Sept. 30, 2024 - Where There's Woke - Thomas Smith
27:59
The Right's Obsession With Taking Down Tim Walz (feat. Heath Enwright)
Hey folks, please enjoy this free preview of the September bonus! On Debate Night Eve, we share the Tim Walz stories that the Right desperately hope will stick and hurt Harris/Walz in the polls. Have they found one to combat Governor Walz's impeccable BDE (Big Dad Energy)? Heath Enwright (The Scathing Atheist, Citation Needed, God Awful Movies, etc.) joins us as we journey through - and debunk - some of these insanely ridiculous scandals. Get the full episode as a 2nd tier patron or above at patreon.com/wherethereswoke!
Anywhere you see diversity, equity, and inclusion, you see Marxism and you see woke principles being pushed.
Wokeness is a virus more dangerous than any pandemic hands down.
The woke monster is here and it's coming for everything.
Instead of go-go boots, the seductress green Eminem will now wear sneakers.
Hello and welcome, everyone, to Where There's Woke Bonus with Heath Enright.
I can't make my excitement anymore.
Heath, thanks so much for coming on the show.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing excellent.
Very glad to be here.
And also a real third wheel has invited herself on as well.
Sorry about this Heath.
I got bumped down on the list.
Wow.
Oh, hi Lydia.
No, Lydia is, of course, not only very, very welcome, she is also the source of the episode, so we do need her today.
Yeah, you guys do need me.
I'm pretty important.
Work on the camera.
It's like we're doing a group project in school, and we're a couple, but then we have the one smart kid with us that we're like, I wish she would leave so we could, you know.
You guys made out the entire time I was working on the PowerPoint slides at the coffee shop.
And then we realized we need her, and we're like, You're awesome.
We'll not make out for one minute.
And then I'm too nice to tell the teacher and say, you guys get A's anyway.
Hell yeah, baby.
Well, time for us to piggyback on someone else's hard work.
I will at least credit that this was my idea that I made Lydia do.
It was.
Yeah, you did.
And in our society, that means I get 100% of the credit for it.
I'm going to give you 100% of the credit for it.
And Lydia, 70.
All right.
So we're going to talk about Tim Walls.
And before we get into how insane the right has gotten about Tim Walls, some people are calling it Walls derangement syndrome.
I wanted to get just like your thoughts about what you guys think about Tim Walls.
I know what you think, Thomas.
Go ahead, Mr. Heath.
I would love to hear.
I think he's delightful.
He's like the most delightful person.
He's perfect.
The word everybody's thrown around, if they know the word anyway, is avuncular, and he's that.
He's just like the most Wholesome.
I know what that means, but like, tell everybody else, like, what, if you could define that word.
Yeah, I think so.
Actually, I don't have, like, the definition in my head, but I'm vaguely aware that it means, like, wholesome uncle character.
I think it's just a coincidence that uncle is in there.
I think it starts with an A, not a, but like, it's just a, yeah, it's that wholesome Midwestern guy character.
The, like, good dad energy character.
Totally good dad energy.
I agree.
What about you, Thomas?
Well, first off, I just realized there's a soundbite I actually did want to get for whenever Heath is on the show, and I should have gotten it.
Is it workplace appropriate?
Yeah.
No, it's great.
Which workplace, Lydia?
Here's what I'm going to play when you come on.
That'll be your new intro for whenever you come.
I don't have an intro song.
Nah.
Have the Beatles write a song that involves your name.
new intro for whenever you come.
I don't have an intro song.
No.
Oh, you don't have an intro song yet?
Well, have the Beatles write a song that involves your name.
Yeah, inspire a Beatle.
Yeah, pull your weight around here.
Inspire a Beatle back in time.
Yeah, so Tim Walz.
I love it because it is fucking... Sorry, Keith, I know you do more about this probably than I have because I haven't really talked too much about it.
But how could their vice presidential candidate be so bad at this?
J.D.
Vance?
Is he still the candidate?
As of now, sorry.
As of time of recording, how could the person they apparently, the empty fucking lump of nothing they have on the ticket, J.D.
Vance, be so bad?
How could he be so fucking bad at it?
It's amazing.
He's the opposite of Tim Walz.
He's the exact opposite.
He doesn't know how doughnuts work.
It's the opposite.
You wouldn't have known that those were opposites, but like, oh, not knowing how doughnuts work.
That is the opposite of Tim Walz.
I bring it up because that, and also that Tim Waltz is the best, and because everything about the right is dour and horrible and fear-based and whatever, and we've got this wonderful, joyful man in Tim Waltz.
I'm sure he's not perfect like any human is not perfect, but he's a damn good candidate from what I've seen, and so they're in such a desperate position.
That's the point I want to make.
I would like to say that he is perfect.
I know you were doing a disclaimer there.
No, he's not perfect because he did get arrested for drunk driving decades ago and then stopped drinking.
That humanizes him.
It's perfect.
I know it does, exactly.
Which is more perfect?
Is it to always have been perfect or to have a very valuable life lesson have been taught to you that changed you to be better?
Yeah, made you a better member of society.
Maybe he is more perfect now than he would have been.
The idea of a perfect God is impossible.
And so that's like that, I think, is at the heart of this nonsense is they are so fucking desperate.
And I love it so fucking much.
It's the best.
Yeah.
I would like you to hear what Jesse Watters thinks about Tim Walz.
We're just going to start there.
That's always a good place to start.
Yeah.
Protecting and supporting access to gender affirming health care is essential to being a welcoming and supportive state to the community.
Walt signed a bill that removes a child from their parents' home if the parents don't want to castrate them.
He said.
Walt forced schools to stock tampons in boys' bathrooms.
Tampons in fourth grade boys' bathrooms.
What a freak.
What do boys need tampons for?
This guy's not Minnesota nice, he's Minnesota nuts.
Minnesota lockdowns were worse than California's.
Not only did he keep schools and churches locked down, but he set up a hotline so your neighbors could snitch on you for leaving your house without a mask.
I love this so much.
Look, we like to fact check on this show.
I'm just, let's just isolate this claim so we can do, we can really get our hands dirty and research if this claim is true.
Walt signed a bill that removes a child from their parents' home if the parents don't want to castrate them.
Walt signed a bill that removes a child from a parent's home if the parents don't want to castrate them.
Interesting.
I have no idea where he's getting that.
It is insane.
I mean, Walt has been a vocal proponent of transgender rights and gender-affirming care.
And that's, you know, castration for everybody.
Is he a big fan of forced gender-affirming care and gender-not-affirming care?
Don't think so.
You don't have to do it.
Correct, yeah.
Wait, do trans women only cut off the balls?
Sorry.
I don't want to speak out of turn, but I thought castration was just the balls.
Jesse Waters does not really know the answer.
Okay, okay.
I mean, again, we have so many trans listeners, and I would mean this with all due respect, do trans women just cut off the body?
I don't think he's medically accurate.
That's what I'm saying.
I think maybe he might be ignorant about the medical process, or I am.
One of the two.
I don't know.
The point is, it has nothing to do with castration.
It's so far afield of anything that ever could possibly be true.
I would imagine this conversation didn't come up on the floor of the Minnesota whatever when this became a law.
That's just me.
No, so everyone wants to make the tampon story sound crazier than it is, right?
They're talking all about that it's going to be put into boys' bathrooms, right?
They're trying to link this tampon thing to transgender rights and kind of like link it with that fear tactic that the right is doing everywhere.
It's that opportunity that they see.
What really happened was in the 2023 education bill for Minnesota, a variety of things were included regarding additional funding for public schools, how they were going to change their distribution formula based on enrollment, a variety of different things like that.
And one item in there was that there would be free tampons and pads provided to schools to put in bathrooms.
Good.
But they didn't say in girls' bathrooms, they said in student restrooms.
Good!
My God.
These fucking commies.
So what has really been happening in the schools, so the New York Times actually reached out to a bunch of public schools in Minnesota after the right went nuts about it.
I'm sorry.
Really?
Yeah, they did.
They did.
I'm sorry.
I'm going to stop you right there.
Yes.
If you have a sister, The bathroom at your home.
Yes.
Will probably contain not only tampons or pads, but probably other things that are just usually for girls.
Are there any dire consequences?
Yeah.
No, I guess every boy with a, that's why every boy with a sister is trans.
I think.
Are they worried that cis boys might start menstruating?
Well, it's so convenient.
I'd be a fool not to menstruate.
Honestly, like, like where it has gone, I wouldn't be surprised.
Like, yeah, libs of TikTok.
They're probably thinking craziness like that.
The only pushback that occurred when they were discussing the education bill in the legislature for Minnesota was some of the lawmakers.
And I don't know if it was just strictly Republicans that brought this up, but they said, you know, like young boys tend to be really dumb and they might abuse this and use them for like, I don't know, soak them up with water and throw them on the ceiling and like just kind of.
Of course, that's what we would do.
Waste a bunch of money.
And after all, you know who's in charge of schools is mindless automatons that we have to worry about.
There's people in charge of this.
Yeah.
You don't think they'll fucking figure it out?
That's one of the things that bothers me the most about the right in this whole thing is they always think that everyone was born one minute ago and like, well, they're gonna like throw them in the trash.
Yeah.
Okay.
The school fucking figure that out.
They'll figure it out.
They have, you think this is their first day of school that they're just like, they've never dealt with this.
They've dealt with students of all kinds being troublemakers for centuries.
Now schools are going to have to figure out how to discipline children for doing stupid shit.
It's a slippery slope.
I don't know.
What?
Here's the thing, too.
Many schools were already doing this.
They were already finding a way to fund this locally.
And over half of U.S.
states do this, where they provide free tampons and pads for students at school.
And in Minnesota schools in particular, what the New York Times found was of the schools that were already doing this, they tended to be in the girls' bathrooms, gender-neutral bathrooms, and also at the nurses' office.
They hadn't had any in the boy bathrooms.
And also, who cares?
It is actually true that at that young age, there really are not that many trans boys.
There's not that many.
And the only point I'm making is, you could probably do it on a case-by-case basis.
I'm sure, hey, if you want to accommodate, to our point on the January Little John episodes, When we're talking about that stash.
Hopefully the school could maybe recognize if someone needs certain accommodations and make it work.
I really don't think you would need to stock every single boys bathroom in the state with tampons for that.
You know, like I don't, I mean, I don't care if you do.
Or you do.
And who cares?
Yeah.
It's not a huge worry if you do, but also I highly doubt you would even need to.
And it sounds like the reality is you didn't really need to, right?
Yeah, no, and you didn't really need to.
And I think a lot of teachers keep these things on hand, too, because teachers are, you know, they end up buying a bunch of things for kids that might not have access to them.
And frankly, I've been in positions at school where My period started unexpectedly, and you end up leaking and stain your pants, and then you have to figure out a way to cover it for the rest of the day because you don't have access to anything.
And like, when I was a kid, I was very embarrassed to ask for borrowing anything.
If I could have done it in like a subtle way, just automatically available in the bathroom, I could have prevented a lot of embarrassment on the other end when I had just blood on my jeans.
Seems like a no-brainer to have these in bathrooms.
So more generally, why do we even need any gendered bathrooms ever anywhere?
I know, I know.
For anything.
The best bathrooms I've ever been... Well, but here's the thing.
I don't know that you do.
Or we build them so the stalls are actually real.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's the problem with the Europeans, listen, and they're like, you fascists and you're gen... It's like, and then they try an American bathroom.
We have see-through stall doors.
They're literally see-through.
Yeah, it's weird.
Yeah, it is.
It's very strange.
Just get a door that closes.
Yeah, if you can get a door that closes.
All the way down to the ground, please.
It's not that hard.
But meanwhile, I just wanted to highlight this really fast.
You know, Tampon Tim, like, that's really dumb.
And like, I don't know, that's an insult?
I would own Tampon Tim.
Yeah, I know, like, sweet.
Tampon Thomas, right?
Cool, yeah.
It's kind of nice.
It's like, okay, I know who to ask.
If I need a tampon, I'm going to go to Tim Walls now.
If that became my nickname, I would keep whatever they come in of tampons.
Like Mary Poppins.
I would keep a whatever storage unit of tampons.
Like a bag?
Box?
Lean in.
It depends actually.
Brad Summer, Tampon Tim Fall.
Brad Summer, Tampon Tim Fall.
Is it a sleeve of tampons?
I don't know what they come in.
In my head it's like a sausage thing.
No, it depends on a different thing.
Come on, hon.
Oh my gosh.
I mean, you can buy a canister of them.
A canister?
Okay, now.
You can also buy bags.
That's awesome.
You can buy boxes.
That's what I'm saying.
It depends on the company.
Does it pop like the tennis, the fresh tennis balls?
I was picked, oh my God, I was picked for the exact same thing!
That's why we love each other.
I was picturing a t-shirt gun.
It's not as narrow as those.
It's like a wider canister.
Oh, so you can fit more.
But if I were Tampon Thomas, I would own it and I would always have a canister that would make a nice, satisfying popping sound.
Of course.
Meanwhile, though, in Florida, Ron DeSantis just signed legislation overhauling their sex ed program, so now they have to promote abstinence and they can't use words like fluids.
What?
Wow, this gets you so horny.
Oh my God.
The word fluid is banned?
Yes.
Boy, physics is going to be tough, I guess.
That's going to be really just... So if you had a liter of... Oh, fuck.
One liter of... Can I say water?
I guess I can say water.
It'll always be water now.
There's no other... Every physics problem has to have water or another identifiable thing, substance.
I will say, there is nothing more delightful and on-the-nose than Republicans canceling a word for wetness in sex ed.
Like, that's just so perfect.
And a lot of the sex ed teachers in Florida have, you know, spoken to the media and saying it's going to be really challenging to talk about HIV because a lot of, you know, STIs, in particular HIV, is transmitted through Don't say it.
You're arrested.
You're under arrest.
Yeah, I am.
More depressing though, some of the other words that are being removed from lesson plans in Florida include abuse, consent, and domestic violence.
What?
Dear God.
Yeah.
Cool.
What is domestic violence?
What a tell that is.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
That's scary.
That's terrifying.
I know we're all inured if that's the word.
We're all just kind of like we've heard so much.
Why domestic violence?
I don't know.
I don't know.
It's very strange and uncomfortable and I prefer tampon Tim.
What a tell that is.
Is this like along the lines of them cancelling talking about you know racism in American history because it's fucking them and the ancestors the people who vote for them so they they also don't want Talk of domestic violence.
Yeah, it's so telling.
All I can think is that they're like, protect the kids, right?
Kids, you know, that's a tough thing for kids to hear about.
They like equate it to a rated R movie or something that like the kids are not able to understand.
Yeah, but is murder banned?
No, it's not.
We talk about things that are bad sometimes.
I don't know.
I don't think it's too crazy to read into this and be like, so you don't want to talk consent.
You don't want to talk yada, yada, yada.
Does that mean you want them to not know that it's domestic abuse if you're ever forced to have sex in your marriage?
I don't know how else to read this.
Why would you ban talk of domestic abuse?
You could be all for abstinence and be like, yeah, but also don't.
We should teach them about domestic abuse because that's a problem.
What?
What a tell.
I know, I know.
It's pretty awful.
Let's get to something fun, though.
I mean, Tampon Tim is pretty fun.
Yeah, Tampon Tim is pretty fun.
I love Tampon Tim.
I'm voting for Tampon Tim.
I love these dorks, too, because, like, they're so afraid of being cool or useful to women.
Yeah.
Because if you just tell them, like, that's... I wouldn't mind being Tampon Thomas.
I'll, you know, I'd give... Maybe I'll be helpful to a woman someday.
They'd be like, fucking...
It's like, yeah, don't you realize that like, it's actually really straight to want to be looked at fondly by women, you know?
I would like a woman to be like, oh, what a nice person.
This is like, guys, is it gay to have sex with a woman?
Is it gay to like have a woman be happy with you?
Yes.
In their mind.
It is.
Actually, literally.
Yes.
Okay.
So I don't know if you guys heard about this, but Tim Walz got really creative, apparently, according to the right, and the Minnesota flag was impacted.
Oh, I did hear about this a little bit.
And Governor Walz is really out there on everything.
Don't forget he tried to redesign the Minnesota state flag to look like the Somali national flag.
What?
You just can't get further out there in America.
He thinks socialism is a good neighbor policy.
That's what he kind of likened it to.
This is the kind of guy where you would say, if there's anybody in America that's even further to the left than Kamala Harris that might temper her appearance just a little bit, it's Tim Walz. - I love it so much.
These two people that are not particularly super far left, like yeah, I love it.
They have no chill.
They have no fucking chill as Republicans.
They have to go to the full whatever every fucking time.
What are the odds?
The only one more left than this extreme candidate is the other person we have to talk about.
What are the odds?
So what happened here is... No, let me finish it for you.
What happened here is Tim Waltz, undercover Somali agent, Manchurian candidate style, lived his whole life in order to assume to the peaks of Minnesota politics in order to change the flag to look like Somalia.
Was that what he said?
Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then he was like, my mission is complete.
And he took off a mask and jumped on a boat or something. - Yeah, and then Minnesota became socialist?
Just like Somalia?
I know they had like a republic that was socialist for a stretch there, but I don't think it is anymore.
I don't think so either.
So essentially what happened was the original flag for Minnesota was considered to be pretty offensive to indigenous folks.
And so the Minnesota legislature decided that they wanted a commission and established that through law to evaluate a flag redesign.
Tim Walz signed the law.
That's where his involvement ends.
So we're in a Parks and Rec, I know it's one of the three of our favorite shows, we're in a Parks and Rec mural situation.
One of the best recurring jokes.
Horribly racist thing.
They're like, yeah, oh boy.
Every single time.
We had one of those situations.
And because people on the left are, I think, always maybe attempting at least, if not perfecting, attempting to try to be less shitty, they're like, hey, let's not do that.
Yeah.
How nice.
What a nice thing.
Who could possibly complain about this?
They formed a commission, and they had public submit redesigns for that commission.
They had over 2,000 submissions, and then the commission— All from Somalia.
—as a group, sat down and evaluated them, and then picked one.
And the winner actually ended up doing some media— Look at me.
I'm the flag now.
So glad Heath could make this recording.
It does happen off of Somalia.
I would have to explain that to Lydia for 10 minutes.
So topical.
No, it's...
Only because you don't do movie quotes on.
I'm not saying you don't.
I know.
But you did talk about it on Dads recently.
That's true.
So the winner actually ended up doing some interviews with media and explained how he came up with his concept, because people were like, does it have to do with Somalia?
Oh, well, I started with wanting there to be a Somali takeover of the country, and then I went from there.
Just took artistic liberty after that.
So the concept that he put together, he spent a lot of time researching it, he said.
His goal was to try to represent everyone, but apparently not Somalians, but the new flag has a white eight point star and that is supposed to represent the North Star, which is the state's motto for Minnesota.
Used to be their hockey team.
Yeah.
And then it is on a dark blue background representing the night sky in the shape of the state.
And then there's a bright blue field on the right representing the state's 11,000 lakes and 6,000 rivers and streams.
Sorry if I missed it, but what's the part that's like Somalia, or is there?
I was trying to figure it out.
From what I understand, the Somali flag also has a white multi-point star on a blue background.
Case closed.
Come on.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Colors and stars.
Is there a problem with the flags being seen?
Yeah, and there's only a couple flags in the world that would ever have colors and stars.
And because they put a lot of work into, like, selecting a new flag, again, it wasn't like Tim Walz sat down with a pen and paper and sketched something out and said, go make this.
They asked the artist, how'd you come up with it?
Well, one night, Tim Walz came with a knife and said, you fucking bastard, you will make this a Somali flag.
Yeah, but there's an entire, like, report that the commission put together about why they selected what they selected, what it looks like, and what the pieces represent.
So, yeah, it's not the Smalley Flats.
I mean, I'm sure they were going to do that anyway, but I just think... I know.
...the effort.
Like you mentioned earlier, oh, the New York Times contacted every bathroom in the fucking state of whatever.
I'm just like, the effort that gets put into following up on the stupidest people in our country's theories.
Yeah.
No, they don't have to.
They don't have to.
I'm so fucking done with New York Times.
of stupid constantly and New York Times reporters have to be like, hello school.
- No, they don't have to.
- They don't have to.
- They don't have to. - I'm so fucking done with the New York Times.
- Did you put cat litter boxes actually in?
No, we didn't.
What are you talking about?
We've gotten so many calls about this.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's irreparable now.
Like in 20-something, 2015 to say the least, they should have been like, oh, we're not going to follow up on that.
That's fucking stupid.
Hey, we're not going to waste ink or time or resources looking into whatever Trump just said, because we just know it's fucking stupid.
We're not doing that.
We're adults.
Yeah.
Something to that effect that's a little more journalistic.
But nope, nope.
Now what we do is we will leave no stone unturned in trying to track down the cat litter fucking thing that doesn't exist.
Yeah.
It's tricky.
Like, I agree for sure with what you just said.
It's tricky, though, when it gets into, like, a debate about whatever, and then the insane side, invariably Republicans, they have this ridiculous rabbit hole, and it's got all these components that— And if you want to win the debate with anybody listening, you kind of have to jump into the rabbit hole somewhat.
But it's tricky to decide when and where and maybe a little bit, but definitely not Stuff like this.
So stupid.
Well, here's another, I guess related to this.
I've been meaning to say this for a while, or maybe I already did on something.
There's a journalistic practice that I understand it, but it also very, very much feeds into this, which is they can't say there are no fucking litter boxes for the kids who are pretending to be cats.
They can't say that because for all they know, there could be.
What they have to say is we found no evidence.
that they were littered by.
And they do that every time and it makes it so much worse.
Like the difference between, hey, I think the moon is made out of cheese and then Neil deGrasse Tyson or something being like, no!
You idiot!
That's the correct response.
Yeah.
But the journal, they think it's so fucking smart and journalistic to be like, well, we have not found evidence that is made up.
And the normal listener reader is like, oh, okay.
Well, they just haven't found the evidence yet.
It's probably, it could be there.
They just look a little harder.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Like, you think of a murder case, well, we haven't found evidence tying this person to the murder.
You're like, well, okay, well, they're just still searching that.
You know, like, that doesn't have the same effect of, no, that guy wasn't even born yet or whatever, you know, like, it's so frustrating because that is like technically the journalistic-y thing you're supposed to do.
Yeah, you are supposed to do that.
Yeah, and it's unfortunate because I think it really does weaken the case against a lot of these lies.
Yeah, right.
The perfect response sometimes, and now more and more often, is just like flying dropkick or something crazy that's just like, nope, wrong.
Yeah.
Okay, just getting back to the flag thing.
Yes.
Who are the victims here?
The ancestors of the creators of the original Minnesota flag are like, fuck you, my great great granddaddy put fucking the really offensive Cleveland baseball former team mascot on it.
Like, what are they saying?
I think the victim, as a communist woke lefty myself, I'm sad we didn't make it Venezuela's flag.
So I think Venezuela is really the victim here.
Why did we choose Somalia?
That's a weird I think because it's the one that looks closest to the Minnesota flag, so then they have to start talking about Somalia in ways that don't make sense either.
Yeah, I know.
That's the joke.
The fact that they can just do this thing, like it's a 9-11 fucking conspiracy.
