Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #109: Durham loses again
Durham has failed and QAnon has to scramble to explain why their greatest champion is a total loser. Also Walker ducks out on a debate and MTG tries to celebrate the Confederacy but fails. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello.
It's still me from the Internet.
And the mysterious El.
Hello, my beautiful babies!
Oh, it's spooky season, Al.
Yes, it's October.
It is the season.
Yes.
And, uh, we, me and Al are pretty much in the ballpark of a majestic Salem, Massachusetts, the very beating heart, the very beating heart of Halloween.
So this is, uh, this is the time for that sort of nonsense to be happening.
Yeah.
You guys live in Halloween town with Bette Midler.
Oh yeah, the picturesque and totally accurate depiction of Salem, Massachusetts from Hocus Pocus 2.
I haven't seen Hocus Pocus 2 yet.
I know for sure Hocus Pocus was filmed in Salem because I recognize all those scenic locations.
Yeah, it was just like they did some exterior shots and then they set the rest of it in like Burbank or whatever.
Yeah.
In the second one, it's like slightly more accurate, but then they're still just like, oh, this is good.
They'll show like downtown Salem and it'll be like the town fair.
And there's just like what appears to be like a four, maybe six car wide street going on on it.
And I'm just like, yeah, I've been to downtown Salem many, many times.
There are no streets like that, man.
They're one lane streets that are still technically by law somehow two lane streets.
I love in the first one the most is that gigantic cemetery that's supposed to be in the middle of Salem somewhere.
It's just huge.
Yeah, I mean, clearly.
It's our most defining characteristic.
Yes.
That's where we put the thousands upon thousands of witches that were killed.
Real, actual witches.
Well, we routed them all up and we put them up into the trees and then we put them into the dirt.
And by the time we were done, we were like, damn, this is like the whole town now.
You just can't go anywhere without stepping over some sort of dead witchfire.
But in like a million years, it'll be witch oil.
Oh, magic oil.
Yes.
Yeah, just like one gallon will run your car for like 10,000 miles.
It's like super oil.
It's oil blessed by Moloch, which is the best oil you could possibly have.
I feel like if we stopped cars in a thousand years, we'd have fucked up.
Yeah.
It's just like, really?
We just, we got to wheel and then stopped?
That was the end of it?
Yep, pretty much.
In a thousand years, it should be like just either, you know, Star Trek Paradise or insane cyberpunk dystopia.
One or the other.
Oh, yeah.
I don't think we're on an internal combustion engine anymore.
It's going to be like that movie Surrogates.
For every doughy, stupid, awful human body that's out there, there's a sexy robot version
of it that goes out and actually operates in the world.
My favorite part of that movie is when they, at the ending, when they destroy,
when they destroy like the surrogate system and everyone just walks out of their house.
They're like, oh man, we're back to being normal.
What would actually happen is everyone would just get mad and we would rebuild the surrogate system immediately.
Yeah, they'd be furious.
I'm pretty sure that most of those people had the option to just not get a surrogate to begin with.
What's that dumb movie where they... But then again, I don't remember.
Was there some sort of contrivance where you had to have surrogates?
I can't remember.
Yeah, I don't remember.
It was like, oh, the Earth's irradiated.
And then everyone's pumped.
They get to leave their house and die.
Yeah.
Ah, that's what I want.
A 90% chance of getting lethal cancer.
Thank God Bruce Willis saved me from my sexy robot body, because that was bad for me because reasons.
Yeah.
What's the movie where they buy and sell everything with literal time?
Like you have to work to earn... I think it's called About Time, isn't it?
No!
Yeah!
It's very close to that.
It has the word time in it.
Justin Timberlake's like the star.
My favorite part about that movie is that hyper-rich people have all their time on their person, so you can just knock them out and steal a century if you wanted to.
It's simultaneously better and worse.
It is in time.
Yeah, About Time, I think, was a different time-related movie from a similar age.
I know they do a time heist.
They steal time.
Dude, I know that his mom is supposed to be like Jessica Biel or whatever, and it's just like, look, I don't like this system.
I don't want...
I don't want to grow up in a world where it's just like, ah, yes, my mother, well, she decided to freeze herself when she was peak attractive.
And now my whole life is just like I had to deal with all of my friends wanting to nail my mom.
Because everyone's mom just looks like the Smoking Cop version of them when they were like 26.
Yeah, yes.
Oh man, makes me miss Binge Wordy because I feel like we'd be watching in time.
Oh, dude, I've seen In Time twice, I'm not gonna lie.
What?
Why?
I don't remember why this... I think the first time was, like, accidental, and then the second time was one of those runbacks where it was just like, oh, I remember this movie being absolutely bananas.
I should watch it again.
I've seen James Cameron's Avatar three times in theaters.
Not because I love it, but because it came out right when I was getting back from Iraq.
So everybody wanted to take me to a movie, and the only thing in all theaters, as mandated by Hollywood and the secret Jewish cabal, was Avatar.
So I saw Avatar three times.
I saw it once and I came away thinking that it was a rip-off of both Halo and Ferd Gully.
And I was like, well, I guess if you're going to mix two things together, you could do worse than that.
So I gave it about a C.
Oh my god.
Um...
I don't remember.
I guess we should actually get to the part where we start talking about QAnon and QAnon adjacent bullshit.
Shit.
So let's get into it with our freshest, hottest, newest segment, which I haven't said in a while.
The Amuse-Bouche!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the Amuse-Bouche!
I set up a great segway for something that's going to be in the news, because it's slightly more serious.
Yes!
Your segway game, you're like Aniket Skywalker.
You're seeing something like that in the future.
It makes your segway game sort of weird in some ways.
So put a pin in that, dear listeners.
That's a segway for later.
Thank God!
You can save segways.
Everyone's going to remember that in 25 minutes.
Absolutely.
I'm the master of remembering stuff.
Yes!
I've always said that about El.
Okay, so a booze booze topic number one.
It's time to talk about Herschel Walker again.
Herschel Walker is a dumb dummy who won't stop delivering.
You mean rootin' shootin' deputy Herschel Walker?
Yes, the man who had a, I don't know, it was a video of some kind.
I don't know where it was posted on social media, but like Herschel Walker hanging out with like the most Southern sheriff he could possibly find.
Just literally someone out to get them no good Duke boys.
And, and Herschel Walker was like, Hey, I'm hanging out with the sheriff and I'm totally a cop with my toy badge and it's all great.
And then after he did that little hit and, um, Then he kind of said, I don't know if I actually paid for that abortion or not, because maybe it was just child support, even though the timeline made it obvious it was absolutely about the abortion.
He was supporting that child to get aborted.
He brought that badge to the debate and the moderator had to keep telling him not to use props.
Yes.
And by the way, there were plenty in our media who were like, uh, Herschel Walker over-performing his low expectations gave a solid performance in tonight's debate.
And it's like, why am I allowed to set my standards for my grade?
Why am I allowed to say I'm probably going to get a 50 on this test, and if I get a 51, people are like, wow, Mike Raines crushed that test.
He figured he'd get a 50, he got a 51.
How good is that?
Sure, his opponent got an 80, but we expected them to get an 80, so does it even matter?
Does it even count?
I mean, come on.
I love the idea that you can set your own expectations for debates.
Oh, I do.
I do all the time.
Man, I crushed that.
Yes, absolutely crushed it.
Well, what's even better than setting your own expectation for a debate than just refusing to participate?
Yes!
This is what it is to go even further beyond.
Yes.
So basically, Reverend Warnock was at a debate with one of his meaningless third-party opponents, and they had a third podium on the stage for Herschel Walker, and he did not attend.
He just didn't show up, because that's how strong Herschel Walker's debate game is, and that is, even for all the water carriers in the media, He decided, you know what?
I'm still going to try this again.
I showed up once.
Enough people gave me a gentleman's C on it that I'm going to call it a W. I'm going to get out of here.
So yeah.
It's really interesting because you would think that part of being a politician and a legislator is that you actually have to like think, you have to explain your position, you have to be able to answer questions, you have to do these kinds of things.
And our boy who is, I mean again, this whole abortion thing has moved the polls a bit in Warnock's favor, but It's not where it should be.
Let's just say that.
It's not where it should be.
And so yeah, Walker's just kind of hoping he can slide across the finish line here, even by just skipping debates, avoiding talking to people.
I mean, it's probably the better play on his part.
Almost assuredly, but it's like, my God, this is the rock solid, incredibly strong candidate pool the Republican Party has to offer America.
It's not great.
Yeah, it's heartening.
Oh, very heartening.
Incredibly.
Yeah, I mean, well, the good news is that it doesn't actually get any better than that.
It gets worse than that, in fact.
Because, of course, Marjorie Taylor Greene, perpetually in the news cycle in some form or fashion, Apparently had a little bit of confusion regarding a monument in the South.
Now, of course, if I see a Civil War monument in the South, I might suspect that it is a Confederate monument.
But I am not a politician, and I don't have any reason to fact check this sort of stuff before tweeting about it.
Mike, I'm assuming that Marjorie Taylor Greene probably has these people.
Why didn't they stop her from making this unforced error?
Uh, because I almost think it's a kind of on brand for her to make a angry, kind of defiant statement and then to get dunked on by libs.
I, it's, this is part of, it has to be part of what she's going for almost.
One thing that I know that her and Lauren Boebert do is intentional misspellings.
They love making tweets where they misspell something so that liberals can amplify their message while dunking on them for being functionally illiterate.
It's like, that's the goal.
They want you to focus on the stupid spelling error and not their horrible message.
But this one, it was...
Marjorie posted this, and I believe it was to her Truth Social account.
It may also be on Twitter, but she has a red checkmark on this one.
It was for sure to her Truth Social.
I'm looking at it right now.
Right, and it says, Tonight, I stopped at the Wilder Monument in Chickamauga at GA, which honors the Confederate soldiers of the Wilder Brigade.
I will always defend our nation's history.
One thing I love about this shit is, like, who thinks, like, honoring, like, the bad guys in the Civil War honors our history?
Like, are there a lot of German politicians being like, ah, this monument at the Battle of the Bulge commemorating the Wehrmacht and its gallant attack on the Allies?
It's just like, who?
I will always honor German history.
It's like, who?
Who, like, intentionally goes for, like, Team Bad Guy and is like, hey, I'm on Team Bad Guy's side.
Rooting for you!
Like, I'm here for it.
Like, this is... I stand in solidarity with, like, the biggest monsters America ever created.
Like, that's the side I'm on.
And, um... Give the Confederates some credit.
We've produced much worse.
I think treason in defense of slavery, that's a really high bar to clear.
We have some really good war crimes going.
Oh, I know we do.
But I mean, the Golden Circle and all that kind of stuff that was the dream of the Confederacy.
Their goals were pretty barbaric.
I'm not saying they're not monsters.
I just think we've produced worse in the years since.
I love this fun bit you guys are batting back and forth where you're trying to out atrocity one another.
America's history is filled with monsters.
Well, clearly Marjorie Taylor Greene is not a monster because the monument that she was visiting is paying respect not to Confederate soldiers.
In fact, it's their paying tribute to the Wilder Brigade commanded by Union Army Colonel John D. Wilder.
Yes!
Yeehaw!
They were apparently a group of citizen soldiers that were, in fact, not Confederate boys.
They were just rootin', tootin', seven-shot repeatin' rifle shootin' mounted cavalry for the Union.
You know, the good guys.
You know, I'm glad.
It's good to see NTG out there fighting for our nation's history of putting down insurrections.
She's finally decided to come around to the side of good.
If you try to rise up against the United States of America, they will put you down.
Yes.
Here in a few years it seems pretty likely that she might get an opportunity to visit some statues erected to our heroic Predator drone pilots.
Like, uh, like, 420-69-Deez-Nuts-XX.
No, it's gonna be Airman Smith and Airman Dane or whatever.
Yeah, only the Japanese squads will get cool names like that.
that it would also be a dumb funny daddy.
You don't get a, you don't get cool fighter pilot call signs when you're a
drone pilot.
No, you absolutely do.
I mean, I guess it depends on how many bingos you hit, right?
Like, if you've just got, like, a red ledger the length of your arm, then sure, you could be, like, the Predator King.
You can get at me, Air Force, if I'm wrong, but you nerds don't get call signs for drone pilots.
In like 30 years, no one will know that their dad was secretly the world's most dangerous drone pilot.
And that's gonna make for a real boring John Wick knockoff.
Where he's like, ah jeez, you messed with my family and now I'm activated again.
time for me to go sit in my office chair.
I'll never forget it.
I had an argument with one of my just like chuckle fuck friends on Twitter and I, they were just like, you'll never take my AR-15 away from me.
Argle bargle.
And I'm like, what's your AR-15 going to do against a predator drone?
And they were like, I'm going to shoot the guy piloting the drone.
And I'm like, how, how the fuck are you going to do that?
God, why do you people, why can't you people think more than like, I don't know, like anywhere, five inches in front of your nose.
Like, that guy is inside a military base.
You're never getting within 20 miles of him.
That's just how this works.
Your buddy's AR-15 is linked to a satellite laser called the Hammer of Judgment.
You didn't know this about him, but he can hit any target and destroy it instantly with a solar-powered satellite laser.
The only thing he hates about it is that it has to be solar-powered.
If they had it in them to make it fossil fuels, they would.
Believe you me.
Oh god, yes!
A proud coal-rolling satellite laser.
What?!
I'm just imagining as the laser shoots you, you're just like, ME!
ME!
And just like smog blows all over the area.
You're like, how the fuck is this happening?!
And then you get a radiant... It's just like a giant cloud in space.
Yes!
I really think that's the point where the aliens would have to step in.
They're just like, wow, these, these stupid monkey people have now started to pollute outside of their own planet.
Like, okay, we have to, we have to intercede now.
We've just been, we're just like, you know what?
It's their planet.
They can do whatever they want with it, but space is for everybody.
Yeah.
That's why Trump invented the Space Force, to fight them.
To say, we have a right to pollute in space.
Fuck you aliens, we're thinking of the fight to you!
He made the Space Force so he could form the 20 Space Marine Legions and start his campaign of conquering the galaxy.
Oh God, if only.
Wow, if you really think that the man has that much foresight, no way.
He just wants to keep oil in space.
oil in space. Yeah. And if he has to, he'll cut off all trade with Wakanda to do it if he needs to.
He just wants to keep space white. Wait, no, we're not supposed to say that part.
Keep space great forever. The vast empty, the vast empty whiteness of space as it has historically been called. Yes.
That's how I remember reading it in all the books. Yes. The vast whiteness of space.
Anyway, I feel like it's been enough of us talking nonsense.
Let's move on to our headlines so we can talk about famous people talking
nonsense.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Alright, leading headline for the week.
Congratulations, fans of free speech.
Pretty soon, you'll have another hero to go on your Mount Rushmore alongside Elon Musk, as he attested by Twitter, so that you can say the N-word.
Now, Yay West is trying to buy parlour so that you can say whatever you'd like about people of the Jewish faith.
Mike, what's the skinny on Yay V Jew, round two?
Kanye has decided that he is attempting to buy Parler, which people have been pointing out that this feels like everything that's happened recently was a massive op by Candace Owens to just fleece Ye of as much money as humanly possible.
So she shows up at that fashion show with West wearing the White Lives Matter shirts.
He goes on his crazy rant against Diddy, posting all the text messages on Instagram, gets his Instagram account shut down, and now he has all these problems where he can't get on social media.
And then one thing leads to another, and shockingly, now West is getting ready to buy Parler, the CEO of which is Candace Owen's husband.
So weird.
So weird, so weird that she helps create this problem for Yi, where he gets kicked off social media for doing all the crazy stuff he's doing during his manic breakdown, where he's promoting virulent antisemitism and just generally being a person who needs to seriously have someone, needs someone to intervene on his behalf.
And then after all this happened, she's like, hey, I have a solution for this problem.
You can buy this social media platform and then you'll have unfettered access to the internet where you can say whatever you want about the evil cabal that's trying to hold you down, aka the Jewish people, because that's the road that he's decided to go down.
That's the decision he's decided to make about these things is just, I'm going to be Full-blown anti-Semitic, right-wing.
The cop that killed George Floyd didn't really kill him.
It was the fentanyl.
Got himself hit with a lawsuit from the Floyd family for that.
No idea.
Haven't seen anything about First Amendment lawyers talking about free speech and that.
If he is actually on the hook for any money there.
Yeah, he is spiraling.
It feels like there's like no bottom this time in a way.
It's just sort of like, it just gets worse every... Yeah, there's no, there's no net to catch him.
There's no, uh, Kardashians to like PR team to reign him in.
He's got all the rope in the world, uh, right now and, No one can or seemingly will stop him.
He's just this really weird, depressing, manic, anti-Semitic, like.
I can think of at least one group that he would insist is not going to be able to stop him.
Yes.
Yes.
Him and former president Trump agree with you there.
Only like our former president thinks they should support him.
Uh, But man, this has been... It's just such a fucking bummer.
He's just like... For a while I felt sad for him.
Like we talked about last week.
When do you get to flip the switch?
And I think it was last week.
But, uh... Feeling bummed out for him.
This is... It's just pathetic.
Like...
Dark Twisted Fantasy wasn't good enough to make me, make anyone just be like, you know what, you can be as anti-Semitic as you want.
Yeah, that requires something like Thriller.
Yeah.
It has to have real juice.
You have to be putting out like Sergeant Peppers or whatever to get the job done.
Yeah.
You have to be putting out Sergeant Peppers and then be untimely shot in front of your apartment.
So that you can't keep saying anti-Semitic things.
I mean, I just, I just, like, I wish that for the sake of the people that he claims to be representing, Kanye West could reveal his secrets of accumulating insane vast amounts of wealth while simultaneously not, I guess, using the services of any Jewish person.
Because that totally seems like the way it went down for Kanye West, where he was just like, yeah, when he was on the come up, I'm sure he was just like, no, thank you.
Like, I will, I will not sign to your record label or, you know, do it, use any of your services because I have my principles.
Also, like, I heard a part of his rant where he was talking about how the blacks were Jews.
And I was just like, OK, I mean, like, I don't know.
So what are you trying to say here, man?
Like, it's all over the place.
Well, we have to get into Black Israelism there, which is a weird, racist, sticky wicket that, you know, more than Kanye believe in.
You can ask Kendrick.
I mean, I'm sure not to qualified about any of this really, having been born neither black nor Jewish.
Yeah, it's... And having not adopted Judaism as my religious faith later in life.
Yeah.
It has to deal with believing, quotation marks, swish swish, that black people are one of the lost tribes of Judah and therefore are Jewish.
I'm being very oversimplifying a lot.
It's weird.
I'm glad that you stepped up to the plate as a qualified person to discuss this.
Yeah.
It definitely does not seem like a huge landmine.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Uh, no, but I mean, it's kind of important to know where one of his like manic crazy beliefs is coming from.
Uh, I don't think we're going to get too much more into it, but it's like, it just continues to be depressing.
And now he's, he's pulling an Elon and like, I'm just going to buy a social media platform so I can be as racist and antisemitic as I want.
Uh, I kinda doubt it's gonna go through, because I don't know how much money Kanye has.
Quite a bit, but even failed social media platforms cost a lot of money.
Oh, they're gonna give Parler away for pennies.
Because Parler is such a worthless also-ran of a platform.
That also can't stop just tripping all over its own dick.
Can you even get it in, like, the app stores anymore?
I doubt it.
I'll look.
But I mean, you have Getter, which is again also basically dead.
You have Gab.
I'm sure at this point Torba's like, where's my billionaire?
Where's my lunatic rich friend to just give me $75 million so I can fuck off and go build my compound in the middle of nowhere and I try to create my Aryan paradise.
But you have Telegram, which is an absolute cesspool of weirdness and awfulness.
And then you of course have Truth Social, which has had reporting that the people who made Truth Social, originally they were supposed to get like 90% of like the stock options and Donald Trump was like, Buddy, give your stock options to my wife.
And the guy was like, I don't want to do that because I worked for this.
And Trump was like, no, you're giving them to my wife.
That's how this works.
My family is going to just start stealing all the equity out of this company now because this is how the Trumps operate.
You giant dum-dum.
You actually thought you were getting into a good faith business arrangement with the Trumps?
Are you out of your mind?
So yeah, it would literally every one of these crummy, uh, yeah, uh, parlor, uh, you can download it on social media on, on the, on the app, uh, on the app store from, uh, Twitter, uh, no Apple.
It, uh, the, uh, title is unbiased social media, it says under the lid.
So yeah.
And it's social media the way it was intended and read news speak free.
And last but not least, crowdsourced content, which I guess that is kind of good.
I'd have no idea.
And then there's a weird thing that looks like chat roulette that's called Parlor, which I think was obviously set up to kind of like riff off of that, which would be really funny when you're like, Hey, this isn't my place.
I went to go to be racist, anti-Semitic.
Why am I just talking to people that are showing me themselves on cameras?
This is wrong.
I don't want human interaction.
I want to be angry on the internet.
Come on.
What's going on here?
This is where I went when Facebook told me I couldn't be racist anymore.
Yes.
You can still be racist on Facebook.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, they're too busy building their empty metaverse to stop you from being racist on Facebook.
Now with legs!
Oh my god!
Which also, by the way, that was bullshit.
That was all fake.
The legs were not real.
They were just like, now with legs!
Sort of.
But this is not what it looks like because this is all hokum.
Nobody's using our stuff.
I love reading the desperate corporate internal memos that are coming out.
Where the people working on that, like, you know, the higher-ups in management are just like, you know, guys, if we want our users to use meta, you guys really need to start using it yourselves and, like, getting it there.
And they're just like, dude, meta's so boring.
Nobody's on it.
Nobody wants to use it.
They just use VRChat.
I literally, I watched the Nope meta, like, video.
It was cringiest, most boring thing, where they brought the cast of Nope in
to look at the farm recreated in meta.
It looked so lame and so boring.
And then I saw a video from VRChat where a furry was giving a full-on exercise class with legs that moved exactly like his did in real life.
So if I was going to use either one of those products, tell me which one do you think it's going to be?
Sarge, you don't know how that guy's legs move in real life.
Yeah, I can't know, but I did see how his character's legs were moving, and then I looked at meta, and I realized that, hey, if you guys are putting legs in, all of your interactables in meta do not interact with legs, so that doesn't make any sense.
They're so scared of people fucking in their empty metaverse, they're just really afraid of the lower body.
That's really what this all comes down to.
Is that why it is?
Dude, if they want anybody to give a fuck about the metaverse, they need to have a team working on those genitals right now.
Like, I mean, if I wanted to go to a virtual reality chat room and not have virtual reality sex with people, I could be doing that right now.
Those things have existed for a while.
I want somebody with the deep pockets of Facebook to get it there, and I want sloppy VR genitals.
I want menu options like Cyberpunk 2077.
I want the whole nine.
I want things.
I want abilities.
I want it to have to scan your real genitals to work, so that way you can't, like, you know, there's no dog slider.
Otherwise, everybody would just have, like, 15-inch dicks.
It would just be like, everybody would just, like, ah, the Max Slider package.
Hey, that's the pay-to-win content to get the slider.
Otherwise, you're just stuck tiny.
Max Slider is my Max Headroom fan account.
I'm telling you guys, this is the future.
Imagine all the dog customizing options in VR.
That's what it's all about.
But not in Meta.
Never in Meta.
Never in Meta.
Oh, God.
Listen, if you want... Hey, if they want to put on their big boy pants and give me, like... They can't.
They don't have legs.
I want cosmetic dog skins.
I want it like Call of Duty.
I want to be able to camo up my pees.
Well, then you need to go to VRChat, because we're not going to Meta.
If you want to be racist... The Zuckerberg's not going to be able to find my pee, and it's going to be so camouflaged.
If you want to be racist, you go to Parlor with Kanye.
And if you want Dawn Slider, you go to VRChat.
Don't use Meta.
Don't worry, I don't have to tell anyone to do that because no one's using Meta.
No wait, do use Meta, but only after you pressure them into adding in the dick camouflage.
I don't know where you're going with this joke.
Where I'm going is the hilarious mental image of somebody lurking through the woods with a fucking camouflaged dog.
Oh, I thought you were doing it like Predator style.
So it's invisible, but then when they put on, like, the heat vision, they can see your dog, but then they take it off and it's gone.
No, that's a different X-Pac.
We haven't negotiated the Predator license yet.
But then, no, but it does shoot like the three little beams out of the tip of it, so you can see your target.
Anyway, this conversation has gone off the rails, per usual.
Sick fun stuff.
So, yeah.
Ye West, he wants to buy parlor.
So, I'm assuming that Elon Musk, being the rich goober that he is, had something to say about all this.
Oh, so Elon had a tweet, which he deleted pretty quickly after he posted it, where it said something to the effect of, this was inevitable, and it was the three musketeers with Elon, Kanye, and Trump's heads photoshopped over their heads, and at the tips of their swords was parlor truth, and Elon had declared that Twitter was now X, because that's apparently what Twitter's gonna be called once he is done Finding the 44 billion dollars that he doesn't have in order to buy it.
So yeah, however that's going to work out where they're going to take care of this thing and make the purchase.
Yeah, I believe the main reason why he was and also he had that photo of The meme of him and Yi doing, like, the Dragon Ball Z, like, powers activate thing that also got deleted because Twitter is just sort of like, hey, you're the guy who's, like, not buying our platform, even though you have a contract to do so, and now you're constantly posting memes on the internet about how you're going to work with one of our rivals after you buy us or whatever.
So, like, What you're doing is stock manipulation.
So please fuck off and also give us our money.
And so it's really, what's really funny to me is that Elon, like the whole point of Twitter to me is that it's this massive, like, it's like the town, what people like to call Twitter is like the town square of the internet.
Like everyone gets to go in.
It's like, it's like the coffee house.
You go in, you talk to people.
For good or for ill.
Yeah.
Right yeah but it's like this is like the place where everyone like hangs out to like meet and have fun and you watch videos of like an orangutan putting on sunglasses and uh kittens doing crazy stuff and Elon's just out here being like yep when I get a hold of this shit I'm gonna be just as nuts as Trump and Yee!
It's gonna be great like I'm gonna I'm gonna turn Twitter into just another version of Parlor of Truth!
Doesn't that sound great?
Isn't everyone totally happy for the impending Elon takeover?
And it's like, no!
That sounds fucking terrible.
I, like, I, a normie, I just, I'm on Twitter so I can, like, follow all my favorite musicians, or I'm just on Twitter to watch cat videos, or I'm on Twitter to follow, like, Pittsburgh Steelers, like, football media accounts, and, like, the NFL.
I'm not on here so that, like, someone can call my favorite player on the Steelers the N-word.
Repeatedly, and started screaming and yelling about stuff.
Or telling me that my favorite musician is a blood-drinking Satanist who is part of a Luciferian cult that's trying to enslave the world.
These are not the reasons why I'm on the platform that Elon is trying to purchase.
But those are the exact people that Elon wants to basically try to dominate the conversation once he takes over.
Maybe we can just get Grimes to take one for the team and just like take him back so he calms down.
Or maybe he could just buy our silence to the tune of one million United States dollars.
A piece.
I'm not splitting it with you.
No, that's fine.
Just for me.
I'll determine how it gets split.
I'm okay with this.
Elle's actually the power in this podcast.
I don't trifle with her.
We've always known he wears the non-existent camo pants.
Yeah, the pants are invisible and the dog is invisible.
You'll never see it.
You'll never see it!
Just like Meta.
Yes.
Just like every woman.
You will not be able to see my dog.
Oh, I made myself sad.
L in real life is actually a meta avatar.
You can just see him from the top up.
But the moment below his belt, it's invisible.
He's just floating.
Like, just hovering ominously in every room he enters.
Yeah, and my face looks like an even more lifeless B character.
It's like the genie from Aladdin.
Yes.
Only there's no smoke.
It's just an actual void.
It's just nothing.
There's no smoke.
There's no shapeshifting.
He does sing quite a bit.
Yes.
I do.
I have the rhythm in my blood.
Yes.
And the voice of an angel.
El's got sick pipes, just so you all know.
Yeah, but you can't see it because of the camo.
Yes!
Wait, what?
Michael's complimented by sick pipe!
Yeah, I did.
Moving on in our glorious headlines for the week, let's talk, hopefully for the last fucking time, about Danchenko.
Mike, it's Danchenko o'clock.
Please get us out of Danchenko o'clock.
Okay, so our boy Danchenko, who had been accused by QAnon's greatest hero, John Durham, of unspeakable crimes.
The same crimes that when Michael Flynn was pled guilty to them, they were dismissed as process crimes.
Bullshit made up by the deep state to try to railroad Michael Flynn into a flimsy indictment and conviction.
But our boy Danchenko was on the hook for lying to the FBI four counts after one count had already been thrown out by the judge for being such bullshit that he wouldn't even let a jury rule on it.
And after the one victory, the one Herculean bar that Durham was able to clear this time is I think we made it to day two of deliberations, which I don't think he achieved in the first trial against Sussman.
But we made it to day two, and then the jury asked a question to the judge.
The judge told them, the piece of information you want, you cannot have, fuck off.
And then the jury was like, fair enough.
They went back in their room and then they came back out and said, this guy's acquitted, all charges, did not do them.
And so our boy John Durham is 0 for 2 in trials.
Federal prosecutors have like a conviction rate of like 87% or better.
So having a federal prosecutor lose two trials in a row is ridiculous.
And it goes to show how incredibly shitty his cases were.
It's 5D Chess.
You have to take a couple of L's before you come back for the next victory.
Right.
And now this is the... Durham losing, shitting all over himself, promoting this bullshit.
That's only a very small part of this whole program, because this shit has been going on for over a year in the QAnon world.
And you have all the memes of Durham with laser eyes.
There was a meme recently of Durham.
Basically, they put Durham's beard over a T-800 endoskeleton and made him into a Terminator.
But it's just, it's non-stop.
Over the last couple months, they created this hashtag on Truth Social called Durham Watch.
How's that going?
Oh, yeah, exactly.
And this is the thing is that this has been just this relentless drumbeat.
Q always was hyping up Durham.
Durham was one of Q's great white knights that was going to slay the dragon.
That is Hillary Clinton.
And so all of these people have been just whipped into a frenzy over all this shit.
And then when Sussman went to trial and got acquitted, QAnon had all these excuses.
They were like, oh, this was tried in D.C.
D.C.
juries are all a bunch of libs.
They're going to let anyone walk.
Denchenko's getting tried in Virginia.
Like, this is going to be a much better jury pool.
Durham's got a much stronger case.
Cash Patel was out there saying, oh, like, D'Angelo's going to get convicted.
I got no doubt of it.
It's going to happen.
And then he loses.
And the thing that just makes me so just like, it makes me sad, angry, frustrated.
All of it is the way QAnon promoters react to their audience when this shit happens.
Because these pricks, these absolute scum, they spend months and months and months hyping up their audience like, oh, Derm's coming!
Derm's gonna get him!
Derm's gonna bring justice!
He's gonna fuck these people up!
And then Durham loses, and these QAnon promoters are like, look, man, like, Durham was never gonna win.
If you thought he was gonna win, you're out of your fucking minds.
Like, you need to see the bigger picture.
You need to see that these losses were actually setups for big wins.
Just like El said a minute ago.
That this is 11-D chess, and that, like, Getting Sussman and Denchenko, would that have even been good enough?
That would have been nothing!
But these losses only are building to our greater future victory, and if you don't understand that, and if you don't have the patience to wait for that great victory that's coming any day now, just keep waiting for it, you fucking rubes.
Keep subscribing to my sub stack, keep donating to my Patreon, keep buying my coffee, keep doing all the things that make me relevant and give me money.
But if you don't have the patience for the inevitable victory that Durham will give us at some ill-defined point, that's your problem and you need to fuck off.
Durham Watch sounds like being a Lions fan.
Yeah, it is!
Exactly!
Yeah, Lions Super Bowl watch.
Only the difference is that the Detroit Lions head coach doesn't walk to the podium after a loss and go, You know what was the problem today?
Our fans.
They fucking suck.
These people.
They do.
I mean, that's the thing, is that these people, they manipulate their audience for months and months on end on this shit, and then when it all flames out and they're left holding the bag, they just turn around and blame their audience.
And they're just like, hey, you, audience, You need to fucking buck up.
You need to man up.
Like, I saw people calling their audience crybabies today.
I saw some guy saying, like, you people need to get your panties out of a wad about this.
It's just, it's just this constant blame shifting.
Our heroes... What about the Fairweather fans?
I mean, they're only there when the Q team is winning, which so far has been never.
But when it happens... Any day now.
This is their year.
Crawl it back.
Stormwave.
Hashtag Stormwave.
And this is the thing is that like this is what they always talk about is like that validation that may come to you if you just eat shit long enough that one day your wife and your kids or your family or whoever they're gonna come back to you and be like, We're sorry we doubted you for the whole QAnon thing.
You were obviously right.
It's like that sick need of validation that you're willing to torment yourself over and over and over again like this.
And it's just...
It's just, it's so sad that the amount of sunk cost people are willing to invest in QAnon to hope for a payoff, to hope that they're going to get anything.
And it's like, look, you're not, you never will.
Yeah, in this midterm election in three weeks, it's going to happen.
Yeah, Republicans might win the House.
They might win the Senate.
They might win both.
Like these things could happen.
And if they do, yeah, you can beat your chest for like a couple weeks.
Like, yeah, we won something!
Yeah!
But guess what?
Joe Biden's still going to be president.
Like, you're still going to have to have that asshole in the White House, like, just driving you nuts for at least two more years.
You know, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are going to remain free.
They're not going to be indicted tomorrow.
Like, none of the victories that you've been promised by all these assholes are going to happen.
Like, none of this is going to be achieved.
Trump skips ever closer to getting indicted.
I mean, a year ago I thought it would never happen, and now I'm just like, you know, maybe.
I wouldn't put money on it, but there's a decent chance.
It doesn't seem impossible anymore.
Yeah, so this was one of my fans, a man who literally spent his last night on Twitter following me and then calling me fat and yelling at me until he got suspended.
Beer at the Parade.
He posted a poll on Truth saying, what has been the most tragic broken relationship this movement has cost you?
And he listed spouse, parents, offspring.
That's how he described children, offspring.
Best friend, siblings, job, slash career, or your own business.
And it has over 271 votes for people commending what relationships they've had ruined by their belief in QAnon.
And it's like, man, I mean, just openly stating, you know what sucks?
Believing in this bullshit.
Because you just run around antagonizing all your friends and family until they're like, you know, I'm sick of your shit.
I'm cutting you out of my life.
And you're just like, man, my wife just took the kids and went away.
Maybe I should stop believing in QAnon and get my family back.
Nope.
That, that would, that would suck.
I can't do that.
I have to keep believing.
I have to remain pilled because as great as it was like having a family, believing that like George Soros secretly rules the world and that Donald Trump's going to kick his ass and stop him one of these days.
That's way more fun.
That's just so much better than having a life.
I mean, it is fairly fun.
I wouldn't say it's more than life fun, but it's certainly like a fun thing to think about.
You know, Donald Trump coming in, Jumbotron, running down to the ringside, grabbing the folded chair over to the rig and really taking it to, I don't know, Nancy Pelosi.
Sounds great.
What do you think Trump's run-in music would be?
Well, I don't think he can navigate the ramp while running.
Yeah, that's proven.
So, what would his entrance music be?
He would probably just steal Ted DiBiase's, right?
What I was hoping his music would be would be a song by some artist that he stole it from and as he gets halfway to the ring they have to make an announcement that the artist has pulled the music from the venue because they do not want it to be associated with Trump.
And then he just gets angry and in dead silence he grabs the steel chair and then slowly meanders into the ring to begin fighting.
No wait, Mike, they would start playing mirrors.
Oh yes!
Yeah, exactly, exactly.
That's exactly right.
That would be what would happen.
Oh God.
It would actually play.
They would find a way to remove like the crowd clapping or cheering and they would just play mirrors.
They would play Trump's closing speech from one of his rallies because nothing would make Trump happier than the sound of his own voice over the where we go when we go all music.
Yeah, that's absolutely what his theme would be.
And now we actually have videos.
We have a pre-match video to build up hype for it.
Because we have that video of Pelosi talking about wanting to punch Trump, wanting to boop Trump in the snoot, and that she was willing to go to prison to do so.
Who sells for Trump, though?
Well, there are some real crazy wrestlers.
Never mind.
Oh God.
Oh, there are so many wrestlers that would love to take a bump for the God Emperor.
Oh my God.
I forgot that he was actually on wrestling.
Yeah, he took a Stone Cold Stunner.
Trump was part of one of the marquee matches of a WrestleMania.
Which was hilarious because the stipulation of the match was that either Vince McMahon or Donald Trump would have to shave their head as a result of the outcome of the match.
And if you didn't know that meant that Vince McMahon was getting shaved bald, I don't know what the fuck to tell you.
There was no way on God's great earth that Donald Trump was losing his comb over.
That man and his horrifying head of hair that he's become whetted to in the most gruesome manner possible.
I mean... Mike, you forget though, everybody's got a price.
Million dollar man!
Buh buh buh buh buh buh million dollar man.
Buh buh buh buh buh buh buh.
Yes.
Well, uh, no segue needed.
We're already talking about Trump, who of course, with his, his, his bigly importance is going to round out our week.
Uh, and in another, like another in our longest series of, Hey, Donald Trump has just fully embraced QAnon and is talking about it like pretty frequently.
Uh, what a fun series.
Uh, Mike, how's, how's Trump been embracing the Q madness even harder this week?
Uh, Trump went on a binge.
It's really weird because usually his binges involve some like actual terrible bad news happening for him.
But this time he just woke up.
Or Burger King.
Bazinga.
Yeah.
This maybe could be Burger King.
This actually could be a Burger King.
And so basically, uh, he went on a, um, he went on a rant where he was just retweeting everyone all left, right, and center as he likes to do in these spots.
And.
One of the reasons why he did this, uh, one of the things that happened when he did this was he, uh, signal boosted a bunch of QAnon accounts.
Um, one, yeah.
And, uh, one of whom was, uh, one of the, the quote unquote, uh, uh, one of the members of the quote unquote serious QAnon group, We The Media.
That's on Telegram, and they have their own brand.
Apparently they got some low-level MMA fighter in Britain to wear a We The Media patch in his walkout kit, and they were very excited about it.
Oh, cool.
Yeah, that was great.
So... What?
One of those guys, he's my boy AwakendOutlaw.
He talks about me all the time.
He very much hates me.
Yeah.
He always posts video...
He posts photos of me wearing a mask, even though my face has been out there.
I don't know why he does that.
Because your face is fucking hideous, bird!
Oh!
I'm Medusa!
I don't even know what male Medusa would be called, but it's me!
It's a Mike!
And also, he's fat!
Yeah, and you're fat, too.
Oh, no!
Fuck!
Boom.
Got me.
Yeah, but he retweeted our boy AwakendOutlaw twice, or re-truthed, because their stupid naming system is so pathetic.
So yeah, he re-truthed AwakendOutlaw twice, and all of QAnon was like, all the commenters were like, Oh, Outlaw!
Did you see what happened?
Oh, you're the man!
And this is one of the main dopamine hits that QAnon offers its promoters and supporters.
Because back in the day, the dream was to get cued, to cite you in a cue drop.
And that did happen to a lot of promoters.
And that became such a big thing.
It was called getting cued.
And then the retreat from Trump was called getting trumped.
So now, like, Now that Q has, again, dipped out after... Because Q would have had to show up again to be like, Hey!
Abortion's illegal in America again!
Fuck yeah, women!
Take that!
And then whined about the lady who said that Trump grabbed the steering wheel of the Secret Service agent that was trying to drive him away from the Capitol.
Those were the important issues the world needed to know about.
Everything else that's been going on in our world for the past, like, two fucking years, Q has no opinions about any of it.
No comment.
No thank you.
FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago.
Cue deadly silent.
You work it out yourselves, dum-dums.
No super-secrets.
I mean, he already said all he needed to say regarding whether or not they were going to take it, which was no.
Yes.
I'm not going to take it.
Yes.
But yeah, so, so, uh, because Q is gone, the only thing you can do now in order
to get the ultimate win is to get retruths on Truth Social by Trump.
And that way you can put on your big boy pants and be the biggest big boy there ever was.
And it remains terminally sad.
It's the most ridiculous thing in the world.
And it's, and the thing is, is now like Truth Social has like nobody on it.
So the odds that you could build an account that would get seen by Trump, that he would repost you, it's not that hard.
It really isn't.
I mean, if you just literally made an account like mega Trump 2024 and just post it all, Trump's the best.
I love Trump.
He's so good.
Probably within like three months you could get re-truths, because he's just this whiny narcissist who probably name searches on truth for himself.
And if he sees like, I love Donald Trump, I love him more than cheeseburgers, he's the greatest, Trump's gonna be like, fuck yeah, this guy gets it, boop, re-truth.
Yeah, I'm better than cheeseburgers in this guy's mind.
And cheeseburgers are really great to the average American, am I right, bros?
Yeah.
And everyone's just, yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
So it's just, it's, it's really, it's really wild that Trump built a social media platform to create an echo chamber to make himself less sad.
That's really all this is.
It's just a way for him to see good news about himself.
Some older men with money buy sports cars and some of them buy social media platforms.
Yeah.
It's like, Hey, where could I sequester all of my like, just lunatic supporting fans that just love me and I could just like radiate in their adulation of me all the time.
Yes.
We've created a platform for that.
Oh, thank God.
Well yeah, because he needs to be able to reach those people so he can ask all of them for a donation of no less than three dollars or whatever.
Despite how rich and powerful Donald Trump is, he could still use three or more dollars from you.
Yeah.
So please give the Donald Trump campaign three or more of your dollars.
By the way, this is a recurring payment unless you check off that option.
So we're just going to skim your account for three bucks every month until you notice that we're doing it and you stop.
Yeah.
I mean, that's how all of these business models work.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
The Trump campaign is the new gym membership.
That's how they operate.
That's the system.
Seems like if you were going to hock something like a gym membership, you probably wouldn't want Donald Trump involved.
Well, I mean, you do want like the QAnon vision of what Trump is as be part of it.
Because like, you guys probably saw the post that made where Trump was Adam Warlock, all swole and jacked up and ready to save the world.
I mean, Every, every thing they do with him is so bizarre that they take what is an incredibly doughy, very old man who doesn't know how to apply makeup to his face and just has this like just sheen of orange clown makeup on
With, like, visible lines where the makeup ends and his pasty flesh begins.
They just take all of that and just, like, airbrush it away.
And instead, he's, like, just this svelte, like, mid-40s guy with a six-pack, just crushing libs, and all the ladies are, like, falling over themselves for him, because he's just the Alpha Chad.
Just, like, the ultimate sign of what an Alpha Man is.
It's just...
It's like, man, have you ever looked at Donald Trump in real life?
Have people ever seen him?
I mean, my God, he's nothing of what you people make him out to be.
It's so absurd.
I don't see anyone.
No one on the left was like putting like pictures of Hillary Clinton on the bodies of like supermodels or like turning her into some just like go-getting just dynamo like just fit.
Totally in shape, totally youthful, beautiful woman who's just going to crush everybody and save the world.
We don't do this with Biden.
Our dark Brandon memes are tongue-in-cheek bullshit about how boring he is and how he likes ice cream.
I mean, it's just, it's so bizarre that the people who are like, oh, you people only worship celebrities and you worship cults of personality.
It's like, what are you?
What are you other than a cult of personality?
That's all you have.
The day Donald Trump drops dead is going to be the most fucked up day in recent American history because you're just going to have millions of lunatics unable to handle it.
They're just going to lose their minds that their hero has fallen.
And it's like, you know, he's in his late seventies, he's massively overweight, and he nearly died from COVID a couple of years ago.
It's not like he's got this, uh, the actuary chart on him does not extend out to infinity.
I mean, the man has a literal shelf life.
It's going to be a weird one when he dies.
Well, I mean, no more weird than fun.
Oh no, I said the quiet part out loud.
Quick, let's cover up my mistake by moving it to our mailbag segment.
That sounds like a plan.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
Yeah, so the first thing I would like to bring up is that our mailbag has been weakened this week.
So, listeners, we thirst, we strive, we yearn for your questions.
Otherwise, we're just going to be riffing about Turboteen for the last, like, 20 minutes of the show.
Maybe you want that.
Maybe you don't.
I don't know.
I have no idea what placates our audience.
Foolish by grades.
That's not true.
We'll just end the episode early because I'm very tired.
Fair enough.
I don't have 20 minutes worth of Turbo T to riff in me.
Are you out of your mind?
Are you a madman?
So, Reverend Zeno... Oh, I am.
I clearly am a madman.
I clearly have gone mad.
So Reverend Xenofact asks, forget Killdozers.
You discover Ron of the Outback is a giant anime robot.
Time to save Australia.
What will the Hellworld mecha look like?
What are its powers?
How do the three of you agree enough to control it?
Mecca?
Fuck that, dude.
I'm just gonna embiggen myself.
Oooooohhhh!
Ba da ba da ba.
I thought you... I thought you meant like... from... uh...
you said embiggen yourself and I immediately went to Super Friends.
I was like, you know, chook!
Just watch you get real big.
What?
Yeah, so I said it big and you went to Apache Chief, character's name, not my choice, from The Super Prince instead of even Ms.
Marvel.
Yeah, listen, I'm very old.
No way, dude.
It's gotta be Attack on Titan, my favorite anime.
See those pipes?
So good.
Why am I still making it here with you, Joker?
Oh, yay.
Start doing covers on YouTube.
We need to get El Internet famous.
You are obviously the JT of our NSYNC here.
So, God.
What does that say about me if our mailbag is weak this week?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Anyway, screw these two.
These two dudes can get drift compatible in some sort of Pacific Rim robot if they want to.
I'm just gonna embiggen myself and fight it.
I'm gonna solo it.
Let's go.
I kind of imagine any mecha that I would have as being more like Voltron and just sort of having generic, like, laser powers and then just And then you have the coup de grace, the coup de grace, you
have the blazing sword or whatever.
You have the finisher that you know, you know, when you bust it out, it's game time, you
know, it's over now.
And it's like, oh no, they're going for it.
That's like, it's like one of the funny things that I realized about Voltron is that like
it indoctrinated you into the idea of once you as a little kid moved from Voltron to
pro wrestling, you understood the finisher.
Because the Blazing Sword, you knew when that happened, oh shit, that other monster's going down.
Nobody survives the Blazing Sword.
And that, in turn, set you up to understand the mechanics of Pokemon.
You gotta weaken them before you throw the ball.
Yes!
You can't just go in with the ball.
You know what I mean?
Straight ballin' usually not gonna work.
No, you gotta soften them up.
You gotta work the ribs.
You gotta catch them a few shots before they're ready to be captured and put into your, I don't know, Pokemon indentured servitude?
Whatever sort of, I don't know, moral quandary people have created about having Pokemon as pets you fight with.
Also, I've got to chastise Isaac Sarge for thinking the wrong thing about when I said Ibigan.
You didn't go to Ultraman?
Don't tell me you don't know Ultraman.
I do know Ultraman!
I watched some Ultraman recently.
I know you watched Ultraman recently, you nerd!
How dare you go to Apache Chief?
Character's name not my choice Oh
Oh God.
Um.
Yeah.
So next up is Cleodora Silvestri asks, Trump owns Truth Central, Kanye is buying Parler, and Musk is set to buy Twitter.
Which of these is most likely to be turned into a radioactive crater and completely abandoned first?
I would say Parler, mostly because of the fact that it's the weakest of the three already, and I really don't think that he has any sort of real kick to him when it comes to recruiting racists and antisemites and dirtbags to a platform.
Because I'm very sure that Team Racist Monster right-wing Chud is happy that Yi is doing this stuff for them, but in that sort of game of quid pro quo, I really don't see Yi getting anything back from them in return.
Because it's like, hey, We're very happy that you're spreading anti-Semitism into the mainstream.
Maybe you're getting some people that could be indoctrinated into our hateful movement of evil.
Maybe you might sway some people to our side.
That's all wonderful.
Yeah, I already have, like, seven social media accounts on all the evil social media platforms.
Like, I wasn't using Parler before, and I'm not gonna use it now.
I'm sure Candace Owens' husband appreciates owning another house now, because you're a moron that gave that to him.
But beyond that, not so much.
I mean, truth social again, the commentary about all the infighting from the people who created it and now the people are trying to steal the money from it.
I think it's possible that at some point the people who actually like made the platform just walk and then Trump has to hire new people and that will probably make it an unusable hellscape at some point, but that feels like it's going to take steps to actually collapse into nothing.
Whereas right now, um.
Parlor is nothing and ye taking it over will not do anything to change how nothing it actually is.
Elon destroying Twitter is going to be incredibly impressive.
I mean that!
Just lighting 44 billion dollars on fire is going to be incredible.
Like, part of me wants to see the sale go through just to watch it happen, and then just watching Twitter's stock price go down.
Every article every three months is just like, Twitter usage rate declines by 15%, Elon vows changes, and Elon's just going, who could have foreseen this happening?
And literally the entire planet's like, everyone.
Everyone, you fucking moron.
He's like, I'm going to invite my good friend Kanye West onto the platform so that he can tell you who's responsible for all these problems.
Yes, exactly!
What's that?
What's that?
The moment I made my announcement about Ye, my stock price went down another 7%?
Guess that shows you who controls the world, doesn't it?
And it's like, no.
This is a self-fulfilling prophecy of your own stupidity.
Unfortunately for you, that just keeps you spiraling in your circle of confirmation bias about antisemitism.
Where you're like, I'm doing all this dumb stuff that hurts me and I'm losing money, but the dumb stuff that hurts me is saying mean things about Jewish people.
So I'm not going to connect the right things together.
I'm not going to connect the fact that society is against antisemitism.
I'm going to connect the fact that antisemitism offends those who control the world.
It's like, oh God, it's like, oh my God, you people.
Like, can't you just be openly proud, dumb bigots and own it instead of just being in this world where you're like, hey, look, I'm just asking questions.
I'm just saying things.
Look what's happening here.
It's like, no, you're not doing any of the things you're claiming.
You're just scum.
I'm sorry.
I hate to break it to you, but you're just wrong and bad.
Yeah, I mean, my best guess would be Parler as well, unless for some reason, uh, truth, uh, social collapse as a result of Donald Trump throwing a hizzy fit and wrestling his name away from them.
Or if they somehow pissed him off and he was just like, well, you can't use my name anymore.
Well, that's, that's, that's either that.
Oh my God, that would be the greatest thing in the world.
Because when Truth first got going, the biggest scandal about Truth was the fact that Trump wouldn't use it.
Trump literally posted one thing when he started it.
He was like, Hey everybody, I'm going to be here posting stuff.
It's going to be great.
And then he, like, didn't use that account for, like, months and months and months because he didn't want to be associated with a loser.
And then after, like, forever, they finally convinced him that the site had enough juice in it that he should post on it, and then he did.
So it'd just be great if the site just, like, started losing traffic enough where it's like, I'm letting everybody know that I'm leaving Truth and going back to my blog that nobody followed.
Peace out!
That'd be great.
That'd be so beautiful.
Poochie returned to his home planet.
All right.
Thanks for the question, Bud.
Yep.
Leech from Buffalo, or B-U-F, I'm guessing it's Buffalo, who has a beholder for his avatar that looks like a beholder, says, is there any billionaire who's going to give Torbz some love?
No, there is no billionaire who's going to give Torbz some love.
I mean, man, if Peter Thiel ever wanted to own a platform, I'm sure Torrance has made the pitch to him more than a few times.
Hey, Pete!
Got a platform here for you.
I mean, it's free speech.
It's awesome.
And Peter Thiel's like, yeah, thanks, but no thanks.
I'm good.
I'll just give Alex Jones $8 million in crypto.
I'll prop up JD Vance and Blake Masters, who are both losing their Senate campaigns.
I've got so many fireplaces to throw my money into.
You have no idea.
And I still won't give Gab any money.
Oh my, it's got to be so frustrating because what's got to be so enraging about it for Torbs is that Gab has been around for forever.
Like it's been around for like over a decade.
It's just it's existed in perpetuity and he's just been This, like, just this Sisyphusian anti-Semite just pushing his little rock up the hill for forever.
And then Truth Social comes out to take away, like, to steal his audience.
Telegram takes his audience.
Parler, Getter.
It's like he's just competing with so many shitty rivals for this tiny sliver of market share.
And All of his QAnon audience ran to Truth from Gab.
I check all the QAnon accounts that are on both, and most of them, when it comes to Gab, they haven't posted in four or five days.
I think Gab has a longer character limit on posts.
So what some people will do is they'll post an incredibly long thing on Gab, then screenshot it and post it on Truth.
So that's Gab's usefulness for the racist on truth.
They're just like, my screed against the Deep State is so long-winded, it won't fit in a single truth.
But it will fit in a single Gab.
Thanks, Gab, for giving me an extra hundred characters.
You're the best.
It's just like, oh my god.
You're the tweet longer for another arrival platform.
That's all Gab is at this point.
You're the saddest thing that ever lived.
It's really funny, because when I would scroll before on Gab's hottest posts, it would usually be a bunch of QAnon promoters, Cat Turd, and then a bunch of neo-Nazis.
Now it's just neo-Nazis.
How is Cat Turd still on Twitter?
I really don't know.
No, they just, he doesn't want to get himself deleted by crossing a line.
And Twitter is super, super bad about getting rid of shitty people.
I mean, Libs of TikTok is literally getting Boston Children's Hospital bomb threats and other harassment.
And Twitter's like, now now, Libs of TikTok, you get a weak suspension for being bad.
And if you do it again, and it's like, because they know that Libs of TikTok is a great engagement.
They know that Cat Turd gets them engagement.
They just don't care unless, like, you somehow cross some mythical line or just give them too much heat.
And also, at this point, I mean, if you're a Twitter employee, are you really going to kick shitheads off the platform when, like, in four months, based Elon might just bring them back and then yell at you for removing them?
I mean...
I mean, it really feels like, if you're a staffer for Twitter, you probably have some crippling senioritis right now.
You just can't wait to get out of the fucking office.
You're just like, hey, give me my slice of that $44 billion and get me the fuck out of here.
That's all I want.
What does it even matter?
Yeah, it's like, what am I even doing here?
Like, some colossal dum-dum is just gonna bring literal 8-8-kun onto this platform in a few months.
So, what is moderation?
What is trying to improve this platform?
Why fucking do anything?
Fuck it.
Fuck all these clowns.
I mean, I know that's how I would feel if I was in their situation.
It would be the most no-win of all possible situations.
Yeah.
I did have the question of people asking, because I posted a second mailbag question saying, don't make me riff on how we're going to cast the Babylon 5 reboot on the CW, because I don't know any struggling teen actors to play characters on.
And someone said, recast Babylon 5 using only people from SNL.
And I was like, I don't know SNL nearly enough to do that.
And I don't know Babylon 5.
Right, exactly.
So you managed to hit a perfect memory hole for all of us.
I mean, I can forgive them for thinking I know what Babylon 5 is, because it seems like the sort of thing I should know at least a little bit about, but I don't.
So we'll just go to our question of numerous for the week, which is, what are you guys looking forward to?
Well, after we're done recording, I'm going to go pick up my lunch, and then I am probably going to do a combination of napping and watching one, if not more, of the various crazy anime that's been coming out this season.
It's quite the season for anime.
So I'm going to have a nice big lunch, fill my tum, and I'm probably going to take a nap, and I'm going to watch anime like a real boy.
The one thing I've always said about L is he's the realest of boys.
Yeah.
Even though he's a floating torso.
It's weird.
How about you, Sarge?
Well, here at the end of the week, I am headed to Vegas, not to do Vegas things, but to see When We Were Young.
When We Were Young is actually happening, and I get to go see it.
I get to go see a bunch of bands that I listened to and never got a chance to see back in the day.
So I'm pretty excited for that to finally be happening.
Live the dream, sir.
Live the dream.
You're looking forward to a thing as far awesomer than mine.
Because my thing that I'm looking forward to is the fact that I have an incredibly public-facing job in a casino, so I'm getting my Omicron booster today because, yeah, because that's a thing that you probably should do when literally all you do is talk to people face-to-face and they're like two feet away from you because no one understands how personal space works in a casino.
And yeah, I don't want the Rona, and if I do get it, I don't want it to be bad, so yes.
So, yeah.
It makes me so interested that QAnon's always talking about how, oh my god, look at this incredibly fit person, they were like a college athlete, they mysteriously died.
I wonder what happened there!
And yet here I am, about to get my fourth shot, and QAnon loves bringing up the fact that I'm a doughy, sedentary blob of slime, and I've never had any ill effects from any of the vaccinations except a sore arm.
So like, when am I going to get my 5G powers or perish?
I want one of the two.
I want to either be superhuman or a wraith haunting humanity and being like, Humanon was right!
The vaccine was bad!
We should have listened!
Oh yes!
Oh yeah, our boy Awakened Outlaw that I talked about a while ago, he posted a meme that was just like, suck on this, haters!
And the meme was, no person alive regrets not getting the vaccine.
Oh, their dumb thing.
Yeah, but it's like, think of that key word there, alive.
Yeah, no one alive regrets being unvaccinated.
What about all the people that, you know, didn't make it?
You think any of them, as they were checking out, were like, man, could have got the vaccine.
Could have turned things around.
That probably would have been a better outcome than this.
Not just a little.
You can't expect people like this to understand simple logic like that, Mike.
It's not inside of their wheelhouse.
Nope, not so much.
Speaking of wheels and houses, it is time for us to spin the wheels and get out of this house, aka it is time for us to flee Hellworld for the week.
Thank you so much for listening and for supporting the show.
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Places to make Hellworld a little less hellish.
Thank you, as always, for the use of our theme song, for our friend DJ Abitable Effort.
Still no social media for them.
What a mad lad.
You know who is on social media?
Those are our friend Frosty.
You can find them on Twitter at FrostyVO.
He provides all the voices that we need for the show, such as the voice of Q and all of our bumps, etc, etc.
You can find the show on Twitter, at Hell World, with a Q instead of an O in the word world.
You can find myself on Twitter, at Hell World L, with Hell World spelled the same way.
Sarge is at Sarge in Hell, and Mike is, of course, at Poker Politics.
So, for another successful, question mark, episode of the Avengers of Hell World podcast, I have been one of your hosts, the Mysterious L, joined, as most times, by the less mysterious Sarge, and of course, as always, by our expert in all things QAnon crazy, Mr. Mike Rades.