And then he's going to, there's just pure, just the crappy ones, you know.
Oh, that was recent.
I threw away all of Eliza's Paw Patrol toys in the trash.
So we were trying to find the toys.
These are the main toys they play with.
Her favorite toys.
She threw the entire cast of Paw Patrol, he did, through the entire cast of Paw Patrol in this like nasty.
We couldn't find it.
We're searching the whole house, and finally, he's just like, Should I dig through the trash?
And they were like down in there.
He will poop in the backyard, and then he will use his toy excavator to pick it up and play with it.
Make sure we get an Ethan Storytime intro.
Wait, he will poop in the backyard and then use like the top.
Yeah, the toy excavator that is, you know, it picks it out of the scooper.
Hey, poop.
See you later.
Does he at least drive it over to like the trash can?
Probably not.
It gets probably stuck in the little thing, smudged in there.
He climbs on the counter to get chocolate, which is hidden on the very top shelf higher than the refrigerator.
He climbs up there, like up onto the shelf, stands up, and this is this cabinet also is full of medicine.
So we've had to put a lock on this cabinet because he was getting in there and he was just like finding one day.
We went out there and he had opened up a thing of ibuprofen, it was like scattered everywhere, and he had like three in his mouth.
It's like, how are you doing?
He's feeling good.
Yeah.
Takes off all his clothing and then, oh, he takes all the clothing.
Well, he does take all his clothing off constantly.
But he will open all the drawers in our room.
He shares a room with Eliza.
He will take every bit of clothing out of all the drawers and throw it all over the entire room.
He's done this multiple times.
He's also filled the bathroom with toilet.
He just unrolls it all and covers the bathroom with toilet paper.
I like how you textured your wife, and there's just an instant.
She remembers like all the, she's better at listing them.
For me, it's a blur of like, he's awful.
He's awful.
But I'm trying to think about it.
I'm like, my, yeah, my kids just made messes, but I can't think of this.
One's Eliza.
When she was three, she filled her Barbie house bathtub with soap, water, and toothpaste, and then dumped a bunch of pieces of my wife's puzzle in there, which my wife's obsessed with puzzles.
So she just took, so she will never finish the puzzle because like a chunk of it is now soaked.
So those are the ones she thought off of her head.
I just texted my wife.
She said, What do you mean?
I said, What's the worst thing they've ever done?
She said, Sam would we would go down to see Sam and he would be putting butter all over himself.
So he'd have a stick of butter and he'd be like rubbing butter.
Yep.
Buttering myself up.
Maybe he thought he was a piece of toast.
I don't know.
Have you met anybody who actually believes this?
That humans are basically good because a lot of those things aren't actually evil either.
They're like just curiosity.
But there is this, I don't know.
There's a, it's a really, it's really hard for me to buy into this idea.
Or actually to even like get on board with why you would think it.
That if you stripped away all of society and all this stuff that we've built up, that humans would basically be good.
Yeah, kind of the theory of the noble savage or whatever.
Yeah, I don't know.
I struggle with it a little just because people are, people do tend to be fairly decent and restrained.
I mean, I think for the most part.
But again, a lot of that is God's grace, God's common grace, restraining us through society and rules.
Like you imagine if we were all dropped on a desert island, it would be.
How do we know that we're, yeah, I mean, we're born into a culture and a society, and that's kind of like the old Chesterton's fence thing.
I mean, do we really know that tearing it all down is going to fix everything?
Because that seems to be the attitude right now with all the rioting and protests, all the race stuff is that racism is so embedded in everything has to all be torn down.
Like, there isn't a let's work it out.
Let's say sorry, let's change a few things here and there.
It's like it has to all be torn down.
Yeah, it was in Peterson's 12 Rules for Life.
He talks about how I think he was talking in the context of marriage, how we set up all this marriage, and it's kind of this thing that society has done to kind of guide things and teach morals and restrain people.
And then, you know, in the 60s, you had like the free love movement, you know, let's tear it down, free divorce, whatever you want.
He's like, you're destroying society.
Like, society has erected these walls, and we tear them down, and then the horrors come in, you know?
Yeah, it always amazing people act like, you know, going all the crazy orgies and going, oh, crazy sexual is like some new idea.
Like, man has probably been through all that and they arrived at where we're at.
And they were like, okay, this is not that they were cavemen or whatever.
They're like, monogamy.
And then they discovered.
Yeah.
Sex.
And finally, in the 60s, they never thought of it.
Yeah.
So dumb.
All right.
Well, we're moving on to politics.
Oh, politics.
According to an anonymous source in the White House, President Trump shocked AIDS and other staffers last year when he lost us temper and punched a baby in the face.
That sounds pretty bad that he would do something like that.
That is shocking news.
That is shocking.
And where is this coming from?
Anonymous.
Multiple anonymous sources.
So there was an anonymous.
How reliable are they?
Well, I mean, there were multiple of them and they confirmed it.
Trump punched the baby directly in the face completely unprovoked.
That baby, he looked at me funny, said Trump.
I know a funny look when I see one.
What a dope.
That baby looks like a complete and total loser.
You want a piece of me, baby?
Sad.
And for their part, Republicans have denied the allegations, calling them stupid and ridiculous, and saying that they're 95% sure that Trump would never do that.
I love that 5% chance.
Well, yes.
Because when I heard the Atlantics piece that was published saying that Trump called the dead soldiers in a war losers, I was like, there's no, there's almost no way that that's true.
But it does kind of read this report that the Atlantic actually released saying that Trump called dead soldiers losers.
It does sound like this fantasy that was written in some liberal think tank somewhere.
Yeah, or something or something like you were saying, maybe it was something that Trump might have said as a joke.
Like maybe he's just joking with his buddies or something and like it got which is everything.
Maybe, you know, I don't know.
But I'm just saying maybe they had a grain of truth and they just like kind of how can we frame this or I don't know what goes into that.
I mean, maybe he literally said it.
I don't know.
But it does seem like the standards are pretty low.
If I just try to imagine if did they do this?
Maybe they probably did.
I wasn't paying attention, but did Fox release stories completely based on anonymous sources about Obama during the Obama administration?
Like, I'm sure they do it.
I'm sure they all do, but it seems really sloppy.
Like, what is the point?
It's just to get everybody riled up, I guess.
Yeah, the journalists were quite adamant that it's okay to release these sources.
They're like, we know who these sources are.
We're not going to tell you.
But we know who the sources are.
They're very adamant that this is a common practice.
It feels very much like the sin of gossip.
It does.
So repent journalists.
I heard word on the street.
Kyle picks his nose.
So do you think anybody can see that?
It's just on the podcast.
You know, that's not a rumor.
Do you think anybody's like swayed by this?
Do you think Trump voters are like, well, I was going to vote for him, but they read this story in the Atlantic and they walk out to their truck and peel off the Trump sticker.
Yeah, it's over.
The honeymoon is over.
Betrayed me.
So according to Fox News, Trump and many from the White House staff have forcibly denied the allegations that alleged, according to four unnamed sources, that the president referred to dead soldiers buried at the, I'm not going to say that right.
Isn't he Marne American Cemetery near Paris as suckers and that the land was filled with losers during his, I don't know, he became Bernie Sanders there during his visit to France in 2018.
Also, when John McCain died, according to three sources, he told the senior staff, we're not going to support that loser's funeral when he saw and when he saw flags lowered to half staff.
What the are we doing that for?
Guy was a loser.
We have the soundbite.
I know, but now it's easy for Dan to stink up because I say flowerbed.
The president told AIDS.
Although a lot of people came out and said it didn't happen.
Yeah, so apparently they went out into the ocean and found John Bolton living among his family of walruses and he came up and spit some water out and was like, oh no, no.
And then he made some walrus noises.
I don't know what they I don't know what they do.
Yeah.
That's a seal, right?
Or is that a walrus?
Well, a seal is like, so then a walrus would be deeper, right?
And then, and then he said, he said, no.
I was there.
He said it was bad weather.
That's why he didn't go.
It's not because Trump didn't want to.
He wrote a whole book where he actually had an account of this, right?
And then he was like, oh, yeah, that never happened.
So if anybody's not going to stand up for Trump, it would probably be John Bolton.
So you think that probably this isn't true.
I don't know.
Sounds like gossip to me.
Or it's even like taking the Axis Hollywood tape and then inferring from that that Trump is like a serial rapist.
Like he said some off-color stuff in that, but like to infer from that that he is admitting to a lifetime of rape and murder, just like assaulting people.
It's like, yeah, it's a little far.
Like, I wonder if that's like that.
Like, if he made some kind of off-color joke and it's been taken to this, like, he made this official, I don't know.
It's weird.
I have no intention of defending Trump.
I just, I hate when stop making us defend Trump.
Yeah.
It's like.
Stop it.
You morons?
You also think that this would have come out earlier.
Yeah.
Is this their best 11 o'clock?
What do they call it?
11 o'clock surprise or something?
11th hour nine.
They didn't deny it.
October surprise.
Yeah.
Like this is the big one.
Do you think this is the big one?
You think they got another one?
They got another one.
Probably have another one.
It seems like they would have used them up by now because they've already through four years and they're already last election.
I'm like, what do they got left?
Well, the great thing about Trump is that...
They're like, save this one for next year or next election.
The great thing about Trump is that he just dropped his own bombs on Twitter.
And you can't.
There probably is, but you go through all the, because he's on video so much.
He just makes fun of himself.
All the way through the 80s.
There's got to be so much you can find.
They've been digging.
There's probably people's entire job is just dig through old Trump footage.
Yeah.
Wow, what a job.
And you'd be like, yeah, so, so what?
He just tweets the weird things that other people would be like exposed for.
Well, that's the other hard thing is like, how do you discern a fake Trump tweet?
Because there are a ton of them out there now.
Yeah.
Because it's really, it's really easy to fake a Trump tweet.
But it's kind of smart, right?
Because then you read it and you're like, okay, he said that.
Yeah.
Like, it's just Tuesday or whatever.
Yeah.
Yeah.
At this point, is there anything he can say that would he say?
Punch a baby?
Or something like denounce Christ or something?
He might even get that.
But even if he punched a baby, it'd be like, yeah, he, the baby had it coming.
Yeah.
Probably.
All right, are we ready for our topic of the week?
Let's do it.
And now, the Babylon Bees topic of the week.
Christians, you guys are weird.
Us.
We guys.
Yeah, we say this love is being part of the weirdness.
We all came through the 80s and 90s together.
There's just some weird stuff out there in Christian land.
Yeah.
So we're going to react to some bizarre Christian stuff.
Yeah.
Delightfully weird.
I mean, lovably weird.
All created with the best of intentions, I'm sure.
So yeah.
We're going to watch some of the some of these are almost all classics of YouTube.
Some of these you might not have seen.
There's a couple that are very popular.
Yeah, a seasoned YouTuber may have seen all these, but these are kind of a, we're going to pick our top five or six here, just most bizarre Christian videos.
Yeah.
So let's do it.
Dan, you got that first video for us?
Oh, and also, thank you to our subscribers for sending us these.
Yeah, they helped us mine these out.
And narrow down the best ones.
A classic.
Sunseed.
Is that the name of the song or the band?
The band.
That's a weird name.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is my friend of mine.
It's a little suggested.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
I have a friend of Jesus.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Is this Scott?
Jesus is my friend of mine.
It's like Sky.
I love how he nods on every word.
No horns.
Five buyers should cover this.
I would listen to a five mine.
He looks like he learned how to.
He learned his words recently, and he's really proud of himself.
He just took his human language.
Yes.
I got this talking or singing nails.
I love the guy behind the piano, the bald guy who clearly doesn't want to be there.
His wife there next to him was like, hey, are you going to come sing with Sunseed?
need another backup it also has that like it's so close to like a nursery rhyme style song that would be for three-year-olds but then they just added a good baseline to it It just feels like he hasn't read a lot of it.
He's written a lot of songs yet.
And so he's really proud of having written.
Oh, yeah.
That's a heck of breakdowns, man.
Look at that bass thing.
Nobody.
Oh, yeah.
Nailing that bass song.
Oh, my gosh.
That's a sharp on the keyboard there.
I love this guy.
I love his stance, man.
The knees, like...
Yeah.
I don't know what that is.
50s rock and ring.
That's Ska.
Yeah, I'm scared down inside.
I love this line.
They're a Calvinist.
They're a Calvinist take.
He really stares into the camera.
Whatever many takes they did.
You got to think there's probably some pretty good outtakes of this somewhere.
We're going to have to find them.
All right, that's enough of that, Dan.
Oh, man, it's so good, though.
I think this was so huge that they did this on Glee.
Oh, really?
On the show, Glee, they actually did a Jesus is my friend of mine.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Not that I watch Glee.
This is so bizarre.
Jesus is a friend of mine.
Like, that's what you went with.
Yeah, there's Ryan and Jeff, Frank, and Jesus.
All this kind of stuff makes me wonder what the Christian stuff today is going to look like in 20 years.
I know.
That's what I was thinking, too.
And will we be one of the things they're mocking?
But is this unique to Christianity?
No.
You look back at stuff from 30 years ago and it just looks weird anyway.
So I think that we just that we're always a little like 10 years behind.
We're also ages faster.
We're generally talking about the most serious thing.
Yes.
We're talking about eternity.
Eternity.
God.
Jesus dying on the cross for us, like the most important, most serious thing.
And so to kind of wrap it in this like silly ska song makes it a little silly.
And the further out you get, it gets and to just kind of say, like, yeah, he's a mountie that always gets his man.
It's just weird, right?
I mean, I am not criticizing them so much.
I think it's funny.
And I probably have written and done just as dumb a songs in my past and being in bands.
Yeah, I know we did.
I like the idea of the songwriter sitting there going, hmm, what can I compare God to?
It's like a detective that's looking for, I don't know, LAPD.
I can't remember the rhyme before that was.
Were they from Canada?
Is that why they're mounties?
Was he rhyming Bounty or something?
He is like a Mountie who always gets his man.
That is why that.
And then the like head, like the chicken head neck bob thing into the camera.
Yeah.
It's just beautiful.
Yeah, he nods.
And his lips are like very out there.
All right, are we ready for the next one?
Are you still looking up lyrics?
Let's see.
I'm trying to.
Oh, yeah.
Once I tried to run, I tried to run and hide.
But Jesus found me.
Yeah, he touched me down inside.
Oh, my God.
He is like a mountie.
Oh, he's got his man.
And he'll zap you any way he can.
Zap.
He'll zap.
He zaps you.
It gets even better when you read the lyrics.
Jesus is hiding in the bushes.
He's got the tennis racket with the shot.
And I'm like, hey, I'm going to go down to the orgy.
I'm walking along, and Jesus jumps out.
But now I want to write.
I want to read the rest.
He taught.
So, okay, well, back.
He taught me how to live my life as it should be.
He taught me how to turn my cheek when people laugh at me.
I've had friends before, and I can tell you that he's one who will never leave you flat.
He taught me how to pray and how to save my soul.
He taught me how to praise my God and still play rock and roll.
The music may sound different, but the message is the same.
It's just an instrument to praise his name.
He's a friend of mine.
All right.
You got it.
I rate that seven Kirk Camerons out of 10.
Put a badge on the screen that says that.
Because Daniel or something.
All right.
Let's watch the.
This is a favorite of mine.
Dan, you may have to skip about this.
Piano intro is long.
This keyboard intro.
You may need to jump a minute in or so.
Start.
Does he say anything in the beginning?
No, it's just like credits rolling.
This is the third eagle of the apocalypse.
He's a, I think he's like a Catholic.
Like, what is it, Dan?
Is it like pre-Vatican or something?
He's like pre-Vatican II or something.
He's one of those like hardcore Catholics.
Okay.
But he's also very like prophecy, pre-millennial, like God's coming.
Is he pre-millennial?
I don't know, but he's he must be because he's very like the rapture's coming and Obama's the Antichrist and all this stuff.
This was during Obama.
This is old now, right?
It is kind of old, but he's still putting out these kinds of videos.
He did a Trump video.
Anyway, Third Eagle of the Apocalypse, this is my favorite song.
His big hit, Doom and Gloom.
This will get stuck in your head.
I'm excited.
Yeah, right there.
Again, with like the nursery rhyme style music.
Oh, it's still going.
Doom and gloom coming soon.
Listen to Third Eagles Toom.
Doom and gloom.
Is he really outside?
God is telling the end is coming.
Or is he really standing in some reeds?
Very soon.
They're huge.
You'll see signs on.
Proportionally.
Looks like he's about the size of a very good one.
Raptor will come for night or noon.
Doom and gloom, very soon.
If you're ready, you will meet the bride and groom.
It's like Farajaka or something.
It sounds like the songs that come programmed on your Cassiac keyboard.
Rapture comes along.
I think he's just doing that melody.
Like that little boy.
Don't be dumb.
It will be the days of a noise flow.
He's just going to rapture comes.
He's playing what he's singing.
Lot and Noah did not have to shed.
Don't be dumb.
Rapture comes.
Turn your wick or face the gun.
Don't be dumb.
Rapture comes.
Fill your lamps.
There won't be oil for everyone.
Gun.
I like the doom and gloom lyrics with the very peppy, very peppy.
Seven years.
I'm waiting for my favorite line.
Tribulation will appear.
Sing along, kids.
Seven years.
It's like a children's question.
Jesus said that it will be the very worst.
Tears and fears.
You will think our lovely planet has been cursed.
Seven years, tears and fears.
There will be a ghost.
Seven years, tears and fears.
Britain, Russia, and the U.S. will be toast.
I need the line about Antichrist.
Yeah, I think it's coming up.
This is my favorite line.
One of my favorite lyrics ever.
World War III.
Don't blame me.
Listen to the Eagles.
That's just the Antima Change.
World War III.
That's the New World Order.
Plan for what it's worth.
Don't blame me.
What's he gonna line a rhyme away?
North.
What?
World War III.
Don't blame me.
You'll have no electricity.
Don't blame me.
Store some water, food, and fuel immediately.
It's like a PSA for a natural disaster.
I need the line Antichrist.
Denich, he's not nice.
Take third eagles, good advice.
Is that an Antichrist?
Antichrist?
Let's finish the stanzas.
He will try to say that Jesus is not Lord.
He's not nice.
He'll behead you if you follow Jesus' word.
Anti-Christ, he's not nice.
Take his mark, you'll pay the price.
Antichrist, he's not nice.
He will take away God's holy sacrifice.
All right.
Whoa.
I messed it up there.
Please don't dread.
My co-pastor in San Diego, when I was pastoring down there, showed me this video.
And I was dying at the line, Antichrist.
He's not nice.
It sounds like a little kid's.
There's a kid's song that has that melody, right?
What is it?
What's the ethic that's going to be?
hear the comments help us find what is the original song that has that melody raffi sings it i know there is I'll find it.
Well, there's, yeah.
Oh, it must be Santa.
This must be Santa.
That's it.
That camera's nothing.
They keep adding things.
Yeah, yeah.
Beard, that's white.
That's what I'm thinking about.
That's white.
That's right.
Big Santa Billy.
It's a little different.
Something like that.
Yeah, it does sound like it must be Santa.
If you guys got a more accurate one, please comment it.
So good job.
Third Eagle.
I love that song.
It's going to be stuck on my head for three months again.
Doom and gloom.
And I love singing like he does.
Doom and gloom coming soon.
He sounds like, to me, sounds like Burl Ives from Rudolph, Red Rose Ranger when he's like a snowman.
Silver and gold.
Silver and gold.
I love to see him in that.
Doom and gloom.
I do think if you're going to write about like the tribulation or Antichrist, at least write it in a minor key.
Like just it's a little, I don't know.
Maybe that's a little.
I think once again, it feels like he just learned that if you push that button on the keyboard, it starts playing a song automatically.
He was trying to say, hey, activity.
I got lyrics.
He was trying to write a song and he like leaned down and I'm pretty sure he hit the demo button.
His elbow hit the button and he goes, that's it.
Oh, it's the apocalypse.
And then he just like he figured out he's like, hey, we got to get a tune.
Dong, dong, dong, dong, dung, dung.
That's it.
Then he sings it.
He's like, dong, dong.
And he sings while he's doing the melody.
You notice that?
You can select the melody.
He's not playing chords.
Dun dun dun.
I don't know.
He kind of cut off his hands.
I would like to see if he was doing anything, but anyway.
All right.
Here's the next one.
Oh, I like this one.
This is called The Renewed Mind is the Key.
Is this what we watch?
And if you're on audio, you're going to want to switch to the video because the video is very funny on this one.
We will link all these too.
We can do this one.
This is Carmen.
A Witch's Invitation.
...began to unfold his scenario with evil...
I was given a giant leather-bound book.
Man dies of age suddenly.
That's the reason for this.
Is he doing like a witch's invitation?
Is he doing like a Jersey accent?
Is that how he talks?
He said, I healed this woman through a Babylonian chant.
You see, this man, I cured him while performing druid worship.
I was paid to cross the body.
I like how Carmen's trying to figure out if this guy's a good guy or not.
You know what?
He's in this big haunted house.
He kind of looks like Dracula.
Looks like Dracula after he got out of the sauna.
He's like, on the one hand, you make some good points.
On the other hand, you're safe.
Whoa.
What about the school call?
Carmen's skull face.
Yeah.
I sat literally intimidated.
Is Carmen telling a true story by someone that he actually met or something?
Did he ever like dabble in the dark yards?
It sounds like on Little Shopper Horrors.
He does like a whole narration in this New Jersey, New Yorker accent.
Oh, really close.
Almost made the hourglass.
And then how Moses felt when his rod turned to a serpent.
And the three Egyptian magicians did the same.
Wait, is he referencing scripture now?
I don't see an Egyptian magician.
What is he getting?
What is he doing over there?
Is that how you pray?
When I pray, I put my fingers on my temples like that.
This will scare you right into heaven, man.
Is that a bird cage over there?
Yeah, he was like reaching into a bird cage.
Does he ever sing?
Igniting my eyes with fire.
God stood me up, and I threw the book back in his chest.
Oh, man.
Boom.
Book attack.
Secret attack.
I'll not compare God's miracles versus Satan It's not God's kingdom and Satan's glare He's like, no, don't rap No route!
Hourglass that I wish.
Is that a vase or two vases?
I said, my friend, one day they're coming for you.
The soft associates in your Indian can't.
I'm going to tickle you.
The longest intro to a song.
Here comes the triple finger.
Oh, they're like a dying.
Maybe he got back as a shorter intro.
Is that Colonel Sanders?
Oh, holy crap.
Whoa.
Kelly's Buster.
It's like a slimer.
It's like slime's like slimer after slim fact.
Slimmer.
Slimmer.
Don't cross the stream.
Don't cross the stream.
Carmen in California.
It just turned into a steam and lava.
It's so hot.
Which incantation are you going to chant to tell them to leave you alone?
What?
That bird.
I am.
Let me go.
Oh, no.
Wait, what happened to the?
Is there music?
What happened to the bird?
Did the bird explode?
That's very loony, too.
More intro.
Let's keep talking.
Is this the whole song, Dan?
Is it just him talking?
It's like a spoken word.
It is.
Oh my gosh.
It's almost over.
All right.
Are we happy?
I guess so.
Is this the same one?
This might be a different one than I was thinking of.
I like the witch's invitation because at the beginning, he goes in and it shows his shelves that he's got all these dungeons and dragons.
Yeah, dungeons and dragons.
And I think we skipped it, but then he's got like a wee jump.
What is the renewed mind as the key?
That's a different thing.
Okay.
We clicked on the wrong video.
Okay.
And I said, just keep going, Dan.
Just keep going.
I like how you were very confused.
I was so confused.
So that was a Carmen, a witch's invitation.
Just a small taste of Carmen for you.
We got to do a full Carmen.
We talk about Carmen a lot, and a lot of people are like, who the heck is Carmen?
That was a small taste.
Just a small tip of the iceberg.
Yes.
Really?
An appetizer.
You know, I appreciate it, Carmen.
He's trying to do...
Hey, he's trying to do something different and crazy.
Spoken word.
Rap battles.
Do you think he ever rat battled in the streets like an eight-mile or bodied?
Yeah, I should do a biopic.
Oh, man, a Carmen biopic?
would play him where he's like Kevin Sorbo I'm trying to think he's got that chiseled kind of look Older guy.
That guy that was on George Clooney.
Yeah, George Clooney would be good.
He'd be a good Carmen.
I can't remember the thing.
I'm going to say Italian actors.
Let's see.
Big Italians.
Robert Downey Jr.
He's not Italian.
I just thought of him.
Yeah, he could be good.
Yeah, I'm drawing it line.
I don't know who else.
I don't know who else would work.
Oh, that guy who's on Watchman.
Who's that guy?
The smiley face guy.
Oh, the guy who was Zod and Superman.
You know who I'm talking about?
Uh-oh.
But Dolph Lundren.
Michael Shannon.
Okay.
I'm going to go Michael Shannon.
Or he could just go a different direction.
Have a Benicio Del Toro.
He's scary.
Could be a different take.
Like the different Batmans or the different.
He's like the Joker.
Yeah.
See, Michael Shannon.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He'd be good.
He's got the kind of distinctive face.
Well, let's see.
Maybe we can get Michael Shannon to do it.
All right, we're going to do you want to do a Renewed Mind is the key now?
All right.
I don't know.
This is the only one I don't know.
Maybe I've seen this.
Have I seen this?
Oh, man.
This is going to be a joy for you.
Oh, I've seen this.
Awesome.
The guy who looks like Keanu Reeves.
No, he looks like American Symphony.
My encyclopedia.
Yeah.
No, it's not Keanu Reeves.
What's his name?
What's his face?
Bateman.
No, not Bateman.
No, the guy was in Batman.
Christian Bateman, you called Bale.
Bateman is the play to Batman, not Bateman.
No.
I never thought of Bateman as Batman with an E. Patrick Bateman is the character.
He also looks kind of like Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction.
Hitman.
Hitman.
I like the guy playing the magical keyboard that only plays the truth.
There's another keyboard that has something else on it.
I want to see a drummer behind spirit.
Prices spirit.
Oh, wow.
synchronized the lampposts from Narnia Yeah.
Authentic.
It is really.
What makes this video really work is that guy.
Yeah, if the girls were doing it, it wouldn't.
It's just that he looks so good.
He really does look like the hitman.
I can't think of anything else he looks like besides.
He literally has a gun with a silencer on it down his pants right now.
He's definitely got some bodies in his trunk.
There are bodies in that Swedish brothel back there.
What is that other?
Whatever that building is.
What does that keyboard say?
I kept my glasses on.
Is that on the side?
Present?
Present?
Present.
Present truth.
Oh, present maybe?
Okay.
Is that other band name?
Oh, he's busting the move now.
Maybe someone gave them the keyboard as a present.
He reminds me like he could be on the movie The Match.
Like a bad guy on it or something.
Yeah, the Jim Carrey's Evil Twins.
The little new line is the key to the power.
The world is gonna see.
The drummer's really going for it.
The little new line is the key to the power.
They got some moves, man.
It's hard to synchronize like that.
They're pretty well synchronized.
They're going to sing, yeah.
The ring and mine is the key to the Christ in me.
The ring and mine is the key to the Christ in the middle.
You think we can find any of these people and talk to them?
That'd be awesome.
I'd like to ask Christian Bale what he thinks of his life now.
I like that just looks like this psycho.
That was 2007.
It looks like a dystopian neighborhood that they built.
Yeah, like some little cottage, but then it's all like red silver.
It's like blood, red sky.
The apocalypse.
Well, I think the lyrics were actually pretty good in that.
Oh, yeah.
Reading mind.
I mean, they definitely weren't as cheesy as Jesus's.
Down deep inside.
I said we're not going to comment in that youth and we've already had that discussion.
Okay, this one I put on here.
I just discovered it thanks to one of our subscribers.
This video, it's around 150 in the video that it gets really like...
You might want to give a little sample first.
They have like a singing donut in there.
It's a bunch of clips.
This is the donut man.
Yeah, but then there's this.
I watched where a bread comes out.
Do you see the bread loaf?
I haven't watched this yet, so I think it's going to be fresh for me.
You can start it a little earlier.
Start a little earlier so we can see some of the donut because you can see basically the gist of the idea that they have anthropomorphic baked goods to Jesus.
Obvious.
You got to get constantly.
He died on the cross.
So this is the high-carved version of Veggie Joe.
Life without Jesus is like a donut.
Cause there's a hole in the middle of your heart.
Let's put some words from the Bible into some dough and then put it in the wonder oven and see what happens, okay?
Very interesting.
Very good.
He is a new creation.
That really needed like a psycho.
Behold, I know who are there.
The donut looks horrifying.
The donut looks.
I must say it's a lot of fun.
The donut looks like it wasn't there.
Got PTSD.
I bet it is.
He's hiding in that box.
What's your name?
I don't know.
Frankly, it's the yeast of my worries.
You're pretty honey.
i'll kill you last look at he turns to you stop doing that It's horrifying.
What did you learn?
Dead, lifeless stare.
Who finished that puppet?
Us.
Perfect.
He looks like a new creation in Christ.
And the interesting thing is that every child in that video died in a horrible accident.
What is that?
Not really.
Final destination or not.
The curse of the bread.
They all died of yeast infections.
That's horrible.
That's gross.
What's the directions for cooking that bread?
Preheat to 450.
Sprinkle some Satan.
Insert demon.
Soul.
Yeah, like the eyes look like.
You know, when you see eyes that have been removed from sockets?
Sure, I know it freaks you out all the time.
How much white there is?
Like they're just white.
And how big they are.
That they're completely like wards, right?
Yeah.
So it looks like they took those eyes and they put them on the bread just kind of stick out.
So it looks like the missing face meat or something.
It's just not right.
They actually took the eyeballs of the previous donut man.
It looks like real eyes.
They come from like a raccoon or something.
They pulled out the rat.
Like, oh, raccoons do have white in their eyes.
You pull them out far enough and then pop those into some bread.
Yeah.
Well, Christians, stop being weird.
Dan, what I want to see is you just take that bear, that bread face and just zoom in on it and have it kind of fade to like a red tint and have like a tense like the violin.
Try that.
Now, do that and then we'll go to hate mail.
Dan's going to be here for like 40 hours before our next, before we actually publish this.
Sorry, Dan.
Well, that was fun.
We'll have to do that again sometime.
Hate mail time.
I really miss Adam Ford.
So a lot of people didn't like our interview with Alison Van Den Herrick.
Van den Herrick.
Probably most people liked it, and there was just a few comments that.
Well, it seems like young earthers, yeah.
Young earthers are.
Which I'm a young earther.
I'm on your side.
They're a little flat earthy.
I think there's some of that same gene maybe.
They have that like, oh yeah?
I'll own you.
I've done the research.
Yeah.
And some of the disagreement was very respectful.
Some people felt like we should have challenged more on this or that.
It's not the kind of show this is.
I tend to just like to hear what people say, and then I ask stupid questions.
So I don't guess.
Remember, we don't always agree with our guests.
And we haven't.
We've talked about this, haven't we?
Like, why is it such a big deal?
Well, I think it is on it, isn't it?
I think it is in that you.
I want to make sure that I am taking scripture seriously and I'm not reading scripture through the lens of science.
At the same time, some people do that.
They read scripture not through the lens of science and they still kind of come to that conclusion.
So I can disagree with them and go, you've thought through your beliefs.
I disagree with you.
I think you're wrong on that.
But, you know, when it comes to that point, it's like we can debate, we can argue, but ultimately, yeah, it's not a salvation issue.
That doesn't mean it's not important.
It's not something we should talk about and think about.
It's interesting to talk about things.
It's interesting.
I don't understand people get so upset about it.
It doesn't make any sense.
Well, I think, I think, with the younger people.
That's really the thing you can't know.
Right?
Well, we can't really know.
With the younger time trouble, most people read it in that sense.
Most people read it in the sense of, oh, the Earth's young.
And then science came along and said, you know, actually, the earth is this long.
So they see that as an assault and a compromise, an assault on scripture and a compromise with the world.
Which I think if you are interpreting the Bible through that scientific lens, well, we have to make it fit with this.
Yeah, yeah, it can become that kind of thing.
But I do think that some people hold that view honestly, and they do respect Gonzalez.
So I can disagree with them.
And they can be wrong all they want.
Anyway, so here's one of the best comments we got on Allison's interview.
Very cringe-worthy.
And while I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, they are genuinely wrong and need to be reproved.
And we don't do them any favors by ignoring them.
But I'm going to keep ignoring them.
What?
I was really confused by the ending of that.
So we don't do them any favors by ignoring them.
We can't ignore them.
We must confront them.
But he's also posting this like it's a secret conversation they're having that we can't see.
But it's a comment on our YouTube video.
Maybe he thinks comments are private.
Maybe he thinks it's like your own private comment on your video.
Like just by commenting on our video, you're not ignoring us, really.
Right?
But I think he's talking about our guests, too.
So it's like he's like, not doing them any favors by ignoring them.
Oh, so is he telling us?
Okay, very cringe.
Really, well, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
They, because he's saying they, there's three people in the video: me, you, and A, L Allie, is it Allison?
Allie, Alan, Al?
Can't remember Allison, Allison, Allie, Allison.
They are genuinely wrong, and they, he's talking about all of us.
And I got a message.
I got some messages about this.
People like, how old's the earth, Ethan?
How many years?
You're like sweating.
No, you don't know either.
God's getting ready to press the trapdoor button, and you're like, I'm fully open to the idea that because we don't know what a six billion or however many billion-year-old thing looks.
We just guess, right?
Yeah.
So you can't just look at a thing because you can't test it.
So you just go, oh, I think that's that old.
So it could very well be that when God creates a thing, we interpret that as looking old, but we don't know.
It doesn't, I don't lose sleep over it.
You should.
You should.
I don't sleep hardly at all anyway.
So very unhealthy.
All right.
So also this.
If you don't believe in the young earth, the loaf of bread is going to show up on my bed foot of your bed.
Bed post.
I am a new creation.
Hey, we need to get that bread loaf.
We need to somehow get it and have it on our own on our new knickknack show.
And we could recreate it with.
Yeah, we could like mold it with putty or something.
Or a real bread loaf with real eyeballs and real mouth.
All right.
What's our next thing?
It looked like a ninja turtle, kind of.
Okay, this one is okay.
The email address is no, he didn't at something.
Yeah, who or something?
And then the guy's name is Pterodactyl.
You can leap that.
Okay, so reason, report.
He's reporting.
Message.
You people are insane.
Liars.
The president didn't punch a baby.
Note artist rendition.
So, on the image that I did of Trump going like this, and there's a baby in front of him, I put a little note because it always bugs me that we like do these images, and then it's like, but the joke isn't that he did it, it's at the anonymous form.
So, I just put a little caption: anonymous artist rendition.
This guy's investigating it, and he's like, Wait a minute, Trump didn't punch a baby.
Look right there, it says artist rendition.
That was his Trump card.
But we posted the artist rendition.
So, does he think that we found the picture and claimed it was real?
And then he's like, You didn't see the note on there.
I don't know.
It's weird.
Well, the president didn't punch a baby.
Disappointing.
He's weaker than I thought he was.
I like to think that we consumed many minutes of this person's day trying to investigate whether Trump punched a baby.
That makes me very happy.
It's one of the most satisfying things about my life.
Do you think he really created an email address called No, He Didn't?
No, they just do that when they don't want you to be able to email them back.
I just like put in the birthday.
Ethan, that's not true.
Yeah, it's a liar.
You are note artist rendition.
All right, we're going to go into our subscriber portion.
I can tell you about my crazy neighbor because I mentioned it earlier and teased it.
And my previous, my former neighbor.
Okay.
Okay, your crazy ex-neighbor.
I don't know if I ever mentioned it on here because it was kind of an ongoing thing and we didn't want to rile up anybody.
And we have an email asking what a Christian libertarian America utopia would look like.
Okay.
Or what a libertarian American utopia would look like from a Christian's perspective.
So we're going to answer that email or audio question or whatever it is.
All right.
If you're a subscriber, thank you.
We're about to go into the subscriber lounge.
Yeah.
And also, there's the other kind of subscriber.
We subscribe to the YouTube channel.
You don't have to pay money.
Just subscribe to the YouTube channel.
You won't get that stuff, but you get all our videos.
Smash that like button.
Does it say like or does it say subscribe?
Subscribe, like, whatever.
Like too.
Little thumbs up.
And comment.
We read the comments as you can see from this guy.
We like the comments.
You could even try to throw some questions in there.
You might answer them.
You never know.
Yeah.
I see people talking about my voice cracking.
Yeah.
So take that subscribe button, bake a demonic loaf of bread, and send it to murder that subscribe button in the middle of the night.
Bye, everybody.
Bye.
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