This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast special episode for 7/3/2020. This episode is brought to you by Faithful Counseling. Bee listeners get 10% off! In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle talk about the week's big stories like a man being fined £450 for provocative intestinal wind, the fallen world we live in where The Princess Bride is possibly being remade, and how doctors are recommending we keep opening up and closing the economy until we all go insane. In the main topic, they read G.K. Chesterton's ideas on the suicide of thought. In the subscriber portion, Kyle and Ethan dive in into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and bring in producer Dan so that they all can answer the ten questions. Show Outline Introduction Kyle and Ethan return from the warm, sunny beaches of Florida to churn out another podcast. We have an update on the 'Best of the Bee' book. Weird News Broody mother goose has taken 47 babies under her wing - and they're so cute "This phenomenon is known as a gang brood" Man falls through floor of home, plunges down 30-foot well Pair hired for man's broom sexual fantasy turn up in bedroom at wrong address with machetes In fart news: Man fined £450 for 'provocative' fart in front of police officers Newton's recipe for 'toad vomit lozenges' up for auction Stuff That's Good Kyle likes Dead Cells the video game. Ethan likes WACO on Netflix. Stories of the Week Story 1 Equality At Last: Disney Confirms Winnie The Pooh Will Now Be Voiced By An Actual Bear Summary: In order to ensure that voice actors only portray characters they actually look like, Disney announced this week that Winnie the Pooh will now be voiced by an actual bear. The real story: Several voice actors have stopped voicing characters that are not the same race they are. The Simpsons, Big Mouth, American Dad, Cleveland Show. Story 2 Doctors Recommend Locking Down And Reopening Repeatedly Until Everyone Has Nervous Breakdown Summary: A survey of leading physicians unanimously agreed that the best response to COVID-19 is for the government to lock everything down, then reopen, then lock down again, then reopen again and to just keep doing that until everyone completely loses their minds. Story 3 Merciful God Vows To End Humanity Before 'The Princess Bride' Can Be Remade Summary: Upon rumors of a remake of The Princess Bride, a spokesperson for the Almighty God confirmed that He will end the world in fire before He would ever allow that to happen. Topic of the Week Kyle and Ethan read a portion of G.K. Chesterton's Orthodoxy on the suicide of thought and discuss its relevance in our times of constant revolutionary agitation. Hate Mail Someone went to home depot and bought a whole bunch of flowerbeds. Subscriber Portion Kyle and Ethan dive into the mail bag, talk about their years in ministry, and have producer Dan join them to answer the ten questions. Subscribers, get to know the Bee boys.
In a world of fake news, we bring you up-to-the-minute factual inaccuracy and a heavy dose of moral truth with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
This is the Babylon B. Fake news you can trust.
Hi, everybody.
And welcome to the Babylon Bee podcast.
I never know what you're going to do when we start up, and I just have to go along with it.
Yeah, it's very fun.
So you may notice that we're a little red.
Are we?
Pinker?
Any more pinker?
We're wearing red face.
We're wearing tan face because we just got back from a Babylon B treat.
The B treat, the first ever.
The first Deborah B treat.
We met each other.
We are, most of the Babylon B guys have only ever known each other on the internet.
We finally met in person.
I got to meet the Adam Ford.
Yeah.
Which people might be shocked to find out he was there supporting the filth that we put out since he worked the Babylon B.
I heard a rumor he was going to be there, but I didn't believe it because he doesn't do that kind of stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can tell at times it was a little hard for him, but he was a great sport.
He loves a good cigar.
So me and him got along great.
Oh, awesome.
Yeah, so people have this vision of the Babylon B that we're all these writers who sit around and kick ideas around in kind of a Google style hip headquarters.
But it's not true.
Maybe one day.
We just kind of text each other ideas in our Facebook group or whatever.
And now we actually got to do that.
We all sat around joking.
Actually, a few headlines came out of it that we published because we were just talking.
And it works so great when you're all just sitting around joking around.
Ethan and Frank sat around in the sun all day smoking cigars and writing.
And it was just came with a whole new movie idea, new show idea.
We're crazy.
Me and Frank have written a script together.
We go way back and this is our first time actually meeting in person.
So he's a guy that I've been talking to a lot for like years, well before the Babylon B too.
And we were just amazed that everybody at the Babylon Bee is a really cool person.
Yeah.
It was just, I mean, we have 10 or 12 writers that we kind of just picked out of like, here's some solid headlines and they seem like an okay guy.
And for everybody to just be like a really good Christian, like a really no one is good except God.
But a really, but like a really genuine person that you can just sit around and they know their scripture.
They're not just kind of like, oh yeah, I went to on Easter times.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that.
But also, I've been in writers, you know, on in writers' rooms on, you know, some TV shows and just in general.
The weird thing about our writers group is, I mean, I think me and you are the shabbiest of the group.
What in terms of just the looks and just kind of the yeah, you know, your hair is usually kind of messy.
You comb it more now.
We're on a on a podcast.
Yeah, I got the video cameras now.
But you have more of a writer look.
And then I definitely do.
But yeah, like these guys are, they're just, they're clean, they're articulate.
They're clean like Obama.
Yeah.
Like what Biden would assume about black people, I assume about writers.
Like, yeah, they're going to be.
They're filthy.
They're inarticulate.
That's what Biden.
I didn't mean to get.
That's just what you would.
No.
Okay, let's move on.
That was Biden, not me.
Yeah, I got you.
But that was me about writers.
You're proving everybody right that the Babylon Bee is just full of racist people.
No, that's not what I said at all.
So it was great.
We also wanted to give an update on our Babylon Bee Best of book.
We do?
Oh, okay.
That it is being printed now.
It is in the pro.
We're supposed to be getting proofs pretty soon.
So they're going to show us like the proof copy.
Yeah.
So we can, do we give like a final thumbs up?
Yeah.
It's complicated because it's got gold leaf and like leathery looking stuff.
And it's very fancy.
So it's going to be, it's going to be nicer than any Bible that you own.
It's going to, or at least because it's going to be a very, yeah, it'll look nice on your shelf of Bibles.
Yeah.
So it's being printed, I think, by the guys who did Doug to Naples' Earthworm Jim comics.
And I got that.
We got samples of that sent to us, and it was just gorgeous.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
If it's half as good as this, it's going to be.
Yeah, this is a company that mostly does like yearbooks and stuff.
So they're used to making kind of big heavy-duty books.
So it's going to be a cool, cool project.
All right.
Well, this is a podcast where we cover the news by reading Babylon Bee stories, and you kind of get to hang out with Babylon Bee writers.
So that's what we're going to do.
And we also, before we get started, we also wanted to thank our subscribers.
You can subscribe at babylonbee.com/slash plans and just support us with a little bit of cash and you get an extra little bit of content at the end of the podcast.
So thank you, subscribers.
Let's move on to weird news.
This news is weird.
Broody Mother Goose has taken 47 babies under her wing and they're so cute.
I disagree with the headline.
Baby geese are not cute.
They're like.
Also, is that a pun?
Broody.
Are they called a brood of geese?
Is that what they're called?
Well, I saw that apparently this phenomenon, apparently this goose goes around taking geese from all the other nests and gathering them.
So they call it a gang brood, which sounds like an insane clown posse sort of knockoff band.
Gang brood.
Well, gang brood.
Gang brood.
So is this this goose is like one of those warlords in Africa that goes around Coney.
It's like the cony of geese.
Yeah.
That goes around stealing, gathering all the children, making this child army.
And they're like, okay, there's people that walk around this park and they like to jog and they like to drink Gatorade.
What we're going to do is we're going to bite their shins and we're going to bite at their groin region and we're going to chase them and honk at them.
So we need all you geese to grow up hating people.
So he shows them all pictures of people and they're like, let the hate float through your beak.
Let your hate go through your fire hose like necks.
I actually just noticed on the notes, you put she's recruiting for her child army.
She's stealing my notes.
No, I was my joke.
I was riffing.
I'm like, that's a pretty good connection, Kyle.
Good job.
I just stole right off your notes.
But Ethan actually told us about how to fight geese.
You gave us the, there was a, I don't remember it was in the subscriber portion or not, but you gave us this long explanation of how if you're going to kick a goose, you don't want to kick their head because it just flops back and then swings back like a rubber hose.
It's like if you're going to fight in a mailbox, you don't want to punch it in the flag.
You want to punch it in the box, right?
Fight in the mailbox.
You don't punch it in the flag.
I can almost guarantee that that analogy has never been used in the history of the world.
That's right.
Something that has a thing pointing up.
But a bigger thing down below and the first thing that's going to be mailbox.
That would be the first thing you think of.
What do you think of?
A big thing.
Besides a bird, a little thing sticking up.
Yeah, I don't know.
Yeah, you don't punch that.
Like, you don't, if you're fighting a giant bumblebee, you don't punch it in the antennas.
You punch it right in the middle of the eyes or something.
But like, so a goose, yeah, you just, the face doesn't make sense.
Anyway, so I, to do a little study of goose fighting, I did an animation.
I've been playing with this program called Calipeg recently, bringing back my old nostalgic love of kung fu fighting flipbooks.
I used to make tons of these.
In fact, stick figures fighting and stuff.
Yeah, like these kind of little stick figures with flesh, sort of like fighting each other.
And so this one, I made a guy fighting some geese, and it gives you some good ideas for if you fight geese, what you could do in that situation.
Yeah, I was sitting on the plane flight home, and in front of me was sitting Ethan, and he's sitting next to a stranger, and Ethan's just diligently drawing these geese and this guy.
Very diligent, right?
This is a lot of work.
I did this because we had four flights between, like, you know, heading there, heading back.
And plus, over the time, I, for me, that was vacation.
I'm just sitting there.
I got a cigar, I got a beer, I'm sitting out.
Well, not on the plane, but no, yeah, but like at this nice resort, everybody else is swimming and stuff.
You did not go on the pool now.
No, I didn't get wet once.
I sat in the shade.
Oh, you put your feet in the pool.
I think that one night.
One night, feet in the pool.
Yeah.
So, yeah, this guy just that's sitting next to Ethan slowly presses the call attendant button.
Please help.
Not really.
But let's watch this video.
Beautiful video.
What do you think?
Educational?
I especially like where he begins twirling the geese like nunchucks.
Nunchucks.
Yeah, because I don't think those necks never, unless you have like a good like hacksaw, I don't think those necks come off.
It's a pretty strong material.
And then I like how at the end you were like, you know what?
It needs one more thing.
The egg.
The egg.
Yeah.
Squeezing the egg on the Sunday.
Poop out the egg.
Just squeeze it egg.
I thought about doing more like into machine gunning eggs at all the geese and then I was like, ah, I'm done.
This thing, that thing was a lot of work.
Anyway, so yeah, I'm glad you guys enjoyed that.
If you want more cartoons, let me know.
Man falls through floor of home, plunges down 30-foot well.
Firefighters in Connecticut said a man survived with only minor injuries when he fell through the floor of a friend's home and plunged nearly 30 feet down a well under the house.
So apparently there's enough water at the bottom of this well that he just kind of splashed.
But still 30 feet into water.
30 feet.
Then I'll still hurt you, right?
I guess the well hole made it so he didn't like flop, doesn't belly flop or anything.
He just kind of shot down like one of those bank tubes.
Was that one of those are called well holes?
A well shaft.
I don't know.
A well hole.
A well hole.
But isn't it like the well is the hole?
What do you call it?
The hole is the essence of the well.
The well is the part of the bottom.
So are you a wellsmith?
Do you know all the terms?
Am I a wellsmith?
Is that what they're called?
Wellsmiths.
Do you know what they're called?
I'm just going to mock everything you say and then look at the camera and do one of these.
Wellsmith, really?
I'm wondering if this guy got the message that he's not really wanted.
They just like, they have an ex on the floor and they're like, he's been overstaying his welcome.
And they're like, why don't you step over here, Frank?
Just I put, I set your coffee right there next to that ex on the floor.
Yeah, isn't this Thomas Kincaid painting beautiful?
Stand right there and examine it in the light.
And then the host is reaching for a little sconce and he pulls the load down.
Well, he fell through the floor, so I think he just noticed one day that the floorboards are weak and he's like, this could come in handy later.
So he told everybody to avoid it.
And when this guy came over, I like to think that when the guy fell down, he did that sound goofy make.
So he's like, just slowly fading.
Yeah.
You just hear the at the end, it's like silent for a while.
I am kind of jealous of these people that can have something really crazy and bizarre happen to them and not get that hurt.
Yeah.
Because then they have this great story for a great story and they got all their limbs.
Hey, Frank, remember when I fell through the floor of your home into that well?
Classic.
Classic, and now what do they do with that hole?
I wonder.
Do they do anything with that?
I don't know what you could do.
What can you do with the well hole?
Can you fish?
You could throw dump fish in there.
Did he know this well was under his nose?
I'm guessing he didn't.
I don't know.
He probably knew it was there, but didn't know that the floor was weak.
Yeah.
Whatever.
Oh, well.
Yeah.
Okay.
Just a quick warning.
This one.
This one's a little.
We don't quite understand this one.
Okay.
If you've got little ones, skip ahead a minute or two because this is strange.
So a pair of people were hired for a man's broom fantasy.
I don't know if he's into like Lord of the Rings or witches and hair pottery.
Likes fantasy.
He's really into cleaning, maybe.
So he's hired for.
So these guys are hired for a man's broom fantasy.
They turn up in the bedroom at the wrong address wielding machetes.
So I don't know what fantasy he's reading, but I've never read that in anything I've read.
Yeah, I read a lot of fantasy, a lot of sci-fi.
Like Terry, who's the Terry Pratchett.
Yeah.
Or I don't know any fantasy writers.
C.S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia.
Yeah, J.R. Tolkien, George R. Martin, Sanderson, Michael A. Stackpole.
Stackpole.
Stackpole.
He wrote Star Wars.
Maybe that's a broom, a stackpole.
I don't know.
Yeah, so apparently these guys came into the wrong room wherever this guy wanted to had a broom fantasy.
I don't know what that is, but carrying machetes, which somehow are involved in such a fantasy.
But they got the wrong house.
Now we're not judging these guys or this guy's fantasy.
I mean, if this is what he's into, then, you know, everybody has their thing, right?
We can't judge.
So this guy...
Machetes and broomsticks.
So these guys show up and they're wielding machetes and they have a broomstick.
It's like, yeah.
And so at one point, one of them asked this guy in his house, Are you sure you're not Kevin?
He's holding this machete.
Guys in the bed.
The guy's screaming, I'm not Kevin.
I'm not Kevin.
I don't know.
Is he pointing the machete at his face?
Are you sure you're not Kevin?
They're like, is this part of the act?
Or wait, are you sure?
Because we were told to come here and pick up Kevin.
Eventually, they accepted their error and left.
And they said, sorry, mate.
They shook hands.
They shook his hand and said, bye.
And then he called the police.
I just love the idea that they can shake hands.
Now, is this white privilege?
Because I think this happened like in the UK or something or Australia.
You think if two black guys broke into somebody's house, machetes could go like this?
Maybe?
I don't know.
It seems like it just seems a little bit.
Like, how did it go that white guys go in the house and they say, oh, sorry.
Yeah.
So they shake hands.
Oh, my bad.
Cool.
Hey, it happens, man.
Hey, everyone's got their thing they're into.
I actually, the guy's like, actually, I ordered the mop.
Yeah.
Yeah, the mop and the chainsaw.
So we've got this mixed up.
Yeah.
You want next door for the broom.
Is that an app?
Will you order that?
I guess.
You gotta check the box.
Oh, sorry, my finger slipped and I got machetes.
It's called Boober.
What?
No, I don't know.
Does it make any sense?
Uber.
Fantasy.
Uber fantasy.
What's flash?
Like flash LARP?
Flash?
It's like flash mob, but you flash LARP, but you show up with all these weird weapons and stuff to play fantasy.
Because they're going to LARP, right?
I don't understand what they would want to do with a broomstick and two machetes, but they're not going to LARP.
Because I don't understand.
So we're moving on.
Yeah, we're just going to just leave that best unsaid, best unsaid.
Man, find 450 pounds for provocative fart in front of police officers.
My favorite part of this headline is provocative.
What is a provocative fart?
Did he like, you know, really stare them in the eyes and do it, like, grunted at them and like hold his legs up above his head?
And the fact that, like, well, I get it because, as a father, you know, you've got your kids and they love fart humor and fart jokes.
And, you know, you got your wife and you're all there.
And it's like, and if you do that, like in the middle of praying.
If you do like the sit-and-lean, you know, and you go and you let it go, it's like you're clearly being provocative versus oops, I just let that one out.
But to the point that they gave him a 450-pound fine, I don't know how much that is in American money.
Yeah, it's, I mean, it's meaningless, really.
A pound.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Yeah.
Money doesn't weigh $5 something, but I don't know.
I'm guessing it's, it's, you know, it's just that it's bad enough that they find him.
Like, is that actually a law?
So the police wrote on Twitter that the man had been sitting on a park bench before getting up, looking at them and letting go.
And this is a quote, a massive intestinal wind, apparently with full intent.
Apparently with full intent.
Of course, no one is purported for accidentally letting one go, the cops added.
So are there like are there like degrees of farts?
Like you got convicted of third degree.
Is this on the books?
So third degree fart is like unintentional fart, but you still harm someone.
Second degree is a fart of passion.
A fart of intent.
And first degree is a fart with full intent and premeditation.
So he had premeditation.
And can they use their little speed guns to like measure if the fart is provocative or not?
Like if it is aimed, it came fast.
It's forced.
Hey, that didn't, that wasn't relaxing muscles.
That was forced muscles.
Well, I mean, he said something.
I fart in your general direction.
I don't know.
Something like that's what he said.
Did he say that with like an accent?
Yeah, French accent.
It's a Monty Python rough.
That's where that came from.
Okay.
Newton's recipe for toad vomit lozenges up for auction.
So Newton was known for much bigger stuff than this, but apparently he had a recipe.
This is Isaac Newton, Sir Isaac Newton?
Sir Isaac Newton.
Listen to this.
Newton describes in these notes.
So it's these notes of his.
So they're selling the original copy of the notes.
Of the notes where he's writing out.
Because this was for like the black plague or whatever.
That makes more sense because I think he could have a grocery list and it would sell.
Yeah, that's true.
So he describes in detail how to suspend a toad by its legs in a chimney for three days until it vomits up earth with various insects in it.
This vomit must be caught on a dish of yellow wax, he added.
After the toad dies, this is getting crazy.
This is like something about Harry Potter.
Its body should be turned into powder, mixed with the vomit and a serum, just any old serum, and made into lozenges and worn about the affected area.
So like a necklace or something.
This treatment would drive away the contagion and draw the poison, Newton wrote.
What do you think?
So that's.
I like that.
There's gravity.
You know how authors or like bands have that first book or album that's like really early on?
And it's like this concept.
They didn't really hit their stride until three or four or book three or four.
You know, you don't really want to remember those early ones.
This was like his, you know, his early.
Well, it's either that or it's the after the one way later when they're old and washed up.
Well, because you spend your whole life writing your first album, they say, and then you spend like a year writing your second.
So suddenly the pressure's on to try to match that same passion.
And this was so follow-up albums are tough.
This is a sophomore album.
Yeah.
It wasn't as big of a hit as like theory of gravity.
Yeah.
Like gravity was huge and then he tried to follow it up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't understand why if you have to extract the vomit, then you're going to grind the whole toad up anyway and then with the vomit in it back into it.
Why?
Why do you have to extract it for three days if you're just going to grind it all back together into one big pulp?
And at the time, if you disagreed with this method, you were anti-science.
You're anti-science.
Newton's like, science.
None other than Sir Isaac Newton has put on the toad necklace.
We need to listen to the elites and the experts.
Yes.
That's Dr. Fauci right now on TV.
And he's like, you got to wear the.
What you do is you hang the toad in the chimney upside down for three days as the vomit excretes into a wax, a yellow wax dish.
Go and do it.
And then, like, a week later, they're like, actually, we were wrong.
That whole thing was.
That was way off.
It's not a toad.
It's a bat.
All right.
Well, you want to do some stuff that's good?
Let's try.
But now, this week's edition of stuff that's good.
Well, I had a long flight.
And while Ethan was animating geese, I was doing something more productive.
I was playing video games.
I couldn't find anything to watch that I wanted to watch.
I have trouble.
I'll preload my phone with all the videos and stuff.
You can download them off Netflix so they're ready.
Or you can, I think the phone, the airlines have it on your phone where you can download the app.
Yeah.
I always forget to download the app before we take off.
And it's like, you have to buy the Wi-Fi to download the app.
It's such a commitment to go, I'm going to do this two-hour movie for half my flight.
So I did watch Mission Impossible Fallout, which was pretty good.
But that's not your thing.
That's not my thing.
And I did watch Better Call Cell because I had downloaded a few episodes, which is just a great show.
But my thing is, I played, well, this is kind of a double thing.
First of all, this is kind of a dad hack that if your kids have stolen all your video game consoles and got them grimy and sticky like they do, or you just not let them touch it because that's what I'm able to do.
It's erect.
The controllers, which cost like 50 bucks a piece.
And they're just destroyed.
I mean, we have like travertine tile floors.
Broken.
It gives me so much stress and anxiety in my life.
The kids destroying.
I've bought like four or five of the Switch Joy-Cons.
Like, cram the discs into the hole.
Oh, man.
See, with the Nintendo Switch, it's a card.
They're little tiny cards, which is fine because I can't scratch them.
But they, I find them in the couch cushions.
I'm like, these are freaking $60.
And I get all.
So the dad hack, my wife.
It'll all come back when they're adults.
Yeah, I know.
They're grown-ups.
Fathers.
That's a good headline.
Like, dad takes comfort, in fact.
Yeah, one day.
I always try to do it.
I say literally.
I'm like, one day you'll get because I'm paying.
I feel like when it happens to me, I'm getting paid back for what I put my mom through.
Yeah.
It is a revenge.
Anyway, so the dad hack, my wife got me a Nintendo Switch Lite, which is kind of like a slightly smaller version of the Switch, and it doesn't plug into the TV.
It's just portable.
And so it's, so we have made that my dad Switch.
And I posted this on Twitter, and there was like several replies saying we did the same thing.
I got my own, you know.
And it's cheaper.
It's cheaper than the other one.
And it's just for me.
So that's kind of my dad hack: to get the Switch Lite if you have a Switch or video game system.
Your kids are destroying it.
It meant a different thing.
My dad, who was born in 1940, when with Switch, dad gets the Switch.
That's different.
That's a whole different thing.
That's a whole different.
Things have really gone downhill.
Yeah.
So when you hear dad Switch, you still have an instinctive.
Dad is hiding in his bedroom playing Legend of Zelda or something.
No, I was thinking you have this instant reaction to guard your behind or something when you hear the word switch.
He's getting the switch.
Oh, no.
Anyway, the game that I wanted to pimp was, can I say pimp?
The game that I wanted to promote is called Dead Cells.
And it's a 2D fighting.
I don't know.
It's a Metroidvania, if you know what that is.
I have no Metroid.
It's Metroid and Castlevania, that kind of a game.
2D side scrolling.
You're upgrading equipment.
You're exploring this area.
You can kind of backtrack to get stuff that you missed.
But the whole gimmick of the game is that if you die, you start the entire game over.
So you die once you're back at the beginning.
But you have permanent upgrades that start to.
It's like if you're playing the original Mario Brothers or something, and every time you lost the whole game, every time you died, you had to start the whole thing over.
But you start with a Fireflower or you start with a.
Mario's a little faster.
He can jump a little bit higher.
So eventually I did beat the game after like 12 hours of playing disheartening.
And it was just a very fun game.
So anyway, it's fun.
Cool art style, retro pixely, and it's awesome.
Dead sales, cheap.
I think it's on most systems.
So it's fun.
Do it.
Play it.
Sweet.
Well, since that was so long, I'll just be short.
Yeah, sorry.
Waco on Netflix.
I watched it.
And it was definitely worth the watch.
It was.
I would say I wanted to watch it because you always hear that the and they definitely are making the government to be the bad guys in this.
But I definitely watched it and went, yeah.
You have my interest.
But and yeah, it did kind of had the time when I was watching it at the time when the anti-cop rage was so big.
So it kind of helped me see from that perspective.
But at the same time, this guy like refused to come out for like I don't know how long.
It was like 50-something days, I think.
It was crazy.
And he just had in his head that he needed to receive a word from God or something.
And I do think some of the blood is on the cult leaders' hands in that situation.
But it was interesting to get all the different kind of just inside the house, outside, and just it's very sad, obviously.
A lot of people die.
But if you're curious about the story, I think they do a fair job.
It's worth watching if you're in that.
So I'm a little obsessed with cults, so I watched it and I enjoyed it.
That's probably not healthy.
I had heard some libertarians that were mad at that show.
Oh, really?
And I think there was something where they show the cops coming in and crying.
Oh, that some of the cops felt bad?
Yeah, he said, but what really happened was they went and took pictures of all the dead bodies and stuff.
So that was the libertarians were mad at that.
But I am interested in watching Waco.
Yeah, it's worth watching.
I can't imagine anybody would not cry with that many people.
I mean, the saddest part is a lot of kids died in there.
Yeah.
Sounds hopeful and uplifting.
Uplifting.
Hey, it's just true.
Just true.
Life.
It's truth.
Facts and logic.
All right.
Speaking of truth and facts and logic, let's get on to the stories of the week.
This has been stuff that's good.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
In order to ensure that voice actors only portray characters they actually look like, Disney announced this week that Winnie the Pooh will now be voiced by an actual bear.
Oh, I assume all the other animals, Piglet, will be a pig, tiger, tigger, tiger.
Eeyore, a donkey.
Tigger is the tiger, yes.
Eeyore's a donkey.
Rabbit is rabbit.
Yeah.
So this week, several voice actors have stopped voicing characters that are not the same race as they are.
So we've got like The Simpsons, we got Big Mouth, American Dad, Cleveland Show.
They put out a big tweet and they're like, I am going to withdraw from my role.
And they're all these big actors that have a million other jobs.
It's not like they're like, I'm going to go back to the streets.
Yeah.
All right, I guess I'll make a few thousand dollars less than like massive millions of dollars I make constantly.
Are they selling like the home that they bought with the money that they made from the are you looking at something?
Somebody like moving back and forth outside of the window.
Continue.
This is very creepy.
It's really weird.
I don't know what they're doing out there.
Maybe it's the secretary trying to.
They might be moving furniture or something.
Looks like there's like a table outside our door.
I completely lost Ethan's interest as they're talking about something.
So I don't know if I could tell the guy who was trying to look in here.
We need to cover our windows up.
Anyway, so yeah.
I was just wondering if they are taking all the money that they made from these characters and donating it to like Black Lives Matter or something.
You would assume.
You would think so.
Yeah.
Yeah, they probably are.
Sell the home, they go back out to the streets.
I apologize.
So actors just need to stop acting like something they are not.
They just need to be themselves.
Yeah.
Isn't there like we were talking a while back, like there's an extreme sect of Christianity or old-fashioned Puritanism or something where they believe that acting is sinful because it's lying.
Can we talk about that?
I kind of remember that.
So isn't that where like wokeism is headed to?
Where they're going to be like, oh, it's you can't, you can only act as exactly yourself because if you act as anybody else, you're stealing their identity.
Well, I guess what is the argument?
It's that like people of color or oppressed, you know, LGBT minorities don't get enough roles.
And so when you have a role that is that thing, you have to pick someone that actually has that thing.
Now, I do think it's cool when you do a show with a deaf person and it's actually a deaf person, you know, or it's somebody who's mentally challenged or something.
They actually hire a mentally challenged person.
I think that's cool.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it.
Yeah.
But it's also an upset when someone acts like that.
It's like, well, that's not what an actor is supposed to do.
I mean, the ultimate thing that needs to be like when you play that voice with that cartoon character, whatever is the funniest, best working voice is really what you should be able to go for.
But we're in a place where we can't do that.
But I do think the goal would be to get to a place where that could be okay again.
Right?
You'd think.
But I don't know.
I just feel like a lot of these trying to work all the right amount of races and everything into every cast is just like, I don't know where it's supposed to lead, where everything's fixed.
Yeah.
So the logical.
I'm not against it.
Yeah.
Diversity is good.
Diversity is great.
But it's also like, so we can't tell stories where like everybody's one race, especially white, right?
You can't do it.
You just can't do those anymore.
I just find weird in fantasy movies that are coming out now, like Wizard of Oz.
Like they'll have like the Tinkers and the Elves and stuff, or not the Elves, but like the Oompaloompas or whatever.
No, that's the wrong one, too.
Whatever they all are.
They're all every race of people, but they are all Munchkins.
Yeah, like the Munchkins, but they're all like, there's Asian Munchkins and Black Munchkins.
Yeah.
Which is, I mean, I'm not offended by their race, but it just doesn't make sense in that world, like how that happened.
Yeah.
Didn't Frozen 2 have like there was like a black soldier or something?
And, you know, they're all up in Scandinavia, wherever it's at.
And there's like a black soldier there.
And I was kind of like, I don't know if that was.
And they don't go both ways, right?
Like if they tell a story, now if you tell a story about like slavery era, are they going to have all different races be slaves?
Like Wakanda wasn't folded.
No, no, no.
Wakanda didn't have all this diversity.
It's just weird.
Okay.
It's just exhausting, is all it is.
I would like celebrities to stop acting like people care what they think.
Acting.
Acting.
Let's see what you did there.
See that?
Yeah.
Very good.
I like the logical conclusion of this.
Like if you were to cast a Mission Impossible movie or something, like you'd have to go find an ISIS terrorist or something to play the terrorists.
You'd have to go find some actual Russian spy to be the Russian spy.
Yeah, I think Jeff Dunham, you know, he has that terrorist puppet, which he can't do that.
So you'd have to have an actual dead terrorist come out and do the voice.
I just want you guys to know that this is actually being voiced by.
He's right here in the case.
I've never watched a Jeff Dunham thing.
He has a dead terrorist.
His name is Ahmed the Dead Terrorist, and he's like a skeleton with a beard and a turban or whatever.
He's like a suicide bomber that is now passed on, I guess, is the joke.
I don't know if he still does it.
Does he get away with this?
It's probably a little on PC nowadays, but it was a big hit with his crowd back in the day.
Yeah.
I know he still does it.
Dead terror.
Yeah.
All right.
All right.
Well, let's do our next story.
Let's do it.
A survey of leading physicians unanimously agreed that the best response to COVID-19 is for the government to lock everything down, then reopen, then lock down again, then reopen again, and it just keep doing that until everyone completely loses their minds.
I admit I am at the lose my mind point already because when things slowly started to open back up, I'm like, you know what?
That was bad.
That was a dark time.
But we're back and we're starting to open.
I can do this.
And then immediately, like, governors started to realize, like, people aren't paying attention to me anymore.
Oh, no.
Remember, everybody, there's still a pandemic.
Exactly like that.
That was me.
What did we expect to happen when we opened back up?
Obviously.
This is all conversations everybody's already had around the water cooler.
Like, I feel when I talk about COVID-19, it's like when I try to talk about abortion, like every argument is in gun rights.
Every argument's been made a million times.
Is there anything new to say?
Yeah, I guess to me, it's everybody points at the chart and they're like, oh, look, case is going up.
Yeah, because everyone was locked in their homes for three months.
Yeah, I mean, I don't even know.
You're going to have some cases.
You're going to have it.
Well, anybody who goes back to hospitals are opening back up, right, for all other treatments that they haven't been doing for a long time.
Like my wife's a nurse.
She's been hardly working for the last three months or whatever.
And now suddenly she's got these crazy shifts where she's super busy because all these people are coming in for day surgeries they couldn't get before.
And to do any kind of medical procedure, you have to get tested for COVID.
So there's all these people that have been waiting and now they're getting tested.
Yeah.
So you're going to get more of that.
It's going to go up.
Are we allowed to talk about what happened with Seth and his testing?
I think so.
He got tested three different times for COVID.
Really?
I didn't hear that.
And the results were completely different all three times.
Really?
One of the times that he had it, but it wasn't symptomatic, I think.
One of the times said he had had it in the past and now had antibodies.
And another one said he had never had it and didn't have any antibodies.
So it's like, isn't that insane?
So if you got tested, try another one and see what happens.
That's crazy.
Yeah, that's wild.
It's science.
Science.
Yeah, I wonder if there's any widespread studies on that on the effectiveness of testing.
It makes me wonder how much of all this is a placebo.
Like, if we had just gone about our days, how much different would it have been?
I'm really curious.
Not that it's not, people aren't going to die from it, but I don't know.
And what do you expect?
We're going to open back up.
Like, it's not going to go up.
Like, it's going to go up, but.
I don't know.
I feel like we're living in bizarro land.
I go on Twitter or something and you see, you know, oh, look at some more cases.
And it's like 50-50.
You get crazy progressives under it and going, ah, thanks a lot, Trump.
Yeah.
And then you have the conservatives on.
They're like, oh, it's because of the protests.
Yeah, the protests.
It is weird the ones that say the protests didn't have anything to do with it.
No, it went.
Did you see that one article in the Colorado Sun that said, actually, the protests may have decreased.
Yeah.
Studies show.
How?
What?
Well, they said because people went out in the streets, everybody else was too scared to leave their homes.
So everybody hid in their homes to avoid the protesters.
And so you had less people outside than you would have had.
That was the argument.
That was the argument.
So we just need bands of looting marauders running through all the towns.
And then we'll get to the camera.
And that'll be a good cure.
Yeah.
The only way to stop a bad guy with coronavirus is a good mob with guns.
The worst guy with a crowbar.
Who's a Viking?
We need Vikings.
Viking.
We need pillagers.
That's why they didn't get these kind of diseases back in the days of Vikings.
Yeah.
That's why there was no diseases back then.
Yeah.
The solution is for everybody to just ignore whatever the governor of your state says and just, you know, wear a mask that you think that'll help you and you know how to wear it right.
Don't if you don't care, but just ignore those people.
You're going to get us canceled off YouTube for saying that.
Ignore them.
We're dead.
We're dead.
Is that all we're going to say on that one?
I guess.
I don't want to talk about it.
I hate talking about coronavirus.
Exhausted.
It's like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.
Yeah.
Upon rumors of a remake of the Princess Bride, a spokesperson for the Almighty God confirmed that he will end the world in fire before he would ever allow that to happen.
Truly a good and merciful God that we have.
So who are these people that are going to Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas?
Well, to set the stage a little for this, this rumor pops up every few years.
Oh, they're talking about a Princess Bride remake.
Just seem to enrage.
And although as a society, we can't unite against like a pandemic, we do unite against that idea.
Like, I find there's universal scoring.
I've lost enough hope in mankind that they would completely not only would it be okay to make, but that it would do well.
People would go see it.
I guarantee you, like, 90% of the people that are complaining about it.
I mean, that'd be a good way to really fix society.
Like, you wait, you release the movie.
Everybody who goes in to see it, the chairs drop into a 30-foot well, and then they are sent off to an island, and they can all go have their lame country of stupid stuff.
There's a river, a current going to a storm-drained thing.
They think it's all part of the movie.
This is a great movie.
I love stupid stuff.
And then they go live on this island where they just, whatever I'm fed on, I'll like it.
Just movies, remakes.
I love stupid stuff.
Oh, yeah.
And then they're on the island and it just says, cool people like this island.
They're like, all right.
Yeah.
Cool people island.
You just fool them so easy because they're so dumb.
Peace and harmony just breaks out everywhere else.
Yeah, everywhere else.
All the dumb people are gone.
And they would just be staring at you.
You just give them kind of like you can give a kid an iPad and they're just gone.
You just give all those people iPads and they'll just be gone.
Yeah, this is awesome.
Just drop in some nachos now and then or whatever.
Bro, more nachos.
Because that's what dumb people like.
Yeah.
I like nachos too, but not mindlessly.
You have gone.
My analogy is getting a little off the rails here.
So the most recent rumor was that was Sophie Turner, that's her name, and Joe Jonas.
I don't know who Sophie Turner is.
I think she was a very famous girl.
Sophie Turner.
Jonas is one of the Jonas brothers, I assume.
She's the girl from Game of Thrones, a red-headed girl from Game of Thrones.
Oh, yeah.
And Joe Jonas, they say they're going to be like a gender-swapped remake on Queebi.
Is that how you say that?
Queby?
Quibby?
Qui-by?
That was when I realized it was a Quibby thing.
I was like, oh, okay, nobody's going to watch that.
Yeah.
And it sounds like at first they announced it and everybody was like, that's a terrible idea.
And then it turned out to be it's like filmed in their homes and trying to be stupid.
It's terrible.
Actually, I'm fine with it.
It's just like they're doing in their homes kind of goofing off.
It's more of an homage.
Whatever.
Fine.
It's not.
Yeah.
They're not going to do that.
Like, you have that kind of arrogant, the arrogance of our time that they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to make, now that we have all these great effects and now that we have Joe Jonas, we're going to really show how this movie could have been better.
Right.
That was the arrogance that people were rebelling against.
Yeah.
You know, Trump signed that order against protecting statues and monuments and stuff.
Oh, yeah.
You should do that for the princess.
How does he protect them?
I don't know.
I thought I read this.
Because he stationed.
The discern headline said like Trump signs the order that protects statues.
I think it's just like it says there's additional fines or something if you break a statue or there's more jail time or something.
I don't know.
But anyway, he needs to do that for the Princess Bride.
Yeah, I agree.
There should be some movies you just cannot touch.
Princess Bride was a perfect movie, released at the perfect time.
It's a product of its time.
It does not need to be.
Don't remake Lethal Weapon either, all right?
We could just go on a list.
Now, are there movies that deserve a remake or that would be better with a remake?
I mean, have you ever seen a good remake?
Sometimes it's just fun to see what you could do now, effects-wise.
Like, I wouldn't mind a Howard the Duck movie now.
I love Howard Duck.
Something that was really weird.
I love when they bring back some of the weirder ones.
I don't really care.
I mean, actually, I don't care.
I wouldn't care if they made it.
I might see it.
But in general, I hate remakes.
I really, more than most people, I passionately hate it because there are so many creative, amazing people in Hollywood who have so many original, great ideas.
But all the money goes to the remakes of the safe familiarity of old ideas.
I mean, I go and I pitch.
I've been pitching, you know, pitch at all these studios, and almost a huge amount of them are like, well, we're hardly looking at any new original stuff.
It's all, they're digging through like old, like, well, we have this old Atari property that a game that nobody's played for 80 years or whatever.
Maybe not 80 years.
Because it was.
No, it was around 80 years.
30.
30 years.
And 35.
35 years.
Yeah, that's what's happening.
We own the property and the familiarity makes it safer.
And also, what's happening with movies is because that's why they're making them like theme parks, is because people don't just go see any old movie in the theater.
Now it has to be a big, massive, big budget experience.
And the only way to justify that much money is to use a property that everybody's already familiar with and committed to.
So the hope for great new original movies is just fizzling out.
And the movies really are a theme park now that your seats drop out and you fall into the wellhole.
You fall 30 feet down into a well in the middle of the movie.
We're going to work that into every conversation now.
To the wellhole that the Wellsmith created.
Through the well shaft, yeah.
What's the deal with remakes?
I just wanted to say that.
I hate him.
Well, we're going to talk about, we're actually going to read a G.K. Chesterton essay together.
C.K. Chesterton Now for our Are you going to hold hands while we read it?
Speaking of destroying old things that everybody loves, like movies.
Yeah.
Chesterton wrote about rebels who tear things down and destroy the old ways.
We're going to see what he has to say.
All right.
Let's do it.
Hold that thought, Kyle and Ethan.
It's us, Kyle and Ethan from a minute ago.
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And I'll repeat that.
Faithfulcounseling.com slash Babylon B. Kyle, say it again.
I'll say it again.
Faithfulcounseling.com slash Babylon B.
And now, the Babylon B's topic of the week.
Well, hello there.
Oh, yeah.
We're sitting down with GK Chesterton.
Does he have the soundbite?
We can use it.
We got an email from someone saying they were very upset that we have not used our G.K. Chesterton soundbite in a long time.
G.K. Chesterton.
There it is.
We could make a graphic where his head pops up every time it says it.
Yeah, with his mouth moving.
Well, I mean, yeah, you don't have to do any of that.
So yeah, you like to throw all this extra work on us.
And he could be in space, like flying on a rocket.
His head is coming at you in space.
GK Chesterton.
Yeah, with lasers.
Can you do lasers?
Yeah.
Well, I don't know.
So the other day, we filled in for the cross-politic guys and we talked about cancel culture.
And there was a quote in there that we read.
And we just read like the very end of it.
And I went and looked up the full quote because I was curious about the context.
And it's from Orthodoxy.
And I thought it was so timely.
Orthodoxy is Chesterton's.
Chesterton's.
It's like his mere Christianity, like his defense of.
It's like a far more confusing version of mere Christianity if you're into that kind of thing.
But he writes very circular, but it's great stuff.
And so I thought it would be great if we would read this, these, I don't know, it's three or four paragraphs from Orthodoxy and kind of talk about it in the context of what's going on right now.
It feels like there's this revolutionary, I don't know, attitude that's going through some.
We're freeing ourselves.
We're throwing off.
We're throwing off the old ways.
Because we're good now.
We're good.
We're going to throw it away.
We're free.
And the amazing thing about Reading Chesterton is it feels like he's writing in 2020.
Yeah, like he knows what's going on right now.
I tweeted a quote from him the other day that he wrote in 1911, where he said, what's so hard about satire is that real life is too absurd to be satirized.
And I'm like, that feels like what was written yesterday.
And it was written 100 years ago.
We were just reading one of his essays the other night where he's talking about the barbarism of the Germans.
And he was writing this in the mid-30s.
He's saying, a lot of people kind of like the Germans and what's going on there.
And he's like, I just want to be, I just feel like we need to have some caution about the way they're being because it could get pretty bad.
Was he right?
He seemed like he nailed it.
He said, there's many fine people on both sides.
Both sides.
All right, so we're going to read this Orthodoxy deal.
I guess we'll stop.
Maybe stop between paragraphs.
Maybe between paragraphs and talk.
And then at the end, we'll just have a little discussion.
The worship of will is the negation of will.
To admire mere choice is to refuse to choose.
That sounds like a rush lyric maybe that ripped off then.
Or a fortune cookie.
To admire mere choice.
Here are your lucky numbers.
If Mr. Bernard Shaw comes up to me and says, will something, that is tantamount to saying, I do not mind what you will.
And that is tantamount to saying, I have no will in the matter.
You cannot admire will in general because the essence of will is that it is particular.
A brilliant anarchist like Mr. John Davidson feels an irritation against ordinary morality, and therefore he invokes will, will to anything.
He only wants humanity to want something, but humanity does want something.
It wants ordinary morality.
He rebels against the law and tells us to will something or anything.
But we have willed something.
We have willed the law against which he rebels.
Now, just background for people who don't know who George Bernard Shaw is, he's a very, he's an atheist evolutionist guy who used to debate Chesterton all the time, and they were actually very good friends.
A lot of people thought that the ball in the cross was about their relationship.
Yeah, I could see that.
And then also, Mr. Davidson was a poet who was an anarchist, and he apparently, I guess he killed himself because his life really deteriorated towards the end of his life.
A lot of disease and bad stuff happening.
But yeah, I think the fascinating thing about this is that idea that, oh, we're freeing ourselves to like, how did humanity start?
Like, were we, did we just start out in some kind of chains and like with some kind of morality put on us, like forced into?
Like, this is what, like, a lot of what we have is what we have chosen through a huge long process.
The idea we're going to throw it all off and fix it by, it's like when I used to write scripts on Veggie Tales, one of Doug Tnaple, who's my boss, favorite ways to solve a script he didn't like was to just throw it in the trash and tell me to write a different one, but he gave me no notes.
Oh, man.
Which is really, really disheartening and frustrating.
And so, so, yeah, I mean, that feels like the philosophy right now.
Let's tear it all down.
Because they don't have a philosophy of what to replace it with, right?
I guess we're getting to that.
Well, I don't know.
Yeah, it feels like libertarians have been owned with facts and logic here.
Oh, yeah, that was my joke.
I think what I said here.
I said, because isn't that what libertarians say?
We just want people to freely vote for what they want.
But what if they just freely vote for Republicans or Democrats?
Well, they're generally against democracy because they do feel that it's just tyranny of the majority rather than tyranny of a king.
So we need to get into that.
I've owned you back.
All right, let's continue here.
All the will worshipers, from Nietzsche to Mr. Davidson, are really quite empty of volition.
They cannot will.
They can hardly wish.
And if anyone wants a proof of this, it can be found quite easily.
It can be found in the fact that they always talk of will as something that expands and breaks out.
But it is quite the opposite.
Every act of will is an act of self-limitation.
To desire action is to desire limitation.
In that sense, every act is an act of self-sacrifice.
When you choose anything, you reject everything else.
That objection which men of this school used to make to the act of marriage is really an objection to every act.
Every act is an irrevocable selection and exclusion.
Just as when you marry one woman, you give up all the others.
So when you take one course of action, you give up all the other courses.
If you become king of England, you give up the post of Beetle in Brompton.
If you go to Rome, you sacrifice a rich, suggestive life in Wimbledon.
It is the existence of this negative or limiting side of will that makes most of the talk of the anarchic will worshipers little better than nonsense.
For instance, Mr. John Davidson tells us to have nothing to do with thou shalt not, but it is surely obvious that thou shalt not is only one of the necessary corollaries of I will.
I will go to the Lord Mayor's show, and thou shalt not stop me.
Every act of will is an act of self-limitation.
Beautiful.
It's like they're trying to get rid of this thing.
It reminds me of Chaz.
May Chaz rest in peace.
Like just this idea that we are breaking away.
We're creating our own.
Yeah.
And it's like they were trying to create this thing that's a void of all the other things.
Like we're going to get rid of the police.
We're going to get rid of the gods.
We're going to get rid of walls.
And in order to do that, they had to build a wall around this area.
And they had to beat people up with bats.
And have a warlord.
And, you know, all this little society they had to create in the absence of the society that they just threw off.
Yeah.
It's very interesting.
Yeah, they are the people that want to tear down the Chesterton's fence analogy.
They don't want to find out why it's there.
All they know is they don't like it there and they want to tear it down.
And that's where we're at.
Anarchism adjures us to be bold creative artists and care for no laws or limits.
But it is impossible to be an artist and not care for laws and limits.
Art is limitation.
The essence of every picture is the frame.
If you draw a giraffe, you must draw him with a long neck.
If, in your bold, creative way, you hold yourself free to draw a giraffe with a short neck, you will really find that you are not free to draw a giraffe.
The moment you step into the world of facts, you step into a world of limits.
You can free things from alien or accidental laws, but not from the laws of their own nature.
You may, if you like, free a tiger from his bars, but do not free him from his stripes.
Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump.
You may be freeing him from being a camel.
Do not go about as a demagogue encouraging triangles to break out of the prison of their three sides.
If a triangle breaks out of its three sides, its life comes to a lamentable end.
Someone wrote a work called The Loves of the Triangles.
I never read it, but I am sure that if triangles were ever loved, they were loved for being triangular.
This is certainly the case with all artistic creation, which is in some ways the most decisive example of pure will.
The artist loves his limitations.
They constitute the thing he's doing.
The painter is glad that the canvas is flat.
The sculptor is glad that the clay is colorless.
Another popular Chesterton quote on art is that art like morality consists in having to draw the line somewhere.
It's that breath you do.
I'm like, I feel like I'm achieving enlightenment, like I'm arriving at nirvana or something.
But it is funny because we act like art is this act of like just free self-expression, but there's really no way to create any kind of piece of art with immediately limiting yourself in some way.
Yeah, I guess even the most insane modern artist.
Martin Jackson Pollock has a canvas that he doesn't.
He doesn't just start painting the entire world.
But that's what's what modern art and like performance art tries to do.
They're trying.
It's not on a canvas.
We've painted all the fire hydrants in the city pink.
That's our expression.
But you've still chosen something to do at the exclusion of doing something else.
You've still limited yourself.
Amazing.
In case the point is not clear, which I love, he just did a paragraph full of analogies.
That's all that was.
I love it.
He goes into analogies.
He loves absurd analogies.
A massive rant on triangles, in case that's not clear enough for you.
In case the point is not clear, an historic example may illustrate it.
The French Revolution was really an heroic and decisive thing because the Jacobins willed something definite and limited.
They desired the freedoms of democracy, but also all the vetoes of democracy.
They wished to have votes and not to have titles.
Republicanism had an ascetic side, ascetic, ascetic side in Franklin or Robespierre, as well as an expansive side in Danton or Wilkes.
I don't know who those people are.
I kind of have some idea of, well, yeah.
Therefore, they have created something with a solid substance and shape, the square social equality and peasant wealth of France.
But since then, the revolutionary or speculative mind of Europe has been weakened by shrinking from any proposal because of the limits of that proposal.
Liberalism has been degraded into liberality.
Men have tried to turn revolutionize from a transitive to an intransitive verb.
The Jacobin could tell you not only the system he would rebel against, but what was more important, the system he would not rebel against, the system he would trust.
But the new rebel is a skeptic and will not entirely trust anything.
He has no loyalty, therefore he can never be really a revolutionist.
And the fact that he doubts everything really gets in his way when he wants to denounce anything.
For all denunciation implies a moral doctrine of some kind.
And the modern revolutionist doubts not only the institution he denounces, but the doctrine by which he denounces it.
Thus he writes one book complaining that imperialist, that the imperial oppression insults the purity of women.
Then he writes another book about the sex problem in which he insults it himself.
He curses the sultan because Christian girls lose their virginity and then curses Mrs. Grundy because they keep it.
As a politician, he will cry out that war is a waste of life.
And then as a philosopher, that all life is a waste of time.
You highlighted that.
The breath of enlightenment.
That is so good.
Sorry, your paragraph is still going, but that kind of the atheist who's like, no war, anti-war, war is a waste.
Isn't all of life a waste?
What do you care?
There is no morality.
Yeah, I love that people only care about life when it's convenient to them.
A Russian pessimist will denounce a policeman for killing a peasant and then prove by the highest philosophical principles that the peasant ought to have killed himself.
A man denounces marriage as a lie and then denounces aristocratic profligates for treating it as a lie.
He calls a flag a bauble, which I had to look that up.
That's the little thing that the jester twirls, the little wand.
And then blames the oppressors of Poland or Ireland because they take away that bauble.
The man of this school goes first to a political meeting where he complains that savages are treated as if they were beasts.
Then he takes his hat and umbrella and goes on to a scientific meeting where he proves that they practically are beasts.
In short, the modern revolutionist, being an infinite skeptic, is always engaged in undermining his own minds.
In his book on politics, he attacks men for trampling on morality.
In his book on ethics, he attacks morality for tramping on men.
Therefore, the modern man in revolt has become practically useless for all purposes of revolt.
By rebelling against everything, he has lost his right to rebel against anything.
Amazing.
Is there anything that is not a matter of money?
There's not really much more to say.
Yeah, when you throw off the foundation of morality along with, you know, whatever the oppression is that you're rebelling against, you throw off the very foundation of morality, you really have no right to rebel against anything.
Right.
You can't.
If you're not revolting for a reason with a future in mind, like he makes an analogy in his book, What's Wrong with the World, called The Medical Mistake, where it's like Philosophically, we're like doctors who are allowed to say what's wrong with a patient, but we can have no picture in our head of what a right patient is, like what a healthy patient is.
We can't say if they should have two eyes or whatever, or one heart.
We just have to, so we can't ever make that judgment.
We can only say what's wrong.
And it could even be that we just don't like that.
Maybe we'll say they should have three eyes.
I don't know.
It just doesn't, you can't, you have to have some idea of where you're headed and what the meaning is behind things and where you're what, you know, bet.
Hang on.
My brain just broke.
Yeah, it reminds me of kind of the whole transgender movement and that whole revolution where it's like, you must allow men to become women.
But men and women is an oppressive societal construct.
You know, that whole, like, you know, it all eats itself, right?
Yeah, at the end, it all, it's all circular.
By rebelling against everything, they rebel against nothing.
It does feel a lot of a lot like today that people rebel for the sake of rebelling.
People, you know, because I got a guy who's kind of lean's libertarian, I'm like, yeah, down with government.
Yeah.
You know, but I'm thinking about it and I'm like, but you guys, you guys are so close, but you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Like, you don't have an idea of like, I'm doing this for liberty.
We're doing this because we feel that liberty is a better value to guide our society.
We do this because we feel we want to restore the Constitution and the constitutional government this country is founded on.
We're just doing it because, you know, we didn't jokes in it.
We did jokes on the Babylon B, like, down with white supremacy.
You know, they cry as they tear down a statue of the Fawns.
Yeah.
You know, like just anything.
This is literally what's happening.
Yeah.
Didn't they tear down Jimi Hendrix or something?
I didn't see that.
I saw that they were tearing down guys who like helped fight against the Confederacy.
They're tearing down.
I believe there was one monument that was like funded by freed slaves.
I saw that one.
Yeah.
But I guess, but yeah, I mean, is this the inevitable result when you have protests and a revolutionary movement that's founded on Marxist ideas and that's founded without God, without morality?
Because you have no line to draw.
You don't have that limitation of the artist who says, you know, this is the line.
This is what we are trying to achieve.
It does feel like they're trying to do that performance art that just goes off and has no end and no purpose and no power.
Because the end for them is that freedom.
They believe that there is a, I guess they believe there's a, we can reach a point where everybody is so free to just express their inner self that peace on earth is achieved, I guess.
I don't know.
I guess that bars anybody whose inner peace or inner self is murderous or evil.
And it's a faith, right?
Because where do they get the idea that if we just all were free, we'd be good?
I don't know where to get that.
Yeah.
Well, free being free, you know, what is free?
Free of everything.
Even then, even that, saying what is makes no sense.
There's no rhyme or reason to it.
Yeah, I guess when you're a movement that doesn't have a strong foundation in morality, doesn't have a strong foundation in God, you know, you tear down guys who are arguably bad or arguably had some bad stuff going on, like Andrew Jackson and Christopher Columbus.
But then if you have no moral compass, you have no line that's drawn.
What is the difference between tearing them down and tearing down Lincoln or Washington or the Fawns?
There is no grounding.
There is no rhyme or reason to the madness.
I love the point.
I'm sure other people have made it, but Jordan Peterson always points out that in any room of students he's talking to that in the days of Nazi Germany, nine out of ten of you would be a Nazi.
Like they didn't just happen to be evil people all born at the same time.
Yeah.
Like the reason a majority of people are behind a very popular movement, whatever the movement is, is because a majority of people go along with things.
Right.
Like a Princess Bride remake.
And we've brought it full circle.
I told the story on this podcast before, I think, but my history teacher in high school had us all read the 25 points that the Nazi manifesto or whatever.
Their tulip, but it's like the Nazi version of tulip.
He had us all read it, but he didn't.
He replaced Germany with America.
And he had us all say, Who agrees with this one?
Who agrees with this one?
And at the end, it's like almost everybody, 23 out of 25, 24 out of 25.
And, you know, they sound inoculated.
It's like, yeah, I think America should be restored to a place of greatness in the world.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
You know, at the end, I'm sure he would get fired for doing this now.
That's hilarious.
But at the end, he goes, you guys are all a bunch of Nazis, you know.
And he tells us what it was.
And it was just like open aggrievance studies guys did that with they took Mein Kampf but made it feminist that was one of the papers they did Mein Komfett Mein Komfet all right well the world will be a little better if we all just read a little G.K. Chesterton once in a while GK Chesterton was ready he was on it on that one goodness gracious all right well get the get the flower bud fire bed button ready because we're gonna be reading some hate mail
We don't miss Adam Ford because we just got to hang out with him.
Miss what?
Oh yeah, we don't miss Adam Ford.
Yeah, I mean we are.
We're starting to miss him.
Yeah, I'm already starting.
I want to smoke a cigar with him.
Well uh, what was someone mad about?
Oh this, so there was.
This is from a guy named Nunya Business.
We've been called racists on the Babylon B recently.
I'm kind of glad we were on our vacation with this house because we had one story storm pass by.
There's a big storm around one of our jokes, so someone was very upset about it, and here's what they wrote.
Oh, by the way, this article was not racist.
It was making a point about not at all racist Dan Cathy, who was.
We were just making fun of the singling out black people for certain things.
Making fun of how the uh, the attempt to uh make up for past racism of people that aren't even you starts to look like Jim Crow.
Yeah, at some point it's a horseshoe.
Everything's a horseshoe the further you go into it.
So this person's name is Nunya Business, which I assume is a fake name, or he has really clever parents yeah, and he says, hi, I was wondering how the actual Flowerbed.
You can justify posting some racist satire Flowerbed on your Flowerbed website.
Your post is a literal disgrace and makes you look like Flowerbed.
Why go that route?
To show your true colors on racism?
Just Flowerbed, wandering all periods, all periods there.
Your site deserves to be shut down and I am backed by over 10 000 American individuals who will be diligently working to do so.
Good luck, good luck.
I saw the flag like waving.
I really that's ominous.
At the end, I am backed by over 10 000.
I feel like he's standing in front of a curtain through the whole email and then, right at that point, he goes by the way I am backed by and the curtain opens.
There's 10 000 men standing behind him.
All these people just fist, release and ready to attack.
Then they run.
Men does that?
He has 10 000 twitter followers or something.
I don't know what that means, 10 000 American individuals who will be working diligently so they're right now to shut down our site.
They're working diligently like a, like a house fly on a turd, like something.
How they do that things.
They just diligently, whatever they're doing with their little fingers for the audio listeners.
Ethan is currently scheming, rubbing his hands together.
We've talked about this before.
Yeah, but I think it was audio back then.
Right, it was probably just audio.
Yeah, so we actually got to read this hate mail all together as uh, because It while we were all sitting around, standing around with our martinis laughing next to the fountain at some, I mean, it was a pretty fancy resort, Seth.
It was pretty fancy, and we're gonna talk about that a little more in our subscriber portion.
Yeah, we have a fun subscriber portion planned today.
We have a repeat mailbag.
This guy asks you questions, he asks really good questions, and he sent us another great email.
So, we're gonna respond to it.
We're gonna talk a little bit more about our vacation, perhaps.
And this guy asked us about Ethan and my past in ministry because I used to be a pastor.
Ethan was a young life leader.
We're gonna talk about that a little bit.
What happened to you guys?
And, oh, and then there was a bizarre rebellion in our hand, our headline forum while we were gone.
We have a subscriber forum where subscribers can pitch headlines to us, and there was like a meme that evolved in it, and it was crazy.
And we're going to talk about it.
So, anyway, for our freeloading bums that listen to our podcast, thank you.
Share it with a friend, give us a review, whatever.
I actually Dan says all this stuff, so I won't say it all.
But for our subscribers, Dave says all this, you do.
I'm sorry, Dave.
I love you, Dave.
Poor Dave.
And we're going to go into our subscriber portion.
All right.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
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Please drop us a review on iTunes and share the podcast with a friend.
Feedback and love mail go to podcast at babylonbee.com.
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Kyle and Ethan would like to thank Seth Dillon for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go...