January 6th is coming ever closer. Will Trump win the Electoral College? Will we fall off the edge of the flat earth? So many questions, so few answers. Get bonus content on PatreonSupport this show http://supporter.acast.com/hellwqrld. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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| Hello, everybody. | |
| This is Poker and Politics, a.k.a. | |
| Mike Rains, and welcome to another episode of Adventures in Hellworld. | |
| I am joined, as always, by Sarge. | |
| Hello from the internet. | |
| And the mysterious El. | |
| Happy holidays, my beautiful babies. | |
| So yeah, this week we have more fun and frivolity with Trump's flailing attempts to not get kicked out of the White House, which are going to fail, but he ain't gonna give it up easily because he's a psychotic narcissist who doesn't want to acknowledge defeat. | |
| And literally in his 70 plus years on this earth, has never had to acknowledge a defeat in his life. | |
| So this is kind of painful for our beautiful wet boy, as it were. | |
| I mean, are divorces defeats? | |
| Well, he was upgrading to a younger model in his divorces, or at least that's how he was able to spin it in his mind. | |
| You're saying we're never going to get the Art of the Deal sequel, The Art of the L? | |
| The art of graciously and magnanimously accepting defeat and moving on in your life? | |
| No, we're not going to get that. | |
| I did see one QAnon promoter declare that Trump definitely won the election because he said he did. | |
| And he would never jeopardize the peaceful transition of power if he had honestly lost. | |
| Because who wouldn't trust Donald Trump to be an honest broker in this situation? | |
| He's such a great guy. | |
| He's never bullshitted us about anything, ever. | |
| Before we get too far down the road of dunking on Trump, and God knows I love dunking on Trump, the content warning has to come before all. | |
| Oh, of course it does. | |
| The content warning is the Alpha. | |
| The content warning is the Omega. | |
| Content warning. | |
| The Adventures in L-World podcast talks in depth about QAnon, which means we have to talk about all kinds of child abuse and violence against people. | |
| Listener discretion is Thank you, Content Warning, for taking care of that. | |
| Oh man, Content Warning's so nice, you almost played it twice. | |
| Absolutely. | |
| That was a dream. | |
| I was trying to X out the content warning and it betrayed me viciously. | |
| But, uh, yeah, Trump not wanting to back down. | |
| And, uh, because of his refusal to back down, we have just literal psychotic stuff happening, which involves, uh, all of the nonsense that we're going to talk about in cues in the news. | |
| Once I can find that beautiful bumper, which I just did. | |
| Whoa, whoa, whoa. | |
| I believe we have business to take care of before we do cues in the news. | |
| Oh, you're right, good sir. | |
| We do have some business to take care of. | |
| We have to take care of ourselves before we take care of others. | |
| This is true. | |
| It's the Christmas season and the Christmas season involves giving, which most importantly involves our listeners giving us money because we are a destitute scum that subsists off of the needy $600 we may be receiving from our benevolent government sometime in the near future. | |
| Maybe if we're really lucky and we say pretty please. | |
| Yeah, that should be our short-term Patreon goal. | |
| It's the stimulus goal. | |
| If we can hit $600 a month, then it's like we're being stimulated by our federal government. | |
| $600 in eight months or whatever they're actually giving us. | |
| But yeah, so if you have the money this holiday season to help support us and the podcast, go to patreon.com slash PokerPolitics to do that. | |
| Again, if us three chuckleheads are unworthy of your money, but you do have money to give out, please donate to love146.org who are anti-human trafficking organization that does the work that QAnon claims to be doing but are lying about. | |
| And finally, we still have the Georgia runoff. | |
| We have a chance to actually have a Senate that will actually work with President Biden instead of just spitefully obstructing him because they're useless Republicans. | |
| So all of those things are good options for your hard-earned cash as it were. | |
| We should set up a superior Patreon donator goal where I, L, will derail the podcast by referencing some dumb forgotten property probably from the 80s of your choosing! | |
| That will be that I will add I will add that to the $5 goal is that L will L will bring $5. | |
| Oh my goodness. | |
| Wow. | |
| You're worth five bucks. | |
| I'll give it up for free for full pod derailment. | |
| It's gonna be worth more than $5 if somebody wants me to talk about Dino Saucers. | |
| I was literally about to start singing the Dino Saucers theme song, which is terrible. | |
| You want us to get fucking copyright struck? | |
| We can't do that. | |
| We would have to be big to get copyright struck. | |
| You know, God love ya. | |
| I wish that was true, Sarge, but it just isn't. | |
| But yeah, so yeah, El, vicious derailment of the podcast and getting us in the tangents. | |
| That'll be a new stretch goal for the Patreon that we will support. | |
| Right now they're giving it up for free, which I mean, doesn't help my argument that $5 is too little, but you know. | |
| Like I said, a property of your choice. | |
| You tried to put the whammy on me by just being like, reference Dallas. | |
| And I'm like, oh boy. | |
| It could be Kino Riders. | |
| It could be Denver the Last Dinosaur. | |
| It could be any dinosaur-themed property of your choice. | |
| It could be Cadillacs and dinosaurs. | |
| And that's, I think, the only other dinosaur property I can think of. | |
| Much as QAnon loves nautical references, the Adventures in Hellworld podcast loves dinosaurs. | |
| I can't believe I forgot their back. | |
| Remember their back? | |
| Ah, wow. | |
| Yeah, that's right. | |
| See, this is why our listeners should pay me the money. | |
| Was that animation studio that all their movies are like weirdly dark and depressing? | |
| Uh, the Christopher Nolan animation studio? | |
| Are you talking about, are you talking about, uh, the, the fuckin', uh, Bloom? | |
| Is it Bloom? | |
| Is that a Bloom House one? | |
| They did, uh, All Dogs Go to Heaven? | |
| Uh, I mean, is that, is, isn't Bloom House like a new terrible thing? | |
| I can't remember. | |
| This conversation has spiraled wildly out of my control. | |
| That's what you're paying for. | |
| That's what you'd be paying for. | |
| You just got $5 of entertainment from a... Let's put NASDAQ's money at $5. | |
| Yes, that nostalgia-feeding bullshit could be yours for the low price of $5. | |
| For five or more dollars? | |
| So anyways, then you need to pay me $5 to get the conversation back on the rails via the bumper for Cues in the News. | |
| What's everyone's favorite death cult been up to this past week? | |
| It's time for Cues in the News! | |
| So, again, the president brought Sidney Powell, the crazy kraken lady, to the White House to try to explain to not him, apparently, she was in meetings that didn't involve him directly, how he was going to remain president after January 20th. | |
| Also involved in these meetings was Michael Flynn, the pardoned convicted felon, who is literally a traitor. | |
| And apparently, somehow, the Overstock guy, the guy who was pushed out of Overstock for being, like, just pants-on-head bonkers... I knew we were going to talk about this idiot, so I looked up his name. | |
| It's Patrick Byrne. | |
| Yes, Patrick Byrne notice. | |
| I prefer to just call him the Overstock guy, because he's such a goddamn clown. | |
| Most famous for, previous before losing his mind and becoming a right-wing grifter, he was the one sleeping with the Russian spy lady who got pinched and then... | |
| Yes. | |
| He's the guy who was her sugar daddy and didn't know he was being used to allow her to just steal our nation's most sensitive materials, as it were. | |
| So this guy who has now created this alternate world in which he himself is also a super secret spy, managed to get Hillary Clinton on tape taking a bribe from a nebulous foreign government. | |
| Our government told him, no, we're not pursuing the case, so just drop it. | |
| Even though he claimed he did this before Trump won election. | |
| So Trump's literally been sitting on Hillary taking a bribe as head of the State Department for his entire term as president. | |
| This seems like an open and shut Dunkarooski if he's got the tape he says he's got, right? | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| He's got this. | |
| He nailed it. | |
| The tape is stacked precariously on top of the Hunter Biden laptop, which is perched even more precariously on top of the Huma laptop, which is right next to the server from Germany that American troops died to get. | |
| Yes, all of these things that you have said are accurate and true. | |
| They're all in a vault with the information about the Galactic Federation and all that stuff. | |
| All top level super secrets that could never see the light of day because it would ruin our brains. | |
| We can never know the truth of the Pleiadians until the Great Awakening has been achieved. | |
| Until that moment, we all just got to shut up and wait for something to happen. | |
| And after, like, I don't know, the third year of Biden's presidency, maybe some people will catch on that Maybe nothing's gonna happen. | |
| But I mean, that might be a tight window for QAnon to acknowledge. | |
| I don't know. | |
| So Powell and Byrne and Flynn are like, doofing around trying to grim a worm tongue at Donald Trump in the in the White House. | |
| But you said that he was there was like infighting? | |
| Uh, he, Rudy Giuliani and Jenna Ellis, who are, quote unquote, his sane lawyers, are trying to tell Trump that, like, Kraken Lady and the people who got the lawsuit thrown out in Texas and all these jamokes, Like, they don't actually have the ability to pull off the nonsense they're telling him. | |
| That, like, this is a load of hokum and that Trump needs to, like, sort of cut them out and be like, look, guys, I know you can't really give me what you're promising, so I'm going to listen to Rudy and Jenna instead. | |
| But right now, like, all Trump wants is a path to victory. | |
| He doesn't care who tells him how he's going to win. | |
| He just wants to be told there's a way he can win. | |
| So he will listen to the craziest person alive as long as they offer him some snake oil that says, uh, we're going to arrest Biden or some bullshit, or you're still going to stay president, blah, blah, blah. | |
| Is there any money in that? | |
| And if so, how can we get on that wagon? | |
| He just loves Twitter. | |
| Can we just tweet him? | |
| Hey, Trump, we know how you can win. | |
| Holler at us. | |
| Sidney Powell has definitely made money off of this grift. | |
| Oh god, yeah. | |
| You and Sarge need to use your accounts and directly retweet Trump and tweet at him and let him know that our podcast has the secret ingredients needed to unlock the Electoral College and make him president. | |
| And we can do this for like, I don't know, $100,000 or something, because Trump's very cheap. | |
| But once we have his seal of approval, then we can just grift all of the right wing for all the money. | |
| Because that's all that matters. | |
| Once the emperor has given you his blessing, you get to run around saying, hey, the emperor likes me, so contribute to the thing that I'm running right now, and just Literally, you're just being crushed under an avalanche of money. | |
| You literally have to throw money into a furnace so that it will stop suffocating you from all the money you're being paid. | |
| We're on a clock! | |
| He's got less than a month left. | |
| Time for the weekly realization that we could probably be doing better for ourselves financially if we were playing for the other side. | |
| Oh, God! | |
| The the sell your soul for rock and roll and by rock and roll I mean incredible amounts of money. | |
| I mean it's it's so obvious. | |
| I mean the fact that we have president man baby who is the biggest target for grifters imaginable. | |
| The fact that Sidney Powell is like 0 for 700 and all of her lawsuits that she files have been written in crayon and the president's still like, I like the cut of her jib. | |
| It just goes, it's like, oh my God, how QAnon can think that this is the guy playing 11-D chess, how this is the man with like The mind of a super genius who sees all the angles and plays all the angles and is manipulating everybody perfectly. | |
| He's the Queen's Gambit. | |
| He just looks... Trump is always looking at the ceiling, just... | |
| Seeing every move? | |
| Yeah, oh yeah, oh god, absolutely. | |
| Oh man, yeah. | |
| I have yet to watch Queen's Gambit, mostly because I've heard so many people tell me that the chess is actually good in that movie, but I'm always terrified of any movie that involves poker or chess. | |
| That they're just gonna fuck it so hard that it's just gonna take me out of the series. | |
| The chess was good enough in that that I didn't understand what they were talking about because they got into the super nitty gritty of chess. | |
| Well shit, if that's the bar, I mean. | |
| Yeah. | |
| If that's the bar, then what in life isn't about chess? | |
| Zing. | |
| Uh, yeah. | |
| Well, I'm gonna have to give him a try, uh, with, like, just, like, my fist ready to strike at a moment's notice, just hanging back ready to pop them. | |
| Fist of Damocles? | |
| Oh, the Fist of Damocles. | |
| Oh, yes. | |
| The Fist of Poker. | |
| It's just like the Sword of Damocles, only wielded by a very fat man and very ineffective when it hits you. | |
| How is the Fist of Damocles not already an anime fighting move? | |
| It has to be. | |
| I'm stunned that it wasn't what they did in Fist of the North Star before they said you were already dead. | |
| I mean, Fist of the North Star already had a finishing move. | |
| It was just punch you a bunch and then your body explodes. | |
| Yes, and you say nani before you die. | |
| I think he pokes you a bunch and then your head explodes. | |
| Is it poking? | |
| I thought it was punching. | |
| I've never actually seen Fist of the North Star. | |
| No, he pokes pressure points and makes your brain explode out of your head. | |
| Yeah, it's not good. | |
| It's not great. | |
| So you have team absolute grifter on one side and then team don't want to be disbarred on the other side because the Michigan Attorney General just filed a formal complaint to have professional sanctions levied against Sidney Powell today. | |
| So the ball on getting her disbarred for this bullshit has begun. | |
| And, like, Rudy and Jenna aren't willing to get disbarred for this shit. | |
| They're willing to, like, tiptoe to that line, but not so much, whereas Lin Wood and Sidney Powell are just cutting the brakes and going straight to disbarment town, because all being disbarred means is that Deep State's really scared of you, and they're not letting you be a lawyer anymore because you're bringing too much truth! | |
| So, uh, that's the angle they're working. | |
| I mean, they're gonna be producing the new Out of Shadows movie in, like, two years. | |
| So, they know where their bread is buttered, and it's not the day job. | |
| It's facing right-wing rubes. | |
| Well, that all sounds like some happy horseshit. | |
| It's at the very least good to see that the cracks are starting to form. | |
| By which I mean that, like, they're starting to have to eat each other because the god-king has been toppled. | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, this is why Barr's resigning. | |
| There's just certain people who are looking at a law license versus looking at piles of money by being a right-wing grifter. | |
| And Barr and Rudy are like, I can get a corner office at some law firm that wants my name attached to it. | |
| Whereas Powell and Wood are just sort of like, Nah, we can't do that, but we can go on right-wing talking circuits and show up at, like, CPAC conventions and do all that other shit. | |
| I mean, it is pretty coincidental that the lines are being drawn, kind of, and on one side you have people whose names you recognized before hitching their wagon to Trump or, you know, during this The last 60 days have been wild. | |
| You've seen the people that are just like, well, time to get off this train. | |
| that you never fucking heard of before they decided to hitch their wagon to | |
| Trump during this embarrassment at the end of his presidency. The last 60 days | |
| have been wild. You've seen the people that are just like, well time to | |
| time to get off this train. Like when Ashley Simpson got caught lip-syncing | |
| and she just sort of did that like awkward shuffle like off the stage. Who | |
| Who paid five bucks for that? | |
| We all heard a mime of shuffling offstage there. | |
| But, um, yeah, so you have like the, you know, you have that line of demarcation of like the pure grifters who are just striking while the iron's hot. | |
| And then you have the career grifters who have, are planning their next step that is an actual real thing they can attempt to do. | |
| Um, Meanwhile, while this is all happening, we have the actual Mac-inations and Maneuverings for January 6th coming in the Sharper Focus. | |
| Ah, the old Mac-aneuverings. | |
| All the Mac-aneuverings. | |
| That's my favorite restaurant. | |
| Actually, that just sounds too close to Nuvaring and I don't want to be associated with that. | |
| So, the Electoral College has already voted, their votes are written down, | |
| they've been put in envelopes, and literally all that is left is like the perfunctory | |
| unsealing of the envelopes and announcing the votes. | |
| So this is a very boring procedural thing, but on January 6th it has to be done, and technically If a representative and a senator object to a state or an elector, then we can have like a kerfuffle, as it were. | |
| And Mitch McConnell has said, don't fucking do this shit, because I'm going to be your boss for the rest of your term | |
| in the Senate, because I am a immortal Senator lich being. | |
| And Trump's out the door in literally two weeks after January 6th. | |
| You idiots. | |
| Yet Ron Johnson from Wisconsin and Tommy Tupperville, who is gunning for biggest moron in the Senate, | |
| both have started to show a little ankle on this thing and said, you know, maybe I'll be the idiot that goes along | |
| with Mo Brooks and the other chuckle fucks from the House of Representatives | |
| when it comes to actually objecting to the electoral vote being certified | |
| in the halls of Congress. | |
| Can you imagine how deluded you would have to be to be one of the folks that takes that flyer? | |
| You know what I mean? | |
| You would have to be convinced AF that it is going to work. | |
| Otherwise, you're just literally putting the head of your career onto a chopping block. | |
| Yeah. | |
| And not only are you putting your head on a chopping block, you're putting every idiot Republican's head on a chopping block. | |
| Because, like, honestly, like, the reason why McConnell doesn't want this to happen is because having to vote in favor or against this thing is so bad. | |
| Because if you vote in favor of it now in any general election you're in, I mean, if you're in Oklahoma or some like blood red state where you're going to win by 30 anyways, it doesn't matter. | |
| But if you vote yes for this dumb thing, and you're like in Florida, which is close, or Pennsylvania, which is an actual blue state, or Wisconsin, if you vote yes, in the general election, your opponent's gonna be like, this guy is an actual fucking traitor. | |
| They literally just committed treason on the floor of the Senate and said, we didn't want a free and fair election to go through because our guy didn't win. | |
| And if you vote no, you get primaried by some QAnon nut! | |
| Some QAnon lunatic is going to, like, get some money from either QAnon themselves or from some other angry idiot billionaire who's out of his mind. | |
| And they're going to run ads saying, like, Representative such-and-such or Senator so-and-so didn't back Trump against the deep state! | |
| I will! | |
| So vote for me! | |
| And you know who votes in midterm primaries? | |
| Fucking nobody! | |
| So you can lose a midterm primary so easily if enough galvanized QAnon supporters are mad at you. | |
| You know who likes Ted Cruz? | |
| Fucking nobody. | |
| How did he ever become a senator? | |
| He won a midterm primary riding Tea Party angry against Abbott, who's now the governor of Texas. | |
| Abbott was the guy who was supposed to win that Senate seat. | |
| He was the establishment guy. | |
| But Cruz ran an insurgent Tea Party campaign, won a primary where like, I don't know, maybe like a few million people voted in Texas, which is very large. | |
| And now Ted Cruz is Senator for life because of that bullshit. | |
| I do love that, as proud members of Team The Good Guys, we get to watch as each one of these ploys to try to steal the election becomes so much more desperate and odious that fewer and fewer people could possibly ever back it as a play. | |
| Because we just get to see the unhinged mind of Donald Trump breaking down in front of us as he loses all of his allies because his remaining quote-unquote hopes of victory are just actually more and more seditious. | |
| You know, Mr. Trump, if we just form our own country using some of the United States as our base, then you could be the president of that country! | |
| We already have a flag picked out and everything. | |
| It's beautiful. | |
| It's ocean blue. | |
| It's got a kraken on it. | |
| Y'all love it. | |
| Oh. | |
| And yeah, it's like, and this is the thing is that QAnon was like so happy because Trump retweeted CJ Truth, who's one of their biggest supporters and biggest QAnon guys on Twitter. | |
| And they're like, look, we're the news now. | |
| We're like, Trump's listening to us. | |
| And it's like, no, you idiots. | |
| The reason why Trump's listening to you now is because no one else is telling him he can win. | |
| So he'll go anywhere he can find positive reinforcement that his victory is imminent. | |
| As long as you can come up with a way for Trump to win this thing, you'll probably get retweeted by him. | |
| Speaking of Donald Trump and everybody speaking truth to Trump's version of power, I forgot to put it in the show notes, but we should probably talk about Newsmax, right? | |
| Oh yeah, Newsmax breaking down the retraction about the smart tech voting machines. | |
| Please don't sue. | |
| Smart tech has come out and said, you fucking pricks, we're going to sue all of you if you don't give retractions. | |
| And Lou Dobbs had a very much prisoner in North Korea giving a speech telling everyone that things are great and life is good moment where he had like a two minute point by point breakdown where he debunked his own bullshit. | |
| And then Newsmax came out and was just sort of like, yeah, smart tech, great voting system, totally efficient, no problems, no voter fraud, everything on the level. | |
| And so it's really funny how massive lawsuits targeting your wallet make you tell the fucking truth about shit. | |
| Yeah, like when Alex Jones had to tip his hand to everyone on Earth when he was under deposition or whatever. | |
| He was just like, oh yeah, it's all an act. | |
| And at the time, foolish, naive Al was thinking, man, this has to be the end of Alex Jones. | |
| He literally just admitted to everyone on earth that he is full of shit, and that he's always been full of shit, so that he could suck money out of stupid idiots. | |
| And then, uh, you know, he went a little dark for a while, but then he came right back. | |
| He roared back to life, supported by stupid idiots! | |
| And then he was just like, by the way, what I said in that courtroom was all I had to say in order to cover my ass. | |
| I totally believe everything I say! | |
| But, uh, he had to, uh, he had to eat shit and apologize to the guy who runs Comet Ping Pong. | |
| I mean, Alex has been brought to heel, uh, more than a couple times by people who are sick of his shit. | |
| And, uh, this is the year he's finally gonna eat the big Sandy Hook lawsuit. | |
| Oh, yeah. | |
| Anybody, anybody who gets in, uh, to that like fucking like the top tier of that conservative | |
| grift, man, they just become too big to fail. Like once you just have enough of an audience | |
| of these of these like, easily tricked, like dum-dums just supporting you, you can you can just eat | |
| shit all day every day and they will keep coming back to throw more money at you so that you can | |
| afford more shit to eat. It's incredible. Never underestimate the power of rubes. It's | |
| really incredible that when you tell people what they want to hear desperately and then tell those | |
| people that everyone else is lying to them and that you're telling them the truth that they really are | |
| handsome, that they really are the best guy they've ever met, you have the biggest pp that | |
| they've ever seen. | |
| That's what we should do. | |
| We should have a penis encouragement service. | |
| Yes. | |
| Like, we do not guarantee that we will make your penis bigger, but what we do guarantee is we'll make you feel like your penis is bigger. | |
| Like, you slide us... I'm hooking Mike up on penis-observing duty, so for the low price of $5, Mike Rains will take a look at your penis, and then, regardless of the actual size or integrity of the penis, he will lavish it with praise. | |
| He's not gonna touch it. | |
| This isn't a prostitution thing. | |
| It's just to make you feel good. | |
| No, no, this is just affirmation. | |
| This is just, you're good enough, you're smart enough, and people like you. | |
| If there's a heaven for penises, he'll take you there. | |
| Yeah, but because of the nature of this service, this is not involved with our Patreon at all. | |
| In fact, Patreon people, if you're listening, this has nothing to do with the Patreon. | |
| This is a completely private service for Mike Rains in the alleyway behind the bowling alley. | |
| Come find him with your five bucks, whip it out, and he will tell you if it's great. | |
| Yes, that's what you're paying for. | |
| I got two bowling alleys near me, so you can just DM me which bowling alley you'd prefer, and I'll set aside some time. | |
| No problem. | |
| Are they both shuttered up like it's the fucking apocalypse? | |
| Because how the hell are two bowling alleys still a thing in 2020? | |
| There are two bowling alleys, and there's a third bowling alley I don't even know about. | |
| The two I'm talking about are Candlepin for crying out loud. | |
| That's how old-school this stuff is. | |
| I don't even know where the 10-pin is in my area. | |
| I love how for probably 95% of the audience, you just lost to them at Candlepin Bowling. | |
| That's not a thing in the rest of the world. | |
| Candlepin Bowling is literally a dinosaur. | |
| I didn't even get into Duckpin Bowling, which I didn't even know about until like 10 years ago. | |
| So, I mean, like, there are dark art forms of bowling. | |
| There is, like... What the fuck is duckpin bowling? | |
| Yeah, excuse me. | |
| It's duckpin bowling, but the pins are, like, tiny tenpins. | |
| So they're called duckpins. | |
| It's really weird. | |
| And they sweep the wood the way they sweep the wood in tenpin. | |
| It's the strangest thing. | |
| They, like, literally only played in Rhode Island, from what I've heard. | |
| This is the most boring tangent we've ever gone on. | |
| No, it isn't. | |
| I am enraptured by Duck Finn Bowling. | |
| Are we a QAnon podcast? | |
| I feel like we are. | |
| I mean, we talk about QAnon for like 10 minutes straight. | |
| Give us a hand, get on our back, Sarge. | |
| But, um, so these idiots are going to put the rest of the Republican party in this ridiculous bind. | |
| Like Dan Crenshaw of Saturday Night Live fame and yelling at AOC fame and eyepatch fame. | |
| That guy, he's going to be on the record as either being for or against treason. | |
| And our boy C.J. | |
| Truth, the guy that Trump retweeted twice, C.J. | |
| Truth has on his Twitter account said a few times that Dan Crenshaw is deep state and cabal and not great and he might primary him. | |
| And that would be the greatest moment of my life if CJ Truth actually stepped into public | |
| service. | |
| That would be the most hilarious goddamn thing that could ever possibly exist, is having | |
| just a full-blown QAnon maniac just saying, you know what? | |
| I love the former President Trump, who should be President now, even still, and I'm going to run for a House seat to extol his virtues, and the virtues of God, and the virtues of QAnon, and Dan Crenshaw isn't Republican enough for me. | |
| I wonder what sort of fucking depravity we would find on his laptop. | |
| The depravity of CJ Truth is that he is a professional bodybuilder. | |
| I would love to know what else there is about him, but someone managed to figure out that | |
| like... | |
| This email led to this website, to this thing, to that thing, and they connected the dots. | |
| And basically, C.J. | |
| Truth was just like a fat schlub with a dad bod, and then one day he was like, I'm gonna get in shape! | |
| And now he's just like this shredded, no-fat-having dude who's competed on the professional bodybuilder circuit. | |
| And he still glorifies Trump, huh? | |
| Yeah, it's weird. | |
| Regardless of what that totally legitimate doctor at the White House said, I don't think that Trump is in shape. | |
| Really? | |
| Yeah. | |
| I mean, I'm gonna, I know that I'm really going to surprise a lot of people with this hot take, but I sort of think that Trump is fat and old and the sort of person that when he thinks of like a good White House dinner for a bunch of visiting athletes, gets them Burger King or McDonald's or whatever. | |
| You mean that Navy doctor that resigned from the position of God, what is it? | |
| The president's doctor. | |
| God damn it. | |
| Surgeon General. | |
| He resigned from being the Surgeon General right after saying Trump was shredded. | |
| I've never seen a more physically firm president in my life. | |
| I'll be taking no for the question. | |
| See you later. | |
| And I resign. | |
| Yeah, I don't think he was the Surgeon General, but there was the first doctor who was the doctor on the campaign trail who looked like he was literally the doctor you went to to complain about back pain and then he would give you the card for medicinal marijuana. | |
| He's like the back alley ripper doc, his fingers. | |
| Oh God, because he's fingers. | |
| He's absolutely fingers. | |
| So yeah, you had back alley ripperdoc doctor for Trump who just said that Trump was like literally the healthiest human being that ever lived. | |
| And then you had the president's personal physician doctor guy who said that Trump was like six foot three and 239, which was like literally the one pound under the definition of morbidly obese. | |
| And If Trump isn't morbidly obese, I don't know who is. | |
| So you had those guys destroying themselves for Trump's vanity. | |
| You have Trump who literally thinks that exercise is bad because the human body has a finite amount of energy and if you use it all up you die. | |
| So no, our beloved president probably isn't of the body type that a professional bodybuilder would find a pleasing aesthetic as it were. | |
| You would also think that Trump's like total depravity and being just a Gluttonous, money-grubbing, trading in one wife for the next wife, rock-dogging a porn star while his third wife had just given birth to their child. | |
| You'd think all of that would make Trump kind of bad in the eyes of a man of God, but you'd be wrong. | |
| C.J. | |
| Truth loves himself some Trump, who is ultimately the reincarnation of Jesus on Earth, as it were. | |
| But like that totally yoked Jesus that's breaking the arms off the cross in that picture. | |
| I love Yog's Jesus. | |
| I always want my Jesus to either be in tiny baby form or completely shredded Adonis form. | |
| I've got good news. | |
| It's the right season for tiny baby form. | |
| You know what, Sarge? | |
| Here's where I reveal how deeply spiritual and religious I am. | |
| It's always the right season for baby Jesus. | |
| He was Grogu before Grogu. | |
| Man. | |
| Grogu. | |
| Hey! | |
| I mean, Grogu was- Mid-Glorian spoilers. | |
| Hey, uh, yeah, next, next- If people that didn't already know what that was wouldn't have been spoiled about shit unless you brought it up. | |
| It just wouldn't have been referenced. | |
| They would have been like- We have a duty to the truth here. | |
| They would have been like, what's a Grogu? | |
| You made it a spoiler by addressing it. | |
| You're a monster! | |
| This is the lesson we have to teach people. | |
| Next week is our Mandalorian recap episode, by the way. | |
| We'll be doing no QAnon and just straight Season 2 Mandalorian. | |
| It'll be great. | |
| Well, yeah, we'll be in a festive mood because we will have all opened Ken dolls under the Christmas tree and it will remind us of the glorious ending of The Mandalorian. | |
| There's something about this motionless plastic face that reminds me of The Mandalorian. | |
| Aggressive spoiler warnings now. | |
| You've done ruined it. | |
| Again, I literally said emotionless plastic face, which could describe the main character, but by addressing it, you've turned it into a spoiler. | |
| People who didn't already know what I was talking about probably would have assumed I was talking about the helmet of the titular Mandalorian and how it has no expression. | |
| We're not. | |
| This is all spoilers. | |
| Now let's go into what else can we spoil? | |
| It's so hard to be technically correct about everything. | |
| Move to timestamp blank for non-spoilers. | |
| No, but uh... Alright, let's get back on track. | |
| I've got here in my handy dandy show notes that apparently QAnon is trying to organize a protest? | |
| The President brought it up! | |
| Yes, the President decided that because January 6th is when the Electoral College is meeting That he wants his faithful to descend upon Washington, D.C. | |
| on January 6th to protest the Electoral College, apparently. | |
| Lord knows. | |
| We've had various and sundry major QAnon supporters endorse this. | |
| Ron Watkins, aka Actual Q, has gone out and said, like, yeah, everyone's got to get down there and do this. | |
| Praying Medic talked about having armed protesters arriving in DC, which isn't a call to incitement or violence or anything. | |
| Wink, nod, wink, nod. | |
| So we've had two different protests in DC since Trump has lost the election. | |
| We've had all kinds of people give dumb speeches. | |
| The MyPillow guy showed up. | |
| Michael Flynn showed up. | |
| All of this kind of nonsense has happened twice. | |
| Third time's a charm, boys! | |
| They're bringing the band back down to D.C. | |
| to whine and complain about losing yet again. | |
| Somewhere in the Washington, D.C. | |
| area is a guy who sells tiki torches, and he has an erection. | |
| Oh God, that guy has an erection and he also has like an addition added to his house at this point. | |
| That guy's been selling tiki torches, MAGA hats, Q shirts, and I mean, he just can't, he can't keep shit in stock. | |
| I mean, it's ridiculous. | |
| 20 years ago, he was just a man with a dream to reinvigorate his family's flag factory and all looked hopeless until the Fire Nation attacked. | |
| September 12th will forever go down in history as the day where this heroic gentleman started his bounce back. | |
| First it was flags, now he's transitioned into tiki torches. | |
| He's got whole swaths of white cloth that you can make into any garments you want, but who knows? | |
| You know, dealer's choice. | |
| Yeah, that's your decision, not his. | |
| And now he just opened up Old Larry's Cross and Gasoline Emporium. | |
| They're just a religious gas station, and what you do with their products is your business. | |
| Yeah, the blindest of eyes, he's going to turn to whatever it is you do, having bought the white sheet, the giant cross, and the container of gasoline before you leave his joint, as it were. | |
| This was like the night many millions of years ago when I was working graveyard shift at a convenience store and a guy ran into my store said I'm gonna be doing some shady shit and then bought baking soda, aluminum foil, and two glass tubes for cigars and then threw the cigars back at me and just took the glass tubes and ran out of the building. | |
| I had no idea what he was doing, but I'm sure it was totally legal and legitimate on every possible front. | |
| Man, I've never been that desperate to smoke anything. | |
| I mean, I've never had crack, so maybe crack will do that to a person, but I've never been... Like, I've only ever charged into a store and, like, thrown something at the person behind the counter if I desperately need to take a shit or something, and I'm afraid they're gonna hassle me for not buying anything. | |
| You know, you might charge into the store and just, like, bomb $1.50 in quarters behind the counter and just run to the bathroom. | |
| But yeah, I've never engaged in any sort of dubious activity that has made me want to, like, charge into a place and just immediately disrespect someone and make it very obvious that I'm a junkie. | |
| Yes. | |
| So there's just massive caravans of QAnon dum-dums headed to DC as we speak, right, for January 6th? | |
| Uh, yes. | |
| Uh, the guy that I call Qbert, because his avatar is Qbert, has declared that, like, they want caravans from, like, Michigan, Boston, and all other points in America. | |
| He only came up with four different cities instead of 17, which would have been more in the flavor of his cult. | |
| But he wants these caravans to descend upon DC, transmitting their regional brand of COVID that has mutated into its new, more deadly, or more transmittable form in their neck of the woods. | |
| I hope that he trimmed the list down to four, so that way he could, like, he's some just, like, hometown lunatic, and he just really wants to shout his city out, so he's just like, the four greatest pillars of our society, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, and Tucson, And they're just like, what's that last one, buddy? | |
| And he's just like, Tucson, the beacon of culture deep in the desert. | |
| Everyone loves Tucson. | |
| And she's like, where are you from, buddy? | |
| He's like, Arizona. | |
| I don't know what you're talking about. | |
| I think he did. | |
| He may have kind of given himself away because he was like Michigan, Alabama, Boston, and Tennessee. | |
| So he's from Tennessee or Alabama. | |
| Or the South. | |
| Were you reading a quote there? | |
| Yes. | |
| So, Michigan, Alabama, Tennessee, and the proud state of Boston? | |
| He could be Boston! | |
| He could be Boston! | |
| Oh, that'd be awesome! | |
| Am I a crazy person? | |
| He listed three states and a city? | |
| Good for Boston! | |
| Three states and a city in the world! | |
| Oh man, the hub! | |
| The hub is where Qbert lives! | |
| Oh no! | |
| Oh no! | |
| Yeah, the call is coming from inside the room! | |
| Damn it! | |
| Oh god! | |
| Yeah, your nemesis. | |
| He's Boston local too. | |
| He might even come play poker with you. | |
| How crazy would that be? | |
| You and Qbert. | |
| This is some Death Note style shit. | |
| And I should know, I'm L. | |
| Yes, exactly. | |
| That's not a $5 reference, by the way. | |
| You have to go obscure with this stuff. | |
| L is totally on the burger. | |
| So the QAnon march, it's just going to turn into all of their white nationalist protests and rallies, right? | |
| Where three times as many anti-foot people show up, and at some point somebody gets froggy and tear gasses someone, and then it all dicks out for Harambe until the dust settles, and then there are good people on both sides. | |
| I'm thinking that these couple of protests they've had here have basically kind of gone without notice except in like right-wing media world and Like I think last time there was like a stabbing incident and again it got like no traction in the regular media and everything I saw on the Twitter QAnon world was that like some anti-fuss super soldier like stabbed four Proud Boys which I'll never believe that in a million years mostly because there's no such thing as an anti-fuss super soldier but | |
| These things, they attract... Actually, there is an Antifa super soldier. | |
| His name is Captain America. | |
| Oh, right, right. | |
| He was both a super soldier and he hated fascism, so he took both of those boxes. | |
| This is accurate. | |
| This is accurate that Captain America is... It's super weird how all these white power people, like white nationalists, white power people, decided to seize upon the Punisher's logo and not Captain America, right? | |
| Probably because it would be hard for them to justify all those comic books where Captain America was like slugging Nazis and throwing his shield at the UK. | |
| Punching Hitler. | |
| I have a picture of him punching Hitler right here. | |
| Because that's literally what Captain America did. | |
| He loved punching Hitler. | |
| Yeah, that's like one of my favorite things is like all the memes on the internet of like the Normandy invasion and saying Antifa storming into an alt-right rally as it were. | |
| And it's like that's, that's the thing. | |
| These people are literally backing the losers in World War II, the literal worst evil we've ever seen in like the world. | |
| Like just the Nazis, the people. | |
| Yeah, when they're not busy backing the Confederate Army, you know what I mean? | |
| Like these people love losers. | |
| These people love losers who committed losing for like really bad reasons. | |
| This wasn't like the first American Revolution failed and the British like crushed us and we got our independence back 50 years later and we look back at that first try and go, man, those guys had a good idea. | |
| It just sucked they didn't have the manpower and the guns needed to make that idea like lift and take flight. | |
| This is like treason in defense of slavery and genocidal monsters attempting to slaughter everyone in Europe in the name of their genocide. | |
| And we have people going, you know, those guys... They might have been on to something. | |
| Yeah, exactly. | |
| Did we give Hitler a fair shake? | |
| Did we give Jefferson Davis and the Confederacy a fair shake? | |
| I mean, that's what these people are asking, honestly. | |
| They're, like, wondering. | |
| They're just, like, spitballing. | |
| They're like, I'm not saying Hitler was right, but can we at least talk about it some? | |
| I don't know. | |
| Is it possible? | |
| I mean, work with me here. | |
| Let's workshop this. | |
| And it's like, no, no, Hitler was wrong. | |
| He was bad. | |
| And it was good that we killed him. | |
| Shut up, you fucking idiot. | |
| Yeah, I mean, the slow erosion of the Nazi as, like, the perennial world perfect bad guy is, like, among the most emblematic things of, like, the weird culture shift in America over the past five or ten years. | |
| Like, because, you know, I feel like, I feel like around, like, you know, I feel like around the year 2000, right? | |
| And certainly after 9-11 happened, right? | |
| Even though 9-11 had nothing to do with the Nazis, as soon as that patriotism, like, just got injected into the veins of every American when we got attacked by Al-Qaeda... Yeah, that's right, baby. | |
| You would think that on December 12, 2011, when that guy's flag store was jumping off, if you talked to him and you were just like, hey man, how do you feel about Nazis? | |
| He would have been like, yo, fuck Nazis! | |
| Not great. | |
| Yeah. | |
| But suddenly, somehow, in the year of our Lord 2020, we're having to remind people that Nazis are the bad guys. | |
| Or, you know, four years ago, when it became fashionable to punch Nazis on camera and put it on YouTube again, and, like, people were saying how that was bad. | |
| It was just like, look, in general, I mean, punching people is bad, but if they're an avowed Nazi, then, like, it's good enough for Captain America. | |
| It's good enough for me. | |
| That's how I live my life. | |
| Would Captain America eat this hot dog? | |
| Yes. | |
| Would he punch this Nazi? | |
| Yes. | |
| Would Captain America secretly reveal himself to be a Nazi? | |
| Yes. | |
| Oh shit! | |
| Oh no! | |
| How very telling. | |
| Yeah, yeah, how very telling that inside of like the past five or ten years also would Captain America decided to just be a Nazi for a while in comic books? | |
| Yeah. | |
| Some real big-brained idiot penning Captain America is just like, wouldn't it be awesome if he revealed himself to be a Nazi? | |
| And it's like, no, that would be very dumb and stupid. | |
| The whole point of Captain America is that he's anti-Nazi, you stupid fucking prick. | |
| Well, that fucking comic book and superhero trope where it's just like, hey, you know that superhero that you like a lot? | |
| You want to see them do stuff without their powers? | |
| It's like, no, I don't. | |
| Like, who gives a shit about these superheroes without their powers? | |
| For the most part, they're just dudes. | |
| But, you know, it's like that, but taken to the nth level. | |
| It's just like, hey, you want to see what Captain America's like if you take away the ideal that made him reality? | |
| They're just like, no! | |
| What are you talking about? | |
| He's a guy who's dressed in the American flag and he punches Nazis. | |
| It doesn't get much more simple than that. | |
| I mean, it's just the fact that we in, like, Trump's presidency had the president of the United States declare that there were very fine people on both sides of the Nazi rally and the anti-Nazi rally. | |
| And that didn't result in the president, like, literally losing all 50 states. | |
| That, like, enough America was just like, you know what? | |
| Maybe, maybe Team Nazi had something going for them. | |
| And thanks to the Electoral College, The guy that was like kind of okay with Nazis barely lost. | |
| I mean, it's just like... | |
| How did we get to this point where, literally, you would think that there was a cliff. | |
| You think that everything Trump does would lead the Lemmings off the cliff, and that this would destroy the Republican Party and the right wing in America. | |
| But the cliff that normal, rational people think exists isn't there, and the Lemmings are just running across this beautiful, majestic, grassy prairie, just living their best Lemming lives. | |
| And you're just like, whoa, what the fuck? | |
| No, where's the clip? | |
| There's got to be punishment for this. | |
| There has to be an atonement. | |
| Something has to go wrong for these fucking lemming, these lemming Nazis. | |
| And it's like, no, the lemming Nazis just get to live their lives and only due to like, The barest of margins do they lose this election for president, but they might still keep the Senate and they gained seats in the House. | |
| So we didn't repudiate the Republican party. | |
| We mildly repudiated Trump and that only barely. | |
| Yeah, I mean that guy who like ran for that congress seat or whatever that just got caught trying to transport that 12 year old girl across state lines for sex and was like a self-avowed, like proud self-avowed pedophile that was also in favor of incestuous marriage. | |
| Yeah, guess what ticket that guy was on? | |
| Spoiler warning, he was not a liberal. | |
| Was it the Green Party? | |
| I mean, that has yet to be seen. | |
| I'm pretty sure that it was conservative in some way, maybe even Republican, but it's hard to say. | |
| I'm sure that if you asked him, he would tell you that the Republican Party is not fighting for his interests hard enough, which is to say that they are not out there banging the drum to legalize incestuous marriage and pedophilia. | |
| Although, you know, in a lot of cases, I'm willing to bet that they might be willing to fight for those things if only the pesky public perception of it wouldn't kill them. | |
| Oh man, that's what's so crazy about this stuff is that they always talk about these things happening. | |
| And yet, like, it's their party that gets caught doing this stuff the vast majority of the time. | |
| I mean... Pay no attention to that Republican, uh, conservative, uh, self-avowed pedophile that just got arrested trying to kidnap a girl for sex. | |
| Instead, focus on Hunter Biden's laptop. | |
| We have it behind the curtain. | |
| You may not look behind the curtain, but we assure you there's a laptop back there and it is salacious. | |
| Yes. | |
| Ignore Jim Jordan covering up the fact that, like, this guy was molesting all these wrestlers at Ohio State. | |
| No big deal. | |
| Nothing to do there. | |
| He's a great man, that Jim Jordan, literally doing the thing that QAnon screams and yells about the most, where just allowing... I mean, in QAnon's mind, like, children are, like, small and, like, five years old, but these are, like, college students. | |
| They're, like, probably... they're young adults, and They're being sexually exploited by a monster, and this now congressman is just like, oh, I don't know what happened. | |
| I don't know what you're talking about. | |
| Where's your Pizzagate soldier kicking in that guy's door? | |
| That guy, like, two years ago, when that guy was running for office, he did an interview with HuffPo where he was just like, I am a pedophile. | |
| I think that shit is cool. | |
| And it's just like, did anybody kick open his door with a fucking AR? | |
| No. | |
| Like, funny that. | |
| So weird. | |
| Anyway. | |
| These people didn't disavow Roy Moore, who was literally a credibly accused pedophile for the longest time, and who Alabama, again, barely defeated for the Senate. | |
| That was the bar Alabama wouldn't cross when it came to electing a Republican, was aggressively, credibly accused pederast. | |
| Alabama was like through gritted teeth. | |
| They let a Democrat hold that seat for a couple of years. | |
| Before Tommy Tupperville swooped in, just dumb as a box of rocks, Tommy Tupperville. | |
| That name doesn't feel real. | |
| Yeah, good ol' Tommy Tupperware. | |
| Yes. | |
| Like, my god, it's like, literally, why did you vote for this man for senator? | |
| Because he was a college football coach and he has an R and X to his name. | |
| Oh, wow, great, wonderful. | |
| Democracy in action! | |
| America! | |
| Yeah, I mean, you know, bully for him, but I don't know if I would trust any of my children with a Republican college sports coach. | |
| Maybe that's just me. | |
| Talk to me when the sports coach at your college is liberal. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Republican college sports coach? | |
| You just have to say he did a tenure as a Catholic priest. | |
| They're just like, coach, you know that this isn't high school gym. | |
| You don't have to wear those really short, tight shorts. | |
| And he's just like, I know what I'm about, son. | |
| No, go run a lap to my apartment and wait for me. | |
| Do we want to do any Q jobs? | |
| We haven't even made it through fucking Q's in the news. | |
| I've still got two more notes here. | |
| Apparently some of our champions and heroes on Twitter are getting banhammered. | |
| Some of our favorite Q nonsensical people. | |
| So yeah, our boy C.J. | |
| Truth, the man who's going to primary Dan Crenshaw, got retweeted by Trump. | |
| Apparently those retweets by Trump caught the eye of Twitter and they finally banned C.J.' 's account, which is hilarious because... Yeah, that's right. | |
| Trump's been working for us the whole time, baby. | |
| Trump's cabal. | |
| He told the algorithm where to point its baleful eye. | |
| Yes. | |
| So, the best part about this is that CJ Truth had previously stated that he felt that God himself was protecting his Twitter account from bans. | |
| So apparently, Yahweh stepped aside on this one and let Moloch take CJ's account down. | |
| And A17Time, who was another big QAnon promoter, got cut down. | |
| And then MajorDad, our hero and friend of the podcast, I know you're listening, he deleted all of his tweets that were more than a month old or whatever. | |
| So he just shredded all of his tweets in an effort to pretend to be Terms of Service compliant with Twitter. | |
| The digital equivalent of you walking into an office and catching somebody feeding manila envelopes into a paper shredder. | |
| Yes! | |
| Nothing to see here! | |
| Oh, just doing some spring cleaning, guys! | |
| Oh yeah, but you know, you know what they say, it springs somewhere! | |
| When I saw someone on Twitter point out that he had deleted over 2,700 tweets, I went to his Twitter. | |
| He had nine tweets left. | |
| His first undeleted, not deleted tweet was, hey, I'm over on Parler. | |
| He's getting ready. | |
| The writing's on the wall. | |
| God has bled, as it were. | |
| I don't think I've tweeted 2,700 times in my life across all of my Twitter accounts. | |
| Now granted, I'm a pretty bad test case because I'm fucking awful at remembering to tweet, as any of the people following me can attest. | |
| At hell world L on Twitter. | |
| But yeah, like, so the fact that this guy had to, had to shred, like, digitally shred 2,700, like, or 3,700. | |
| Was it two or three? | |
| However many. | |
| Two. | |
| 2,700 digital, like, footprints. | |
| He just had to fucking throw them in a furnace. | |
| It's just, like, bananas to me. | |
| Like, how is it possible that you're, that you, to escape the Banhammer algorithm or whatever, you have to make sure, you're just like, oh shit, time to go. | |
| Like, he had so much stuff. | |
| That he would have had to have combed through that it was more efficient and better for him to just nuke it from orbit, right? | |
| And this is the second time he's done this. | |
| Like, two months ago, he just deleted every tweet he had ever made previous to that, and then just started over fresh. | |
| He cranked up another 2,700 that he needed to delete? | |
| Yes. | |
| Is this guy employed? | |
| It's like when I hear people that say they smoke two packs of cigarettes a day. | |
| Where the fuck do you find the time? | |
| There is shit that needs to get done. | |
| Yeah, I have no idea of the inclinations of Majordad and what he does in his spare time, which is not tweeting, because apparently the man does love the Twitter-trons, and apparently he thinks literally everything that he's put out is worthy of a ban by Twitter. | |
| I mean, if he's got all this social media time, then fuck, maybe the 8-coon people should hire him as the new Q. | |
| Because our boy Q is still just like icy silent. | |
| Yeah. | |
| He posted that they weren't going to take it and it just seems like he's taking it. | |
| Oh, he has taken it to bed and gone to sleepy times. | |
| Yes. | |
| They are going to take it. | |
| Yeah, they are going to take it. | |
| I don't know where that got me. | |
| That video's still up. | |
| A video linked by Q is still up on YouTube, but, you know, with a content warning. | |
| I wonder if Q's gonna post on Christmas. | |
| I wonder if he's gonna give QAnon a gift and post on Christmas and just be like, hey, look, I'm back, baby! | |
| And then he'll just go right back to sleep. | |
| Snoring sound. | |
| Yeah, maybe he'll post something to maybe he'll post some other video of, I don't know, some Trump fan video set to music by an artist who fucking hates Trump. | |
| Maybe they'll have like a Trump fan video where it's like killing in the name of, Rage Against the Machine was literally reforming to tour against Trump. | |
| Yeah, or he's just gonna come out at some event to lose yourself by Eminem. | |
| And it's just like, I don't know if you know this, Mr. President, but a couple of years ago, Eminem put out a song that was very critical of you, and I'm pretty sure included him just saying straight up, fuck Trump! | |
| Who does Trump have left? | |
| Is it just like, uh, the new kid? | |
| I'm sure he probably has Lee Greenwood still on his side. | |
| Wasn't it like Lil Wayne in his corner because they don't want to, like Lil Wayne and 50 Cent because they don't want to pay taxes? | |
| Yeah. | |
| And then like 50 came out and was just like, no, I'm actually not with Trump. | |
| Leave me alone. | |
| He's like, yeah, my people have, my people have reminded me that on top of being a regular millionaire, I am also a Bitcoin millionaire, so I do not need to back Trump. | |
| So one of the people I pay to tell me about my money has told me that I do not need to back Trump to keep it safe, so fuck him. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Okay, and then the last note I have for our incredibly extended cues in the news segment, because we just keep fucking letting the wheels fall off, which is awesome. | |
| Stimulus freakouts. | |
| Apparently our cue friends are not fans of the stimulus or, like, corona relief bailout. | |
| Uh, yes, this has been like a really hilarious thing and you're kind of watching QAnon. | |
| Turn themselves from like a cult of Trump to like an anti-government movement that is pissing and moaning about this stimulus $600 check that we're going to be getting, which is too small and unacceptable and bullshit. | |
| And all of this is true, but it's hilarious because these assholes are acting like Trump isn't the head of the government and that they haven't been just washing the balls of every Republican they can get their hands on for the last four years. | |
| Suddenly now the government is bad. | |
| And you have this weird dichotomy where you have some of QAnon asking Trump to veto the stimulus bill. | |
| And then the rest of QAnon is just putting up like images of Pelosi and McConnell and calling them snakes and traitors and deep state and the cabal and all the rest of it. | |
| And it's like, well, again, eventually at some point, it's going to be your boy sitting at a desk with a pen in his hand. | |
| And if he puts his name on that piece of paper, he's the one that signed the fucking bill in the law. | |
| So you can't be anti-government and pro-Trump. | |
| You have to make a decision here as to which one you are, because he's the fucking head of the federal government. | |
| That's what the president is. | |
| You goddamn hypocritical pieces of shit. | |
| So what are the Q supporters that are being vocally anti the relief bill? | |
| What's their beef with it? | |
| That we're not getting enough money, that the rich and powerful are receiving way too many bailouts. | |
| They're talking about like foreign aid going to like foreign countries and all this stuff while we're getting stuck with nothing. | |
| They're like, look, like Israel's getting all this money and like all this country is getting all this money and blah, blah, blah. | |
| It's not cool. | |
| And of course, they're using Israel as a dog whistle there. | |
| I mean, you just shook my worldview, because aside from the, you know, typically anti-Semitic bent of their complaining, apparently, like, you know, it's hard to disagree with their sentiment that it's just like, hey man, big corporations should probably not be getting this money, and we should be getting more than 600 bucks. | |
| Yeah, it's so weird that, like, they're right about that, but they can't- So, wait a minute, they're on my side when it comes to getting a government handout? | |
| Fucking so weird. | |
| It is. | |
| It's truly baffling. | |
| Uh, yeah. | |
| So you have them, and then you just have the other people who are just like, veto the bill, Trump, who actually acknowledge. | |
| That Trump is like still part of the federal government and will remain so for a little bit less than a month now. | |
| But so they can't play their game they're playing until he's out of office. | |
| Like if Biden signed this stimulus bill into law, they'd all be right. | |
| It's a shit bill and it sucks. | |
| And like everyone who's claiming it was a good thing needs to like get fucked because this isn't nearly enough support for the people that are hurting. | |
| But unfortunately for them, the guy that's supposed to save the world and is supposed to literally give us the cure to cancer, heart disease, AIDS, everything else, and give us back the Rothschild trillions and make us all at least middle class, if not filthy stinking rich, he's the asshole putting name to paper. | |
| I mean, it's him who's doing this. | |
| Also, how do these people drive their ...bitching about the relief bill not doing enough with the fact that Republicans are the reason that it is not doing enough, right? | |
| Like, it has been very highly publicized that Democrats wanted more money to individual Americans. | |
| It's just a fact. | |
| In fact, some of them, like, you know, I think it's like Cory Booker and those cats, like, were advocating for, like, $1,200 a month for six months. | |
| Like, they were just like, yo, this shit is not enough by a long shot. | |
| We need to crank out mad free money for the people. | |
| And, like, Republicans were the ones that looked at that and they were just like, no, fuck that, that's not happening, time to blow up that bill and have this, like, trimmed down version with, you know, like, giving tiny amounts of scraps to the American people so that way we can line the corporate coffers of big government. | |
| Don't talk about that, that truth. | |
| Just don't look at the man behind the curtain. | |
| Like, I mean, do they even try to address that, that duality? | |
| Or do they just, do they just put on their fucking conservative blinders and they're just like, we're not getting what we want and it's the liberals fault. | |
| They just do the whole both sides thing and this is like kind of a thing that like the far left on Twitter likes to do also where they blame the Democrats for everything and then when you point out all the things the Democrats did and that the Republicans blocked it, then you're just like, | |
| well, the Democrats didn't fight hard enough to get what they wanted, so that's why we didn't get | |
| it. Acting as though that Mitch McConnell and the Republicans don't have agency and can't control | |
| anything. So like that's the kind of fight you have in that situation where you just pretend | |
| that anything good anyone suggested was just a lie and kabuki theater and that everyone was | |
| always in favor of the shit sandwich bill and everything else was just a bluff to get to that. | |
| And then when they get that, they just give it to you and then say, eat the shit sandwich, you no good so-and-sos, and that's it. | |
| You're just done. | |
| Real Louis Black moment there. | |
| Yes. | |
| Fucking wild. | |
| The chrome-plated balls on these people having the audacity to fucking complain about the relief bill after their team is the one who turned it into a flaming pile of dookie. | |
| Those clowns in Congress sure did it again. | |
| Boy, those clowns. | |
| Yeah, what a bunch of clowns. | |
| My favorite tweet so far is I saw someone, they were like, I can't even find a coffin for less than $800. | |
| This stimulus bill's not even enough to die. | |
| Well said, Twitter person. | |
| Yeah. | |
| That's my favorite one so far. | |
| Yeah, I mean, the best part about 2020 is that even when you're not playing cyberpunk, you're still in a fucking cyberpunk hellscape dystopia. | |
| Like, I can go throw on a virtual reality headset right now and or go out into the streets and continue to be poor and have a corporation's boot on my neck. | |
| All right, well, on that incredibly fun note, do we want to transition? | |
| Like, well, normally this is where we would transition into doing Q-drops, but since we fucking spoke for like a full hour on the news this week, do we just want to roll straight into listener questions? | |
| I'm fine with going to listener questions. | |
| We can make a Q-Drops. | |
| We can do a special holiday edition of Q-Drops where we just skip the news and just cram a bunch of old drops down people's throats. | |
| Q'smas! | |
| Yes, Q'smas. | |
| Q'smas for the rest of us, as it were. | |
| So this week we have three wonderful questions from our listeners. | |
| Confidently Befuddled asks, what are your thoughts on some of the influencers moving away from Trump won all 50 states to let's secede? | |
| I mean, probably the natural progression, right? | |
| Once that lie that Trump won all 50 states became untenable, they had to pivot in some way. | |
| Honestly, it's not like I respect them anymore, but I guess I sort of respect the Gumption a little more of them to just be like, yeah, fuck it, what we really want is another civil war anyway. | |
| So, like, let's just go back to the good old days. | |
| When we put Trump in office, we wanted to make America great again. | |
| And just like the Civil War, what we really meant was we wanted slaves again. | |
| And since we didn't get that, we should make our own country with blackjack and hookers and blow and slaves. | |
| Yeah. | |
| What's really funny about this is you still have like some people who are deluded enough to believe in like red California and all that kind of bullshit. | |
| But on the whole, they, they know who they are. | |
| They know where they live and they just want to have a right-wing government that like does the terrible things they want it to do. | |
| They want to persecute their enemies. | |
| They just want to be pricks and just have everyone eat shit under their boot. | |
| And now that it's more and more obvious they're not going to get that from America, they would like to get that from, like, Trumpistan, as it were. | |
| I will say that while their impulse to do such a thing isn't surprising in the least, I mean, it's pretty clear that a lot of these conservatives would very much like a return to the good old days where you could just try to pick up your ball and form a new country where you can have slaves. | |
| Uh, so I'm not, I'm not at all shocked by the idea. | |
| It is kind of surprising how many of these people were willing to put pen to paper and just come out, like, in favor of Civil War II. | |
| Just like, hey man, like, not for nothin', but we're, we're fuckin', we're, we're pullin', we're, we're pullin' the blinders off or whatever, the scales are fallin' for your eyes, like, we are no longer sugarcoating it, we just want to succeed. | |
| We just want to be, like, conservative states again. | |
| The conservative states of America! | |
| I mean, the thing is, is that, like, secession is the natural progression of this whole thing because there's no peaceful resolution for the enemy they're engaging with in their minds. | |
| They are fighting, like, Satan. | |
| They are fighting the Antichrist. | |
| If Joe Biden gets sworn in on January 20th, the world ends! | |
| So, how do you not keep fighting? | |
| I saw, like... These are good Christians who are taking Jesus' message of, make sure your enemies are properly destroyed, otherwise they might rise up against you, to heart. | |
| Yes. | |
| They have read the secret Bible, and in the secret Bible, Jesus Christ is like fucking Rambo. | |
| He's got a bandolier, and... The secret Bible is my favorite Bible. | |
| Yeah, I mean where do you think that picture of Jack Jesus fucking destroying the cross came from? | |
| It's from Bible 2. | |
| The fourth gospel is my favorite gospel because that's superhero Jesus and it's just fucking hilarious. | |
| It's the weirdest fucking thing. | |
| My favorite gospel is the 69th. | |
| But I like the thing is it makes me laugh so much as I was reading incarnated ET guy who's been banned from Twitter 20 fucking times now has his account back as 80,000 followers. | |
| Twitter doesn't do jack shit about it. | |
| Great job guys. | |
| But that guy was like talking about how Trump can like spend money from like the stimulus package and the stimulus bill any way he wants because it was an omnibus bill. | |
| And then like major dad today was bitching about like the bill passing in the Senate and he was screaming about term limits. | |
| And it's just like, no motherfucker, you don't get to talk about like fucking mild things about like congressional spending laws or term limits and way to regulate the government when you've said that if the bad guys win, they're going to drink the blood of your children. | |
| They're going to tear down the Christian church and install satanic temples on every street corner. | |
| You don't get to like fucking talk about the minutiae of American parliamentary process when the Democrats winning is an existential crisis that will end the world. | |
| Like, fuck off with all that. | |
| Like, shut up. | |
| It's so ridiculous. | |
| The only honest answer these people can have is grab your gun and, like, go down swinging. | |
| Because that's what they had been saying for the last three years was the battle. | |
| Like, literal God and Jesus is the good guys versus George Soros and the devil as the bad guys. | |
| And they're gonna throw down, and one side wins, and that's it. | |
| And, like, the fate of the world hangs in the balance. | |
| Term limits. | |
| Yeah, we're gonna term limit out Elizabeth Warren and get a patriot in Massachusetts. | |
| Fuck off, you children. | |
| And when the world is burned to ashes, only one person will be left standing. | |
| Triangle Man. | |
| Yes. | |
| Damn right. | |
| Five dollars. | |
| Bing! | |
| All right, thanks for the question. | |
| Joseph asks, what do you want for Christmas, little girl? | |
| Ooh, the little girl part made that extra creepy. | |
| The answer, I mean, here's the sad truth. | |
| The sad truth is the answer, and this is not part of my extended shilling operation, is money. | |
| Because it's really all I need right now. | |
| Like, what the fuck else am I going to do? | |
| But failing money at PS5 would be fine. | |
| Thank you, Santa. | |
| And Sarge? | |
| What do I want for Christmas? | |
| Jeez, a pony. | |
| Is it just for writing purposes, or for like, other? | |
| Pony play. | |
| It's darkly sexual. | |
| I mean, is the pony involved in the play? | |
| Because I don't think animals can consent, homie. | |
| No, no, I mean a person- Is the pony just around for the play? | |
| A person that pretends to be a pony. | |
| Well, you need to be more specific when you ask Santa for something, otherwise you're just going to get a regular ass pony that's just going to be around when you're boning. | |
| That's upsetting. | |
| Although maybe that is the fetish. | |
| Maybe the pony is like a cuck watching his wife get drilled by a big bull. | |
| I didn't think this question through. | |
| You knew where this was going to lead us. | |
| Man, what was really awesome about that was Sarge was like, we're going to take this to a dark place. | |
| And El was like, oh, you have no idea how dark it's going to get. | |
| Darker still. | |
| And just took it to Darktown. | |
| Just absolutely no light is escaping the black hole. | |
| That was El's story there. | |
| That was horrifying. | |
| I, for Christmas, I guess PS5 pretty much, although I'm not getting one. | |
| So whenever I do find one next year, that'll be great. | |
| So yeah, that. | |
| I mean, I cannot make my Christmas gift horrifying and tragic and just dystopian. | |
| So yes. | |
| And then finally, Inardi is ready. | |
| I don't know how to say that name. | |
| I don't know how to say any name. | |
| The handle is SecondEnlightened, which I can get right. | |
| It says, will the Kraken ever be disbarred? | |
| And they're working on it. | |
| It's basically trying real hard. | |
| They're, I mean, they've got people who actually have disbarment powers working on Operation Disbarment for the bullshit they're pulling. | |
| And given that like Smartech or Smartmetric, however they say their name, just think about that company and Dominion. | |
| Like, their names have been ruined by this bullshit. | |
| Like, no city in America is going to be like, whose voting machines should we buy? | |
| You know what? | |
| We should get Dominion. | |
| Yeah, let's call them up and give them a fat contract for voting machines. | |
| That's going to go over real fucking well. | |
| So, I mean, like, if you've had your business literally destroyed, where your only option is to rebrand, rename, or sell out to a bigger company and have them, like, Pretend they didn't buy you out and then put out your product four years from now under a different name. | |
| Jesus Christ, I would fucking sue everyone I could. | |
| These people literally ran me out of business with their lies. | |
| They need to give me a pile of money for this bullshit. | |
| And I know the First Amendment and defamination laws are really tough to win, but I do think that this is one of those rare times where you can make this lawsuit and you can say, no, these people knew they were lying. | |
| Because that's kind of like the bar to clear for a lot of these lawsuits is proving that the person knew they were lying about it and they weren't just a deluded idiot who thought it was plausible they weren't lying and they were actually telling the truth. | |
| And I'm pretty sure that, like, at some point during Discovery, you're gonna find that, like, literally either Linwood or Powell themselves were on the chan boards, or they had, like, their law clerks, like, just surfing chan boards, finding bullshit they knew was bullshit, and then, like, typing it up and making it look lawyer-y. | |
| They're gonna find Lin's trip code. | |
| Yes! | |
| Oh, God. | |
| Yeah, that's gonna be it. | |
| Lin Wood is gonna be fucking cute. | |
| That's gonna be the prestige at the end of all this bullshit. | |
| It's gonna be great. | |
| I mean, Rudy has distanced himself, too, because he's facing a lot of calls for disbarment as well. | |
| It seems like he's backed off a bunch of nonsense. | |
| I feel like Rudy has to be retiring soon, right? | |
| Like, after all this nonsense, his play is probably just to retire. | |
| Yeah, he's gonna go to a farm upstate. | |
| Yeah, he's gonna play with the rest of the dogs. | |
| Yes. | |
| I mean, he did get COVID good enough to put him in the hospital, so, I mean, he's been rough. | |
| I mean, that's what they said, but we all know that it was really just them reattaching his face to his skull, because we saw it melting and sloughing off in that one. | |
| Yeah, he got Raiders of the Lost Ark, as it were. | |
| So, that is our glorious listener question-ins for the week. | |
| Yeah, thanks everybody for writing in. | |
| We do this every week, so if anyone listening wants to get up on those Twitters and send us some questions for next week, Mr. Mike Raines here always posts a thread for that. | |
| Come on in, the water's fine. | |
| We'll talk about Q or Republicans or whatever other nonsense you want us to. | |
| We're here for your amusement. | |
| We can get into dark sexual fantasies about bestiality and cucking. | |
| I mean, the whole world is your oyster when it comes to this thing. | |
| Tony plays not bestiality, let's be clear. | |
| Yeah, and cucking isn't dark. | |
| Cucking is just like the most natural, beautiful relationship you can have with your significant other and another person. | |
| Oh, I did not know that! | |
| Beautiful, Mike! | |
| Woke! | |
| I learn something new every day on this podcast. | |
| Yeah, I mean, how dare you be so rude to the cuck community? | |
| We are not important enough to get cancelled. | |
| Hey, and if we do get cancelled, so be it. | |
| Them's the brakes. | |
| We're not big enough to get cancelled, and you know who could help that? | |
| Our listeners. | |
| Our listeners could help us get big enough to be cancelled. | |
| And they could do so by telling their friend about this here podcast, like, subscribing to this motherfucker on whatever RSS feed or whatnot they're doing, just getting the word out there. | |
| And if you really, really wanted to support the Cuck Talk Podcast, You can do so at Patreon, at PokerPolitics. | |
| That is where you can go to tip your dealer, or in this case, dealers. | |
| And as always, if we're not worthy of your hard-earned money because we spend too much time talking about pony play, that's fair. | |
| That's fair enough. | |
| Fair on ya. | |
| Take that money and donate it to Love146.org. | |
| They are an organization that is trying to actually fight child endangerment and, like, you know, child trafficking and such in the way that Q supporters would like you to think that they do, but secretly they do the opposite, which is to say kidnap and have sex with children. | |
| That's why they have our content warning, baby! | |
| Waka waka. | |
| So yeah, so give us your money on Patreon, or if you don't want to give us your money, but you do have money to give somebody in the spirit of the season, go ahead and donate it to love146.org. | |
| You can find us at our various social media accounts on the Twittersphere, the primary one being at PokerPolitics for Mike Rains, but you can also find myself at HellworldL, Hellworld being spelled with a Q and seven O, of course, because we are a QAnon podcast, in case you forgot. | |
| Which, again, fair play. | |
| You can also find Sarge on Twitter, at hellworld, spelled the same way, Sarge, instead of L, because he's not L, he's Sarge. | |
| Normally, this time of the podcast is the time where we would sign off with our super organic catchphrase, and I would count us down, even though I don't need to, because it's so organic. | |
| It's fuckin' organic, it's fucked, it's fair trade, it's free range. | |
| You got hippies selling this at the fuckin' farmer's market in downtown, you go pick some of that up, so organic. | |
| But that never really works out properly thanks to the power of the internet. | |
| The internet prevents us from ever syncing up properly. | |
| So, in a move that is surprising both the co-hosts that I'm with and the audience, I alone am just going to steer us out of port. | |
| And I did not, I did, I'm springing this on Mike and Sarge. | |
| They both had no idea this was happening. | |
| You should see the look on their stupid faces Gobsmacked. | |
| So, for another, I guess, technically successful episode of The Adventures in Hellworld, I am El, signing off for Mike Rains. | |
| Go ahead and tell everybody goodbye, Mike. | |
| Goodbye, Mike! | |
| And as always, our man in uniform, Sarge. | |
| Go ahead and say goodbye to everybody, Sarge. | |
| I'm saluting. | |
| Goodbye. | |
| And hopefully we will see you again next week for another episode of The Adventures in Hellworld. |