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Oct. 5, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:27:31
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #159: McCarthy out, RFK Jr goes 3rd Party

The EBS alert goes off mid podcast, does it turn us into zombies or are we able to cover all the madness that happened this week. Tune in to find out! Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
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Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined, as always, by Haley, a.k.a.
Arizona Right Watch.
Hello.
That's me.
I was just here yesterday.
What up?
Yeah.
And Mysterious L. It's me!
I'm back!
My beautiful babies!
And my beautiful babies.
See?
I've already goofed it.
This is why I can't take any weeks off.
No.
You've got to stay in game shape.
You've got to be in fighting form or else it all just goes to pot.
It's not great.
It's not great.
Also, I'm whacked out on cold medication, so this is going to be a fun one.
I'm fine.
The worst part about last night was that it was also... so I broke my three-year streak and I came down with some Rona.
And last night it was also randomly... Wait, your first time?
Yeah, oh yeah.
Oh, okay.
Usually, like, I don't get sick very often, which is nice.
But yeah, so I finally came down with it, and then last night it just decided to be one of those classic early October, like, 80 degree, like, nights.
I'm just sitting there.
Well, it was 80 degrees during the day, and it just sort of felt that way for me all night because I was feverish with rodent.
So it was difficult to get comfortable.
Anyway, nobody cares about this.
But I'm back!
That's the important part.
Yeah, that was really magical, leaving Dallas and then coming back home.
And it's like, well, at least Massachusetts will have normal, reasonable early October weather.
Nope, 80s, just bam, just gonna stay nice and roasty toasty.
It's like, yo, North America, it's fall.
It's time for fall.
I want crispness in the air.
You're still in the hundreds this week, unfortunately.
You're in Arizona!
You're in the hundreds on Christmas!
Yeah.
Yeah, your state is like Mars or whatever.
It's just always like dummy hot.
Or I guess it is Mars hot?
I think it'd probably be Mercury or whatever.
I think Mars is probably colder than us.
You know what?
Ignore me.
I don't know anything about planets.
Yeah, we're Mars.
I'm no planet expert, so I don't even know why I attempted that one.
Yeah, but it's just really wild how warm it is even here.
But thankfully, I don't know how, but we're less humid than Dallas.
Dallas is apparently just literally pure swampland and just the air is nothing but water.
It is the absolute most oppressively hot city I've ever been a part of.
It was pretty hot.
I mean, I lived in Nevada for five years and that was child's play compared to Dallas, really.
The most oppressively hot I've ever been was in downtown Baltimore in August at one point, because it was just, like, big-ass, like, dark fucking concrete skyscrapers bearing down on you.
It was like 108 degrees.
And also, like, D.C.
slash Baltimore, like, is just built on a swamp.
It's just a very swampy land, so.
Yeah.
Drain the swamp literally comes from the fact that, like, D.C.
is swamp land.
So yeah, like I just cannot, Baltimore has to be humidity personified.
That has to be just oppressive.
Yeah.
Cause you know, it turns out that you're probably pretty humid even if, if you're not on the swamp and you're just like swamp adjacent, it's probably still pretty humid.
Yes.
It just falls right off a cliff.
You like get outside of the DC like, you know, borders and then it's just like boops, like an arid desert.
God.
Yeah.
Alright, do we want to get into our Booshy Boosh for the week?
That sounds like a plan.
Let's get it done.
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse Boosh!
So this week, I know even less about any of this nonsense than normal because I've just been sort of like very out of the loop.
So let's start with RFK Jr.
Indie Run.
What the hell is that?
Is it just him being like, dude, I'm fit and I'm going to run in this thing and also COVID was a lie.
No, so what happened was is our boy RFK Jr.
was apparently sad that he wasn't getting enough buzz for his failed run in the Democratic primary.
So now he's giving a little wink and a nod that he's just going to abandon the Democratic primary and just run straight third party in the general election.
He's just gonna just go whole hog, find some party that will take him or get ballot access himself and just run on the, I don't know, the anti-vaxxer Kennedy platform, something, but...
This is the new hotness for him.
This is his new effort to get attention for himself.
It's just, hey, I'm gonna just run for the presidency outright.
Just screw the Democratic Party.
I'm just not realizing that this was supposed to be a news topic, but I don't feel bad having messed up and putting it into the bush because does this guy have any juice?
You know, he's local, local angle, Arizona angle.
He's sponsoring, we talked about this a while back, but we had like a QAnon medical conference at the Arizona State Capitol.
It was literally like, Like, you know, the NCSI fucking, whatever, the Nothing Can Stop What Is Coming abbreviation.
Right.
And like, the lady who fucking, like, organized it and chaired it is like, pilled as hell and like, Was at the Capitol during January 6th with her bat-wielding husband.
And they're having a second one, and RFK's sponsoring it, which I thought was very funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, but okay, so a lunatic conservative having juice in Arizona is, you know, like saying it's dangerous to give a baby a gun.
Excuse me, he's a Democrat.
He's a blue Democrat.
That's what everybody's telling me.
That's what Steve Bannon keeps telling me.
Totally.
Oh yeah, he was gonna be the linchpin.
He was gonna be the one that got Arizona over to us Dems with all of his very super cool liberal policies and the way he talks being also super liberal and cool like how he hates vaccines.
Yeah, this is the really funny thing about this, is that the moment RFK started talking about how he was going to run third party, QAnon just jumped out of their seats and started clapping.
They're like, yes!
Trump re-election assured!
RFK Jr.
is going to draw so much support away from Biden!
It locks in a Trump victory!
Oh, we got this!
And us in sanity land, we're just like, you, you do know that RFK hurts Trump more than Biden in a general election.
There are way more Trump to RFK Jr.
voters than there are Biden to RFK Jr.
voters.
He's like not even a conversation host.
He's a Democrat.
You're talking crazy talk.
You're talking crazy right now.
That's crazy.
Yes.
They're talking here more about the No Labels Party taking from the Democrats than I haven't heard RFK mentioned once.
And no labels is a fiction.
I mean, they don't even have a candidate yet.
Who knows what they're going to do, but... We did have some actual Democrats, like, go to the official launch of the Arizona Labels Party, which I thought was hilarious.
We tried to take labels off of our public restrooms, and they fucking lost their minds.
Yeah.
They, like, filled all of their pants with shit and then exploded in a shitty explosion of shit.
Yes.
Yeah, the whole third party spoiler thing is so cynical and dumb, but the idea that RFK Jr.
could be a good spoiler against the Democrats is ridiculous.
I saw people talking about how they're like, oh man, like RFK Jr.
has a lot of fans in the Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson communities.
And it's like, oh yeah, those communities are just crawling with liberals.
Just so many RFK Jr.
fans.
So many Joe Rogan people and Jordan Peterson people were about to vote for Biden, but then RFK Jr.
swooped in and turned him aside.
And recently Fox News is starting to sour on RFK Jr.
shockingly, because they know that he's bad news for them in the general election, because literally he's damaging for Trump.
And any vote that goes the wrong way, because these elections are always weird and always close in Electoral College, But if RFK Jr.
siphons votes away from Trump, which he will, it hurts them.
And they know this.
So now Fox News is getting a little frosty with their former hero, their former esteemed champion of freedom and democracy.
And, oh, the DNC is going to rig it so RFK Jr.
can't win and blah, blah, blah.
It's like, no, they're not going to rig it so he can't win.
He can't win because he's an anti-vaxxer.
They did a like a poll of things that are popular for Democrats.
And two of the things that are like more popular than Biden are vaccines and abortion.
And so it's just like when you come out as just the anti-vax Democrat, you're actually just not a Democrat.
You're just a kook.
You're just a kook.
Yeah, we like science and we hate rubbers.
It's the policy we've always run on as the Democrats, I guess.
Yes.
Vaccines and raw dogging.
That's the Democrat way.
Yeah, dude.
Guilt-free raw dog action.
Yes.
And not transmitting COVID.
Those two things.
I like that one a lot.
Yes.
And then some nerd would just be like, well, isn't raw jogging like transmitting other stuff?
It's like, you shut up, nerd.
Shut up, nerd.
Man, you thought people didn't wear masks in Arizona, Texas?
I counted like three.
Are we just counting masks just out in public?
I mean, I wear a mask everywhere and it's just like, does anyone wear a mask here?
No.
Oh no, that's wild.
Absolutely not.
I mean, I live in a pretty liberal place and nobody does it here either.
Myself included.
I absolutely do not do that.
Well, I do now because I'm sick.
Good for you.
Well, actually, I'm just going to stay inside because I'm sick, like a reasonable person.
Yeah, that's smart.
But generally, yeah.
Unless I'm on a plane or something, I'm not masking up.
But that's just because I'm... I guess, I don't know.
I'm more freewheeling than I am liberal.
Yeah, I wear a mask when I get a cold, basically.
Like, there was a part of me that wanted to wear masks all the time, but at my job, I think that way too much of my clientele would be deeply upset if they just saw a mask.
Like, if I was- You had cards in there?
But also, I'd be the obvious liberal cuck manager guy.
You have to outweird them.
If they say anything, just say, you want the AI to be reading your face constantly?
Yes, I am an AI bootleg.
I want the AI to make my life easier.
I love easy life.
Easy life is great.
Just outweird them and they'll shut up.
In fact, I'm an AI bootleg is a better excuse than I had otherwise, which is just like, yeah, I just don't really want to do it.
Unless I have to, you know?
I'm just kind of like, I feel like I build up a lot of social capital in other ways that I want to cash it in on this particular issue.
Like, if it gets bad, I'll go back to the way it was.
But when it's not so bad, I'll be fine.
And you know, I guess I'm paying the price for that right now.
And that's just the way it goes.
Some things will never change.
Yep.
It's okay, we're all about to catch it with that emergency broadcast.
Yeah, so I was going to bump that to the cues of the news segment to see if we could catch it.
No, we're going all over the place today.
I guess.
I mean, I guess we're going to talk about it now.
Okay, so in about 30 minutes, I guess we're about to get the broadcast that lets us know that Moloch has emerged from his sleep.
I've been hearing a lot of things.
I'm sure there's a lot of people with a lot of opinions about what this emergency broadcast test means.
The nanobots, they will be activated.
Are we all vaccinated?
Are we all vaxxed?
Oh, yeah.
Well, then we're all fucked.
Unfortunately, the nanobots will be activated.
No way.
I decided to avoid all that so that my sperm was going to be worth a lot of cash.
Yes.
Elle's incredibly pristine sperm is like... That's smart.
Yes.
But the secret is that don't tell anybody, me, you, and the thousand or so people that listen to the podcast.
I lied.
I did get vaccinated.
So my sperm is just as useless as it always has been.
I got them.
Got him!
So, in a very short period of time, an emergency broadcast test will happen to all our phones, which has freaked out QAnon in ways that it normally would.
I was about to say, you wouldn't believe it, but you absolutely would believe it.
There's talk about how This is going to trigger a latent virus inside of us that may turn us into zombies.
That's why Elle's sick.
Yeah, yeah.
Elle's phone went off like two days early.
That's why he has... I went to the previous screening of the UBS.
I got the advanced screener for it and I watched it and I like the rigged style I've come down with whatever this affliction is that's going to transform me.
Yes.
And there have been people talking about how you need to put your phone in a Faraday cage, or like just fully depower it, like take the SIM card out, all that stuff.
There's a lot of different I mean, it was fucking really nice of them to give us the heads up that they were going to finally flip the switch to turn us all into their controlled puppet zombies, you know?
It gives you a chance to, like, turn it off.
Yeah, they've really been pretty sporting that way.
Yes, because we are like it would have been really unfair because you want to be armed because this is going to obviously like just Kingsman style turn us all into violent killing machines.
So they just politely let us know to like grab a knife or a gun and get ready because the great Samuel Samuel L. Jackson is going to put his hand on the on the circuit board and then whamma blamma.
We're all just going to start throwing bows and just start brawling brawling.
It's going to be great.
Like whatever.
This viral post on Reddit that I saw going viral on Twitter, you know, screenshot, of like a landlord who was like texting all his tenants like, alright we're gonna be turning the power off, you know, because of the emergency broadcast.
And he went on like this whole long rant about Oh, you know, it was going to activate whatever, and he was like, I can send you some links if you guys have questions.
It's like, oh no, Pilled Landlord.
Allegedly, it was a Reddit post, but I was just like, nightmare scenario.
Could you imagine you had this Pilled Landlord who's like, we're all about to turn into zombies, so I'm going to be cutting the power.
You're like, you're telling your boss, you're telling him, I have a Zoom meeting for an interview, for a job interview.
I have to take it.
No, you can't cut my power, your dumb conspiracy theory.
Sorry, man.
I let my tenants turn into zombies.
You guys won't pay rent if you're zombies.
So.
The nanobots, man.
Yeah.
Think.
You won't have a job.
There's nothing I enjoy more than a conspiracy theorist yelling, think and someone else being like, yo, dum-dum, wake up, put two and two together.
And it's like, oh, God, really?
Oh, God.
Yeah, there's more to the light here than your stupid Zoom meeting.
Yes.
Have you heard of a little thing called everything?
Because that's what's on the light here.
Yes.
Oh, tell Bland Lord, that's a nightmare movie.
Someone make that into a horror movie.
Yes.
Oh, now that the writers are... Hey, writers, you're back.
You got your contracts.
Let's do it up.
Let's go.
Yeah, enjoy your cushy six-figure contracts there, every writer in Hollywood, because that's totally how it works.
Yes.
Now stop being so lazy and get back to fucking work.
We're glad of your mansions.
Roll off of incredible, multi-award winning Sigur Riada, just roll right off of her, put your pants back on and get back to work.
Their multi-million dollar writer for every television show.
Every dub-dub that was opposed to the writer's strike was just like, they're getting paid enough.
It says right here, they're getting six figures.
And it's just like, no, that's like the management is getting six figures.
The rest of us, they're just like the rest of us, man.
They get paid nothing for what they do.
They got roommates too, man.
They got a Redfield landlord too, man.
Cause they probably live in New York or LA where there's just like, yes, it's me and six other writers.
We live in a, Studio apartment where we have Murphy beds.
It's crazy.
And we're all just submitting spec scripts, and the studio's like, this is pretty good, buy it off you for $750.
And the guy's like, oh my god, $750?
You have no idea how bad I need that.
Oh my god, 750 bucks, you have no idea how bad I need that.
Holy shit.
Anyway, congratulations to the update.
They won and they got a little bit of everything they wanted, which is nice.
That's a big win for them and a big emboldening power move for all these other people that are striking currently.
That's not what we're talking about currently.
We're still talking about the EBS madness.
What's it actually supposed to do?
It's literally just test the system that would happen if the president needed to address everyone all at once or whatever, you know?
Oh, he would need to address us all at once.
Yeah, to tell us the storm is upon us.
What's really funny is that this is like for a week this shit's been everyone's been freaking out but yesterday Yesterday began the backpedal for a bunch of QAnon promoters.
I saw a bunch of QAnon promoters doing stuff like, Look, I don't think anything really big is going to happen tomorrow.
Don't get too stressed out over it.
Just know the Patriots are in control.
We've got this.
It's all good.
And we'll get through it together.
Don't worry, man.
Because they love getting people all riled up.
But then the moment they get close to the deadline, the moment they get close to the payoff, they're like, Oh, shit.
This isn't going to be a payoff.
Like nothing's going to happen.
So we better start downplaying it.
And so we can claim credibility that like, Oh yeah, I told you nothing was going to happen.
You didn't have to worry about that.
It was a bunch of nonsense.
So the, the backpedal has begun in earnest.
And after the, when this evening rolls around, people are going to be trying to decode what it all meant when we just got a little thing on our phone saying, this was a test of the EPS.
Thank you.
And again, like, why would they warn us?
Why wouldn't they just do it?
If they just have the technology to do it, just hit the button and turn us all into zombies.
Like, why give us a warning?
Oh, this is where you get into the whole intergalactic contract law and the Matrix has to get your consent kind of bullshit.
This all comes back to the whole, a vampire needs your permission to enter your home shit.
This is this part of the mythology where the bad guys They have to in some way coerce, they have to obtain your consent either via trickery or subtlety.
And so us knowing about the warning and not throwing our phones in Faraday cages immediately means that we allowed them to turn us into zombies.
So, it's all cool.
God's like, well, you gave him a chance and they said no, so it's okay.
You got it, devil.
You win.
It's okay.
Well, the problem is, God, aliens, and the Matrix all probably have access to, at the very least, my brain.
And one would imagine everybody's brain.
At the very least, inside of my brain, they would know that Unless the outside of the Matrix world is demonstrably better for humans than the Matrix world, I don't give a fuck if I'm in a Matrix.
Couldn't care less.
I'm the guy who sympathized with put-me-back-at-the-Matrix-I-wanna-eat-steak guy.
I was like, yeah, the real world seems like it sucks ass.
I was like, they really seem like they fuckin' owed you.
With that, you know?
I get that, you know, I get that it's cool that the people want to be liberated and I'm happy for that for Neo, but that's not for me.
I want the part where I'm eating the steak.
Give me the steak.
Hashtag Team Cypher.
Hashtag Joey Pants.
Just, yeah, it's just all of that.
Yeah, you know, and maybe that makes, maybe that makes me a monster, but I don't know.
I just like comfort.
There's so much uncomfortable stuff about the life I already lead, like just heaping a bunch of other uncomfort on top of that seems really bad.
Right, yeah, breaking me out of the Matrix so that I have to lay on a hospital bed for X number of months while they re-stimulate my muscles and can make my eyes work so that I can finally wake up to eat my gruel slime.
It's like, really?
Wow, thanks!
What a great way to save me, assholes!
I don't super know how to, like, talk to new- like, I don't know how to make adult friends.
Like I have like a, like a big friendship group, but it's like, it's all people I've known for like 10 or plus years, you know?
Like I don't really get out there and do other stuff.
And that's when I could go to like a nightclub or a bar or a fucking cafe and just strike up a conversation with people if I wanted to.
Do you know how hard it would be to make friends if all anybody was into was not being killed by robots and sweaty orgies and what was I on?
I'm not about that life, dude.
It's a lot of energy, man.
I have enough inside of me to service one person at a time.
That's where I'm at in life.
One and only one.
And even then, You know, maybe 80% there.
Well, I mean, they showed all that while the giant orgies are happening, if you want to, you can sneak off with someone to a pizza oven and have the most chemistry-free sex imaginable on screen.
And that was... It's the secret origin story of that movie Mannequin.
Two mannequins boating in a pizza oven.
Yeah, I mean, dude, it's so weird that Keanu Reeves got tapped by fate for a wild renaissance where people just came around to him and were just, actually, Keanu Reeves rules.
Man, for so many years, everybody was just like, how the fuck did Keanu Reeves get a career?
So funny.
Anyway, sorry, that's just me being amused by how Hollywood works.
Every once in a while, the zeitgeist will just choose somebody, just be like, you, redemption.
And like, it just, it hit Keanu Reeves, it hit Guy Fieri, like sometimes the wave just comes over a person, it just kills them.
Yeah, Brandon Fraser suddenly just became the man again.
Icon.
Money.
Yeah, everybody loves Bernie Frazier.
He was in that one movie that everybody liked in 1997.
And a bunch of other movies that everybody either forgets or don't like.
That turned a generation of bisexuals into bisexuals, you know?
If you watched it when you were five years old like me, and it's like, man, everyone looks pretty good in this movie.
It didn't move me on the spectrum at all, because, what's her name?
Rachel Weisz.
Rachel Weisz, yeah.
Rachel Weisz, which is definitely hot.
And then the Knox New Eng, very pretty.
Eh, Rachel Weisz.
I was just like, yeah, I'm about this life.
Uh, anyway, yeah, but, I mean, everybody forgets about all the other movies he was in, that nobody- Betazzled, and- George is a Jungle?
Hello?
And, uh, what was it, Blast from the Past?
Oh my god, I fucking- I used to love that as a kid.
I haven't seen it in 20 years, so don't cancel me if it's bad, everybody, but, like, I- I mean, probably even longer than that, like 25 years.
Bernie Richard has a trilogy of movies where he is a man displaced from time.
Think about it.
What an absolutely insane record to have.
I didn't see any of his sad comeback movies, but I did love him as a child.
I didn't watch The Whale because I am a big fat guy, so I don't want to watch it.
Just appropriating your culture?
Yeah, he's just going to be preaching at me about stuff I already know.
I'm going to be like, oh really?
He just heroically did the thing?
What a guy.
He's heroically fat.
I should do that too, you know?
I should do whatever he does in that movie.
However, because apparently it's very inspirational.
Journey to the Center of the Earth, you know?
I haven't seen that.
Have we ever been more off-topic than we are right now?
I don't know.
We went down like an insane rabbit hole there, so let's get it back sort of on topic.
The Mummy Returns.
Yeah, I mean, all the other Mummies movies.
They suck.
The second one is, like, fine, I guess.
The Kid is Annoying.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Well, the whole point of the Mummy movies was that's how The Rock got his foot in the door in Hollywood, and then boom, he was like, okay.
Fantastic CGI.
Yes.
The Scorpion King?
Classic.
Yes.
He just loses charisma, you know?
You're just like, wow, this guy's really got it.
Topic.
I'm on topic.
We're on topic.
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
I mean, we're all zombies.
This is proof that we have become zombies.
That we are now just mindlessly talking about ancient pop culture from decades ago.
This is... About mummies?
Yeah.
That's my whole life.
Mummies?
Mummies, you see?
Anyway, let's every one of the three of us shut our stupid mouths about that and move on to talking about Arizona and how it sucks.
And I guess every week we get a sweet Arizona sucking update.
Oh, I could take this whole episode.
Weekly sucking update for Arizona from Arizona Right Watch.
Let's do a quick one.
A quick one?
Quick one.
Quick one.
Sorry.
Carrie Lake announced that she's running for Senate.
Yes, yeah, uh, Carrie Lake is, uh, the official announcement, I think, is like the 10th or something?
Yeah, she, it was just like the filing happened, so like, yeah, news got a hold of it, and she's like, I got a big announcement coming up, um, and let me, yeah, I think it's the 11th maybe, but I got the text, and it's like, oh, what could it be?
Yeah, very special announcement on the 10th, you're right.
Tuesday.
To what degree do I have to be worried about this?
Zero.
Okay.
She couldn't win.
I don't think she'll do good because she's fucking annoying and everybody's tired of her shit.
Even a lot of Republicans and people that were kind of like, chill.
There's a very certain group of people that is on the Carrie Lake train still.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is she going to win the Republican primary, is my first question.
Does Lamb or any other nutball have a chance to actually beat her for the nomination?
You know, Lamb's really been struggling, like, pretty hard.
Oh yeah, you had that campaign thing where it's like, look, we're 75% short of our monthly goals, so that's good!
His campaign emails are, oof, they're pathetic.
Also, he just got kind of exposed, not in trouble.
I've never read a non-pathetic campaign email.
That's true.
They all are kind of pathetic.
I don't like being solicited to, but especially not by people who are trying to pluck at patriotic heartstrings I don't super have.
I'm only patriotic when I watch anime.
Anime makes me very patriotic.
Like if they wanted to get my money, they would try to use my anime against me.
I understand.
Yeah.
I, I got a, I got a message on Snapchat and I opened it and it was this
woman with a ridiculous body, but her face was an anime curl.
I was just like, what the hell is this?
Why on earth would anyone react to this?
I mean, there's obviously a market for it, but I mean... That's a lot of my ads on Twitter right now.
Yeah, but this is a person being like, hey baby, wanna hang out?
And it's just like, no.
And like, what, the Digisphere?
Like, what is this?
Is this some sort of VR soliciting?
Or like, is this for a flash game?
People are in all kinds of shit, man.
It would be great if she's just like a regular human being that just happens to look like that, you know?
She's like, nobody will take me seriously.
It's gonna be tough.
Yes.
Um, but usually like these campaign ads are more like, we need to stop this radical Republican extremism.
Can you please chip in $10 for fight America pack or whatever?
Whereas Mark Lambs is just like, I got no money.
I'm broke.
It fucking sucks.
Please give me some money.
I had a can of beans, uncooked.
Some of them have been like that.
They're like, can you help me pay for lunch and gas?
That was some of them.
Like, Bro, who's writing these?
Yeah, so he, I don't think is doing good already.
And the Turning Point USA people will be all behind Lake, so she's going to have the big money, you know, annoying people.
He's really not going to be able to afford gas or lunch.
Yeah, he's really, his campaign finances are really bad.
So she'll probably get the Republican nomination.
So it'll be Sinema if she ever decides to announce as an Independent.
And Ruben Gallego, who, this is pissing off.
So, you know, it's kind of like the Carrie Lake, MAGA type Republicans are pissing off the McCain Republicans because they're like, you guys are killing the whole party.
We're broke.
And nobody wants to vote for us anymore and you keep putting the worst people and losing us pretty winnable seats.
They're really pissed about the Gallego one because they kind of view him as more of a progressive type of Democrat, which that's debatable.
So they're like extra pissed at Kerry for kind of like, God damn it, we're going to get Ruben Gallego.
Like, that's their perspective.
Because Kelly was kind of like a milquetoast, centrist, boring Democrat was the whole idea.
And now you're potentially going to get someone more in the progressive, like Liz Warren sort of thing.
And it's like, Arizona isn't supposed to be progressive!
We're purple!
We're not supposed to be electing liberal firebrands to the Senate from Arizona.
But cinema has no actual political base at this point.
Who Kristen Sinema appeals to, I have no earthly idea.
And Lake is just the pure MAGA QAnon nut.
So it's just, if you're a Democrat, if you're remotely liberal at all, Gallego is your only option.
So it's basically weird lady who's not a Republican or a Democrat versus nutball MAGA lady versus progressive guy.
And like progressive guy is just, I mean, I, You sent me the text about Lake running and I replied to you, congratulations, Senator Gallego.
Yeah, that was just my reaction.
I was kind of like the McCain Republicans reaction to like, God damn it.
Now we definitely are going to get Gallego because I think they kind of sense that, like, she's not going to win.
Sinema doesn't have a chance and hasn't even officially announced yet.
So, yeah, it's probably going to be Gallego if if it goes that way.
Gallego listens to our podcast.
He does not.
I mean, you don't know that.
He could be one of our, like, 1,500 listeners or so.
Well, hook him up.
Get him on the board, because I have worked as a shadow spokesman for campaigns in the past.
Nobody will talk to me.
I'm a demon in Arizona.
Well, they won't talk to you, they'll talk to me.
No, but you're a demon to Republicans because they think and they poo-poo.
That's debatable.
But this guy's progressive, baby!
Like, he might be into it!
I also said that was debatable.
Wow.
He's definitely trying to be more of like a firebrand type.
He's dropping a lot of F-bombs.
He's like, you know, fuck you kind of shit.
Like trying to be tough.
But I did think it was funny that he sometimes, I don't know, some of his votes are funny to me.
I won't get into it.
I think he's a funny guy, but he's better than cinema.
So we'll go with that.
We'll go with that one.
I very much appreciate your pragmatism at the end of the day.
Just being like, this guy is obviously better than... That's me!
Okay, so more Arizona Madness.
Did you hear that Katie Hobbs has been extracted?
She's no longer the governor?
Yeah, she's been extracted.
She's booted.
Yes, booted and about to be arrested and shipped to Gitmo.
For everyone who doesn't know about this, QAnon and some of the more shady right-wing things, and I think even Fox News ran a story about this, where it was like, Katie Hobbs is missing and no one knows what's going on!
Oh, they had to change it when they got caught?
Because they were playing into that like, what's going on?
And it's just like, she's in D.C.
for three days.
That's what's going on.
So sometimes when governors have work, outside the state, it goes to the next person.
And sometimes the next person is also a little bit busy, so it goes to the next person.
And that's how government works.
Right.
So basically what happened was for a few days, Hobbs was out of the state along with much of the other leadership of the Democratic Party in her administration.
So some chuckle schmuck was the acting governor and QAnon and a bunch of other right-wing clown sites were just like, Why is this person the acting governor?
What is going on with Hobbes?
And there was also these articles about how the Arizona legislature passed a resolution to indict Hobbes for her crimes.
She was booted.
They kept posting old photos of her in a boot and it's like, that was from like three years ago.
Well, according to the QAnon people, that was during her indictment when she was tracked and monitored.
She made bail in secret after that and then was allowed to be bootless.
But she knows she's waiting arraignment.
And any day now, her secret trial... She has a twin, too.
So there was, I saw a lot of that.
Like, I hear the twin is the one that's in charge right now.
Is her twin identical?
Yeah, they're pretty, you can tell the difference because of the haircuts and just like, yeah, they look a little different from one another.
But if you get like old photos of Katie and like new, like if you get like photos that aren't current of each of them, you can make them look really similar.
So it's like, yeah, there's a lot of fake, there's a lot of mis- They are identical and not fraternal is my point.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, I think so.
Yes, okay.
Wow, Steph.
That was hard to watch.
I just thought, you know, sometimes they don't look alike, but, you know, that's what I thought.
But yeah.
So anyway, also, there was actually some Republicans getting in on that, like local AZ legislature getting in on the like, where's Katie Hobbs?
Um, because the person that actually was acting governor for like fucking two days, um, was Kimberly Yee, who is actually a Republican.
She's the treasurer, state treasurer.
Yeah.
And the Republicans, like the MAGA, like, you know, the more, like, it was actually Justine Wadsack, who we've talked about before.
She's cool as hell.
Wadsack.
Wadsack.
Miss Wadsack.
was like doing the like, where's Katie?
And why isn't Kimberly Yee calling in a special session so we can, you know, change all the election laws
and fucking overturn all her director nominations, which is kind of like a controversy right now.
And it's like, they were doing the like, where's Katie?
Uh, Senator Wendy Rogers, State Senator Wendy Rogers was like fundraising off of it.
Like, isn't it mysterious that Katie Hobbs is missing?
Um, but like a journalist like responded to WADSEC saying like, well, you can't really like change any laws in two days.
Cause it takes three days to pass.
Um, Katie Hobbs would be back by then.
So you can't really do anything anyway.
And she's like, oh, trolling me on my page?
That was how she responded.
So we have a really mature legislator here.
Nice.
Get trolled.
Thank you.
Yeah, got him.
That's what I call a nice troll.
So Hobbes is booted.
She's in Gitmo and her twin is currently acting in charge.
Or maybe it's a clone.
Yeah.
Or a hologram.
That used to be the popular line.
Yes!
Oh, that was the greatest when, like, people didn't understand angles of cameras and they thought that Biden's hand went through a microphone and it was proof he was a hologram.
Oh, it was so great.
This reached, like, national media.
I saw, like, AP was like, where is Katie Hobbs?
What's going on?
Like, correcting misinformation that was going out.
And it's just, like, very funny.
But it's just like, she's getting QAnon.
She's getting booted right now.
Yeah.
Oh, Arizona, you're so precious.
I just want to tussle your little hair.
Aw, what a cute little racist state of racists.
It's a weird little state.
And Hayley.
Hayley and a bunch of racists.
It's cute.
Yes.
But thankfully, Hayley apparently has the power.
Her vote counts more than all the racists' votes, which is how the state is slowly, agonizingly tilting to the Democrats.
Spoiler alert.
I also am Buc-ee's.
I'm hidden.
I'm hidden amongst the racists in my Buc-ee shirt, so they don't know.
Their vision is based on movement and also if you're not wearing a Bucky shirt.
That's how racists track people, so yes.
I love that this week Haley was champing at the bit to get her little I'm a racist confession in on the podcast.
What?
Because I have the Bucky shirt?
Yeah, because you're dressed like a Proud Boy.
We even went over this before the show.
I was just like, hey, you've got to say this sort of confession before the show.
Yeah?
Yeah, you said you were quote unquote camouflaged as the racist.
I propose that you are racist.
I said some of them occasionally wear a Bucky's mask.
I am not one of those people.
My Bucky is on it.
Yeah, you know, not all white supremacists are out there rocking swastikas.
My Bucky is eating trashes and smashes Proud Boys in the skull.
Yeah, you're taking it back.
When you're gonna get some crunchy granola hippies that are gonna be trying to push you around, you're gonna be like, no man, my Iron Cross is for liberation, you know?
It means a different trip.
It even looks more ominous because he's on the Texan flag.
It feels... It feels like a threat.
Everything that Texas does feels like a threat.
I am now just imagining Hayley in front of a Bucky's gas pump with the sticker, this machine kills fascists on it.
Bucky's gas, the anti-fascist gas.
That's what it's all about.
And then also a bumper sticker that says, come and take it.
And you're just like, wow, what a real down the street centrist.
I love my guns.
They helped me kill Nazis.
And she's like, oh, OK, I guess.
That'd be the greatest, most confused person ever.
I'd be such a fan.
I should just put a bunch of weird stickers on my car that I don't have.
If I had one, it would be politically confused, because that'd be funny.
All right, are we ready to move into our one, essentially one and only headline news topic for the week?
That sounds like a reasonable thing, yes.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Alright, in our headline this week, Speaker Horseshit Madness.
And I believe, based on how it all shook out and how down to the wire it was, we can also touch on the little bit of government not defunded, at least in the short term, madness.
Yes.
So, let's start there.
The United States of America came dangerously close to just deciding to not fund itself, but we have avoided that temporarily.
What's the scoop on how that shook out this week?
So the Republicans talked about how they were going to shut down the government if their demands weren't met, and then they basically caved on everything except financing Ukraine, which is really fucking weird that the Republicans were willing to give up on everything else.
But the thing Vladimir Putin really cared about was the one thing the Republicans drew a line in the sand on, which I'm not going to say they're disloyal scum, but yes, I am.
They're disloyal scum.
So we then got the government funded for 45 more days.
We're gonna have to go through all this shit again in a month and a half.
And after this happened, Then the lunatic fringe of the Republicans decided, you know what?
Back when we gave McCarthy the speakership, we put him on a real tight leash.
And now all we have to do is pull on that leash and we can get rid of him.
So Matt Gaetz was just like, I move to vacate the speakership.
And enough Republicans backed that play along with the Democrats.
They actually just removed McCarthy from being the speaker.
So we currently do not have a speaker.
Bring it on.
Bring it on!
Oh, it's being brought!
Oh yeah, these two five-year-olds yelling at each other on Twitter.
Oh my god, what children.
The saddest shit imaginable.
Yeah, I love how, of all the people that have a portion of our government by the balls, it's Matt Gaetz.
Yikes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And Andy Biggs and Eli Crane, they were the two Arizona fucks who were involved with this.
I don't know if we've talked about Eli Crane before, because he's a goofy guy.
He's um... All right, Hayley, you had your Arizona segment.
I'm sorry.
I just have to bring it up real quick, because I know we've talked about Biggs being like he won the lottery, which is just proof there is no God.
But one of the ways that Eli Crane got his money is that he was on Shark Tank.
You know, the reality show?
So what did he sell?
Yeah, the reality show where you have to swim through a tank of sharks to avoid getting murdered.
Oh, yep, yep, that's what he did.
Well, then I respect the guy.
He's got my vote.
Punched him.
Right in the nose.
Nice.
I like his moxie.
He could be president.
Yeah, he booted a shark in the snoot, which is, like, that shows gumption and pluck and guile.
All of these things.
His big adventure, no, that changed the world that we all needed, is that he hollowed out a .50 cal bullet and turned it into a bottle opener.
And that got him, uh, like a quarter million dollars and six royalties from Mark Cuban.
Yeah.
He, yeah, he got, he got the money from Cuban.
Oh God.
Bottle Breacher is the web, is his brand, you know?
Um, so yeah, he's definitely a guy that deserves to run our lives, you know, cause he invented a, a big bullet bottle opener.
Um.
I mean, it's a pretty good idea.
Like after you kill something with your gun, you can pull up your spent casings and turn the window waiting to
get drunk.
Yes.
So you can kill more stuff while drunk and then the cycle continues.
Yep.
That's the Arizona way.
It is!
That's a very Arizona thing.
I thought that in Texas, I was like, man, their gun laws are stricter here because they have these, like, you know, no guns in the restaurants and bookstores and museums.
Well, that's because y'all were in Dallas.
I mean, fucking that's... I traveled the state and those signs were everywhere.
Foo-foo, you know, little funny little suspect.
You know what I mean?
We wink, nudge, nudge.
We're not saying it out loud, but you get the intonation.
A little left-handed, if you get me.
Yep.
Hashtag keep Austin weird.
All that fun stuff.
Yep, yep, yep.
I had fun in Austin.
I thought it was interesting that Gosar didn't vote with Biggs and Crane.
I was like, oh, is he trying to behave right now?
Because he's like, oh, there's too many headlines about being involved with Nazis.
Gotta behave a little bit.
They already got enough votes to get McCarthy out.
They don't need mine.
I'm gonna put my head down.
Oh, can we take a brief detour to talk about Fire Alarm Pulling Guy?
Oh yeah, Fire Alarm Pulling Guy is hilarious because it appears that he just fucked up, but also Fire Alarm Pulling Guy He wasn't even in the building where the vote was being taken.
So when all these Republicans were like, oh, he was trying to disrupt an official proceeding.
Oh, that's just like January 6th.
He should get 100 years in jail.
It's like, no, he actually wasn't anywhere near where the votes were happening.
He's just a moron that I also, for the record, do not buy that for a single second.
I think it's much more plausible that he was trying to do the thing that he was accused of and didn't realize he was in the wrong building.
and pull the fire alarm because he didn't understand how the doors worked, which-
Yeah, I also, for the record, do not buy that for a single second.
I think it's much more plausible that he was trying to do the thing that he was accused of
and didn't realize he was in the wrong building.
You're the fire alarm truther?
I mean, it just seems so unlikely that anybody could mistake a fire alarm
for a pull-to-open door panel, the likes of which has never existed in history.
Oh, I'm...
He would have to point to me, I would just be like, okay, bring me to the other door of this building that has a pull-handle door release that you need to activate.
I think it's fun either way.
Oh, I think we need more radical politicians doing radical things.
I mean, honestly, I think it's kind of, it's kind of metal that he was like, we're going to pull this fire alarm to buy us some time here or whatever.
It hurts sometimes to see, like, British people fighting, like, in, you know, it's like old school, like, where they used to, like, beat each other up, you know, in the chambers and shiz.
Like, we need to bring back some of that.
Duels, even.
Duels.
You can, you can legally duel in Boston Common if the mayor's present.
That's still a law in the books here in Massachusetts.
I think you'd probably be- I'm sure dueling is legal in Arizona just because we're in Arizona.
It's just like you're allowed to do that.
You're telling me I can't do that in Tombstone?
Probably, I would assume so.
But I just think that, like, fire alarm pulling guy, if you can't understand how doors work, you should probably be primaried and probably be removed from office.
But I also think that Republicans were way too giddy and the media was way too cheerful to jump on this thing when it was just a dumb person doing something very stupidly.
I wish I could describe the agency to the man that he was trying to buy time by pulling the alarm when from everything about the story it just seems like he's an idiot, which is not a great look.
I kind of want my congresspeople to not be idiots who are confused by doors and alarms.
It's very similar.
Like our most fire alarm pulls like painted bright red.
Yes.
I mean, his his excuse makes him sound incompetent, which is why like... Just say you did it.
Just say fuck you.
Yeah, I did it.
What up?
I'll do it again too.
Yeah, I'll fuckin' do it again.
I'll pull every fuckin' alarm I see in here.
Don't try me.
Put some glass over it.
Say that.
Yeah, bitch.
I was elected to do cool shit, you know?
Fuck your fire alarm.
I didn't do it to disrupt anything.
I just thought it'd be funny, you know?
Yeah, you ever pull a prank?
Pranked you?
That's what I should have said!
You guys never pulled a prank before?
Oh yeah, he's the new YouTube prank guy.
Oh, that'd be great.
Oh man.
Yeah, he's got a live stream of himself getting shot in the gut.
Yes!
And then the guy gets acquitted for shooting him.
Yeah, because it turns out that there's a pretty, like, there's a pretty decent case that you could say that you were fearing for your safety when a couple of dudes are, like, in your face, shoving you around.
Now, do I think you should have pulled out your heater and blasted him?
Probably not, but, like, I could see that if you had the heart of a coward, that might be your preferred move.
Maybe that's why you have a gun to begin with.
Yes, you're just scared of the world.
It's so funny that that whole incident validates that guy having the gun, where he's like, these YouTube pranksters were scaring the shit out of me, so thank God I had my gun on me so I could shoot them.
It's like, oh my god, wow.
What a ridiculous turn of events that was.
Someone was pointing out this guy, the guy with the prank channel, he's got like 50,000 subs or whatever, which, I mean, bigger than us, but still.
You took one to the gut for 50k fans.
That's not great.
I mean... Okay, well while we're spiraling again, and it hasn't been as much time as I did to bring this one up, if you see this clip that's floating around, or that clip of that old man being interviewed after shooting those robbers that were robbing him, I thought it was on some podcast recently, so it's been floating around, but it's like an old man who shot this lady to death because her and her partner were...
Like, robbing him, and he caught him in the middle of the act, and he's just like, well, they jumped me, but then I managed to get away and get my gun, and then when they saw it, they took off, and she didn't run as fast as he did, so I shot her twice in the back, and she was just like, please don't kill me, I'm pregnant, but I shot her anyway, and he just doesn't give a fuck!
And then he's just like, so, I shot her, and she's dead, and that should probably weigh pretty heavily on him, and He got away.
It's just like... Oh wow.
I have not seen this.
Oh dude, it's insane.
I'll share it.
It's crazy.
When I heard it, I was like, wow.
I'm no music producer, but if I were, I'd be using this guy's insane clip in some sort of incredibly hard song.
But then she said, don't shoot me, I'm pregnant.
And I shot her anyway.
That is the most American thing I've ever heard.
I kill people because it's America and that's how this country works.
It's usually how it goes.
What an insane guy that guy is.
Anyway, okay, it's time to get back on track.
So, all of a sudden a fire alarm guy happens, all the stuff with the fucking, you know, no aid to Ukraine stuff happens.
Then our boy McCartney gets ousted as the Speaker.
So now the speakership is free.
It's vacant.
There's nobody in there.
And who best to maybe fill that seat?
Well, it's one of our, it's one of our good old pals, Mike, who might be the best person to put their fat rump into that seat.
It's our boy, Donald Trump.
Oh, QAnon is all over it. Yes.
The John Cena of politics, Donald Trump, is here to, he was interviewed at the courtroom where he's currently facing a civil trial for fraud, which he's pissing and moaning about the fact that he's not getting a jury when it's his lawyers who requested he did not get a jury, that that's his own fault.
They asked him, hey, do you want to be speaker?
And he's like, ah, if it's good for the party, I'll totally do it.
Which, no, they actually don't want him to be Speaker.
But this has not stopped QAnon, and I think Marjorie Taylor Greene made a post about how she wants Trump to be Speaker.
A bunch of the radical, lunatic...
They're a bunch of stupid fucks, because as sycophants who are constantly attached to his teats and or pain, they should know that he's not going to accept a lesser post than President of the United States.
He's not going to slum it.
You know, I know a QAnon person who doesn't want Trump as Speaker because he wants to run as Speaker.
that would require some amount of work on his part. He's not doing that. Are you kidding me?
He's supposedly fighting a thousand legal battles right now while running for president. He's not
going to be Speaker of the House. Are you drunk? Are you drunk, Ms. Green? Ms. Taylor Green?
Are you drunk? You know, I know a QAnon person who doesn't want Trump as Speaker because he's,
he wants to run as Speaker. The QAnon shaman. Oh, Jacob Chansley wants to be Speaker?
Oh, that's awesome.
Yeah, he's been issuing his proposals that he will issue as Speaker of the House if they nominate him.
He's going to be having his spaces about how he should be Speaker of the House.
What does a short-term, seat-warming, Speaker of the House job pay?
Probably more than he makes.
Is it one of those cushy gigs that somehow gets you a pension for life or whatever?
In which case, I'll do it.
Fuck it.
I'll be fake speaker at the house for six months.
Jacob Chansley for speaker.
He has some Jacob Chansley for speaker meme.
It's him still in the get-up, too.
Is it Jacob Chansley?
Oh, of course!
It says Jacob Chansley for Speaker of the House underneath that.
Oh, thank God.
That guy might cut a better physical figure than I do.
Do you want to hear what he's going to propose?
I saw all what Marjorie Taylor Greene proposed that Trump was going to do, and it was like literal magic and unicorns.
Like these people believe that the Speaker of the House is some sort of magical position that just passes laws by edict.
It's very strange.
I thought this was funny.
He said mandatory drug testing for all Congress and staff, which is like, buddy, you literally do like DMT and shit.
Yeah, and also like, assuming that at least half of those people are doing some sort of drugs, because they probably are.
Who's thinking about that?
Like, why?
Of course, but like, everyone's gonna be like, no, we don't want that.
We're all doing coke.
Like, we love coke.
Like, we're rich and coke is expensive.
But we can get it.
We love it.
So no.
He would also review all old laws and purge obsolete laws, which I, like, which ones?
I mean, I'm down.
It's cool.
It's just like, what?
Dude, it sounds like fun.
The more I think about it, you know, the more I think about it, the more I will accept your offer to become Speaker of the House in the short term.
Mr. Q Shaman?
No, fuck this guy.
It's my job.
I'm taking it.
It's me.
I'll do it.
Mysterious Speaker.
Now that I know I can just pass laws, I'll be like, yeah.
I'm sure some stuff sounds cool.
Marjorie Taylor Greene, her latest tweet is my choice for Speaker of the House, and it's Trump with a speaker's gavel, and he's wearing a MAGA hat, and the flag behind him is the black and white American flag.
It's not even the red, white, and blue.
It is very bizarre that she's got, like, the dark flag.
Yeah, for people that love America, they sure do love modifying that flag in ways you're not supposed to.
Yes!
Yeah, we love America.
We're just gonna get a little jazz with the flag.
And it's like, well, technically, if you love America, you're supposed to... The flag's supposed to be a pre-picture.
Put it on my skinnies.
Yeah.
It's okay.
They are immune to hypocrisy.
It's got to be the greatest... When I do something hypocritical, I have this abiding sense of guilt that follows me around.
It's the same reason I could never Really just call out of work too frequently.
I just get too guilty about it.
I could never enjoy myself.
How liberating it would be to just be a scumbag.
Right?
I know.
When I desecrate a flag, it's wrong.
But when they desecrate a flag, it's patriotic.
It's some horse shit.
I agree.
You know, Hayley, if you dig a little bit, you'll find that the conservatives in our country, at least, are a little hypocrisy-prone.
Just a touch, yeah.
So while all this is going on, Jim Jordan has declared he wants to run for Speaker.
McCarthy has stated he is not running.
Biggs keeps hinting at it.
Locally, a lot of the weirdos are like, Biggs!
Biggs!
Biggs!
Especially because he was involved with removing McCarthy.
Um, he will not.
That's not happening.
No, that's not happening.
So, that's not happening.
Like, who's your pick?
Who do you think's gonna be speaky?
At this point, I have no idea who— I'm lucky.
Oh, if only, Ron.
But I mean, the whole problem is that the reason why McCarthy got the job was they didn't have anyone else who wanted it that could get the votes.
And the Republicans have a four-seat majority, because they won't let Santos resign in disgrace and knock their majority down to three.
So if literally five people aren't happy with who's being nominated for speaker, they can just block it.
So it's just going to be this ugly situation where either the Republicans eventually begrudgingly accept somebody to be the Speaker, or a Speaker has to reach across the aisle for a power-sharing agreement with the Democrats for votes.
And whatever Republicans buy into that deal will immediately be the enemies of the Republic, because a power-sharing deal with the Democrats is obviously treason, sedition, evil bad wrongness.
So I don't know how they get themselves out of this situation.
I truly don't.
I don't know how Jim Jordan gets the votes to become speaker because if he had them in the first place, he would have beaten McCarthy.
So exactly how this is going to play out will be very interesting.
It'll be very interesting to see how long the Trump people keep promoting Trump as the speaker and keep voting for him.
It's just going to be.
It's just going to be an absolute clown show.
And the funniest thing to me will be watching the press being like, Oh, Washington, the politicians are in disarray.
It's all so much chaos.
And it's like, no, name the politicians.
It's the Republicans.
The Republican, uh, the Republican party is the ones who are falling apart.
Like don't, don't claim it's Washington.
Say the word Republican.
You can do it.
I believe in you media.
Smash cut to the media cannot do it.
I should not believe in them.
So how fucked are we come November with that temporary funding agreement comes along and we still don't have a Speaker of the House?
Are we totally hosed?
I don't know that they're going to be willing to fuck it.
Cause it's like, you actually do damage.
Like the military doesn't get paid.
Lots of things that are important, like get shut down.
And the Republicans, they really don't want to get blamed for it.
Like, it was really funny listening where they were like, whenever the government gets shut down,
we get blamed for it.
It's so unfair.
It's like, well, because you're the ones shutting it down.
That's how this works.
How dare we blame you for that thing that you're doing?
Yes.
You dumb fucks.
Yeah, I always love it when they threaten government shutdowns because I'm just like, wow, man, this is just,
you just can't buy this sort of bad press, you know?
Yeah.
Liz Crokan, our beloved idiot that we make fun of on this podcast all the time is now pivoting on the EBT test.
And she's like, maybe this is a good thing.
Maybe this is a positive.
We're now getting white hat conspiracies about the emergency broadcast system test.
Like, this is Trump testing out his system to let us know that the good thing is going to happen soon.
I think we're like four minutes away from hearing that the storm- I literally just was checking.
The storm wave is upon us and that it's time for us to get our surfboards out to ride the wave of storm.
It's very possible, yeah.
It's gonna happen.
Don't blame this on me.
Hayley wants to be a zombie, QAnon wants to see Obama and Hillary be arrested.
I think in four minutes I want to become some sort of cyborg.
I want the nanobots to just turn me into some sort of mechanized abomination.
I want to have like some level of cybernetic powers, like cool vision, maybe.
If I can't fly, at least I can jump really far, something like that.
It'd be nice.
Our blood's just going to harden and we're going to die.
I'm fine getting uploaded to the Matrix, although if I can, I'd like to be uploaded with cheat code so that once I get to the Matrix, then I can have cool powers or be like a robot or whatever.
You currently have COVID, so you might bypass the system and it'll be kind of like when everybody gets taken, you know, they're raptured and you're the only one left.
Hey, stop talking fucking crazy talk.
There's no such thing as COVID.
It's just the flu.
It's just the flu.
Yeah, I've got a cold or whatever.
Those tests will just check to see if you're sick.
That line will pop up for anything.
Yes, exactly.
It's funny, like every other test I've taken, and I've taken like, you know, 30 tests or whatever over the past few years, so it's just been like, waiting for 10 minutes for something to happen, nothing happens, it's just being like, okay, well enough.
This time it was just like, put the dots on the test, just on the control line, I was just like, okay, let me, because I was at the restroom at the time, and I was like, okay, well, I'll just rock a, oh, there it is!
I turned mine off, because I'm a smart boy.
That's going to be real fun for our listeners.
I'm sure they're going to really love that.
We got it!
We did it!
Hey everybody!
I turned mine off.
I did it.
I'm so sorry for screaming.
No action is required by the public.
So apparently mass arrests are not happening.
I have not been turned into a cyborg either.
That was a thought derailer.
I can't even remember what the fuck I was talking about before that shit.
We knew it was coming!
They did it two minutes early, those fucking bastards!
They got us, that's how they did it.
They wanted us to all die of a heart attack.
You were talking about your COVID test, and I'm guessing your COVID line came up immediately.
Oh yeah, it was blinding.
It just turned into a line of positive COVID tests just straight away, before I was even done with my zippy little peepee.
Super COVID.
I was just like, ah, sweet.
And then I was like, oh no, that's not a good sign.
It's just like, oh yeah, dude, you got it.
You better believe you got it.
Yeah.
She's like, oh, that's fun.
That's what one of these looks like when it goes the wrong way.
Yeah.
And then I ran back to my home, and now I am turtled up like a hermit.
And now, apparently, I have my rigger off, and I'm terrified that my thing is going to be popping soon.
So somebody else talk for a minute.
Yeah.
They fucking got us two minutes early, man.
Yeah, it was 2.18.
That was bullshit.
That was horseshit.
Yeah, they set us up.
You know what?
That's a conspiracy right there.
They did it two minutes early intentionally.
Why?
I don't know yet.
But they did it for a reason.
Well, you know what's happening this very second.
this very second people are running to the queue archives and they're looking up QDrop 218 to see
what it was to see what 218 means. Because that obviously the draw obviously the test being two
minutes early indicates that we are supposed to care about that time.
So we got to find out what is going on here.
And we have to rush to our holy texts of the Q drops to find out what Q is trying to message us towards.
I mean, my set up right on time.
Oh, is my phone off?
That's not...
Qdrop218 is literally someone just asking, quote, Q, is it here?
And then... Yeah, the emergency broadcast system, it's here.
Also zombies.
Yes, also zombies.
That's ominous, actually.
It's here.
It is here.
Boom, it is here.
Oh, man.
So, yeah, people are going to be totally pilled by that.
That's hilarious.
I did cough shortly after it happened, so that could mean anything.
Nanobots activating.
Yes.
Anyway, do we want to get into our luscious mailbag for the week?
That sounds like a plan to meet.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Pancake Peasant asks, what is your favorite Civ builder game?
I don't play, I don't know.
I don't play these games.
My honest answer is Civilization Revolution, just because having a little bite-sized version of it that you could just jam games real fast on Xbox 360 was really nice.
And so that's the one I've definitely played the most.
So my pick would be Civilization Revolution.
I think I've played like Civ 5 or Civ 6.
I remember Civ 2 being hilarious because that was the one where they had the fundamentalism religion or government and you literally could not have unhappy citizens.
So you could just wage war in perpetuity and your citizens were okay with it.
So your only two options were democracy with good economics or fundamentalism and just war machine the shit out of it and just try to overwhelm people.
And so, yeah, but I as soon as I saw this question, I was like, oh, man, L is going to say Civ Rev so hard.
Because I remember when when he was on that Jag, just smashing fools on Civ Rev.
Yeah, it was a good time.
I mean, you get blazed, you sit down, you just crush the computer at Civ Rev.
Or sometimes, you know, with nothing on the line, you're just like, oh, it's not going the way I want it to.
Then you can just restart and just jam into a game.
I'm shameless.
I don't give a fuck.
Subzero T-Shirt Art asks, seems like we haven't heard much from Patel Patriot and his jolly bunch of affiliated grifters after that falling out over Kate Awakening, etc.
What's up with that?
Bright days ahead for the devolution theory?
Patel Patriot is still running his grift.
He hasn't been as big of a frontman because apparently he has enough money that he's paying other QAnon grifters.
He's created a platform called Badlands Media and so they're doing their thing.
This guy, Joe Rambo, I see on Twitter is doing a lot of talk about how we're in a pause and Joe Biden's not really Joe Biden.
It's a guy wearing a mask and all that kind of shit.
So there is, like, there's this subculture of QAnon that is still, like, peddling opium and talking about how they're winning and how it's all good and all that kind of nonsense.
And then the kind of more mainstream QAnon people admit that Biden's president, but somehow his hands are being tied by the Patriots through means we can't explain.
But you got to go along with it if you want to keep LARPing, and everyone wants to keep LARPing, so they're doing it.
But for me, it's really hard to buy into devolution because Trump's running in 2024 and he said that.
So how can he be the president while running as not the president for president?
It just doesn't make any sense.
And that's what makes this kind of shit hard to sell people on, because it's not easy.
It's not explainable.
It's gibberish.
So the best thing we can do to hurt QAnon is to make sure that Trump is not president ever again, because that removes a lot of the zip of the movement.
The president's going to arrest all the bad guys and send them to Gitmo.
We're going to win.
Yeah, and Lord knows who their backup figurehead is going to be after Trump goes down.
Just ride Trump even as he's turning into a flaming crater.
It's going to be great.
Oh yeah, which is funny because that segues into this question, which is awesome.
Come on.
This is too much of a mind game.
I'm tired.
What happened?
Obama needs to be defeated in 2024.
Okay.
In a recent speech, Trump declared that he has defeated Obama and that the Democrats
would start World War II.
What is your over-under on Biden somehow reigniting World War II unless Trump somehow defeats
Obama in 2024?
This is too much of a mind game.
I'm tired.
What happened?
Look, Obama needs to be defeated in 2024.
Okay.
I think that much we can all agree on.
We can no longer tolerate whatever they are doing.
I don't know which Obama we're going after, but whichever one, they must be stopped.
Yeah, this has been something that people have been bringing up on social media, the mainstream media, not so much talking about it, but Trump is delusional, is a really very polite way to describe this.
He did talk about how he beat Obama previously in an election.
He did complain about Joe Biden starting World War II.
Recently he made a statement that in less than five months he would defeat Joe Biden and win the presidency when the election is more than a year away.
And QAnon has taken that statement and They've run wild of it about how Trump's going to be reinstalled as president via the speakership and then Biden and Harris will be impeached and removed.
That's certainly a much better for them narrative than Donald Trump forgot what year it is and thought the election was this November.
Yes!
I actually had a guy on Twitter being like, yeah, it's not fair to go after Trump just because he misspoke.
And I said to the guy, I'm like, Trump literally said in less than five months, I will defeat Joe Biden.
Where is the misspeaking?
What word did he misspeak?
What do you mean?
What do you mean it's another year?
I'm already so bored.
I'm already the president, right?
We never lost to begin with?
I'm the kind of aide that has to pull up to the ear of Donald Trump and whisper at him,
and just, you know, what do you mean?
What do you mean it's another year?
I'm already so bored.
I'm already the president, right?
We never lost to begin with?
Is that right?
Yes.
Please, oh God.
I mean, it's really funny to me that there are people on the internet who will tsk tsk
me and others pointing out that Trump literally said he was going to beat Biden in under five
Yeah, way to punch down.
Way to punch down on that self-professed multi-billionaire.
Yeah, who's running for president and already was the president.
Meanwhile, on the other side, we've got QAnon people saying, Trump said he's gonna defeat Biden in less than five months!
Woo!
The storm!
We're gonna do it!
We're gonna win!
Yes!
It's gonna be great!
Oh, so good!
I mean, love it!
Oh man, so awesome!
It's just... You know what?
You know what?
Trump fans...
Put your money where your mouth is.
Prove us all wrong.
Go out this November.
Cash your votes for Donald Trump.
And then just sit back and watch the presidency roll in in 2024, you know?
Cash your vote this year to get it out of the way.
Yeah, exactly.
Bank your vote.
Hey, listen to Trump.
In five months, which means like early March, go vote for Trump to be president.
That's when you bank your votes.
Democrats vote.
That was like an old bit that people would always say as a way to try to vote suppress.
They'd be like, this year, Republicans vote on Tuesday and Democrats vote on Wednesday.
So please wait your turn.
The vote on the proper day and yuck yuck.
That's that's a lie.
But yeah, so this year Republicans vote in March and Democrats vote in November.
So please do not show up in November.
If you're a Republican, that'd be crazy.
Just Absolutely.
I mean, I just really wonder how long they can keep Trump's brainworms from the public, because he is very brainwormy.
This is a man who is not very much with it.
Although I do think he's got a pretty lucrative idea there.
You know, this enfranchised culture that we find ourselves in now, this late-stage capitalism wasteland that we're in.
Like, I feel like reigniting an old war versus creating a new war, like rebooting World War II, that's pretty, like, we're making it a requel and we're getting back in there.
Like, you know, the familiar faces that you love to hate.
But I guess this time they're just like, you know, we recontextualized Japan's involvement and now they're our friends.
Who, like, would North Korea be playing the role of Japan in this new World War II?
Yeah, there we go.
We recast, like, pretty much across the board for all the antagonists, but the protagonists are the same.
Specifically America.
We're not recasting that part.
We tested it, and it has to be the same America.
Way to go, America.
You're the best.
Eric, the Twitter Antifa, colored hair, your name's too long, sorry man.
Which QAnon not dead but hiding celebrity do you really wish was alive right now?
That is a kind of negative 48 subgenre of reality.
I mean, there are some... I think, like, beyond JFK Jr., their favorite one is Princess Di.
They love the fact that, like, she's secretly still alive.
Tupac.
Well, hey, they just arrested Tupac's shooter.
We got him.
We finally got that guy.
Oh, well, they arrested a guy who has involvement, you know?
Allegedly.
No, he did it.
He told me personally, and this is not a comedy show.
This is a show about true facts.
Yes, this is a show 100% about evidence and reality and Tupac's killer.
Tupac's involved.
The guy who was involved in Tupac's murder 100% was involved.
I say, why settle for JFK Jr.?
How about just the real deal?
The JFK Sr.
Elvis?
Do they think Elvis is alive?
Oh, negative 48 thinks that every dead celebrity is alive.
And what Elle said is true.
JFK Sr.
was part of the negative 48 cult.
They, uh, Protzman, when Protzman was alive, would talk about how one day Trump will rip off the Trump mask and it will be JFK Sr.
Like he will just reveal himself to be Trump, which would mean that Trump couldn't run for re-election because Kennedy will have served two full terms at that point.
So best to leave the Trump mask on and maintain your presidential eligibility.
Because if you reveal that you are actually JFK, then you won two elections and you cannot serve as president anymore.
Also, you're like a hundred and nine and riddled with all kinds of horrible diseases.
No way, man.
JFK was like the world's most perfect human.
Oh, yeah.
He was the healthiest man who absolutely had no problems whatsoever.
And everything was going great before he got shot.
One hundred percent.
He was a fake man with great stats.
Yes.
Yes.
The Brad Neely deep cuts, if anyone.
I would go with Elvis.
I think Elvis would be a really big celebrity to just have fall out of the sky and admit that he was still alive.
The best part would be that even if that did happen and a 106-year-old Elvis just turned up someplace and it was just like, holy shit, it's Elvis.
Dude, anyone born after 1990, they're not going to give a fucking shit about that.
They're going to be like, who cares?
Who?
They're going to be like, oh, I think my grandma listened to this guy.
Like, that's neat, I guess.
You know, they're not going to be able to find him.
There are two million grandmas simultaneously.
Everyone's, like, everyone's oldest aunt and above would start having, like, some issues.
But aside from that, it's just like, all the people I know that liked Elvis are, like, they're 60s and older now.
So I can't imagine that anybody would give too much of a shit if Elvis just turned up.
They'd be like, whoa, that's crazy.
And then that would be that.
So we have to go with the younger crowd of tragic deaths.
I went with JFK Sr.
because he was the perfect specimen.
He's Jesus Christ back on Earth, you know?
Yeah, oh yeah.
I mean, but I'm saying for the kids to get into it, they need like Aaliyah or like Selena to come back.
I'm a Selena truther.
Yes.
Yeah.
We saw a lot of Selena stuff in Dallas.
There were a lot of door tributes to her.
Apparently, like, Corpus Christi's, like, premium Selena country.
Yeah, that's where she's from.
Selena!
Wow, could you imagine still being stuck on, like, a celebrity death that happened 30 years ago?
Yeah, let's bring back PeeWee, you know, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, PeeWeeUrbanRecent, yeah.
He faked it.
He faked it.
Let's all pretend that PeeWee faked it.
So, that clears out the mailbag for the week, which leads us to our final question as always, which is, what are you looking forward to?
Sleep.
Same.
I finally, now that I'm done with the trip and now I have a little staycation at my house, I finally get to chew into Taskmaster.
I haven't started the new season yet.
I don't know how many episodes of the new season are ongoing right now.
I think two and a third one premiering this week is where we're at.
Now that the YouTube Taskmaster channel finally pulled their head out of their ass and worked out the deal with Channel 4 to post it the next day.
I think, honestly, I think they live premiered on YouTube now too, if you happen to be like around at like 2.30 PM or whatever.
Oh, score.
I'm here for it.
That's awesome.
I'm not sure what days it is, but yeah, they pop up as soon as they premiere now.
So it's actually pretty easy to keep track of where you're at on that.
I just, I just wrapped up Taskmaster New Zealand series for last night, actually.
I watched the first two seasons, so I have two seasons of New Zealand to get into.
That's good.
Which is crazy, because Taskmaster New Zealand is surprisingly good.
I don't know any of those comedians.
I know them even less than I know the British ones, because typically on the regular Taskmaster panel, I'll at least vaguely recognize one or two contestants.
And that's obviously not the case with celebrities in New Zealand, but it's still just a great formula.
It's just like, what a fun little formula they came up with.
So basically our plan at this point is to move to New Zealand and become semi-famous comics so we can get on Taskmaster New Zealand.
Yeah, dude, I would love to move to New Zealand.
It seems like a great country.
Yeah.
If you happen to be, like, the PM of New Zealand and you're listening to the show or whatever and you've got the juice, you know, I'll take a small, like, modest house or cottage someplace in your beautiful country and then I'll strive to become one of your funniest celebrities.
There we go.
Boom.
How hard could it be?
There's like, what, 40 people in New Zealand?
Definitely in the top 10% of the funniest people there already.
You know, since they might be my future peers, I don't want to disparage any of the lovely talent coming out of New Zealand.
I'm sure that they could all become just as famous elsewhere.
Yes.
This is normally the part of the show where I ask Hayley what she's excited for and then she gives me some sort of rigmarole about being like the worst.
I said sleep, I agreed with you immediately.
The world's greatest pessimist.
I do feel obligated to point out that it is kind of a bummer that you're interested in sleep because I'm interested in sleep at 2.30 p.m.
Where you are, it's even earlier than that.
I'm sick.
I'm sick with illness.
That's why I'm so excited for sleeping.
I'm going to hydrate and then pass out.
You're just sleeping while the sun's up for fun.
Yeah, yesterday, you know, since we've been back from Texas, it's been like, I'm kind of tired.
That's what I'm looking forward to is not leaving my place.
Oh, you guys came back from a vacation.
Okay, I guess I've got questions for you.
I'm not leaving my house for at least a week, so I can chill and sleep.
Yesterday, I was just like, I'm going to sit on the floor for a minute, and then I slept all night.
No, I'm above the weight requirement for getting down.
The next time I get down on the floor will be the last time, you know?
I'm like pushing 40 and out of shape and fat.
I don't get down to the floor anymore.
Yeah, I feel you.
That was a place for my ute.
Man, yeah, that is.
That is one of the more exciting parts of my job when idiots throw the dice off the craps table or a player or a dealer knocks chips off of a table.
They're like, floor, chip down!
And I'm like, you want me to bend over and pick that up?
I'll blow my back out.
I don't know what planet you're on, buddy.
You having a laugh, mate?
You, you, spry young dealer, you go pick that thing up.
I will watch your table for you while you go retrieve that chip or die.
Whatever you want to do, because me, me and reaching for objects on the ground, not, not compatible.
It is not a good thing.
Yeah, I've to the point in my life where like, you know, when you see those people who have mobility issues and they've got the little, uh, they're sort of like the combo walker things, but they've got the bench seat so that they can also use it as a seat.
When I see those people, I'm just like, damn.
Like, I know that society wouldn't let me get away with having one of those without me feeling a tremendous amount of guilt about it, but that would be the dream.
Just a seat everywhere you go.
It's just like, hey, what do you have with you?
Is that a seat?
She's like, yep, sure is.
I can just sit down wherever the fuck I want to.
God, it's so good.
Man, you were living the high life there.
American Dream.
Yes.
Yeah, dude, you know how you're supposed to hate the humans in WALL-E?
I don't know, man.
I'm about that life.
I don't think you are.
I think you're supposed to care about their humanity.
I think you're supposed to think that they're a bunch of dumb, fat, lazy fucks.
Which they are, to be fair.
But that doesn't mean I can't be envious of them.
It's like, look, I'm happy for their generation for escaping the cycle of being a fat, useless fuck that just flies around in a Professor X zippy chair, drinking soda, watching television, and playing games all day.
But at the same time, there were many generations before that generation that I would love to just slot right into for a while.
Maybe for like one whole like reincarnated into that for a lifetime and just be like, oh, zippy chair, soda pop, TV and video games.
This is the life.
Yes.
I really love that people advocate for laziness.
You know, everybody wants you to get up and go climb rocks and shit.
I do kind of advocate for laziness too.
I agree.
Dude, just take some time for yourself, man.
That shit can fuck off.
Get on that sleepy shit.
The pro sloth platform.
That's what I've always been about.
That's how I'm going to get to be speaker.
Yes!
Unless I get to do Zealot first.
We'll see.
Yeah.
I'm laying a lot of track.
Anyway, it's time for us to fuck out of Hellworld for the week.
So let's go go gadget roller skates and then helicopter blades will pop out of our heads and we'll helicopter our ways out of Hellworld for the week.
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If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, we can totally understand that.
You know, especially this week, we're not all in a hundo.
We get that.
You know, sometimes you're going to get the not-hundo version of us.
And we thank you for sticking with us through our not-hundo episodes.
But if you have that money and you want to give it to somebody to do some good with it, you can donate it to love146.org.
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However, you can find our buddy Frosty, who does all of our voiceover work, at FrostyVO on Twitter.
You can find the show on Twitter, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O. You can find Hayley on various platforms, at Arizona Right Watch.
And you can find Mike Rains on the Twitter, slash X, of course, at Poker Politics.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures of Hellwell Podcast, I have been one of your co-hosts, the Mysterious L, joined by our expert in all things Arizona Crazy, Arizona Right Watch, aka Hayley, and our expert in all things QAnon Crazy, Mr. Mike Rains.
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