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Sept. 29, 2022 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:26:53
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #106: GOP continues to suck. Ukraine continues to win

This week it's time to talk about the GOP committing stolen valor. Bragging about jailing women who have abortions, and Trump continuing to pander to QAnon. Also we dig into Russia falling apart as Ukraine continues to dominate them. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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♪♪ Content Warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Hello, everybody.
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
It's me, Sarge.
Still here.
And the mysterious El.
What's up, my cool cat, beautiful babies?
Hey, it's Jazz L. Ooh.
Yes.
Keep up.
It's a good one.
I've always wanted smooth Jazz L in my life.
That's what I've been missing.
Squiggly pee!
I think of the squiggly pee whenever I think of the jazz.
That's what it's all about.
Everyone knows that I am widely, like, publicly known to be associated with jazz.
Yes.
Like, I am a known jazz figure.
Truly, of all the jazz figures I can think of, El is definitely at the top of the list.
100%.
Well, I mean, that sounds like appropriation.
I'm pretty far down on the list.
There's several people of color above me.
But, you know.
Not on the list.
There's me.
Being a renowned jazz guy.
They're just like, hey, can you recall what instrument he plays?
And it's like, no, not really.
It's like, yes.
It's about the instruments you don't play.
Yeah, that's, man, what a good spike on that one.
Well done.
The problem is it came so quick, I'm like inclined to just use it to segue into the amuse-bouche, which I'm doing now!
It's time for a light sampling of insanity.
Get ready for the amuse-bouche.
Yes.
Okay, full disclosure, we're going to be talking about a guy whose last name is spelled in a way that I'm inclined to phonetically pronounce it.
Majewski.
If that's not how you pronounce it, I apologize.
It is.
I actually watched some videos of it because I was just like, is his name actually said this way?
And it is.
And I was like, okay, we're going with it.
I mean, that's fine.
It's Polish, so...
Right.
I mean, usually that, like, you know, when you get into the C's wedged between S's and Z's it can get kind of tricky, but that would suit pretty above board.
I just don't know how the Polish language treats a J. I guess, as we do.
They're just like us.
The Polish.
They're just like us.
Sometimes the J in Polish is a Y, so it's, um, that's the one thing that I think is tricky, so.
There's tricky Polish, you know.
Sometimes the J is a Y. But hey, in our The King's English, you know, sometimes Y is a vowel.
And that's kind of fucked up.
I mean, vowels are supposed to be special.
Like, get out of here with that shit, Y. Yeah, ask Wheel of Fortune.
Get your own thing.
Why?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on.
Why?
That's right.
Some of the patented already off of the rails that people come here for.
Anyway, so yeah, this chap named Bejewski, I believe, is in the headlines for lying about his war record.
Mike and or Sarge fill us in, since, of course, Sarge is our military expert.
So I'll start with who he is and then I'll throw it to you for the military stuff at the end.
So Marjuski is running for Congress and he's running against a pretty established Democrat, but the redistricting, aka the gerrymandering that's been going on has made this district more, more competitive.
And it's, it's possible that a Republican will be able to defeat the Democrat and flip the seat to the, to the GOP.
So Brzezinski is kind of an interesting candidate to run in this spot because he's a known QAnon, he's been known to be kind of QAnon supporting.
He's an outlandishly bizarre MAGA lunatic who like painted his yard of a giant, like turned his entire yard into a Trump sign.
He made a Let's Go Brandon rap video, which was, as you would expect from your standard chubby white guy rapping, not great.
So he's been that, he's, he's been that kind of candidate and you would think if you're just trying to like flip a seat, you bring in Mr. Milk Toast boring guy to just like say the empty platitudes about guns being cool and taxes being bad and they just win instead of nominating basically a slightly milder version of Marjorie Taylor Greene.
But then you add the bonus flavor of stolen valor.
So now take it away Sarge.
Okay.
So, um, Old Merjewski here was in the Air Force.
And he said he served in Afghanistan.
But everyone was just like, well, you were in the Air Force.
We can find documentation of that.
But nowhere in your record does it say you served in Afghanistan.
Well, he said something to that.
He said something along the lines of, nah.
You can't prove anything.
And he submitted documentation saying, here, see, I was in Afghanistan.
But there's some problems with this documentation that he submitted.
It looks really weird.
It looks really hinky.
And nowhere on it, this documentation he submitted, doesn't show he served in Afghanistan.
It just shows that he was stationed in a that he was transferred to Japan and Korea.
Also, it shows that he fucked up at some point and got demoted.
He got an article 15 at some point and was demoted.
Uh, and everyone's like, Hey, what's up with that?
Like you definitely, uh, left in your documentation here that you, uh, like fucked up and got demoted.
Also, Nowhere on here, nowhere does it show that you were in Afghanistan.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but is it the spicy follow-up to that that he has declared that you can't find the records of it because his mission was classified?
Yes.
He's like, he's extra, he's like, yeah, you can't, don't, He reached out to former President Trump and he was just like, please classify my records with your mind!
It was extra double secret.
That's why you guys don't know about it.
It was extra double secret.
Don't worry about it.
And everyone's just like, what the fuck are you talking about?
If it's classified, you still can't talk about it.
You shouldn't, like, if you were on a classified mission, you shouldn't be talking about it.
You fucking clown.
And he's like, uh, every, every double down he makes, uh, it's just worse for him.
Just like KSD.
Bazinga.
Yes, exactly.
I just... It's so bizarre to me that, like, you didn't have to go that extra mile, but was he just ashamed of being a logistics guy in the military?
I mean, it's like, dude, you served.
That's better than, like, 85% of Americans.
Like, you went into the army.
You, like, did the work.
And somebody's gotta load planes.
Somebody's gotta maintain aircraft.
Yeah, dude, and Tom Cruise is making planes mad hot right now.
Planes, jets.
Like, take off Atlantic platforms of various types.
Like, Tom Cruise is making it pop off.
It's like the cyberpunk anime, but for the military.
It's just someone in his Twitter comments was like, it's okay, you weren't Rambo.
A lot of us just go in and do a job.
I was Como.
I set up radio antennas.
It wasn't sexy.
For one year, I worked in the mailroom.
I was just a postman in the army.
Now, for what it's worth, you could make the first one sexier if you said that you erected antennas.
Yeah.
Yes.
Oh my god.
Oh, yeah.
Which is what matters.
You gotta make your military job sexy.
That reminded me of the, there was like the ad for the US Army and they had all these different
people doing jobs and they're giving them cool names, like the force multiplier.
Oh God, that was a fucking commercial.
And then they had the cook and they called him the Replenisher.
That was my favorite thing.
I was like, oh my god, you're trying to sell me on the cook being super cool.
It's like, calm down.
He's the cook.
It's not that big of a deal.
I left out loud the first time I saw that commercial in a theater.
I just was absolutely dying.
I was like, what the fuck are they talking about?
You know what, guys?
I think I'm going to be playing in a superhero tabletop RPG here in the near future, and I'm glad that we talked about this, because now I'm going to make The Repletisher, and that's going to be incredible.
They had a commo guy in that commercial, too, and I was like, the Army spent a lot of money on this, and they're absolutely not hitting the numbers.
I'm in a couple Army groups, and we've been talking about in the Army groups, like, what happens if we really just don't make numbers?
And it's like, well, you know those details you went on where it's supposed to be 12 people and only 8 people showed up?
It's just going to be 8 people from now on.
Just, like, take that.
Yeah, I remember like Republicans were complaining about the student debt relief because they're like, people won't join the military if they get out of debt.
It's like, man, really?
Just admitting the military is like a last ditch way to get out of being in a shitty spot.
Thanks.
Oh, yeah.
They said the quiet part loud.
Yeah.
How about we just try to make the military cool so people will join it instead of being like, oh, man, I'm fucked.
Guess I got to go join the army now.
Wow.
That's not great.
Not a great way to look at things, although Well, later on in our podcast, we might talk about how joining the Russian military is fucking awesome.
Yeah, it's doing great!
Look, historically, being part of the military has been great.
Either you die in it, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain, and also your government doesn't take care of you.
At least that's how it works in the United States.
I don't know what to tell you if you live in a different country.
I just have to assume that's the way it works there, too.
USA.
USA.
Anyway, this guy is a stupid liar and anyone who votes for him is a sucker.
And also, Jazz L would call them... I don't know, what's it?
And he didn't have to lie.
What's a negative jazz term that doesn't also seem sort of racist?
He didn't have to lie.
I will just call him a no-good floor flusher, because that's my favorite insult for liars.
Yeah.
You know what?
I don't have anything, so we'll go with floor flusher.
Remember that commercial with the lady who called that other lady a lint licker?
Classics.
Okay.
Speaking of classics, Florida.
Classic state.
Hurricane.
Classic Florida problem.
Currently, Florida rocked like a hurricane, specifically by Ian, I think is his name.
He's a big boy.
But, of course, this can't possibly be a natural weather phenomenon happening later in the season than is usual due to global climate change.
No, no, no.
Q has a different mentality.
Mike, what's causing Ian to slam into Florida in this, the end of September?
Well, first of all, obviously, this is an attack on DeSantis, because he is a ultra-mega, super-awesome, probably-pilled person, and this is retaliation against him for the stunt with the immigrants being sent to Martha's Vineyard.
This involves the HARP weather systems.
Is this the doing of Dark Brandon?
I mean, it's the it's the deep state and harp, so you don't really have to.
You don't have to give Brandon credit for it, but you should, because, I mean, he's technically the public figure of the deep state at this point.
My God, they're working outside the Brandon system.
So powerful is DeSantis that they have to go over Brandon's head.
Yeah.
So you have that part of it, which is, I mean, that's just very standard for these people where if a hurricane is going to hit a blue state, then it's God's terrible retribution upon them for allowing abortion and sodomy.
And if a hurricane or event like a weather event is going to hit a red state, then it is a harp using demons attempting to attack God-fearing Americans via their devastating weather weapons.
The other hilarious thing that I've seen from QAnon is that we were supposed to be right now talking while a 1-6 committee meeting was airing live.
Like we, because we record the podcast at one o'clock on Wednesdays.
There was supposed to be a 1-6 committee hearing today at one, but they decided to postpone it due to the hurricane.
And so QAnon put two and two together and we're like, Congress is fleeing because of the storm.
Wait a minute.
Is it actually the storm?
Is it happening?
Are we about to experience the Great Awakening?
They, so you have both sides of the coin.
You have literally that this is an evil event being done by the bad people to impugn our beloved DeSantis.
And at the same time, it's also the storm, which is going to involve martial law and the mass arrests of all the evil criminals in the deep state that are in Congress.
And that's why they're running scared, yada, yada, yada.
It's super awesome that this is the way the squirrel that runs around in the wheel inside their heads that constitutes a brain operates.
So.
They're just the silliest clowns in the circus.
Oh my god.
So is it just weather machine deep ops?
Is that all Q has to say about the hurricane?
The mighty cane?
Yeah, I mean, harp is one of the main things.
They've loved that for forever.
Lord knows we all love harp.
It's got the juice.
Oh, it's harp.
Yeah, it's a big satellite with weather control.
Yes!
Everyone knows that.
Yeah.
So yeah, they've, uh, they were doing that.
And I also saw, um, there were some, there were some, uh, articles out about, uh, DeSantis talking to donors about how, like, after he declares for president, he's going to like sock it to Trump and let them know that Trump's a bum and he fucked up and lost the election to Biden.
And he was, it was a bad president.
And I'm, I'm taking the middle of the Republican party and, um, QAnon's reaction to this is, of course, that this is kayfabe.
That DeSantis and Trump love each other.
They're the bestest of friends.
All this stuff that's being said is just fake news by the lying mainstream media.
They're both going to run for president together.
Trump will just have to move to a different state for residency due to electoral college bullshit.
But it's just the two happiest clams in the sea, Trump and DeSantis.
No bad blood, no ill feelings.
None of that.
Can DeSantis use recovering from a disaster to come out looking like a hero and finally get enough shine to get to be his own boy instead of having to be like kneeling at the Trump altar anymore?
The real question for me is, like, does DeSantis have it in him to do, like, the quote-unquote statesman bullshit?
Because that was, like, the big thing that Chris Christie rested his hat on after Hurricane Sandy in New Jersey.
Like, in the final moments of the election between Romney and Obama, like, Christie and Obama were, like, walking the beaches and, like, looking over damage.
And they were doing this whole thing where like, I don't agree with the president.
He doesn't agree with me, but we're working together to help the people of New Jersey that were devastated by this hurricane.
And I feel like DeSantis is probably going to do a press conference.
If Joe Biden gets within a hundred miles of Florida, we're going to tell him to fuck off.
Cause I hate him.
Cause I have to be, I have to be a dumb, angry baby.
If I want to win the Republican primary.
So I think that's gonna be really funny to see how he handles that if Ian is really horrifyingly disastrous for Florida or not.
Well, it sure seems like it's gonna be.
As of this recording, we don't know.
It looks no bueno.
It looks really bad.
And if you're a resident of Florida...
And, you know, like, get out and be safe.
And if you voted for DeSantis, you get thoughts and prayers.
I'll give those to you.
Yeah, for sure.
Thoughts and prayers to those DeSantis supporters who are now about to be facing like 12 feet of seawater.
Yeah.
Good for them.
Well done.
Yep.
Where's your god now, I say?
If he's on the battlefield, it sure seems like he's on our side right now.
It's still Mickey Mouse.
Yeah.
They hit the button that caused all of Disneyland to rise up on its robo-stilts and walk inland.
So it'll be fine.
Yes.
It's like the school in that anime I can never remember the name of.
You know the one.
That one.
Yeah.
The one you can't remember.
What are the characters' names?
Death the Kid, I think.
Oh, uh... Soul Eater.
I thought you said Soul Hackers.
Yeah, Soul Eater.
Yeah, there we go.
I remember.
The anime.
The Dumb School does that.
It walks around on two big dumb legs.
It's very dumb.
Way to go, Dumb School and the Dummy Anime.
You're the dumbest.
Anyway, speaking of being dumb, here's a big dumb segue into our regular news segment.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
And look on the horizon, it's a big dumb forehead.
It's our buddy Matt Gaetz and he's back in the news.
He's not in trouble.
Allegedly.
Allegedly, Matt Gaetz is apparently in the clear at this point.
Our boy Matt Gaetz, who was looking for a pardon for his potential sex crime calamities, we now have... Moves that you totally do if you have committed no crimes.
Right.
Only the most innocent people are certific around presidents for pardons.
Yes.
It's just, you know, in case I do a crime accidentally.
Like, who's... If I run a speeding... Like, if I get a speeding ticket... The crime is due of them all.
If I do a speeding ticket or something, I'll just cash it in and it'll be fine.
Because I'm such a good citizen, but everybody makes a mistake.
I thought for sure they had him back in the day.
We talked about it.
When he...
Like, his buddy who paid for underage sex workers turned state evidence, and they gave him reduced time.
Right.
Well, okay, so where's this information coming from?
Who is saying that he is not getting charged?
Okay, well, the people who are saying he's not getting charged are literally anonymous sources inside the investigations.
I love those guys.
Those are my favorite sources, the anonymous ones.
Yes, so we have anonymous sources that are just saying that they don't think the charges are going to be filed.
And the gist of what's going on is...
Peterman, the guy who is, who was, who flipped on him and Greenberg, my bad, I got that name totally wrong.
But Joel Greenberg was the guy that flipped on him.
The gist of what these articles are saying is that he does not appear to be credible enough to have the goods on gates to make the charges stick.
Which is, I guess, one of the good things when you are hanging out with your fellow pederasts, is that they also look scummy, and then a jury is just like, hmm, the pedophile's saying this guy's a pedophile, but I don't know if I should buy the word of a pedophile!
So...
It's like, I guess this just means that when you're working in the world of trafficking underage people for sex, you've got to keep real good books so that when you flip on your co-conspirators, The Feds can take your word for it.
They can go, oh man, you really made this airtight.
So that's on you, Greenberg.
You should have had better Venmo receipts.
You should have had more documentation of Matt Gaetz's litany of crimes in order to actually have nailed him for this.
Greenberg's attorneys have said that they've heard nothing about nothing, and they don't know where these anonymous sources are coming from, and that they're still cooperating, and they're still looking to nail this guy, because that's kind of their ticket to actually get more betters, reduce sentencing, and all that fun stuff.
So, exactly where the story is going right now is unknown, but this is the latest twist in the Matt Gaetz saga, is that it appears he's going to get away with it, which Has led a bunch of people to just be like, ha ha, you suckers who ever thought anything was ever going to happen, you dum-dums.
There's a lot of people that are really into that kind of nihilism and crushing hope.
And I understand it, because cynicism is an awesome way to be right about stuff a lot of the time.
It's why people are cynical.
But I think it's really odd to spike the football on this.
It's like, yeah, the powerful guy got away with sex trafficking.
How do you like them apples, you dumb libs?
Woo!
And he's just since seemingly getting away with shit, he just keeps going further and further right, further and further to the Q, appearing at Q conferences and shit like that, right?
I don't, Gates I don't remember, because he's, I mean, Florida has its own little, like, happy land.
Well, I mean, the answer is yes, like, obviously, because they all are.
But yeah, well, he he did do like a tour with Marjorie Taylor Greene, which is a bad look, no matter how you slice it.
But I don't I don't remember him.
Maybe that was just for the benefit of eggplant emoji.
Maybe he was trying to get over his love of baby emoji by getting with mom emoji eggplant emoji.
Yes.
Bill loves him some emojis.
Truly he is like young gravy.
He's trying to normalize an attraction to older women.
That's well he should.
Ah, so, and of course, QAnon, who have always claimed to be like dead set against pederasts, hashtag save the children, all this stuff.
They're just like, see, the deep state was lying.
We're right.
We win again.
And that's like the funniest thing.
Whenever you actually deal with this stuff, At the end of the day, it's only about them being right.
That's the only thing that matters. I saw a thread where someone was talking about how Princess Diana
was a good person, was killed by the deep state and JFK Jr. And then they threw in Michael
Jackson. And then somebody on the thread was like, but Michael Jackson was a pedophile. I
I can't put him on that list.
And then a bunch of other QAnon supporters were just like, Hey, the deep state told you that Michael Jackson was a pedophile.
You can't buy into that stuff.
And it's just like, Oh, so you guys get to pick and choose who are the kitty touchers now, which Kind of just makes this literally the Salem Witch Trials and you're just screaming someone's a witch and that's that's it.
And if they turn around and call you a witch, they're just lying.
And they're the one who gets hung or burned at the stake or whatever.
You get away with it because Michael Jackson was just a totally normal guy that the deep state couldn't control.
So they decided to ruin his career.
Absolutely.
Which is why he died penniless and unsuccessful.
Exactly.
This is known.
Yes, absolutely.
Bam.
Elle with a rock solid view of the history of Michael Jackson and exactly how it all ended.
I feel like everyone was just like, yeah, man, he was a pedophile and that sucks, but also Thriller is the bomb and I'm not going to not love Thriller.
I mean, what are you going to do?
I mean, Thriller is the bomb.
Like, he just made a lot of good music, and it sucks.
It sucks that it is in his downtime he seemed to, like, to behave inappropriately with minors.
Like, you know.
Inappropriately can mean a wide number of things.
Even if that's just being a creepy Robin, like, you know, not Robin Hood, Peter Pan.
Like, even if it's just being creepy Peter Pan and just hanging around kids, it's still weird.
I like it.
You like this stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't think I'll be talking about Michael Jackson today.
That is a weird one.
You never know what road skewed on takes us down.
It's just the nature of the beast.
It's a magical subject.
Yeah.
Lesson power, King.
Yeah, that's me.
Associated with jazz and known lover of Michael Jackson.
So, Pennsylvania.
Let's talk about Pennsylvania.
It seems, I mean, I've only been through it.
It seemed perfectly fine when I was driving through it.
Uh, but every time it's in the headlines recently, it seems like a total nightmare.
It seems like a nightmare.
It seems like a big piece of shit.
Mike, is Pennsylvania a big piece of shit?
What's going on?
What's, what's, what's this?
Tell me, Mike Rains.
How shitty is Pennsylvania?
Piece of shit?
So, the Pennsylvania Republican Party is definitely a giant piece of shit because they're two nominees for a statewide office.
Our boys, Doug Mastrioni and Dr. Oz are, one might say, not good candidates.
With those names back to back, they sound like supervillains.
They sound like... Yes.
Oh God, yeah.
So, in this race to see which one of these two guys can be the more unelectable and get crushed the harder by their opponent in this election, Mastrioni has decided to up the stakes by having an audio leak from a few years previous about how When he got, because he was a state legislator and he basically wanted to pass a anti-abortion bill.
And he wanted to make it clear that this anti-abortion bill was not going to just prosecute the doctors that perform the abortions.
It was going to prosecute the women who got them as well.
So like, if you got an abortion under Mastrioni's legislation, you and the doctor both went to jail.
Like, that's just it.
He's going to prosecute them all.
And not just the men.
But the women and the children.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, so that's what our boy Mastrioni was up to.
On top of all of this, Mastrioni is an election denier.
He was at the Capitol on January 6th.
Um, he has, uh, he has promoted QAnon.
This guy is as bad as it can get.
And it is truly incredible that the Republican party had nobody else to, uh, secure the Republican nomination for governor in this state.
And on top of all of that, like, um, we had, uh, we have a guy, um, We have a, we have a election.
We have a senatorial election in New Hampshire and, uh, the Republican who won there was a big lie election denier.
And after he won the general election, uh, the media was like, so, uh, Mr. Bald Dick, uh, however we say your name, but I think Bald Dick sounds good.
I'm going to call you that cause it's insulting.
But they were like, uh, no, no, no, please.
Mr. Bald Dick was my father.
Yeah.
But yeah, Mr. Baldick, they were like, so, buddy, amigo, compadre, who won the election?
And like two days after he won the Republican primary, he's like, Joe Biden was the legitimately elected president of the United States.
I've never said that.
Yeah, I never said otherwise.
Shut up.
So, like, that kind of pivot you would think would be happening in a battleground state like Pennsylvania, but Mastrioni's just like, nope, Trump won, election stolen.
When I become, because one of the fun things that we've talked about here on this podcast is that these Secretary of State races in all these states are very important because QAnon is trying to get election deniers in at Secretary of State trying to fuck these elections up in the future.
In Pennsylvania, the governor appoints the Secretary of State.
It's not its own elected office that someone runs for.
And Mastrioni has made it clear.
You elect me, I am putting a frothing nut in the Secretary of State's chair.
Like, if you're a Democrat, your vote will never count in this state again so long as I fucking live.
Rest assured of that, buddy.
So, shockingly, that's why this guy's down 10 points right now.
So, looking at a double-digit defeat, which Again, because we have to bring him up, because it's Pennsylvania.
Our boy Oz is only losing by 7 right now.
So, as inept and as incredibly shitty as Oz is, he's still doing 3 points better than Mastrioni.
These two absolute chuckle-fuck clowns.
I've been seeing on Truth a lot that apparently in the next week or so there's going to be like a teleconference with Mastrioni and Trump hanging out having people call in and donate and support him and that's really amazing to me because like Trump's the kind of guy that hates being around losers like he doesn't want that loser stink on him at all so I don't know who talked him into hanging out Mastrioni because boy that guy It's not looking too good.
We'll see if it happens, right?
Like, Donald Trump doesn't seem like he's the sort of guy that would just be like, you know what?
Maybe, maybe I'm not going to this.
I mean, that does seem like it's perfectly in his wheelhouse to just be like, I don't feel like doing this.
Something, something politics.
And he's just like, I don't care.
Give me a Diet Coke and a cheeseburger and I'm going to go watch television news coverage about me.
I'm the greatest.
Still am.
Always will be.
The undisputed GOAT, Donald J. Trump.
That's him.
It's never been done better.
And if anybody says otherwise, they are anti-American.
There, I said it.
They hate America.
They hate freedom.
They hate everything.
They're the worst.
They're the absolute worst.
Yeah, exactly.
The sort of people, people that hate America and freedom.
So, you know, elected officials and races in Pennsylvania.
Bazinga.
Yeah, exactly.
But Mike, you never got around to answering the most important question, which is to say the actual physical state of Pennsylvania.
Smash or pass?
I would smash Pennsylvania.
Who wouldn't?
That's how I feel about it.
What I will say is hard pass on New Jersey because the one time I drove through New Jersey I think their tolls emptied about $100 out of my wallet.
Like, New Jersey is rough to commute through.
They're not joking with those tolls.
They take a bite out of you.
I don't know how New Jersey isn't a utopia, given all the money they take from people that are driving around that state.
I mean, historically, when you think of the idea of New Jersey, are you not thinking of a utopia?
Maybe I should be.
Maybe I need to go back, like, fly in and just not drive my car around and just bask in, like, the absolute, like, sprawling, perfect metropolis that is New Jersey, funded by all the clowns that are actually using cars in that state and just, like, everywhere they drive.
Because I remember We were, I think we were like in Virginia and we were driving back to Massachusetts and I was just like, fuck, I've got like $90.
I don't know if that's going to be enough to pay for all the tolls once we get through New Jersey.
It was like terrifying.
It was like an actual worry of mine that I was going to be like, fuck, I'm going to have to like write a toll worker, like an IOU.
Cause this was back before we had the, uh, before we, before we had the, uh, the, the spot, the trans, the transponder in the car that would just like take the money out of your bank account.
I was like, this state, this goddamn New Jersey.
This goddamn state?
Which is where Dr. Oz lives, which the Fetterman campaign has brought up more than a time or two.
And it also just so happens to be the only state in the country that somehow manages to make beaches look bad.
Even in places like New England, where the beaches are shitty, They still look picturesque and beautiful, but like, I feel like when you're looking at a Jersey Beach, you're just like, eh.
What was I?
Oh, yeah.
And if you're a listener and you're from Pennsylvania or from New Jersey and you're angry, consider my razzling of your state your call to action.
Ha ha.
I'll never know that you're angry unless you engage with us on social media, fools.
You can scream it in a void all you want, but it'll never reach my ears unless it's via Twitter or whatever.
Right.
And so I think Mastrioni had something, someone was like, hey, how's your health doing?
And he's like, oh, I'm doing great.
And then when they submitted the letters saying that Mastrioni's doctor said he was great, his doctor was from Manhattan.
So it's just, couldn't find a doctor in Pennsylvania to give you the checkup, huh?
Had to dip out to New York to do that.
It's incredible.
One of the easiest ways to get attacked in politics is being called a carpetbagger.
And it's just like, nope!
Just gonna aggressively carpetbag.
Just gonna let you know that I'm not from your state.
I'm just here to try to take power.
That's all I want.
I have no connection to you at all.
Yeah, just look at Ron Watkins.
He was carpetbagging in Arizona and it failed so hard that now he's in the Australian Outback making a killdozer.
Yes!
Killdozer confirmed.
It's Schrodinger's Killdozer.
until proven one way or the other, that is both is and is not happening.
For legal reasons, it's mostly not happening, I guess, is our official position on it.
Our official stance is that Ron Watkins is not in the process of committing multiple felonies.
That is the official... Mostly because I don't know, and if he does end up going on, like, a killdozer spree, I don't want to, like... When this comes up in evidence, I wanted to be pretty clear that I didn't know shit.
He just seemed like the sort of guy who might make a killdozer in Australia.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He has real killdozer vibes.
Yeah.
Yes.
And then he's gonna like terrorize Sydney with it or whatever because I do like that and Melbourne are the only two places in Australia that I know.
Are there other cities in Australia?
I don't know, Call of Action, etc.
Yeah, hey Karma, get out of here!
Now we're going for whole cotton and C's a bad man, he can't be stopped.
And another thing I hate about Earth...
Take that, humanity!
Honestly, Earth, it's gonna be a pass for me.
Okay, so enough necking.
It's time to talk about the not exactly breaking news, but also still incredibly fresh news that just happens to be part of a segment that we have to dig out of mothballs, which is our Russia Roundup.
Did we ever get a bump for Russia Roundup?
I don't think so.
It's time for the Russia Roundup.
Yee-haw!
Go on now!
Go Russia!
I think that was the Rona Roundup.
It's all roundups.
The blank roundup is the bit.
It's roundups all the way down.
We can sneak a quick Rota roundup in here.
Rota roundup!
Yeah!
Rota roundup update for the time of recording right now, late September 2022.
It's over.
DarkBrandon has declared that coronavirus and the pandemic is done.
So congratulations.
We did it, boys.
Anyway, let's talk about Russia.
So, our boy, Vladdy Daddy, QAnon's favorite person that's not the god-emperor Donald Trump, but on some days he even surpasses Trump, he has declared a quote-unquote partial mobilization of the Russian military because they're getting rolled in Ukraine in ways that are embarrassing and horrifying.
Break a leg, those guys.
Oh, yeah.
There's an actual video of that on the internet.
Somebody posted it on Twitter, and as I was scrolling, I saw it was autoplaying, and then I saw what it said was about to happen, and I quickly got the fuck away from that.
I don't want no part of watching that.
Yep.
Look, I get it.
If you want to break your leg up so that way you don't have to go die in this war against Ukraine, then that's your prerogative, but I don't want to see it.
Yeah.
Just do a coup or whatever.
Hurry up and mobilize to coup.
Just do the coup.
Depose your dictator who's trying to kill you.
But then his security force will kill me.
Yeah, you're dead either way.
You might as well go out fighting him instead of going to Ukraine and just being murdered by people defending their homelands from you, the invader, the attacker.
But also, I'm not a military guy, so don't take advice from me.
Maybe don't do it, Ko.
Or do one.
It's up to you.
I know what I would choose, but that's a secret for me.
Yes.
Balls on your court, Russian citizen.
So, on top of this mobilization, which has led to a mass exodus of military-aged men fleeing Russia in a desperate effort to avoid conscription, While this was all happening, last night Ukraine's withering offensive, just recapturing all this land, continued apace.
So Russia is losing in every imaginable way, hilariously.
Russia has also released the results of their totally fair and balanced, free and fair election for the referendums for the conquered territories.
Oh yeah, to see if they want to officially join Russia.
I heard it was going to be on the Elbiter.
Oh, it was razor thin, but the 2am ballot drop, the mules, the Moscow mules came trudging in with their ballots to just barely put Russia over the top.
And oh no, wait, they won by like 97% of the vote.
It's weird how when people point a gun at you and tell you to check the yes box or you'll die, you check the yes box.
Baffling.
They don't even have to do that.
They just stuff it.
The people have spoken.
Russia, the Luhansk and Donetsk areas have wholeheartedly agreed 100% that they want
to be part of Russia.
Ukraine needs to back off because if they invade those territories, which are now 100%
Russian, that will be an act of war that could trigger a nuclear response from Russia, allegedly,
supposedly, because Putin's not bluffing this time.
Totally not bluffing.
I didn't log on to Twitter this morning and see World War Three trending and it was all
Russian apologists and propagandists talking about how Biden's the one pushing this and
how it's all on America if anything bad happens.
I mean, if you can go ahead and nuke Ukraine, that's the end of Russia.
Not even China is gonna back them at that point.
Like, it's like, okay, everybody gets to fight Russia now.
No more Russia.
Russia doesn't exist as a country anymore.
Cue the Highway to the Danger Zone, whatever, like, beef jerky Freedom Eagle song you want, because every jet we own is, like, now in the air.
Beef jerky Freedom Eagle.
Okay, that's a term I've never heard before.
I mean, you know exactly what I mean.
Highway to the Danger Zone.
Any of the songs from, like, 300.
That guy standing in that, like, Galeforce wind rainstorm with the American flag rocking out that is immortalized in GIF form forever.
Yeah, that'll be cued on Storm because that's just like every NATO asset ever is just like, all right, Russia doesn't get to be a country anymore or have nukes because they shot one off.
Just zip.
Well, that's where we have to reveal that we actually have the lasers that can fucking snipe your nuke as it's coming out of the silo and just be like, hey, yeah, we had Star Wars this whole time.
We were just holding back on you guys.
I mean, we fucking better.
Like, I mean, it's been a long time.
We spent a lot of money in our defense budget.
So, like, I expect some pretty sick defense.
I'm not going to lie.
Yeah.
Concur.
Like, D plus picture offense.
When the nukes start flying, I want to be pleasantly surprised by the U.S.
military's response.
I want it to be like, hey, guess what?
All of the nukes that they sent to us, like, they did not get here.
I mean, we're all going to die anyway because the rest of the planet is now a blighted hellscape and all the wind is irradiated.
But at least for the time being, like, we still have infrastructure.
My fellow Americans, I have good news and bad news.
Good news, our nuke-shooting lasers totally work.
Bad news, our nuke-shooting lasers had to be deployed.
Well, I mean, that's military action, and certainly nobody is taking any military actions right now.
No.
I mean, the Russia-Ukraine thing, that's the end of it.
Russia's been quarreling with Ukraine for a while now.
We don't support it, but that's the way it's been, and that's the end of it.
So, let's move on.
No other military actions to discuss.
That's me.
You got the old Kulobo, like a World War thing or whatever.
Unless you count like what sure seems like a submarine destroying a couple of pipelines
off the coast of, what was it, Denmark?
Yeah.
Yeah.
The Nordstrom pipelines, which are basically the main way that the Soviet Union or Russia
supplies Europe with gas, have mysteriously been sabotaged.
And to all coherent, logical people, they're like, oh, Russia's just being total shitheads about things and just doing this in order to prove a point.
They're like, hey, guess what?
Europe's never getting gas again from us ever.
Until they stop giving Ukraine weapons and knuckle under to our basically resource blackmail.
And on the other side, we have the Russia apologists who are like dark Brandon blew up the pipeline with his dementia brain, but can still fire his psyker powers.
Yeah, he's while he's riddled with dementia and can barely put on his pants in the morning.
He's also a psyker who can just blow up pipelines with mind power control.
And it is wild, uh, just seeing this, uh, these two separate realities just, uh, dealing with each other because on the one side you just have Europe who's like, okay, look, we're, it's going to take us a little while to get over to those pipelines and see what happened to them.
But it was probably Russia.
Meanwhile, the Kremlin party line and like the thing that's so sick is it's not even just QAnon.
You just have a bunch of like right-wing shit weasels being like, Hey, I don't want to think the worst of America and its foreign policy, but this pipeline thing stinks to high heaven.
Because there's all these clips about...
Um, Biden talking about how Nordstrom 2 won't happen if, uh, Russia invades Ukraine.
They're like, yeah, that pipeline, we'll figure out something about it, you know?
And now people are basically saying that Biden was like a mob boss that was just like, yeah, if you attack Ukraine, I'm not saying anything's going to happen to your pipeline, but I'm not saying it won't.
And given the little wink and nudge and all that kind of stuff, and it's like, America has no reason to do this.
We're winning.
Like, Russia is losing in Ukraine.
It's getting, like, to the point where you could almost say Russia has lost in Ukraine.
There would be no reason for us to spike the football like this and to provoke... We haven't sent any air support, which is what they really needed.
But they seem to not... I don't... Man, Russia must have no air force to speak of.
I don't... I know they...
We're doing some bombing early on, but I don't understand how they're not winning if they have air superiority.
This all doesn't make any sense.
But we haven't sent any overt military assets over there, but we keep sending more and more weapons, and it turns out, like, Russia's weapons fucking suck.
I just saw the reports yesterday where the new conscripted Russian soldiers are just like, hello, yes, Ukraine, yeah, we were just deployed here, we're wondering about the proper way to surrender.
We'd like to do it correctly.
None of us want to be shot, and we don't want to fight, so we're surrendering.
How do we do that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
Just just walk towards you with our hands up.
Okay.
Yeah, we can do that.
We'll be there in five minutes.
Yeah, exactly.
They have to lay their rusty AK-47s for like 50 years ago on the ground.
Yeah, yes, like and the Ukraine has a surrender hotline.
They're just like, oh, you're surrendering?
And it's getting used like Oh, my God.
Yeah, the I just continually baffled how we all fell for Russians, like Russia's military propaganda for so long.
And then they just tried to pick on their dorky next door neighbor and are getting just fucking rocked.
But they had those recruitment videos!
The guys had six-pack abs!
They were so manly!
And America's recruitment ads are so woke!
They have The Replenisher!
I mean, fuck that guy.
He's obviously some sort of stupid lib with his show cat.
Somebody has to make hamburgers for, like, the 20-year-old kid in the drone pilot seat as he just, like, effortlessly destroys all of your ground troops.
All of your six-pack ab troops getting blown to smithereens by a Predator drone strike.
He's like, hey Tony, you see that guy drinking that cup of coffee right there because these soldiers are on a break?
You think I can drop this bomb directly into the cup?
And then they make a little wager on it and then he kills five guys with the push of a button from 400 feet up in the air or whatever because some gyro-stabilized micro-explosive.
Yeah.
It's truly bad.
Things are going real good for Vladimir Putin, who's possibly in hiding in the literal woods.
Because Ukrainian agents... Is he the Prime Minister or the President of Ukraine?
It was like, they keep sending assassins after me, and we keep stopping them.
If I send an assassin after Putin, it'll just be one, and he'll succeed.
Yeah.
That was his statement.
Stop sending shitty assassins after me.
I'll send one good one after you.
Mobilize the Ukrainiac.
Yes.
And then a guy with a Ukrainian patch posted a picture on social media and was it the Red Square with the Kremlin?
And just like, we're here.
Like, we just walked in.
Well that's because Vladdy Daddy is shirtless in the woods.
Oh god.
So he won't disturb anyone when he transforms into a werewolf.
Yes!
Then he's really going to turn the war effort.
He's going to go to the frontlines to deliver his wolf form and then forget about it.
Oh, it's all over baby.
All over.
Vlad's the ultimate uber-mench.
He's like super swole.
Well, we got kind of off topic just talking about Vladimir Putin being a werewolf.
But it seems much more likely that his actual play was to be a dickhead and sabotage this pipeline.
Because there's only like a handful of nations that could be responsible for this.
The pipeline is at such a depth that like, it's not just like a thing that you could just, you know, effortlessly sabotage.
It's not like some, you know, this would probably not Al Qaeda doing this, you know what I mean?
I don't think they've got the required necessary tools for this one.
I can't wait for ISIS to take credit for sabotaging it!
They're like, yes!
We did it!
We sabotaged the pipeline!
Yeah, we used our submarine, the ISIS nuclear-powered sub, to get down to the depth required to, like, precision-detonate these pipelines.
Because it's like, two explosions, directly on target, within a short amount of time from one another.
That's that.
Yeah, and now it looks like Godzilla's coming out of the ocean.
Yeah.
Oh, you know what?
Maybe it wasn't Russia.
It seems like it was too precise and well done to be Russia.
Maybe, right?
Way to go, Russia.
Your incompetence might have bailed you out for this one.
Maybe it was sneaky China.
Maybe it was China just getting in there to get America and Russia even more at each other's throats.
That's very possible.
But you know who could fix all of this?
Donald Trump.
If only Donald Trump was president still.
Oh God.
Donald Trump has posted on Truth Social that this war has to come to an end and he has offered to be the leader of the peace delegation to try to hash things out between Ukraine and Russia.
Because, uh, you know, when you think of statesmen, when you think of someone who's got the juice needed to, like, bring Ukraine and Russia to the bargaining table and to hammer out a deal, it's Donald Trump.
That guy, totally on the ball.
He's gonna handle everything.
It's gonna be great.
He's gonna be really good.
Sounds like begging for work to me.
Yeah.
Remember that time we kind of sent Dennis Rodman over to North Korea?
Yes.
Yeah, um, so Donald Trump- I mean, what Dennis Rodman gets up to is none of my business.
Dennis Rodman does not speak for me.
No.
So, what our boy Donald Trump said was, uh, U.S.
leadership should remain cool, calm, and dry- I don't know what the fuck that means- on the sabotage of the Nord Stream pipelines.
This is a big event that should- that should not entail a big solution.
At least not yet.
What does that even fucking mean?
The Russia-Ukraine catastrophe should never have happened.
It definitely would not have happened if I were president.
Do not make matters worse with the pipeline blow-up.
Be strategic.
Be smart.
Parentheses.
Brilliant!
Exclamation point.
Get a negotiated deal done now!
Both sides need and want it.
The entire world's at stake.
I will head up group?
Triple question mark?
Yeah, it wouldn't have happened if you were president, because we wouldn't have been sending Ukraine all these fucking superweapons, so they'd have lost.
Yeah.
Oh god, that's one of my favorite things about QAnon, is that, as they try to twist and turn the world to make sense of the fact that they got their asses kicked in the election, they're like, oh no, Trump had to lose, this is all good optics for Putin to invade without Trump in the White House, and it's like, You know, if I was in the Russian military getting murdered by Ukrainians, I'd be like, oh man, I'm so glad the New York Times isn't able to call Trump a warmonger while this war's going on.
It's much better that I die than Trump having to spar with, like, the mainstream media.
It's like, oh my god, it's just...
It is wild that like the contortions these idiots have to do in order to get in order to justify like how the world's actually happening the result the things that are actually happening and no no no totally fitting the plan everything's going the way we first saw everything's going the way Q said it was going to happen.
Life's good.
We're winning.
We're happy.
We're great.
And Trump, the great ambassador to peace, is here.
He's going to bail us out of this Russia-Ukraine special military operation, or whatever they continue to insist on calling it.
Yeah.
Which I think is great.
They're just like, yeah, we're not at war.
We're conducting a special military operation.
It's like, dude, I mean, the whole world is watching you.
Like, it's pretty clearly a war, man.
It's looking pretty war-like to me.
We're losing so many men in this total not-war that we're calling up a draft.
Get ready to get drafted into not-war.
It's not even a war!
It's not even important enough to be called a war, guys.
You're just getting drafted for no reason.
Take your wildly out-of-date malfunctioning weapon and go get murdered by drones and fucking like crazy surface-to-air shit out on the battlefield.
Just get wrecked by it.
Yep.
Yeah.
So, Ukraine, going well for the people that are on the side of sanity.
Not so good for the people that are in favor of the fascist dictator.
But one thing that's not going great for America Is the fact that every week we have to just talk about Donald Trump embracing QAnon more and more.
Donald Trump and QAnon are just literally just trying to get a hotel room every week.
It's all that ever happens in our world.
And it is the weirdest thing because.
I really don't know how you can edge this any more than they've already edged this.
I mean, it's just this thing that is constantly happening but is never actually consummated, but it's still happening.
In the past day, Trump has gone on another binge on Truth Social, reposting, I think it was like 22 different QAnon accounts.
He reposted something that had a meme that had the phrase, nothing can stop what is coming on it, which is a very well known QAnon slogan.
He re-truths another thing that had the where we go one, we go all hashtag on it.
So his further and further embrace of QAnon just continues like there's no there's no shit that QAnon can't post on Truth Social that he won't amplify.
There was a video.
It was like a, I think it was like a two minute long video.
And it was, it was one of those like fan videos where you have a bunch of stills
and you like smash cut from one still to the next, and that one had an endless
array of Q and Q and on, um, messages on it.
It had Trump inside a Q a giant Q with the, with the Q plus logo on it.
It had Trump's face with a Q on the side of it, a chess board of a Q.
And Trump's just like, fuck it.
Retweeting it.
Boom.
Boom.
And this was the inevitable consequence of creating truth social the way
the people who made it did it because.
Thank you.
They actively, aggressively pursued QAnon promoters to join this platform.
Truth Social Q, their dumb fake Q, got his account before Trump did.
I would say 95% of all QAnon promoters that are on that site have check marks.
They're verified.
There's like a couple of QAnon promoters who don't have check marks and they're pissed.
They just constantly are like, I don't know what it takes to get a checkmark around here, but everybody else has one and I'm not understanding it.
So you have created this social media platform that's literally just queuing on Trump's biggest fans.
And all they do on that platform is like just make memes, post stuff about Trump's the greatest, and I hope he'll be president again soon.
I know the Great Awakening is going to do it.
He's going to get reinstalled.
And Trump's just seeing all his fans just telling him how great he is.
And of course he's going to repost it because he loves being told he's great.
He's a narcissist that only exists by getting affirmation.
It's the only thing that sustains him in this world.
And it's this perfect positive feedback loop because Trump posts shit, it makes the liberals really mad because he's emboldened QAnon, then QAnon gets like super excited because they're like, oh my god, Trump's talking about us!
This is great!
So...
So they post more shit, so Trump keeps reposting their shit, so the fucking people that are not QAnon get angrier and angrier, and QAnon gets happier and happier.
So it's just this never-ending cycle of just affirmation and rage, and Trump gets to troll his enemies while also making his supporters happy.
So it just never stops.
It's just, it's just constant.
And the one thing that is funny was at the latest rally, they once again played the QAnon song.
Like they know what they're doing with that fucking song at this point.
Yeah.
They're like, cause of the last, the last rally when they played it, some Trump spokesperson was like, fake news.
We don't know what you're talking about.
The song's name is mirrors and you're just making up something to try to stir up true controversy.
And then it got reported for like a week that like, yeah, the song is, it has one name and it has another name and you're using, you're using the song because of its other name, which is, uh, where we go when we go all and you fucking know it.
And so Trump held another rally, did his big thing at the end where he talks about how much America sucks and they played the music.
And this time when the crowd tried to do the finger point, because that happened the last time and.
QAnon appropriated it.
I remember hearing about this.
Somebody, some savvy individual on Trump's team realized that that particular gesture, a little bit of bad optics.
Yeah, knock it off.
Security began running through the crowd, telling people to put their finger down, that we are not doing the raised hand, one finger point in the sky thing anymore.
It's like, but it means where we go into my back, back, back, back, back, back, back,
just keep that one to yourself. No single hand 90 degrees salutes.
Whatever that hand is doing. That is that cool. Like, go ahead and throw it up like the rock away.
Throw your diamonds up. That's fine. Like DDP.
Several other people have used this before, but those are the two I pulled.
Yeah.
And, uh, there was a reporter there who said that they were trying to do the gesture in solidarity with QAnon at this point, because now that gesture has been co-opted by them.
100%.
So, um, but it's so funny that like Trump does all this stuff on social media, but in the real world, he's got his security guards telling people, Hey, don't be so QAnon-y in front of the cameras, dial it back a skosh.
But again, QAnon doesn't care.
They're orange guys.
I like how he came off the stage at the end of the last thing and he went to his people.
He was just like, what's with the Nazi thing?
I didn't think we were doing that anymore.
And they're like, we're looking into it, sir.
He's like, OK, cool.
Give me a mac and cheeseburger.
We're going to go watch TV about me.
Although, I think at the most recent rally, he Had the crowd, he was like, yay, now they're talking about the N-word.
You know what the N-word is, right?
And the crowd, like, they didn't say it loud enough to say it, but the N-word was said.
It was thrown out.
And then he's like, oh, no, no, I meant nuclear.
I was talking about nuclear.
So the fact that, like, Trump was just like, hey, racists, want to get it out of your system?
Ha ha ha, you can!
That was really, Quite a jarring little moment from our former president.
Yeah, he was just like, I was talking about the word nuclear.
Now friends, like you, I also do not like nuclear moving into my neighborhoods.
Yeah.
Yes.
It's a shame.
Nuclear is driving down property values in areas that used to be so beautiful, am I right?
Yeah.
God.
And finally on this little subject is Kash Patel, our One of the Trump clowns who is now also aggressively embracing QAnon.
He's signing his new book, his sequel to his first Plot Against the King book.
He's signing his new book with the Where We Go When We Go All slogan.
If you pay for an autographed copy, he'll slap that on there for you.
And someone asked him, he was like, yo, Cash, what the fuck are you doing with this QAnon stuff?
He's like, hey, it's all good fun.
Everyone enjoys it.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
It's cool.
It's good.
And so, uh, yeah, just, um, thinking that embracing QAnon totally acceptable, totally fine.
No, no, no harm in that.
Again, we didn't just have someone in Michigan, uh, kill a family member and potentially paralyze another family member due to their falling down the QAnon rabbit hole.
No dangers, no risks, no, no, no broken families or anything.
Nope.
Fuck you.
So yeah.
These people are monsters and ghouls, all of the above.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Yeah, don't worry about it.
Come on, quit bitching.
Yeah.
Yes.
Ah, so I'm out of steam there.
Time to hit the mailbag, I think.
Our listeners got questions.
We got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
Time to get steamed back up with our steamy bag.
Yes!
Our steamiest bag.
Mebad asks, who will be the next crappy celebrity accepted into the Daily Wire family?
That's Ben Shapiro's little grift shop, which brought Gina Carano into the fold after the whole Disney kerfuffle and all that kind of stuff.
Is that the production company that's making that Rosa Parks movie with a white person or whatever?
I haven't, I haven't heard of that.
That sounds awesome.
Oh my God.
What a dumb, what a dumb, Malcolm X movies.
They're making some movie where they're just like to own the lives and to just be like, this is how we feel about when you take the little mermaid and make her black.
We're going to, we're going to do a Malcolm X movie, but he's going to be white.
It's like, okay, I guess?
You do understand that the people you're talking about are actual historical figures, and again, this isn't changing the Little Mermaid's ethnicity.
She's fictional.
When you're changing an actual historical figure's ethnicity, that's revisionist history, and that's fucking weird.
I mean, it's just...
Oh my god, these people.
They're just super bizarre clowns.
Matt Gaetz used to want to fuck the Little Mermaid because she's like 13 or whatever.
But now that she's a person of color, he can't get it up.
He can't eggplant emoji anymore!
Yes, yes.
Mike, it used to be fish emoji, eggplant emoji, splash emoji.
now it's crying eyes emoji.
This is all true.
Oh, come on, man.
Anyway, so who's the next crappy celebrity to get scooped up by these idiots?
I don't know, man.
All the celebrities I know of are either liberal or savvy, but is he not already scooped up by them?
Does he not already count as being already influenced by the devil?
He was just making headlines for ranting and raving about how if he was a transgender Islamic, I'd be getting a bunch of work, but because I'm a conservative Christian, I get nothing.
It's like, fucking cry about it.
Dude, you were Hercules like 30 years ago.
Yeah.
I don't know what to tell you.
Yeah, we're all aware of who you are and who you were.
Lucy Lawless managed to continue her career.
You don't see her bitching about it.
She did it the old fashioned way.
She went on Starz and she showed her boobies a lot.
And then people were just like, you know what?
Lucy Lawless is great.
And now I don't think she has to show her boobies anymore because everyone just acknowledges she's great.
Yeah.
Hey, I enjoyed Spartacus for the first two seasons.
It was totally fine.
There were lots of penises in it, too.
It was lots of penises and boobies in the show.
It was equal opportunity.
I mean, you don't really see that many DONGs in, like, media a lot.
Like, it's usually because, you know, the DONG is sort of, like, getting into porn territory.
Yeah.
And it's harder to cover up a DONG with just, like, a merkin.
Like... Yes.
But Spartacus was just, like, it was chock-a-block full of DONGs.
It was like, my God.
That's what it's all about.
Dong's all the way down.
Oh man.
We're like Dongicus, am I right?
Alright, next question.
No, we haven't mined the dongs for enough content yet.
I don't think we ever came up with a celebrity.
Bill Cosby.
Yes!
He's somehow a free man.
Yep, he's a free man.
He can join.
They could get Kyrie Irving.
I mean, that dude's reposting Alex Jones and whining about how being anti-vax cost him $100 million.
I'm sure Kyrie could use some bread from those people.
Oh, my God.
Oh, man.
But yeah, it's mostly about Spartacus.
Maybe some of the people in Spartacus could join the Daily Wire.
That'd be great.
Uh, excuse me?
Dongicus?
No, I don't want anybody from Dongicus to join the Daily Wire.
They're all actors, I respect.
Okay.
Reverend Xenofact asks, Putin is pissing off Russians and there was a hoax about the Chinese coup.
So imagine Putin and Xi fall in very quote unquote final ways.
How would QAnon react to their heroes losing power and then some?
Who would be the remaining or new heroes?
How would they explain it?
Um, Putin being deposed violently would be a massively awful thing for QAnon because, like, with Trump losing the election, at the very least, they can lie about it and come up with devolution and all this stuff.
If, like, Putin was removed from power and sent to The Hague for war crimes or was, like, summarily executed by the new regime or whatever, Like, they would literally have to admit that Deep State won.
Like, in that spot.
And that is something that they cannot process.
It's why it took them so very long to come up.
I love how you assume that this is going to be able to backstab into a quarter.
They would immediately just be like, this footage is faked.
Putin is fine.
This is a doppelganger.
It's a hologram.
It's a robot.
It's a life model decoy of Putin.
Real Putin is, don't worry, he's fine.
There's no way that they'd just be like, dogs, we lost.
Tricky deep state won again.
Oh, they would come up with things and like that would, this is the main, the situation would require a solid lie to get them back on board.
They'd be like, Oh, it's the first arrest.
It's finally happening.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
The first arrest was Putin the whole time.
Yeah, because, um, what was I gonna say?
Like, basically QAnon had established canon, they had their story, and then Trump lost, and they were just flailing around for a long time.
Trying to come up with how did Trump lose?
How was this even possible?
Like they needed something to fit the narrative.
And that's how that this grifter Patel Patriot, that's how he made it big because he was able to give them the pleasing story about, Oh no, no, Trump didn't really lose.
He's the secret president.
It's all working out.
It's great.
And boom, that guy became the new hotness.
He's doing podcasts with all the other QAnon grifters.
He's working his angle.
He's got his own show.
And that's how you make it big time is by giving them the content they need to fix the plot holes in their narrative.
So if like Putin got deposed, if you wanted to be the next big QAnon grifter, you would have to try to explain how this is actually a good thing.
You'd have to be like, Oh, wait a minute.
No, Putin was actually a bad guy.
And this is how we explain that.
And it would take them like three or four months, but there would be like a new consensus narrative.
One of my favorite things that I've read was Awakened Outlaw, the guy that like literally spends all his days calling me fat and being very mad at me.
Awakened Outlaw had this post where he was just like, if you don't see that Trump devolved the government and everything's working exactly the way it was supposed to, I just don't know what to tell you.
I mean, your eyes are just Your eyes are just shut.
You just don't get it.
You're just missing it.
You're being willfully ignorant.
And it's like, motherfucker, you were one of these guys that said Trump was going to win all 50 states.
You were at the Capitol on 1-6 when the riots happened.
You were just smart enough not to break down a door.
Never not once did you think Trump was going to lose.
But now that you've been given your talking points, you've been given your new story, you're just like, Well, it's obvious devolution was the plan the whole time and you just all need to wake up and understand.
It's like, shut up.
It's like, no, you never thought that.
You've been, you had to be like, you were like, someone tell me what to think!
And the Patel Patriot said, here, Awakened Outlaw, come tight to my bosom.
Let me nuzzle you and preach to you the words of devolution.
And then Awakened Outlaw was like, oh, thank God.
Now the world's good again.
Now I can be happy because, um, Trump isn't really not the president.
He's the shadow president.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So it's like that's it is.
That's the main situation.
The main answer is that they'd be on their back foot for a few months.
They would get their talking points.
They would adjust the story.
They would fix things.
And then they'd go back to running their con.
But in that turbulence of those few months where they didn't have an answer, they'd lose some followers.
Some people would leave the movement, stuff like that.
But QAnon will always endure.
Like, the need to keep the LARP going will never end.
QAnon endures!
Yes!
Oh god, England prevails, let me tell you.
Where we continue to go one, we continue to go all.
Yes.
Indefinitely.
Yep, oh yeah.
That's one of the things I love so much about QAnon is that Q literally told these people, yep, this shit's gonna be in the bag in a couple months.
Gonna cuff and stuff all of them, gonna take care of them.
It's gonna be great.
You don't have to worry about anything.
And now we're like five years into the movement and you have just so many people posting stuff like, look man, it's gonna happen on their timeline, not ours.
We need to just Buckle down and, like, brace for it.
We gotta accept it.
It's gonna be hard work defeating the cabal.
So, uh, just, uh, just, like, rise and grind, my brothers.
And it's like... Q never said that.
Q said this shit was fuckin' easy-peasy.
Q said, just live, laugh, love.
Yes!
Q was just like, hey... Q was all about, hey, this thing's in the bag.
We got it done.
It's over before it even started.
You don't have to worry about a thing, bro.
Done in one, son.
Yep.
Two more weeks.
Just give me two more weeks.
All set.
And now we're five years into it and people are like, shut up and just accept it.
We're going to win when we win, but just no deadlines.
Don't worry about it.
Like, one of my favorite things is like, I can't wait to be proven right.
So many QAnon people say that.
It's like, well, just...
Oh man, someday we'll have merch.
Yep, yep.
That'll be our shirt.
I can't wait until I'm proven right.
I can't wait until I'm proven right.
Yep.
Any day now, you're gonna be proven right.
Hey, just keep saying the Jets are gonna win the Super Bowl.
One of these years, you will be proven right.
It may not be in your lifetime, maybe your kid's lifetime, but at some point, it probably will happen.
Maybe.
It is so weird to think about, like, baseball being over 100 years old.
Yeah.
God.
Uh, so, uh...
The next question is from Cleodora Silvestri, right-clicking on your NFTs, I do believe is her name.
If QAnon had a chess figure set, we could already assume Ronny Wadds and the Queen of Canada would be the king and queen.
Who would be the rooks, knights, bishops, in addition to the grifting victims as pawns?
Well, the other thing is... Tim Walkins would have to be one of those positions of power, right?
Yes.
And Jim would probably be the rooks.
Because Jim feels kind of rookie to me.
He's kind of blocking.
And also, wouldn't you want Trump as the king?
Even though Rod Watkins is like actually cute.
So maybe the Watkinses are both just bishops.
Yeah, yeah.
Ron would be bishop.
Well, I would say Jim's a rook.
Well, I would say I Jim's other and Jim's a rook Ron's either a bishop or a knight
That's too timid to be a knight Okay, so he's a bishop then, that's fine.
So we have... Michael Flynn would be a knight, 100%.
Oh man, all day, Michael Flynn's the knight.
This right here... Oh, to Durham!
Durham!
Oh my god, this chess set is our grift!
Yeah, we finally found it.
We found our grift.
This chess set, oh my god, this is perfect.
Because you have, I mean, I guess you can make Melania the Queen.
You just do Trump and Melania as the King and the Queen.
Then you have Durham as the Bishop or the Knight.
Then you have Flynn as the other one.
The Rooks.
I mean, Cash Patel or just something cool looking like a cannon or something like that.
And then the pawns are just like regular like U.S.
military soldiers.
Then on the other side, you have the deep state.
You have George Soros as the king, Hillary Clinton as the queen.
Adam Schiff is one of the knights.
Dark Brandon.
Dark Brandon, yeah.
Brandon is the king, that'd be fine, but they'd probably hate Soros more.
That's the thing, you can make alternate kings for the bad guy's side and sell them as alternates.
Oh, this podcast is over!
We are now the QAnon Chess Set Podcast!
We are gonna make it rain!
Oh man, these suckers are gonna buy this thing like you read about.
Someone get us a 3D printer.
We are making these sets.
We are selling them.
We're going to be millionaires.
The QAnon chess set is the ultimate grift.
We're going to have to pretend that we didn't get this in a mailbag question and we came up with it on our own.
Sorry, Cleodora, you get nothing out of this.
Not a nickel.
You're being cut out of the deal.
The lawsuit's filed.
We don't care.
Are we going to create cheating prostate vibrators?
Yeah!
What's the name of that kid?
Oh god, what's the name of that kid?
Magnus.
No, no, Magnus is the champion.
The kid who cheated him.
Yeah, that needs to be our promo.
We need to get Magnus and that kid to play on our QAnon chess set as the ultimate scandal.
The strike while the iron's hot.
There we go.
Synergy.
Now we're talking about some magical synergies.
And our final question is from Spagnoli, and the question is literally just the word thoughts, and it's a picture of someone wearing a dolphin head, and the caption under them is Tuanon, in honor of Tua Tialova, the quarterback of the Miami Dolphins.
And apparently, I had made jokes about Tuanon previously because someone else had told me that Tuanon was already a thing that people were starting.
So this is a hilarious thing that apparently is a part of Miami Dolphins social media now.
Gonna have to explain this.
No, his name is Tua, so you just take two, you just take Tua, yeah, T-U-A is his name, so you just take the T-U, then you capitalize the A, and then slap anon on it, and you have Tuanon.
So, it's just a way to symbolize your fears.
And Sarge, the Dolphin, three weeks in, and the Dolphins are good this year, so people are fired up about Dolphin-related memes.
Yes.
Okay, okay.
It's the fish's time down here.
Yes.
Truly the Miami Dolphins at the Goonies.
It's a shame that their whole state is about to sink into the ocean.
It's gonna be hard for them to play.
Yeah.
But a big win for the rest of us.
Right.
Yeah, so the state of Florida is doing really well in the sports ball when it comes to American foosball.
The Buccaneers have Thomas Brady, who's still allegedly good at this game.
And on top of that, the Dolphins are undefeated.
And the Jacksonville Jaguars are apparently the greatest team in the NFL.
Yeah, if you enjoy Florida football, you are doing quite well.
So, congratulations, America's horrifyingly evil phallus, for being good at the sport, the only sport that America truly cares about.
Hashtag fuck baseball.
Yeah, that's right, I said it.
Knockin' baseball down a peg or two.
Piece of shit.
Yeah, this podcast has never taken that stance before.
Nope, never.
Never, not once.
Historically, we've been a very pro-baseball podcast.
Oh, god, incredibly.
Incredibly.
Yeah.
Here to let you know that the Beastie Boys rhymes are tight, and all other stances that we've always had consistently from episode one.
100%.
All day, every day.
Yeah.
Put a grape on it.
Exactly!
And so that brings us to our question of numerous.
What are you guys looking forward to?
As soon as I'm done with you, Clouds, I'm going to go back to play a storybook brawl.
It's got its hooks in me, and I've been playing it.
I'm in deep.
Yeah, it's not what I'm looking forward to, but I too am addicted to storybook brawl, so it is awesome.
Addicted to it, but somehow not looking forward to it.
Well, I have other things looking forward to, but storybook brawl is fine.
It's great.
Yeah, I bet you're going to be like, I'm looking forward to football or whatever.
I am looking forward to, I'm a big huge nerd, I'm looking forward to painting some, assembling some minis.
And painting them later.
I got into Warhammer when I was a wee lad, a teenager, with a second edition box, and I've always wanted some space elves.
So for my birthday last month, I bought myself some space elf screaming meanie ladies, and I'm going to assemble and paint them.
That sounds both like a hoot and a holler.
If you get the right show on, it's really nice.
Yeah, and Elle's right.
I really am always looking for, like, basically football season's my life.
It's my sad, pathetic existence for those, like, five months.
And then when it's over, it's over.
I've actually had people come up to me, like, during Super Bowl week, and they're just like, Mike, what are you going to do now that football's over?
And I'm just like, cry.
Just, like, cry a lot.
It's pretty much my existence.
For those of you who have to use the theory of the mind, I'm wearing my snazzy new Amon Ra Saint Brown Detroit Lions jersey for the podcast.
Nice, nice, nice.
I am actual death this year.
I wore a Joe Burrow jersey week one, the Bengals immediately lost, which was awesome.
I forget exactly who, oh, and then I busted out another jersey for week two, that player immediately lost.
I was wearing a Patriot jersey week three, another loss for the Patriots, and I had this jersey on order, and Amin Rase Brown got injured immediately, so I am a hex.
So, uh, if you don't want your favorite team, Hex, if you don't want your favorite player injured, let me know who they are, and then I will blackmail you into me not purchasing some merchandise of that team or that player so that you will be free from the Mike Rains voodoo that is apparently paralyzing, uh, this world.
Which I didn't know I had.
I didn't know I had until, like, literally it's been confirmed to me back to back to back weeks.
There you have it.
Mike Raines, laced in arcane energy.
What an absolute maniacal magician he is.
I'm not dark, Brandon.
What's like milder than dark?
Like, I don't know.
Gray.
Brandon the Gray.
Gray.
Foggy.
Foggy Mike.
Transitioning.
You're transitioning, Mike.
Sounds right.
Apropos of nothing, I was walking through the parking lot of the casino and one of my employees actually called me Crazy Mike, just out of nowhere.
And I was just like, man, holy, I mean, that that horrile chestnut of a nickname I have not heard in, like, I don't know, 20 years.
But they were just like, boom.
And I was like, yep, apparently that's just me.
Apparently that's just something that is inescapable to my existence.
What a crazy anecdote.
Yes!
Thank you for sharing it to us, your co-hosts, but more importantly for sharing it with our dear listeners.
And thank you, dear listeners, for supporting the show.
You can continue to support the show for free by giving us a five-star review wherever you get your podcasts from.
It helps out because it tells the algorithm that we're doing something right.
If you have money and you want to support us with that money, you can do so by visiting our Patreon at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
Five dollars or more a month gets you access to all of our back catalogue of content, including a bunch of different series that we have wrapped up where we watch and discuss Q-related media, like Fall of the Kabal and our series Kabalin, etc.
The most recent series, which we will get back to posting episodes of soon, I promise, is Queeb!
Cash Writes Everything Around Me, where we are reading Cash Patel's The Plot Against the King, the QAnon children's book.
It's a fun time.
So come join us if you would like access to more of our sweet, sweet content.
If you have money and you don't want to give it to us, you can do so good with it by donating it to love146.org.
They are an organization whose vision is the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Or you can just make sure that it's going to line the pockets of your favorite Democrat.
That's right.
I don't care about the race.
Just make people who are already doing well even richer.
That's what I'm about here.
Capitalism at its finest.
At some point it'll trickle down, baby, right into my waiting mouth.
Thank you, as always, to DJ Minimal Effort for use of our intro song.
No social media for them, but thank you nonetheless.
Thank you to our friend Frosty for all of our voiceover artist work, including our bumps, etc.
You can find them on Twitter at FrostyVO.
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