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Nov. 26, 1997 - Art Bell
44:29
Coast to Coast AM with Art Bell - News, Commentary, Open Lines (hour 1)
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♪♪ From the high desert and the great American Southwest, I
bid you all good evening.
Good morning, as the case may be, across this great land of ours.
Stretching from the Tahitian and Hawaiian island chains in the West, where the gentle breezes, straight winds blow and grass skirts abound.
I'm going to get to Hawaii, you know, on TV too.
All the way east to similar visions, St.
Thomas, the U.S.
Virgin Islands.
Good morning!
I guess it's way into the morning there.
South into South America, north to the North Pole worldwide on the Internet.
This is Coast to Coast AM and I'm Art Bell.
Hi.
Welcome to the weirdest show on the face of the Earth.
Well, we've got a new affiliate.
Yes, indeed.
Giving birth to yet another, this time, W-I-M-A-A-M, in Lima, Ohio.
Now, I don't know why, but I always thought it should be Lima, but no, it's Lima, as in Lima beans.
No reflection, of course, on W-I-M-A, but Lima beans are absolutely the... I have detested Lima beans all my life, but the people of Lima, I'm sure, are great.
It's just that when I was young, you know, everybody has a food that they just simply cannot abide by.
And mine, for me, it's Lima beans.
Anyway, great to have you on board, Limaites.
They're 1150 on the dial in Lima, Ohio.
Great to have you.
You know, remember, there's some food, isn't there, that you just absolutely cannot abide by, can't even stand the smell of.
Well, for me, it was lima beans, and it still is, incidentally.
I don't eat them.
And I used to have to eat them.
You know, we had a rule in our house.
No dessert unless you ate your entire dinner.
Whatever your entire dinner that night happened to consist of.
When it was lima beans, the only thing I could do, which is what I did, is to take them whole.
Never chew them.
That's bad.
You take your entire glass of milk and you take each lima bean like a pill.
And that's not how I would eat lima beans.
And that's the only way I would get to my dessert.
Well, let's see.
What are we going to do tonight?
It's in some time zones already Thanksgiving.
Most talk show hosts do a inevitable, what are you thankful for?
I don't do that.
Sometimes I do, what are you not thankful for?
There's plenty to be not thankful for.
Saddam Hussein.
AIDS.
Of course, I'm covering the headlines here.
The AIDS situation is particularly interesting.
I'll tell you next hour, we're going to have Joyce Riley on.
And I'm going to ask her about this.
Now, years ago, we were saying exactly what they have revealed today.
The U.N.
AIDS Agency said today that 16,000 people are infected with AIDS daily.
Previous estimates of the number of people with AIDS have been wholly unreported.
They now believe that 30 million people are infected with HIV.
30 million.
Now, it was 10 million a few days ago.
Now, Actually, this is fully one-third more than earlier estimates.
1 in every 100 sexually active adults under the age of 49 worldwide now has HIV.
Only 1 in 10 knows about it.
Now, they think that by the year 2000, if we make it, that number will soar to 40 million.
And in a way, what we're going to talk about with Joyce Riley, and she's got a lot of new information, About the whole Gulf War business.
It relates to AIDS, so we'll ask her about that.
Now, um, and also, uh, this relates to what we're going to talk to Joyce Riley about.
You may recall, um, that the U.N.
inspectors, if we remember the chronology correctly, were either kicked out or, in protest, walked out of Iraq when the U.S.
inspectors were not allowed to inspect, right?
And so then we began to send, uh, B-52s and F-117s and all that toward Iraq.
Like we were going to do serious damage, and so they changed their minds.
They caved in completely to our demands, which seemed extremely disappointing to our Defense Department, which was cranking up to hit Saddam.
Nevertheless, I mean, what are you going to do?
They caved in.
The Russians did it.
They made a deal.
And, you know, when somebody meets all your demands, you have very little choice, right?
And so, We continued to move hardware over there, but went back in.
Then, if I've got my story straight, and check me if I don't, we said, once we got back in, that we were going to have to inspect all 63 homes, castles, private residences, or whatever, of Saddam Hussein.
And they said, absolutely not.
And then we began to make noises like we would come in and, you know, start bombing.
And so, today, they caved in and said, okay, you can visit all of these places.
Again, I think, disappointing the Defense Department.
And so now tonight, the U.S.
is saying, thank you very much, we're glad you're going to let us in, but it's not enough.
So we continue to move the goalposts and I am convinced just absolutely tonight more than ever convinced that we are going to hit Iraq and we are going to find a reason to do it no matter what.
That's the way it looks to me anyway.
So with more action in the Gulf looming I think Joyce Raleigh, it's time to have Joyce Raleigh back and get an update on what's going on.
She's got a bunch of Very upsetting audio clips to play for you this evening.
By the way, I'm going to be here tomorrow night.
I will be here live tomorrow night.
I will take a day off Friday, and we will rerun David Adair, the rocket scientist.
And of course, I had a scheduled day off Sunday, and so there'll be a rerun on Dreamland, which means that I get three days off.
But I will be here live tomorrow night.
It just made more sense to me to do it that way.
The Supreme Court agreed to consider reinstating a law that required the National Endowment for the Arts to consider decency as well as artistic merit in handing out public money.
Now, I think that's just fine.
And of course, everybody bristles at the crucifix turned upside down in a bottle of urine, which was presented at the taxpayer's expense as an artistic presentation, and that's baloney.
You know, that's just baloney.
And so I don't want to pay for that, and so good for the Supreme Court.
I hope they consider well.
We have brought you, referring to last night's program, which was sort of, I'm going to call it the Sunstroke program with Ed Dames, a lot of news recently about deformed frogs and the fact that up in Duluth they have now apparently discovered that it is due to UV radiation, not some kind of parasite from snakes or whatever.
But UV radiation.
Now, tonight, I have a story.
I'm sorry to say, from Ohio as a matter of fact, about Greg O'Mallory of Zanesville, who has found, I'm sorry to say, a white-tailed deer, this young fellow shot, that has an extra leg growing out of its back.
Simple-celled organisms.
You can talk about those and you don't get too upset.
DNA changing?
Not too big a deal.
Frogs, extra legs, eyes and throats, that kind of thing.
You know, worrisome, but not too big a deal.
Now, a deer with a leg growing out of its back.
It's beginning to move up the food chain a little bit, folks.
Kind of worrisome.
We are going to have another guest next week on what's going on with the sun, by the way.
Hey, listen.
I got the gift of a lifetime.
Daryl, my friend in Los Angeles, I want to thank you.
You know what Daryl sent me?
He sent me a Packers helmet.
That's right.
A real Packers helmet in a display case.
I am a big Packers fan, as you know.
And so, I have held it up.
It arrived today, and I have held it up in front of my studio cam, my live studio cam.
Proudly, you can see it.
Thank you, Daryl.
Packers helmet.
Now, to make life complete, all I need is to get Brett Favre to sign it for me.
And that would complete life.
I'm so proud of that.
Take a look.
It's really pretty.
And you can see me holding it up there on the... There's a live... There actually are three live studio cams in here that we've installed.
And when you go to my website, you can see me doing whatever it is a talk show host does from three separate angles, generally.
But I have frozen the picture with Daryl's helmet.
And I was... Boy, that was very exciting.
Thank you very much, Daryl.
That was quite a gift.
And so I've held it up there for all the world to see and breadth far of if you're out there.
I don't suppose you'd sign it for me, would you?
God, that'd be incredible.
Anyway, what we're going to do is open lines for the rest of this hour.
I would rather imagine a lot of you want to react to what you heard yesterday from Ed Dames.
And that's fine.
And I've got a couple of other items for you here that we will get to.
When it comes to information on extraterrestrials, by the way, I just talked to a young lady down in Tucson who has been seeing some remarkable UFOs and she's out there right now trying to get video.
So if anybody else in Tucson has seen something that ought not be in the air and she called the military base there and they told her, uh, forget it.
I mean, just don't think about it.
She called some UFO group in Florida and they told her to go back and house lock the door and stay there.
Instead, she's outside trying to get audio and video of whatever it is of passing over Tucson.
Anyway, I'm off track.
Back to E.T.'s.
You've gotta see a video we've got.
Area 51, the alien interview.
Remember when Extra and Strange Universe had about three seconds of this?
And I interviewed Victor, the guy who supposedly got it out of Area 51, spirited this thing out of Area 51.
And I still want to invite Victor back.
Victor, wherever you are, the sound of my voice is wide, and I would imagine you can hear me.
Consider getting in touch with me for another interview.
We promise, as always, anonymity.
I'd like to see how life has gone for Victor.
Apparently not well.
He's in the hiding.
This shows An alien being interrogated by guys, military or pseudo-military, who knows, at Area 51.
It's pretty convincing video and we've got the whole thing, not just a few seconds, but a 65-minute documentary with all footage.
It is, in all, $19.95, plus shipping and handling.
You can call right now and get it.
I suggest you do exactly that.
It will take about two weeks to get to you.
The number is 1-800-510-3420.
That's 1-800-510-3420.
If you're one of the many who hasn't yet moved into the computer age, please stop and listen carefully.
Oh, yes, I know.
You've tried to understand computers only to give up in frustration, but seeing your computer systems is different, and I mean a lot different.
I've checked them out.
It's a tremendous concept.
Here's an ultra-fast computer with built-in one-on-one live assistance.
Now suppose you're attempting to send email, for example, and you're stuck.
You simply push the F12 key on your computer and presto!
You've got the SCS Tech Center's Help Genie.
Now this is a real live person who looks at your screen and shows you exactly what to do.
The Genie will help you with your email, show you how to surf the net, how to communicate with others who share your interests.
The SCS computer has got plenty of memory and storage space and is easily upgraded.
The full package comes with monitor, printer, 13 software programs including Windows 95
and the built-in Genie software, plus an extremely easy to use training manual, all for less
than $2,000.
And a three-year warranty and service right to your door are available.
By the way, if you already have a computer, yes, you can purchase the Genie and training
manual separately.
For details, call SCS right now.
That's 1-800-354-6846.
Join the computer age with this revolutionary new system.
Call 1-800-354-6846 and never again be intimidated by a computer.
800-354-6846.
Join the computer age with this revolutionary new system.
Call 1-800-354-6846 and never again be intimidated by a computer.
Hey, you remember yesterday I read you a story about two foot long rats?
A group, ecological group in Chile has indeed now sounded an alarm about two foot long mutants.
Mutant rats that have attacked barnyard animals in a suburb of Santiago.
Santiago, I guess.
And today I got the following.
Uh, dear Art, speaking of two foot long rats, I've missed that experience.
But how about a very thick, fat roach, somewhere between three and four inches long?
My first night in Saigon, I had just arrived for my first overseas civilian job in 1966 as an advisor.
Alone in my room, Uh, at the hotel I heard this loud, raspy, scratching noise.
Kind of like a metal file being dragged over the edge of a piece of plywood.
The sound was coming from the direction of the door to my room.
Now you can imagine my state of mind my first time out of the USA.
In a strange country.
A war going on.
The people, their language, the stench of garbage piled up along both sides of the street.
The airport burning from an attack earlier than, uh, that night, uh, just before we landed.
The U.S.
and V.N.
troops, uh, pointing weapons at us at every intersection.
A confused late-night arrival at the hotel.
A bottle of drinking water with a mat of lint and hair resting at its bottom, thoughtfully provided by the management.
Occasional distant explosions.
You get the picture.
I was scared to death.
And then this grating, scratching noise.
It was a huge roach stuck under the door, trying to squeeze under to get inside my room.
Its movements, the rubbing of its back against the bottom edge of the door, were the cause of the noise.
It was actually shaking the door on its hinges.
God, I didn't want it inside my room.
Wasn't about to open the door or step on something that looked about half size of my foot.
For all I knew, it might have been a VC in disguise or something.
May I be forgiven, but I squirted it with some green alcohol-based athlete's foot medication that I had brought with me, literally soaking it with what I remember was NP-27.
Well, That poor roach instantly freed itself and raced down the hallway, actually making a tiny squealing noise as it careened into walls, door jams, and finally under another guest's door.
I, of course, was happy it was gone, relieved that I hadn't taken a match and lighted it, because that was my next well-thought-out plan.
I remained in South Vietnam for the next nine and a half years, but that night, I was ready and all set to go home right away.
I've only been listening to you for the past month, though, and then he gives me some kudos and so forth.
So there you are.
That's from Jim in Morris, Alabama.
I guess just north of Birmingham.
Yeah, that's quite a welcoming country, all right, Jim.
Imagine a roach that big, can you even imagine?
All right, to the lines.
East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
Hello.
Hello?
Hello.
Extinguish your radio, please.
I love your show.
Well, thank you.
How's Nevada Bell?
Um, how's Nevada Bell?
Your dog.
Oh, we haven't named her yet.
Well, I thought I'd suggest a name.
Nevada Bell.
With an E on the end.
Bell with an E. Yeah, Bell.
Like the Memphis Bell.
Yeah.
A lot of people suggested the name Bell.
Actually, she's doing really well.
You know, we went out and we bought her Uh, a doghouse.
Um, a prefab doghouse.
Oh boy.
And, what she's been doing, we've got some construction going on here in our yard, and we checked the doghouse earlier tonight, and she loves it.
She stays in there when it's, uh, rainier, windier, you know, at night.
She goes into her doghouse, loves it.
But we checked her doghouse, and there were, there was every manner of construct, there was a hammer in there, there was a big ball of twine in there, There were just about, you know, she's stealing things from these construction guys and putting them in her doghouse as a cash of whatever.
Mercy.
So she's doing fine.
Art?
Yes?
Did you get that cassette I sent you?
Now, that is a question that will stand eternally as one that you shouldn't ask me.
Did I get that cassette?
I got hundreds of them.
What did it have to do with?
Well, I wanted to explain it.
It's a song.
It's three songs on there and two other things that I've done.
It's about the night you had Merle Haggard on the show.
Oh, yes.
And you're in the song?
You know what?
I have a special stack of music that people send, and so it's going to be in that.
I haven't heard it yet, but I'm sure I have it.
Well, I went down here to Kemper Arena on the 16th and saw Merle Haggard and met him.
Yeah, I met his son Noel and all the musicians and gave him about eight of my songs that I've written.
And maybe I'll do some good, I don't know, but I sure loved his performance.
The last song he sang was that Okie from Muskogee.
And I'm just crazy about Merle Haggard.
Well, I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.
I know I'm going to have a good one.
And I hope everybody in this land has a good one.
Well, I have a very special Thanksgiving.
Thank you so very much for the call.
My Thanksgiving, I should say that our Thanksgiving, because of the hours that I work.
You know what I'm going to celebrate Thanksgiving?
You know what I'm going to have Thanksgiving dinner?
At four o'clock in the morning, one hour after I get off the air from doing this program, I will sit down To a somewhat non-typical turkey dinner.
In other words, I'm not gonna have turkey.
I'm gonna have a roast.
Heard a little story about some tainted turkeys in California.
Scared the, uh, stuffing out of me.
So, we're going for a roast this year.
But yes, my Thanksgiving is just hours ahead.
I'm Art Bell and this is Coast to Coast AM.
Good morning.
Don't touch that dial.
This is Calvin Rossin' Land.
I know it sounds absurd, but please tell me who I am.
I'll be calling you a riding home, but never on the magic road.
That's 702-727-1295.
Oh man, you gotta check out this guy.
712.95. That's 702. 727.12.95.
Oh man, you gotta check out this guy. This guy's just whaling, isn't he?
Good morning, everybody.
This is Coast to Coast AM.
Freeform for the next half hour.
Then, Joyce Riley and the Gulf War Syndrome and much more.
That is tough.
Well, listen.
Here's a Christmas gift that you, uh... Well, everybody knows somebody who's got everything.
But one thing they probably don't have...
is a star.
Now, Nicole Kidman has a star, Brooke Shields has a star, Alex Baldwin, Madonna has a star, as well as her new baby.
I have a star, my wife has a star, and you can have a star too.
Actually, actually have a star.
As a matter of fact, last night I put up the framed star A certificate which is absolutely beautiful.
It's gigantic.
It's like, I don't know, 16 by 20 or something.
And they give you a star map as well to show you where your star is.
It's $45.
And you really are getting a star.
I mean, you call the International Star Registry and I'll give you their number.
They send a beautiful full-color parchment certificate of record, sky charts, and a very interesting book on astronomy.
Now, so you know, your star, the one named for you, and remember, a star is a sun, right?
Your star is entered in the registry's book and recorded with the U.S.
Copyright Office, so it will be your star forever!
I mean, imagine the fame, the possibilities!
What if your star went supernova?
Your name would be everywhere!
But even if it doesn't, you've got a star!
Right?
An entire star.
So, there you are.
Call the International Star Registry at 1-800-282-3333.
Not a real hard number.
That's 1-800-282-3333.
And for 45 bucks, you can give a star for Christmas.
PMX, they also, of course, can help you get into business for yourself, but you've got to get one first.
That's the way it works.
All right.
On my international line, you're on the air.
Good morning.
Hi, Eric.
This is Jessie in Clearwater.
I have a question, a comment, and a program suggestion.
Well, how did you get on my international line?
How did I get on your line?
You're talking about Clearwater, Florida, right?
No.
Clearwater, British Columbia.
Oh.
That's how you got on.
Yeah.
All right.
Anyway, what's going on?
Okay.
First of all, I want to know how the dog is doing.
Well, she's doing great.
Does she have a name yet?
No, we have, uh, in computer terms, about three megabytes of names.
Well, you know, you already had the best name you could pick for that dog on the air.
What?
Millie.
For millennium.
Millennium.
Well, it's definitely one of the top contenders, but I want to go through all these suggested names before we make a choice.
And I have to say, you have incredible taste in dogs.
That's got to be about the ugliest dog I ever saw in my life.
Isn't it?
Man, I tell you, she is ugly.
There's no question about it.
But I'll tell you, that's one big jaw.
Look at the size of that jaw.
I know.
She grows into that head.
She's going to be huge.
I raise dogs.
I've been just laughing at you and your cats, and now you finally got a dog.
I know.
She could eat one of my cats in one bite.
Does she bother them?
No.
Oh, right on.
No.
As a matter of fact, she jumped up to my 20-pounder.
My 20-pounder hardly even moved and then just pawed her in the face a couple times.
She was disappointed that she couldn't make friends.
What does Comet think of her?
Listen, Comet will hardly have anything to do with humans, much less dogs.
Um, I have a programming suggestion for you.
Yes?
You have talked about everything but the one thing in the world that terrifies me the most.
What?
Werewolves.
Oh, werewolves.
You know, I've never had a werewolf line.
You gotta try it, man.
I wanna see what happens.
I, um, when I was a kid, my mother sent me to a shrink to find out why I was afraid of the dark.
We lived out on a ranch out in the middle of nowhere.
Have you ever encountered a werewolf?
Only in my dreams.
Oh, and in that rotten book Whitley Strieber wrote.
Ha!
Good advertisement for his book.
Yeah.
I have a question about Whitley Strieber.
I actually have a comment, too.
Yes?
Quit hogging him when he's on the air.
Let us talk to him some more.
Well, I can't help it.
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
I try.
I really try.
But, you know, it's so interesting that sometimes I just can't let go.
I know.
It really is a problem, I know.
Do the wild thing.
It's 702-727-1295.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
You can't say that on the air.
I'll rap.
Well, you can't say that word on the air.
That's, you know...
Four-letter word.
That's one of the deadliest FCs in the world.
Oh, really?
Yeah, you can't say that.
Oh, right.
George Carlin.
That's right.
Okay, I got it.
Well, okay, he gives me a hack.
How's that?
Is that better?
He gives you, well, fertilizer would imply... Yeah, it's a little beyond that.
But the reason I've tried to get a hold of Whitley... By the way, I've got a wonderful list of reasons that you can give for not going into work.
Would you like some?
I should tell him the dog ate the spark plug wires out of my truck or something.
Well, anyway, you have what for Whitley?
I have something floating around behind my left ear that showed up when I was 20 years old after I had had an hour and a half of missing time and I want to know how do I find out if it's an implant?
You talk to Whitley and he points you toward a doctor who will take a look at it.
Or you go to your local doctor and have an x-ray or an MRI or something.
The local doctor just laughs at me and he won't take an x-ray of it.
But this thing is back there.
It's got a mole on it.
I can feel it moving around.
There's two of them side by side right here and left here.
Demand an x-ray.
right with the Canadian health system you don't have the right to demand you do what
Right.
you're told.
Oh that's right you live in Canada.
Well I'll drive down here to where you pay for things and they'll do it.
14 hours to get across the border I don't think so Art.
Well alright and next time Whitley's on I'll hope that you can get on with him.
Now listen how about these for excuses not to come to work.
You know you call in right?
You get your boss on the line.
If it's all the same to you I won't be coming into work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
My stigmata is acting up.
Boss, look, I just can't come into work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss who fired me for not showing up.
Okay?
Hey, boss, I'm stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the food giant.
Constipation, boss, has made me a walking time bomb.
I need to stay home.
Or I just found out I was switched at birth.
Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead, and today we're going to have to track her to her coffin, draw the stake through her heart, and give her eternal peace.
One day I should do it.
Hey, here's my menu.
Let's see.
Here's what I'm having at 4 o'clock in the morning.
Try this.
Slow Roasted Beef with Homemade Gravy.
Mona just bought this in.
Slow Roasted Beef with Homemade Gravy.
Now, I can't read this.
Walnut Apple Dressing.
Whipped Yams.
Mashed Potatoes.
Steamed Carrots and Broccoli.
That's a lot of vegetables there.
Fresh Biscuits.
Herb Tea.
And pecan pie.
Well, now, I said I'd be here tomorrow night, but after this, I'm... I don't know.
I'll be lucky to walk.
Well, I guess as long as I can still talk, huh?
West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good evening, Art.
This is Ken in Las Vegas.
Yes, Ken.
Art, do you remember about a month ago, I called up and I expressed my dissatisfaction toward David Jono's findings of the Area 51 caller?
Yes.
I sent, and you told me to send a tape with my findings.
To David Oates.
Well, I gave it, I sent it to you to listen.
Did you receive the tape?
Did you listen to it?
Yes, I'm sure we've got it, but I don't recall having listened to it yet.
You've got to understand that the show is so doggone big now that we bring our mail in here in bins, gigantic bins, and we're behind.
So yes, of course, if you said it, I'm sure I have it, but I can't tell you I've already listened.
Because in that letter, I wrote a three-page letter.
One is the general text letter, the other one is the text of the Area 51 conversation, and the other one are the eight reversals, legitimate reversals, that I found, which I explained to you on the air.
Well, there shouldn't be a difference.
In other words, reversals should be reversals, should be reversals, right?
There is a reversal there, and it is clear and not metaphoric.
In other words, open to interpretation.
It should be read the same by everybody.
Most of the reversals are clear, like I'm faking it, and hear me milk it, and stuff.
The thing I want to say is, if you do read it, and if you ever get to it, because in that letter I openly challenged Mr. Oates, on here, on your show, I have a group of friends and I, a group of friends, What's a debate?
I mean, you have reversals.
He has reversals.
On the same subject.
I know.
And so then all you can do is get together and say, Did you hear that one?
Did you hear that one?
But the problem is that he took all the reversals out of context.
It was not exactly what it was.
And also the truth was, Well, let me say this to you.
People here in Las Vegas and other places went out of our way.
We staked our reputation on the line by promoting Mr. Oates on the radio shows, on other radio
shows.
Well, let me say this to you.
Why don't you take the tape of your reversals and send them to David Oates instead of me?
In other words, let him review your reversals, determine that they are real, and then we will have a conflict on our hands and we can go from there.
How's that?
Well, I'll tell you what, you listen to the tape, what I've got, send it, submit it to Mr. Oates, because I felt that a lot of people in the reverse speech community feel we've been shortchanged, that we feel that Mr. Oates' findings were at best questionable, Like I said, we've faked our reversals.
Okay, again, I'm willing to do that, but thank you, but I don't see how that can be.
Reversals are there, they occur every so many seconds, and the ones that are clear, and those are the only ones for the public that I can deal with, not the metaphoric type that, you know, would be open to interpretation.
But the clear reversals, which you claim you have, Are the only ones we can deal with and I would not imagine that David would endeavor to I Mean I didn't matter as far as I was concerned The guy could have been a total fake or he could have been absolutely real 50-50 from my point of view so I doubt that David started with an agenda it would have been just as interesting as
To prove the guy was a fake with reversals.
So, I'm not sure what we've got here.
And if I can find the tape, I'll send it to David, and then we can have some kind of debate.
That's all I concede to do.
But reversals are reversals are reversals.
Period.
West of the Rockies, you're on the air.
Mr. Bell.
Mr. Caller.
This is Robert in San Joaquin Valley, California, sir.
Hello there.
How are you, sir?
Fine.
Well, I got four things for you tonight, if I may.
If you can do it quickly.
I'll do, I'll do.
Last night, first, you're responding to last night with Major Ed Daines?
Yes.
If what he says is correct, and this does happen in 1999, I was thinking that Greenpeace is really going to be ticked off, don't you think?
Well, there is that, and I was talking to my webmaster, Keith, earlier, and he said, you know, this sure will take care of the year 2000 problem.
It will.
Well, you know, it also made me think that I better go on that cruise next, uh, was it May, you said?
May.
That's right, it's in May.
Yeah, I've never been on a cruise and, uh, I thought, of course, I'm used to having the best.
I hope they've got a luxury suite for me.
Listen, well, you better, if you want a luxury suite, you've got to get in early.
All right.
Can I bring some VIPs?
I beg your pardon?
Can I bring some VIPs?
Add to the festivities.
Bring VIPs?
Yeah.
Like who?
Well, I'll have to, uh, check around and see that they, you know, the caliber of people that would fit in with the... Bring, bring Brett Favre.
I need a signature.
Ah, well, okay.
Well, I'll, I'll see what I can do.
All right, anything else?
Uh, yes, you had mentioned weeks ago about the awards, the radio awards, and then I never heard any more about that.
Well, I don't know which ones you're referring to.
There were two sets of them.
One set was given in Los Angeles, and I won.
I won Best Male Talk Show Host of the Year.
But you never told us.
Well, yes I did.
You just didn't hear.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
How long ago was this?
Um, I don't know.
What, six months?
Five months?
Something like that?
Well, and then there was another set of awards.
I was nominated for what's called the Marconi Award.
I was one of the five nominees.
And the winner of that was not me.
It was Dr. Laura Schlesinger.
No comment, sir.
Well, that's... Have a good night.
Thank you very much.
At any rate, I was very... Listen, that's a very prestigious award, the Marconi.
Marconi is like the god of radio, like the father of radio, so it's a very prestigious award, and I was one of the five finalists for syndicated talk show host, so I was very, very honored.
East of the Rockies, you're on the air.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Mr. Bell.
Yes, turn your radio off.
Ah, yes.
Learn those things.
See?
How's he all up, folks?
Got to have him right there.
Turn it off.
All right.
Go ahead.
This is John in Atlanta.
Oh, Atlanta.
Yes, sir.
Yes, that's quite a long way away.
Anyway, I noticed that you put a symbol of mine up on your homepage.
Oh, are you the one who did the symbol?
Well, I did one of them, yes.
One of them, okay.
One of them, uh, the blue one, uh, geometric symbol that you had in there.
It was a couple of things.
Uh, thanks to your webmaster.
Sure.
Putting that up there for me.
Um, have you had anybody else comment about that?
Oh, we've had a great many, not so many call-ins, but lots of e-mail and communication about the geometric symbols, yes.
Yeah.
Well, I can send an e-mail address.
You're welcome to send stuff, too.
I'll be in town for a little while.
Well, here's what you do.
You send your e-mail address to Keith Rowland.
That's keithr, K-E-I-T-H-R, at primenet.com.
Yeah.
And you'll put your email address up there and you can deal with your own email.
Yes, of course.
I did a lot of stuff there.
I've been listening to the past couple of shows, both on the air yesterday and to real audio.
It's kind of handy.
And the One Foot Rats.
No, I own three rats.
No, that's a two-foot rat, sir.
Two-foot rats, excuse me.
You own rats?
I own three rats.
Three rats?
Why?
Well, they're fairly nice creatures, I mean... In what way?
In what way?
Well, these particular rats are very clean.
Well, I mean, do you give them a bath?
I mean, how are they clean?
Not exactly.
Give me some idea in the audience of what lovable aspects there are to rats.
Well, the ones I have, I can say for mine, I can't say for anyone else's, are very friendly.
I mean, they don't bother anybody else.
They just sort of wander around their cages with their tongue out their mouth.
Does a rat purr?
No, they don't purr.
No, does a rat cuddle up to you and sort of... No, they're cute.
No, a rat doesn't cuddle up to you.
No, they're just cute.
You mean to see?
Yeah.
These are anyway.
No, they're not.
They're ugly like my dog.
Well, I... Rats are even uglier than my dog, actually.
Okay, so the rats are not something you like, I guess.
So then why... Well, I'm just wanting to understand why you like rats.
I mean, what are the lovable aspects?
They're cute?
No, rats aren't cute.
So they've got to have some lovable thing they do.
Do they turn over on those little rat backs and put their paws in the air?
Well, they have a wheel sort of thing, and I've made several little passageways from cage to cage.
They go back and forth, but they love their wheel, and it's just kind of interesting.
Well, if you talk about the rats in Chile, two feet long.
I don't think I would have owned one of those.
You could operate more than a Beijing radio with a guy who'd go round and round.
That's a thought.
That's a really good idea.
Yeah, you may even offer that to Baygen. Yeah, the Rat Radio. The Rat Radio. The Rat Power Radio from Baygen. That's
right.
I could sell that for you.
I don't think I could sell it.
I appreciate your call.
He's the first one I've ever known that likes rats and thinks they're cute.
The rest of the Rockies, you're on the air.
Hello.
Hi, Art.
Hello.
Turn your radio off, please.
How are you?
The Eternal, turn your radio off, please.
I'm fine.
I'm really surprised I got in.
Well, somebody has to, right?
Yep.
Sure.
Okay.
Well, where are you?
Wyoming.
Wyoming?
Yep.
That's a nice state.
Yeah, I have to listen to you on my computer out here.
Really?
Yep.
Then you should say thank you to Audionet.
Yes, thank you Audionet.
Hey, I was looking through my Sea Crane catalog.
Yes?
Can you recommend any of the products in there to pull in?
What I listen to is KFAB out of Omaha.
Right.
And that's quite a ways away.
Yep.
You know, it's probably... I know, but it's also a very, very large radio station.
Uh-huh.
Anything in that catalog that could... that you think would do a better job of pulling it in for me?
Yes.
What kind of radio do you have?
Just an old cheapo.
Okay.
You know, nothing fancy.
All right.
Order a selected tenor.
Selected tenor?
Yep.
It's in the catalog.
Looks kind of like a frisbee with a dial in the middle.
Okay.
And that will increase your old radio's performance by about three or four hundred percent.
Okay.
And that'll be about all you need.
Believe me, KFAB will come slamming in.
No kidding.
Yep.
Well, I sure appreciate it, Bart.
I really enjoy you.
The first time I listened to you was on the way to Las Vegas a couple summers ago. I took my
kids to, we went to Las Vegas and went to Grand Canyon and it was the night you had the Vampire
Show on. Oh yeah. There was a summer and I've listened to you ever since and I can't tell you how
much we enjoy the show.
I've got my wife and kids and everybody.
That was pretty freaky.
You're talking about the vampire line.
Uh-huh.
And we got some people calling who were really chilling.
I mean, these people really were vampires.
And then we got a vampire hunter, too, huh?
Yep.
OK, well, listen, sir, I've got to run.
We're at the top of the hour.
All right, Art.
All right, take care.
We'll be right back.
This, of course, is Coast to Coast AM.
I'm Art Bell, and Joyce Riley is just ahead.
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