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Feb. 8, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:40:09
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #175: Trump Loses in Court (Again!)

This week we cover the Illuminati take over of the Grammys, King Charles getting cancer and what that really means, QAnon Grifters at each other's throats again and of course Trump being told he doesn't get to commit crimes while President. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
You You
You you
you Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody. I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of
Adventures in Hellworld. This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a. Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, everybody. Hello, all you beautiful listeners that I know are listening.
Did you know, because we've talked about it before, that we are now finally at the end of Christmas season?
Earlier this week on the 2nd was finally Candlemas, which is the final conclusion of Christmas season, the 40th day of Christmas.
I just feel the need to mention this because I mentioned it at the beginning of the podcast when it was the 12 days of Christmas.
We are now at the conclusion of Christmas, so Merry Christmas.
And I am also joined by the mysterious Elle.
I've never cared about Christmas, my beautiful babies.
Me neither!
This is a Hayley thing.
It's a new Hayley thing.
Her lack of Christmas is growing up.
Right, exactly.
She's all Christmas constipated.
She's all backed up with Christmas, and we're the doctors sticking our rubber glove finger first up in the bunghole, unleashing a torrent of bad vibes.
No, it's good vibes.
It's Christmas vibes.
You know, it's epiphany.
See, Christmas vibes are really good because they are, in the real world, condensed down to one month.
One month of actual festivities with a two-month run-up time that pisses people off.
People get mad, like, if Christmas stuff starts happening after Halloween.
They're like, no!
We have Thanksgiving!
You're only allowed to start Christmasing us after Thanksgiving!
And then they get mad when that happens, too.
Because it's just... If Thanksgiving is like 100 years to get not boring.
It's like, it's not on Christmas that Thanksgiving is boring.
Like, Thanksgiving's been an established American tradition for like 100 years.
And while Thanksgiving is fun, and it is cozy, it's not exciting.
Like, Christmas has a combination of, like, exciting and, like, cheerful and cozy.
Thanksgiving is just cozy.
The whole holiday is just, you're gonna get together, everything's gonna be sort of brown and orange, and you're gonna fucking eat too much, and then you're gonna fall asleep at 4pm, and that's gonna be that.
And then the next day, like, because you spent the whole day not consuming stuff, the next day we're gonna give you discount prices on shopping so you can go consume to your heart's content.
It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you were inside merely doing the physical act of consumption?
No, no, no.
We need you to come out and do, like, the larger societal consumption.
We need you to get out here and buy some things, so.
Yeah.
Here's a new six-page television for $150, you dig?
Come buy it at Walmart and try to convince somebody to get it.
Oh, I love that Walmart.
I have, like, Walmarts in the area that will be, like, now open at, like, 6 p.m.
on Thanksgiving.
They have, like, Black Thursday.
They have, like, early, like, they're like, we'll let you have your turkey for half the day, but then get in here and start buying shit, you rubes.
Like, join capitalism now!
Yeah, get away from your fucking families and come shop.
It's about to be Valentine's Day, which means it's about to be the day after Valentine's Day, which is cheap candy day.
Dude, the internet makes cheap candy available all the time.
Oh, okay.
Like, don't get me wrong, I also partake in the crime of opportunity of a day after, or week after, Valentine's Day chocolate special, but if you just want to do a little due diligence, you can find, like, especially if you're willing to do the Costco model where you're just like, I'll buy a lot of chocolate to save a bunch of money and just have chocolate indefinitely for a while, you can get some good chocolate prices online.
I like the holiday chocolates because it's like, you know, during Valentine's Day, though, they're like, here's a here's a candy heart with raspberry flavoring because it's red, you know, and I'm like, wow, raspberry flavoring.
That's a little unique.
You don't get that everywhere and I'm like, I get those, you know, Halloween.
They'll have the more pumpkin-y flavor stuff, which is nice.
Christmas, I'm not too into the Christmas flavors too much, but, you know, Valentine's Day has the best, like, flavors, in my opinion, because it's red flavors.
It's cherry, it's raspberry, it's fruit flavors, you know?
So don't get me wrong, I understand the intent of what you said, but I do think it's weird that your first go-to was raspberry.
I like raspberry with chocolate.
Yeah, but raspberry, of all the flavors of fruit you could have chosen, is the one that's associated with probably the most colors.
Right?
Red raspberry is like a thing, but also blue raspberry is like a pretty common thing, and also black raspberry is a thing.
So, in terms of, like, color-coordinated, yeah.
Like, for the listener at home, Hayley is demonstrating with a big ol' tub of berries her very self.
And I'm just saying, it's like, it's strange that you're first, if you're just like, I need to think of a flavor, a fruit flavor I associate with red.
You're just like, bam, straight to the berry with three different colors.
Yes, I like raspberries and berries.
I also like raspberries and berries.
Well, I like I like raspberries and berries mixed with stuff that has sugar in it.
Oh, my God.
We're going to be recording on Valentine's Day next week.
Happy Valentine's season, everybody.
We are.
Yes, it's a bully for us.
Well, you know, don't worry about us.
No plan interrupting going on here.
Just just available to record at the normal time.
Yeah.
That does seem likely.
That does seem like a thing that will be happening.
Actually, that's not true.
We're going to have to record slightly later than normal because I'm going to be on a date with my mother.
Boom.
Oh, yeah.
Because it might be snowing.
Boom.
So we'll see.
She was just like, hey, do you want to get together and like hang out?
I know it's kind of an awkward day because it's Valentine's Day.
And I was just like, I don't give a fuck about Valentine's Day.
I'm like an adult man.
I'm a single adult man.
There's no reason for me to care about Valentine's Day.
No, Valentine's Day is just a guilt trip.
That's basically all it is.
It's just designed to be like, hey, are you seeing somebody?
You should give them some shit, because this is a time without actual holidays.
So we've made up a holiday for you to... capitalism!
Just here.
Do that.
You should get your loved ones some shit any time of the year.
Yeah, just get your loved ones some shit, but now it's a duty that you're honor bound to do so because society has dictated it.
Boom.
There you go.
I get enough relationship FOMO any time I get horny.
I don't need to be about that life on February 14th, oh I wish I had a partner or whatever.
It's just like, I get that pretty frequently when I'm just like, oh.
Excellent.
An erection.
Well, I wish it looks around for partner, finds nothing.
Aw, bummer.
Aw, beans!
And that doesn't have to be February 14th.
Well, we'll all be hanging out, so maybe we can be each other's Valentine.
Uh, yeah, I mean, I don't know if I... The uwu figures are really selling it.
Yeah, I mean, we will be here recording.
Same bat time, same bat channel.
Listener, she'll be our Valentine.
Yeah, you have to figure out how to do that chalk-ass candy that's supposed to be a thing you eat on Valentine's Day.
How the fuck do they keep getting away with it?
I don't know.
There is one brand in particular that just, it drives me mad.
It's like, why is it all chalk?
It's Necco.
It's probably the Necco Company.
I think you're correct!
Yeah, because I believe, at the very least, Mike should know the Necco Company very well.
Yeah.
Because Necco, I believe, stands for New England Confectionery Candy Company or whatever.
Something like that, yeah.
I've seen Necco wafers all over the place.
They're terrible.
Yeah, they're horrendous.
But the thing is that I believe Necco sells them year-round.
Like, at least the wafers, you know?
Right.
But New England still has fucking Moxie and shit, too.
It's like the Wild West up there.
Yes.
The rest of the country left behind some of this puritanical bullshit for a reason, like, you know?
I'm surprised they don't have any bland, just English cuisine up there, you know?
Like beans on toast.
Yeah, that would be- oh my god, can you imagine an actual, like, English food restaurant where just, like, no spices, nothing, you're just, like, driving by, like, it's just like...
Our area, the North Shore of Massachusetts is just literally just endless cuisine options.
And I can just imagine driving by like a Greek place, a Thai place, an Indian place, a Korean place.
Then you get to the English place and it's just like, here's some fish with no seasoning.
Boom.
There you go.
How do you like that?
It's like, this is horrible.
How are you still in business?
We're a mob front.
Yeah, that tracks.
That's the only way this could work.
I mean, it's just like, oh my god.
Sorry if you heard that.
I mean, English food could be good, I guess.
I'm sure if we have English listeners out there who are fuming mad right now because we don't appreciate their local delicacy, whatever it might be.
Prove us wrong, I guess.
Like, prove us wrong!
We're American snobs, and our food is greasy and salty, and therefore it just tastes better than most foods.
And if it doesn't, we import foods from other countries that taste better than our food.
Like Indian food.
The king of all foods.
Which is another thing that England did get right.
They also, they were actually on the cutting edge of that.
They were like, hey, you know what food is better than ours?
Indian food.
So why bother developing our own shit?
We can just We could just be like, hey, we're taking over your country, and we're just going to mix our shit with yours, and we're taking your food.
You colonizing sons of bitches!
I do love Indian food, man.
That shit is great.
Greek food, too.
Greek food is mad underrated.
Yes.
Food in general.
And also, shout out to the carpenter or whatever that just keeps banging two by fours or some shit against the side of my house periodically.
I don't know if that's picking up on the microphone, but it's driving me fucking bananas every time it keeps happening.
I'm just like, dude, whatever you're doing, figure that shit the fuck out.
Yeah, I haven't heard that, thank God, but that does sound incredibly annoying.
I guess the microphone is doing its job as intended, but yeah, periodically.
It's just, I mean, it's still like fucking thumping and banging.
I can feel it in my feet.
Like, I don't know what the fuck they're doing out there, but they're about to get yelled at if they don't knock it off.
Because you're thumping.
Yeah, I'm just like, dude, like, I don't know.
Get the fuck out.
Oh my goodness.
Sweet Christmas.
I mean, that's the energy we're bringing to 2024, you know?
Like, let's transition into being an old man.
I don't give a fuck what you're doing, shut up!
Access ramp, boo!
I don't give a fuck!
Alright.
He's building a birdhouse for orphaned pigeons, you know?
You fuck.
Yeah, impossible to care about any of those words, you know?
I don't give a fuck if he's building a shelter for orphaned humans.
Do it quietly.
Do it when I'm at work, you know?
Yeah.
Shit isn't supposed to exist when I'm not focused.
I got it.
What's going on here?
Okay, let's move into our amuse-bouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche!
Alright, the Grammys happened and it brought hell along with it in the form of like a bunch of just discourse that I guess probably doesn't really need to be discourse but of course it's happening because the Grammys are a platform for celebrities to say and do shit.
And then we get to consume it, and then a lot of people get to form their own dumbfuck opinions.
So normally I would throw this over to our good friend Mike Rains, but instead I'm going to seize the reigns, waka waka myself for a moment, to just be like, look, I know you're never gonna listen to this Jay-Z, but if anybody who's listening to this could get into Jay-Z's ear, could you please just tell him to shut the fuck up about everything?
Like, I don't want to hear you Jay-Z, just shut the fuck up.
Like, I don't think it's heroic for you to get out there and just be like, hey, my wife is one of the most Grammys of all time, but she's never won Best Album.
That's fucked up.
And fuck you.
That just sounds like sour grapes, dude.
You're both billionaires.
Shut the fuck up.
I don't care about that.
Like, so hard for, like, the only people that care about that are already in your corner, my dude.
Like, you're not, you're literally preaching to maximum the choir.
This is my Grammys rant.
Like, of all the crazy shit that happened at the Grammys, this is the part that pissed me off the most.
That motherfucker had the audacity to go up on stage and just be like, dude, my wife, the most Grammys of all time.
It's fucking crazy.
She's never won this one Grammy.
So fuck you.
You guys all suck.
Like, boo.
A bunch of people here are frauds.
You're all frauds.
It's just like, it's like, J.C., this is the craziest look ever, man.
You're a billionaire.
You have a billion dollars.
Shut the fuck up.
Like, and also, it's just like, he said, I don't want to embarrass her.
And it's just like, so you're doing this without her approval?
Like, I mean, dude, like, you are, like, I mean, if she is capable of being embarrassed by some random person like me, being like, this is a bad fucking look, then yeah, you were embarrassing her.
Because it was a shitty look, dude.
I thought that shit looked bad, weak, and embarrassing.
I was like, what are you doing?
I was like, who are you, Kanye West?
Interrupting the pro, like, this is fucking crazy.
Like, the day that shit is done, man, like, everybody for the most part sort of agrees that the Grammys are, like, mostly fraudulent to begin with, so, like, if they matter so much to you that you need to say shit like that, then, like, dude, reevaluate your shit.
You're a billionaire, shut up.
Okay, that's my rant about Jay-Z.
Now I'll toss it over to Mike Ranza to talk about, uh... Wait!
I want to talk before we get into the conspiracy section.
My god, another rant!
Hell yeah, get in there.
Rant!
Um, so I did not watch the Grammys.
I don't really know what you're talking about.
I think I saw a clip of that.
Uh, I don't watch... Excuse me.
I don't watch the actual award shows, but I do... I love looking after on the websites that will show you the most fashion from the events.
I want to see every person's dress.
I don't care how irrelevant I find you.
I want to see your outfit.
I want to see every angle.
I want to know the designer.
I want to know what necklace you're wearing.
I want to critique it heavily and figure out ways in my head that your outfit could have looked better because honestly a lot of you look like shit this year.
But there were some good outfits this year.
The one that's sticking out most in my head is Doja Cat.
I thought her outfit was great.
She had these fake like cathedral tattoos all over her. I didn't
like the brand being on her forehead as a tattoo but the dress was fire. She had these peak nipples
out. It was sick. She looks good.
Let's see. Taylor Swift looked nice but it was just like nice. It was just like yeah
that's Taylor Swift. She's looking nice as usual. You missed the symbolism. Oh okay.
Well, we'll get to that.
Ice Spice, I thought, looked fire.
It was very Baby Phat era, but as a, like, couture dress, which I thought was interesting.
So anyway, just some of my personal favorites.
I thought Miley looked kind of interesting.
I would have done the hair different and maybe the design on that chain.
dress thingy a little different, but it was kind of cool.
So that's my opinion.
This is not conspiracy.
This is not anything.
This is Hayley's Fashion Corner.
Thank you for listening.
Mike?
Okay.
What's the symbolism in the dress?
So Taylor was wearing a necklace that had a watch on it, and the watch was... Oh, I saw that!
Right, and The Watch was set to midnight, and this was because her album that was nominated and won was titled Midnights.
And this is part of the game that is kind of played between Taylor and the Swifties, where she puts little clues and little references to her work in her outfits and stuff like that.
And so in a, in a, in a really funny way, like Taylor is doing what QAnon imagines Trump is doing, but she's actually doing it for her actual hardcore fans to catch the winks and nods she's giving them.
Whereas QAnon has to listen to Trump's incoherent babble and then run to the Q drops and then try to discern how Trump was relating his gibberish.
To the messages that Ron Watkins posted on the internet like five years ago.
So it's very funny seeing a celebrity do this in reality while I've literally spent years monitoring a movement that imagines that Trump is doing this, but he's not.
Because Trump would never have the foresight and knowledge to be like, yeah, I should do this thing because it's a reference to this other thing that's about me.
Cause again, he has like the brain of a gerbil.
So it was, that was very funny, but QAnon can never let anything go.
Um, so they tried to bake Taylor Swift's midnight necklace into being a reference to Paul Revere's, uh, midnight ride and the shot heard around the world that led to Lexington and Concord.
So maybe Taylor is referencing the second American revolution.
Maybe it's all happening for real this time.
And now Taylor Swift is a white hat who's trying to save us all.
Which, that's always another thing that QAnon loves to do.
They love to turn their villains into secret heroes because it keeps the game going.
Beyond that, they've also decided to They also decided that Olivia Rodrigo and her performance was, of course, a Luciferian tribute.
She did the song Vampire, and she had fake blood smeared on her during the performance, which of course is- Her dress was also very pretty.
She looked good.
Yeah.
But because she did the blood thing, that's obviously adrenochrome, it's obviously a Luciferian blood ritual, and she is enthralled to Satan.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with the fact that the song is called Vampire.
Yeah, it's not easy when the song's called Vampire.
Yep, exactly.
Also, bro, okay, Grammy's rant number two, this one's surprisingly not about the Grammy's
at all, it really chaps my ass when I'm watching like vampire media and like vampires like
fucking go in there like get their suck on, like do a big suck, and they're like, they're
so sloppy with it.
They're like throat tearing and like bending over the neck, so like blood squirting everywhere,
all over their clothes and all over the room and shit.
It's just like, dude, that's not how real people act with normal food.
And that's also not how animals act with their food.
Like, when lions attack zebras and shit, like, they're just, they're doing shit to get them killed efficiently.
They're not doing stuff to like, they don't like fucking tear out their throat.
They're just like, ah, I'm getting sprayed in the face with warm, pressurized blood.
It's like...
Vampires are supposed to be like these like perfect creatures or whatever, but almost every type of fiction portrays them as just being these like stupid lunatics when they eat.
It just makes it so hard to take them seriously.
Like, do better.
Do better.
And the vampire's been around for hundreds of years.
They've drained a million necks.
They're constantly needing blood.
You'd think they'd be very efficient at it.
That they wouldn't literally- They're still just like,
bleh!
Bleh!
Bleh!
Like a Tasmanian devil.
Just like, bleh!
Bleh!
And it'll be like 45 minutes of like, mesmerizing a person,
like enchanting a lady, and then you get her into the dark alley,
and it's just like, oh shit, we're barely out of the,
out of the eyeline of anybody walking by, so sneaky.
Bleh!
Like a ton of sneaky, about a blunt coming out of this woman,
and it's just like, Absolutely not.
It would be like the subtle, like, oh, I'm kissing the nape of your neck, and now I'm biting and sucking your neck.
And to the onlooker, it would just look like a normal thing, but I'm totally killing you.
Like, isn't that crazy?
But people just can't help themselves.
Subtlety is dead.
And they're just like, no, when you film this scene, he's got to be tearing out her jugular, dude.
Otherwise, what's the point?
He's got to be tearing out her jugular.
He's not getting more than half the blood that's coming out of her.
He's barely getting a sip of it.
But we just need to be really visual and gruesome.
Like if you get a small pizza, or a pizza of any size, but it would be the least ridiculous with a small pizza.
You just open up this small pizza and you're just like, oh dude I'm so hungry I can't wait for this pizza.
You just slide the whole thing into your face and just start chewing as fast as possible.
And like, yeah, you're gonna get some of the pizza, but you're also gonna get a lot of it on you and your clothes and all over the place, and you're wasting most of it.
Anyway, vampires are mad dumb.
It's so hard to take them seriously, dude.
Vampires are supposed to be subtle.
And then, like, werewolves are supposed to be, like, the tear you apart, bathe you in your blood sort of shit.
And, like, that's fine.
They're big monsters.
Anyway, it's a real dumb thing to be annoyed about, but it's always pissed me off.
Back to the Grammys!
My final note on the Grammys is that men, all men listening right now, I don't care what your body type is, I don't care how you look, you should look up Lenny Kravitz outfit and buy that for yourself.
Make yourself feel better and show that off to your partner because that's a good look.
Lenny Kravitz looked fire at the Grammys.
He's like almost 60.
Yeah, he's always had pretty good fashion for his body type, you know?
He's always looked pretty good.
He's always been sort of like, he's had like the subtle rock star look.
Which is crazy because he's also been out there putting out music for like, what, 40 years or whatever?
30 years?
Anyway, Killer Mike also got arrested for allegedly mixing it up with a security guard, which led a billion people on TikTok to fucking out themselves.
He also won three Grammys.
And in the process of winning the three Grammys, he got outed by a bunch of people on TikTok, just being like, Killer who?
Who is this guy?
Oh, so crazy.
Drake was up there.
Are you telling me he was better than Travis Scott?
I'm just like, dude, like, regardless of whether or not you thought he deserved those Grammys, like, going out and publicly saying that you don't know who Killer Mike is, like, on your TikTok, that's allegedly about hip-hop stuff, it's fucking embarrassing, dude.
It's so embarrassing.
It's just insanely embarrassing.
Like, at least Google the guy before you do that hot take, my friend, and just be like, oh shit, oh, Shout It Out by Kendrick Lamar, this one song that was pretty popular, oh shit, worked with OutKast like 20 years ago, won Grammys for it, that's crazy, and like, oh shit, Half of Run the Trolls?
That's pretty interesting.
Killer Mike's been working for a long time.
It should be no surprise to anyone who's actually cared about hip-hop.
It would be like if you didn't know who Mos Def was or something, you know what I mean?
Because it's another old head who's still around doing stuff now.
I've heard some people just be like, who's this guy?
Although, at least Mos Def changed his name to Yusef or Yasef something or whatever.
He changed his fucking name.
What was the situation around beating up the security?
I've only heard Killer Bikes Team's version of it.
That's enough for me.
What is it?
I guess some female security guard, and I only specified that because the other guy I read specified it.
I guess like came up on them and were just like, hey man, you can't be back here.
Let me see your tickets.
Because again, obviously not a hip hop fan.
They somehow didn't know who Killer Mike was, even though he said they were the Tuxedo.
Maybe if he was holding his three Grammys.
But, uh, they were just like, hey, man, you can't be back here, whatever.
And, uh, they were just like, alright.
And just like, one of his people, I guess, went to produce credentials or something while, like, Mike just went to just keep moving, because it was the Grammys, and he was there to receive several Grammys.
And the security guard, I guess, like physically got up in somebody's face, I'm not sure if it was Killer Michael or one of his people, and in that altercation says that they were shoved to the ground and suffered injuries enough that they were just like, citizens arresting you!
You're being arrested citizenly by me, an arresting citizen!
Um, yeah.
So, the security guard was crying about getting a big shove from, uh, somebody who, uh, they didn't recognize that did belong where they were supposed to be, but didn't have their credentials on immediately.
So, for the record, like, they were probably just doing their job.
And, uh, yeah.
I guess that was that.
But again, like, it was Killer Mike and his, like, squad of people, you know?
I'm sure Killer Mike's got some dudes around him.
Like, big, like, security dudes.
So, at the very least, probably not physical stepping to them.
We should put you in a suit and make you a security guard for Killer Mike.
I would love to hang out with Killer Mike.
I'd be like, dude, let's get high and talk about politics and rap.
He likes punk music too.
I'd be like, dude, we could talk about all sorts of cool music and shit.
Those rap guys would be pretty well-versed.
Anyway, but yeah, so that's what I've heard, like, allegedly from this shit.
Most, like, the only reason I'm disinformed about it is because, like, there's this, like, huge TikTok beef.
It was, like, immediately transitioning from the Megan Thee Stallion versus Nicki Minaj beef, where Megan Thee Stallion decapitated, like, a Nicki Minaj, like, a fatality from Mortal Kombat game, just held her head with spinal cord dangling, like, bleh!
And that was that.
And Nicki Minaj dropped her shit, and it was just like, oh, this is what you came back with?
Oh shit, did you hear Killer Mike got bumped into by a security guard?
That shit was crazy.
That was the end of that beef.
And that's that.
But we've been talking about the graves for a hundred years, so let's move on.
Our good friend Cancer is back, and on top of killing a douchebag country star, it's also going after one of England's premier monarchs.
It's okay, you don't have to show them respect.
Oh, I'm like, you know, I'm kind of pumped about both of these, because it turns out that, well, it turns out that country stars tend to have problematic views about shit.
They say dumb shit, and then they get killed by cancer.
It's like, yay!
I mean, I'm like, yay!
That's a personal thing.
Just me.
Just the mysterious self from Hellworld.
I don't speak for everybody.
Okay, but for more of this, back over to my grades.
My grades, give us more details.
More deets.
Okay, so, uh, King Charles has been diagnosed with cancer, and this has made QAnon very happy, because, uh, they hate the British monarchy, and- L. QAnon.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And the clock is right twice a day, you know?
I'm just kidding.
The day after Epstein got found dead in his prison cell, or however many days it was, the next time we recorded, I was just like, For the record.
I mean, I'm with him on this one.
This seems pretty suspect.
That was their moment.
That was QAnon's ultimate moment.
There were like so many headlines.
It was like, is QAnon right?
They were just like, oh my god.
Epstein was their ultimate validation.
They were so happy in that moment.
But yeah, so the King Charles.
Has been diagnosed with cancer.
QAnon loves this because they hate the British monarchy.
And also, this allows them to say their favorite question, which is, quote, vaxxed.
You've probably heard of the blood clots.
You've probably heard of the encephalitis that makes your heart explode.
You've probably heard of all the other vades, the vaccine aids that the vaccines give you.
But now we have a new and improved way the vaccine kills you and it's known as turbo cancer.
So when you get vaccinated, you not only get cancer, you get turbo cancer.
The cancer just is so fast and so aggressive.
There's no way to treat it.
Is it sponsored by Mr. Beast?
I hope so.
God, Mr. Beast.
Yeah, get on that, because if anything was equal to your brand, it's people's love of cancer.
So yes, I think that Mr. Beast and cancer- I mean, it's the only- Tumor cancer is the only thing that could make sense, because he's such a spry young man.
What's his age again?
Yes.
One million.
I believe it's actually- Isn't it actually, like, 91 or something and say it like that?
Like, the dude is fucking old as fuck.
He's so old.
He's 75.
75.
Okay, so it's less old than I thought.
75 is a lot.
And he, and it's just like, yeah, dude, like, if somebody is, when your grandpa is diagnosed with cancer, it does suck.
But you're not just like, why?
God, like, how good does it happen?
It's like, dude, old human beings are just susceptible to cancer.
It's just like, it's part of what makes us, us.
Yeah, this dude was literally, he literally lived his whole life waiting for his mother to finally die so he could get the crown.
And now that he's had the crown for like five minutes, he's immediately diagnosed with cancer.
So it's just like, man, like Prince Harry is just like, oh baby, nice 50-year reign incoming.
Oh snap.
I mean, it's just like so funny.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
Wow, you're getting your hands on the crown when you're like, Already on Dasdor has got to just be like such a fucking, like what a kick in the dick.
Yeah, what a kick in the dick for me, a person who has never suffered a single day of my whole life.
Yeah.
All those movies about the monarchy are always so boring and stuffy and like, just like, I'm going to catch some Z's while this is on.
But I think the King Charles movie should be a funny black comedy, you know, like a It's just a funny, it's just a funny dark humor comedy.
Because yeah, that's funny to me.
He's just literally, just literally like just shaking his head angrily at his mother for 30 years.
And then she, and then she finally croaks.
And he's like, I did it!
Now the crown is mine!
And a doctor runs in and whispers to him.
And he's like, no, no!
He's just shaking him.
Yes.
Um, on top of this, you've got cancer.
You've got cancer.
It's like reading a book to some kids.
It's like his fucking aid comes in and it's just like, a second cancer is just at your colon.
Um, of course the, the, the turbo cancer and the vaccine can't be the only conspiracy theory here.
QAnon, which will do anything to turn Donald Trump's gibberish into prophecy, reacted to his bizarre post that he made on Truth Social where Trump was like, a lot of people say I look like Elvis.
Do you see the resemblance?
And it was like a split face of like half Elvis, half Trump.
Trying to make Trump look like Elvis, which was really weird.
And a lot of people were like, Oh man, Trump kind of going off the deep end more than usual.
What the fuck are you on about, mate?
Then King Charles gets cancer and people were like, three days after Trump says he looks like the king, Elvis Presley, the king gets cancer.
How did Trump know this was coming?
Well, that makes sense.
Yeah, Trump's just an oracle.
He just knows these things, but he can only tell you these things via incoherent codes that you could never discern in the future and can only see in hindsight.
That's what the power of prophecy is all about.
Having your prophecies only fulfilled in retrospect.
Not calling your shot.
So, yeah.
We've had a lot of fun with Prince Charles, now King Charles, now soon-to-be ex-King Charles, and his health diagnosis.
Yeah, look, I mean, normally cancer is just, like, unequivocally the worst, but some weeks, you know, it does put up a couple of dubs, so... Shout out to cancer for the week.
And now I am speaking for the show.
We love cancer.
Love it.
My final comment on this is that I just hope that Prince William and Prince Harry duel to the death for the throne.
That'd be great.
I endorse that also.
Oh, the other fun thing was, as Elle was referencing, Toby Keith passed away, and there's a bunch of QAnon people that are throwing a fit because they're like, Toby Keith gave Taylor Swift her big break, and she hasn't said anything about him passing away yet.
It goes to show you what a like, reprehensible scumbag Taylor Swift is.
It's like, Yeah, he gave her her big break and then their politics differed very much.
And he was a right-wing guy that was canceling the Dixie Chicks and she's a liberal.
So, I mean, she's probably trying to work on a diplomatic message about how, like, it sucks that he died, but hey, I'm not going to get too crazy about it.
Oh yeah, bringing up Taylor Swift again reminds me.
So they brought fucking Tracy Chapman out of retirement to sing Fast Car with Luke Combs or whatever up on stage.
And it was a good performance.
Everybody seemed like they were really enjoying it.
But the only people in the audience that were visibly on their feet for the whole fucking thing were Taylor Swift and Jelly Roll.
And I was just like, damn, I've never had more respect for either of these two.
I'm just like, you know, I don't, I don't especially give a fuck about either a Taylor Swift or a Jelly Roll under normal circumstances, but in a room full of musicians, most of them should probably be on their feet for the whole performance.
I mean, it's one of the best folk songs ever.
And Tristan's coming out of retirement to perform it, like, live in front of everybody.
It's just like, fucking stand up from your dining room tables for a little bit.
You know what I mean?
Oh yeah, and a shout-out to the husband from War and Treaty, because he was standing up next to Jelly Roll.
Yeah, I had no idea who that guy was, but I was like, that guy gets a two!
I was like, it's Jelly Roll, that's some other guy!
And the only reason I know Jelly Roll is because he sort of looks like me, if I had tattoos.
Yes!
He's what fat people really look like.
He doesn't look like Fat Thor, which is what most fat-fetish ladies seem to want fat people to look like.
Just like, oh, can you look like Chris Hemsworth with like a ball gut?
And it's like, no, that's not usually how it works.
You don't usually look like a shredded, attractive dude.
It's just like, but I have a really big beer belly, you know?
Yeah.
Literally every pound of, every pound of fat on me just concentrates right here.
Okay.
Anyway.
That's right, we'll cross it bare.
Let's get out of the bushin' with some QAnon on QAnon violence, and by violence I mean probably just keyboard warrior shit.
Mike, I love a QAnon in-fight, so what's going on this time?
So Doc Holiday, D-O-Q Holiday, is a Twitter promoter, a QAnon promoter, he's got like six-figure followers.
He decided he had a hair across his ass about the QAnon group known as WeTheMedia.
WeTheMedia was a group of quote-unquote serious QAnon promoters that featured Pragmatic, Jordan Sather, Joe M., and a bunch of other shitbags you guys have probably heard about.
And so Doc basically went to AwakendOutlaw, who was part of We The Media, and was like, yo, bro, what was your little gatekeeper community all about?
Why were you guys trying to silence other QAnon people?
And like, what was your deal?
Like, why were you guys evil and bad?
And AwakendOutlaw's response to these rather leading and not very friendly questions was to block Doc Holliday.
And then to do a post about infighting in the community and how people are tearing each other down and that we need to be lifting each other up and blah, blah, blah.
And we're all fighting the baby murdering, Satanist, bad people who are awful and bad.
And that's where our focus should be.
And Doc Holliday basically then basically said that We the Media is a controlled opposition false front that's trying to lure people back into complacency and to let George Soros win.
So that was very exciting, watching these people just fragment and splinter QAnon further and further.
When the media talks about this movement, they talk about QAnon as though it is a monolith, and everyone is in lockstep believing the things they believe in, and yin and the yang.
And they all do believe most of the same dumb crazy shit, but it's just like religion.
It's like the fact that you have all these different sects of Christianity in America all over just arguing on certain theological fucking grounds about why they're right about this and why you're wrong about it.
And so this is what inevitably happens with a movement like QAnon where there is no actual truth to the movement.
It's just shit you're making up as you go along.
So if a group of people happen to think that now Michael Flynn is a bad guy and a bunch of other people think he's a good guy still, they're going to have a pissing contest over it and get all upset at each other.
And that's what's going on here mostly is the, uh, The friction that started about with Matrix and Authority and Spooky Groove about Flynn being a bad guy, now more people are getting in on that shit because this is the fun of the game!
You just get to fucking look at all your heroes and villains on TV and then you come up with shit about them.
And then you're like, wait a minute, what if Michael Flynn was a bad guy?
Wouldn't that be crazy?
And people are like, oh shit, man.
And then you try to re-read the Q-drops to find clues to validate your opinion about shit.
It's just all this nonsense.
It's like, this is the same shit that leads Jehovah's Witnesses to having, like, necklaces on that say, no blood transfusions if you find my body.
Just let me pass on so that God can be happy with me.
My family uses ID cards, okay?
You check your wallet when they're sprawled out dying and they're like, oh, don't save this one.
This one wants to die!
Dude, you gotta check your elders before you wreck your elders.
Or resuscitate your elders, as it were.
It's the same thing.
Do you know how damaging that would be to both your brain and your wallet?
Don't put me in an ambulance.
I'd rather die in the subway.
Speaking of a bleak dystopia, let's transition to our Arizona is a Flaming Crater Roundup of the Week, featuring Arizona Right Watch, aka Hayley, our good friend and co-host.
Hayley, how is it going in Arizona this week?
Um, well, you know, the use.
Bad.
So, there's a lot going on.
We talked about the Border Convoy briefly last week.
It's called Take Our Border Back.
So, like, there's a lot going on.
We talked about the border convoy briefly last week.
That it's called Take Our Border Back.
It was it's like a convoy of far right fucks who are had the intention of going down to
the border.
They presented it as like a, we're gonna go hold hands and sing Kumbaya down at the border.
But, you know, there was a lot of people very openly talking about violence.
There was some neo-Nazis talking about infiltrating.
To, you know, just further radicalize these people.
Some people are down there just looking for an excuse, you know, to just shoot a migrant, shoot a humanitarian worker down there.
So anyway, I mentioned last week, like, this isn't going to be too huge in numbers, I don't imagine, but it will be a lot of really radical people, radicalized people, not radical in a good way, radicalized in the bad way.
Not Ninja Turtles Radical.
No, no, they're not getting pizza there.
Well, actually, we'll get to that in a minute.
But, um.
So, for the full coverage that, like, there was 3 locations.
There was Eagle Pass, Texas.
There was Yuma.
Arizona, and then San Ysidro, California.
The main location was Eagle Pass.
That's where like Ted Nugent went, Sarah Palin, politicians, some far-right politicians were there.
For listeners who want more coverage, go to Amanda Moore's timeline, regular on the show, Amanda Moore.
And then also, what's his name?
Burghardt on Twitter.
They were both there covering it.
They have been covering it since the beginning.
Amanda was there getting harassed by freaks that she was covering.
So yes, but that was the Texas one.
The Arizona one is my expertise.
I unfortunately couldn't go to the Convoy this weekend because I had other work, unfortunately, because the world of extremism is vast.
But I was keeping an eye on some stuff.
So the people that convoyed down to the Arizona... Some people convoyed from California here, but some people also convoyed from a A restaurant called, I believe it's the Great American Pizza.
Great American Pizza and Subs, excuse me.
It's in Golden Valley, Arizona, which is kind of near Kingman, Arizona, which is like Northern Arizona.
The first convoy that happened two years ago, when they were mad about vaccine stuff, This was the first location stop was this Great American Pizza and Subs.
It's hilarious.
It's like this gigantic lot that's like it's meant for trucks to park there and it's the worst pizza you'll ever have.
It's very thick.
The dough is awful.
The sauce is awful.
It is not good.
But there's paintings.
There's like there's like there's like MAGA artwork all over the restaurant and all over the the uh the like outside too like they had this big mural that just said like trump uh 2020 and then when he lost they kept they were they were they were they were trump's gonna be back in office people so that it was like trump 2021 they changed it and then trump 2022 and then trump 2023
Now says Trump 2024.
And I enjoyed the flags that were people were waving like from 2020 on that was like Trump 2024 or before they were just covering all all four possible years that Trump could be reinstated to power.
They have this huge mural right in the pizza in the in the main, you know area where people sit and eat and it's the Washington crossing the Delaware painting, but he's holding up a pizza.
Is it a cheese pizza?
Am I right?
Actually, no, I can't perpetuate that.
We need to stop letting those people ruin our pizza.
Pizza's sacred.
Pizza's Switzerland.
Keep it out of your shit.
What they made is barely pizza.
But anyways, there's Trump everywhere.
There's so much Trump stuff everywhere.
There's a Trump teddy bear in there.
It's just like, it's a Trump explosion in there.
They also went down to the border.
They had their own little convoy to go down there together.
But the thing that actually became an issue down there is that there is humanitarian groups down there that provide water to migrants at the Near the Arizona-Mexico border, they provide, you know, they help them with shelter if they need, you know, food assistance with their paperwork.
You know, it's humanitarian groups.
And there was some people from the convoy That came and started harassing their camp, their encampment.
One of the streamers, they're all from The Last Convoy.
All these people are from The Last Convoy.
And they're all like violent, you know, just streamers that go around the country looking to Film content.
So they went down and were harassing migrants and harassing the people at the camp down here.
This is actually kind of common.
Like, there's been a lot of far-right outlets that have been drawing attention to some of these humanitarian groups down at the border, they know what they're fucking doing.
They know that they're trying to get these people hurt in whatever way happens, in whatever way their radicalized fan base chooses to take out that measure.
And besides the convoy that That humanitarian group is also recently been getting harassed by someone named Cade Lamb.
That's Cade Lamb.
That would be the son of Pinal County Sheriff Mark Lamb.
He is currently running for U.S.
Senate against Carrie Lake.
He doesn't have a shot to beat Carrie in the primary, but this guy is a nightmare.
This guy is Joe Arpaio.
uh 2.0 with a family of freaks um and yeah his his son his son um was in the U.S.
Army um and he often he has his own podcast where he complains that he was upset that he wasn't he had Kyle he he their buddies with Kyle Rittenhouse and he had Kyle Rittenhouse on and he was telling Kyle Rittenhouse that he was upset that when he was in the army he and his buddies didn't like get to you know like punch their card even though they were in the military and Kyle was down in Kenosha getting his shots in getting more kills than they ever could get and he was like jealous that he wasn't in America like during that time and instead like overseas so this guy's kind of a fucking freak it's kind of this guy's kind of a little bit of a freak
And he's recently formed his own group called Sonora Ascent Group and they've been promoting themselves kind of as a little wannabe militia, harassing this migrant group, filming themselves going through their encampment and going through their stuff and just filming Migrants who don't want to be filmed and like filming their paperwork and stuff.
And Sheriff Lamb has been promoting this in his in his US Senate, like, letters, like, you know, his like, give me donation letters.
He's like, look at this video.
His donation letters was like, please, I've missed my funding goals by 83%.
Can you please give me 50 bucks so I can send another email out?
Those ultra cheerful, ultra-making-his-campaign-sound-great emails.
Yeah, he moved on from those and now he's like, look at this shocking video that my son filmed.
Give me money.
So this seems to be a little bit of a problem.
A lot of people have been targeting these humanitarian groups.
Some abandoned stooges are often down there filming.
That Ben Burquam is often harassing people down there.
Politicians, no matter where they are in this goddamn state, use the border as an opportunity to go film anti-migrant, xenophobic, just the most racist-ass propaganda you'll ever see.
So yeah, this is not good in my opinion.
This is an ongoing story, I would imagine.
Sorry that wasn't so cheerful.
Moving on.
Yeah, dude, what a bummer.
Let's move on to some more cheerful headlines, Mr. Mike Rains.
I'm sorry.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Yeah, dude, I was getting sick of talking about migrants on the border.
So for our first headline for the week, let's talk about migrants on our border, of course.
Border, border crisis, border wars, border nothing.
Oh, what a coincidence.
Yeah, it turns out that our border, if nothing, is a line that separates the people that live in reality from the stupid conservative fucks that make up somehow just about half of the American political system.
And for more information on that, let's toss it over to Mike Rains to bum us out even further.
Mike, bum us out even further, man!
So, the border is the greatest crisis America is facing in this day in our history, where literally America is about to be destroyed by its horrible open border, allowing hundreds of millions of immigrants to pour into our lands, unchecked, unchallenged.
Or it's just something that Republicans want to complain about.
After hashing out a draconian immigration bill, according to a lot of people, Republicans were like, yeah, we got everything we wanted, but now Donald Trump told us we don't want it anymore.
So fuck it.
We don't care.
And then they killed their own bill immediately after having created it.
And Donald Trump then got out in front of the cameras in Nevada and said, if you want to blame me for killing the border security bill, go ahead.
It is totally fair to do so.
Because I did that.
I just wanted to campaign on this issue.
I didn't want an actual solution.
So we're good.
I'm totally cool with it.
What's really funny about this from the QAnon perspective is that the bleeding and the incoherent stupidity of Trump is always somehow rewritten and somehow translated into genius and an elegant 5D chess move that will lead to our inevitable victory over the deep state.
QAnon has been totally silent about what Trump is doing with killing the border deal and deciding that he just wants to campaign on the issue.
It's very odd that they haven't found their spin for why Trump is doing this.
I think eventually they'll just settle on the fact that the bill was somehow bad.
Even when the, when like the border patrol union said, this is a great bill and we will urge Congress to pass it immediately.
So like the people on the ground, on the border were like, bang up job guys, you did it.
Finally, a bill we can get behind.
And then Republicans and Trump were like, well, you're not going to get the bill.
Go fuck yourselves buddies.
So.
That was great.
But yeah, eventually I'm sure that they'll come up with some idea that like, oh yeah, the bill was actually terrible.
It was a giveaway by the Uniparty.
Because this, the one thing that QAnon does do, okay.
One thing that QAnon does do to try to justify their bullshit is to claim that Trump is outside both the Republicans and Democrats.
He is like an independent force beyond their control on either side of the aisle.
And that's why Republicans do bad things, even though he's a Republican and he was a Republican president and is just a Republican.
And the Republicans are all bending the knee to him, including just killing this bill they asked for.
Right, exactly.
They're just like, hey, give us this.
And Biden was just like, okay.
And they're just like, Donald Trump said that we don't want this, so now we don't want it anymore.
It's just like, what a bunch of fucking... And then they're just like, and like they're already out there just being like, like Donald Trump getting out in front of it, just being like, they're going to want you to blame, they're going to say that you blame me for this, so feel free to blame me.
And it's just like, okay, yeah.
I mean, like, I guess that's really the only logical play you could make, but at the end of the day, it's just like, okay, yeah, we will blame you, because it's your fault, you fucking moron.
Like, what the fuck's wrong with you?
It's so strange.
It is such a bizarre series of events that happened here.
And I didn't like that.
Like, I didn't fucking like that bill either.
You know, like, I wasn't exactly like, oh shit, this bill totally rules.
Uh, but you know, Republicans were just like, this is what we want.
And Biden was just like, okay, I'll reach around the aisle and fully tug you all the way off and give you exactly what you want.
And then they're just like, well, Donald Trump said he doesn't like it.
So meh.
That was that, you know?
Oh yeah, so it's really hilarious and it just kind of goes to show how indefensible what he did because his biggest supporters, his most ridiculous cheerleaders, the people that have literally formed a cult around the man, are just sort of waiting to figure out how they're going to spin it to make this justifiable.
They're just sort of like, Yeah, it's really weird that Trump killed the thing that he said he wanted, but I'm sure the boss has reasons for why he did that.
I can't wait for them.
They're going to be great once we figure them out.
And if Trump doesn't tell us, we'll make it up ourselves.
Well, it's time for the comms.
Straight from the King's Cologne.
Yes!
Okay, let's move on from talking about Trump to, of course, talking about Trump.
In this week of Our Lord, it turns out that Donald Trump continued to get his ass paddled in our legal system.
So, Mike, what's the good Donald Trump keeps losing in court news for this week?
Okay, so this week was very funny because at the start of this week, QAnon and all the right-wing pundits were absolutely over the moon because Trump's scheduled court date for his January 6th election interference trial Was actually bumped from March 4th and all these people were like, told you Jack Smith ain't got shit.
Trump's running this place.
We did it.
Victory is ours.
He will not stand trial before the election done deal.
Like lock it in baby.
And.
So that happened mostly because the appeal court that was hearing Trump's ludicrous claims for absolute presidential immunity, that court had yet to release their decision.
And so since it was getting close to when pretrial motions would be filed and all that kind of stuff, the judge was like, okay, we got to move this back or I'm going to take it off the schedule and reschedule at the moment.
And then literally a couple of days later, the appeal court drops down a 3-0 unanimous ruling saying Trump's claims for immunity are absolute bullshit.
There is no leg to stand on on this crap.
It's just, this is dog shit.
Just fuck this guy and he can go piss up a rope.
And so now the next legal step here is, I believe by next Monday, Trump has to file his appeal to the Supreme Court.
And then they have to make the decision if A, they're going to hear the case at all, or in B, if they're going to grant a stay on the case.
And people assume that they're going to at least grant a stay, but we'll see.
The most of what I've seen from people is, um, that The Supreme Court, if they decline to hear the case, that means the trial will start in June.
If they decline to hear the case, the trial will start probably in like a couple months.
If they do hear the case, they'll resolve it by June and the trial will start after that and Trump will Probably see trial and probably be convicted before election day.
I mean, there are people who are like, oh, the Supreme Court could fuck this thing up completely if they totally wanted to.
But that's the $64 question really is just how much does the Supreme Court want to stick their necks out on behalf of Trump?
I mean, it's really just a question of, does Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito think they're going to live four more years?
If yes, Trump can go fuck himself.
If no, maybe they'll try to figure out some way to fuck shit up.
But yeah, so...
We literally went from a few days of chest beating and people posting memes of Donald Trump dunking on Jack Smith, and, oh, told you, you fucking libs, you thought Jack Smith had Trump.
idiots, bunch of cooks to immediately QAnon quickly pivoting to their default
position about this, which is a hashtag precedent, not president, but precedent
Trump and the bullshit conspiracy theory narrative that they've constructed around
this story is that Trump is going through all this stuff intentionally trying to
lose because he wants it on the record that presidents don't have full immunity
for what they did as president.
So that way, George W. Bush Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Bill Clinton can all be arrested and convicted for their crimes.
Whereas Donald Trump has never committed any crimes and will never be arrested for anything because he is completely innocent.
So in QAnon world, this is 11D chess slash jujitsu.
Where literally all of Trump's screaming on the campaign trail about how he needs immunity or the presidency isn't worth a warm bucket of spit.
And all of his posting on Truth Social freaking out about how he needs immunity.
That's all just theater.
That's all just fake fan fiction shit to trick the normies into thinking he doesn't want to lose.
When secretly, master chess player Trump is moving the pieces around the board To make sure that once he wins election in 2024, he can indict and convict all the other living ex-presidents.
Even you, Carter!
Even with you on the death's door, you're not escaping the wrath of Donald Trump once he's back in office and now has the legal justification to arrest all ex-presidents for their crimes because they don't have presidential immunity, which is what Trump was working to do this whole time.
You froze!
You fell into my trap!
Exactly.
All the ex-living presidents activated Donald Trump's trap card.
They all did it.
Those suckers.
Those absolute rubes.
Yeah, I feel bad for GW.
What's that guy up to now?
Probably just painting.
He's gonna be fucking putting some ink to canvas and then boom, Secret Service is gonna be there fucking throwing him in irons.
He's gonna be like, what the hell?
Come on, guys.
Oh, man.
It's so funny like how what an unbelievably monstrous piece of shit W was, but like Trump being so even worse than him and being the actual problem that like we're dealing with now.
It makes W almost look quaint by comparison.
Oh, yeah.
When I think back to the GW days, I just it's just like, oh, it was sort of weird.
We had like it seemed like we had someone's kid brother as our president.
At the time, everybody was like, fuckin' dummy, incompetent piece of shit, gettin' us into war, fuckin' weapons of mass destruction, fuckin' genocide, idiot, loser, piece of shit.
But then we had no idea how bad it was gonna get.
So now looking back on it, it was just like, I remember when he was like, when he was just like, now look at this draft!
They just fuckin' did it, that was so funny.
When he was on the ship with the Mission Accomplished banner behind him.
So good.
Whatever.
And all the great quotes from him.
What a guy.
You can't fool a fooler, you know?
That's great.
It's when we can't get fooled again.
Oh god, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, what a guy.
Love him.
Let's get him back in office, huh?
I am the decider.
Oh man, if George W. Bush ever came back into my life, I would immediately remember why I viscerally hated him.
I mean, my hatred of that man was why I was a 9-11 truther.
Those people that made that fucking Comedy Central show about George W. Bush, they were just way ahead of the curve.
They needed to wait like 20 years.
If they did that now, it'd just be like, ah, that's a great idea.
Just like a sitcom, there's just G.W.
and his dumb family in the White House.
It's so dumb.
Oh, it would be so great, because the show writes itself, where you just have everyone being a moron.
You have Jeb being way smarter than everybody, but Jeb just never gets anywhere.
And he just ends up failing at the end of every episode.
Oh, God.
I could write that show tomorrow.
It'd be the greatest show ever.
And I would hate myself for humanizing that absolute piece of shit.
Too bad they tried to do it when he was still president, and it was like, ugh, what is this?
Shut up.
We get enough of this clown on TV every night on the news.
Yep, pretty much.
Oh, God.
Speaking of clowns on the news that we get enough of, guess who's back in our lives, baby?
It's Tucker Carlson, and you'll never believe where he decided to pop up Where's Waldo style, or you would perfectly believe it because the answer ended up being Russia, and the reason ended up being shocking no one interviewing Putin.
Which is just like an absolutely insane thing for a guy to be doing.
And that's essentially the whole story, but there may be more to it.
So for that reason, I'll throw it over to Mike.
Yeah, this seems nonsensical.
Yeah, this is hilarious in the sense that Tucker Carlson is just such an aggressive bootlick for anyone who will say shit right-wing fucking assholes want to hear.
He'll do anything.
So, Tucker Carlson is going to interview Vladimir Putin, or he has already interviewed him, and it will be aired on X.
in the near future. It presented completely down the down the plate right down the middle of
straight straight across the box. Definitely no hard edits.
Definitely no softball questions.
Just real real hard hitting journalism. One of the hardest interviews to interview people on the
planet. I'm just imagining Tucker Carlson asking Putin a question he didn't want to answer and
then like five minutes later, Tucker's just like thrown out a window.
down. Woo!
Yeah, I mean, we never... Oh, if we ever see that part, though, they would edit that out.
It would be such a bummer.
I don't think Elon would be smart enough to, or Tucker's people, but the Russian media would just be like, no, you gotta put that on X.
They'll be like, yeah, you can never put that on ex-formerly Twitter, even we call it that because it's a stupid name.
And it's just like, okay, calm down, buddy.
All right, Ivan.
What do you... It's so sick of hearing people call it an ex-formerly Twitter.
Just call it fucking still Twitter, dude.
Like, it's not a human being with thoughts and feelings.
You can deadname it.
Deadname the fucking shit out of it, dude.
Like, deadnaming is bad if you're doing it to a human being with thoughts and feelings, not a corporate entity.
Like, the corporate entity will be just fine.
I think Acast, the service we use to actually publish the pod, Acast just literally still calls it Twitter.
They don't even do the x-slash-Twitter thing that most companies do in a desperate effort to try to placate Elon.
Acast is just like, here's your link for Twitter, because fuck the rename.
The rename is dogshit, and no one uses it.
We don't care, which makes me laugh.
We all know that Tucker Carlson is going to be sitting across from Vladimir Putin asking him questions.
Where are you going to put all the statues to the heroes that are defending your country from Ukraine?
That's a good question.
We're probably going to put them up in Ukrainian land that we've seized from those people because if they were Russians all along, you know, that was just the way it was going to be.
And they had Nazis there and excuse.
The bio labs.
Oh God.
This is the thing that's like so funny about this interview is that there are plenty of QAnon people who, I mean, Like, you have Republicans who won't admit to being Putin dick riders.
They just, like, they're working for Vlad for whatever reasons, but the QAnon sphere is just 100% pro-Putin all day, every day.
And they are so happy this interview is happening.
And they're like, oh shit, Putin's going to tell Tucker all about the bio labs and it's going to pill half of America.
Because they're going to finally hear the truth about what's going on in Ukraine, and all the bullshit Western narratives are going to melt away with the heart-hitting truth of what's really going on is exposed.
And it's like, bro, we know what Putin's excuses for the war in Ukraine are.
We know what his excuses for being a dictator are.
Like, no interview with Tucker Carlson is going to make anybody go, you know, I used to think one way about Putin, but then I saw his interview with Tucker Carlson, and now I feel the other way about him.
There is no persuasion going on here with the Tucker Carlson interview.
This is the most, Al said it earlier, but this is the most aggressive preaching to the choir possible.
Like this is just, you're going to hear what you want to hear and you're just going to be like, Oh God, Vladdy Daddy's so great.
He's the best.
I love you so much, Mr. Putin.
So it's just, it is.
It's wild this is happening.
But the funniest thing I saw is Tucker made a little misstep with the Russian media, where he was like, no one wants to interview Vladimir Putin, but I, brave Tucker Carlson, were.
And immediately the Russians came out with a community note for that Tucker tweet, where they were like, everyone wants to interview Putin.
Everyone.
He's the most sought after interview in the world.
We have graciously granted this interview to Tucker Carlson.
So, uh, tuk-tuk, don't get it twisted.
We're the ones holding the power here.
We got the whip hand.
You, you not so much, buddy.
Not so much at all.
Yeah, uh, unsurprisingly, Tucker Carlson thinks America and the world are the same.
And, you know, he's not wrong, but you have to keep the mask on.
You have to pretend like, you know, you have to pretend like we're not the fucking greatest.
Hoorah, America, boom!
You know, like, that's us.
Lord knows I'm a patriot, you know?
Yes.
I keep queuing on clothes under my regular uniform in case, just in case, like, you know, it's just, oh shit, did the Keyboard Warriors really did it?
Well, I was one of you guys the whole time.
Yes.
Able C, am I right?
I hate her.
I hate how attracted I am to her, am I right guys?
It's the worst.
Exactly.
They love talking about her, it's so funny.
their head with their hateful boners. Yes. Oh yeah. Oh, I saw a wasn't AOC but I saw a meme
and it was the it was the cheating it was the cheating boyfriend meme but it was reversed where
Kelsey was on the right Taylor Swift is a cheating boyfriend and Trump is the guy she's checking out
and it was just like guys calm down you're you're like you're you're so angry but you so want Taylor
to be on your side it's disgusting for a variety of reasons yes because like a thousand and she's
like 30 or whatever And also, yuck.
Also, high-definition cameras are not his friend.
Like, his orange cream regiment has not advanced with camera technology, and he needs to start getting that shit.
That guy is looking pretty ridiculous.
Every time I see him on TV, I'm just like, does he not have a single person?
On payroll that will just be like, let's change.
We get it, sir.
You want to look orange.
And for whatever reason, that's your look.
But we can make you look less orange.
He's like, no.
No, I want visible lines.
I want it to be clear that it's a makeup.
I want to look like a pretty makeup person on stage, but not in a gay way, in a super masculine way.
He did a really awesome makeup job like a week ago where there was a very obvious orange blob on the bottom of one of his ears.
He was just gobbling that shit on.
And as you said, you look at his chin to neckline and there's no blending.
It's just literal orange to pale.
It's just that.
Yeah, I don't know if he's just applying it himself or what, but I mean, dude, it's, you know, camera technology has come a long way.
Again, I don't want to belabor the point, but we all look worse on film now than we would have 20 years ago.
It's just, it came for us all.
You just happen to be on camera more than me, but I'm right there with you, bud.
Like, I also look shitty on camera now.
Uh, and if I, if I had to look at, like, if I had HD recordings of me when I was doing my stage performance stuff and I was in stage makeup, I mean, I looked sort of like a clown in photos back then.
Like, I'm sure I'd look like a clown now.
So it's just like, fucking figure it out though.
You're supposed to be like a billionaire.
You're a billionaire.
You're supposed to have staff.
You should have somebody on your staff who knows how to apply makeup to your face to give you the orange man good appearance you're desperate for.
And instead, he just... Yeah, also, who got it in Donald Trump's head that orange is the color of powerful masculinity?
Anyway, you know what?
We could talk about how ugly Trump is for a while, but at some point it even starts to feel... It just feels like we're belaboring the point.
So instead, let's go to our listener mailbag.
Our listeners got questions.
We got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Press listener question.
Is the Donald Trump so fucking ugly?
Okay, well.
That would be the greatest thing ever.
Oh, man.
If only I had thought to commit to the pit that hard.
Sadly, I didn't.
And we have a very light mailbag this week.
But Pancake Peasant asks, both frontrunners for the U.S.
presidential election are quite old.
What are the QAnon takes on the VP selection in this situation?
Uh, they hate Harris, uh, cause she's not a white man, and this makes them very nervous that we might have an evil female who isn't even white as our president.
Should, uh, old, uh, Joey, uh, Oh, they would lose it.
And this has been a running bit inside of QAnon for a while, is that Biden was the Trojan horse that was going to sneak the hard left socialist lunatic Harris into the White House so that she could put all of QAnon into the FEMA death camps.
And in a lot of ways, they do want Biden to not be the nominee because As much as they hate Biden, they don't truly hate him because he's an old white guy.
So like a lot of the reasons why they hate people are just lost on him.
He is just this, he's got the force field of being a cishet white dude that just makes it so they're like, Joe Biden's a pedophile and a crook and a But my hate boner, it ain't growing, it's still limp.
If only there was some secret sauce that would make me hate Joe Biden more, like if I could accuse him of being a transgender person, or if he wasn't white.
Oh God, it's just, they yearn.
Every morning they wake up and they wanted to see the headline, Michelle Obama to replace Joe Biden as nominee.
It would be the greatest day in QAnon's lives if that happened.
You say all that, but at the same time, that implies that there's a limit to which they won't accuse somebody of being transgender as a pejorative, which I don't think most of them have it in them.
Some of them are just like, Taylor Swift, boo!
Look at the big swing of cocks she's got!
Obviously a tough job, boo!
And I'm just like, you're out of your fucking mind!
You guys are crazy!
Well, some of them are willing to do the female-to-male transition as an attack, but they're mostly about trans women.
They're mostly about male-to-female transitioning, and that's the thing that gets them all upset and hot and bothered over it.
If you found a picture from a college campus in 1960, or whatever fucking Sleepy Joe would have been college age, because he's a thousand years old, Of some woman that just happened to go to his school that, like, if you squinted, sort of looked like Joe Biden.
You could present that to any one of these QAnon people and just be like, dude, I found this picture from Joe's school before he transitioned into the wild.
And they'd just be like, what?
That's crazy.
Oh, they would do it.
But I'm just saying it's not it's just not as mainstream.
It's just not as mainstream as Michelle Obama's giant penis, which is what they obsess about every single day of their lives.
Maybe if we talk enough about lady penises on the podcast, Blue Sky will finally start giving me what I want instead of what I've been getting.
I've been trying to get the message out there for a while, Blue Sky.
You're supposed to be the cool social media plays, ain't ya?
There is, like, a conspiracy theory out there that literally every president is trans.
Like, every president America has ever had was secretly actually a white man.
Again, Flat Earth Conspiracy Theory style why?
Like, that is like the level of why I would have to present to you for that notion.
The magnitude of that why would be like, okay, the same magnitude as Flat Earth Theory.
Why?
To what end?
Why the fucking massive conspiracy?
Who cares?
And also, I feel like trans people are probably more in tune with the struggle of marginalized individuals than most.
I don't think that things could be possibly as bad as they are if all of our presidents were trans.
You think one of our trans presidents would have just sort of been like, you know what?
Let's be less harsh on the trans people.
I feel like at the very least they'd just be like, I believe that like, gender affirming surgery should be covered by medical insurance.
I don't think that would be too bold of a swing for one of them, you know?
But maybe that's just me.
Yeah.
So, on the other side of the equation, we have Trump, who is very old and, as Elle has pointed out, seems to be falling apart because his makeup job is not very tip-top anymore.
He's also, like, losing face weight, so he just sort of looks like a skeleton.
Like, I don't know, he's very gaunt, his skin is starting to hang off his face bones.
Yeah, and this week, in our latest episode of Trump's smooth-brained, melting-brain issues, he said that under Joe Biden, the supply change has been falling apart, and he had never even heard of that term before the Biden administration came in and started screwing everything up, and it's been a disaster, just a horrible disaster.
So yes, our supply change, it's not working out great, and hopefully it'll improve under Donald Trump.
Yeah, he saw that picture of Joe Biden from back in the day when he was on campus, before he got his supply change.
Yes!
The moment you started saying that, I was like, oh my god, he is spiking this volleyball that you read about.
Just crushing it.
But yeah, so QAnon's view of the Trump vice presidential pick is one of great trepidation.
They're very worried that Trump will somehow be forced into picking a bad vice president, a bad vice president who will then 25th Amendment Trump and then take over and let the deep state continue to rule us after Trump has been pushed aside.
Uh, when there was talk that Nikki Haley might get the nomination, uh, after, uh, because she fought well and Trump respects that.
Like the people were like, no, Nikki Haley is deep state.
Nikki Haley is bad.
She is an unacceptable heap.
So right now they're mostly talking about Ben Carlson, Ben Carson, um, Michael Flynn, Tuck Tuck.
Like that's kind of the dream triumvirate right now for them.
Uh, although, well, I mean, They're looking.
They're looking for someone that is inoffensive and also a Trump sycophant because they got to make sure that the Veep is totally, totally in lockstep with Trump because they're very much afraid that a bad fate will befall Trump while he's in office to prevent him from fully making the plan come to fruition.
I'm just saying, I'm available.
Float me a number, you know?
Come to me with an offer.
We'll see.
We'll see.
We'll see where my morals are.
I'm down for the Trump L ticket.
That'd be fine.
President L is something I believe America could tolerate and would be probably prosperous and successful under.
Somebody just comes up to me and just hands me a folded up piece of paper and I open it up and I'm just like, I've always loved Donald Trump!
He's probably the most impressive human specimen we've ever produced!
He's the greatest.
Oh yeah, so that is the Trump-Veep lottery that is ongoing.
We'll see exactly how that shakes out.
Seeing as how Nikki Haley lost to none of the above in Nevada during that primary, not a great look.
Her campaign appears to be doing pretty poorly, so yeah.
Well, if it's anything like that TV show Veep, it's going to be funny but hard to watch because everybody sucks and is unlikable.
That really seemed to be a reoccurring thing in TV for a while, where they were just like, you know what?
Television shows need no characters you can enjoy.
Every character is just a reprehensible scumbag, and you're just sort of hate-watching to see them all fail.
Yeah, I mean, that's like the 2010s in sort of a nutshell.
There was like a fucking five to seven year period where a lot of those things were coming out around the 2010s.
It was just like fucking, like Veep, like, you know, Veep was like the prestige version of it, but then you've got your fucking, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, you're The League, like, shit like that, where it's just like, ugh, these people are all just, these people all just suck.
It's like, I'd really like the series finale to just be all these guys, like, getting on a cruise ship, and the cruise ship's sinking, and then none of them make it.
You know, that would be great.
You guys want to make a show where we're all really nice?
We're just really nice guys doing nice deeds?
Being nice to everybody?
Isn't that the show that we record every week called Adventures in Hellworld?
I don't think so.
I thought I was being nice.
I mean... We could go to homeless shelters and stuff.
Let's not get crazy.
Let's not put any actual effort into this, yes.
Let's just be... Yeah, dude, let's be regular liberal and talk a big game and not do anything.
Yeah!
Hells yes.
Sorry.
That was bubble anatomy, I couldn't choke it back.
Nope, that's fair.
You know what, sometimes you have to evaluate your own party, you know?
And just be like, wow, look, there's a bunch of terrible people on both sides.
The exact opposite of Trump.
Very terrible people on both sides.
Yeah, dude, that's why I did that.
That's how I'm going to attract him.
I'm going to make Trump.
Instead of getting a sycophant for your VP, you need somebody who's just you but the opposite.
Oh man.
Speaking of, the other thing, the television thing you were mentioning before, I just keep seeing all these ads for the final season of Curb, and I'm just like, oh my god, you mean that show is still ongoing?
Like, the fact that I had to lead so many critics being like, oh, Larry David with another incredible episode.
Like every five minutes of career enthusiasm I've watched, it's just been like nails on a chalkboard.
It is the most painful television I have ever engaged in.
It is brutal.
I hate that shit, too.
When I heard that more of it was coming out, I was just like, why bother?
Dude, my shit has been curbed for a while.
Yes!
I tried to watch a couple episodes of this show, what feels like 20 years ago, and at that point, I was just like, you did it.
It's been curbed.
It can be curbed no further.
My enthusiasm is at an all-time low.
At this point, it would be the ground.
We would be off of the curbing, and we would just be grounding my enthusiasm.
So let's keep it at that.
Yes.
Anyhow, our final question for the week is Eric the Deep State Operative asks, Star Wars or Star Trek?
If neither, what is your favorite franchise?
Trek.
It's definitely neither of those.
Those both suck shit in various ways.
They also have good shit going on in various ways too, don't get me wrong.
Shout out to like a lot of the Next Generation and Deep Space Nine, and shout out to like one and a half or two movies worth of the Star Wars material broken up over nine movies and a few TV shows.
Uh, but, on the whole, they both kind of suck in ways that are just sort of, like, unforgivable.
I do like the idea of the Star Trek, like, utopia of the future, where there's just, it's just like, well, we fucking got rid of money, and, like, you progressives did it, they sanded off everyone's edges, and now all we do is spend our time painting pictures and doing poetry or whatever, because all our needs are taken care of.
I can get, I can kind of get behind that, that sounds like a perfectly good opportunity to be lazy.
My passion is laziness, but it's militarized.
That's why it's interesting.
There's interesting themes, you know, it's like they think they've achieved peace.
They think they've achieved this sort of utopia, but there is.
Still a lot of conflict and militarization and interesting ethical questions.
Yeah, but only in space.
Earth's got it all figured out, baby.
And that's where I live, Earth.
Star Trek Earth seems pretty sweet.
It's just like, dude, I would love to paint all day and not have to worry about my bills and not have to worry about the conflict in the Middle East and not have to worry about Donald Trump.
Yeah.
Oh, I want some food?
I have a replicator.
It literally generates food for me.
At will.
By thought, I can generate things to eat.
Cheeseburgers infinitely, and you're not killing cows because it's just some type of energy.
Yes.
Of the two, I definitely prefer Trek more than Star Trek to Star Wars.
I think someone had a great statement where they said that the next generation in the original series is Starfleet propaganda.
Deep Space Nine is the real shit, because they're doing all kinds of ugly stuff.
And once Roddenberry passed away, they were able to make it a little darker and a little more realistic.
And I did enjoy it.
I love Deep Space Nine.
I love Next Generation.
But if you're going to go to my favorite series, long time listeners of this show are going to know my answer immediately.
It's Babylon 5.
Babylon 5 was the best sci-fi show.
Because the thing I love about Babylon 5 was they were just like, okay, humans are now joining the aliens.
And guess what?
Humans are mid-tier.
Like that as an idea for a show, it was just so crazy that it was just like, yeah.
There's five alien races on this show, and humanity, third place.
Welcome to the bronze medal humanity.
You are absolutely nowhere near, and you're nowhere near gold and silver.
Gold is like 10 steps above you, and silver is like eight steps above you.
You lost a war to the Mimbari, and it wasn't even close.
And the Vorlons would crush the Mimbari.
So it was just like that.
Just the idea that humanity was like mid, It was awesome.
And the whole, like, season one of Babylon 5 is a little, like, hit or miss.
Seasons two, three, and four are incredible.
Don't watch season five.
They, they didn't know they were making season five when they, when they had to make it, but, uh, Hey, people got paid.
So let them, let them make their money.
But yeah, I would definitely say of like sci-fi, the sci-fi genre.
I love myself some Babylon 5.
Uh, I don't really have, like, a huge affinity for sci-fi.
I mean, I like it fine, but I've never really, like, been too gaga for any sci-fi series I can think of off the top of my head.
I will shout out John Carter.
John Carter's pretty cool.
I remember reading that when I was a kid.
I think my dad, like, got me into some, like, cult books back in the day, so I read some of the John Carter shit back when I was a kid.
And as an adult, I'm just like, oh sweet, John Carter's sort of like the original Isekai.
He doesn't go to a... but instead of, like, going to a different, like, dying and getting resurrected in a different universe, he just finds a magic portal in a cave that brings him to Mars where he's at the shit.
That was just like a pretty cool idea that I like.
As a kid, that sort of power fantasy was really neat, where it's just like, oh, it's kind of the best of both worlds, because you get all the sci-fi stuff of being on an alien planet, dealing with aliens and space magic and stuff.
But also, he's a stupid Earthling and an American, just like me.
I could be the kid that finds the space cave.
I could go to Mars and be hot shit.
Like, I mean, for sci-fi, I mean, I don't know that I consider Terminator to be very sci-fi-y.
It always feels more like an action movie to me, but, like, Terminator was also like a sci-fi.
Well, it's about robots traveling through time, so it is sci-fi.
I'll go ahead and give you, I'll relieve you of that burden.
It's definitely a sci-fi movie.
As a franchise, it just kind of, like...
It's batting .500 at best, which is not a great average for like a French, like a pop, like this ain't baseball.
That's not a good, it's not a good average.
No.
Yeah, it's just Terminator 1 and Terminator 2.
That's really, that's, that's it.
Like nothing else.
You're a liar.
Shut up.
You try to fool.
You liked the TV show too.
You loved it.
You loved it.
I was contractually obligated to love the television show.
And I don't know why you're fronting on the podcast.
Look at this front!
Look at how much room he has for fronting on the podcast, trying to pretend like he didn't love the Terminator 2 show.
Hayley, can you believe this front right now?
Can you believe our man is fronting hard?
Bastard.
Fronting bastard.
But I had to like the television show because I'm a Shirley Manson fanboy.
That was required of me.
God, that was like the dumbest, most obvious thing in the world.
If you cast Shirley Manson in a television show, I will enjoy it.
That's just the way it's going to be.
You should have mentioned it when you were talking about how much you love Terminator stuff.
What if she ever listens to the podcast and she gets to the end of the podcast and we start talking about Terminator and she's like, Oh, Raw is my toy!
Oh, I think it's just British or whatever.
And...
I do love that.
I appreciate you very much giving her the off-the-boat Scottish accent that she has.
Both laugh.
Okay, what a weird jagger for us, you know.
Okay, so what are you guys looking forward to?
Dude, I just ordered Domino's, I'm not gonna lie.
I'm not gonna lie, given all of my local food options, each one of them is more incredible than the last.
They're so good, I could've spent a bunch of money to get Indian food.
I could've gotten any number of foods from the Far East and to the Near East, and Greek food and all that stuff.
Still just like, you know what?
Fuck it.
Domino's.
Not even one of the local pizza shops.
Nope, just boom, Domino's.
I'd rather die.
I'd rather die, Mike.
Today's a Domino's Day.
Fair.
Fair enough.
Sometimes you need trash.
Yes.
Oh, and you know what?
I just got a text telling me that my delivery driver, Brian, is on the way.
That means that they are going to be here with my pizza sometime in the next, like, 30 to 40 minutes.
I hope it's still warm.
It won't be.
But it will be tasty.
No, sometimes I get it to be worn, but sometimes dominoes will just be like, you'll get it when you get it.
You order dominoes, you don't care.
All right, Hayley, what are you looking forward to?
Anything?
Well, last week I couldn't remember.
If you remember that, do you remember I couldn't remember?
And then Mike, I texted you, I was like, oh my God, I just remembered what I was looking forward to.
It must have been sick.
We're getting a Buc-ee's in Arizona, folks.
The gas station based in Texas.
Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Mike, did you go to one when we went to Texas?
Yeah, we went to a Buc-ee's, but it didn't like blow my socks off, but I just, you were wearing the Buc-ee's shirt.
We went to a Buc-ee's and I had no idea of Buc-ee's culture until I was in Texas.
Now it's everywhere.
I saw someone like a week ago post like the solution to the Israel-Palestine crisis.
And it was literally just a Buc-ee's logo on top of Israel.
Dude, what if we made out under the giant Bucky Buck or whatever that character's name is?
Okay.
Okay.
Hell yeah, let's do it.
Everybody, let's all do it.
It'll be a meetup.
It'll be a fan meetup.
Yeah.
Because there's enough gas pumps for us all, hey?
The COVID is dead forever Bucky makeout meetup.
We'll get the Buck Nuts, the Bucky Nuts, or whatever they're called.
If it goes well at the Makeup Meetup, some number of people will for sure be getting the Buck Nuts.
I got a sticker that's right here on my desk from when we went to Bucky's, Mike.
Hold on, let me see what it says.
It says, the beaver at night is big and bright.
And then I got a magnet that says, Beaver Fever.
And then I got a Bucky's t-shirt that says, Don't Mess With Texas.
And yeah, I went a little Buck Wild.
With the with the merch when we I got almost no merchandise in Texas because it was just Texas.
And I was like, I think I got a I got a magnet with the the historical plaque on the Uh, the, the, the, the school book depository.
And how it's, you could kind of see that it's carved allegedly, but it's not as carved.
As bad as the real one.
No, it's just kind of underlined, but I loved that so much.
So I had to get a, I had to get a magnet of that.
And that's basically all I got is in terms of, it was mainly photos.
I mainly took photos.
Uh, but when I went to Bucky's, I spent like a hundred dollars.
I got all my friends Bucky stuff.
I was like, I need to get everybody the beaver.
I need to get people some snacks.
I know some of my friends love snacks.
That was all I like loaded up on was Bucky stuff.
Your Bucky's thirst could not be quenched.
I appreciate that.
But you see, the thing that I'm disappointed in is that I didn't want Bucky's in Arizona, actually, because I feel like Bucky's is a culture outside of Arizona.
It's Texas.
It's all the other states that have it.
What is it like Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, all those.
Arizona has a really kitschy gas station already down near Tucson.
It's actually in a place called Dragoon.
It's a gas station that has been turned into The Thing Museum, which is a fake museum with fake lore that claims that this fake alien race Right, you have explained the thing in the museum to us before.
Yeah, I love the thing so much, and then at the end it shows you what the thing is, and it's just like a fake mummy.
Yeah.
Like, the thing did 9-11, you know?
Like, there's a scene where the thing does 9-11.
There's a scene that actually there's like a fake, there's like a replica car with Winston Churchill and like an alien driving him as his driver.
Like, it's a full-size thing of the thing.
It's fun.
Dinosaurs are involved.
There's a lot of, you could be, I personally can spend a long time in there and there is so much merchandise.
And I personally wanted that to become like a statewide franchise, but instead we're getting Buc-ee's moving in.
I hope it doesn't affect the thing in any way.
It's far away from where the thing is, but I am excited for Buc-ee's because I want some more beaver merch.
Ayla loves beaver.
We've always said this.
Yes.
Oh, hang on, I'm looking.
Always the enthusiast.
Oh yeah.
And I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl, mostly because I think the Chiefs are going to win, and that will make a lot of people absolutely insufferable.
You're thrilled for people being insufferable?
Oh dude, I'm actually pretty excited about it.
I'm going to get an Usher performance, and then the Kansas City Chiefs are going to become the new dynasty, and we crown America's team, and then everybody is going to piss all over their pampers, and then Taylor Swift is going to be on screen, and then those people are then going to shit into their pampers, and they're going to just roll around in their pampers filled with shit and piss.
And I'm going to love it.
It's going to be so great.
I actually have had people tell me, oh yeah, San Francisco is going to win this game.
And I just can't wrap my head around it.
You do understand who the coach of the San Francisco 49ers is.
This is the guy who literally blew the 28th and 3rd lead against the Patriots in the Super Bowl.
This is a man who cannot handle the bright lights.
If the 49ers win, God bless them.
But I don't think it's going to happen.
I hope that Taylor wears a dress that is an explicit Illuminati symbol.
It's just the Illuminati symbol.
And I hope she keeps putting the triangle up on her forehead throughout the game every time a touchdown happens.
She needs to have her hair set up where one of her eyes is always obscured by her hair at all times.
I want Taylor to be all Illuminati comms all the time.
Which is the greatest thing in the world.
Just drive these people even nuttier than they already are.
As a low-level pervert who thinks that Taylor Swift is getting more attractive every single year, I think she's doing just fine.
And whatever she chooses to wear in any given moment is just fine.
And she was just very good in it.
And keep doing your thing, Taylor.
I care a little bit more about you every single day, it seems like.
I'll be a Swifty in no time, you dig?
That's probably not gonna be true.
I still don't really care about her music at all.
But she's attractive and talented and, like, pretty business savvy.
So it's hard not to respect her.
And again, her and Jelly Roll and that other mystery person just actually being into that song.
I was just like, yeah, right on!
Taste it!
Havers of taste!
Anyway.
Yes!
Yes.
So that's going to do it for us for the week.
Thank you so much for joining us or for listening to the show.
It's time for us to click our heels together and vanish mysteriously and magically out of Hellworld for the week.
Do you want to take our fast car out of Hellworld?
Uh, no.
You know what?
That would have been a better one and I regret having not done it.
But I am distracted by the fact that my pizza will be here any moment.
Thank you for listening to the show.
If you want to support the show for free, but even harder, you can do so by giving us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
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We're donating $5 or more per week, or per month.
We'll give you access to our slate of bonus content, 40-plus hours of which, all sorts of stuff, including our breakdowns of pop media, and currently, Hayley and Mike talking about the JFK assassination.
Fun stuff.
Thank you so much for this week's new beautiful baby, beautifuller baby, Mel K.
$2 beautifuller baby, welcome to the crib.
And allegedly our friend Naya Yates, who apparently we did not shout out previously when they became a member of the crib.
We apologize.
And that is Mike's fault.
Mike is the one who is supposed to tell me when to shout you out.
Please take our apologies.
So I blame Mike and I wash my hands of this.
But thank you to our two most recent Beautifuler Babies and all the Beautifuler Babies who are already in the crib.
We love you so much!
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, you can donate it to love146.org as an example of a way to do some good with it.
They're an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our original intro song, remixed accidentally by Mike Rains.
Thanks for Frosty, our buddy who does our voiceover work.
You can find on Blue Sky now at FrostyVO.
They are our voice of Q and all of our bumps and our content warning.
Thank you so much for Frosty.
You can find the show on Twitter at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. Me on Blue Sky at Mysterious L. Hayley on various social media at Arizona Right Watch.
And Mike Rains, of course, on various social media at Poker Politics.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures of Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined as always by our co-host Haley, AKA Arizona Right Watch, and our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mike Raines, AKA Poker and Politics.
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