Where There's Woke - Thomas Smith - Bill O'Reilly Tells Us Why We Hate Christmas
Aired: 2023-12-29
Duration: 23:48


=== The Big Guns Are Coming (06:30) ===

[00:00:03]  What's so scary about the woke mob?
[00:00:05]  How often you just don't see them coming.
[00:00:11]  Anywhere you see diversity, equity, and inclusion, you see Marxism and you see woke principles being pushed.
[00:00:19]  Wokeness is a virus more dangerous than any pandemic hands down.
[00:00:27]  The woke monster is here and it's coming for everything.
[00:00:34]  Instead of go-go boots, the seductress Green M&M will now wear sneakers.
[00:00:42]  I really want to win this War on Christmas this year, so I brought in the big guns.
[00:00:46]  I brought in literally someone with big guns.
[00:00:48]  Oh, yeah.
[00:00:49]  Probably owns guns.
[00:00:52]  You're gonna ruin my liberal cred!
[00:00:53]  He's an all-around asset in the War on Christmas.
[00:00:56]  No, it's cool if you take like a I don't know, like some sort of super-hyper-lefty approach to it?
[00:01:02]  Like, oh, my guns are for the revolution, you know?
[00:01:04]  Or it's to protect, you know, black community members, you know?
[00:01:09]  I have BLM on all my guns.
[00:01:11]  I just, I inscribe it in there.
[00:01:12]  And Che Guevara, just to be sure.
[00:01:15]  Now people are going to think I'm a gun nut.
[00:01:18]  Jesus Christ.
[00:01:19]  I would put like, if it were me, I'd put everything on the gun.
[00:01:22]  Like white lives matter, black lives matter, whatever.
[00:01:24]  And then like when someone's around, I'll just cover the one, you know, like cover the one that's not their team.
[00:01:29]  Yeah, cover your bases.
[00:01:30]  That's smart.
[00:01:31]  Thomas has an enormous, giant cannon of a, I had to put a lot of slogans on here, guys.
[00:01:35]  I just, I believe in a lot of things.
[00:01:38]  Nope, I would never own a gun in a million years.
[00:01:40]  That's okay.
[00:01:42]  So I'm relying on, you know, the gun owners in our movement to win the war on Christmas.
[00:01:46]  We really wanted to bring in a pro here.
[00:01:48]  You've been fighting the war on Christmas, I think, for a long time, right?
[00:01:50]  I mean, you've been a part of this, I imagine.
[00:01:52]  Yeah, and you know, I'm losing terribly because I noticed this year there's still Christmas.
[00:01:56]  Yeah.
[00:01:57]  Oh man, you gotta change your tactics.
[00:01:59]  As an avowed lefty, I don't know what we're doing wrong, guys.
[00:02:02]  I don't know if you noticed, but it happens every year.
[00:02:04]  Despite our best efforts.
[00:02:06]  I get a holiday cup from Starbucks or whatever and I get my basic bitch pumpkin spice latte on it and it says happy holidays and still Christmas rolls around.
[00:02:15]  I don't know what else I have to do.
[00:02:16]  Part of it could be that we all deeply love and celebrate Christmas.
[00:02:20]  That could be... That is probably part of it.
[00:02:22]  I'm just thinking that might be part of it.
[00:02:23]  I don't know.
[00:02:24]  I don't know if that's... I love Christmas so much that I've told the kids my favorite holiday is actually Christmas Eve because I love the anticipation of Christmas.
[00:02:33]  Like, I love it being, like, right there.
[00:02:34]  This is a perfect Lydia answer.
[00:02:36]  It's the best.
[00:02:37]  This is the most selfless, fucking perfect Lydia answer.
[00:02:41]  I'm Tom Curry, by the way.
[00:02:42]  Well, I don't think I said my name.
[00:02:43]  This is a perfect Lydia answer.
[00:02:44]  Did I not say Tom?
[00:02:45]  Oh, my God.
[00:02:45]  I just got into a joke.
[00:02:47]  We've got Tom from Dear Old Dads.
[00:02:50]  That's your only podcast, right?
[00:02:52]  There you go.
[00:02:52]  That's it.
[00:02:52]  That's all I'm doing.
[00:02:53]  Cognitive dissonance and citation needed.
[00:02:56]  Yeah.
[00:02:57]  And gun owner.
[00:02:59]  Avid gun enthusiast.
[00:03:01]  It's all machine guns.
[00:03:03]  I only own machine guns.
[00:03:04]  It's exclusively the banned ones.
[00:03:07]  Whatever is banned.
[00:03:08]  Look, we've got seven sick kids, and I don't even have a brain.
[00:03:13]  They're exhausted from fighting this war on Christmas and never winning, and our kids are fighting a war on our sanity, and they're winning.
[00:03:21]  Oh yeah, easily.
[00:03:22]  Wait, what if we could get our kids to fight the war on Christmas?
[00:03:24]  Because they're undefeated.
[00:03:26]  Kids are undefeated in every respect.
[00:03:28]  Taking our time, stealing Tom's dreams, as he often says.
[00:03:31]  Dream thieves, yeah.
[00:03:35]  So I think if we get our kids enlisted, I think we might have something here.
[00:03:39]  It's an interesting thought.
[00:03:40]  They don't give a fuck.
[00:03:41]  I will say that.
[00:03:41]  Like they will charge, they will charge the guns of the war on Christmas with gusto.
[00:03:47]  Just, I mean, they'll go up and over the hill.
[00:03:49]  No problem.
[00:03:50]  I'll tell you what, my kids absolutely like they, we were wrapping presents today.
[00:03:54]  Actually, I spent my morning today wrapping presents.
[00:03:58]  Oh my gosh.
[00:03:58]  Good for you.
[00:03:59]  You know what, I've done it so many times the night before at like two, three o'clock in the morning.
[00:04:03]  Yeah, that's the only night that's available for it.
[00:04:07]  I didn't know there was another option.
[00:04:10]  It's the worst.
[00:04:11]  So last year, I mean, this is like a total major aside, but last year we had a one day old.
[00:04:17]  At home while I was wrapping presents and carrying him and walking up and down our stairs less than 24 hours after giving birth.
[00:04:27]  And I think you tapped out at a certain point.
[00:04:29]  I tried to finish like some of your work.
[00:04:32]  I went till like five, so I don't know how.
[00:04:34]  Really?
[00:04:35]  I remember doing a bunch of stuff that I was like, oh.
[00:04:37]  You went to like five in the morning?
[00:04:39]  Yeah.
[00:04:40]  But I also wasn't sleeping because of the baby.
[00:04:43]  But I was miserable and everything was sore obviously because I had given birth less than 24 hours before.
[00:04:49]  I hear that's a lot of work.
[00:04:50]  I don't know.
[00:04:51]  But I still had her go up on the roof and come down the chimney though.
[00:04:56]  Well, after she strung all the lights outside, you know, she was really exhausted.
[00:05:00]  It's the only night to do it, also.
[00:05:01]  It's those muscles you don't use all the time to get sore.
[00:05:04]  You know what I mean?
[00:05:05]  It's never the big ones.
[00:05:06]  Chimney-squeezing muscles.
[00:05:11]  Yeah, I mean all this is actually on point because this idea that we atheists Liberals want to get rid of Christmas is the funniest fucking thing.
[00:05:20]  What's our first video on that?
[00:05:22]  We're gonna have this absolute pro analyze for us.
[00:05:25]  So we We are gonna go to the OG for the war on Christmas.
[00:05:30]  We're gonna visit Mr. OG Actually, yeah, kinda.
[00:05:35]  Yeah, I guess a little bit.
[00:05:37]  Right, yeah.
[00:05:37]  Bill O'Reilly, back when he was on Fox News, before he was ousted, 2013.
[00:05:43]  This is not the beginning of The War on Christmas, but we're going to take a little stop here.
[00:05:47]  It's sort of like the Gospels, though.
[00:05:49]  Like, okay, they didn't happen when Jesus was alive.
[00:05:52]  It's like they're denoted afterwards.
[00:05:54]  Yeah, we can't actually like serious note though Like it's hard to find a lot of these old Fox News clips like we're trying and we're gonna we're gonna talk about the origins of it and stuff But the original I don't know if you know, we'd have to find like someone's racist grandpa that has them all on VHS Yes, it's getting scrubbed Who more faithful a scribe or historian than Bill O'Reilly?
[00:06:14]  I mean, I just, it's the right one.
[00:06:17]  It's the right one.
[00:06:18]  So 2013.

=== War on Christmas Begins (14:40) ===

[00:06:19]  Well, now I want to know, I'm very curious what you guys tell me.
[00:06:22]  I want to know when the war on Christmas officially began, when the first shots were fired. 2004.
[00:06:27]  Yeah.
[00:06:29]  2004!
[00:06:29]  Yeah, December 3rd, 2004, O'Reilly Factor debuted a segment called Christmas Under Siege.
[00:06:34]  And that's where it started in like the media, essentially.
[00:06:39]  But there are claims that the Christmas traditions have been threatened back a hundred years.
[00:06:44]  You know, this is kind of tale as old as time with regard to Christianity always being the victim.
[00:06:49]  I wanna imagine that that, we can't find that clip, I don't think, right?
[00:06:52]  That 204 one?
[00:06:53]  No.
[00:06:53]  Well, we'll keep looking, but I wanna imagine it's like the early Steamboat Willie Mickey Mouse, whatever, like, the old Riley's, like, looks all different and black and white and, you know what I mean?
[00:07:03]  Like, it's not Mickey Mouse.
[00:07:06]  He's tapping his foot and whistling in the air.
[00:07:10]  Well, look at him, he was just so jaunty back in the day.
[00:07:13]  The hate doesn't pour out of them like a pelvis.
[00:07:15]  The leftists are stealing Christmas.
[00:07:17]  Yeah, a little speech bubble.
[00:07:18]  Like the piano music, like it's a silent film.
[00:07:20]  Do they have to do that too for cartoons?
[00:07:22]  I don't know.
[00:07:22]  I don't know.
[00:07:23]  But it's horribly intertwined with antisemitism.
[00:07:26]  You know, when you go back a hundred years... You don't say.
[00:07:31]  Some of the first bits of this is 1921 from Henry Ford, of course.
[00:07:36]  He automated anti-Semitism, right?
[00:07:38]  I'll put that if I remember.
[00:07:41]  Before, everybody had to build their anti-Semitism start to finish.
[00:07:45]  Yeah, he didn't invent it, he just made it way more efficient.
[00:07:49]  Oh, that's good.
[00:07:50]  And the thing he wrote was called, The International Jew, The World's Foremost Problem.
[00:07:57]  Wow, good, good, good.
[00:07:58]  And the thing that he wrote is about how hard it was to find Christmas cards that talked about Jesus.
[00:08:04]  No way, really?
[00:08:05]  And so, it's the Jew's fault, yeah.
[00:08:06]  In 19-fucking-whatever, I didn't know they had Christmas cards.
[00:08:09]  1921, yeah, yeah.
[00:08:10]  Wow, I wonder if they cost a fucking arm and a leg like they do today.
[00:08:13]  Probably, yeah.
[00:08:14]  For a one-use, single-use, look-at-it-and-throw-it-away item.
[00:08:17]  No, you're not allowed to throw it away.
[00:08:19]  It has to live on your refrigerator for six to twelve months.
[00:08:21]  I've learned that lesson.
[00:08:22]  Yeah, we had that debate on Gerald Dadza.
[00:08:25]  See that podcast for the results of that debate.
[00:08:27]  Yeah, but isn't that crazy?
[00:08:28]  I mean, it's like obviously this Christian nationalism, again, tale as old as time, but now we get the added benefit of political correctness being weaved in.
[00:08:36]  But it always comes back to, like, I had a hard time buying a consumer product.
[00:08:40]  You know what I mean?
[00:08:40]  Like, this is the egregious, like, the worst thing that happens to these people is, like, I was momentarily inconvenienced while shopping.
[00:08:48]  Especially for the guy who's, like, synonymous with capitalism.
[00:08:51]  Yeah.
[00:08:52]  Henry fucking Ford.
[00:08:53]  He's like, I think someone needs to intervene in the market and make sure that what I like is being... No, what about the invisible fucking hand, you douchebag?
[00:09:01]  Leave it to the hand.
[00:09:02]  How about whatever demand there is, that's the cards people will make because capitalism, and then that's great, right?
[00:09:08]  I would think if anyone's a fucking capitalist, it's got to be Henry Ford.
[00:09:12]  Yeah.
[00:09:12]  Wouldn't you think that if he thought this was some big market, he'd be like, holy shit, there's a market here that nobody's filling.
[00:09:18]  I'm going to fill the Jesus Christmas card.
[00:09:22]  There you go.
[00:09:23]  He knows it's a loser.
[00:09:24]  He's just like, yeah, but I will.
[00:09:26]  Maybe people don't wanna be fucking bummed out by their Christmas cards.
[00:09:30]  You ever think of that?
[00:09:31]  Oh, there's not enough Christmas cards that depict the torture to death of a man.
[00:09:35]  Yeah.
[00:09:35]  I need more of that.
[00:09:37]  Hi, happy this.
[00:09:38]  I don't know what the fuck that would be.
[00:09:41]  I want a Christmas card that celebrates the birth of our blood sacrifice in order for our Bronze Age war god to be appeased for sin.
[00:09:48]  But it's cheerfully.
[00:09:49]  I want one cheerfully.
[00:09:51]  People just like Christmas trees and shit, dude.
[00:09:53]  Right, yeah.
[00:09:53]  It could be a snowman, anything.
[00:09:55]  Snowflakes, yeah.
[00:09:57]  Yeah, we're all snowflakes.
[00:10:00]  So we will see, we, as of yet, we haven't located the OG, but we, this is a good one.
[00:10:05]  Cause I think by this time, I think he's kind of really summed up what his theory of mind of like us is.
[00:10:11]  So it's always good.
[00:10:12]  You know, we get someone, some real analysis of ourselves.
[00:10:15]  This is therapy hour, Tom.
[00:10:16]  I know I tricked you into therapy.
[00:10:19]  This is like reading the results of one of those personality quizzes.
[00:10:22]  You're like, Oh, tell me about my favorite subject.
[00:10:25]  I don't know if it's quite as accurate as those.
[00:10:28]  It is not egregious, word of the day, to say happy holidays.
[00:10:33]  Oh, we should also set up this was like part of a feud with him and Jon Stewart.
[00:10:38]  You'll hear a little bit of Jon Stewart because this is like the third missive in this, you know, little like public exchange.
[00:10:46]  I like that because in that war he clearly lost.
[00:10:50]  He clearly lost.
[00:10:51]  Bill O'Reilly was off the air before Jon Stewart was, if I'm not mistaken.
[00:10:56]  It is egregious to sue school districts and towns if they display the manger or sing Christmas carols.
[00:11:05]  Are you getting this, Stewart?
[00:11:06]  Are you hearing me?
[00:11:08]  You know what I think it is?
[00:11:11]  Stewart just likes playing the Grinch.
[00:11:13]  What is interesting this year is that Hanukkah will be over on Thursday.
[00:11:18]  So there are no more holidays between then and Christmas Day.
[00:11:25]  Damn you, O'Reilly!
[00:11:29]  We've been checkmated!
[00:11:33]  Without Hanukkah, we have no excuse to say happy holidays.
[00:11:39]  Plural.
[00:11:41]  Because apparently you can't include anything past Christmas, like Kwan's Epiphany and New Year's.
[00:11:45]  It's amazing.
[00:11:46]  I just love that right away already.
[00:11:48]  This idea that he had this whole gotcha, like Bill O'Reilly, I don't know how many fucking writers he had back then, but they're like, boss, we got it.
[00:11:56]  They come out there sweating like door bursts open.
[00:12:00]  They've got the typewritten paper.
[00:12:02]  We've fucking got them on the ropes.
[00:12:03]  There's no way.
[00:12:04]  They're saying you should say happy holidays, but we looked at the calendar.
[00:12:09]  We've consulted several experts.
[00:12:11]  There won't be both Hanukkah and Christmas at the same time for this specific- It's like an eclipse.
[00:12:17]  For this 12 hours, they can't say happy- It's like, imagine- You have to say it!
[00:12:22]  You have to!
[00:12:22]  We've got you on the loophole!
[00:12:24]  Imagine thinking that was a gotcha.
[00:12:27]  Everybody's walking around just reflexively saying happy holidays, like, oh fuck, oh no, Hanukkah's over, guys.
[00:12:32]  Hanukkah's over, we can't do it.
[00:12:33]  Nope.
[00:12:34]  We gotta change our- Our inclusive language.
[00:12:36]  Which I love, too, because even in Bill O'Reilly's, like, on his stupid terms, you'd just be like, oh, OK, happy holiday.
[00:12:42]  You can still avoid Merry Christmas if you wanted to, you know?
[00:12:48]  Plus, I literally don't know anybody that doesn't wish people a Merry Christmas.
[00:12:52]  Jewish people maybe?
[00:12:53]  No, even they often do.
[00:12:54]  It just doesn't matter.
[00:12:56]  Eli buys us Christmas presents over here.
[00:13:01]  Everybody I know says Merry Christmas.
[00:13:03]  It's fine.
[00:13:04]  It's totally fine.
[00:13:05]  And it's also perfectly fine to be inclusive.
[00:13:08]  It's actually true that They're both fine.
[00:13:11]  I know.
[00:13:12]  Exactly.
[00:13:12]  And nobody objects to it.
[00:13:13]  Like, literally nobody's objecting.
[00:13:15]  I did have to look up what the fuck Epiphany was, though.
[00:13:17]  Me too!
[00:13:17]  I'd never heard of Epiphany.
[00:13:19]  I was like, Epiphany?
[00:13:20]  Do you care to share?
[00:13:20]  It's the 12th night of Christmas, so it is, you know, just historically it was something that they, in Rome, they started celebrating the birth of Jesus on Epiphany.
[00:13:33]  It commemorates the baptism, I think, like the magi show up and they give a bunch of useless fucking presents that a baby doesn't need, I think.
[00:13:41]  The first manifestation.
[00:13:42]  Yeah, did those MacGuffins ever come back in the Bible?
[00:13:46]  How did I never think of this for the whole time I did Thomas and the Bible?
[00:13:53]  Was it like, he's about to be, you know, captured in later, the third act, and he pulls out some frankincense.
[00:13:59]  He's like, here, if I sprinkle this around, It did come in handy, after all!
[00:14:06]  Those items never paid off, you know?
[00:14:08]  It's fucking Chekhov's myrrh, you know?
[00:14:11]  What are we doing here?
[00:14:13]  Well wait, aren't the three gifts, isn't it gold, frankincense, and myrrh?
[00:14:16]  If you're not bringing gold, don't you feel like an ass?
[00:14:19]  The first one's an Amazon gift card.
[00:14:24]  The other guys must have been like, you're just gonna use the gold to buy the frankincense and myrrh anyway?
[00:14:28]  Come on, man.
[00:14:30]  It's like if you give somebody slippers and then they're like, oh, and your present's outside and it's a fucking Lexus with a bow on it.
[00:14:36]  And you're like, fuck.
[00:14:37]  Oh, fuck.
[00:14:39]  Imagine a donkey with a bow on it.
[00:14:45]  Even then they're like, these fucking assholes.
[00:14:48]  No one gets anyone a donkey for fucking Christmas.
[00:14:51]  Oh, you're gonna just buy a donkey without consulting your wife and even being like, is this the donkey you like?
[00:14:56]  Tell me that donkey was not a lease.
[00:14:58]  If that donkey was a lease, that's throwing donkey money away.
[00:15:01]  Is this the color of donkey you wanted, hon?
[00:15:04]  I'm just gonna choose all that by myself and then drive it over here and put a bow on it and then you come out your two million dollar house and see that there's a fucking fresh donkey out there.
[00:15:14]  But you have to ride the donkey over so then it's racking up miles and it's not as good as a new donkey.
[00:15:18]  Yeah, it's not even a fresh donkey.
[00:15:20]  Oh, donkey meters.
[00:15:20]  Yeah, and it's not at zero anymore.
[00:15:22]  And then really getting the right trim level on the donkey is hard to do.
[00:15:25]  It's like, is this the touring level?
[00:15:27]  I don't know.
[00:15:27]  Well, and right when you march that donkey off the lot, it already, it's down 20 shekels.
[00:15:39]  Okay.
[00:15:39]  This is, we're entering my favorite part of the video because these fucking idiots, he wants to put on a display of like, oh yeah, I can be funny too.
[00:15:49]  Oh God.
[00:15:50]  Oh my God.
[00:15:52]  I don't think people are prepared for how pathetic this is.
[00:15:54]  I'll go back a little bit just so we get it.
[00:15:55]  You can't include anything past Christmas like Kwan's epiphany.
[00:15:58]  Oh, sorry.
[00:15:59]  I did want to say like a little tip for Jon Stewart, because I'm sure he's still doing this show and everything.
[00:16:05]  From a joke writing and argumentative perspective, just stop at New Year's.
[00:16:11]  That would have been a way better own.
[00:16:12]  Just be like, hey, you forgot about New Year's.
[00:16:15]  Done.
[00:16:15]  That way you're not saying epiphany, which is like, well, I've never heard of that.
[00:16:18]  So that feels like you're Pulling something I don't know about to make it.
[00:16:21]  And Kwanzaa, which the right is going to dismiss anyway.
[00:16:24]  Yeah, or Kwanzaa maybe, but like, you nailed him with New Year's.
[00:16:27]  Why are you gilding the lily with things that actually made your point worse?
[00:16:31]  So I hope he gets this, you know, and maybe he can improve his show a little bit.
[00:16:35]  Notes for Jon Stewart.
[00:16:36]  Yeah.
[00:16:37]  The epiphany, Stewart?
[00:16:38]  The epiphany?
[00:16:40]  Well here's an epiphany for you and your 18 writers.
[00:16:43]  You guys are now on double secret pronation.
[00:16:46]  One more time, Buster.
[00:16:48]  One more time.
[00:16:49]  And you are officially voided from Christmas.
[00:16:51]  With apologies to Dean Wormer.
[00:16:54]  Now the serious side of all this.
[00:16:56]  When is he going to tell a joke though?
[00:16:58]  I'm a little lost.
[00:16:59]  Now the serious side.
[00:17:01]  It's so good.
[00:17:02]  It's the best.
[00:17:04]  He's one of those guys where his idea of humor is just like saying stuff from movies he watched, right?
[00:17:09]  Like he's one of those fucking anchorman pervs.
[00:17:11]  Honestly, that is 87% of boomers.
[00:17:13]  Apologies to the boomers of the audience.
[00:17:15]  We'll say that you're the 13% that don't do that.
[00:17:17]  You can't have me as a guest on your show.
[00:17:19]  No, you're silent generation.
[00:17:21]  Tom, you're the one before the boomers.
[00:17:23]  You always forget.
[00:17:25]  Tom is old.
[00:17:25]  He's, you know, his mind is... Silent generation.
[00:17:27]  Yeah, you're the one before the boomers.
[00:17:30]  No, they think there were two movies in the 70s that they decided were the peak of comedy.
[00:17:35]  Like, you know, it's like fucking the golf one.
[00:17:37]  It's Caddyshack.
[00:17:38]  Caddyshack.
[00:17:39]  What was this, Animal House?
[00:17:40]  Is that that one?
[00:17:41]  The Jerk.
[00:17:42]  Oh, Animal House.
[00:17:43]  The Jerk's another good one.
[00:17:44]  They've decided for all time, that's all that was funny.
[00:17:47]  Nothing else was funny before or after that to them.
[00:17:50]  Like there's men, let's be real, it's men.
[00:17:53]  I shouldn't have used too broad a brush there.
[00:17:56]  It's a certain percentage of boomer men Men of a certain age.
[00:17:59]  That's just all the... You try to tell them any... Oh, I really like... You know what other comedy I like is, you know, any of them from any other time.
[00:18:06]  And they're like, no.
[00:18:07]  They can't even entertain the idea that there was any... A joke told that was funny after 1977 or whatever this was.
[00:18:15]  The idea that he's going to be like, all right, you're 18 writers.
[00:18:20]  Let me show you up.
[00:18:21]  Oh God, you ready for this?
[00:18:23]  You'll see what my 19 writers came up with.
[00:18:25]  You're on double secret prodation, by the way, is what he says.
[00:18:29]  You're on double secret prodation.
[00:18:33]  Doesn't make sense.
[00:18:35]  I got him!
[00:18:36]  There's no allusion to the movie at all.
[00:18:38]  Anywhere reference, but I got him.
[00:18:41]  Nope.
[00:18:41]  Okay.
[00:18:41]  Look, a reference can be something.
[00:18:44]  I was telling Lydia this the other day, because I was thinking about like, why do I get so annoyed by terrible references?
[00:18:49]  But I also like to make a good reference.
[00:18:51]  Tom, I'm sure you appreciate this.
[00:18:53]  Like, I mean, I'd love your thoughts, too.
[00:18:55]  The difference between just merely referencing a thing you've seen and a reference that's actually good is like, whatever happened in the movie or, for example, you're referencing, has some implication or some comparison to what you're talking about in a way that, like, makes it a little funnier or reveals something about it or the comparison gives you... Yes!
[00:19:12]  Like, there's a whole world of difference between Hey, have you seen The Simpsons?
[00:19:17]  And like, oh, no, this is exactly like that episode of The Simpsons.
[00:19:21]  So if we do a little bit of a reference to that, it's still not like the peak of comedy or anything, but you're at least doing fucking something.
[00:19:27]  Look, my brother for Christmas, we celebrated Christmas with my family last week.
[00:19:31]  My brother for Christmas got a book that happened to be leather bound.
[00:19:34]  And I like, he holds it up and I'm like, hey, does it smell of rich mahogany?
[00:19:39]  I thought that was a good reference, right?
[00:19:40]  I laughed at myself.
[00:19:41]  I'm like, that is a great joke.
[00:19:43]  But like, I had a guy that I worked with who every joke he made was just saying lines from movies.
[00:19:50]  And I'm just like, man, those guys were funny.
[00:19:55]  You're just repetitious.
[00:19:57]  You know that there's a- Then you're just making me watch a movie at a time I don't want to watch it.
[00:20:02]  It's like, hey man, Step Brothers isn't on right now.
[00:20:05]  I don't know what thing- What if he literally, instead of that, had the movie on his phone and just at random intervals was like, push play on a scene real quick and put it in your face?
[00:20:15]  Like, that's nothing.
[00:20:17]  That's what it feels like.
[00:20:19]  That's what Bill O'Reilly's joke here feels like.
[00:20:21]  It's just, out of left field, he's like, and he winds up the pitch and everything.
[00:20:25]  He's like, here we go!
[00:20:27]  Here's my zinger, you motherfucker!
[00:20:29]  Babe fucking Ruth pointing to the fucking center field.
[00:20:32]  Like, here we go.
[00:20:33]  Here we go.
[00:20:34]  And then, and then it's like, alright, and now that we've all had several heart attacks from laughing at that reference, now for the serious stuff.
[00:20:42]  Alright, so let's get to the substance here.
[00:20:44]  Ready?

=== Secular Map Initiative (03:03) ===

[00:20:45]  Now, the serious side of all this.
[00:20:48]  It is quite clear to anyone with a brain that there is a war between traditional Americans and secular progressives in this country.
[00:20:55]  I wrote an entire book on this called Culture Warrior.
[00:20:58]  I sent it to Stuart.
[00:21:00]  In order to remake the United States into a progressive nation, the committed left must diminish Judeo-Christian traditions.
[00:21:08]  Oh, no.
[00:21:09]  So like all the words up until then, I was with him.
[00:21:11]  You know, like, OK, I want to do this.
[00:21:13]  Yes.
[00:21:14]  Actually, yeah, let's just, how would we, we are all, I believe, progressive people here who are atheists and would want to make a progressive society.
[00:21:21]  Tom, don't let me speak for you.
[00:21:22]  Yeah, I'm right here with you, buddy.
[00:21:24]  Yeah, like, okay, what would be the first thing we would, like, if we're just in a meeting, we made a town hall progressive meeting where the three of us are the only people who shut up because no one's...
[00:21:34]  No, it's an emphasis.
[00:21:35]  I don't blame him.
[00:21:36]  Everyone's depressed, but we're like, all right, we're going to do it.
[00:21:38]  What's step one?
[00:21:38]  What would we do?
[00:21:39]  Would it be like- Oh God.
[00:21:40]  Well, I definitely would not, what I wouldn't do is get out the vote.
[00:21:43]  That would be the least important thing that I would do.
[00:21:45]  I would not do any kind of mobilization or political action.
[00:21:48]  I would not try to fundraise or get out the vote.
[00:21:49]  I would, however, probably string up the Easter bunny on live TV.
[00:21:54]  That is the most important thing to do.
[00:21:55]  Yeah, that biblical Easter bunny.
[00:21:57]  Yeah, I agree.
[00:21:58]  The biblical Easter bunny.
[00:21:58]  Yeah, totally.
[00:22:01]  In the Bible, I remember when I read, and the Easter Bunny comes back, and I think he's riding on the donkey, if I'm not mistaken.
[00:22:07]  I don't know what he paid for that or not.
[00:22:10]  I imagine, okay, the meeting would go like this, actually.
[00:22:12]  Lydia would come with a bunch of notebooks and be like, here's what we need to do.
[00:22:15]  Okay, there's an initiative on the ballot.
[00:22:16]  We can do it in these counters.
[00:22:17]  And have binders.
[00:22:18]  Yeah, and if we get, we can actually, you know, there's a school district here we could run for a spot, or we can do, you know, et cetera, and start from the ground up grassroots.
[00:22:25]  And then Tom and I would be like, quiet!
[00:22:27]  Hey, it's the holiday cups from Starbucks.
[00:22:30]  They can't be I love this idea that he needs to go after Judeo-Christian tradition.
[00:22:42]  Dude, we don't give a fuck about whatever you do in the privacy of your own home or church.
[00:22:47]  We care about what's in the goddamn law and government and policy and all that.
[00:22:52]  That's what fucking matters.
[00:22:53]  So you're already wrong one sentence in.
[00:22:59]  So they must get the religious influence out, out of the public arena.
[00:23:04]  All the so-called progressive countries are secular.
[00:23:07]  Just look at the map.
[00:23:08]  Hold on, I love this sentence.
[00:23:09]  I just want to, I love this.
[00:23:12]  All the so-called progressive countries are secular.
[00:23:14]  Just look at the map.
[00:23:15]  The map that has secular on it?
[00:23:17]  What is the, what map am I looking at?
[00:23:21]  I just picture consulting, oh yeah, I see Sweden's, and then it also says secular on the map for some reason.
[00:23:27]  Look at the map.
[00:23:28]  You know, I'm gonna call up my secular map, hang on.
[00:23:30]  It was secularmaps.com.
[00:23:32]  I don't know when it's been last updated.
[00:23:33]  Mercator map, what is that one?
[00:23:35]  You got the Mercator projection, the secular.
[00:23:39]  I like this one because all the countries are the right size.
[00:23:41]  You know, they're not like that other one where they're.
[00:23:43]  Just look at a map.
[00:23:44]  What map would you look at?
[00:23:46]  Look at the map.
[00:23:47]  It's in the books.
[00:23:48]  Look at a map.