Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

May 6, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld

01:25:27

Adventures in HellwQrld Episode 33: GaetzGate and Lin Wood are back baby!

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	♪♪♪ Hello everybody and welcome to another episode of
	Adventures in Hellworld.
	I am Mike Rains, a.k.a.
	Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
	Hello from the internet, and not the other podcast opening this time.
	And the mysterious El.
	Hello, my beautiful babies!
	So, uh, this week, uh, we just have more people doing more crazy stuff.
	I mean, that's kind of what Hellworld's all about.
	Just the fact that, uh, yes, it just never stops.
	It's just always that way.
	Uh, but of course we need to let people know that this might get a little rough around the edges.
	Content warning.
	The Adventures in Hellworld podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people.
	Listener discretion advised.
	Oh, right, yeah.
	Hey guys, before we get into our juicy news segment for the week where we talk about a bunch of dumb fucks doing a bunch of dumb fuck shit, I have to do a little house cleaning.
	First and foremost, please excuse Sarge's audio quality this episode.
	His good microphone did a dookie on itself, so he is using a worse microphone than Mike and I. We're just going to have to soldier through it this week because of scheduling conflicts.
	We can't really do this any other day.
	In more positive news, we have something very exciting to share with you guys that I sort of teased last week, and that is the introduction of a bonus pod content for our Patreon supporters, specifically the people who are donating $5 and more to the cause.
	Those people will now have access to two new series of bonus pod content.
	The first of which is all three of us getting together to break down and dissect and sort of the way of our ancestral beginnings when we used to do this for QDROPS.
	But we chopped it up and now we're gonna screw, follow the cabal in a series we like to call CABALIN!
	I have to really promote this because I've had a ton of fun recording the episodes we've already recorded.
	I love it and I hope you guys do too.
	It's been a lot of fun.
	Yeah, it's actually been a blast because I know that I had no fucking idea what that shit was going into it.
	Yeah, so that's exciting.
	If you want to hear the three of us talk about Fall of the Cabal and be introduced to the dreaded Abram Lincoln, which is a reference you'll get if you're a $5 and above donor because you'll have access to that bonus pod, as well as Mike Rains' solo bonus pod with the placeholder title, at least for the time being, of The Most Foul Deed, which is Mike Rains talking about one of his favorite subjects, JFK, and his exploding head.
	Working title.
	Working title in the industry.
	Yeah, working title.
	We may workshop that one a bit.
	I know that Sarge and I had some fun riffing on different probably in poor taste titles for that one.
	Probably my favorite being Oh My Pod They Shot Him, which I think is a fucking great one.
	Mine was Grassy Knowledge.
	Grassy Knowledge.
	That was my...
	Pretty proud of that.
	But yeah, a while ago we phased out the top of the episode, Shilling, and it's making a special appearance, a special reappearance, I should say, in this week's episode so that we can tell you about that good shit.
	So if you want to give us at least $5 a month through our Patreon, you'll have access to all that bonus content, some of which will be uploaded literally this week.
	In fact, to prove that we're not fucking around on this, at the end of this week's episode, we've got a little teaser clip from Kabalin!
	So you guys can go ahead and stick around after the Goodspeed Patriots to hear some of that good, good Kapalan action.
	And now, without further ado, let's get to our fuckin' headlines!
	From the digital headlines to the digital frontlines, it's Q's in the News!
	Oh boy, our first one's big!
	The Greenberg Confession.
	Is that Matt Gaetz's buddy's note?
	Yes, our dear friend, Mr. Greenberg, apparently he spilled the beans about all of his crimes, and not only did he do this in a legal way, because he's cutting a deal, we knew about that, but he apparently went to Roger Stone, who, if there's anyone on this earth you can trust, it's Roger Stone.
	And basically asked Roger Stone, hey, if I were to, say, give you a quarter million dollars, could you perhaps get Donald Trump to pardon me and maybe Matt Gaetz for nebulous crimes we may have committed?
	In recent times, vis-a-vis paying a 17-year-old girl to have sex with us when, oopsie-doopsies, we didn't know she was 17 at the time.
	We wanted that strictly— I mean, that money was for tuition and, like, you know, other school expenses.
	You skipped over one of my favorite details.
	It was $250,000 in Bitcoin.
	So even more untraceable and even more sketchy.
	They were going to pay off Roger Stone.
	To talk to the president about crimes of potential, maybe committed, in a cryptocurrency.
	Which might lead you to falsely believe that these people are savvy in the slightest, but based on the sort of shameless nature of those Venmo transactions that they were doing back and forth, where it was just like, you know, $500 for tuition, wink emoji, love hotel emoji, no big deal, like nobody knows what we're talking about.
	Yeah, yeah.
	$500 for school.
	Tongue emoji, peach emoji, eggplant emoji.
	Just all of it.
	I mean, just Matt Gaetz, not subtle in the slightest.
	And I think for a long time his Venmo transactions were, like, public.
	If, like, you looked them up, you could see what Matt Gaetz was, like, spending on.
	Did he really put emo... Are you doing a bid?
	Because he's so stupid, I don't know if you're doing a bid with the emojis right now.
	Oh, no, that is an actual thing that happened.
	I mean, maybe not, like, licking emoji, like, peach emoji, eggplant shooting semen emoji, but definitely, like, the love hotel thing, and, like, kissy face emoji.
	Like, there are receipts that are out there about this shit.
	Get the fuck out of here.
	I knew a bunch of them.
	I could have vetted them because I'm not a journalist.
	So I guess the things I saw online could have also been doctored.
	But, uh, you know, so if anyone out there is listening, just like, oh, fucking hell is wrong again.
	He doesn't do his research.
	I'm not a journalist.
	My job's not to do research.
	Why do you think I talk about turbo teats a goddamn much?
	This is I mean, so many people have made this joke and comment but like we're so far past the Rubicon that I don't know if my co hosts are doing bits about the news because that's just that's how world like everything could be real.
	Oh, yeah.
	I mean, it's just one of these things where I remember when Biden was just up a million and was going to win in a landslide and all this other good stuff, my friend would Basically call me every day and say, well, I woke up this morning and we didn't nuke Tehran, so that's good, right?
	Like, that was the level of, like, concern he had for, like, what is the move Trump's gonna pull here?
	Because he knows he's gonna lose, right?
	I mean, he's gonna, like, he's just gonna just throw a nuke somewhere in the Middle East just to start World War III to try to, like, get a few points in the polls in Florida or something.
	I mean, it's just that, it's just that kind of, like, psychosis that we live in where it's plausible that these
	people are so dumb and so malevolent and so childish.
	And they also think they're so bulletproof that they'll never get
	caught for any of this crap that they can do these things.
	They can just post these public transactions that are just literally
	Matt gates, not paying for illicit sex, parentheses, probably paying for
	illicit sex, wink, wink, kissy emoji.
	I mean, it's just, it's just that kind of thing where these guys are so
	confident that daddy's money is going to get them out of trouble or whatever
	the fuck it is, that's going to pay it off that they don't have to
	worry about anything ever.
	I mean, they just think they're in, they're above the law.
	It's just so baffling.
	Well, hopefully, you know, in a just world, our buddy Greenberg deciding to spill the beans like so much unfunny scene from The Office, we'll actually get, you know, some people maybe with some irons on them, specifically Matt Gaetz, who was paying to have sex with underage girls.
	But, you know, I'm no lawyer, so what do I know?
	On top of not being a journalist, I'm also not a lawyer.
	This week's podcast is just going to be me going down the list of things I am not.
	Not a lawyer, not a doctor.
	My favorite thing about this, because Sarge loved the Bitcoin, but what I really loved was they were using one of these quote-unquote secure apps to automatically terminate the messages.
	But because Greenberg knows what scum he's dealing with, with Roger Stone and everybody else, he's screenshotting his auto-deleted confessions and other texts to Stone so that he has evidence of these things.
	So while Stone's being a good boy, letting these messages vanish into the ether, Greenberg's like, oh, no, no, I got receipts.
	I have receipts of my crimes that also implicate Matt Gaetz and Roger Stone in those crimes.
	Because I know who my cohorts are.
	I know this is a viper's nest.
	I don't trust anyone.
	So, that was... I mean, it just goes to show you how...
	These people, they literally operate in a world where they think everyone's going to cut everyone's throats.
	They think everyone's going to stab everyone in the back.
	And there's just... And they're right.
	Oh, they absolutely are.
	And yet, here's yet more evidence that Trump was selling pardons, or at least Roger Stone was the gateway to Trump selling pardons, and nothing is going to happen.
	I mean, if Ted Cruz's recent Twitter gaffe has taught us anything, it's that just give him time, and at some point he will just fully admit, on camera, to the American public, yes, I was receiving money in exchange for pardons.
	And exactly like you said, nothing will come of it.
	I mean, I tweeted about this shit on my Hellworld L account, but it's just like, man, I remember a time where, like, if a politician made a public statement where they were pretty much just like, Yeah, if big corporations, like, uh, give to our campaign, like, finances, we, uh, we'll just look the other way on their $16 billion worth of tax, uh, or whatever.
	It's just like, of course we all know that that sort of pay-for-play bullshit is happening, but you're not supposed to say the quiet parts out loud.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, you're supposed to keep that shit, like, in order for the machine to still work, you have to sort of, like, at least try to obfuscate the obvious truth of the way our politics work.
	You can't just be out there just being like, yeah, fuck it, hey, Coca-Cola, donate to the Republican National Convention, and guess what?
	You don't have to pay taxes this year!
	What a country!
	I mean, I talked about it with my relatives.
	I don't know.
	Eight years ago?
	Trump is, Trump is obviously electable four years ago, but I think even eight, definitely 20 years ago, a divorced man with like multiple mistresses and like caught on tape saying, grab him by the pussy is completely unelectable.
	And yet somehow here we are.
	Yeah, it's one of those things where, yeah, when Reagan ran for president as a guy who was divorced previously, it was a bit of a scandal in the 1980s.
	I mean, it just goes to show you the fact that we've come to a point where Republicans have absolutely no standards for their own side.
	If you're a Democrat and you do anything wrong or bad, you're a bad person.
	Donald Trump, multiple kids with multiple different wives, cheated on his current wife with a porn star right after his current wife gave birth to their child.
	No one cares.
	He's still the guy that's photoshopped into all the paintings of Christ, and he's God's warrior on Earth fighting the deep state.
	They have no actual ethics.
	They have no morality other than owning the libs.
	And because Trump owns the libs, that means he's basically Christ incarnate in their eyes.
	I mean, it's not even... Well, I mean, conservatives, like, are pretty much just fucking dinosaurs looking up into the sky and seeing the meteor that's going to destroy all of them coming.
	And the meteor is labeled cultural progress.
	And it turns out that cultural progress goes hand-in-hand with liberalism.
	Like, cultures don't advance because they get more conservative.
	They advance because they become more liberal, more tolerant of outside influence, and that allows them to grow and prosper.
	So, conservatives are literally just watching the, like, the actual storm that QAnon is talking about is, like, still a ways off, but that storm is just conservatives being dead, uh, in the sense that, you know, like, the Republican Party will shift or whatever, and probably just, like, it'll be, like, progressives versus liberals, and that will be your liberal and conservative, you know what I mean?
	It's just like, well, yeah, sure, I'm kind of liberal, but not nearly as liberal as my opponent.
	Fuck that guy!
	Oh yeah, I mean it's like it's one of these things where you just look at the younger generation and how like one of the biggest things that I really make that makes me happy.
	It's just how unreligious younger generations are.
	Just looking at all these things are like people under the age of 30, like 30% of them are agnostic or atheist or don't go to church or whatever.
	And you're just seeing this like massive uptick in people who just don't care about organized religion in any way, shape or form.
	And you just look at that compared to basically the fact that all Republicans are doing is just chasing evangelical votes.
	Demonizing LGBTQ plus people, abortion, just running on all these like hard lunatic Christian issues.
	And it's like, you know, in 20 years, when all these people in their 20s are now in their 40s, and they're voting, because eventually around sometime in the near mid 30s, you figure out, hey, wait a minute, I should start voting on this shit.
	This is kind of important.
	And and their voters go from being 70 to dead.
	I mean, it's just that's a problem for them.
	And that's a serious thing where they're going to have to bridge this gap where you're going to have an electorate that is going to be definitely less white.
	But more importantly than that, they're going to be less religious, which I think is really devastating to them, because that's the cudgel they use in all this shit.
	There's a reason why Q is always Posting the Bible and selling people, God wins and just all this stuff.
	Cause they're just, they're just so all in on just like hardcore, angry Christianity.
	And it's a losing play with younger generations.
	And I, and I mean, for that, I'm grateful.
	Yeah, secularism really gets my peepee rigid, so I'm very happy that the younger generations are turning away from religion and away from conservative values.
	And, you know, the side effect of that is that we have to deal with a lot of, like, Really vocal, like really passionate, but really uninformed progressives yelling on the internet.
	But if that's the way it's got to be, I mean, so be it.
	I yearn for the day where my Republican enemies are all dead.
	You know, for legal reasons, metaphorically dead.
	Or maybe just for them being old and literally dead.
	But I wish no violence upon them.
	When all of my Republican enemies are dead, then I will shift my focus to young progressives that don't know shit about shit yelling about stuff on Facebook.
	But back to the topic at hand, do we have any further musings about I was about to segue us to the next item, so I was waiting for my opportunity.
	Matt Gaetz hopeful soon to be prison sentenced by which I mean Epstein sentenced by which I mean
	Dead in prison for touching kids. I was about to segue us to the next item
	So I was waiting for my opportunity Go ahead good, sir
	The most hand-held distance segway ever. I mean I could try I could try to smooth it for you
	All right, here we go.
	This is me sort of like, this is your Rocky punching meat montage, and I'm like the grizzled old dude like yelling at you.
	Come on, Rock!
	Come on, Sarge!
	It's just like, okay, Sarge, we got a segue.
	We're going from one topic to another, and we were just done talking about Matt Gaetz.
	So, segue!
	You know what conservatives hate?
	Divorce.
	Nope.
	Let's try that one again.
	So we were literate.
	All right, here we go.
	Sorry.
	We'll deal with it in the edit.
	We just stopped talking about Matt Gaetz.
	And go!
	Yeah, so Bill Gaetz is getting divorced after 27 years, and I'm sure no one has anything to say about that because he asked for privacy in this time of need.
	Oh, yes.
	Everyone is taking... It was a weak segue, but you finally did manage to croak out the word Bill Gates.
	Yes!
	So, our boy Bill Gates, who...
	This has engendered a lot of reactions from QAnon.
	The smaller, more minor reaction from QAnon is that Bill Gates is an evil mad scientist.
	I was seeing some weird stuff about Melinda Gates running off with Dr. Fauci and stuff like that, which was this weird meme that they had concocted.
	There was some talk that Melinda Gates was just leaving the guy that wanted to blot out the sun with his evil death ray or whatever nonsense, whatever evil world plan of domination these people think Bill Gates is going to inflict upon us.
	They were talking about that.
	But in general, when you talk about Melinda Gates to QAnon and these other just total knucklehead morons, Transphobia is the order of the day because these people don't think that Melinda Gates is this icon of femininity and female beauty in their eyes.
	So whenever they see her, their reaction is just, she's a man!
	And Bill Gates is leaving his male husband, wife, whatever, abomination thing.
	Because these people live in this very weird, very twisted world where any woman who rises in any sort of stature to achieve wealth from any source is probably a dude.
	They're just all probably men originally.
	And then they got gender reassignment surgery, even though they would never say that that politely.
	And because this is the way they operate.
	And it's so strange.
	I'm glad they can mask.
	Get misogyny in there with transphobia on just any woman of power, like you said.
	Because this is their play with Michelle Obama as well.
	Yeah, it's super weird.
	It's just like, in their eyes, any woman with any modicum of power that they don't immediately want to bone down with has to be a guy.
	There's no way some unfuckable woman could ever achieve power.
	The only women that can achieve power are super fuckable.
	I mean, look at Donald Trump's wife and his daughter that he also wants to fuck.
	I mean, how hot do you have to be to have your own dad want to fuck you?
	I mean, come on.
	She's obviously, like, god of vagina.
	But it's just like, well, how about the former And the other thing about this is that they'll start breaking this stuff down.
	If you've ever gone into the cesspool that is this transphobic shithole that is queuing on, I have not.
	me figure it out. And this is the thing. And the other thing
	about this is that they don't start breaking this stuff down.
	If you've ever gone into the cesspool that is this like transphobic shithole, that is queuing on, I have not. Oh,
	you're so lucky. But I mean, it's like, it's all these photos of these women, and they've got clothing bulges that
	are obviously penises, or just Adam's apples.
	They analyze these people in excruciating detail to try to prove that they're men because This is the participatory nature of QAnon and the game they play, where if you can quote-unquote prove that this woman is a dude, you can get all kinds of brofists and celebrations from your team because you're the one that did it.
	You proved that that lady is a guy and that makes you super awesome because... reasons?
	I mean, let's say that tomorrow they finally found Hunter Biden's laptop, and on Hunter Biden's laptop was a video of Michelle Obama pulling out her enormous male penis and jerking off into the camera.
	What does that change?
	Nothing!
	She's not in power anymore.
	It didn't matter then because it shouldn't matter, but even now it matters so much less.
	Who gives a shit?
	Who cares if Melinda Gates had a big swingin' pair of balls?
	It doesn't fucking matter!
	Like, who cares?
	This is like a constant, it always comes back to this when I try and explain this, usually to my partner, and by this I mean all the QAnon shit.
	She looks at me and she goes, why?
	Why are they doing this?
	What's the endgame?
	And I'm like, I don't, I don't know.
	I don't have an answer for you because so many things.
	Roleplaying.
	Yeah, it's all a dumb game, but so many things they come up with, if you follow it with any critical thinking, it just crumbles and you're just left flustered going, I don't know, I don't know why they're doing it, because in the end, Like, if you follow it at all, you're like, why does this matter?
	I mean, at least with the dumb birther shit, like, you could sort of understand what the terminus of that thinking is, right?
	They're just like, oh shit, if we could prove that Barack Obama was born in Kenya, that means that he couldn't be president and, like, we can fucking impeach his ass and get him out of the seat and put in one of our boys.
	But it doesn't change a single thing if Michelle Obama ended up being a transgendered person.
	Like, it just wouldn't change shit.
	It wouldn't do anything.
	Especially now that, like, Obama's not in office anymore.
	Like, nobody would give a fuck.
	And hasn't been for two presidents now.
	Like, we're so far gone.
	Yeah, it would be like finding evidence that Bill Clinton was actually born in Mexico or something.
	It's like, sorry, horse is out of the barn, it's over.
	What Sarge was asking about, why do they say these things, this goes back to the whole Illuminati, New World Order thing where They believe that the bad guys have to just hammer us with their perversion.
	They have to just, it's a deluge of just anti-Christian, anti-God, horrible bad stuff.
	And that the bad guys are trying to basically like make the world a no-no zone.
	And then God will get sad and leave, and then Satan can take over and run everything.
	So that's the whole point of having a president who's illegal to be president because he was born in Kenya, and his wife is really a man, and he's really gay, and his kids are adopted, and it's all a lie, because it's that whole nonsense about the Matrix and how you subconsciously have to accept it.
	The normies, 99% of the normal people in the world are accepting of this, like, just this den of lies that is now in our White House.
	But me, the genius, 1% ultra-brain, I know the truth about the Obamas and I can see through their Luciferian deception.
	And that's what makes me super smart and is what allows me to go to bed and sleep at night without, like, realizing that, like, my life is totally worthless and that I have, like, I'm glad that, first of all, I'm really glad that Sarge is typing right now, because it's definitely coming through on the mic super loud.
	And second of all, there was no real way for me to communicate that in any more subtle way, so stop typing if your mic is on you dingus.
	Back to my original point, I'm very glad that Michelle Obama decided to beat us over the head with her wildly obvious transgenderism by doing nothing but behave like a very classy lady for eight years.
	That monster.
	It was so obvious that she was a man by the way she carried herself like an incredibly classy woman the whole time.
	It's just, it really, it just goes to show you how these people just hate.
	They're just so angry all the time, and they're especially misogynistic and racist, and then they get the lump that in with some transphobia on top of it, because it made me laugh so much, again, going into the months before the election, They just couldn't hate Joe Biden.
	They just couldn't do it.
	He just didn't get him off because he was an old white dude.
	Q even had a post where he talked about a quote-unquote change of batter.
	And it's all they were talking about is how Joe was going to get yanked at the last minute, and they were going to get a Hilldog Michelle Obama hate orgy ticket in their place so that QAnon could just like properly be full of anger and vitriol all the time.
	They've finally warmed to the task of hating Sleepy Joe now that he dunked on the God Emperor and removed him from the White House.
	They finally figured out that they can actually hate Joe Biden, an old white guy.
	They can finally do it.
	They can finally be angry at him, but they really didn't want to be angry at him because again, Joe Biden's superpower is boring.
	He's so boring that not even QAnon could get mad at him until after he won the presidency.
	Then and only then we're like, oh man, fuck that guy, he beat Trump.
	Even though he didn't really beat Trump, he fucking stole that shit.
	Fucking bullshit.
	Speaking of Trump, what's he up to?
	Give me some Trump news.
	Uh, the news we have on Trump right now is he has released a brand new social media platform which appears to be a blog.
	It appears to be something that only he can actually post on.
	So it's basically, uh, like, www.presidenttrumpatgeocities.com or whatever.
	I mean, this is like the most... livejournal.com.
	It's a WordPress.
	He's just writing fanfiction.
	Oh, God, the fanfictionist.
	But yeah, like, Basically, what I saw right before we started posting was, and I posted this right before we got into the podcast, was our boy Torbs from Gab had Mindy Robinson, another right-wing grifter, being like,
	Hey, it's nice that Trump did this, but he's the only one who can comment on his quote-unquote social media platform, so I really don't see the point of it.
	Torb is trying to go about this gingerly, because it is the God Emperor, and you gotta be kind of smooth when you're dealing with the God Emperor, but...
	Also, he runs Gab and he doesn't want the competition from Trump.
	So he's got to let everybody know that this quote unquote social media platform of Trump's is actually a blog and it's dumb and it's stupid and it sucks.
	And you need to stay on Gab.
	Gab, the land of winners.
	And by winners, I mean anti-Semites.
	I love the idea that a lot of people would look at what Trump is doing and just say, hey man, it's pretty obvious that Donald Trump does not know what a social media platform is, but I think it's much more likely that Donald Trump does know what a social media platform is, and in his mind, social media platform is a place where he says shit and you read it.
	Like, he's just like, this is what Twitter was for.
	He's like, Twitter was for me to say stuff to my fans.
	And, like, I never cared that they could reply to me.
	I never give a single fuck about that.
	Like, all that matters to me is that I get to say what I want to say to my fans, and that's what social media is.
	And I don't think that, I don't think he's too stupid to, like, I don't think it's stupidity that makes him not realize what social media is.
	I think it's vanity.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, he just doesn't care as long as he can put his name on it.
	And that's what he got.
	He was deplatformed, but not no more.
	So the MyPillow guy killed himself over this shit, right?
	He threw himself off a bridge immediately?
	The MyPillow guy, people just pointed out that Frank, they had a list, they had screenshots of the bill that he was, the people who built the quote-unquote social media platform for the MyPillow guy, they basically charged him a million dollars for a bunch of servers.
	And that was really it.
	I mean, this was such an obvious grift from the people who heard Mike Lindell say, hey, I'm going to start a social media platform.
	So how do you do that, kids?
	And the next thing you know, some company is whining and dining him and getting an almost million dollar payout for a bunch of crap that will never actually create a stable and secure platform that people can post content on.
	And I mean, hey, the greatest free speech platform ever known to man in which you cannot swear nor despair in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
	And you also can't lie about people.
	That was another thing that he was talking about doing before the whole thing crashed brutally and absolutely never even existed.
	But he talked about how, on Frank, you weren't going to be allowed to quote-unquote lie about people.
	Who's going to be the arbiter of that?
	Right, exactly.
	Exactly.
	So I mean, like this thing was such an absolute shitshow the whole way that there was never a chance that This was going to ever get off the ground.
	I mean, like 100% of the posts on Gab and Telegram and all these other fucking, you know, QAnon, right-wing, racist, misogynistic, anti-Semitic platforms, they're all lies.
	You know, like, people were having a fun time dunking on that Gab thread recently, where they were just like, let's talk about World War II!
	And like, all the comments were just like, the Holocaust didn't happen, Hitler did nothing wrong, and it's just like, well, I mean, those are lies.
	Like, I don't know what to tell you, but that's untrue.
	Yeah, that was our boy Ghost Ezra, who randomly posted a thing, he's like, hey, are we ready to get into World War II yet?
	And whenever any of these idiots talk about quote-unquote getting into World War II, they're basically, they're basically getting, there's only two points of view you can have with these shitheads, is that one, World War II was run by shadowy people on both sides, manipulating Hitler into starting the war, and then manipulating the Allies to fight Hitler to further their evil agenda, even though they can never exactly explain to you how the people who rule the world need war to make a buck off anything.
	If you already run everything, why do you need war?
	It doesn't make any sense.
	Also, isn't part of their anti-Semitic playbook to think that the Jews run everything?
	So that would be a pretty bold strategy if you were part of the already winning team, to just be like, alright.
	And now to win harder, we have to kill most of us.
	So let's get that poppin'.
	And it's just like, yeah, trying to consume your own for greater power, that doesn't really seem like a Jewish Illuminati play so much as it seems like a Republican Party in 2021 play.
	The sad thing about this is that these people do go down that rabbit hole.
	This is what we talked about last week, where it's never a joke with these people.
	They've just created layer after layer of nonsense to justify their cognitive dissidence to the point where they'll be like, the Rothschild family, which literally dealt with centuries of anti-Semitic persecution because they were the Rothschilds, The Rothschilds aren't actually really Jews, is how this logic goes.
	They weren't really Jews, and they're just sort of evil tricksters, but not Jews.
	And then they got Hitler to be an anti-Semite and attack the real Jews, and then everyone felt bad, so they created Israel so the evil Rothschilds could get control of Israel and then unleash their evil plans on everybody.
	So it was in the anti-Semite's mind, the fake Jews started the Holocaust to kill the real Jews, although it probably didn't even really happen because reasons.
	It's just so absurd the levels of denial they have to go through in order to try to make it all fit.
	But in the that's what you just said is that's the thing is that the bad guys were behind the scenes on all fronts manipulating it.
	And then you can then take the turn to quote unquote, like the extreme right wingers, where they eventually get to the point where like, oh, yeah, Hitler was the good guy in World War Two, just period point blank.
	Hitler was the good guy.
	And then what they'll actually say is international Jewry.
	Conspire to defeat and crush Hitler so that they may maintain their Zionist grip on the world.
	So those are the two possible options you get when you have one of these shitheads say, hey, you want to talk about World War II?
	It's just the darkest form of shit.
	Knowing our friend Ghost Ezra, I'm sure that his policy on the whole thing is that Hitler never died.
	Like, some actor propped up by the Illuminati was in that bunker.
	It was never Hitler.
	Hitler got away.
	He founded the island that Tupac went to live on.
	It was a great thing.
	Because for Ghost Ezra, nobody ever really dies.
	Which is weird, because so many of these QAnon promoter people are big into Christ, and the whole point of Christianity is death.
	It's just like, be a good boy when you're alive, because when you die, shit gets awesome if you were good.
	So, I don't know if Ghost Ezra presents himself as any sort of religious, but that would be a weird balancing act to just be like, Oh yeah, you know, I believe in the love of Christ and how death is everyone's final reward and you go to paradise and all that shit.
	Except, at the same time, nobody ever really dies.
	It's all just actors and holograms and robots.
	It's all a video game.
	The world is one big video game.
	That's why Hitler's not dead.
	He's gonna jump in a cyber suit with two Gatling guns and fight you at any moment.
	That's going to be the Kevin Sorbo, Kirk Cameron project that nobody ever wanted.
	Even more than God's not dead is Hitler's not dead.
	And it's going to be wildly, wildly successful in QAnon circles and bombhard everywhere else.
	Kevin Sorbo bums me out, because I used to love Hercules.
	Anytime I read anything from Kevin Sorbo, it just bums me out.
	Yeah, but I mean, did you ever love anything else that he was ever in besides Hercules?
	And if so, what was it?
	Because I can't name a single other fucking thing that he's in besides Hercules and God's Not Dead.
	Like, that is the entirety of Kevin Sorbo's career to me.
	Wow, I couldn't tell you without loudly typing, because when I was loudly typing earlier, I was looking up the villain from Turbo Teen to try and get a reference in.
	It's Dark Rider, by the way.
	I didn't know that when I gave you the call-out on the keyboard clickety-clack, but it just so happens that the call-out was worth it, because once again, it was you biffing a reference.
	No, I was trying to not biff her reference, and this microphone is incredibly sensitive, because it's my worst microphone.
	Anyway, I heard Michael Flynn forgot the Pledge of Allegiance.
	See?
	And you could have segued that by saying, I forgot who Turboteen's nemesis was.
	Speaking of forgetting stuff, Michael Flynn forgot the Pledge of Allegiance.
	God!
	No, ham-fisted.
	Ham-fisted all the way.
	I'm just reading the cues today.
	It's like being Tom Brady and having to, like, sit on the sidelines while you watch, like, fucking, like, you know, peewee football.
	You're just like, oh, jeez.
	What are you doing?
	You could have said Alex Smith.
	I would have taken that.
	No, because the point is that I'm good at what I do, so I would be Tom Brady, and you are learning, but in the learning process, not very good, and that is peewee football.
	Like, why would I compare myself to Alex Smith?
	Oh, no, I was saying you'd compare me to Alex Smith.
	Oh, I was about to say, compare me to Alex Smith.
	Like, why would I compare myself to Alex Smith?
	It's not like when I take a... It's not like when I make a reference, it misses my receiver by 10 yards.
	You know what I mean?
	Boom!
	Take that, Alex Smith.
	No one cares about your heroic return to football.
	Yeah, if you listen to Alex Smith, you're a bum.
	And you've always been a bum.
	Anyway.
	Yes, Michael Flynn sucks.
	I think we've covered it.
	No.
	So this was hilarious.
	There is one thing that is, like, really important Uh, when you are doing public speaking.
	And that is, is that when you get all red in the face and angry about something, you would better stick the landing on that thing, or you are going to look really bad.
	So what happened here was Michael Flynn was doing his standard bullshit, probably some stuff about Arizona, this, that, the other thing, just riling up a crowd of people for our real president, the greatest man that ever lived, Donald Trump, yargle bargle, and As this was going on, he then got into this, just whipped into a frenzy about the Pledge of Allegiance and how, now we're going to say the pledge.
	Okay, everybody, we're all going to say the pledge.
	And as he's screaming and yelling about it, he then starts getting all into the reverence and the pageantry and the ceremony of the pledge.
	And he makes everybody get on their feet, get out of your chairs, stand up.
	And then he's like, put your hand over your heart.
	Take your hat off!
	He's just doing it all.
	He's doing the whole nine yards.
	We're going to say the pledge in the most solemn, intense way.
	This is the pledge to end all pledges.
	You've never seen a Pledge of Allegiance taken with more sincerity and passion than this one.
	And he starts it.
	Basically, after the first two lines, he thinks the word indivisible is way too early, and you can sort- and the crowd is, like, saying it very loudly, and he's- but he's talking into the mic, so you can hear him over the crowd.
	And when he goes to say indivisible, the crowd starts saying the right things over him, so he gets, like, halfway through the word indivisible, and it just stops, because he realizes he's fucked up.
	And then, The crowd carries it for the majority of the pledge after that, and he just stands there in silence.
	And by the time they get to, like, the Under God, that section, then Flynn comes back in and they finish the pledge, and then everyone roars in approval, and then Flynn's just like, Great job, everybody!
	Nailed the pledge!
	Love you all, because you love America!
	We're winning!
	And it was just so funny because you just can't do that.
	You just can't get red in the face and freak out about this public display of patriotism and then after building it up for two minutes you go to do it and then you just faceplant.
	You just like literally slip on a banana peel and just dunk your head right into a pie.
	If the last five years have shown us anything, you absolutely can biff stuff like this.
	And if my performance in this episode has shown you anything, you can just keep biffing.
	Just non-stop biffs.
	Just all the way down the line.
	Yeah, no, when I saw the video of this, I tried to say the Pledge of Allegiance in my head, and I also, the first two lines are real strong from elementary school, but after that, it gets a little hazy.
	Really?
	That shit is still ingrained in my fucking brain, and I'm not exactly the most patriotic cat, you know what I mean?
	Because, uh, you know, America sucks in a lot of ways, and I always, like, once I, once I got to, like, middle school, and I found out that they could not force me to do the Pledge of Allegiance, I stopped doing it.
	Uh, I was pretty, pretty ahead of the curve on the fucking protesting our shitty country thing.
	I think it was, like, literally, like, sixth grade.
	I was just like, oh, you can't make me do this?
	Well, the fuck do I want to stand up and recite this dumb shit?
	Like, what are you going to do about it?
	My first amendment rights, baby!
	So, uh, yeah, but that has not stopped me from completely memorizing it and, you know, I could nail that shit cold.
	And if I wanted to waste a bunch of our time, I would do it here and then intentionally fuck up midway through it to make some sort of point about Michael Flynn, but I don't feel like croaking out even that much with the Pledge of Allegiance.
	The one thing I will say is that when you actually go back and read the Pledge, it's just so obvious that when we slid under God into the Pledge in the 1950s, that it makes it shitty.
	It gets real clunky.
	It doesn't flow at all.
	One Nation, indivisible, like, works.
	That's, like, a beat.
	But then when you go, One Nation, under God, indivisible, it's just so, like, just, One Nation, under God, loving pizza, kicking ass, taking names, indivisible, liberty and justice for all.
	I was a real hellraiser.
	I always said One Nation, invisible, and I was never caught.
	Rebel to this day.
	You rascally scam.
	Now, was that intentional or did you just not know what the word indivisible was?
	It started out not knowing and then I kept doing it to be a rebel when I learned indivisible.
	That is, that's like, in the song Poker Face, half the time Lady Gaga says poker face, she actually says fucker face.
	And she pointed out that like only one radio station in America caught her and edited it.
	It was like, it was like Kiss in Los Angeles or something, like figured out what she was doing.
	And I was that that made me laugh.
	And I actually, when you watch the music video, if they don't edit it, you see that it's wrong.
	You see that her lip sync doesn't match because she actually is just lip syncing poker when she's really saying fucker.
	I don't know why that popped into my head, but it did.
	It just made me laugh.
	That is kinda great.
	I mean, isn't Lady Gaga just great in general?
	I mean, look, I get why people love Beyonce.
	Beyonce's, like, wildly talented, and I like her a lot, even if I don't love her fan base.
	But I feel like Lady Gaga doesn't get enough credit as a pop star.
	I feel like she was really crushing it for a long time there, and then decided to stop crushing it in the public eye to go do, like, fucking lounge shows.
	Like, just, you know, she's like, I'm just gonna tour the world.
	Doing, like, intimate little, like, 50- to 100-person sets in these, like, cool, smoky, like, you know, speakeasies with, like, Tony Bennett or whatever playing piano for me.
	Yeah, it was Tony Bennett and her.
	We're doing, like, standards.
	They're doing, like, The Lady is a Tramp and all that stuff.
	And that always made me laugh so much, because that was, at the time, that was back in the Halcyon days, ages before QAnon.
	When Lady Gaga was just like the ultimate Illuminati queen.
	And all I can imagine is like George Soros and Lucifer and all the other bad guys that are in the chairman's table are talking to Lady Gaga and they're like, we've lined up your latest stadium tour where you'll be brainwashing tens of thousands of people every night with your satanic music.
	And then she's like, no, I'm gonna go do jazz standards with Tony Bennett.
	And they're like, what?
	No!
	She's like, no, but I'm going to brainwash a bunch of 60 and 70 year olds, like 50 of them at a pop!
	And they're just like, oh, but you can get 200, you can get 20,000 18 year olds a night.
	And she's like, no, I like this better.
	This is my play.
	I'm going to, I'm going to put subliminal messages into all these old tiny songs and like warp the elders into being Moloch worshipers or something.
	I just always... She's one of the few people where I would believe it when she says it's not about the money.
	Well, yeah, I mean, that's like a power move.
	I mean, which isn't to discount the fact that she, like, did the Super Bowl halftime show and shit.
	I mean, she was on literally the biggest stage possible, but then also in some of the smallest, most intimate stages possible.
	So, like, I don't know.
	I feel like it's weird to say that somebody who reached the level of success as Lady Gaga, you know, she was in fucking a stars board and she's like sold like Millions and millions of records.
	It's kind of weird being like, man, Lady Gaga doesn't get enough credit.
	More people should be talking about Lady Gaga.
	That's kind of how I feel.
	I just think she was like one of the best of like the quote unquote modern pop stars.
	Like anytime anybody's trying to talk to me about Ariana Grande, I'm just like, can we talk about Lady Gaga instead?
	I mean, at least Lady Gaga doesn't look like she's 12.
	I mean, I do agree with you.
	Lady Gaga is great.
	I do agree with you.
	Lady Gaga does look like a full-grown woman.
	In fact, I don't think Matt Gaetz would want to have sex with Lady Gaga at all.
	No, he definitely wouldn't pay her.
	He's a real jerk.
	I'm now just thinking of the Drake meme with the rejection being Lady Gaga and the acceptance being Ariana Grande for Matt Gaetz and it's just like...
	And I do need to state for the record, before people come at me with their pitchforks, I know it's not Ariana Grande's fault she looks the way she does.
	I'm not casting aspersions on the way she looks.
	It is that the pop culture, pop media, pop stardom machine really wants to sexualize her.
	And she is of a legal age to be sexualized, and that is fine if she is cool with it.
	But when I look at her being sexualized, from the neck down, it's just like, yeah, I kind of get it.
	And then from the neck up, I'm just like, Oh, I want to buy her a new backpack for her first day in seventh grade.
	Like, what?
	How am I supposed to jerk off to this?
	I'm not Matt Gaetz.
	That doesn't work for me.
	Yeah.
	I'm not about that fucking love hotel emoji when it comes to Ariana Grande.
	I'm more about listen to her music and appreciate it.
	Yeah, I would be classy enough to pay her in cash, not through an app.
	That's just tacky.
	Intraceable.
	Alright Sarge, here we go.
	I'm gonna tee this one up for you and let's see if you can spike it down.
	Let's just say that Lady Gaga, more so than Ariana Grande, gives me wood.
	Well, we've got Lin Wood Goes even more full QAnon, which I missed what that was about.
	So Mike, tell me.
	So Lin Wood decided on his telegram where all he's literally doing nowadays is screaming and yelling about how Drew McKissick, his opponent for the chairmanship of the Republican Party in South Carolina, is doing evil, corrupt, bad things to him.
	So, uh, he had a post where he said, uh, current, uh, South Carolina GOP Chair Drew McKissick is terrified of the wackadoodlers for Lynn, which, uh, that doesn't sound great.
	And then he continues by saying he should be.
	The wackadoodlers don't like cheaters.
	They don't like Drew.
	And they will wacko Drew into holding an honest election on May 15th.
	Then the wackadoodlers will wacko Drew out of office.
	Where wackadoodlers go one, wackadoodlers go all.
	Drew cannot stop the wackadoodle that is coming.
	Is he, are you reading this verbatim?
	Is he really typing out whack-a-doodle like 20 times?
	Yes, this is verbatim, direct from Linwood's telegram.
	This is what happens when somebody thinks they're saying something really funny and clever, and it turns out that what they're saying is just complete gibberish.
	It is not funny, nor is it clever.
	Like, wordplay is not easy.
	So people just have more talent for it than others.
	He says, breathing on his knuckles and rubbing them on his chest, but it's certainly not a skill that anybody could just do.
	The other day at work, I had to make a binder full of my cheat sheets for various stuff, and I labeled that my binder of sheets of cheats, which is just a dumb way to say that thing that might give somebody a laugh when they look at it.
	But I did not write, like, a fucking 200-word, like, you know, missive about, like, my sheet of cheats.
	And, you know, if you go to the sheet of the cheats, then you cheat in the sheet of the cheat of the sheet.
	And it's just like, at some point, it just becomes fucking gibberish.
	Like, you lose the thread instead of being funny.
	You just start to, like, like, instead of funny-confusing, you become actual confusing, and that sucks all the air out of it.
	Whackadoodles.
	I am scrolling through his telegram right now and he uses the term again in another post about how the South Carolina Whackadoodlers shall not allow the McKissick-Graham cabal to cheat in South Carolina.
	You know who could get away with this shit?
	It's Foghorn Leghorn.
	If Foghorn Leghorn was typing this and you were just picturing it just being like, Now I say, whackadoodles are gonna whackadoodle in the whack-a-dare-ka-baka.
	Like, okay, I mean, maybe then.
	Like, if I knew Lin Wood to sound like an old-school, silk-suit, like, hat-wearing, straw-sticking-out-of-his-mouth, southern gentleman type, like, maybe that would play a little better.
	But I've heard Lin Wood.
	He doesn't sound funny at all.
	I'm just a humble hyperspace chicken lawyer.
	Oh god.
	Or for a better class of people, the Venture Brothers reference, a tiny attorney!
	There's so many riffs on that character!
	I'll have a little bit of a little bit of history with these costume villain types on account of my tragic affliction.
	A whack-a-doodle.
	Oh man, if any of them ever actually sees the inside of a courtroom, I hope they're represented by Tiny Attorney.
	I, it's really amazing to me that this is where we're at in 2021, where literally there's about 900 people, I think like 870 people that are going to vote for the, who gets to be the chair of the Republican Party of South Carolina.
	And Lin Wood thinks he can win a majority of these people by just being pure QAnon, just not even subtle about it.
	Just literally, if you vote for me, I'm the QAnon guy.
	My opponent is not the QAnon guy.
	I think there's 450 of you, roughly, in this crowd that want the South Carolina Republican Party to be run by a guy who is openly and proudly a supporter of QAnon.
	My opponent doesn't believe that Joe Biden is a hologram.
	Enough said.
	Right.
	He possibly is a whack-a-doodle.
	I wonder if he's trying to get that on a t-shirt.
	And I'm here to tell you it is just not gonna fly.
	It's no witches and warlocks.
	It's no Alice and Wonderland.
	Although you could just fucking put a little spin on it and make a whack-a-cutle shirt.
	You know, you put a big Q right in the middle there.
	Are you gonna use your powers for evil?
	Are you gonna sell your services, El?
	I mean, I'm a shameless whore when it comes to that.
	If any of these Q idiots want to come to me for my special brand of wordplay, I will incredibly discreetly accept Bitcoin payments from them and then splash around some of that cash via easily traceable Venmo interactions.
	Here's your pithy punch-up for that stupid Q thing you wanted to post, Love Hotel Emoji.
	Mike, speaking of stupid Q things, I believe I saw you post on Twitter that Ron did and did not give us a new Q drop.
	Oh God, Ron Watkins went full Riddler Q on Telegram a couple days ago.
	Just literally the straight up bullshit of, here are the bullet points, here are the questions.
	It was about Bill Gates' divorce.
	It was, in what situations can a divorce be strategic?
	Why would the government announce a partnership to utilize private industry for spying on citizens?
	Do they already have the data they need?
	Can data obtained illegally can be used in court?
	By showing the data was obtained legally, can illegally obtained data now be presented, quote-unquote, legally in court?
	All this is missing is why is this relevant?
	I mean, really?
	This is just pure... I missed them.
	I missed the Q-drops.
	It's such gibberish.
	The funniest thing about this is he had one last post where he says, does the government partnering with private industry to spy on citizens indicate a move away from the Five Eyes?
	And I actually had someone DM me and say that like, Five Eyes is exclusively militarily based.
	Like, anything Five Eyes does has to be with a military intent and with, like, actual, uh, under the auspices of the various militaries of those five nations.
	It's just not snooping around on your Facebook because we fucking feel like it.
	There are very- What the fuck are the Five Eyes?
	Can we get Ben Stein to explain that to me?
	Oh wow, what a reference!
	My god!
	I'm the king amongst men!
	The Five Eyes are the five nations that have basically a massive intelligence sharing pact in place.
	And it's America, Australia, Canada, New Zealand, and the UK.
	So it's basically a bunch of formerly British colonies and Britain.
	And so, uh, and then there's like Nine Eyes.
	There's like other intelligence groups on top of that, but like Five Eyes is the main group that people know about.
	And Ron is trying to bullshit the idea that, like, we, like, America is now outsourcing Five Eyes to Facebook and Google, which is not fucking true in the slightest.
	And it is incredibly ignorant to think that.
	Wow.
	I know the, my understanding is the Five Eyes kind of backed off America under Trump because he was just so loose-lipped.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, I mean, like, everyone was just sort of like, uh, should we actually share it?
	Because he, like, burned Israeli sources for Putin and stuff like that.
	It was just a thing where you just can't trust Trump with your information because he's a blabbermouth.
	He's a moron.
	And it's really hard to have state secrets when you know that this guy is the type of person who's like, hey, you see that operation in Germany?
	I ordered that.
	It's like, no, Donald, no, no!
	We need to make a funny chart and post it on Twitter where it's just like, one eye, Cyclops.
	Two eyes, normal.
	Three eyes, spiritual.
	Four eyes, visually impaired.
	Five eyes, global conspiracy!
	Dan, that should escalate it quickly.
	That works for me.
	Oh my god.
	I am...
	I'm honestly a little annoyed with him that he just didn't do another Q drop, because it's just so obviously a Q drop, and I mean, everyone knows now, except for the QAnon idiots, who will never admit it.
	Well, I mean, they gotta fuckin' know.
	They just, like, you know, in the same way that you can, like, willfully suppress any information you want, you know what I mean?
	Like, it's like Jeff Winger said in that one episode of Community.
	Most of the lies that people say are, like, told, like, three inches in front of the mirror or whatever.
	It's like, you can lie to yourself about all sorts of shit.
	Especially the identity of your great prophet.
	Because to unmask the great prophet would significantly reduce a lot of their power.
	Like, who the fuck could take, like, if Ron was just like, I was Q the whole time, they'd be like, all right, cool, you want to show us any documents that prove that you ever had Q level clearance?
	And he'd be like, uh, don't worry about it, I'm keeping that under my stupid hat.
	And then people would just be like, oh, well, then you were full of shit.
	And some amount of the QAnon supporters would at that point, I think, like, actually just be like, oh, the Emperor has no clothes, but his message was good, so we're just going to keep the message going and say, fuck this guy.
	Oh, they would just say the deep state got to Ron and made him say those things.
	I mean, it would be the immediate thing where Ron is not Q.
	Even if Ron claimed he was Q, they would just deny him because they got to keep the game going.
	And that's how you do it.
	In fact, you know, Mike brings up a good point.
	Maybe the easiest way to get Ron to stop being relevant at all would be to finally trick him into admitting that he was Q in some way.
	Convincing him to just be like, hey man, just give it up.
	Just tell us that you're Q. Talk into this tape recorder and just say, yo, I was Q the whole time.
	And then we could leak that shit on the internet and nobody would give a fuck about that dude anymore.
	Except for Vice.
	Vice News would go and just be like, we finally did it!
	Cracking the identity of the enigmatic Q!
	It was the person we all thought it was the whole time.
	Actually, now that I know how this story ends, it would make a much better episode of the new Unsolved Mysteries.
	That show, we call it Solved Mysteries because every single episode, well, not every single episode, some of them are about aliens, but a lot of the episodes are just like cops being like, well, we're pretty sure we know who done it, but we don't have the evidence to arrest them.
	So, do-do-do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do.
	So dumb.
	I guess QAnon is just easy copy for Vice.
	I have several news sites up here while we're recording, usually to like double check information and advice I just scrolled through Vice and they had QAnons freaking out about Bill and Melinda Gates' divorce.
	I don't hate Vice as much as my scoring a bunch of points on them on the podcast would indicate.
	They do make a bunch of missteps and it is pretty easy to talk shit about the hipster news network, but Vice also does a lot of good reporting.
	I'm not here to say that all Vice's reporters are stupid.
	I'm just saying that Vice's documentary on Q was off the mark in its approach, let's just say.
	I will remind everyone, they were founded by the same guy that founded the Proud Boys.
	Nice!
	Well, and that being said, if you are a journalist who works for Vice News and you would like us for any one of your various articles about QAnon, you can hit us up.
	I'm just going to tell you straight up, though, once again, like I said at the top of the episode, I am not a journalist.
	I do not do research.
	I'm here to bring the funny.
	If you want me to bring funny, you bring money.
	You give me money, I give you funny.
	Eh?
	Eh?
	That's the important part of the bit, is to lean into it hard.
	We are entertainers, not reporters.
	Uh, that's... Mike is an expert, which makes sense, because he's fucking boring as shit, so... ZING!
	That's how this works.
	I am absolutely the straight man, and I just sit here and just let Sergeant L dunk on me as hard as possible.
	And then occasionally, occasionally I get to attack Sarge.
	I know not to step to L and therefore I avoid doing so.
	So everything works out great.
	I love how this segment has suddenly turned into sounding like you guys are in an abusive relationship with me.
	When technically, I and Sarge are the guest hosts on Mike Rains' show.
	Mike Rains is the expert.
	He's just like, oh, I know not to step to L. He might compare me to some fucking obscure-ass 80s cartoon villain that I've never heard of before.
	That would hurt.
	It would cut me deep.
	I don't want to have such a terrible thing happen to me.
	Listeners, I asked to be on this podcast.
	I almost begged.
	I was like, please let me podcast with you so I can get insulted at least once a week for the quality of my microphone.
	Let's go to listener questions.
	Give them to me.
	I want them right now.
	Our listeners got questions.
	We got answers.
	It's time for Q and A.
	Hey, and also, to be fair, I wasn't giving you shit for your crappy microphone.
	In fact, I apologized on behalf of you at the top of the episode for your crappy microphone.
	What I was giving you shit about was your incredibly noisy keyboard.
	It's like you've got a fucking Stetson typewriter over there, and you're just like, oh, let me look up this TurboTube reference.
	Clackity clack clack clack clack clack!
	It's a mechanical keyboard and it came with 8 million tiny little rubber bands that I could slip over every single key to silence them and that just seemed so challenging and my other So it does not usually pick up when I'm typing during our recording.
	You just got a hipster computer suitable for browsing Vice's website, which is to say that it's a Stetson typewriter connected to a 1950s tube TV, and that is how you surf the internet.
	You drive to work on your fixed-gear bicycle, and you love supporting local businesses.
	See how I made that a little positive there at the end?
	It was like, oh, three shitty things about hipsters, or at least dumb things about hipsters, and then one nice thing, because they're actually great people.
	Anyway, on to the mailbag!
	Yes, let's do this.
	So, Ocean Blues has returned, the person who has a period for a handle on Twitter.
	And they said, tracing myths or conspiracies back can be impossible with so many influences.
	But have you guys seen Rosemary's Baby, the 1967 movie that has all the elements there?
	There's a part where she's drugged to be taken advantage of in a satanic ritual.
	She dreams of JFK's boat party of other ladies.
	She's sold out by her husband to become an actor.
	Like, this is kind of like the nuts and bolts of the Illuminati, as it were.
	So, I have never actually seen Ancient Rosemary's Baby.
	Looking it up, I found out that it was directed by Roman Polanski, which is...
	Which is an ouch, we shall say.
	And it stars Mia Farrow, which means, oh man, that just got really weird.
	Hey Tuck, remember that time we watched Rosemary's Baby?
	Remember that time we did an Eight Ball of Coke and watched Rosemary's Baby and jerked off to it?
	Tuck!
	Where you going, Tuck?
	Hey Tuck!
	Get back here, Tuck!
	Isn't Polanski still, like, not in hiding in France, because he'll be cupped and stuff, actually, any time he comes back to America?
	Yeah, it turns out that when you're a convicted rapist fleeing, like, your fucking sentence or whatever, you just don't get to come back to America anymore.
	No matter how many people are willing to, for whatever weird reason, give you a pass, because you make good movies, I guess.
	It's like, who gives a shit?
	If you're convicted of raping a 13-year-old or whatever, fuck that guy.
	Yeah.
	But my wife got murdered by Manson.
	Anyway, but I also, uh, yeah, I've also never seen Rosemary's Baby, but in terms of, like, its Illuminati connections, like, I would just assume that that's probably Horse Before the Carriage, right?
	Because, like, if I had to guess, I would say a lot of the Illuminati shit is baked out of the same conspiracy-minded nonsense that make people think that the Freemasons control the world.
	But my brains would know better than I would.
	No, I mean, yeah, this is like, being the fact that this was in the 60s, it's like kind
	of a little before its time in the sense that it's going after the quote unquote Satanists
	as being the bad guys.
	But it's still the whole kind of thing where if you want to get ahead in the world and
	you want to become rich, powerful, successful, etc, etc, you have to like see the bad people
	and do the bad thing.
	And those bad people in this case happen to be Satanists, which is just like that kind of bullshit nonsense.
	Yeah, they were slightly ahead of the curve in that Dungeons & Dragons hadn't made Satanism cool again.
	Right, exactly.
	This predates when suddenly it became scary and terrifying if your child played Dungeons & Dragons, and not just because they were a nerd.
	When Gary Gygax was like, I'm tired of having to measure out the distance between our minis to determine... So I'm going to simplify the rules and give it a fantasy spin, and oh yeah, by the way, hail Satan, and let's do this.
	Take out your d20 and roll for selling your soul to the devil.
	You have succeeded.
	Boom.
	That's it.
	You are now part of a satanic death cult, you lucky son of a gun.
	And if you critically succeed, you become in the upper echelon of the, you get like an 18 double zero when you're the upper echelon of satanists playing D&D.
	That's right, baby.
	I got that 18 double zero second edition D&D.
	I'm on fire!
	Yes!
	It's starting to get more obscure.
	Maybe we'll watch Rosemary's Baby on the other pod.
	Who knows?
	That would be super weird, but yeah.
	Fucking YOLO!
	Save it for October.
	That's an October movie.
	Yeah.
	So SubZeroShirtArt asks, how long until Jordan Sather's following reaches the consensus that he's a shill and a deep state plant?
	If you don't know why this is a question, it's because Jordan, who is a whipping boy for the podcast and one of the easiest people in the world for me to goad into reacting to me, because he's a dumb child who gets very upset when you bring up the fact that he endorses people drinking bleach.
	Jordan has decided to create this niche for himself where he is the police officer of what is a good idea and a bad idea in the QAnon world.
	He's the bouncer at the door that lets the idea in or out.
	And some ideas like the aforementioned Michelle Obama is a guy Jordan will let in.
	And also that we have cures for all diseases in the world and there's anti-gravity stuff.
	And we probably have a base on the moon.
	All cool.
	But if you bring up, like, the get-rich-quick schemes of Jyceera, Nyceera, JFK Jr.
	being alive, Flat Earth, Hollow Earth, all of this kind of stuff, Jordan will shut that shit down.
	That shit is no bueno.
	And Because Jordan is now stuck fighting the far more popular crazy person, Ghost Ezra, and all of these other clowns promoting this bullshit, he's finding himself alienating his audience.
	And a lot of his audience is like, hey Jordan, why are you going at these people?
	They're patriots just like you!
	Aren't we all supposed to be fighting the deep state?
	What gives, man?
	And what Jordan doesn't understand is that conspiracy theories become less and less tethered to reality as time goes on.
	And you are fighting against a bullshit inertia force that is unstoppable.
	And it is something that always happens because people need more.
	They need some punch-up.
	They need something more exciting than what they already got.
	When I got into the Kennedy assassination and stuff like that, back in my day, banging my cane on the ground, chasing the children off my lawn, as it were, you had the grassy knoll shooter.
	That was it.
	There was a guy in the grassy knoll, he shot JFK in the head, that was the conspiracy, waka waka.
	When you kept going, and after the movie JFK came out, and after this, people kept building on this shit and creating more and more ridiculously intricate and stupid conspiracies to explain how JFK got shot.
	There was this one guy who published books And he came up with this theory that there was a guy on the grass, you know, with a camera that was recording the assassination.
	And then after it happened, people ran up to him.
	They stole his camera.
	They told him to shut up and never say anything, or he was going to get it.
	And he went through all these photos and he drew the outline of this guy in the shadows on the grass.
	Badge man.
	No badge man is the shooter.
	This guy is next to badge man, but it gets dumber and worse.
	They didn't just stop with drawing the outline of the guy on the
	gnoll shooting and the guy on the gnoll filming, filming.
	This guy just kept drawing outlines.
	And eventually he drew an outline of a guy wearing a German like World War
	one Kaiser helmet with the spike coming out of the top of it being on the
	hill on daily Plaza when it happened.
	And it's like, you know, when I'm trying to kill the President of the United States and keep it on the down low, as it were, I often wear a German war helmet with a giant golden spike Yeah, I mean, you go to Dallas to assassinate the president and you're like, alright, I've got my access to the book depository, I've got my rifle, I've got my friend who happens to be a lineman on the orc team in Blood Bowl,
	Right.
	I'm just feeling punchy.
	These obscure ass references are coming fast and furious.
	It's funny, because that's who I am as a person.
	When you talk to me about German-style spike helmet, I am not thinking about a German.
	I am thinking about an orc.
	Thank you.
	And immediately after last week's episode, I linked Elle information about Blood Bowl 3.
	That's where we are.
	We're ready to start a Blood Bowl 3 League when that comes out.
	Oh god, that's gonna be part of the $5 Patreon bonus.
	You get an invite to the Blood Bowl 3 League.
	The League Night.
	Yes.
	Yeah, and much like the truth about the JFK assassination, that it was a single shooter who barely got the job done, Blood Bowl 3 looks fucking disappointing as fuck.
	Uh-oh.
	Uh-oh.
	Yeah, that's right.
	If you work at Gamers Workshop, I'm here to tell you, you done fucked up.
	You done goofed.
	So...
	The thing about this is that you go from just the shooter on the grassy knoll stuff to there's the Mortal Error book and movie, there's Rich Man's Trick, and people just start coming up with all these cockamamie theories like the Secret Service shot JFK, there was over 10 gunshots fired at Kennedy during the attack.
	Just, you start pulling yourself further and further away from the reality of what happened and the evidence of what's going on.
	Because if you told me, hey, Mike, you're going on stage tonight to debate somebody and you're going to argue that a conspiracy killed JFK, I could do that.
	I could give you a fact-based dissertation on how to make that case.
	But I wouldn't be telling you there were 10 gunshots or that the Secret Service did or all this other nonsense.
	And this is what inevitably happens with conspiracy theories.
	And this is why, if you go down that rabbit hole, You need to start like watching the other people around you because I was a 9-11 truther and I was dealing with that stuff and then you started hearing shit where people were like, oh yeah by the way there were no planes on 9-11.
	There was not a single plane involved.
	It was all holograms and they were using missiles and it's just that is where you go when you start doing this shit.
	You just can't Um, take the basic evidence of what happened, and then just add a couple layers on top of it.
	Like, the planes hit the buildings, well, that's not enough to knock the buildings down, so they had bombs inside of them.
	They set the bombs off, boom, and then they pancaked on their way down, and that was what happened.
	That was 9-11.
	And the Pentagon hit by a missile, there's no footage of the plane hitting it, blah blah blah.
	You can try to make that case, But the thing is, is that sooner or later, part of your audience is going to be the people that are going to talk about how there were no planes.
	Your audience is going to be the people that were on the planes, they were landed, they were brought into hangars, and they either had to enter into WITSEC or they were executed on the spot.
	I mean, you just go down these crazy rabbit holes where people just refused to let any actual evidence or any actual reality set in to your conspiracy theory.
	And the real problem for Jordan is that there was never any truth to QAnon at all.
	It was always a bullshit LARP from the very start.
	So when you get to a certain point in the LARP and go, no, this is as LARPy as we get.
	We shall not LARP anymore.
	It doesn't work, because people are like, fuck you, dude.
	You're LARPing just like we are.
	We're just going to LARP harder.
	You're the guy that bought, like, a costume... Lightning Bolt!
	Lightning Bolt!
	Right.
	You're the guy that bought... You bought a costume from Spirit to go to the Ren Faire.
	I bought a $400 custom-fitted suit to be a bard at the Ren Faire.
	And you're getting mad at me for being a tryhard.
	That's basically all this is.
	It's just Jordan being upset that other people are more successful and growing a bigger audience by just lying bigger, bolder, better than he is.
	And now he's trying to be like, Hey guys, it's time to dial this shit back and start looking at some facts and some evidence.
	Trying to use a little critical thinking?
	And it's like, dude, you tell people to fucking drink bleach!
	You have no fucking leg to stand on having an argument with people about facts and reality in this shit!
	You're a fucking clown!
	How could drinking bleach be bad for you?
	We can all stand outside in the sunlight just fine, and what is the sun if not nature's bleach?
	I mean... We need to look at getting UV inside the human body.
	You know, if we ever do make merch, we should definitely get somebody to design us, like, a sunlight bleach shirt.
	Like a product advertisement for, like, sunlight!
	Nature's bleach!
	Or whatever, you know what I mean?
	That would be great.
	Church of bleach.
	I'm just imagining, basically the shirt in my mind is like, our skeletonized bodies in the desert, with the sun beating down on us, bleaching our bones, turning them a beautiful shimmering white, and it's just the sun, nature's bleach.
	I don't know how you delineate that our bones are our bones, as it were, but we'll make it work in some way, shape, or form.
	I'm the ghost of Billy Mays, and if you thought oxygen was amazing, let me introduce you to fucking sunlight!
	Too soon, Billy Mays.
	Too soon.
	It just speaks to how awesome he was as a pitchman that we're still using him as the reference.
	I mean, who am I going to go for?
	Vince Shlomi, the ShamWow guy?
	Yeah, that's right!
	Did you think the Deep Cut references were over?
	Did El just introduce Vince Shlomi into the conversation?
	Yes, he did!
	I didn't know his name, but I was going ShamWow, but you went above and beyond and had the information for me.
	So that was world class.
	Just had it there in your brain.
	Didn't have to clickety-clack on no fuckin' typewriter to call that up either.
	Now granted, there is about a 50% chance that I am wrong about the guy's name.
	But I have 100% confidence that I, yeah, 100% confidence goes a long way to massaging 50% wrongness.
	Just like Donald Trump!
	Right, exactly.
	Just stay with confidence, and if you're wrong, you just issue a correction on the next podcast, and you just move on.
	But for most people, they're going to hear that and go, El fucking nailed that shit.
	I mean, there's no way he would have possibly said that if he didn't absolutely know it.
	So yeah.
	I'll give you corrections corner in my grave, in my grave.
	If I end up causing an uptick in the amount of people searching for the name of ShamWowGuy, even if it is a tiny uptick, then that means I have done my job well.
	I can't wait for the fan feedback on this episode to just be like, man, L went off the fucking rails that episode.
	Just like, yeah, you right.
	For better or for worse, you are correct.
	Anyway, thanks for the question, whatever question we were supposed to be answering.
	I think it was about Blood Bowl, right?
	Yes, it was about Jordan Sather.
	I think I forgot the nature of conspiracy theories.
	Were we still talking about the Rosemary Baby question?
	I genuinely can't remember.
	No, we had segued to Jordan Sather trying to be the thought police for conspiracy theories and how that is the ultimate losing task for any person involved in conspiracy theories, but especially someone who thinks that Nazis are living under the South Pole and that Michelle Obama is a dude.
	I guess instead of saying thank you for the question, I should be apologizing for going completely off the rails to the point where I can't even remember what I was supposed to be talking about anymore.
	So I thank you for the question and I apologize for my co-hosts.
	I deserve it.
	Now is the time where I deserve to be shamed.
	Yes.
	Anyway, let's cleanse our palate with another question if we have any more.
	Oh, we don't.
	We're done.
	We're out.
	So, uh, the floor is yours now.
	How incredible.
	Oh, it's time for that shilling.
	Uh, yeah.
	I mean, uh, you know what?
	I'm a little disappointed, but at the same time, it might be for the best that we don't have any more questions for me to completely fail to answer properly.
	So, for any of you who decided to stick around through all of that, thanks a lot!
	If you'd like to continue to support the podcast, you can do so by telling a friend, telling an enemy, telling whoever the fuck you want, as long as you tell them, hey, you should listen to these guys to massage that algorithm.
	Speaking of massaging the algorithm, while you're listening, if you want to go to whatever podcast provider you are using and massage us even further by giving us a five-star review, that would be great, because apparently that shit is important.
	And, you know, we want to try to move up in the world and trick people into thinking that we're experts when only one of us is!
	If you have any money and you would like to donate it to the cause, you can do so by visiting us on Patreon at patreon.com slash PokerPolitics.
	And as I mentioned earlier in the show, we're going to be doing that bonus content for all of our $5 and above supporters, a teaser for which will come at the end of this episode.
	Now, it's completely understandable if after, especially after this episode, you're just like, I have money and I want to support a good cause, but these guys are going off the fucking rails.
	We get that.
	Believe you me, these guys have been friends with me for a long enough time where they totally understand.
	And I have been me for even longer, so I totally understand too.
	So go ahead and donate that money to love146.org.
	They work in the field of anti-child trafficking stuff, you know, and trying to deal with the problems that QAnon claims to really give a shit about, but won't actually take any steps to prevent.
	And in Matt Gaetz's case, we'll actually take steps and money to do the opposite of.
	Hotel love emoji.
	Yeah, hotel love emoji.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Boom.
	Like eggplant emojis.
	That's our t-shirt.
	Hotel love emoji.
	Love hotel emoji is our t-shirt.
	If we're gonna use emojis for a t-shirt, it should probably be eggplant and then storm wave, right?
	For more funny bits and goofs and also discussion about serious business political topics, you can follow us on our social media.
	The podcast social media can be found on Twitter at hellworld.
	That's world spelled with a Q instead of an O, as is our brand.
	Our resident expert, Mike Rains, can be visited on Twitter, at Poker Politics.
	Myself and Sarge can be found on Twitter, at Hellworld Sarge and Hellworld L.
	Respectfully, respect, I keep wanting to say respectfully.
	Respectfully, you can find us on Twitter.
	Respectively.
	One nation invisible.
	Yeah, one nation invisible with justice and croutons for all.
	Anyway, yeah.
	So, at hell world, Sarge, and at hell world, L, again spelled with Qs instead of Os in the world.
	Our intro music, which continues to grow on me every time I listen to it, is provided by DJ Minimal Effort, and I would love to direct you to his social media, but he is too cool for that shit and doesn't have any, so we just like to shout him out and say, hey man, thanks for the intro.
	You know who does have social media, though, is the Former voice of Q and current voice of all of our bumps, FrostyVO, who can be found on Twitter, at FrostyVO.
	And just in case you need more of that sweet, sweet nonsense provided by myself and Sarge, we have a spinoff podcast where we deal with pop media.
	It is called BingeWerdy.
	That's B-I-N-G-E-W-O-R-D-Y.
	You can find that anywhere your podcasts are provided, and you can follow us on Twitter, at BingeWerdy, spelled the same way.
	Ah, shillin'.
	It always seems like it takes longer every single time we do it.
	But, we're finally done now.
	So, we're gonna go ahead and sign off in our typical fashion, and then after the sign-off, we're gonna play our secret teaser.
	It's not so secret, because we've talked about it multiple times over the course of the show.
	So, for another quote-unquote successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I've been Hellworld Al, signing off for Hellworld Sarge and Mr. Mike Rains.
	Good speed, Patriots!
	Like global warming abating aerosolized chemicals into the atmosphere is literally the cause of the apocalypse in the movie Snowpiercer.
	And it's also our last-ditch effort to defeat the machines in the Matrix.
	I mean, uh... I thought that was blotting out the sun.
	Yeah, that was what we did.
	By putting a bunch of crap in the air.
	Yeah, we scorched the sky.
	That was the term.
	Oh, yeah, well, in Snowpiercer, they didn't scorch the sky.
	They invented some sort of chemical that they were supposed to disperse into the atmosphere to lower the planet's temperature by two degrees.
	But they, like, fucked up, and it lowered the planet's temperature by, like, 20 degrees.
	It killed everything.
	Oh, I had never seen Snowpiercer.
	So far, we're already at one thing that she is babbling about that seems like it has been lifted from some sort of super sci-fi movie or whatever.
	So that's nice.
	I mean, I can't wait until the part where she's just like, Humanity's last hope, the QAnon train!

▲