Elon let Alex Jones back on Twitter, Rudy's getting crushed in court and Jack Smith wants SCOTUS to decide if Trump is above the law or not. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| you. | |
| Content Warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Grains, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a. | |
| Arizona Right Watch. | |
| Hello, beautiful babies. | |
| Hello. | |
| I'm tired. | |
| Hello. | |
| Sleepy Haley is sleepy. | |
| We're also joined by the mysterious Elle. | |
| Bonjour, my babies! | |
| I don't know why I decided to go French today. | |
| I haven't especially done or seen anything French. | |
| Oh, no, I know what it was. | |
| A fellow at the trade the other day got some very rude service by somebody, and I think it was because, like, I was just like, oh, it's obviously because English is not his first language. | |
| But I heard him at one point just be like, I don't speak English well. | |
| I speak French. | |
| And the person was just like, get off the train. | |
| I was like, that person is not trying to beat this guy. | |
| Maybe like halfway at all. | |
| And I couldn't help but eavesdrop a little, because I was waiting two hours for a train, because my first train broke and didn't arrive. | |
| So I was sitting there waiting for my train, and then I couldn't help but just eavesdrop a little bit on the conversation. | |
| At one point, we'll just say Town X is the town that he wanted to get to, and Town Y is the next stop on the line, which is where the train terminates. | |
| So we're at Town Y, baby. | |
| It's where the train stops. | |
| So he's confused, and he's just like... | |
| Uh, Town X? | |
| And they're like, no, this is Town Y. And he's just like, Town X? | |
| Like, what happened to Town X? | |
| Like, clearly we passed Town X. I'm sort of confused about that. | |
| And one lady was just like, what are you saying? | |
| And he was just like, Town X. And she was like, never heard of Town X. Get off the train. | |
| What do you mean, never heard of it? | |
| It's one of the fucking stops on your route. | |
| I heard the guy from 30 feet away clearly. | |
| It's pretty obvious what he said. | |
| Like, no amount of French accent is going to ruin the name of that town. | |
| Like, it was very obvious what he said. | |
| And she was just like, nope, never heard of it. | |
| Get off. | |
| I was like, wow, these people are fucking unreal. | |
| I have a funny trans story from the week. | |
| Also involving someone getting kicked off. | |
| Hell yeah. | |
| John Oliver, us, and everybody. | |
| Let's go. | |
| That's right. | |
| He did Freights. | |
| All right. | |
| And I was totally watching a documentary about the Beast, the train. | |
| I also saw a documentary about the Beast. | |
| Interesting. | |
| Okay. | |
| Okay. | |
| We're being train nerds today. | |
| Ours is technically a light rail. | |
| But I like it. | |
| It has public transit energy. | |
| But this week I was on it and there was a guy at a stop and he like, you know, the doors opened and he just he was in like a nice, you know, all white sweats. | |
| Look, you know, but like nice and he at that stop he just felt like it was time to whip it out and piss outside of that stop and at that moment there had to be like five or six security guards that just came in rush and were like get the fuck off the train pisser you know like telling him He needs to get off the train, and it's like... So the train stops, the doors open, and he just pulls it out from the train and just puts it on the platform? | |
| It's like, time to take a quickie, which is, like, innovative. | |
| I turned around. | |
| I was in his section, and I was like, well, I'm not going to be rude. | |
| So I just kind of, like, averted my eye, let him do his business, and, you know, all the security guards, you know, kicked him off the train. | |
| They, like, hard kicked him off. | |
| They made sure he was completely off the platform. | |
| Um, they didn't arrest him or call the police as far as I could tell, which is good, but then they immediately were like, cause it was just a bunch of them hungry with power, turn around at me and they're like, let me see your ticket, ma'am. | |
| And it's like, come on, I just saw that guy's dick. | |
| Like, come on, leave me alone. | |
| Um, so that was my train experience of the week. | |
| Well, one of them. | |
| Do they have the authority to question you for your ticket? | |
| Yeah, that's all they do. | |
| That's all they really can do. | |
| I've talked to these. | |
| So this wasn't real cops. | |
| This was just like train security. | |
| These are train security. | |
| All they can do is ask you for your ticket and kick you off the platform. | |
| But they also have the authority to like, you know, like zip tie you until the real authorities come. | |
| There was a guy that was real excited to tell me that one time. | |
| What's he, like a BDSM enthusiast? | |
| Try to, like, share you a hot tip? | |
| He was just a guy really happy with the little bit of power that he had on the train. | |
| He was a train architect. | |
| Oh, he was a security guard. | |
| Yeah, he was a train security guard. | |
| I thought this was, like, a victim telling you. | |
| We have the power to detain you until the real police get here. | |
| Nice. | |
| What an incredible power. | |
| You know who else has that power? | |
| I think any citizen, if the situation warrants it. | |
| Literally. | |
| Like if I saw somebody strangling a little kid in the street and I tackled them and just held on to them until a cop showed up, I don't think I'm going to jail for that. | |
| I think they're going to be like, you did the right thing. | |
| That's pretty nice of you to stop that guy from murdering that person. | |
| Thanks, I agree. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I guess provided you don't decide, this is my moment, time to use my MMA training to kill this person. | |
| Which, that's a bridge too far, we discussed it many times on the show. | |
| But, just like, try not to kill anybody, you know? | |
| Like, you could subdue somebody with plenty of ways to kill them. | |
| Especially once they're already subdued. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Please don't go the full Rittenhouse. | |
| You might get away with it legally, but morally, you're still a scumbag, and that's what Rittenhouse is dealing with now, so yeah. | |
| Yeah, you really don't want that Bob's Big Boy curse upon you, because that will make you look fucking plum ridiculous. | |
| This podcast is anti-murder, for the most part. | |
| I mean, I wouldn't go that far. | |
| You know? | |
| Don't paint us with such so wide a brush. | |
| Okay. | |
| I mean, just the other day we were, you know, we were saying about, hey, could have gone the other way with that Chauvin guy, you know? | |
| That's just fate. | |
| That's, I'm not saying anything. | |
| I'm just, it's just, it could happen. | |
| Sometimes a Nazi falls down some stairs and all those stairs are like knives that are sticking up. | |
| So it appears that they got stabbed a bunch of times. | |
| Anyway, yeah, generally the podcast, you know, 99% of the time we're like, hey, murder is pretty bad. | |
| And then 1% of the time it's just like, well, you know, there's an exception that makes the rule. | |
| We covered our, hedged our bets, covered our bases. | |
| You never want to be 100% for or against anything. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| 99% anti-Trump because 1% of me is going to need to become 100% of me if he does somehow become dictator of our country. | |
| Like, I'll have to channel that big 1% of me to just be like, Donald Trump's great. | |
| Love that guy. | |
| Always have. | |
| Because I'm not going to want some dumb cop to kick open my door. | |
| That'll be great. | |
| Some DSA activist was like, here's what to do after Trump is reinstalled in 2025. | |
| It's like a checklist of ways to prepare yourself beyond being a combat medic and storing provisions. | |
| And then people were like, bro, you could just vote for Biden in 2024 and prevent Trump in 2025. | |
| Yeah, Ziff. | |
| I think filling an oval is a little easier than learning how to address a gunshot wound. | |
| No, he's old. | |
| It's still a good thing to learn. | |
| You should still learn how to address a gunshot wound. | |
| Basic medic skills are good to learn. | |
| How to dress or address. | |
| Those are two different skills. | |
| Both of them. | |
| You should address it, and you should dress it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| When you encounter it, you should be like, Thank you, Bullet Wound! | |
| And then you should get to the... And then you should get to work. | |
| In fact, if you're in a real hurry, you could field address it and just be like, yo, what's up? | |
| And then that's acceptable. | |
| We don't stand on circumstance here. | |
| Yeah, it's the mass unit of polite greetings to your wounds and injuries. | |
| Just get to it. | |
| Ah, so it's the injury that's popular, like, despite all reason and sanity. | |
| Like, popular in a way that defies logic. | |
| Popular in a way that really speaks to the zeitgeist of the time. | |
| Yes! | |
| Every time I hear about how popular M.A.S.H. | |
| was at the time, because M.A.S.H. | |
| was fucking crushing it, dude. | |
| M.A.S.H. | |
| was so popular. | |
| And whenever I hear about that, I'm just like, dude, our country was depressed, man. | |
| This show is hard to watch. | |
| I know it's allegedly a comedy show that's got some really serious dramatic moments, but dude, the whole thing takes place in the fucking war. | |
| Like, it's not a fun romp. | |
| When you're watching it, you're just like, oh god, this whole thing has like a malaise to it. | |
| It's really tough to wade through. | |
| Has it even got something to do with Kraken-wise? | |
| Like, shut up! | |
| Lies are the lie! | |
| Yeah, the show is just like a bunch of gallows humor, and then one of the major plot points a lot of times is, oh, this patient has suffered a severe injury and may or may not make it. | |
| And a lot of times they just don't. | |
| Yeah, if it's like consoling a sad doctor, then the next episode he's just like, Waka Waka! | |
| Yeah, and then the next episode's just Hawkeye chasing skirts! | |
| He just can't help himself! | |
| He's so horny, you know? | |
| There's not a lot of women around. | |
| He's just a virile man. | |
| But this was the same fucking studio executives that came out with Hogan's Heroes, which I mean, my god. | |
| Me looking back at, like, the Vietnam shit and just be like, that's got to be the Korean War, whichever one MASH was, and just be like, that's kind of fucked up. | |
| I can only imagine the people with, like, with sanity in, like, the 70s or whatever that's seeing Hogan Heroes and they're just like, what's happening? | |
| Like, what? | |
| How is this allowed? | |
| This is fucking crazy! | |
| I think my favorite bit of trivia for Hogan's Heroes is that both Colonel Klink and Sergeant Schultz were played by Jewish men, and they had it in their contracts that they could never win in any episode. | |
| They always had to be outwitted, because they always wanted the Germans to, like, look bad. | |
| They call that the reverse Diesel. | |
| Yes! | |
| Now, I know technically Vin Diesel's thing should be the reverse Hogan's Heroes, but no, it's also in Vin Diesel's contract that his thing comes first. | |
| Yeah, damn right. | |
| Even in time, even in the time paradigm, Vin Diesel is ahead of people that came before him. | |
| I love how both he and The Rock allegedly have that shit in their contracts. | |
| They're like, hey, I have to look awesome all the time. | |
| Fuck you, buddy. | |
| Yeah, I heard their fight scene literally had to be choreographed so they each had an exactly equal amount of offense and they were both dominant for an equal amount of time in the fight. | |
| Yeah, it was like when Who Framed Roger Rabbit got Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny or whatever on screen at the same time and it was like literally to the syllable they had to get the exact amount of dialogue. | |
| Fucking crazy. | |
| It's like, gosh, just make some art, you know? | |
| Just like, get together, try to make a little art. | |
| Like, it's cool if we want to make money off of it, too. | |
| Sorry, it's not in our contract. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| But the thing is, Vin Diesel, I do really genuinely think, believes in the Fast and Furious product. | |
| Whether or not the audience likes where he wants to take it, I think he does believe that he's trying to make a thing, but his ego keeps getting in the way of allowing him to actually use his character to say something. | |
| Because how am I supposed to care about Dominic Toretto if I know contractually he can't lose? | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| Like, oh no, he's on the dam. | |
| There's like a helicopter and a missile launcher on each side. | |
| Like, the nuke is coming. | |
| They're locusts. | |
| Like, he's got the cybernetic bug disease. | |
| How's he gonna get out of this one? | |
| And then, he's just gonna do it. | |
| He's just gonna do it. | |
| Family, or whatever. | |
| We're literally about to talk about the cookout. | |
| Incredibly thinly veiled Christianity metaphors and family. | |
| He's going to look down at his big cross that he wears in every frame of every movie and he's going to be like, family. | |
| And also Christ. | |
| But we don't say that part out loud because we want to appeal to a larger audience. | |
| Family. | |
| Christ. | |
| And then you get through it, you know? | |
| Yo. | |
| Okay, I think we've amped enough and it's time for us to get into the Moosebush! | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the amuse-bouche. | |
| Two great tastes that go terrible together, like getting your shitty chocolate in my shitty peanut butter. | |
| Here comes Elon Musk and Alex Jones, because apparently there wasn't enough of that combo previously when it was still allowed. | |
| So we're getting a run back, and for more on that, I'll turn it over to Mike. | |
| Mike, what's going on with Elon and his bestie, Alex Jones? | |
| So Alex did a show with Tucker Carlson that was on Twitter, and that led to this groundswell of people being like, hey, let's just bring Alex back full time to Twitter. | |
| And then Elon, because he's a gutless coward who doesn't want to have any accountability for his actions, threw up a quick little Twitter poll saying, hey, should Alex be allowed back on this site? | |
| And of course, because that immediately got rebroadcast to all sorts of right wing forums and message boards. | |
| Alex wanted a landslide and had his account reinstated. | |
| Remember, a year ago, Elon Musk talked about how he was cradling his dying baby in his arms, and as his baby took their last breath before perishing, Elon vowed, no one who ever talks ill of dead children will ever be allowed on my platform. | |
| And that's why Alex couldn't be allowed back. | |
| But sorry, Elon's dead kid. | |
| Daddy needs to make some money. | |
| Sorry, my fake story. | |
| It's out the window now because I need some money. | |
| Yes. | |
| I need some quick cash and getting Alex Jones back on my platform will probably get a few more eyeballs on it. | |
| So the people who do want to advertise here might get some more sales. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| Sorry, dead kid who actually died in my wife's arms. | |
| You can piss up a rope. | |
| The bucket food sales will probably go up. | |
| Elon's still gonna piss and whine when a bunch of fuckin' advertisers lose this platform the second Alex Jones is like, NO! | |
| JEWISH CHILDREN AREN'T REALLY CHILDREN! | |
| THEY'RE GOBLINS! | |
| PARALLEL DIMENSION! | |
| It's like, okay, oh, Jesus Christ! | |
| Whoa! | |
| Alright, now, that's, alright, that's great. | |
| And Disney's just like, we're good, forever, on this. | |
| And it'll be like, Bob Iger, you're the worst! | |
| Free speech, et cetera! | |
| Yeah! | |
| Oh man, and that's coming. | |
| I mean, Alex can't control himself. | |
| He is a drunkard who has all kinds of emotional issues and can't stay on the straight and narrow ever. | |
| So yeah, this is going to go really poorly. | |
| Elon, Alex, Michael Flynn, and a bunch of other grifters all got together in a giant Twitter space where they all said dumb shit and were stupid and awful for a long time. | |
| Vivek was pissing. | |
| That was the highlight of the whole thing, was Vivek on mic, unmuted, just took a piss, and everyone could hear it. | |
| The craziest part was you could still hear the traffic on the train platform right next to him. | |
| It was wild. | |
| Then he got bubbled by some cops. | |
| It was like, whoa! | |
| Mr. Rumswamy, please don't do that! | |
| Shut up, I'm rich, I can do anything I want! | |
| Goddammit, now we have to arrest him! | |
| Wow, Mike, do you really think that the hypothetical police in the state of Arizona guarding this precious freight platform can identify the exact identity of a brown person from 20 faces? | |
| Absolutely not! | |
| No way. | |
| At best, they'd already have him zip-tied up on his feet, walking him off a platform or whatever. | |
| They'd just be like, oh shit, did I see you rapping on the internet? | |
| Yes. | |
| Please don't kill me. | |
| So this is our Brave New World, where we're just gonna let everybody on Twitter for forever. | |
| And what's really funny about this is that there were so many people inside of QAnon that were just like, yeah, our boy Alex is back and he's doing it. | |
| He's speaking truth. | |
| And What's so great about this is that Q themselves declared that Alex and all of his buddies are Mossad-funded disinformation and that they're bad people who are bad. | |
| And I saw a few QAnon promoters who were like, hey, everybody, FYI, Alex Jones sucks. | |
| Our boss told us so, so maybe dial it back a little. | |
| And pretty much everybody else was like, get bent, nerds! | |
| Alex Jones is the man and we love him! | |
| So we have that little rift inside of QAnon between the people that just want a grifter to tell them what they want to hear and the people who've actually read the text and know that Alex is supposed to be a baddie. | |
| Which always makes me laugh because QAnon and Alex literally say the exact same thing. | |
| There's not a difference at all. | |
| But they hate each other in kayfabe because Alex blames QAnon for January 6th. | |
| He's like, oh yeah, we were about to get the election overturned and then the dumb, dumb QAnon people broke into, uh, they were tricked by the FBI and then knocking down the doors of the Capitol. | |
| And the next thing you know, Biden's president. | |
| Way to, way to screw it up, QAnon, you idiots. | |
| So. | |
| Unlike the InfoWars followers who definitely didn't storm the Capitol. | |
| Absolutely not. | |
| I mean, if you've ever heard the live action of that day, because Alex is in the Capitol, so he has the B-team in the studio, and I think it was either Owen Schreier or one of the other goons literally declared, Patriots have captured the Capitol. | |
| It was some statement like that. | |
| They're just like, yeah, we did it! | |
| We're kicking their asses! | |
| We're winning! | |
| And then finally, after like an hour or so of them just monitoring the attack, they finally get to through to Alex. | |
| And they're like, Hey, Alex, this is great. | |
| Patriots are kicking ass. | |
| We're taking names. | |
| We've conquered the Capitol. | |
| The deep state's running. | |
| And Alex is the only one who sees that this is bad news. | |
| And Alex is like, Shut up! | |
| Shut up! | |
| The Deep State did this! | |
| And his buddies are like, oh, I see Zantipha! | |
| Oh, Zantipha! | |
| Oh, no! | |
| That person's got a Translized Matter Patch, Zantipha! | |
| Boo! | |
| And his minions in the studio are like, Alex, but we're winning. | |
| What do you mean? | |
| And Alex is like, shut up, shut up. | |
| This is bad for our long-term product. | |
| This is bad for the brand. | |
| Like, if we had actually, you know, like, I don't know, conquered the Capitol and killed Congress and reinstituted Trump as a dictator, maybe this would play. | |
| But the fact that we are obviously not going to stop this election with this dumb stunt, I got to start coming over the spin ASAP. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| All he saw was more legal issues. | |
| Yes, literally. | |
| I mean, and that's his whole life, right? | |
| Yes. | |
| That's all he sees. | |
| It's like a Tootsie Roll commercial. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's so funny because, like, when you listen to him, I mean, every now and then he gets a little optimism, but most of the time now he's pretty much just drunk on air, like, talking about, hey, if you guys don't want to buy my dick pills to keep me on the air, then fine, fuck it, I guess God wants me to quit and let Joe Rogan run this movement. | |
| That's fine. | |
| I pilled Rogan, so I guess he'll be a good replacement. | |
| He's so bitter. | |
| He's such a sad little baby that he ran himself into so much legal trouble that there's no light at the end of the tunnel for him anymore. | |
| He's just playing out the string until eventually a court is like, yo, Alex, it's time to cough up your first giant check to the Sandy Hook families, because that's how this works. | |
| And then he's gonna be like, I don't have that. | |
| They're like, okay, now we're gonna liquidate all your shit. | |
| That's not your primary residency. | |
| That's the only thing we can't take from you legally. | |
| Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. | |
| Fuck that guy. | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| The only thing that sucks about Alex Jones getting his ass patted in court the way he has is that we can't take even more from him. | |
| It would be great if there was even more that could be taken from him. | |
| The fact that he still has a platform at all means that he has it. | |
| I don't want him to be able to have a cell phone or a computer. | |
| Like, you know, maybe a TV so that way he doesn't, like, lose his mind or whatever in whatever jail cell he's in. | |
| But, like, I don't want to... I want him in prison and I don't want him talking to anybody. | |
| Like, using the internet. | |
| That would be great. | |
| Yes, that would be... that would be a proper outcome for all this shit. | |
| That would be absolutely the right possible... the right course of action here, but... You know, and in prison he would have an audience! | |
| He could talk to his fellow prisoners and try to convince them about the gay frogs! | |
| That would be fine! | |
| Everybody wins! | |
| Yes. | |
| Especially us, because he's gone forever at that point. | |
| That would be the best part. | |
| OK, moving on to other people who are shippers that we hate. | |
| It's time to talk about Rudy Giuliani, who is having a bad week, which means it's a good week for everybody else on Earth. | |
| Is he still alive? | |
| He is. | |
| Unfortunately. | |
| At some point, his whole face is going to slough off, just like he will just be a chattering skull oozing black ichor from various unseen dark orifices. | |
| But until that time, he's still alive. | |
| This week, he's making headlines. | |
| Well, booshlines. | |
| Mike, what's the booshline for Rudy Giuliani today? | |
| Well, our boy Rudy, he decided to pull an Alex Jones where he refused to comply with the courts about his defamation case against the two Georgia election officials who tried, who were just doing their jobs. | |
| And Rudy accused them of basically stealing the 2020 election in Georgia and giving it to Joe Biden. | |
| So he Has already been found guilty. | |
| Cause he basically, uh, the judge was like, Hey, are you going to present a defense? | |
| And then he was like, you know, not really. | |
| And they were like, fine, you lose. | |
| So now he is in court. | |
| And the lawyers for the two women that he defamed are basically asking for tens of millions of dollars. | |
| They're asking for Rudy to be crushed, a la Alex. | |
| And Rudy's response to this was after one day of court, he went outside the court and continued to defame the women. | |
| He continued to talk shit about them during the trial in which he has already been found guilty of defaming them. | |
| So this whole idea of him having any contrition or remorse or that he's seen the error of his ways and maybe they shouldn't take him for every penny he has, that all seems to be going out the window right now because Rudy's really Really working hard to make sure he gets absolutely crushed by this jury. | |
| And the judge has ruled that Rudy's current statements are probably going to be used against him, that his continued bullshit is something that is acceptable to be put before the jury. | |
| So good job, Rudy. | |
| I really hope this goes absolutely as poorly as it possibly can before you are convicted in criminal court in the Georgia election fraud case for your Actual crimey crimes that you can go to jail for. | |
| So I hope he is both made broke and incarcerated at the end of all this shit. | |
| Isn't he already, sort of, already, like, turning out his pockets and having mobs fly out from just getting cut off of the Trump teat, and then just getting, like, whaled out in court already? | |
| Oh yeah, I mean, he was doing the cameos before Santos was. | |
| I mean, Rudy was just so desperate for cash. | |
| I remember back in the Halcyon days of Sarge, we were talking about how we could get Rudy to record our intro for us, because he's just so hard up for cash. | |
| Like, hey Rudy, read this script for the Adventures in Hellworld podcast. | |
| Okay! | |
| As long as the check clears, I don't care. | |
| Yeah, unfortunately we weren't quick enough on the draw with George Santos. | |
| We need to start keeping a more vigilant eye on when one of these, like, people are about to flame out because they inevitably turned to Cameo for their last desperate cash grab. | |
| Yes! | |
| See which of these conservative losers we can put a fucking financial gun to the head of and just be like, yeah, that's right, record a bump for our liberal podcast, you loser. | |
| McCarthy, try to get McCarthy. | |
| See if McCarthy is on his way up. | |
| McCarthy doesn't need cameo. | |
| He's not in dire straits the way those other idiots are. | |
| You're right. | |
| But again, we just have to keep a better eye on it, you know? | |
| Yeah, Boebert. | |
| Boebert is a prime example. | |
| If she loses her congressional seat in this upcoming election, oh, Boebert's an absolute slam dunk for Cameo. | |
| 100%. | |
| And then we're going to be dipping into the podcast funds, and I'll be having her say all sorts of stuff into a can for me, but only stuff that sounds like air. | |
| No, oh man, that would be absolutely great. | |
| Especially if we just don't tell them what it is. | |
| Like, there's a good chance that we could just trick them and just be like, hey, yeah, we have a political podcast, if you want to report a thing for it, that'd be great. | |
| You know, just be like, maybe we could just sign off the message or whatever, just like, Godspeed, patriots. | |
| Just be like, oh shit, they know the lingo, they're coded, and then we trick them into doing it. | |
| We just have Flora Boebert saying all of our shit, that'd be hilarious. | |
| Yes. | |
| What a magical world that would be. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Speaking of magical world, in our next Boosh topic, we get to talk about somebody who's not a piece of shit. | |
| Or at least, like, not a piece of shit as far as we know yet, because everybody gets a prize. | |
| But I'm still basking in the radiant glow of Obama. | |
| Remember Obama? | |
| Oh, everybody take a moment to remember Obama. | |
| And then we'll discuss Obama the movie? | |
| Question mark? | |
| So, Barack Obama is the producer of a movie called Leave the World Behind, which is now the new smash hit on Netflix. | |
| Sounds like a New World Order thing to me. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| It's right in the headline. | |
| They're rubbing it in our faces! | |
| Yes! | |
| L is already properly pilled about this movie. | |
| He already gets where we're going. | |
| Oh, is that really it? | |
| Is that really where we're going? | |
| Yep, it absolutely is. | |
| Perfect! | |
| Nailed it! | |
| I'm not sure if the audience appreciates how little I actually know about this stuff going into it usually, so I did just blind guess that one. | |
| Incredible. | |
| Anyway, sorry. | |
| Moving on. | |
| Basically, this is a movie about a sort of a like terrorist attack and an assault on the America's infrastructure that leads to all sorts of chaos and panic and like, and basically like society kind of breaking down and how people are struggling to deal with that and fighting to not have society crumble. | |
| And basically the sort of the kind of the overlying plot of the movie, which I haven't seen yet. | |
| But every QAnon person I've been reading, they've hate-watched this movie and they've taken copious notes. | |
| It is so funny. | |
| I love how these people are addicted to hating people so much that they will hate-watch their products. | |
| They love note-taking, too. | |
| They love homework. | |
| Oh, absolutely. | |
| They're like, give me more math than I need. | |
| It's so awesome that any Obama movie that Netflix produces has an immediate built-in audience of QAnon people who literally have to watch it because it's homework for them. | |
| They have to study the movies to break the secret code that Obama is giving them. | |
| It's so good. | |
| Look what I just sent you. | |
| Is this in DM or in the chat? | |
| I texted it to you. | |
| Oh, cool. | |
| But yeah, so they have all this stuff going on. | |
| Oh, the only difference between Obama and Osama is the BS. | |
| Yeah, a little BS. | |
| Yeah, I saw this shirt at a thrift store this week, and it feels fitting. | |
| It says... Yeah, it would absolutely have to be from a thrift store because we're dusting off that old chestnut, huh? | |
| Isn't it funny? | |
| Oh God. | |
| And it just goes to show you how just stunted and miserable these people are that they're still mad at Obama and he hasn't been president for like seven years. | |
| I mean, they're still mad at Hillary and she hasn't held office in forever. | |
| I mean, it's just this movement that's like frozen in amber remembering all their enemies from a decade ago being like, I remember when the when the black guy was president he had that evil lady woman with him and she wanted to be president and then Trump beat her and that was great and then this old white guy beat Trump and I was mad but he's an old white guy so I really can't get that upset at him so I mean it's just like it's just so funny that they just have to have their villains like stay relevant it would be like it'd be like a comic book series not | |
| It'd be like DC Comics not doing a new Batman Joker story for like 8 years and people are like, you know, the Joker. | |
| Still hate him. | |
| That Joker. | |
| That no good. | |
| And it's like, they haven't done anything with him for forever! | |
| They've retired the character effectively! | |
| It's like, nope. | |
| Don't care. | |
| Still mad at him. | |
| Also, man, Mike, imagine a world we live in where people hated the Joker. | |
| Where they were just like... | |
| They're like this mass-murdering domestic terrorist clown, who by all rights everyone should hate just at face value for those reasons. | |
| Everyone's just like, love that character, so good. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's just like, I mean, and don't get me wrong, like the Joker is a great character, but he's great to hate and to loathe. | |
| A lot of these people want to fucking admire him because they're goobers. | |
| Yeah, there's like, no, the Joker is not an anti-hero. | |
| He's not, there's no hero in him. | |
| The Joker is just a villain. | |
| The character is villainous. | |
| Right, man. | |
| He hates society. | |
| That makes him a good guy. | |
| I just, it's also kind of, it's also canon that he's a domestic abuser against Harley Quinn. | |
| Nope. | |
| Still sweep that away. | |
| Still cool. | |
| Still good. | |
| I mean, why doesn't she just leave him? | |
| You know? | |
| Yeah. | |
| If she's got it so fucking bad, she can just leave. | |
| Yep. | |
| Classic. | |
| So they've been trying to decode this movie, and the initial decode is that this movie is the old intergalactic contract law, the old the vampire has to ask your permission to enter the home. | |
| The bad guys have to tell you they're doing the bad thing and get your consent to do it to you. | |
| Nonsense. | |
| Where Obama is telling us about the impending attack that's going to shut down the American power grid and destabilize the world. | |
| And they have to do this because they're letting us know what they're going to do. | |
| And now that we have accepted that in our hearts, when it happens, we will have given consent to it. | |
| We should watch this movie and view it from the right-wing perspective of how they're watching it. | |
| Because I feel like this movie is going to come back to haunt us for years to come. | |
| Oh, I'm sure it is. | |
| But I probably will watch it at some point because it seems like it's | |
| something that's in the zeitgeist, both for the nutty QAnon people | |
| and also for regular people who are like, this is a pretty good movie. | |
| So I'm just like, this is a normal movie. | |
| Yeah, I love how disinterested Mike sounds in watching it because it's like it's a good guy movie. | |
| And like so that means he's going to probably agree with the message or whatever. | |
| It just has to watch it to absorb it so that way he can understand | |
| what people are like, just fucking just trashing it because they're lunatics. | |
| That'd be great. | |
| Oh, thank you. | |
| Oh, one lunatic who was, I believe this is, yeah, this is QAnon Jon. | |
| So he took a promotional poster for it. | |
| And it basically, there was a bunch of actors names on top of each other. | |
| And he was able to like circle where the word ball came into all their names. | |
| Cause B-A-A-L. | |
| Like if you, if you, if you look at it, right, they line up and he's like, they're just throwing it in our faces. | |
| They're just admitting. | |
| And it's like, buddy, there's like 75 names for Satan out there. | |
| You're going to find it. | |
| If you work that hard for it, it really isn't that tough. | |
| I mean, it's just like, oh my god. | |
| No way, dude. | |
| This one is a ball production. | |
| Yes! | |
| This one is the ball for it all. | |
| And I love how, like, any amount of controversy that stirs up is over such a nothing burger movie that I haven't even heard about. | |
| Netflix has so much content. | |
| Who cares about this? | |
| Nobody. | |
| Except for QAnon. | |
| It's really funny. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Exactly. | |
| Anyway, it's time for us to move on to our recurring Booshie segment, where we let our Arizona correspondent Haley, the Arizona right watch, tell us what sort of flaming crater activity is happening in the conservative volcano that is Arizona. | |
| So take it away, Haley. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| It is me. | |
| I'm also talking about a movie. | |
| I guess it's movie. | |
| It's movie season, you know. | |
| Movies and trains. | |
| Movies and trains. | |
| Oscar season's around the corner, so everybody's trying to get their movie in, I guess. | |
| Y'all wanna go see The Taking of Pelham 423 or whatever that movie's called? | |
| It was the first trade movie that came to my head. | |
| Anyway, sorry. | |
| It was the first trade movie. | |
| I don't know if you've heard of Express. | |
| That's another one. | |
| That's a trade movie, yeah. | |
| I can't really think of any more, but I'm sure there's more. | |
| Um, anyways, this is not a train movie. | |
| This is a movie about Arizona, because of course it is. | |
| Um, it's called State of Denial, Arizona. | |
| Um, it's coming out next week, actually, in a week from today. | |
| Just so I know what to expect going forward, this is a pro-Arizona movie or anti-Arizona movie? | |
| Name could go either way. | |
| It's, it's, it's a movie about Arizona elections, because of course it is. | |
| So I guess it's an anti-Arizona movie in a way, you know? | |
| But it's people that say they want to save Arizona, and by save they mean, you know, keep it a right-wing shithole. | |
| So it just depends on your perspective, I guess. | |
| From my perspective, it is the Jedi who are the enemies! | |
| Yes! | |
| So is this movie fictional or is it like a documentary? | |
| Is there going to be a lot of footage of Carrie Lake screaming and crying? | |
| You are correct. | |
| It's kind of like Dinesh D'Souza's shit, you know? | |
| How he does the 2000 mules. | |
| I'm giving you a documentary, but it's a documentary of lies kind of movie. | |
| But this is not Dinesh D'Souza, it's a wannabe Dinesh D'Souza couple. | |
| Their names are Matt and Joy Thaler. | |
| They have a production company called Spiro Pictures. | |
| They made the quote-unquote documentary The Trump I Know, Selection Code, which is the documentary with Tina Peters, and then also Re-Awakening, the docuseries, which was like the series that followed the Re-Awakening QAnon tour, you know, the Michael Flynn... Yeah. | |
| Kind of. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The one that had the guys claim they got hit with anthrax when they was obviously they all just got COVID, but they couldn't admit it because that would ruin their grift. | |
| They were like, yeah, they hit us with a bioweapon! | |
| Anthrax! | |
| And it was like, no. | |
| Through the air vents. | |
| Yes. | |
| Because if it was anthrax, you'd be dead. | |
| That shit's real serious. | |
| Um, so we've had a movie like this kind of before, not by the same people, but we did, we had the Deep Rig, which was about the audit, the Maricopa Cyber Ninjas audit. | |
| This one is going to be about Carrie Lake. | |
| It's going to be about the Carrie Lake, um, Carrie Lake losing and, um, also Abe Hamaday losing and then their court cases. | |
| Um, it's literally about their court cases. | |
| It's, it's, it's with like, you know, Patrick Byrne is like really promoting it. | |
| And like, it's gonna, it's gonna premiere on X. It's going to premiere on Twitter. | |
| They're going to, they're going to have it on Twitter and rumble. | |
| Um, but yeah, it's kind of like. | |
| The two premier Nazi social media sites. | |
| The big, you know, the big. | |
| The big two. | |
| I do want to throw in something quick for the people who aren't deep into the lore here. | |
| Patrick Byrne was the former guy who ran Overstock.com, and he is mostly famous for being a pilled lunatic, and also for the fact that a Russian spy managed to successfully honeypot him, and basically whatever she did to him, she probably got whatever information she could out of his rich ass. | |
| Oh baby, you know what makes me so hot? | |
| Government documents. | |
| Overstock secrets, please. | |
| Any sort of corporate documents makes me so wet. | |
| Yes, that and large piles of your money. | |
| Yes, both of these things. | |
| I think I broke his brain. | |
| He denies. | |
| He's like, no, I wasn't. | |
| I wasn't honeypotting. | |
| It was a real relationship. | |
| He maintains it was a real relationship. | |
| Yeah. | |
| He's such a freak character in the greater universe, but he doesn't get reported on as much. | |
| Because he just doesn't have the bombast of Mike Lindell. | |
| He's just as pilled and just as stupid as Mike Lindell, but he just doesn't have that ability to grab headlines by saying really dumb things publicly. | |
| But you could still get money off him. | |
| I mean, he's still an idiot that will absolutely fund any right-wing project if you sell it to him, right? | |
| And then when they all kind of started going after each other's throats, like him and Flynn and Powell, he was like, Sydney Powell tried to fuck me. | |
| You remember that? | |
| I remember that, yes! | |
| Oh yeah, that was the best, when he was like, oh yeah, that trashy dame threw herself at me, but I, a pure man of Christ, rebuked that Jezebel. | |
| I only fall for Russian. | |
| Yeah, I was never going to fucking pursue that. | |
| She didn't ask me for classified fucking, you know, secrets regarding the transactional history of my company even once. | |
| That's like foreplay to me, baby! | |
| It's actually me that gets hot doing it. | |
| Ooh, I want to see this financial reports. | |
| Ooh, yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| God. | |
| Yeah, so that sounds like a wonderful quote unquote documentary. | |
| I have to I sent you a photo because it's so it's about the Carrie Lake trials obviously because they're kind of acting as if in the Carrie Lake trials they're presenting real evidence of election fraud even though all her cases have been dismissed and actually just this last week three of her lawyers that have been involved with this the it's like that They're probably going to get like, they're going to face some discipline, you know, and like that case is kind of moving forward. | |
| So this is coming out in the week that that's happening. | |
| Like, and her lawyers are in the movie and like her, one of her lawyers, Brian Blem, I sent you a photo of this guy. | |
| What this is, explain this guy, Mike, explain what this guy's wearing. | |
| He's wearing a headband that is so goddamn hippie-ass bullshit that if you told me this was taken from a guy who's just never gotten over Woodstock, I would have believed you. | |
| It's just a dude in a blue button-up shirt, slacks, but the headband just says, man, I am down to party. | |
| Let me tell you, lawyer by day, mescaline by night. | |
| It's like a beaded headband. | |
| He's just sitting in his office like that's normal. | |
| He's one of the ones that might get disbarred. | |
| Can you imagine being a secretary and you get a job at a law firm and you're like, oh man, I made it. | |
| I'm going to get 35 an hour, paid time off, 401k. | |
| And you walk in and your lawyer boss is just wearing that bandana headband. | |
| And you're just like, what the fuck? | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Maybe the shift manager at Burger King is a better option. | |
| Maybe I can get out of here. | |
| This fucking dude definitely has a crystal on his desk. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| And he is going to tell me what kind of powers it has. | |
| It really helps properly align the energy of the room, you know? | |
| Anyway, I need to determine the 15% of our staff. | |
| I love those fucking, those like, those like guys that transitioned from like the 80s cocaine | |
| corporate mad lunatics to like the late 90s early 2000s corporate lunatics that were really | |
| into yoga retreats and like Reiki and spiritual nonsense but at the end of the day they were | |
| still just like insane capitalists. | |
| Yup. | |
| Oh God. | |
| So anyway, we got another movie to watch. | |
| Another lady that's in it that's kind of presented as the star is Shelby Bush, who I've definitely mentioned before, but she's so local that nobody knows who she is. | |
| Patrick Byrne flew her out when Michael Flynn, Sidney Powell, and him had that meeting with Trump that were like, hey, maybe you should just seize the voting machines. | |
| That'd be cool. | |
| To be fair, that was only because Trump said he wanted them to get him some Bush from Arizona. | |
| They misinterpreted that one. | |
| They were like, it's a political thing. | |
| Like, we found a woman. | |
| Classic 90s-style stand-up humor. | |
| Mm-hmm. | |
| Throwbacks! | |
| And then the other person that's gonna be in it is our local Gateway Pundit correspondent Jordan Conradson. | |
| He is just, you know, your typical Gateway Pundit hack who just, like, his job is kind of to get, like, bossed around by Carrie Lake here. | |
| She snaps at him. | |
| She's like, Jordan, Jordan. | |
| And then he writes fluff pieces about her. | |
| He's also a domestic abuser. | |
| Allegedly. | |
| But... | |
| So it's gonna be like this local kind of documentary about like yeah the Carrie Lake election and how she's proven the truth even though she hasn't won shit and all her lawyers are now getting disbarred as of this week. | |
| So that'll be fun to watch. | |
| These people also do a show, the directors for this also do a show with like a couple QAnon people about Hollywood so this is gonna be like pretty QAnon heavy. | |
| We should watch it Mike. | |
| Don't you want to watch it? | |
| Oh, I live only to watch such things. | |
| I have so much homework to watch now because I have the Obama movie, I have this, I have my burning hatred of Rob Reiner, and I just saw like some producer of that podcast. | |
| I think they said there's like 12 episodes of this thing and not 10. | |
| And I was like, no, no, Rob Reiner! | |
| You piece of shit! | |
| You're dragging this out even more than I thought you could! | |
| Oh, my God. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, yep. | |
| I have a full plate of nonsense media to absorb and consume and take notes on. | |
| I'm going to be exactly like a QAnon person. | |
| I don't think people understand how QAnon warps your brain in that way, where you don't You don't passively consume media anymore. | |
| You don't just watch the football game and be like, yeah, quarterback, throw the ball! | |
| You don't watch the sitcom and be like, ah, that guy told a funny joke. | |
| You're watching it intently to try to see if there's any Illuminati clues in the background, or if any of the producers are on your enemies list or anything. | |
| You just have to be hyper-engaged with reality, which is just something that's super stressful for people. | |
| People just need to chill a lot during the day, like you work and then when you go home. | |
| You're supposed to, like, lower your attention span. | |
| You're supposed to just relax and just let things, like, ease out so you don't stress out all day. | |
| But it's like, nope! | |
| Gotta watch the Obama movie to see the hidden codes about how they're getting ready to depopulate the world through their, like, COVID death jab or whatever. | |
| I mean, it just never stops with them. | |
| It's just relentless. | |
| I'm gonna let Haley bury you in this sort of homework until we just sort of, like, accidentally transition into a film criticism podcast. | |
| That'd be great! | |
| Then we're really gonna spread our wigs. | |
| Then it'll really be Al's time to shine. | |
| Fuckin' rant at you about Dutch tilt. | |
| Motherfuckers use that shit too much. | |
| Dude. | |
| Stop Dutch tilting. | |
| Like, unless it's communicating something important. | |
| Stop doing it, you fucks. | |
| Anyway. | |
| Uh, mostly I'm just using that- I'm pulling the plug on you because we have to get to the headlines. | |
| We need to get headlines, goddammit! | |
| Headlines it is! | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News! | |
| I noticed how deep into the pod we were, and it seemed like we should probably start talking about our actual headlines. | |
| Okay, so headline numero uno, Jack Smith, etc. | |
| I'm not even going to pretend to know any of the details about this, so I'm just going to let Mike talk so I don't embarrass myself. | |
| So Trump's legal strategy for the case that's actually going to 100% happen before the election, and thus the one case he is trying to delay desperately, involves just trying to stall it out, trying to push it back. | |
| And the judge has already, in this case, said March 4th is when we're having this trial. | |
| So we're doing this. | |
| So Trump waited until the last possible second to file an appeal. | |
| And basically his appeal for this case right now is the president has supreme immunity for everything he did. | |
| Fuck off. | |
| You're not the boss of me. | |
| You can't tell me what I did was wrong. | |
| Pound sand, judge. | |
| Pound sand American legal system. | |
| And there were people who were just like, well, this is annoying because he's going to appeal this. | |
| He's going to lose the appeal. | |
| Then he's going to reappeal to the Supreme Court and then they could drag their feet on this. | |
| And this could all again, just the whole point of this assault, the whole point of this is kicking the can down the road and dragging this thing out. | |
| So hopefully it gets closer to the election and Trump can claim election interference and blah, blah, blah, and all that kind of stuff. | |
| So, Jack Smith in a move that all the legal scholars I've been reading said was a pretty unusual move and kind of a bold decision on his part. | |
| Jack Smith was like, yeah, this is being appealed to the Supreme- to this, like, appellate court system. | |
| Nuts to all that. | |
| I'm just going to directly ask the Supreme Court to rule on this right now so we can get this over with. | |
| And so Jack Smith filed an appeal before the Supreme Court saying, look, this is an extraordinary case with extraordinary circumstances that needs to be taken care of ASAP. | |
| So, uh, please Supreme Court- If this sort of thing isn't for the Supreme Court to decide, then why the fuck do we have a Supreme Court? | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| It's literally just like, does becoming President of the United States make you immune to, like, criminal prosecution? | |
| Y slash N. And we already have plenty of legal precedent, mostly involving Richard Nixon back when Watergate was a thing, and it was possible he could have gone to jail for that shit. | |
| We have plenty of legal precedent where the Supreme Court's been like, no, the President is not above the law. | |
| So... | |
| The Supreme Court has stated that they are receptive to this concept. | |
| So there's a lot of legal tea-leaf reading about if the shitty conservative bloc of SCOTUS is going to try to pull something where they do throw sand in the gears to slow this thing down. | |
| Do they dismiss it immediately? | |
| What are they going to do? | |
| And I've seen a lot of people being like, oh, this is bad because the Supreme Court's going to screw with him. | |
| He made a mistake. | |
| And it's like, well, no, because it was always going to be their decision. | |
| These assholes were always going to be the ones to make the call. | |
| Jack Smith's just asking them to shit or get off the pot now instead of letting them lollygag about it for forever later on. | |
| Also, it's an insane precedent for them to set. | |
| And no matter how packed the Supreme Court is, that's going to be a hard one to get through. | |
| Because, you know, you have to be pretty confident that your guy's gonna win, like, at least in the short term, if you set that precedent. | |
| Otherwise, what's to stop Joe Biden, like, on the first day of his second term, for just going into the Supreme Court with a gun, and just being like, I want you, you, you, and you off the bench, and just blam, blam, blam, blam. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Oh, what, the Supreme Court's all Democrats and I appointed now? | |
| So crazy! | |
| And guess what? | |
| So is the Senate in the House, because Joe Biden and his diplomatic immunity gun has just cleared out... Yeah, Doug Brandon is here, thanks to fuckin' no dissent or whatever, you know, like fuckin', yeah. | |
| So insane. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And the thing is, I mean, a lot of people are like worried about this, but as a lot of people have pointed out, the Supreme Court has told Trump to go fuck himself countless times. | |
| Cause I remember when QAnon was all excited when Texas like sued Pennsylvania for how they ran the election. | |
| And they were like, Oh, it's happening. | |
| Oh, the election's getting overturned. | |
| And then the Supreme Court was like, no, that shit's fucking ridiculous. | |
| There's no goddamn way that flies. | |
| Fuck Texas. | |
| And then they were like, no, betrayed. | |
| I love the world in which they successfully get the Supreme Court to just be like, yeah, you can't prosecute the president or former president of the United States. | |
| That's crazy. | |
| And then in response, Joe Biden's just like, well, in that case, you know, I really think I did help my son with all those financial deals. | |
| So if you could just fuck that case right the fuck off, that would be great. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And he was just like, yeah, that would be excellent. | |
| But no, not like that! | |
| He was like, you can't prosecute me for shit. | |
| And you know, my son wasn't on that. | |
| So there's no, it's done. | |
| I'm the president. | |
| President is great. | |
| Thank you for your fucking president powers. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So because that's very unlikely to happen, QAnon has already concocted a conspiracy theory about why Trump is doing this. | |
| And that is that Trump knows he's going to lose, but they want to set the precedent that the president can go to jail. | |
| That way we can get Biden and Obama after Trump wins reelection in a massive landslide and blah, blah, blah. | |
| So they already know what they're going to say when Trump loses, which he will, because that's That's what QAnon's always about. | |
| It's all about coping and finding ways to spin defeats into victories and all that good stuff. | |
| You just have to be moving forward. | |
| The conspiracy theory must be winning at all times, and if it's not, or people can't see how it's winning, you have to explain how it's winning, because it's always winning. | |
| Just accept that. | |
| Yeah, and or you have to always be setting up your next little airbag of copium. | |
| Yes. | |
| Anyway, I brought the band up previously, so let's get right back to talking about him and his sweet cock. | |
| I mean, no, his legal troubles. | |
| Hunter Biden. | |
| He's a mad dog. | |
| He refuses to be witch hunted, etc. | |
| He keeps getting cooler. | |
| Some of this stuff just happened today. | |
| Mike, fill the people who might not know on what's going on with Hunter Dark Brandon Biden. | |
| So our boy Hunter Biden, who is apparently going to be indicted for more income tax bullshit, which the lawyers previously said they didn't know that they could win those cases or not. | |
| But hey, fuck it at this point. | |
| We don't care. | |
| We're just going to throw shit at the wall. | |
| Hunter Biden was subpoenaed to testify before the Republican committee about whatever the fuck it is they wanted him to testify about. | |
| And Hunter said, I will do that in public if you want. | |
| And the Republicans were like, no, we want you to do it in a closed session of Congress. | |
| And he was like, no, that's bullshit because I know what you're going to do. | |
| You're just going to like lie about what I said to the public. | |
| And I don't want that. | |
| So if you want me to testify, it will be in public. | |
| And the Republicans were like, hard passed. | |
| The last thing on earth we want you to do is answer our questions in front of cameras. | |
| So that's basically what happened today was Hunter Biden went to Washington, got in front | |
| of the Capitol grounds, gave a speech about how he'd be glad to testify publicly, but | |
| they don't want him to do that. | |
| So they're not letting him. | |
| So he is just not going to testify privately because he knows exactly what will happen | |
| if he did so. | |
| And the Republicans are now like, curse you, Hunter. | |
| And now QAnon and all these other people are impotently shaking their fists and demanding | |
| that the hunter be indicted for contempt of Congress. | |
| They're like, how dare he ignore a subpoena. | |
| And it's just like, you guys have been ignoring just so many subpoenas recently, and they're just like, yeah, but still. | |
| Not but still, you dumb fucks. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah, Jim Jordan, who ducked a subpoena for forever, is one of the ones banging his fist on the table and being like, what this Hunter Biden is doing is totally unbecoming, and I can't believe the nerve of this man! | |
| And it's like, Jim, you literally did the exact same thing. | |
| And on top of that, you never said that you were willing to publicly testify before the committee. | |
| You were just like, I ain't testifying. | |
| Screw you. | |
| Bounce in. | |
| Good luck. | |
| And so people are just like, well, if Merrick Garland doesn't indict Hunter Biden, then he has to indict Jim Jordan and all the rest of these chuds who did the exact same thing. | |
| So this is going to be a super fun on the bun bullshit for them and good on Hunter for calling their bluff because again, If they did indict him, boy howdy would he have a good case for selective prosecution. | |
| I mean, it's not even, this isn't even like a tough one to sell to a jury that he's being picked on for a specific reason. | |
| Yeah, he was sort of making his case in his announcement thing today when he was just like, these motherfuckers are showing nude pictures of me at meetings and stuff. | |
| This shit is wild. | |
| Yeah, any rational person would just be like, oh, even if this dude is guilty of some crimes, why are we showing these nude photos of him at this fucking government meeting? | |
| What's going on? | |
| This man has done crimes, and by the way, here's a picture of his giant hog. | |
| What does the hog have to do with the crimes? | |
| Nothing. | |
| I just wanted to put nudie pics of Hunter Biden into the congressional record. | |
| I'm just mad thirsty for Hunter D. I think is what Marjorie Taylor Greene said there. | |
| I think that was her exact quote verbatim. | |
| I'm thirsty for that Hunter D. Yeah. | |
| And Joe Biden, apparently there's been some talk that like behind the scenes, he's really not happy about this and that he feels bad that the Hunter's going through all this shit. | |
| And he's basically just sort of like, damn, if I had not run for president and won, my only living son wouldn't be going through all this shit now. | |
| Because it's really like Joe Biden's life is like super grim if you actually look at it, because his first wife and two of his kids were killed in a car accident. | |
| His two remaining living children, one of them died of brain cancer that he got from being exposed to toxic chemicals while he was serving in the military. | |
| Hunter's been a massive scrub his whole life, who's now trying to get his shit together and is now being indicted for crimes literally just because he's the president's son. | |
| And they're doing this to try to make his dad president sad about it. | |
| I mean, it's just... | |
| It's like, fuck, man. | |
| I mean, Joe Biden's made out of stronger stuff than I am. | |
| And he's ahead of the rest of the crowd, you know? | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| And that's one of the things that's so sick is every now and then when Biden's in Delaware going to church, he'll go to one of the gravesites of his son. | |
| These like reporters will be like, Hey, Mr. Biden, how do you feel about this issue? | |
| And blah, blah, blah. | |
| It's like, motherfucker, he's grieving. | |
| Could you give him? | |
| Nope. | |
| Can't give him a second's notice. | |
| Got to talk, got to yell at him about the farm bill. | |
| Hey, there's this new poll that says you're losing by three in Nevada. | |
| What's going on, Biden? | |
| It's like, oh my god. | |
| So yeah, it's fun on a bun that this is the nonsense we're going through right now. | |
| I mean, to be fair, we did give it to Trump as well. | |
| Like, you know, we were always just like, isn't it super weird that Trump wants to fuck his own daughter? | |
| And you know, that's normally stuff that would be kept inside of a family and it wouldn't be coming under such intense scrutiny. | |
| You know, it is what it is. | |
| You become the president and suddenly people are just like, isn't it kind of weird that you said that your daughter is like fuckable, there's all these pictures of her like on your lap. | |
| Like, it's, when she was like an early teen and stuff, you know, it paints it in a different light. | |
| But, again, that's the scrutiny of being the president, man. | |
| If you're the president and you want to bone your own daughter, people are going to talk about it. | |
| I've always said that. | |
| Yes. | |
| That's one of my many mottos to live by. | |
| Yes, Elle's trenchant political analysis, I've always said. | |
| We'll add that one to the list, you know. | |
| If you become the President of the United States and you want to fuck your daughter, people are going to talk about it. | |
| It goes right up there with the juiciest fruit hangs the lowest, and a little pettiness is good for the blood. | |
| Yes. | |
| Slowest big headline week this week. | |
| Luckily we got a lot of meat on the boosh bone. | |
| It's always weird when that happens. | |
| It's just the holidays. | |
| People don't want to do headlines. | |
| They're too tired of headlines. | |
| Including you, apparently. | |
| You sound like Daria right now. | |
| I thought Hayley just, like, saw that we didn't have a lot going for us, so she decided to just end the headline segment with some ASMR. | |
| Just, like, throw it in there for our listeners. | |
| Our listeners are kind of zoning out a little. | |
| They're waiting for the mailbag, and then Hayley just comes in with the whisper, and boom! | |
| They just get the hairs on the back of their necks just standing up. | |
| They're like, ahhh! | |
| Feeling tingly, listeners? | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's like the yin-yang twins. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I have a coworker who, uh, she wants to do ASMR blackjack. | |
| She wants to like shuffle the cards and like play with the chips and just see if like you do all that kind of crunchy, crinkly stuff and see if people are interested in that. | |
| So yeah, we're, we're, we're, we're trying to explore new fields of ASMR. | |
| It's great. | |
| It's going to be magical. | |
| Yeah, that's a good one. | |
| That's a good match. | |
| All right. | |
| Well, speaking of, uh, speaking of people that are not us, do we want to get to our listener mailbag? | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q&A. | |
| I think Hayley was stifling a yawn, but it looked like she was gasping. | |
| Like I said something, like I was just like, I'm pretty sure I just said let's get into the mailbag. | |
| But I was just like, did I say like something crazy? | |
| I've been yawning a lot. | |
| She looks so offended and shocked, like covering her mouth with shock. | |
| I was just like, did I disassociate? | |
| Like, drop like a fucking high take about the Israel situation or whatever? | |
| It's like, don't worry, Hayley, we can edit it out. | |
| Nah, just kidding. | |
| I just thought it was really funny. | |
| B Bad asks, Hollow Earth vs. Flat Earth, which one abuses science more? | |
| Abuses science more? | |
| Yes. | |
| I would, I mean, it has to be flatter. | |
| Right? | |
| I mean, yeah, because, like, we, we know, like, we just, we've never, we've never done an expedition to the center of the earth. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| So like, in theory, it's like Schrodinger's center of the earth, anything could be in there. | |
| The core, we did in the core, you remember with Stanley Tucci? | |
| Again, if you want to turn this into a movie podcast, I will do that immediately. | |
| Like, yes, I remember the Corps, but in the IRL, we've never taken that sweet expedition. | |
| Versus, we have been to space! | |
| We've seen our sweet, spherical Earth, and all its fucking spherical glory. | |
| And the idea that all of the sky is a fucking man-made dome that covers everything we can perceive is fucking madness, dude! | |
| You look at the pyramids and you're just like, damn dude, how did people make that? | |
| Yeah, a dome that covers the entire world! | |
| So much bigger than that! | |
| Fucking crazy! | |
| Sorry. | |
| I agree with you. | |
| I hate Flat Earth so much. | |
| I would say Flat Earth spits in the eye of science way more than Hollow Earth. | |
| Any Flat Earth believer, we could hypothetically throw them up into space and show them the truth. | |
| But Hollow Earth people, it's like, what are you going to do? | |
| Get them a, like, spaceship that goes into the core with Stanley Tucci? | |
| We just, it's not fair. | |
| It's not in there. | |
| We need to get them in a spaceship headed towards the sun, like, uh, Sunshine by Gillian Murphy. | |
| So you can do a movie podcast right now. | |
| Me and Sarge were always trying to wrestle the podcast towards TV and movies. | |
| Ah, this QAnon stuff is such a bummer. | |
| Let's talk about 80s cartoons! | |
| Well, you know, QAnon is so movie-centric that we could kind of make it a half-movie podcast. | |
| Their output just, like, isn't great enough. | |
| Like, if they were cranking out enough content where we could just literally become, hey, every week we watch a crazy QAnon movie and then discuss it, I would love that. | |
| Because doing that for the bonus content with, like, White Squall or whatever it was and all that shit, like, that was some of the most fun, like, I've ever had recording these shows. | |
| Oh yeah, we could do the Ben Shapiro terrible movies, like his school shooting movie, the movie they're doing now where men are playing basketball against women, and apparently it's supposed to be hilarious and it's not. | |
| I mean, there is a bunch of terrible right-wing media content out there. | |
| That is a thing that exists. | |
| It's just a question of if there's enough people that want to listen to people dunking on that shit. | |
| Which, hey, I'm... | |
| I'm game for anything. | |
| I'm a consumer whore. | |
| And how. | |
| This would be a weird way to find out if there was an audience for that, because it would just make you. | |
| People who are already part of our audience. | |
| Would you be a part of our audience if we were a completely different thing? | |
| Yes, exactly! | |
| But no, don't get me wrong, I love stupid movies, and I did really love all the stupid nonsensical conspiracy horseshit that was in all those QAnon movies. | |
| So, I'd be down to do some more of that. | |
| Anyway, so to answer your question, Flatter. | |
| What about you, Mike? | |
| Flat Earth vs. Hollow Earth? | |
| What's up? | |
| Flat Earth's the worst because there's no scientific sense to it at all. | |
| It's so disproven by realities in every which way. | |
| In order to believe in Flat Earth, you're basically just obstinately stating that you're never going to have your mind changed by facts, evidence, or anything. | |
| You're just, I believe in this thing and that's it. | |
| And I just, I'm just like locked into my belief system. | |
| One of the dumb Flat Earthers, not that there's a smart Flat Earther out there. | |
| One of the dumb Flat Earthers that is a QAnon promoter. | |
| He posted a photo of the Earth from one of the satellites that's around it. | |
| And he was like, this satellite's supposed to be all this far away from the Earth, but they can't show the top and the bottom of the Earth in the photo. | |
| Makes you wonder. | |
| And I clicked on the article that he posted it from, and it was on Fox News. | |
| And then I found the photo that he found. | |
| And then I searched for the photo online, and I found the uncropped image that just showed the full Earth in all of its round glory. | |
| And I literally posted it to him. | |
| I'm like, hey, buddy, the photo you were looking at was cropped. | |
| Here's the real one. | |
| And he had no reply. | |
| Did not answer me at all. | |
| Hashtag cropped earth. | |
| Am I right, guys? | |
| Yes! | |
| We've had cropped earth. | |
| We've had thick earth. | |
| We're all about the shape of the earth on this podcast. | |
| We're really obsessed with it. | |
| My buddy, one of my buddies, has for years asserted that the earth is neither rounded nor flat. | |
| It is shaped like a dinosaur chicken nugget. | |
| I can accept that as for chicken nugget. | |
| When I say several years, I'm talking like 15 years. | |
| I like that one too. | |
| Yeah, that reminds me. | |
| I think one of my friends, when they visited me and I gave them the tour of Salem, they We're wearing the shirt where all the eight other planets in our solar system are spheres, but the Earth is just flat for no fucking reason. | |
| And it's just like, here's the solar system, Mercury, Venus, flat Earth, and then round everything else. | |
| They're all flat. | |
| Our solar system is like Pogs. | |
| The Sun is the Great Slammer. | |
| And then we're weird but Pogs orbiting it. | |
| I'd be willing to accept that. | |
| Oh my God. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, these people are just so ridiculous. | |
| I mean, Hollow Earth is incredibly dumb, and it obviously doesn't work, but it's just not something that's, like, observably untrue, because... | |
| I mean, ancient Greeks and shit just, like, did experiments with shadows. | |
| And we're just like, boom! | |
| These shadows prove that there's a curvature to the Earth. | |
| We solved that problem. | |
| It's done. | |
| How about just, like, a sick observation with your fucking eyeballs when you're, like, high enough and the day is cleared? | |
| You're just like, oh, it curves a little. | |
| That's something. | |
| That's fucking weird, innit? | |
| Or when you watch a ship go over the horizon and disappear. | |
| It's like, you know what would not happen on a flat earth? | |
| That. | |
| The ship would... No way, man. | |
| It's just hitting a vanishing point. | |
| It's just very, very, very far away from you. | |
| Perfectly straight, but very, like, so far away. | |
| Yes. | |
| God. | |
| It's like Las Vegas. | |
| It's like the Atlantic right down the street. | |
| You're mindlessly there. | |
| Yes, and then you die of heatstroke because you're in Nevada. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| I know well of the Las Vegas Strip's lies of visual lying, because you're just like, these giant buildings have to be so close because they're giant. | |
| It's like, nope, it's just a really giant building. | |
| You had no idea how far away it actually was, you huge moron. | |
| Next question. | |
| The answer is no, it did not get any interest from anybody. | |
| Did the allegedly race-based mass shooting in Vermont get any notice anywhere by anyone? | |
| I seem to have blinked and missed it. | |
| The answer is no, it did not get any interest from anybody. | |
| I had to look it up after I read this question and I was just like, holy shit, there was | |
| some lunatic who shot some Palestinians in Vermont. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| That's really screwed up. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| I saw their mom on Democracy Now. | |
| It didn't get any media coverage, unfortunately, because none of them died, right? | |
| One of them is paralyzed. | |
| One's paralyzed. | |
| Which is not good. | |
| Like me, the Mysterious L of the Adventure of the Hellwamp podcast. | |
| Let me go on record and say it's tragic and it sucks and, you know, it was worth more attention than it got. | |
| But the grim reality of the situation is that because none of them died, It was not a story that people were really too invested in. | |
| Because this is America! | |
| Murder land! | |
| Like, our guns are- Yeah, if you haven't killed at least three people, you're just like, not really news in America? | |
| Which is fucked up. | |
| Like, America is fucked up. | |
| And if you're an American, you should realize that America's fucked up. | |
| Yes. | |
| That is true. | |
| Unfortunately. | |
| It's really unfortunate, but even I, in my not, you know, like I did see enough headlines where I knew what was talking, like once the Palestinian angle got brought back up, I was just like, oh, right. | |
| Like, that's the sort of like hate-based racial murder that's happening right now. | |
| Like, because in my head, I'm just so used to it being like black people or whatever. | |
| Uh, that I was just like, oh, now that you've mentioned that there are Palestinians, I do remember this story. | |
| It got headlines for like a day. | |
| Then it was reported that one of them was paralyzed, but they're all going to make it. | |
| And then everybody was just like, all going to make it. | |
| Boom. | |
| And it scattered immediately. | |
| It's like, fuck you, you ghouls. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It felt like the guy didn't try to kill all of them. | |
| It was an attempted murder on three of them because of their racial makeup. | |
| And they were wearing the scarf. | |
| They were wearing the keffiyeh. | |
| All three of them. | |
| Because there's actually some local lawmakers here that call it a murder scarf. | |
| That's what they call it. | |
| So yeah, that's kind of like the level that we're at with some things. | |
| And it's like, yeah, that kind of language is not helpful. | |
| But what do I know? | |
| I'm just, I'm just a podcaster. | |
| Yeah, for those of you who- this is theater of the mind. | |
| When Haley said, murder scarf, my eyes rolled into the back of my head so hard I could see my brain. | |
| It was a pretty hardcore eye roll. | |
| We're just really out of pocket because you guys have to realize that we're still in a post-China virus world. | |
| You have to give people some slack. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, I actually like months ago just heard somebody in the wild bring up the Kung Flu and I was like, what the fuck? | |
| Really? | |
| Oh my God. | |
| Was it the Dice Man? | |
| Because that is an old name. | |
| I thought that was like, even for the people who like a casual racism, I thought that was retired when we were transitioning out of quarantine and stuff like that, you know? | |
| Once everyone was getting used to the new normal, it was just like, oh, we're not going to call it that racist thing anymore, right? | |
| Because we have to be around other people and they're going to look at us sideways. | |
| Not because we're not racist. | |
| Lord knows we are racist. | |
| But we don't want to be that way in public because we don't want the hassle. | |
| I was like, a few weeks ago, some guy, he was the main character on Twitter for like four hours because on some podcast, he was just like, Hey, if like a million white people all said the N word at once, we'd all be allowed to say it. | |
| And this whole dumb thing would be over. | |
| And it was just like, buddy, why don't you go first then? | |
| Why don't you just do that then? | |
| I mean, If it means that much to you, if you really want to say it that badly, oh my God. | |
| Oh yeah, there's that legendary clip of, God, I can't remember who it was, but some blogging news anchor or whatever, ambushing his colleague on the air, which is being like, so say it then. | |
| And the guy's just like, well, you know I can't. | |
| He's just like, sure you can't. | |
| You're an American. | |
| Go ahead and say it. | |
| And the guy's just like, well, I, uh, it's just like, yeah, just say it, buddy. | |
| You want to say it to him, yeah? | |
| I was like, go nuts. | |
| Here's your opportunity. | |
| Camera's rolling, buddy. | |
| Say the word. | |
| Yep, do it! | |
| Power to you, motherfucker, here you go! | |
| Yep. | |
| Say it with your chest, be proud! | |
| Also, for the record, uh, no. | |
| If a million people said, if a million white people all said it simultaneously, it would not solve anything. | |
| We would just, it would lead to A, a lot of confused, like, colored people, B, a lot of Fucking white people just getting pummeled, like just immediately just beaten beyond all sense of recognition. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And those who could not be attacked would enjoy losing their jobs very quickly. | |
| Because it'd be like, what the fuck? | |
| Why were you involved in that mass moment of racism? | |
| Was this like some sort of plot of Kingsman where instead of violence, everyone's being attacked? | |
| dumb racist. It was, it was uh, we were taking it back man. | |
| We're just trying to like, it was a protest and it's just like, why are you protesting whether | |
| or not you should be able to use a racial slur? It's like, hey man, this thing has been tagged as | |
| racial slur. Let it go. Let it go. | |
| Yes. | |
| White people are so entitled. | |
| They're like, but that was our word for them! | |
| It's ours! | |
| We should be able to say it! | |
| And it's like, no. | |
| You can say it. | |
| It's like, first of all, you can't say it. | |
| You can say it. | |
| And second of all, you want to be able to say it without repercussions. | |
| And because society made the call on that one. | |
| It's over for you. | |
| Let it go. | |
| Yep. | |
| Say it all you want, but with repercussions. | |
| That's your option. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That's the option we all exercise. | |
| We're all betting zero as far as I know. | |
| Zeros across the board. | |
| Like, you know, it's just really easy not to say that word. | |
| So easy. | |
| So easy. | |
| Use a different word. | |
| Any other word. | |
| If you're rapping along to a song you really like and you come to that word, use the word fellow or fella. | |
| You don't want to go with the hard O. Yes. | |
| And finally, Eric the Deep State Operative says, is there anything besides piles of cash that would red pill you guys? | |
| Yeah, superpowers. | |
| I'll do anything for superpowers. | |
| Literally anything. | |
| I said it before and I'll say it again. | |
| Give me superpowers and I'm yours, baby! | |
| How Red Pill are we talking? | |
| What are we talking here? | |
| He didn't say. | |
| What would it take to Red Pill you besides piles of cash? | |
| Like, like if I actually saw a real video of Frazzledrip, then I would believe it. | |
| I would finally believe it. | |
| It would have to be undoctored. | |
| It would have to be real. | |
| You know, if you show me proof of some of these things you're saying, God damn it, then maybe I'll believe some of it. | |
| You know, maybe what else is, what else, you know, what else is something that they claim? | |
| Show me that the earth is flat. | |
| Show me the face carving video for real. | |
| Just show me it. | |
| Just let me see it. | |
| And show me that the earth is flat. | |
| Just let me see it. | |
| And then I'll believe you. | |
| But so far, nothing. | |
| So I haven't been red-pilled on any of that shit. | |
| Show us some footage that we can take to independent analysts to get verified of some guy just like walking off the earth, you know? | |
| We're, here we are at the edge of the world and, whoa! | |
| It just fall, like, drifts off into space, right off the side of the disc, or whatever, like, it just, that would, that would do it! | |
| You know? | |
| Yep! | |
| Like, yeah, I mean, this is what I've said to these QAnon people for forever. | |
| It's like, I want to be pilled. | |
| I want to live in your world, because the world you live in is so magical and insane, and God and the devil are literally in a fistfight, just beating the shit out of each other. | |
| And that sounds so much more exciting That's how I feel about my cryptid friends. | |
| I have friends who really like cryptid stuff. | |
| And for the record, they're also skeptics. | |
| They just like the stories. | |
| And so, like, that butt up right there with them. | |
| But we're all just like, fuck, God, like, yes, obviously, like, we want it to be true so bad. | |
| Like, we want, like, if somebody was just like, yo, I turned up at the local police station, and guess what I have? | |
| It's a Mothman carcass. | |
| I got him. | |
| Here he is. | |
| It's fuckin' Jeepers Creepers, dude. | |
| Like, look at him. | |
| Like, he's fuckin' real, and, like, here's a body, and dissect it, and, like, the government can't make it disappear because I livestreamed it, and, like, dude, he's here. | |
| That would be great. | |
| I want that. | |
| Or Bigfoot. | |
| You're just like, oh, you know what we found in our backyard? | |
| Living Bigfoot. | |
| Here he is, he's drinking beer in our living room. | |
| No more blurry photos. | |
| He's right here. | |
| He's mad clear. | |
| Here he is in 4K. | |
| We gotta play him Fortnite. | |
| He's really bad at it, but it seems to entertain him. | |
| And he's not tearing our heads off, so we're gonna let him do it. | |
| Yeah, that would be great. | |
| It would just be like, oh my god, I live in a much more magical world. | |
| Like, you know, like this opens up the doors to so many more things to be potentially true that just prove one of them. | |
| A Chupacabra, a Mothman, a Loch Ness Monster, a Bigfoot. | |
| Any one of these motherfuckers, give me one. | |
| Just one. | |
| And it opens up the door for all of them. | |
| And you're just like, holy shit! | |
| The world is so cool! | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, let me take a vaccine and then 30 minutes later draw my blood and then show me the nanobots that are now swimming in my blood as a result of the vaccine. | |
| That's all I want. | |
| Just show me evidence. | |
| I've been begging these people since I started covering QAnon, like, I don't know, six years ago. | |
| Just, you can pill me so easily. | |
| You just have to prove your claims. | |
| That's all I want. | |
| And I think like the nanobots would be crazy too, because that's a level of super science that once that's introduced to your life as a possibility, like, fuck what they're doing in my blood. | |
| Like, what else are they doing? | |
| What else can they do? | |
| Like, you've got fucking nanomachines already? | |
| What is going on? | |
| Our boy, the Bleach Drinker, Jordan Sather, he's always talking about how the government has zero gravity drives and free energy and they're just hiding it from us. | |
| And I always listen to that shit and I'm just like, you do realize that America doesn't like being dependent on oil from the Middle East and all that kind of shit. | |
| You think if we had free energy, we would be like, hey, guess what, Middle East? | |
| Boom. | |
| Here is our fusion battery cells. | |
| We know now all our cars are going to drive on these. | |
| We're going to heat our houses with fusion. | |
| We don't need your oil anymore. | |
| Go piss up a rope. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Also, I'm sure that there are a lot of scientists out there that have a lot of, like, ideas that would be really useful to humanity that are just impractical because it would require unlimited amounts of free energy. | |
| Like, I'm pretty, like, you know, if we're worried about nuclear bombs, you don't think that we could probably set up some sort of missile defense system that's just like, well, yeah, that'd be really great. | |
| It requires so much energy. | |
| It's like, yeah, we got that. | |
| It shoots lasers. | |
| It's unlimited. | |
| It shoots a laser that blows up a missile. | |
| It never runs out of energy because the energy is unlimited. | |
| It's great. | |
| It's fucking sick. | |
| Or, like, why are we still troop transporting with fossil fuels on, like, slow fucking airplanes or whatever? | |
| Like, if we have the UFOs, why aren't we just, like, still Team Sixing it? | |
| Oh, we found the caves Osama's in. | |
| Fuck a black helicopter, dude. | |
| We sent a UFO in there. | |
| We anti-grafted him out of the cave. | |
| He's ours now. | |
| Exactly! | |
| Yeah, when Ronald Reagan was like, hey, I want a laser defense system to protect America from the Soviet Union, none of our scientists were like, don't tell him we have it. | |
| We're all in bed with the Saudis for some reason. | |
| They'd be like, oh yeah, Mr. President, we actually can do that. | |
| We'll have it up and running in six months. | |
| No must, no fuss. | |
| That's another thing America might be interested in if we had access to some sort of way to create unlimited free energy. | |
| A fucking weapon. | |
| Like a weapon in space. | |
| Like a laser in space that could destroy anything on our spherical planet at any moment. | |
| We're using our unlimited energy. | |
| We have a battery of that fucking thing. | |
| And it'll just, hey, nice Moscow. | |
| It's over for that. | |
| Boom. | |
| No more Moscow. | |
| See you later. | |
| We did it. | |
| It just seems so unreasonable to believe that the government has access to this technology and can replicate it, and it isn't. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| Our government doesn't like to exercise caution or restraint. | |
| We spent $3 trillion on a jet. | |
| By the time it was done, drones were a thing. | |
| Really crazy. | |
| Yeah. | |
| God, these people are... What a bunch of clown. | |
| So there you go. | |
| My red pole ticket is a superpower. | |
| Hayley just wants a fuckin' proof. | |
| And Mike also wants proof, but like a crazier thing. | |
| Like some of the craziest shit. | |
| Yes, I want proof of madness. | |
| I want proof of absolute unhinged madness. | |
| Show the Biden hologram to my birthday party. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| And that brings us to our final question, which as always is, what are you guys looking forward to? | |
| Uh... | |
| That sound I made is because I once again don't really have a great answer for this because all | |
| of my excitement right now is tied up in the same sort of general bubble of my holiday plans. | |
| I'm going to a zoo. | |
| Well, I guess this one's a new one. | |
| I don't think I talked about last week, because I don't think I had it planned yet. | |
| I'm going to a late-night zoo trip. | |
| Where, like, one of the local zoos is all, like, done up in lights and stuff for the holiday season. | |
| So you go after dark, and we're going for a friend's birthday party, so there's going to be, like, 20 of us. | |
| We did it last year, too. | |
| Can we just roll mob deep through the zoo? | |
| And just have a good time? | |
| You know, it's late enough that there aren't really a lot of kids around. | |
| Like, right when we got there, there were a bunch of kids, but they quickly dispersed, because it was cold at night. | |
| Which was great, because then it was just like, you know, in the middle of a zoo. | |
| Not hurting nobody. | |
| Little vape action. | |
| Boop boop. | |
| Makes the night really magical. | |
| Just like, ah, the lights are... Do they put lights up at your zoo? | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| This one's like an event that they do every holiday, where they, like, they really light it up. | |
| Do they call it Zoo Lights? | |
| They do, yes. | |
| Ours is called Zoo Lights 2. | |
| Wow, I thought we were unique, but it's all a lie. | |
| Oh, yeah, I wonder if it's like a nationwide thing then. | |
| Or just like a thing that a bunch of zoos get together and do nationwide to help drive business during the slow season. | |
| Mm-hmm. | |
| Winter is actually our fast... Winter is actually so... The city is so fucking busy right now because we feel normal. | |
| The city is weather tourism? | |
| Yeah, it's weather tourism. | |
| We just feel normal during the winter. | |
| So a bunch of fucking people come down and stay here during the winter. | |
| Snowbirds and... | |
| It's annoying. | |
| Yeah, that's fair. | |
| That sounds like a pain in the ass. | |
| That's what I'm looking forward to. | |
| Them fucking going away. | |
| Go away. | |
| Oh, you know what? | |
| I made that stupid noise and it turns out that this zoo thing reminded me that I have another thing to also be really interested in. | |
| There's a great Mexican place near the zoo where I can get... I think it's called mocolete? | |
| Is that what it's called? | |
| It's a crazy... it's like a stone bowl that's just like mad fucking hot. | |
| It's got like a delicious stew in it. | |
| Yeah. | |
| They have a very good version of that. | |
| I had never heard of it until last year, and then I heard about it, like, three days before going to this thing, and then I got to this place that was on the menu, I got it, and it was delightful, even though I burned the shit out of my mouth, because it's very hot, and I'm gonna do that again this year, hopefully without the burning of my mouth bar. | |
| I'll just, like, look at it for a couple of minutes while it bubbles over and just be like, wow, what a... what a thing. | |
| That sounds great. | |
| And delicious. | |
| And mad cheap. | |
| I think it was like $18. | |
| I was like, this is a lot of food for $18. | |
| Damn. | |
| What are you excited for, Mike? | |
| I'm excited because I just checked Twitter, and apparently Rudy is going to testify tomorrow. | |
| That's what he's claiming. | |
| He's just like, yeah, I'm going to go in there, and I'm going to tell the truth, and the world's going to find out about it! | |
| It's like, bully on you. | |
| I remember Trump said he was going to do the same thing, and then he backed the fuck out as soon as it actually came time for him to take the oath and sit down in the witness stand. | |
| So yeah, godspeed, Rudy. | |
| Can't wait to see you do that. | |
| Add an extra couple zeros to the check you're going to be cutting to the people you defamed for being the piece of shit that you are. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Beyond that, I'm looking forward to just sneaking off to get some ice cream, because in the winter, no one goes to the ice cream place that me and Elle go to all the time. | |
| And you can just zip in, get your ice cream and zip out. | |
| Dude, that place is fucking so gas. | |
| Even though they got rid of both of my favorite flavors for their video. | |
| But fuck, God, it was so good. | |
| But yeah, in the summer, it's like, if you go there, just add an extra 45 minutes to your stay time, because whatever they pay their help, it is not enough, because they literally have a line 20 deep from, like, the moment business ends on a weekday or the weekend, it's just packed. | |
| Just slam a jam it. | |
| That place is literally printing money. | |
| Elon Musk couldn't give those people a number to sell their business to him. | |
| They'd be like, why? | |
| We have infinite cash. | |
| There's nothing you can give us that would make it worthwhile for us to leave. | |
| Sounds like some good-ass ice cream. | |
| Oh, it is. | |
| Like you wouldn't believe. | |
| I mean, I'm sure there are better ice creams out there, but for like your local spot, it's a very, very good local spot. | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| Well done. | |
| Well, I'm jealous of you, Mike. | |
| But on that note, we're going to board an elegant horse and carriage and elegantly leave Hellworld this week. | |
| So elegant. | |
| Thank you so much for listening and supporting the show, dear listener, aka Beautiful Baby. | |
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| Was it just a shameless plug? | |
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| Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our now-remixed opening theme song. | |
| Thanks to Frosty, our buddy, who does all of our bumps and the voice of Q when we need it, who I believe you can still find on Twitter, at Frosty VO. | |
| You can find the show on Twitter still, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. You can find myself on Blue Sky, at Mysterious L. You can find Hayley, aka Arizona Rightwatch, on Blue Sky, under that moniker, as well as other platforms as well. | |
| And Mike Rains, of course, on various social media platforms, at Poker Politics. | |
| So for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I've been one of your hosts, The Mysterious L, joined as always by Haley, aka Arizona Right Watch, and our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rains. |