This week we cover the latest in SportsAnon conspiracy theories, the Tucker and Crowder drama, and we celebrate the Proud Boys getting convicted of big boy crimes. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| ♪♪♪ Content warning. | |
| The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| Hello, everybody. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| This week, I am joined by Sarge. | |
| I'm on a holy quest to reclaim my recycling bin from whoever stole it. | |
| If you're listening, I'm coming for you. | |
| In the mysterious hell. | |
| Happy Medichlorian Day! | |
| Mesa El El Binks! | |
| Didn't want to go full Charger on that one? | |
| Oh god, no. | |
| No. | |
| For a variety of reasons. | |
| The most of which is racism. | |
| As of this recording, it is May the 4th, and a surprising number of people are actually caring about that. | |
| It's just like, I don't feel like the Star Wars brand needed a holiday to help support it. | |
| But you do you, fans. | |
| I'm not here to yuck your yum, even if your yum is largely stupid. | |
| I'm such a, I'm such a hater for an actual like Star Wars fan. | |
| Like me and one of my buds, we talk about this pretty frequently. | |
| We had this like existential crisis where we're both just like, they keep tricking us with Star Wars stuff. | |
| Cause like one out of every four of them is like something good. | |
| And then the rest of them are mediocre, but the rest of them, but the world is so cool. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's, it's like new Star Wars. | |
| It's new Star Wars anime day today. | |
| And that's cool. | |
| But I, you know, the, those are all, those are real mixed bag as well. | |
| I'm much more excited for Dune, which ripped off Star Wars and made it better. | |
| Don't, don't at me, people. | |
| That was a joke. | |
| But I am much more excited for it. | |
| They dropped the Dune Part 2 trailer. | |
| And, you know, for a color-corrected yellow space opera with a bunch of people that look like the X-Men from 2000, that movie still looks pretty fucking rad. | |
| Denis Villeneuve is a hell of a director, man. | |
| He's so like him and whatever cinematography team he's working with on that Dune. | |
| That's some good looking dune. | |
| That's some good dune. | |
| A quick little bit of housekeeping. | |
| Apparently the podcast didn't get uploaded to some platforms this week. | |
| I mentioned that to ACAST earlier in the week and they were like, hey hit us back in like 48 to 72 hours because sometimes like some podcast platforms are a little slow. | |
| And it's been a while, so I forgot to message them and be like, yo, ACAST, what's going on here, buddies? | |
| So if you are a podcasting platform that is looking for a struggling podcast that talks about QAnon and how much it sucks, we may be looking for a new home because our current one isn't platforming us properly. | |
| So yeah, that was great. | |
| 48 to 72 hours. | |
| That is not what you'd call a lightning fast response. | |
| We're not making any Cheddar Bay Biscuits from ACAS yet. | |
| I can say whatever the fuck I want about them. | |
| So currently what I'm going to say about them is like most of these podcasting places I have no idea what they do or what they're supposed to be for. | |
| Like if we had a listener base of like a hundred thousand people and we need to help like doing like you know like how do we set up like ads and stuff like that like that maybe reach out to a place like this but for a scrappy little podcast like us like Who the fuck is ACAS? | |
| What are we getting out of the ACAS deal? | |
| We could click that button and make $7, I guess, for three full ads, but... I don't know. | |
| Yeah, it's wild. | |
| It was super frustrating, so... If anyone is having problems with the podcast being on platforms, I always post the podcast direct to our Patreon, and I set it to public, so you can just go to the Patreon page. | |
| The podcast will always be there waiting for you. | |
| So if it's not loading up in Apple or whatever, then there is a backup that is available to everyone. | |
| So I just wanted to make sure everyone knows that. | |
| Good stuff. | |
| Oh, and while we're housekeeping, also important, Elon Musk, if you're listening, one million United States dollars. | |
| I feel like we haven't brought it up as often as we should, but your penis is grotesque, or so I am led to believe, | |
| based on the way you behave on the internet. | |
| And I will stop talking about that for one million United States dollars. | |
| And special bonus spring offer for any QAnon fans out there that really just want to control some opposition. | |
| My opposition can be controlled for one million United States dollars. | |
| I will go away. | |
| I will Harry and the Hendersons into the woods, solemnly looking back at Sergeant Mike Rains with a tear rolling down my cheek as I vanish from the QAnon life forever for one million United States dollars. | |
| Get out. | |
| There's some terrible right-wing troll on Twitter that has a, I'll shut up for forever, Patreon tier. | |
| It's much less. | |
| I think he'll shut up for forever for like 20,000 or whatever. | |
| Yeah, but I bet the stuff he says just sucks. | |
| A lot of the stuff I say is actually pretty entertaining, even if it's not really informative, because that's not my role on the show to know things. | |
| That's not what I do. | |
| I'm here to make a reference that will get like, you know, a dozen people to laugh. | |
| But if I do five of those over the course of a podcast, that's 50 people laughing, 60 people laughing. | |
| That's not nothing. | |
| Yep. | |
| I think that's worth a million dollars. | |
| That's good numbers. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| Dude, you guys are going to ride Elkoid to the moon. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| Elkoid. | |
| Because, see, then you guys get to keep doing the show, and I can break you off a little slice of my million dollars for guilt. | |
| Get to keep. | |
| Everybody, yeah. | |
| Yeah, you get to, I mean, we all know how much you love it. | |
| Sarge, you're here every week, deep in the trenches, never missing it. | |
| Oh man, I got an ad for PepeCoin or something, and it was literally a crypto shitcoin that was using Pepe the Frog with a MAGA hat on, and I'm just like, Elon, How do you think this ad is hitting me? | |
| Do you think this ad is something... I'm like, man, me, the anti-QAnon guy, let me buy in. | |
| I want my Pepe Maga coin. | |
| That's what I've always dreamed of. | |
| Hey man, now that the GOP has decided to hold all of America's money hostage or whatever, maybe those coins will look a little less stupid here in like six months. | |
| Yeah, my Twitter ads have been truly terrible for a while now. | |
| Uh, like, just going downhill, I got one for, like, shirts made out of old bedsheets the other day? | |
| Like, it's... Nice and gross. | |
| Yeah. | |
| See, that's why I wanted to make my million dollar appeal to Mr. Musk and his grotesque peen. | |
| Like, I have to get it out there before he loses all of his money to lawsuits and, like, literally throwing it into a big bonfire called Twitter. | |
| Yeah! | |
| The best part about Twitter was that it was a thing that was, like, working fine, and then he just showed up and took a huge shit off of it. | |
| Yeah, it's only gotten demonstrably worse. | |
| I was gonna compare it to Fyre Festival because it's, like, a Fyre Festival-level disaster now, but when he showed up, that would have been like if Fyre Festival started at an already successful festival. | |
| Like, if the guy doing Fyre Festival, like, showed up at Coachella and was just like, Coachella's great and all, but now it's time for a fire festival! | |
| And they just lit large portions of it directly on fire. | |
| I'm glad I didn't go for Burning Man. | |
| That would have been real embarrassing, because somebody would have been like, they do light a big thing on fire, and I would have been like, shut up! | |
| I don't keep up with that hippie shit. | |
| That is a thing they do. | |
| Oh man, I accidentally just thought, apparently I thought what I just said was hilarious and accidentally clipped it, so sorry about that, Mike. | |
| Anyway! | |
| That's right, that was good. | |
| That was going straight into the premium bag. | |
| Me dunking on Burning Man, I guess. | |
| I don't know. | |
| What a show you folks are for tonight. | |
| I think we're safe for a while now of you dropping me and Mike for your millions. | |
| I mean, it's gonna happen sometime. | |
| It might even happen before the end of the show. | |
| If I abruptly leave, assume that I got gifted one million dollars. | |
| We can only hope. | |
| Let's probably head over to the Amuse-Bouche. | |
| It's time for a light sampling of insanity. | |
| Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche. | |
| You can tell how serious this attempted assassination on Vladimir Putin was if it ends up in the Moose Bush. | |
| Yeah, we talked about- Sorry, alleged attempted assassination of Vladimir Putin. | |
| We talked about this a lot in our group chat. | |
| I think anyone who watches the video of that drone blowing up near the flag, clearly like attempting to blow up the Russian flag on the top of the Kremlin. | |
| Like, my immediate thought upon seeing that was, obviously, this was never an assassination attempt. | |
| This was them trying to blow up the flag on top of the Kremlin. | |
| Yeah, when I saw that, the first person on Twitter who shared that footage, and I saw it, I commented on it with a gif of Soga King. | |
| Destroying the flag during that One Piece arc in an incredible moment that we all love. | |
| It makes snotty tears stream down all of our faces. | |
| And not only did I totally nail that, I nailed it so hard that I was genuinely upset. | |
| That reaction tweet? | |
| No traction. | |
| No traction whatsoever. | |
| The only cold comfort I have, because again, it was perfect, and I totally nailed it, and anyone who doesn't think so is wrong. | |
| So I have to imagine that somebody just happened to get there faster and posted that same gif and got all the shine. | |
| Otherwise, everyone on Twitter can fuck themselves. | |
| Like, you guys don't deserve L. TheMysteriousL is too good for you. | |
| His gif game is too on point. | |
| Yeah, I don't think it was an attempt on the man's life. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Maybe that's callous of me, but considering it was nowhere near him, and it did seem like it successfully detonated exactly where it wanted to, completely obliterating that Russian flag, I feel like Putin was never in any danger. | |
| But I guess we'll throw it over to Mike to see if Mike has any inside dirt on the situation. | |
| Or maybe Q? | |
| Does Q know the secret? | |
| What's the decode? | |
| Drone ops. | |
| Drone comms! | |
| Well, the QAnon take on it is that Zelensky is trying to provoke World War III by attempting to brutally assassinate noble Russian President Vladimir Putin. | |
| With his incredibly long range and feeble drones. | |
| Oh yeah, with drones obtained from Radio Shack that didn't even damage a flag when they blew up near them. | |
| Their whole mentality is, of course, that Zelensky and the West are warmongers. | |
| Russia is benevolent and awesome and good. | |
| Yeah, their take on this whole thing is that this was another attempt to lure us into a nuclear war, and it is wrong bad, and Russia needs to crush Ukraine ASAP to bring freedom and liberty to the universe, because that's exactly what this war is all about. | |
| Who do they think wants us to do nuclear war? | |
| The Deep State, Biden, Ukraine. | |
| Basically, the bad guys are trying... They know that Biden can launch a nuke, right? | |
| He can just do it? | |
| Yeah, that's what I love about that, is this whole idea that why would Biden not have just started a nuclear war if he wanted a nuclear war? | |
| He could have just said, I'm sending American troops to Ukraine, and if Russia shoots at them, we start nuking. | |
| And that would be that. | |
| The game would be over. | |
| But for some reason, the Deep State really wants to slow walk this nuclear war. | |
| They're taking their sweet time to get to nuclear war. | |
| We definitely don't want to. | |
| We've already thoroughly destroyed the propaganda and myth of Russia being a military world power. | |
| All they have left is nukes. | |
| And they know the second they even start warming them up, it's just game over for everyone. | |
| Also, for the record, they did accidentally just drop a regular bomb on themselves. | |
| Any nuke they tried to launch would probably have to make some sort of skill check to get out of the silo without just like exploding on Russian soil. | |
| Yeah, there's reliable sources that they tried to test one and it didn't work because they're aging and there's endless corruption. | |
| And we had a Russian defector, like, oh, I want to say a month, month and a half ago. | |
| And he reported that, like, Putin's not sick. | |
| He's just incredibly paranoid. | |
| And so this definitely, like, freaked him the fuck out. | |
| Like, back when Gaddafi was ousted and killed, it was reported that Putin watched the video of him getting murked like on repeat just like again and again because he knows what he is and uh like man this is just yeah the people are like this was an assassination attempt no they're just freaking Putin out and it's working | |
| And then you have the other side of it where people are claiming that this was a Russian false flag to allow them to be justified in assassinating Zelensky. | |
| There's a lot of scuttlebutt about exactly what is going on here. | |
| And the truth, we don't know for sure, but what we can say from watching the videos is that this was not a serious attempt to assassinate Vladimir Putin. | |
| He was not on top of the dome looking at the Russian flag when a fucking RadioShack drone zipped in and exploded. | |
| I mean, this... Yeah, I would really like to be in the room when somebody tells Vladimir Putin that that supposed attack on his life didn't even make headline, like, news. | |
| Like, it wasn't the leading story in anything that I saw. | |
| It was, like, it was getting minor amounts of coverage. | |
| Go over to the AP News, like, world tab, like, world news tab section. | |
| It's, like, the fifth or sixth thing behind, like, a bunch of, you know, warlord shit in Africa, like, you know, Taliban doing horrible shit. | |
| It's, like, Yeah, there's real stuff going on in the world, Putin. | |
| Nobody cares about the fact that some, like, you know, in-your-country patriot decided to blow up your flag as a form of protest or something. | |
| Yeah, well... Like, when I saw the footage, my immediate thought was just like, oh, this is probably some Russian who's unhappy with their government blowing up their own flag in protest. | |
| Like, the drone is a crappy, short-range drone. | |
| It really seems like doing, like, a Ukrainian op like that would make no fucking sense. | |
| No, I mean, it's just for morale. | |
| It might be a Russian protest. | |
| It will freak out Putin. | |
| He rides around in a private train. | |
| He won't know why. | |
| Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe they're just trying to MK ultra psychic damage Putin to death. | |
| It doesn't seem like it's very hard. | |
| That would be sweet. | |
| If that was QAnon's line, I'd be like, you know, maybe you're onto something here. | |
| The point is to just rattle an already paranoid Putin until his heart just spontaneously gives up. | |
| Zelensky's gonna hide operatives in his closet wearing bedsheets to pop out. | |
| Oh, man, that's literally what that drone was. | |
| It was literally that. | |
| It was just a guy under his bed going, poof! | |
| I mean, that's... Couldn't happen to a nicer guy if something were to happen to the ticker of old Vladdy Daddy, because, yeah, he sucks and Russia sucks. | |
| And whenever this spring offensive of Ukraine happens, I hope it's punishing and devastating to Russia and really makes the war even more unwinnable for them, because they deserve all of that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I do love how you tossed out that blanket, Russia sucks in there. | |
| We're well on our disenfranchise everybody world tour. | |
| And much like true American patriots, we're going to do each of our states individually. | |
| But when it comes to one of the largest countries in the world, maybe the largest by landmass, I can't remember. | |
| We're just going to be like the one place. | |
| Boom. | |
| It all sucks. | |
| So if you're listening from Russia, send all of your hate mail to Mike Rades. | |
| He thinks you suck. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I think that you're like fine or whatever. | |
| I'm ambivalent. | |
| You know, you got your good points and your bad points. | |
| There are bad people on both sides, you know? | |
| I saw someone, like, trying to do the whole thing about Americans being ignorant. | |
| They were like, hey, if you had an unlabeled map, I bet most of these people couldn't point out Ukraine if they tried. | |
| And I was just thinking, Russia's very big. | |
| It's a really obvious, like, landmass. | |
| You could probably figure out Russia on the map. | |
| And then after that, you probably, you have a good chance. | |
| Some might say it's to the east of Russia. | |
| Mike Raines and Sarge, I'm here to tell you, abso-fucking-lutely not, I could not point out Ukraine on a map. | |
| Maybe now I could figure it out if I looked at a map for long enough, but whoever said that thing is 100% correct. | |
| I don't know shit about Europe. | |
| I know Italy because it looks like a boot, and I know the UK because it's its own fucking place. | |
| And I know Spain because it's the first one you get to if you draw a line from the country I live in to that country. | |
| Aside from that, it's a pick-em. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I've never been very good with geography. | |
| Like, my brain is like a steel trap for useless shit like pop culture facts or whatever, dumb nonsense from a thousand years ago or whatever, but geography has just always, like, geography and, like, the presidents, which is why I can never be on Jeopardy. | |
| They'd be like, this river, and I'm just like, let me stop you right there, ghost of Alex Trebek. | |
| Pass. | |
| He's like, that's not how the game works. | |
| I'm just like, pass! | |
| Wake me up when it's time for potpourri or whatever. | |
| I'm gonna slay it. | |
| Anyway, speaking of slaying it and doing well in competition, it's time for us to take one of our, like, infrequent trips, but not too infrequent, to the world of Sports-A-Nod Center! | |
| Ba-da-da! | |
| Ba-da-da! | |
| My grades, what's going on in the world of Sports-A-Nod for the week of May the 4th, Star Wars reference, etc. | |
| So, as people from the beloved Commonwealth of Massachusetts know, our Boston Bruins choked it. | |
| They fucked it. | |
| They fucking blew it. | |
| They sure did. | |
| In a Patriots-like spectacle of Patriots-ness. | |
| Yes. | |
| Of, like, you know, breaking all of the records only to fuck it real bad at the goal line and the snotty tears once again returning streaming down Mike Rains' face. | |
| Yes, all of that. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| If we had the webcams going, you'd see... But, Mike, they've been doing so well, you see. | |
| They were doing really well, and then they got to the playoffs, and they just ended up losing to a much worse team. | |
| They just got destroyed by them. | |
| It was hilarious. | |
| Yes. | |
| I don't know if you heard about that. | |
| I caught it. | |
| It was like third-hand information. | |
| I didn't watch every second of game seven in agony and then throw my remote at the team. | |
| They were supposed to go down as like an all-time, like the all-time team. | |
| Like just like they were on pace to just do it and instead they decided to choke in the first round. | |
| Yes. | |
| Which is, like, not ideal, from what I understand. | |
| I mean, I'm a sports guy, but... No, it's suboptimal. | |
| It's very suboptimal. | |
| But what happened here, from the land of conspiracies and nonsense, is that the Bruins were up 3-2 in the final moments of this game, and the Florida Panthers needed to score a goal to force overtime, or they were done for. | |
| And With a minute and 30 seconds left or so, the graphic on the screen suddenly flashed that the Panthers had scored a goal. | |
| Then the graphic went away. | |
| And then when it came back a little while later, the Panthers ended up scoring with about a minute left in the game. | |
| So that graphic happened about 30 seconds before they scored. | |
| They then scored about 30 seconds later. | |
| This led idiots all over the internet to start screaming and yelling about how this shit is rigged and how the script for the game was obviously known and that the people running the graphics just got a little ahead of themselves and hit the button a little too quick. | |
| But again, hockey is just a WWE. | |
| They knew the goal was going in and that Florida was going to tie this thing and This was not just a couple of cranks. | |
| David Portnoy, the fucking clown that runs Barstool, and one of his big media personalities, quote-unquote Big Cat, both of them had posts about, Oh, look at this shit! | |
| Fucking NHL rigged! | |
| Oh my God! | |
| And... Alleged rampus, David Portnoy. | |
| Don't forget. | |
| Yes. | |
| Oh, no. | |
| Yeah, just absolute, absolute bag of trash, David Portnoy. | |
| So the sad thing is that a lot of people were fucking buying into this shit when... So for the record, was it just the screen display that showed this? | |
| There wasn't like the siren or the lights or any of the other accoutrement that usually comes with a big goal? | |
| It was just the graphic on the Jumbotron? | |
| It was just the graphic on the screen on TV. | |
| It wasn't even in the- Oh, on TV. | |
| Okay, gotcha. | |
| Sorry. | |
| There's a lot of, like, there's a lot of graphical elements to sports, so I wanted to make sure that I was keeping track properly. | |
| Yeah, yeah. | |
| And the two working theories I've heard about this, the first theory was that Because all sports are on a slight delay, thanks to Janet Jackson's nipple from millions of years ago, that the goal actually did happen in real time when the goal graphic happened, but the feed didn't catch up to it until afterwards. | |
| And I don't buy into that theory as much because The graphics follow the game as it's being shown to us. | |
| The graphics aren't getting ahead of us because this doesn't happen very often. | |
| The theory that I believe in was that this was the first face-off that the Panthers had where they were able to pull their goalie to have an empty net. | |
| And this is one of the graphics they love putting on that little box to let you know what's going on in the game status, which is empty nets, letting you know that this team has an extra attacker on the ice. | |
| Their net is empty. | |
| So if the other team can shoot the puck down there, they could score and salt the game away. | |
| And they meant to hit the empty net button. | |
| They accidentally hit the goal button, realized they fucked it up, pulled the whole graphic down, And then 20 seconds later, they put the graphic back up nice and correct, and then the Panthers scored. | |
| So, either of those two things are a little more plausible than fucking, oh shit, it's all rigged! | |
| Oh, WWE! | |
| So that was all happening, and I don't know that like Portnoy and those fucking clowns are pilled, but Tommy G, who was a guy that got big money playing Daily Fantasy, that was his shtick. | |
| And then Tommy G got pilled and became a QAnon nut and was one of the guys that was very proud to run Chrissy Teigen off of Twitter by accusing her of murdering her child that she miscarried. | |
| That guy was on TikTok screaming about how this was rigged too. | |
| In Tommy's case, he's trying to pill people. | |
| He's trying to use this shit to lure people into the conspiracy world. | |
| Whereas I just think Portnoy is a fucking moron. | |
| But there are people who are going to use sports anon to try to lure people into actual conspiracy theories and into QAnon and shit like that. | |
| Because when you keep losing your fucking four-leg parlay every Sunday on the NFL, at some point you're never going to think to yourself, you know what? | |
| I should stop making parlays and stop gambling because I lose it at all times. | |
| You're going to be thinking, ah, people are out to get me! | |
| The fix is in! | |
| They're trying to screw me over! | |
| And then you're going to have people telling you, Oh, you're right. | |
| And guess what? | |
| The Jews are behind all of it. | |
| And then next thing you know, oh, you're a Holocaust denier. | |
| Shocker. | |
| So that's where some of these assholes are going. | |
| This is where some of these people want to take this shit. | |
| Because they know that's how they grow their audience. | |
| You start with the soft shit. | |
| You start with a fucking fucked-up graphic on a sporting event. | |
| And the next thing you know, you're telling people that vaccines give you AIDS. | |
| Yeah, it's conspiracy. | |
| Slippery slope. | |
| Slippery slope. | |
| There you go. | |
| Sorry. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah, it's it's it's more of it's more confirmation biased than it is like a slippery slope, because I mean, like slippery slope analogies are always kind of like, oh, once you let gay people get married, then we're going to be having sex with animals like that. | |
| We're not. | |
| Why the fuck would we do that? | |
| Whereas like this is just trying to try to wear you down to red pill you just like phase one is sports are rigged. | |
| Then phase two is climate change. | |
| Is that real? | |
| And then on and on and on until we finally get to the payoff, the juice, because that's how this always works. | |
| Yeah, that is usually the bottom layer that you get to quickly. | |
| The sweet, sweet bedrock of all conspiracy theories, the juice. | |
| Yeah, that's basically it. | |
| It doesn't take long. | |
| I mean, hey, it's like the sixth degree of separation, but instead of cave and vacant, it's like people who happen to practice that particular faith. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| I mean, God, what absolute units the Jewish people are, because just historically, everyone is always shitting all over them. | |
| It's just so wild. | |
| It's like throughout history, who's been fucking oppressed? | |
| The Jews. | |
| Like, you could read the books. | |
| They wrote it down. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| It's not great. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, it's just, it's so ridiculous. | |
| And that this, uh, the, the, like one of the tiniest religions in the world is just, has created this massive backlash against it where everyone's just so mad at them all the time. | |
| But their power, Mike. | |
| Oh yeah. | |
| They got so much power. | |
| The protocols of the elders of Zion, Mike. | |
| Oh my god, so stupid. | |
| It's just maddening that this is such an obvious scapegoat. | |
| It's the payoff at the end of the story every single time. | |
| And they just dress it up, they try to make excuses for it, but at the end of the day, they're just like, we blindly hate group X and this is why. | |
| Conservators just ball their fists up and just start wildly swinging and screaming and seeing who their target is for the now. | |
| And unfortunately, for the now always includes Jewish folks, but most recently has included poor trans folks. | |
| The Republicans have just been like swinging wildly and just being like, we hate you. | |
| And it's just like, yeah, but for what actual reason? | |
| They're just like, we don't shut up. | |
| We don't answer to you. | |
| And it's just like, you should, though. | |
| I'm straight and white and a male. | |
| So how dare you? | |
| That should be my answer. | |
| Excuse me. | |
| How dare you? | |
| I'm in the white cishet male club. | |
| You need to talk to me and explain to me why you're doing this. | |
| And then they're like, are you Christian? | |
| And I'm like, ah, you got me. | |
| Nerds. | |
| Beans. | |
| They're like, I suspected you weren't Christian. | |
| You seem to know too much about the Bible. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Anyway, speaking of Caucasian folks, let's go ahead and segue into Q's in the news. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Cues in the News! | |
| Welcome, babies, to this week's episode of our Podcast Within a Podcast, Sad White Men on Sad White Men. | |
| As always, I am your host, Mysterious Al, joined by my brother-in-caw, Cassidy Sarge. | |
| Good day. | |
| And my other fellow brother in caucasity, Mr. Mike Rains. | |
| Salute all white people. | |
| Excellent. | |
| White people are great, but no more or less great than other people. | |
| It's just that we are among the great. | |
| No, of course, this is the Adventures of the Hellworld podcast, which means that, of course, we have to talk about sad fuck white men. | |
| And don't get me wrong, we are sad white men ourselves, but we take no specific pleasure in being Caucasians. | |
| Where I was going was watching you break. | |
| I got there, sorry. | |
| That one was just for me. | |
| Because we have to talk about Tucker Carlson! | |
| And Steven Crowder. | |
| And how it's not fair that his wife can divorce him. | |
| And they're both just like, if you took the idea of a white man and put it into a meat grinder, this would, they would be the sausage that came out. | |
| They're just like, you know, it's like those, those two are like a Mike Pence for just your like robotic politician. | |
| And that's like the Mount Rushmore of Caucasian. | |
| So, uh, my partner last night was, like, kind of quizzing me on, uh, Tuk Tuk, and she's like, where does he go now? | |
| And he has a problem of his own success, I think, in that anywhere that would have him can't afford him. | |
| And anywhere that can afford him won't have him. | |
| He has to start some shitty podcast or something. | |
| He... I mean, it's not like he's hurting for money. | |
| He was already wealthy before Fox News, but... And he remains very wealthy. | |
| Seems like the plot to some isekai or whatever. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The hero gets transported to another dimension and defeats everyone on their way up to the top. | |
| Defeats the evil tyrant. | |
| And then his church is just like, thanks, you did it for us. | |
| Now we disavow you. | |
| And he's just like, where am I gonna go? | |
| I'm so much stronger than everyone. | |
| Tough shit, loser. | |
| You're on your own. | |
| I don't know if he knew this was coming, but Fox News does this. | |
| They did this with Beck. | |
| They did this with O'Reilly. | |
| They build someone up until they get so big That they become so toxic and so big that Fox News can't stomach them anymore, and then out the door they go, usually after some charge that is definitely not trumped up of like, oh, hey, they were real shitty. | |
| Yeah, a lot of these clowns, they start to think that they're too big to fail. | |
| But they forget that they do have a boss. | |
| And their boss is their boss because he's worth so much more money than they are. | |
| Just like, so much more. | |
| Just unfathomably more money than them. | |
| It's just an order of magnitude. | |
| And they're just like, but if you put the boots to Tucker Carlson, then we're going to lose so much money. | |
| And he's just like, dude, I'm literally made of money. | |
| I don't like that clown. | |
| He's bad for my brand and I fucking want him out. | |
| Yeah, I'll weather the storm. | |
| I'm not worried about it. | |
| I can handle it. | |
| I'm not hurting. | |
| I don't have to go searching through the couch cushions for my coffee money. | |
| I'll be okay. | |
| So, our boy Tucker had a post, or he had messages, where he talked about how he was upset seeing people attacking other people and declared that this is, quote, not how white men fight. | |
| Because... | |
| See? | |
| And Sarge was laughing at me a few moments ago when I had to specify that we took no specific pleasure in our carcassity. | |
| Like, that's the sort of shit why I want to disavow... A lot of times I want to disavow, like, when people start talking about, like, my race as a thing. | |
| I'm just like, dude, I want no part of that. | |
| I'm just like, that is Tucker Carlson's opinion about shit. | |
| I don't want no part of that. | |
| I don't know where that's coming from. | |
| I got nothing to do with that. | |
| What even stereotype is that? | |
| Since when is the white man so honorable in combat? | |
| What are we talking about? | |
| The American Revolution is mythologized as being Americans hiding behind brushes and trees and pot-shotting dumb British who were in line formation in a field wearing bright red jackets. | |
| Fucking sucker-punching the Brits is how we established America. | |
| A very small amount of that did happen, but that is not the war. | |
| Right, but I'm just saying, like, that's the mythology. | |
| Yeah, yeah, yeah. | |
| Yeah, but I mean, I'm pretty sure that, like, the world over, if you ask somebody to, like, imagine their, like, what they picture, what they think of, like, an honorable warrior, and, you know, for this experiment, let's say from a foreign land, because if you ask, most people are just going to answer whatever the strongest person in their culture is, which is like, when you think of, like, a strong warrior from another culture, Like, who do you imagine? | |
| They're not gonna come back with, like, a white American guy. | |
| So honorable. | |
| Incredibly honorable. | |
| Until a year and a half ago, I'd say like, oh, some like Russian or Slavic dude, uh, big tough warrior, uh, kind of put paid to that. | |
| I mean, dude, when I think of honorable warrior, my mind is going samurai. | |
| I know they haven't been a thing for hundreds of years, but like, it doesn't get like, that's incredibly not white. | |
| No matter how much white people would like to co-opt that, that is not for them. | |
| It's a different culture's thing. | |
| I was right there with Al. | |
| I was 100% samurai also. | |
| I was trying to think of the white version or a tough white warrior. | |
| Oh, like Slavic, I'm assuming. | |
| Like if you wanted to think like, I'm sure a lot of these guys probably are romanticized Vikings in a way that they're just like, they had to be honorable, right? | |
| And it was just like, eww. | |
| I don't know about that one, chief. | |
| You get to push up your glasses and um actually them. | |
| Yeah, I mean, no, because that would require talking to them. | |
| Instead, I would do the thing where I, like, push my cap up, like, higher so that it's clear I have earbuds in. | |
| Hopefully they will see those and be warned enough for trying to talk to me anymore. | |
| What the fuck is Tucker talking about? | |
| Like, genuinely? | |
| I, like... | |
| My favorite part about the texting question is that that is just one small snippet of a much-too-long-for-a-text text, where the heart of it seems to be Tucker Carlson trying to appeal to some sort of civility or whatever, but he just can't help himself and be a fucking racist clown. | |
| It's really wild. | |
| I don't actually have the full quote in front of me. | |
| That's a Mike Rains thing. | |
| Oh yeah, what Elle said, I remember that it's an incredibly long quote, and it was about, like, on January 6th, he was thinking about things, which basically means he was watching footage of the attack on the Capitol. | |
| It had to be what he was- Yeah, how are they gonna pin this on me? | |
| Right, he's watching people on the Capitol, and he's watching, basically, a bunch of MAGA chuds beating somebody. | |
| One at a time in honorable white combat, of course. | |
| We lined up to defeat this fellow who happens to be a police officer, by the way, but let's ignore that for now. | |
| They all had katanas that they bought from the mall. | |
| And they were just like, okay, sir, we're going to fight you all Caucasian style. | |
| You know how we do it here in white America. | |
| One-on-one, no sucker punches or nothing. | |
| Queensbury's rules, baby! | |
| No fire extinguishers, or just fire extinguishers. | |
| That's how I played GoldenEye. | |
| Fire extinguishers only. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Bear mace, a lot of that. | |
| A lot of very honorable white weapons being used here. | |
| Very orderly riot here in the Capitol building as protesters line up to battle these proud police officers. | |
| It's like Street Fighter. | |
| It's just like they line up one at a time. | |
| They only operate on a single axis and Now, if you just hop back and do downkicks, I guess it's a strategy, but we all know you suck. | |
| White people known for their whiff punish. | |
| That's something that's very important when white people are fighting each other. | |
| I love that apparently white people are fighting Goro. | |
| That is why we'll always retain some small amount of audience is like a line like that | |
| about in our conversation about Tucker Carlson in QAnon. | |
| Like, let's tune in for a brief little snippet of the Adventures of the Outlaw Podcast for right now. | |
| What are they talking about? | |
| What sort of salient point are they making? | |
| Quote, apparently white people are fighting Goro. | |
| Unquote. | |
| Okay, sweet. | |
| They were doing real good until they got to the Test Your Might minigame. | |
| They couldn't break the brick of ruby. | |
| Oh, God, just so Tucker did all of his fun complaining stuff while he's filming what appears to be like, I don't know, some sort of attempt at a podcast from his shed where he basically is just He's trying to see how close he can go to the Alex Jones event horizon before he's actually just the new Alex Jones. | |
| Because he was talking to someone and he was mentioning, yeah, you can't talk about Building 7 without getting into a lot of trouble. | |
| And Building 7 is one of the touchstones of 9-11 trutherism. | |
| So it was just like, oh man, Tucker, are we really doing this? | |
| Are we really just going full 9-11 from the jump? | |
| The moment you get shit-kid from Fox, this is the play. | |
| I hope to God he tries to become the next Alex Jones, because wouldn't he just succeed immediately and then just be standing over Alex Jones's corpse? | |
| Probably. | |
| It would be like unto when Akuma comes onto the screen and just immediately Raging Demons in Bison, and then all of a sudden you're facing Akuma and you're like, what the fuck? | |
| It's just like, wait a minute. | |
| I thought Alex Jones was the god of conspiracy theory. | |
| What I could do is tuck across and just be like, nah bitch, I moved in here like a fucking hermit crab. | |
| It's my time now. | |
| It's like when wrestling reference that I can't construct. | |
| I don't have a good touchstone for this one. | |
| It's like when Psycho Sid tore through Razor Mode's pyrotechnics, fucked him up real bad out of nowhere and everyone was like, what's going on? | |
| Is that even allowed? | |
| The answer was like, yes, because it's scripted. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But man, did it look cool. | |
| And the guys by ringside were losing their minds. | |
| They were treating that pyrotechnic like it was like he walked through three welding torches or whatever. | |
| They're just like, dude, a pyro! | |
| Oh my god! | |
| It's like, dude, it sparkles. | |
| I'm sure it stings, but he was moving pretty fast. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| The little connection between our boys Tucker and Alex Jones was apparently a guy who goes by the screen name Prank Stallone used the chat AI bot to mimic Tucker's voice and called Alex Jones and just using the Tucker beatbox got Alex to have a conversation with fake Tucker Carlson And Alex has now confirmed that this really happened and is now begging for Prank Stallone to be arrested for the crime of making Alex talk to a chatbot. | |
| Which is great. | |
| I mean, when you know something like this is about to come down the pipeline and fuck up your whole Christmas, what you should probably do is get out in front of it and just pre-confirm that it's real. | |
| All right, heads up, everyone. | |
| Just so you know, this thing that you're about to hear, it is totally legitimate. | |
| It definitely happened to me. | |
| It's happened. | |
| And also, please don't listen to it because it will make me feel bad. | |
| Yeah, Frank Stallone, Alex Jones posted the clip of him saying Stallone needs to come on his show to say why he did what he did wasn't mean. | |
| He literally said what he did wasn't mean. | |
| I hope to God he gets him to cry. | |
| I want to see that man cry again. | |
| Oh my God. | |
| Give me your greasy tears, Alex Jones. | |
| I want to see them shriek down your face. | |
| Speaking of people who I'd love to see the salty tears of, let's stop talking about Tucker Carlson for a while, because fuck that guy. | |
| And let's talk about another guy who sucks, this Crowder chap, who's also having a bad time. | |
| I'm assuming many snotty tears. | |
| He's the one who doesn't want us to talk bad about his divorce, right? | |
| He's going to get big sad if we talk about how divorced he is. | |
| No, he doesn't want us to talk about his divorce. | |
| He also doesn't think it's fair that there are single-party divorces, i.e. | |
| when one person in a marriage doesn't want to be in it anymore, they're allowed to divorce the other person. | |
| And it's a big, big... I'm sure Mike can back me up on this. | |
| It's a big right-wing thing, red pillow sphere, manosphere. | |
| Oh yeah, no fault divorce and that kind of shit is infuriating to them. | |
| They really want the woman to be trapped in the marriage at all costs because... They love treating people like property. | |
| It's in their blood. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| I mean, they really just want to make sure that you cannot escape your abuser if you're trapped in a situation where domestic violence is happening and you're dependent upon the other person for your income and having a home. | |
| I saw, I think, I forget if it was Ben Shapiro or one of the other right-wing grifters, but somebody made the point where they were like, why does, it might have been Tim Poole, but what they were like, why does Steven only have one car? | |
| And the answer is to control his wife. | |
| She can't get out of the house unless, like, she has access to the car. | |
| And if she, I'm sure, obviously, if she tries to use a rideshare service, like, Steven would have lost his fucking mind about that shit, because He's keeping her in the home when he's not there because that's just how this works because he's in charge of things. | |
| And when you're a multi-millionaire like Crowder is, you can afford a second car. | |
| That really isn't a problem. | |
| That isn't a concern. | |
| The issue here is how you control your wife. | |
| Which is by being a horrible monster. | |
| A video leaked of him screaming and yelling at her while she was very pregnant and obviously in a very delicate state because when you're very pregnant, and I think it was with twins, she's probably hurting a lot. | |
| And having her husband screaming and shrieking at her was probably not a very good thing. | |
| This may have been right before he went to get his fucking cosmetic chest surgery that nearly killed him because he's such a giant baby. | |
| He just can't, you know, lift, bro. | |
| Yeah, I I noticed that he has a certain physique and then we find out that it's all from cosmetic surgery. | |
| Just like, oh, my God, I didn't think you could be more pathetic. | |
| And then like the hits keep coming. | |
| Yeah, and so then there was a report that basically his show, he just harasses everybody. | |
| He has basically just whipped his genitals out and exposed himself to numerous employees. | |
| He's very vindictive and abusive. | |
| He fires people randomly. | |
| He makes people wash his laundry for him. | |
| And the best part about it was there's one anonymous source that reported on this said that we don't want Stephen to suffer. | |
| We just want it to stop or we want to let people know what they're getting into when they sign up to work for him. | |
| And I just love that idea that look we don't want the megalomaniac tyrant who whips his dick out | |
| to actually suffer consequences. | |
| We just want them to let the new intern know, by the way, you're probably gonna see | |
| Steven Crowder's dick involuntarily at some ill-defined point in the next six months. | |
| Probably because they're afraid of litigation. | |
| I'm not afraid of litigation though. | |
| So, and I want everybody to take this, I'm gonna use a strong word here, | |
| I want people to take it in the spirit that's intended because sometimes it's just the appropriate word. | |
| But this guy seems like he is 100% all bitch and I am happy that he is getting divorced. | |
| It is a tremendous win for his wife and I'm glad that she's out of the abusive relationship. | |
| And fuck this clown. | |
| And he can quote me on that if he'd like to. | |
| Fuck you and fuck your failed marriage and very happy for your wife, but you can suck on Ds. | |
| He's nuts. | |
| Yes. | |
| Honestly, getting somehow getting sued by Steven Crowder, I would say would be only a good thing for our podcast. | |
| Oh, God, please punch down, Steven. | |
| Please, please. | |
| You giant morons. | |
| Try to affect us one time. | |
| One time in your life. | |
| Oh, my God. | |
| I mean, I feel like at this at this point, at least once or twice every episode, we make it know that we're a comedy podcast, not a news podcast. | |
| I feel like that probably shields from a lot. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Like talking about this stupid coward and his like weak chest that he couldn't lift to fix so he got cosmetic surgery to make it better and normally I would be totally cool with that because cosmetic surgery to make you feel the way that you want to feel on the like the way you feel on the inside feel like a powerful man on the outside you want to get surgery to make that happen normally I'm all for that but since they hate transgender people I am gonna say fuck this guy and fuck his stupid chest implants. | |
| Yeah, literally, Stephen Crowder got gender-affirming care, something that he would have a fit about if it was a trans person. | |
| Yeah, well, because they're all super deeply concerned with bathrobes. | |
| Every conservative person is wildly concerned with public restrooms. | |
| Bathrooms and children's genitals. | |
| They really want to see them. | |
| Well, that part has always been true. | |
| I mean, let's just be real. | |
| Let's just put that one on the table. | |
| I feel like I'm playing this card. | |
| And when you turn it over, it says, oh, my God, all of them. | |
| And it's just like, yeah, probably. | |
| Yeah, uh, the longest-running Republican Speaker of the House in the last forever was a pettorist. | |
| Just FYI, QAnon, uh, we're not the party that has- Booker Ebert also, they ordered all that pizza! | |
| Oh yeah! | |
| Oh, so much pizza! | |
| Where was the pizza going? | |
| Anyway, God, what a wild segment this has been. | |
| All sorts of anger directed towards these two idiots. | |
| God, I hate them so much. | |
| Okay, but we'll probably have to talk about them again in the future, so more time for us to punch up at these idiots. | |
| God, I hate how much money they have than me. | |
| It makes me want to throw up. | |
| So let's talk about something pleasant. | |
| Sedition. | |
| That's right folks, rise up against your government because it sucks. | |
| But in addition to that, the thing we're actually talking about is that some people who already tried to do that thing, some boys who may be proud, some prideful boys, they're getting called about some big boy charges. | |
| Mike Rains, what is the situation in Sedition Town? | |
| Sedition Town is now Population Proud Boys because the big charge for the January 6th folks is a seditious conspiracy. | |
| Four Proud Boys were convicted of seditious conspiracies today, including their ringleader Enrique Tarrio and also former InfoWars employee Joe Biggs. | |
| He also got the big boy charge conviction. | |
| So their defense of Donald Trump told us to do this did not pan out? | |
| Nope, it did not. | |
| I believe there were five Proud Boys that were on, that were charged with these crimes, and one of them was found not guilty, the other four were found guilty, but the guy that was found not guilty of this committed a lot of other crimes. | |
| I believe he was the guy that stole the riot shield and hit a cop with it and like the all everyone else was acquitted of that because that was just him doming a police officer with a riot shield. | |
| Well, yeah, because he was ahead of them in line and he won his fight with the shield. | |
| So politely dispersed. | |
| Yes, that is how that works. | |
| Yeah, so this has of course led QAnon to do their standard bullshit where, guess what? | |
| The Proud Boys are Deep State. | |
| The Proud Boys are Antifa. | |
| They were part of the leftist plot to make us look bad and prevent us from getting justice during the certification of the election. | |
| The conspiracy theory that QAnon has created around January 6th is an aggressive bit of reality denial. | |
| And the current story they're working with is that So we got to, it was probably Arizona, but we got to the first state where they were going to start complaining and people were filing objections. | |
| And then the next thing you know, the riots happen and suddenly no one's able to object anymore. | |
| And when eventually the riots are tamped down, We start over again, and no one objects to anything, and Biden's election is certified, and it's done, and America is stolen. | |
| And if only those riots didn't happen, we would have actually had objections heard, and it would have been able to overturn this whole thing, and America would have been saved. | |
| The problem with this narrative is that it's bullshit because the objections were heard. | |
| We had five states where there were objections filed by the House. | |
| And in two of those states, a senator backed the play. | |
| So we actually had to have votes on if we were going to accept their electoral votes or not. | |
| And both times the objections were overwhelmingly shot down. | |
| I think it was like neither objection got 10 votes in the Senate. | |
| It was like 94 to 6 on one and like 92 to 8 on the other. | |
| So this was... their whole story is totally wrong. | |
| It's a lie. | |
| It's just bullshit they made up to try to come up with a reason for why what happened happened. | |
| Because they know the truth of the matter is... | |
| Biden was the president-elect. | |
| The deep state had already won. | |
| January 6th wasn't going to change that trajectory. | |
| The only trajectory it could have changed it to is somehow Trump is still president. | |
| And when you're the guys that have to initiate shit, that means that you have the president get in front of everybody and start screaming about Mike Pence and this, that, and the other thing, and, hey, everybody, walk towards the Capitol and give them the courage to do the right thing. | |
| And if you run into police officers, fight them in single combat honorably, as all white men do. | |
| With maul katanas. | |
| Yes, the best, the greatest of katanas, the katana you buy from the maul. | |
| I saw a tweet today about two British fellows sword fighting in the middle of the street, like for reals, with machetes. | |
| It was not nice to look at. | |
| Turns out that sword fighting is not glamorous like it is in the movies. | |
| I would think not. | |
| Oh, that sounds like it could end real bad, real fast. | |
| Uh, yeah. | |
| I mean, they're swordsmen. | |
| They're swordsmen. | |
| It's not great. | |
| Nope. | |
| This ain't no medieval time show. | |
| This is just a couple of lads in the year of our Lord 2023, brawling with machetes in the middle of the street. | |
| Other for the record, I don't know if it was new footage. | |
| It could have been from a while ago, but still. | |
| I mean, someone was recording it on a camera phone, so not medieval times, you know? | |
| We don't have a Martin Lawrence and Black Knight situation going on here. | |
| These were people in real times, like now times. | |
| Yeah, but not the restaurant either. | |
| No, because all their performers are on strike, question mark? | |
| Uh, just the, the one, just one, uh, one or two, actually. | |
| I know who's going to be writing their intricate, like, storylines, because the right film's on strike. | |
| Oh, it's all about the intricate storylines and the old jousting tournament event thing where you have a cup of mead and you feel weird about calling the bartender a wench, because you're supposed to be in character, but it still seems kind of demeaning. | |
| Dude, I've got enough privilege built up in my class build that I get to say that to anyone I want. | |
| It's fine. | |
| I have, there is a woman who works in the cage at my casino that I call the chip wench. | |
| I hate all of that. | |
| Like, I mean, I'm sure that you have like a, like, don't get me wrong. | |
| Just the way the sentence is structured, it's like open on a sentence where the female, the female is like heroine of the story. | |
| She's in a cage. | |
| We're just establishing she's in a cage and I'm going to call her a wench. | |
| And it's all above board, but it sounds terrible. | |
| Oh yeah! | |
| The cage is the very weird lexicon of casinos to describe where the money is. | |
| Because usually you have basically prison bars covering it because you're trying to keep people from breaking in there and stealing the money. | |
| So the people inside there are basically in the cage. | |
| And that's the nature of it. | |
| It's just a weirder way of the bank tellers being behind the bulletproof glass at your bank. | |
| Oh, see, I thought it was a Sword Art Online Season 2 Situation Boom Roasted. | |
| There we go, no one threw the weebs out there. | |
| Sometimes I gotta throw the weebs a bone, you know? | |
| Anyway, it's also nice to keep it light and fluffy before we talk about dark shit. | |
| So, dark shit ahoy! | |
| Welcome to America, land of mass shootings. | |
| The flavor of mass shooting for this week was, unfortunately, Texas-style, with a surprising hint of AR-15, who'd have thought? | |
| So, why are we talking about this? | |
| Well, presumably QAnon has opinions, and for QAnon's opinions on this, let's toss it over to Mike Rains. | |
| So QAnon was at the start of this whole thing where the story... Sorry to interrupt you. | |
| I guess we do have some international listeners, so I should clarify that there was a mass shooting event in Texas where a gentleman allegedly killed five of his neighbors, including like as young as nine years old, over a dispute because they had asked him to stop shooting his gun in his front yard because they had children asleep in their house. | |
| Nice. | |
| So he was just like, hey, I'll do you one better. | |
| I'll shoot my gun in your house and fuck that guy. | |
| And then there was a massive manhunt and eventually he's been apprehended. | |
| So that is the actual crime. | |
| But we're not here to talk about the actual crime. | |
| But for the people who might not live in the United States that might listen to the show or people that are just completely out of touch with news and God knows I can't blame you. | |
| That's the short version. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So all of that, Adele said, is what happened. | |
| And while this manhunt was going on, Governor Abbott, the esteemed governor of Texas, stated that he was doing all he could to aid law enforcement in their manhunt of the person who did this. | |
| And then he decided to, for whatever reason, declare the five people that had been murdered to be quote-unquote illegal immigrants, which has no fucking bearing on what happened. | |
| It's still murder. | |
| It's still fucking murder that was instigated by this man being upset that he was told, Hey, buddy, our kids are trying to sleep. | |
| Could you please stop shooting your gun in your backyard? | |
| And the man was like, Oh no, no, no. | |
| I will start murdering you now because you fucking talked to me about not using my gun. | |
| And the governor, the highest executive official of the state of Texas, was like, by the way, I want to make it clear that the people that were brutally murdered, you probably shouldn't feel that bad for them. | |
| They're not really Americans. | |
| I'm a racist piece of shit. | |
| I want to let our... That has some old 70s serial killer investigating cop less dead energy. | |
| Like, yeah, he murdered some people. | |
| But they were prostitutes and not white. | |
| What do we care? | |
| Mark him down. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And so while all this is going on, they then eventually capture the shooter. | |
| And it turns out that he himself has been moving back and forth between Mexico and Texas. | |
| So suddenly QAnon and all the right are like, This is what happens when you have open borders. | |
| This is what happens. | |
| Biden's murder capital of the world. | |
| You're letting all these gun-waving lunatic Mexicans into our nation and this is the terrible things they do. | |
| And it was like, hey a minute ago you were complaining about the victims being illegal immigrants. | |
| Now suddenly the fact that the shooter Maybe an illegal immigrant. | |
| You're suddenly freaking out about all of that and pretending that's the issue. | |
| Can't we get some heroic white man to MMA choke that guy to death? | |
| What a hero that guy is. | |
| Remember that hero that murdered that guy in front of all those people, including a bunch of them filming it. | |
| And then we all threw him on our shoulders and collectively tossed him around like a big hero. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| We were like, Opa! | |
| We just threw him up in the air. | |
| It was like he was at a Jewish wedding. | |
| And you can't see it, but I'm doing like a circle around my eye. | |
| Because you know, that type of wedding, if you get what I'm saying. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So yeah, so then we have, so QAnon horribly offended at this mass shooter because now they have an axe to grind with him because he's not white. | |
| And also again, I'm not exactly, I've, I've been reading right wing reports that he may be undocumented, but I'm sure that will sort itself out in the, in the near future. | |
| But beyond all that, now we have this gentleman in New York who, This isn't manslaughter. | |
| This isn't anything else. | |
| When you put a chokehold on somebody for 15 minutes, you're murdering them. | |
| You are committing murder. | |
| QAnon massively in favor of the New York subway murderer. | |
| Huge fans of this guy. | |
| The person that he killed totally deserved it because he was yelling and mentally unwell. | |
| Spoiler alert, the killer is white and the victim was black, so shocking that QAnon would have this take on the situation. | |
| Because they're not raising the incredibly surprising, not racist at all. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So knock me over with a feather. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| So so they anyway, this is basically like vigilante justice. | |
| This is this is the George Floyd. | |
| situation only instead of a cop doing it, it's a citizen. | |
| And again, these people don't care. | |
| There is no person who does something like this that they won't defend. | |
| They see this shit and they're just literally, white person did it, that makes it justified. | |
| It is okay for white people to kill non-whites because we are a racist cult and we're just gonna run with that. | |
| We're just gonna run with that being our It's just horrifying to think that so many people are okay with what happened here. | |
| The penalty for being loud on a subway is death. | |
| I've heard people say, oh this guy's been arrested a bunch of times, he's done all these things. | |
| Did any of his crimes merit the death penalty? | |
| What about that? | |
| And I'm hearing people talking about how the murderer is ex-military. | |
| So? | |
| I wasn't aware that ex-military got a free murder pass. | |
| You know, a lot of people don't live in big cities. | |
| Maybe you haven't been confronted with, like, an actually, like, an aggressive homeless person. | |
| That situation could be mad scary, and I could see, like, throwing a punch or whatever, but, like, not an extended chokehold to death. | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| That's not, like, a fight-or-flight reaction. | |
| That is, like, I have this guy properly subdued. | |
| He's not hurting anyone. | |
| I've got him in a chokehold. | |
| Like, he couldn't possibly hold or hurt anybody because I have him in a hole. | |
| There are tons of people filming. | |
| If police are gonna intervene, they're gonna be there, like, you know, at some point. | |
| So, like, at some point, you, like, have to make the decision to keep applying pressure to the guy's fuckin' throat, and that's when it becomes, like, murder! | |
| Like, it wasn't like somebody, like, got in your face or whatever, and you were just like, whoa, and you pushed him, and they fell down, and then that was the end of it. | |
| Like, it was just, like, the guy, like, got a little aggressive at you, so you choked him to death! | |
| Yeah, you have to do that for a while, like a chokehold like that. | |
| You have to keep applying it. | |
| He could have stopped at any time and the guy probably doesn't die. | |
| Oh, God, no. | |
| The graphic I saw, if you choke somebody for like 10, 15 seconds, they go out. | |
| And then if you stop choking... But how would this trained MMA fighter know that? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, it's just like, it's just, you know, it's, it's crazy for people to just be like, Oh no, man. | |
| Like, you know, you're in a situation like that. | |
| Some guys like throwing your shit around, like, you know, getting aggressive at you. | |
| Like, what are you going to do? | |
| And it's just like, at probably at worst, like a little pushy shovesies, like, you know, if they throw a fist at me, maybe I throw a fist back. | |
| And then like, you know, in a situation where like, I'm defending myself, as soon as they're on the ground, I'm not going to be like, All right, now it's time to murder you! | |
| Time for you to die! | |
| Maybe if they have a gun, you know what I mean? | |
| Maybe then you choke them until they stop moving. | |
| But this isn't a fucking, we're not talking about a movie here. | |
| This wasn't hero shit. | |
| You're not Batman. | |
| You can't just decide to murder a person that you got scared of temporarily on the train. | |
| You know what? | |
| There were a billion different ways for you to solve this situation once you took it to the ground. | |
| Like, at that point, the world is your fucking oyster, man. | |
| Like, what are you doing? | |
| There was, like, the lead singer of Tool, who is, like, trained in Brazilian jiu-jitsu, some guy charged the stager on him, and he literally just took the guy down and held him down until the rest of security got rid of the guy. | |
| I mean, if you know how to fight in this way, you can just take someone down and hold them, and that's it. | |
| It's over. | |
| They're done. | |
| There was a video of Matt Serra who was in the UFC and some guy in Vegas went at him and he literally just was sitting on top of the guy holding his wrists and being like, buddy, buddy, when you calm down, I'll let you go. | |
| And the guy kept like thrashing beneath him. | |
| And Serra is just laughing as he's holding his arms. | |
| He's like, buddy, you're done. | |
| This is over. | |
| Oh yeah, like have you ever been in a full Nelson? | |
| Like if somebody gets you with like an actual full Nelson, it's like pretty tough. | |
| Like I mean, sure, like if you're trained in like a martial style or whatever, there's a bunch of ways to get out of it. | |
| But most people just like flail around and they just have no idea what they're doing. | |
| They're just like trapped. | |
| And it's just like, okay, hey, the Nelson's applied. | |
| Or, you know, you're an MMA fighter. | |
| Like, you know what? | |
| You really want to get some of your aggression out of your system? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Put the guy in an arm bar and break it or whatever. | |
| I'm pretty sure he's done with whatever tantrum he was throwing at, like, once you, like, pop his arm out of his socket or whatever. | |
| Like, you don't have to choke him to death. | |
| There's a billion different, like, or just let him go. | |
| Just be like, hey man, like, I can fight you and, like, win, obviously. | |
| Like, I showed you my prowess. | |
| I fought you in traditional white combat, one-on-one, and I won. | |
| I have defeated you and now you have to bow out, like... | |
| The guy's probably not coming at you again. | |
| He came at you kind of once, and you took him to the crowd. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Fuck that cloud. | |
| He's not a hero. | |
| Anybody treat that guy like a hero is a piece of shit. | |
| Yes, absolutely. | |
| I just hope that he gets charged in the near future, and just manslaughter would be a gutless charge, because as Elle said, this was not... This guy was coming at him. | |
| He was scared. | |
| He threw a punch. | |
| The guy fell down, hit his head. | |
| It went wrong. | |
| Something bad happened, and it was just a flash moment, self-defense, and it was fatal by accident. | |
| This was... Okay, I've had this choke hold on for three minutes. | |
| I needed to leave it on for another 12. | |
| I actually saw some fucking piece of shit on Truth Social make the message, this guy presumes the cause of death, doesn't it? | |
| And again, this is going back to the George Floyd, the knee on his neck didn't kill him. | |
| Oh yeah, it was probably the drugs in his system. | |
| That guy was stinking drunk and the alcohol's what killed him. | |
| Nobody ever really dies from COVID, you know. | |
| Dumb shit. | |
| Anyway, I'd love to join you guys in the mailbag, but unfortunately a postal courier just arrived with $1,000,000. | |
| So I'm contractually obligated to say goodbye and to never talk about QAnon with you again. | |
| So until never losers, time for me to go sleep on my buddy. | |
| Don't worry though, I promise I'll totally not be back next week. | |
| Wink! | |
| Okay, so with El off with his millions, it's time to hit the mailbag. | |
| Our listeners got questions, we got answers. | |
| It's time for Q&A! | |
| Cleodora Silvestri, who's also one of our newest beautiful babies, thank you very much for the donation, Cleodora, asks, Ron DeSantis was defeated by Mickey Mouse, and Tucker Carlson was defeated by a not-so-sexy-enough green M&M. | |
| So which conservative figure gets demolished next, and by what fictional character? | |
| Oh, no. | |
| Trump, and by Eric Cartman from South Park. | |
| No, I don't think anything takes down Trump. | |
| I was actually going to say Trump because someone made a post that I forget exactly what the oh the post was basically the best thing that could possibly happen in the 2024 presidential election is that Donald Trump becomes really attracted to Dylan Mulvaney and just Just it just gets this massive fetish where you just can't get over just how hot Dylan is. | |
| And all the conservatives are just like, no, no, Donald. | |
| No, it's bad. | |
| And he's just like, you know, some of these transgender people really attractive. | |
| If Melania wasn't around, you know, maybe, maybe it's a thing. | |
| Then that would just be hilarious. | |
| So I think if Donald Trump could find his way into being somehow attracted to some transgender fictional character, that could spell the end for him. | |
| Because he has no filter. | |
| The man will say anything he wants because he's already established in his own sort of like mythos that he's bulletproof because He'll get out in front of people and be like, Hey, I made the Trump vaccine. | |
| I know some of you people are mad about it, but it's really good. | |
| And I'm going to take credit for it because I really didn't do a whole hell of a lot in my presidency. | |
| So I take my wins where I can get them. | |
| And that was one of them. | |
| So yeah, I'm doing that. | |
| And so I think that, like, if he could get on the right side of a bad fictional character, that could, like, really hurt him with his audience. | |
| Like, it'd be really funny if suddenly, like, Trump was a fan of Mickey Mouse or something. | |
| And he's like, I don't know why DeSantis hates Disney so much. | |
| Mickey Mouse? | |
| He's great. | |
| And the next thing you know, QAnon's, like, freaking out about Mickey Mouse being connected to Epstein. | |
| And they're like, why is the God Emperor a fan of Mickey? | |
| Oh, it's It doesn't make sense. | |
| I remember some people did a thing where they if you if you see Mickey and you put it and you have a reflection of it, it says wicked. | |
| And so it's a it's a code for evil, badness and bad evilness. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| So Trump hopefully will find find himself on the wrong end of a fictional character that he likes a lot. | |
| Scooby-Doo. | |
| Preferably in some horrifyingly icky Ivanka sexual way to make him even more unpalatable to the American public | |
| Scooby-Doo Scooby-Doo for sure. Oh god. Oh, man Trump and Scooby-Doo the forbidden romance. I'm here for it | |
| Steph Stephanie who I was is known by us as existential dreadlocks | |
| Asks how badly will stew get sued and will it be live streamed? | |
| This is about Jay Stew. | |
| So if you don't know what happened with Mr... Yeah, I don't know about this. | |
| Okay, so Jay Stu, our boy who spends all of his time on the internet screaming about how Michael Flynn is Q, Michael Flynn sent him a cease and desist order saying, stop saying that I'm Q. I am not Q. And if you continue doing this, I am going to sue you for defamation because you are claiming that I'm behind this massive internet conspiracy theory. | |
| That is not very well received by the general public. | |
| And Stewartson took the cease and desist letter and burned it on his social media platforms to let everybody know how much he takes this seriously. | |
| So if Michael Flynn actually sues him for defamation, this would be a battle between two terrible people. | |
| And Flynn would be in the right of it because, FYI, Michael Flynn did not start QAnon. | |
| He did not start Q. He was not Q. There is no evidence that supports this at all. | |
| And much as Elle wants Elon Musk to give him $1 million, Michael Flynn and your lawyers, if you want to give me a giant bag of money, just a giant, I want the like 1980s style cartoon where there's just a satchel with a giant dollar sign on it. | |
| If you hand that to me and then I cartoonishly like fall to the ground because the amount of money in it is so massive, it is hard for me to lift it, and it's not coins, it has to be a lot of paper money. | |
| If that happens, I will defend you in court. | |
| I will 100% do depositions. | |
| I will testify. | |
| Because while you're awful, and Michael Flynn has used QAnon to enrich himself and promote himself, he is not Q. He did not start this. | |
| There is no evidence to support that. | |
| This is like when the ACLU takes a Rush Limbaugh's case or whatever. | |
| And they're just like, hey, we got principles. | |
| Right. | |
| And even if right wing scumbags want to use our principles for their law cases, we do it. | |
| We do it anyways. | |
| So my allegiance is to the truth and to giant piles of Michael Flynn's money. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So there you go. | |
| Have your lawyers get in contact with me. | |
| My fees are not cheap because you are bad. | |
| But you're also not Q. Again, the thing about this that's so dumb is it's like, imagine Michael Flynn, like, just Q only was going for a little while before it moved to 8chan. | |
| I'm just imagining Michael Flynn being like, OK, I've got this PSYOP and it's going real well. | |
| Now I need to get in bed with Jim and Ron Watkins. | |
| This is the absolute masterstroke of my plan to slip this- It's always a good idea to get in bed with those two. | |
| Yeah, I'm gonna get in bed with the senile pig farmer in the Philippines. | |
| And his creepy, weird, I guess not an incel son. | |
| But yeah, so it's just like, boy, boy howdy. | |
| Of all the things the top secret spy Michael Flynn would do in order to further move along QAnon, getting in bed with the Watkins boys, A number one on that list. | |
| So thank you for the question. | |
| Moldchild Marie says, what do you think of Anonymous and their recent bombshell drops involving Lauren Boebert, MTG, and Matt Gaetz? | |
| I'll use Amazon and Spotify and Ginny Thomas drives an old Toyota. | |
| Laugh, cry emoji, wink emoji. | |
| Yeah, Anonymous had some weak shit there. | |
| Yeah, I don't have a lot to say about that. | |
| I mean, it's this is it's really sad. | |
| I mean, if you're going to do shit, you got to you got to bring your fastball. | |
| You've got to actually Do damage. | |
| Like, the people that ratfucked Madison Cawthorn, it worked. | |
| They got him out of the House of Representatives. | |
| They had him lose a Republican primary because they were able to offend Republican primary voters with the idea that Madison Cawthorn is gay. | |
| Which is ridiculous, because Madison Cothran is a monster 20 different ways. | |
| His sexual orientation is not one of them, but whatever. | |
| I mean, because no sexual orientation is monstrous. | |
| Just calm down, guys. | |
| Calm down. | |
| Some QAnon person is going to edit that and reclip it. | |
| Migraines defends pedophiles! | |
| Nope, not what I said. | |
| Not what I mean. | |
| Shut the fuck up, you pieces of shit. | |
| God, I wish I could get social media clout that way. | |
| It is just weak. | |
| Like, because those same people that did that to Cawthorne, they tried to do it to Bobert. | |
| They were like, she was an escort, she had an affair with Ted Cruz, and they didn't have any... I don't know about all that. | |
| Yeah, they didn't have the receipts, and she won. | |
| I mean, she almost lost to the Democrat. | |
| The Democrat who almost beat her is very much on social media screaming about how he's running for another crack at her. | |
| We're getting the rematch. | |
| Yeah, and he's gonna get the money to really run a campaign. | |
| Oh yeah! | |
| This is the thing, is that if you're the Republicans, this was an off-year election, and Now it's a presidential year election, Colorado's a blue state, so more people are going to come out to vote for Biden than they are going to come out to vote for Trump. | |
| Boebert sucked against this guy and way underperformed and barely beat him in what's supposed to be a heavy Republican district. | |
| Right. | |
| Where's the empty suit to primary her and get rid of her? | |
| You would have to think that, guys, that person's being lined up right now as we speak. | |
| Because the Republicans right now only have a four-seat majority in the House. | |
| It is tenuous. | |
| And there are already 12 Republicans that are in districts Biden won. | |
| So if those voters just come back home to the Democrats in 2024, the Democrats retake the House. | |
| They don't even need stretch goals like Boebert's district. | |
| So I mean, it's like, this is tenuous. | |
| So if you are an empty-suit Republican in Colorado, you need to get in touch with your local state party about being a representative because Boebert might sink that ship pretty quickly. | |
| Thank you for the question. | |
| Jaquin asks, this is more of an idea. | |
| The timeline of the morphing and splinters of Q. This would be a huge spreadsheet. | |
| We talk about that all the time. | |
| Or we did. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Dapper Gander has a pretty good sort of like breakdown of the different groups of QAnon and the people that are more fantasy based versus the more reality based. | |
| Like I have this, I have a new reply guy that yells at me all the time in my, on Twitter. | |
| And he agrees with QAnon on everything, but he doesn't want to be called QAnon because he doesn't want to be labeled with the whole baby-eating, blood-drinking stuff. | |
| And I'm like, well, then that just makes you quote-unquote serious, QAnon. | |
| Praying Medic does that shit all the time, where, like, someone, some right-winger who isn't a QAnon guy has him on their show, and they bring up the QAnon stuff with a laugh, and Praying Medic's like, oh, now, QAnon isn't about all the blood-drinking, uh, moloch stuff, it's about corruption in the government, and ba-ba-ba. | |
| So, I mean, like, whatever, buddy, like, you're just, you're just quote-unquote serious QAnon, as I like to jokingly call them. | |
| Like, that's really all it is. | |
| So you have the people that are doing that kind of stuff, then you have the fantasy people, the JFK Jr. | |
| people, and it's just different groups and different situations. | |
| And it's very funny, but the JFK Jr. | |
| shit is one of the early fracture points of the movement, and it to this day exists. | |
| It is. | |
| Right. | |
| Yeah, we've talked about that a couple of times because it just genuinely, a lot of them realize and think, hey, This makes us look bad. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And that's the thing that's so funny about it is that you have, it's this nesting doll of Republicans think that MAGA makes them look bad. | |
| MAGA thinks QAnon makes them look bad. | |
| QAnon thinks that JFK Jr. | |
| truthers make them look bad. | |
| It's just this, we're not them. | |
| Don't associate us with them. | |
| And it just, it's just turtles all the way down. | |
| It's just terrible people all the way down. | |
| At no point are any of you actually good. | |
| You all are embarrassing to everybody. | |
| But yeah, people have done documentation on that. | |
| You can check Dapper Gander's Patreon. | |
| I think he's got a bunch of stuff up there on that. | |
| It's pretty good. | |
| And finally, Karma, another former co-host of the show, says, give us your top five grifters. | |
| Well, I just named Pragmatic. | |
| He's numero uno. | |
| I mean, just Q Grifters? | |
| Because Alex Jones is grifting the hell out of everyone. | |
| Let's go over into the Nerdosphere. | |
| There's Geeks and Gamers. | |
| They are fucking top-tier, right-wing, pipeline, red pill, nerd grifters. | |
| There's The Quartering, if you've never heard of him. | |
| I know The Quartering, yep. | |
| Oh my- I remember, like, the quartering. | |
| Like, he was the guy that had the fucking mental breakdown when Elon posted the Should I Leave Twitter thing. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And he's like, he's like, Elon! | |
| Oh, you can't give up Twitter! | |
| It's the most important thing in the world that you remain the boss! | |
| You don't understand what will happen to America and the world if you leave! | |
| Oh, Elon! | |
| My captain, my glorious captain, is like, oh my god, buddy, buddy, he's not gonna fuck you, as they like to say. | |
| And Sarge, your keyboard, powerful loud. | |
| It's so quiet compared to the old one! | |
| Still the crackle-clinkle, it echoes in my ears. | |
| Well, it's ASMR for everyone else. | |
| Enjoy that keyboard ASMR. | |
| Yeah, I mean, we've got a bunch of nerd grifters, like Geeks and Gamers, The Quartering. | |
| Alex Jones is still, like, king fucking grifter. | |
| I'm trying to... God, there's too many political ones to count. | |
| Like, there's just too many. | |
| There's so many religious ones. | |
| It's endless. | |
| But Like, if you've got critical thinking, you should be able to spot a grift. | |
| Yeah, so in QAnon itself, I would just go Praying Medic, Jordan Sather, our boy Martin Geddes, and then PepeLivesMatter was a true believer, but he's now getting the Substab subscriptions going, so he's a grifter. | |
| And I think I'm just gonna... | |
| It's tough. | |
| The last spot or two is tough. | |
| I think Patel Patriot, who's now going by his real name, John Harold, he's my hero because he was the guy who got into the game late and became a big time star overnight because he was the one who came up with the soothing bullshit narrative of, oh, Trump's still secretly the president. | |
| And everyone was like, oh, thank God. | |
| I was so worried Biden was president. | |
| But now that you've presented such crystal clear evidence that Trump is president. | |
| Oh, my heart is soothed. | |
| Life is so much easier now. | |
| Oh, my God. | |
| So, yeah. | |
| Nuts to all of them. | |
| They're all terrible monsters. | |
| Fuck them, we say. | |
| Yes. | |
| And that brings us to our final question, which is always, what are you looking forward to, Serge? | |
| I'm going to keep it going with 40K bullshit like I've been doing. | |
| We keep getting new rules, so it's exciting. | |
| We got the new big box for 10th edition announced. | |
| I'm excited to pre-order that and eventually get it and be able to finally play the game because I started collecting and painting the minis. | |
| At the tail end of 9th edition, and 9th edition is known for being overly complex, so there's no fucking reason for me to learn those rules as they are out the door here in a month or two. | |
| So, I'm excited to finally have even more 10th edition rules to actually begin assessing things. | |
| Uh, do we have like a tier list of what factions are really good in 10th edition? | |
| No, cause we just don't know enough yet. | |
| They've been spoiling the data sheets and the new rules for primarily Space Marines and Tyranids. | |
| So just today, because that's what's in the 10th edition launch box. | |
| So we don't really have anything on anybody else. | |
| So just today we got a bunch of chaos, um, uh rules and to look at but so no tier list yet because we just don't have enough information um yeah it's it's all it's all about the fucking nids i love the nids well good news the storyline of 10th edition is the fourth tyrannic war it is we're getting a ton of new nid models um | |
| And it's nids all the way down. | |
| If it's about the nids for you, I have good news. | |
| They both physically look really good, and rules look really good. | |
| That and the Adeptus Horiatus, the Sisters of Battle, aka the Nuns of Guns. | |
| Those are my two factions, the Sisters and the Nids. | |
| I just remembered because the Nids had something in their lore books. | |
| That was the only lore book I actually bought. | |
| I bought a Nid Army. | |
| I painted it, never played it. | |
| I don't know where it is now. | |
| Probably lost to the ages, but they just have two terms for enemy races, prey and prey that fought, which just makes me... I just love that idea that we're just going to kill you. | |
| The only question is, do you resist us or not before we win? | |
| Uh, there's a really good book called The Devastation of Baal, where the Tyranid Hivemind recognizes that the Blood Angels keep fucking with it, so it sends an entire- even- where the Blood Angels live is like this desolate, irradiated section of space, so there's no biomass for the Tyranids, but the Tyranids are just like, tired of you fucking with me, so they come for the Blood Angels, and the Blood Angels have to call in Everyone. | |
| Everyone who was ever a Blood Angel is a Blood Angel's successor chapter. | |
| They call them All In. | |
| They still, like, barely win. | |
| Oh, they should lose. | |
| The nids win always. | |
| They only won because a giant rift opened up across the entire galaxy in like mid invasion. | |
| They were like, We're pretty done for in the Great Rift Open in mid-invasion. | |
| Okay, so DSX Magnum is why they lost. | |
| Oh yeah, no, they did not win by might of arms. | |
| They lost because all Tyranids lost connection to the Hive Mind. | |
| I will begrudgingly accept this, but only begrudgingly. | |
| So there you go. | |
| I am looking forward to seeing my doctor tomorrow and then getting good news that I can take my foot out of this fucking boot! | |
| Hooray! | |
| I cannot tell you how ridiculously shameful my injury is. | |
| So I finally saw a foot doctor specialist and they removed all the dead skin away from my injury. | |
| Nice. | |
| On my toe. | |
| And then they said, oh, this will not heal unless your foot is in a boot because you cannot put weight on your toe while this is healing. | |
| And the first, and I was like, okay, so that makes sense. | |
| Like, I'm sure my, I'm sure my toe looks hideous. | |
| Cause like she immediately like slapped some gauze on it, put a wrap on it. | |
| Bing, bang, boom. | |
| I didn't even get to like, see what was going on. | |
| Right. | |
| The first day that I had to change the dressing on my wound, I, I I'm getting all ready. | |
| I got my iodine. | |
| I got the gauze. | |
| I got everything. | |
| I take the wrap off my foot. | |
| It looks like a kitten nibbled me. | |
| It looks like a kitten just took a little, just like stuck a little fang into my toe. | |
| And that's, that's what I've had to wear this boot on for a fucking week. | |
| I get it. | |
| I get that the, the, the, the wound is deep and that like the, the situation while the dead skin was my body not healing that deep wound properly. | |
| And now that everything's been administered to my body will now understand, yo body, This is where on the toe the injury is. | |
| Fix that. | |
| So I understand all of that intellectually, but I just look at the insignificance of it and I'm just like, oh my God, like how? | |
| How is this? | |
| What is damaging me? | |
| I mean, if you looked at this, you would like slap me and be like, boom, Mike, you, you sissy, you wimp. | |
| Put on your regular shoes and get to walking. | |
| This ain't nothing. | |
| And I'm like, no, I have a doctor's note that says it's bad. | |
| Leave me alone. | |
| So, uh, I am very much hoping that my tiny wound is considered healed enough that I don't have to walk on this, uh, in this hideous boot anymore. | |
| My, which again, for, for QAnon people out there means that I have been indicted. | |
| The boot I'm wearing is obviously hiding my ankle monitor. | |
| And, um, All of that is true. | |
| Uh, and what was really funny is, is I have a coworker who suffered a egregious foot injury, uh, like, like I think like almost two years ago. | |
| And he was in all kinds of different walking boots. | |
| And, uh, he had the little like scooter thing where your foot's up resting on it and you push for your other foot to like putter around. | |
| And the moment he saw that boot on me, he's like, Oh, your hip is fucked. | |
| Isn't it? | |
| I was like, you know, This man knows from foot injuries what the boot does to you. | |
| Cause, uh, when I'm walking, uh, me and Elle stopped by, uh, ye olde ice cream shoppe on our way, uh, back to his place, um, from work. | |
| And, um, while I was walking around the ice cream shoppe, you could hear my boot making like a clicky clack noise on the ground. | |
| Like I just sound like a pirate, like just like clopping around my peg leg as I, as I shamble about. | |
| So yeah. | |
| So that was, that L got a kick out of that. | |
| So that was fun. | |
| So yes, I am very much looking forward to hopefully not having to wear this goddamn thing anymore. | |
| And also, um, just getting on that Nebula grind. | |
| I've made infinite three months in a row on Marvel Snap. | |
| So, uh, uh, see, I, you, you, you grind harder than me. | |
| I got to 90 for the first time ever last month. | |
| Oh, you have most of the cards. | |
| I'll send you the list I'm playing right now. | |
| It's pretty strong. | |
| It's doing pretty well. | |
| So yeah, I'm almost 80 on the new grind. | |
| Although I am going to try the DC game. | |
| I am going to give Dual Force a whirl once it gets opened. | |
| I'm going to give, before we get out of here, another tangent. | |
| I'm going to give Dual Force a try when it comes out and Warpforge, the new 40k digital card game when it comes out. | |
| They're pushing it. | |
| Oh, cool. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Oh, I hadn't heard of that. | |
| That sounds interesting. | |
| So definitely interested in that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Check it out. | |
| It's on Steam. | |
| You can play a demo. | |
| Oh, sweet. | |
| That's even better because there's no dual force demo yet or anything. | |
| So it's just that Warpforge must be launching soon because they are pushing hard. | |
| When are we getting the fucking open beta on Hades 2? | |
| Come on! | |
| Come on! | |
| We're in May! | |
| You said it was going to be this year! | |
| Don't make me wait until November, you bastards! | |
| Come on, Supergiant! | |
| I need it! | |
| I need it! | |
| I'm tapping my elbow vein right now to show my desire for more Hades. | |
| So anyways, that is a successful episode of Adventures in Hellworld, as El would say. | |
| I mentioned previously that Cleodora Silvestri was our new beautiful baby. | |
| Troy McClure has returned to the orphanage. | |
| Welcome back, Troy. | |
| We're so glad to have you again as a beautiful baby. | |
| We appreciate you. | |
| And if you wish to become a beautiful baby, please go to the Patreon slash Poker Politics, where for $5 a month, you can have access to our back catalog. | |
| I am working with someone, hopefully for more bonus content, because me and Stephanie, We're both former 9-11 truthers. | |
| So the plan right now is me and her are going to do a deep dive into Loose Change. | |
| And we're going to post that as bonus content. | |
| And we're just going to talk about both how we saw this movie when we were pilled and how we see this movie now when we are unpilled. | |
| When we have taken the blue pill and see Loose Change for the bullshit that it fucking is. | |
| So I hope to get that off the ground sometime soon. | |
| If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, chuckle fucks, please donate to love146.org. | |
| They are a group that is fighting child trafficking all around the world, which is what QAnon claims to want to do, and of course they fucking don't because they're just worthless scum. | |
| Beyond all that, tell a friend, tell a neighbor, game the algorithm, give us a five-star review, and Let us know if there's a better platform than ACAST, because apparently they didn't post our latest episode on Apple, which is really bad. | |
| So thank you for all that. | |
| Shout out to DJ Minimal Effort for our entrance. | |
| No social media ever for that guy, because he's incredibly lazy. | |
| That's why we call him DJ Minimal Effort. | |
| Our bumps and the voice of Q when we need it is from Frosty, who you can find on social media at frostyvo. | |
| Sarge can be found at sargenhell. | |
| L can be found at hellworldL, with the O in world being a Q. Same as our podcast dedicated Twitter feed, which is also hellworld. | |
| I can be found on Twitter at PokerPolitics. | |
| And I have received the invitation, the golden ticket to Elysium! | |
| I am on blue sky now at Poker Politics. | |
| So Jack, please make the better version of Twitter and kill Elon. | |
| Kill Elon's stupid fucking platform even deader than it already is. | |
| That would be hilarious that this guy literally got like a cool billion dollars in his personal pocket and then usurped Twitter within a year of its creation. | |
| So, with all that, for signing off 4L, who's a millionaire and is living his best life, and Sarge, who's not a millionaire but is still doing pretty well, I am Mike Rains. |