From Nazi Runes to Trump telling people to take vaccines CPAC had all sorts of craziness and the AiH crew is here to talk about that and other current events. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| I am Mike Rains, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, and I am joined, as always, by Sarge. | |
| Hello from the internet and my backup crappy microphone. | |
| And the mysterious El. | |
| Hello, my beautiful babies! | |
| So this week, we have the CPAC conference and all the various controversies it caused. | |
| And we also have the impending return of President Trump, who will be sworn in on Thursday. | |
| But before we dig into all of that, we have to let people know that maybe QAnon-related podcasts aren't everybody's cup of tea. | |
| Content Warning The Adventures in Hellworld Podcast talks in-depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion advised. | |
| So now that you know that this is not a family podcast, as it were, if you have been listening to us and you support what we're doing, please feel free to spread word, talk about us to your friends. | |
| Tell us that we are, in the words of one of Elle's friends, quote-unquote, as funny as those other guys, which we don't know who those other guys are, but we hope they're hilarious. | |
| I don't know who they are either, but they need to step their game up if we've already reached their level. | |
| That world. | |
| As funny as those other guys. | |
| Yeah, that's the bumper on the back of our book. | |
| But if you, again, word of mouth, you want to help us out that way, please do. | |
| We share anything you want of ours. | |
| And if you really want to support us, feel free to go to patreon.com slash poker politics and throw us some money so that we can continue to do the work that we're doing right now. | |
| And if us three jamokes aren't worthy of your cold, hard cash, please go to love146.org and give money to an anti-human trafficking organization that actually cares about the children and doesn't use them as a cynical ploy, like the way QAnon does, because now all they care about is restoring America to a fascist Christian theocracy. | |
| And the children, not so much. | |
| Yeah, donate your money trying to save some kids so we can continue to squeeze the precious adrenochrome out of them. | |
| Yes! | |
| I need my performance-enhancing drugs. | |
| It's what makes me so good at podcasting. | |
| It's what makes me, quote, as funny as the other guys. | |
| Wouldn't it be great if QAnon was just some long-running ARG setting up for a series of YA novels? | |
| I know the dystopia YA boom is kind of done, but... | |
| It's got a real chance here. | |
| Adrenochrome, dystopian, fascist government, controlling women's bodies. | |
| It's all here. | |
| Brad, you have to let me go! | |
| No, baby. | |
| Where we go one, we go all. | |
| It's there. | |
| It's right there. | |
| Oh my god. | |
| What's the title of our YA QAnon novels? | |
| Oh, I don't know. | |
| Maybe we should throw it to a... I'm glad you brought it up without having anything. | |
| We should probably throw this one to our audience and crowdsource some of our humor and then take credit for it. | |
| Yes. | |
| They're all dumb, like Hunger Games and Shattered and... | |
| I don't think you can put this on. | |
| Do you know how many fake podcasts within podcasts I came up with off the fly last week? | |
| Oh my god. | |
| Now you want me to do a Q&A on adult novel books with no prep work? | |
| Come on. | |
| I'm only one man. | |
| I ask so much and so little of you. | |
| This is why I need more Adrenochrome. | |
| I'm obviously not operating at peak levels. | |
| I need some of that sweet, sweet deer antler. | |
| Adrenochrome keeps the typewriter running. | |
| It really does. | |
| I mean, Stephen King admitted to all of his various drug addictions while he was writing, but he won't admit to the truth, that all the cocaine and alcohol was just a cover story for the adrenochrome. | |
| Well, maybe it was something about pink cocaine or whatever? | |
| Wasn't that the special cocaine that was spoken of in legend? | |
| Yeah, the real disco stuff, the next level cocaine. | |
| Is that what Lady Gaga's on? | |
| I would have to think so. | |
| I mean, she's on every kind of illicit and evil drug that the New World Order pumps into their Illuminati puppets as it were. | |
| Hey, lay off Lady Gaga. | |
| She's had a rough week. | |
| Yeah, are we gonna talk about that? | |
| Why would we? | |
| What the fuck does that have to do with QAnon? | |
| I can make it connect to QAnon, don't you worry about that. | |
| In the same way that I can make any podcast about TurboTeed, but it doesn't mean it's what we need to do. | |
| I know, but maybe it'll show up in Qs in the News, maybe it won't, so let's play a bumper. | |
| From the digital headlines to the digital frontlines, it's Qs in the News. | |
| So anyways, our first story, which is not Lady Gaga, is CPAC. | |
| The CPAC convention happened this weekend and there was all sorts of fun and frivolity involving what happened there. | |
| First and foremost was the fact that the stage upon which the various speakers who are obviously not supporting of white nationalism were speaking from was designed in a way that many people on Twitter declared it to resemble a Nazi rune. | |
| This rune is... A Norse rune co-opted by the Nazis the same way they co-opted the swastika ruined that. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| This is a Norse rune, which originally didn't have the little accent marks at the end of it, but then the Nazis added those on for flavor. | |
| So the Odell rune, as it is known, has been used by the SS. | |
| I believe the guy that committed the Christchurch shootings had one of those runes on his gun, which was all done up with nonsense. | |
| He had it on his jacket. | |
| And it was on his profile for, uh, god, the website. | |
| Was it 8chan? | |
| Or 8kun at that time? | |
| 8chan? | |
| It was 8chan. | |
| When they got deplatformed, they came back as 8kun. | |
| Because Chan is the honorific for a younger person in Japan, and kun is the honorific for an older person. | |
| So now 8chan is all grown up, and we no longer have crippling Nazism. | |
| Spoiler alert, still have crippling Nazism. | |
| Yeah, that was where he dropped his 8chan manifesto, or, if you will, 8chanifesto. | |
| Folks! | |
| We need to have a sting at RimShot as one of our drops for the future podcasts. | |
| We would never get through anything without needing to fire it off at least once. | |
| Right, pretty much. | |
| The Adventures in RimShots podcast, that would be us. | |
| So the eagle-eyed observers of the convention spotted this and began complaining about the fact that there was this Nazi rune at CPAC. | |
| Now, on the one hand, it does look like the Nazi rune, or the Norse rune that's been called by the Nazis. | |
| But to me, it's one of these things where it's like, this is so deep in the weeds, you have to go looking for it to find it. | |
| And if you were, like, say, a Nazi looking for the GOP to give you a brofist, They've given you so many brofists in the past that have not been as subtle as the set design at CPAC. | |
| I don't know what you need for affirmation from the Republicans at this point that you would need that. | |
| Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. | |
| I can understand why some people might be a little, you know... | |
| Gun-shy around the Republican Party and their embrace of white nationalism and the rise of neo-Nazism. | |
| But I don't know, man. | |
| To me, this seems sort of like the liberal version of QAnon madness, right? | |
| Where, like, it's just like, oh, but if you look at the stage, the way it's designed, it obviously is meant to be a salute to our Nazi overlords. | |
| And it's just like, is it though? | |
| I mean, like, isn't Donald Trump speaking at the thing like Nazi bro-fist enough? | |
| Like, I don't really think they would go out of their way to do such a thing intentionally. | |
| I think it is an unintentional, but incredibly coincidental goof. | |
| I think it's an unfortunate racist accident. | |
| That's what I take from it. | |
| I believe that this was just a thing where they designed the set. | |
| And the thing is, if you look online, you can find the set designers. | |
| Their names are out there. | |
| And I'm sure they've been aggressively badgered by people to comment on the set. | |
| And I don't think that any of them actually have any ties to any alt-right groups or anything of the sort. | |
| I think they just built a stage, and once they came up with that diamond shape for the area where the speakers were going to be speaking from, they were like, let's have all these cool angular lines around it, make it just all sharp, 90 degrees, and make it look that way. | |
| And then they had that happen, where it comes out looking the way it does, and people are able to point out, hey, Nazi rune, good job, idiots. | |
| Let's make it look like a fun pinwheel. | |
| No one will have a problem with that. | |
| Just a nice four-spoked pinwheel design. | |
| Right. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| I mean, I feel like if this was happening at, like, a Democratic convention and the stage was shaped the same way, then, like, crazy conservative conspiracy theorists would be taking to Twitter and posting pictures of it and just being like, the Democrats call us Nazis, but look at this obvious Nazi rune! | |
| So it's like, I do think it's pretty funny for like, you know, eagle-eyed, woke liberal people pointing to this and just being like, this is so obvious! | |
| And it's just like, I don't know, man. | |
| I think it's just a pretty funny coincidence to me. | |
| That being said, the reason the coincidence is so funny is the Republican Party's fault. | |
| Like, If they weren't so fucking, like, you know, cheeky with their white nationalism and Nazi fucking, like, you know, brofisting, then maybe nobody would see this sort of smoke where there's no fire, you know what I mean? | |
| Like, if they hadn't already been laying the groundwork for people to think the Republican Party were Nazis, people would not necessarily look at that stage and be like, yo, these fools are Nazis. | |
| I agree exactly on that point. | |
| And the thing is, is that the Trump administration did a couple things that were such obvious and aggressive salutes to white nationalism and neo-Nazis in their time in office. | |
| There was a headline, it was like a press release. | |
| That stated that the Department of Homeland Security had misplaced 1,488 children, and the idea that they got that number innocently is impossible to me. | |
| Like, if you were a member of Homeland Security and someone called you up and said, how many kids are missing? | |
| You would say, oh, about 1,500. | |
| You would never be like, wait a minute, 1,500 minus 12, boom, that's the exact number of children we're missing. | |
| To actually come up with that number specifically is, it's like impossible to me to imagine that you could do that without like knowing what you're doing. | |
| And the other thing that happened was the department, again, DHS, they just, apropos of nothing, released a statement that began, we must secure, and then it was like our border and blah, blah, blah, and protect America. | |
| And it was 14 words long, which is again a reference to the 14 words that neo-Nazis like to use and what Nazis like to use as a slogan. | |
| So the fact that you had a 14 word slogan that began with, we must secure as a headline. | |
| And the thing that's so funny about that is I have brought those things up. | |
| I brought those press releases, those headlines up to people. | |
| And they've said that I was a kook for thinking that those were dog whistles to neo-Nazis. | |
| Well, to be fair, you are a kook. | |
| I will give you that. | |
| I am that. | |
| But I think I'm a kook that's right on the issue of those things being overt winks to the white nationalists. | |
| Whereas, when I'm like, I don't know about Nazi ruin, they're like, oh, way to cover for the Nazis, Poker! | |
| What are you doing? | |
| Well, we all know you got pilled last week, so... | |
| And remain pilled. | |
| Yeah, now you're just posing as a deep state operative to get to the real truth. | |
| The deep truth? | |
| The deep truth. | |
| Yeah, I'm running an op against people that are trying to expose the op that is QAnon, because I don't think it's Russian propaganda, and so on and so forth. | |
| I am, in fact, a Nazi-runapologist because I am totally... Runapologist? | |
| Oh, I'm a hardcore runapologist. | |
| Welcome to the world we live in right now. | |
| That's where we're at. | |
| Arguing over the set design of CPAC and vis-a-vis Nazism. | |
| You know, I never heard of this rune and its history and it gives me a slightly more appreciation for all these like video game designers that are making these like Viking games and probably want to put a bunch of runes all over shit and hopefully there's somebody on the staff who's just like, yeah, don't use that particular rune. | |
| Why not? | |
| Well... | |
| It's gonna be great when God of War Ragnarok gets delayed six months because they're like, oh shit, that root's everywhere! | |
| Not to step on your joke, but that game's already out. | |
| Oh, it's already out? | |
| I think Mike's talking about the sequel to God of War Ragnarok. | |
| Oh, God of War Ragnarok, sorry. | |
| I confused that with Assassin's Creed Ragnarok. | |
| Wow. | |
| Another Viking game. | |
| Another Viking game equally likely to contain secret Nazi rudes because somebody just like me had no fucking idea that it had any sort of Nazi bullshit attached to it. | |
| It sucks. | |
| So much innocuous stuff has Nazi bullshit associated with it. | |
| God, those fuckers, they just ruin so much. | |
| And even recently, too, like tiki torches? | |
| Used to love a good tiki torch. | |
| Not anymore. | |
| I love a tiki torch! | |
| Ah, dude, you hate to see it. | |
| Something as American as the tiki torch getting ruined by Nazis. | |
| I mean, there's just so much iconatry and fascism. | |
| They were really obsessed with that stuff. | |
| It's almost like symbolism was their downfall. | |
| I mean, it's just that mentality. | |
| They just had to put everything that way. | |
| And one of the things that always makes me laugh is when When QAnon's always talking about how we're on God's side, we're fighting against the devil, it's like, yeah, and the SS had gotten him all on their belt buckles. | |
| Everyone thinks they're on God's side, buddy. | |
| I mean, nobody's rooting for not God, as it were. | |
| And even atheists just disavow the whole game you're playing. | |
| Nobody is actually anti-God. | |
| Nobody's like, I'm going to die, go to the afterlife, beat God up, and cast him down. | |
| I'm going to teach him a thing or two, that no good Christian Judeo God. | |
| Are you a 90s comic book writer, Todd McFarlane? | |
| Yes. | |
| Or early 2000s slash late 90s comic book writer, Jonan Vasquez. | |
| Welcome to Image, my I-didn't-think-out-this-pun podcast with a podcast about shitty alt-90s comics. | |
| How many times do I have to scold you publicly because this is going out to a bunch of listeners for starting something when you don't have anything? | |
| What are you going to learn? | |
| I'm never gonna learn. | |
| In comedy you started the ending and then you find a way to get to it. | |
| You don't just go, I'm gonna start this stem winder and just trail it off to nowhere. | |
| Leave the fake podcast titles to us, the real champions of doing this. | |
| Yes, which will be our next podcast, our talk about white removal cards that are good and limited. | |
| It's called Journey to Nowhere. | |
| It's a five-minute podcast about pacifism and other cards that are used to make sure that they're not really removal spells, but they're kind of effective when it comes to nullifying creatures. | |
| See, I was thinking we were just going to start doing a recurring segment about the symbols that white supremacists have co-opted and call it symbols you must not see. | |
| Okay, anyway, that's enough funny goof about the stupid RuneGate scandal. | |
| Moving on, more important shit happened at CPAC. | |
| Specifically, Donald quote-unquote former President Trump spoke to the masses. | |
| The golden, kind of like an orange hue of gold, the golden god has returned to speak to the masses. | |
| And to herald his arrival, they actually had a golden idol at CPAC that people were worshipping and celebrating. | |
| Oh my god, I forgot about that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That's fucking insane. | |
| Like, wow. | |
| Man. | |
| Again, people are like, Nazi ruin. | |
| It's like, these people literally had a golden calf. | |
| They had a golden Trump calf that they were worshipping at their convention. | |
| It doesn't get more on the nose than that. | |
| When you're talking about defying God and all that kind of nonsense. | |
| You literally had God on the nose. | |
| Did you see the big Nazi rune they were standing on? | |
| Anyway. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| But yeah, the fucking Golden Idol, that shit is like just absolutely bananas. | |
| I mean, isn't it supposed to be like outside of the pocket for the Christian rulebook for everyone that's not Catholic? | |
| Aren't Catholics the only people that can get away with doing that shit? | |
| Yeah, it's a graven image. | |
| And it's like saints and all that kind of stuff are kind of not supposed to be cool. | |
| You're not supposed to worship anyone except for Jesus and God. | |
| I mean, show me in Christianity where it's written that I'm not supposed to worship graven images or whatever. | |
| Or false idols. | |
| It's one of the big ones. | |
| I mean, I am no religious scholar, so I certainly have no idea how Catholicism got to the point where they have a fucking statue or totem for every saint under the sun, with one of the primary rules of their religion being, yo, don't do that. | |
| But that's neither here nor there. | |
| It is really funny that a bunch of Christian conservatives decided to roll out a nice big golden idol for their fucking god emperor Trump before he gave his sermon on the mount or whatever passes for a mount wherever CPAC was held. | |
| He declared himself still president. | |
| Well that's that. | |
| This was his State of the Union address, according to, I believe, Lauren Boebert, our beloved not-Marjorie Taylor Greene QAnon supporter in Congress, because This is one of the ever moving goalposts of QAnon to deny Biden the presidency is that since he hasn't given a State of the Union address yet, he is not actually really the president. | |
| And some people even went so far as to claim that the State of the Union address is constitutionally mandated to happen in February. | |
| And since Biden didn't give it and Trump totally did, this proves that Trump is actually our president. | |
| Important note, there's actually no constitutional mandate about the State of the Union address being in February. | |
| Literally, it just says every year the president should tell the Congress or whatever what's going on. | |
| And until I believe Woodrow Wilson, I think Jefferson and Adams gave spoken State of the Unions, | |
| But then Jefferson, who hated giving speeches, literally just wrote a letter to Congress. | |
| It was like, Hey, here's how the Union's doing. | |
| It's great. | |
| And from Jefferson to the 1900s, the State of the Union was just a written letter given to Congress. | |
| And then with the advent of like radio and television and so on, then we got back into the give a speech before Congress kind of thing. | |
| So. | |
| That whole bizarre thing in QAnon came out to make them all jeeped up. | |
| So how did Trump's faux State of the Union go? | |
| It was incredibly transphobic, which is weird, but that's the new culture war issue that Republicans think they can get their bigotry and hatred on and it'll fly with enough Americans that it won't cost them votes, it might actually earn them votes. | |
| I never knew that so many people could be so terrified by public restrooms. | |
| That's what transphobia has really taught me. | |
| As a cisgendered white male, I've learned from all the transphobia, because it doesn't affect me in any meaningful way aside from making me sad, is that Damn, lots of people be fucking crazy over public bathrooms. | |
| Like, I don't give a shit. | |
| I mean, like, sure, the first time I used, like, a Unisex restroom, I walked in and I was just like, oh, kind of weird. | |
| But, like, I got over it immediately because I'm an adult. | |
| I was just like, oh, whatever. | |
| Like, I don't, I'm pretty sure that none of the people in here are going to look at my dick any more or less than the guys that I've been, like, standing next to urinals with my whole life, right? | |
| I mean, sometimes you get, sometimes you look over and you catch a guy Like, peep it. | |
| It just happens. | |
| It's not sexual about it. | |
| Yeah, it's just comparing notes. | |
| It's, like, uncomfortable and not cool, but I certainly don't think any women in a men's room are going to be doing that. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Or women in a men's bathroom, I should say. | |
| Right. | |
| And the other big argument they like using is transgender women competing in sports, and it's totally unfair, and they're ruining everything. | |
| And all these trans athletes are going to shatter all these records of like, quote unquote, real women. | |
| And One of the Jamoaks I'm always making fun of on Twitter posted an incredibly hilarious meme today about himself identifying as a 10-year-old and thusly hitting a game-winning home run in t-ball, because that's a thing that actually could happen in our world. | |
| Can you imagine if that was going to be your play and the best you could think to do with it is own people at T-Ball? | |
| Imagine if that was the sort of thing that could happen, right? | |
| It sounds like an Adam Sandler movie. | |
| It's just like, oh, well, anything can be anything now. | |
| I am going to identify as a 10-year-old boy! | |
| And the thing you do with that quote-unquote power is owning some fools in T-Ball. | |
| I mean, isn't that that's half the the plot of that stupid Johnny Knoxville movie where he pretends to be mentally disabled to cheat in the Special Olympics. | |
| That's a movie that got made. | |
| It's a real movie. | |
| The Ringer. | |
| Yep, I do remember it. | |
| I remember knowing about it, I remember not getting within 20 miles of it because it just seemed like the dumbest thing imaginable, but... Yeah, I mean, it was certainly one of those things that seemed pretty gross, although it did offer a lot of work to a lot of special needs actors, so I guess silver lining? | |
| It's one of those things where it's just like, you know, it's not like they went and made a movie about, like, little people and then cast a bunch of, like, you know, fucking dudes, like, standing on their knees like Martin Lawrence. | |
| I mean, they did do that one time with that Gary Oldman movie. | |
| I thought you were setting up for the Gary Oldman joke. | |
| I couldn't remember the name of it. | |
| Was it Tippy Toes? | |
| Is that something like that? | |
| No. | |
| It's something whack like that. | |
| I mean, yeah, Gary Oldman did do that, but it was just one guy. | |
| And there were other little people in the movie. | |
| Uh, but I mean, you know, it would be like, JOHNNY KNOXVILLE IS PRETENDING TO BE LITTLE, SO HE CAN PLAY BIG! | |
| And, you know, but it's just like, the whole jackass crew, just like, standing on their knees with sneakers, and it's just like, UGH, THIS IS AWFUL. | |
| All I can think of is- I'm looking at tippy-toes. | |
| You got it right. | |
| Boom. | |
| I know that shit. | |
| I just thought that- Yes! | |
| I thought that was just too dumb to be real. | |
| Uh, I think the word you were looking for is offensive. | |
| You think it's too offensive to be real. | |
| Yeah. | |
| So, anyhow, Trump did his transphobia, then he bashed immigrants, and then he declared that he's actually not going to make the Patriot Party because he's too lazy to do such a thing. | |
| And also, it would probably kill Republicans and let Democrats win all kinds of elections for the foreseeable future, so... How many different Republicans had to offer Donald Trump how much to back off of the idea of forming his own political party? | |
| Many. | |
| Many people had to come to explain that to him. | |
| Oh god, sock puppets, like, all kinds of nonsense. | |
| They're like, literally, if you don't make your own party, we will cast a golden bust of your head for people to worship. | |
| Please don't do it. | |
| We'll never win another election ever. | |
| I mean, I was over here, like, I was over here, like, fucking, like, rubbing my hands together, like, ooooh, announce that shit, say you're making a Patriot Party, I can't wait! | |
| Cause it's just like, yeah, have fun with an election ever again, Republicans. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| They had to be like, look, if you have Don Jr. | |
| or Ivanka running against Rubio in Florida, we will kneecap him so hard and so fast. | |
| One of your dumb progeny can be a senator. | |
| It'll be great. | |
| But not Eric. | |
| Eric's too dumb. | |
| But Don Jr. | |
| or Ivanka, boom. | |
| We're cool with it. | |
| Now, no Patriot Party, please. | |
| The governor of Alabama came up and pulled his suspenders away from his chest and he was like, now, well, Mr. Trump, I suppose we could change the laws on our books to maybe allow a man to marry his daughter legally. | |
| And Donald Trump's just like, I'm listening. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| You son of a bitch. | |
| I'm in. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| I do declare. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| So after he got through all of this, he had a bit of a stemwinder where he explained that all of the vaccines that are being shipped out right now are because of him, and Biden is just following his rock-solid blueprint that he gave to the Biden administration, who are a bunch of clowns and frauds who have no idea what the fuck they're doing. | |
| But it is only because of Trump that all of this Soros-funded poison with Bill Gates' microchips in it is now being delivered into the arms of your beloved grandparents so that they can become cyborgs or die whenever Bill Gates flips the switch. | |
| Or turned into Borg, or whatever it is your weird QAnon anti-vax nonsense is. | |
| Four months from now, the QAnon supporters are going to triumphantly announce that the Stormwave was the vaccine all along. | |
| They were just like, we did it. | |
| We said it was coming and it's here. | |
| The Stormwave is the codename for the vaccine to coronavirus. | |
| You're welcome. | |
| Q out. | |
| We did it, fam. | |
| That would be the greatest Q drop in the history of the world. | |
| Just mid-July, have not posted for like six months, and then Q's just like, vaccine, total success, America secure, Q. And QAnon's just like, what? | |
| Huh? | |
| And they just have to do a complete 180 and try to pretend that they love vaccines the whole time. | |
| And so as Trump was giving this whole speech about the fact that the vaccine was all his doing, he then stated, and I quote, everybody go get your shot. | |
| Which, and then like a couple days later, it came out that both he and Melania got vaccines in the middle of January, while he was still in office as president. | |
| So, QAnon has reacted to this through deafening silence and completely ignoring it, because it destroys their narratives, and when reality becomes incredibly inconvenient for them, they tend to try to ignore reality. | |
| They need Papa Watkins and his Wagyu hat to come do some spin control. | |
| Oh god, if only Ron Watkins was interested in doing Q-Drops anymore and trying not to get booked on OAN as a computer expert of some kind to sit at the big boy table and not be, uh, SECRET AGENT Q! | |
| He's just gonna fucking, the next Q-Drop is just gonna be him posting a link to the YouTube music video for Hit Me With Your Best Shot. | |
| He's just gonna allow people to interpret it however they want. | |
| Oh, that'd be so great. | |
| A Trump fan video set to that, it just shows all these different people getting vaccinated. | |
| Oh, that'd be the greatest thing in the history of the world. | |
| A bunch of smiling, happy white people getting vaccinated. | |
| The soothing balm for what ails QAnon. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, there was a bunch of Republicans who got publicly vaccinated. | |
| I'm pretty sure Rubio got the shot. | |
| Chuck Grassley got the shot. | |
| They have enough B-roll footage to roll under that on top of just random people like filming grandma and grandpa finally getting the shot and now feeling safe that they won't die from COVID. | |
| So you could absolutely do that YouTube video and make QAnon very sad at the fact that one of the core tenants of their belief system is something that, like, is objectively wrong. | |
| And even their beloved God Emperor says it's wrong. | |
| Oh, Mike, we don't need any help making QAnon people feel sad. | |
| This is true. | |
| What can we do to QAnon that the 2020 election hasn't already done? | |
| Hey, the 2020 election isn't over yet. | |
| We're two days away from March 4th and the re-swearing in of the 19th President of the United States, Donald Trump. | |
| My God. | |
| So we've been talking about this. | |
| What the fuck is the significance of A, March 4th, and B, 19th President? | |
| I've heard both of these things. | |
| What is going on? | |
| So, March 4th is when presidents were originally inaugurated back when we started this whole thing called the American Republic. | |
| So, you had the election in November, and because it took a long time for your horse-drawn wagon to get you from Wereversville up to Washington, D.C. | |
| to get to Presidenting, or Philadelphia, which was the capital back in those times, The lame duck period was even longer. | |
| It stretched all the way to March 4th. | |
| Imagine Trump being president until Thursday. | |
| Imagine Biden not getting sworn in until Thursday and how much of a hell that would have been. | |
| The lame duck was actually that long back in the day. | |
| And then at some point, I believe it was in the 1930s, during the Great Depression, they tightened up the lame duck because they kind of wanted to get FDR in there quickly because Hoover was a clown. | |
| And then the inauguration got moved up from March 4th to January 20th. | |
| So, the whole 19th president thing is, Ulysses S. Grant was the guy who destroyed the American Republic and created the American Corporation, according to Sovereign Citizens. | |
| He's the one that signed the Very tame, boring piece of administrative legislation for how we run the District of Columbia. | |
| And that was what ended America as a republic. | |
| And so Grant was the 18th president. | |
| So every other president after Grant was illegitimate and was not truly a president of America. | |
| So when Trump gets sworn in on Thursday, he will be the 19th president of America because we only had 18 true presidents. | |
| Sovereign Citizen's been around for a minute, right? | |
| Yes. | |
| So was, uh, was W not a legitimate president when he was in office? | |
| Were they out there just being like, fuck George W. Bush? | |
| Yeah, pretty much. | |
| I mean, like, sovereign citizens just kind of hate the government in general. | |
| They have this QAnon-like mythos where they've invented all this ridiculous stuff about how if you fill out the right paperwork, you can absolve yourself from paying taxes. | |
| You have a First Amendment right to travel, so you don't need a driver's license or a license plate. | |
| As long as you're not using your car for commercial purposes, you're just allowed to use it. | |
| And if a cop pulls you over, you have a right to tell him, the First Amendment says I have a right to travel because I have a right to congregate and meet in groups. | |
| So I do not require a license or any paperwork or anything legal to maintain this vehicle. | |
| This is a constitutional right that I'm already granted, and anything you try to make me do to exercise that right is governmental tyranny, interference, and I reject it out of hand. | |
| Yeah, Sovereign Citizen's been around for a long time, and Q has just kind of glommed onto it because it fits their whole narrative. | |
| Like, it's just perfect for what they need right now. | |
| Right. | |
| Like, QAnon just grabs something they need at a moment when they're looking for something, and this March 4th thing fits a need. | |
| So they're just like, March 4th works for us? | |
| Boom. | |
| Got it. | |
| Grab it. | |
| Now this is part of our mythos. | |
| This is part of our story. | |
| So they run with that ball. | |
| Up until they get close to the deadline and then they realize, Oh no, like obviously on Thursday, Trump isn't going to become president. | |
| So now we have to start disavowing it. | |
| So the aggressive walk back on March 4th has already begun. | |
| Like this week has been all the major QAnon promoters are lying their asses off. | |
| They're all saying, look, the deep state and the media has been telling you guys about March 4th being this important date. | |
| And that's how you know they're all full of shit because nobody ever said anything about it. | |
| And they know they're lying. | |
| They know this has been a part of QAnon culture pretty much after Biden got sworn in. | |
| After January 20th, they needed a new deadline. | |
| March 4th gave them a nice five-week window to make up bullshit and get people excited. | |
| But now that the bill's about to come due, it's time to disavow this latest failed deadline and then move the goalposts back to the next failed deadline whenever they manage to invent it. | |
| And it's kind of the only problem for them is there's no date they have. | |
| There's no like line in the sand. | |
| They can point to the constitution or anything and be like, yeah, this is | |
| when Trump's actually going to win. | |
| It's all good. | |
| Don't worry about it, guys. | |
| You don't want to take any sort of bets on where they move the goalposts | |
| to next after the fourth. | |
| I saw one thing on one timeline where a guy talked about March 20th because | |
| he was working out this whole thing about a 60 day window after Biden's | |
| inauguration were like some sort of executive order blah-de-blah thing. | |
| Was that that was when Trump had to strike and like use his control over | |
| the military that he still has because that's a thing that exists where | |
| ex-presidents still run the military for months after they've left office. | |
| office, but I haven't seen them really congeal around any big event or date as the new payoff | |
| for… April 20th, right? | |
| I mean, that's Hitler's birthday, if I recall. | |
| Oh, man. | |
| If they actually went there, that would be so unsubtle and on the nose. | |
| That would make Nazi Ruin look really small by comparison. | |
| If they just went whole hog. | |
| I wonder if some edgelords on 8Koon are going to do that. | |
| They're going to try to make up some convoluted, this is why April 20th is the payoff. | |
| Maybe that could be us. | |
| Now's our time to take your pilled status and to use it for good by hoodwinking a bunch of these idiots into thinking that April 20th is going to be the day. | |
| Oh, that'd be so great. | |
| It's finally coming. | |
| Get high and watch Trump ascend to godhood. | |
| It's happening. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Finally. | |
| Finally, finally we're going to have our god emperor return to his rightful throne. | |
| But at least the man fucking went ahead and got his vaccination. | |
| Yeah. | |
| You know who I bet could probably use some vaccinations? | |
| It's the entire state of Texas. | |
| Boy howdy, that place is about to turn into a viral incest pool! | |
| You can feel, you can actually, I believe as I was walking to my computer to record this podcast, I had to step over the puddle of flop sweat that Governor Abbott had left All over America as he flails desperately to try to cobble together some group of constituents that will actually vote for him to remain governor in 2022 after murdering innumerate parts of his citizenry through his inept and bungled response to the winter storm that shattered Texas's power grid. | |
| Alex Jones has been literally having a fit for the past year about Governor Abbott being a deep state pawn in a shill because Abbott took COVID seriously and was telling people to wear masks and instituting lockdowns. | |
| So Abbott's been getting destroyed by the right for so long. | |
| And then on top of that, he gets destroyed by everybody for what happened with this winter storm. | |
| So now he's just desperate. | |
| Now he's just like so out of control, trying to find someone to placate so he doesn't have to I mean, losing an election is one thing. | |
| That sucks. | |
| To be so totally fucked that your party tells you, yo dude, don't run. | |
| We're not even going to nominate you. | |
| You're going to lose the primary. | |
| Say you're going to step down to spend some more time with your family. | |
| To get crushed that bad is so humiliating, and Abbott's just trying to avoid that at this point. | |
| So Abbott's just like, Reopen Texas! | |
| Are you happy with me now, right-wingers? | |
| Do you love me now, QAnon? | |
| Order 66. | |
| It's been a bad couple of days for politicians from Texas. | |
| Ted Cruz's numbers have thoroughly tanked as well. | |
| We'll see if that matters. | |
| Yeah, Cancun Cruz is only grateful that he's not up for re-election until 2024. | |
| And I mean, he is going to eat that shit sandwich the entire re-election bid. | |
| Every billboard in Texas is going to be that. | |
| At the very least, he's going to have four years to try to distance himself from that rather embarrassing stunt. | |
| Well, I mean, fuck him. | |
| Even if it wasn't a bad look, which it was, it was also just a tremendously stupid idea. | |
| How covert did he think he was being just walking through public airports and boarding public planes? | |
| Like, oh, I have a mask on my face. | |
| No one will recognize Senator Ted Cruz. | |
| And it's just like, hey, man, are you Ted Cruz? | |
| Where are you going? | |
| My family is freezing to death. | |
| And that's the thing that's so funny about that is like, I'm sure there are plenty of like anonymous senators out there. | |
| Like I couldn't piss pick pricks coons out of a lineup or any or a bunch of them. But Ted Cruz has never found a | |
| camera he's been afraid of in his life. Yeah, this is a man who wants to be on TV 24 seven. So the fact that he dipped | |
| out on his state in their hour of need, and Alexandria Ocasio Cortez comes in to save the day. | |
| I mean, how do you let, like, your literal, like, boogeywoman monster, like, come in and eat your lunch that aggressively? | |
| Like, that is so weak on his part. | |
| I mean, imagine how much worse it's going to look for the Republican Party when this fucking reopening of Texas thing predictably backfires and then Joe Biden's presidency gets to ride in on a white horse made of vaccinations. | |
| Yeah, exactly! | |
| Yeah, I mean, this is obviously going to go terrible for Texas. | |
| They're going to have a massive spike in cases. | |
| And then Sarge giving us the very well thought out and trenchant analysis from the Republican | |
| Vis-a-vis. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Nope, nah, nah. | |
| Yeah, that's, I mean, it's going to be really horrifying. | |
| And in some ways, like, there's gonna be a lot of schadenfreude when You're going to have Biden in two months saying, Yo, Texas, get your shot. | |
| Here's a clip of Trump saying to get your shot. | |
| If you wanted to run around with no masks coughing on each other, you got to get the shot. | |
| You got to do this. | |
| I just like the fact that this is all of this is so dumb. | |
| It's really incredible how poorly Abbott and Cruz and all these people have handled this crisis. | |
| I mean, if you're Cruz, even if like Texas is too cold for you and all of this stuff kind of sucks, don't you just like stay in Washington, D.C. | |
| and have your publicist take all these photographs of you working the phones? | |
| You get a photo. | |
| It's so easy. | |
| Just don't leave the country. | |
| He left the country. | |
| It's not like he went to the border of Texas where it was warmer. | |
| He left the country. | |
| I mean, when Chris Christie had all those photo ops of him and Obama surveying the damage from the hurricane that hit them right at the end of the 2016 election, I mean, that was such an easy thing to do for the governor of a state to be like, yeah, I don't agree with the president from the opposite party's politics, but we're working together to help my state out. | |
| I mean, you get that photo of, like, Ted Cruz, like, gestulating with his finger in the air at Biden, being like, now you hear, listen, Biden, my people need this stuff and you're going to get it for them. | |
| I mean, this is just politics 101. | |
| This is the easiest thing in the world to do. | |
| And instead he's just like he hightails it to Cancun, then blames his family for it. | |
| Oh, he threw him under the bus so hard. | |
| Yeah, just, hey, my daughter's wanting to go to Cancun. | |
| Their fault. | |
| It's just, oh my, I mean, the man stands up for literally nobody. | |
| Trump said his dad killed JFK, called his wife ugly, and Cruz just took it. | |
| Just eat shit. | |
| All right, all right, all right. | |
| We can stop giving body blows to Ted Cruz. | |
| There's a governor we're supposed to be giving body blows to here now. | |
| You know, the idiot that has lifted the mask mandate and is just telling Texans, uh, fucking YOLO. | |
| Fucking pack into the bars, man. | |
| Slam in there. | |
| Make it maximum capacity. | |
| Even more if you can help it. | |
| Lick some doorknobs on your way in. | |
| I mean, let's own these libs by showing them how unscared we are of coronavirus. | |
| I really, I mean, like, Beto O'Rourke has to be just, like, really... I've heard the stories that, like, Texas's governorship is, like, kind of a weak governorship, and that it's not really all it's cracked up to be, but... You hear that, Texas? | |
| Your shit's weak. | |
| It's weak. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But, I mean, if you're Beto O'Rourke, I mean, you're probably printing out the Beto for Governor signs right now, and you're just like, man, keep it up. | |
| Keep it up, Abbott. | |
| I mean, you're making this really easy on me. | |
| I mean... | |
| Because when you're a guy like Beto, obviously you want to win some office and wield some kind of political power. | |
| You don't just want to be political activist Beto O'Rourke. | |
| That's not what you're in this thing for. | |
| You want to hold office and you want to be able to show that you're actually capable of achieving these things. | |
| I'm no conservative, but if I was, I would call that guy Beto O'Cuck. | |
| Yes. | |
| Someone has to have done that. | |
| It's such a layup. | |
| I mean, but it's a layup. | |
| It's a layup for people with, like, you know, wrinkles in their brain. | |
| I don't know if, like, your average smooth-brained Republican is capable of such wordplay. | |
| I just heard someone was talking about how all Republicans are going to vote against the Biden bucks and the COVID relief bill, and this guy was saying that this is the easiest thing in the world to vote for, but Trump has just so turned these idiots in their brains smooth as sheets of glass that you could roll marbles on, that they're actually going to vote against giving people free money. | |
| They already have, multiple times. | |
| In an election! | |
| Yeah, that's why they lost in Georgia! | |
| It's because the Democrats were like, we'll give you money! | |
| And the Republicans were like, fuck no we won't! | |
| And the people voted for the guy that said we'll give them money! | |
| I mean, you- Other political pun- like, I was about to call myself, or imply that I was a political pundit. | |
| I'm not, I'm just some joker with a podcast. | |
| But, you know, a lot of people that have to talk politics would be a little more diplomatic about it, but not me. | |
| I think that conservatives' brains are so smooth that you could contact Jungle with them. | |
| Oh God. | |
| I mean, it's just, it is, it's just so ridiculous the way they are setting themselves up as to be basically the party of not giving you money and the party that's going to give you COVID. | |
| And then on the other side of this thing, you have Biden who announced today that we're going to have a vaccine for every adult in America by the end of May, that we are cranking this shit out now. | |
| And basically, Don't worry, progressives will still be furious that there are unvaccinated adults by the end of March. | |
| They'll be like, he promises vaccines for everyone, it's not here yet, what the fuck? | |
| It should have been Bernie! | |
| Bernie would have waggled his fingers and it would have been Vaccination Station! | |
| He would have waggled his mittens, you mean. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Well, I mean, he has to mitten up his magical fingers to contain their mighty power, because literally the second his ass was in the White House, he'd be like, All student loan debt is forgiven! | |
| Free college for everyone! | |
| Vaccinations for everyone! | |
| The world is a utopia! | |
| And then we'd all join hands and start drinking Coke, and it would be great. | |
| Yes. | |
| Bernie is much like Midas where he has to wear those mittens or else everything he touches would turn to gold. | |
| I mean, if we de-mittened Bernie Sanders and allowed him even a moment to touch our country, it would turn into a socialist utopia overnight. | |
| It would be incredible. | |
| It would truly be the greatest of all worlds. | |
| All of the bad faith arguments about the bombing in Syria where we literally bombed an Iranian militia, which are the worst and most evil people in the world. | |
| And people are just like, oh, look, the warmongering Democrats are back at it. | |
| And QAnon was all over this about how during the four years of Trump, we had nothing but peace and prosperity. | |
| Not a single bomb was dropped. | |
| Not a war was declared. | |
| We denuclearized North Korea and brought them back into the fold of polite society. | |
| And then the deep state got their hooks into the government again. | |
| And now, look, the bombs are just dropping like rain. | |
| Just back to the death and the killing of the cabal. | |
| This is the way it is. | |
| Completely. | |
| And the reason why they get to say this is because Trump was the one who removed the transparency from the drone strikes and just ordered all the drone strikes in the world only. | |
| All drone strikes all the time. | |
| All drone strikes all the time. | |
| Way more drone strikes than Obama ordered. | |
| And also just like, but we don't have to tell you if we accidentally killed civilians or anyone. | |
| If we had a drone strike and it killed 30 people, it's 30 people that are dead. | |
| Were they good? | |
| Were they bad? | |
| We don't know. | |
| You figure it out. | |
| Were they good? | |
| Were they bad? | |
| All that matters is that they were brown. | |
| Right, exactly. | |
| I shouldn't have laughed at that. | |
| No, but that's the Republican mindset. | |
| As long as we are committing drone strikes in the Middle East, it's objectively a good thing. | |
| I mean, Trump was one who was like, we need to kill terrorists and their families. | |
| And QAnon promotes him as a peacemonger. | |
| I mean, It's so ridiculous that what Trump actually said, the things he was actually talking about, were Islamophobic, just racist, awful shit. | |
| And he gave the Saudis every weapon they could have ever asked for and escalated the humanitarian crisis in Yemen through the shit the Saudis were doing. | |
| And guess what? | |
| Biden was like, oh yeah, by the way, we're not going to sell the Saudis any more gear for their stupid fucking war in Yemen. | |
| We're dialing that back. | |
| You can go fuck yourselves. | |
| So, like, this whole idea that it's Biden the butcher, Donald the dove, is just, it's not true. | |
| It's ridiculous, but... Mike, you're forgetting the Democrats got us into that fucking horrible war in Iraq, though. | |
| Oh, right. | |
| Yes. | |
| That is something I did not remember. | |
| Who was it? | |
| Al Gore after 9-11? | |
| Or did Bill Clinton just serve as president for 16 years? | |
| It certainly wasn't Al Gore. | |
| He was busy hanging with Chad. | |
| BOOM! | |
| Wow. | |
| What an awful joke that was. | |
| Our Florida 2020, our Florida 2000 recount podcast, Hanging with Chad's. | |
| See Sarge, that's how you do it. | |
| He set it up and he executed it. | |
| Yeah, right. | |
| There we go. | |
| Yeah, so yeah, Democrats got us into the war in Iraq and then Donald Trump came in and killed Osama Bin Laden. | |
| Yep, that's exactly the way history played out. | |
| Democrats ruled America from 1992 until 2016 when Trump got into office, except for on 9-11 when Rudy Giuliani assumed the presidency for 24 hours to make America feel safe and secure. | |
| And then after those four years of peace and prosperity under Trump, the presidency was stolen from him unfairly by the cabal. | |
| And now Biden's in office until Thursday, when hopefully he'll be removed again, because I'm pilled. | |
| And this is what I believe, honestly and heartily. | |
| Thank you, Uproxx, for continuing to not pull that article, you colossal pieces of shit. | |
| Thank you, Uproxx, for being the one media outlet that will properly and accurately describe Mike Raines, a.k.a. | |
| Poker and Politics, as a fucking pilled, QAnon-loving maniac. | |
| He just can't get enough of it. | |
| He loves them pills. | |
| I've never seen a man so sad when Q vanished from Earth and went back to his own planet like Poochie. | |
| What's the Q count? | |
| What are we at? | |
| He last posted on December 8th. | |
| December 8th, yep. | |
| That was the we're not going to take it post is still and probably forever will be the last post that Q ever made. | |
| It's like fucking, it's fucking, uh, oh my God. | |
| Uh, God damn it. | |
| I, I, I see now I'm the one who started something and forgot it. | |
| But just because the, the, the TV show I was thinking of just vacated my brain. | |
| Arrested Development. | |
| It's like Arrested Development. | |
| Uh, it's just like post video about we're not going to take it. | |
| We're not going to take it! | |
| But they did. | |
| My favorite thing about that was someone asked me, like, what was the last Q-Drop? | |
| Or when did Q-Post last? | |
| And I told them that, I told them the exact setup. | |
| I was like, December 8th, it was a fan video of Donald Trump said that we're not going to take it anymore. | |
| Which has been DMCA-struck. | |
| It was working again when I clicked on the link from the Q-drop a couple days ago. | |
| But the thing that was funny was the person replied back to me and said, I don't know if you're joking or not, and I don't want to find out. | |
| Because it was such an incongruous payoff to the whole QAnon narrative that this is how it ended. | |
| This is how Q finished up his magnum opus, his great work. | |
| Can confirm it is. | |
| This video is unavailable, contains content from UMPG Publishing, and has been blocked in your country on copyright grounds. | |
| Aha! | |
| Boom. | |
| Take that, Q. I mean, do you suppose that Q knew that was going to be the last one when they posted it? | |
| I feel like if you're going to go out on a music number, you probably go out on something like Good Riddance by Green Day. | |
| That would have been so, so brutal. | |
| It would have been really awesome if he had actually used something from one of the people they just aggressively hate. | |
| If he had gone Lady Gaga or Katy Perry or Beyonce and just baked their noodles with, what does it mean? | |
| Is Lady Gaga actually a white hat? | |
| What's going on here? | |
| That would have been just chef's kiss. | |
| I would have had respect for Q if he had dipped out that way. | |
| What they really should have done is they should have gone with one of their conservative celebrities, like Lil Wayne. | |
| The last Q drop should have been Amili by Lil Wayne, just to really confuse people. | |
| You fucking just like, oh shit, word from on high, Q, the Q speaks, and you click on it, just Amili, Amili, Amili, and they're just like, oh, what does it mean? | |
| Especially great if it was during Game Stonks time, because then a lot of those clowns would have lost a lot of money. | |
| Anyway, so I think that's probably all of the news that's fit to print or read or talk about on a podcast. | |
| So do we want to go to our swollen mailbag? | |
| We shall go to our swollen mailbag. | |
| However, it is less swollen than usual this week. | |
| I guess that Tucker Carlson headline about low sperm counts being a threat to America appears to be accurate vis-a-vis our podcast, as it were. | |
| I don't know exactly what this... Hey, it's a swollen bag! | |
| That metaphor went off the rails! | |
| I'm so confused! | |
| It's a swollen bag. | |
| Swollen bags usually, to me, involve scrotums and semen, and therefore I went there. | |
| I went to that dark place. | |
| Mike Rains is like a different inflection away from sometimes sounding just like some homeless person out on the street corner. | |
| Just, you know, it's just like, hey man, you want to read from our mailbag? | |
| He's just like, you know that thing about Tucker Carlson, and he's talking about how to lower sperm counts, and it's like... | |
| He's just like, okay, cool, bud. | |
| Anything you say. | |
| That's the aesthetic I'm trying to nail. | |
| The creepy guy at the park who smells bad and is trying to hit you up for beer money. | |
| Oh, you should have kept the beard then. | |
| I mean, that really, that really tied it all together. | |
| I do like, obviously the audience can't see us, but all of us have decided to go get our COVID cuts. | |
| So we all have our beards and hair to make it look like we are not trying to imitate some sort of Grizzly Adams. | |
| In fact, we're all fairly bald now, which is great. | |
| I mean, just three bearded white bald dudes talking about the news. | |
| No problems here. | |
| Hashtag soft boys. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Anyway, let's get to our meager sack offering. | |
| That's what she said. | |
| Boom. | |
| Okay, here we go. | |
| See, that's actually doing a good bit involving that, whereas my bit was a little across the line. | |
| So the Friday Night Music Party asks, there's a lot of things that make up the cult. | |
| My favorite thing is they launched a nuke at Air Force One while Trump was on board. | |
| What is yours? | |
| Of, like, the dumb narratives that Q has created in their Shadow War, I think my favorite one is the idea that when George H.W. | |
| Bush died at the funeral, which was obviously broadcast everywhere, all of the attendees, when they would open their programs, there was an envelope inside the program, and a lot of people would, like, the envelope wasn't, like, it would fall out of the program a lot of times. | |
| People would just grab the envelope and be like, hey, what's this? | |
| And Q at one point in one of his Q drops actually said that inside those envelopes was Q taunting the people at George H.W. | |
| Bush's funeral with his threat for vengeance upon them. | |
| But basically, I'd just love to imagine this whole idea that George H.W. | |
| Bush dies, his funeral's happening, and Q-Team is up all night printing out all these RSVPs that are like, Dear Barack Obama, we are going to murder you. | |
| And then, like, licking their fingers, and licking an envelope, and sealing it, and then putting it inside a program, and being like, make sure this goes to Obama's seat. | |
| I just... And then they unfurl a big banner over the cafe that says, Vengeance from Rion the Grave Accomplished. | |
| Yes! | |
| And everyone in the crowd is pretty confused, because it's just like, well, they really didn't do anything. | |
| Yeah, it's the end of the Springfield monorail episode. | |
| Like, you didn't do anything, didn't I? | |
| And Leonard Nimoy just dematerializes. | |
| I mean, just... It's just, like, this is such a silly thing. | |
| And these people have taken this to heart, because when Q says something dumb, you have to validate Q at all costs. | |
| So there are all these people that are breaking down George H.W. | |
| Bush's funeral like it's the Zapruder film. | |
| They're like, Look, Jeb looks at the envelope, and then he looks like this way, and look at how heartbroken he is! | |
| Look at, like, the shock on his face! | |
| And it's like, yeah, if you actually, like, watch the clip, that's literally when they're, like, walking the coffin of his father down the hall! | |
| He's still a human being! | |
| Look at him! | |
| He's so heartbroken and despondent! | |
| What could it mean? | |
| And it's just like, he's at a funeral! | |
| For his dad! | |
| Like, it probably has something to do with that, bruv! | |
| What are you guys talking about? | |
| And they have all these breakdowns, they're like, look at W, he's like accepting it, and literally all that's on these different people's faces is just grief. | |
| You can just see each of them having a different way of expressing sadness over their father dying, or in the case of the other people, a person they worked with, Like Bill Clinton and George H.W. | |
| Bush kind of became friends after Clinton got in office because the presidency is kind of a brotherhood where the only other people who know what it's like to go through that shit are other presidents. | |
| So, I mean, not that Trump's going to be in that brotherhood because he's just a weirdo, dumb piece of shit. | |
| But like, everybody else is just kind of like, look, yeah, your politics were kind of scummy, but you were actually in the chair that had to make the tough calls on things and stuff like that. | |
| And like, unlike Trump, who had Jared Kushner or Stephen Miller or Ivanka or whoever it was, like, tell them what to do for the country. | |
| But the rest of them, they actually presidented while they were presidents. | |
| So they kind of, yeah. | |
| So, I mean, it's just, just that idea that, like, you're going to see displays of emotion at a funeral of a beloved father slash, like, friend who passed on. | |
| And it wasn't that. | |
| It was Q mocking these people at this funeral and The idea that the cabal, who are now given this gift that, because Q equaled Donald Trump in this scenario, that Donald Trump literally pissed in the Cheerios at the funeral of a former president and Jeb and W or the Obamas or Clintons, nobody went to a camera with like the insert from that envelope saying, I'm going to kill you, hashtag Q. | |
| And we're like, this is the shit Trump pulled at this dignified funeral for a beloved fallen president. | |
| Nobody did that to score cheap political points. | |
| They just like saw Q said they were going to kill him. | |
| And they're like, ah, fuck. | |
| Q's going to kill me. | |
| Better go home and tend to my affairs and get ready because I'm obviously going to get my one the next week or two. | |
| Nothing you can do. | |
| When Q says it's over, it's over. | |
| That's, that's the way it is. | |
| The game's up. | |
| Maybe Q was the spirit of Bush all along. | |
| Think about it. | |
| Revenge from beyond the grave? | |
| Trying to get the country back in the right way? | |
| You know, the conservative way? | |
| Wars in the desert kind of way? | |
| Well, the whole narrative of QAnon is that the wars in the desert are actually bad, although they actually still, again, hate everyone who's there and want to kill them, but they just don't want to kill them through quote-unquote wars! | |
| They just want peace through... | |
| Some sort of... They just want peace through the death of their enemies. | |
| Right, exactly! | |
| But they want that peace to not be war. | |
| They want it to be like Trump just whips out his big dick and the entire Middle East goes, Oh my god! | |
| Your swollen member is so big we all surrender to America immediately! | |
| And all of the Middle East becomes Jeffersonian democracies overnight because Donald Trump's just so fucking manly they just give in to his every wish. | |
| They, however, and that allows them to do the whole thing where like Trump's great and awesome and every other president before him sucks and is bad. | |
| I mean, this is known. | |
| Getting back to the question at hand, my favorite one is pretty much any of the stuff to do with the actual physical White House itself. | |
| Like the Obama trap lasers and the fucking Donald Trump impotence ray or whatever was supposed to be installed in there. | |
| And then when Joe Biden got in and like all the fucking cute nutters were just like, Oh my god, it's clearly a soundstage! | |
| Look out the window! | |
| That's not what the view is from inside the Oval Office! | |
| Like, what the fuck? | |
| Why are the windows gradient differently in this photo? | |
| And it's just like, okay, you guys are really loco. | |
| I just love the idea that when the White House exists, it's booby-trapped by Barack Obama to kill and or maim and or make impotent Donald Trump. | |
| When Joe Biden is in the White House, the White House itself is fake. | |
| And Joe Biden can't actually be in the Oval Office because he is not the real president. | |
| He's not the real president until he gets on Air Force One. | |
| Oh, he did that. | |
| Okay, well, he's not the he's not the real president until he delivers the State of the Union. | |
| So like, yeah, anything anything involving the physical White House itself is my favorite cute conspiracy shit. | |
| The Physical White House vs. Physical Silver, a podcast about the presidency and precious metals. | |
| I haven't had any good new fake podcasts, but when you were talking about Donald Trump and all that such, you said Trump equals Q in this scenario. | |
| It did give me another idea for a good book title. | |
| When we decide to get on the popular trend of deciphering who Q originally was, not that it fucking matters, when we write our book, we should call it Solve for Q. | |
| I am good at titles of stuff. | |
| I'm just gonna say it. | |
| I have a fucking natural gift. | |
| If you need a title for some shit, holler at your boy. | |
| Oh, God. | |
| If you've been working on a novel for like a hundred years and you don't have a good title for it, you know, like hit me up and I'll tell you what my rate is. | |
| I'll give you the shariest title. | |
| Anyway, Sarge, what's your favorite Q conspiracy? | |
| Oh, geez. | |
| I don't know. | |
| I'm really... | |
| into God, I'm really into all the new sovereign citizen stuff. | |
| Or Oh, no, no, it's definitely it is 100% the secret servers in Germany that had American voting data on them and that American soldiers did battle Uh, with the Cabal and Germans to get, uh, servers from Germany back. | |
| I, I, I forget about that one and then remember it and I love it. | |
| I love it so much. | |
| I love that the director of the CIA was a black hat who was defending the illicit server, and then she was either killed in action or captured by the Patriots, and then she just... none of that happened. | |
| It just goes to show you how ephemeral the narratives of QAnon are, that they have these stories they tell, they get themselves so excited about them, and then they just drop it. | |
| They just drop it immediately. | |
| There's nothing to it. | |
| Thanks for the question, whoever that was. | |
| I forgot now. | |
| It seems like it was so long ago. | |
| Friday Night Music Party. | |
| It practically was on a Friday night when the question was asked. | |
| Nice. | |
| That's a good time for a music party. | |
| Yes. | |
| So Michael Vario asks, what fast food is favored by QAnon? | |
| McDonald's, Burger King? | |
| Since so many of the Insurrectionists were from PA, do they prefer sheets or a Wawa? | |
| And do they put pineapples on their pizzas? | |
| Dairy Queen and Quick Stop, to answer the first two questions, because they have cues in them, obviously. | |
| Do they put pineapple on pizza? | |
| God, I hope not, because that's a power move that I myself love to employ. | |
| I don't want these fucking neo-Nazis to ruin pineapple on pizza. | |
| You stay away from my pineapple boogaloo, boys! | |
| I had a pizza tragedy occur to me a couple days ago. | |
| There's a local gas station in the area that has great buy-the-slice pizza, and I stopped in And they had a pizza that was sausage and bacon. | |
| And I was like, well, usually they just have a sausage pizza or a bacon and tomato pizza. | |
| And I just picked the tomato slices off because it's weird to have tomato slices on a pizza with pizza sauce. | |
| No, it's delicious. | |
| Stop being a coward. | |
| Put more fruits on your pizza, you cowards. | |
| Except for the Swedes out there. | |
| You guys really haven't figured it out. | |
| You put bananas on your pizza and everything. | |
| It's fucking crazy. | |
| So, due to COVID, the individual slices are boxed, because they don't want you touching a slice and then leaving it in there and then you poison the rest of the people that are shopping. | |
| So I grabbed my boxed slice of bacon and sausage pizza, left the gas station, was driving down the highway to my house, and when I opened the box, it was a breakfast pizza. | |
| It was like a burrito. | |
| There was no cheese or sauce on it. | |
| It was egg. | |
| The base was egg, and then there was bacon and sausage in the egg, and then the dough of the pizza was beneath that. | |
| It was nothing like what I expected. | |
| I too have been tricked by the breakfast pizza in the past at Quick Trip, which for my Midwestern friends, I did accidentally say Quick Stop earlier instead of Quick Trip because I have been watching Clerks the Animated Series again. | |
| So I meant Dairy Queen and Quick Trip because they have queues in them, obviously. | |
| Which means I'm pretty sure I sussed it out, because both of those things are pretty popular in the Midwest. | |
| So, I mean, 60 Minutes, get at me. | |
| I am single-handedly narrowing this down. | |
| Vice, 60 Minutes, you're on notice. | |
| Your boy L's on the case, and I'm tracking Q down, and when I find him, I'm gonna be like, hey, you're fucking boring, and this shit you did was just a goof, and then it got taken over by assholes. | |
| Isn't there a bounty out for proving who Q is right now? | |
| Someone posted something I saw about that, and it came and went so quickly that I didn't even bother digging into it, because it just looked like such a ridiculously fake or... It was one of those kind of things where a guy's like, I'll give you a million dollars if you can prove evolution is real, and then you show that evolution's real. | |
| They're just like, nope! | |
| And you're just like, okay, doesn't count. | |
| I mean, like, who the fuck, like, who, who playing around in this field? | |
| Can we fucking trust to just be like, like, if there any sort of actual Q supporter, right? | |
| It's just like their whole thing is just being immune to sanity and reason. | |
| It's like their whole deal. | |
| Like all media, except for one American news is fake. | |
| And all scientists in the world are wrong. | |
| And doctors don't know about viruses and fuck you. | |
| That's why. | |
| So, like, unless we could, like, somehow get Donald Trump himself to tell someone, like, you know, we need to slip, let's slip Donald Trump like a hundo and just be like, hey man, just into this, into this camera real quick, just say, Ron Watkins was cute. | |
| And if we could get that popping, then maybe, maybe, maybe we have something. | |
| But, uh... | |
| You know, we'll go all into the identity of Q when Solve for Q comes out in 2024. | |
| I mean, like I said, I've already got it narrowed down to the Midwest. | |
| How big could that place be? | |
| I'm coming for you. | |
| There's like, what, like 30 or 40 people that live in the Midwest? | |
| I mean, we could probably knock this out in a couple weeks. | |
| Basically the size of a mall. | |
| If more of them decide to get rid of their mask orders, then yeah, there might only be 30 or 40 people left in the Midwest. | |
| I could go ask each of them individually if they're Q and see how they react. | |
| Are you Q or was your recently departed family member who caught COVID for no fucking reason and died, were they Q? | |
| And they're like, I'm not sure. | |
| I think Bob was possible. | |
| I'm not saying. | |
| And then you go check Bob's laptop and you don't find any evidence that Bob was actually Q, but Bob did have 20 bitcoins. | |
| So now everything's great. | |
| I mean, like, that is kind of my power move in games like Resistance and, you know, like Secret Hitler and whatnot. | |
| If you think that somebody is, like, a little sus, like, right when the game starts, if, like, you, like, when everyone looks at their cards or whatever and you have an inkling that somebody might be your huckleberry, as soon as everyone, like, has their information or whatever, the second that it is cool for you to open your mouth, just stare that person right in the fucking eyes and go, hey, are you Hitler? | |
| And depending on how weak-willed your friends are, sometimes they give it up immediately. | |
| I mean, they're always going to say no, but I've definitely gotten a few of my friends with that power move, the direct ask immediately. | |
| They're not preparing for it. | |
| In their head, they're trying to plan out their strategy, and you distract them real quick by just being like, yo, you Hillary? | |
| No! | |
| And it's like, all right, cool. | |
| All I'm imagining right now is, like, L and some, like, random person, each with, like, a thousand dollars in front of them, and the flop just comes out, and L just, like, looks at them and goes, you got a set? | |
| And they're just like, no! | |
| And then L just, like, snap folds, just, like, throws his cards, just throws Pocket Ace's face up into the trash, being like, fuck that! | |
| And just being like... Just L with the laser reeds at all games, just... | |
| Anyway, yeah, we got pretty far afield from that question, but I've given my picks for the favorite convenience store and food chain. | |
| What do you guys got? | |
| I mean, I get stuff from Quick Trip the most, but I don't know if I'd call it my favorite. | |
| I'll give you guys another answer. | |
| Chick-fil-A, because they all hate the gays. | |
| That one? | |
| Anybody? | |
| Every time I see it, I think to myself, oh, I can't have that. | |
| It is forbidden because I'm not a shit person. | |
| And then my partner is always, it's not that good, and I was like, I know it's not that good, but my monkey brain wants it because I can't have it. | |
| I mean, your partner is wrong when it comes to chicken sandwiches. | |
| Like, Chick-fil-A does the chicken sandwich better than anyone, but because a portion of each chicken sandwich they sell goes to putting a boot on the neck of gay people, I choose to not eat those chicken sandwiches. | |
| I don't think I've had one in like a decade. | |
| Because as soon as I heard about that shit, I was like, oh, I'm not giving them my money anymore. | |
| What's so funny is, like, near my house, there is a food court that has a Chick-fil-A, and literally every other business just watches Tumbleweeds blow by, and the line for that Chick-fil-A is out the door. | |
| There's a McDonald's right next to it, and that McDonald's, oh my god, they're lucky if, like, someone in the 7 Deep line at Chick-fil-A gives up and walks over to that McDonald's. | |
| It blows my mind how popular that homophobic chicken sandwich joint is. | |
| Oh man, well, it's had a ripple effect in the greater fast food hierarchy because everyone's fucking chasing that dragon. | |
| The McElroy brothers talk about it on My Brother, My Brother and Me fairly frequently, or they have in the past year. | |
| Uh, yeah, like, between, uh, what was it, it was Popeye, like, so Chick-fil-A was the OG, like, we have the best chicken sandwich, but it comes with some baggage, and then Popeye's came out with their chicken sandwich that went viral for being, like, crack rock, apparently, even though most people say it's just, like, okay, and then that initiated The chicken sandwich wars, and the chicken sandwich wars | |
| have been a raging and I think I think Taco Bell is throwing | |
| their hat into the ring next. And they've got a chicken sandwich | |
| taco where it's like a taco shell that's just made out of some like puff bread, which is straight up a grilled like a | |
| fried up chicken breast and some sauce on it. That's it. | |
| That's the whole fucking thing. Hey, hey, Americans, you want your | |
| fucking fried chicken breast on something that might technically | |
| be bread. Taco Bell, we got you fam. | |
| Taco Bell, we got you fam. I heard that's like being debuted | |
| in Charlotte because like Charlotte is apparently where all this stuff gets test marketed because they're just | |
| like, literally proxy America. | |
| The demographics of Charlotte break down perfectly, so that they can just test it and get feedback on those kinds of things. | |
| Yeah, there are test markets for all that shit, and a lot of them are in the South and the Midwest. | |
| We almost never get test market stuff where I currently live. | |
| No matter how hard the Chicken Sandwich Wars rage on, no one is ever going to beat KFC at it. | |
| I feel like if there's a Chicken Sandwich War, then the Chicken Sandwich UN drafted the Chicken Sandwich Geneva Convention, and they were just like, yo, no more chicken as the bread, because the Double Down Sandwich was the most Like a fever dream that someone blazed and drunk came up with one night. | |
| Like, oh man, what if we just turned chicken breasts into the bread and then made a sandwich out of that? | |
| And then somehow that became a menu item on KFC. | |
| And it's just like, holy shit, you guys are really fucking going crazy. | |
| But I haven't seen any other people trying to play in that space. | |
| So it seems like the Council of Elders got together and were just like, this magic is too powerful! | |
| It is forbidden! | |
| So, I think the favorite fast food of QAnon's, besides those with a Q in it, would probably be just McDonald's, because the God Emperor is always seen eating Big Macs and drinking McDonald's branded Diet Cokes and that kind of stuff. | |
| He seems like a McDonald's man. | |
| He's just like the boring, the biggest fast food chain in America is the one I go to because I don't have any culture or taste. | |
| So that's, that's our Donald. | |
| That's our beloved. | |
| That's our Donald. | |
| Yep. | |
| Our beloved, actual, literal, golden, idled, uh, champion of democracy, who'll, again, be returning... Oh, man, where's that cross-promotion? | |
| Get with it, McDonald's. | |
| Introduce Donald McDonald. | |
| Donald McDonald, the most recent horrifying clown to be shilling our burger product. | |
| Oh, God, that'd be so beautiful. | |
| Donald McDonald. | |
| Yes! | |
| If Donald Trump ever hears a single part of this podcast, I want him to hear that joke. | |
| I want him to hear me say Donald McDonald and then call him a horrifying clown, because that, in my heart of hearts, is what I believe. | |
| But anyway, thanks for the question, whoever that was from. | |
| Yep. | |
| Michael Vardo, or Vario. | |
| All right, we got time for one more, baby. | |
| Break it off. | |
| We don't have, we're out, we're out. | |
| This is what I was warning you guys about the bag. | |
| The bag is now sans questions. | |
| We have exhausted the bag. | |
| I mean, to be fair, I'm pretty sure that, I'm pretty sure that all three of us only have two in the bag, generally. | |
| So, hey, you don't get to judge me. | |
| You started it twice this week and didn't have it either time. | |
| You don't get to judge me, Sarge. | |
| You get funnier and then you can judge me. | |
| That's not my job. | |
| I said something to you! | |
| I came up with, we need to talk about, we need to talk about Kevin. | |
| And other shit like that. | |
| Last week I did a bit about Alienation Nation. | |
| She's crazy. | |
| So basically what we're saying is next week Sarge has to bring a lot to the table. | |
| That's where we're at here. | |
| Sarge needs to both fix his microphone so that he's not doing IT help from a call center, and he needs to have just smoking hot takes and incredibly witty puns for fake podcasts. | |
| Because a lot's riding on you, because Elle's now out of bullets, and I'm a moron. | |
| Yeah, and I'm a moron who's the creepy guy from the park, like, grunting about sperm counts, so... Yeah, that was it for me. | |
| The last bit I had in the kitty was Donald McDonald. | |
| Donald? | |
| That's the one I'm going out on. | |
| It's like Raul Julia doing Street Fighter the movie right before dying. | |
| It's like, yeah, it was pretty good. | |
| Like, his performance was pretty good then. | |
| He seemed like he was having a good time. | |
| But at the same time, that movie sucks. | |
| And it's kind of a shame that that's what he went out on. | |
| But he did it to make his kids happy. | |
| He just wanted to be a total him. | |
| And they were like, fuck it. | |
| We're just doing this for the paycheck. | |
| Do whatever you want. | |
| That movie's great. | |
| It's still got one of my favorite lines to quote. | |
| For Bison, it was Tuesday. | |
| Or for me, it was Tuesday. | |
| It's so good. | |
| Anyway, that's our podcast for the week, folks. | |
| Thank you everybody for listening. | |
| This is the time that everyone's favorite part of church, where the collection plate comes around and we jingle jangle it at you and try to guilt you into giving us your money. | |
| If you'd like to support the podcast, you can do so by going and putting some of your miscellaneous pocket change into our Patreon account at Poker and Politics. | |
| Or if you really want to support the podcast and you don't want to spend any money, there's a free way to do it, babies. | |
| All you need to do is tell a friend, you know, engage with us on our Twitter pages. | |
| You know, Mike Rains at Poker and Politics, Sarge at Hellworld Sarge, and me at Hellworld Al. | |
| Go ahead and engage with us there. | |
| Like, share, you know, tell people that might be interested in this sort of shit. | |
| Just be like, hey, I know three, like, overweight, bald, bearded guys that will talk something about Q and a lot about pop culture nonsense. | |
| And we've got a podcast for you. | |
| Or if you don't want to support us, fuck these guys you might be thinking yourselves. | |
| I have money, but I don't want to give it to these goobers. | |
| We got you there, too. | |
| Go ahead and donate that to love146.org. | |
| They're a charity that helps abate child trafficking and, you know, all that good shit. | |
| You know, the sort of good work that Q claimed he wanted done, but his followers never actually did anything about. | |
| Aside from that one time where they stormed a pizza restaurant that did not have a basement looking for child sex slaves. | |
| Always a winning strategy. | |
| No, no, no, friends. | |
| If you want to actually put some goodness into the world, go ahead and drop some ducats into the bucket of love146.org. | |
| And, you know, once again, just come hang out with us on our social media and, you know, ask us questions for the podcast. | |
| Talk to us about your favorite Blade moments. | |
| Ask me, what the hell is Turbo Team? | |
| Because I'm only 20. | |
| All that good shit. | |
| Anyway, for another quasi-successful episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I am Hellworld El, saying goodbye for Mr. Mike Rains. | |
| Go ahead and say goodbye, Mr. Mike. | |
| Goodbye, Mr. Mike! | |
| And Mr. Hellworld Sarge. | |
| Go ahead and say goodbye, Sarge. | |
| Goodbye, beautiful babies. | |
| Good speed, Patriots. |