Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #124: Trump Hates Transgender People
This week we deal we laugh at Mike Lindell getting crushed in his quest to be RNC party chair. We also check in on George Santos and see what QAnon is saying about Damar Hamlin and Paul Pelosi, and we finish dealing with Trump coming out swinging against Ron DeSantis and being a giant bigot. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld!
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
In the grim future of the podcast, there's only non-sequiturs.
and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello everybody, I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. PokerandPolitics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
In the grim future of the podcast, there's only non-sequiturs.
Non-sequiturs!
And the mysterious Hell.
Hello, my beautiful babies!
If you'd like to hear, cue it on!
Press one!
If you'd like to hear, 80s pop culture reference, press two!
I had a very visceral flashback to movie phone there.
You did a good job.
The real movie phone was inside you the whole time!
Yes, I definitely called movie phone for my birthday one year to see when the mask was playing.
So my mom could take me to see the mask for my birthday.
I feel like I definitely used movie phone, but I don't remember specific instances in which movies were being phoned.
I know I used it.
That's the only one I can actually recall.
Because I also remember, like, using the newspaper to figure out movie times.
Yeah.
Because, because, because we're out!
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm a doddering old fool who used the newspapers to find out when the local cinema was playing the film I wanted to see.
I didn't know when Dragonheart was going to be on.
Thanks to a wide commercial explosion of Dragonheart commercials.
I remember several of them.
I remember being blown away by the dragon in Dragonheart.
Oh my god.
What an impressive looking CGI creature.
How wrong I was.
I mean, well, I guess at the time, it's to be expected.
But you go back and it's just like, sometimes you go back to a thing and the effects hold up.
Dragonheart is not one of them.
Our band looks like Spyro.
Oh, I just watched a video on Once Upon a Time, and oh boy, they had no budget, and it shows.
Those effects, that's not that long ago, and those effects don't hold up.
Evil Queen Lady was always like a Dommy Mommy in that, and I was in for it.
Yeah.
Yeah, evil mommy type, let's go!
The first season or two of that had some shit going on, but like, nothing past that.
I remember that show being Elle's guilty pleasure for a while, so.
I actually really enjoyed the first season of it, for what it was.
I mean, it certainly wasn't like high art or anything, but I had a good time with it.
And plus it had a... God, I can never remember the actor's name, but the guy who played Rumpelstiltskin, he's also the Full Monty and a bunch of other things, but I've always really liked him.
And I thought that his performance was great.
But yeah, much like Glee, the bloom was off the rose pretty much from the jump in the second season.
So it's just like, okay, I'm done with this now.
They gave Mulan a katana, which she never drew in the entire second season.
It's like when they took away Michelangelo's nunchucks and he used that little spitter thing as his weapon.
Yeah, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2, after the parents groups got a hold of it, I did not realize that they never used their weapons in that whole movie.
Until it was pointed out to me, and then it was just, like, glass shatter sound effect, and I was like, oh my god.
They use their weapons to, like, slice pizza, or to, like, catch pizza, or, like, toss pizza.
Kevin Nash defeats himself by knocking piers.
Like, the turtles never touch him as Super Shredder, he just hits pylons and drops a roof on himself.
Mistakes were made.
Yeah.
A far cry from that first comic book where they murder him in cold blood.
Yes.
I mean, granted, it isn't like ninja self-defense or whatever, but they... It's not cold blood, it's hot vengeance.
If we want to be pedantic, it's hot grenade or whatever.
Yeah.
Because I believe that's how the first comic ends too, right?
They still blow him up, they toss him off a roof, they throw a grenade at him or whatever.
They do kill him, I don't remember the particulars, but like... Oh, he gets blown up by a grenade.
At the end of the first movie, he falls off the roof of a building and then Casey Jones... Oh, he gets garbage compacted by Casey Jones!
Casey Jones is just like, oh look at this, don't mind me, just murdering this guy, boop!
He's probably dead after falling five stories into this garbage truck, but let's make sure.
Yeah, let's leave nothing to chance here.
Okay, so in the movie, Casey Jones garbage compacts him.
I think that in the comic books, he gets exploded.
I think there's a bomb involved.
I think they throw him off a roof and then they blow him up.
They bring him back later, of course.
Did you think that falling off a building and exploding would kill me?
Yeah, kinda.
You're wrong.
You're wrong for reasons.
Yeah, that's the most opposite setup for a sequel I can think of now in a movie.
I was like, yeah, Casey Jones definitively kills the Shredder.
Like, literally, extra crushes him to death, and somehow, like, he's just back in the next movie, and no one really questions it.
Casey Jones, like, his mind should have been shattered by what he had done, and he should have become the new Shredder.
That would have been awesome.
Oh man, character development in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Face-down, ass-up, that's the way that life has been recently, liking to fuck Mike Lindell.
Yes!
Who we thankfully get to talk about at the top of our Boost segment for this week.
Because apparently he has taken some sort of beating recently, so let us laugh at him.
So for our schadenfreude correspondent, I'm going to throw it over to Mr. Mike Rades.
Mike, what's up with Mike Lodello?
Why do we get to laugh at him?
We have to laugh at him and all QAnon whiners and complainers because Ronna McDowell, Ronna McDaniel, a.k.a.
Ronna Romney, who had to change her last name because her real last name makes Donald Trump mad, she successfully won her bid for a fourth term as chair of the Republican Party, the RNC, the Republican National Committee.
There was some grumbling about we need new blood in the chair.
We need a new voice because we've been losing all these elections under Iran's ineptitude.
And who better than to pick up that mantle than Mike Lindell, the MyPillow guy.
I decided that he would step in and challenge for the chair of the Republican National Committee.
And there was another woman, Hermit Dillon, who I'm probably getting that name wrong, but she got very few votes as well, so whatever.
So Rana won in a landslide, and the best part about this is for all of Mike Lindell's campaigning, and there were only about 150 votes you could win, Mike Lindell got four.
So there were a grand total of four delegates that were willing to entrust the Republican Party's fundraising apparatus and strategy plannings To the MyPillow guy.
And everybody else was like, no, we'll either go with the quote-unquote sensible insurgent lady, or we'll just stick with Rana, which is what the overwhelming amount of the delegates did.
Who doesn't want their government run like a pillow factory?
A failing, conspiracy-endorsing pillow factory.
I mean, the Republicans do not endorse conspiracy theories.
They just want culture wars.
Yeah.
Culture wars based off those conspiracy theories.
Yeah.
And Lee Zeldin, who was the failed Republican candidate for governor of New York, he got one vote for the chair without being an official candidate, and basically the person was like, I will now read the results of the vote.
Lee Zeldin got one vote.
He wasn't even a candidate.
I don't know how that happened.
Literally, they scoffed at the fact that someone threw Lee Zeldin a vote.
And if that vote had mattered in any way, shape, or form, maybe there would have been a to-do about it.
But since Ronald won in a landslide, nobody cared that some idiot was just like, I like Lee Zeldin!
He's a good man.
He should be running this party of ours.
So, um, there was a bunch of whining and complaining from, uh, QAnon and... Shock.
you know, on and shock. And all the typical, oh, this just shows that they don't care about
Aw.
us and they're just in it for themselves and they don't listen to the people and blah,
And the Uniparty got thrown around a lot, because that's what they love saying whenever the baby doesn't get their bottle, that both the Democrats and the Republicans are just one big evil party, and all that happy horse shit.
It's not true.
One's evil, and one's incompetent.
Well, sometimes both.
The Republican Party is definitely both evil and incompetent.
Democrats incompetent attempting to do good.
I will take the well-meaning party any day of the week in this situation.
We have our boy in Florida trying to outlaw books.
Everything's going swimmingly in Republican land.
So yeah, our boy Mike Lindell.
Then he apparently was on Jimmy Kimmel hanging out in a crane game machine in a bit.
I don't know why.
I didn't watch it because Lord knows why would I ever watch Jimmy Kimmel.
Are you sure you didn't mean a dunk tank?
Because I think the prizes in a crane game you're supposed to want to take home with you.
Yes, I know.
A QAnon promoter had a thing where they were like, Michael Mandel was willing to do this bit to tell the normies that machines are bad.
He's a true hero.
We should all love him.
And it's like, if anyone you hated was doing a bit on Jimmy Kimmel, you'd be like, look at this evil Deep State actor doing a bit on Jimmy Kimmel.
That Deep State shill.
Aren't all these Deep State people bad?
Don't you hate them?
But because Mike Lindell did a bit, it's a good thing, and we should be happy about it.
They have to love Jimmy Kimmel more than most.
He used to be on The Man Show.
Could you imagine a more QAnon-friendly show than The Man Show?
Aside from anything that used to be on G4.
Him and his co-host went very different directions, though.
Like, Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla, like... Oh, Adam Carolla is probably, like, two weeks away from being pilled at this point, I mean... Isn't he on?
Hishtick has always sort of just been, like, this weird sort of centrist presenting guy.
Who's just like, yeah.
He says a bunch of wild shit, but, you know.
But then he'll also just be like, Don't Trump's a fucking idiot!
And of course, people should be able to get abortions.
But then out of the other side of his mouth, he'll say something crazy.
And it'll be like, Ah!
Isn't Andrew Carolla on Ben Shapiro's network?
Isn't he on The Blaze or something?
That I couldn't tell you.
I have not dug into the weeds on... The Blaze is Glenn Beck's thing.
Daily Wire is Ben Shapiro's thing.
Yeah, I have no idea what Adam Carolla's up to these days.
The last thing I heard about Adam Carolla was that he was part of that movie that was just a bunch of fucking, like, comedians in their 50s complaining about how woke everything was these days.
Oh, it's just like, yikes.
Yeah, it's a real bummer.
It's a real bummer that you... It's a real bummer that you have to change your material to suit the tastes of the time and that you can't just go back to your normal well and make, like, rape jokes or whatever.
Yeah.
Come on!
I'm still topical!
I'm hip!
It's like, no, actually you're not.
No one stays topical unless you stay up on current events.
That's the point of being topical.
So, uh, get with the times, my friend.
Maybe Adam Carolla would be a little more relevant if he was as hilarious as our next Boosh item, which is... and apparently this is news that was news to me.
I just assume that Mike Raines knows what he's talking about when he tells me.
That Marjorie Taylor Greene is jockeying for a VP bid.
Mike, this is such a joke that it doesn't qualify as headline news.
This is in our Boosh segment.
But still, regardless, tell us about Marjorie Taylor Greene and her desire to be the Vice President of these United States.
Sources inside Green's camp have been talking to journalists about how this is what she's going for now.
This is the move that she's made, shifting away from being a... This is why she flip-flopped immediately when she changed gears immediately when it came down to brass tacks.
She was just like, uh, I've changed my position.
In fact, no, I didn't.
I've always had this position.
You change your position.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
When she decided to get on Team McCarthy right away and becoming like a big supporter of that, she's making the move to being a more centrist, more reasonable Republican because... It's a Corolla.
It's all part of the plan.
Exactly.
So, um, she, This came out because a few months previous to this, it was stated by Trump World that they were looking for a female vice president candidate because they gotta woo the soccer moms and the suburban women that are a little upset about that whole abortion being illegal thing and the fact that the GOP's entire platform is anti-woman.
So in order to try to smooth that over, they were looking for a lady person to be vice president, because Joe Biden's got one of those.
So we gotta counterbalance that with one of our own.
And along with God, Tulsi Gabbard, along with Tulsi Gabbard and Carrie Lake and a list of others that are the Republican Party, Marjorie Taylor Greene's name popped up for that particular role.
And so it seems like that's what Greene's angling for with her now aggressive establishment embracing position.
Which I could only say for us QAnon monitor people, oh boy howdy, please Trump, pick her to be your vice presidential nominee.
Bad for America, good for us.
Because I'll let everyone in on a little secret about the way my life works.
I'm a little troll, and polite society puts me in a little box every odd-numbered year.
But then in even-numbered years, when there are elections, suddenly I get DMs and text messages from respectable journalists who are like, hey, Mike, haven't talked in a while, need to catch up on that QAnon stuff.
And then suddenly I'm important in a small way and get to meet the interactive people that matter.
For the record, this never happens to the rest of us.
Although, I will say, every now and again, one of these journalist types will throw me or Sarge a bone by way of my grades.
And he'll send us a little screenshot of their tax exchanges.
Oh yeah, by the way, Al and or Sarge always make me laugh.
Good work for them.
It's a cavalier!
A crumb!
A precious crumb!
That sounds sarcastic, but I do appreciate the crumbs.
If you get enough crumbs together, it's like a bread.
What is bread if not just thousands of crumbs mashed together?
Sometimes it can even be meatloaf.
Are you talking about the ingredient breadcrumbs in a meatloaf?
Yeah!
Okay, for a moment I thought that you said that you could get to a portion of meatloaf so fine that you would call it a crumb of meatloaf.
No, no, no, no.
I was going with the, you need crumbs to make meatloaf.
Gotcha.
I would have said it was down a wild rabbit hole if it was the other thing.
I was so excited.
Oh, and Adam Carolla's Truth Yeller is on the Daily Wire.
He's getting that Shapiro money.
Yeah, and... But isn't that the ultimate goal of any pop media centrist is to just be able to scoop money from both sides by taking no actual stance on anything like a coward?
I mean, sorry, like a rational coward.
Sorry, I'm joking.
Yeah.
Wow.
He talks with Adam Grohl as Truth Yeller, where he talks with William Shatner and they
give a description here, the guys give credit where credit's due to the women who improvised
Let's Go Brandon.
and Adam Carolla, William Shatner, devil's advocating, quote unquote, for Let's Go Brandon.
Who are we to complain about the world that we've made for ourselves?
This is on us!
We made this!
Yep.
We made this, and those of us that are trying to unmake it are being stymied by people that think it's fine.
So, I mean, I guess... I guess fuck us.
Yeah.
Trying to derail the MTG, uh, like, being a vice president joke there, but holy shit, I was like, Curious now, is Adam Carolla kind of a, like, talking-out-of-the-left-side-of-his-mouth libertarian piece of shit?
Yes.
Yes, he is.
He is on that Ben Shapiro grift.
Yeah, I mean, I'll admit it, back in my early 20s, like, he was part, like, his podcast was part of my podcast rotation, mostly because, like, I just didn't realize up front what he was about, and then over time, like, Like, over time, the resistance in his podcast built up to the point where it snapped.
And I was just like, wait a minute, this guy, this guy's kind of a dickhead.
I'm done with this guy.
Yeah.
That's sort of how I felt about Kevin Smith.
Although not for like political reasons, for just like talent-less reasons.
I'm always like, I drive around enough that I listen to a lot of podcasts.
I'm always tempted to like, go back to the smodcast hole and like, Like, see what's going on, but I never quite get there.
Yeah.
I mean, obviously, talentless isn't the right word.
He's written a bunch of incredible comic books, and he's done some of the best podcast interviews ever, but it was just like, for a while there, like, I was listening to a bunch of his stuff every week, and then I just sort of realized how homogenous a lot of the material on it was, and I was just like, okay, well, Every once in a while I'll get a gem, but that juice ain't worth the squeeze.
Anyway, speaking of not worth the squeeze, let's get back to the sort of pie-in-the-sky idea of MTG ever actually getting her shot at the vice president, like, belt.
Because Mike is not wrong, that would certainly be quite the ride for us, but how likely is it to happen?
Bobert is not wrong about the Jewish space laser thing, so I feel like I mean, Trump would have to know that he was just shooting himself fully in both feet by doing that, right?
But he's done that, like, we've said that both on the pod and privately so many times, like, God, he has to know.
In our defense, but that's usually something that he is doing.
And Trump can never see himself as damaged goods.
But if somebody was just like, like, if he was just like, like, you know, and immediately he was just like, what do you think of Madge?
And they were just like, uh, obviously not, uh, Mr. Trump, like, granted you're a genius and all, but for the record, here's just like a small assortment of the crazy shit that comes up if you Google her name.
There's like a slight little document over to him and he'll just be like, oh, this is pretty bad.
Or somebody will point out to him that it's really bad.
And he could certainly see somebody else's damaged goods.
So I figured like he would cut that weight.
Also, is she attractive enough for Donald Trump to want to just be in rooms with a lot?
I don't think so.
Don't think so.
It is incredible you said that because after the MTG vice president thing came out, one of Mike Pence's aides came out and said Trump will never pick her.
She's not attractive enough.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, that seems like, you know, like, for the record, sort of like, you know, older blonde mom type fits Elle's wheelhouse in a way that is not, like, the norm.
That's for me and Young Gravy.
We hang out and we do dance and that sort of thing.
But if you go to somebody like Donald Trump and you're just like, hey, do you find this person attractive?
He'll probably just be like, no, I'm all set with that.
He's like, are you kidding me?
You've seen who I pay to have sex with me.
We're talking, they have to be at least as attractive as a 90s porn star.
Or at least as attractive as his own daughter.
Bazinga.
That one will never go dry because it's really creepy and also super true.
Yeah, it's not a joke.
Straight from the horse's mouth, which he probably was filled with his own daughter.
There, gross. Uh, yuck. Moving on.
Oh! Oh!
Oh!
That one was super gross.
Super gross.
Yeah, I mean, your reaction makes all the difference, baby.
No, thank you.
That's why we do what we do.
That's why you do what you do.
No, that was all of us.
That was all of us doing that.
And that's why we, all of us, again, as a group, not just me, have to get down in the mud sometimes and play it that way.
So no apologies from us.
We'll never apologize.
Okay, Marjorie Chandler Green wants to be the Vice President.
That's pretty funny.
More on that if it develops.
Please, God, let it develop.
But for the time being, we're done with that shit.
Was there anything?
Wasn't there, like, a surprise Bush item we wanted to cover?
Ah, yes!
The ongoing lies of Santos.
The Santos lies.
Yeah, you know, the poison.
Cusco's poison.
The poison's specifically made for Cusco.
So, it came out, I believe yesterday, that totally on his own, Santos has decided to take steps back from the committees he's on.
It's totally his idea.
No one told him to do it.
He just needs to focus on the massive ongoing fraud investigation into his campaign finances.
So as this shit comes out, have we answered the question of why Santos so desperately wants to be in politics that he will lie about literally every aspect of his life to get in the door?
Well, and all of those things aren't really prosecutable.
Um, but now people started, like, you have to say who's giving money to your campaign.
And some not very hard-hitting reporters were just like, let's call these people.
And a lot of them, it turns out, don't exist.
Uh, and that's a problem.
So, like, to answer your question, I don't fucking know.
Like, He almost feels like he's literally just a front for some foreign influence campaign, be it Russia or whatever.
But it's just like, this guy, they were like, hey, do you want to be a congressman?
He's like, uh, maybe.
They're like, we'll give you a giant pile of money if you do.
He's like, okay, I'll give it a whirl.
I mean, there were, I remember people were talking about this after he won, but then they brought it up that like, There were folks saying that like Santos was surprisingly competitive in his district, but that quote unquote, legitimate Republicans will not touch him with a 10 foot pole.
Like, even when he was running, and even with him having a chance to win, there were a lot of people being like, ah, thanks, but no thanks.
I'm not getting on that Santos train.
I've heard some shit.
And then he won, and then guess what, Republican Party?
You're now all on the Santos train!
Choo choo!
You get to have this lunatic be the guy in every Democrat attack ad for the next 10 years, being like, He paints everyone around him with a brush, which is definitely why he is taking a step back from all his committees.
Someone told him, like, get the fuck off.
Do you think he has been approached by anyone representing RuPaul's Drag Race yet?
Because you know that those reality shows, they be circling.
He's lining up, he's dancing with the stars.
Some dancing with the stars, specifically for him, some RuPaul's.
Just being like, hey, your boat looks like it's sinking, so when you need some cash after this, you know where to find us.
Yeah, I mean, who knows?
I just think it's so wild that nobody knows, obviously, nobody knows who the fuck this guy is, and nobody knows who he really is.
Nobody, I guess, could hazard a guess as to why he seems to want to be involved in politics so bad.
Did he just have some sort of, like, come-to-Jesus, or come-to-Washington moment?
Where he's just like, hey, I need to have my hand on the wheel in some way!
It's really strange, because with the fact that all of this shit came out, basically it was like networks or whoever called and said, hey, in this district in New York, this guy George Santos has won a seat.
And then like a week later, his whole life is annihilated.
It's just like, I can't even imagine that.
The man must have no self-awareness.
He must think that he was never going to be put under any scrutiny.
For everything that he's done up until he won this election, and that it was going to be smooth sailing.
Because, like, holy shit.
Like, this guy is so radioactive.
It's incredible.
It's not 2023.
Like, the internet doesn't make it so information and pictures can be shared amazingly easily.
No one will find out about my fake name all that time I spent as a drag queen in Brazil.
None of this can bite me.
My lying about being Jewish, my lying about my family members dying on 9-11, literally, the fact that everything I've said about myself is not true.
All of it.
None of that will come out in the wash instantaneously after I'm congressman-elect of my district.
Yeah.
I try not to be conspiracy-minded.
Because we look at conspiracies like all week long and like try and break down why they're dumb and like but with him just being so corrupt and so stupid it does lead you down this weird conspiracy pathway where it's just like are are the is whoever like pushed him into like I'm trying to Occam's Razor, like, what's the simplest answer here?
Is he just corrupt and stupid, or is the people running him corrupt and stupid?
And it's really hard to say.
It's really fucking hard to say.
Someone's very stupid.
Wow.
I can't believe that in your decision making you'd ever consider for a moment that you could just be a true American patriot.
You know, I had not considered that possibility.
Hated Praline still, thanks to you and to fit her still today.
Classics!
Oh, God.
Remember 9-11?
I do.
I can never forget.
Anyway, moving on.
The light and fluffiness of that 9-11 joke is over.
Now it's time for us to move into the painful truth.
There's our cues in the news segment.
Landed that plane so well.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Landed that plane? Really? You monster. You're gonna get us cancelled. It's gonna be me. Yeah, that joke was all Sarge.
I'll make sure to tell you when it's just Sarge or when it's all of us.
Yes, yes.
Anyway, so unless you've been living under a rock on Mars with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears, you may have heard that there's been some video footage released in the week since we have last recorded.
And of course, that means that we get QAnon reactions to video evidence of crime.
Which is great.
So, to our Blockbuster Manager of the Week, Mike Rades, I ask you, how has QAnon been reacting to the video footage of the attacks on Pelosi and... Oh my god, I don't have this now in my head.
Who's the other person?
Oh, no, that would be the attack in Memphis on the man that was killed there by those cops, whose name I'm also drawing a blank on.
But QAnon has mostly avoided talking about the Memphis tragedy because they are incredibly brainless.
And the only thing they have to say about that is the standard, well, why was he resisting?
Like, you should just... Tyree Nichols.
Yeah, Tyree Nichols.
Thank you, Sarge.
Why was he resisting and all that kind of cop bootlicker bullshit?
So that means that the other video that QAnon is discussing this week must be John Cena-like coming out from underneath the Jumbotron.
The Hamlin footage?
Oh yeah, well I'll get to the Hamlin video debunking that QAnon and others have been doing after we talk about the Pelosi...
Big air quotes on that.
Debunking.
Swisher.
Yes.
Oh.
Until we get into the big-time Zapruderfilm-esque breakdown on the Pelosi hammer attack video.
And Al said this last week, because we had talked about the fact that, like, these people always talk, oh, I just want some more evidence.
I just want to see this.
And Al said it best when he said, ignoring evidence is their superpower.
That's how they operate.
Yeah.
Yeah, so basically, for ever since the Pelosi hammer attack happened, all QAnon's pulled this bullshit where they're like, why can't we see the video?
They said there was police body camera footage of the attack.
Let's just see it.
Let's let's have it dispel all the questions.
And If you watch the video, it is literally exactly what the cops said it was.
Everything I read from the description from the police of the event was what was on the video, which was literally, cops open door.
Cops see Pelosi and the attacker holding a hammer.
Cops tell them to put hammer down.
Attacker guy, Pelosi takes hand away from hammer.
Attacker guy, now with the hammer totally free, hits Pelosi in head with hammer.
Cops tackle guy.
Right.
role credits. Right. So QAnon was like, Oh, Paul Pelosi had a glass in his hand. That was his
drink because he was drunk after his rampant lovemaking with his gay lover, the Hammer guy.
And QAnon was also claiming that both men were in their underwear when Depepe was not in his
underwear. Pelosi was because he was woken up by a guy breaking into his house in the middle of the
That's how that works.
He was exhausted from all the gay sex he was having with another guy that was there, obviously, and it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, he got hit in the head with a hammer by somebody.
It doesn't matter.
Even if he was having all the gay sex that an old man can handle, it doesn't fucking matter!
You're not allowed to hit people in the head with a hammer!
Unless they're Nazis!
And so what's really funny about what Elle just said is that the there is the other conspiracy that came out about this besides that Pelosi was holding a glass in his hand and Margo Largo and flubba flubba was People were trying to slo-mo break down what they saw in the video, and they were like, wait a minute.
Both of Depepe's hands were on the hammer at the start of the video, and Pelosi had a glass in one hand and the hammer in the other.
No one's hands were free to open the door.
Who opened the door for the cops?
There had to be a second doorman.
What?
Yes.
If you actually watch the attack video, you'll see The door opens and then the two men are there and people are like, none of their arms were reaching out for the door.
The door had to be opened by a third person who then like ran away and the cops never noticed them or they were in on the plot and other people said that the whole video looked staged and that like, When Depepe hit him in the head with the hammer, there was no noise!
It's like, it's a very dull thud of a hammer hitting someone in the head.
It's not like, gong!
Or cronk!
Or smash!
I mean, it's like... Yeah, if it had better Foley work, it would be much more likely that it was faked.
After my brief foray into moon landing debunker land, If you go into something looking for, like, it to be staged, you're gonna find that.
Like, these people are going in looking to say- find- yeah.
They're looking for things to confirm their priors.
They're just looking for nothing but confirmation bias.
And if they find anything in the video that does it, they're like, boom, nailed it.
I have proved my point.
I am right.
Now, the one thing that a bunch of people that was mentioned to me about the video, and then I rewatched it with what they said in mind.
If you listen in the video after the door opens, you can very clearly hear like a chime or an alarm, which meant that it's very likely it was an automatic door.
And so... Nope, that was the gay sex alarm.
It had been going off for some time.
Yes, yes.
They called up at ADT or whatever, and they were just like, hey, do you mind running the diagnostics?
I don't know why ADT cracked me up.
They were just like, run the diagnostics for this house real quick.
And they were just like, my god, the gay sex lives are going on for 12 hours.
Somebody there's got the stem of an ox.
What an absolute lad Pelosi is.
And still, it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, somebody hit him in the head with a hammer.
Yum!
Speaking of which, in the lead up to the footage being released, I did have a handful of people in my orbit that were just like, hey man, the Pelosi video is coming out, it's pretty crazy.
Like, they were excited to see it.
And knowing that for the people that were excited to see it, I could weaponize their latent homophobia to shut that situation down real quick.
For like a full week I had just taken to just being like, Yeah, it's weird.
I've never seen so many people excited to see an old man in his underwear before.
It's so weird.
I got like three different people over the course of like a few days.
And I'm just like, yeah.
All right.
Enough of that.
And so on the other running topic that we've been having, we've had QAnon and anti-vaxxers and all sorts of people speculating that Damar Hamlin was dead and the NFL was covering it up and all this kind of shit.
And just like with Pelosi, they were like, hey, let's just see a video.
Let's just have Damar come out and tell us he's all alive and he's fine and everything's great.
And then we can all put this to bed.
So, shockingly, Demar Hamlin did release a video on Instagram and social media where he was like, hey everyone, thanks for supporting me.
It means a lot, you know.
Closer!
Med bed.
If only the resident shitweasel and absolute piece of trash, Stu Peters, Instead, the man who had posted on social media that he had inside sources saying that DeMar was brain dead at the Cincinnati Hospital and all that good shit.
Sounds right.
He did exactly what Sarge was talking about and started cherry picking frames of the video.
And he was like, hey, on this frame, I can't see DeMar's tattoos.
What's going on here?
I propose that when weirdo conservatives do it, we call it cherry mandarin.
Second, and therefore, since we only have three people on the pod, the motion carries at least two to one, if not unanimously.
So, gerrymandering, yes.
So he gerrymandered the shit out of these frames in the video to show that, oh, this might not be him, it might be a body double.
And then, because Stewie is incredibly magnanimous, he was like, I suggest Damar let me interview him so that we can put all of this speculation to bed.
We can just get this all taken care of very quickly because there'll be no harm, no foul.
Be easy peasy, lemon squeezy.
And it just so happens that I get an exclusive interview with somebody who's incredibly,
like, you know, in the headlines right now.
No big deal, don't worry about that.
Right, yeah, I get this incredibly newsworthy guy to boost my profile after I accused him of being dead and having you be covered up by the NFL, but now I'm just asking questions!
I'm not gonna lie, man, like, QAnon just really loves the idea of somebody being more injured than they are, because in the wake of the Jeremy Renner incident, Which, it turns out that his injuries are entire, entire side of body crushed, including all the torso.
So, like, I didn't really think they needed to embellish it that much.
But, before, like, the extent of his injuries were coming out, uh, some of the more conservative-minded people in my orbit were, like, talking to me, and they were just, like, Or he's gonna lose a leg.
Or he might lose both legs.
I think maybe, like, you know... Did you see those pictures?
You really see it for the waist up.
Maybe he's already lost both legs.
I'm just like, alright, calm down.
We'll find out what happened to him.
I mean, he's a very famous actor.
So, like, at some point, if he has lost both of his legs, we're gonna find out.
So, like... But they were just... Oh, God, he's just so injured.
Oh, you wouldn't even believe how injured he is.
They're just chomping at the bit.
They just can't wait for that juicy injury information.
They're just like, oh man, this guy is so injured.
I hope it's even worse than they're letting on!
It's like, why?
Yeah, so it's like, it's like Hamlet's heart failure and then like, or whatever, the recovery from it afterwards was not juicy.
Like, you know, it's just like, yeah, yeah, cardiac arrest for like 8 million people or however many people were watching the game at that point.
It was just like, yeah, that's not enough.
We want more.
Oh my God.
Did you hear that one half of his face exploded into like a mushroom thing like that movie The Last of Us?
It was crazy.
Oh my god, it was so wild.
He leapt off the table and started biting people and then they started biting other people.
It was crazy.
If only Hamlin was patient zero of the zombie apocalypse, that would have made it appropriately spicy.
I heard that when he was in the morgue, he bolted back upright and then he
drained the blood and life force from people by biting them on their throat
and is now a vampire.
That sounds entirely reasonable.
And I think if you really, if you really look at the footage, like, I mean, you'll get it.
If you know, you know.
Am I right, guys?
That's how this works.
That's exactly, exactly the situation that we have here.
When was the last time you saw a man in sunshine?
Uh, checkmate.
DeMar Hamlin, Daywalker.
That's going to be the next thing they'll say when that happens.
Alrighty, so let's move on into our next couple of headlines, both of which are going to feature everyone's favorite stupid clown, Donald Trump.
Did I say stupid clown?
Okay, I was just confirming, because that's what I meant.
The first headline I have here, according to Mike Rains, Trump has decided to begin hating trans people, which I just sort of assumed he already did.
But in the interest of content, I will play ball.
Mike Rains, how does Trump hate trans people?
Trump posted a, he's been doing a lot of these very short videos that have a lot of edits in them because the man really can't be like kept on message.
Any one of these videos was about how the woke left is doing super bad evil things to our children with their gender insanity, and they're mutilating our poor children.
And it's very awful and bad what they're doing to the kids.
And so fuck them kids.
Yes.
And he made a video and it was it's really funny to watch these videos because he can't stay on topic even as short and as tight and as edited as they are and at one point he just talked about how gender-affirming care by doctors with like puberty blockers and and surgery and stuff like that could be done to make these these doctors and hospitals very rich
And he said it with such, like, a gleam in his eye.
Like, they're making the big bucks on this gender confirmation stuff!
It's wild!
They're just raking in the dough!
And it's like, you know, if I was thinking that, like, doctors were looking to make the illegal big bucks, they might just, like, I don't know, do organ harvesting?
Nope!
Shut your stupid fucking mouth, you moron!
The real money is in gender reassignment surgery!
It's in the illicit dong trade.
They've got, like, the cartoon eyes and heart pop out of them, like, the ahooga!
But it's every time anybody with dysmorphia crosses their path, they're like, yeah, we're gonna rake these people in for the billions of dollars they have!
Nothing makes me feel older and more exhausted than, like, trans rights.
And not in that I don't support them, in that It's just so easy to, like, be an ally and support people and, like, nothing sours me on a celebrity or whatever faster than it coming out and they're like, you know what I hate?
Uh, women and trans kids, like, God, it's fucking exhausting.
Yeah, tangent alert, uh, because, so we'll get back on track here in a second, but in the spirit of talking about, uh, how furious it is that something is so easy, uh, that Mr. Beast thing has been making the headlines, Mr. Beast paying for a bunch of people to get what is apparently a 10-minute surgery that stops them from being blind, and it's just like, it's a 10-minute procedure, and like, blind people are just priced at it, what the fuck is Yeah, just in America.
Like, I saw people, I saw someone on fucking TikTok talking about like, oh, in Brazil, we do this all the time.
Like, it's, it's like, 20 bucks down here.
But like, in America, it's $1,400.
Like, what's wrong with you guys?
And I was like, I don't know.
Like, don't fucking know.
Yeah, also, I don't know shit about Mr. Beast, but these days, every time Mr. Beast is making the headlines, it's because he's just giving away a lot of money doing something cool to someone.
So, I don't know.
Previously, all I had ever heard Mr. Beast about was secondhand people talking shit about him, but if his gimmick is just giving away money to poor people, then it's gonna be pretty tough to hate him until something comes out.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Until he gets try-guised.
There's so, like, internet celebrity is so weird because Mr. Beast is legitimately, like, one of the biggest, if not the biggest, YouTubers.
He has, like, 30 million subscribers, and I had never heard of him until maybe a year ago.
I accidentally had his burgers before I knew who he was.
Same.
Same.
It's the same with, like, fucking Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star and all those idiots.
Like, I didn't know who they were until much smaller drama channels started covering them.
I was like, what?
You have how many subscribers?
Yeah.
Oh, what's that?
Oh, most popular on YouTube?
Okay, well, that's interesting.
Just goes to show how fucking out of touch we are.
What a bunch of old men.
Anyway... We are a podcast.
Yeah, back to the topic at hand.
We're discussing Donald Trump and his hatred of trans people.
Yeah.
So, I'll let my grades take the floor again.
Yeah, so I'll just finish up from the video here.
He went on to state that he would demand that Congress pass a bill declaring that America only recognizes two genders, male and female, and that they are assigned at birth.
Yuck, why?
We're just going down the whole banning of gay marriage thing.
It's just one of these things where these bigots, these sacks of shit.
Culture wars.
Yeah, these culture war assholes.
They just lose one battle, they immediately pick the next one.
They're like, ah, dammit, it seems like people are okay with gay rights.
Well, maybe they hate trans people.
Let's just keep trying to find an other to make people angry and upset about.
It's always just so nebulous and dumb.
It's like fucking McCarthy with the budget coming up.
They don't even know what they're fighting against.
They just know they're supposed to fight Biden.
on the economy, like, but by God, if they can make it about the gays and tack that on there,
so it looks righteous to their base, they will do it. That's all this shit is. They just,
they need to make something look righteous and also wave their left hand high in the air so you
don't see, see what's going on with the right hand. I've said it before and I'll say it again.
The conservative and specifically far right and specifically, specifically QAnon obsession with
the kids is so vocal as to be suspect.
Like, I just genuinely think that they're, like, protesting way too much.
Because everybody I know is in favor of protecting the children, but it's so obvious we're not talking about it a lot.
There's not a ton of predators in the circles I frequent, you know?
So we don't really have to talk about how important it is to defend children, because it's just sort of like...
Obvious.
Super obvious.
So when stuff like this comes up and it's just like obviously like a big cultural or societal change, we don't immediately look at it as somebody like getting their knives out for the kids.
We're just like, oh, OK, like things are changing.
We're going to have to learn how to educate our children differently about it.
Nope.
If you're trying to tell us if you're trying to tell people that trans people exist and they should have rights, you're a groomer and a monster and you want to turn all kids trans or gay or bad or something.
And you're probably demonically possessed.
So yeah, it's just anytime you see Republicans or whoever doing an obvious culture war.
That's them.
It's them jangling the keys.
So you don't like because either A, they don't have anything real to fight or B, they don't want you to see what they're really fighting about.
So you just have to go really like Just beyond the surface level, and you'll see what they're jangling the keys about to distract you from.
It's our version of do the research, but you don't have to do much.
It's a very surface level key jangling distract you.
Anyone who says woke or groomer is trying to distract you from something.
And that something is the fact that Kevin McCarthy's plan to balance the budget is a 30% sales tax on everything!
Literally, yeah.
That is just taxing the poor.
Do you think the rich give a fuck about, like, whatever being 30% more?
No.
It's gonna be you and me buying our groceries being like, why is everything 30% more?
This really hurts.
Shut up, Libtard.
You don't understand what America is truly about.
And that's keeping rich people happy and making sure the filthy poor are kept crushed.
The numbers on the sheet are very important, Sarge.
The numbers on the sheet are more important than you, me, or anybody else.
Our money is only worth something because we say it is, and therefore the value of it should be determined by how much we say it is.
Yeah.
No, I'm part of the woke military that can't win, according to former President Trump.
That's not in our news!
I forgot to bring it up, but the former president... Because why would we talk about a bunch of losers?
A bunch of losers who lose!
Nice Vietnam, idiots!
Our former president says because we withdrew from Afghanistan that the military as it is right now can't win.
They're not winners.
And he's the one who signed the agreement to withdraw from Afghanistan.
And he just signed it in such a way that it was going to be resolved after he left office so Biden would be holding the bag.
I mean, that's literally what he did.
And also, if you can be a heartless piece of shit conservative and still be pro-military, that is supposed to be the expectation.
And in this instance, it's not very hard.
You just spit it.
You just be like, hey, we were winning so hard over there.
You saw what happened the moment we left.
Those people are useless.
They're fucking useless without America.
America rules.
Look what happened as soon as we left.
America, go America!
More countries should allow us to just take them over indefinitely.
Look at how good America is.
When America shows up, your stuff gets really poppin' off.
And then they can also just be like, look what happened to Japan!
We took away their military.
Look how good they're doing.
They're really crushing it.
Good for them.
No problems there.
Yeah, but Japan's doing fine.
They're doing great.
Everyone loves anime now.
I mean, you're not wrong.
That's why Christmas looks so good.
Alright, this season of anime is incredible.
Hey, keep it in your pants there, Rockstar.
We'll have plenty of time to tan to top of the mailbag segment.
Mostly because we've only got a few more minutes left of the headline news and it's time for us to move on.
We continue to touch on Trump's monsterisms while we discuss his ongoing slash upcoming battle Versus the pretender to the throne, question mark, master of the penis of America, Mr. DeSantis.
Endorsed by Rick and Schneider, DeSantis.
Oh boy, he's raking in the powerful endorsements.
Dude, he should run Schneider as his VP.
Let's go!
Trump MTG is the ticket, or Schneider and DeSantis.
He could bring back all his funny voices.
Making copies!
What a fucking big time circus that would be.
Anyway, Mike, are DeSantis and Trump coming to political blows currently?
What is the situation between Florida's two daddies?
A fascist Florida daddy and orange daddy appear to be... DeSantis is starting to kid-glove this a little bit, but eventually... We've said this before on the podcast.
If DeSantis wants this, he's going to actually start throwing haymakers.
He's got to start swinging.
Because Trump is absolutely just an animal that will never stop swinging at you because he's an idiot.
The only thing he knows to do is attack.
So, DeSantis, I saw, had a thing about Trump being a bit too optimistic about Putin, and DeSantis is coming out firmly on the side of Ukraine, trying to tack to the rational section of the Republican Party, the QAnon section of the Republican Party, which is aggressively pro-Russia.
Trump on Truth Social has been re-truthing a storm of a bunch of people talking mad shit about DeSantis being a globalist and practicing an America Last policy.
Trump was talking about how DeSantis shut down Florida very quickly.
He has a post saying, thank you, the real Ron is a rhino globalist who closed quickly down Florida.
His president's smooth brain knows how words work.
And even its beaches.
Loved the vaccines and wasted big money on testing, in quotes.
How quickly people forget!
Exclamation point.
And this is followed by a retweet from a random person on Truth Social who has under 5,000 followers, but Trump found them because they posted a thing saying, President Trump will destroy DeSantis in a primary.
And it has a poll that shows Trump getting 51% and DeSantis is like 29%.
But yeah, like so much of his, of Trump's, uh, truth social is just, uh, him attacking DeSantis or retweets of other people attacking DeSantis or people saying, I'm Trump 2024 all the way.
Like there's, I ain't backing down.
Trump's my boy.
I got this.
Also, because Trump is, and this may have been a kind of a shout out to cue it on from Dan Scavino, Trump's cue whisperer.
A few days ago, Trump changed his profile photo on Truth Social to a picture of Trump, but the American flag was basically superimposed over his face.
And I've just posted it in our group DM, so that Sgt.
Elk can gaze upon Trump's flaggy face.
And apparently this was done on an anniversary of a Q-drop where Q was quoting the Star Spangled Banner.
So they were like, oh Trump!
He's doing the thing where he's loving the flag!
This looks like Trump on a coffee table comic book cover from the 90s.
This is like crap.
The stars are so oddly spaced.
Yeah.
This looks like Donald Trump as the head, like the actual physical head on top of a muscular body of a superhero in a knockoff Marvel universe who's like America guy or something.
Freedom Man!
Captain Patriotism!
He, like, genuinely looks like a warning of the evil politician here.
Like, his eyes are so small and beady.
Like, this is not the image I would have chosen of him.
I know they're trying to give him like steely resolve, but he just like, maybe it's my bias,
but it looks really pretty fucking evil in this.
So what's what's what's about the stars?
It's like you would think that like, for the theater of the mind folks, it's just like
imagine the American flag.
But like, instead of just like that standard field of stars, it almost looks like the big
dippers around Trump's like left eye.
It just looks very weird.
So the flag is like going down his face vertically and it looks like he's got sort of like a
Phantom of the Opera like blue star portion like mask sort of like a Kano, but all the
way down to his lip and then the rest of his face just has red stripes.
It's very bizarre.
Yeah.
And the scowling look on him, like, you know, this looks like the cover of the issue where Lex Luthor got the presidency at comic books.
Transparently sort of sinister and evil looking, and unless you were showing this to terrorists, it's probably not the look you're going for.
Yeah, the stars are arranged badly enough and in such a way that I thought it was some sort of, like, dog whistle that I don't recognize.
Like, it was just some sort of coded, like, oh, the stars are arranged in the such-and-such pattern.
Like, Hitler loved that.
Also, for real though, if you look at this picture and you cross-eye it, like you're looking at a magic eye or whatever, when it gets fuzzy, he does just look like a clown.
He looks like a literal, actual clown.
He's just pasty white with a bunch of red near and on his lips, and then a big blue embellishment on one side of his face.
Yeah, okay.
Good stuff.
Real theater of the mind action for the folks at home, just like every other podcast.
Picture a dumb fucking cloud that looks just like Donald Trump, because it's Donald Trump.
Yes, that's basically it.
But I mean, this image has been around everywhere because rational people are like, what the fuck is Trump's avatar supposed to be now?
And people are looking at it.
Meanwhile, QAnon's just like, He's doing it!
Freedom Man!
He loves America!
And the tapper on all of this is he had a speech, I believe in New Hampshire recently, where he declared that he is more committed and more galvanized for the fight than he ever was before.
And it's like, dude, you were president for four fucking years!
You better have been tooth and nail in the fight at that point!
You literally were in office!
You ran the fucking country!
You're like, yeah, those four years... Give me another shot and this time I'm actually gonna try.
Yes!
Yes!
This time I will put some steak on it for ya.
Don't worry, never you worry.
Yes!
Yeah, when I beat Hillary Clinton and I lost the Joe Biden, really wasn't putting much effort in either of those campaigns.
But 2024, oh my god, you have no idea!
I am gonna be just fucking rip, roar, and throw at elbows like you read about.
Oh my god.
Wow.
Yeah, we noticed that you really didn't put that much effort into the presidency, Trump.
We noticed.
You were golfing.
You were golfing a lot.
We got it.
Man, you better hope that, if you're Hillary Clinton, you better hope that you're, like, close to, like, a nuclear fusion breakthrough or something, because you really don't want your legacy in the historical footnote to be lost to Donald Trump.
I mean, granted, she's got other, she's got other W's, she's got some W's under her belt, but, like, the most significant thing I can think of is just, like, who is she again?
Oh, right, she somehow lost to Donald Trump for President of the United States.
Yep.
People are going to look back at that and be like, what the fuck happened?
You had to be there.
There were these emails.
It was really, it was really controversial.
People were voting for Harambe.
I mean, it was, it was a wild time.
You wouldn't get it.
I'm sorry.
They're going to be like, no.
He somehow won through the resistance of being caught on a hot mic saying that he just liked to grab women by their pussies because he was rich.
Just thinking about that still stresses me out.
It's fucking so crazy.
The people I worked with were just like, hey, do you think Donald Trump's gonna get elected president?
I was like, fucking of course not.
He just got caught on a hot mic saying he grabs women by the pussy.
Ain't nobody gonna elect that man.
I was so confident.
Oh, young L, so young and trusting.
Yeah, I forgot that Democrats do in fact have it in them to fumble the bag under any circumstance.
Oh, God.
They dropped that with Trump, like Gina Carana levels.
Hey, we managed to lose the George W. Bush and Donald Trump.
It's very impressive.
Yeah, but the George W. Bush thing was actually kind of a work.
Oh yeah, you don't even need a chin foil hat for that one.
That was Roger Stone in Florida.
Oh, and this is where my hackles get up again.
And I'm just, I just start getting like the dread syndrome where I'm just like, abolish the Electoral College!
Fucking bullshit.
Democrats have won six out of the last seven of the popular votes.
And we've gotten three terms of Republicans in there somehow because a bunch of old dead slavers were like, yeah, we have to let the slave states have a little say in who gets to be president.
Over 200 fucking years ago.
What's the record right now?
Is it like 8 million or whatever?
I want, like, I want the next time the person with the poverty vote loses, I want it to be, like, I want there to be 20 million votes that went the other way and they still lost.
Right.
I just want it to be so egregious that somebody has to just be like, are you fucking kidding me?
Like, regular people are just like, what?
Yeah, oh, they're gonna do something where they're just gonna, like, make... They're just gonna absorb all the blue states that are anywhere near California into just one state and just call it, like, Mega California and give it, like...
They're going to steal our One Dakota idea?
No, that's our idea.
That's our thing.
Yeah.
It's our merch we're never going to have.
Yes.
One Dakota.
Because I'm sure merch featuring any sort of Dakota just flies off the shelves.
Everyone's just like, are we going to represent Dakota?
Hey, our fans will support us.
One Dakota.
I would be worried if our fans of Dakota were offended, but there's only like 50,000 people living there.
What are the odds that any of them are listening to the show?
Exactly!
It's like karma living in Australia, which doesn't exist.
The Dakotas actually don't exist.
We're just all kidding around when we talk about the Dakotas.
Yeah, that's like the code name they gave.
It's like that movie Annihilation.
There's like a weird thing going on there, so the government just made it look incredibly boring so no one's interested.
Anyway, I could talk shit about Dakota for no reason all day, but instead, let's go to our listener mailbag.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. Mebat asks, with Roseanne's new comedy special coming out soon, what's your favorite pilled celebrity?
Oh, wow.
I don't know.
We did talk about Adam Carolla quite a bit, but that's definitely not it.
I don't know.
Maybe Tim Allen?
As far as pilled celebrities go, I've enjoyed his work probably the most, followed maybe by Kevin Sorbo.
If I'm speaking purely as, like, a lecher, then Gina Carano is probably my answer, just because I was just like, aw man, Gina Carano, she ended up being on the bad guy team?
But she was, like, thick and attractive!
Well, maybe she just wants to be a big fish in a small pond, because the rest of the conservative celebrities are just not very effective.
That hasn't really worked out for her.
But I think it probably still sort of tickles me the most that it's Kevin Sorbo, just because his body of post-Hercules work has been really funny to me.
Oh yeah, so it's Thorboe and the God's Not Dead shit.
Oh, Kviesel, also good though.
That's a good one.
Oh yeah, Kviesel!
Kviesel's like, they're gonna do Passion 2!
We're actually gonna have a movie!
That's going to be directed by raging anti-Semite Mel Gibson, and QAnon-believing lunatic Caviezel are going to be the headliners of this movie, and it's going to make incredible bank!
I just want it to be like, you see flashes of the ankle of some brown-skinned person running through some woods or underbrush or whatever, and then after a time of them teasing you with it, it opens up and it's just like, Utah!
North America!
And it's just like, oh shit!
We're gonna get the plates!
Moroni's gonna be here!
They did it!
They got to Mel!
Who's the guy from Person of Interest?
That's Caviezel.
Is that Caviezel?
I can never remember his name.
Yeah, that's Jesus!
Yeah, I can never remember his name.
I watched the whole first season of Person of Interest and I enjoyed that show for like, an hour long, like, boomer show from CBS.
And then yeah, Caviezel went hard queuing on and I was just like, oh, it really bummed me out.
He made me the most sad.
Kevin Sorbo and Tim Allen entertained me the most.
So I don't know, take that for what you will.
Yeah.
Okay, I think that covers that.
Thank you for the question.
Troy McClure, comma, really says, explain to me, like I'm five, the Wizards of the Coast D&D drama.
Okay, so back when Wizards of the Coast did 3rd edition, they put the core rules, like the way you roll dice to resolve stuff, and the modifiers, and this and that, and a lot of that, into what they called the Open Gaming License.
And then they allowed a bunch of other creators to use that open gaming license to make a bunch of content that they could publish and make money off of.
And that was the status quo for many years.
Fourth edition came and went.
They tried to change the license for that.
Everybody was like, boo, this sucks.
So then fourth edition went away.
Fifth edition came out and it was still under OGL.
And everybody was like, man, fifth edition D&D is great.
And now everybody loves D&D.
At which point, now that everybody loves D&D and was just seeing a lot more money coming from it, Hasbro, their parent company, gets involved and says, OK, we have to monetize these people harder.
And then there was an attempt at making a new open gaming license.
Uh, that had a bunch of shitty stuff in it.
It was pretty much, it was pretty much butt top to bottom.
Uh, even though the core conceit that was just being like, hey, I feel like we should be able to get some money from the, all these companies that we have, like, sort of allowed to, like, cling to us like some sort of parasitic fish to some great shark.
So, even if they may have had a point in some instances, the way they executed it was fucking awful, and then the community rallied and shouted them down, and they have been crushed and defeated.
And they were just like, instead of trying to change the OGL, we are instead enshrining the OGL in Creative Commons.
So we could never modify it.
Yeah, which there's no coming back from.
Yeah, that's a pretty good summation.
Hasbro didn't realize how, I don't think parasitic is the right word, symbiotic, all these other creators were, but they saw these other creators making millions off of their game.
Sorry, I said parasitic when I meant symbiotic.
Because those fish, that's a symbiotic relationship.
The fish clean the shark.
Yeah, and, like, a critical role only gets more people to buy more D&D books, and Hasbro wanted people to buy more D&D shit harder.
See, but yes and no, because again, like, a lot of the people that I saw making, like, you know, A lot of the people I saw decided to jump into the foray by making their video essay or whatever and getting their clicks while the giddig was good.
We're very proud to admit how little of Wizards of the Coast product they bought.
They were like, I love D&D and I've never bought a single Wizards of the Coast book.
And it's just like, okay, well...
They don't give a fuck.
They don't care.
They don't fucking care about you.
They do not care about you or your opinion.
And also being so bold as to proudly admit that kind of makes you sort of shitty.
Like, if you really liked D&D, maybe you would support them at least somewhat?
I don't know.
Sounds fucking easy to me.
Just buy the four books.
Just buy anything from them to show them that you actually will, with your dollars, support them.
So again, like, I was more on Wizard's side than a lot of people, just because I totally, I was just like, yeah, I mean, like, I don't think it's on Wizards to perpetually allow a Paizo to exist using all of their, like, all of their stuff as a foundation.
Granted, Paizo is doing their own thing now, like, which is good.
I mean, that's great.
But also, like, you know, there was a right way to go about it.
Wizards of the Coast failed at that.
And as more and more information came out about it, it seems like Hasbro, the blame really falls at Hasbro's feet.
Yeah.
Desperate shareholders are apparently trying to get Wizards of the Coast spun off from Hasbro because Wizards of the Coast makes all of Hasbro's money.
Uh, hopefully that will resolve itself down the line and people who are, like, creatively passionate about the things that they're making will also get to have their hand on the wheel of the business aspect of it.
Um, and we will have less catastrophic blunders like this and a bunch of the dumb shit that happened with Magic the Gathering over the past few years.
So, we shall hope!
Yeah, there's some good videos out there explaining it.
I know Legal Eagle did a pretty good video explaining it from, I feel like, both sides.
His came out before the Creative Commons step, but he explains it.
Yeah, Wizards fully rolling over just happened, I think, a couple of days ago.
That's like a very new development.
They were like, you have like literally actually defeated us on this issue.
We are we are done.
We are done even making an attempt.
We apologize and we fucked up real bad.
And please continue to support Dungeons and Dragons Got Dead.
Yeah.
Watch X Machina season two on Amazon.
Yeah, Critical Role's fucking response to the whole thing.
D&D Beyond is one of our major sponsors, so we have... They could have just said no comment, but... Anyway, next question.
Essential Corp asks, what was the inspiration for Hello My Beautiful Babies?
Uh, I think that for a while, I had just sort of naturally, for whatever reason, gotten into the rhythm of saying, of like, tagging sentences with BABY, and like, that was around the time where we started recording, and for whatever reason, that seemed...
Less insulting if I leaned into it and made it a gimmick.
And then someone asked us, asked us and you to not do it because they thought it was gross and then ensured that it was sticking around for forever.
Yes, even though I had forgotten about that part until just now, I do remember those people saying that.
And to those people, it would be great if you were still listening, because we're two years going now.
Beautiful Babies has been a thing for a while.
I honestly think it was just born out of a weird quirk of You know my my my manner of speaking and like the the phrases I use sort of go through like a like a weird like cycle and yeah I will say he was a baby was a rotation I guess it was not it's not that weird of a thing for L to talk like that in our private life and he'll just like
It, like, if I had to guess, outside of all this, he was probably trying to do it to either, like, make me uncomfortable or get one or both of us to laugh.
And, like, Beautiful Babies is a little awkward, and so it probably got a grimace out of me, and that Is probably where it came from, if I'm, like, theorycrafting.
Yeah, I mean, that's probably what got it to stick.
Yeah.
If it was one of those dumb things I just said at one point, they got it to stick, but yeah.
Because, like, there's a chance that if you go back and listen to the early episodes of the podcast, there's a chance that, like, I may have introduced myself by saying something like, what's up, baby?
Or whatever, just because I was trying, I don't know why, I just, I was using baby as a button.
It's like the other day I was messaging online with somebody from the UK and I was messaging to them the way I would message to anybody else, but I was sort of in my head about it because it was really highlighting how much UK slang I work into just my general, like...
Like, talking, and I was just like, oh, like typing it out, I'm really just like, I hope this person doesn't think I'm being patronizing.
This is genuinely how I speak.
If I'm asking you if you're having a laugh, that is serious.
And I'm not putting an accent on it.
I'm just like, hey, are you having a laugh, man?
He will say that quite a bit.
He's not Johnny-come-lately on that phrase.
So there you go.
So that is the murky and mysterious origins of Hello My Beautiful Babies.
Our next question is from Ken Stanchik, who asks, is Freddy Potatoes pulling off his beret?
And I have sent the photo to Sarge and Elle so that they can answer if Freddy is pulling off his beret.
Oh, absolutely!
Yeah!
Hell yeah.
And also, like, the background of the American flag... Yeah, it's an adorable dog wearing a bandana as a scarf and a red beret in front of a properly horizontally aligned American flag.
And in our group chat, it's right under that horrible Donald Trump picture and the juxtaposition is just great.
Yeah, the dog is doing... Freddy is doing much better than the Trump.
Yeah.
Also, for the record, is this dog's name Freddy Potatoes?
I believe so.
That's great.
That's a great that's a great dog name.
I mean, I'm sure you don't say the whole thing every time, but when you do have an opportunity to say the whole thing, I bet it's probably excellent.
Yeah.
It feels like that would roll off the tongue very effectively.
It also sounds like it could be a gangster of, like, essentially any ethnicity that would be appropriate for, like, Chicago in the 1920s or 30s.
Freddy Potatoes and Jimmy Boogers.
It's Freddy Potatoes.
Is he Irish?
Is he Italian?
Is he neither?
Is he both?
Who can say?
Oh god, I'm going to make a board game called The Great Museum Caper and one of the criminals is going to be Freddy Potatoes.
So that's going to be... You have my promise on that.
That's the thing that's going to happen.
Secretly, Freddy Potatoes is Jewish.
They've got potatoes.
They've got delicious potatoes.
Yes.
And our final question in the mailbag proper is Pancake Peasant asks, if you could guest tour any place on Earth with no restrictions, where would you go?
The Vatican.
Guest tour with no restrictions?
I mean, the Vatican is a strong contender.
Nap Vatican!
Whatever, I don't know why I pronounced it Vatican, maybe I thought I was from the brand?
Patio Vatican!
Whatever Patio Vatican doesn't want me to see in Patty's basement, I would very much like to see those things.
Whatever they've got like squirreled away that is not for anyone, I want to see it!
More horrifying apocrypha than you could ever imagine.
Yeah, I mean, luckily for them, I wouldn't be able to read the Aramaic or Latin or whatever it was in, so I couldn't tell what it was saying, but I could just look at it and just be like, oh dude, whatever Jesus is getting into with this one, it's gotta be fucking wild.
I mean, like, the Vatican's hard to beat.
Like, a close follow-up is Area 51, but I, like, They just do advanced research there.
I do not think there's actual alien... Yeah, you'd probably get to see like a sick drone or whatever.
Yeah.
Like, like, like whatever the next step of Predator drone is gonna be.
Yeah.
Right.
Um... Yeah, it's... What about you, Mike?
You got a good one?
I'd go for, like, a really good pyramid in Egypt.
Like, you'd find, like, one of the ones of, like, the ultra-pharaohs.
The ones, like, not in King Tut, because we obviously excavated the shit out of that, but, like, one of the more untouched pyramids.
If I could just run around in there, that'd be awesome.
Well, there is that persistent rumor, that is probably total horseshit, but wouldn't be cool if it wasn't, that one of the walls of King Tut's tomb actually leads to a separate chamber.
They keep, like, bringing, like, different equipment into there to, like... Because the problem is that, like, x-rays can be dangerous to the murals on the wall, so they have to be, like, real delicate with how much they blast it with radiation and stuff.
Right.
But they're just like, man, there might be another secret chamber in here.
You know what would be great?
I think... I think a lot of Petra is unexplorable for various reasons, so I guess if there's, like, Magic Genie style and you just got to actually, like, you know, like, could fully explore a place that was otherwise inaccessible, like, Petra seems like it would be cool.
Yeah.
So that's that.
That's that question, which brings us to Chairman Walkman's list of questions.
And on that list this week is, what is your least favorite plant?
Probably poison ivy.
Poison ivy sucks.
Definitely agree with that.
Not a fan of that.
I am a big, uh, I very much do not enjoy crabgrass because most of my front lawn is crabgrass.
Like it's just, uh, basically like the decision would have to be, cause it wasn't done in the fall, but this spring it'd be like, do I just want to kill the lawn and start over?
Or have another year of crabgrass for a lawn and then eventually decide to, like, in the fall, kill it and reseed it and hope that next year maybe there could be actual grass for a yard.
But I mean... I don't have a great real answer for this, but I have a decent cop-out answer.
So that's what I'm going to go with.
And my least favorite plant would be the original banana tree, because I know it exists and I can never try the delicious bananas that it produced.
The persistent rumor is that artificial banana flavor is supposed to taste the way original banana tasted.
Because you know how there's that weird disconnect where artificial banana tastes fuck all like a regular banana?
Allegedly that's because when they originally formulated that shit, it tasted like original banana.
And whether or not that's true, I would love to try original banana.
And you just can't do it.
It's impossible.
Original banana is dead.
Original banana.
Unfortunately, the banana is in fact not the atheist's nightmare, because we made the banana.
Imagine how sick it's going to be when somebody finds some sort of tidy, unexplored island or atoll or whatever.
There's just going to be a small copse of original banana trees.
Why are we bringing back the woolly mammoth?
Bring back banana.
Yeah, come on.
Well, hey, I mean, woolly mammoth might also be delicious.
Let's not be too hasty.
Yes.
And that brings us to our question of numerous, which is what are you guys looking forward to?
That's a good question.
I don't really have much to be... Well, I guess at some point I will probably buckle and start watching The Last of Us and I'm excited to finally have all my friends shut the fuck up about whether or not I've watched The Last of Us yet.
That'll be exciting.
You and me are the holdouts in our big group chat group of people that haven't watched it.
And everyone keeps just being like, hey, it's very good.
And I'm just like, yeah, I'm sure it is.
Like, I just, I watch a lot of other stuff, man.
I watch anime.
That takes a lot of time.
When a new season of anime comes out, if you're doing like the three episode give,
like that's a big commitment up front when a new anime season starts.
So the last of us can fuck right off until I get to it.
I'm looking forward to doing some painting today.
I didn't paint any yesterday, and after the Chief's tremendous victory in the last three seconds, I painted up one of my Eldar to have a 15 on its back.
So it's Farseer Mahomes, and I really like how it turned out, so I'm excited.
to try that painting technique again and see how some more guys turn out.
Probably going to paint him up in Chief's Colors.
DM me Farseer Mahomes and I'll post him on my Twitter feed.
Nice.
I will do that.
I'm very happy with how he turned out.
I was trying a new painting technique for me called Slap Chop.
It's quite controversial, but I really like how he turned out.
I'm all here for painting controversies.
I want you to get big so that someone, someday, can shit-talk your painting the way you shit-talk Martin Geddes' photography.
I'm never gonna.
My partner has a degree in painting.
Don't get me started on the guy that Sarge saw at the event we went to that he hated.
There's a guy there that he hates?
Remember that guy, Sarge?
The guy with the backpack?
Who you hate?
Like, a Ghostbusters-level backpack lighting rig, and it just looked so fucking corny.
And you mentioned it one time, and for perpetually forever, that man has become your nemesis.
Yeah.
It's great.
Anyway, we're really in the weeds now.
Mike Rains, what are you excited about, mate?
I'm excited because I'm going to be able to get some sleep for the first time in forever.
I had this just incredible, incredible moment last night.
My shift is ending.
I will be released from the burdens of casino life.
This guy who I knew was going to be a problem from the word go, just the vibe of this man was just off.
He proceeded to have an incident, and the incident was literally another supervisor looked at this man.
That is literally all that happened.
He was looked at.
And that man then went to my manager and proceeded to chew his ear off for over an hour about being looked at by this other supervisor.
This was like Pai Mei in Kill Bill who was inconsolable about not having a nod back.
During the whole time this guy was saying shit like, now back in my old ways, I would have just taken that guy and I would have thumped him.
But I'm trying to do the right thing now, so I'm just coming to you to talk this out.
And the guy, and basically me, the other supervisor, my manager, we were all trapped for an hour as this guy whined and complained about being looked at.
By by the other supervisor.
That was it.
That was the entire story.
The guy just kept circling back to it over and over and again for an hour.
And the manager was just like, so he looked at you and he'd be like, yes, he disrespected me the way he looked at me was so disrespectful.
And he was like, what else happened?
And he was like, And about a half hour into the conversation, he then made up these like, Oh, yeah, then he started badmouthing me, then he started really laying into me.
And the manager was like, What did he say to you?
And he and the man said, and I quote, I'm not a rat.
And it's like, we've been listening to you talk to us for a half hour because you're ratting out my co worker for looking at you.
But you're not going to rat him out about him badmouthing you him berating you and it just never ended and eventually we were able to gingerly And the payoff of all of this horror was that a bunch of the time, he'd be like, oh, my girlfriend's in the car!
She's waiting for me!
But he couldn't leave, even though he had abandoned his girlfriend to the car.
So when he got out to leave, his girlfriend had drove off and left him.
And then he had to get a cab.
And it was just magical.
It was just an absolutely magical experience.
And you're excited about hating this man?
I'm excited about the fact that this that man denied me sleep.
So I'm even more exhausted today.
I've been exhausted for four days running.
And I'm excited the fact that after this podcast is over, I'm probably just going to like face plant into the ground and just like, Sleep for the next, like, twelve hours.
Wow, I love how much of this burden you're shouldered on this old man.
You haven't gotten sleep for four days, but this old man vexes you for one day, and you're just like, this fucking old man!
He's like, AHH!
Because I was looking forward to sleeping so much last night!
And he just took it away from me!
He was just like, no!
You don't get to leave!
You don't get to go to bed!
You just get to fucking listen to this drunk man!
Well, the bad news, Mike Rains, I'm coming over and me and you, we're going to go on a six hour Italian food bender.
We're going to hit all the spots.
Not only are you not going to be sleeping, you're going to be having a belly full of warm pasta and it's going to make you want to knock right out.
We're going to die on the highway.
It's going to be great.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
No, that's not true.
I already ordered Italian food from a local place called Domino's.
I believe it was Domino's.
I don't know how it's pronounced, but it's... You should try out those famous... Toretto's.
Those famous Irish restaurateurs' McDonald's.
I hear they have incredible ethnic cuisine there.
Yes, I mean, how are their fried potatoes?
We have a local place here in Kansas City and they say when you eat there, you're family.
That's their big tagline.
Wait, they say that when you eat there, you're eating your family?
That is crazy.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a wild gimmick for as long as it lasts.
Fuckin' cannibals.
It's man-meat.
Anyway, they're putting the man back in man-wich.
What a great joke.
What an incredible joke.
Not such an incredible joke.
I'm gonna be heading out of Hellworld like a Milli Vanilli getting caught lip-syncing.
I'm just gonna slowly dance offstage.
And I'm going to take my co-host with me and we're going to do a little skid-a-brink right off the stage.
Oh my god, we're so over the weeds!
Yeah, I've also, I've heard weird things about it being all corners.
Anyway, that's for a later podcast.
Thank you everybody for listening.
I can't imagine that anybody still is, but if you're here, still, God bless you.
We appreciate you and your support.
If you want to continue supporting the show, tell a friend or leave a five-star review or do any of that happy horseshit call-to-action style that people insist that you do on their platforms now.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
If you have money and you want to support the show, you can give it to us, and we will happily accept it.
You can do so by giving it to us at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics, where you can donate at various tiers.
If you give us at least $5 a month, you get access to all of our bonus content, which is over 50 hours of good hot stuff now, so get in there and enjoy some of our old series, such as Kabalwin.
Or what we do out of shadows.
Those are the ones I would start with.
We also have Mule's Errand.
At some point we'll get back to QWEEM.
Mike Rains has been doing a bunch of solo stuff recently.
Yeah, it's good shit.
We got a suggestion from a user today to watch National Treasure and see how much Q-related nonsense is in National Treasure.
I actually think that's a pretty savvy idea.
So, you know, we have stuff in the fire.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us because we suck, we get it.
You could do some good with it by donating it to love146.org, an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Or, you know, you seem pretty savvy.
You can probably figure out how to do good with that money.
If you don't want to give it to us, do some good with it, and that will make us happy.
Thanks to DJ Minimal Effort for the use of our intro song.
No social media for DJ Minimal Effort.
I'll never be able to get you guys to think it properly.
He is immune to calls to action.
But call to action I shall for Frosty, our friend who does all of our bumps.
You can find Frosty on Twitter, at FrostyVO, at least until Twitter turns into a black hole that used to be a social media empire.
Speaking of that black hole, you can find us there.
The show is at Hellworld with a Q instead of an O. So sneaky.
You can find me at Hellworld L, spelled the same way as the show.
You can find Sarge at Sargent Hell.
And you can find Mike Rains at Poker Politics, obviously.
That's why you're here!
His expert opinion on QAnon-related bullshit.
What a lad.
So for another successful episode of the Adventures of Hell World Podcast, I've been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L, joined by that guy I just mentioned, Sarge, and that guy I was just praising, Mr. Mike Rains.
