Uncensored - Piers Morgan - 20240125_piers-morgan-uncensored-jay-leno
Aired: 2024-01-25
Duration: 47:27


=== Jay Leno's Car Empire (01:27) ===

[00:00:00]  Tonight on Piers Morgan Uncensor, I've come to a place that's been on my bucket list of places to visit in my time in America.
[00:00:08]  And it's this extraordinary car emporium that belongs to the TV superstar Jay Leno, one of the world's greatest ever talk show hosts, but also a car fanatic.
[00:00:20]  He has got over 200 of the greatest cars ever made, including the most expensive car in history.
[00:00:27]  And tonight, he's going to sit down with me for an exclusive interview about life, about America, about the upcoming elections, but also about his cars, because behind every car is an incredible story.
[00:00:48]  Jay, I've got to say, I've lived and worked in Los Angeles for nearly 20 years.
[00:00:52]  My number one bucket list of the whole time I've been here has been to get inside your...
[00:00:59]  Well, it's not like I didn't invite you.
[00:01:00]  I invited you dozens of times.
[00:01:01]  You did.
[00:01:02]  So it's not like, oh, no, I don't want to.
[00:01:04]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:01:05]  Okay.
[00:01:06]  But, well, thanks for that.
[00:01:07]  I've got to say, you walk in.
[00:01:08]  We're going to go on a little walk and talk with your cars later.
[00:01:11]  But just to walk into this is a quite extraordinary thing.
[00:01:15]  I have never seen a car collection like this anywhere in the world.
[00:01:19]  Well, there's plenty of car collections like that.
[00:01:21]  I just buy what I like.
[00:01:22]  It's the more money than brains club.
[00:01:23]  There's really no theme here.
[00:01:25]  It's not Italian cars or the Renaissance.

=== Running for President Amid Charges (09:37) ===

[00:01:27]  You know, it's none of that.
[00:01:28]  It's just things I like, cars of historical or technical interest.
[00:01:33]  It's fun.
[00:01:33]  You know, when you work with your hands, it appreciates how easy it is to make money just talking, you know, because you take a transmission, like, ah, some guy made 80 bucks for this.
[00:01:44]  And then you go and say, oh.
[00:01:46]  Plus, I think it makes you appreciate showbiz a little bit more.
[00:01:49]  Jay Leno is the tonight show king who ruled late night in America for over 20 years, reaching the blue-collar parts of middle America his competitors couldn't.
[00:01:58]  Leno's rivalry was the great David Letterman is the stuff of Showbiz legend, as is the story of how he came out of retirement to reclaim his show from his successor, Conan O'Brien.
[00:02:08]  Leno's interviewed the biggest names of our times, giving him a unique perspective of what makes the great country of America tick, including what unites it and what divides it.
[00:02:19]  When you look at the state of politics in America, particularly fueled perhaps by social media, which tends to inflame the extremities on both sides, do you worry about that?
[00:02:31]  Do you worry that America's becoming ever more polarized politically?
[00:02:34]  Being an optimist, the biggest fear for years was nobody's voting and nobody voted.
[00:02:42]  This last election, whether you're for Trump or for Biden, huge.
[00:02:47]  Everybody voted, not everybody, but the highest.
[00:02:51]  No one ever predicted that.
[00:02:52]  They thought it would just continue to go down and people under 30 would never vote.
[00:02:57]  Well, no, that all changed.
[00:02:58]  So it got people interested.
[00:03:00]  So I think that's one of the benefits of it.
[00:03:03]  What do you make of the Donald Trump phenomenon?
[00:03:06]  There's no other way to describe it.
[00:03:07]  I mean, in 1999, he appeared on the Tonight Show with you.
[00:03:11]  And was when he first said he was going to run for president.
[00:03:14]  And you, like everybody else, laughed at this concept.
[00:03:18]  And you quizzed him about his temperament.
[00:03:20]  And Trump said this to you, I believe when someone wants to get you, you want to get them.
[00:03:24]  And I believe that.
[00:03:25]  And you said, but being president, you'd have to be more diplomatic.
[00:03:27]  And he replied, yes, but I believe in retribution.
[00:03:31]  Well, A, no one's laughing now because he became president and may well be again.
[00:03:35]  And he does exact retribution.
[00:03:37]  He's done exactly what he said he would do.
[00:03:40]  What do you think of this phenomenon of Trump the politician?
[00:03:43]  I'm not a fan.
[00:03:45]  I think he has like this thing where they want to restrict him on the ballot.
[00:03:49]  I'm against that because that could turn against you.
[00:03:52]  You could use it for the...
[00:03:53]  It's anti-democratic.
[00:03:54]  Right, it's anti-democratic.
[00:03:55]  I mean, if the people want that person as president, that's fine.
[00:03:58]  I mean, I'm not a fan.
[00:03:59]  And it has nothing to do with politics.
[00:04:01]  I just don't think morally, I think we could do a little bit better.
[00:04:06]  All these indictments, whatever it might be.
[00:04:08]  You know, I just stopped doing politics and my act altogether because, you know, when I did the tonight show, the idea was you made fun of both sides equally, and you get those Miss Leonardo, you and your Republican friends.
[00:04:17]  Well, Miss Leonardo, you and your Democratic buddies, you know, and they'd both be angry.
[00:04:21]  And I go, well, that's good.
[00:04:22]  You know, they both think you're supporting the other guy.
[00:04:25]  Now you've got to take a side, and people are angry if you don't.
[00:04:28]  And I find what I would start to tell a political joke, well, they want to know the punchline before, is this pro or against?
[00:04:36]  You know, so I just stopped doing it because I just want people to come and laugh and have a good time.
[00:04:42]  I mean, I've known Trump a long time.
[00:04:44]  I did the celebrity apprentice with him.
[00:04:45]  I saw him a lot every night across the board.
[00:04:47]  And I saw actually a different character there than the one I see as a politician.
[00:04:52]  But, you know, he was always bombastic, larger than life, always a big exaggerator, narcissist, and so on.
[00:04:58]  Which is fine if you're not president.
[00:05:00]  Right.
[00:05:00]  Yeah.
[00:05:01]  I was going to ask you that when you were interviewing him as Donald Trump, the real estate magnet come television celebrity, what did you think of him then?
[00:05:10]  Well, I liked him.
[00:05:11]  He was fine.
[00:05:12]  He was an interesting character.
[00:05:14]  He was a television character, exactly what you wanted for TV.
[00:05:18]  You know, somebody that kind of irritates some people and amuses others.
[00:05:22]  And that's fine.
[00:05:23]  I liked him then.
[00:05:24]  I actually did a couple of jobs for him as that.
[00:05:26]  I just, you know, this January 6th business and all this other thing, and it gets a little mud.
[00:05:32]  Well, I mean, I would imagine most Americans who don't have a kind of really visceral horse in the ring in this and look at it objectively, the idea of any president from either side simply refusing to accept the result of an election in America, that's a pretty slippery path.
[00:05:51]  Yeah, yeah, that's a very slippery path.
[00:05:53]  It's to me, it's like I like my banker to be a bite financer.
[00:05:58]  I don't want a funny banker.
[00:06:00]  I don't want a banker who is a flashy dresser with Italian sports cars.
[00:06:04]  And I like him to be a banker.
[00:06:06]  And that's what I want in a president.
[00:06:08]  I mean, to me, I see nothing about the economy or about what's going to be done for the country.
[00:06:15]  It's just getting back at Hillary or whatever.
[00:06:17]  It just seems to be things you shouldn't be worrying about as president.
[00:06:22]  When you look at Joe Biden, he's 10 years older than you.
[00:06:26]  Yeah.
[00:06:27]  I mean, most people, including the majority of Democrats, think he's too old to run again.
[00:06:32]  Do you think he should maybe take one for the team and step aside?
[00:06:36]  Well, I think he's fine to be president.
[00:06:39]  I think it's harder to run for president than it is to be president.
[00:06:42]  You've got to go to the fair and eat the hot dog and do the whole, all of that, which, I mean, I don't know.
[00:06:49]  I mean, it's, look, I'm a fan.
[00:06:52]  I like the man.
[00:06:52]  I've known him for years.
[00:06:54]  I had him on when he ran in 88, you know.
[00:06:57]  So to me, no, I like him.
[00:07:00]  I think he's a good guy.
[00:07:01]  And, you know, the economy's doing pretty good.
[00:07:03]  Right.
[00:07:04]  I mean, that's something Trump said.
[00:07:05]  He hopes the economy tanks.
[00:07:06]  I saw that.
[00:07:07]  Well, I go, really?
[00:07:08]  Do you really hope?
[00:07:09]  That's when I knew we were in trouble when I would talk, I meet people on the street.
[00:07:14]  I'd rather have Putin than Biden.
[00:07:16]  Really?
[00:07:17]  Really?
[00:07:17]  Do you worry about what may happen in this country in terms of the division if Trump was to get re-elected?
[00:07:24]  Well, you get the government you deserve.
[00:07:26]  I mean, that's pretty much the way the world works, or at least the way America works.
[00:07:31]  If that's what people choose, well, that's what's going to happen, isn't it?
[00:07:34]  What does it mean to you to be an American?
[00:07:36]  Well, it just makes me laugh because it's the only place, like you said, we don't want, I don't want an experienced politician in the White House.
[00:07:45]  Do you feel America's still the land of opportunity?
[00:07:48]  Do you still have to do that?
[00:07:50]  You still got that?
[00:07:50]  If you want to appreciate America, this is why I love immigrants, you know.
[00:07:55]  America is the ultimate melting pot.
[00:07:57]  It really is great to be.
[00:07:58]  I don't see people.
[00:07:59]  Oh, we're trying to get into Moscow.
[00:08:02]  Nobody wants to go there.
[00:08:04]  Would it have been a better country if the British royals had continued to oversee things?
[00:08:10]  Oh, that would have been horrible.
[00:08:12]  Terrible thing that would have been.
[00:08:15]  Horrible, horrible.
[00:08:16]  You know, sometimes think wistfully you could have been, you know, Prince Jay.
[00:08:19]  Yeah, that's what I want to do, Prince Jay.
[00:08:21]  Well, my mother's from Scotland.
[00:08:22]  My mother's from Greece.
[00:08:23]  Well, what I was going to say, I mean, the similarity you have with Donald Trump is you both had mothers who were Scottish.
[00:08:28]  You came here, and both your fathers were salesmen in New York.
[00:08:32]  Right, yeah, that's true.
[00:08:33]  That's true.
[00:08:34]  Is that where the parallels stop?
[00:08:36]  I think that's where kind of stuff.
[00:08:38]  Again, I just don't agree with some of the moral decisions and other things.
[00:08:43]  Do you think one of the secrets of his success, because you can't deny the success or the popularity, is that he does have...
[00:08:50]  Well, is it success or popularity?
[00:08:52]  I mean, what are you talking about?
[00:08:53]  Well, success in the sense he won the presidency with zero experience.
[00:08:57]  Right.
[00:08:57]  I mean, that's pretty extraordinary.
[00:08:59]  In popularity, he got 10 million votes more last election than the first time around, which is pretty staggering, given how divisive his tenure was.
[00:09:08]  And he may well win again.
[00:09:09]  The poll suggests he's got a very good chance.
[00:09:11]  I think you have to have the ability to.
[00:09:15]  I don't dislike people who like Trump.
[00:09:18]  I mean, I meet people all the time, you know, guys that are mechanics or like blue-collar guys that like Trump for that reason.
[00:09:26]  And I like them.
[00:09:28]  I like them.
[00:09:28]  I don't, you know, we live in an era now if you have an electric car, you're a vegan, and you voted for Biden and you want Governor Newsom to be president of the United States.
[00:09:39]  If you have a gas car, you like guns, you like, you know, the idea that you've got to be one or the other.
[00:09:46]  To me, I like to have friends on both sides.
[00:09:50]  Is that one of the reasons that there's a sense that far less is being actually done in the Senate, in Congress, because it's so visceral now, the tribalism on both sides.
[00:10:03]  Yeah, I think so.
[00:10:04]  It's very difficult for politicians to do deals with the other side.
[00:10:07]  I think so.
[00:10:07]  And if you do, you're a traitor or whatever it might be.
[00:10:11]  You know, I mean, you know, I like Mitt Romney.
[00:10:14]  I think he's a terrific guy.
[00:10:16]  Great human being.
[00:10:19]  The fact that he gets ostracized from the Republican Party because of his views.
[00:10:25]  It's nuts.
[00:10:27]  But I think he's correct.
[00:10:30]  I mean, I don't want a president who's been impeached two times.
[00:10:36]  It just seems, I think we can do better.
[00:10:40]  Do you think anyone should be allowed to run for president on any side if you're facing 100 criminal charges?
[00:10:46]  Well, I have the right not to vote for them.
[00:10:49]  So I would, here's my vote.
[00:10:52]  If you choose to have someone who's a criminal as president, okay, I have to accept your choice.
[00:10:58]  What do you make of the woke culture, particularly where it pertains to cancel culture?

=== The Truth About Leaving Tonight Show (08:55) ===

[00:11:04]  I always meet comedians that say, you know, you can't even compliment women anymore.
[00:11:11]  Well, yeah, you can't go, hey, nice boobs.
[00:11:14]  Okay.
[00:11:15]  If you were to say, oh, that's a really pretty dress.
[00:11:17]  I don't want anyone to go, oh, they wouldn't.
[00:11:20]  Actually, there are some that would now be.
[00:11:22]  No, but see, but I think you'd say you're objectifying.
[00:11:24]  Well, what I'm saying is I said, oh, it's a nice outfit.
[00:11:26]  Oh, thank you.
[00:11:27]  I mean, I'm using normal people common sense, not one extreme or the other.
[00:11:32]  Most people know when you've crossed the line.
[00:11:35]  Did the Me Too campaign go too far?
[00:11:38]  Is the pendulum coming back?
[00:11:40]  Well, no, I think any pendulum swings to the far left or the far right before it comes back to center.
[00:11:47]  It's just something that happens.
[00:11:50]  I mean, yeah, no, I think it is what it is.
[00:11:55]  And I think you're seeing it come back to center now.
[00:11:58]  Okay.
[00:11:59]  I think there's a lot of anger, a lot of animosity.
[00:12:02]  Women over the years have built up.
[00:12:05]  You know, if you were someone, this happened to you in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, you're going to be pretty mad in the 90s or the 2000s.
[00:12:13]  So I get it.
[00:12:15]  I understand it.
[00:12:16]  And is it unfair that it swings that way?
[00:12:18]  Yeah, but it was unfair it went the other way too.
[00:12:21]  You interviewed a lot of people who were me too.
[00:12:25]  Was that a surprise to you when you found out what some of them were actually like?
[00:12:31]  Well, for a lot of them, you kind of knew they were like that.
[00:12:34]  I mean, there's not a lot of people where I go, oh, really?
[00:12:37]  I'm surprised that, you know, it's Harvey Weinstein.
[00:12:43]  I mean, he was always a bully.
[00:12:46]  He was a bully.
[00:12:47]  He would call me and say, hey, I need so-and-so on the show tomorrow night.
[00:12:51]  And I go, I can't.
[00:12:52]  I got so.
[00:12:53]  Well, kick them off.
[00:12:54]  I go, Harry, I'm not going to do it.
[00:12:55]  And he would yell at me and intimidate.
[00:12:57]  Well, you're not going to get any.
[00:12:58]  He would just be that way all the time.
[00:13:00]  And he was a bully.
[00:13:01]  So when he got caught, I was not the least bit surprised.
[00:13:13]  I appeared on The Tonight Show several times when you were the host.
[00:13:17]  Absolutely loved it.
[00:13:19]  And what struck me about the whole kind of mythology around you, The Tonight Show, your rivals and so on, was a narrative began to build that you were some kind of ruthless monster.
[00:13:31]  When my personal experience of you, we didn't know each other, certainly the first time, was you couldn't have been more friendly, gracious, normal, non-monstrous.
[00:13:41]  In fact, you were the complete opposite.
[00:13:43]  One of the nicest people genuinely I'd met in the business.
[00:13:47]  What did you feel when that became this sort of thing about you, that people were saying this stuff?
[00:13:53]  Like I always say, if you're playing football, who do you tackle?
[00:13:57]  You tackle the guy with the ball.
[00:13:58]  It's as simple as that.
[00:14:00]  You know, my attitude is, I don't believe the good stuff, and I don't believe the bad stuff.
[00:14:05]  Well, thank you.
[00:14:06]  That's right, kind.
[00:14:06]  Because I didn't like your monologue.
[00:14:08]  Oh, okay.
[00:14:08]  Well, I'm sorry.
[00:14:10]  Or you were very funny.
[00:14:11]  Oh, well, thank you.
[00:14:11]  I'm not that funny, but okay, thank you.
[00:14:13]  You know, so I mean, to me, that's sort of where I am.
[00:14:17]  I mean, that's what kind of happens in the tonight show.
[00:14:20]  When you look back on that whole period, particularly when it all went sour for almost everybody involved, right?
[00:14:25]  So, you know, Letterman, Conan, you, and everything.
[00:14:28]  When you look back on it, it was clearly a febrile kind of period.
[00:14:32]  Do you have any regrets about it?
[00:14:34]  No, I don't.
[00:14:34]  I don't regret any of it.
[00:14:36]  I was fine.
[00:14:37]  No, it was fine.
[00:14:37]  I enjoyed it.
[00:14:38]  I loved it.
[00:14:39]  I mean, actually, the favorite part of my career is when I was doing Letterman in the 80s.
[00:14:44]  Because I'd put together like, I would go on once a month and have a six or eight minute piece and try it out on Dave.
[00:14:50]  When we started, here's a, we sort of met at the comedy store.
[00:14:55]  Dave was sort of a nervous performer, but a great wordsmith.
[00:15:01]  I mean, he could weave words together in exactly the phraseology, where the joke was in the phraseology as opposed to the punchline.
[00:15:08]  You know, I was kind of loud and verbose and through different voices and things like that.
[00:15:15]  And Dave would go, well, how can you be so loose on stage?
[00:15:17]  I said, man, I love the way you weave sentences together.
[00:15:21]  And I think we sort of complemented each other.
[00:15:23]  Lenin and McCartney.
[00:15:24]  Well, yeah, maybe, maybe.
[00:15:26]  Arnold Schwarzenegger and Slice to Learn, they hang out together, having been tremendous rivals.
[00:15:32]  They now hang out together.
[00:15:33]  Most weeks, if they're in town, they get a cafe Roma and they just chew the fat together.
[00:15:37]  And they get a lot out of that.
[00:15:39]  It's almost like after the war.
[00:15:41]  Well, I'm sort of like the way with Seinfeld.
[00:15:43]  When Seinfeld and I get together and talk, we each come away with something, some piece of material, some little nugget of something that we can use, you know.
[00:15:53]  Because he is one of the great comics, and to me, he likes the technical aspect of writing jokes, you know.
[00:15:59]  And Letterman was the same way, too.
[00:16:01]  Very clever, very sharp, you know, a good ad libert.
[00:16:05]  No, I'm hugely a fan of Dave.
[00:16:09]  You know, I was real happy because I would get the ratings, and he would get the critics.
[00:16:15]  And that was fine with me.
[00:16:16]  Or I could have switched that at any point.
[00:16:18]  I'll take critics, or you take ratings.
[00:16:20]  All right, fine.
[00:16:20]  I mean, it didn't matter.
[00:16:22]  I like the fact that we both were successful and we both came away with something.
[00:16:28]  What about Conan O'Brien?
[00:16:29]  I like Conan.
[00:16:30]  You know, that's another one of those weird situations that when he was at NBC, Don O'Meyer was not a fan.
[00:16:40]  And he said, I don't like this guy at the 30.
[00:16:42]  You know, he asked me what I thought.
[00:16:44]  I said, I like him.
[00:16:44]  I think he's really funny.
[00:16:45]  I said, I'll tell you what, I'll promote him every night at the end of my show.
[00:16:49]  I'll say, stay tuned for Conan.
[00:16:50]  He's got, you know, Sean Connery, whatever it might be.
[00:16:53]  So we did it every night, and that was fine.
[00:16:56]  And then after quite a few years, Jeff Zucker came to me and said, Conan's people want you out.
[00:17:05]  He wants the show.
[00:17:06]  I go, what do we do?
[00:17:07]  Well, here's my favorite thing.
[00:17:09]  I said, well, I'm number one.
[00:17:11]  And I remember one of the NBC executives said, you know, we want what's above number one.
[00:17:18]  And I said, that is so LA.
[00:17:20]  And I said, well, what is that?
[00:17:22]  Well, we just want, I said, it'll be better than number one, Joe.
[00:17:26]  And to me, I always sign pay and play contracts.
[00:17:30]  I never signed.
[00:17:31]  You know, I always say people go, I got a development deal.
[00:17:34]  They have to pay me even if I don't work.
[00:17:36]  And I go, okay, you don't want that.
[00:17:37]  Because if they're paying you not to work, that means they don't want you to work.
[00:17:41]  They're paying you not to work.
[00:17:43]  So my deals are always, if you're paying me, you've got to pay.
[00:17:46]  So my contract was pretty, I'm on for five years.
[00:17:49]  So okay, at the end of five years, they want to place you with Conan.
[00:17:52]  And I said, I didn't have a manager.
[00:17:54]  I didn't have an agent.
[00:17:55]  I didn't have any.
[00:17:56]  You really did it all yourself?
[00:17:57]  No, I do it myself.
[00:17:58]  I said, look, if they don't want you, I don't want to die of a thousand paper cuts.
[00:18:03]  You know what I'm saying?
[00:18:04]  So I said, okay, fine.
[00:18:05]  So I'll retire after the next five years.
[00:18:08]  Conan's doing fine.
[00:18:10]  And then Craig Ferguson comes along, who is great.
[00:18:14]  And Craig Ferguson goes opposite Conan, and then suddenly he starts winning.
[00:18:17]  He wins a Peabody Award and other things.
[00:18:20]  And we nominate, and they go, and then suddenly Jeff Snooker and everybody's like, oh, we make a mistake.
[00:18:25]  I said, guys, I'm here.
[00:18:28]  What am I doing?
[00:18:29]  I said, well, I've been trying to figure out what to do.
[00:18:34]  They said, you want to stay on?
[00:18:36]  I go, well, I'm not going to stay on that.
[00:18:38]  So they said, we'll do a 10 o'clock show.
[00:18:39]  I never thought a 10 o'clock show would work.
[00:18:42]  But they said, I'll tell you, we'll pay your staff for two years, full benefits pay.
[00:18:48]  All right, we'll try it.
[00:18:49]  Well, it lasted about nine months because we were competing with Law and Order and 10 o'clock drama series and stuff.
[00:18:55]  It didn't work.
[00:18:57]  And then they said, well, how about you go on at 11.30 for half an hour and Conan takes it from 12?
[00:19:03]  I said, if Conan will go for that, I'll go for it.
[00:19:05]  But, well, they brought that to Conan.
[00:19:07]  He said no, and he quit.
[00:19:09]  So, then they came to me and said, I want you to come back.
[00:19:12]  I said, all right, fine.
[00:19:13]  But there was no.
[00:19:15]  Isn't the truth really?
[00:19:16]  I mean, I read it all.
[00:19:18]  Isn't the truth in the end?
[00:19:19]  You didn't want to leave the tonight show in the first place.
[00:19:22]  You were number one.
[00:19:22]  I didn't want to leave.
[00:19:23]  You didn't want to leave.
[00:19:24]  You were put in a position where you kind of were forced to.
[00:19:27]  And everything else unraveled from that.
[00:19:28]  You've still been blamed by a certain number of people about it all.
[00:19:32]  But it seemed to me that your only crime was that you were number one in a show you loved doing.
[00:19:37]  Right, right.
[00:19:37]  And you didn't want to give it up.
[00:19:38]  Yeah, that's pretty much it.
[00:19:40]  I mean, that was the story, wasn't it?
[00:19:41]  That was the story, yeah.
[00:19:43]  But I mean, the idea that I would read these things that Leno demanded $150 million.
[00:19:48]  No.
[00:19:48]  I said, they fired me.
[00:19:50]  How could I demand?
[00:19:51]  You know, they have all these ridiculous things.
[00:19:53]  Isn't it true that you never used any of your money from television?
[00:19:58]  No.
[00:19:59]  Nothing.

=== Emotional Confessions in the Garage (14:51) ===

[00:20:00]  I'm a comedian.
[00:20:01]  I make my living doing stand-up comedy.
[00:20:03]  If you get a TV show, oh, that's nice.
[00:20:05]  But TV shows last either six weeks or 22 weeks.
[00:20:09]  What did you do with these hundreds of millions of dollars?
[00:20:13]  Still there.
[00:20:14]  Untouched.
[00:20:15]  Well, I mean, not untouched, but yeah, I live pretty, with the exception of cars and motorcycles.
[00:20:21]  You're about to say you live frugally surrounded by the greatest panels.
[00:20:24]  I'm still using the happy beef community coupons, you know.
[00:20:27]  I mean, it's funny because I'm one of those people.
[00:20:30]  I live on what I make that week.
[00:20:33]  If I don't work this week, I think I'm broke.
[00:20:35]  Is that going back to the early days of comedy?
[00:20:37]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:20:38]  All comedians seem to have that streak in them.
[00:20:40]  They're terrified that one day they'll be back then.
[00:20:43]  You have to be hungry.
[00:20:45]  Are you still as hungry as ever?
[00:20:47]  Yes.
[00:20:47]  Really?
[00:20:48]  Yes.
[00:20:48]  That's amazing.
[00:20:50]  After all your success, everything you've achieved, you still have that burning inside you.
[00:20:55]  Well, I mean, I like to write jokes and tell them.
[00:20:58]  You like to try them out.
[00:20:59]  I mean, so the same joke you do over here at Flappers of the Comedy Magic Club, you say when you get paid tons of money in Vegas already.
[00:21:07]  But you could still be doing the tonight show.
[00:21:09]  I mean, if everything had just been left as it was.
[00:21:11]  Well, I think at some point you realize I shouldn't have to know all of Jay C's music, you know what I mean?
[00:21:15]  I knew it was the one I go, Lamb, my next guest is sold more albums than Elvis and the Beatles combined.
[00:21:21]  Please welcome.
[00:21:22]  Who is that?
[00:21:24]  Jesus guy.
[00:21:25]  I never heard of the song.
[00:21:26]  I don't know him.
[00:21:28]  I'm meeting him for the first time.
[00:21:29]  What?
[00:21:30]  I mean, then I realized, okay, maybe it's getting a little, you know.
[00:21:33]  I had two moments on the tonight show with you, which I will never forget.
[00:21:37]  One you know about because you said it to me, but the other one you don't know about, I think.
[00:21:40]  But the first one was when I was at CNN and I was taking on the NRA about the gun, the mass shootings after Sandy Hook.
[00:21:48]  And it was getting very unpleasant, the whole debate.
[00:21:51]  And you came and saw me in my dressing room for a cup of tea.
[00:21:55]  And you said, look, here's the deal, Piers.
[00:21:59]  The problem is, he said, that you're preaching to an audience, most of whom probably have guns or like guns.
[00:22:07]  It's a bit like if you went to Germany and told them to stop speeding on the autobahn, right?
[00:22:13]  They don't want to hear it from you, and they definitely don't want to hear it from your accent.
[00:22:18]  And I thought it was brilliant advice.
[00:22:20]  It really made me stop and think that actually it's American culture and for somebody from Britain to come in and start lecturing Americans about their culture.
[00:22:31]  There are clear issues with the gun violence in this country which need to be sorted.
[00:22:36]  But Americans need to sort that themselves.
[00:22:38]  It can't be down to, you know, somebody like Mad King Charles's, mad King.
[00:22:45]  It can't be like somebody like Mad King George's successor.
[00:22:48]  Right, yeah.
[00:22:49]  But I remember you doing that, and I was very grateful because it put it into clear sense form.
[00:22:53]  And the other thing you probably don't know, I did the show once with Robin Williams.
[00:22:56]  We were the only two guests.
[00:22:58]  And I was in my dressing room, and it was just when Susan Boyle had become the biggest breakout reality talent show star in history with I Dreamed a Dream.
[00:23:08]  And I was in the dressing room with my late great manager, John, and we were sitting there, and the door knocked, and in came Robin Williams.
[00:23:17]  But he was in character.
[00:23:19]  He was half Susan Boyle, half Mrs. Doubtfire.
[00:23:23]  And he did a 15-minute turn, just impromptu.
[00:23:28]  It was one of the funniest things I've ever watched in my life.
[00:23:31]  And it was just for me and my manager.
[00:23:33]  And then he went, and that was it.
[00:23:34]  And we were on stage.
[00:23:35]  We did our bit with you, and that was it.
[00:23:37]  And we went our separate ways.
[00:23:38]  I never saw him again.
[00:23:39]  But it was an introduction to real genius.
[00:23:42]  Oh, yeah, he was.
[00:23:43]  Robin Williams.
[00:23:43]  He's fabulous.
[00:23:44]  You know, I first met him.
[00:23:46]  He was posing as a Russian comedian.
[00:23:49]  And I was telling people, you know, this kid, he's funny, but he speaks Russian.
[00:23:52]  He's not really, you know, I didn't realize it, Mr. Robert.
[00:24:04]  When you see people like Dave Chappelle literally being attacked on stage for their comedy, does that worry you that that line has been crossed now where people, when you saw what happened with Will Smith?
[00:24:15]  Well, that just makes me laugh.
[00:24:16]  Well, it makes me laugh because I used to work at a place called the Rodeo Lounge that had chicken wire.
[00:24:21]  So he'd be on stage telling jokes and boom, a bottle would just bounce off the outside of it and smash into the ground.
[00:24:27]  So people throw it.
[00:24:28]  So the idea that you...
[00:24:29]  You're quite used to all this.
[00:24:30]  No, the idea of being attacked on stage, oh, that's fine.
[00:24:34]  Compared to people throwing bottles and things was actually okay, you know.
[00:24:38]  When you saw Will Smith slap Chris Rock at the Oscars, what went through your mind watching that?
[00:24:44]  Well, what went through my mind is somebody totally misreading a situation.
[00:24:49]  I think you're sitting there and someone's insulting your wife, and you go, I bet if I go up and I smash, I bet people go, yeah, look at it.
[00:24:55]  You know, John Wilkes Booth, the exact same thing.
[00:24:57]  John Wilkes Booth, the actor who shot Abraham Lincoln, hugely popular, and hated Lincoln and the South hated Lincoln.
[00:25:05]  He goes, well, I'm going to get up there.
[00:25:06]  I'm going to kill Lincoln and I will be a bigger star than, and that was his motivation, that this would make him more famous and more powerful.
[00:25:15]  Well, that backfired pretty quick.
[00:25:17]  Are you comparing Will Smith to the worst, the most notorious assassin in America?
[00:25:21]  No, not that, but just the idea that, you know, you've got this thing going, okay, got insults from where I'm going to come up there.
[00:25:28]  I'm going to slap him.
[00:25:30]  Because it's not, I don't think it's far-fetched to think that some people would see that as, hey, that's a real man or a woman.
[00:25:37]  I wish my husband would do that when that guy in a bar insulted me.
[00:25:40]  You know, so that's what I'd like to think probably went through his mind.
[00:25:44]  He just misread the situation.
[00:25:47]  But who knows?
[00:25:48]  I watched the Golden Globes.
[00:25:49]  Joe Coy, who I'd never heard of, but he was this stand-up guy.
[00:25:52]  Very nice guy, very funny guy.
[00:25:54]  Incredibly unfunny presenting the Golden Globes.
[00:25:57]  I mean, it was like cringe-making to watch.
[00:25:59]  Well, that's a tough crowd.
[00:26:02]  You can still tell funny jokes.
[00:26:04]  Well, not when you have just a few days to prepare.
[00:26:06]  I mean, he took the job at the last minute.
[00:26:08]  If I was an agent.
[00:26:09]  But if I gave you 10 minutes' notice to do the Globes.
[00:26:12]  I wouldn't do it.
[00:26:13]  You still make people laugh.
[00:26:14]  You could wing your way through it.
[00:26:16]  No, no, because that's a totally, that is a crowd, you know, you can't.
[00:26:22]  Have you done any of those award shows?
[00:26:23]  No, I always, I always, I got asked to host the Oscars a couple of times.
[00:26:27]  Look, I say, look, I tell jokes every night on the tonight show.
[00:26:31]  Do I save my best jokes for the tonight show?
[00:26:33]  Or do I do my best jokes on the Oscars?
[00:26:37]  But during the, nobody wants to see me do jokes five nights a week.
[00:26:41]  Or then the sixth night, oh, I come out and I tell jokes again.
[00:26:44]  You just saw me Friday night.
[00:26:45]  Do you have sympathy for Joe Coy?
[00:26:47]  Yes, I do, because I know he's funny, and it's just not, well, I can remember one big star I had, it was Joaquin Phoenix.
[00:26:59]  He was on the show, and he was in character when he had the beard and just sort of mumbling about his character.
[00:27:05]  At the end of the show, I said, hey, thanks for coming here.
[00:27:08]  Next time, I hope you can come in person, you know.
[00:27:11]  So his publicist, he is a genius.
[00:27:13]  You won't talk to him that way.
[00:27:14]  I go, he wasn't a genius tonight.
[00:27:16]  He was kind of rude.
[00:27:17]  He really wasn't that funny, you know.
[00:27:18]  And he wasn't that interesting, you know?
[00:27:20]  I mean, I guess he's a nice guy, but he was just being very, you know, if you don't want to be there, fine.
[00:27:27]  Don't be there, you know.
[00:27:28]  You know, that was the great thing about doing the tonight show.
[00:27:30]  I could be in show business without being in show business.
[00:27:34]  Who are your favorite guests when you look back at it?
[00:27:36]  Rodney was a favorite one.
[00:27:38]  So while he's doing his act, I said to Debbie, our producer, I said, I think Rodney's having a stroke.
[00:27:44]  Would you call Paramedic?
[00:27:45]  She goes, really?
[00:27:46]  I go, no, I think he is.
[00:27:47]  Okay.
[00:27:47]  And then the show ends, Rodney's in his dressing room.
[00:27:50]  By this time, a paramedics came in.
[00:27:53]  I go, Rodney, can the paramedics take a look at it?
[00:27:55]  I think maybe you had a stroke.
[00:27:56]  He goes, I'm okay, I'm okay.
[00:27:57]  Well, he did have a stroke.
[00:27:59]  Really?
[00:27:59]  And they took him out in the stretcher.
[00:28:01]  And he passed away not long after that.
[00:28:03]  Wow.
[00:28:04]  But another great guest was, I love Sean Connery because he was not James Bond.
[00:28:10]  Whenever Sean Connery would come to the show, he'd go, gee, gee, what's the latest filthy joke going about?
[00:28:15]  So I would tell him the joke.
[00:28:17]  And he would laugh like a pirate.
[00:28:21]  He would laugh like, he would literally slap his knee.
[00:28:24]  He'd go, oh, my God, it did all funny one.
[00:28:27]  And he was the only one who would take a shower in those little dressing rooms.
[00:28:30]  And he would sing, oh, it's for Scotland.
[00:28:33]  He just sings Scottish songs, you know.
[00:28:34]  And the news crew go now, I'm trying to do the news.
[00:28:38]  I said, Sean Connery.
[00:28:39]  She shouts in the shower.
[00:28:41]  So he just, he was the only star I ever heard my mother go, you're not Serial Man, Jimmy.
[00:28:47]  I go, Ma, I don't want you to talk like, no, Jimmy, that's Seril Man, that's Sean Connery.
[00:28:51]  You also had the six most famous words probably in talk show history when you looked at Hugh Grant after his little indiscretion in Los Angeles.
[00:29:00]  Oh, what were you thinking?
[00:29:02]  Where the hell were you that's right?
[00:29:04]  Yeah, that was just an ad lib, but it was.
[00:29:06]  Did you think about that before?
[00:29:08]  No, it was coming.
[00:29:08]  No, I just asked him.
[00:29:10]  And you know, he was great because in those days, I'm sure he had a publicist, but he came by himself.
[00:29:17]  I'm in the dressing room.
[00:29:18]  He said, look, I got to ask you about this.
[00:29:20]  You can answer.
[00:29:21]  I'm not going to contradict you or belabor the point, but I just have to ask.
[00:29:26]  He goes, that's okay, I deserve it.
[00:29:28]  You know, he was very funny, and he was very nice.
[00:29:31]  Nowadays, everybody has crisis management teams and all that kind of nonsense.
[00:29:35]  But no, he was really terrific.
[00:29:38]  But I'll tell you one that was really interesting to me.
[00:29:41]  I was 13 when John F. Kennedy was assassinated.
[00:29:47]  I remember coming home from school, and my mother's watching the TV, and tears are streaming up.
[00:29:52]  She's watching the funeral.
[00:29:54]  And when they pass the part where little John Jr. is salute in the casket, oh, my mother just, you know, when your mom's in hysterics and you're a kid, you're like, what to do?
[00:30:04]  My mom's just, oh, that little boy, what's going to happen?
[00:30:06]  And she's just so upset by this.
[00:30:08]  I go, okay, fine.
[00:30:09]  Go ahead, 40-something years.
[00:30:12]  I have John F. Kennedy Jr. on this.
[00:30:15]  I had Seinfeld as first guest.
[00:30:17]  I'm in the dressing room.
[00:30:18]  It didn't strike me.
[00:30:19]  Hey, John, hey, thanks for coming on.
[00:30:20]  Congratulations.
[00:30:21]  Good luck with the magazines.
[00:30:22]  Really good magazine.
[00:30:23]  We talk a little bit, you know.
[00:30:25]  My next guest, the son of the president, please welcome John F. Kennedy Jr.
[00:30:28]  As he comes around the curtain, I shake his hand, I look up on the monitor, and I didn't start to cry, but I almost said, because I never thought that circle of my mom, JFK, that those three, but I actually saw my mom in the monitor.
[00:30:47]  Well, you know what I mean?
[00:30:48]  I just flashed it.
[00:30:49]  It took you back to that moment.
[00:30:51]  Yeah, it just took me right back to that.
[00:30:52]  And it was like just an interesting moment.
[00:30:56]  You lost both your parents within the space of a year, I think.
[00:30:58]  They died very soon after each other.
[00:31:01]  What do you feel you owe your parents?
[00:31:03]  My mother, to the day she died, never understood.
[00:31:06]  I remember my mother telling my aunt Neddy what I did for a living.
[00:31:09]  Well, Jay has a little skit that he puts on from town to town.
[00:31:12]  I go, Ma.
[00:31:14]  You know, like I do a little dance.
[00:31:17]  It just always made me laugh.
[00:31:19]  I remember I called my mom and I said, hey, Ma, I'm on the cover of Time Magazine.
[00:31:23]  Which one?
[00:31:23]  Time Magazine.
[00:31:24]  You know, Time Magazine.
[00:31:25]  Oh, yeah, I know that.
[00:31:26]  Yeah, Time Magazine, Ma.
[00:31:27]  Oh, well, that's good.
[00:31:28]  You're on the cover.
[00:31:29]  Okay, I'll pick that up.
[00:31:30]  I said, well, call Uncle Frank in Florida.
[00:31:32]  Call Aunt Faye in New Jersey.
[00:31:34]  And so and so in Connecticut.
[00:31:36]  Tell them, Mama.
[00:31:37]  I remember the point.
[00:31:38]  She goes, well, I mean, I think they put you on the cover of the ones they sell around here because they know you're from this area.
[00:31:43]  She goes, I don't think you're on the cover.
[00:31:45]  I go, Ma, I'm on the cover everywhere.
[00:31:46]  He was, I don't think so.
[00:31:47]  I'm on the cover everywhere.
[00:31:49]  I mean, my mother could never get over helping.
[00:31:52]  And when they would get recognized, you know, my mother would go to say, oh, Leno, are you really?
[00:31:58]  Oh, did you go to school with my son?
[00:32:00]  No, no, Ma.
[00:32:01]  My mom on TV, Ma.
[00:32:04]  Yeah, it just, yeah.
[00:32:05]  No, they.
[00:32:06]  What was your dad like?
[00:32:07]  My dad, same thing.
[00:32:08]  Do you get your humor from them, do you think?
[00:32:11]  Yeah, they were pretty funny.
[00:32:13]  You know, my dad was an insurance salesman.
[00:32:15]  My dad was a prize fighter.
[00:32:18]  And he sold insurance and they made him manager.
[00:32:21]  And once a month, my dad would put on a show to inspire them.
[00:32:26]  It was all men selling insurance in those days, because it was door to door.
[00:32:30]  So he would say, you guys, you guys can't sell insurance.
[00:32:33]  Well, I can't juggle.
[00:32:34]  By the end of the month, I'm going to know how to juggle.
[00:32:36]  So he would practice.
[00:32:37]  The end of the month, he throw eggs and eggs, he would hit him in the face, and they would laugh.
[00:32:40]  And he would just do things like that.
[00:32:42]  But my dad was a great role model.
[00:32:44]  So he started selling insurance.
[00:32:45]  And he went into his boss.
[00:32:47]  He said, what's your hardest district?
[00:32:48]  And they said, Harlem.
[00:32:50]  So my dad started selling nickel policies in Harlem.
[00:32:53]  And he made it a pretty successful area.
[00:32:56]  And he kind of turned it around.
[00:32:58]  And when he died, I got a letter from a lady who I guess at this time was in her 80s and 90s.
[00:33:02]  And she said, when she's a little girl, Mr. Angelo used to come to her house to collect the nickel policy and always had a Tootsie roll or a lollipop for her.
[00:33:12]  And he was the first white man ever to have dinner in their apartment.
[00:33:16]  And she said when she grew up, she hoped she'd meet a lot of Italian people and hope they would be nice like Mr. Angelo.
[00:33:25]  And that's when you realize one person can really make a difference.
[00:33:30]  You know, it just, not, my dad wasn't a civil rights and all, but he just believed everybody.
[00:33:35]  But he sold, he was in this area and he got to know his people.
[00:33:40]  That's what I mean when my dad was proud when Italians would be on the phone because, you know, with the guys.
[00:33:44]  This made you quite emotional.
[00:33:46]  Yeah, I do get emotional about that because it really struck me that my dad was not a well-educated guy.
[00:33:54]  He was smart, but he knew the difference between right and wrong.
[00:33:58]  And, you know.
[00:34:00]  It's very moving to see how moved you are.
[00:34:02]  Yeah, it was really, really something for me.
[00:34:05]  Because that was leading by example.
[00:34:08]  You know, that's what my dad always did.
[00:34:09]  We're in a garage full of spectacular, wonderful cars.
[00:34:13]  You were in here, I think, a year or so ago when you had a horrific accident.
[00:34:18]  And it could have been even worse.
[00:34:20]  Right.
[00:34:20]  Tell me what happened.
[00:34:21]  I was in the shop and I got a face full of gas and a small.
[00:34:24]  What was the car you were working on?
[00:34:26]  1907 white steam car and my face carved.
[00:34:29]  Were you underneath it?
[00:34:30]  I was underneath the gas, hit me in the face, and then a spark jumped.
[00:34:32]  Yeah.
[00:34:34]  And you were literally on fire?
[00:34:36]  Oh, yeah, I was on fire.
[00:34:37]  And I said, Dave, I'm on fire.
[00:34:38]  He said, what?
[00:34:39]  And he pulled me out and jumped on top of it.
[00:34:41]  Dave's one of the guys that works in your life.
[00:34:43]  I drove to the hospital and I got to the hospital.
[00:34:47]  And I said, okay, we'll check you.
[00:34:48]  And I go, well, I got to go home and get my wife first.
[00:34:50]  They said, oh, no, you can't go home.

=== Surviving a Gas Explosion (09:17) ===

[00:34:51]  I said, no, I'll go.
[00:34:52]  Look, guys, I'll come back in the morning.
[00:34:55]  So I go home and I go to sleep.
[00:34:56]  How did you get home?
[00:34:57]  You drove?
[00:34:58]  I drove, yeah.
[00:34:58]  You drove yourself?
[00:34:59]  Yeah, I drove myself.
[00:35:01]  Maybe your face has been on fire.
[00:35:02]  Yeah, my face is on fire.
[00:35:03]  Then I went to bed.
[00:35:04]  And then when I woke up, the pillow had melted to my face.
[00:35:08]  Oh, my God.
[00:35:08]  So I'm sitting there with scissors, cutting the pillow.
[00:35:12]  Oh, my God.
[00:35:13]  Suddenly I drove back to the hospital.
[00:35:15]  They took the pillow off my face.
[00:35:16]  You lost layers of skin, didn't you?
[00:35:18]  Oh, yeah, yeah.
[00:35:20]  You've got broadly a new ear.
[00:35:23]  Yeah, that's a brand new ear.
[00:35:24]  That's pretty good, isn't it?
[00:35:25]  How much of it is actually...
[00:35:27]  Ears are like paper.
[00:35:28]  They go up, when they're fired, they just, because there's no boner in it.
[00:35:31]  Because you literally lose an ear.
[00:35:32]  Well, they made that one.
[00:35:35]  Did you worry in the period you went home?
[00:35:37]  I'm not a worrier.
[00:35:38]  I'm not a stress guy.
[00:35:40]  You know, anything after tonight's show is gravy, it's really, you know.
[00:35:44]  My parents got to see me be successful.
[00:35:46]  That was one of the great joys of my life, that they were proud of me and all that kind of stuff.
[00:35:51]  When you had the fireball injury, the phone goes and it's the president of the United States, Joe Biden.
[00:35:57]  Right.
[00:35:57]  Well, that's what's hilarious, okay?
[00:36:00]  Because prior to that, my friend Steve were in his car, and it's on the speaker.
[00:36:09]  And normally when you get a call from the president, it's, is this general?
[00:36:16]  Yes, it is.
[00:36:16]  Are you prepared to take a call from the president of the United States?
[00:36:19]  Yes, I am.
[00:36:20]  Please stay on the line.
[00:36:22]  So you stand alive for a minute.
[00:36:25]  President Bush will pick up the line.
[00:36:28]  Jay, oh, how are you, sir?
[00:36:30]  From the car, how are you?
[00:36:31]  Rain, hello.
[00:36:32]  Jay!
[00:36:33]  Jay, it's Joe!
[00:36:35]  What?
[00:36:35]  Joe!
[00:36:36]  Joe Biden!
[00:36:37]  Oh, Joe Biden, President of the United States?
[00:36:40]  He goes, yeah, how you feeling?
[00:36:42]  I'm okay, sir.
[00:36:43]  Thank you for calling.
[00:36:44]  Oh, no, just made me laugh.
[00:36:46]  Jay, it's Joe.
[00:36:48]  It just made me laugh.
[00:36:49]  The National Enquira front page, I think, was TVJ in fireball horror or something.
[00:36:54]  Oh, yeah, fireball horror.
[00:36:55]  But I think most people believe if they had an extra $50,000, they would have no problems at all.
[00:37:05]  And I think people really, most people believe that.
[00:37:08]  I think if you're a happy person and you're wealthy, well, you're happier.
[00:37:14]  But if you're a terrible person, you're not going to be happy because you're still a terrible person.
[00:37:17]  It's not the money.
[00:37:18]  I mean, you've interviewed so many very rich people.
[00:37:20]  Yes.
[00:37:21]  Do you see evidence that money buys happiness?
[00:37:24]  Well, it doesn't buy happiness, but it could certainly make you happier.
[00:37:29]  It removes worries.
[00:37:30]  It removes worries.
[00:37:31]  And it also in a way creates others, right?
[00:37:32]  Yeah, but you can, I mean, the fact that I could give scholarships to people or put a roof on my Uncle Louis' house.
[00:37:37]  So when I get home, hey, Jay, gets the big meatball.
[00:37:40]  The big meatball is for Jay.
[00:37:41]  He put the roof on.
[00:37:42]  Jay, get the big meatball.
[00:37:43]  Oh, I get the big meatball.
[00:37:46]  I mean, and that kind of stuff, it's great fun, yeah.
[00:37:48]  How important has Mavis been to you?
[00:37:50]  Wonderful.
[00:37:51]  I mean, again, been married 44 years.
[00:37:53]  That's another way low self-esteem is a huge thing.
[00:37:57]  Because if this woman wouldn't sleep with me when I was 25, why would they sleep with me when I'm 65?
[00:38:04]  No, I'm very fortunate I did not fall.
[00:38:07]  I have a very good woman.
[00:38:10]  What's the secret of longevity, do you think?
[00:38:12]  I think that, you know, I remember telling this to Drew Battamore.
[00:38:17]  I said, marry your conscience.
[00:38:18]  Find somebody who's the person you wish you could be.
[00:38:22]  My wife does a lot of charity work, and I said, oh, I'm kind of selfish.
[00:38:26]  I collect cars.
[00:38:28]  So I'm going to marry somebody who's a little better than I am.
[00:38:31]  And it keeps everything in check.
[00:38:33]  You never had kids.
[00:38:35]  Would you have liked to have done?
[00:38:36]  Looking back on that?
[00:38:37]  No, we just never had kids.
[00:38:38]  You know something?
[00:38:39]  The 44 years went by in a heartbeat.
[00:38:42]  I like the idea if I had a gig, she could go with me.
[00:38:46]  Do you think you'll ever stop working?
[00:38:48]  Well, if I have a stroke or something, I suppose.
[00:38:50]  But only if you were incapacitated.
[00:38:52]  Well, I mean, I like...
[00:38:53]  You wouldn't voluntarily stop.
[00:38:55]  You still love the thrill of getting a laugh.
[00:38:59]  Is that really what you're about?
[00:39:00]  Oh, yeah.
[00:39:00]  I think that's the most fun thing in the world, really.
[00:39:04]  I mean, because it's why I travel alone.
[00:39:07]  When you travel alone, this is what happens.
[00:39:09]  You get famous, and then you have people that do things for you.
[00:39:13]  You know, I was telling the story about, I have a place in Rhode Island.
[00:39:16]  So I go to Rhode Island, and I always go to Joe's Pizza.
[00:39:20]  Okay, good pizza pizza.
[00:39:21]  So and one of the guys says, hey, this new place, Nicholas Pizza, opened up.
[00:39:25]  And I'm like, oh, I'll try it.
[00:39:27]  So, okay, I get there, and there's a line.
[00:39:29]  Something in the line.
[00:39:31]  I guess.
[00:39:32]  Jay, yeah.
[00:39:33]  It's Joe.
[00:39:34]  What?
[00:39:34]  Joe's Pizza.
[00:39:36]  Hey, Joe, how you doing?
[00:39:37]  He goes, what are you doing here?
[00:39:39]  He goes, something wrong with our pizza?
[00:39:41]  I go, no, no, it's fine.
[00:39:43]  He goes, what are you doing here?
[00:39:44]  I said, so I just make up a lie.
[00:39:46]  I go, well, you know, I had a coupon.
[00:39:48]  I figured I'm going to try it.
[00:39:50]  You know, see, he goes, coupon.
[00:39:53]  We all agreed not to use coupons.
[00:39:54]  He's using coupons.
[00:39:55]  Okay, now I'm in this now I'm in this lie.
[00:40:00]  I'm going, well, yeah, I don't, actually, I don't have the coupon.
[00:40:03]  No, you said he's, well, no, I'm going to go talk to him.
[00:40:05]  Don't talk to him.
[00:40:06]  Okay, now I'm in this stupid lie.
[00:40:08]  And it just made me laugh, because if I had somebody getting my pizza for me, that wouldn't have happened.
[00:40:13]  You know, and the same thing happened.
[00:40:15]  Do you not have an entourage at all?
[00:40:17]  No, I don't.
[00:40:18]  No manager?
[00:40:19]  I did a gig for McDonald's, you know, a corporate event.
[00:40:22]  So they gave me like a stack of happy meal coupons.
[00:40:27]  I go, okay, now I don't like to waste money or throw things away.
[00:40:30]  So, all right, I'll eat lunch at McDonald's and tell her you can.
[00:40:33]  I'll warrant Buffett.
[00:40:35]  So I'm in this fancy car, the Mercedes SLR, where the doors come up this way.
[00:40:40]  So I pull in McGonn and say, can I get two happy meals?
[00:40:44]  The girl says, okay, sir, we only allow one happy meal per visit.
[00:40:49]  I said, well, that's fine.
[00:40:50]  He goes, no, no, but I know it's you.
[00:40:52]  Then he talks to the magic.
[00:40:53]  No, don't talk to them.
[00:40:54]  No, just wait.
[00:40:55]  Could you pull up, Colin?
[00:40:56]  So I pull up, right?
[00:40:57]  So then the door opens, right?
[00:40:59]  So kids come over, and the magic of Miss Leno, normally we have a policy.
[00:41:03]  Then I hear a kid go, H.J. Leno, he's arguing about his happy meal coupon.
[00:41:07]  I'm not arguing about my happy meal coupon.
[00:41:10]  I've just, I look in this half a million dollar car.
[00:41:13]  I just look like an idiot, like fighting with the 16-year-old kid in McDonald's about a happy meal.
[00:41:20]  It just made me laugh.
[00:41:22]  The guy goes, all right, I'll give you the two happy meal coupons this time.
[00:41:25]  But normally, I go, yeah, I'm okay, I'm fine.
[00:41:29]  Hilarious.
[00:41:29]  Well, I mean, that's what I mean.
[00:41:31]  That's what's fun about being on the road.
[00:41:34]  Just odd things happen.
[00:41:44]  So, Jenny, I don't even know where to start in your car emporium.
[00:41:50]  But as we head into this room, for example, past a sea of Bugatti's, but what are we looking at here?
[00:41:57]  Well, these are American cars from the 20s, Dusenbergs, Packard, a little bit of everything.
[00:42:04]  Where do you find them?
[00:42:05]  Where do you source your cars?
[00:42:07]  Well, you know, if you're into something, there's always other people that are interested in it too.
[00:42:12]  You know, it's odd.
[00:42:14]  A lot of these guys are hermit kind of guys, and they've had a car since it was new, and they've kept their whole life.
[00:42:21]  And a lot of them just wanted to go to a good home, you know?
[00:42:23]  So I usually put it in.
[00:42:24]  What are we looking at here?
[00:42:26]  Okay, well, that was interesting.
[00:42:27]  That's the last Dusenberg made by the Dusenberg brothers.
[00:42:31]  And the guy I bought it from bought it in 1946, locked it in his garage.
[00:42:36]  And I bought it in 2005 after he passed away.
[00:42:39]  The garage hadn't been opened in like 60 years.
[00:42:43]  Really?
[00:42:43]  This has caught my eye, mainly because it's...
[00:42:45]  The Book of the Morgan.
[00:42:46]  The Book of the Morgan.
[00:42:48]  So is one of these a Morgan?
[00:42:49]  These are Morgan.
[00:42:50]  They're Morgan's.
[00:42:51]  These two are Morgan's, yeah.
[00:42:52]  Magnificent, aesthetic cars.
[00:42:55]  Well, English cars, yeah.
[00:42:57]  Good article.
[00:42:58]  I mean, you come across as so easy-mannered.
[00:43:01]  Do you ever like lose your shit?
[00:43:05]  Well, you know, one time, I actually, this is kind of like a road rage story.
[00:43:09]  One day I'm in my car, and I'm in an old car.
[00:43:13]  I'm kind of going along, so a guy behind me, beep, beep, beep, beep.
[00:43:15]  And I go, what?
[00:43:17]  I go, go around me, go around me.
[00:43:18]  So I kind of pull up.
[00:43:19]  As he passes me, he gives me the finger, you know?
[00:43:21]  I go, what's that all about?
[00:43:23]  He goes, F you, you know.
[00:43:24]  And I pull up, what's that?
[00:43:26]  F you.
[00:43:26]  And I go, let me guess.
[00:43:28]  52, fat, bald, divorced.
[00:43:31]  Let me guess.
[00:43:32]  Your kids hate you, right?
[00:43:33]  You hate your job.
[00:43:34]  When was your greatest day?
[00:43:35]  Was it high school?
[00:43:36]  And I'm just berating the guy.
[00:43:38]  And then he starts crying.
[00:43:40]  And I go, oh, look, I'm sorry.
[00:43:42]  He goes, no, you're right.
[00:43:43]  You're right, my mom.
[00:43:45]  My kids ain't me.
[00:43:47]  I said, all right, pull over, pull over.
[00:43:48]  So I get in his car and go, look, I'm sorry.
[00:43:50]  He goes, no, you have me there with you.
[00:43:52]  I said, well, how old are your kids?
[00:43:53]  He goes, 9 and 11.
[00:43:54]  I got two girls.
[00:43:55]  They don't hate me.
[00:43:56]  I go, look, do they like Taylor Swift?
[00:43:58]  He goes, I love Taylor Swift.
[00:43:59]  I go, well, look, I got on the show Wednesday.
[00:44:01]  I'd say, well, don't you come Wednesday, bring your two kids.
[00:44:04]  This is my guess, okay?
[00:44:06]  I go in the dresser and I tell Taylor about this.

=== A Million Dollar Mistake (03:17) ===

[00:44:09]  The greatest.
[00:44:10]  Gives them C D swag, talking to the girls, like, you know, they say, what songs do you like?
[00:44:16]  She couldn't have been nicer.
[00:44:18]  Just the most wonderful person.
[00:44:19]  Really?
[00:44:19]  Yeah, she was really very kind.
[00:44:21]  She said a lot about Taylor Swift, that story, as well.
[00:44:24]  Well, yeah.
[00:44:25]  What do you make of the fact she's now this billionaire?
[00:44:27]  I think it's wonderful.
[00:44:28]  Breaking all records, beating Elvis, Michael Jackson, all of them.
[00:44:32]  Yeah, I think it's wonderful.
[00:44:33]  I think it's great.
[00:44:34]  She deserves everything.
[00:44:36]  And, you know, she's a really nice person.
[00:44:38]  Yes, I met her once.
[00:44:39]  I thought she was lovely.
[00:44:39]  You know, you don't get any sort of attitude or anything.
[00:44:43]  No, just a wonderful person.
[00:44:45]  Don't tell me you drive that out.
[00:44:47]  No, I drive that in LA.
[00:44:48]  Yeah, but see, it's got tires, not tread.
[00:44:50]  See, like in Beverly Hills, you use the 30 caliber, and when you go down to the house.
[00:44:53]  Wait, wait, wait.
[00:44:54]  When they go downtown, you put the 50 caliber down.
[00:44:57]  You don't drive that through Beverly Hills, sure.
[00:44:59]  I drive it.
[00:45:00]  And you know something?
[00:45:01]  People just get out of the way.
[00:45:02]  Do the police stop you?
[00:45:03]  No, it's street legal.
[00:45:06]  It's no bigger than a Porsche.
[00:45:07]  I mean, it weighs four tons and it's got guns on it, but other than that, it's fine.
[00:45:13]  Now, what are you driving?
[00:45:15]  Well, I'm going to take you to my little vehicle in a moment.
[00:45:17]  All right, let's see.
[00:45:18]  You'll be unsurprised to hear it's rather like its owner.
[00:45:20]  It's British and classy.
[00:45:21]  Oh, all right.
[00:45:22]  Yeah.
[00:45:24]  That's the McLaren F1.
[00:45:26]  This one here?
[00:45:26]  Yeah, that's considered probably about the most valuable car in the world you can buy right about.
[00:45:32]  What are these worth?
[00:45:34]  You know, I paid $800,000 for it in 98, and people thought it was crazy.
[00:45:38]  But last offer I got was 20 mil.
[00:45:40]  What?
[00:45:40]  Oh, yeah, that's it.
[00:45:41]  One just sold for $24 million.
[00:45:43]  $20 million?
[00:45:45]  They only built 64 of them, so.
[00:45:47]  In the world.
[00:45:47]  Yeah, and you sit in the center, yeah.
[00:45:50]  But if that car alone is worth $20 million, how many have you got in total?
[00:45:55]  There's 206 on the road.
[00:45:57]  Cars?
[00:45:57]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:45:59]  So I'm doing the maths here.
[00:46:00]  There's a lot of...
[00:46:01]  Well, they're not all worth $20 million.
[00:46:02]  No, no, they're not, but a lot of them are worth a lot of money, right?
[00:46:04]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:46:05]  You like Tesla?
[00:46:06]  Wonderful car, yeah.
[00:46:07]  Do you think Elon Musk is a genius?
[00:46:09]  Yes, genius, yeah.
[00:46:10]  You've actually had him, you've interviewed him in here, aren't you?
[00:46:12]  You know something?
[00:46:14]  A lot of geniuses are dreamers.
[00:46:17]  He's a manufacturer.
[00:46:19]  I mean...
[00:46:20]  He's an engineer, hardly.
[00:46:21]  He entered this garage in 2007 with his prototype electric roadster.
[00:46:27]  And I thought, oh, this is pretty cool.
[00:46:28]  And he says, you know, Jay, I'm going to build charging stations all up and down the coast.
[00:46:33]  It'll be free, and you can pull it and charge it.
[00:46:36]  I'm going, yeah, right, like that'll happen.
[00:46:38]  But he was smart enough to build the infrastructure at the same time.
[00:46:42]  Everybody else who builds an electric car, where can I charge it?
[00:46:45]  Oh, you can charge anyone.
[00:46:46]  Just plug it.
[00:46:46]  Well, no, you can't.
[00:46:47]  I mean, he's the first one to really get the thing.
[00:46:50]  So, no, he's a genius.
[00:46:52]  Incredible.
[00:46:53]  Yeah, very bright guy.
[00:46:54]  So, you've got all your cars.
[00:46:55]  The Aston Martin Rapide.
[00:46:57]  That's a Rapide, yeah.
[00:46:58]  That is based on the Lagonda rapid.
[00:47:00]  Are you thinking James Bond when you look at this little beauty?
[00:47:02]  You know, if I do a little Daniel Craig or maybe probably Connery, actually.
[00:47:07]  What do you think?
[00:47:08]  I was thinking more Terry Thomas, but yeah, yeah.
[00:47:13]  Well, look, you can have it.
[00:47:14]  20 million.
[00:47:15]  All right, there you go.
[00:47:16]  Thank you.
[00:47:16]  Thank you very much.
[00:47:17]  That's my going right.
[00:47:19]  It obviously not worth that, but because I've driven it.
[00:47:21]  Right, because you've driven that.
[00:47:22]  That simply increases the value.
[00:47:23]  No, that is the value.
[00:47:26]  Jay, it's been what a