Diversity SWAT Teams And The State Of The Union With Guest Host Adam Ford
This is the Babylon Bee weekly news podcast for the week of 2/5/2020 with special guest host ADAM FORD. In this episode of The Babylon Bee podcast, editor-in-chief Kyle Mann and creative director Ethan Nicolle welcome the creator… of the Babylon Bee: Adam Ford. They discuss the week's top stories like CNN's coverage of the problematic panel of experts doing something about the deadly coronavirus, now multiple Bernie staffers advocating violent revolution, and Trump's State Of The Union address where the guys make predictions about media reactions (by the time this episode airs, you can see how prophetic they were). In the subscriber portion, Kyle, Ethan, and Adam talk Superbowl half-time sex show, Brexit finally happening, and how our government's legitimacy is forever gone now since Republican Senators didn't just do whatever Democrats say. Adam Ford is now in the real news business. Check out his new site DISRN. You can also sign up for the daily Adam Ford Newsletter. Pre-order the new Babylon Bee Best-Of Coffee Table Book coming in 2020! Show Outline Introduction - Kyle and Ethan welcome the Babylon Bee creator Adam Ford, discuss Kyle's recent trip to a libertarian conference, and come up with a theme song for DISRN. Story 1 - CNN Condemns D-Day Soldiers For Lack Of Diversity Trump tweeted out a photo of his task force. I guess it was all white males. "We will continue to monitor the ongoing developments," the President said in his post. "We have the best experts anywhere in the world, and they are on top of it 24/7!" CNN recently posted an Coronavirus task force another example of Trump administration's lack of diversity… "It's a statement that's as predictable as it is infuriating: President Donald Trump's administration lacks diversity… They communicate a "patronage network that everyone is operating under," as Eric Yellin, an associate professor of history and American studies at the University of Richmond, told The Washington Post last year, about a different set of photos. "Having that network be interracial is really important. But the visuals that have come to define the Trump administration say something else, too. They signal which people in a multi-racial, half-female country Trump values the opinions of: mostly white men who are mirror images of the President himself. Story 2 - Uh-Oh: Sanders Campaign Texting 'Gulag For You' To People Who Aren't Voting For Bernie Project Veritas (James O'Keefe) continues to release candid camera clips of Bernie state campaign staffers (latest video highlights four of them) No Comment from the campaign No corporate media is covering it They're all still employed. Adam Ford Recommendation: Go read the Gulag Archipelago by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. Story 3 - Trump To Deliver State Of The Union In Scuba Gear To Avoid Drowning In Liberal Tears Official responses have already been released before the address: Snopes: FALSE New York Times: Detailed analysis of every person making an OK hand sign during the speech Buzzfeed: Take this quiz to find out what emoji best represents your opinions Max Boot: Op ed - I was gonna become a Republican again until this speech Alex Jones: Not one word about water turning the frogs gay. Mike Pence: smiles, nods CNN: (laughs uncontrollably) Fox News: Flawless victory Marianne Williamson: To really know the State of the union we must consult with these Himalayan salt crystals I got on Etsy Greta Thunberg: (play audio) Vox: buy these special 3D racism glasses to see all the racism you missed last night Jordan Peterson: (gnaws london broil) Topic of the Week - Is the news worth paying attention to? How much should it take up our lives? How political should we be? With Adam Ford. Hate Mail/ Feedback - Apparently we are cowards. Paid-subscriber portion (Starts at 01:03:12) Story 1 - Halftime Show Reduces Risk Of Wardrobe Malfunction By Eliminating Most Of Wardrobe (Subscriber Brandon Gaster contributed to this report) Jennifer Lopez and Shakira performed at the Super Bowl Halftime show featuring stripper poles, kids in cages, and Puerto Rican flags. Story 2 - Millions Drop Dead As Brexit Finalized See also Ethan's lit photoshop on: Boris Johnson Blows Conch Shell, England Carried Away By Herd Of Manatees Story 3 - Dems Who Ran Sham Impeachment Hearings Shocked As Republicans Run Sham Impeachment Trial Dan reads Adam Savage's insane tweet. Kyle's kids make an appearance and shove a firetruck into Ethan's backside. Become a paid subscriber at https://babylonbee.com/plans
In a world of fake news, this is news you can trust.
Comedy without the communism.
You're listening to the Babylon Bee with your hosts, Kyle Mann and Ethan Nicole.
Yes, welcome everybody to the Babylon Bee Podcast.
A very exciting and special episode because we are here digitally across the inner waves, inner tubes, webs with Adam Ford.
We're already falling apart.
Adam Ford has joined us.
He's broadcasting from his secret underground bunker.
Just sitting there in his long underwear with his giant beard.
Yeah.
Drinking his throwing back beer, moonshine, shooting guns in the air.
He's like a prepper.
He's a total.
Yeah, that's what I imagine.
Just hiding in this concrete box.
Yeah.
Ethan, I love how whenever you talk about where you think I am, you think I'm in the side of a mountain somewhere.
I'm in Metro Detroit.
You're like, in a town of 100,000 people.
You're like, yeah, I know.
I don't know.
I don't know what it is.
Now I'm echoing.
That image is there in your brain and it just can't get shaken.
I love it.
Yeah.
Well, that's what we all think.
It's because you're so secretive, I think.
Even though you're really not anymore.
I guess not.
Here I am.
You're coming out.
I think I'm one of the few people in the world to have ever met Adam Ford.
Yeah.
And it was the mountainside bunker.
Was it?
Yeah.
Yeah, he stayed at my bunker.
He fought off some cougars.
You guys like in the middle of a conversation?
He's like, hold on, I hear a cougar.
Hang on.
He played video games with my kids.
To this day, he's still with Zelda or whatever.
And Smash.
He's still like the gold standard for my kids.
It was hilarious.
I showed up to his house and his kids are like in awe.
They're like, this is Kyle.
What is this thing?
A football game?
They knew about it because we had played online.
Did you bring it to play the video games too?
No, we had played Smash Brothers online.
And then we showed up and we played Smash Brothers in person for the night.
How do you play video games with 30 kids?
I assume you have 30 kids.
Yeah, 30 kids.
Very funny, Ethan.
I love it.
Yeah, no, but so now when we talk about video games, which I don't play video games, but when my kids talk about video games, there's like the scale is like, how good are you?
It's from zero to Mr. Kyle.
How good are you?
Absolutely awesome.
Nice.
So speaking of underground bunkers, I just got back from a libertarian conference that I spoke at.
I thought you smelled like weed.
Yeah.
And like all the stereotypes you think of of libertarians, they are true.
I can only think of weed.
And Ron Pollock's session.
I don't know what else.
True, true.
What else?
What are they?
Silk Road.
What was that?
Silk Road.
Ayn Rand, constantly quoting Ayn Rand.
Ayn Rand.
Ayn Rand.
Yeah.
Taxation is theft.
Yes.
There were shirts of those for sale.
You could buy taxation is theft t-shirts.
Tax-free because libertarians don't pay taxes, right?
That's right.
Yeah, I mean, sorry, I didn't mean to say that, Kyle.
But the one thing I did notice was that it was a lot more diverse and eclectic than you would expect.
Like a bunch of, there was a bunch of families with like six kids that just brought their kids.
And they're just sitting in these sessions and the kids are just running around.
You know, so there was the people you would think of as libertarians.
And then there was just, it was interesting.
It was like, I've gone to conservative conferences and it's very like everybody you would expect to be Pacific Islander lesbian Lisbetarians.
Yeah, absolutely.
Did I say Lisbetarians?
Yeah, you did.
You just invented a word just now.
That should be a part of a party, lesbian.
But basically, the Frank Fleming article, Libertarian Christian Fights Vigorously to Legalize Various Sins.
That was basically the gist of it.
No, it was the guys at the Free State Project who were all trying to move to New Hampshire and turn it into like a libertarian utopia.
Hector.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, in New Hampshire.
I've heard of that.
That was interesting.
It was super interesting.
So yeah, I've heard Michael Malice talk about that place on his show.
Yeah.
The new state project or something like that.
Yeah, I was talking to guys that had listened to our podcast and they're like, you got to talk to Michael Malice?
You got to meet Michael Malice.
He's like revered as a prophet among the libs.
The libertarians.
Is libs short for libertarian?
The libers.
Adam always referred to me as a lib.
Liberts.
Because I said I leave libertarian cheek.
I got you.
So we're owning the libs.
That's mountain humor.
And speaking of libertarian chaos, my children are here today.
So if you hear a small voice, if you hear a squeaky voice, it's either Ethan or my three-year-old running into the room.
How dare you?
All right.
So we're going to get in the news because we have Mr. If you guys don't know about Adam Ford's other endeavor, Discern, his news aggregator.
Is that the right thing to call it?
Do you have a lot of things?
I would call it a news outlet, but that works.
A news outlet.
Yeah, they write like original stuff.
Yeah, you got to write original stuff too.
But it's like what I love about Discern is you guys keep it all pretty bite-sized.
And you can get through like a, you send out an email every day with this list of kind of most of the important stuff that happened the day before with links to bigger articles if you really want to dive in.
But you kind of get a rundown.
And also it's run by great guys.
Adam Ford.
Thank you, Ethan.
Guys, thank you, Frust.
It's not run by the libs.
I forgot to mention I did give Discern a plug at the Libertarian Conference because they did a QA.
And someone was like, well, with the news being fake, you know, who do we listen to?
Yeah.
I said, I'm glad you asked.
Kyle, you are the man.
So.
Is there a Discern theme song yet?
The Discern theme song?
Discern.
Where you go to get.
Oh, no.
What's your motto again?
Short.
Brief, smart, faithful.
Brief, smart, faithful.
Brief, smart, and faithful.
Discern.
How did I end up here?
Did not know what you were getting yourself into.
California guys, man.
It's like a musical.
You just go on about your day and you just start singing and stuff.
Yeah, if you've ever watched La La Land, that is basically.
I have not, nor will I ever.
Okay, well, that's our lives.
Okay.
It's not weekly stories, shall we?
Let's do it.
Every week, there are stories.
These are some of them.
CNN condemns D-Day soldiers for lack of diversity.
Adam, you're supposed to laugh.
You know, you can't laugh at Ernest.
Thanks.
Sorry, I was drinking coffee.
Everybody's taking a break.
So this week, Trump tweeted out a photo of his task force for what was it for?
For Norovirus?
For the coronavirus.
Coronavirus.
And they were all white people.
They were all white.
And that was the big article that was sent out.
I was like, oh, here we go again.
That's terrible.
What was the actual headline?
Coronavirus Task Force, another example of Trump's Trump administration's lack of diversity.
Yeah, CNN's headline on this.
I like the idea that someone walks into that room, like, stop what you're doing right now.
We're starting over.
We're starting over.
The diversity police.
We're dying.
Stop.
Yeah, the diversity police break in.
SWAT team falls out of the ceiling.
Diversity SWAT.
I love this concept.
They would have moments away from a cure.
It doesn't matter.
Sniper, do you have 60% of the white people in your sights?
They would bust down our door right now, probably.
They would.
Well, you're two white guys.
I mean, plus, Dan's very white, too.
This is very problematic.
And we have three white children.
That's why they say you hear all the time.
It's almost like a cliche now that reality is beyond satire.
Or, you know, not the Babylon B.
It's unbelievable.
It still shocks me, though.
It's unbelievable that that was really a real thing that CNN really published.
Yeah.
Yeah, and they're serious.
It's unbelievable.
Like, this is an excerpt from the story.
It's a statement that's as predictable as it is infuriating.
President Donald Trump's administration lacks diversity.
They communicate a patronage network that everyone is operating under.
As Eric Yellen, an associate professor of history and American studies at the University of Richmond, told the Washington Post last year about a different set of photos.
Okay, so they've been talking about these photos for a while.
Having that network be interracial is really important.
Anyway, I like the idea that someone's dying of coronavirus.
And they're like, wait, oh, hold on.
Hang on a minute.
Yeah.
Can I, you know how many you have in your or like that they were tasked putting together the task force?
They're like, okay, here's the task force.
Like, wait, What are all these black doctors doing here?
Get them out of here.
Get them out.
Get them out.
Yeah.
Like, Trump is like, we need a task force to fight only white people.
He's like, only white people.
Qualifications.
You must have a doctorate.
You must have studied in this field.
You must be white.
Because we're in a hurry, but we're going to really zero in on race.
But you kind of think that that's kind of how it is with other groups where they.
Yeah, do you think the KKK has a tough time putting task forces for coronavirus?
Well, I was thinking the other way.
Like, under the Obama administration, did they sit there when they came up with a task force like this and go, we don't want the most qualified people?
Let's just get it.
Let's make sure that there's some diversity there.
Who knows?
Yes.
Yes, is the answer.
The task force really should look like the Burger King Kids Club, where you have the one guy in the wheelchair and you have the black kid that plays basketball.
Yeah, the Burger Kids Club.
I remember there was one kid that looked like me.
He's a big, fat, blonde-haired kid.
So you felt accepted in English?
Oh, no, they accept me.
He's white.
Yeah, that's that's it's a religion, is what it really is.
You know, the call it whatever you want to call it.
People call it cultural Marxism or neo-Marxism or whatever.
It's like a religion, and everything else is subservient to that.
Doesn't matter what it is.
Yeah.
Everything else is subservient to that.
It doesn't matter if everyone on planet Earth dies of a disease.
That's.
Well, wait a minute.
How, exactly, how diverse is the task force?
You know, do we have a transgender 14-year-old who's handicapped?
I mean, they should be represented on this task force.
You know, and it's the way they hear it is, oh, so you think minorities aren't good enough to be on a task force, or if you assembled the best people in the world, they're all going to be white.
No, no, that's the team right there.
And it just happened to be white people.
And I can't believe we're even talking about that.
I know.
They ever said when they put together like the dream team of a basketball of basketball or anything, I mean, it's like, hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
We need more pudgy white guys.
Exactly.
Well, Elizabeth Warren knows all about the diversity.
She said she would run her Department of Secretary of Education by a transgender teen.
I was just going to mention that.
Is that in the show notes?
Or was that?
No, no, no.
I just made the connection, but did you see this, Ethan?
Oh, I missed this.
Elizabeth Warren assured everybody that when she picked her Secretary of Education, she would run it by a transgender teen to make sure that the random one.
It's just like the ultimate.
She wasn't kidding.
She wasn't kidding.
And that's why it's so easy to laugh this off, like that CNN article, laugh it off.
But this is really real.
She said she would pick an education secretary, and then she would give a transgender child the power to veto her pick if the transgender child didn't feel that the person was accommodating enough.
That is just.
This person is one of the frontrunners for the Democrat Party right now.
This is real life.
Oh, man.
I can't wait to get my own podcast going.
I can just rant about this stuff forever.
Isn't the goal to get to the point where we could create a task force and nobody even thinks about race, right?
Isn't that like the ultimate goal we're all trying to get to?
Only a racist would say that Ethan.
That's what I know.
But I'm thinking, aren't they saying too?
Wouldn't they say that's like their ultimate, like right now they're just supposed to be doing damage control, fixing all the racial divides, but somewhere down the road, isn't the goal to be like, we wouldn't even think about it because everybody's so equal.
So I don't think that's their goal.
No, I agree.
That's the opposite of that.
Isn't that messed up?
It's the literal opposite.
but then I want to know what is the goal like to their goal is to, well, the goal, the ultimate goal is virtue.
But.
But the stated goal is to have representation of every single cross-section, every single intersection imaginable, which control is ultimately the fatal flaw in that particular worldview because there are theoretically an infinite number of intersections.
You can never account for every intersection.
You can divide people by race, by sexual orientation, you know, hypothetically, infinitely, by age, by attractiveness, by weight, by hair color, by until you get down to what?
The individual, which is what people in the West figured out hundreds of years ago is that the individual is what matters.
That's why none of it makes sense ultimately.
We should come up with a new intersection right now.
Go ahead, do it.
Transgender person who likes string cheese and can't whistle very good.
Well, that's problematic right there because cheese is made from cows.
And so then that means you're not a vegan.
Oh.
Are non-vegans not people too?
Well, they're problematic people.
So it's intersections of oppression.
So we have to think of things that are.
To me, it seems like people that are into this way of seeing things is like they found this guy who's like the street magician.
He's like the guy in Gremlins that has like a tink, a shop of trinkets.
He's like, these glasses will help you to see the world.
You will be angry at everything and you will have enemies.
You will see all the evil in the world that's not really there, but it'll make you feel great about yourself.
Thank you.
And they put it on and they're like, oh, I feel so good now.
Did we do an article about this?
No problems will be solved, but we did great.
I thought we did a goggles or an article about oppression goggles or something.
I think I have pitched it many times, but it's never quite hit.
We should run it today, man.
Maybe we did.
I don't know.
Because I remember this Photoshop with the green, and it's like white male oppressive.
Oh, yeah.
I don't know.
It's all blur.
All right, let's move on to our next story.
How about you read this one, Kyle?
Uh-oh.
Sanders campaign texting gulag for you to people who aren't voting for Bernie.
We talked about these last days.
It's kind of real, though.
Yeah.
That's a B headline.
Yeah.
We need to start a website, Discern or Be or something, where you mix up the Discern headlines.
I saw that.
Somebody had that.
Really?
I don't know if a fan of it.
I really said that on that O'Keefe leaked video.
The guy literally really said that for people who are in the world.
We played the first the first guy we played some of his clips last week, but we got some new ones.
Do you have the clip?
Yeah, you want to hear the clip?
Let's hear it.
Let's do it.
We got some, yeah, no one's playing these, so we want to hear these.
There's a lot of me's in the Bernie campaign.
Bernie doesn't get the nappies and go off.
Walk into the MSNBC studios, drag those motherfuckers up by their hair, and light them on fire in the streets.
I'm ready to start tearing bricks up and start fighting.
I'm already on Twitter following numerous groups around the country that are ready to worry about yellow vests, all that, but keep them out of the evacuator fine.
I'll start armed.
I want to learn how to shoot and go train.
I canvassed with someone who's an anarchist.
I'm an anarcho-communist.
I'm as far as the left as you can possibly get.
Canvas was somewhere in terms of more of a Marxist feminine ass.
I'm a communist.
I believe they're pretty much anarcho-theyndicalism.
The lot of stories were called in the United States out far exaggerated.
Our prisons in the United States right now are far worse.
We have more people in prison in this country right now.
That's kind of what Bernie's like old England.
I have to admit, a lot of that's very hard to understand.
Did we get a transcription?
That's very scary stuff, man.
I heard drag them about in the streets, start things on fire, pull things, pull the tear the bricks down, something like that.
He said drag them out in the streets and light them on fire.
Yeah.
With those very, very far lefties who are to each their own politically.
They're bullshi.
They even hate like MSNBC because they're not left enough.
So he said he's going to kill all the MSNBC guys.
And you know, you don't see this in the media anywhere, do you?
Yeah, that's the weirdest thing about this.
There's no comment from the Bernie campaign.
It's terrible.
Apparently, these guys have none of these guys have been fired or lost their positions.
How unbelievable is that?
No media is covering it at all.
Concern is covering it.
I'll tell you that.
Yeah, none of the corporate press is covering it.
How unbelievable is that, though?
I mean, we should get that like a little hissing snake type voice that goes or something like whenever we say it.
Let's get Michael Malice to say it.
Yeah.
And then we could use it as press.
Yeah.
The corporate press.
Sorry, I interrupted you, Adam.
Sorry.
I lost my train of thought.
It's all right.
I don't know if I was going anywhere other than to say, I can't believe that that's also that that's a real thing.
And the guy saying the gulags weren't that bad.
Yeah, that was hilarious.
You know what I mean?
You got a living woman.
I'm not exaggerating when I literally that is, in my approximation, that is literally as bad as someone saying the same similar things about Nazi Germany.
Yeah, no.
If you imagine the union was just as murderous, more murder.
100 million people communism is killed.
The Soviet Union was every bit as murderous as Nazi Germany was.
And this guy's saying good things about him.
This is unbelievable.
Yeah, and you just imagine a secret camera catching some Trump supporters talking anywhere near like this.
It would be the bombshell of the century.
The guy's saying ship people off to gulags who don't vote for Bernie and that there's a reason they had gulags and they're actually re-education camps that we're going to have to do here so that Trump supporters can stop being Nazis.
Yeah, and violence is sometimes all right.
You got to do it sometimes.
And this is the only thing they understand.
Dude, this is crazy stuff.
I mean, this is crazy, Bill.
Just because, you know, we don't learn about the Soviet Union in school nearly like we do Nazi Germany, which is obviously every bit as horrible as it's made out to be, but we don't hear anything about the Soviet Union.
Like, how many people have read the Gulag Archipelago?
Have either of you guys read that?
Read the Gulag.
That should be, every high school student in the nation should have to read that.
Every person listening to this, go read the Gulag Archipelago by Alexander Soljan.
It's a Nobel Prize for Literature winning book.
It's not like some outlier type thing, but it just, the guy was in the Gulags, and it's just his first-hand account.
And it was instrumental in sort of opening a window so people could see into Soviet Union under Stalin.
And it's absolutely horrifying.
It's terrible.
And these guys, man, they just think they're like, they just think they're like edgy and cool and dangerous or something like that by saying these things.
And it's just like, no, dude, you're just a fool.
You're just a loser.
Stop.
Like, what are you thinking?
You're advocating for a system of government that's killed 100 million people and you're trying to bring that about in the United States of America.
It's man, I'm telling you, people listening to this who think that that stuff is okay and think that it's okay that Bernie hasn't said anything about this or apparently fired these people.
You need to do 20 minutes of research, you know, and you'll be and rethink your position.
For goodness sake, this gets me fired up.
Well, you know, think like this isn't all people on the left.
This isn't probably even a majority of Bernie supporters, but if I, you know, I would hope that if guys on the right or the conservative side, if there's these outliers that are talking like this, like we got to drag them out in the street and got to tie them up and rope them up or whatever.
Like concentration camps, paid a living wage.
Yeah, pretty good.
Right.
You're right.
Slavery wasn't bad or whatever.
They'd be booted so fast, you know, and that's.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I would hope they would be booted.
They would be ostracized, kicked out.
Like, no, we're talking about violence.
The moment you're going to talk about violence, get out.
Yes.
And I don't know why these.
That's a major distinction between the right and the left.
And there's this.
I saw Jordan Peterson talk about this one time.
And I think I've made Kyle watch it.
I think I forced it on him.
Like, dude, this is nine minutes long, but you have to promise me you're going to watch this.
But one of the things he was saying was on the right, there's boundaries that have been drawn.
And you can take some of the leaders, you know, from in the from the past, like Buckley or present, like Shapiro or whatever.
And there's a clear line.
And one of the main lines is racial superiority.
So if you go there, you're not with us.
Yeah.
We're not claiming you.
But on the left, you can go too far left, but there's not really a line drawn where it's clear, where it's like, okay.
I mean, it seems to me that a fairly obvious line would be you're advocating for Stalinism or Soviet gulags.
Sorry, you're not with us, but they won't even do that.
It's going to be crazy.
I don't know.
I wonder what the disconnect is where people look at Nazi Germany where, you know, they killed 15 million or whatever it is.
And then you look at the Soviet Union where it's 100 million or communism altogether with Mao and Stalin and everybody in the 20th century.
And maybe it's because we're dealing in millions and we just can't wrap our minds around it.
I don't know.
No, I don't think so.
I think partly it's because of the optics.
Nazi Germany was much more visually available to the world.
Yeah, yeah, and the Soviet Union was kind of closed off and like sort of like China right now.
They control all their information.
They control the optics.
They're not, you know, kind of expanding and taking over all of Europe, you know.
And partly, I think it's because, you know, on the left, they're terrified of being seen as not woke.
It's that religion of wokeness.
And if they slip once, then the whole group is going to jump on them and just eat them alive.
I think that's part of it as well.
Yeah, it's probably part of that call-out culture and stuff.
Well, next story.
I don't think we're going to solve that one.
Yeah, I know.
Like, what happens if someone, if, if Buddha Jej or Warren is like, comes out and says, Bernie, you know, you got to, you got to fire these guys.
They're talking about the Soviet Union as though it's a good thing.
Yeah, they get canceled.
Do you think that people would cheer that?
No, people on the left would jump on them and say, What?
You're not, you're not, you don't want equality.
You don't want equity?
You don't want a living wage?
You don't want billionaires to be held to account, blah, blah, blah.
That's what would happen.
Just trust me.
Yeah, Adam, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop firing your machine guns in the air while you're talking to us.
Am I making noises?
No, I'm just kidding.
I'm just picturing you ranting about communism in your bunker while you fire your scenes.
Yeah.
Are you in?
Do you have a tank like Alex Jones where he shows up at all these tank?
Yeah, have you seen this?
Alex Jones, he pulls up at all these rallies, like liberal rallies, and he'll show up in the tank and pop out of the hatch with a megaphone.
This armored vehicle thing, yeah.
We got to get a tank.
Yeah, we need a Babylon beat tank.
Would be sweet.
You can go around to the Antifa rallies out there in California and yell through a bullhorn like Alex Jones.
Hillary Clinton is a reptile.
Hey, we need to isolate that.
Make sure to remember that.
Story three.
Trump to deliver State of the Union in scuba gear to avoid drowning in liberal tears.
What a lit Photoshop.
I saw that one because someone who, well, okay, I won't humble brag because I noticed it because Trump Jr. tweeted it and someone sent it to me.
And I was like, the first thing I thought was, that's a lit Photoshop.
Lit.
Thank you.
Ethan, you are a wizard, dude.
It's so dumb.
The only thing to be funny about the scope.
I mean, I'm telling you, back in the day, I used to be so jealous of the onion.
And I used to think, man, we've got all these janky Photoshops and the onions out here with these, and now we're unquestionably better than them in the Photoshop department.
I got some good ones.
Thank you.
I don't want to insult the onion guy by accepting my compliment.
That's my only concern.
Oh, don't worry about that.
We're all photoshoppers out here.
I actually made up this joke, and I thought it was so dumb even when I made it up.
But to me, the funniest part of it is just his hair poking out of the scuba.
I actually cut his hair out of a different photo and tufted it in there just to make it sticking out.
And to me, that's the funny thing.
Yeah.
And I wrapped his lips around the scuba things.
He's talking through the oxygen tank.
Well, that's what makes Trump humor work to me is that it both makes fun of liberals for being triggered by everything he does, but it's also him just being so blatant and like, oh, yeah, I'm triggering it.
If you read the article, I was trying to make fun of the whole MAGA thing, you know, since he totally totally owned the Senate or whatever, and now he's going to totally own them again.
He's got to get ready for a torrent of tears because they're all going to cry.
Anyway, so we actually were because the State of the Union is tonight, right?
Yes.
But this will air tomorrow.
This will air tomorrow and the State of the Union will already have come out.
So what we're going to do right now is we're going to predict what different people and media will respond to the State of the Union.
So we actually have predictions.
So once this comes out, you'll be able to tell if we were right.
Okay.
So some official responses that probably have actually already been released before the address.
Snopes.
Entirely false.
That was an easy one.
Yeah.
New York Times, detailed analysis of every person who makes an okay hand sign during this speech.
All right.
Can I join?
Yeah, you got enough to go for it.
I pulled.
Yeah, yeah.
BuzzFeed.
Take this quiz to find out what emoji best represents your opinions.
Max Boot.
I don't know if you guys even know who that guy is.
Op-ed.
I was going to be a Republican again until this speech.
That's good.
Because every single op-ed he does is like, hey, I was thinking about becoming coming back to Republicans, but nope, Trump's terrible.
That's like his whole shtick.
We need to do an op-ed.
We need to write an op-ed by Max Boots hat.
I don't know who Max Boot is.
He was like a WAPO.
He's supposed to be their conservative reporter, I believe.
But he's just like, yeah, every one of his articles is like Trump is destroying conservatism.
And it's always the same.
Yeah, every time.
He always makes it sound like he was about to come back.
Like conservatism is just waiting for his return.
And Adam doesn't even know who he is.
Yeah.
So owned.
That's funny, though.
It's like the guy who's supposedly a GOP strategist who was on CNN with Don Lemon and he was making fun of every Trump supporter by using a fake southern accent and saying they were all stupid and dumb.
I've run across him a couple times since then.
The headline will be like, leading Republican.
Yeah, yeah.
Says something terrible about Trump.
Leading GOP strategist says Trump's going to, and I'll click the article.
It's him.
It's like, you guys got to.
Oh, the Rick Wilson guy.
I know.
Yeah, they always try to.
He's one of their favorites to use, too, because he just likes to rag on Trump.
Yeah, they do that a lot.
They'll try to paint the guy that agrees with them as a bigger figure than they actually are.
They did that with when Christianity Today came against Trump.
You know, it was like a major thought leader in evangelicalism.
You know, and it's like nobody really.
Oh, come on.
That's like a leading conservative or something.
Yeah.
That's what Malice was talking about when they talked about the commas.
What do you call that?
I don't remember.
An aside or whatever.
Kind of like what they did in the negative way they did with Joe Rogan.
Like Joe Rogan, who has been known to make racial and homophobic slurs.
I don't know what his term is for it, but yeah.
Yeah.
So like they'll frame it.
They'll frame it in a certain way.
So let you know what you should think of this person.
Alex Jones' response to Trump's State of the Union.
He criticizes Trump for saying not one word about how the water is turning the frogs gay.
He could have done that in his voice.
Not one word.
I never really listened to him.
I don't know.
How water turned the frog gay.
There you go.
I've never tried to do Alex Jones.
I haven't either, but I want to try.
Not one word about the water turning the friggin' frogs gay.
What was the clip we always used to look at, Adam, where he talks about Obama being the or Hillary being the devil woman or something?
I forget.
He's like, the wicked, wicked devil.
And then he goes, I refuse to go along with this.
I'll see through all your lies, Barack Obama.
wicked wicked devil the super saiyan clip Oh, yeah, when you go Super Saiyan, yeah.
Can't keep it.
Obama, you wicked, wicked devil.
Wicked, wicked devil.
Mike Pence's response: smiles, nods with an orange slice in his mouth.
That's an old reference to an old joke.
Yeah.
Whose turn is it?
CNN.
CNN laughs uncontrollably.
Don Lemon.
Fox News.
Lawless victory.
Oh, that was wild.
That was good.
That was very Mortal Kombat.
Marianne Williamson pipes in.
She says, To really know the state of the union, we must consult with these Himalayan salt crystals I got on Etsy.
I would love to see a Marianne Williamson State of the Union Indra.
She made it a lot more fun.
Yeah, I wish she was still Greta Thunberg.
We actually have audio of her response.
We have audio.
Yeah.
I don't know what she was saying though, bro.
What she said.
I don't know.
How dare you?
Kind of a one-note message.
How dare you?
Hey, she got the Nobel Peace Prize nomination, though.
He's like a goat.
I dare you to steal my soup can.
The lonely goat, her.
Just be here.
How dare you?
Side of the ocean.
Showing the sheep is mad.
All right, what is Vox doing?
You gotta love, though, how a high school dropout is like a thought leader.
She doesn't go to school anymore, right?
She's 17 now.
She's too smart for school.
She's too smart.
She said, you know, this is a major problem.
And this is actually smart.
How I'm going to solve this problem is I'm going to stop going to school.
She's going to save the world and then go back to school when she's older.
She'll be like, Billy Madison meets Al Gore.
I actually sing that song to my kids every Monday morning.
Back to school.
Yeah.
Back to school.
Yeah.
How dare you?
Kyle's never seen any Adam Sandler movies.
He missed those.
Okay.
Who's going Vox?
I wasn't allowed.
I did catch Happy Gilmore, though.
Vox.
Vox says, buy these special 3D racism glasses to see all the racism you missed last night.
That's my joke again.
I look you just doubled up your joke.
And we have our last one.
You want to read Jordan Peterson's response, Adam, to your fans.
Nas London Broil.
Is that a steak?
It's a kind of meat.
He just cheats a lot of meat.
Jordan Peterson's on this list.
So listen, where is he?
How is he?
We miss him, yeah.
Does anybody know?
You know what's sad?
We just hung out and talked to Dave Rubin, and we didn't really get a good clear update on Jordan Peterson.
I don't know why I didn't think.
Yeah, he just kind of said it sad, and I wish he was back around.
Yeah, that was it.
This guy came out and like took over the world and influenced so many people.
And then his wife got into all this stuff with cancer and it was very serious.
And then he had to go to rehab when he tried to get off of his benzo that he had been prescribed.
And I'm surprised more people aren't asking where he is.
Listen, people listening, my email address is adam at discern.com.
That's adam at di S R N.com.
Somebody email me and tell me what the deal is with Jordan Peterson because I missed the dude.
Yeah.
Nobody knows.
Yeah.
I gotta, I'm always weird about asking questions.
Like, I'm sure they get asked constantly for an update.
So, but I was considering asking because his daughter follows me on Twitter now, and I was thinking about asking her.
Where's our name drop?
Caleb Peterson follows me on Twitter.
Name drop.
It was because of Babylon Beauty.
I guess they liked that last.
I can't remember what the joke was.
We did an article about him, one of our last ones.
Oh, the Oscars one or the repost?
Yeah, we said that he hosts the Oscars.
I think that was Adam.
He had a few of them.
We have the Adam Ford original Photoshop.
America's Got Talent was mine.
Yeah, anyway.
That was our Hail Mary to get a mention by Jordan Peterson.
Yeah.
Because we were going to that thing.
We were going to the conference to meet Jordan Peterson, and we were like, let's come up with a great joke.
And we did him hosting America's Got Talent and nobody shared it.
That's funny.
I remember he wrote so fast.
The very first article that we did was him telling his laundry to sort itself out or something like that.
Yeah.
And I was telling Kyle, like, no one's going to get this.
Like, no, this is very niche.
Like, nobody really knows who this guy is yet.
I don't, it's just a Hail Mary.
I'm just going to do it anyways.
And some people knew it, but and then like a few months later, he was one of the biggest names in the world.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was trying to find.
Anyway, continue, you guys.
You are truly prophetic.
I'm not as good at searching stuff on my phone while I talk as Kyle.
I just hope that's all right.
I hope he's all right.
Yeah, me too.
We love that guy.
Oh, yeah.
There's also archaeologists discover original stone tablets containing the 12 rules for life by Jordan Peterson.
Was that yours?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I've ever written a Jordan Peterson joke because I don't know much about him.
It's a good book.
It's a good man.
I read someone, I don't remember who it was, but someone, some Christian thinker described him as Common Grace on Fire.
And I thought that was an apt description.
Kind of like it's sort of in the same vein as Rush Limbaugh, which, how about Rush Limbaugh?
That's just the saddest thing.
Very sad.
Yeah, he's got some cancer.
And he's like, I hear your kids.
That's hilarious.
He's like Common Grace on Fire.
He's just, you want him to come to the Lord and to know Jesus, you know?
But even while he, you know, apparently doesn't, or if he doesn't, he's got common grace from God to be just so influential and so wise about so many things.
I guess he's got advanced lung cancer.
Is that right?
Yeah.
I heard that that can be brutal.
It is, yeah.
And so he didn't say what stage, but he did say advanced.
And lung cancer, I read it kills more men and women than any other cancer.
And from what I know, from I had a neighbor who died from lung cancer, and it was inside of a year after she was diagnosed.
And just talking to that family, apparently, you can't really, there's no real signs.
You can't really tell that you have it until it's quite advanced.
And so that's one of the reasons why it's so brutal.
Well, listeners, pray for Rush Limbaugh that he would come to know Christ.
Yeah.
And that he would, his cancer would be healed.
For sure.
All right.
You want to move on to our topic of the week?
Let's do it.
And now, the Babylon Bees topic of the week.
Well, this week we wanted to talk to Adam, Mr. Discern, Mr. News Aggregator, the modern day.
Wait, I blanked out.
I almost said Breitbart, not Breitbart, the other guy that aggregates news.
Drudge.
Drudge.
That guy.
Only Drudge is modern still, I guess.
I was going to say, he's still doing his thing.
The modern day Bruce Wayne.
No.
William Randolph Hearst.
Yeah.
Clark Kent.
Clark Kent.
I get Clark Kent in the room, but Mr. Leonard.
Bruce Wayne's not a journalist.
Yeah, he's not a journalist.
Beautiful introduction.
Thank you for that.
Yeah.
So I think it's a common question.
I think there's a lot of people that just tone out the news completely.
Some of us try to keep up.
A lot of times it feels like you're just like a hamster running on a wheel trying to keep up with all this news and maybe you're just getting sucked into something.
You are very passionate about the news and being informed on all this stuff.
And so we thought we'd talk to you about that.
Like your perspective on it, we'd all kind of weigh in with ours.
And, you know, what is, and from a Christian perspective, like what is our responsibility to being informed on this stuff?
Yeah.
Go ahead.
That's a big question.
And I wish I had taken more time to think about this question.
We have hours.
Unfortunately, I got busy writing news and stuff all day.
But it is a good question.
And obviously.
I mean, why do you do it?
You're passionate about it, clearly.
Yeah, I just love it.
I mean, that's another question that could take a while to answer.
But I think I will say that I think you can, I know you can go too far either way.
You know, you can make an idol out of being informed and just having information flying at your face all day, every day.
Or, I mean, something I see all the time: politics is a very, what's the word, potent idol because there's something new happening every day and it can keep you sedated because there's always something going on.
There's always something to be angry about.
There's always something to be happy about.
There's always something to argue about.
It can be a potent little G God.
But I see no virtue.
I don't see any Christian virtue in being utterly uninformed.
Okay.
Like to have no idea what's going on when, especially if you're married or if you're a parent and you have some sort of responsibility to take care of your kids, you need to know what's going on in the world.
You need to be an informed person.
I don't see any real like godly precedent in not having any clue what's going on in the world.
You get where I'm going with this.
Yeah.
Now I'm more, I'm up to my neck in the news cycle every day, but that's, I'm not just a casual consumer of news.
I'm, I'm, I'm that way because it's my job to be and part of one of the things that I feel called to do at this point, this window of my life is to stand there and take the fire hose of news headlines that come across every day and distill it down for people, Christians, conservatives, whoever wants to be informed in a way that's not overwhelming and exhausting.
Yeah, I think there's a real service in what you're doing, and that's boiling things down because I think the media is set up to get a certain response out of us and to send us down a certain path.
And in a lot of ways, you're standing in front of that path.
You know, like there's a big sign that says outrage this way, let's go.
And everybody's supposed to just run down it.
And you're like, now you're standing in the path like this, holding your sign.
Like, you're like one of those sign spinner guys that works for Sprint or something.
And you're like, no, no, there's enough.
Calm down.
This is the truth, bro.
That's you.
That's quite an illustration.
Could you draw that for me?
I don't like drawing crowds of people.
I would charge you a lot.
I was going to use the metaphor of, you know, he's just, he's jumping on the grenade for us.
Like these grenades of news come in.
It's a lot more noble than sleeps on it.
No, you don't need to listen to this one.
Sign spinner.
But then when you're doing it.
Yeah, well, I appreciate that you feel like it's such a sacrifice for me, but I love it.
I mean, I love it.
It's exhausting and I work way too much, but I thoroughly enjoy it.
And this is what I'm doing right now.
You know, when I was drawing comics, that was my life.
You know, when I was, when I started the B, when I was running the B, that was it.
And that was just a natural transition to news from the B because I was in the news all the day, all day anyway, every day, to, you know, to stay up on what was going on so we could mock it.
And, you know, I just love, I love it.
I just love it.
I don't know why.
It's just how I'm built.
You know, I don't have, you know, if I get free time, like what I want to do is work.
It's weird.
Yeah, same here.
That's kind of how I am.
Yeah.
That's the only way you can do a job like that.
You have to love it.
Like you can't.
You can't muster up the energy.
Maybe you could get paid a million dollars, I guess, actually.
I take that back.
Even that, even that, money, you can't really do it.
Yeah, you'll still phone it in because you know you're getting millions of dollars.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Exactly.
I guess I'll say that there's wisdom, though, in the moderation of moderating what you consume in terms of news because I was always disconnected from the news and I didn't care about politics.
And I was interested in politics.
I kind of leaned towards libertarianism.
But libertarians, we have this tendency to just tune out, not participate because we're like, ah, it's all screwed anyway.
And we don't engage.
And so I think there is some wisdom in that perspective of saying this news is temporary and nobody's going to remember about it tomorrow and knowing what it is you're supposed to care about.
And that is why I like Discern.
And I promise this isn't a 30-minute infomercial for Discern.
Yeah, I'm all right with it.
But Discern and similar sites, you know, there are sites that do this kind of thing where it's just a link to somewhere or they'll do a brief summary and it's a little, it's less biased and that kind of stuff.
I do think there's wisdom in that of knowing what matters and what you should think about, you know, things that do have long-term implications versus something that, you know, I have to do this at the Babylon B where I have to figure out what's worth making a joke about because it's like, are people going to be talking about this tomorrow?
You know, and if not, maybe it's not worth it.
Yeah, true that.
Definitely.
And it's important to know, it's important to find sources that you trust and to trust them.
You know, it's important to find, you should have some people where when there's something crazy going on, you don't have to digest, you know, you don't have to spend four hours reading everything.
That's what pundits are here for.
That's what, like, my newsletter is here for.
So you can kind of get an idea of what's going on.
There's people that are someone who is like you who's going through everything and pulling out just what you need to know.
And then that saves you the effort of and the madness of having to digest everything yourself like at full length.
Yeah.
It's amazing if you look at an old newspaper, all the news that was going on that is completely forgotten.
Yeah.
And how much of it, the 1% of it maybe still matters.
But the stories that the thing I find fascinating is the stories that stand the test of time, it's less because of the physical details of what happened.
It's because generally that story points to something true and wise and real and eternal truth.
So it sticks out just in the way that a non-true story does.
Great fiction stands the test of time because it points to a deeper truth.
So I think that that's one thing we have to think about when we're looking at news and stuff.
And that's one reason I'm a huge fan of GK Chesterton is because he was a journalist of his day writing about things going on.
I just dropped the name of G.K. Chesterton.
Hold on, we got the button.
We got to push.
Hold on.
We're not very slick at our...
Dan was looking at his phone.
G.K. Chesterton.
So many of his essays are still meaningful today, even though you don't even know who he's talking about in them.
Because he's talking about eternal wisdom and truth.
That's good stuff, man.
And that was another motivator for getting into the news business for me because how many Christians are you getting your news from who understand that, who understand the big picture?
You know what I mean?
And how so much of it is not going to really matter that much in a week or a month or whatever.
And, you know, I'm not throwing shots or anything, but so many of the Christian news outlets are like story of the day is this athlete, you know, in between his string of cuss words said, thank God.
And so, you know, what an inspirational story that is, you know.
Amen.
Amen.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So there we are.
There we are.
So, what's our advice for leaving our listeners with on this?
Well, I guess I want to say, too, like, I was talking to a girl at this libertarian conference who was saying that she didn't read the news and went off social media for a year.
And I just got back on and I'm learning all this stuff about impeachment and all this.
And I'm thinking about it, and I'm like, if I had missed the news for the last year, how much would it have affected my life?
You know, I'm thinking, well, very little, you know, like it wouldn't have mattered.
It's not.
I don't know.
I guess I lean that way towards not caring, except that's my job to care.
That's where I lean to, but I think that the thing is that you're the your kids, your culture, yeah, they're all consuming this stuff.
Yeah, do I want to be a voice of reason in that?
And like Adam, the guy with the spinner sign along that trailer where he's just barraging over the cliff like lemmings.
I guess it's like you will be made to care.
You know, that kind of you can't just even to me, that's one reason I enjoy the battle being on the battle meet because I do think it's a service to mock a lot of news because a lot of news is garbage and a lot of stories are complete garbage and it's worth faking to point that out and be like, this is so stupid.
Yeah.
Let's laugh.
Definitely.
Everybody, let's laugh.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I mean, conservatives and Christians, when they don't pay attention, when they're uninformed, I mean, look at look at look at the societal rot we're experiencing right now with conservatives and Christians engaged.
Imagine if everyone just disengaged.
Yeah.
And would not be good, you know.
And people unfamiliar with the idea of wisdom and eternity and just all this kind of stuff.
They see these stories and they think this is, oh, this is new.
This is the new path of humanity or this is the new evil.
And it's like, no, read Ecclesiastes.
This is peeing in the wind, friend.
That's not exactly what he says, but basically something like that.
Well, it's good to, I, I don't, I have, I have three sons.
They're 10, 8, and 6.
And when they ask me questions about this stuff, it's good to have answers.
Yeah.
I think because what they're being fed elsewhere is very far from the truth most of the time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I mean, beyond just knowing the news, I think that keeping somewhat up to date is good.
I don't, it's not, maybe not for everybody.
There's some people that it's just not for them, and I don't, you know, I don't judge them, but I think deeper than that, knowing what your deeper truth is, you know, like what is wisdom and what does the Bible teach us and what is what is truth?
Those are the things that you apply to your discernment of the news.
Hey, that's the name of your website, Discern.
Good job, Ethan.
Yeah, I agree.
I disagree with Kyle, though.
I think you would have missed a lot if you would have taken the if you wouldn't have read for the last year.
But the kind of historical times we're living in right now.
Yeah, but what would have affected my life?
What would have affected the way that I treat my family and the way that I lived out my Christian life?
Like, I don't think it would have affected anything.
I guess we'll never know.
99.9% of humans that have lived on this earth never took in the amount of news that we take in now.
They knew their local news.
Oh, the haberdasher down the street killed his mule today.
Yeah, but then I think the other side of it that I do agree with is if you have your head in the sand, things like the rise of Nazi Germany and the rise of communism, we can't recognize those trajectories that we're on now.
Yeah.
Like the rise of socialism and how we can fight that if we just ignore it.
So I think over the grand sweep of 10 years, 20 years, 50 years, the news matters.
But I think latching on to every single controversy is huge outrage.
Yeah.
And it really diminishes when the real stuff happens.
It's like what the left does with Trump when they're upset about every single thing that he does.
And it's like to it.
And then when he actually does terrible things, we don't care.
Kyle, you are so right on that.
It's like the boy who cried wolf.
I've said before, like in my newsletter, it's, you know, they call him Teflon Don, and it seems like that's a term of endearment or whatever, but it's not really.
It's like, nothing sticks to him.
Right.
And that's, that's a main reason.
One of the main reasons is because if he sneezes, you know, they'll say, look at this clip of Adolf Hitler sneezing in the exact same fashion.
This is a dog whistle, you know.
And so if they really have something, maybe a valid point, nobody cares.
Right.
Nobody cares because it doesn't mean anything anymore.
And he'll say, yeah, he'll say, remember, I sneezed and then they said it was Hitler.
And you'll say, oh, that's right.
So, you know, how can you trust anything they say?
Absolutely.
They overplayed their hand, man.
They're in a hot mess over there.
And how about Iowa?
Dude, what is going on over there?
Absolutely wild.
Absolutely wild.
The apps are crashing.
Nobody knows who won.
Pete, the app was built in two months.
Did you read that?
He threw that app together in two months.
Do you know the name of the company that built the app?
Man.
Oh, Shadow.
Is it Shadow?
Shadow.
Shadow Inc.
That just sounds like a very nice, trustworthy.
And like Pete Buttigig is involved with it or they paid for the app or something.
And like Hillary Clinton, somewhere in her past, someone from her campaign or something was involved.
It's just beautiful.
I mean, it's like, imagine the smile on Mr. Trump's face.
I thought Trump's tweet about it.
That's pretty funny.
We were talking about this.
Trump is like giving the state of the union now after impeachment has collapsed and Democrats are in chaos and he's got these huge approval ratings.
It's like Lib's worst nightmare.
Dude, and they were supposed to, last night, I actually have been sick.
And so I fell asleep early again last night.
And I kind of felt bad because I was going to try to stay up to like midnight to report on the caucus results, you know, when they came in.
And I woke up and I was like, what the heck?
You know, there's this jumbled, this jumbled field over there in the Democratic Party.
And we were supposed to sail through the Iowa caucuses and then we're supposed to have a real clear idea, you know, of where things stood.
And we still don't know anything.
It's just so funny.
Yeah, one more thing I can say on the news thing before we can wrap up the topic, but one thing I respect about you, Adam, this is the only thing I respect about you, but is that you gun collection?
Well, that too, but he you unplug intentionally.
Yes.
I think that's it.
Like you find the balance, like, you know, the girl, maybe a year off, is that's if you're new to the business.
That's probably too much.
Dave Rubin does a month off every year.
Yeah, but like Adam will go out and he'll email out the Adam for a newsletter and you steuce with the Babylon B. Like, I'm not running it this week.
I'm out in the mountains.
Okay.
And it's just like this unplugging of, and maybe we need that recharge.
I think you need that.
You got to, man.
You got to.
Even daily, like, you know, I'm just compartmentalize your news and take off.
And then I try to set aside the city.
I've been trying to turn my phone off at five.
A nice cigar.
And it's too hard for me, but I'm trying.
So anyway.
You got to do that, especially if you take in as much external stimuli as I do every single day.
It's just constant.
You got to give you, you know, like, what was this?
Some years ago, something hit me and I was like, you know, I always, I always get the, maybe it was for comics.
It was either comics or the bee.
I always get the best ideas when I'm brushing my teeth or when I'm in the shower.
I thought, why is that?
Oh, that's the only time I don't have 17 screens in my face where I can actually form thoughts, you know, that aren't dependent on what my eyeballs are looking at.
Absolutely.
So that was kind of an epiphany for me.
So not only the week off when I go to Tennessee or wherever I'm going, but daily, for instance, when I go on a run, like most people listen to music or a podcast or something like that, I don't.
Intentionally, I don't.
I don't take my phone with me, nothing.
I just think while I'm running, you know, or I go for walks around my neighborhood just with no phone, no nothing.
It like recharges you.
And your brain needs time to process stuff.
You can't just be, you know, taking stuff in all the time.
You got to have some time to process.
Right.
Yeah, I like when I read the Bible in the morning, when I remember too, that is, that it's this sense of like I'm being anchored in things that are eternal and transcendent.
And then I'm going off to war and this crazy chaos of things that are going to be here today and gone tomorrow.
So I feel like that time is super important.
Absolutely.
In conclusion, in my opinion, the best time to read the word is in the morning.
In conclusion, sorry, go ahead.
I'm trying to give the in conclusion, subscribe, subscribe to the Adam Ford newsletter.
Yes.
AdamFordNewsletter.com.
And get your news at discern.com.
That's D-I-S-R-N.com.
And if you sign up right now.
If you sign up right now, it's free.
Yeah.
It's always free.
That was a joke.
No, but really, though, I hope it blesses you later.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right.
You guys want to do some hate mail?
Let's do some hate mail.
I really miss Adam Ford.
Alright.
I think we got some reviews this week.
So who does the best Beavis and Butthead impression?
I think that would be Ethan.
I wasn't allowed to.
Oh, there's Beavis and there's Butthead.
Well, what's this?
We had somebody respond last time we said Beavis and Butthead, and they were very upset that we said the word butthead.
They wanted you to say they felt that was a swear word.
Bottom head.
So I don't know if they still listen, they're going to be very mad right now because we've said it like four times.
Flowerbed head.
Flowerbed head.
Beavis and flowerbed.
So Butthead's like, that's pretty good.
And then Beavis is okay.
So I like this review.
I like this review because it's a five-star review, but it's kind of a backhanded, like it's a five-star review, but his wife gives us a one-star, I think.
It's like, my wife hates it, so I love it.
Five stars.
So let's hear it.
Has to digress.
So then this is from Mig Ditto.
McGiddy.
Five stars.
The title of the review is Beavis and the Other Guy.
Because, you know, that's a bad word, I think.
I'm an evangelical minister.
My wife explains her lack of interest in this podcast as they are Christian Beavis and Butthead.
Yes, and that's why I listen faithfully.
That's pretty good.
I like that as well.
What does that make me if you're Beavis and Butthead?
Yeah, who would you be?
I don't know.
King of the Hill.
Yeah, you're Dale from King of the Hill.
Boomhauer.
Yeah, Boom.
dangle dangle yeah i like that his wife is is uh trying to she's like i hate those guys they're like uh They're like Beavis and Butthead.
And he's like, yeah, exactly.
They came to Christ and got their lives together.
He's like, perfect.
That's exactly why I like them.
That's funny.
Are we that bad, though?
I feel bad.
We do giggle.
I mean, I noticed when Michael Mouse is on, whenever he'd laugh, he'd hide his face from the mic and do it silently.
Yeah.
I was like, is that what professionals do?
You don't laugh audibly at all?
Yeah, he kept tossing his head back and like, yeah, trying to hide the mic.
Like, why do you want people to not know you're laughing?
Yeah.
That's so, but then I also know that eventually it might get annoying if you're like trying to just hang out and you're hearing this guy snickering your ear all day.
All right.
This is by this review is our last hate meal for the day.
Our second and last.
Four stars.
Can you read the subject line?
Yeah, go ahead.
Cowards!
Avast.
Ye cowards.
Hey, Babylon B, if you're going to make fun of Doug Wilson, you should do it in person where he can respond to the whole Civil War thing instead of making fun of him where he cannot respond.
You cowards.
Sincerely, Jack.
Well, his name is on iTunes publicly.
Jackson Crapuchetes.
He says.
Say the name as it sounds.
Crapoocha.
We got a flower bed.
Does that make sense to say the name?
A word you're looking at can't sound away.
We did not make fun of Doug Wilson.
Yeah.
Our guest, Joe Thorne, made fun of Doug Wilson.
And we're not going to have Joe Thorne and Doug Wilson on the exact same time.
I like this idea that we criticize anybody.
And then we've got to drive.
So hang on a second.
Drive back to Idaho.
Let's get Doug Wilson on the line.
What we should have done is we should have sprung it on Joe Thorne where we had Doug Wilson secretly on the line.
Yeah.
Then we say, oh, it's interesting that you say that.
Doug Wilson is on the line with us right now.
And then you patch him through and he says, Coward.
Doug Wilson is in the next room right next to you right now.
He's walking in.
Look behind you.
Yeah.
No.
Well, those are iTunes reviews.
And if you have not left us an iTunes review and you like this podcast, please.
We really thank those of you who read all of them and we read some of them on the show, but we personally read them all.
And the one-star ones really hurt our feelings badly.
We all rest each other's heads on each other's shoulders and cry.
And don't leave a one-star novelty review because you think you're funny.
Yeah.
Leave the five-year-old.
And then you find it.
All right, everybody.
We will talk to you next time.
Everybody say goodbye to Adam Ford.
We're going into our subscriber portion now.
Yeah.
But Dave already says that.
Okay.
So we don't have to say it anymore.
Okay.
So go to discern.com and subscribe to the Adam Ford newsletter.
D-I-S-R-N.com.
Well, believe it or not, at Discern, we are on the verge of, by popular request, rolling out subscription options, which, believe it or not, are going to include a once-a-week podcast from myself from my mountainside bunker in the middle of nowhere.
So that's something that I'm excited about.
There's people that still aren't subscribed to the B?
What are you people doing?
Subscribe to the B. Get the exclusive listener portion.
That's where I'm going to be there too.
Come on, get it together.
Absolutely.
Amen.
The rest of this podcast is in our super exclusive premium subscriber lounge.
If you're not a Babylon Bee subscriber, go to BabylonB.com/slash plans for full-length ad-free podcasts.
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Please drop us a review on iTunes and share the podcast with a friend.
Feedback and love mail go to podcast at babylonbee.com.
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Ethan would like to thank Seth Dillon for paying the bills, Adam Ford for creating their job, the other writers for tirelessly pitching headlines, the subscribers, and you, the listener.
Until next time, this is Dave D'Andrea, the voice of the Babylon Bee, reminding you to go forth and vote for the lesser of two evils, just like Jesus said.