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Dec. 31, 2023 - Where There's Woke - Thomas Smith
47:47
WTW28: The War On Christmas Continues

SANTA IS A WHITE MAN. Oh, does that trigger you, lib? Read a book.   The war on Christmas continues. The woke have taken Santa, and now they have lain siege to that very Christmassy Christmas song, "Baby, It's Cold Outside." What are the Santa-fearing red blooded Americans to do?   Feel free to email us at lydia@seriouspod.com or thomas@seriouspod.com! Please pretty please consider becoming a patron at patreon.com/wherethereswoke!

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Time Text
What's so scary about the woke mob?
How often you just don't see them coming.
Anywhere you see diversity, equity, and inclusion, you see Marxism and you see woke principles being pushed.
Wokeness is a virus more dangerous than any pandemic hands down.
The woke monster is here and it's coming for everything.
Instead of go-go boots, the seductress Green M&M will now wear sneakers.
Hello and welcome to Where There's Woke.
I want to start this one, can we do the Civil War music and be like, Dearest Lydia.
Well, I've been out here in the cold fighting the bitter winds of winter and... No, that's the... What's his name book?
Yeah.
Winds of Christmas and whatever.
Well, I'll write it all out.
Oh, I should have chat GPT.
Oh, hold on.
Okay.
I have a really good idea.
We're going to have to leave some out of this end because... Yeah.
Listen to how chat GPT's decided to do it.
Dearest Lydia, as the frosty winds of December blow across the fields and towns of our beloved country.
Whoa, it's still going.
I think I've really inspired chat GPT.
This is, it wrote like fucking eight paragraphs.
I tried to ask it something important and it's like, yeah, fuck off, man.
I don't know.
I'm a, I'm a robot.
And then I asked it this and it's like, oh, finally my heart song here.
I've been waiting this entire time.
Yeah.
Of our beloved country, I find myself amidst a conflict far different than any of our forefathers could have foreseen.
It is with a heavy heart that I pen these words to you from the front lines of what many are now calling the War on Christmas.
Each day we face an unseen enemy.
One that does not march in formation, this is good, let's see where this goes, or bear arms, but rather one that creeps into the minds and hearts of men, women, and children alike.
This adversary seeks not to conquer our lands, but to erode the cherished traditions and beliefs that have long been the cornerstone of our Yuletide celebration.
Oh my God, this is amazing.
So I anticipated this.
This soldier is on the wrong side of the Warren.
Okay, so this is from the Confederate side of the Warren.
Can you say, try again, but from- No, I actually like this better.
So historically, you know, we have to study the other side.
Otherwise, if we don't make statues honoring these people, then we'll forget our history.
So that's why.
In the midst of this strife, the melodies of silent night and oh holy night are not just carols, but anthems of resistance.
Holy shit.
Okay.
Added everything out.
I wrote this.
This is anyway.
Guys, I have a funny comedy sketch for you.
This is so much better than I ever could have thought.
Echoing through the streets and homes, reminding us of all the joy and peace that this season is meant to bring.
We gather around hearths, not just for warmth, but for the solidarity that these times demand.
I recall the Christmas of our... I'm barely through.
ChatGBT really was inspired by this.
Wow.
I recall the Christmases of our youth, where the scent of pine and the glow of candlelight filled our homes.
These memories are now my solace in these trying times.
The decorations we place upon our tree are not merely ornaments, but symbols of defiance against the creeping shadow that seeks to dim the light of this most sacred holiday.
Each day we witness small victories, a child's laughter upon seeing a decorated tree, the warmth of a community coming together to share in festive cheer, and the unwavering spirit of giving and kindness that embodies the true essence of Christmas.
Yet the battle rages on.
I find myself longing for the day when peace shall once again reign.
When the words Merry Christmas can be uttered without hesitation or fear of rebuke.
It is for this future, a future where the spirit of Christmas is preserved for generations to come, that I fight.
As the snow blankets the world in white, it serves as a reminder of the purity and innocence of this holiday.
And of the hope that still flickers into the hearts of all who believe in the magic of Christmas.
I long for the day when I can return home to celebrate Christmas in a world free from this conflict.
Until then, know that you are in my thoughts.
That the love and joy of the season are what keep me steadfast in my resolve.
With all my love and wishes for a Merry Christmas.
Your soldier's name.
Wow.
ChatGPT4 taking all our jobs, everybody.
Not your job.
Your job, you listeners, is probably fine because you're doing something, like, important.
But as a podcaster, I think I'm done.
I think it's over.
I think also it's taking O'Reilly's job.
You know?
This is what O'Reilly wishes he could write, but he can't.
And ours would be a joke, but...
There's a Simpsons on that you wouldn't know where Homer has, I think it's when he has a heart attack.
And do you remember canonically where Homer works?
Yes.
But you're not going to say.
A nuclear power plant.
Yeah, a nuclear power plant.
So he has a heart attack and like his, you know, coworkers are visiting him in the hospital and they go, Oh, Homer, we had a hell of a time replacing you.
And it just cuts to a brick tied to one lever.
So good.
Hell of a time replacing you.
That's how I feel about O'Reilly.
Like, yeah, okay.
We didn't need chat GPT to take O'Reilly's job or whoever's, you know, whatever Fox News, Google is next in line.
Yeah.
We could just get a brick with a lever that's called racism on it.
Like it's the racism lever and then you tie a brick to it and then you've replaced him.
Well, that was all unplanned.
Now to the planned content, because that was, wow, chat, I'm having an existential crisis over.
Yeah.
Can we print that though?
Like, I want to keep that.
Yeah.
Well, we should put it in an old timey font.
Yeah.
And then we can tea stain like the paper and burn the edges and stuff.
That's like every craft I did growing up.
Well, I'm Thomas, that's Lydia, this is Where There's Woke, and this is part two of the Ken Burns documentary, Where There's Christmas.
Where did Christmas go?
Where was Christmas?
We're back to the battlefield and where we left off was 2012.
We're going to enter 2013 now.
There's a special little treat that we did with Tom Curry from Cognitive Dissonance over on The Bonus.
Oh yeah.
So go check that out if you're not already on patreon.com slash where there's woke so you can get all of that fun stuff.
We had a blast with Tom.
He was a real natural.
It was almost like, you know, I would have sworn he's done this before.
Yeah, yeah.
But we're gonna do one other video from 2013 just ourselves, and I sent you the link, so why don't you pull it on up?
This is a favorite.
In the memorial that they construct for the War on Christmas, this'll be in, you know, this'll be one of the main statues.
Of course, yes, yes.
Murals.
Santa Claus should not be a white man anymore.
And when I saw this headline, I kind of laughed, and I said, oh, this is so ridiculous.
Yet another person claiming it's racist to have a white Santa, you know?
And by the way, for all you kids watching at home, Santa just is white, but this person is just arguing that maybe we should also have a black Santa.
But, you know, Santa is what he is, and just so you know, we're just debating this because someone wrote about it, kids.
Okay, I wanted to get that straight.
Oh, also, so this is 2013, this is 10 years ago.
And also, um, call your parents, because I know you stopped talking to them.
If you're talking to a kid who is watching Fox News in the year 2013, guess what?
They're not talking to their parents anymore.
Already, like 10 years?
I'm sorry, like, who are the kids that are watching the Kelly file, like, on their own?
Or is it just, like, in passing that their parents are watching it?
Again, I watched Fox News.
Okay, yeah, you're right.
Mainly because my dad just had it on all the time, you know.
Yeah, alright, alright.
But Jedediah, when I read the piece, the author seems to have, you know, she's African American, and she seems to have real pain at having grown up with this image of a white Santa, and she speaks about it kind of honestly, saying, I didn't really understand Why that had to be?
Where's this going?
- I want Santa to be inclusive, and I had the same reaction.
Initially I was thinking, oh, this is more politically correct nonsense, this is hypersensitivity in our culture.
And then you read the piece and you really walk through the steps with her.
I think it's a tribute to her writing.
And you realize if you were a young kid and you were African-American and your Santa Claus was white, it would affect you when you went to school. - Are we gonna get the boo!
Sorry, we gotta take this down.
Megan Kelly has to like interject and steer it back.
Yeah, she really front-loaded it with like, ah, idiot, raises down, whites down, and then this person's like, yeah, no, actually.
I couldn't get it, yeah.
Yeah, when you actually take one second to read and empathize with the thing you're roasting, then you realize like, oh, I was doing a caricature this whole time, and this is what this entire industry is built on, shit.
Never mind.
I'm cancelled.
Alpha Fox News.
Maybe you wouldn't feel that you were part of that tradition.
Now, she suggests that a penguin should be Santa.
Okay, that's where she goes off the rails.
Well, I think that's kind of interesting, though, to have an animal, which is something that kids love, sort of brings that cartoonish component into it, and I think that makes all kids kind of feel welcome in the process, so I see where she was going.
No.
No.
No, it doesn't.
Hey, I like penguins.
It makes all birds feel welcome.
Kids like penguins.
I've given her her due on where she was going with it.
You have?
Just because it makes you feel uncomfortable doesn't mean it has to change.
Jesus was a white man too.
He was a historical figure.
I mean, that's a verifiable fact, as is Santa.
I just want the kids watching to know that.
But my point is, how do you just revise it, you know, in the middle of the legacy of the story and change Santa from white to black?
That would be like changing Jesus from not white to white.
Yeah, how do you just revise it?
Yeah, yeah.
A white man.
Yeah, so the author, you know, responded after this came out because she was like, you know, I was kind of hoping that people would take the penguin as, it's a little tongue-in-cheek, you know, my feelings are definitely real, but suggesting a penguin, everybody loves penguins, you know, but Like she's not the decider of Christmas either.
So it's not like she is issuing the declaration that we now are.
That's what they always do.
The power that one blogger has, if they write something, then all of a sudden they're supreme ruler of Christmas.
And it's up to her, actually.
It's up to this Aisha Harris.
She's actually emperor supreme of all Christmas.
It's like, man, you can't just let a person have an opinion about Santa.
Is that too far?
Yeah.
Well, and then she also points out that Santa Claus is not real.
Whoa!
Spoilers!
But, you know, like, if he's based off of St.
Nicholas, that was a Greek bishop.
Surely that was an American guy.
Yeah, no, Greek.
But Santa Claus, like, looks nothing as people think that St.
Nicholas was supposed to look like.
He was, like, tall and thin and Greek.
And our Santa Claus is jolly and eats too many cookies.
Yeah.
It's so, it's exactly, you can't just change something.
This dates back to the year 1951 or something.
You know, it's like, it's the same way when you ever try to argue with them about taking God out of the pledge.
They're like, the founding, idiots, it was done in the fifties.
There's stuff that was done five seconds ago that is your Christian privilege that now you're like, that's how it's always been done.
Has to be done like that.
Furthermore, you can't change it from what it always was.
And then you're like, you know, They did that in the 50s, it's actually... And it was tied to marketing or advertisement for a corporation.
Yeah, but it's always been like that as long as I've noticed it, and that's what matters.
Yeah, Macy's says so.
And then she had another good point that other countries have other gift givers that aren't just Santa Claus.
She says in Scandinavia they have a Yule goat, and like a goat like delivers presents for children, and the three kings, one each traditionally from Europe, Asia, and Africa, and Spain, that are not Santa Claus.
So it's silly, right?
It's another just silly, silly thing, but I can't believe that Megyn Kelly, you know, one of the folks on that panel to talk about this, like you said, totally like reasonable take where she took a moment To actually read the article, to empathize with another human being.
I don't think she did.
The other person did.
And she was like, well... No, that's what I'm saying.
Like that person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
One of the guests did, right?
And then Megyn Kelly just shot it down.
She's like, no.
Yeah, she took credit for what the other girl was doing.
Well, now that I have, you know, given it its due, I'm going to completely shit all over it.
It just reminds me how funny it was that for like two minutes after that one 2016 debate, people were like Megyn Kelly, feminist hero.
Oh, I know, I know.
I don't know how widespread that was, but there definitely was a feeling like, wow, feminist icon right here.
And then it's like, oh no, she's actually just a horrendous conservative piece of shit.
Yep, she sure is.
He was always white, okay.
You know, I actually wonder how long it's going to be until they're like, elf on the shelf has always been white.
You can't just change the race of the elf.
Is that going to be one?
Well, I don't think so because I think they were really smart with elf on the shelf and they came out with like different looks.
Oh, right away.
Like pretty much right away.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So there's not just one.
It'll be like a hundred years until that happens.
Yeah.
Until they like consolidate the power of it and then put it, make one white elf to rule them all.
And then they're like, it's always been white.
It'll happen.
We'll see.
To the chat GPTs making our podcast in a hundred years, you check on that.
Remember, hashtag remember.
What's the, no, it's not a hashtag.
There's a thing you can do on Reddit.
That's like, remind me in whatever.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I assume the chat GPT doing our podcast will be able to translate my words into programming and make that happen.
Okay.
Next segment.
All right, we are going to go to 2015.
We are going to go to something that I think all folks are familiar with.
This is the year that Joshua Feuerstein, that evangelist YouTube guy, went off about the Starbucks cup.
Oh boy.
The war on Christmas off to an early start.
Outrage brewing across the country as Starbucks unveils holiday cards with no Christmas designs.
And malls set up Santa's shop with no trees or sleighs.
Kelly Wright is here live with the backlash.
Kelly, what are we seeing this morning?
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, or is it?
People at Christian Evangelist are thinking it isn't.
They are warning retailers to beware.
They're checking to see if you're being naughty or nice this Christmas season.
So is Starbucks acting more like Ebenezer Scrooge to bah humbug Christmas?
You see why you don't need chat GPT for jobs like this.
It already was chat GPT.
These jobs were already just mad libs of the same four things.
It's like, oh, it's silent night, or is it?
Like you just do a random Christmas song.
Aren't they all?
Yeah.
And then you do the like, oh, but who's being on the naughty list?
It's the same thing.
How many Christmas references can we like force into the sentence?
If John Oliver hasn't already done a bit of the, you know, when he does the like, and now this, and it's like the local news, whatever, I'm sure he's done a compilation of these.
Like, ho ho, no?
There's that one.
More like no, no, no.
I don't actually think it is.
They're upset with Starbucks removing its traditional holiday decorations of Christmas trees and snowflakes on its cups.
So one man posted on Facebook his displeasure with Starbucks, the post gaining nearly 11 million views so far.
I think in the age of political correctness, we've become so open-minded, our brains have literally fallen out of our head.
Do you realize that Starbucks wanted to take Christ and Christmas off of their brand new cups?
Well, in response to the brewing controversy, Starbucks responds with this statement explaining this year's Christmas cup is designed to create a culture of belonging, inclusion, and diversity.
The cup is meant to be a blank canvas that encourages customers to tell their Christmas stories in their own way.
Just drink coffee out of it!
I can't tell you.
I'm starting to crack.
I'm getting the shell shock.
Christmas.
Should we got to come on?
ChatGBT, what's a Christmas version of shell shock?
We'll just ask it every joke.
It'll do everything.
It's a cup.
It's just a cup.
You just put the drink in and you drink it out of.
And they changed it.
It's red and green for the season.
That's something.
And it changes every year.
It's never had, like, Jesus on it, ever.
Yeah.
Well, no, no, you're right.
In 2014, it was a full rendering of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
And I was like, great, now I can enjoy my... Is this the first time that they complained about this?
But then again, in the graphic they just showed, it was a year by year, like, here's the gains we've made in the war.
And it showed like how the cups have changed over time.
Or just drink out of it.
Grinding up controversy.
That doesn't work.
That doesn't work.
- The shop is meant to be a blank canvas that encourages customers to tell their Christmas stories in their own way.
- Or just drink out of it.
- Starbucks is not the only retailer grinding up controversy this Christmas season.
- Grinding up controversy.
That doesn't work.
You can't.
See, ChatGPT would be better.
You can't just say a thing that's coffee and then make it into a... Grinding up controversy is not a phrase.
You had a controversy brewing?
A plus.
Great.
That works.
Then now we're filtering the controversy.
And also, coffee beans.
I can't believe it.
of malls in new york and charlotte north carolina set up a glacier themed holiday display is set up a traditional christmas tree as a result more than twenty four hundred shoppers so far signed a petition online demanding a christmas tree so silly horrible this is uncalled for holiday season is supposed to bring you up not down and this is going to bring everyone down i thought it was bland boring and pretty lame
The Simon's Mall management president in Charlotte said the glacier theme was a bad idea, so the mall will go back to its traditional Christmas display, adding that along with the glacier theme.
Leah?
Alright, thank you, Kelly.
Oh, so this is not a story?
So what you're saying is it's a non-story?
Some manager of a mall?
Honestly, I'm 100% with the idea that that's kind of stupid.
Like, do a Christmas tree.
Whatever.
Every single mall does a Christmas tree and has a Santa.
If they didn't, I wouldn't demand my money back or something.
I wouldn't be like, it's horrible.
It's horrible in there.
Interview people outside of the mall.
I barely made it out alive.
It's horrible.
But like, yeah, okay, that's kind of, you know, it is a bummer.
You want a bunch of decorations, glaciers there.
Here's what that likely was.
I don't know if you did a debunking, but it was probably a fucking budget thing.
I guarantee you that they're like, oh, you know, it'll save money.
Just a glacier.
That's like a white bullshit, nothing like, like a bed sheet.
And then you're done with your mall decorations.
I would bet our house that this was a decision based on money.
Like they tried to cheap out the holiday decorations.
And then fucking Fox News.
Yeah, and Fox News shows.
Yeah, and I'm sure when people didn't like it, they're like, well, who cares?
They're still coming.
What do you what are you gonna like?
Okay, picture you're trying to desperately get Christmas shopping done.
Yeah, which you are.
Yep.
And I'm trying to desperately get editing done, which I am.
Yep.
Tick, tick, tick.
I'm looking at the clock.
I know, yeah.
Listeners, can you hurry this up?
And so you go to a mall and you're like, Jesus Christ, it's a madhouse.
There's a thousand people.
What?
There's no Christmas tree?
Fuck you.
I'm out of here.
Yeah.
No, you'd be like, well, great.
There's more room for the masses of humanity to Be in here trying to do last-minute shots.
It's stupid.
Like, yeah, okay, it's better if you have Christmas decorations.
I actually agree with that.
I love the big, giant... It's nice, yeah.
But I will say also, you know, when I was at the mall the other day, I saw just, you know, a bunch of people wearing, like, Christmas headbands and hats and things like that, and it was so cute.
And so, like, you don't need a freaking tree done by the mall.
Like, you can just decide that you're going to go With Christmas spirit and wear something that makes you happy and joyful or you know sing the songs that are playing along Imagine a fucking alien dropping down onto this planet in a mall at this time period and then you explain to them what Christmas is and then you're like there's people complaining that there's not enough Christmas It's everywhere!
It's the air we breathe is Christmas at this time.
Furthermore, if they do a bunch of decorations that are other holidays, I think that would be cool, too.
The more big-ass, festive decorations, the better in my book.
But, like, it's not a threat to you.
Like, you can just go in there and do your fucking shop anyway.
I think the main criticism I want to make is this doesn't exist.
There is Christmas ever.
90 fucking what percent of America celebrates Christmas?
It's everybody.
Yeah.
Almost.
Most towns and cities, they do their Christmas tree or holiday tree lighting or whatever they call it.
Where they gather the entire town together.
Our town does it.
We didn't go this year.
I don't think we've ever gone.
But, you know, they'll do a big Christmas tree lighting and there's, you know, one in front of the Capitol.
There's one in Old Sacramento.
Like, they're everywhere.
Well, it would have been a little uncomfortable if we went because I'm required to wear my uniform.
That's true.
Stand at attention the entire time.
I'm required to salute the tree the whole time while it's being lit.
It's uncomfortable.
It's a mixed feeling.
On one hand, we're there to erect a fucking Christmas tree.
On the other hand, we are also fighting to kill Christmas for good.
We're all just confused, actually.
It's a very confusing ceremony.
These people, I tell you.
What do they call them?
Fuck, what's the word?
Oh, fatigues, right?
Yeah, I used to be in my fatigues.
Yes, yes.
My stupid brain, I was like, griefs?
Are they called griefs?
Griefs?
Yeah, I was just like, it's some word that's like bad, like, oh, fatigues, yeah.
That's what it's like being me, everybody.
Oh, man.
It's like, I know it's a negative-y word, but it's like tired-ish.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Creeps.
Creeps.
Let's fast forward a tiny bit to 2016.
We're going to go to the next year.
We're going to steer from Fox News, but we're going to visit someone who is just a joy.
Should you emotionally prepare the audience for what they might hear?
Because I was not prepared, and I'm suing you.
Yeah, sorry.
Gavin McInnes.
This fucking guy.
Is this the guy who started Vice?
Yes.
So what is the deal with this guy?
Because I've heard about him here and there, but he's so repulsive I don't care.
Well, so he founded Vice, and he also founded the Proud Boys, so... Yeah, like what?
Is he just diversifying his portfolio?
He's like, I'm gonna invest in, you know, resistance journalism and the actual fascism.
That's a good business, actually.
That's like a Lex Luthor plot, you know?
Or like a James Bond villain plot.
Like, oh, don't you see?
I control both the actual fascism and the resistance to the fascism.
But I don't know if that's it.
I feel like he started maybe More liberal and then went insane?
Yeah, yeah.
So he was 24 when he co-founded Vice.
That was back in 1994.
Wow.
And then, yeah, and then I guess he's just kind of gone down this alt-right... Started the Proud Boys.
Not just a very proud boy himself.
You're saying he... He founded the Proud Boys in 2016.
He's the proudest boy.
He is the proudest boy.
Founded by Gavin McInnes.
Weird.
And the current leader is Enrique Tarrio.
Sorry, there's things I should know, but I see his face.
I'm like, I don't want to read about this.
So I just don't, you know what I mean?
We all have our blind spots where like, I don't want to go down that road.
Okay, so we're about to hear that person's face.
Hang on, hang on.
I just saw they named the Proud Boys from the song Proud of Your Boy from the 2011 musical version of Aladdin.
What?
I don't know if this is okay to say, Gavin, but that's the gayest thing I've ever heard.
What the heck?
That is weird.
Oh my god.
Alright, go ahead, press play.
You know what political correctness is?
It's a war on fun.
It's a war on everything good.
It's a war on everything Western.
It's a war on romance.
That's romance.
In this, I'm as anti-rape as the next guy.
If you start with, I'm as anti-rape as the next guy, you're already sorry.
And then, but.
It was us evil men who came up with the whole, you're going to jail, you're getting arrested, we're going to send cops to your house thing for rapists.
Well, we came up with that, everybody.
Thank you, men.
Thank a man today.
Thank you, men.
Did you know who released black people from slavery?
The white people.
Why?
Because they owned them.
Because they were the ones who called.
Yeah, like, what are you talking about?
Okay.
We're all on the same page on that, by the way.
I know you think that we like it.
We don't.
Rape is bad.
But, in this obsession- That's not an accurate characterization of how your brain- I might as well ask you.
Yeah.
Is the worry that you think all men are rapists, is that the worry for you?
No, no.
The worry is that there are rapists and you don't know necessarily who it's gonna be, I guess.
Boy, that sounds more like reality, yeah.
And I would say, if you're wondering who the rapists are, I'm not saying 100%, but just if a guy starts with like, look, I'm as anti-rape as the next guy.
Yeah.
Is it a red flag?
Yes.
Yes.
And I would also wonder what their definition of rape is also, because they're probably being a little more conservative.
You're on Tinder.
You see his bio.
It says, I'm as anti-rape as the next guy.
Swipe left.
To eradicate anything that is remotely rapey, You accidentally swallowed up romance.
You know the song, Baby It's Cold Outside?
It's a beautiful, romantic, loving song that sums up the way men and women... That features a rape!
Okay, I didn't, you know, it's... ...interact.
But in this culture we have now that's all about consent, consent, consent, you end up turning women into Tony Soprano, where you go, Hey, I'd like to make love to you.
Well, it's a very difficult situation.
That's not Tony Soprano.
I'll do blowjob.
OK, my Tony Soprano isn't great.
He might be doing, I think he's doing a Joe Pesci, which is, that would have worked.
You could have said the joke was it's a Joe Pesci, but you said Tony Soprano and you did joke.
That's great.
But if a woman has to list all the things you can do for her on the first date, you've killed the romance.
There has to be some push and pull.
That doesn't happen.
That doesn't happen.
You don't remember our first date, hon?
Jesus Christ.
And that way she can retain her chastity and the next morning sort of go, you were an absolute cad last night.
Sorry, that's his idea.
That's his like platonic idea.
I shouldn't say platonic.
That's his ideal of a sexual interaction.
Yeah.
So let's say our first date, hun, or something.
Yeah.
You meet up and then you have to be like, oh no, I would never have sex with you, you so-and-so, you creepy, disgust you, disgust me.
And I gotta be like, oh, yeah.
And I keep like pawing at you, I think.
And then, oh, no, don't you see?
I would never.
And then I guess, like, you give up, I think.
Romance.
And then we have sex.
And then the next morning, you do further insult in the morning.
You disgust me, you.
Yeah.
And then you leave.
That's weird.
See, that's romance, everyone.
That's love.
Yeah.
That's a lady sitting there saying, yeah, we can do it later on after dinner.
That's not sexy.
Anyway, politically correct liberals have redone Baby, It's Cold Outside.
So, Baby, It's Cold Outside.
Do you like that song?
I don't like any Christmas songs.
Well, that's true.
Okay.
I want to ask you about Baby, It's Cold Outside.
How do you feel as a woman about that song?
So I actually really like it, but I think it's reasonable to reflect on that dynamic of the man and the woman in that song.
So Frank Lesser, who wrote Guys and Dolls, which you have seen.
We saw a great production of it many years ago.
Yeah, that's like the perfect form of the musical.
It's not like I love it or something, but when we watched it, I was like, this is every beat that you're supposed to have.
You know, it's like everything happens the right way for a musical.
You're like, wow, you found it.
That's like the formula.
Yep, yep, totally.
So he wrote this song back in 1944 for him and his wife.
Like they just sang it together.
He never really thought that it would go beyond that.
They would like sit around and there's an old recording of them singing it together.
It's very cute.
And the female part is written as the mouse.
That's the name of the character.
And the male part is written as the wolf.
And yeah, and so when you hear that, you're like, okay, that's an opinion about.
Relationship dynamics.
Yeah.
I didn't know that.
That makes it worse now.
Yeah, that made it worse for me too.
What the fuck?
But then the song was used in a movie called Neptune's Daughter.
And, you know, we won't go into the plot or anything like that.
Is that what he plays in his video here?
Because he plays an old-timey video.
Yes, that's the film Neptune's Daughter.
And the guy gets pretty aggressive.
And Gavin McInnes is like, yes, romance.
That's it right there.
This is love.
So what's funny about the way it's used in Neptune's Daughter, it's like the two men are, it's like mistaken identity kind of thing.
And so you have two couples, a man and a woman, a man and a woman, and they each sing this song, but they switch the parts for the other couple.
So in one scene, the man is the wolf and the woman is the mouse, as written.
And then in the other scene, they switch it where the woman is the wolf and the man is the mouse.
And I thought that was kind of interesting, like that even originally they were playing with the relationship dynamics there.
Which is something that you see a lot of times now with Baby It's Cold Outside, that when people are uncomfortable with it, a lot of times they'll switch the man and the woman parts.
And they did that back in this movie a billion years ago.
But I think the song, I mean, I enjoy it, but I do also think about, like, well, that's not a relationship that I would want today.
That's not what I would want Phoebe.
Like, that's not the conversation that I would be comfortable with her having.
And those things can coexist.
in my opinion.
I think so, too.
Yeah.
Like, I didn't know fucking shit about this because I don't care about Christmas songs.
And I don't even really hear lyrics when I listen to music because I listen to music and I am a musician.
I just think about the music.
And so when this came up, like when if this was the I don't know if this is the origin of when people started complaining about this.
But yeah, it was kind of the beginning of around this time, 2016.
But then it kind of continues every single year.
So like the next year with Me Too 2017, there was like a really big push.
Like, is this the year Baby It's Cold Outside is finally going to die?
And then a couple years ago when WAP came out, a lot of people like use that as an opportunity to say, like, how is this song OK and Baby It's Cold Outside isn't?
Well we should save that.
Yeah, and so the first time I heard, like, oh, it's problematic, then my brain did the, like, okay, can you remember enough lyrics to, okay, well, I know.
Maybe it's cold outside, and I hear the woman's voice, and she's saying something like, I gotta go, and he's like, but it's cold outside.
So then I was like, oh, that's what the song, yeah, no, okay, I get it.
That seems a bit pushy, seems a bit pushy.
And then I did see the, like, you know, you've got the counter to the counter to the counter to the backlash of the person saying, no, you don't understand, this is, In the olden times, this was like the way that women had to negotiate this because it's a complicated thing.
And it was actually, I think I watched a pretty well thought out video.
It wasn't like a trollish one that was like, yeah, it was a different time where even if the woman wanted to stay there and have sex or whatever, she pretty much had to do this under this theory, or at least a certain kind of women.
It's not like there wasn't just fucking sex back then.
There also was plenty of just plain old sex, but in terms of whatever ostensibly this like kind of woman is supposed to be.
Well, because it was an incredibly sexist period of time.
I mean, it's still, life is sexist, but like, but at that point in time as a woman, yeah, you had to be like, you know, coquettish and right?
Like you had to kind of, you couldn't indicate that that was something you wanted.
You had to be Yeah, I don't know how much that is real or was just Hollywood, though.
Like, I think that existed, but I also know that, like, everyone was fucking everyone back then.
You know, like, if you read a book about the 40s or whatever, it's like, oh no, they also were just all the time, you know?
Yeah, I mean, like, we certainly know, like, Plenty of Men had a lot of affairs.
But I think that there was also the movies that were coming out, even if it was a Hollywood thing, that, you know, is self-perpetuating then.
Yeah, no, I'm just saying, I think it's a mistake that is often made to think there was a monoculture and everybody was this exact way.
That's all I'm saying.
That didn't exist.
But taking that on board, like even just assuming, okay, all that's true and it's actually, it's a feminist anthem of how to have sex with a man and not get called a whore the next morning by doing this perfect tap dance of whatever, which, okay, I'll take that on board.
That's not really relevant now, you know?
So if we get a bunch of, because what every, the whole music industry seemingly has to do every year is re-record every Christmas song and blast it forever.
And so when we get 400 new versions of this, and then our kids are hearing it for the first time, what the fuck are they going to think?
Like, what?
Okay, it's qualified, but then the guy can just be like, no, none of your concerns are valid.
Stay here.
You know, like that's, that's how it reads now.
I get fucking, the author might not have intended, or maybe if he named it the mouse and the wolf, maybe he did intend it that way.
Even if it could be read and maybe even should have been read a completely different way in the 40s and 50s, that's not the culture we live in.
So, absent a firm historical context, like you're in a, I don't know, in a musical or something and there's like a fucking note on the program about it, you know, like absent some reason you would know all that, I do think this is kind of a harmful thing to show our kids and it just leans them a little bit into rape culture.
And here's The key though, the key is this is the only Christmas song.
So if we get rid of this, then you actually do have to get rid of Christmas.
Pack it up, put the tree in the fucking, in a bag, and just take it away.
Because this is the only Christmas song.
And it's about, is there even Christmas in it?
It's just, baby, it's cold.
There's no- Yeah, it's just winter time.
Is there a part where they're like, and also Jesus on the cross, baby, it's cold outside.
He died for my sins.
Baby, it's cold outside.
Little baby in a manger.
No, it's just literally it's cold and let's bone.
That's the whole song.
Yeah.
And so like, is this a threat to Christmas if we get rid of it?
No.
No.
And I think that this is the type of conversation that I think people just want to have about it, right?
Feminists feel differently about this, too.
You can find opinion pieces from both sides of this conversation from feminist writers.
And so, yeah, I think ultimately it's figuring out like, OK, what do I like?
What am I comfortable with?
What does this mean to me?
And then to your point, What am I comfortable with the kids hearing?
And I think you're right that like, yeah, I like the song.
I like singing it.
It's fun.
It's enjoyable.
But yeah, I would have a problem if Phoebe absorbed any of this as thinking that that's how relationships go and how conversations go when you're out and then trying to leave and someone just kind of works it and tries to manipulate you to stay.
Yeah.
So now Gavin is going to play, I think like some new version they tried to do, which is also, that's what so much of the stuff to your point, hun, is, is yeah.
Okay.
Fucking fine.
Like, oh, maybe you don't want to listen to the song.
Cool.
Fine.
Maybe you do still want to listen to it.
Okay.
Listen to the fucking song.
Like you said, people want to have a conversation.
People want to analyze stuff and at least know, like you can consume problematic stuff if you know what it is, if you've properly, you're being thoughtful.
Yeah, if you're thoughtful about it, it's like, all right, but I like the melody.
Yeah, fine.
We're not going to be arrested by the woke police.
It's just like, once a conversation even starts, then the right wing outrage machine has to be like, they are coming for your records.
You know, it's like, fuck you.
But this is the new, some new version that they try to do.
It's just like random people too.
It's not even like anyone famous.
So this is this fucking guy reacting to someone trying to just adjust the lyrics, which in my mind is a fucking pointless exercise, because then there wouldn't be a song like it.
You know what I mean?
But whatever.
Politically correct liberals have redone Baby It's Cold Outside.
I don't have a video for it.
There's no video, but just see if you can hear these lyrics.
His reaction to this is the best.
It sums up to me how everything is a war.
Everything left is a war on fun and romance. - Mm-hmm. - "Baby I'm fine with that"?
Sorry.
Can you just stop for a second there?
This guy masturbates.
This is another problem with pornography.
It kills the line.
Yeah, you are not ready for what's coming.
When a woman romantically goes, I should probably go, hmm, and he's just so flaccid, he goes, yeah, whatever, I don't care.
I'll just either masturbate after you leave or I probably already did so.
Nice culture.
Western world.
Okay, go ahead.
Western world.
I was not prepared for that.
So is he part of the fucking Magic the Gathering own way?
No, men going their own way?
I could always mix up the... Oh, maybe.
Well, or is he married?
I don't... Because that's a very incel thing to be like... No, no, he's married.
Okay, okay.
So it's not quite the incel version, but it's the like... That's a weird marriage of things.
I guess he's... He's not religious, right?
So he's coming at it from an angle of like, can't masturbate because then, you know, you won't be rapey enough as a man.
Yeah, it kills the lion in you.
Jesus Christ.
Imagine if I ever said, I can't do that, honey.
It kills the lion in me.
Oh my God.
Divorce.
Yeah.
I'd be like, this isn't working out.
What kind of asshole?
And it's always guys who look like this.
Better get used to doing that because I'm leaving.
Yeah, you better start killing the lion if you know what I mean.
You're choking the lion out of you over there.
But like, at the same time, he has to recognize that like, whoever's doing this is not doing it as though, oh, I know, we fixed the song so it can be a good Christmas song that still works in this way.
Like, I think that's them just being like, oh no, just as a, either as a goof or just to make a point, we're just going to change the song to not rapey.
That's not them saying like, okay, this is our version of perfect romance or something.
No one would say like, hey, I really gotta go.
I'm fine with that.
Like that wouldn't, you wouldn't say that.
Nobody says that.
You might be like, oh, okay.
Yeah, this guy, I mean, I just found a quote of his back in 2003.
He said, no means no is puritanism.
I think Steinem era feminism did women a lot of injustices, but one of the worst ones was convincing all these indie norts that women don't want to be dominated.
Norts?
Don't know what that is.
That's a new one.
Norts.
Norts.
I can't even think of what that would be.
This guy's nuts.
Yeah.
We're past no means no now.
Yeah.
No means no is yesteryear's bad model of consent.
And he's like, oh, this no means no, that's gone too far.
So he wants to go to pre no means no.
And that actually fits.
So boy, he's consistent because Yeah, he wants to go to no means maybe or yes, and you just have to not kill the lion in you so that you can badger a fucking woman into maybe having sex with you in a non-consensual way.
That's how he feels.
Yeah, what it sounds to me like is he actually is pro-rape.
Yeah, boy, it almost is like that.
Like, truly, yeah.
That caveat he gave in the beginning was almost like a red flag of some kind.
Yeah, yeah.
Make you swipe left, yeah.
Yeah, Jesus Christ.
This guy masturbates.
He's gay.
This is perfect comedy.
You just see his face, he's like, he can't even understand this point.
He creeps me out.
He's very concerning.
Yeah, that's very rape culture stuff that's damaging to our society and now it's kind of bumming me out.
Yeah.
All right.
Well, let's move on.
Well, I just had to, now I got to play the end of that other video that we, we paused this in the Tom special and we won't belabor it too much, but this is my favorite thing about all of conservatives ever is this exact thing.
And by the way, we're going to skip the rest of the literally eight minutes of him saying he's gay over that, whatever.
So, in the Tom Special, it's okay if you haven't heard it, don't worry, we start on this video because it's silly and it's about gingerbread people, and then they take a little detour that goes into this exact topic that is the funniest thing ever.
Well, so maybe the lesson is that the rest of us shouldn't participate in our own spiritual neutering, and that we should at every step along the way say, I'm not complying with that, I'm sorry, call HR on me, I'm not doing it.
And look, this Kentucky radio station is a very good example of that.
You know, Baby It's Cold Outside, the famous song, has come under fire for being inappropriate.
This is 2018.
And a station in Ohio cut it off of their list.
Well, a Kentucky radio station decided to put it on a loop.
Five different versions.
Because it's been covered by everybody.
And they played it continuously for two hours.
Obviously, Kentucky for two hours on Sunday was Nirvana.
And everybody loved it.
Yeah, oh yeah.
We stand behind this, we're gonna play it, we're not afraid, and that's a very good idea, is that this is the one way to stop it.
This is how they torture detainees at Guantanamo.
There was a comic during some Trump era thing, so I couldn't remember, so I just searched MAGA Comic Steak Are you okay?
That's all I remembered from it.
And yeah, there's one of the panels said, are you okay?
This is from 2017.
It's like just a girl and a guy with a MAGA hat.
And she says, Trump likes his steaks well done with ketchup.
Jesus.
And then he says, oh no, are you offended?
And she's like, what?
Oh, flavor is for cucks.
I burn my steaks now.
I smother them in Heinz.
Are you so offended?
We are owning lives so hard with steak eating hashtag well done.
Are you crying?
Do you need a safe space?
She just says, are you OK?
I swear the slightest thing.
Let's set you people off.
I'm very normal.
He's like using a chainsaw to cut his like burnt steak with like tons of ketchup.
It's that exact thing.
Like they are literally in order to get back at the libs, they're fucking waterboarding themselves with like a very B minus song.
Like, okay, fine.
But any song, even if it's an A+, two hours on a loop?
Yeah, yeah.
Jesus Christ!
There's nothing going on in their brains.
That's the only way you could manage something like that.
Like, our cats would be fine with that.
But, like, if you are a thinking human with a brain, how could you listen to one song on a loop for two hours?
That's something that a lot of retail workers have to put up with in different ways, and I feel for them so bad.
I think that's, like, actual Geneva Convention violation.
Like, we should not make anyone ever have to listen to repetitive music in that way.
Now, I'm sensitive to that because my brain can only focus on music if that's what's on.
But, like, come on.
I mean, I know I'm abnormal, but, like, normal people also can't, like, two-hour loops of Baby It's Cold Outside.
Am I wrong?
No, I don't think you're wrong.
I also wonder what the listener traffic was like, how well that radio station did, or if people were like, I'm not listening to this anymore.
I'll just listen to something else or I'll just turn off the radio and listen to silence because I can't.
It's too much.
It's so funny.
Yeah.
You really got us.
You owned us by, and I love it because it's a radio station in Kentucky.
The details of the story are so great.
I've been laughing about this ever since I saw this.
For being inappropriate.
And a station in Ohio cut it off of their list.
Well, a Kentucky radio station decided to put it on a loop.
Five different versions.
Because it's been covered by everybody.
And they played it continuously for two hours.
Obviously, Kentucky for two hours on Sunday was Nirvana.
So that confused me so much.
I was like, yeah, do they normally play Nirvana during that?
No, she just means like it was heaven.
Yeah, but that's insane.
So it did take... I'm still not sure.
Is that what she meant?
I think so, but... I was like, did they take over the two hour Nirvana slot that they normally do?
Which wouldn't be like that strange.
There's no way this woman is talking about Nirvana.
We stand behind this.
We're going to play it.
We're not afraid.
And that's a very good idea, is that this is the one way to stop it.
We're not afraid to play one song on a two hour loop.
And then I'm not afraid to be like, fuck that.
Jesus Christ.
Yep.
I wouldn't care if it was my favorite song.
You're inflicting a two hour loop of the same song on everyone to own the libs.
It's incredible.
God, it's incredible.
All right, folks, I'm cutting in here to say that actually we went way longer than we thought.
So this is going to be it for part two, and then we'll do part three and that's the final.
And in part three, There's some great stuff to come.
So next time on Where There's Woke, Black Santa, tap dancing, is the nutcracker Christmas-y enough?
Okay, but what if you put a black person in it?
Then is it still Christmas-y enough?
Those very important legitimate controversies and more, and we find out the fate of our Confederate Christmas soldier in the final installment of The War on Christmas, brought to you by PBS Broadcasting and viewers like you.
Thank you.
See you then.
What's his name?
He might be doing... Oh, uh... Yeah, my cousin Vinny.
What's his name?
How did we not know his name?
I know it.
It's my job to not know names, and your job to know... My cousin Vinny is... Oh, Joe Pesci.
Yeah.
It's Zooey Deschanel in what's-his-name from Third Rock from the Sun.
Justin Long.
That's a... No.
No.
Oh.
Oh, you're saying 500 Days of Summer?
It's from that?
Third Rock from the Sun.
Yeah, I thought you were making a joke that Justin Long looks like him as a kid.
No, it's Zooey Deschanel and the guy from Third Rock from the South.
And Joseph Gordon.
There it is, yeah.
I like that you're trying to translate my brain.
I do appreciate that.
You're trying to be like, this is a joke he's making and it must be this.
Did they do Baby's Cold Outside or did they do?
Didn't they?
No, I think they did What Are You Doing for New Year's Day?
Are you sure?
I swear he did.
Okay, maybe I blended it together.
Zooey Deschanel.
And Justin, what's his name?
Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Yeah.
What are you doing New Year's Day?
You're right.
I blended it together in my mind.
So they didn't do that.
Well, good.
I actually was worried.
I was like, didn't they do that song?
So now, okay.
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