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Sept. 16, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:45:31
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #52: A Year In HellwQrld

Sarge, L, and Mike celebrate a year in HellwQrld by talking about the California Recall, General Milley and Dan Quayle saving America and the QAnon Bridge Lady dies and Lin Wood and QAnon plot terrorism over it. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody!
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
This is our one-year anniversary.
A year in Hellworld.
And I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
How is that possible?
How is that possible?
One year.
And the mysterious El.
Should auld acquaintance be forgot, my beautiful babies?
I'm glad that I remembered to unmute myself before I said that.
That was like there was that little bit of a delay and that was me frantically remembering I needed to unmute my microphone for the ultimate professionalism that the people of the podcast would expect after one year of doing it.
Yes.
So yeah, we've managed to show up and record reasonably on time once a week for a year.
Way to go us with a modicum of at least consistency.
I wouldn't call it professionalism, but hey, we did that.
So I was kind of in the back of my head wondering, like, what were we going to do for the one year anniversary?
And then the world imploded with madness.
So I was like, oh, I was like, well, the actual gaping maw of hell world opened up for us.
So that makes things really easy for us.
So we're going to be talking about all this crazy stuff that involves QAnon, so we have to put a contact warning to start.
Content warning.
The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
Listener discretion advised.
Remember like a literal year ago when we first started doing this and there was like enough QAnon stuff to talk about that we felt compelled to go through the Q drops, but not so much QAnon stuff to talk about where we could do anything but talk about the Q drops?
Yes.
It's really funny in the sense that I've talked to so many people who've told me, but Q stopped posting, so shouldn't QAnon have vanished or faded away?
And my answer to that was, did Christianity go away when they murdered Jesus?
Just because the prophet has vanished doesn't mean that the story goes away.
I mean, if anything, the martyrdom of Q only strengthens and emboldens them.
I mean, now they have their exiled king in Trump, And their vanished prophet, Q, waiting in the shadows to return one day and save them from the evil Deep State.
I mean... I just love that, like, when we started this thing, it was just like, hey, let's do a podcast where we decode the lunacy of Q's drops and discuss, like, what the fuck they're actually supposed to mean and how wrong he is.
And then inside of, like, a few months, it became clear that, like, With QAnon on the rise, we needed to pivot to a fucking topical news show.
Yeah.
With the loss of Q's Q drops, we were just like, well, we're riffing on those.
Well, those are gone.
But we just get forever to live in the shadow of the...
his effect on the world now. And it's just been over a year of
that.
Yeah, Ron Watkins lying to people that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, we're going to get arrested one day soon. Is
a is it is brain worm infected a section of society so
aggressively that we're stuck dealing with the aftermath of that in perpetuity.
I mean... Speaking of headline news and having to do with Q, it's important for us to bring up, we can just touch upon it now before we get to the actual news segment, but more United States citizens have died from the coronavirus, percentage-wise, than we managed to make it through Q drops.
Yes!
Mmm.
Yes.
Spicy.
We got through like 70 out of the 4,000 Qdrops or something.
Yeah.
And now we have the stat that like 1 out of 500 people in America have died of COVID.
I mean, so... You know it, dawg!
You better believe it, bro!
Yeah.
We did it, America!
Crushing it!
USA!
USA!
at USA. It's so it's so ridiculous how depressing this has been that we as a nation have taken
this virus so unseriously that like this is where we're at.
I mean, it's just like, it's just wild.
It's just wild that when we're still dealing with this, and we're probably going to be dealing with like, this angry subset of Americans that Like, are literally now part of a death cult.
And that's just the only way to describe them.
It's really ridiculous.
It's... Should auld acquaintance be forgot at auld lang syne?
That's what the people come here for.
Grim news wrapped in some sort of dumb, peppy bit.
Like, rapper.
I'm happy to have been doing the podcast for a year.
I'm not happy that we have had a year's worth of content.
Listeners, you should see the physical toll that it's taking on Sarge's body.
All of his hair has fallen out.
Ravaged.
Even one of his cats, all of their hair has fallen out too.
It's buck wild.
His skin, his palate, he hasn't seen the light of the sun in many, many months because he's now just so introverted and shut in because the world has broken his spirit.
He is a wastrel of what he used to be.
When he looks at his photos from when he was in the military to what he is now, it's just night and day.
It's devastating.
It's devastating what's been following the man.
But I don't need to harp on Sarge's diminishing physical condition.
Mike really took my dumb joke football and ran with it.
Woo!
I've got a whole time to just talk about how much shit Sarge looks like.
No stopping this train.
And for the record, Sarge is in the best shape of all of us and it's not even close.
Not even close.
I was like, I'm just gonna sit here and be quiet.
I'm gonna see how far he goes.
No, Sarge, if the three of us, if the mythical Jordan Sather charity boxing match happened, but it was between the three hosts of the Hellworld podcast, Sarge would win that fight in 20 seconds.
If that.
If I could run from him for 20 seconds, I would survive that long.
So I want to make that abundantly clear that everything I'm saying here is entirely fueled by my bitter jealousy.
Well, I have the most uric acid out of the bunch, so go fuck yourself.
That's L's special ability, his uric acid attack.
He sprays it right in the eyes of it, like a squid.
This is his defensive maneuver when threatened, he just vomits acid on his phone.
I just open my big toe and a bunch of uric acid springs forth from my joints and then I slowly hobble away because I'm in tremendous pain.
It's not great.
We're all in really rough shape.
but we're in good enough shape to cover the news.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
What a great segue.
From a bummer to a bummer!
Alright, at the top we have California.
They managed to get a stupid, stupid recall election in on their governor.
The Republicans did, and I guess Q idiots, and it all It pooped all over itself because it's still California and Newsome defended his governor title match 66 to 33.
Yeah, Newsome remains gummy bear of candy cornea.
Yeah.
In a Sarge vs. Mike Rains level fistfight in the dominance that Newsom prevailed in here.
This, what's so funny about this, was a few months ago there were a few polls that were like, oh man, this thing's close, this could be interesting!
And that got QAnon all jeeped up because all polls are fake until they tell us what we want to hear, and then the polls are the gospel truth.
And then as the polling started pouring in as we got closer to Election Day, And the mail-in ballots got cast.
It became more and more of an obvious runaway that Newsom was now up, like, double digits.
He's up 15.
All the polls say that this is a giant waste of everyone's fucking time.
That there's no way that Newsom's gonna lose.
And that's when both QAnon and Larry Elder himself, the Republican who was likely to become the governor, were Newsom to lose.
Starting to talk about voter fraud and how this thing was rigged.
And Larry Elder even had a post on his website talking about how the election was stolen from him before the election came out.
I saw that.
I was like, how can you declare election fraud before the voting's even begun?
It's so easy.
So easy to say.
Yeah, it was very easy.
I was, I will admit, to being a little worried because I didn't think it was ever possible for Trump to make it through the primary.
And then I definitely didn't think he could win because he was a monster.
And, you know, here we are.
So I was like, holy shit, are they actually going to, like, get this recall through?
Yeah.
No, they got the recall to happen and then they had no juice after that.
And the other thing about the California recalls that's like so ridiculous is that it's not a replacement running against the governor and you have a binary choice.
California has this dumb two-tier system where you vote, do you want to recall the governor?
And if you vote yes, then you have this giant laundry list of who you want to replace them with.
So like Newsom could have been removed from office like 50.1 to 49.9 and then like some jamoke could have won 10% of like the secondary runoff election results, beaten everybody else who got like 9% or less and become the governor of California with like no actual popular support.
So, Mike Rains, for the people that haven't been following us, how did we end up in this place?
How did dumb, awful Republicans get the recall of Roland?
Give us a little bit of background.
Okay, so basically the problem is that the California ballot initiative system is incredibly easy to game.
You need so few signatures on petitions in order to trigger something like this.
So California will always have incredibly dumb ballot initiatives being put on there on the books all the time.
This is how Prop 8, that illegalized gay marriage in California, got on the ballot and then got voted on by the public.
It takes so little work to do these things that a lot of people have been like, you know, California's willingness to allow these kinds of things is a little too liberal and a little too excessive.
So you'll see all kinds of dumb ballot initiatives being attempted in California all the time because anyone of a few bucks can like be like, hey, I should try to do something because once you put something in front of the public, you never know what's going to happen.
So you're going to hear like some libertarian dude bros, a lot of money, venture capitalists, They had a plan to, like, slice California up into five states and gerrymander those five states really aggressively.
So, like, Republicans got, like, six senators and Democrats got, like, four senators, maybe.
They tried to, like, packet all the Democrats in California into, like, two of the five new California states.
And, like, I don't know that that would ever work, because California is so goddamn blue, it'd be really hard to do that.
Right.
Basically, if you have a dream and enough money to just have a bunch of people collect signatures, you can get anything on the California ballot.
It's so easy.
Ah, the American way.
So, basically, a bunch of chuckle fucks were like, you know what?
Let's recall Gavin Newsom and we have this Trump-er, QAnon anger and zeal to just, like, Take out revenge on some Democrat in some area and they had enough of like dumb Gavin Newsom faux pas like he he was at a party where he wasn't wearing a mask or social distancing indoors and all this other stuff where you could conceivably get even a Democrat to be like you know what fuck Gavin Newsom that guy is an out of touch elite piece of shit I'll sign your recall petition
But then when that Democrat is faced with a choice of faceless, crazy Republican being my governor or Gavin Newsom, they're going to be like, no, fuck that shit.
I'm keeping Newsom.
He may not be great, but he's not a fucking lunatic Republican.
So basically they were able to con enough people into getting the recall rolling.
Because it's really easy to do those but then when faced with the choice of actually removing Newsom and replacing
him with just whatever wackadoodle Republican
The Republicans coalesced around or keeping their Democrat governor, California's like oh, yeah Democrat governor,
please. Thank you Democrat governor We'll go we'll stick with them. That's the better choice
So, of course Q has opinions on This because Q anon is not real but Q is so yeah, I guess
it's time to get to the fucking point of the show Why the hell are we talking about the California recall to begin with?
Because it ties into the election fraud that literally QAnon from the jump was saying that like the only way the Democrats can win the California recall in a state that they like bitterly hate as this like absolute cesspool of socialism and communism and atheism and abortion and they let the gay people own San Francisco and that's against God's will.
This state that they hate so much is also secretly incredibly red.
And Trump won it in 2020.
All that other good stuff.
So the only way Newsom was able to win was through election fraud.
And already the cranks and quacks who are running their shit in Arizona have crawled out of the woodwork to declare that they're ready at a moment's notice to do a quote-unquote forensic Oh, no, Sarge.
A forensic audit.
A forensic audit of California to get down to the bottom of it.
Bobby Pitten, who is one of the chuckle fucks that has been pushing the Arizona stuff, he posted on Gab to Larry Elder.
He's like, contact me.
I'm more than happy to run the numbers on all the voter rolls and recall votes and show how much fraud occurred yet again.
Because it's always fraud.
It's always fraud at all times.
I mean, it's just... There's so much fraud happening that it's been easily proven in so many cases so far that the world we live in is a world where we have proven how fraudulent our voting is.
Yeah.
And our boy Cat Turd, who I love because he's the lowest, he's the laziest, most absolutely effortless.
He actually jumped on the L train before L did about going for the low-hanging fruit and has managed to make a quote-unquote career as an internet troll for the right wing.
Posted a thing.
He's like, good morning to everyone.
As long as we continue with mail-in votes, Republicans will never win an election.
And we know why.
Because mail-in votes are inherently fraudulent and illegal.
They're corrupt.
And we all know why.
Liberals are just like, hey, he accidentally has a point.
And part of the reason why is probably because they just Keep closing polling stations where BIPOC people can go to vote, so those people being able to vote by mail, and those people tending to skew liberal, maybe he's got a point about Republicans never being able to win again.
He has a point, but not the one he thought he was making.
No, dude, these QAnon idiots are fucking, like, conservatives in general are just masters of, like, Sort of demonstrating the point while also missing the point.
Yeah, self-aware wolves.
It's like, yeah man, it turns out that if you let people vote easier and more people go to the polling stations, uh, liberalism will win out.
I mean, because, like, there's a minority of people in this country that want to be stuck in the fucking past, so...
It turns out a lot of those people are people that weren't treated super well in the past.
So maybe Republicans would be having a better go of it if they had treated their BIPOC friends and neighbors a little better over the past 60 or 70 years.
Yeah, and the other thing that's really funny is a lot of times when you hear this talk about mail-in voting being corrupt, the good people of QAnon in the right wing will be like, oh yeah, you've got these mail-in voting states like Colorado and Oregon and Washington and California does a lot of vote by mail.
And it just shows you how corrupt all this stuff is.
And they will always, always omit one state from their list of evil mail-in voting states.
Because that state is Utah, and Utah is fucking blood red.
And Utah is exclusively vote-by-mail.
And weirdly enough, in Utah, the mail-in voting does not get rigged, so the Republicans lose.
So, maybe the mail-in vote itself isn't the problem.
Maybe it's the fact that you are a bunch of shitheads who Americans have rejected pretty much everywhere.
So now...
So QAnon is using this to further build on the narrative that our elections from here on out are rigged and we need to contest them and everything.
They're just using this to sow unfaith.
In all elections, this is another stepping stone.
Just undermining democracy in general.
We're never going to get a fair shake.
Our boy Torba retweeted some guy named Joe Pritch, who I have no fucking idea who he is.
You've seen the MAGA starter kit meme where you're in your car with sunglasses and a ball cap on.
Yeah, I was wearing that uniform the other day coming from the football game.
Yeah, Joe Pritch is literally the MAGA starter pack guy.
He's got the fuckin' 5 o'clock shadow goatee, the sunglasses, all of it.
And Torabot reposted him, and his thing was, Newsom sucks, and he gets booed everywhere he goes out in public, but he got 66% of the vote, and then he says, still think we're voting our way out of this?
Maybe that booing is a tainted sample group?
Like, I don't go out to cheer people on, but I would go out to boo someone.
Yeah, I mean, that's what's so funny.
Everywhere Trump went as president, there was always a protest.
There was always people holding signs, like yelling, like, Resign Trump!
We hate you!
You don't represent America!
And QAnon and their ilk would be like, Steal your president!
Cry more, libs!
And now that the shoe's on the other foot, QAnon and their ilk are like, Oh, look at Biden getting booed!
81 million votes!
Does anyone believe this crap?
And it's like, yeah, 30 people showed up to hold up Trump One signs and yell at Biden's armored limo while it was rolling by them as Biden is still the president.
And you're like on the side of those 30 chuckle fucks waving their signs and yelling at the limo.
I mean, great.
Congratulations.
You've really proven a lot.
You're incredible.
And also, while we're talking about Sleepy Joe, I mean, you would think that at least at this particular moment in time, some of these MAGA idiots would actually be more a fan of Sleepy Joe than they have been, because he did, like, an alpha move.
He performed an alpha maneuver that's sort of out of the pocket for liberals in general, where he was just like, hey, it's mask mandate time.
And people were like, we're going to be unhappy about that, sue you!
And Joe Biden was like, fuck it, come after me then.
Come at me, bro.
The mandate's on, suck it, nerds.
Yeah, the vaccine mandates.
Yeah, when he was like, yeah, we're doing these vaccine mandates.
And the reporter's like, but they're going to challenge it in court.
And Bob's like, yeah, go for it.
Challenge it in court.
See how that works out for you.
And that was just awesome.
Then he was just like, I'm sick of your shit.
I'm just tired of you.
And go challenge it in court.
You'll lose.
Amy Cohen Barrett literally rolled her eyes when students at Indiana University were trying to get a religious exemption against the mandates there.
She was like, nah, whatever.
And like, literally when the person they railroaded on the Supreme Court for their evil conservative agenda won't back your dumb play, your play probably isn't going to get backed by anybody.
I saw a thing where they were like, Oh, man, New York court like strikes down mandate.
And then I read it and it was like, it's a temporary injunction.
And the state of New York has until the 22nd to like formally go before the court and explain why they're doing the mandate.
And they're gonna yell at the court and the court's gonna cave because like, again, these vaccine mandates have been constitutional for over 100 years now.
This is settled law.
It's ridiculous.
Yeah, and the military has said that your vaccine, their vaccine mandate for the military, the deadline is December 15th.
You have to, if you're in the military, active duty, you have to be vaccinated by December 15th or you're out of here.
And there's so many commanders, I guarantee that it's like, oh my God, we just get to clean up the books of these fucking shit birds that made it through basic and like, Yeah, no.
Because you got to imagine that the people that refuse to take a life-saving vaccine for the benefit of the greater good are not the same people you want to be investing hundreds of thousands or millions of dollars to train and give clearance to, so that way you can arm them with a weapon and have them, in theory, defend your interests.
How many Q idiots are going to clean themselves out of the military because they won't get vaccinated?
The thing that's really funny about this is that when Delta gave their statement that we're going to charge unvaccinated employees $200 a month more for their insurance, because $200 a month is basically the year-long cost of treating someone in a hospital for COVID.
It's like $3,600 or however the math works, $2,400.
But what happened is everyone was like, oh no, we're going to leave Delta!
And it turned out, actually, 4,000 more Delta employees got vaccinated, and there's no discernible note of any massive walk-offs in the company.
Yeah, again, it's just another avenue for conservative hypocrisy, because that sounds like the free market at work, right?
Like, Delta's literally just like, hey, your job is not even on the line.
We will continue to give you a job and provide you with the company health insurance.
You are just paying a higher premium because you have a pre-existing condition of stupidity.
So, you have a $200 stupidity tax, but you still get to keep your job and your insurance.
And then, like, conservators are just all up in arms about it.
Fucking like all these companies whatever man like sucks for them. What do they do it?
They're the worst and it's like bro like check your fucking charter for the team
You're playing for me and you're supposed to be about this kind of life
Yeah, like if your state tells you that you need to mask up and have a vaccine in your arm, then like
Conservatives supposed to be about that shit. It's like oh shit
The states want us to do it and like, you know So that in that regard conservatives in Florida that are
backing to Santa says murder our children with the virus play
Are like some of the only real people in the party Tell me
Yeah, we're wholeheartedly going whole hog 10th amendment here and everyone can drop dead otherwise.
And they're going to literally drop dead because we're just embracing quackery and pseudoscience and all this other kind of stupidity surrounding COVID and the nightmare that it is inflicted on us.
I mean, with the numbers being what they are, 1 in 500 Americans, that means that, like, pretty much every American is, like, three or less degrees of separation away from somebody who has died of COVID.
Yeah, I imagine everyone probably knows someone that's died of it by this point.
Yeah.
I don't think I do personally, but I'm sure that if I, like, reached out to a friend and asked them if they had any friends that knew someone that died of COVID, they would have to say yes.
Me.
Like, my scout leader died of COVID.
Oh, really?
See?
I did not know that, but now that I do, see?
I'm literally, like, what?
So that brings me one degree of separation away from somebody who knows someone personally that has died of the virus.
Yeah, multiple of our personal friends have had it, and we even had a friend that was a breakthrough case.
Yeah, I've had many co-workers over this period of time who've had it, and some of them are friends of mine, personal friends of mine, who've had COVID.
Thankfully, me, like El, I don't know anyone personally that was a friend of mine, but when you are in the gaming community, as it were, where you're just dealing with all these customers and you have so many locals, We've had locals that have passed from COVID.
I know those people vaguely, but I know that that happens.
It's just inescapable at this point that this is what's been happening to the world.
You're just dealing with a segment of our society that is now so wedded to their narrative that they're just not going to give up on it, even when it kills them.
Which is, I guess we'll just do the Runa Reaper Roundup Big Ticket of the Week, as it were, which was the QAnon... There was this lady named Victoria, or Veronica Walsky, and she was the British lady in Chicago.
There was this bridge in Chicago, and she'd post, like, QAnon signs and blah blah blah, and, like, people would visit her and be like, Hey!
Bridge lady!
We love you!
We love Q!
I mean, certainly, she wouldn't be posting big ol' banners that say stuff like, Axe the Vax, right?
I'm positive she was.
I saw these pictures.
Oh, I, I, I, that, that, like, you know, as most of the things I say, it was dripping with sarcasm.
I've seen pictures in front of her posing with her own banner that says Axe the Vax.
Exactly.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, let's see what happened.
So why is she in the news?
Certainly, certainly she's just doing fine.
Yeah.
So she caught coronavirus, had a lengthy hospitalization and died.
which is...
Not at all to acquaintance me, forget...
Yeah, and, and the thing about this one is that Lin Wood decided that her, she, her
level of celebrity, because she'd had a viral video where she like wore a lone ranger mask and
went into a store and then like basically harassed and harassed the staff and was just being a total
shithead to them and she had done all these things.
So when it was known that she was in real bad shape, Lin Wood decided to call up the hospital and tell them that they need to get this lady some ivermectin, and they need to get her some ivermectin right now, or they will have blood on their hands for killing this poor old lady.
Thankfully for everybody, he couldn't threaten them with a lawsuit that he was in charge of, because isn't he no longer allowed to practice law?
The process of debarring him is still ongoing.
He has yet to be disbarred, but God, they need to speed that shit up.
But it is running.
It's running, but it needs to happen yesterday.
I long for the day where Lin Wood is like the Beastie Boys, in which he has no bar.
Boom!
He's got no bar!
One year special!
Fuck you, the Beastie Boys!
The deep cuts, the aggressive deep cuts.
R.I.P.
the Beastie Boys.
So Lin Wood calls this hospital up and threatens them that they're gonna be on the hook for murdering this lady if they don't get her the horse paste ASAP.
And this leads to Linwood's followers having their own little chat room on Telegram where they start coming up with ideas and Linwood's followers start going to the hospital and harassing the staff and bothering people and calling the hospital and flooding the phone lines.
And people are talking about maybe pulling the fire alarm and doing all kinds of other stuff in a desperate attempt to Do some sort of like commando raid to like rush the hospital and get this lady out when she's on a ventilator.
She's in the worst shape possible.
If you try to move her, you're gonna kill her yourselves, you colossal dum-dums.
And...
All of this is a bunch of sound and fury that ends up amounting to nothing.
And then that night she died.
And then, again, these channels that Linwood's followers are in, there are people in the channels talking about how they need to start attacking these hospital employees.
They need to actually assault and or kill them for murdering this lady.
Hopefully the FBI agent in that Telegram channel was just like, okay.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh God.
Uncaps his pen, licks it to make sure the ink's running right and starts jotting down copious notes.
He's just like, Hey Patriots, I'm going to need your full legal birth name and social security number for protection.
Yeah, you see, I mean, again, these channels have to be being monitored by people because if they're not fuck you FBI, but they really just have lost their minds over this.
And this gets into the whole fact that They have to reframe these narratives to make it fit their ridiculous world.
When COVID first came out, it was bullshit, it's not real, it's milder than the flu, no one dies from it, blah blah blah.
Now, it's actually a real bioweapon that the Deep State has unleashed on us to kill everybody, but I can cure it with hydroxychloroquine or ivermectin, or the new iodine thing that they're drinking.
Bite Dine, I cannot remember the product name of the new iodine mouth gargle that QAnon is drinking in an effort to cure themselves of COVID, but they always have to come up with a new quack cure that is the secret way to actually fix this thing, because even when they've admitted that COVID is real and is killing everybody, it's still We have the answer that the mainstream media won't tell you about and the vaccine is also murderous.
So you're gonna die of real murderous COVID or the real murderous vaccine unless you eat the horse paste or drink the iodine mouthwash.
I love the idea that in order to buy into any of this shit, you have to believe the government is powerful enough to develop and then unleash a secret biological weapon on the entire world simultaneously for purposes of question marks, I don't know, killing their own voter base or whatever.
But then in addition, their super virus weapon can be easily defeated by over-the-counter horse medication.
Yeah, just massive depopulation campaigns.
And it's always, it's the same old gag of QAnon to one end.
I mean, the longer it goes on, the slightly more plausible it does seem like it may have been some... Well, I mean, again, he said with heavy sarcasm.
Not that that's going to stop us from getting YouTube struck down or whatever, but just based on the way the numbers are going to end up shaking out, like, if your contention is that the virus was meant to eliminate good, red-blooded patriots that are voting Republican, then guess what?
You've self-fulfilled your prophecy.
That is the way it's going to go down.
Yeah, Betadine, I believe, is how you say this thing.
This is the new quack cure, so if you're on Wall Street Bets... Wait, Betadine?
Yeah, Betadine.
That's their new thing?
Yep, that's their new thing, is Betadine.
Alright, alright.
What liberal member of Anonymous tricked all of these conservatives into taking the Betameds?
Who's out there training conservatives into willfully taking beta pills?
Like, I get it, it's funny, but make yourself known so I can shake your hand.
Like, yeah, time to get baited up, says conservatives that just a year ago were using that as a derogatory term for libs.
Also, if you want to know more about Ivermectin, Behind the Bastards did a great couple episodes on how that breaks it all down, on how that all got started.
I mean, maybe the listeners do, but I don't like... I mean, is it any more or less ridiculous than when Donald Trump was suggesting bleach and or literal the sun as cues for it?
I mean... It's much more sad.
It was real big in South America, in countries where They didn't have good vaccine access.
And so these poor, uh, Latin communities were just like, fuck it.
I need to, we're just trying to do something just to survive.
And so they were taking ivermectin and rich people in America who had very easy access to the vaccine, especially now just glommed onto it.
They're like, I don't need to take it.
Look, they're taking ivermectin and.
Yeah, it's all... You gotta love it when you're taking your medical treatment cues from the most impoverished people in, like, South America.
Yeah.
It's like, it works for poor people in South America, why wouldn't it work for us?
And it's just like, well, it doesn't.
And if they had access to real medicine, they'd probably be taking it.
Yeah, no, they're just desperate for the vaccine.
And they didn't have access to it.
So they were trying to do anything.
To help themselves and not die from COVID.
Yeah.
And this is the thing that always blows my mind about this, is the idea that the Cabal has this global reach where they can get into every nook and cranny of the world and force us to take the deadly murder vaccine.
There's like no nation on Earth that could have just taken ivermectin or hydroxychloroquine and cured COVID, just flushed it out of their nation's system, No problem, no must, no fuss, and then broadcast that to the world and proven the effectiveness of it.
Like, this is a thing that would have happened if you actually had a cure that actually worked.
Like, Chile or some random nation in South America or somewhere would have been like, hey, we're all just on a prophylactic ivermectin diet, and guess what?
It works.
It works perfectly.
Our nation has no COVID.
Everything's great.
That would have happened if these miracle cures actually could have worked.
But instead, all of these people who are promoting these grifts and these right-wing scams are like, well, it's working in this country over here.
And then you go look at their statistics and a terrible COVID's ravaging their nation.
They have like tons of deaths, tons of problems, like their crank cures aren't doing anything.
It's like how everyone just kept holding up Sweden as a model of efficiency because they didn't do lockdowns when COVID hit.
And everybody in the Swedish government was like, yeah, we fucked up.
That was a terrible idea.
We killed way too many people of our incompetence.
We are so sorry we did that.
And to this day, QAnon promoters are like, yeah, the Sweden model.
Perfect.
Great.
Like, look at how excellent Sweden made it through COVID with no lockdowns at all.
And Sweden's like, fuck you.
No, we didn't.
We sucked.
We were really bad and we acknowledge our failure.
I mean, to be fair, I have in the past been a fan of Swedish models.
Rimshot.
Wakka Wakka.
Hey, don't steal my bit, Sarge!
Well, you were fucking... It's not your bit!
It's fucking fair!
And also, you were wildly slow on the draw.
If he didn't get in there, if I didn't get in there by saying Rimshot, or Sarge didn't get in there by saying Wakka Wakka, there was just gonna be like, what, a second of dead air after my incredible joke?
While I'm assuming you two were too busy silently laughing to yourselves?
Yes.
Oh, do we want to move on to our next big item that I already don't?
Miley saves the world.
I assume this is about Miley Cyrus, right?
It is.
We're partying.
Is it Miley or Milly?
I wrote Miley because that was that was how Mike pronounced it in our meeting.
But then I saw a headline and it was with two L's.
So is it Milly or Miley?
I think I've never said the guy's name right.
I'll go with Milly for the sake of argument, because that's probably correct.
I mean, he's either Miley Cyrus or Milli Vanilli, so it's a no-win scenario for this guy.
Oh, he can't win, and he should be Milli Vanilli, so I'm gonna go with that.
But he, this, our general, our esteemed, apparently actual unelected leader of America, decided around January 6th, when Trump staged his little cootie-coo, as it were, That it was time for him to usurp the civilian chain of command and make sure that nobody, that Trump was not allowed to launch any nuclear weapons without his permission because Donald Trump was a crazy person who couldn't be trusted in his last couple weeks in the presidency with not starting a nuclear war or any other kind of war with some random nation in order to try to maintain power through madness.
And while I understand why he was doing what he was doing, what I really don't understand is why the fuck wasn't this guy in front of the second impeachment hearing being like, okay, everybody, I want to know that, like, maybe this isn't, like, the January 6th protest was a bad thing and all that kind of stuff, but you need to know this guy was fucking nuts.
This guy was out of his goddamn mind.
Yeah, you should probably actually convict him, even though he isn't the president anymore, so he can't run for another term.
Because if he ever got back in, we probably were all going to die.
But for some reason, Milley didn't do that.
He didn't go to CNN or anybody after he decided that it was his prerogative to decide when America gets to nuke somebody and where.
And only brought this up when Bob Woodward was like, hey Millie, you got some stories about the final days of the Trump presidency?
Any juicy tidbits for me?
And Millie was like, oh yeah, I got a couple.
Like this time when Trump lost his mind and was swearing at all of us and being mad.
And when he wanted to invoke the Insurgency Act and the general told him not to, Trump was like, you're usurping my authority!
You're all fucking weird and stupid and I hate all of you!
You all suck!
And the president was just a dumb, giant, screaming baby that, um...
Like, this wasn't something that he felt the need to talk about immediately at the moment that it happened.
Instead, he had to save it for a juicy book reveal, which is, what the fuck are you doing?
Like, that's kind of news the American people need to know about, not, hey, let's sell a few books with the story I got.
Sounds good.
Hey, Bob.
Sounds like a good plan.
Hey, buddy.
Hey.
What is wrong with you?
Like, why do you sit on that during this whole time?
Because it's terrifying?
I mean, it's happened time and again that, like, you find out later that the president, or things got a lot scarier than they were.
I mean, Russia almost launched a nuke at us, and we almost launched a nuke at them, except one guy couldn't find the key, and then things settled down.
I mean, he wasn't afraid of that fucking...
Hearing, or whatever, for the same reason that people whistleblow anonymously.
Because most people only want to do the right thing if it means no repercussions for them.
Did this guy do the right thing by trying to go outside of the regular chain of command to prevent Trump from doing more damage than was necessary?
I mean, maybe, maybe not.
It depends on how unhinged Trump was.
I'm glad that somebody was at least in that headspace.
Does he seem like the sort of person who wants to be known as the hero who defied Trump?
Absolutely not.
He still wants his career.
He wants book deals and stuff.
And he can't sink any of that by going against the God Emperor Trump himself.
Oh, absolutely.
It just feels so weird the way the story came out and the fact that this guy was sort of like, I'm going to cover my ass way after the fact, but hey, this is a thing.
And it's going to be really interesting to see if like, does Biden call on him to resign because he did kind of break chain of command, which is like supposed to be what the military is all about in every way, shape and form.
And that civilian control of the military is supposed to be paramount.
Because there was like the time, When Nixon was president, there was that time when Henry Kissinger was like, Nixon's drunk half the time.
If he orders anyone to launch a nuclear missile, call me first and let me talk about it.
But at least Kissinger was a part of the actual cabinet and stuff like that.
He was part of the civilian government.
Whereas this guy was actually a military leader who was like, yay, now I'm kind of running the nukes.
We had that incident happen when Reagan got shot where General Haig was like, I'm running America right now.
And it's like, you're actually not.
George Pappy Bush runs America right now if Reagan's in the hospital, technically, because he's kind of the vice president.
But whatever you say, Mr. General.
Was Reagan getting shot a military coup?
What's going on here?
You people are weird.
I feel like if if if popular media has taught me anything, it's that every general in in our army is secretly just, you know, like at night they go home and they get hard so they could fuck their wives by thinking about the time where they just get to seize power of the United States government.
It's terrifying, but also the other side was equally terrifying.
I don't know.
There's no winners in this story.
Oh, no.
Yeah, we as America, we were in a real dangerous place for four years when President Man Baby had his finger on the button.
I mean, that was a no guardrails roller coaster ride that we are lucky to have gotten through.
Are you telling me that you're not afraid that Joe Biden might just like lose his mind one night and randomly decide he wants to launch a nuke at South Korea?
So weird.
It's really weird that Sleepy Joe, that pejorative sleepy, is actually something that's kind of nice for me.
I like the idea of having a president who's even-keeled and slow to anger, as it were.
Yeah.
A little more reasonable, just a touch.
Yeah.
And even if you're going to give me the whole thing where it's like, oh yeah, Biden's this dementia-ridden idiot and he doesn't know what's going on and he's being led by his puppet master.
It's like, well at least his Puppet Masters are like people that I kind of think like know what's going on and understand how the world works and are trying to steer us in the right direction, whereas like... Yeah, it seems really weird to have Puppet Masters that I would probably just vote to elect into office clean.
Like... Right.
It's like... Puppet Masters who are not like Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump.
Or like the Koch brothers or whatever.
Yeah, or Mike Lindell who was literally having meetings with Trump about getting him back into office at some point.
I mean, the fact that Biden's inner circle is people I actually know and can be like, yeah, that person probably has a good head on their shoulders, maybe they can be president in a little while with some seasoning or whatever, versus His son-in-law is a crook and his daughter is a crook and they're basically telling their dad what to do half the time in America and Stephen Miller, who is a literal Nazi, also has the president's ear.
These are bad things and these are bad people that are now walking in the halls of power in America and they have a colossal moron as their figurehead And they said this about W. Bush also, is that literally all his staff would do is lobby to be the last person that would talk to him in a meeting, because he would just go with whatever the last person said, because he was just so dumb and so absolutely incapable of figuring out anything.
If you were the last person to pitch an idea to him, you'd be like, yeah, we'll do that.
That sounds good.
And that's the way Donnie Two Scoops worked also.
I was elected to lead, not to read.
Exactly!
It's just this ridiculous nonsense!
Hey man, you can't fool a fooler.
Darn right you can't!
And so we had all of this stuff going on with Millie deciding that nuclear weapons are going to go through him and not Trump.
And then we also found out that Mike Pence was being put on the spot come January 6th to Uh, try to enable this coup as it were, and that Trump was leaning on him to like pull shit when the certification of electoral vote was coming down.
Mike Pence, being a weak spineless man, decided to try to figure out if he could go along with this coup or not.
So he reached out to the one man who knew what it was like to be Mike Pence in that situation.
Another vice president who was also from the great state of Indiana, Dan Quayle.
And, uh, Dan Quayle told Mike Pence, you actually can't do fucking anything.
You just open the envelopes, read them to the tabulators, and the tabulators write down the numbers.
Your role is largely ceremonial.
Your role is, yeah, your role is ceremonial, you just do what the Constitution tells you to do, which is to open fucking envelopes, and then at the end, the tabulators are gonna hand you a piece of paper that says, Biden, many.
You and Trump, less.
And then you have to declare Joe Biden the President-elect and Kamala Harris the Vice President-elect and bang a gavel.
That is all you get to do.
And Mike Pence then begrudgingly accepted Dan Quayle's benevolent advice on how to save America from violent revolution.
And that is how our nation stands, because of Dan Quayle coaxing Mike Pence along in his time of need, in his moment of sorrow, as it were.
I guess I'm glad that Mike Pence reached out to someone and it was Dan Quayle.
And Dan Quayle was like, yo, what are you talking about?
Just, you're Vanna White here.
Just read the envelope and you don't go to jail.
You don't foment overthrow of the government.
Just open the envelopes and read them.
And then we all get to go home and go to Sizzler.
Something something joke about Quail Man.
Yeah.
I enjoy that the guy who literally is only remembered for misspelling potato and being the worst possible score you can get in early versions of Civilization was now the man called upon in our Republic's darkest hour to offer sage advice to the guy that was going to be presiding over the Electoral College vote.
He used to go up on the Republican Mount Rushmore with Mike Lindell and apparently some elderly woman who was hanging signs on a bridge that is now dead.
Their heroes are all just so whack.
And Ron Watkins, although Ron's head on Mount Rushmore would probably not look great because that Wagyu cowboy hat would probably chip and damage.
Yeah, I was about to say, like, the brim of a robust cowboy hat seems hard to make, just like, engineering-wise, on a stone mountain face.
Right, exactly.
He would lobby for it, he'd demand it, and then after like a couple months when it was all broken up, he'd be like, yeah, that was probably a bad idea, I shouldn't have gone that way.
I should have had one of my rockin' hairdos be immortalized in granite on ye olde Rushmore up there, as it were.
He would have them do Rey from Evangelion.
Like, I do not wish to have myself immortalized, but instead, my anime waifu.
That would be truly the most blasphemous of desecrations of Mount Rushmore.
I know that I'm supposed to say yes and, but man, Sarge could not have biffed that one harder because there is no way the Conservatives will erect a monument to any woman, fictional or not.
They literally have set up a snitching hotline for women trying to get abortions in Texas.
I don't think they're willing to immortalize any woman on a statue.
Oh, if you're a woman that's going to be immortalized on a statue, conservatives have their same reference plate that they have for Martin Luther King Jr.
being a Republican, as it were.
You have to be dead for a really long time so you're harmless.
Like, they would probably agree to a statue of Margaret Thatcher because she was a horrible British conservative, but also because she's been dead for a really long time, and therefore she can't, like, actually hurt them, and they can pretend that she stood with them on every issue they ever believed in, always.
Bringing up that Stitchin' Hotline reminded me, as a special treat for our one-year anniversary show, of all people, Elle has a headline that I forgot to add at the production meeting and we just get to talk about it now.
I could set it up in the Tonight Show or the Late Show fashion of, did you hear this?
Did you see about this?
Apparently, Anonymous hacked the group that hosts a bunch of conservative websites and such.
I did see this.
I was literally just reading about it.
Yeah, they posted it.
Was it on some 4chan news... They posted it on some 4chan affiliate site or whatever.
They were just like, hey, Anonymous has triumphantly stolen all the data from... I think it's Epic with a K. Is that the name of the place?
I wasn't sure I was going to be talking about this, so I didn't actually call anything up, but have you heard anything about this, Mike Reeds?
I literally saw that headline, like, about an hour before we started recording, and I was just like, I didn't know what Epic was, and now I'm looking at a headline, and it's like, the right-wing's favorite host, and that makes it really obvious why Anonymous would have done this, because targeting right-wing scammers and general shitheads is something Anonymous should do and loves to do because
they know who their audience is and it makes their audience happy when they hear about right wingers
getting knocked down a peg or two.
Yeah, so the, I'm doing some headlines here, or just like, you know, the overview, the Cliff
Stotes version.
Epic has, at least in the past, been the host for Parlor and Gab, as well as Trump fansite The Donald.
It was hosting the tip-collecting platform for that abortion mandate in Texas before they decided that that was a bridge too far and stopped hosting that of their own volition.
The data set is apparently massive and goes back at least a decade.
It is so large and currently so unconfirmed to be of any substance that news outlets that have it in their possession are currently combing through it to see whether or not it's all noise or if there's any real juicy stuff in there.
Any meat on that bone.
I mean, there's a lot of bones there.
Yeah, but I mean, at the very least, Anonymous has decided to throw their hat in the ring and just be like, hey, douchebags.
Remember the group that Fox News at one point called hackers on steroids or whatever?
Well, now we've taken some more hacker growth hormone and we're coming for your conservative web hosting platforms.
They got that hacker, Ivermectin, that just gave them the power of a horse to really break down those firewalls, and now they've decided to take it to these people.
And that is one of the things that's really scary about these right-wing grift sites like Gab and Parler and the very short-lived Frank and all this other stuff is that These people run these incredibly shoestring operations, where you, if you are a consumer of these groups, you have to be very concerned about your information.
Because there's no way you can trust that Gab is actually using sophisticated, state-of-the-art encryption and anti-hacking technology and all this other stuff to prevent people from getting your info.
Because all fucking Torba ever talks about on Gab these days is Gab ads, and now, like, Because I'm on Gab to monitor these QAnon shitheads.
I have to see these dumb ads from these horrible companies that are selling absolute crap.
There's this anti-woke soap making company.
There's a company that's selling body armor.
It's like, who the fuck needs to buy body armor?
Those people are preppers and they already got their body armor.
Apparently tourists going to Washington D.C.
for photo shoots at the Capitol or whatever.
Right.
According to the people that were there on January 6th that fucked around, found out, and then quickly regretted it.
We were just sightseeing.
Our Kevlar body vests.
We just really like the wrapper 50 cent.
It's a fashion statement.
Nailed it.
Yeah, and the thing here is that if Torba wants to make Gab ads actually work, or the person buying the ad actually has the ad go out onto the Gab Knoxosphere, as it were, and gets them to buy products, Uh, some people have said this to me in, in, in my comments that like, if you are an ad, if you're trying to like advertise your product, like ads on social media platforms like this, if the social media platform isn't data mining the shit out of their customers and getting every kind of little bit of information from them, ads are ads on these things are the worst possible way to spend your money.
Cause you're just throwing shit at a wall.
It's darted a dartboard shit.
You're praying.
You're praying that this audience wants the product you're trying to sell.
And yes, maybe being on Gab makes it so that you're more likely to want to buy certain things, but it doesn't mean that you're very likely to buy them.
So unless Torba actually starts data mining all of his customers, there's no way his advertisers are going to get actual return on investment from like posting ads on his site.
So that opens up the whole thing where Torba's like, Oh, God, I got I got to show these advertisers that like, when they market on my site, they're going to get customers that want their products.
So now I got to data mine my customers.
And I don't make any fucking money from the site.
So how am I going to protect my customers fucking information?
The answer is he isn't.
So he's gonna data mine the shit out of you to try to sell your shit to these advertisers, and hackers or those advertisers are just gonna steal all your data.
Like, you are literally ass out in the wind if you're on Gab at this point.
If you think Facebook and all these other people are quote-unquote taking away your privacy, wait till you see someone who's desperate to make the money that Facebook and Twitter and all these other places want to.
Yeah.
It's like, Andrew Torba wants to be a billionaire in the worst possible way, and if he can sell your ass out to get himself any closer to that front, he will do so immediately.
So, uh, don't think for a moment that you're not gonna be, like, just absolutely crushed under the foot of, uh, capitalism when push comes to shove in this spot.
So, uh, good luck!
Don't worry, guys.
I'll make a promise on the show right now.
If I ever get to sell one or both of you down the river for a billion dollars, that will happen.
Oh, and I would give you a tip of the hat.
Oh, man.
I mean, I'm surprised you wouldn't do it for 50 bucks.
I'm not worth anything.
Fuck me.
I don't really want to be a billionaire so much as I totally would be a billionaire, given the opportunity.
Really, in my heart of hearts, what I want to be is a 50-millionaire.
I just want enough money to comfortably not have to work anymore and have a reasonable house I own.
Nice.
Yeah, right.
I just want an electric car.
Yeah, I just, I just want to wake up and just be on Twitter all day and then just go to bed and just like feel good that I just like yelled at trolls and I don't have to worry about anything beyond that.
So yeah, whatever.
So Mike Rains just wants to be an influencer.
He doesn't even want to get rich.
He just, he just wants to be an influencer whose whole job is wake up, get on social media, do that for 12 hours, go to sleep.
He wants to do what he's doing now, but get paid for it.
And just play a lot of Hades, and that's pretty much all I want to do.
I just want to be, like, mildly entertained and not have to do a day job.
But I don't yearn for more than that.
I don't have this incredible zest.
I don't have this incredible zest to, like, just, like... I have no ambition.
I don't.
Oh, God.
The ambitionless slug that is Mike Rains.
Oh, you have no idea.
Oh, they've stamped out all the ambition from me.
I am so lucky.
Oh yeah, if I ever achieved my 50 millionaire status or whatever and just didn't have to worry about my actual source of income, I could open the gaming shop I've always wanted to open and not have to worry about anything failing, that would be awesome.
Yes!
That would be so good.
Like, well, in a post, like, after the coronavirus has killed 20% of all conservatives, the world is perfect.
And then the virus has gone away and I could have people physically show up for FNM.
And then I could be the one with the hand on the wheel and I could kick out the douchebags that prey on 16-year-old girls.
I could be like, get the fuck out of here, you scumbags.
I don't need your business.
Literally don't need it.
Get the fuck out of here.
I don't need any of your business.
That new set that just came out?
I opened every box.
I have no packs.
Go to hell.
I don't care.
This is my sandbox, and if I want to play in it alone, I will.
My dream is to have a local game store that is, like, not sketchy enough that we could actually have, like, a friendly player base that has, like, closer to the 50-50 spread you would expect, you know, from people in the world, considering that's how the math breaks down in terms of, like, Aside, at birth, genders.
You're saying you don't want to be the game show where that guy went around kneeling in front of butt cracks all day?
That's not fair.
That was at a big tournament.
He got banned for a year.
That was at a huge tournament, and to be fair, at the time that happened, I was of the opinion that he was doing the Lord's work.
I mean, I'm way bigger than most of the people in those photos, and when I sit down, if I lean forward, you still can't see my ass crack?
So, I have to imagine that for slimmer people, that should be a pretty easy bar to clear.
But you would also assume a pretty easy bar to clear would be a bar of soap.
And if you've ever been to a magic tournament, you know that bar also not clear.
Got em!
The PSA that I see for so many different events and conventions that reads,
PSA, wash your ass, really could be used in these situations.
Doug, I don't think there was any coincidence that at least the first few PAXs were sponsored by Axe Body Spray.
Oh god!
They had literal people there giving out Axe body spray and Axe deodorant to anyone that wanted it for free.
They were just like, yo, sponsored by Axe, please don't smell bad.
And I bet if you participated in their Super Smash Bros.
tournament, you were very disappointed to find out that that marketing was not working.
Oh god no.
Before the Super Smash Brothers community became infamous for being a breeding ground of the people QAnon would hate the most, which is to say, gay pederasts.
It was notorious for being the stinkiest community in the scene.
It was just like, oh man.
It's like, oh boy, you thought those D&D players were bad.
Whew!
You go to a Smash Brothers tournament.
That is where the funk is absolutely on a roll.
Oh, dear God.
Oh, man.
So anyway, speaking of being on a roll, do you want to roll on into our mailbag segment for the week?
That sounds like a plan to me.
Our listeners got questions, we got answers.
It's time for Q and A. So the ghost of Dipset is going to go right to it and says, I need to know once and for all, who is L?
L is just this guy, you know?
L is Zaphod Beeblebrox.
That's it.
I mean, honestly, if you want to learn a little bit more about the real identity of L and what I'm about, you can just go ahead and listen to our side podcast, Binge Wordy, where I have a slightly different moniker and I talk about slightly different stuff and a little bit of my real personality can shine through because I'm not just on the hook for constantly dunking on conservative lunatics.
I'm not about to air out all my laundry here.
I'm a big fat guy.
I'm balding, white, straight, cisgender male.
I am really liberal, even though I don't typically engage with politics all that much.
I tend to believe in most liberal policies.
Sometimes I don't agree entirely with how Socially conscious and woke like quote-unquote the world has been sometimes I'll I'll turn up my nose a little bit of stuff and crinkle up my face like I'm doing a like a bewitched spell but I'll keep that shit to myself and then eventually I just adapt to the situation and come to it like you know it's just the way it is.
You adapt or you die and that is what L is about.
He's always said this.
Yes, you're definitely you die.
And I've always believed that about the man.
Yeah, he is. Yes.
So I grew up.
I grew up like a lot of people did, like, you know, I grew up in the Northeast.
It was wildly appropriate to refer to the stuff that you hated by either the F word that is derogatory towards homosexuals or the R word that is, like, you know, derogatory towards people that are neurodivergent.
And, like, you know, I was sort of a bully in high school for a little while before I reformed and got my shit together.
I was not always sort of like affable fun good to hang out with dude so much as I was like sort of affable sort of fun guy that you didn't want to fuck with because he would just make your life hell by spreading a bunch of like vicious fucking rumors about you.
So like sometimes I used to use my charismatic powers for evil.
And I've turned myself around on that, so if you want a little peek behind the personal curtain of Elle, I am a reformed douchebag, and I try very hard to keep up with the times, to continue to, at least in the public perception, be perceived as somebody who is not backsliding into douchebaggery by just refusing to acknowledge that culture changes over time.
Ah, what you said there just makes me laugh so much, because there's so many times when I'm at a table and I just listen to these old people just lose their minds when they think about the Washington football team changing their name, or this, that, the other thing, and I'm just like, yeah, you're not the target demographic, Grandpa.
I mean, you've got another, like, 10, 20 years on this rock, and the younger people have a lot longer, so they've decided to change a few things up, because this is their house now, and not so much your house.
So, just accept it or move on.
Evolve or die, as we just said.
Evolve or die!
It came up a couple of episodes ago when I did that Michigan J. Frog riff, and at the end of it I was just like, for what it's worth, I don't know if Michigan J. Frog is perceived as racist.
That is not my call to make.
I feel like for people out there, if you're like somebody who's struggling to just be sort of with it and like with the times and like sort of pick your battles and just like stay out of it and not be perceived as an asshole, the biggest revelation you need to work towards is the revelation that a lot of these fights and a lot of these calls are just not yours to make.
Like if you're not black, Then you probably don't know what is perceived as racially offensive to the black community.
Same thing for homosexuals and transgender people and all this and that.
Like, if you were just like me, a white, straight, cisgendered male, you have no dog in any of these fights.
You just need to fucking stay out of it and let those people tell you what is offensive to them because they're the people that are affected by it.
Right, exactly, exactly.
I mean, it's just, that's the situation.
You need to be capable of listening, and that's what this all comes down to, is that so many people haven't been heard from for so very long, that now you have people like QAnon who are like, oh, we're supposed to be listening to these people?
I'm so oppressed!
And it's like, no, you're not oppressed!
People who were oppressed are just explaining how they were oppressed.
It's like how we had for decades, you had the black community talking about, police are beating the shit out of us and killing us all the time.
And white people were like, oh sure, I'm sure that's happening.
And then everyone suddenly got a camera or video recorder in their pocket.
And now that's it.
And white people are like, oh my God, look at what cops are doing.
Can you believe this?
And black people are like, yeah, we've been telling you this for like 30 fucking years.
It's like, It's been happening.
It's been happening for a long goddamn time.
And now that we have camera phones, you get to see it.
Oh my god, that reminds me.
work the other day, we got a fucking auto call from some police group trying to fundraise and it was just like, you
know, it was obvious it was obviously from the from the North
Shore area because it was just like, I'm so and so with the blah,
blah, blah, police department. And over the past few years, we've been degraded, disrespected and defunded. And
now we're looking for it by the time I was just like, hang up
on you. If you're a police officer, and you're really fucking trying to call me to get some money. Because the
police are happening to be defunded and disrespected. Yeah, so
sorry, my heart bleeds for you guy who opted into this job. Like,
I'd be much more I'd be much more fucking willing to lend an
ear to like, like if it was, you know, a waste collection
service, it was just like, Hey, this is Tony from waste collection. And you know, fucking garbage men and women
do an important job and everybody's like talk shit about it because we handle garbage all day.
Can we get some money?
I'd be like, you know what?
That's kind of not really your fault.
Like, you know, it's not like there's anybody filming you, like, taking out the trash badly and then it goes viral and it causes like, it influences policy.
I mean, that's definitely happened, but... But not to the level, like, you know, you're not going to see somebody in a, you know, fucking... No, the Dutch man never killed an unarmed black boy, and then, like... You're not going to see somebody in a high-vis vest hanging off the side of a trash truck, like, jump off it, and then kneel on a bag of trash for nine minutes, and have it become, like, an international incident or whatever.
Oh, that's not funny at all.
That's very sad.
Sarge is a monster.
Yeah.
But yeah, yeah, it's really funny.
I got a call like that too from a real person and the guy like snickered me because he was like, he was like, hey, we're going to send you out a mailing kit for like 45 bucks.
If you can mail that back, it'll be great.
And I, and I was just, I was, I had answered the phone like an idiot.
So I was talking to the guy.
Yeah, this happened to good old Sarge.
ID. And I was like, Okay, sure, whatever, just mail it out.
I'll get it back to you. And then he's like, stay on the line
one second. And then this person like came online like, Hey,
thank you for donating 545 bucks to get your credit card information. And I was like, uh, they said they were
mailing me a packet that I was gonna mail back with the money. I am not
giving you 45 bucks right now. Click.
Yeah, this this happened to good old Sarge. He got himself fully
snookered. Yeah.
But remember, man, those poor police officers, they're very disrespected and defunded.
Isn't that a bad rap?
Oh, they're getting the worst rap.
It's so unfair what's happening to them.
So send your literal blood money donation to fucking Boston Police Department.
Caro, murdering innocent black people or whatever.
Yes, Caro.
That's good.
That's nice.
Or probably rather just attention.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You really want to let people know what that money's for.
Like, $50 check, attention, buy a new tank.
Buy a new tank to break up a peaceful protest, when it comes down to it.
Like, really need to show up in, like, your giant dick-extending, like, former military vehicle with your, uh, fucking automatic weapons to suppress, suppress this candlelight vigil for somebody who died.
It's like, okay, cool.
Yeah.
Maybe there's a reason the police need to be defunded, you fucking crooks.
Anyway, thanks for the question.
Good question.
So Crypto Ninja's BTC asks, have you listened to the Sean Morgan report?
Another American QAnon are living outside the US.
There's also an old guy on the show that lives at least part-time on a sailboat.
Maybe a good thing about how totally divorced from reality about these guys would be good.
He's a good mix of anti-vaxxers and Christianity and all that other good stuff.
So I actually saw this like very right before that we started recording so I just pulled up his information or pulled up his podcast and the titles of his podcasts are like Hanging out with Patel Patriot, the guy that did the evolution series.
And his like opening thing is like, Oh, yeah, I had this really small podcast I started a month ago.
And now I have like 5 trillion listeners, and I'm the biggest thing around.
And his logo for his podcast is The Sean Morgan Report in a semicircle around a queue around what is basically a bastardization of the American flag.
So if you want to know what this guy is all about, that logo sells it on every imaginable level.
His last episode is titled, Men Cultivating Family Government.
And he talks to someone about Christ's Kingdom Government, which is, oh my god, the most patriarchal, women are subservient bullshit I've ever heard of in my entire life.
These are the people that go on Gab and they post a photo of a wife with, like, hugging her husband, her head buried in his chest, showing how she's, like, submissive to him, and there are, like, three bleach-white children clutching at their legs.
And then the, the, the, the caption is like far right extremism.
And it's like, well, in a lot of ways that is because the message of that thing is
this is a pure white family making a quiver full of babies.
And the wife is a me.
A quiver full.
Well, you've never heard of the quiver full movement.
I mean, it's a real thing.
Oh, no, I thought you made that up on the spot.
Holy shit, are we about to freak your fucking bean right now, Sarge?
Oh, no, I thought you made that up on the spot.
No, Quiverful is an actual movement that is essentially the human biological woman exists as a pouch delivered to men from God to magically turn their cum into babies for that man.
This is awful and I hate it.
Yeah, they're incentivized to have as many children as physically possible in their lifetime.
Yes.
And basically every child you make is another arrow for the army of God to fire into their enemies.
Cool, this is terrible.
Because if your God is omnipotent, he needs an army.
I mean, but that's neither here nor there.
Drinks tea like Kermit the Frog, but that's none of my business.
Yeah, exactly.
I know that in Dragon Ball Z, when Goku is in the middle of trying to win his big fighting tournaments, it could sell or whatever, at one point he's just like, and now bring out the army I've got!
Because I need the army to do it!
No, he just gets it done by himself or with his kid.
Right.
And he'll even give the other guy a senzu bean to be 100% for the fight, because he wants to prove it.
He wants to prove he can beat your ass, no matter how strong you are.
Yeah, I mean, what is the Selsagi, if not the greatest Japanese allegory for Christianity in the history of the world?
The devil shows up, and God fights him for a while, and then God decides to pass the buck over to his kid, and then his kid defeats the devil for everybody.
Boom.
Christian.
And then everybody decides they really don't want the kid to be the focus of the story, so they put the dad back in charge.
They age up the kid, they put a bit of stupid helmet, everybody's just like, boo, that kid sucks, and then God comes back, and everyone's like, yay, God!
Exactly.
So yeah, that kind of group.
This guy is just a total QAnon Christian.
Just from reading these titles, I would probably have to listen to his podcast at 2x speed or something in order to try to get through them as fast as possible.
I can just read exactly who he is through the titles of his descriptions of these podcast episodes.
He's a clout-chasing QAnon supporter who is going to tell you that Jesus is Lord.
These people are a dime a dozen.
I really don't know how any of them rise to the top when they all have the same gimmick.
The fact that Praying Medic lucked out because he was early in on QAnon Blows my mind, because how he didn't get usurped by anybody with any charisma whatsoever is incredible.
If Pragmatic was a D&D character, he has a charisma of, like, four.
I mean, he is... If you've ever watched a YouTube video of his, it's, like, shot poorly.
He's a really, really pale white guy with a light background, so he kind of washes out.
And he's just like, Hi, everybody.
I'm David Hayes, aka Praying Medic.
And I want to talk to you today about recent Qdrops.
And it's just like, oh my god, who does this connect to?
You have all the glitz and sizzle of a UPS truck.
I just, I just don't get it.
And yet like that guy has more money than God and Just sells shitty erotica novels to people now and $120 faith healing classes because he was early to the QAnon grift and that was incredibly lucrative if you were a piece of shit, so.
Good on him for being a terrible person.
Way to go, asshole.
Fuck you.
For those of you who play Magic the Gathering, it sounds sort of like Reed Duke.
Reed Duke is an incredible magician, but man, we'll try to watch any of his content online.
He's like a tryptophan golem.
Oh man, I had a hard night at work.
My brain is still really active, but I need to get to sleep so I can wake up early tomorrow.
What should I do?
Oh, put Reed Duke on the television.
You'll be out like a fucking light.
You'll be out before he's even done with the deck tech.
So, Old Man McWatkins asked, if Relentless Truth made your dad and Pepe Lives Matter all were professional wrestlers, who would be a top contender and what would all their finishing moves be called?
None of them would ever go anywhere.
Because again, none of these people have ever... All of them have hidden behind identities where they don't get in front of cameras.
Like maybe Jordan Sather or some of these other guys who actually talk could be worth something.
But even then, the snake oil salesman just drips off of them so aggressively.
The one guy I remember a million years ago was one of my first encounters with a QAnon promoter back when old Mike Rains was a nobody, or even a bigger nobody than I am currently now.
This guy named Dustin Nemos basically came at me about vaccines being murderous way before COVID.
And then he was like, let me tell you something, brother.
He went all Hulk Hogan on me.
He's like, I'm going to tell you how this is going to play out.
You're going to flail and thrash around, and I'm going to hit you with all my spicy memes, and then you're just going to block me in frustration because I'm going to dominate you.
And he actually had on his social media platforms that he was, like, I believe what he said was he was, quote-unquote, almost undefeated in debates, which I never understood what that qualifier meant.
Like, how was he almost undefeated?
Did they pull some sort of, like, scam on him, like Eddie Guerrero, where they threw the steel chair at his hands and fell down, and then the ref saw him holding the chair and disqualified him?
Like, what was the almost What's the name of that thing?
The Vancouver Screwjob or whatever?
Yeah, the Montreal Screwjob, exactly.
Did a crooked ref ring the bell on him and make him lose the debate?
Like, I never understood it.
But the best part about all of that was he told me, he's like, I'm gonna fucking destroy you, Mike Brains.
You ain't nothing.
And then he blocked me.
Like, literally, he was just like... Fucking rat on, brother.
He's like, I got you.
I'm gonna take you out.
No, I'm not gonna talk to you anymore.
I'm out.
I'm done.
I've defeated you so cleanly, I don't even need to fight you.
I don't even need to argue with you.
I've just blocked you in this debate.
And the funniest thing was, I only saw his further commentary about how he was going to totally own me when I had switched to a different account and then looked at his Twitter feed.
Mike Raine's sock puppet account confirmed.
Get in there.
We finally did it.
All of my QAnon brethren, this is the pod.
It took a year, but the proof's in the pudding.
He just admitted it.
Get him.
Get him.
Get me.
Spring forth, my burly protectors, and save me.
Yeah, because our actual business podcast for the podcast couldn't possibly be my sock account, the sock account that I use to monitor QAnon people on Twitter.
Never in a million years.
I feel like half of Gab and Telegram is sock puppets, like bad people, good people, everyone.
Yeah, so pro-tip to everybody on, all QAnon promoters on Twitter who don't want me to follow you, block our podcast account along with Poker and Politics.
And then I might have to make another sock account to follow you, so no!
Also, while we're giving out pro-tips here, who asked this question?
Is it Old Man McWalkins?
Yes, it is.
Look, old man McWalkins, we love you.
You support the show, and we're a big fan of it.
But you're never gonna trick me or Sarge into figuring out who the fuck any of these dumbfuck people are with this question.
It's always just gonna be the mic roundup of what's going on.
I'm just here to tell you, after a year or two of this, I have no interest in getting to know any of these fucking people to answer any of these Battle Royale-style questions.
In any way, that isn't just some weird tangent that goes to a pop culture space.
So, if you want actual answers to those questions, you're gonna get it from Mike.
I, on the other hand, am going to say that the winner of this wrestling match is a surprise appearance by fake fantasy wrestler I made up years ago, Rama 10.
He was a he was a cursed mummy because I remember back during the dumb stupid ages of the WWE when they had like vampires and Papa Shango and an old lady gave birth to a hand covered in slime and I was like man wouldn't it be great if they had some dumb cursed mummy gimmick character and so I invented one his name was Rama Tett and he shows up in a spooky coffin that appears in the middle of the ring when people are doing their promos and then the lights cut out and when the lights come back on the coffin is gone and the person is knocked out out in the ring. And that is who wins this. But Ramah Tep
by a landslide.
Yes, thank you. I think you invented the fiend.
As well, you should have Who the hell is The Fiend?
He's a wrestler that got fired from the WWE.
It's awesome.
It's great.
Was he the guy that was doing that whole Pee Wee's Playhouse riff thing?
He was a demon and then he was the burned fiend.
I have some vague knowledge from other people.
Well luckily I have Mike Rades in my corner to know that I invented Ramitette like a decade ago.
Yes, yes.
So, yeah, so Bray Wyatt has ripped off Elle and owes him all of the royalties.
This is an accurate statement.
Yeah, hey Wyatt, where's my fucking check?
With Vince McMahon.
Yeah, hey Vince, I know you listen to this.
Where's my fucking check, bud?
I just told you I'd be satisfied with 50M.
You just cut me that check for 50 million dollars and we'll be clean.
No lawsuit necessary.
Yes.
And I can give some of it to the police, because those guys are really hurting.
Yeah, they've been so abused and mistreated, it's incredible.
I heard that.
Yes, so thank you Old Man Milwaukeens for the question.
Cleodora Silverstride?
That's a very powerful name.
Could be.
I'll accept that.
Sylvestery?
So it could be. I'll accept that. Sylvestery is fair. As the new COVID
variants keep spreading and anti-vaxxers are doing everything they can to prevent
rational people from wearing masks or getting the vaccine, have we reached a
point where we consider the coronavirus a zombie plague?
What's really funny about that is I actually saw a post from a QAnon promoter
calling us vaccinated liberals, the zombies.
So like everybody is like doing this mythos where like the other side are the brainless zombies doing the dumb thing.
But only one side of zombies are actually dying, so... Yeah, like literally at a base level, to be a zombie you have to die, and currently the people that are dying from coronavirus are those that cannot get the vaccine for reasons that are legitimate, like being a child and it's not approved for them, or being very old or enfeebled in some way, and then conservatives.
So if You need to if at a base level the the fucking barrier to entry to become a zombie is die first then uh guess what I am on team not zombie because I have been vaccinated and therefore I'm very very much not afraid of dying of the coronavirus.
Yeah.
And so I think that covers that situation, as it were.
First of all, nobody wants a real zombie apocalypse.
The zombie apocalypse would be terrible, and everybody, including myself, would just die immediately and just become a zombie.
Or just get shot by somebody for my resources, because I don't have the cardio to survive a zombie apocalypse.
But if this is the way that it's going to start, Then, like, you know, I guess it's just the way it's got to be.
But until I start seeing, until I see Bridge Lady out on the street chomping on people, massed up people's brains, I'm going to assume that this is just a regular run-of-the-mill virus, like the Black Plague or whatever, and it's just going to kill a bunch of people, and eventually society will figure it out and come together to eliminate the virus through science.
But hey, if this is the zombie apocalypse, then so be it.
Fair.
That is very fair.
Question for the group.
If you have to have an apocalypse, which kind would you prefer?
Because growing up, everybody was like, ooh, zombie apocalypse would be so fun because then we could like kill each other and stuff.
It's like zombie apocalypse sounds terrible.
I just reread or just read Fist of the North Star.
So nuclear kung fu apocalypse.
So because that's that's my most current one.
So I'm going to go with that.
I would go with the solar flare that just like sort of like destroys technology and society collapses that way because that would be a very interesting thing because so many people are like, oh, you kids these days, you would be nothing without your cell phones and GPS and derpa derpa.
Correct.
And those people would turn into a puddle in 15 minutes themselves.
So, to just, like, see humanity, like, thrown back to, like, 1800s-level technology, uh, that would be, like, the- that would be, like, the devastation that I'd look forward to.
There was some fucking awful show where that was the gimmick, like, all of a sudden all technology on Earth just stopped working, and, like, it was, like, a mystery as to why it was.
Oh, I remember this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They literally didn't even make it until all the way through the end of the first episode before somebody shows up and they've got technology.
It was just like, oh shit, technology doesn't work.
We can't even get a lightbulb to work.
And then at the end of the first episode, somebody pulls out their little magic LED pendant and it's working.
And it's just like, wow, you guys didn't even get past one episode sticking to your gimmick.
You just, you just blew your wad at the end of the first episode because your premise is like, your premise and cast are so fucking boring that no one's going to watch it.
It's like, oh God.
It's just like, imagine, imagine, imagine having so little conviction.
Yes.
I imagine it would be very much like what being a Republican is like, boom, roasted.
Okay, thanks for the question.
Yes, thank you.
So Reverend Xenofact says, Republicans seem to be doing everything to make COVID worse.
Do you think there's a plan or it's just rally the base?
And he says, my take is no plan, rally the base because they can't back down or they'll have QNUTS primarying them.
Uh, I think that it's, in a lot of ways, like the people that are doing this dumb shit think that doing this dumb shit is what's going to get them the Republican nomination in 2024.
Yeah.
And that's it.
I mean, it's, this is just dumb self-interest from DeSantis and, uh, Noam, the lady from South Dakota, who I don't think really actually has a snowball chance in hell of getting the nomination, because as we've said, Republicans are horrible misogynists.
Uh, uh.
I just think that these people are looking at the situation and saying that if I can be the guy that winks and nods at the anti-vaxxers and the other crazy people, that'll be good enough to put me over the top.
And then I can blow them off in the general election because they ain't going to vote for Biden.
I mean, they can't do that.
So they got to vote for me.
Ha ha ha.
Got you.
And I think that's going to be very interesting, because especially because of Trump, because Trump doesn't read the room at all when it comes to the vaccine.
I mean, Trump got booed in Alabama for being like, take the vaccine!
It's great!
And the crowd was like, boo!
And Trump was like, oh, I get it.
You're mad, but you have no choice because I'm your crazy orange God and you have to vote for me anyways.
And the crowd was like, yes.
That's like my favorite.
We do.
That's my favorite thing about, I think it was Major Dad or some other idiot on QAnon did this post where like, everyone calls us a cult, but we reject Trump when he tells us to get vaccinated.
What does that tell you?
And it's like, if Joe Biden told me to do something that would kill me, Then, like, I wouldn't support Joe Biden ever under any circumstances.
You would see, like, no more posts on my social media platform being like, Biden, good.
I like Biden.
Whereas Trump is like, murder yourself with a vaccine.
Like, we disagree with you.
And then Trump's like, vote for me to be president again.
They're like, I would crawl across barbed wire to do so.
I would do anything to reinstall you as president so that you could encourage me to die at the hands of a bad vaccine.
And it's like, how do you square that cognitive dissonance?
Like, how do you do that?
And then tell me you're not in a cult when you're just like, the orange God I love, who has told me to die from the vaccine I hate, must be president again soon, because reasons.
I just love that.
It's the same way any rich Christian squares it away.
Hey man, do you remember the part where Jesus told you that if you have extra money you should be giving it to charities and the poor and like doing good with it and not like buying it on Lambos or whatever?
And they're just like, meh, Jesus said a lot of things.
Yeah, big deal.
Jesus said a lot of stuff.
I don't have to agree with all of it.
I kind of think that you do, but okay, what do I know?
I'm not religious.
You did read the whole eye of the needle thing, right?
You know how that works.
Yeah, I know how it works.
Jesus understands.
See this gold-plated cross I have?
Am I iced out?
Like, I've seen people in the poker room with, like, iced-out heads of Jesus with, like, diamond bling on it.
And I'm just, I just sit there, like, you do know that Jesus was aggressively anti all of that, right?
You do understand that, like, flashy jewelry idolatry is, like, the antithesis of actual Christianity.
I mean, I just want to go, like, you know.
If you want to play a fun game, just go up to anybody who's like really, really vocal about being a devout Christian and ask them how many homeless feet they've washed.
Not even just that day, but in their entire life.
I'm assuming that for a lot of them, the answer will be zero.
And it's just like, oh, well, then I've read the book more than you have.
So that's fun.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, I mean, yeah.
In the olden times where all anyone ever did was walk and most of them didn't have shoes, washing feet was really fucking important.
That was the biggest thing.
I mean, just... it's so funny.
Yeah, and it's really hard to feel like you're above somebody when you're literally crouched at their feet, servicing their feet.
Right, exactly.
I mean, in that regard, I'm sure Quentin Tarantino is probably much more devout than most folks this viewer I know.
I wondered where you... I knew you were setting up a joke, I didn't know where you were taking it.
I'm glad we got to Quentin Tarantino loving feet.
I mean, because you're trying to tell me that guy hasn't washed feet at least once in his life?
Fuck outta here.
That guy loves to wash his feet.
With his mouth.
I mean, does that count?
I guess if the grime's coming off.
Yeah.
I want that, man.
It's moisture removing dirt.
I hope he got, like, foot and mouth disease from that.
Because, fuck that guy.
I mean, how else do you get it?
Boom!
Quentin Tarantino, my feet are available.
Fuck it, let's get weird.
And so, the question to Numerous, what are you excited for?
Honestly, I don't really know.
Well, I guess a friend that I hadn't seen in a long time showed up at a birthday party I went to on 9-11, which was an incredibly memorable birthday party.
You might say I'll never forget it.
And so, after not seeing him for a while, he was just like, hey, I heard that you were trying to get back into Minnie's painting.
We should get together and do that at some point.
And I was like, fucking absolutely.
I'm excited at some point to get back into the habit of painting some miniatures with people that I haven't seen in a while.
Nice!
Sarge, you got anything?
Let's see.
I got to go to a Chiefs game, so I'm not looking forward to that, but I did enjoy it.
And then I got to go to a music show, and the venue required you to show a negative COVID test or a vaccine card, and I loved it.
I felt Like, it was the least worried I'd been at a venue in an incredibly long time, and it was just very refreshing to be able to go to this show and not have to worry about, like, getting sick.
I know there's still a chance, but... Yeah, it sounds really nice to be able to go see Mindless Self-Indulgence without having to worry about Jimmy urine peeing on you when you get COVID.
Oh man.
I'm totally lost there.
You just didn't mention, you just didn't mention who you went to go see.
And so I went in there with a, uh, so Mindless Self-Indulgence is a dumb old band with a bunch of bad, dumb old songs.
And their front man, Jimmy Yurt, was famous for like spitting and urinating on people in the audience and just sort of like doing that sort of avant-garde bullshit that stupid teenagers think is edgy and will go with.
Something like Gigi Allen.
Yeah.
What's really wild is I actually had another friend many, many years ago who got me into mindless self-indulgence.
Same.
To have mindless self-indulgence come back after all these years, I was like, wow, that is a reference I did not expect.
I mean, we were all 13 at one point.
I used to listen to them.
I was just like, wow, they've got a song that's called The F Word, and boy howdy, how edgy.
Now, as an adult, I'm just like, wow, I can't believe that people in the gay community tolerated this shit from this very much not gay band.
In fact, it turns out that that band was full of pedophiles making pedophile jokes about being pedophiles the whole time, and that has been borne out by allegations.
So if you were listening to this and you were just like, Elle, leave my self-indulgence alone!
No, I won't.
They're pedophiles.
Fuck them.
I went and saw Amigo the Devil.
Uh-huh.
I know who that guy is.
He writes good songs and he performs most of them in a way that I do not fuck with.
Yeah.
Because I do not care about that Southwestern-y folk bullshit.
Although, he did that song about the bingo parlor, right?
Yes.
That song rules.
It's like a Weird Al song that, like, he plays it straight and it's awesome.
So funny.
I love that song.
So, if you're looking for an L seal of approval, Amigo the Devil's song about bingo rules.
I'm gonna have to listen to this.
This sounds very interesting.
He has a song about Jim Jones.
He has a song about, uh, I hope your husband dies.
He has, uh, one of his big ones is there's only one kind of people in this world.
People who die.
Okay.
But all done with a banjo and folksy.
Uh-huh.
So I'm looking forward to losing a lot of money when I bet on the Pittsburgh Steelers this week, so that's gonna hurt a lot.
I cursed all of our listeners last week with my egregiously incorrect pick about Tampa Bay and Dallas going under when it turned out that neither team has a defense.
So good luck repeating a Super Bowl champion's Tampa Bay when You may or may not actually have two units that can play football, as it were.
Your offense with Tom Brady is sparkling.
Does Tom Brady have literal 20 years of experience winning Super Bowls under that exact same situation, for the most part?
He's had a defense most of the time.
Not all the time, but he has found a way to win without a defense previously.
It's Week 1.
Overreactions are rampant.
I was really expecting Tampa Bay to just lay the smack down, and Dallas was missing their best offensive lineman due to COVID, all this good stuff, and I'm like, well, they're gonna maul him.
And then Dak Prescott, who I've never been that impressed by, just carved up their defense like a turkey, and then Brady had to bail their asses out, as he's had to bail out his team so many times.
I actually had a Brady fan texting me the whole time, being like, I knew this was gonna happen, I knew they were gonna blow it.
I knew this was gonna happen.
And I'm like, dude.
Brady's got the ball of 90 seconds left.
They're gonna win.
And he's like, the kicker's gonna miss the kick.
Blah blah blah.
I'm like, dude.
Get over yourself.
And then the Patriots.
I was about to say that.
Then the Buccaneers won.
And I'm like, look.
I told you.
Brady always wins.
Get over yourself.
You've been a fan of his for 20 years.
How can you ever get down in these games?
Yeah, obviously it's rigged in favor of Brady.
I mean, they got away with that OPI call there right in front of that line judge at the end.
It was perfect.
It was the most Tom Brady moment maybe in the history of football.
Oh yeah, he gets all the calls.
I love it.
It just makes me laugh when people complain about that stuff.
It's so good.
He's just gonna tie one of these days.
Someone's gonna get around that O-line.
I'm sure the other team played that game clean and didn't get away with any penalties the whole time.
I was busy so I didn't get to watch that game.
I got to have my friends messaging me on Messenger with updates as they were coming in relevantly.
Somehow I didn't see any discussion of the officiating on the field except for that one call.
Shocker.
Yeah, it's so bizarre.
It's just like, yeah, they were right in front of a ref, but also the angle of it was weird.
Don't get me wrong, in slow-mo it's pretty obvious, but in real time it wasn't the dunker of a call that everyone seemed to think it was.
Which reminds me, because this is our one year anniversary and I spent so much time playfully ribbing Sarge, it's time to playfully rib Mike Raines.
Speaking of wild overreactions after week one, I feel obligated to inform our listeners that whatever football picks Mike makes in the future, he described Mac Jones' performance in his first week as the Patriots quarterback as looking great when they lost that game and he only threw for one touchdown at like 250 yards or whatever.
So like, for those of you who are looking to Mike Rades for your football picks, just remember that his bar for looks great at the quarterback position is 250 yards with one touchdown in a game they lost.
Yeah.
Patrick Holmes was not looking his best in their opening week game.
He had one touchdown himself, threw for three, and had multiple- I don't even know how many yards he had.
Well then he must be looking extra quadruple plus great.
Oh my god.
It's like Syndrome style from The Incredibles.
When everyone is great, nobody is.
Alright, enough dunking on Mike.
Mac Jones is my quarterback and I will hear no slander of him, so that's fine.
That is the Boston way.
I'm just gonna be a sad little baby, so that's just the way this works.
What's really funny was someone actually stood up like L at one of the tables and gave a condemnation of him.
Oh my god, you have never seen a heretic more chastised in a room than that man.
Oh my god, Mac Jones...
He's the greatest human being that has ever lived.
It was incredible, the vitriol.
We could have been relitigating the 2020 election in a room full of QAnon people and us, and it would have been less heated and hostile than what happened here for one guy giving a mild rebuke about Mac Jones.
I'm not even necessarily rebuking the kid.
I'm just hearing a lot of, like, the Sports Talk Radio in the area was talking about Jones.
They were also of the opinion that he, quote, looked great.
And I was just like... I mean, obviously you're just not talking about stats.
Like, there's just something about, oh, there's just something about the way the kid's playing that just looks real good, and it's just like, yeah.
Well, me, as a casual football fan, I prefer the numbers and the data to tell me who is looking great, and he is looking okay for a game where he lost, and certainly not great.
I mean, if you lose narrowly to a team, but you threw for three touchdowns, like 600 yards or whatever, then yeah, you were looking great.
But, if you throw for one touchdown at 250 yards in a game that you lose, and then, like, you also, like, the rest of your points was made up by three kicks.
It's like, that's not... Oh my God!
Great quarterbacking!
Face the franchise!
Get him a Nike contract!
He's going to Disneyland!
Like, I don't get it.
Anyway, so that is going to do it for us three knuckleheads in our one-year anniversary special for the Adventures in Hellworld podcast.
It's time for me to pull out my phone and summon a rideshare because we're all obviously too wasted after partying, celebrating the new year of Adventures in Hellworld coming up.
For me to be personally taking us out of Hellworld, I'm going to summon, I don't know, Tanya, according to my app.
Tanya is coming to pick us up and she's going to bring us out of Hellworld.
To any of our listeners who are named Tanya, that one is for you.
And also for you, I'm going to try to make our shilling quick.
So it's time for shilling.
Thank you for supporting the show.
We really appreciate it.
If you want to continue to support the show, the easiest and freest way to do it is to just tell a friend or give us a five-star rating or review on whatever podcast platform you happen to be listening to us through.
If you would like to support us monetarily, you can do so by visiting patreon.com slash PokerPolitics and supporting us there.
Anybody who gives us $5 or more a month gets access to all of our bonus content, including superiors like Kaballen, The Follower's Deed, Mike Raid's Untitled History Podcast, and upcoming Sarge's Conspiracy Corner.
This week, We are happy to announce that we have two more beautifuller babies in the bunch.
Jill of Trades, which is an incredible name, and the mysterious TAB, a.k.a.
Tab, a wonderful diet beverage for those of you looking to cut down on your calories.
So thank you very much for Jill of Trades and Tab for your support.
That puts us four-fifths of the way to our goal of new Patreon subscribers to unlock our new one-off bonus content episode, Where We Go One, We Go Squall.
Where the boys are all going to watch and then break down the movie, White Squall, where the where we go one, we go all catchphrase comes from.
If you have money and you don't want to support us knuckleheads, we totally get it.
If you want to do some good with that money, you can do so by donating to love146.org, whose vision is, and I quote, the end of child trafficking and exploitation.
Sounds good to me.
If you want to do some good with your money, go ahead and throw it to love146.org.
There are some people we always like to thank and shout out at the end of every episode for helping to make the podcast go and just being cool cats.
The first is DJ Minimal Effort, who has provided our intro song.
He's still too cool for social media, but we do like to shout him out every week to let him know that we dig your chiptune-y vibe.
The voice of Q when we need it and the person responsible for all of our bumps and our content warning is our good voiceover friend Frosty, who you can find on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
And then as I mentioned earlier, while temporarily pulling back
the veil of my mysterious persona, there's a spin-off side podcast for the show
that Sarge and I do called Binge Wordy that you can listen to.
If you like the parts of the show where we talk about random pop media bullshit
to get away from the horrors of the QAnon phenomena, you can visit us at the Binge Wordy podcast.
This week we are doing, or this month I should say, we are doing Sports Timber.
We are talking about sports pop media.
We've already done The Sandlot and Varsity Blues.
This upcoming week we're going to be doing A League of Their Own, which will be pretty exciting because the cast of that movie is great.
You can find BingeWordy on Twitter at BingeWordy, that's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y, and you can find us wherever your podcasts are provided.
So, for a successful year, wonderful fucking year, of the Adventures of Hellworld podcast, and once again, thank you everybody for supporting us during this time, I have been your host, Hellworld Al, joined as always by Hellworld Sarge, and our wonderful expert in all things QAnon, Mr. Mike Rains.
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