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Jan. 18, 2024 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:32:37
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #173: Iowa Conspiracies and Trump's Horrible Hand

Amanda Moore AKA Frank the Turtle is here to discuss the conspiracies around the Iowa Caucus, to say good bye to Vivek and to discuss Trump's horrible looking hand. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody, I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello, everybody.
Things are going very smooth on our end.
No technical difficulties here.
Everything is on time and great.
Yes, I am not editing all the bumps in post-production and going to have to put in pauses for us in between segments because Riverside is working perfectly.
Elle is on vacation this week, so we are joined by Amanda, a.k.a.
Frank the Turtle.
Hello.
Amanda with a powerful introduction.
I invited her on.
She doesn't need an introduction.
It's Amanda.
I told her this was coming up like a month ahead of time and she was like, I know what I'm going to say when I get on the mic.
It's gonna be, hello.
Oh, I thought about it for three or four weeks.
Yes, yes, that was, that was the dream.
That was the plan.
But yeah, I like Amanda's like, in a way to me is it's funny because it's just when her story came out and all that kind of stuff.
She was just like the star of like this movement for like a moment where I was like, Oh man!
Amina's even talking to me!
This is the coolest thing in the world!
I honestly have to say that that is something that did happen to me back then.
And one of my friends who listens to The Pod and is very tangential, he freaked out the first time I interviewed her.
She was like, oh my god, she was in January 6th!
She did all this stuff!
I can't believe you're talking to her!
And I was like, yeah, I am!
It's crazy!
She was in January 6th.
Yes, yeah.
She stormed the Capitol.
She's, I mean, if only my friend would have went full stewing on.
It was like, she stormed the Capitol!
She's a baddie!
The great enemy of America!
The usurper.
You have Nancy Pelosi's podium, I heard.
I do.
And if you guys could call me by my code name, which is Amanda Turtlehead, I would really.
Oh God.
I saw Adam Katzinger had a post where he was like, this is a great thread, and it was Stew.
And I was like, no!
No, Adam Katzinger, no!
Wrong bed!
I couldn't see it because I'm blocked, but I understand that it happened.
Right.
Oh yeah.
Well, I mean, FYI... I'm sure it's great points.
Yeah, you can make another account and sneakily see things that people want.
Oh yeah, I have like four accounts.
I know.
I actually want to do a QAnon OpSec test at this very moment, which is one of my favorite things that's so funny about QAnon, is my quote-unquote burner account that I use to monitor them right now on my phone is literally just the hell world.
Podcast account.
Like, none of these clowns who have me blocked have thought to themselves, hey, that guy has a podcast, and he has a tiny podcast-specific account on Twitter.
I should block that, too.
None of them do.
Literally, I just access all of their accounts via... I have, like, other accounts if needed, but they would just make me laugh so much.
If any of them ever woke up and was just like, oh, I should probably block Hellworld also so he can't see me there.
It's like, nope!
Shout out to having a small little podcast that nobody listens to.
Yes!
Yes!
Techful, techful burner account tech usefulness.
So good.
So smart.
I am the smartest and bravest of boys.
Yeah, so that was super depressing that, like, the last person in the world you need to talk about when it comes to disinformation in QAnon is the guy, like, a former member of Congress.
He's like, hey, everybody, look at this thread!
A lot of good points being made here.
What did QAnon, what did Stu say in it?
I don't remember.
I basically saw it, Katzinger said that, and then I got very sad, so let me just, let me... Yeah, this is why I didn't look at it on my other account, so that was like, this is another...
Adam Katzinger, Slava Ukraini, I love that.
Man, thanks for your solidarity of Ukraine, you Republican.
You're truly the greatest.
So, yeah.
Man, this guy's on Twitter more than I am.
Holy smokes.
He's got a lot of... That's always healthy.
Yep.
It's good.
It's a good sign for your former... And what did he do?
He, like, shared a, uh, stew, uh, stew-anon.
He shared Stewartson himself.
Yeah, he shared Jim Stewartson and he said, you have said the actual truth.
Great thread.
And Jim says, imagine a foreign government developed an invisible odorless chemical weapon that causes serious brain damage.
What if they stuck a huge supply into the United States and affected at least a third of the population?
We'd want to do something about that, right?
Now replace chemical with psychological.
Why would it be any different?
This is literally saying that Russia created QAnon.
I have 10,000 hamburgers.
now replace hamburger with dollar bills?
What does that mean?
That's like gibberish.
What are you fucking talking about?
I'm so glad that local media reaches out to this guy for QAnon expertise sometimes.
That's so cool.
Two thirds of the country are my friends and now replace friends with want me dead.
Same thing.
So true.
So true.
Yeah, basically it's just Jim whining about... It's worse than I thought.
Yeah, it's Jim whining about PsyOps and then blaming them on our foreign enemies.
Because QAnon could not have been created by trolls on 4chan and 8chan.
It's impossible.
Reiner is so going to have him on the podcast.
Oh god, I hope so!
That'd be the greatest thing in the world!
Oh man, the Reiner-Stew crossover.
That'd be the best.
I'd be so happy.
If Jim Stewartson ever got into the Kennedy assassination, that would be the funniest thing in the history of the world.
It'd be so awesome.
And the thing is, is that like Jim would absolutely believe that shit because Jim lives in a world where a big bad has to be behind things.
Like QAnon can't be organic.
Nothing can be organic.
Everything has to be created by some evil person doing an evil thing.
And that's just the way the world works.
There's no way the world can possibly just be random and chaotic.
And shit just happens.
Like that is just something that is unacceptable in Jim's worldview.
And that's the QAnon worldview, which is why I hate it so much.
He'd be like, where was Michael Flynn on November 22nd, 1963?
Oh god no, he'd have like photoshops of like Flynn and Oswald like shaking hands and be like, Forrest Gump.
Wait, Rob Reiner's like a famous person.
I didn't know.
Yeah, he's the director of like Spinal Tap.
Millions of followers, wow.
And you know Soledad O'Brien?
She's like actually a journalist.
Yeah.
She's the person that's actually hosting this podcast.
She's lending her journalistic credibility to this Rob Reiner just just spewing nonsense.
It's listeners, if you have not listened to our JFK podcast, I would recommend it because oh boy, we're getting into some interesting territory.
Yeah, it really like to me, this is The Kennedy assassination is so fundamental to American conspiracy theories and that worldview.
And the thing is, is that we have so aggressively normalized ridiculous things through that.
Like, if you said the government killed the president, You should be like, looked at as a crazy person.
But in JFK world, it's like, yeah, the government killed the president.
That totally is what happened.
And it's just... It's not even just the, it's the entire, it's, it's Kennedy was the lone, it's literally the Trump is fighting the deep state story, but blue version.
It's Kennedy was going to save the world and bring about world peace.
And the entire government was against him and needed to take him out and to, to stop lib world peace from happening.
And that's what happened.
Right.
Yeah, it's that.
It's like Kennedy was literally about to sign a peace accord of Khrushchev and Castro, and then the bad people killed him so that that wouldn't happen and we would stay at war for forever.
Rob Reiner is a Normie Dem, he's gonna run to the ballot box to vote for Biden in 2024, all that kind of stuff.
Rob Reiner, his head would explode if he looked at all the QAnon memes that were JFK and Trump next to each other.
The starter!
The finisher!
It's just wild.
I'd be like, no, you don't understand.
Like the bad government killed Kennedy, but then the bad people were the
Republicans and QAnon's like, Nope, bad people are the deep state and it's
literally everybody and we know the truth.
And now we're like telling the world and Kennedy was good because the
bad people killed him and blah, blah, blah.
It's like, Oh my God.
It is.
It's just wild.
It's just truly wild that this level of mania exists in our country.
And no one, no one cares.
No one cares.
When I post stuff about this, I get so many people who are like, Poker, I agree with you about a lot of stuff, but you'll never convince me the government didn't kill Kennedy.
And it's like, how is that so ingrained in you?
Why is something that happened 60 years ago that you have probably done no research into except for watching a couple videos on YouTube?
How is this like so baked into your soul that you're like, nope CIA killed Jack and I know it and you're never going to tell me nothing no wise.
Yeah.
And now Soledad O'Brien is literally tweeting about it an hour ago.
I just checked.
Yes!
Soledad spams.
And what's so sick is that she gets almost no engagement on these posts.
But what's worse is that when she does get engagement, the people are like, I love your pod.
It's so good.
Oh, you're bringing down the deep state.
It's like, no, no, she's not.
Oh, God.
It's just brain worms.
It's literally brain worms, the podcast, just throwing brain worms at people, having them go into people's ears and noses and mouths and get into their brains.
And it's like, no, no, this is so bad.
You definitely are seeing how eventually just kind of like the 9-11 conspiracy and probably Pizzagate will one day kind of be normalized into American culture, which is a bummer.
It's great.
It's just so great.
Enough shilling of our other podcasts and other whining.
It's time to get into the ultra exciting Amuse Bouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse Bouche!
So this week I had someone message me because it appears that one of the Queen of Canada's followers stated that they are, quote, they've been having clones show up near me to aim at me with 5G bioweapon radiation from their phones to make me sick.
Not since 2022, not so happening now.
A program run by the rogue military.
Not all of them were clones.
One of these attacks was aimed at me by Katrina Belanoff in 2020, then the owner of a cannibal restaurant in Los Angeles.
She had just arrived in Vancouver to meet me on the street because cookies on her website told her that I was reading all about their restaurant, knowing she was serving human meat to the elites.
She was afraid about who I might be talking to about their cannibalism.
I paid for the price for my research by getting very sick for a month, ending up with pneumonia.
Fortunately, Katrina's name is now on the list for all tests and executions.
Arrests and executions.
She was executed in 2020, six months after meeting me.
Not for what she did to me, but for what she did at the Cannibal Restaurant.
There's nothing worse than what they did to humanity.
So this is a very rational and normal person who works, who is a worshiper of the Queen of Canada, the lady who is QAnon adjacent, and also totally insane, and tells these people not to pay their bills, and then they get their power shut off in the Canadian cold, which is very bad.
Do either of you have any idea what she's talking about when it comes to the restaurant?
No.
No.
Boom, I actually want to point.
For all of you who are not listening to the pregame of this pod, Amanda and Hayley were talking about Nazis, and I was just sitting there like a dog staring at its reflection in a puddle.
I was just like, uhhhhhh.
And they're just naming off six, seven, eight, nine different Nazis, and I'm just like...
The pretty ladies are talking about the Nazis.
Oh man, this is interesting.
Oh man.
So the fact that I actually get to score a point on them and that they don't know this weird part of the internet is so validating to me.
It's like, oh my God.
So what this actually is, is there is a website that has been up for a million years and it's called the CannibalClub.org.
And it is the most obvious troll in the history of trolls.
And it's all about how they serve human meat to the elite, the elite of the elite.
And they have a picture of, they have a staff page you can click onto.
There's like four people that are the staff of the Cannibal Club restaurant.
I'm looking at it now.
Three of those four photos on the staff are stock photos you can get on Shutterstock.
And the last one is like an ad.
The one of the lady who appears to be, the lady in the red shirt who's like smiling at you, that's actually like an ad for a car.
And you can find that photo elsewhere also.
It looks like a car ad.
She's literally driving in a car and staring out of the car.
Yes.
This website looks like it was made in 1993.
Right, this is Geocities.
This is like the most ancient website in the world, but...
These people get super bent out of shape over this website every couple of years or so.
And Q actually made a Q-drop about this website.
And when people pointed out to Q that this is a joke, and that Q was incredibly stupid for bringing this up, Q was like, well, that's how they normalize it.
They make you think it's a joke, but then they really are serving up human meat to the global elite.
It's what they do.
I like that it doesn't have an address, you have to reach out to them through their contact page.
Well, not just anybody gets to go.
That makes sense to me.
It's a club.
Right, it's a kibble club.
You don't put your restaurant address on the website, you know.
Ridiculous.
That's ridiculous.
No, no restaurant sends their assassination coordinates to people over the internet.
Boom!
Topical reference!
Yeah.
So the other thing that Q mentioned on that was the It was like the Human Harvesting Farm or something like that.
And it was basically a bunch of edgelord vegans on Facebook posting photos of babies and calling them human veal and talking about fattening them up and all that kind of stuff and pretending like that was real.
And they had a lot of photos of props from the Alien Predator series of skinned humans on meat hooks and shit.
And they were like, look, they're chopping people up and they're eating them.
And it's like, no, this is again, it's just edgelord vegans trying to be like, if you're eating meat, you might as well eat humans, too.
How do you like them apples?
And yeah, maybe I would dabble.
I never thought about that.
Long pig, long pig, long pig.
Yeah, we did it.
It only took me like 200 episodes, but I finally started chanting long pig on the podcast.
I'm fully broken as a human being.
Amanda, would you eat people?
I'm going to clip this and send it to your enemies, so answer wisely.
I don't really see the appeal.
I don't know.
Yeah, I'm just kidding.
I wouldn't eat people either.
It feels a little...
We're never gonna go viral like Alex Jones.
You gotta be like, super into eating people.
That's how you go viral.
You're just like, you know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna eat people.
And it's like, oh shit, this guy's nuts.
He's gonna eat people.
Then he gets like 10 million views.
And then he's like, what I was actually doing was cutting Swifty in satire.
I wasn't really talking about eating people.
It's like, no you were!
You were like talking about how in the apocalypse the only meat sources you were gonna have was your neighbors, so you were gonna have to eat them.
It's like, calm down, buddy.
Jesus Christ.
Well, you can only do it in the apocalypse, right?
Because like that guy in Germany did it.
He ate that guy, and then he got in trouble.
That's all he's known for now.
And like, let's be real, if you lived on the west coast, your last name is Donner.
I would change my last name.
I don't want anybody asking.
And then if you could read entire books about how long people hellowed out before they ate meat.
Human meat.
You know?
And that's embarrassing.
That's a really embarrassing legacy.
Some didn't even eat meat.
Some didn't do it.
You know?
Some people... Some held out for a really long time and they almost died.
They were basically forced to.
And that is... That's a bummer.
You know?
You gotta change your name.
So, yeah, 5G bioweapons, a.k.a.
phones, being held at people.
I like the idea that you can actually intimidate someone by holding a phone near them so you're radiating them.
Like, you're just walking down the street, they're just walking down the street, then you're just like, boom!
iPhone in your face!
And they're just like, noooo!
The 5G death radiation!
And you're like, yeah, I like them apples.
Modern day heart attack gun, you know?
Yes!
I was going to get a taser, but I got an Apple Watch instead.
Yep.
Exactly.
I wonder how these people use their phones.
Do they have like a Bluetooth headpiece that's like specially, it has like a Faraday cage wrapped around it to contain the radiation.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
We forgot to put our, our segments back in the chat after we all reset.
So I don't know what we're talking about today.
Oh, don't worry, because I don't know what we're talking about either.
We're just riffing.
I do remember our main points.
The next point was, going into the Iowa caucus Monday night, there were some people concerned that the God Emperor wasn't going to do so well.
So there were some ideas about what could possibly prevent the God Emperor from achieving a dominant victory.
And one of those was Laura Loomer posting on Twitter and other social media platforms that the Deep State was using harp to make Iowa unnaturally cold and snowy.
And this was going to drive down- Another Arizona hero.
Loomer.
Harp.
Yes, they were harping Iowa into unbelievable coldness, which would depress the voter turnout, thus allowing the deep state to flood the caucuses with their evil deep state voters that would then vote for not-Trump and deny him victory in the Iowa caucus, because that's the thing that was absolutely totally going to happen.
And it turned out that it all worked out great.
Trump won.
The Deep State's freezing cold was unable to defeat the will of the patriots who showed up to cast their ballots in the confusing and incoherent caucus format, which has been explained to me numerous times and I still don't care and don't ever want to care or know how it works.
Our other conspiracy, go ahead.
I was going to say, I really loved how he was like, I don't, you just got to come.
It doesn't matter.
Pick up your neighbors, pick up your friends.
If you drop dead after you vote, that's fine.
Yes.
Yeah.
Trump was like, it's really going to be called out, but you still got to vote.
If you die after voting, it was worth it.
He literally stated that, that he was willing to trade your life for your vote.
That was a totally acceptable transaction for Donald Trump.
I would just, I mean, that should just be the Biden campaign ad, is that Joe Biden's like, if it will kill you to vote, please do not vote for me.
I would like you to continue living.
That would be nice.
Also, the primary, it's a primary.
Like, then they're dead.
Who's going to vote for you to be president?
What?
Save that!
Put that in your back pocket.
Yeah, there's a big reflection coming up.
You're gonna really need those people!
I love the idea that, like, in November, Iowa suddenly is a battleground state that flips to Biden, and they're like, well, Biden won by 10,000 votes, and guess what?
It turned out 10,000 people died after voting for Trump in the freezing cold of Iowa.
Mass pile up on the highway going home.
So yeah, that all happened.
While the conspiracy theories about Trump's possible loss were going on, there was also conspiracy theories about the fact that the storm had arrived because Donald Trump showed up to a rally and he was wearing a special hat for this rally that read, Iowa Caucus Captain, in gold.
And the hat itself was white.
And QAnon looked at this and just absolutely, oh man, they made a messy mess in their pants.
And I'll leave it up to you to figure out how they messed their pants.
But boy howdy, seeing their hero wearing a literal white hat, they were like, oh, it's happening.
The storm is upon us.
We're, Hillary's being taken to Gitmo for the 90th time now.
Oh my God.
Storming?
Wow.
The symbolism right in our face.
Yeah, that's right.
You take that harp, you give us a storm, we give you a storm.
Donald Trump is harp!
Donald Trump is harp!
The Deep State whispered to Trump, you can't survive the harp.
Trump replies, I am the harp.
It's like...
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's so...
And then later on, Trump was delivering pizza to people.
That was awesome.
So strong.
He's so strong.
The guy who has the 8-bit Twitter avatar, Mario, was like, Biden couldn't lift more than two pizzas!
Trump's carrying eight!
Oh my god!
pretty, pretty sure Joe Biden can carry eight pizzas.
I'm pretty sure- They're not big pizzas. Like, that's the thing.
It's just pizza.
After I broke my arm, I got a really big pizza and walked a mile back to my office with it.
And I was like, man, this is kind of heavy for someone with a freshly out of surgery arm.
You know, but it was like one of the big ones, like huge.
These were like- Build a topping.
I could eat the whole- No, but I meant like, big, you know?
Which is the kind you could sit and eat the whole thing yourself?
Like, those boxes were not that big.
It's like hot and ready.
It's a little bit bigger than, like, a Caesar's at lunch.
You know?
I'm pretty sure Biden's ice cream cones are heavier than those boxes of pizza.
It's like, oh my god, if we're doing the Great American Food Off between Biden and Trump, it's like, oh my god.
Which of my geriatric fucks can waddle around with the most amount of junk food?
What I really should have done to Trump was have him carry the pizzas down a very slow incline, and let's see how he handles that, because that would have been truly... Pizza everywhere?
Pizza everywhere, Trump everywhere, oh god.
By these metrics, though, I think pizza delivery boys should be the next president.
Yes!
I agree, I agree.
I think we should have Festivus for president.
You have to do a feat of strength.
Yeah, and whoever wins that, it has to be a creative one, it can't just be boring.
I'm here for all of this, mostly because of the fact that all of these options are immediately disqualifying to Trump, much like the 14th Amendment.
Yeah, but this is what's so funny is that if any Democrat or any liberal is within a hundred yards of a pizza box, they are a pederast.
They are an adrenochrome-drinking, child-slaughtering monster.
Donald Trump walks out with eight pizza boxes and QAnon's like, whoa!
Look at Trump with the pizza boxes!
So great!
How?
How is that great?
Pizza is literally the food of the devil.
Like, when you are- That third box is Abigail.
Okay?
Pizza ovens are actual hell mouths.
These are actual hell mouths.
They're actual portals to hell.
You open up the pizza oven, throw the pizza in, and the screams of the souls of enslaved children erupt from the pizza oven, and you slam it shut, and that's what cooks the pizza.
The horror of young children.
It's like spiritual adrenochrome.
That's how they cook it.
What do you think sauce is?
Oh.
But also, you know, white hat pizza.
You ever think about that?
That's what he was scaring.
That's like Liz Crokan and all their excuses.
Whenever the good people do the bad thing, they're trolling.
They're trolling the deep sea.
Here's what actually happened.
He went to the pizza parlor, he ordered a child, and then he got eight boxes, hollowed them out, put the child in the box, and carried her to safety.
Oh my god, you're so right.
Wow!
Amanda is truly the greatest of all bakers.
She would have the biggest following on 8kun imaginable.
There's a tiny child in those 8 pizzas.
Yes!
There's a tiny child in those 8 boxes.
Trump got them out of Wayfair and got them in the pizza boxes.
It's great.
It's just, oh man.
And it's an even bigger test of strength because he's not just carrying 8 pizzas.
It's actually a child in there.
He's actually carrying 8.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, dang it!
We've just made Trump president for life!
Oh, man.
We done boofed it.
We done boofed it on this one.
What an oops-a-daisies that was.
Good thing nobody listens.
That would... Oh, thank God.
Thank God.
You'd be able to pull that.
And get it to Trump.
Mr. President.
Yes.
I'm just imagining his New Hampshire press conference.
He's going to have the small child that he carried through the pizza boxes.
Oh, God, it's so perfect.
Oh, man.
So finally from our Boosh Topics when it comes to this silliness that was Iowa, it's now time for Bon Voyage Vivek, everyone's favorite toady, bootlicked Donald Trump who was trying to start a podcasting career or get some low-level position in the Trump administration so he can be on Sunday morning talk shows or whatever it was he was actually angling for.
Our boy Vivek has declared that he is now dropping out of the race.
He... No!
No!
No, Vivek, no!
You had so much to run for, oh...
Doing a MAGA impersonation of Trump while not being white, probably not a winning formula in a Republican primary, but yeah.
Yeah.
Did you see the Babylon Bee joke?
Joke, I guess we'll call it.
Will we call it a joke?
It's about as standard as their other jokes, is the fact that it's not a joke, but they were like, oh.
It's just literal racism.
It's just racism.
I'm just looking at the way Amina's reacting.
She has not seen the joke yet.
Somebody had posted, they had like quote tweeted Vivek saying something and there's like that screenshot of somebody like saying like, I am from India.
I am like, Uh, Indian Hitler.
I love Hitler.
And like, all these people were like, all these people on the right were like, this is so racist of you to say.
And I was kind of just thinking, I wonder how many of those people I look at their accounts are like, on that Babylon Bee joke, like, this is so funny.
You're so funny.
I bet you a lot of them are.
For listeners who don't know, their joke was basically like, Vivek's going to get a position in the Trump administration as a 7-Eleven clerk, right?
That was kind of the gist of it.
He's going to work at 7-Eleven.
I think they said they're going to build a 7-Eleven in the White House and Vivek's going to get to manage it.
That's going to be his job in the Trump administration.
And it was just like, Wow, Indian guy runs a 7-Eleven.
Oh, so clever.
The topical humor.
The cutting wit.
Oh, man.
MJ said today, Morgan, like whatever her name is, she was like, when people email the Babylon Bee about this and complain, I guess you don't realize that you're emailing me and I don't give a shit.
Like, they're not sorry.
No, no, they're not sorry.
I did see a little bit of a debate going back and forth in their comments like, come on guys, too far, as if they don't know where they're at.
And then a bunch of people being like, I bet Vivek would find this funny.
You know?
Well, Ashley St.
Clair quote tweeted it when it was first posted and she said, she tagged him and she said, Hey Vivek, I just want you to know I don't have any control over our writers because Ashley is like friendly with him, you know, like in person.
And so I thought that was interesting.
I was like, I think she's joking.
But I also think maybe she's not all joking.
I was a part of this.
Really cool that everybody's being racist to Vivek.
Um, it sounds like they really like you.
Well, I was watching MSNBC for the caucus.
Uh-huh.
And they, like, cut to—well, okay, hold on.
I was watching Nick Fuentes watch MSNBC for the caucus.
And, like, they cut to Vivek, like, giving his concession speech.
But then they interrupt the concession speech and go breaking.
Vivek is about to drop out.
Hilarious.
I can't get a break anywhere.
Who got second?
It was DeSantis, right?
They had a second place meter on New York Times.
Yeah, like basically it was like DeSantis edged out Haley for second and it was just like, whoa, yay, congratulations.
You both don't matter at all.
I will be interested to see what happens in New Hampshire because like Haley is like I don't know like appears to be in some polls remotely competitive in New Hampshire and Trump's already doing this shit where he's like New Hampshire's rigged because that is his immediate like the moment he sees a poll where he's like not winning by double digits over all of his opponents his immediate reaction starts screaming that it's rigged so I just feel like That's a really shitty thing to do because New Hampshire, New Hampshire loves this shit.
New Hampshire voters love just like giving the favorite a middle finger being like, fuck you, buddy.
So I think it's kind of weird.
I mean, I think that Trump will win, but if he doesn't, I will laugh hysterically and it will be very funny.
And then we will go to South Carolina, which is like Nikki Haley's home state, which is weird.
I mean, it's just kind of funny that I haven't seen anyone saying that she even has a chance of winning her home state.
It's like really odd that that she's competitive in New Hampshire and goes get raffle stomped in South Carolina.
It's like, man, what a great job you did as governor of your state if you're not even competitive in it.
Holy shit.
But she took down the Confederate flag.
Damn it.
Boo!
Heritage, not hate!
But the thing that's so funny about Vivek was...
Literally right before the caucus, he had this very bizarre campaign tactic, which was, vote for me, because the deep state is trying to get this down to Nikki versus Trump, and then they're going to eliminate Trump and make Nikki the nominee.
So you need to pick me so that we have more options against Nikki Haley, because Trump isn't going to make it.
And this was very vague and bizarre because I'm assuming Vivek was trying to make it this way that if anyone pushed him on it, he'd be like, I'm talking about the 14th Amendment.
They're going to kick him off the ballot.
But by using the term eliminate, he's definitely hinting at the fact that like, yeah, the deep state is going to kill Trump.
They're just going to kill him. 100%?
And it's just like, Vivek, if the Deep State's willing to kill him, why would they not kill you?
Like, the Deep State only can kill one candidate they don't like?
They only got one candidate murdering bullet in them?
They have rules, you know.
They operate by a complex system of honor and rules.
You wouldn't understand.
That's fine.
It's like when they programmed Oswald to kill Kennedy.
He was the only one they programmed.
They had a guy that could take him out because they had to make it fair.
And if Oswald made it to the end point, the final boss, and killed Kennedy, then it was a fair game.
He did it.
He wins.
He wins.
He gets the prize.
Yeah, so that's how it works, I think.
Right.
That makes a lot of sense.
I'm very much intrigued by what you say and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter now.
So yeah, so Vivek basically was on the vote for me, they're gonna kill Trump plan, that didn't work, and now Vivek has dropped out.
He is endorsing Trump, the man that he literally believes will not make it to November for the election, because it seems he will eliminate him, which seems like an odd thing to do.
And now, the real fun thing here with Vivek and what happened was, Vivek went on stage with Trump and was like, hey everybody, I love Trump now, he's the greatest, everyone loves Trump.
And QAnon has had two reactions.
One is, good on you Vivek, you fought the good fight and now you're a loyal soldier and we love you.
But the other side of it is, did you see the look Trump gave Vivek?
That's the look he gave Fauci.
You don't want to be on the other side of the Trump stare, baby.
There's people who've got, like, threads of, like, Trump glaring at people.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Is he going to kill Vivek?
What's going on?
I'm in.
I'm in.
Let's go.
Yes.
What's happening to Vivek?
He's so annoying.
What torture is going to befall him?
I want to know.
They should fight.
That's good.
That's good.
That'd be a funny fight, honestly.
I think it would be really funny.
Trump can't fight.
Vivek would look like a bitch.
Yeah, it would be really unique.
I don't know.
I really don't know who'd win.
My money's on Vivek because Trump's like 80, senile, and overweight, and can't actually move.
But he's so small, and I think he would be scared to throw a punch at Trump.
He wouldn't be scared to throw a punch because he knows if he hits Trump.
He has to not only kill and dominate Trump, he has to kill and dominate like 10,000 lunatics who are going to be dogging it for the rest of his life.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
It would be an interesting fight.
We should get this happening.
Let's start a GoFundMe.
Let's start a GoFundMe for the Trump-Vivek rumble.
Yeah.
It would be great.
The throwdown in Iowa, Vivek versus Trump.
I think one of my favorite things that I saw on the news during the caucus, um, was that there's still a lot of like, I think they're doing this only because their ratings are awful, but like MSNBC, CNN talking head libs being like, Acting like Trump still might not get the nomination.
They had Claire McCaskill on MSNBC and she was talking about how Trump actually did really bad and it's not looking so good for him.
That's amazing.
I know!
And I'm like, we're not doing this again.
We're not doing this again.
He's going to get the nomination.
Jesus Christ.
What?
Well, what's his name?
Steele and Tim Miller were both on MSNBC on Jen Psaki's show, and they were both like, yeah, he's got it in the back, like, you guys see that now, right?
Like, Tim and I were talking, like, I don't know, like, sometime last month, and we brought up how, like, Trump has it in the back, and that was a month before Iowa.
So it's very interesting how the never-Trump Republicans are like, are you guys fucking stupid?
Literally.
I can't believe that Claire McCaskill would go on television and say that after Iowa.
That is wild.
You know, I keep getting told by editors when I pitch stories, oh, everybody knows there's Nazis, you know, in these political groups and in Congress.
Nobody cares.
And I'm like, okay, I'll talk to you March 6.
We'll see how you feel.
Hangover Wednesday.
We'll see how that's going for you.
Because I'm pretty sure you're going to be in for a surprise.
Or that's what you want.
You know, it's one or the other.
Definitely.
Yeah, this guy's got a thread of Trump staring at Fauci and then Hillary and Obama and they're just like, yeah, look at him.
Look at him giving him the stare.
Look at him looking at him.
Yeah.
The stare means that suddenly there's like 10,000 threads about you on the Donald Duck win.
Like, that's it.
That's what the stare does.
It doesn't do anything else.
There's a bobblehead of you for sale at a Clay Clark event if you get the stare for too long.
That's a rockatory bobblehead.
That's it.
Vivek Ramp Swampy, am I right?
Boom!
Oh my god.
How do you like them apples?
Oh man.
Yeah, so yeah.
Vivek, thanks for playing.
Have your lovely parting gifts.
Please don't have a career after this in the public.
You are horribly obnoxious and annoying.
Oh, I'm sure he's going away for sure.
Definitely.
He's definitely going away.
Never hearing from that guy again.
He'll be on Dancing with the Stars next season.
He'll make it to the Final Seven.
He'll be great.
God, just absolutely the, absolutely the worst of all things.
He's probably going to have one of those children's books like Sean Spicer did and Jack the Surveyor.
Absolutely.
And lives at TikTok.
Oh God, what's his- There's so many children's books.
Who did we read?
We read one, Mike.
Jack the Surveyor read this to me.
We were reading the Cash Patel children's book about the- Cash Patel.
Yeah.
It was like OG, right?
Yeah.
There's a lot of those, like, doesn't Ashley Sinclair have one?
A lot of those- She has one too.
It's all from the same company.
Yep.
And they use the same ghostwriters, because I went to one of the events and wrote about it, and they use the same ghostwriters for everybody.
But the guy I talked to, because it was Jack Vesovic, lives at TikTok, Sean Spicer, Kirk Cameron at mine, and Sean Spicer was uncomfortably close to him, being like, I thought about killing myself because you guys were mean to me.
And I asked the guy, I was like, did Sean, was he more hands-on?
He's like, Sean was really involved in the book writing process.
Like, oh I could tell it seemed really, he seemed to really connect with the material.
He's like, have you ever considered sometimes when you're mean to people and you don't have to get the whole side of their story out and then they just don't know what to do and then you demonize them and then they have to go sit in the corner by themselves and then they're sad children and they're sad and it's just like, You know what I mean?
Sometimes you're so mean to people that they want to hurt themselves.
And it's just like, okay!
But everybody else is a ghostwriter.
At least the same ghostwriter.
Yeah, yeah, Mark Lamb.
I just remembered because he did the same tour with Kirk Cameron here and nothing like a racist constitutional sheriff right in your children's book, right?
That's what we want.
Did Kirk pull out his statue?
I don't know.
I didn't go to this.
I didn't go to it.
I don't think I'm allowed in Scottsdale.
I'm just imagining the city limits of Scottsdale just have posters of Haley's face on them like, do not let this woman in.
There's like a financial limit to enter Scottsdale and I don't think I'd match it.
Oh yeah, that's true.
I stayed there for work for like a month or so.
It was some like JW resort or something that I was at.
It's nice.
It's really nice.
So even though we actually kind of got into the whole Iowa result thing already, we will pretend like we actually didn't and move over to our headlines.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
So Trump won Iowa.
That sucked.
So yeah.
Turnout was low, not great.
Again, that was probably due to the harp weapon.
So we got to find out that a bunch of white people in Iowa want a dictator, as was said to numerous people that were being interviewed by the media about, Hey, so Trump, why are you voting for him?
Because I want him to crush our enemies.
And, um, That's a healthy, normal thing an American should say in the year of our Lord 2024.
So, it's going great.
The Great American Experiment continues apace.
I'm thrilled, personally.
What Hayley and Amanda said is really wild to me.
There's been like a year, literally over a year, of just denial about what this election is going to be.
The fact that this has been a rematch literally brewing for four years and so many people have refused to accept that for the entire time, it is wild to me.
I'm like, folks, Biden's the incumbent president.
Parties don't primary incumbent presidents.
That's just not how this works.
And on the other side of the equation, Trump has a stranglehold on the Republican primary voter.
Like, they ain't going for somebody else.
They know what they like, and they're not going to take diet what they like.
They want the original recipe.
That's what they're going to go for.
So the fact that we've had this happening for all this time and people are still just like, man, there's no way that's going to happen.
It's like, yes, it is.
I saw a post about a news article a week ago where they said that the biggest problem the Biden campaign had was that three out of four undecided voters they were reaching out to refused to accept that Trump was going to be the Republican nominee.
They were just like, So who are you voting for in 2024?
And the people were like, I don't know.
We'll see who the Republican puts up.
And the Biden people were like, they're putting up Trump.
And then those people were like, no, that ain't happening.
And it's like, okay, we'll call you back in two months and see how you feel when you find out it's Trump.
I, you know, I really thought that these editors are just like, really are like thinking like oh if Trump's not the nominee I don't want to waste the space in my magazines but I mean I've been thinking that it's been they want Trump to be the nominee but now I am wondering maybe some of them are just like really we're not understanding it I mean it I I think two people saw the midterms and conflated that with Trumpism but that's not
Do you know what I mean?
Like, I thought that was strange, too.
I've seen people be like, well, the midterms went really poorly for Trump.
And it's like, did they?
Because he wasn't in the midterms.
Like, you know, I might love my friend, but I don't love her boyfriend, right?
Like, you love Trump.
If you're willing to die for Trump, you're not willing to die for the guy he tells you to go vote for.
Voting's fucking boring.
Who cares?
But Trump?
That's a party.
I don't know.
Man.
I did not know that that was a thing that had happened.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was like, uh, they were saying that, like, uh, the, the, they were saying that the, uh, here it is.
The Biden campaign is grappling with a stubborn reality.
The majority of undecided voters simply do not seem to believe, at least not yet, that Donald Trump is likely to be the Republican nominee.
Nearly three in four per, per internal campaign research.
Just, yep.
I mean, I've definitely talked to like, I've talked to somebody who was probably the most, they don't follow politics whatsoever kind of person.
And they literally asked me, they were like, so what's going on with Trump?
What's going on with him lately?
And I'm like, well, he'll probably be the nominee.
And they're like, no way.
I think if you just don't follow the news, you're like, well, that's over.
you know, that that's done. And then like people who are really in the weeds are like,
what are you talking about? You know, it's actually not done. And he's probably gonna
be he's he's definitely gonna be the nominee. So maybe we should start talking about that a little
when I tweeted about it. Somebody was like, I was threads because threads is threads.
It's always threads.
Somebody was like, or maybe it was Blue Sky.
I don't remember what it was.
Whatever.
It was not Twitter.
But somebody was like, oh, well, he could die or all of this.
And I'm like, and you think that solves the problem?
I mean, like, okay, like, so could Joe Biden.
Like, these are both old fucks.
Like, what's your point here?
Like, if I'm telling you Trump's gonna be the nominee, there's a problem that's bigger than whether or not he lives till November.
On threads, I got kind of the reaction of like, He's not gonna get the nomination because like he'll be barred from running like people believe are on that copium, you know, and it's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's not what's happening.
I saw he might be in jail and it's like- I've seen that too.
It doesn't stop anybody from voting for him.
What are you talking about?
It just- But also that's just so much copium.
You can still write in someone's name and you know what's gonna fucking happen?
Like...
Mike, do you think that Trump is going to be sitting in jail for the rest of his life?
You know, like is like, you know, it's like people think that like he's going to go to jail forever.
And that's just not what I don't think that's what's going to happen.
I just.
I think that if he doesn't win the election, he will be in court for the remainder of his life just trying to avoid being in jail.
One of my friends was talking to me and he was like, hey man, when's Alex Jones going to actually pay all those people from Sandy Hook?
I was like, hopefully soon, but my friend was then horrified to find out that Alex Jones is younger than him.
He was like, Oh my God, he's like, I can't.
He's like, Alex Jones isn't even 50 yet.
I thought that guy was in his 60s.
He looks like shit.
And I'm like, yeah, I know.
But I guess hate really does age a person.
And he then had a kind of like, he had a kind of like a bit of relief as a burden was lifted off his shoulders.
He's like, yeah, Alex Jones can't actually run out the clock that many years.
Like he's either gonna die of a Coke, he's gonna die of his Coke problem, or he's gonna have to pay the Sandy Hook families.
Whereas Trump is Very advanced in age.
So Trump probably will be able to run out the clock in court cases until the cholesterol takes its course and brings the God Emperor low, as it were.
Like Giuliani.
He's just running out the clock.
He's never going to pay anybody.
He's also liquefying all the time.
He's literally liquefying in front of us.
Oh, oh.
Giuliani's running out the clock and also speeding up the clock.
The dude's probably not sober.
He probably hasn't been sober past two o'clock in the afternoon for like six months at this point.
I mean, oh my God.
That is a, uh, that is a dude that is in rough shape.
But, uh, if we, if we pay Cameo 20 bucks, I can still wave at him and be like, Hey Rudy!
Rudy!
Yeah.
So.
On the other side of this equation, QAnon, much as people who are not involved in politics and are just dull-eyed, undecided voters, QAnon is so convinced that Biden's going to be moved aside by the deep state.
Mostly because as much as they hate Biden, and they've tried to get their hate boner up for Biden, they've had four years to get angry at this dumb old white guy.
And it just doesn't work as good as it does when they hate Hillary, or especially when they hate Michelle Obama.
They're just praying some shiny new toy swoops into the Democratic nomination and gives them a more hateable enemy that they can spend their days like screaming and yelling about.
And I saw a tweet today by one of my favorite QAnon guys, because he's like avatars of Kruiper.
His name is Real Ben, and he's from Canada.
I love it.
I love Canadian Kruipers who hate America.
It's like, buddy, stay in your own lane.
Be mad at Trudeau.
Calm the fuck down.
But he was just like, I know it's going to be Trump in 2024, but it sure as hell won't be Biden.
And you can, you can punch his back at me because I'm right.
And it's like, uh, you guys, Hugh was talking about Biden getting replaced in 2020 because he knew Biden's superpower was being incredibly boring and just generically a guy.
Like, Biden's just this like force field of banality where you have to try to invent ways to get angry at him because he's just there.
He's not evil because he's not white or not a dude.
Like, it's just...
QAnon's like, what?
I have to hate a cishet white guy?
No!
Why is the universe so unfair?
Why is the universe so mean to me?
Please let Michelle Obama be the nominee so I can spend the next eight months photoshopping penises onto her.
Just like the big sticks.
Like, dicks that are not, it's, they don't go that big.
I don't know what you guys are doing sometimes.
Listen, listen, I hate, I hate black people, I hate trans people, and that is why I spend all day photoshopping black dicks on this black woman.
Like, don't, don't mind me over here.
I'm completely normal.
Sure. Yes. Go for it.
I saw the one that went down to like the knee like they always put bulges in her nice dresses and it's like there
was one I think you actually posted it Mike and it was like near her knee I was like there's no fucking way!
Soft? God damn!
Just because I fantasize about Michelle's big soft dick all day doesn't mean there's something wrong with me!
It's big, it's soft.
And the tweet you're talking about, the best part about that was is that the guy literally five hours before that was like, I don't care about trans people, it's you people and your weird obsession with pronouns that are throwing this in my face.
And then immediately, his next tweet basically is like, I photoshopped a big dick onto Michelle Obama.
Boom!
How do you like that?
It's just like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
I love American politics.
I love the discourse.
So good.
You know, the rest of the world just does not take us seriously.
I had drinks with a friend of mine from high school, bizarrely.
He follows me on Twitter and he lives in Angola, which is where he's originally from.
And he was like, you know, on January 6th, everybody was like, Well, you're the American representative at our friend group here in Angola, so what the fuck is wrong with your people?
And then, like, again with the Speaker of the House, and like, over and over.
It's just like, yeah, nobody in the Global South takes you guys seriously anymore, so good luck with that.
Cool.
Thank you.
I think this is really what we need.
What we really need is a full-scale campaign of putting dicks on Michelle Obama for president.
That would really improve our reputation.
Yep.
Imagine being the American representative in various countries, the UK, Angola, Brazil, and all your friends are like, why are your people back home putting dicks on Michelle Obama?
I want that!
I want that for all the expats, you know?
Yeah, that's what we've got this down to is that we do not want Michelle Obama to run for president.
We want her hypothetical penis to run for president.
That's it.
Just...
It's perfect!
It's everywhere!
It would get a lot of attention.
They would never shut up about it.
This is the beautiful world we live in where both sides are in crippling denial about who the other side's nominee is going to be.
And one side just can't imagine that that horrible lunatic who attacked our capital will be re-nominated.
Well, the other side is just like, I need to be a racist transphobe or I won't be excited enough to go to the ballot in November.
I just can't.
I just can't do it.
If I don't have the hate juice just stirred up in me over the fact that I'm misgendering a black woman.
I mean, oh my God.
It's just, they're, they're so bizarre.
I mean, like, I feel like on some level they're just kind of like, man, it'd be really nice if Biden were to like drop dead.
Cause at the very least I can hate Kamala Harris more than him.
Cause at least she's a black woman and I can get upset about that.
But it's just like, God damn it.
Joe, why do you got to be old, white and boring?
You, you ice cream eating, dark Brandon guy that Like, the thing that's so funny is the anti-Biden stuff I see at my work is, like, boring.
I had a guy who had, like, Biden is an idiot, like a homemade shirt that said that.
And it's like, you know, Obama was a traitor and a Muslim Kenyan usurper and...
People had the photos of him being hanged with the word rope instead of nope under it.
I mean, it was like violent, hateful rage.
This guy's like, Joe Biden's kind of stupid, and I made a t-shirt to say that, because I don't think he's the sharpest tool in the shed.
And it's like, really?
That's all you got for Sleepy Joe?
Buy an official Joe Biden t-shirt and just write in dummy with a shock verb on top of it.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
It's just like, ah, man.
Well, I'm, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for Republicans in QAnon that you don't hate Joe Biden enough.
I hope you, I hope you find it in your hearts to learn to hate more in the next year or so.
And, um, finally for our headlines, I really wasn't going to bring this up until it was like kind of breaking news.
Um, There was a photo of Trump walking out of the courtroom today, and he held up his hand to wave at the crowd, and his hand looked really fucked up.
It was really bizarre.
I, like, I don't even know what happened.
I, like, honestly, like, the closest thing I can think to being even remotely realistic is that the dude has, like, some sort of hemoglobin or blood sugar testing he has to do, and he was doing, like, finger sticks, and he, like, fucked them up really bad.
Does he, like, use the entire box?
His hands look really bad.
I don't- I- I- It looks like he has like hand herpes.
Like- Is it hand herpes?
Oh, that's what it looks like?
Yes!
That is something I have seen on the internet.
I have seen people saying, that looks like herpes.
I mean, it's just...
He has like a really bad scabby wound on his pointer finger.
And then he has another wound on his thumb.
And then on his palm, he has a blood spot.
And it's just like, what the fuck?
Like, Oh my God.
Well, we can only hope it takes him soon.
We have this thing on the pod where we look forward to the day that we can go cover the Trump funeral live.
When he had COVID, I kept a can of champagne in my purse just in case.
So I'm like, what are we doing?
We're going to go to the funeral because you know, it's going to be huge.
You know, it's going to be huge.
There's going to be people being very respectful in the streets and normal.
So for Bush, just the actual funeral here closed down.
Like my boyfriend, he got like off work early.
Like, it closed down, like, half the city, you know?
Cause it's, you gotta go through.
So, you know, I really think that Trump can top it.
I do think that we can.
Oh my god!
Oh, it's gonna be wild.
They're gonna shut down the state of Florida when he dies.
Like, it's gonna be, the entire state is gonna go in the morning.
It's gonna be crazy.
I can't wait to view his dead body.
Well, it'll have to be something new for him, too.
Cause he was a former president.
What'd you say?
You can't wait to meet his dead body?
Yeah, just see it, you know, on view.
Meet?
Yeah, just like, hello!
It'll be fun.
It'll be fun.
Jeff and Daph.
Nice to meet you.
For the Glob Fox.
Yep.
Put some pennies on his eyes.
Goodbye.
Oh, God.
It'll be fun.
It'll be fun.
We also didn't talk about Arizona, and he is coming to town.
Oh, yeah.
I forgot about your Arizona Trump rally spot.
Yep, bring that up.
Yep, he's coming to town at the end of the month.
Unfortunately, it will be at Dream City Church, which for listeners who don't know, that is a massive megachurch here with multiple campuses that is heavily connected to Turning Point USA and the Arizona GOP, and they also have a ton of security that they do not let you in if you are not friendly.
So that's a really fun place that they're having it at.
So I probably won't be able to get in because I've been escorted out by the police twice.
This is a funny story.
So the first time I was kicked out was with Travis View from QAnon Anonymous.
We were both covering a QAnon event, like an all-day festival at a Dream City Church campus.
And a group of Proud Boys got a little bit triggered by my presence because I made the mistake of having a glittery bag.
And they thought that was gay.
It was gay as hell.
And they told security that I didn't belong there.
So security comes and taps me out of the event, which I'm literally, I was sitting next to the huge cross in the back.
That's literally a rainbow cross.
And I was like, come on, man.
Like maybe I'm just reclaiming the rainbow.
Like you guys always say.
Um, so I got tapped out by the security guard.
He, I have to go talk to him and he questions me about why I'm there.
And it's like, it's a free fucking public event in a fucking church.
I didn't say it so hostile.
But then when he went back and forth, I was like, man, I thought this was fucking America.
And I did literally say that.
And he was like, Okay, that's it.
And he called the police over that they had on the campus.
And had a bad word.
Yeah, she she American us.
Um, so the police escorted me completely off the campus.
They walked me all the way to the end and then they had like a secondary security guard that just kept following me.
I had to dip into like a Dunkin Donuts so he would stop following me well off the campus.
I was like spitting at him like, can you fuck off, sir?
And the Proud Boys were laughing at me the whole time.
And Travis also got tapped out because they were like, Sir, you were talking to that woman.
Are you guys an Antifa couple?
They literally called us an Antifa couple.
I know.
Travis is like, could be my dad.
How is that not on your Twitter bio or any of your other biographies?
And he didn't get kicked out because he doesn't look like me.
He's a nice looking white dad.
And he was just like, oh, well, I'm just recording the entire event for my podcast.
And they're like, you can stay, sir.
So he didn't get kicked out and I did.
And then the second time I got kicked out of Dream City Church was, um, they held the Deep Rig premiere, which was the conspiracy movie about the Arizona Cyber Ninjas audit.
And I actually got to see the whole movie because I sat in the back.
I was staring at that security guard that followed me dead in the eye, like, you better not see me.
Um, but then at the end of the movie, the security guard that initially pulled me out of the, the first time I got kicked out spotted me and he was like, Hey, you!
And, uh, called the police on me and I had to get escorted off of that campus.
It was a different campus.
This all happened right in front of Will Sommer.
He didn't notice any of it!
He didn't notice me getting escorted out by the police or anything!
He was talking to fuckin' Austin Steinbart, fuckin' the time-traveling QAnon fake cock guy who lives here, and he was there with his little cult.
He was distracted by him, and I was like, man, I hope somebody sees me getting fuckin' thrown out by the police, especially this national reporter right here.
Nope.
Nope, and I got thrown out in the cold.
Um, I had to go all the way down because their campus is huge.
I'm like at the end of a mountain, just like, I need a ride.
So I can't go to see Trump probably, but because they hold it at Dream City Church and they hold a lot of Arizona political events there.
So it's kind of, they, it's kind of, they, they keep it secret and locked down in this fascist church.
Um, so that's a story.
That's the Arizona story for the week.
I'll update once the event happens.
What's up?
Did you see Olia Scooter Caster on Twitter?
She had applied to be at the Issues Press and applied for press access to Trump's rally and she had to give them where she was born.
She's Ukrainian.
And they replied with, you are not welcome or you are not invited to our event or something like that.
So I think like they would probably also at this point, I think they're even trying to like get a line of defense before the fucking church guy now, like to have, you know, What rally was she trying to cover?
It was in Arizona.
I think it might have been closer to her.
It was in the past, like, three weeks.
Man, they're really keeping the rallies kind of locked down this time.
They really are.
So yeah, it's good they're not even going to try, I think, because I think that maybe they would be even more inclined to.
Be on the lookout for the Antifa couple.
Listeners, if you want an Antifa couple with me, hit me up.
Kidding, kidding, kidding.
Mike, you want to come?
You would be able to sneak in pretty good.
Oh, God, I would use the power of my white manhood to just launch myself to wherever I need to be.
You literally have to do nothing.
You could just walk in as Zora now.
Oh, absolutely.
I look like the most typical maggot chud imaginable.
Oh, man.
That is one thing that I've learned from being in casinos most of my life.
Is that casino clientele are basically old white guys who love Republicans.
And when they see me, a white guy, they just think I'm in the club.
So they will just like talk to me just as if it's totally cool to say horrible things and be aggressively Republican.
Man, put a mic between your tits.
What you doing?
You know how expensive a good wig is?
I can't be out there anymore.
I don't even know.
I know.
I need a good one.
Mine are cheap and crappy and look like I'm sneaking into places.
Exactly!
I could go anywhere, I mean anywhere a lot of, I mean I probably can't go to a lot of the same places that you can't go to because I don't think about Ryan Sanchez or Grayson Arnold or Bass Kyle would be very happy to see me!
Yeah, I'll never forget this.
The two main moments that really showed me that, like, I'm in the white guy club and that means a certain thing was I was walking, I was on break and I was walking one way and this guy was walking the other way and the guy just held his phone up to me and was like, hey man, check out this craziness.
And it was a photo of what appeared to be a black woman with a photo, again, photoshopped penis.
This is not Michelle Obama, but it was just a black woman.
It was just a black woman.
Man, there's something going on with the American psyche.
Is everybody okay?
Is everybody okay?
God, with the black tits!
It was just a black woman in a bikini and she had six-pack abs and the bikini bottom had a bulge in it and the guy just wanted me to look at it and be like, look at this!
Weirdly gendered thing that you should be offended or upset at in some way, shape, or form.
And I just kind of like gave him a quick nod and then just walked past him.
I'm like, how am I supposed to engage on this?
Like, what is my reaction?
Am I supposed to be racist?
Am I supposed to be transphobic?
Yes, he wants to know if you're similarly threatened by the idea.
I also like Dick.
Yeah.
Yes!
Dang, that does look good!
Oh god!
Oh god.
I'll have this guy do the video.
There's this video of this guy on a Mormon campus and he's talking to all these people about how everyone gets engaged really early and all this kind of stuff.
I love this guy!
I love this guy!
And the final question was, he was just like, the Book of Mormon or Black History Month?
And this kid said, Black History Month.
I'm from Washington, D.C.
I love my chocolate queens.
It was just...
Hold on, boy!
Yeah.
It was just the most out-of-left-field thing you'd hear at a Mormon campus.
Just like, oh my god.
So that happened.
And then the other time, I'm dealing a poker tournament and we're on break, so everyone's walked away from the table, they're getting food, they're going to the bathroom.
And I'm getting the decks prepared for the next round, which basically means suiting them down, making sure no cards are missing, no one fucked with anything, blah blah blah.
And there are just two old guys just sitting at the table.
They didn't get up.
They're just gonna hang out for the break and just talk to each other.
And eventually the conversation between those two guys gets...
Pretty racist.
And the thing that I realized is as this conversation is going on is that like they just think I'm part of the furniture and they also think that because I'm just a white guy that's just doing my job that I am tolerant of this.
That this is something that is okay by me.
So I'm just like just gonna put my head down here because There's nothing I can do.
They're not, like, they're not causing a problem.
And if I go to, if I try to yell at my manager, my manager hates Obama with a passion of a thousand burning suns, so it's not like that guy's gonna give a shit.
He joins in on the conversation.
Oh, yeah, he would get in!
Want some free drinks?
It's just one of those things.
I mean, it's just one of these situations where it's like, can't win, put the cards down, live life.
That's just the way it works.
So, I mean, that's just how you do.
So, like, that's what I learned from just being around these places is that They think you agree.
They just like look at you and they're like, boom, he's on our team.
He's a good guy.
And it's like, I'm actually not.
I'm actually like deep undercover for you people.
I actually tell all the things that you tell us to our podcast.
Yeah, I actually tell my secret liberal friends about how terrible you people are behind your back.
It's like really cool.
Yeah.
So yeah, it's great.
So anyhow, enough of all this nonsense.
Time to go to our tiny, tiny mailbag for the week.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Heuristic Velociraptor asks, for all of you, who would you cast in your own frazzled trip with hand puppets?
So if you don't know what Frazzledrip is, it's allegedly the video of Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin brutally murdering a child.
I already have an answer for this because I have been peewee-pilled out of my mind lately.
And I would like Wayne White to make the production of the Frazzledrip puppet theater play, I'll say.
He's the person that made the puppets for Peewee.
And I think that would be a really interesting production of Frazzledrip.
So that's my answer.
I'm going to go Avenue Q on this, because obviously it has a name.
The name is perfect for those people.
And I also think they would handle it with the proper level of satirical insult and ridicule, which is required.
Let's see, the thing is like, I don't know exactly what you want me to do.
Do you want me to play Frazzledrip straight here and just kind of be like, yeah, there's an actual video where someone's being brutally murdered and their energy blood is being consumed for power by the evil people?
Or are we just like laughing at how dumb Frazzledrip is because Like, it's so bizarre that I can't go a week without someone telling me they've seen it.
It's just, it's like, it doesn't exist.
It's not real.
You gotta be careful looking at those phones on the street, man.
You gotta be.
I think I need to do this.
I think I need to make a sort of Wayne White rendition of Frazzledrip and some of the other Q conspiracies that people say definitely exist and I've definitely seen video of because I think that could be- I'm sure that wouldn't get me baked to oblivion or anything, but I think it needs to be done for the sake of art.
For art.
You can be the new Podesta art.
That's one of my favorite things is I see these people and they post like the art that upsets them and then I go into the backstory of it and like one of the people who did the art it was about their own sexual abuse and this is how they like are coming to terms with what happened to them and the art is kind of like a therapy and then I saw another weird like a bit of art And the art comes from a woman who has the Dissociative Personality Disorder and she has like 12 or 13 personalities and all of the personalities paint art in different ways.
So she has all this art from all of her different personalities.
And one of the personalities paints art that's like really like traumatic and like about sexual abuse and stuff and it's really and they just like post that art with no context no explanation and there's like look at this sick shit these people love and it's like do you ever look into what you're talking about have you ever done five minutes of research the movement that screams do your own research have you ever actually done it no you haven't you have no idea what you're talking about and it's just
I've seen libs of tiktok doing this with a woman who makes art about being a mother so she and it's like kind of just crude little sketches you know so it's like you can interpret it however you want um and they obviously interpret it in a way that's like look at this pedo disgusting woman and it's like it's literally her drawing her as a mother with her child you fucking sick fucks like This is the thing that actually does get me that we don't talk about enough is when Q, Anon, and fascists in general get into our interpretation because they only see the most worst fucking obvious, this is all pedophilia, this is all pizza type shit.
And it, yeah, it kind of drives me a little bit mad.
Oh yeah, because they don't, there's never, art is not subjective to them.
Art is objective and it can only mean one thing and it means that you're into human sex trafficking.
That's it.
The only reason why people make art is to declare themselves to be either pedophiles or child predators.
And there's no other reason to make art.
It's just literally... I took a photo of this small child on the beach in their swimwear because I'm a pederast.
I was not trying to capture youthful innocence or a beautiful day at the beach.
Or just my kid.
Orders my kid, taking a photo of my kid, nope, pederast.
The only possible outcome is pederast.
They exist only on that plane and it's just so aggravating.
It's so ridiculous.
So if anybody wants to take hypergraphic QAnon conspiracies that don't exist and do a puppet interpretation, please reach out to me.
Hayley wants to collab on that.
It will not be subtle.
No.
And then if Rudy's back on Cameo, we can have him promote it.
We can have him read the promos for it.
It'll be great.
All the promos will be done by MAGA people.
Yes.
MAGA people desperate for money on Cameo.
It'll be so great.
And also Chet Hanks.
Yes.
Chet's all over the place.
Oh, my God.
Oh, poor Chet.
And finally, because we have a grand total of two whole questions in the mailbag this week, Cleodora Silvestri asks, this question is for poker.
As a poker man, what is your stance on blackjack?
I'm willing to open the floor to you.
Do you find folks as well about blackjack?
Is that the one that you have to get to 21?
Yes, it is.
I've played it.
Yeah, you've played it.
That's about it for you.
You've played some blackjack and that's about all.
I don't really know, like, card games very well.
I've played Hollywood Rummy, but I don't know accurately.
I have no idea what Hollywood Rummy is.
Oh, it's like a grandma game, I think.
You play with grandmas.
Yeah.
I don't know it.
Have you played any blackjack or any casino games, Amanda?
I would never.
You never?
You're not into gambling?
I'm not.
I'm not sitting at a table with a bunch of fucking strangers and performing for them like a fucking animal at the zoo.
No, I'm not doing that.
I'll sit next to you and get the free drinks.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you're not performing for people when you're playing blackjack.
When you're dealing blackjack, you kind of have to be a bit of an entertainer, but actually playing the game... Well, that's different, but you're being paid.
You're being paid, yeah.
But I'm just saying, when you're playing blackjack, all you're doing is just tapping the table or waving your hand.
Don't you have to have a poker face, though?
Maybe in a private room?
What'd you say, Hayley?
Don't you have to have a poker face, though?
No!
Blackjack is totally just nonsense.
Blackjack is just literally... There's nothing going on.
The dealer is a robot that just does what the robot does.
There's no strategy, there's no thinking.
So, my speech on Blackjack, extending this podcast an additional hour, no.
The thing about Blackjack that's so funny is that Blackjack is a solved game.
Like, we've done the math.
We know what you should do in every situation, every play, every time.
And I see people making the wrong decisions so much, it's incredible.
And the other thing I love seeing is people who stress on decisions in blackjack.
Like they got a 16 against a 10 and they just got their hands in there.
They got their head in their hands like just, oh god, oh what do I do?
And it's like you are in a bad position but you have to take a hit.
Yeah, there's...
You just hit.
That's all you do.
Unless the House offers surrender, then you surrender.
The math is the math.
You just do what you have to do.
And these people just kiss you.
They're just like, Oh God, I got a 17 against the Queen.
What do I do?
Oh God.
So you stay.
You just stay.
There's a chart.
You just read it.
The chart tells you what to do.
You just do it.
And that, to me, is the main reason why if you play Blackjack long enough, if you play any casino game long enough, The reason why you were playing it goes away, and now it just becomes a grind, which is what kind of is how you get into a gambling addiction.
Because your brain sort of rewires itself from the happy excitement of the game I'm doing to, now I'm just doing the game that I was doing so I can still feel.
And I've actually seen people at blackjack tables, at all kinds of gaming tables, And they really don't achieve catharsis until they've lost all their money.
Like the losing is the point at that point.
And it's like those people that I just like want to pull off the table and be like, buddy, buddy, you actually have a problem.
You actually need to talk to people and not come back to this casino because you... Are you allowed to do that or would you get fired?
I would be fired.
As an employee, we are not allowed to critique people's situations, but self-banning is a thing that people do.
And if a person comes up to me and says, look, I would like to be banned from this casino, I can run them up the flagpole and get them banned from the casino.
You can do that.
Do people do that for like...
Like they're trying to get better kind of reasons?
Yes.
Yeah.
Interesting.
These people have acknowledged they have a gambling addiction.
And usually when they do that, they will go to someone and then they will fill out paperwork and the casino will put your photo on file.
And if they see you on premises, they will remove you.
So you cannot be there.
And a self-ban usually lasts for a year.
And then after a year, you are allowed to reassess if you want to remain banned from the property or not.
And so like, I can't do that.
But if someone comes up to me and tells me that that's the path they want to take, I can get that ball rolling for them and get them get them kicked out of the place that they want to be kicked out of because they know they have a problem.
And they know they need to stop.
And that's a good thing for them to do, really.
It's very interesting.
Yeah, and I mean, casinos are obviously a soulless, capitalist enterprise.
Absolutely.
I do appreciate the fact that we do allow that.
That is a thing that we will do.
We're like, nope!
We're just gonna let you in here and keep letting you destroy yourself.
Forcing them to commit a crime and actually get banned from the... Right, right!
We're gonna fucking Richard Gaysnagle them.
They're gonna have to shoot up a bank to go to jail.
They won't have to play poker anymore.
Why'd you shoot up the bank?
I didn't want to go to Bellagio anymore.
I'm so glad we could somehow turn that in on itself and make it a part of the Kennedy assassination.
But The thing is, is that Blackjack, the one last thing I'll say about Blackjack, it is like one of the fairest games in the casino.
If you, like, download one of the little cards that tells you how to play the game, or you buy one of those cards from one of the gift cards in the casino, all casinos have those cards.
The casino will let you put that card in front of you and read it while you're playing Blackjack.
We don't care.
Because we're hoping that the free drinks and emotions will override shit and you'll start making mistakes anyways.
But if you play Blackjack perfectly, You're basically flipping a coin of the casino.
The casino's edge on blackjack is very small.
If everyone played blackjack perfectly, casinos wouldn't spread it.
I mean, casinos just wouldn't spread it because they're not nearly making enough money off of the game.
Like, the house edge on blackjack is like 0.4%.
It's like so small.
It's ridiculous.
But you see people staying on 16s against 20s.
You see people taking even money instead of holding out for a blackjack when they got an ace.
You just see people make mistake after mistake after mistake and it's just all those bad decisions people are allowed to make is what makes blackjack profitable for the house.
If you don't make bad decisions, you can very easily win at blackjack.
I mean, I see it happen all the time.
I see people lose lots of money at blackjack.
I see people win a lot of money at blackjack.
Because, for the most part, it is a fair game.
Like, roulette has like a 4% house edge.
It is so much more vicious than blackjack.
And if you play roulette long enough, you are absolutely going to go broke.
It's super brutal.
But, uh, and you play any other table games like Let It Ride, or Three Card Poker, or Casino War, or any of that dumb stuff.
Oh, Huge House Edge across the board, all those games.
Those games are literally just you handing your wallet to the casino, and the casino saying thank you, and then giving you a tap on the shoulder and sending you out the door.
But yeah, if you're gonna play one of those games, Blackjack and Crabs are the two best.
They're the fairest games in the house.
So.
That's me.
That's my world.
Let me talk about it.
That's your expertise.
Yes, that's my expertise.
That's the world I live in when I'm not living in right-wing QAnon Looney World or Rob Reiner JFK Looney World.
So that brings us to our final question, which is always, what are you guys looking forward to?
Hayley never has a good answer to this question.
How dare you?
How dare you?
I had the whole 12 days of Christmas that I was Excited about.
You remember that?
I do, but that was your first good answer in like three months.
Now we're back to this.
Yeah, where I'm just like, I don't know.
She's going to be like, lunch!
I'm going to get me a hoagie.
It's going to be delicious.
Let's see.
Well, today is Robert F. Kennedy's birthday.
So we'll be celebrating that, right?
The 17th.
I've been continuing this 12 days of Christmas nonsense, even though it's no longer 12 days of Christmas and just seeing what saints holidays Extend out every day because there are feasts for saints every single day.
The Catholics and every every sect has all these religious holidays, all these saints that they venerate every single day of the year.
So I've been kind of looking into a lot of that.
But when you look into that, you also see just generally like celebrities with birthdays this day.
And I thought today being January 17th and it being Robert F. Kennedy's birthday was kind of funny.
R.F.K.
Jr.' 's person, you mean?
Yeah.
Not his dad.
No, it's his junior.
Sorry.
The one that's alive.
Wait.
Yes.
Yes.
Is he?
Is he?
Who can say?
Right now he's alive.
I thought I'd know.
I have no breaking news otherwise.
Is that him?
So, Amanda, what are you looking forward to?
Oh, geez, I don't know.
Yeah, you see this is sprung on you.
I'm going to SoulCycle at 530.
I'm looking forward to that.
That sounds great.
Sounds good.
It's a Meek Mill class.
Oh.
I'm in favor of any kind of thing that would involve me being energized to be active, because I do need that.
How's swimming going?
Oh, good.
It is going well.
I haven't swum in a week because this cold has been just beating the piss out of me.
Oh yeah, it's not good to swim.
So yeah, I'm looking forward to swimming tomorrow, hopefully having recovered from this cold now, finally, because it has just been aggravating as all get out.
Beyond that, the sports ball, we're racing towards the Superb Owl, as all us witty jokesters say on the internet about the Super Bowl.
So this weekend's football games should be pretty exciting.
They'll be a ton of fun to watch, and probably lose small sums of money on as well, because there's no way they can lose!
Smash cut to them losing.
No!
Impossible!
But it happened.
So yeah, so football, swimming, and hopefully just not waking up with a stuffy nose and sore throat for the first time in a week.
That would be just chef's kiss.
I'm so looking forward to being healthy again.
That'd be wonderful.
And no, I am not some QAnon person in denial about my disease.
I do not have COVID.
I tested for it.
So I am just, I just have a cold.
Honest, honest, honest.
So, because I'm the one who's talking now and Elle's not here, it's time for us to leave Hellworld.
We are going to walk gingerly down a slight incline while our very bloody, herpes-ridden hand touches a handrail and tries not to leave any more disease upon it.
Shout out, and thanks to everyone who's helped on the podcast.
DJ Minimal Effort made our original version of our theme, which I accidentally remixed, and Amanda did not get to hear because the soundboard broke.
You heard it in post-production.
Spoilers.
That's what happened.
Beyond that, thanks to FrostyVO for our bumps and taking care of us.
Shout out, Frosty.
Yeah, shout out, Frosty.
If you want to continue supporting the show, please give us a five-star review wherever you're listening to it.
If you want to give us money, go to patreon.com slash pokerpolitics.
For five dollars or more, you can get access to all our delicious bonus content.
And if not, you can give us two bucks, we'll give you a shout out, we'll tell you that you're awesome.
If you want to give someone money, that's not us, because we're just idiots on the internet talking about stuff that's silly, go to love146.org.
They are an organization that is fighting human trafficking, and that is something that people should do, not just scream and yell about Tom Hanks being a pedophile on the internet.
So, for another quote-unquote successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I am Mike Rains, signing off for Hayley and Amanda.
Good speed, Patriots!
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