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June 29, 2023 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:24:35
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode 146: Russia Ruckus, Trump on Tape

This week we talk about the crazy stuff going on in Russia, Musk Vs Zuck and how that fight will never happen, and Trump's desire to have sex with his daughter and his relentless need to confess to his crimes. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
the next one. Thank you.
Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
PokerinPolitics.
Welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This week, I am joined by Sarge.
That's me.
Still Sarge, still here.
Hello from the Internet.
All those things I've said before.
He said them again!
We're also joined by the mysterious Elle!
Hear, hear, my beautiful babies!
Hear ye, hear ye!
It's time for us to talk about horseshit!
Extra, extra!
Horseshit!
Read all about it!
Oh man, the horseshit, yes.
So much horseshit.
I love how every week that goes on, we get a little closer to being able to just scientifically prove that the timeline we're in is fucked up.
We're getting this big physics announcement tomorrow where only science nerds are going to be excited about what they're actually saying.
I enjoy that the internet is trying to hype it up, but your average person is not going to give a fuck about the measuring of gravitational waves using pulsar arrays.
I think it sounds pretty cool.
I always sort of understand it.
It certainly sounds awesome.
But they're going to be like, and what this means is that we now like have a slightly better understanding about how black holes work.
And it's like, OK, great.
That's cool.
But, you know, it would be great if they were just like, yeah, we used our big our big pulsar array to measure some spacetime waves.
And we found out that like there is only one health and it's the one we live in right now.
That would be the greatest thing in the world.
The Pulse RRAs actually objectively disprove God.
It's just a creepypasta.
We tuned into hell, and it's just that creepypasta.
Listen to the endless screaming.
It's like, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
I also love how the big hype-up science announcement they've been building over the past couple of weeks Like, that's coming.
But in addition to that, the new James Webb telescope or whatever also just found galaxies where they shouldn't exist and they're younger than they should be by like a billion years or something.
Oh, that's rad.
I hadn't heard that.
And they're like looking at it and they're just like, well, if these galaxies are here and they're as young as they are, that kind of means that the Big Bang can't have been real.
And we have to kind of completely rethink the origin of the universe.
And it's just like, OK, well, I mean, I know that you can't really predict a discovery like that, but unfortunately, that should probably bump.
Like, sorry, you were headlining, like, Pulsar array, like, black hole determining thing.
That's cool and all, but we're going to, unfortunately, Chappelle wants to play a set tonight, and we're sorry.
Like, we don't like it any more than you do, but, you know, Chappelle, Chappelle, he gets to just go on.
Yeah, if we have evidence that the Big Bang is somehow incorrect or mistimed, well then, yeah, I had not even heard about that at all.
That's going to be something I'm going to have to research after the plot.
I'm going to have to do my own research and become, I don't know, creationist-pilled or something.
I mean, like, fuck it.
That's the thing.
I thought that there was better than average odds that neither one of you would know a single fuck about the two huge scientific things that are happening this week.
Oh, I knew the Pulsar thing, and I knew about the announcement, but I had no idea about the extra galaxies and now people being like, the Big Bang.
Real?
Question mark?
That sounds very interesting.
And I guess there's a chance that the two things are intertwined, you know?
I mean, don't get me wrong, I do jive with the idea of being able to try to study, you know, the, like, space-time itself.
That is cool, but it's also just like, it's gonna be a real hard pill to sell to the Yeah, but who cares?
because it's just like, yeah, but what does that mean? It's just like, oh, it means it's something
that we can only observe as it existed like a thousand thousand years ago, behaved slightly
differently than we thought it did. People are going to be like, yeah, but who cares?
Like I can't feed my kids. Right. Exactly.
You know, what, how does, how How does this matter to my kitchen table issues?
Well, it actually doesn't, but... Yeah, but how does this relate to the British Royal Family?
Or a missing submersible?
With two billionaires, two dickheads, and a kid on it?
Oh, man.
Hey, if you can't tie the Pulsar Array to the submarine, why would America be interested?
Oh, my God.
It turns out that the Pulsar Array is the only way that you can determine the actual flavor of the Grimace Shake.
These are all the topical things.
This episode is going to be a perfect time capsule of this week, you know, in history.
And we're just going to find like, aside from the QAnon shit that we have to talk about
by, you know, honor bound law, we're also going to be talking about a forthcoming scientific
discovery and the tail end of the submarine disaster that people are still talking about
for some reason.
And the Grimace Shake popping off on viral, like going all viral.
That's right.
Yeah, I saw the, I saw two TikToks of the Grimace Shake thing and one was just a guy
dying after drinking the Grimace Shake.
That's basically the joke.
Right, and the second one was a guy actually exploding.
He actually liquefied after drinking the Grimace Shake.
Yeah, everybody just shared that one in a group chat with the boys, where he sips it and then they do the replacement effect or whatever, where it just looks like he detonates at his car into purple goo.
Yes.
And I love how, like, you know, and I don't usually like to pull this term out because it doesn't just apply to people in this age group anymore, but boomer ass motherfuckers come in and they're just like, Grimacefig, man, I don't get it.
I don't get it.
And it's just like, yeah, but like 15 years ago, you probably thought Chuck Norris was hilarious.
And it's just like, guess what?
Chuck Norris is exactly as hilarious as the Grimacefig.
If one of them is funny, then the other one is funny.
Like, you don't get to have it both ways.
So people are just like, I don't get it.
It's like, what's to get?
The idea is that, like, McDonald's did this really stupid marketing thing, so the internet seized upon it to make it something different in the form of, like, kind of small-scale performative art pieces or whatever.
And the punchline usually being, drink this milkshake and something bad will happen to you.
Like, your girlfriend will turn into a Japanese-style horror ghost, or you will explode.
But one of my favorite ones is two kids, it's just two kids like sipping them simultaneously and then it just smash cuts to one of them like cradling the other on the ground like he's been shot in a war.
He's just covered in the purple goo.
And the other kid's just like, no, why?
And it's just like, yeah, like what's not to get?
Like these two kids share the milkshake, disastrous consequences.
Like, I don't get it.
This humor is too sophisticated for me.
I liked it better with like two bald guys and one not bald guy would poke each other in the eyes and stuff.
That was comedy.
Oh, there's nothing that makes me roll my eyes harder than The Three Stooges.
Every now and then, we have this weird TV in the break room that only plays pre-programmed channels, so if I'm not listening to that guy from Bar Rescue screaming at somebody about how they're gonna get someone sick and kill them and this bar has to be shut down, I'm watching Three Stooges, and it's just, I have never Never gotten the appeal of The Three Stooges.
Even as a little kid, I just watched them beating each other up and I'm like, why are these three guys hitting each other?
And why is that entertaining?
I just don't get it.
It has just never hit me.
I just, I don't know what it is about that thing, but God, there is nothing I find less entertaining than The Three Stooges.
It was, uh, for comedy, genuinely a simpler time.
Yeah, and you know, I'm assuming at the time those guys were probably on the cutting edge of that shit, so it probably felt a little different than us.
But it's just like, by the time I saw The Three Stooges, I had seen Jim Carrey doing stuff before I saw The Three Stooges doing anything.
And I was just like, who the fuck cares about this?
Oh yeah, the guy got slapped on his face.
Hilarious.
Two guys in a cow costume, and the one's trying to milk it.
Like, what?
I mean, the premise of that does sound pretty funny.
I can see why Derek and Simpler tied, that would have killed.
I'll laugh at just thinking about it.
But if it had come out in the late 90s, the guy would just be like, oh man, I don't know why there's a hole in the udder of this costume, but oh no, my pee pee fell through it!
And I'm getting milked!
There's something about Mary!
Oh man.
Remember the time between 1997 and 2001 where every comedy movie was fucking horrible?
Yeah.
Somehow Freddie Got Fingered got made.
That exists.
The fact that Tom Green got to be successful for even a little while is disgusting to me.
It just makes me, again, where are we measuring the space-time waves that let that happen?
Yeah.
And like, I guess now we still got like a radio show.
It's just like, you deserve nothing, sir.
I'm gonna look him in the face and tell him that he deserved nothing.
I'm gonna be like, you!
You just got lucky.
It was just a cosmic roll of the dice for you, motherfucker.
Anybody could be doing your shit.
Oh god.
I was working, I was the attendant running a merry-go-round.
In a mall for a long time ago when Tom Green got big and some idiot came onto the merry-go-round with a blow-up doll and his friend with like a camcorder because that was the era and he rode on the merry-go-round while his buddy was videotaping him and then when they got off the merry-go-round they were walking away and then the guy threw the blow-up doll to the ground and then kicked it and screamed You always ruin everything!
And then mall security, like, ran over because they were, like, freaked out by this guy, like, throwing a fit and attacking a blow-up doll in the mall.
And then the guy had to be like, it's just a prank, bro!
And that was the end of that.
It was just like, fuck you, Tom Green, for bringing this shit into my life.
That joke only works if you first have sex with a blow-up doll to completion on the merry-go-round.
You have whatever the average mare-go-ride ride is to get inside this blow-up doll, like, get your business done, uh, so that you can do the follow-up punchline of the prank.
Yeah.
Wouldn't the prank be a little bit funnier if there was just, like, the chance of some material getting spread around while you're throwing around this blow-up doll?
I think every YouTuber TikTok pranker, like, needs to, like, at least once get tased.
Or just like hit real hard.
I don't want him to die or be hit with like a like a stabbed or anything but I do feel like if you're at some point somebody should just sock you one time real hard in the gut like just you know one of those one of those ones you see in an action movie where like somebody hits a real tough at the gut from like real close and they double over like I want one of those and I want I want to see that I want to see a compilation video of just that happening prank tiktokers Can we just put a moratorium on pranks unless it's between you and your closest friends and not for trying to go viral?
How about we just put pranks back into the box of a fun thing you do amongst your friendship circle, but keep it to yourselves.
Yeah.
Pranked ya!
Anyway, that's about 10 minutes worth of vamping.
Time for us to get into our amuse-a-bouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
Unfortunately, a lot of people are finding out now that the amuse-bouche is not as tasty a dish as it used to be.
They're very confused about this.
And I can only imagine that's what's going on with this bouche headline, or bouche line, I guess, because I didn't exactly confer with Mike Rains about it.
But I have been seeing rumblings of people being confused as to why their food might smell and taste differently now, and it could be any reason.
And for potential reasons, I'll turn it over to Mike Rains.
Mike, why food don't taste so good no more?
Uh, apparently the downfall of American society or woke-ism, it could be any of these things, uh, because Laura Loomer, a resident lunatic who almost got elected to Congress, ran in a Republican primary in a like Republican plus 90 district and barely lost to the incumbent.
Uh, and also was supposedly going to be on the Trump 2024 campaign, but then that got quashed.
But, uh, Laura has been trying to, she's trying to get her name out there, still trying to make rounds in the Republican scene.
She posted a long missive on Twitter, because she has the checkmark and gets to write long tweets now, about how everything tastes and smells weird these days, and she doesn't want to go to restaurants anymore, and to her, quote, the quality of life seems worse in America than it was several years ago.
And just there's no reason to go outside.
Maybe even three years ago, exactly.
The world has been the worst in these last three years.
Yes, there's a quote.
There's something very off about the energy outside is how she describes it.
I'm not sure if it was one of her tweets or somebody else chiming in,
because I like this is one of the few things I did see on Twitter before we recorded the show,
which is why I took a flyer and actually guessing why we're talking about long COVID.
Spoiler warning, these are probably symptoms of long COVID.
But, like, one person was even just like, yeah man, I notice it too.
Like, you know, food just doesn't taste as good.
Like, outside just doesn't smell the same.
I think it, like, I think it happened sometime around the pandemic.
It's like, you stupid fucks!
Like, how is it possible that you get so close to the goal line but are just incapable of crossing it?
Who are you, an opponent of the Patriots back when they were good?
Yes!
Who are you, the Seattle Seahawks of a few years ago?
Yes.
It's wild to literally give all the symptoms of long COVID and then be like, nah, that can't be it, because COVID was fake.
It's a myth.
Yeah, it's all bullshit.
The symptoms of long COVID and also a time frame that perfectly lines up with... It's just like, yeah, man, before that fake pandemic, everything tasted and smelled different.
Now everything tastes and smells slightly worse.
So weird.
Fake pandemic.
What a crazy time to be alive.
And it's just like, for a lot of these people, they can't even blame the vaccine because they refuse to take it, which just increases the likelihood that what they're experiencing is COVID.
Like, COVID fucked your body up.
Sorry.
Right.
That was one of the things that people didn't want to really talk about,
about the vaccine was that it doesn't just make it so that you're
less likely to die from COVID.
It makes it so that when you get COVID, your case of COVID is
milder and not as extreme.
So you have a less likely chance of getting long COVID as a result of it.
So like there was like all kinds of benefits to getting vaccinated, uh,
benefits that these people refuse to acknowledge or want apparently.
So now they get to have their smelly tasteless existence in our world now.
I mean, if, if only it wasn't the consequences of my own action.
Uh, Yeah, it's baffling.
They're, they're definitely describing the symptoms of long COVID.
And I, you know, devil's advocate, maybe it's not because guess what?
We're still discovering and studying the effects of COVID.
Like, we're, it takes time and there's going to be a documentary 10 years from now, like citing this bullshit to show like, yeah, these people probably have long COVID or whatever we're calling it at that point.
Devil's Advocate.
What's her name?
Laura Loomer?
Maybe she's just in an incredibly white section of London.
She's just surrounded by white British people.
The one you're not attracted to.
Oh, Laura is... Hey, easy there, champion.
I'm not attracted to a lot of these conservative wackadoos.
In fact, I would say that I'm guiltily attracted to only a small percentage of them.
I think, in general, Marjorie Taylor Greene is aging like milk, so that fantasy almost immediately.
Back when she was right on the scene and she was looking at me doing CrossFit, I was like, yeah, okay.
If you were the mom next door, I'd be into it, but now I'm just like, oh, honey, no.
It is amazing how not bad I feel for making fun of that woman and her appearance and any number of things.
Yeah, look, I mean, you know, I know that it's supposed to be, like, uncool to talk about people's appearances at all these days, like, in a negative manner, and, uh, you know, I'm willing to just... I'm willing to trade in some of my karma points to be able to do it.
I hold open doors for a lot of people.
I'm incredibly polite in my day-to-day life and generally on-team good guy.
Every once in a while I will spend my karma points to do a thing that I shouldn't be.
Making fun of ugly gargoyles that I hate is one of them.
Here we go.
Anyway, moving right on to other ugly people that I hate.
Mike threw this one to me.
I had no idea what he was talking about, but apparently old Donald Trump, who we will be getting to again later during the headlines, of course, joins us in our boosh as well because apparently he's back to wanting to fuck his daughter, or he's just back to talking about wanting to fuck his daughter because I don't think it ever stopped.
Mike, what's up with Thirsty Trump?
Shouldn't he have other things on his mind besides his daughter's sweet food?
All his perfectly legal boxes.
Yeah, basically a Newsweek article.
Newsweek is a kind of a rag now.
I don't know why they publish this other than it just gets them some attention.
There was aides that stated that Donald Trump would be constantly talking about Ivanka's breasts, her ass, and he would question what it would be like to have sex with her.
And at one point his chief of staff was like, yo, bro, she's your daughter.
Why are you doing this?
It's just, it's just something that he, he just can't get over.
He just has this... So who's reporting this?
Should we be trusting this?
Cause it sounds, it sounds incredible.
Like I want it to be, I want there to be like a, I want there to just be like a group of people who just had to be around while Donald Trump openly talked about what the fuck is out there.
Right.
I'm going to go on record, like for myself and the podcast in general, no save for my co-host, we all 100% believe this is true.
Yeah.
Like, it is the editorial opinion of, uh, Hellworld that Donald Trump, given the opportunity, would fuck his daughter.
Which, you know, I mean, if you weren't Donald Trump, her father, like, I mean, yeah, bully on you.
That's perfectly great.
Attractive, like, you know, successful woman, well put together, bully on you.
But as her dad, you just gotta pop the pranks on that.
Yeah, like, I mean, she's got, she's not unattractive, but also, man, we're just really objectifying women, nasty conservative women on the podcast today.
Well, as far as Trump's daughter said, I said that she was attractive, well put together, and successful.
So I don't think I was, like, really objectifying her.
I was just listing, like, that, you know, these are the reasons why you would maybe want to pursue sexual relations with this person.
I mean, yeah.
So, again, you know, the end result of the, I guess the fable of the story, the moral of the story.
I finally got there.
I grasped for three different words in the third one.
I was like Dr. House.
Anyway, the moral of the story is don't want to bang your own daughter.
I mean, come on guys.
And if you do have that lust in your heart, don't constantly do it in meetings with other people around the White House, maybe?
Just maybe not that.
Also, you're allowed to recognize that your daughter is attractive, like, in public.
You're allowed to say that, but there's normal human Non-I-wanna-fuck-my-daughter ways to say that.
Yeah.
And in general, I feel like certainly in the country that we live in and that Donald Trump wishes to govern again, we have sort of like these unspoken moral rules about how you could and could not say that your own daughter was beautiful.
And I don't think any of them just include like, oh, my daughter's got a great set of tits on her.
No.
Wrong.
Incorrect.
That's not allowed.
Or look at my daughter's great dumpster.
No.
Incorrect.
You, it's just, you have to be polite about it.
Just say it, beautiful.
She's like, I've got a beautiful daughter.
Like, oh, look at her, she's, she's, my daughter's so beautiful.
That's a great word for it.
Oh, and then you, and then you make a joke about how it obviously comes from her mother, because you're not that great looking, and then the crowd laughs, and your wife gives you the, oh, oh, you, and just, you just go with it that way.
It isn't really hard to do the whole thing that I got.
And then you look for your own daughter, and two Secret Service members have to hold you back.
She's frothing at the mouth with lust!
I can't wait to get to her!
I'm gonna Game of Thrones this motherfucker!
It's just so unattractive.
Oh my god.
It's so disgusting.
Yep, it's not great.
It's the opposite of great.
It's terrible.
Uh, you know, I can take her to leave it.
Let's get on to better boosh, shall we?
Because for a brief time there, we were living in the timeline where Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg were going to actually physically fight each other In a match, like, coordinated by Dana White, of course, who stepped in and he was like, I am the guy you come to when you need to mediate a fight that is stupid.
Like, I am here to do that.
But unfortunately, that seems like it is no longer to be.
Mike, how did we narrowly avoid such an incredible event?
Uh, right now the argument is apparently Elon Musk's mom is refusing to allow her son to have this fight.
And apparently Elon is... Apparently Elon's just a mommy's boy and he's just like, well if mom won't let me fight Zuckerberg then I can't.
My mom says I can't.
Although, Elon does have a tweet out from a few days ago stating that he has to... He's like, Mom, please let me fight... Please let me fight Zuckerberg.
I must defeat him for the good of the world.
I must get into the cage and best him.
And, uh... This is like when DMX was supposed to, like, celebrity box the guy who shot... What's his name?
Zimmerguy or whatever.
The dude who got away with killing that kid.
No, it was Hans.
Zimmerman.
Yeah, there we go.
Zimmerman.
Uh, when DMX was supposed to celebrity box him, and he was just like, yeah, we're gonna break every fucking rule of boxing.
I'm just gonna mangle that guy in front of cameras.
I don't give a fuck.
I'm just gonna smash that dude.
Since he's never been backed out.
It's like, Elon was just like, he realized that though Zuckerberg is a big nerd, he's also like, clearly a robot or whatever.
And it's like, not super, it's not super clear whether or not he can feel human emotions, including pain.
Also, there's videos of him, of Zuckerberg.
Zuckerberg's been doing training for years now in MMA.
Ground fighting, at the very least.
Not striking.
He does ground fighting, like jiu-jitsu tournaments and stuff like that.
Zuckerberg understands some level of martial arts.
He doesn't know nothing.
Right.
And that is what I'm convinced Elon Musk knows.
Nothing.
It would be Elon Musk, person who seems like they would cry if you bullied them hard enough on their own Twitter platform.
They would cry snotty tears while blocking you and banning you.
Versus Mark Zuckerberg, who nobody is entirely convinced is a 100% human being, and also has trading in some form of martial arts.
Although, of course, it's the most boring ones.
Let's take it to the ground and roll around for a bit, guys.
Right.
Yeah, so I mean, my money would have been on Zuckerberg in that one, for sure.
Oh yeah, the Elon tweet that was asking his mom for permission was actually from a parody account with a blue checkmark.
Nice.
Thanks for your rock-solid platform allowing things like that to exist where they tricked me.
The blue checkmark is verified, so if those people are vetted, that tweet was probably legit.
Yep, absolutely.
It's all that we could possibly imagine is that that tweet is legitimate.
Oh, 100%.
Yeah, I did see that today like the Gateway Pundit had an article about like the people that would train Musk for this fight were it to happen.
But again, we're a couple days into the whole mommy won't let me fight thing.
So Musk was never getting in the cage because Musk doesn't know how to fight.
So the idea that he would risk that level of humiliation Against anybody, especially against somebody who actually has some degree of training and is a rival in this same sphere of business right now, which is social media platforms.
You should have gotten Steven Seagal to come and train him.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
Steven Seagal would have turned Elon Musk into an absolute killer.
Would have been absolutely the best.
Elon also made some weird joke about how he was going to use his move called the walrus, where he falls on top of you and doesn't move.
So I really... Keep your sex moves out of the ring, Elon Musk.
How do you have so many kids?
Oh, right.
You're rich.
It turns out that for Grimes and a lot of other women, a billion dollars is just the lubrication you need.
Like, you know, because imagine being charmed by the discussion an Elon Musk would have if you weren't a gold digger.
If you were just like, I'm not a gold digger, money had nothing to do with it.
It's just like, that's even worse!
That means that you met Elon Musk at a party and he said some stuff to you and you let him inside of you.
With no rubber.
That's impossible.
You're like, oh my god, this man is captivating with his bizarre incoherence and alt-right
ideology just, oh my god.
The idea of holding a conversation with Elon and then walking away from it going, wow,
that guy, the EZ Sharp one.
Hey, I'm fucking sexually aroused by that guy.
Elon has repeatedly said he's going to use his untold money to fix things, and then he hopes people forget that he said those things.
Oh, like he said he was gonna fix the water in Flint, Michigan.
That's definitely happened.
Did he call the administrators of Flint, Michigan pedophiles after he didn't help them?
I mean, maybe, but I don't know that for sure.
Yeah, well, he's still working on his super sub that's going to get down into the sewers of Flint, Michigan to figure out what's what.
And if you don't think his submarine is going to be the solution, then you're a pedophile.
Get rekt, loser.
That's the ELM must-go-to.
I mean, hey, how do you refute anyone calling you a pedophile?
You know what I mean?
It's the perfect insult.
That's why they love using it.
And definitely it's not a smokescreen for any other behavior they might be getting up into.
Right.
But for more news about that, just check any number of the Twitters that literally just aggregate conservative idiots getting pitched for child porn or whatever every day.
It's crazy.
All the priests that still get popped.
Yeah.
And then, you know.
Come back and tell me everything's going good, you know?
Let's make America great again and get those people back into positions of power.
School district needs another superintendent.
How about that guy who's wringing his hands?
Sounds good to me.
Yes!
What can I say?
He has my same opinion about brown people, which is to say, not a fan.
Uh, okay.
Boosh over.
Time for Headline News!
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
You know, this is a fucking crazy week for headlines because either of the two things that we're talking about could have easily been the headline for a week.
And only because we are a QAnon-focused podcast does Donald Trump's recording of admission to crimes take the lead.
So I'm just going to toss it straight over to Mike to lead us in to Trump's woes this week.
Yeah, so CNN actually got the audio recording of Trump just saying, hey, I'm doing a crime.
Right now, what I'm doing here?
Crime.
This is actually a crime.
So he talks about a document.
And I know it's a crime.
And I know it's a crime.
I know what I'm doing right now is a crime, but I'm still doing it.
I am criming.
They always talk about how intent and the mindset of the criminal is an important part of a lot of these cases.
Everything in this recording is just Trump saying, I'm doing a crime.
I know I'm doing a crime.
I'm very happy that I'm doing this crime.
And the point of what Trump is, this is the thing that's so bizarre about all of this.
And I'm seeing people trying to argue Trump's side of this thing.
The point of what's going on here is that Trump, because he has no actual functioning brain, Basically went to the military and was like, yo, if we ever like attacked Iran, how would we do that?
And because he's the fucking president, the military is like, they put together, they, they're like, all right, well, we have something for this.
And then they drew up a more updated one, which talks about our forces in the area and what we would bring and what we know Iran has.
Right, so we literally give an intelligence report to Trump about what an attack on Iran would look like.
And then Trump, apparently because he doesn't understand how this works, is like, oh look, this was the bullshit they were trying to get me involved in.
They were trying to rope me into this war with Iran.
And he waves around the document like, God, this fucking, I didn't ask for this.
The military gave this to me.
It's like, no, Mr.
President, this is how this works is that we have these plans for everything.
And if you're just like, how would we hit Iran?
Yeah.
We're like, here, here you go.
This it's like, uh, Batman having a way to defeat every other
member of the justice league.
Our military is doing nothing but creating contingency plans for possible
things that could happen down the line.
And that's all they gave to you.
They didn't give you the military's plan to attack Iran.
Please sign off on it, Mr. President.
We're gung-ho.
We want a war of Iran.
You have no idea how badly we want to go after Iran because we're the military and we're psychotic.
Yeah, believe it or not, most of the time, the military just wants to spend money.
They don't actually want to fight, because that costs a lot of money.
Yeah, and randomly going to war with Middle Eastern countries is more of like a Bush thing, you know?
Yeah.
That was like the Bush family's deal.
Never really been in that business in a while, so why start again now?
Right.
Yeah, so, and the thing about that is, is that Trump was even on the tape saying, this proves my case against Miley, which is just, it's just showing this is a petty grudge he had with someone in the military back when he was in office, where he was like, ah, this fucking prick wanted me to go after Iran and I didn't want to do it.
See?
He was a warm-hearted- I thought he was saying that Miley, his- because that was the Secretary of Defense at the time?
Or no, Joint Chief.
Yeah, I'm trying to- That was who gave him that document.
Right, but he also- Yeah, but he also mentioned it in quote-unquote, proves my case.
That he was just like- Yeah, I never quite understood that because all it was really proving was that I mean, it was probably the stuff he was saying directly, which was, this is classified.
When I was president, I could have declassified this, but now I cannot.
Here, take a look at it.
So many legal experts are just like, what do you fucking do with this guy as a client?
When the other side has the client, your client, confessing to having the documents, This fucking guy cannot stop being caught on recording getting caught committing crimes or at the very least discussing the possibility of committing crimes.
Like, the grab-by-the-pussy thing, like, he had that fucking phone call with the Ukraine back before everybody loved Ukraine because they were getting attacked by Russia, like, fucking, you know, all the, like, all the shit that I have to imagine, like, he's probably recorded, like, fucking, oh, the Georgia thing, that was the one I forgot.
He was on tape asking them to find more votes.
He just loves getting caught on tape, like, discussing crimes.
And so far, why wouldn't he?
He's never been punished.
Nobody gives a shit.
He got impeached for the Ukraine thing.
It turns out that all that did was allow the American public to know that impeachment is nothing.
Impeachment is nothing.
It doesn't mean fucking anything.
It's finger-waving of the highest order.
It really just went to show that Republicans have no compunction whatsoever for any crimes that their president commits.
Like, Richard Nixon from his grave is going, what?
I could have just survived Watergate?
No harm, no foul?
You pieces of shit.
What the fuck?
The thing is, is that then, like, absolutely not.
He could not have.
For whatever reason, like, culture was different back then, and something like this was, like, a fucking, like, like, the Watergate thing, like, was a presidency ender, and, like, the Bill Clinton sex scandal was a huge fucking deal.
Like, it, like, everybody was fucking destroyed over that shit, but, like, I don't know if 9-11 just, like, fucking, like, destroyed a part of America's collective brain or what, but, like, dude, now, any number of these things would have just completely ended somebody's whole ass career, like, 20, 30 years ago, just completely in the dirt.
And now, you could just weather an unlimited storm of being caught on recordings confessing to a bunch of stuff.
Oh, I've seen, like, Russell Brand had a scalding hot take where he was just like, I think the big story is that Trump was trying to prevent a war of Iran.
I don't think the document itself is really that big of a deal.
Just this idea, this bizarre narrative that Trump was the peace president and was just trying to rein in a reckless military when he sold weapons to Saudi Arabia for their atrocities in Yemen.
He literally told the military, go ahead and fucking drone anybody you want.
And I won't even, I'll remove all the fucking accountability requirements for that shit.
Just, you want a drone strike?
Yeah.
If you want to drone them, fucking drone them.
And if you kill some civilians, we'll cover it up.
I don't give a shit.
Like the fact that Trump was this bloodthirsty monster, but he just didn't have a war to get himself into makes him the peace guy.
It's, it's ridiculous.
Okay, so we've presented the facts, we've editorialized a lot, because that's what the show is, because we're not journalists, it's a comedy show.
Just as a reminder to anyone who's listening.
So now I have to ask Mike, what's QAnon's take on the tape?
Obviously as the Tape Doctor, that was my first go-to.
Fake tape, right?
Fake news?
Actually, they didn't go for the deepfake.
Their main thing was, how do we even know that document was classified?
Trump could have been talking about any number of things.
The one that he said was classified?
And admitted to the person he was talking to, he was like, when I was president, I could have declassified this, but I did not, and I am not.
So it remains classified.
Here, take a look.
I mean, the transcript and the audio is pretty clear.
He was talking like, because I know that Trump has switched his defense data just back.
It was bravado.
Those are just random papers on my desk.
It was like, dude, you said you said that the document was classified, was classified.
You said it.
Oh yeah, he was just lying about that.
I actually then saw another guy, the devolution crank.
I actually had a fun conversation with someone about devolution.
They were like, yeah, that shit's bullshit.
I'm like, well, then how'd that guy get popular and make tons of money off you people?
And he was like, fucking ask Mike Rothschild.
And it's like, you're the QAnon promoter, not him.
You tell me how this guy got into your circle of grift.
Well, the problem is that obviously Mike Rothschild would know because money is involved, you see.
Oh, right, right, yes.
And I'm not gonna, you know, you take for that what you will, but I will just say money is involved, and maybe even banks, Mike, if you get what I'm saying.
Oh!
Oh my god.
Maybe even some Hollywood, if you know what I'm saying.
Oh my god.
Hollywood beard.
Let's talk it, let's talk it.
Getting some bagels and lox from your favorite deli in New York City, if you catch my drift.
I love that the right wing has created this mythos where there's like 5,000 words for Jewish.
In the right wing conspiracy lunatic sphere, there are as many words for Jew as there are in male parlance as there is for sex.
It's just, there's so many words you could use and the other person just hears in their mind, Jewish person, yeah.
It's them.
They're the ones behind it all.
And it's just so insane.
It's just that whole story about the more ways you can say a thing, the more important it is to that group of people.
It's like how Eskimos have like a million words for snow.
It's just... Which I think is both untrue and also that word is now like a racial epithet or whatever.
Good work on that one.
That was a great example.
Way to fail me.
I'm the worst.
It's okay.
Don't worry.
Now that you've been cautioned, I'm sure that your liberalism will kick in, and surely you'll be up in Alaska fighting a pipeline, you know?
Any day now.
I'll head up there.
Too sweet.
I apologize to the Alaskan people, and I salute you for electing that lady who ran on fish, because she's a Democrat, and she's good, and she got more votes than even the Alaskan Senators did, so let's go for Senator Fish.
Ran on Fish.
Yes, that was her big thing, was that like, she's like, Alaska is a very, Fish is a very important part of Alaska's economy, and I will go to the House of Representatives and make sure that our, like, fishing rights and all that stuff is taken care of.
And the Alaskan people were like, we don't care that you're a Democrat.
We fucking really care about Fish.
And she beat Sarah Palin convincingly.
So it's just like, Okay, look, that's great, and I'm happy for them, and I'm sure the fish is super important to them, like, I love that for them.
They are, they have a hundred words for fish.
That's great.
That being said, not exactly fighting against the stereotype there, if you're like, you're the delegate from the proud state of Alaska and you stand up and you're just like, what about our fish?! !
You know?
It's just like, oh.
It's like, ah, yes.
The Alaskan.
Always pissing and moaning about your goddamn fish there, buddy.
Dude, this is important!
So, anyway, the devolution guy, man we went off the rails there, but the devolution guy, he literally had a video, he was like, he's like, I think this was all a setup.
I think Trump was hyper aware of his surroundings.
And if you listen to the audio levels of the paper and Trump, it sounds a little weird.
Trump is not hyper aware of anything outside of when his daughter is changing.
Bazinga.
So he had this video and the video was, he's like, watch this video and you'll understand what I mean.
And the video was literally just Trump giving a to the camera kind of interview where like the interviewer is like behind the camera, giving questions to Trump, who's the only person on camera, like talking.
And so Trump's like sitting and he's trying to get his jacket right.
Because he doesn't tailor his suit so the fit's always dog shit.
And so he's trying to get his jacket right and then he has a little table with a glass of water next to it and he's just like, do we want the water in the shot?
I don't know.
Maybe.
Maybe not.
And then he, like, takes the water away, and then he's like, ah, actually take the table away, too.
And he's like, ah, now the space is too empty.
Bring the table back.
And he's like, no, bring the water back.
He's like, just take the napkin off from under the water.
And then basically, they do all this work to basically just have the same shot they had at the start, but with no napkin under the water.
And then Trump's happy, and they begin the interview.
And, like, Trump removing that napkin proves he's hyper-aware of everything, and he knew he was being recorded with these documents, and he was laying a trap for the deep state by talking the way he did.
He did definitely know he was being recorded.
There's that, but... It just further shows how much of an idiot he is.
Yeah, and we didn't need any further proof, you know?
As if it wasn't, like, the introduction of the Willy Wonka factory.
I would just be like, hey, if you want to see evidence of Trump's NAC, I mean, you simply look around and view it.
If you see what you want to know, go do it.
Oh, God.
Want to commit some crimes?
There's nothing to it.
The wonderful world of Trump, crime, and nation.
It's the greatest.
It's the most magical.
It's just like a river of documents.
Exactly.
Augustus Coop is like, you've got to read these documents, falls right in.
You have to keep them in the perfectly legal boxes that that really got me with it.
He's on right?
He's like, they said that on truth.
He was like they keep They took my perfectly legal boxes, and it's just like... Yeah, I mean, the boxes weren't the problem so much as it was the highly sensitive materials they were in, mate.
It's literally what I said!
It's like, when they requested underhand back, you could have removed them from your precious perfectly legal boxes.
Yeah.
And turned them over, but you did not.
In fact, you asked your lawyers to disappear them from you, and they were like looking at each other while taking notes and being like, uh... They didn't want the literal boxes, they wanted the classified as shit documents that have classified pasted all over them.
I just love the fact that friggin while he's doing that, you have the staffer in the background saying, we have a problem.
Someone in the background of the audio is just like, this, this is a crime that we are currently criming right now.
I, I did not walk into this room expecting to crime, but now here I am.
And that's why his lawyers keep quitting because he's very guilty.
And also they don't want to get accidentally like espionage, like Because, like, all the FBI agents that went and retrieved the documents had to get special clearance to even look at the evidence for the crime they were arresting him for.
They're just like, oh shit, these are like, holy shit, this is way worse than we thought.
Well, have you ever considered that what the tapes actually show is just Trump waving around some totally random document while discussing the secrecy of a completely separate document the way that you do?
Yes.
The way you talk about that other document that you're not waving around that proves your case against Miley and blah blah blah Iran and all that stuff.
Yes, absolutely.
They were just playing document mental magic, you know?
He just took the top document off of his stack and just put it into play.
It was just like, boom!
This one is top secret.
It's just because Trump's old, so he prints out all his porn, and he didn't want anyone to see his perfectly legal daddy-daughter porn.
Like, it's normal.
It'd be perfectly legal, you'd be recordings of his own bathroom.
Yeah.
That's why when they needed a place to store the perfectly legal boxes, he was like, I know a place.
I know a place where we can keep eyes on the documents.
That bathroom.
Anyway, Donald Trump is gross and guilty.
Moving on, let's talk about Russia and Vladimir Putin.
Everything's going fine.
This story was like, you know, the Trump thing we have to lead with because of the nature of the podcast and the fact that Donald Trump is like QAnon's savior or whatever.
I mean, like, the military coup, or was it, that happened in Russia is definitely something that should have been our headline news for the week.
So, Mike, let's get into the Russian Wagner Group coup, or was it?
So, you have the Wagner Group, which is a private military company.
They're not actually Russian military, they're kind of a line of mercenaries that work I get, uh, Sarge, can you say that guy's name better?
Cause like per goes in, is that how you say his name?
Per goes in is what I've heard other American, uh, Americans say.
Uh, so that is what I've been going with.
Whatever, he's a war criminal.
Who gives a fuck if we get his name right?
It's Prokosin.
He's a monster and has committed tons of war crime in Ukraine and Africa.
Yeah, he's a total monster.
So anyways, Prokosin runs Wagner and he has been for a while now pissing and moaning about how the Russian military isn't treating him right.
He's not getting the proper resources to conduct his campaigns inside Ukraine.
They need to fucking man up and start doing things correctly.
And then Putin came down with an edict that Wagner was going to be absorbed into the Russian military and he was just going to be done with them as a separate force, to which Pergozhin was like, nope, fuck you, buddy.
That is not what I signed up for.
He took his forces, captured a city on the Ukraine-Russian border area.
Captured three cities?
Yep, captured these cities.
Encountered no resistance.
The Russian military was just sort of like, sounds good to us.
Fuck this shit.
And then he was like, you know what?
Next stop, Moscow.
And he just got his fucking ducks in a row and just headed up the street.
It was like a 16 hour drive away from the Russian capital.
And Putin got on a plane and left Moscow as a result of this.
And while... Tried to go to Kazakhstan and Kazakhstan denied Putin entry because they said, this sounds like a Russian internal affair.
So they said, he said, can I hide in your fort?
And they were like, no, no, please don't do that.
Also, doesn't Per Gozenguy, he contends that Russian military attacked him and his men first, right?
He said they got they got they got whopped by the air by some stuff.
And that triggered this whole ordeal.
That's very possible.
It is possible but the videos a lot of people who saw the video of the quote unquote attack did not think that this was actually an attack from rocket fire from planes at the Wagner group that there was that whatever the damage looked like it didn't look like the damage you would see from missile strikes.
Yeah, so there was this is something that Russian military people love to do a lot, which is false flagging the shit out of shit.
So Whether or not they were actually attacked is very much up for debate, but what did happen was that he decided to use whatever happened in that incident as a precursor to be like, hey, it's time to
Go to Vlad and give my list of demands.
Now, Pergoza made it very clear that I'm not here to topple Putin.
I just want Putin to have better advisors, because I basically hate everybody that's running the Russian military.
And if Putin were to, you know, sideline or remove those people, everything would be running just absolutely smooth as silk, baby.
Yep.
For sure.
Yeah.
So finally on his way to Moscow, Ludachenko, I believe, the president of Belarus, got on the horn with Pergozan and was like, Hey, I got a deal for you.
We're going to broker this shit.
We're going to hammer this out.
It's all going to be great.
And Pergozan took the deal, which was basically some sort of amnesty for Wagner for attempting this coup, mutiny, whatever.
This was like 36 hours after Putin was just like, he's a traitor and I'm gonna execute him.
Yeah, oh yeah, yeah.
Putin comes on TV, like apparently, like shaking and like these fucking pricks pulling this shit.
They're fucking going down.
You do not cross me, motherfucker.
I will drop you.
Yeah, Putin made it very clear that the penalty for what Pergosen was doing was death.
And then Ludashenko comes in and is like, how about the penalty not be death?
And then somehow Putin and Bergosa were both totally cool with that.
And Bergosa's like, I'm on a plane to Belarus, fill it out the rest of my days.
Sounds good.
Yeah, I believe Huffington Post pointed out that really, this is just like, this could not have gone worse for Putin in every fashion, because it just shows that any two-bit, like, Like general with enough troops can just, uh, you know, apparently in this day and age in Russia, just carve out a little kingdom for themselves.
Because if Prigozhin had just stayed his ground and like held that area of Russia, at some point he could have just declared it a new country.
And like, it doesn't seem like Putin has the resources to fight Another war.
Like, 25,000 troops, which is reported what Purgosian says he had, was enough to take three cities in Russia, and the Russians were just like, yeah, sure, okay.
And, uh, that, like, it just really is not, it's, Putin's no good, very bad day.
His, one of his greatest fears, we know, is that he is going to get Gaddafied.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, he literally watches that video every day of his life, pretty much, and he's just like, oh no, no, they're gonna do it to me, I'm gonna be killed like that guy was.
So we know he's afraid of getting Gaddafied, and now this, like, this, like, two-bit mercenary general took three cities in Russia?
Because he over-extended, apparently he over-extended into Ukraine, like Putin over-extended into Ukraine.
Oh yeah, they didn't even have troops available to defend Moscow.
Like, he was calling up people double quick to defend Moscow.
Yeah, digging up the roads.
Yeah, to try to slow down the Wagner advance towards Moscow.
They were just like, fuck, we gotta do something.
Destroy our own infrastructure.
Yeah.
Yeah, so all of this is happening, and of course, because this is happening, QAnon was losing their fucking minds.
Yeah, this is the storm, right?
Yeah, so at the start, this was much ado about nothing.
It was a PSYOP.
It was a head fake.
And then when Wagner actually was driving towards Moscow, the narrative shifted immediately to Wagner has been paid off by the CIA to distract America from Hunter Biden's laptop.
Oh, that's right.
This was all the distraction from Hunter Biden's laptop.
Yes, this was all the distractions from Joe and Hunter Biden's corruption.
The CIA paid off Pergozan to stage this coup to pull all the media's eyes away from what was really going on in America, which was that the Biden administration is now on the precipice of collapse because their rampant corruption is being exposed by brave whistleblowers.
And while all that was going on, then the Ludojenko phone call comes in and Pergozan takes a deal.
And then QAnon goes right back to their original talking points of, oh no, brilliant head fake.
This was just done by Putin to root out traitors and corruption inside his own regime.
Pergozan and Putin's whole feud was kayfabe.
They're all on the same side.
They're all one big happy family.
Pergozan is going to take Wagner and go to Belarus and that's north of Ukraine.
Cause all the fighting in Russia, Ukraine is basically in Western Ukraine, which is
far away from Kiev, which is the capital.
And now with Wagner in Belarus, they're going to launch the second front.
They're going to attack from the north, and they're going to take the Ukrainian capital, and capture Zelensky, and win the war for Russia, and this is all 11-D chess by Putin, the ultimate strategist, and he's stronger than ever, and all that good stuff.
The narrative is certainly not weaker than ever.
Certainly not.
Absolutely not.
Fuck you, Sarge, for thinking that.
That man's iron grip on Russia is even more iron than you even know.
You have no idea how... Look at how deftly he handled this situation.
With one wave of his hand, he made it go away.
By begging the president from the nearby country to be like, can you offer Burgos an exile and maybe he'll take it?
And so after all of this happened, and then Putin was like, ah, it's all water under the bridge, everything's great.
Then Putin came back on TV and was like, no, this wasn't water under the bridge, you fucking pricks!
Okay, so that's sort of the story as it lay.
Right.
But obviously, everybody has questions, and I'm sure QAnon has answers.
So what's the QAnon take on the whole deal?
So basically right now their mindset is that they're going back to this all being kayfabe and that this is a win for Putin.
This is all working out great and this all was just a way to put a magnifying glass on the failed Ukrainian counteroffensive.
They love talking about that.
They love talking about how Ukraine's counteroffensive was a disaster.
Ukraine's losing tens of thousands of troops a day.
They need to sue for peace.
The counteroffensive has proven that Russia's victory is inevitable.
So yeah, so they're basically just... Russia's victory is inevitable.
We're in day 500.
Day 500 of the three-day special military operation, yes.
Yeah.
So they're just back to the status quo of Russia is winning, the Ukrainian biolabs where COVID was made will be discovered very soon, and Fauci will be sent to The Hague for crimes against humanity.
Right.
Putin gets the evidence and all this good stuff. So they have their worldview that they're never
going to give up on and they're going to make sure that we all know that. That just Russia good. That
is like the absolute bottom line of all of this is that Russia was right to invade Ukraine.
Why did they do it?
Oh, we're just gonna make up fucking reasons for why they did it.
Don't you, don't you worry.
Don't you, don't you sweat that.
We'll, we'll come up with something.
Be it NATO, or COVID, or the West, or whatever, or just Ukraine isn't even a real country.
It's with Russia's all along.
Putin's just confirming what we already knew, and all that kind of stuff.
So, They're just very happy that Vladdy Daddy survived another day, because this was terrifying to QAnon, because, like, Putin's supposed to be president for life, and he's supposed to live for another, like, two, three decades, because he's Vladimir Putin, the strongest, most alpha Chad in the history of the universe.
So this was an existential crisis for them, because if Putin had somehow fallen during this coup, It would have been hilarious because like Pergrosen could have come in and be like, I'm going to triple down on the war in Ukraine.
I'm going to be even worse than Putin was by tenfold.
And QAnon would be like, no, Pergrosen's deep state.
Oh, he's so bad.
And he's so evil, even though he's doing exactly what Putin did.
But we're only based on personalities and the names of the characters in the game that we like.
So now we're mad sad because this happened.
I mean, it's just, they're so ridiculous.
Yeah, like, I remember some people on Twitter just being like, hey man, like, Forgoza's a pretty bad dude, we don't want him winning anything, you know, like, it's just like, guys, nobody's just like, hey man, I hope that Forgoza takes over Russia because Russia's new president.
Pretty sure everybody that was interested in that, like, going down, was only interested in them killing each other.
It's like, hey, they're gonna fire a bunch of rockets and put a bunch of their fucking, like, on, it's like, in the red corner, Russian conscripts who probably don't want to be losing their lives!
And in the other corner...
Pergozan's mercenary war criminal troops!
And it's just like, yeah, okay.
I mean, like, it sucks for the Russian folks that are just, like, conscripts that don't want to be taking up arms, but, like, all of Pergozan's guys, they're opting in.
They can all just get blown to bits.
I don't give a fuck about them.
Like, so, you know, I was sort of pissed off at the sentiment that I was seeing on Twitter about people just being like, actually, you shouldn't be happy about this.
Shut the fuck up.
The enemy is my friend, you know what I mean?
The thing is, what the actual hope for rational people was, is that if Russia actually had devolved into a bit of a civil war, or there was actual fighting between Wagner and Russian military inside Russia, that would weaken Russia's military efforts in Ukraine.
Yeah, they might even have to just pull out of Ukraine to redouble their efforts to secure their homeland.
Right.
And you know what that sounds like it would do?
End the war in Ukraine, which sounds pretty sweet.
Yeah, it's like, oh wait, Russia's out of Ukraine and aren't fighting there anymore?
Welcome to NATO, Ukraine!
Guess what Russia can't do anymore?
Invade you.
But no, you got me, Skylar.
I was upset.
I wanted Purgosin to be the Emperor of Russia henceforth and forever.
Oh, I thought... Sucks.
Yeah, from the moment the war in Ukraine happened, I bought my Team Wagner shirt.
I was wearing it with pride.
I'm like, yeah!
I don't like the Russians.
I like the Wagner group.
Yeah!
I like fucking criminal Nazis.
That's the team I'm on.
Please feel free to take that out of context and make it into a drop.
So, whatever deal Pergoza was offered, like, either that deal has to be insane or there has to be something else going on behind the scenes, right?
Because he's, like, I couldn't imagine a person who was more dead man walking than that guy.
Well, and then he vanished for a little while.
Because he got on the plane or whatever to Belarus and then just kind of was in the wind and no one knew if like Russia managed to disappear him and then he started doing social media videos from presumably Belarus now but And Putin's done a couple angry diss tracks in response.
He called it... God, what did he say?
He said it was an actual rebellion.
Which is very weird for him to drop kayfabe and admit that an actual rebellion happened on his watch.
Yeah.
Like this, this is, this is an ongoing story.
Like you may have tamped down a bit, but it's still ongoing.
And one last thing I wanted to bring up is that a lot of the QAnon people and the pro-Russia people were like, was this really a coup?
There was no bloodshed.
Nothing happened.
It's like Wagner group shot down like a bunch of fucking helicopters.
They killed like at least 20 Russian pilots in this whole battle.
Yeah, and they also downed like an aerial command plane or whatever, you know what I mean?
So it's not as if they're like... First of all, Wagner alleges that the whole thing kicked off with Russia attacking them.
They may not be true, but certainly those guys died in some form or fashion, right?
If there were casualties there, he said they lost like 40 people in that attack or whatever they said.
And then, like, you know, on the road to Moscow, they managed to actually do some damage.
It wasn't, like, you know, it wasn't the 20,000 troops on 40,000 troops, like, murder fest we were expecting, but, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't just, like, it was all handshakes and giving you a bottle of water.
Although they did get some of that, too.
Yes, they did get handshakes and a bottle of water from various Russians who were like, oh, you're staging a coup?
Sounds good to me.
Fuck Putin.
And then an oil refinery did get blown up.
Now...
Did Russia blow it up to keep it out of the hands of the rebels, or did the rebels accidentally blow it up when they launched an anti-air missile at a Russian helicopter?
Who can say?
It's a little unclear.
Both things are equally as likely, but blowing up a massive piece of their own infrastructure to keep it out of the hands of these now rebels just shows, if that's what happened, just shows how serious they thought the chances of this going, like, really long were.
It just shows what's going to keep happening to you, the average civilian of a Russian city.
Do you have any important infrastructure in your town?
Well, when the going gets tough, Vladimir Putin will destroy your town to save his neck.
If ever you might have an opportunity to, I don't know, rise up and kill your masters, I'm not telling you to do that because this is a comedy podcast and that would just be a funny joke anyway.
I'm not telling you to do that.
The funniest of jokes.
What a huge knee slapper.
Yeah, I've got a stitch up my side right now just thinking about Putin getting executed by some people.
Eyes like swinging in front of the big building there.
It's so great.
Ah, they're like crows eating them.
Hilarious.
Do we want to move into our juicy mailbag for the week?
Our listeners got questions, we got answers. It's time for Q and A.
From what I hear it's not actually that juicy.
Actually, we got a bunch of questions while we were recording.
Last-minute juiciness.
Yes, last-minute juiciness.
Placeholder says, big advertisers have been back for a few weeks on Elon Twitter.
I miss when Elon Twitter was dominated by low-rent ads.
Does the pod have a favorite type of those?
I can't decide between obscure right-wing grifter media or product name underscore shop accounts for selling one gadget.
The t-shirt bot phenomenon was like, I didn't know how big of a problem that had become, and once it started getting called out on Twitter, it quickly became my favorite thing.
I don't know if you guys saw any of this, but for a while there, maybe still now, but there were so many unregulated t-shirt manufacturers, just like some factory in India or China or whatever, that will just take literally whatever and put it on a shirt, and you could summon Dozens if not hundreds of them to any thread on Twitter for a while by just being like, man I'd like to see this on a t-shirt and upload any image you'd like.
So there's a lot of great words about how Elon Musk was like a pedophile and just like you know like what it's just being like you know like Disney told me that I didn't have to deal with their fucking copyright anymore so here's a picture of Beauty and the Beast on this t-shirt or whatever like it would be great because somebody would just be like I want to see this horrible like oh the Hitler did nothing wrong love to see that on a t-shirt it would just be like two dozen bots in there just be like happy to do it for you brother we'll make whatever you want Do you have a nightmare ad, Sarge?
There were just a lot of like really as-seen-on-TV goofy gadget ads.
There was like, why the fuck am I seeing this on Twitter?
This is Twitter.
Oh, right.
It's a hellscape now and all the advertisers pulled out.
My favorite ad was right at the start of Elon Twitter.
There was a ad where they were literally just selling you silencers for pistols.
Just outright, this is fucking illegal on the highest order.
And here you go.
You can just buy silencers off of Twitter.
And when I actually went to the site, because it was like about three days into that story, the product had been quote unquote discontinued.
So it was...
Yeah, so it was really fun that people were just because they claimed it was like an oil filter People like this is not an oil filter.
This is 100% a silencer.
Fuck you So that was that was a very that was a very awesome little moment in Elon Twitter when he was just like yeah Fucking need to kill people quietly.
Here you go.
That reminds me.
I did see that weird at that one time for people It was just like, people, pick a color.
Starting at $14.99 a month.
I was like, wow, how economical.
Yes.
Delicious Spree Candy, 15 years hard.
Your name is way too long.
Do you think young Earth creationism is headed for a resurgence?
15 years hard time.
No.
I don't think so, because the religious, like, there's a lot of, like, I don't think that, like, hardcore Christianity really has a big niche in the market right now when it comes to conspiratorial bullshit outside of QAnon.
So I don't think that... And Young Earth is just such, like, a weak thing to hang your hat on.
It just, like, as a conspiracy theory, it doesn't really get to hang with the big boys.
It's like so much tamer than Flat Earth, right?
Because it's just like, actually, our Earth is only a few thousand years old.
And it's just like, okay, that's wrong, but who cares?
Like, shut up.
Right.
Yeah, it's a form of bizarre Bible literalism, which no one really cares about because Flat Earth is already by biblical literalism.
I actually saw one QAnon promoter being like, hey guys, can we fucking chill out on the flat Earth,
round Earth shit until we defeat the globalists and fucking save the world from a deep state?
Defeat globalists if the Earth's flat.
Right, exactly.
But, and I told that guy, or I quote tweeted him and yelled at him,
I said, you do understand that flat Earthers believe that the globe is the first lie
that Satan uses to make us pull away from God.
So if you're not willing to confront the start of the globalist plot against humanity, then what good are you, buddy?
You're no good at all.
TikTok gave me the clip from that Netflix documentary where they bought that those flat earthers bought that $20,000 laser gyroscope and it showed them exactly what it should and that that like there's a 15 degree uh difference every hour and then they they constructed a box to block the heaven energy and then i forgot that they did a diagram in the documentary and then that guy just like laughing nervously nervously like later like oh yeah everything we found with this like definitely proves that the earth is round like don't tell anyone
Oh, God.
Yeah.
So fuck Young Earth creationism.
It's weak.
Pancake Peasant asks, Have you seen the docuseries Shiny Happy People about the Duggar family?
It seems really Q adjacent.
I have not because when I'm not dealing with the podcast, I don't like engaging with anything that's pedophile adjacent.
Yeah.
Yes, I have seen it.
It's just just how a cult Uh, works so not not directly Q adjacent except that you
get to see a bunch of group think and like, uh, a weird hideous.
Dynamic leader, uh.
Like, taking people for a ride, like.
There's also that 1 about that awful woman who started out with like.
Christian dieting, man, and when I think of that, I'll let you know, but.
When I want to eat food, instead, I just think about Jesus.
Is that Christian dieting?
You're not so wrong.
Like, you're pretty close.
That's how this woman started.
And then she made a low-level cult and got her, like, the deep down.
The Deep Down is that one.
I think that one's on HBO.
It is, in my opinion, way more interesting and weird than the Shiny Happy People.
But if you like Shiny Happy People, you'll like Deep Down a lot.
It is fucking wild.
I looked into shiny happy people real quick because I saw this question and the only thing I really learned was that Josh Duggar is in jail for another nine years for his child porn or other crimes that he committed.
Yeah, I mean like that's the thing like I never really felt like I needed more follow-up to like the monstrous behavior of those ding-dongs.
I was just like, oh.
That guy was the worst that he got caught.
He's doing a bunch of jail time and fuck him.
And he should have been in jail a lot earlier.
But I was also just like, you know, I need to know the full story about this one.
Yeah.
So I'm going to combine Professor DuckDuckGo and the real Jeff Baines.
Your last your name is confusing and powerful.
Their questions are kind of on the same topic, which is, A, when did you all first hear about QAnon?
And B, did any of you ever expect QAnon to become so mainstream or envision the different branches it would creep out to, like anti-vax or supplements slash sales?
I'd just say, when I first heard about it, did I think it would become as big as it did?
No.
Um, but here we are.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know where I first first heard about it, but I didn't give a fuck about it until Mike started talking to me about it.
And I think I think that was probably around the time where he was just like, Hey, like, do you want to get in on this podcast action?
Like, like, I've been monitoring this nonsense, and I need somebody there to help keep it light.
Then I was just like, yeah, okay.
I've seen some dumb fucks talking about this on Twitter, but I guess I look into it a little bit.
Mike is at fault for this.
I hate him.
I deserve your ire.
I found out about QAnon basically because my Twitter feed says that I started my account in August of 2018.
So I basically knew about QAnon for a few months before that.
Because I'd been monitoring the Illuminati New World Order shit for a long time before this, the moment I started hearing about QAnon...
Immediately my reaction was, oh, this is just the Illuminati with Trump as a hero.
And then once I started looking into it, I'm like, yes, that is all this fucking is.
It is just the Illuminati, but Trump's the good guy.
And so that's when I got into it.
And that's when I was like, I'm going to fucking talk about this on social media.
So then I made a Twitter account, blah, blah, blah.
Did I think it would get this big?
No, because these things I, they always before, they always had sort of like a threshold because the Illuminati shit is so depressing and it's so miserable.
And even with the fucking false hope that QAnon gives its audience, the whole like Trump's going to save the world one of these days, blah, blah, blah.
The bad people are going to get shipped to Gitmo.
It's all going to work out in the end.
And we're going to have like rainbows and unicorns and Skittles.
Even with all of that, there's so many people posting online when they talk about this stuff with QAnon who are like, guys, just take a break.
Rest up and recover.
The world is draining.
It's hard.
I get being depressed.
because believing in this shit is so fucking toxic and it just makes you
miserable to just believe that the world is run by bad people and that they,
they own your ass and there's no other way out of it.
Then I just really didn't think a lot of people would buy in at a level where it
would get that kind of mainstream credibility.
And that's what makes it really awful is that people get roped into this shit
for, I mean, a lot of people get into it for bad reasons, but other people get into it for benevolent reasons.
Like save the children or fighting corruption, or I have some questions about the vaccine.
Where can I go to get information about it?
And the next thing you know, you're a nut.
You're a nut who believes in this horrible alternate reality where everybody is out to get you, and only Donald Trump will try to save you.
And that's just...
It's just bleak.
I don't think any of us could have believed that the conspiracy theory would have gotten as mainstream as it is because it's never happened before.
You know what I mean?
You've never had just been like, I'm running for Congress and I think that, you know, the world is populated by reptiloids and then that person actually wins their election.
That's never happened before.
So, you know, exactly.
Exactly.
I mean, yeah, that's the thing is that The fact that one of our two major political parties had a runoff between a boring, regular Republican and a person who at the time was known to have been recorded saying, Q is a patriot.
And the Republican Party was like, we will turn a blind eye to that.
We will let Marjorie Taylor Greene and her endorsements that we have given her stand.
We will not disavow her and pump money into the other guy.
Because the thing that was so funny about it was literally the guy she beat was just her.
They both had a campaign ad where they were holding an AR-15 and talking about guns and freedom.
So if that guy had beaten her like four years ago, it would have not made a dimes worth of difference in the policies that were being enacted from that seat.
It was just a question of, did you want a QAnon nut to own that seat, or did you want a regular MAGA chud to own that seat?
And the Republican Party was like, fuck it.
We don't care if a QAnon nut wins the seat.
We wash our hands of it.
And so once you got to that point where we actually had indifference from a major political party as to this ideology being preached by one of its elected officials, it's just like, OK, we're fucked now.
I mean, this is real bad.
Yeah, because she had a she famously had a Q coffee cup, like in the background of when she was given interviews in her office.
or like on her desk, I remember.
So I'll have to look into that.
But yeah, I mean, she was being interviewed by QAnon promoting
shit and she was into it.
I believe she got killed by Liz Crokan and so she was into this
Q stuff well before she became a congressperson and it's just
like fuck and I'd also think the QAnon would have lost a lot of
esteem had we not had a once-in-a-generation fucking pandemic hit
where people were looking for fucking answers as to why everyone
was dying and why am I being locked down?
Why do I have to wear a mask?
And QAnon was willing to give people confident, incorrect answers as to why all of this was happening, instead of being like, fuck if I know, stay indoors.
And just getting quick, confident answers is something the human brain really wants, even if they're fucking terrible answers, even if they're objectively not even related to reality answers.
Well, there we go.
So the answer is no, none of us could have expected it, and just generally slash Mike Raines is at fault.
Yes.
All this is true.
So that brings us to our question that ends this pod, as always, which is, what are you guys looking forward to?
I'm going over to a friend's house today to watch the premiere of Dungeons and Drag Queens, which should be an interesting evening.
That's Brennan Lee Mulligan's new seat in the DM chair for Dimension 20 on CollegeHumor Impent Dropout.
So yeah, that's starting today.
Featuring Alaska Thunderfuck.
Yeah, Alaska Thunderfuck is the only drag queen I know of the bunch, but I'm optimistic that they're all going to be great.
I know, so because my partner watches Drag Race, I went back and watched some of the older seasons.
So I recognize Jujubee.
They are cool.
And I always came off as super nerdy on the season.
They've been back a couple times.
And Bob the Drag.
Bob the drag queen is relatively famous.
Don't know as much about them.
So I do recognize three of them.
So they've got some decently famous drag queens on for this season of Dungeons and Drag Queens.
I am also, I'm gonna, I'm gonna piggyback on that.
I'm also very excited to start watching that.
I may have to check this out, although I probably won't, because I'm very bad about watching anything on TV.
Like, I get interested and I just never follow through.
Well, this was not really TV, because it's, you know, it's streaming.
It's not TV, Mike, it's streaming.
Fair.
Yeah, it's one of those things where it's like, I don't really recommend it to too many people, because generally I don't like these D&D live play shows, but Brittany Mulligan is just the goat at it.
I mean, he's just so much better than Max Merz at it.
No specific hate to those cats, but I just think Brennan Lee Mulligan does it better, so it's the one that charms me the most and the only one that I'm just like, yeah, I'll watch this.
That's cool.
I guess I'm mostly looking forward to the fact that next week, after next week's pod, I'm gonna go watch the Sound of Freedom Jim Caviezel, hopefully adrenochrome-based movie, so that's gonna be...
So they're doing this ridiculous thing where they're trying to pack theaters with people to watch Sound of Freedom.
So if you go to a website, you can get a free ticket to watch Sound of Freedom.
It's ridiculous.
So I did that.
I wasn't gonna pay.
I wasn't gonna fucking pay to see this movie.
But they were like, hey, if you want a free ticket, you can get it.
So boom, I'm gonna be there.
And Well, the movie's going to suck.
It's going to be terrible.
I think Hayley from Arizona Right Wing Watch is going to see it also.
We're going to do a pod.
We're going to do a review of it.
But basically, our dream, our hope, is that there's an adrenochrome scene.
That is the only... If it's just a boring movie of them rescuing kids from bad people, snooze, whatever.
I've seen that in cinema a million times.
If we actually see Adrenochrome harvesting, uh, I'm gonna be the sicko's meme while the entire rest of the crowd is just like aghast in horror at this child's being exsanguinated for their fear-filled blood.
I'm gonna be in the corner of this- I'm gonna be in the corner of the theater going, yes!
Ha ha ha ha!
Yes!
Cause it's going to be so dumb.
It's going to be so ridiculous that we're actually going to have a movie that may or may not be a little successful in the year of our Lord in 2023.
And they're actually going to fucking tell us that Adrenochrome is real.
And it's a thing that happens.
It's just going to be like fucking like Adrenochrome so fucking dumb that there's some people in QAnon that are like, no, the Adrenochrome shit's bullshit.
We don't believe in that.
Fuck you.
Q never said it.
So like for that to be in a fucking mainstream movie, it's just wild.
Well, there we go.
Mike actually invited me to maybe tag along and do that thing.
He was like, you can get free tickets to this thing, you can see it.
And I was just like, I would rather die than do that, Mike.
Mike, I would rather die than do that.
It's never going to happen.
Feldo.
Yeah.
I mean, maybe the worst idea since you were just like, hey, maybe we should go down and cover this January 6th event for the podcast.
Remember when you were floating that idea?
Yes!
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Oh, boy.
That'd been cool getting hit with tear gas and maybe shot.
Yeah, what a sweet Dear Miss on that one.
Speaking of Dear Miss, it's time for us to, I don't know, nearly miss the podcast for the week.
I got nothing.
And on that note, we're gonna start.
Fuckin' off from Hellworld for the week.
Thank you so much for supporting the show!
You can continue to support the show for free by giving us a 5-star review wherever podcasts are provided for you.
And if you have money, we'll be happy to take it off your hands by visiting us at patreon.com slash pokerpolitics, where anybody who donates $5 or more per month gets access to our slate of bonus content, which I believe is between 50 and 60 hours at this point.
Mike Raines has been pretty good about collaborating with folks to get new bonus content up there, despite Sarge and I having busy schedules, so a personal thank you from us to Mike Raines.
Well done, Mr. Raines.
If you have money you don't want to give us to a couple of dickheads, you can do so by visiting love146.org, their organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation, and we suggest them to smooth Good enough of that.
Enjoy the podcast.
for having to do a comedy political show that deals with so much child abuse.
What a time to be alive for us.
And that is why I didn't watch Shiny Happy People for the record.
Good enough of that.
Do the podcast.
Thank you very much.
Thanks as always to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our intro song.
They are still not on social media because they are smarter than us.
Frosty, however, just like last week, just as stupid as us, Frosty does all of our voiceover work, and you can find them on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
You can find the show featuring all three of us dum-dums under one collective digital roof, at Hellworld, with a Q instead of an O on Twitter.
Myself, personally, at HellworldL, Sarge at SarginHell, and Mike Rains, of course, at PokerPolitics.
So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hell World podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious Al, joined as always by the Enigmatic Sarge and our expert in all things QAnon, Crazy Mr. Mike Rains.
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