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Feb. 19, 2021 - Adventures in HellwQrld
01:25:14
Adventures in HellwQrld Episode 22: Texas is Frozen and Rush is Dead

Rush Limbaugh is dead and Texas is frozen. We cover this and other right wing tomfoolery and also go way off the rails about Babylon 5 and Rufio. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Time Text
Hello, everyone.
Poker and Politics here, a.k.a.
Mike Rains, bringing you another edition of Episodes in Hellworld.
I am joined, as always, by Sarge.
Hello from the internet.
I'm going turbo.
In the mysterious hell.
Hello, my beautiful babies.
And also, did you say episodes in Hellworld?
Probably I did.
Probably I did.
Oh, listeners, we're losing our minds.
We're losing our minds slowly but surely to technology.
Not you.
Yes, soon we'll be merged with the Matrix and become one with infinity.
That is our goal.
Also, our goal is to cover the current topics going on in our world that involve Texas being frozen solid and Rush Limbaugh being dead.
That and other wonderful stuff to talk about we'll be getting into very shortly.
But first we need to let you know that this this podcast often goes to dark places
So, uh now you know what you're getting into if uh, you want to support without a hitch
Yeah, living on the edge.
Air's getting real thin up here.
Yes, just having everything in the new Zencastr studio working smoothly is truly a revelation for us.
Hopefully Zencastr gets all the kinks done on their end and we continue to strive for the professionalism that we will never achieve on our end.
No amount of equipment that we buy is ever going to prevent this issue from crippling us.
It's just really funny that, you know, this 20-minute podcast brought to you probably by Zincaster Crashing.
Yes!
Zincaster added a bunch of new features, and one of the new features they added is their website crashing.
So, you know, good job.
Good job.
We love it.
So, if you enjoy the podcast that we are currently providing you with, please tell your friends, tell your family about it.
We love to have more people join our big happy family.
If you really enjoy what we're doing, and how could you not, please feel free to go to patreon.com slash pokerpolitics and throw us a few shekels to help us attempt to obtain the technology needed to run a more smooth, more efficient podcast.
Beyond all that, if we're not worthy of your money, and again, Lord knows how that would be possible, please donate to love146.org.
They are an anti-human trafficking organization that actually strives to quote-unquote save the children, which is something QAnon forgot about somewhere around January 6th when they tried to overthrow American democracy and install a fascist dictator.
So that is pretty much our aggressive pitch for ourselves and other good places to put your money.
It feels really weird to come out of the gate just so badly and then just be like, oh, yeah, by the way, if you like what we're doing, give us some money.
We're on take number five that you don't get to see, and we're professionals.
Maybe we just need to change our pitch strategy to if you hate what we're doing, but you would like to see it improve to maybe get to the point where you can like it, give us your money.
That seems like a really, really strong play for us.
Please.
We need to explain that we're like a 2-and-12 football team.
We're really bad.
But maybe one day with your tender support and financial compensation, we could strive to make it to 500.
We could become 8-and-8.
Yeah, we're going to change our name to the Three Rudies Podcast.
Yes!
We're looking, we're looking to be the Kansas City Royals where any season above 500 is just great.
Oh god, have a parade through downtown Kansas City, because it's celebration time.
We did it, Ma.
We made it to one game over 500.
Hey, that's the bar.
That's the bar, and right now we're not there.
I will be completely honest that we're striving for mediocrity, and maybe one day we'll achieve it.
We could talk about terrible Kansas City sports teams until we're blue in the face, but we should probably get to our headlines.
Yeah, give me the first one.
So we should, it's time for Q's in the News, which might just be Cruz in the News.
Ooh.
Rushless is dead, hooray!
Yeah!
Boom!
Headline!
Rush Limbaugh, a terrible human being, has passed away, leaving his mortal coil where, if you were to believe in the afterlife and the ability to receive punishment in the afterlife, he would assuredly be roasting in the flames of hell Which he would have richly earned through his life of being a hateful, mean-spirited prick who did nothing but exploit the pain and suffering of the least of us in America to make money off of other hateful bigots that enjoyed watching him aggressively punch down on people.
Yeah, I don't really think we need to belabor the point too much, but Rush Limbaugh was a piece of shit, he's dead, and, you know, I'm pretty pumped about it personally.
I don't feel too guilty saying that, because he was a huge piece of shit, and now he's gone, so... Yeah, make his grave metal a full 24 hours without being pissed on.
Oh God, that was what Sarge just said was reminding me of an old thing about the poker player Puggy Pearson where his grave is never dry because there's a line of dealers just waiting to urinate on it because that man alienated every human being in Las Vegas because he was just such a dirtbag.
Bro, you're going through life like Puggy.
Yes, this is true.
This is true.
If you're Puggy, things are rough.
But our good boy Puggy, he was scum, much like Rush Limbaugh.
But at least Puggy didn't have a month-long feature on a radio show where he played I'll Never Love This Way Again while celebrating people dying from AIDS, which is an actual thing Rush Limbaugh did for a long period of time.
Yeah, I did that back in the 80s.
And he only he only got better with age.
Really?
Oh, yeah, that was that was something I would definitely say about Ol' Rushbo was that he was someone who mellowed out as he got older.
And by that, I mean, actually kept aggressively telling people that COVID was just a common cold.
It was no big deal.
Live your life.
Don't worry about mastering on something like that.
This was a guy with terminal lung cancer who was aggressively trying to help people kill themselves on his way out the door.
I mean, it takes a certain level of awful to be, like, that committed to being a terrible human being.
To be like, well, look, there's this deadly pandemic that's a health crisis across the world.
Meh, whatever.
I'll tell people it's no big deal.
And if they happen to take my advice and get sick, that's on them.
Waka waka!
I was like, let's not belabor the point.
And Mike was like, fuck that.
I'm belaboring.
Hey, I got my shot.
I got to get my shots in on this guy.
I just, bam, bam.
He had his suspenders with his thumb, just being like, let me tell you another way that Ross Limbaugh was an old piece of shit.
And it's just like, yeah, I mean, yeah, the guy sucked.
I like, I don't know.
Like it's, it's, it's tough to talk too much about it without just being like, he was a piece of shit and I'm glad he's dead, which is sort of like, Well, do we want to talk about another piece of shit?
A.K.A.
Ted Cruz.
Well, we'll talk about Rafael Cruz, the piece of shit from the now frozen state of Texas, which is making all the Republicans from the governor of Texas to the lowest rank-and-file dirtbag of QAnon all make themselves just... they're all just showing their asses in the most aggressive way possible because... That mayor who decided he didn't want to be employed anymore?
Yeah, Mr. Fuck-You-Idiots-Get-Your-Own-Water-And-Heat-You-Soft-Pieces-Of-Shit-Be-Real-Republican-Thing-I've-Ever-Heard-In-My-Life-He's-Just-Like-You-Want-Fucking-You-Want-Water-And-Heat-Pull-It-Up-By-Your-Bootstraps-Like-Fucking-Saddle-In That would be the former mayor of Colorado city, Texas.
The guy who literally, I love the idea of getting elected to a position and then your stated goal, having achieved that office is to tell everybody to fuck off.
You're not going to do your job.
Everyone, everyone can fend for themselves.
I also love how the beginning of that post was just like, I know I'm gonna hurt some people's feelings, and it's just like, yeah man, this shit you're saying is ridiculous.
Like, what are you talking about?
So what did Mr. Cruise do that we hate him so much for?
So what was really hilarious is if you were up late night on Twitter last night, you got to engage in this feathered studying of all these different photos of Ted Cruz and his family being in an airport in Texas, and if it was really Ted Cruz or not.
And there was all this discussion of like his hairline, this, that, the other thing.
And then this morning it totally came out.
100% confirmed.
Ted Cruz flew to Cancun in the middle of yesterday while his constituents are literally wondering if they will survive the night because they have no power, no water, no heat, nothing, in the kind of winter storm that hits Texas literally never.
Yeah, once every, this is the, they're setting record numbers for 30 years ago.
Have you ever considered that Cancun is beautiful this time of year?
This is a compelling point you're making, and if I were a Texan who had the means to fly myself and my family to a luxury resort in Cancun, I would probably do that.
I wouldn't do that if I was a sitting senator from the state of Texas and one of those people who's supposed to be in Washington, D.C., like, on the phone with FEMA, hassling the president, doing all this other kind of stuff to coordinate relief efforts.
The way Beto O'Rourke, the guy who's not a senator, is fucking doing right now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Mike.
But if you went and polled Texans right now, almost across the board, they would say they would rather be in Cancun.
So can you really blame the guy?
Again, yeah, I can't.
He should just get on the podium and be like, like all Texans, I would rather be in Cancun.
And they will all cheer and clap for him.
He's just like, look, Cancun's a lot better.
I'm not freezing to death when I'm in Cancun, so hey, thumbs to breaks, guys.
Put on another layer or something, I don't know.
For years, conservatives have been saying, love it or leave it.
Well?
I wasn't loving it, so I left it.
What do you want from me?
I'm Ted Cruz.
And then he starts stomping up and down, shooting two pistols in the air like Yosemite Sam.
Woo-hoo!
I bet that if I could, like, keep up the performance and just, like, ran on a platform that was like that, like, ah, god, conservatives would eat it up.
I'd be like the new Donald Trump.
They'd be like, he tells it how it is.
Like, if he doesn't like something, he says it, even if it's America.
And they'd be like, it's the most patriotic thing there is, talking shit about America.
That's one of the things that I remember so many people bringing up in 2016, is that the implicit statement in Make America Great Again is that currently, America sucks.
And if anyone but the Republican nominee for president was saying that, Republicans would be having a stroke.
But because our guy says America sucks, and because, you know, it's because a black guy is president, that makes it okay.
So, I mean, that is literally, A Republican talking point.
Only we can shit on America.
Liberals are not allowed to do that.
That is a bad thing of a liberal, does it?
Oh, yeah. For our listeners, you might be wondering, why the fuck are we talking about frozen Texas? That's just
a general headline.
What does that have to do with Q? Mike, what does that have to do with Q?
Well, the biggest thing that I see about this is that this just goes to show you the nature of how
QAnon reflects the way the Republican Party reacts to literally everything.
Out!
After the attack on January 6th on the Capitol, You had QAnon screaming it was Antifa, that it wasn't them, they didn't do this, it was those other bad people who did the bad thing as a Soros-funded, false flag, double, triple, reverse thingamabobber, or whatever their excuse was, because this is how they operate.
When something happens and they don't like it, they didn't do it.
You had Governor Abbott and all these Republicans out on Hannity Show and everywhere else screaming about how the Green New Deal did this, how those evil liberals brought the pain down upon poor beleaguered Texas.
Captain Planet brought this on us.
Yes!
Captain Planet, wanting to reduce pollution down to zero, froze the state of Texas to keep it from polluting America and the world.
I read that.
And I just wonder, what does Governor Abbott think exactly happened here?
Did he fall asleep in the office and then Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez snuck into the governor's mansion, put a pen in his hand and made him sign the Green New Deal while he was unconscious?
It's an EOC!
Oh my god!
Oh my god!
I saw some people talking about this is the start of Biden's dark winter.
Oh, yeah.
Because Biden brought up, like, that we were going to have a lot of COVID deaths because we were going to have to, like, get America on better footing for the pandemic.
And he was like, get ready for a dark winter.
Get ready to having to deal with, like, we're going to be in a struggle, but things will improve because I, unlike the previous moron we had as president, will right the ship of state and get us to a place where we can actually vaccinate people and handle this crisis.
But QAnon took the term Dark Winter to mean that Joe Biden is going to kill us all.
And he's just admitting it.
That he's a bad person that's going to do bad things to us.
Sleepy Joe got up on the mic and fucking Cobra Commander was just like, PREPARE FOR DARK WINTER!
I love Dark Winter.
Oh god, didn't they have the band Dark Winter in Legacy?
It was way too powerful.
Yeah, for sure.
It was a turn one win!
Damn right it was!
But yeah, you had these people screaming about the Dark Winter.
Basically, all this projection, all this desperate attempt to push this terrible thing that happened and has happened exclusively because of the Republican ethos of Texas, which is no federal regulations.
We're not going to regulate ourselves fucking ever.
And we're just going to run our energy grid exclusively to make a buck and be damned if a crisis ever breaks out where we need to actually help our constituents with anything.
And we're also not going to pay to winterize shit, because it's Texas, and it'll never get cold in Texas.
No, not ever.
Nobody ever expects the Dark Winter!
Dark Winter is... I don't know if I like it more than Stormwave, but it's up there.
Well, I mean, Stormwave came and went, so the time for Dark Winter is now.
Well, the storm wave was supposed to happen when Trump was president.
The dark winter is the Biden presidency.
So we're just getting with the times.
And I saw a, I don't know, again, I don't know what you call a post on Gab.
I still go with the working title of a racism.
I saw a racism on Gab where this guy was just like, Hey, all these libs who are trying to claim that it isn't the wind energy that's fucking over Texas.
Here's this chart that proves they're wrong.
Boom.
And all I could think of was, if you were right, and it was the wind energy not working, the turbines not working, that is the real crisis in Texas, again, that falls back on you guys, idiots, because you didn't winterize that shit.
In 2011, there was a review done of the Texas energy grid, and these people went to ERCOT, or whatever you call it, the regulatory body of that, of the Texas power grid, and they were like, You should winterize the turbines and all this other stuff in Texas in case something like this happens.
And then the people running the grid were like, are you going to legislate that?
Is it a regulation?
Do we have to do it?
And they were like, no, of course not.
The Texas state legislature and the governor will never make you do anything.
And the people running the grid were like, fuck it!
Cut corners!
Save money!
Rake in the cash!
Make it rain!
And now everyone in Texas is dying and they're blaming Joe Biden and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez for killing them because that's what these cowards do.
They never own up to the bullshit they pulled, which in this case was Literally leaving themselves open to having this happen.
And I think the only thing that's making them even, like, be able to present a case that this is somehow not their fault is that, like, frozen wind turbines are very photogenic.
You can take this big photo of this frosty wind turbine and be like, look at the wind turbine that doesn't work!
Stupid Libs and their climate change and their carbon neutral nonsense.
It's a lot harder to, like, break into, like, a gas power plant and take a photograph of, like, a desktop of, like, all these instruments that are just, like, frozen solid.
It's not as hard as you would think.
You can just take that picture anywhere in Texas right now.
Yeah, it's just not as sexy.
It doesn't appeal as much.
You know, the frozen pipes and all that other stuff.
I mean, I'm sure you could find a frozen pipe that's showing a little leg.
You know, got a little cleave going on to it.
You could find some sexy devastation in Texas if you really needed to sell the idea that their power grid is fucking horseshit.
I mean, like, you know.
The suffering in Texas is really tragic, but at the same time, I have heard a lot of racists and idiots say that Texas being on its own power grid will allow them to secede from our stupid liberal country at some point.
And to those people, and only those people, I say, fuck you, buddy.
Look at what your fucking power grid got you.
Nice, nice independent power grid, idiot.
To all the people that are getting fucked by it, I mean, that sucks, and I seriously feel for those people.
But, like, to the people that were racist and that were very excited about another civil war and the fact that their power grid might let them get away with that shit, those are the people that can get fucked off.
Oh yeah.
I mean, the thing is, is that anyone who's like saying, oh, they got what they bargained for.
Idiots.
I think Trump won Texas like with only like 52% of the vote.
It was really close.
There are a lot of Democrats in Texas.
There are a lot of people who don't support what's going on there.
And this just goes to like, kind of like the institutional corruption of the state with like massive gerrymandering and all of this bullshit to like make it a really heavy lift to let Democrats have a voice.
in how their state is run.
But sooner or later that's going to happen.
And this is the kind of thing that can be a catalyst.
I mean, I'm Governor Abbott.
I'm thinking about my reelection next year.
That seems like it's gonna be pretty spicy when I'm trying to explain like why you found grandma
three months after the great chill and she was like literally frozen to death
in her fucking house.
Cause I killed her cause I'm a moron who wanted to help my energy buddies save a buck
and not winterize their shit.
True though that may be, it does seem a little morbid for us to be talking about silver linings while Texas is still hoth-cold.
So speaking about hoth-cold, the Mandalorian had some thick Q-related news this week.
What's going on there?
Yeah, Gina Carano decided that she wanted to continue being a TERF, anti-trans, and anti-Semitic, and she fucked around and found out, and the mouse fired her.
Ben Shapiro hired her, so good news.
Good news, everybody.
What did Shapiro hire her to do?
Be in a movie.
The Daily Wire, his dumb production company that's part of his news network, The Daily Wire, hired her to be in a movie.
We don't have any details yet.
I assume racist Star Wars.
That would be the working title of the movie, I think.
If I were someone going to Ben Shapiro with a spec script for his movie, I think the actual title in 48 point font would be Racist Star Wars.
Racist Star Wars.
You guys are both way off the mark.
They approached David Attenborough with it, but he refused.
So she's going to be doing the voiceover for Shapiro's wife, colon, the driest place on earth.
Oh, man.
Oh, Ben.
Yeah, I mean, Ben Shapiro, if you're listening, I ain't never going to forget that shit, dude.
The only thing I know about you is that you seem like you probably can't satisfy your wife in bed.
So enjoy that one.
The Daily Wire also bought the rights to distribute a school shooter movie about a girl whose dad is like, A diehard character and he teaches her how to like all these survival shit and then the school gets invaded by a team of school shooters and she just diehards it through the high school killing school shooters.
What fucking high school does she go to where they would need a team?
I don't know!
The motivation for Hans Gruber was pretty rock solid.
He stood to steal a ton of money.
What is a team of coordinated school shooters going to do?
What are they there for?
How coordinated are they?
I'm terribly excited to wink not to pirate this movie.
I will not be committing a crime stealing this movie, but I will definitely steal this movie and watch it because I don't want to give Ben Shapiro and the Daily Wire any money.
You'll be able to stream it from Brazil, which is the racist and anti-semitic version of Amazon.
Get it?
I just really, I just really love the idea of what you said because it's like school shootings are almost always like one nut job doing something because they've snapped and they have a problem.
The idea of a group of people coordinating to do such a thing and then Ben Shapiro's female author insertion character Like, swoops in and, like, saves the day and, like, busts everybody's skulls.
It's, like, so ridiculous.
He had a novel where literally... Oh, yeah.
The novel where he reimagined himself as, like, an army ranger who had a growth spurt.
It was, like, big and strong and brave and tough and sexy.
And it was just, like, so obvious because, like, the character had the growth spurt when they were, like, 17.
And you could just tell that, like, little boy Ben was just like, why didn't that happen for me?
Yeah, he did try to be a screenwriter.
to make this novel where it does.
And I'm the big strong boy.
And I didn't have to get a career cause my mommy and daddy paid for it in
Hollywood and then that failed.
So I became a conservative talk show host.
Yeah, he did try to be a screenwriter.
Ben Shapiro is a very bad writer and Gina Carano was not a good actress.
They, they could find just anyone to replace her.
I mean, I agree that she was a bad actress, or at least not a very good one, but I disagree that they can just find anyone to fill her wardrobe.
Which is to say, I mean, look, I think she's attractive physically, even though she's abhorrent, but from an actual representation standpoint, it was important to a not insignificant number of people that one of the supporting cast of this wildly popular TV show was this thicker, more muscular, badass soldier woman, right?
So, like, they can't just replace her with any old, like, woman off the street.
Like, they would have to find somebody, like, for representation purposes, like, it would be nice for them to find, try to find somebody else that was, like, big.
Yeah.
And, like, that's a very interesting thing about her was that she, when she was actually, like, fighting in MMA and stuff, she was at a very high weight class for women.
And she actually oftentimes would come in overweight, even in that weight class, because she is just Bigger.
And it was really funny.
Alex Jones had a thing about this and he was whining about cancel culture and all that stuff.
And he had this really weird mental breakdown on the air where at one point he was just sort of like, well, you know, there's a woman like this, but I'm not saying she's unattractive.
There's these Amazon women.
And it was just kind of like, Alex, just admit you want to sleep with her.
It's okay.
I mean, You're not married.
Yeah, I mean, my version of that, which I did, like, just minutes ago, was sort of me, like, assuring the audience.
It's just like, stick with me.
I'm not disobjectifying her.
This is going someplace.
Trust me, with Alex, it didn't.
It was just really weird.
Oh yeah, Alex Jones didn't have it in him to approach this topic with any sort of fucking tact or decorum.
Shocked.
Nope, nope.
He was just sort of like, you know, she's a little bit bigger, but that's cool.
I'd still do her.
And it was like, thanks.
You're the best, man.
You're truly the greatest of all time.
How noble.
I mean, like, but you know, dollars to pesos.
If she was a liberal and not a conservative, he'd be like, you've got this big fat Star Wars woman!
Absolutely.
Oh yeah.
He would, he would crush her if it was, if the shoe was on the other foot.
No doubt.
I mean, yeah, that's cause again, that's how he sells his audience a bunch of like a portable food and whatnot.
Will you?
So I'm sure the Q fanbase was very excited that she got cancel cultured for just like, speaking her mind, man!
Oh, all the Telegram and all the other places that QAnon now hides on the internet, they were just like celebrating hashtag cancel Disney, all of this other stuff.
Gina Carano became their biggest hero for like 48 hours.
Who's Lin Wood?
We forgot about that guy.
I mean, they were just all Gina all the time.
I remember people were like, I liked Gina Carano before it was cool.
And it was just this big fanboy, Senpai Notice Me kind of nonsense where she just became the darling of this community of horrible racist monsters because she's a weirdo who kind of endorses their beliefs.
I mean, UFC as a whole has a weird QAnon problem.
Like last year, there was a Cut Man who wore patches that had the Where We Go One, We Go All motto on them.
Jorge Masvidal, who's like a big fighter now in the UFC, put out hashtag QAnon on one of his posts.
Tito Ortiz and Janet Jameson are massively red-pilled QAnon supporters.
I've actually had an argument with Janet Jameson on Twitter about her dumb QAnon beliefs.
Like, one of the dumbest things that's ever happened.
What?
Yes, I've gotten into Twitter beef with Janet Jameson over QAnon.
It is... The porn star?
Yes, that would be her.
Yeah, I'm sorry, I had to make sure we were talking about the same ridiculous human being.
No, Mike just found, he just searched on Facebook for profiles named Jenna Jamison and just started railing against them.
Yeah, like, uh, she, uh, she just got whole hog into this stuff and was talking about, like, hundreds of thousands of children being abducted and all this nonsense.
And I was like, no, you're wrong.
The statistics you're using are incorrect.
And she came back at me!
And I was just like, well, Janet Jameson is throwing down with me!
This is so weird!
Why is this my life?
But, uh, yeah, her and Tito are totally pilled.
Um, they're, they're just, like, The Jackson-Winklejohn fight camp out of Albuquerque, New Mexico, that's pretty famous, had a Q flag flying over the top of the gym one day, and then the owners had to be like, we condemn all kinds of bad things, we don't know where that flag came from, waka waka, don't look over here!
We're just big supporters of that particular part of the alphabet.
Don't read it.
Yep, Sesame Street.
Today's training class was brought to you by the Letter Q. Yeah, it was just so bizarre.
We were trying to summon Quail Man.
Yes, we love Dan Quail's alter ego, our esteemed former Vice President of America.
And before we had Trump and Sarah Palin, the dumbest man ever to hold office in the executive branch of America.
But, uh, Anyway, now Gina Carano can fuck off and be the Queen Bee of Q for as long as they'll have her and talk about how whites are the new Jews or whatever horseshit she believes.
I can't, I wonder, like, cause Dana White's like a big Trump supporter and all that kind of stuff.
I wonder if, like, when her options dry up, if, like, he'll throw her a big check to get the shit beat out of her in an MMA fight.
She hasn't, like, fought in, like, a decade or whatever, but I'm sure there are a bunch of idiots who would, like, pay 50 bucks to watch her fight for the world title, and be like, oh yeah, Gina's gonna take it to those no-good so-and-sos, and then she'd get starched in 30 seconds.
And, uh, everyone would make money off of it, so.
If Dana does want her to get destroyed in a UFC fight, I don't know that I would pay money to watch it, but I would check out the replays afterwards to see what would happen, because I know what would happen, because she's totally washed up.
Would she go to Fight Island?
Yes, she would!
Dana White's Mortal Kombat?
Yeah, I was about to say, a new trailer for Fight Island dropped today.
I haven't seen it yet.
Yeah.
Oh, it's good.
I mean, is it?
It's funny, because this looks good.
I don't think the movie will be good.
Us going off on this tangent actually isn't that much of a tangent at all, because doesn't the new Mortal Kombat movie feature an OC that's some doofy UFC idiot that we're, like, spending our time with?
I feel like I read that somewhere, where, like, to make this Mortal Kombat movie, they had to give us, like, a focal point character, and instead of using one of the established characters, there's some UFC idiot!
I mean, there's some person I didn't know and he has a tattoo of the Mortal Kombat emblem.
Oh yeah, that's him.
He's some dummy MMA chungus that is dusted with the Mortal Kombat tattoo.
I just thought it was Liu Kang before he changed his name or something.
No, I think he's supposed to be some sort of MMA fighter.
Like, that's what Mortal Kombat was missing, a fucking ground impounder.
Like, get in there.
Like, grapple Scorpion into submission.
Oh wait, he's literally an undead skeleton that doesn't breathe or feel pain.
Oh no!
I remember, I think the last Mortal Kombat that came out, Ronda Rousey was Sonya Blade, and they did like mocap and the scripting for that.
Yes.
She is not good at voice acting.
They're like, if you get a chance, you should YouTube Ronda Rousey in Mortal Kombat, I think 11.
They are the flattest, most dead lines I've ever heard delivered.
Yeah, I mean, the Mortal Kombat video games have been fine.
And you know, when Mortal Kombat the video game introduces some new person, they're not a random, they're a new addition by the people who made it.
But when they hand out the movie rights, and the movie people, they're just like, hey, now it's fucking like, you know, Tommy MMA is your new guy.
And it's just like, who the hell is fucking Tommy?
Unless the movie ends with him getting fatality'd, then his addition seems wildly dubious.
I mean, it would be great if five minutes into it, if that was just a line they were towing at five minutes into the movie, like Scorpion fucking just harpoons him through the chest and just kills him dead.
They're just like, we wanted to trick everyone, so the first fatality is this dumb chungus.
But yeah, I doubt it.
Yeah, it's like the guy who gets blown up by the neck collar in Suicide Squad to let us know that that's a real thing that can happen.
Yeah, to establish that... Oh my god, what the fuck was that guy's name?
It was something dub, right?
It was like... Like Captain Boomerang or something?
No, Captain Boomerang made it all the way through.
Captain Boomerang was their boomin' from beginning to end.
It was something to do with ropes.
Yeah, it was something like that.
Yeah, who the fuck could even know?
Anyway, let's try to get back sort of on track.
So while we were talking about the racist Gino Carano, you had mentioned, who is Lin Wood?
Well, here are my notes.
It says Lin Wood something something, because, you know, that dude's always in Q's News.
So what's up with Lin Wood this week?
This week with Lin Wood, he has decided to create a grifter super team to now begin turning his audience of diehard QAnon supporters into a monetary stream.
He is monetizing them.
Some sort of suicide squad?
Yes!
Oh god!
Man!
It was right there and you missed it.
I absolutely did.
I am not as hip as the kids as you are, Elle.
But our good friend Lin Wood is building his suicide squad.
But instead of suicide, they're grifters.
So the grift squad...
It has established its first two new members.
The first one is Herschel Walker, who is just your standard Trump-supporting dingus, who actually was talking to Congress about reparations and paying black people for having had generations of black people be slaves in America.
And in his testimony to Congress, he actually said that atonement is not part of the Christian faith.
So they shouldn't do this to... What?
No jokes!
He said that!
And that Congress in America should not seek to atone for the sin of slavery by cutting checks to black people for what had happened to previous generations.
And a lot of people were like, you are talking about Christianity, right?
Literally a religion entirely based upon atonement.
Christ died to atone for all of our sins.
The entire concept of the faith is actual atonement.
And you are claiming that is not something Christianity is about because you are a raving nut.
Who apparently doesn't even know the faith you claim to hold so tightly, so dearly in your heart.
So, dear old Herschel has joined our beloved Lin Wood on this grifter team.
And then some woman named Monica Matthews, who I don't know, but Lin's press release for her Or at least his telegram post says that she's a nationally known and highly respected conservative talk show host, Grammy-nominated vocalist, author, diplomatic relations and political strategist, communications expert, an advocate for adults of childhood sex abuse, and an advocate for religious liberty.
Yeah, that's something that is an actual real thing that people need to do.
Wow, it really is like Suicide Squad.
We've only gotten to the third member on the team and already I don't know who the fuck you're talking about.
Right!
I mean, so, but the best part about his press release with her is, the end of Herschel Walker's thing is just, Thank you, Herschel!
God bless you!
And then Lynn praying emoji, heart emoji, American flag emoji.
He does the same thing with her, but under her, he then has a hyperlink to www.fightback.law.
And if you go to that website, literally the front page is nothing but a giant donate now button with an American flag draped over it.
So he knew that Monica wasn't exactly a big pull the way Herschel Walker was.
So he had to be like, hey, we got this Monica lady.
And by the way, give us money!
Hook us up!
Let's go!
Open up your wallets, Rubes!
Would you say that of the members on the team, she's their slipknot?
Boom.
There it is.
Yes, she would definitely be the slipknot of this group.
I don't even have the people that are below Harley Quinn on level of information or relevancy.
It's just Herschel Walker, who's basically deadshot, I guess, who would actually say, so this is like some sort of fight back dot law, I guess what he would say in the trailer, as it were.
And beyond that, we have nothing except for King Grifter himself, Lin Wood, who is... I can't wait to see Herschel in Gemini, man.
That'd be great.
Oh my god.
But the thing that's so funny about all of this stuff is that Lin Wood, all of his posts have like a quarter million views on this just absolute hellscape of a site that is Telegram.
And then you have the room with all the QAnon promoters, and they're like, hey, meet all your favorite QAnon grifters!
We're all here!
And then you click on their things and they have like 10,000 views.
If that.
Just sell out and go conservative and make that cheddar.
Oh man.
And I mean, your base is like too stupid to even accept all of this recorded evidence of you being liberal as evidence of anything, right?
They'd just be like, it's doctored, it's fake news.
Like, how can you trust that?
I would just have my meeting with Jesus moment.
I would say that I blacked out, I got rushed to the hospital, I was on death's door, and I had a vision.
You're Rush Limbaugh reincarnated.
Yeah, the spirit of Rush came into my body.
Yeah, I saw this blinding light and Jim Watkins was standing before me with Lin Wood and Gina Carano and all these other beautiful people and they told me it wasn't my time yet but I had to go back and repent for being a mean person to all those dear, sweet QAnon people who just love God and Donald Trump.
And then Watkins rode out on his glorious Wagyu steed.
He was riding on a Wagyu bull.
It wasn't moving very far because those things live the most pampered life imaginable.
Yes, all of that.
And now I'm back.
Now I'm here.
I'm reformed.
I am now a good, wholesome Christian with the values that Hillary Clinton needs to be hung by the neck until dead because she's a monster.
And all those other things that Christ would have absolutely been totally in favor of were he around to talk about it.
Oh yeah, well if you're Rush, come back.
I'm Elrond, come back.
I swear the mysterious El has become the mysterious Elrond.
I read all of my titanium notes.
I am fucking fully oppressed of this new world.
Fear me!
Oh god, that would be the greatest thing in the world.
We just started- Did you just invent an anime?
Yes!
Oh, Full Metal Alchemist is going to be... Yeah, holler at us, Shonen Jump.
We've got a sub 10 in the brain basket.
So our last note for headlines for the week, I see here that Parlor is back, which is funny because I didn't know that Parlor left.
What the fuck is up with Parlor?
So Parlor got de-platformed because it's a racist test pool and they were like working off of Amazon's web system and then they got a bunch of money and they got back up and running and the funniest thing about this is this has created an actual like kind of schism between Gab and Parlor where Most of QAnon that's like set up on Gab and are happy to be there because the guy that runs Gab is just a total piece of shit and has no complaints about being like, I'm running a white ring extremist cesspool of a social media platform and that's what I want to be and this is good.
This is a great thing that we are doing here at Gab.
And Parler Wants to have their app get put on like iTunes and like Google Play and all these other places.
They actually want to have like market share beyond just the alt right and QAnon.
So You have this situation where Parlor's trying to be more appealing and trying to reach out to more of a customer base, and the Gab people are like, nope, Parlor sucks, it's bad, it's evil.
If you go on Parlor, you're probably getting yourself set up to be honey-potted by the deep state.
Oh, you mean when Silk Road went down and then came back up?
We are not cops.
We are not the FBI.
Please continue to buy your illegal drugs and assassination attempts through us, totally legitimate Silk Road.
Yes, the absolutely, totally above board, and by above board I mean criminal, but still not criminal where you'll be arrested for your crimes parlor, as it were.
Has anyone ever hired an assassin and it not been the FBI?
Not that we know of.
I don't know that there's a lot of... That would be the greatest thing in the world if there was, like, an assassin posting on social media, and he never got arrested, and he never got any actual contracts.
And he's like, God damn it!
Well, I mean, Joe Exotic tried to put a hit on somebody.
It definitely did not go to an FBI.
That person informed on her later, but at the time, he was just some chungus.
Yeah, I saw a show where a guy asked one of his friends to kill his wife and his friend was like a million years old, his wife was a million years old, the guy goes over to kill her, he loses the hand to fist fight to her and she kills him.
I don't know.
Maybe ask that guy's son if he wants to commit the murder?
Maybe sending the 70-year-old guy over to kill your wife might backfire?
Normally that kind of work involves someone who's kind of spry, little, capable of handling some rough and tumble stuff going on.
I've never been friends like that with someone.
I have a lot of cherished friends that I would take a bullet personally for, but I'm not going to assist anyone in murder or disposing of a body.
I'm not going to do any sort of big time felonies for any of my friends.
Thank you.
We had this discussion long ago.
It comes up every now and again.
I'm never hiding a body for you.
Yeah, it came up for no reason.
Let's just say that Sarge, you know, I mean, you know, we don't have to get into it, but it came up and I discussed with Sarge about how, like, I was just like, dog, I'm not going to help you hide this body.
I mean, a hypothetical body.
Yes.
That is absolutely things that have never happened that we've never talked about.
Neither on this podcast or otherwise.
Anyway, so now that Parlor has landed on its digital feet or whatever, did it just roar right back to life?
Is it still just like a ceaseless void of racism?
Uh, it is, uh, still, uh, right now, I don't know how good its connectivity is, but, uh, I did see someone post a thing that was like, uh, parlor back to normal.
And they had a screenshot and it was just two, uh, full columns, like 25 names each.
So it was like 50 names and every name was either an anti-Semitic, uh, phrase or 1488 or a swastika was the avatar.
I mean, it was just like literally, like parlors like, hey, Apple, don't deplatform us.
Hey, Google, don't de-platform us.
And Parler's customer base is like, oh, you're getting de-platformed.
Don't you worry.
Can you imagine if you tried to log into like Parler to like, you're just like, oh man, I just composed this juicy anti-Semitic racism, which is again, the term we're using.
This anti-Semitic racism.
This antisemitic racism I've just composed is really good.
And then you go to send it, and it's just like, Error!
Cannot send!
Too many people are already being antisemitic!
When antisemitic bandwidth exceeded, please try back later.
Please try to be antisemitic at off-peak hours.
Because right now, our peak hours for antisemitism are swamped.
It's like logging on to Warcraft and you're in the queue.
You're number 1,000 to be allowed to post your antisemitism on Bartler.
If you continue having this problem, try not hating the Jews.
Okay, no, just kidding.
Sorry.
We know why you're on Parler.
I'm trying to remember.
I think it was like, oh no, it was Liz Kroken.
When she got kicked off of Parler, she got kicked off of everywhere.
And she went to Gab, like she was immediately attacked for being Jewish.
Because that's what happens when you leave polite social media.
To go anywhere else.
You're just like, oh, welcome to just rampant antisemitism, which most places won't tolerate.
And I mean, it's really kind of funny because while we're saying this and we're like, oh yeah, Twitter's really good about this.
I mean, Twitter still has a Nazi problem.
I mean, they're still not great about this.
Nick Fuentes still has a blue check mark last I checked.
And like, that guy's just a Holocaust denier, which is no big deal, I guess.
MBD?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, whatever.
How could you prove such a thing happened?
Exactly, exactly.
Nicholas J. Fuentes, he's going full government on us, still has a blue checkmark, still has 126,000 followers on Twitter, is still an anti-Semite, dirtbag, piece of shit, who was in the crowd for the Capitol riot, but didn't go inside the Capitol like his buddy Baked Alaska did, and that's why Baked Alaska's going to jail for forever.
Ah, he's one of those clever racists.
Slash anti-Semites.
Yes.
He is one of those anti-Semites who was not tricked by Antifa to rush into the Capitol building via some sort of Soros-based mind control.
Some cabal sniper looking through a scope on an adjacent building and all the people creeping around inside the Capitol building.
And then they look up for a second and notice these other racists that are milling about outside of the Capitol.
It's just like, clever girl!
They're like, dammit, not all the racists went in!
Our plot to make them all riot and try to kill Congress and the Vice President was only 75% successful.
Shucks!
Yeah, Antifa's plan to trick all those, you know, peace-loving conservative protesters into the Capitol building so they could, like, blow it up or whatever and destroy Trump's fan base, whatever the fucking plan was supposed to be, it really failed because some of them were smart enough to just mill around outside on bullhorns being like, We support this, but not in a way that matters.
We don't want to go to jail, so we're just gonna be here.
We know where the line of legal liability is, and we are not crossing it.
Good luck in there, you fucking morons.
I hope you topple our government and start a fascist dictatorship.
But if you don't, which I think the odds are heavily on that side of this thing,
I will not be joining you in a federal penitentiary for the next 20 to 50 years.
Yeah, like, well, like, the people that were marching on the Capitol,
like, what did they think was going on with all of their figureheads? Like, their
Alex Joneses and Lin Woods or whatever?
Like, no, those are the broken of the fucking Capitol building.
You would think that in the time, like if you're going to war, you bring Achilles with you, right?
I mean, like, yeah, you got to bring your A game.
Like, Trump has some deniability.
He's just like, well, the citizens have to take it back.
The president can't do it, and the citizens are going to be fired up or whatever.
But fuck, where was Lin Wood?
Like, he should have been riding a chariot up the Capitol steps or whatever.
What's really funny is Alex Jones was there and when he saw what was happening, his immediate reaction was like, oh no, oh no!
Because he knew that this was like a bridge too far for his grift.
He just wants these people like kind of freaked out, kind of angry, just on edge as it were, so he can sell them overpriced vitamin D and dick pills.
He's just like running, he's just running away, just like shouting, he's just like, Yeah, get him!
Virtue signaling!
Crisis actors!
As he just gets further and further away from it.
They're wearing it with his classic dirty gym socks on his ears, just running away.
That's a deep cut Alex Jones reference.
And then tweeting support about them from very, very far away.
Oh yeah that was like truly the greatest like uh moment of time because this dumb fucking idiot in police thought it was a good thing and Alex was like no you understand this is bad this was Antifa and his employees were like no we're taking back the capital America freedom MAGA and Alex like no no no no fucking stop it stop Stop it.
Dial it down.
Dial it down.
This hurts our bottom line, you cretins.
Same thing with Lin Wood.
Lin Wood is just like, you know, he's just tweeting.
He's just like, you know, as I look outside of the window of my new Mercedes, I barely even recognize this country anymore.
Go get them, boys!
Lin Wood's like, look, I understand the frustration of you people in the halls of Congress right now, and I accept that, but now can you please give me, Herschel Walker, and some other lady a pile of money, because we'll help you out doing a thing, I guess.
Yeah, he's like, I know that I wasn't there while those heroic patriots stormed the Capitol, but be honest, wouldn't you also rather be in Cancun?
Boom!
Full circle!
Callbacks!
Yes!
That level of callback is the professionalism that Al brings to the table here.
So that's why we have him on board.
Yeah, sometimes I'm pretty great.
So we have about, let's say, let's call it 30 minutes worth of recording time.
Do we want to do any drops or do we want to roll into a mailbag?
Do we just want to talk about... Do we want to do our stealth test pod, the Pizza Illuminati?
I was thinking we should just roll into the mailbag, and if we don't hit our dream runtime of 90 minutes, we can then attempt the Pizza-Lobby.
I can't even say the name!
The Pizza-Luminati.
The Pizza-Luminati.
Yes, that's it.
I did it.
Second take.
Always better than the first take.
Go ahead and get us started on the mailbag while I maybe Google the word Pizza-Luminati.
That sounds good.
So one of our Grand Inquisitors, Chairman Walkman, asks, has Elle had a take that both yourself and Sarge disagreed with?
Oh, all the time.
Me and, like, me and Elle used to live together, we've lived together for several years, and we disagree all the time on stuff that doesn't matter and, I guess, stuff that does matter.
I mean, every once in a while, I guess, stuff that matters, but I mean, like, the little incidental stuff, especially nerd chat all the time.
And most especially Magic Cards.
Magic Card evaluations.
Yes!
We are all over the place on that.
Some of us more than others.
I was never around Sarge for magic card ratings, as it were.
Me and Elle, however, we went deep back into the annals of MTG, as it were, and not the crazy lady who has ruined that abbreviation, as it were.
So I know well of that.
I know of all the, like, just the fun and frivolity of playing the game of Magic and dealing with the immense frustration when a small child of a Goblin deck beats your Astro Slide deck when there's no goddamn way that could happen!
That's literally a tailor-made layup win for you!
Oh my god.
Yeah, that was that was pretty great.
I'm glad that I had an audience for that messy, like 15 year old me, Magic the Gathering meltdown.
I do know off the top of my head, I know one of one of the takes that Mike Raines disagrees with me on is I am firmly a believer in the fact that The Venture Brothers is one of the greatest television shows in the history of history.
And I can't even get fucking Mike Raines to watch that shit.
It is like my greatest failure as a friend, maybe in my whole life.
I have watched a bunch of Venture Brothers, and whenever I watch it, I enjoy it.
I don't know what it is, but it's just this weird thing where Doctor Venture himself, to me, is just...
Oh, he's an unlikable character by purpose.
I know, but I'm just saying, he just feels so empty to me, and it's just like, I hate that this thing is sort of supposed to be based around him, and it just shouldn't.
And I get that it really isn't in a lot of ways, but that's just the thing.
If I walk into the room and the Venture Brothers are on, I will watch it and I will have a good time.
I just never seek them out as it were.
Yeah, Mike Raines is the kind of guy who started watching The Wire and because Omar wasn't in the first episode, he was like, fuck this!
The Wire is incredible and I've watched The Wire.
So how dare you?
How dare you?
Are you a season two apologist?
Uh, I, I think season two was there.
I wouldn't say I wasn't, I wouldn't be an apologist for it.
I mean, I, I'm pretty much a realist when it comes to my television shows.
Like one of my favorite shows, like from into ancient antiquities, like Babylon five.
And I will tell people there's like, you need to cherry pick season one and not watch the last season.
The middle three seasons, the middle three seasons are like the best television ever made.
Oh my God.
They just put the remaster of Babylon 5 up on HBO Max, and I started watching it, and I got two episodes into season one, and I was like, does this matter?
And I just skipped it and went right to season one.
Yeah, bro, like, I cannot be asked to do that for a show.
Like, the most prime example is the American The Office.
I think The Office sucks, because I've tried to watch The Office several times, but, you know, I'm not a crazy person.
So when I start a new show, I start from the beginning and everyone's just like, oh, you should just skip the first season.
And I'm just like, well, how about I just skip all of the seasons?
Because if they managed to crank out 26 episodes of garbage, like, why am I just going to give them a pass on that?
No, thank you.
And then I have to suffer through endless memes of people just being like, look at this fat, bald guy dropping this big pot of chili.
Isn't that hysterical?
And I'm just like, had to be there, man, because that shit is not funny to me at all.
Yeah, that sounds like more like a kind of a writing problem with The Office.
But what happened, the first season of Babylon 5, it kind of like got destroyed because the main character, that actor, like literally had a mental breakdown and they had to remove him from the show to get mental help.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I thought he just didn't want to be on a goofy sci-fi show.
Nope, what actually happened, like, J. Michael Straczynski was like, it turned out that after that guy died, J. Michael Straczynski was like, I will now actually tell people why he left the show, and the reason why he left the show was because he was actually falling apart mentally.
He was having a schizophrenic breakdown, and one day we, like, pulled him aside, and we had a talk, and he told us what was happening to him, and we were like, well, if you can cut out the rest of these episodes, we will find a way to Like just gussy this up and talk about creative differences or the character just wasn't working.
We will come up with a plausible excuse for you leaving the show.
Cause we know that if like, it gets out that you have a mental health issue in Hollywood in this day and age, cause that was like back in like the early nineties or whatever, we know that will destroy your career.
So we won't do that to you.
And he was like, you got it.
And then like, they just parted ways amicably.
And then after that guy passed, he was like, yeah, this is what actually happened.
So.
Yeah, so that's why the first season of Babylon 5 is completely detached from the rest of it because they just had to cast a new lead because the old guy was just not capable of performing anymore due to mental illness.
This is our new segment, Babylon 5-5, where we give Mike Reyes five minutes to talk about the ancient fucking television show, Babylon 5.
Oh God, next week I'm going to be all about gosh, it's going to be so good.
Anyways, thank you for the question.
Get ready for next week's debut of my segment, Alienation Nation, where I'm going to do five minutes.
On the classic sci-fi show.
Yeah, that's right.
I wish that the audience could see the look on Mike Rains' face at my mention of the forgotten fucking show, Alienation.
That's right, baby.
I would be so happy if you did that.
Oh, my God, that'd be great.
Oh, man.
I could talk about how the small of their backs were their erogenous zone and how they got drunk off of spoiled milk.
Yep.
I remember the spoiled milk thing.
I didn't remember the erogenous zone thing.
Oh yeah, that was how they allowed their characters to get sexy on screen, even though it was like the mid-90s on SyFy Channel or whatever, so they couldn't just have sex scenes.
Oh my god, you're touching his back!
It's giving me most swollen erogenous zone.
Was it Fox?
Yeah, it was Fox.
I think I only ever saw it when they were rerunning it on SyFy Channel.
Yes, okay, fair.
So to answer your question, yes, we disagree on takes all the time.
Yeah, I don't think there's one specific take that I have that both Mike and Sarge hate.
At least none that I can think of off the top of my head.
I can't either, so I think that we managed, we are either unanimous on things or we are a 2-1 split.
I don't think there's anything, it's been a 2-1 split against L, as it were.
So, in these fights, usually me or Sarge end up being double teamed by the other person and L being on one side of the issue, as it were.
Yeah, we're triumvirate and it works pretty well, so.
Yeah.
So thank you for the question and the huge digression you sent us upon, Chairman Walkman.
Everything is Skippy asks, have they talked about Biden actually flying on Air Force One?
Did their narrative shift?
Or are they pretending they didn't claim that Biden isn't really president because of not flying on Air Force One?
So we talked about this earlier when in a previous podcast when he flew on Air Force One back to Delaware, and they complained that it wasn't the real plane and all this other stuff.
Then people pointed out that like, Air Force One is a designation.
You've got to have morons.
Yeah.
But Biden went to Wisconsin for a town hall And when he went to Wisconsin, he got on the big boy plane.
He got on like mega Air Force One, as it were.
And he flew to Wisconsin.
And the deafening silence in all of QAnon, all of Gab, all of Telegram, The few people they have left on Twitter, nobody brought up that he got on that fucking plane.
It was so funny because this was one of their biggest talking points for so long.
And then Biden actually goes to an airport that can support the giant plane that is the plane the president uses for international travel and whatnot, will you?
And so he gets on the big honker plane for the president and flies to Wisconsin for the town hall.
And QAnon just dropped it.
silently discarded that little bit of evidence that proved that Biden totally wasn't president.
They just we never said that.
We don't know what you're talking about.
So yeah, so it's It's so funny, because they had this list of things that were proof that Biden wasn't really president, like hadn't flown on Air Force One, hadn't flown on Marine One, the military wasn't saluting him, they were turning their backs on him, hasn't greeted a foreign head of state yet.
And it was like, you do realize he's only been president for a month now.
This is February 18th.
The 20th is when he'll be 30 days in office.
Yeah, Fort Heads of State haven't hit him up yet for a chat, but that's coming.
All of these benchmarks you're asking him to clear, he will clear easily and in a short period of time.
He has the business of state to attend to.
Right, exactly.
He can't be like, hey, Justin Trudeau, prove I'm really the president!
Come on down from Canada and talk to me!
He's like, QAnon doesn't love me!
Can someone make me look like really the president to them?
I just love that.
I just love the idea that, like, the validation of people who hate him and call him a pedophile and the antichrist is something that Joe Biden is desperately striving to...
Remind me, what was the theory?
Sorry to jump in.
Remind me, what was the theory of why Air Force One getting on the big plane was important?
That that's when they were going to nail him?
Well, the big thing was that he didn't fly Air Force One to the inauguration, and Trump used Air Force One to leave and fly to Mar-a-Lago, so this was proof that Trump still had the apparatus of government around him, and that until Biden was allowed on those planes that had the seal on them and all that kind of stuff, it proved he was squatting in the White House, and he wasn't really actually I think that maybe all that proves is that Trump stole an airplane, right?
If they're just like, oh yeah, he flew it down to Mar-a-Lago, then Biden flew in on a different plane.
Shouldn't it have been the same plane?
It's just like, yeah, Trump stole Air Force One.
Arrest him!
Seize him!
That would be great.
Grand Theft Airplane.
That's the new series that Rockstar is going to take 20 years to actually put out.
It would be Grand Theft Aero, right?
Yes.
Like A-E-R-O?
Aero.
Update like a Kennedy.
That's a way different game.
Grand Theft Area!
Oh lord.
I'm now just imagining the Rockstar version of JFK stealing a plane and flying around with it.
Using a brush to clean his digital horse while its balls shrink from temperature variations.
Red Dead Redemption, an incredible game if what you want out of your game is something that isn't very good to play but is like a work of art in every other aspect.
That was my thing that year was with Red Dead, Horizon Zero Dawn, and God of War.
I was like, I appreciate what they were going for with Red Dead 2, but I just had more fun with God of War and Horizon Zero Dawn.
I mean, it's just the fun level of those other games was higher because I didn't get purposely put into arduous slow mode in all these different things.
It was like, ah, my mission is done.
Can I fast travel back to camp?
No.
Do I have to ride on my horse for 10 minutes?
Yes.
Yes.
Wonderful.
Or even worse, they're just, well, gee there, partner, we're going to need you to wade through that snow at a snail's pace.
Then you're just like, ah, sweet.
Time to get on my horse and slowly walk through some snow.
Yeah.
At least Kratos walked through some snow with some fucking pep in his step.
Actually, this looks boring.
Oh, God.
And the thing was, I didn't even understand that Act One was its own self-contained thing, and I wasn't in the open world yet.
So in the middle of Act One, in this driving blizzard, I'm trying to go out and hunt for food to help out the rest of the camp, and my horse just dies, and I'm just like, this sucks!
And I had to go online, and they're like, yeah, idiot, you have to get through the blizzard and play this linear game before you get to the real game a little while later.
And I was like, boo, whatever, fine, fuck you.
I love that we're talking about Red Dead now, which is a game set in the late 1800s, and therefore there are no planes, and therefore it can't possibly have anything to do with our Air Force One question.
Hey, this is what happens.
We go off the rails.
We are a rail-less podcast.
I mean, an airplane is a rail-less mode of conveyance.
This is also true.
By definition, no rails on this airplane.
No rails here.
Yeah, we are going to stick to that.
That is our hard and fast guarantee to all our listeners.
There will never be rails on this podcast.
Who can afford cocaine?
Nope, not us.
Oh, God, no.
Maybe if we get those Biden bucks, we'll do the Adventures of Hellworld cocaine edition episode where we actually just spend all our money.
Shaking my head, we will all die, all three of us.
The cocaine and adrenochrome episode of the Adventures of Hellworld podcast.
Yes.
It'll go down in Wikipedia history as the entry for last episode of Adventures of Hellworld.
Oh, man.
Yeah, Mike Raines died.
Elle was in a coma for six months.
Sarge fled the country to a country that didn't have an extradition treaty.
It went really well.
I climbed the walls of my apartment, gripping the ceiling with my toes.
My death would be worth that visual of you doing that, so I'm willing to give my life in honor of that.
But yes, thank you EverythingIsSkippy for asking a question that, again, got us incredibly sidetracked.
And lastly, for the questions that I understand, because they have a question I don't get at all, is a Kiz Epic, American flag, fire emoji, rose emoji, bald
eagle emoji, says, Did you know that child sex trafficking prosecutions went
way down during the Trump administration?
And yes, this is one of the most hilarious things that QAnon would love to do,
is they would post this graphic that would just have like, arrests for child trafficking,
kidnapping and whatnot, will you over the years and Obama would be like way down.
And then Trump was like skyrocket and all these arrests were happening.
And, like, all these right-wing grifters are promoting this.
Like, Alex Jones, like, talked about it, like, before Q even existed, Alex Jones had this, like, ready-made, uh, talking point about how Trump was, like, going hard at pedophiles and, like, really cracking down on that stuff and that we hadn't had a president do that in, like, a hundred years, so, like, good on Trump for it!
And, None of it's true.
If you actually look at all the FBI data for these kinds of crimes, Trump arrested and prosecuted less people than Obama did.
It's just a talking point that was made up out of whole cloth.
That people made what appeared to be graphics, but were actually just memes that were bullshit.
And that was just a thing.
And the QAnon would throw those memes in your face.
You would say they were lying.
You showed them the real things.
They would say fake news.
And you would have that beautiful part of life where you and this person who's trapped in an internet death cult would fail to agree upon reality.
We call that a Catch-20-Q.
I don't think we have a rimshot loaded up on our new Zencastr dropboard, but we will remedy that for next week.
And for Elle's awesome Don Rickles humor, you hockey puck.
But yeah, this is just yeah, this is just one of those things that they made up.
And it has no basis in reality like the rest of QAnon in general.
All right.
Is a little brief moment of silence there while Mike Raines dies on our webcam and he's dead.
And well, next episode, the Adventures in Hellworld Mike Rains tribute episode where we pay our respects to our fallen hero.
Begin buying your candles now for our tribute.
The problem is, Mike Raines is the only one amongst us who could really answer this question, so God, I hope he's not actually dead.
Because I don't know shit about Q's child sex swings and misses when it comes to fucking the data on Trump prosecution versus Obama prosecution.
But it looks like a newly resurrected Mike Raines may be back to fill us in with the facts of the matter.
Are you done being dead?
I have been resuscitated.
The EMTs did an incredible job on me.
And the chart that actually this person provided shows that pretty much in 2016 and 2017, so the transition from Obama to Trump, there was this massive spike in child sex trafficking prosecutions in America.
That had been on a kind of general uptick through the entire Obama administration.
And then right after 2017, it just drops like a rock.
And by the end of Trump's administration, he is pretty much below all of Obama's second term.
So it seems like really weird.
It seems like Bush, it seems like W. Bush didn't do a damn thing.
And then Obama like got the ball.
And in his like first year, he doubled what Bush did for trafficking arrests.
But it still wasn't a lot, but it just kept going up and up and up and up.
And so it seemed like that was something that Obama actually took kind of seriously.
And then that status quo was what like Trump stepped into.
And then Trump just watched his numbers drop year after year.
Because, again, he doesn't really seem like he cares about these things, or he cared about governing at all, because, I don't know, we're the only country that's still knee-deep in dead people from COVID, as it were, because that's what our esteemed former president did to our nation.
Well, the good news is, regarding COVID, is that if we need a cold place to store the vaccine, might I recommend literally all of the center of our country?
Texas?
Yes, the Moderna vaccine that requires extra frigid conditions in order to be maintained can now be stored literally anywhere in Texas and it'll be fine.
Or just in Omaha.
I think Omaha got to negative 30 at one point, like over the course of this crazy Arctic nonsense.
Yeah, like that may have been a wind chill, but still, you know, you just put the vaccine out in a chilly place and it has wind in it.
It'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
I'm only grateful that that wasn't the temperature for Omaha when Trump showed up and then abandoned those people like three days before the election, because Trump could have actually have killed more people directly if it had been this cold now, then, as it were, when he just literally abandoned his audience at a Like the tarmac of an airplane.
He flew in on Air Force One.
They put up a stage.
He gave a speech.
He got back on the plane, flew away.
And then these people were like, uh, are there buses to get back to our cars?
And they were like, no.
That would involve us paying.
That would involve us spending money.
We're Republicans.
We don't pay for shit.
President Trump, sir, the people at your rally, they have no place to go.
And he's just like, let them eat cold.
President Trump, that doesn't make any sense.
Yeah.
You know what I mean.
Fuck him.
I've got a golf course to get to.
I have to go totally not live at Mar-a-Lago.
Did you hear his lawyer's contention for why he's allowed to live at Mar-a-Lago?
Because he's already been doing it.
Yeah, it's the greatest defense in the history of ever.
No, the thing they filed was that he's an employee of Mar-a-Lago who greets people when they come in and says goodbye to them when they leave.
In addition, they contend that he has already been living there, that Mar-a-Lago has never tried to stop him before, so that means that he can do it now.
I've robbed five banks in the past and I've never gotten arrested.
Why arrest me for the sixth bank?
Yeah, exactly.
What kind of bullshit is that?
They're like, sure, he's breaking the agreement, but he's broken that agreement dozens of times in the past and Mar-a-Lago's never come after him.
And it's just like, well, I mean, that doesn't make it fucking okay.
I mean, there's like an agreement.
How is this not, like, yeah, it's ridiculous.
I hadn't heard that.
That's amazing.
Oh, I mean, Trump's like, you know, he's got to be, he's on his like, what, his like seventh stringers for his like, his, his like, attorneys just across the board.
Like, I mean, these people have no idea what the fuck they're doing.
It's crazy.
And he's hiring people who have to be working for him under no expectation of being paid.
I mean, his lawyers in his impeachment case were like, hey, he's probably guilty, so you should actually arrest him.
This whole impeachment proceeding is kind of dumb, isn't it?
I mean, so like, when your lawyers are saying, yeah, my client's so guilty, you should probably actually indict him outside of this political theater.
Uh, I don't know.
Maybe you shouldn't pay those lawyers and maybe you should get lawyers and actually pay them so they'll do a competent job for you.
Can you imagine this is like the fucking 1700s or whatever?
It's just like, it's just like, if my client is so guilty, then why don't you just hang him right here now?
Capital idea, sir.
And it's just like, oh no, I didn't really mean it.
No, bring him back!
What are you going to do?
Shoot me?
Quote from The Man Stabbed.
Yeah.
What are you going to do?
Stab me?
Exactly.
Oh man.
Yeah.
It's just, it's really incredible how hard this guy has fallen from literally the president of the United States to now de-platformed in all social media to the point where he gave like three different interviews yesterday, like Newsmax, Hannity had him on.
He's, Doing his whole like song and dance and he couldn't even
like make the papers like the New York Times the Washington Post
No one's covering him. They just don't care like the next thing
He's gonna get like media coverage for is going to be when he's indicted for any of his innumerate crimes
He's committed over the course of time. Yeah, depending on who gets at him first between New York and Georgia
Right exactly New York, Georgia.
The people are talking about indicting him for inciting the riot in DC.
I mean, he's going to be just like spending the rest of his life golfing and trying to stay out of court.
I mean, it seems sort of unlikely that he is going to be able to keep his mouth shut about Dominion, right?
So at some point he might get roped into that shit.
Oh, God.
I remember when they were talking about him being on Hannity last night, someone posted a GIF.
The caption was, Dominion and Smartmatics lawyers right now.
And the GIF was that photo of DiCaprio biting his hand.
And it was just like, please, you dumb idiot, please come at us, you stupid moron.
We would love nothing more than to file a $3 billion lawsuit against former President Trump.
Yeah, but it just sort of seems inevitable that at some point he will fuck up and, like, start just openly talking about, like... Because he just doesn't seem like the sort of guy that would listen to any sort of counsel at all, like, from anyone around him.
Like, you would have to think that any single person around him, like, with half a brain in their head would just be like, never mention... Just forget the word dominion.
Just forget it.
The whole word.
Like, you're never gonna need to use that word.
Come on.
The whole word, just erase it from your brain.
It does not exist.
And then he's like pleading his case at Mar-a-Lago and he's just like, I made this place.
I have a, what's that word over it?
You know, the thing when you like control something, but it's like a cooler word than that.
It's like, ah, beans.
I don't remember the word.
Beans.
That's what Donald Trump says, right?
Beans.
Yeah, he definitely does not curse.
Can we use a caricature of Donald Trump's face without getting sued?
If so, merch idea, a shirt with Donald Trump's face that just says BEANS!
He's a public figure, so we can totally satire him and make a caricature and not face copyright.
Oh, we could rip off the Obey graffiti and just say Beanz.
Just a picture of Trump's face and Beanz!
It'd just really confuse people.
What the fuck does any of this mean?
Let's fucking plaster those all over New York City neighborhoods.
They'd be like, look at this derivative shit.
And it's just like, yeah, but you don't know what Beanz means.
Nope, you don't get it.
Roll that beautiful bean footage.
That is one of those... That is a quote that has gotten way more run than I think they ever thought it would.
Roll that beautiful bean footage.
Roll that beautiful bean footage, yeah.
I mean, I think that that's exactly what you want when you create a slogan, right?
Just something timeless like that?
Yeah.
Oh, I... Like, I still remember Where's the Beef?
I don't even think I ever saw that commercial.
I just knew... I just know about it through pop culture osmosis.
I, a few years ago, I was dealing in a poker room and the room manager out of nowhere said, okay, everybody, welcome back from the break.
The blinds are 200, 400.
Dealers, roll that beautiful bean footage!
And just walked out of the room.
And I was like, what?
Why?
I'm like, where did that come from?
And that just became his catchphrase from that day on.
That was his edict for dealers to perform their activities.
I was spending Halloween in a spooky Salem, Massachusetts one year, and I was walking down one of the main streets in downtown, and you know, it's just packed with people, just mobbed with people, because it's sort of like, you know, Halloween in Salem, Massachusetts is sort of like an outdoor convention.
It's like a small Mardi Gras.
Yeah, so I walk into the street and there's a guy walking towards me that is dressed as Rufio from Hook.
And me, you know, may not have been completely sober, was just like, oh shit, it's Rufio!
And me saying his name out loud just triggered the Rufio chant from everyone on the street in an immediate vicinity around us, probably like 30 feet.
And that includes, it includes like up like three stories because they're like residents of Salem that like live down there and like these like apartments above all these businesses.
And they're usually like hanging out their windows or whatever, just watching the spectacle.
So I was just like, oh shit, it's Rufio!
And then like all of us simultaneously as if that we've been like cast a spell on us.
Rufio!
It's crazy.
What was that guy's reaction to that?
Oh, he was all about it.
I mean, like, I'm assuming he had been getting it all night, and, like, I had just seen it.
Like, it's just what happens when you're dressed in a costume like that around a bunch of drunk people.
Like, I would expect that same reaction at, like, a convention I was at.
Like, if I was at, like, a PAX or a MAGFest or something, like, and a roofie was walking by, I would expect that.
And that's our new segment, Rufio Five, where I talk five minutes about Rufio from the Seminole Classic Hook.
I think he went on to do T-Mobile commercials, but we'll do a deep dive onto that in next week's episode.
I mean, more importantly, he was Zuko.
Yes.
Is that more important?
Does Zuko have the coverage of T-Mobile's incredible network?
Not a sponsor.
I wasn't sure which way you were going to take it.
I took it the way that Bess covers up the fact that I forgot that he was the voice of Zuko.
Well, we can fix this in post, right?
The audience must never know!
Anyway, listeners, thanks for sticking with us through these troubled times, and I don't just mean the shittiness of 2020 and the relative, like, slightly less shittiness but still pretty shitty beginning of 2021.
I also mean through this slapdash fucking episode of our show, where we're all a little loopy and the sound is probably pretty weird.
If you are a fan of the podcast, once again, you can go ahead and go to patreon.com slash pokepolitics.
Go ahead and support us with some money if available.
If you don't want to give your money to us, but you do have some shekels that you want to throw elsewhere for a good cause, you can do so by visiting love146.org and donating to those fine folks there to help abate child trafficking the way that Q claims they want to.
But as we discussed earlier, Trump and Q people are just kind of bad at doing.
If you want to find us on our social medias, you can find Mike Rains at Poker and Politics on Twitter.
Sarge is HellWorldSarge, and I am HellWorldL.
Of course, HellWorld being spelled with a Q instead of an O, because we really wanted to just make sure that I have to say that every time.
Does anybody else have anything to say before we go out?
I think we've covered it.
Alright, mostly that was just me making sure that I didn't miss anything on our list of shilling.
So, for another relatively successful question mark episode of the Adventures in Hellworld podcast, I am Hellworld El, signing off for Hellworld Sarge and Mike Rains.
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