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Sept. 3, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:34:00
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode #50: Las Vegas Con Canceled, 1/6 Committee Wants Phone Records, Everyone gets COVID

This week the Soft Boys go over QAnon John's Las Vegas QAnon convention falling apart. The 1/6 committee ruffling some feathers and lots of people getting and/or dying of COVID. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello everybody!
I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
Poker and Politics, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
And the mysterious hell.
Hello, my babies!
Hello, my honeys!
Hello, my ragtime gals!
I was hoping you'd revive the lost intro from yesterday.
I mean, give it some time.
We gave it two attempts yesterday, a little looky-loo behind the curtain really early in this podcast.
We tried to record this before, and it failed twice due to internet issues, and I did a different intro.
I didn't say what it was, so you can always bring it back.
I will surprise people in the future.
Yes.
It's coming.
Get ready for it.
It's magical.
Let me dust it off a little.
Michigan J.
Yeah.
I was wondering to see how far it was going.
I was willing for you to just ride the whole thing out.
I was like, hey, Al's got the floor.
Let him do his thing.
If you abuse me, honey, you lose me.
Leave me alone.
Pick up the phone and tell me I'm your own.
There you go.
Yes.
And then I get put back in the shoebox and put in the cornerstone of that apartment building or whatever.
Yeah, Michigan J. Frog is weird and troubling, like not just like his immortal status.
Yeah, like, so I mean, it's not my call to make as to whether or not Michigan J. Frog is inherently racist, but I always saw him as sort of like a, like a weird Twilight Zone character, because he was just like this weird, immortal, cursed thing that you can only get rid of by burying in concrete until the next person is unfortunate enough to dig him up.
Yeah, because when we next see him in that episode, it's like jetpack, laser gun, far future.
And he's still got that top hat and he's still singing and dancing, but only for the person who discovers him.
Hey, I forgot who said it, but someone said, I must imagine Sisyphus happy.
So I like to think that that frog is also happy doing his thing, as it were.
Hey, Warner Brothers, if you're listening to this and you want to give us the reins to Michigan J, we'll write up a script treatment for some sort of modern horror take on the Jack's Dog.
The big It Follows, but with Michigan J. We can do this, and we can also get into the QAnon, which might even be darker than Michigan J, but maybe not.
Content warning. The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all
kinds of child abuse and violence against people. Listener discretion advised.
So what do we want to talk about first?
I was going to bring up the start being our boy QAnon John getting himself busted out of Caesar's Palace because when
you tell the military to overthrow the government, stage a coup, leave their posts, treason as it were, certain people...
Give us a quick recap on Q Anon John and what he is getting thrown out of Caesar's Palace doing.
So QAnon Jon has basically sort of become like the money mark, like this big promoter of these events.
He staged the QAnon Double Down in Texas that drew all the big people.
Michael Flynn was there, Sidney Powell was there.
That was where Michael Flynn Made the comment, hey, Myanmar should happen in America!
And then when people were like, whoa, Michael Flynn, whoa!
He was like, I never said that.
You can't prove I said that.
We have you on tape saying it!
No, you don't.
So QAnonJon ran that event, and it was so successful that he had to run another event, and the next event was going to be held in Las Vegas.
But it's no longer being held in Las Vegas.
No, and what was really funny was his comments about how the military needs to leave their post, they need to commit mutiny, they need to, like, stand up for the stolen election.
The rest of, like, QAnon proper got all scared that QAnon Jon, who is kind of, like, paying the money for Jordan Sather and other jermokes in that group to, like, go do these speaking gigs.
They were like, this is bad, and they actually kicked him out of their giant club treehouse of QAnon schmucks.
They kicked him out of their room.
They were like, QAnon Jon's opinions about coups, using the military to over-serve civilian governments, do not reflect our opinions, even though they really do, and we totally love Myanmar, and we wish it would happen here.
But yeah, so, Pound Sand QAnon Jon, you're not welcome in our chatroom anymore.
Yeah, it says no home errors.
We're allowed to have one.
Yes, exactly!
We're allowed to have PepeLivesMatter who, like, literally every day tweets out, God, why do I not live in Myanmar?
Oh, if only I could watch the military crushing people, begging for the right to vote.
I would be so happy.
And... That doesn't sound like PepeFrog.
You didn't say kek once.
Libtard.
Libtard.
So, didn't QAnonJon also get in trouble for admitting that QAnon exists and they're not supposed to do that right?
It's verboten.
It's like Voldemort.
Oh, well, he got people mad at him because he wouldn't change his pen name, as it were, because he's been QAnon John for a very long time.
And then Q came out with that QDrop, QDrop 4881, where Q was like, there is no such thing as QAnon!
QAnon was created by the fake news media!
There is only Q and the Anons!
And you will see so many QAnon followers parrot that line verbatim, which proves QAnon is real, because Q's literal fan club is doing exactly what Q tells them to do.
It's ridiculous.
So QAnon John was just sort of like, hey guys, look, this is my name.
We all know what QAnon is, even though it may not really exist anymore, but still, I ain't changing it.
I'm keeping it because this is my brand.
And by the way, I'm the one who pays for these hotels.
I'm the one who pays for Michael Flynn to come out here and talk shit, and Sidney Powell, and all these other clowns.
So if you want QAnon Jon's money, you gotta accept that QAnon Jon gets to keep his name.
So... Yeah, that's how he rolls.
That's how he operates.
Oh, man.
Like, yeah.
Really?
That's so weird that Caesar's Palace didn't want all that dumb QAnon money after they just kept repeatedly calling for more overthrows of the government.
How weird.
What a twist.
And what was so weird is it took Caesars like a week to throw him out because like he had said these things.
And then after he said these things, everyone was like, Hey, Caesars, you should get rid of this guy.
This guy's a real bad look for your business.
You should not have him there.
And next thing you know, John's just sitting there being like, Hey, Caesars hasn't kicked me out yet.
They're not not gonna kick me out. We're good. The convention is
happening. We're doing it. And then finally, after like a week, Caesar's like, Oh, yeah, by the way, you're
not allowed on the property anymore. Get it? No.
This is the CEO was like, the name Caesar has never been and will never be associated
with overthrowing a government.
At two.
Yes.
Oh, my God, these fucking chowder heads.
So, QAnonJon has recently posted images to his telegram of the Trump Hotel in Vegas and kind of giving his audience a wink and a nod that maybe I'll hold the rally here at the Trump-branded building.
Uh, just so you know... If that was a possibility, why wasn't that the first fuckin' choice the whole time?
Because the Trump Building's in the middle of fuckin' nowhere.
It's, like, it's, like, not even on, like, the strip proper.
It's, like, it's just, like, fuckin' booty land.
I never saw the Trump Building... Like, you have to, like, go out of your way to find, like, the Trump Hotel in Vegas, because it's not... it's not in downtown, and it's not, uh, on the strip.
It's, like, just in, like, a vortex of, like, nowhere land.
So you heard it here first, folks.
The QAnon movement would much rather have the visibility and ease of getting to the Las Vegas Strip than it would literally holding their QAnon rallies in Donald Trump buildings.
Yes!
Wow.
They'd rather be downtown than in clown town.
Am I right, guys?
Damn right!
Those fucking clowns.
Yeah, so that is kind of like the weird internet side of things.
It's time to look at some headlines.
From the digital headlines to the digital front lines, it's Q's in the News.
Oh boy, we have so many good headlines this week.
I want to start with the audit.
So the audit's done, right?
The cyber ninjas definitely handed over all their data and everything like they were supposed to?
Uh, they are now working on a three-volume installment of The Audit Report.
Shut up.
Really?
Yes, really.
And they think they've kinda sorta got part one done.
Yeah, so right now we're in The Audit, and then next it's The Audit Reloaded, and then the third one's The Audit Revolutions.
Yes.
So this is the new hope of The Audit?
All of these things, exactly.
It's so ridiculous, and what has really happened recently, because we haven't even actually seen this opening snippet, this opening gambit, what we have found is that Cyber Ninjas had to turn over a lot of their documents for transparency about this whole process, which they were trying to keep as untransparent as humanly possible, and So the main things we learned was our boy, Dr. Shiva, who we got a listener question from last week about Mr. Crazy Guy Inventor of email running for US Senate in Massachusetts and claiming he got voter frauded out of the nomination and all that stuff.
Apparently, he was contacted by cyber ninjas to try to help them crack the case when Like, yeah, he claims he invented email a million years ago, but he has no actual, like, knowledge of hacking or Dominion voter software or any of that stuff.
They could have gone wrong.
Did they want him to bust out his fucking Apple II and start getting, like, hacking?
Like, he's like, let me get my floppy drive real quick and I'll get to it.
Now, you invented email 30 or 40 years ago.
Nothing has changed in how that works.
Since then.
So you're definitely still, like, we need you to hack the mainframe of all email.
What?
That'd be like trying to get, like, Nolan Bushnell to debug your video game in 2021.
Yeah.
It's just like, yeah, it's like finding the guy who invented the original Nintendo and being like, here, like, rebuild my Switch for me.
What?
Like...
Yeah, so they got Dr. Shiva on the case, and we also found out- Dr. Shiva?
Yeah.
He sounds like a fucking James Bond villain, doesn't he?
Yeah!
God, is he petting a white cat while a laser beam goes up to James Bond's crotch?
I mean, all of these things are happening.
He's just like, I invented email!
And they're just like, oh wow, you must have made a fortune off of that.
And he's like, no, I didn't.
I am quite poor.
Yeah, and he's also a COVID denier and pretty much full QAnon at this point.
Wait, Dr. Shiva is?
Yeah, Dr. Shiva is.
He's a cranked crank.
He's totally in it to win it on all fronts.
Just absolutely looking for his audience, found his audience in right-wing griftosphere, and will literally say anything they want to hear in order to get those sweet, sweet ducats from them.
Because that's how Dr. Shiva rolls.
So we found that.
We also found out that Ken Burns Audit PAC funded this thing over like three million dollars that like various like People affiliated with Trump were like, asking like, how they should funnel money into this operation, and all these other kind of good things.
And the I think the most like horrifying thing and beyond all of it being just being horrifying was the fact that The people that were in like the kind of like the cyber ninja like infrastructure or hierarchy, the volunteers looking at the ballots, they were volunteers, but the people above them who are like the floor manager and stuff,
Some of them were getting paid up to $125 an hour to manage the audit.
So like a couple people who worked for like two or three weeks cleared like $20,000 just for barking at people while they were looking at ballots.
And if this isn't like an unbelievably obvious sign of grift, I don't know what is. I mean, it's just, hey, my
buddy Jimmy needs a job here. So we'll have him be a floor
manager for the audit and just pay him 100 an hour. So you just work a
10 hour shift, clear a clean $1,000. I mean, just must be.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, for that kind of money, I'll look for I'll look for traces of hoisin sauce on ballots.
They're all just Panda Express menus.
They were never ballots.
They're just a giant pile of Panda Express menus.
Yeah, they're just like, guys, look at all these ballots we found for Trump.
It's just Panda Express menus with Trump scrawled on them in crayon.
Oh, it turns out I'm Year of the Rat.
Well, look at that.
God damn it.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
So these, I mean, these people were just, like, taking in all this money from Byrne's grift pack and then just distributing it to their friends and family as floor managers and supervisors and all of this other good stuff.
I mean, it couldn't be more transparently a grift if it tried.
I mean, it is incredible that That they were able to do this, and that everyone's really happy about it for the sake of, like, the QAnon people.
They're just like, hey, look at our friends and all the money they're stealing!
Way to go, you absolute criminal scum!
I have to remind any conservative idiots that happen to be listening to this podcast that your champions of the moment are a group that unironically calls themselves Cyber Ninjas, with a Z, and Michael Lindell, better known as MyPillowGuy.
Those are your champions.
Those are your kings at the moment.
You're having to put all your money behind those dudes.
Yeah, this is definitely the best and the brightest here.
Like, a very professional name for your internet investigation firm.
First of all, those guys are like...
Hello racist against at least one Asian culture.
So it seems like it would be weird for them to, like, venerate ninjas while also just being like, we gotta check these ballots for bamboo in case it came from the Chinese.
And it's just like, OK, well, you're racist, so fuck off.
Keep the word ninja out of your mouth.
Also, the plural of ninja is ninja.
It's not ninjas, you morons.
And also, when you think of a ninja, you do not think of some schlubby, overweight, male pattern baldness white guy in his 40s.
Like, Cyber Beverly Hills Ninjas.
Oh my god.
I just pulled up the graph for all these people that were just making huge bank off this scam.
The minimum hourly rate these people were working for was 50 an hour.
So Anyone who got one of these jobs was getting $50 an hour.
And then they would have a pod manager.
Basically, if you were a table manager, you got $50 an hour.
But if you were a pod manager or a manager with no description, or a floor manager, you could get $100 to $125 an hour.
But for the record, the people actually auditing the ballots actually looking for the soy sauce on the ballots and the blue ink got nothing.
They were all volunteers.
They were volunteers.
Yes.
They're just red blooded American patriots that are there to do their due diligence.
Man, Missouri's not really any better, but Jesus.
Can you imagine opting in for that?
You find out that the people that are giving you your directions are making up to $150 an hour or whatever, and you're just like, you know what, I'm still just going to do this for free.
Because Donald Trump definitely won.
And I can prove it.
It's just that, wait, you guys are getting paid meme?
Like, holy shit, what?
Oh, Sarge, you missed out.
I just found on this chart, photographer got 100 an hour, worked 14 hours, and cleared $12,800.
That was a one-day shift.
worked 14 hours and cleared $12,800. That was a one day shift. They worked the 22nd of April, taking pictures.
I mean, fucking $100 an hour for a professional photographer is
like if you're doing real work is a pretty good is a normal day rate.
Yeah.
But that that's definitely someone's cousin that was just like, hey, you need a photographer, right?
And they're like, yeah, we do.
We'll get you on the payroll.
Yeah.
Yeah, the photographer made the same amount of money as the pod manager, the manager and the aggregation manager.
However, one nebulous floor manager got the full buck and a quarter and that guy made over $20,000 for his shifts from May 2nd to May 14th.
So in two weeks, that guy made 20 times.
Nice.
Yeah, just absolutely just shoveling money to their friends and family.
Just the most nakedly obvious transparent scam I've ever seen.
I mean, this is so ridiculous.
People should go to jail for this.
This is just actually robbing the taxpayers of Arizona.
Yeah, like Hillary.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, damn right.
Damn right.
Speaking of jail, because we've been talking about this stupid audit for a hundred years, it seems like.
How about that Q Shaman?
I hear he's back in the news.
Yeah, he has cut a plea deal today, and we are going to find out what the details of that deal are tomorrow, because he's going to go before the judge, I think like 9.30 sharp tomorrow morning, and admit his guilt.
And he's working hard on being repentant.
He has declared that he does not want to be known as the Q Shaman or the Q Anon Shaman anymore.
Oh, I bet he doesn't!
That he rejects QAnon in all of its forms.
Wow!
Really?
Really, yeah.
He broke faith that hard?
Yeah, he's done.
He's done with them.
Well, I mean, if I was, like, literally the mascot of a movement, and then I was part of their glorious attempt to save America, and then everyone was like, hey, false flag!
Oh, you're Antifa!
Oh, you were paid by Soros!
I would probably be like, hey, fuck you guys, too.
I would probably not be very happy with QAnon if I was that guy, because while he was rotting in jail, everyone was calling him a Soros-funded crisis actor.
Yeah, he got to taste the full force of his own movement.
And he's been sitting in jail this whole time, too.
He was not released on his own recognizance.
Nope.
Yeah, he was out for a little while because he did Alex Jones.
A week or so after he'd gone on Alex Jones, they had their argument because Alex really wanted to bury him.
He wanted to make QAnon the reason for why the riot happened and not the fact that Alex Jones happened.
Actually on the street marching and all that good stuff.
But the guy was like really respectful and then Alex found like some wedges to scream at him and it was odd.
But basically after that finally he got the knock on the door and they threw him in prison and that's when he had that whole ordeal where he wasn't getting organic food for his tum-tums so he was on a hunger strike.
And all that good stuff.
And it's like, well, maybe don't try to participate in the overthrow of our government, and you'll get your organic food, buddy.
I mean, mistakes were made.
So, yeah, we're gonna see what's gonna happen to him.
I did read that it is possible that they might just give him time served for the amount of time he was in jail, because he didn't do anything violent.
He was, he was one of the morons who came in behind the idiots who broke down the doors and knocked everything over.
He, he was in the Capitol building with a fucking spear.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I would love him to do more jail, but he didn't, it would've been great if he was like fighting people with a spear or something, but he just was like photogenic and stupid and just walking around and having everyone take pictures of him, which is again, what QAnon uses to make it all be a false flag.
They're like, look at this idiot getting all this media attention and all these cameras.
Obviously it's fake!
He's Antifa!
We'll see how much of the book they throw at him.
Yeah, it's... I will say at the very least, it's good that he woke up and realized, oh wait, these people who told me where we go one, we go all, and we're doing odds of brotherhood, and movement, and solidarity.
Yeah, they all gave up on that real fucking quick once I was in the Hooskow.
It absolutely is.
That's only if you fucking believe that he's actually repentant.
I don't believe for a second that as soon as this guy is free of jail time, he's not just gonna immediately go back to doing some right-wing bullshit.
Yeah.
I do not believe his fucking crocodile tears for a second.
You know what, Q Shaman?
You better become a progressive-ass liberal when you get out, because if you don't, I will never for a second believe that you've repented.
Sorry, buddy.
You don't get to dress around like a weird fucking Donald Trump cocksucking centaur for a mad long time and then get out of barely-escaped jail time and just be like, I've repented!
I denounced QAnon and all right-wing bullshit!
It's like, no.
I mean, yeah, I don't believe it either, but some federal prison time would definitely get a number of people to realize, oh, Q's not gonna come busting through this wall and, like, rescue me.
Donald Trump didn't, like, pardon me, because he's not the president anymore.
Yeah, there was a shadow pardon.
That was one of my favorite things that actually happened in Q lore was there was that cop that was wearing a Q patch when Mike Pence came visiting Florida and that cop got fired for wearing the Q patch and being in photographs of Mike Pence and then Q actually made a post telling that cop that like if he ever applied for like a federal job that he'd be like fast-tracked and greenlit for like Secret Service or FBI or whatever And I want to know if that cop ever actually tried it.
And then that cop was like, fucking Q lied to me, bullshit.
He said he was going to get me in and now, now I'm not getting in.
What the fuck?
Oh, come on, Q. What's going on, buddy?
I'd say cops should know better than to wear a patch with an extremist movement while on duty.
But like, they were wearing that Punisher shit all the time, so.
I feel like we're well beyond giving cops the benefit of a doubt on anything.
I mean, maybe that's just me.
Maybe you just have to get to the old L level of liberalism before you're just like, I don't give cause and benefit of a doubt for nothing.
Like, well, I saw that headline about like, can you believe that this cop looks exactly like Dwayne The Rock Johnson?
And I was like, that was not fucking proof.
Prove it.
And you know what?
He kind of does.
Yes.
Yeah, uh, I can't, I can't believe, were people calling him cop rock?
Because they absolutely should have, because that show was ridiculous and needs to be... See, that's like a, that's the sort of reference that we would make on this show, because part of our gimmick is making references nobody gets, but I don't think the general public at large would know that that was a reference to anything.
They'd just be like, oh yeah, he is, yeah, cop rock, right on, that's a good, that's catchy.
It's like, no, it's based on a hilarious thing that you've never heard of before.
That's what I live for.
What do people need to know about Cop Rock?
Maybe that's what we should do for next week's one-year anniversary extravaganza.
The Cop Rock episode.
We have our one-year anniversary coming up, and then how far away are we from the one-year anniversary from when they needed him most, Q left them?
Uh, that was, uh... It's like, what, November 24th or whatever?
It's early December.
It's early December.
Oh, so we're still a ways off on that.
Yeah, we're still a little bit of a way away from the one-year delta.
December 8th was when Q went back to his home planet.
They need him.
We'll do something special for the December 8th, one year after Q left us.
Maybe we'll play the exact amount of In the Arms of an Angel that we're legally allowed to.
You know what, guys?
I will fall on the grenade and I will smoke an eighth for the eighth for the podcast.
I'll just get crazy faded on the podcast, just ripping monster gorilla finger blunts.
Oh man, the 8th.
Never forget the 8th.
Let's just remember the friends we made along the way.
Yes!
Back to headlines.
The GOP doesn't want people looking at their text messages for no reason, right?
Oh, yeah.
The 1-6 committee has sent a request to the telecom companies like, hey, we want the Text messages and other data and all that good stuff from pretty much everybody because we want to know how coordinated this whole thing was.
You know, like Lauren Boebert, like, actually, like, literally tweeting out the location of Nancy Pelosi during the riot and all that good stuff.
Like, um...
Was she, I don't know, talking to some Three Percenters or Proud Boys or anybody else?
So yeah, her, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Bo Brooks, Go-Mert, like all these chuckleheads.
Can we like do a little peek-a-roo into their data?
And the Republicans have like literally had kittens, freaked out, screaming and yelling.
And, uh, they have told the telecoms to not comply, and if they do comply, when Republicans get control back of Congress in the government, they will retaliate against the telecoms, because that isn't a threat or extortion or anything.
Yeah, that's... I mean, isn't that...
Kind of witness tampering?
I know it's not exactly, but that feels... I think extortion was the right word, but... I love how just completely fucking brazen the GOP has gotten now.
Like, it really had, like... I was talking with Mike Rantz about this off the podcast, but it really highlights, so... One thing I agree with our progressive friends on is that the current Democrats in office are completely toothless fucking chuckleheads, and they will just let, like, Fuckin' Mark Rubio or whatever, whoever it was, just be like, oh yeah, well if Coca-Cola wants to boycott our shit, then the next time it comes to an $8 billion tax break, maybe we won't give it to them.
And it's like, dawg, you can't say that.
Like, you're literally talking about the pool that we all know you're playing, but it's supposed to remain hidden.
And a threat like this is one of those things where it's just like, do I believe the GOP is capable of threatening a telecommunications company in this way?
Yes, absolutely.
But the fact that they're just so brazen about doing it in public now, it's ridiculous.
It's fucking absurd.
Yeah, the quiet part has been loud for a while now.
They're just straight up... I mean...
So what Joe Biden should do is he should label all of the stuff that happened on January 6th as terrorism.
Then he should produce his massive white wrinkly scrotum and he should drag it all the way down the Patriot Act before presenting that Patriot Act to his GOP colleagues and be like, terrorism means I do whatever the fuck I want.
And then he should just immediately be like, subpoenas for all of this shit.
You're giving it to us.
You don't get to choose.
It's all ours.
And if you don't like it, you can go to Guantanamo and be an enemy combatant and all the other useful euphemisms we use for stuff.
Yeah, it's like, remember when all you fucking Republicans were super gung-ho about this Patriot Act?
Well, guess what, bitches?
January 6th was terrorism, Patriot Act means we do whatever the fuck we want, and if you have a problem with it, enjoy the bag over your head.
They gave us the go-ahead, so now we get to go ahead.
Geez.
Yeah, if you got nothing to hide, you got nothing to fear.
Why doesn't Boebert want us to see your text messages?
Doesn't that automatically mean she has something to hide?
That was what the government told us 20 years ago.
That was entirely after 9-11 and the whole run-up into the Iraq War.
It was just my way or the highway, and if you don't trust what the government's doing, why don't you trust it?
What's your agenda, comrade?
I mean, that was just the way they operated.
It was ridiculous.
Now we have Minority Leader McCarthy basically giving us the little Susie speech to the telecoms.
Nice little telecom company you have there.
Be ashamed of something were to happen to it.
And it's like, we now literally, our politicians are two-bit mobsters.
They're just actual two-bit thugs.
Like you said, MTG just straight came out and was like, we'll shut you down.
Yep.
Yep.
Well, yeah, but she's constantly saying completely nonsensical horseshit, but the fact that it's other members of the GOP just, like, getting involved and, like, threatening these telecommunication companies with some sort of, like, punitive action for, like, giving over these records if they are, like, requested of them by the government, it's, like, it's just super weird, like, It shouldn't be a surprise to anybody why Republicans would not want folks looking into the events of January 6th.
Yeah.
It certainly was not, like, liberal Democrats storming the Capitol to try to, like, you know, prevent the new president from attaining their seat of power.
Like, it turns out it was all weird conservative Republicans.
Fucking strange, innit?
I was reading about how Jim Jordan and other Republicans were calling Trump, trying to get him to tell the mob to stand down or to stop doing this.
And the people were like, hey, does Jim Jordan think that Donald Trump has control over Antifa?
Because wasn't it Antifa that was doing this?
Why were you guys telling Trump to call off the dogs if this wasn't you?
If this wasn't your boys doing it.
I mean, you know what you were doing, and your cover story is unbelievably flimsy and bullshit, but, I mean, the fact that you're pleading with Donnie Two-Scoops to tell everyone to back off, you're kind of giving away the game.
Who you think is behind this?
Shut up, shut up.
So many former presidents could have incited that riot.
So I guess the real question is whether or not we think that this GOP threat prevents any of these records from actually coming out, right?
Do we think that the telecommunications companies are afraid of potential Republican power grabbing in 2022 and 2024?
It's really hard for me to see the telecoms being that worried given the fact that, like, even if, like, the Republicans got control of Congress in 2022, they still can't get through Biden.
So Biden's gonna, like, not let them fuck around.
So if you're the telecoms, are you really that worried about something that could only happen to you, like, three years down the road?
Uh, I mean, to me it's like there's a party in power and they're asking me for something and they're the ones that can make my life shit right now.
So, hey, uh, sorry GOP, maybe if you didn't want this to happen you should have like won some elections, idiots.
Imagine, oh man, imagine a world where the telecom companies actually use the leverage that they have and they're just like, threaten us, will you?
Well, if you do any punitive measures against us, we will show you what a media agenda looks like.
You think it's bad now?
We're the literal companies that make your telecommunications work.
Motherfucker, it will be liberal city.
You'll never see another Republican commercial ever.
It's just not going to happen.
Like from the top down, we'll cut your balls off.
So come at us, bro.
Fuck around and find out.
Do we know specifically what telecom companies were subpoenaed and who the Republicans are now threatening?
Uh, they were like, I, I didn't see any actual direct, I would assume like literally all of them.
Cause I mean, all, I don't think that the Republicans have like a preference for like Apple or anything like that.
So, and so every provider of every Republican cell phone that could possibly matter.
So I would assume they all got dragged into the net.
I haven't actually seen the, uh, the document, uh, request from the one six committee.
All I saw was the, uh, just.
I just saw telecom companies, because if they're coming for Apple, it's just like, wow, why would you threaten Apple?
Even if they're coming after Sprint and T-Mobile and shit, these companies are huge.
They're providing a service that gets more important with each passing year.
Could you imagine like if Tuba Mobile was just like, oh, yeah, we updated our terms of service.
And in order to connect to our 5G network, you literally signed a digital document saying that you believe Donald Trump lost the election in 2020.
No, it's cricket.
They're all coming after cricket.
The GOP.
GameStop's over there sweating bullets.
No, we can't, we can't take any more blows.
It's been a rough year.
The GOP is literally just all on, on cricket cell phones.
And like, have these people- Boost mobile.
Yeah, boosted cricket.
The elephant loves boosted cricket.
Have these people never heard of burners?
Like, why are you, why are you doing stuff?
On your cell phone to where it could be subpoenaed.
Like, I'm not telling you how to commit crime better, but holy shit, fuckin' try harder.
Get a burner for when you're inciting a riot.
And that's what makes it even dumber, is that, like, they knew it was coming!
Like, I mean, they knew that the 1-6 protests were happening.
They knew Trump was going to address a frothing, rabid crowd.
It wasn't like, when this started happening, they were like, oh man, this was totally unforeseen!
Yeah, who would've thought?
So, I mean, how are you not on your burner that day in order to, like, try to mitigate stuff?
I mean, like, you're, you're, uh, I mean, If you're Matt Gaetz, how are you not under your burner constantly?
I mean, that guy can't possibly have an actual legitimate phone that should have anything on it.
Although it does, because he's a colossal dum-dum.
I know his buddy fully flipped and got out of a million years of jail time.
I will be so excited when we get to hear about old Matt Gaetz going to jail, because that has to be in the works.
Yeah, I mean, boy, howdy, you're talking about somebody demanding that the telecom companies don't hand over their shit.
Matt Gaetz is just like, you get an MTG?
No way!
In fact, let's make it illegal for telecoms to ever give up our information!
Yeah, oh my god, he has to just be like... I mean, hey, that's not fair.
He would only be nervous if it's true that he was having sex with underage girls that he was paying to travel across state lines to do so.
Yeah, and we have no reason to suspect that is even remotely possible, so yeah.
Oh my god.
Somewhere in the world, Matt Gaetz is wiping a prodigious amount of sweat off of his massive forehead.
He's not having a good day.
Do we want to talk about Madison Hawthorne?
And I have to note that in our notes it says who?
I also don't know who Madison Hawthorne is.
Yeah, when we do our show notes, Mike Rains will talk about these people like the regular plebs amongst us just know who all these dumb fuck conservatives are, and I don't.
Well, I'll get you up to speed on him.
He is a fresh-faced young Republican who recently won a House seat in North Carolina, and he's basically a Nazi.
He's actually posted on social media that visiting Hitler's summer retreat was something that was on his bucket list.
He really wanted to go there and chill out and see where old Adolf was hanging out back in the day.
Um, and he has been, uh, just, he's trying to aggressively be even more of a lunatic than Marjorie Taylor Greene and Bobert and all the rest of them.
He's, like, really just trying to, like, cut a swath of even nuttier nuttiness than the rest of these clowns, which takes a lot of work, but, uh, We all know that.
he decided to make it be known that Biden did not win the election, it was stolen.
And that we all know that.
Yes.
We all know that this is pretty obvious.
Yeah.
I mean, what else is new, Prov?
Yeah.
Well, what is new is that Hawthorne declared that he saw that bloodshed would
be the outcome of further democratic victories in elections if they didn't
stop cheating.
So, here you go, Dems.
You better stop quote-unquote cheating to win elections.
Otherwise, it's shooting Second Amendment time and freedom tyranny!
Yeah!
All that good stuff.
So this elected official literally threatened violence if the other party keeps winning?
Yes, that is exactly what happened.
And this isn't like that crazy lady in Arizona who's just a state senator.
He's actual in big boy Congress and letting everybody know that, yeah, by the way, if Democrats keep controlling the House and Senate and the White House, well, they're only controlling it by cheating, so red-blooded Americans need to start, like, murdering in order to Nice, nice, nice, nice, nice.
In order to quote-unquote save the republic, as it were.
I don't agree with his sentiment, but at the same time, let's fucking go!
I mean, you will find the correlation between fucking around and finding out.
Yeah.
Remember, we have problem solvers and their name are Predator Jones Tracks.
Callbacks!
Oh my god.
Yeah, I love how it's always a certain type of person that wants to do armed rebellion against the government, right?
Not a lot of people in, say, Massachusetts champ it at the bit for that one.
Just driving through.
That's what happened a little while ago.
There was a bunch of them driving through.
They shut down the highway there in Massachusetts.
Yeah, and then the police confronted them, but those guys were just like, uh... We all scurried off into the woods.
We don't ascribe to your laws!
And then ran away into the woods like the, like an actual, like actual spineless cowards.
It's just like, here's your chance.
Like Johnny Law is here to put their boot on your fucking neck, bud.
Like, you've got your sack full of guns.
If not now, then when?
But no, their move was to run into the woods and then eventually give themselves up because they are cowards.
They just wanted to go take over a federal building and then somehow not get arrested for it, like those white people a decade ago or whatever.
Or when that shit happened.
Yeah, that wasn't a decade ago, that was...
That was just a couple years ago, because I think Trump was still in charge when that happened.
If it was before COVID, it was at least 10 years ago.
Yeah, it was before COVID.
Then at least 10 years ago.
I mean, come on.
Oh my god. Alright, what do we?
Do we have any other headlines?
I think we got through everything.
No, we have the COVID slash Reaper roundup.
Oh, and we have a secret last one of Mike Lindell sold his plane, sold one of his planes that was owned by Uh, MyPillow, it's valued, we don't know for exactly how much, but the last one that sold was valued at 2.5 million, and everyone is just pretty sure this is to, you know, pay for the fucking Dominion lawsuit that is just sitting over his head.
Well, it's either gonna turn into money for his lawyers, or the plane is gonna go to Dominion anyway, so I guess mine as well.
Yeah.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
It's nice to see that, like, Mike Lindell is now finally, slowly dawning on the fact that his dumb actions are now going to have punishing consequences for him.
Yeah, that it's all catching up.
Yeah, he just can't spend his way out of whatever it is without feeling a pinch.
It's really hilarious watching all of these various right-wing grifters just running to suckle at the teat of MyPillow for that sweet, sweet MyPillow money when you see the CEO and founder of MyPillow now is hemorrhaging money on his own.
I posted a tweet earlier today, I think, or it was yesterday, where Jack Posabeck has all these different tweets where he's like, hey, use my promo code POSO for money off my pillow!
Yeah!
Need a new top for your mattress?
Promo code POSO, get 50% off!
And Alex Jones is doing the same thing.
They're just so desperate and groveling, and MyPillow is the only sponsor that will have them.
And now, looks like that spigot's about to, like, clamp shut real soon.
I mean, so it's like, oh no!
Where's my next right-wing sugar daddy to keep me on the air?
Oh, come on!
Hey, Dominion, you didn't really mean it!
Call the lawsuit off!
Mike Lindell needs his planes and sacks full of money to give to me!
I wondered when the money was going to start drying up, because I was always just like, He's just... he's himself.
Hemorrhaging, uh, money and business.
I know he's getting some amount of business from people being like, Oh, we got to, we got to support him.
Like to, to own the libs, but like, he can't even be on Fox news anymore because they were like, Hey, we really need you to fucking knock it off with all this election stuff.
And he's like, no, I will never compromise.
But I was like, he has to like, my pillow.
Isn't can't be that successful.
Like, it had to start drying up at some point.
Yeah.
No way, man.
That pillow money is forever.
I've always said this.
If you want a surefire bet, pillows is where it's at.
Yes.
Pillows forever.
Yes, and I believe that concludes this week's segment about Mike Lindell that we like to call Pillow Talk.
We did have a dumb name for it.
Yes, we did.
These people keep playing so many of the same fucking beats that we just have so many different segments now, like the COVID slash Reaper Roundup.
Yes, which we'll begin with, I guess we'll start with the headliner, Joe Rogan has got himself some COVID.
Sure did.
After, uh, repeatedly explaining that, like, if- and what's really funny is that Rogan had made it clear that if, like, you're young and healthy and you're doing everything right, that COVID's no big deal, so whatever.
No reason to inject yourself with a vaccine.
So Joe Rogan got COVID and his response to this thing that's no big deal and you shouldn't worry about it is, he's taking everything.
Literally all the drugs.
So, uh, while the media has been, like, focusing on the fact that he has said he's taking ivermectin for this, a.k.a.
probably the horse paste, not the human ivermectin, but, um, the important thing is that he is also taking Regeneron, or one of the other kind of Regeneron-based treatments.
The mononucleide.
The rich person drug?
Like, the one you can only get if you're very rich?
Yeah.
The mononucleide bullshit stuff.
So, like, he's not- The one that seems like it's very cabal-adjacent?
Yes, yeah, literally that shit that does come from a fetal stem cell line, which should have QAnon freaking out, but it saved Donald Trump, so we're not going to talk about it.
So he's on the high-grade shit along with taking the horse paste, so when Rogan probably recovers in a week or two, Everyone's gonna be like, oh, ivermectin!
Oh, take that, libs!
Oh, and then it's like, no, he was taking Regeneron.
He was taking the shit that, like, when that New York Times article came out about, like, Trump and how, like, actually sick he was and how, like, his oxygen level and his blood was, like, 82%, which is, like, dangerously deoxygenated blood, like, Like, Trump, who is, in his mid-70s, aggressively overweight and incredibly sedentary, he was brought back from death's door with Regeneron.
So if Rogan's getting that shit, I like his chances, but... Yeah, just remember, like, a week or two from now when Joe Rogan is not dead, that we lost Heath Ledger to a weird combination of, like, interaction between his, like, sleep medication and his cold medication.
And yet, Joe Rogan is chasing horse deworming medication with experimental gene therapy and is probably going to come out clean on the other side.
Yes.
Goddammit, yeah.
He's going to be fine.
He's like, I hate to say it, he's very healthy.
He'll be fine.
And he's on the best drug they have right now, Regeneron.
Like, everyone who bought up all the apple-flavored gel from Tractor Supply is gonna be, yeah, just champing at the bit to get more ivermectin in them.
Yeah.
But while Rogan's struggle with COVID is ongoing, Mr. Anti-Vax, a Florida conservative radio host, Mark Bernier, he's dead.
He actually died from COVID after labeling himself Mr. Anti-Vax.
You'll love to see it.
Yeah, that whole thing we talked about, about fucking around and finding out.
I mean, this, and the thing about this that blows my mind is, you know, like Laura Ingram and Tucker Carlson and all these actual, like, high-end Fox News dipshits, you know they're all vaccinated.
You don't actually have to have skin in the game.
You can claim to be Mr. Anti-Vax because No one's gonna know.
No one's gonna, like, stab you in the arm and, like, check your blood for antibodies.
I mean, you can just lie about your anti-vaccination stance while keeping yourself safe.
But no, Mr. Dum-Dum wanted to try to win the pony, and guess what?
He did.
Yeah, Mike, stop giving up the game.
Don't listen to Mike Rains.
If you don't believe in the vaccine, just don't take it.
Don't take the vaccine and just go have your best friend spit directly into your mouth.
Ugh.
Yes.
That's what we do.
That's what we do off record.
We just spit in each other's faces.
Prove how stupid liberals are by going out of your way to contract COVID.
Do your part to make sure that liberals know how dumb they are.
Yeah.
And he was not the only person to meet their end via COVID this week while being an aggressive COVID denialist.
Robert David Steele, who is a guy that many people accused of being Q directly, and when we eventually get to our Out of Shadows bonus content, we'll be seeing a lot of him.
Robert, good old Robert, declared that he was the first man ever to declare COVID a hoax.
Then when he tested positive for COVID, he stated that he is tested positive for whatever they are calling COVID nowadays, but he knows it isn't really real.
And he basically spent his entire struggle with COVID denying that he had the illness, denying that this was a real thing, and Pretty much, when he got put on the ventilator and all that other good stuff, everyone in the QAnon universe is just like, he wanted to treat it with ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine, but those murderous doctors put him on the ventilator and killed him.
Because that's the reality they live in, where the ineffective horse dewormer is the truth, and the machine that actually makes your lungs work when you can't make them work yourself, that's the thing that kills you.
Good lord.
I mean, can we at least make it possible for these people to opt out of using the devastatingly ineffectual respirators or whatever?
So that way people that need them can have them?
Yeah.
Can we give these people a document to sign where they're just like, hey, if you don't think COVID is real, you can sign this.
We will take you off of that ventilator right now.
And you can go take all the horse dewormer you want.
Meanwhile, this 12-year-old kid that got COVID because they can't get vaccinated, they're going to need that ventilator, dog.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Like, I assume they're all on DNAs, right?
Or DNRs.
I would almost think that it should be kind of a standard operating procedure that if these people show up as banged up as they are, unvaccinated and delusional, that you treat them, but if it goes bad, it goes bad.
If God wanted you to be resuscitated, he wouldn't have given you COVID.
You're interfering in God's plan by... I mean, that's Christian science in a lot of ways.
You're supposed to just pray away the illness, and if you're actually sick, you're meddling in God's plan by seeking other people to cure you.
Why are you meddling in this?
Yeah, God is trying to pull you into his glorious bosom.
Why are you pushing it away?
Embrace God's bosom.
Pull yourself off of the ventilator.
Pull the tube out of your own throat.
I fucking hate that we have to talk about this every week.
I mean, you know, I'm not unhappy that these idiots are the ones who we are talking about in this particular instance, but I do truly hate that there are enough of these goon lunatics across our country That they're just like willingly offering themselves up to this altar of like preventable disease and just like diving into it like a like Scrooge McDuck into a pool full of golden ducats.
Yeah, just diving headlong into whatever, like, kills them fastest.
And again, so that one guy, he denied that he had COVID the whole way that he was on his respirator or whatever, but for the most part, these people, like, as soon as the doctors are just like, hey, you've got the COVID real bad and you're probably going to die and enjoy the last two weeks of your life with this tube down your throat, like, being mostly unconscious for it, they're like, Yeah, I really regret not getting that vaccine, huh?
And then they try to tell their families, they're just like, with my dying breath, tell all of our friends that they're idiots.
And that message is still somehow not getting through to these people.
So, I mean, at some point, like, you know, I don't have the patience of a saint.
At some point, I'm just sort of like, yeah, well, if watching your friends and loved ones die of COVID isn't enough, I don't know what is.
Kids hurt real bad.
Yeah, so I mean, as soon as as soon as as soon as the government tells me the booster is required, I will take the booster.
I don't care if it's the secret third shot that finally gives them control over my brain.
At least I don't have to die with a tube down my throat in two weeks.
And I would suggest anyone who's listening to this, it might be on the fence about vaccination, just get the fucking shot.
Like, certainly you have somebody out there that cares enough about you that they will be bummed out if you die of COVID.
So just take the shot for their benefit, if not for yours.
Yeah, it really just absolutely blows my mind that we have gotten to a point where we have a free shot that will treat and cure this problem and is incredibly effective.
Billions of people across the world have gotten this shot.
Over 200 million people in America have gotten it.
And yet these people are willingly paying their cold hard cash to buy products for animals and hydroxychloroquine and other just crank cures that Why?
How has reality so broken inside your brain that you will willingly part with your own money and risk your health over the free shot?
When you go to work, I mean, most of your fellow co-workers have to have been vaccinated.
Because guess what?
The majority of Americans are vaccinated.
When you see all those stats, about 53% of Americans are fully vaccinated.
That includes the people under 12 who can't get it.
So I think that really tips the balance of these charts.
But the amount of adults that are fully vaccinated is more like 65-70%.
The people that can get the shot have voted.
Overwhelmingly in favor of not dying.
My workplace, my customers, are all old white people.
They all got it.
They all got the shot because they're old.
They don't want to fucking die.
They know better.
It's all I ever heard from them.
Back when the shot was rationed out, the old people got it first.
It's all I ever heard about was Oh, I had a sore arm for you three days.
Oh, I had a fever for a few days.
Table after table after table after old person after old person after old person.
It was just here were the side effects I had.
Well, here were my side effects.
And then they'd get mad because they got rivered and lost 50 bucks.
And that was like their that was their week's gambling money.
So I mean, but People like anyone who tells you in the QAnon universe or whatever that we're the majority and we have to stand firm.
You're not.
You're absolutely not.
You are a dumb, angry, loud, stupid minority who is risking your health and your life and the health and life of your friends and family by refusing to take this incredibly safe and effective vaccine.
You colossal dum-dums.
We're preaching to the choir.
Our audience are vaccinated.
And if you're not, what the fuck are you doing?
Hey, uh, then clip this out and we'll put it on our, uh, we'll put it on my Twitter feed.
Hey, you know, maybe we have some real cute, devout, like, hate listening to us.
That's always the dream.
I always hope there's somebody out there just seething with rage listening to us every week.
It's like, oh, these fucking chumps, they're so wrong!
She's like, well, you're still listening.
It's like the Howard Stern thing where the people who hate him listen to him two more minutes than the people who liked him listen to him.
Yeah, if you hate listening to us, let us know.
And thanks for that like and subscribe.
Hit that five star review.
Doesn't matter what you write.
Spew as much vitriol as you want to, but help us massage that algo, please.
Speaking of our amazing hate listening fans, do we want to take their questions?
I think we should.
Our listeners got questions.
We got answers.
It's time for Q and A.
Yeah, so Paste starts the week off by asking, just saw that the Arizona Cyber Ninja results dropped.
How is QAnon taking it?
I mean, they've waited so long and always kept an eye on it.
They should be really happy today they can expose all the election fraud and reinstall Trump as president.
Well, again, what dropped was the documents, like the transparency request from the court.
The actual audit report will never actually be released.
It will never happen.
Because it's incredibly embarrassing?
I mean, literally, their only two options are pissing off QAnon and Ken Byrne and Michael Flynn and all the other grifters that were riling people up, or getting a trillion-dollar lawsuit from Dominion.
I don't think the CEO of Cyber Ninjas has a $2.5 million plane to sell.
I don't think that guy's got the deep pockets.
He doesn't got that MyPillow cash to throw around to fend off his trillion-dollar lawsuit.
Oh boy, that'll be fun to see.
Yeah, so this report is never getting released and it's going to literally be sent to the Arizona State Senate and they're going to be like, we have read the report and we are comfortable with its findings.
No, we're not going to tell you what it found.
Moving on.
They've just got like a like a fucking laser sight from a from a lawsuit sniper just like posted up on a building nearby, just waiting for one of these cyber ninjas guys to be like, and here's our bombshell report, Dominion voting systems, election fraud.
It's just like, click boom.
Enjoy your $1.2 billion lawsuit, idiot.
Yeah.
Kiltacular.
Yes.
Killionaire.
Yes, the Killian Air lawsuit.
That's what they're gonna hit him with.
Oh my god.
But yeah, so Cyber Ninjas, this game will never end.
This is the Whitey Tape, this is the Wiener Laptop, this is just another thing.
Someday the Arizona Audit Report will drop and then we will have freedom in America.
So thank you for the question.
SubZeroShirtArt asks, these people swear by Sun Tzu and believe you need to appear weak when you're strong, etc.
Joe Biden ran for president almost reluctantly against like 30 other candidates for the Democratic nomination in Trump.
The American people begrudgingly carried him into the White House.
How weak when strong is that?
And it's like, yes, Joe Biden is the ultimate Sun Tzu.
He was literally, like every person I've ever read on Twitter talking about the Democrat, back in the general election, would be like, you know, Biden wasn't my first choice, or my second choice, or my third choice, but fuck Trump, gotta beat him, so Biden it is.
So I mean, just by being incredibly milquetoast and dull, and by appealing to the right people to win the Democratic primary, Joe Biden defeated everybody, so good on him.
Yeah, by not disenfranchising black folks the way that certain other potential candidates did.
He managed to get carried like so much Frodo Baggins in the hands of Samwise Gamgee to the Summit of Bad Doom.
Whatever could you mean?
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
I didn't mention anyone by name.
I just do know that some political candidates out there have been accused of maybe not appealing to non-white voters enough.
And you know, you make of that what you will.
Yes.
But it turns out that Biden is the president we got and it's fucking a fair sight better than Trump.
So yes.
Yeah.
If you're one of the people who wanted a different candidate, but
managed to still suck it up and vote for the right team, I truly thank you.
Yes.
Agreed.
Uh, so yes.
Also, I love how, you know, when things aren't going their way, of course, all of these QAnon idiots are just like, oh, yeah, man.
Fade weakness to hide your strength or whatever.
But then they love Donald Trump because they're just like, oh, he's so strong and macho.
He tells it how it is.
He carries himself like such a strong bully boy.
I love him.
I can't get enough of his rippling pecs.
And it's just like, yeah, you guys are the masters of having it both ways because The goalposts are an illusion.
You're like Neo in the Matrix.
There are no goalposts.
I've never seen a more doughy looking idiot.
I just don't.
Like, I've never understood Trumpism.
And like, they're just like, oh, he is the alpha.
And it's like, he looks so disgusting.
And like, I don't want to just sit here and make fun of his appearance, but I will.
Because I can.
So there you go.
Well, I mean, he also, like, couldn't walk down that ramp by himself, and got COVID, and it's just like, there's like a mountain of evidence to point to the fact that Donald Trump is not what you should be pointing to when you're describing your fuckin' Chad Alpha bro dude.
You know, for whatever reason, he's QAnon's guy, so they're just like, we love him!
Like, oh man, if Vladimir Putin could legally run for President of the United States, these people would throw Donald Trump into a dumpster immediately.
Oh God, they would kill for Vladdy Daddy to be their president.
Yeah.
Can you imagine watching a shirtless Trump ride a horse?
God.
Especially because the horse would be riddled with worms because the owner of the horse could not get their hands on the deworming medication they need for it because Trump was too busy injecting it like bleach into his veins to prevent his COVID.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
Disgusting.
Yeah.
Why is the reality that we live in fucking Mad Magazine all of a sudden?
This sucks.
So, thank you for the question.
Nark asks, do you think Cam Newton was cut because he was an anti-vaxxer?
Yes, one million percent.
Bill Belichick sent him out on a rail because you just can't have your quarterback be an anti-vaxxer if they're not really, really incredibly good.
And you have to suck it up and deal with their crazy kookiness because you have no one else on the roster who's as good or even or slightly worse than them.
So when you are a fair to middling at best quarterback and you're like, yeah, it's entirely possible.
I'm just going to miss two weeks in the middle of the season for no good reason.
If I'm the coach, I'm like, you know what?
Yeah, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm going with the other guy.
I'm going to get other members of the team sick as well.
Right.
Well, yeah, especially because, yeah, the NFL has made it clear that this season they're just like, we are not delaying shit.
If you cannot keep your people in check and you have a COVID outbreak, like, enjoy playing the game with your third and fourth stringers.
Too fucking bad.
So if anybody thought for a second that Bill Belichick was going to let any of his, like, like, skill position players, like, that were starters, decide to just not get the vaccine for no reason, they were on fucking drugs.
They were on good, good drugs.
The best drugs.
And the NFL's also gone above and beyond just playing with certain force figures.
If you don't have enough players, and they're unvaccinated, you forfeit.
You fucking lose the game.
And your team doesn't get their game checks for that week.
So you literally rip money out of everybody's hands, and you lose a game.
And there's not a lot of games in the NFL, so that could, like, kick you out of the playoffs, and now you have a chance to win the Super Bowl.
All that good shit.
So, like, the NFL has, like, a no-fucks-given policy when it comes to anti-vaxxers.
Yeah, you think Bobby Kraft is going to like it when the Pats can't take the field because everyone on the team has fucking COVID.
They literally can't field a team, so they just forfeit.
Nice ad revenue for that game, idiots.
Yeah, oh yeah, that'd be great.
Having a nice empty stadium that week.
You only have eight or nine home games every year.
You just lose one of those.
Yeah, that's good.
That helps the bottom line out a lot.
But I mean, hey, Cam Newton still think that he has enough juice to be an anti-vax idiot is probably the best news that Patriots fans have received in a long time.
Yeah.
Wasn't there another Patriot who just got let go because he wouldn't get vaccinated?
No, I didn't hear anything about that.
It wasn't a receiver?
Nope, not off the top of my head.
Ah, must be a different team.
No, but I know they cut Sonny Michel, thank God.
Oh, they traded him to the Rams.
So yeah, the Rams were desperate for a running back, and we gave them Sonny for like a bag of footballs.
It was great.
Yeah, I mean, could you imagine being so desperate for a running back that you are trading for Sonny Michel?
I mean, okay, whatever.
This is not Sports Talk Radio.
We would need to do a separate podcast for that.
Hey, Line 3, Tommy from Quincy.
What are you doing?
I think Cam Newton's a bomb.
Thanks, Tommy from Quincy.
You're the best.
Trust the Belichick system, boys.
Okay, cool.
Thanks, bud.
Yes, I'm going to the Pac-E.
You want a beer?
But yeah, so Cam Newton is not Carson Wentz or Kirk Cousins who have both come out as aggressive anti-vaxxers who will remain the starting quarterbacks for their teams.
But again, good luck to the Colton Vikings.
Can't wait till I come on Twitter week seven in the NFL season.
Carson Wentz, out with COVID!
Walkin' walkin' on!
I mean, it's just, oh, who would have ever thought that was gonna happen?
Yeah, I mean, fuck boys.
The Colts need all the luck they can get, am I right?
Boom, boom, pshew!
Perfect.
Nailed it.
So, it's now time for an Old Man and Watkins Fight Club Question of the Week, which is different this week.
He says, Anyways, which of these things you're grifting for is the worst?
And which is the most dangerous?
Grifting for money, social status, religious power, or political power?
What would you think is the most dangerous?
And which is something you would see as being a tolerable hustle, as it were?
And I mean, I kind of think the most dangerous one is political power because once you're actually using this shit to try to, like, foment rage and anger, like, on that level, that's when you get into, like, really bad places.
Again, it's like, this is...
Marjorie Taylor Greene and Boebert have been screaming and yelling this whole time about the election being stolen and it being fraudulent, and they know who their audience is.
And a bunch of these other Republicans, they know who they're talking to.
They're the people who stormed the Capitol.
They're the people who have pulled all this shit and have shown that they're capable of being dangerous.
So I just think that if you're trying to scam these people to get yourself political power, You're really playing with fire, because that's a really dangerous thing to do.
Because once you start with that, you can't back down.
I mean, you can't, you can't like, turn back the crowd.
I mean, Donald Trump in blood red Alabama got booed aggressively for telling the crowd to get vaccinated.
I mean, so If you want to keep the crowd happy, you have to tell them everything they want to hear.
Not even Donald Trump was able to stay on script good enough for these people.
So, you're just risking a lot for that kind of thing.
As for the other stuff, I think pretty much if you're grifting just to get popular on Twitter or whatever, that's as harmless as it can possibly be.
The only problem is that once you get that audience, then you're like, I have a large audience!
Maybe I should start a...
Puttin' out my Patreon, and sellin' some t-shirts, and doin' this, that, the other thing.
So, I mean, I just think it's really hard to, like, stay on that, like, that first level of just wanting to get a hundred likes on Gab, or Telegram, or whatever.
Uh, Sarge, do you wanna go next?
I mean, Mike kind of took a lot of meat off the bone, and I'm not complaining.
He just nailed it.
Like, I don't really have much to say on that.
He hit all the big points there.
Kind of a cop out, but I don't think I can add anything to what he said.
It is a cop-out.
And fine, I'll be the edgelord on the podcast.
I don't give a fuck.
I think it has to be religion.
Because religion is the er-grift.
Nobody grifts for religion so that they can just save people's souls.
Nobody's in it for that.
If you're grifting for religion, then it means that you're using that religion as a way to accumulate money, or accumulate political clout, or what have you.
There's no like, there's no terminus for you grifting for the Lord that simply ends with you just being like, ha ha ha, you've bought into my grift and now your soul is saved and I feel fulfilled spiritually, so that's that.
Like, it's never happened in history and it's not going to start now.
Grifting for religion is incredibly scummy, and you're not wrong.
It's probably been around the longest.
Oh yeah, and the thing is, as you said, when you grift for religion, it almost always leads to grifting for money.
Once you start getting people into your church, then you start passing the collection plate around.
So it's almost inevitable you're going to become even worse for people as time goes on.
Pretty sure.
You could be a politician and pay lip service to religion because it makes you look good, but If you're out there grifting for religion and you're rubbing elbows with any political figure, that's a much more sinister thing.
You're in it for clout.
You want to bend the ear of somebody with power so you can advance an agenda.
I just think that religion has to be the most poisonous one out of those options, and maybe out of any options.
I just think the fact that it sort of, it just sort of like encompasses all of them, so it feels sort of like cheating as an answer.
Yeah, and I mean, just, it's, it's certainly one of the most ironic, as in the Bible, there's literally a passage where Jesus goes into a temple and starts flipping out on religious grifters and throwing them out of the church.
So, you know, there you go.
Yeah, but I mean, who reads the Bible anyway?
Come on.
Right, exactly.
Reverend Xenofact asks, people need to push back against the GQP, so what activist orgs do you, terrific trio of the Help World podcast, recommend people join?
Maybe you can focus on one each week to give them a boost.
I don't know of any particular activist group because, I mean, the problem right now is that There's removing people from a cult and deprogramming and that kind of stuff is so time intensive and requires such a specialized skill set that I don't think there's like a direct like head on confrontation of QAnon that you can like engage in.
Just support your local elections.
Yes.
2022 is coming up and it's going to be more important now than ever that you support the right candidates in your local elections.
Yes.
When I had a yard, I put a Veterans for Biden sign in my yard.
Anyone I thought I could talk to, I did.
Well, right now it's pretty obvious that a lot of the QAnon, like, you know, mission plan is to get themselves in these positions of low-level government power.
Right.
Sheriffs and, you know, members of school boards and stuff like that.
So, if you're really interested in, like, investing your time and your effort and or your money, like, fighting the good fight against, like, QAnon and the GOP in general, Like really, with 2022 coming up, you really just need to invest that time and effort supporting liberal candidates that you believe in.
A single organization is not going to do it.
We have to fight them on the fronts that they want to fight on.
And, like, go to your local school board, like, find out who they are, find out who's running against them, and see if there are kooks.
See if there are QAnon people there.
Like, find their names.
Look them up on Google and stuff.
See what their social media looks like.
Because, trust me, any QAnon person running for anything is not shy about what they're doing.
They're very proud about saving America and saving the children from liberal indoctrination.
So, they're out there.
They're out there and they're going to be proud about it.
So, just keep your head on a swivel, as it were.
Yeah, go to one of these PTA meetings or whatever, and if they're white ladies screaming bloody murder about how a mask mandate is the same as the Holocaust, then that's probably where your battleground is.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, look into your local sheriff.
A lot of sheriffs run unopposed.
John Oliver has a great episode on sheriffs.
They control a ton of power and routinely run unopposed.
Yep.
So thank you for the question, Reverend Xenofact.
Screamingindigital asks, what are your views on the newfound openness of QAnon in here returning for Congress in 2022?
It appears that the stigma has all but gone.
I think that like a lot of them, I saw like one woman's running against AOC in New York, so she can enjoy losing by a trillion, because that district is ocean blue.
I think a lot of these people that are quote-unquote running for office as QAnon candidates are just grifting.
They're just aggressively creating a social media platform.
They're not going to do any actual physical campaigning.
So I think that they're just doing this to make money off of an audience they know will give them money because If you are like, I'm running against AOC!
Send me to Congress!
Idiots are going to give you money.
They don't understand that there's no way you can possibly win.
And then you can take that money and use it to write off all your extensive dinners or your trip at the spa because that was a campaign stop.
So, I think, like, the more interesting thing is to look at the people who are running in, like, competitive districts and stuff like that.
There's, like, this one, like, schlubby-looking dude who became, like, the new star of QAnon, and his name is aggressively escaping me right now, and he's, like, running in a district in Pennsylvania that's actually competitive, which is really interesting to me.
So...
Those are the races I'm more interested in because those are the people that, if they can be outed as QAnon supporters, will probably lose those elections because of the fact that it's an actual real thing where it's relevant.
Whereas most of these new candidates that I'm seeing, they know what they're doing, and they're like, I'm going to send Nancy Pelosi back home!
And it's like, no, you're not.
Pelosi's going to beat you 75-25.
You're going to try and raise money and then steal it from your campaign when your campaign loses.
I mean, if the meat of this question is how do we feel about it, then my answer is like, I feel fucking awful about it.
It's like watching Lex Luthor run for president and maybe win, like happen to the comics, or vote for President Loki or whatever.
It's just like, these people are so transparently fucking awful, but somehow they're getting votes because the world is upside down and half of it is on fire and the other half is drowning.
It's fucking crazy.
Yeah, it's not great.
I would say it's the opposite of great.
Yeah, hopefully getting outed as Q Anon ruins, puts a spoke in a bunch of their wheels, but because Q Anon, like Q was not wrong.
Q Anon needed to stay a little more underground than it did, because I want to say it's slightly more poisonous now, but who fucking knows?
I've been proven wrong time and again.
Yeah, we have two more questions before our final question, which is, so Existential Ivermectin, who's now not the Dreadlocks anymore, says, do you think the Nirvana guy is trying to tap into the QAnon zeitgeist with his ridiculous lawsuit against the band?
He's also suing 17 people, which seems really suspect.
Oh, the kid who, the guy who was the baby on the Nirvana album cover?
I don't know.
Yeah.
I know that exists.
I didn't look into it at all.
Is he like a QAnon grifter?
He does not appear to be a QAnon grifter, but it seems like this lawsuit is a really angry, weird thing, and he's tapping into the whole child pornography thing.
He's shaking certain trees that one would shake if you were trying to get that audience on your side.
I haven't seen him come out even... The 17 people being sued thing is weird, and that could just be our broken brains at this point.
I really can't say that he himself is doing anything more than lashing out in a really weird way about a thing.
I don't think anyone knows that you're the Nirvana baby, dude.
I mean, you probably don't look like the tiny baby that you were back then.
See, I mean, honestly, like, this is sort of a weird one for me because I'm kind of just on the guy's side.
The amount of money he's asking for is really small compared to, like, the amount of money that Nirvana has, like, made over the course of their, you know, run in terms of, like, selling albums.
Like, I think what I checked, he's only asking for, like, $120,000 or something, but it's also just, like, you know, Like, I might be a little uncomfortable with a nude photo of me as a baby being, like, a worldwide, like, thing that people could just call up on the internet whenever they want to and look at my little baby dick.
Like, I kind of see how that, like, even if it's not immediately recognizable that it's him, like, he knows that it's him.
I could see that causing you some emotional distress whenever you're just like, ah, time to look at the top 50 albums of all time.
Oh, look, it's my dick as a baby.
Awesome.
Yeah, I can see that.
Yeah, I can see.
I didn't know he was only asking for $120,000.
That figure might not be entirely accurate, but it's not like he's suing.
He's not like dominioning these people.
He's not going after the Nirvana estate for like a bagazillion dollars.
Yeah.
I don't know how to feel about that.
I need more information on that.
It's just hard for me to get into the headspace of somebody whose tiny baby dick has been seen by hundreds of millions, if not billions, of people.
Yeah, but they have no way to know it's him except for him telling them.
But again, I don't necessarily... I mean, in the year of our Lord 20 and 21, it sort of seems like we've evolved our understanding of mental health enough where we should be able to understand that It's not necessary that people know that that's him for
that to cause him trauma.
Right.
Yeah.
I don't think he's wrong and I don't think he's right.
It's... yeah.
Yeah.
It's a sticky wicket, as they say.
And I don't think he's like, I really don't think that he's going all out QAnon on this.
I don't think that that's really... Yeah, I won't put QAnon on anyone without it being proven.
No, it just strikes me that he's just a dude who's tired of seeing his baby penis all over everything, all the time, always.
Like that guy could never walk into like a Spencer's GIF or whatever and not see a big poster or t-shirt of his baby dick.
And, like, from what I understand, for a while he said he was cool with it, but then, like, recently he decided, you know what?
No, I'm not fucking cool with it.
I'm actually sick of it.
And I would like a giant pile of money, but not an absorbent amount of money, to, like, you know, help assuage my trauma or whatever.
I don't know.
I'm sort of on the guy's side.
I wouldn't want my baby dick all over the world either.
I'll remember that and I'll share those photos.
So thank you for the question.
Clutz0 asks, Favorite sci-fi franchise and an explanation of why?
Wow, that's a tough one.
I really like... See, it just depends on what I'm looking for.
Dog, isn't yours Mass Effect Not Close?
Yeah, probably, but I haven't had... I have a mixed relationship with Mass Effect.
I really like, when I was younger, I really liked the Shadowrun novels because I like that world a lot.
Mass Effect is, yes, probably going to end up being the answer, but I also really like Warhammer 40k books when I'm looking for that kind of like Big guys shooting stuff with guns or just like guys fighting monsters.
It depends on what I'm looking for at the time.
Mass Effect is going to, if I have to give one answer, yeah, I'll be Mass Effect.
I love it.
I love space operas and I, for the most part, got to feel like I got to interact with it way more than say a Star Wars or Star Trek or a Blade Runner.
Mike Raines, what about you, Doug?
I would say my two favorites, probably one would be Babylon 5, but it just wasn't that big of a franchise, because it basically just had its one run, and then the movies.
I would love for someone to mess around in that sandbox, because the one thing I really loved about that show more than anything was that humans were not the ultimate shit-kickers of that show.
No, they were pretty low on the pecking order.
Yeah, there were like five main races that were like the races that were quote-unquote the good guys or whatever that were on the actual UN space station.
And the humans were an aggressive third place.
And they were absolutely no fucking where near number one.
And number one was massively ahead of number two, which was massively ahead of humans.
So it's just like, man, It's really awesome that there's an actual, like, sci-fi show where humans are, like, kind of trying to find their footing, and there are alpha dogs above them.
They're like, yo, humans!
Way to make it into the stars!
You're nowhere near us still, though, bro!
So that was just, like, really, like, kind of cool and really interesting to me, and I just wish that...
There had been more stuff done around that.
There had been Star Trek Next Generation, DS9 Voyager.
I wish that stuff had happened with Babylon 5.
But it didn't, and that's unfortunate.
And for my more popular franchise that got played around with more, I would definitely say Terminator.
I really enjoyed that series as a kid.
I mean, the later movies have been not great, but I kind of enjoy hate-watching them and making fun of some of the stuff they've done to destroy the legacy.
But, like, Terminator 1 and 2 are INCREIBLE!
So, uh, I really enjoyed that series.
Yeah, it's funny, like, so, uh, I'm not, like, a huge sci-fi guy, and, like, a big part of that is probably because, in general, sci-fi franchises tend to suck.
Like, as a whole, they very rarely, like, get the job done in totality.
Like, for instance, I think my favorite sci-fi movie ever is Terminator 2.
But if you look at the Terminator franchise, it's way more misses than hits.
Like, you know, there's like two good movies, and then three bad movies, and a TV show that can go either way, depending on your preference.
So, like, I can't snap off Terminator as an answer the way that Mike Raines can, despite the fact that I love Terminator 2.
And it's sort of the same thing with The Matrix, right?
Like, the first Matrix movie, I think, is a timeless classic.
It's still just as rewatchable now as it ever has been.
Like, it was a huge pioneer.
There's, like, a ton of great stuff in it.
But then they had to ruin it by making more of it.
And, like, it just has been bad.
So, off the top of my head, I'd say that my favorite individual piece of fiction, sci-fi fiction, might be Terminator 2, pretty close up there with aliens.
But if I had to talk about my favorite sci-fi genre, that would be cyberpunk.
The genre, not the game.
But yeah, I just really love that sort of Sort of, you know, corporate dystopian future.
Like, the cyberpunk vibe really gets me.
I'm a listener, too, of Synthwave, so I'm about that cyberpunk life.
Me, too.
I love cyberpunk.
Cyberpunk's the best.
So I will then wrap us up with the question to Numerous, which is, what are you excited about?
I have been playing Control, as I've talked about.
I've really gotten into it now, and I'm excited to play more Control.
I know the game came out two years ago now, but I just got around to it, and I'm having a ton of fun.
It is paranormal science fiction, and I love the aesthetic and the vibe.
It taught me about brutalism, a type of architecture that you're familiar with, even if you didn't know the name of it before this.
It digs in.
It's got a real SCP vibe.
I think I've mentioned it before in this, but I have a bunch of the psychic powers you get in it now that you get from objects of power.
I'm having a ton of fun.
The world is a lot of fun and I really enjoy it.
I've been getting to play a lot of board games recently, which excites me, will continue to excite me.
I've recently been on quite the heater, and I've won out all three games we have played in the past couple of board game nights we have attended, so I'm running it up.
I think I'm like 9-0 over the past week in terms of just smashing it at various board games, many of which I'm learning for the first time.
Which is great, because a lot of them I'm playing against my good friend and rival.
And, you know, it's always fun to get to rub his face in it a little bit.
We challenge each other the way that Goku and Vegeta do.
Like, I'm gonna rub his nose in and I'm gonna be like, ah, I'm Super Saiyan now, whatcha gonna do?
And then inevitably he will go Super Saiyan and he will put me in the dirt for a while, and so the wheel will continue.
I'm just really looking forward to just week one of the NFL season because I'm in this I'm in the casino and all you ever have is people talking about the games and the betting and action and all that stuff and I'm known as being a very braggadocious person when it comes to my hot hot picks and stuff like that.
And what's really funny, and I think this is a truth about like everything in the world, if you just are arrogant and confident and just like then say things like you mean it.
I have so many people that when I walk into the poker room, they're like, Oh, man, it's Mike Rains.
I won so much money off his plays last year!
And in the back of my head, I'm like, I was maybe 50-50 with the tips I gave you, and half the time I told you a winner, you didn't play it.
But people just have it in their head that I'm an expert, because I just act like I'm an expert, and it's just so funny that way.
So, um... Fake it until you make it, baby!
Absolutely!
Absolutely.
So, like, just having that, and just, like, I've had so many people, because I usually, like, I like talking about betting overs and unders, and they're like, oh, this guy's so good on totals!
What you playing for week one, man?
What are you doing?
And I'm just like, oh my God.
Like, it's just, it's just hilarious.
So I just really love that vibe.
I just love the excitement that like this time of year gets people going and everyone's got an opinion.
So you get to get like, you get to kind of, uh, on Sundays, the game is secondary to everyone watching the game on the television.
It's like, sir, you're facing a $75 all in.
What are you doing?
Shut up.
It's fourth and two.
If they don't make it, I win $200.
It's like, okay, everybody, game's on hold until this idiot drops a pass or whatever.
So it's just a lot of fun that way.
I like it.
Well, thanks for the questions, everybody.
And it's time for me to go ahead and zip up our Mario Brothers-style frog suit so we can hop on out of Hellworld for this week.
So thank you, everybody, for listening.
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As always, we have to thank a certain number of people who helped make the show go, including DJ Minimal Effort, who is still too cool for social media, but has provided our wonderful intro and outro song, Frosty, who's a voiceover artist who you can find on Twitter at FrostyVO, and ourselves, who you can find on Twitter at BingeWordy.
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So, for another successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I have been one of your hosts, Hellworld Al, signing off for Hellworld Sarge, and as always, our wonderful QAnon expert, Mr. Mike Rains.
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