Tate Speech - Andrew Tate - EMERGENCY MEETING EPISODE 123 - DANGER!! DANGER!!
Aired: 2026-03-02
Duration: 01:47:37


=== Mr. Producer Song Controversy (14:51) ===

[01:00:19]  I want to start this emergency meeting off with a small apology to my brother.
[01:00:24]  Ah, okay.
[01:00:25]  Now, I don't like you, and you don't like me.
[01:00:29]  True.
[01:00:29]  And neither of us liked the Mr. Producer song.
[01:00:36]  But as much as the song is a single- Do you like the song?
[01:00:39]  No.
[01:00:44]  All right, I canceled my apology.
[01:00:45]  First topic.
[01:00:46]  No, no, no.
[01:00:47]  No, tell us.
[01:00:48]  What's your apology?
[01:00:48]  Go on.
[01:00:49]  Although no one likes the song.
[01:00:51]  No, everyone likes the song.
[01:00:52]  The song is clearly iconic.
[01:00:53]  Why?
[01:00:54]  Because a couple days ago, I was 3,200 meters up on the side of a mountain in the freezing cold in Kazakhstan.
[01:01:02]  Yeah.
[01:01:02]  And amongst all the Russian and Kazakh chat, I looked to my right because a young Kazakh guy, maybe 22, 23 years of age, in a thick Russian accent, was singing Mr. Producer at me.
[01:01:16]  Your song, people release songs and try to get them listened to by people outside of their country.
[01:01:23]  That's a real thing.
[01:01:23]  Romanian artists do that all the time.
[01:01:25]  There's only one or two that ever got played in the United States.
[01:01:27]  There's five or six that ever got played in Europe.
[01:01:29]  It's just like, does anyone outside of my country know my music?
[01:01:31]  And every musician has this problem.
[01:01:34]  Somehow a guy on a mountain in Kazakhstan knew the lyrics to Mr. Producer.
[01:01:39]  I don't know if he spoke any other English, but he had a thick Russian accent.
[01:01:42]  He was singing Mr. Producer at me.
[01:01:46]  Not to me, at me.
[01:01:47]  So I have to give you credit for your persistent Mr. Producering.
[01:01:51]  It worked.
[01:01:52]  I feel so happy right now.
[01:01:54]  I sung that song years ago randomly into the microphone.
[01:01:57]  It became a song.
[01:01:58]  You denied it.
[01:01:58]  And you're telling me that people in Kazakhstan sing at you.
[01:02:01]  In Kazakhstan.
[01:02:02]  Yeah, on top of a mountain in Kazakhstan at a ski resort in the freezing cold.
[01:02:08]  I think everyone at home should sing along.
[01:02:09]  No.
[01:02:10]  Mr. Producer.
[01:02:12]  One more time.
[01:02:12]  A minute's banging.
[01:02:13]  A minute it's a banger.
[01:02:14]  the producer So basically, I'm a globally renowned recording artist.
[01:02:32]  It seems that way.
[01:02:33]  Was it global?
[01:02:34]  It was in Kazakhstan.
[01:02:35]  Was I renowned?
[01:02:36]  Because he knows the words.
[01:02:37]  He knows the words.
[01:02:38]  Did I record it?
[01:02:39]  Yes, you did.
[01:02:39]  So I am a globally renowned recording artist.
[01:02:44]  I guess so.
[01:02:45]  To add to my long list of achievements, I'm also a music star, which can penetrate the Kazakh market.
[01:02:51]  It seems that way, yeah.
[01:02:52]  Can you admit it's a good fucking song?
[01:02:54]  No.
[01:02:54]  Tristan, this is the best day of my life.
[01:02:57]  I'm finally getting the recognition I deserve.
[01:02:59]  Tristan, I deserve recognition from Mr. Producer.
[01:03:02]  Have you ever written a song which has gone as globally viral as my song?
[01:03:06]  Have you ever made a song anyone gives a fuck about?
[01:03:08]  No, I have not.
[01:03:09]  No one has ever given a fuck about anything you have ever done in your entire fucking life.
[01:03:13]  That's a bit of a stretch.
[01:03:13]  You're a whole family.
[01:03:15]  That's a bit of a stretch.
[01:03:16]  Everyone fucking hates you.
[01:03:18]  Everyone hates you.
[01:03:19]  It's a banger.
[01:03:20]  One in the chat if Mr. Producer is a fucking banger.
[01:03:25]  Two of it's not.
[01:03:26]  No, all right.
[01:03:26]  Two of it's not.
[01:03:28]  Let's see.
[01:03:28]  Let's run the numbers.
[01:03:30]  You want to be a fucking badass?
[01:03:32]  Let's run the fucking numbers.
[01:03:33]  Because I have a strong suspicion you're going to be very disappointed about what happens.
[01:03:36]  One in the chat if it's a banger.
[01:03:38]  Two in the chat if it's not.
[01:03:39]  Let's see.
[01:03:40]  Let's see the numbers here.
[01:03:41]  Let's see.
[01:03:41]  No one cares.
[01:03:42]  Can we move on to the actual topics of this emergency meeting?
[01:03:45]  Mr. Producer makes the best shows, Mr. Producer.
[01:03:52]  Mr. Producer unironically bangs.
[01:03:55]  Correct.
[01:03:55]  Unironically, it bangs.
[01:03:57]  Tristan.
[01:03:59]  I see once.
[01:04:00]  I see ones.
[01:04:01]  I see.
[01:04:02]  PUBG, ones.
[01:04:03]  I see a three.
[01:04:03]  Breathe air.
[01:04:04]  I see a three as well.
[01:04:05]  A couple twos.
[01:04:07]  So who wins?
[01:04:08]  I'm a globally renowned recording artist, and you're nothing but a piece of shit that everyone hates.
[01:04:12]  Okay, so no one even wanted you on this show.
[01:04:16]  That's not true.
[01:04:17]  I got messages saying, why aren't you on the emergency meeting?
[01:04:19]  Nobody.
[01:04:19]  I said, because Andrew's annoying.
[01:04:21]  I quit podcasts.
[01:04:23]  I quit.
[01:04:24]  Wait, Let's go back.
[01:04:26]  Okay.
[01:04:27]  You think I'm annoying?
[01:04:28]  Yes.
[01:04:29]  Why am I annoying?
[01:04:31]  What have I ever done?
[01:04:32]  That's annoying.
[01:04:33]  Honestly, we're here doing a podcast together.
[01:04:35]  I'm your brother.
[01:04:36]  You've never said anything to you.
[01:04:37]  Calling me names your entire life.
[01:04:38]  Saying me annoying.
[01:04:39]  No, anything mean to you.
[01:04:40]  Well, name one thing I've done that's annoying.
[01:04:41]  You just said that no one.
[01:04:44]  I'm not.
[01:04:45]  I see what you're doing.
[01:04:46]  What am I doing?
[01:04:47]  What do I do that's annoying?
[01:04:48]  Tell me, what do I do that's annoying?
[01:04:50]  Tell me what I do that's annoying.
[01:04:51]  I don't even do anything.
[01:04:54]  Anyway, Tristan's being immature.
[01:05:36]  We're back.
[01:05:37]  Okay, so you played Mr. Producer so many times it froze the stream.
[01:05:41]  Great.
[01:05:41]  No more, Mr. Producer.
[01:05:42]  Now let's go on with the emergency meeting.
[01:05:44]  Okay, but just.
[01:05:44]  Andrew, what were you doing in Kazakhstan?
[01:05:46]  One second, first performance.
[01:05:47]  No, not one second.
[01:05:48]  Because I swear to God, I will give up again.
[01:05:51]  Why don't you like doing emergency meetings?
[01:05:53]  It's not about emergency meetings.
[01:05:55]  It's about your antics and your bullshit.
[01:05:58]  No, but you don't like doing them with me.
[01:05:59]  Because you're about to do emergency Mr. Producer.
[01:06:01]  No, but you don't do them with me anymore.
[01:06:03]  Why don't you like doing emergency meetings with your brother?
[01:06:05]  Don't like you.
[01:06:09]  I don't like you.
[01:06:10]  But I'm a globally renowned recording artist.
[01:06:12]  I know.
[01:06:12]  I've heard.
[01:06:13]  I'm famous.
[01:06:13]  I agree.
[01:06:14]  I've heard.
[01:06:15]  So, what were you doing in Kazakhstan?
[01:06:17]  Why were you there?
[01:06:18]  And what did we get up to?
[01:06:31]  Sorry, what'd you say?
[01:06:41]  What'd you say?
[01:06:42]  Sorry, I didn't hear you.
[01:06:43]  Say it again.
[01:06:44]  What'd you say?
[01:06:47]  No, I'm serious now.
[01:06:48]  What'd you say?
[01:06:48]  I didn't hear you.
[01:06:49]  I wasn't paying attention.
[01:06:49]  I've frozen.
[01:06:50]  No, you haven't.
[01:06:51]  That's what you said.
[01:06:52]  Let's do the emergency meme.
[01:06:53]  Let's stop being stupid.
[01:06:54]  You're right.
[01:06:54]  It's freezing the streams.
[01:06:55]  Too much bullshit.
[01:06:56]  So what were you talking about?
[01:06:57]  Kazakhstan, right?
[01:06:58]  Right.
[01:07:07]  Enough.
[01:07:09]  Here, here's my mouse.
[01:07:11]  Tristan, I'm about to entrust you with the Mr. Producing Mouse.
[01:07:15]  This is the most important day of your life.
[01:07:18]  You have never had anything of value.
[01:07:20]  Nobody likes you.
[01:07:21]  Everyone thinks you're a fucking dickhead.
[01:07:23]  Your entire family hates you.
[01:07:25]  The mothers of your kids message me.
[01:07:26]  We're all in a big group chat talking about you all the time, how everyone hates you, how you suck.
[01:07:30]  But I'm still going to give you the most important and valuable thing on the planet.
[01:07:33]  The one mouse that can make you famous in Kazakhstan if you sing a song.
[01:07:37]  I'm going to give you the Mr. Producing Mouse.
[01:07:40]  This is a big chance for you.
[01:07:44]  A really big chance.
[01:07:46]  If you stay frozen, you can't use it here.
[01:07:54]  Okay, everyone.
[01:07:54]  So Tristan's frozen.
[01:07:56]  So for the rest of this show, we're going to talk about all the things we hate about Tristan.
[01:08:00]  Can you super chat everything you hate about Tristan and I'll read it out?
[01:08:04]  I didn't blink for like two minutes.
[01:08:05]  Well, you missed your chance now.
[01:08:06]  Okay, the mouse.
[01:08:09]  So are you going to answer the question that I asked or not?
[01:08:11]  Are you going to ask me to repeat myself?
[01:08:12]  No, no, no.
[01:08:12]  What was the question?
[01:08:13]  I'm listening now.
[01:08:14]  My listening ears are on.
[01:08:17]  Go.
[01:08:17]  I'll go.
[01:08:18]  I'll go frozen again.
[01:08:19]  I'm listening.
[01:08:20]  I'll freeze myself.
[01:08:20]  I'm going to answer it.
[01:08:21]  It's not a trick.
[01:08:22]  I would not, I wouldn't hide you.
[01:08:22]  I swear I'll freeze myself.
[01:08:23]  I'll answer the question, I promise.
[01:08:27]  I'm listening.
[01:08:28]  What's the question?
[01:08:28]  What's the fucking question?
[01:08:30]  I'll answer it.
[01:08:30]  I promise I'll answer it.
[01:08:34]  It's not a trick.
[01:08:38]  Anyway, so we were in Kazakhstan.
[01:08:41]  Tristan, what were we doing in Kazakhstan?
[01:08:42]  Why don't you tell everyone what we were doing there?
[01:08:44]  That's why I asked you.
[01:08:47]  Why were we in Kazakhstan?
[01:08:48]  Let the people at home know.
[01:08:51]  That's the question I asked you.
[01:08:56]  Yeah, but Kazakhstan's a weird place.
[01:08:58]  I just like Kazakhstan.
[01:09:00]  It's a beautiful country.
[01:09:01]  I like horse meat.
[01:09:02]  To be honest, I was extremely surprised by how nice Kazakhstan was.
[01:09:05]  It was super, duper nice.
[01:09:08]  Very well organized.
[01:09:10]  Almaty is a very clean city.
[01:09:13]  Felt safe.
[01:09:14]  No holes in the road.
[01:09:15]  It looked better than Europe.
[01:09:17]  Couldn't believe it.
[01:09:17]  So the opposite of Romania then.
[01:09:19]  Yes, basically.
[01:09:19]  Yeah.
[01:09:20]  I'm sure jail there sucks too.
[01:09:21]  I'm sure it sucks, but at least you'd probably go to jail if you did something maybe.
[01:09:25]  They don't just steal from foreigners and lock them up for no reason.
[01:09:28]  Well, we're not going to know unless we move there.
[01:09:31]  Let's move there.
[01:09:31]  Shall we?
[01:09:32]  I'll move to Kazakhstan.
[01:09:33]  Yeah, fuck it.
[01:09:34]  We did get famous by moving to a strange country and having a super fun life.
[01:09:37]  Should we buy a mansion in Kazakhstan and live there for a year?
[01:09:40]  That would be awesome.
[01:09:41]  We could raise our own horses and then ride them and then eat them and then make that Kazakh alcoholic milk drink.
[01:09:47]  Should we give up on Romania and move to Kazakhstan?
[01:09:50]  That's a great idea.
[01:09:51]  And just fucking buy a fat fucking mansion.
[01:09:53]  I am down for moving to Kazakhstan.
[01:09:54]  I would actually, today I'd sign off on that right now.
[01:09:57]  The mountains of Kazakhstan.
[01:09:58]  Where does Tristan live?
[01:09:59]  In a fortress in the mountains of Kazakhstan.
[01:10:03]  Very bond villain of me.
[01:10:06]  You know the reason I want to do this emergency meeting, Tristan?
[01:10:09]  Go on, tell me.
[01:10:10]  I want to try and spread some positivity.
[01:10:12]  Yeah, me too.
[01:10:13]  Because the world needs someone.
[01:10:15]  The internet's become a toxic cesspool of crybabies and haters arguing about things that don't concern.
[01:10:22]  You know, there used to be, for example, things used to happen in the past.
[01:10:27]  Let's say Belgrade was bombed by Americans, right?
[01:10:32]  And overwhelmingly, the sentiment was, I don't really understand the situation, but I pray for everyone in Belgrade.
[01:10:40]  I hope everyone's fine.
[01:10:41]  That was genuinely the sentiment, you know?
[01:10:42]  Things would happen.
[01:10:43]  The 9-11 terror attack happened in New York.
[01:10:45]  And the general sentiment was, I really hope that people get out of the building and I pray for everyone's family.
[01:10:51]  That was the general sentiment, right?
[01:10:53]  Now it's like, if there were, happened last week, a cartel war in Mexico and everyone's shooting each other.
[01:11:02]  I'm thinking, because I'm old, I hope everyone in Mexico is okay.
[01:11:06]  That's what I'm thinking.
[01:11:08]  And then you have people on the internet, ha ha ha.
[01:11:11]  If you're in Mexico, you're a fucking spic-loving, goot fucking sand-nigger-loving sellout.
[01:11:19]  Everyone's ripping on the people in Mexico, calling them all names, saying how shit Mexico is.
[01:11:25]  Look, can you not just wish people the best?
[01:11:28]  Now, there's strikes going on all over the world.
[01:11:32]  Now, to prove that it's haters is everyone's concentrating.
[01:11:36]  All of Twitter, no one's caring about the city blocks being leveled in Tehran, where I wish everyone to be safe.
[01:11:44]  In Tel Aviv, where I wish everyone to be safe.
[01:11:46]  Jerusalem, where I wish everyone to be safe.
[01:11:48]  Fucking Lebanon, where I wish everyone to be safe.
[01:11:50]  Everyone's concentrating on the number one place it's cool to hate.
[01:11:54]  Dubai.
[01:11:55]  Zero deaths so far in Dubai.
[01:11:57]  Falling debris is lighting fires.
[01:12:00]  And one hotel caught fire.
[01:12:02]  Instead of thinking, oh, I hope everyone in Dubai is okay.
[01:12:04]  It's, ha ha ha, you tried to avoid your tax and now there's bombs.
[01:12:08]  And the people who are in Dubai don't actually need to do damage control, but they're fighting back and they're fighting back.
[01:12:14]  It's not just Iran versus Israel and America now.
[01:12:17]  It's people who like Dubai and people who hate Dubai flooding my algorithm with negativity.
[01:12:23]  The whole world is fucked.
[01:12:26]  Charlie Kirk showed us that when he got shot.
[01:12:28]  No one thought, oh, well, I wish the best for his family like I did.
[01:12:31]  Everyone who hates him was like, ha ha ha, I'm glad he got shot.
[01:12:33]  I hope this guy's next.
[01:12:34]  Hope Andrew's next.
[01:12:35]  Hope Trump's next.
[01:12:36]  Blah, blah, blah.
[01:12:37]  Because people are fucking retarded.
[01:12:38]  So the internet has become so negative.
[01:12:41]  I think me and you, because we have always been warriors of counterculture, haven't we?
[01:12:47]  You know, we were against the vaccine when no one else was, against the lockdowns when no one else was.
[01:12:51]  We told the truth about various wars in Ukraine and Palestine, et cetera, when no one else would.
[01:12:55]  And we did all these things and we got banned and we got canceled and we got Matrix stacked and we got thrown in jail.
[01:12:59]  And now everyone pretends that they were all anti-COVID from the beginning.
[01:13:04]  Now they call it out.
[01:13:05]  Now that it's safe to do so.
[01:13:06]  Me and you have been counterculture warriors.
[01:13:08]  So if the culture is negativity and bullshit, then surely your and I's mission should be to spread positivity and happiness to the former happy place called the internet.
[01:13:21]  Yeah.
[01:13:22]  I wish everybody well.
[01:13:24]  I wish you well if you live in London and you pay tax.
[01:13:27]  I wish you well if you're in Dubai and you're not paying tax.
[01:13:30]  I wish you well all around the world.
[01:13:32]  Top G's message to all of you people at home is I hope you're all happy and all safe.
[01:13:37]  You're completely right that the internet has become so full of hate now that there are people hoping that fathers and mothers and children get blown to smithereens because they've decided to live somewhere different.
[01:13:50]  It's completely crazy how much hate is in people's hearts.
[01:13:55]  You don't have to like Dubai, but you don't have to wish death on everyone who's there.
[01:13:58]  For example, when things happen in Europe, for example, or a mass shooting just happened in America yesterday, I believe, or a terrorist attack happens in Europe, I believe three people were stabbed outside of a school in Scotland just 24 hours ago.
[01:14:12]  I make a point about how ridiculous the politics are and how ridiculous the politicians are for allowing this.
[01:14:16]  But what I don't do is, ha ha ha, people in Scotland, you get what you deserve.
[01:14:21]  You should have moved to Singapore or Dubai or the Caribbean or a tax haven.
[01:14:25]  You're so stupid for being in Scotland.
[01:14:27]  You deserve to be stabbed.
[01:14:28]  I hope you bleed to fucking death.
[01:14:30]  Don't dare come to Dubai now with knife wounds on your face because you look stupid.
[01:14:34]  I hope you die.
[01:14:36]  What is wrong with the world, Andrew?
[01:14:39]  Has it just broken down fundamentally?
[01:14:41]  The only community I see any positivity in is inside the real world.
[01:14:45]  That's the only real platform left that's not full of hate bots and retards and is a good community that actually because brokeies are mad.
[01:14:52]  Brokeies are mad.
[01:14:54]  The entire world's going broke.
[01:14:55]  Everyone's losing their job.
[01:14:57]  It's have-nots and have-youngs.
[01:14:58]  And poor people are very, very angry.
[01:15:00]  And the poor people who can't afford to live in Dubai are angry at the people who can't afford to live in Dubai.
[01:15:04]  And the people who do live in Dubai trust the government and they have a fantastic life.
[01:15:07]  So they feel obligated to defend it.
[01:15:09]  And now we have this insanity.

=== Negativity Litmus Test (11:47) ===

[01:15:10]  World War III has nothing to do with Iran and Israel anymore.
[01:15:13]  World War III is people who like to buy versus people who don't on Twitter.
[01:15:17]  Why can't everyone just wish each other love?
[01:15:19]  From me, top G to you, I wish you love, peace, and happiness no matter where you are.
[01:15:25]  I hope nobody gets bombed.
[01:15:27]  I hope nobody has a bad life.
[01:15:29]  I hope nobody gets stabbed.
[01:15:30]  I wish peace and love for everyone.
[01:15:33]  And you're right.
[01:15:34]  Previously, when bad things would happen, it would be thoughts and prayers for the people affected.
[01:15:38]  Now nobody gives a shit.
[01:15:40]  Everyone's just busy laughing at each other and trying to drag other people down.
[01:15:44]  And this isn't the way to be, guys.
[01:15:46]  This isn't the way to get ahead in life.
[01:15:48]  You can't get ahead in life with negativity.
[01:15:50]  Karma is real.
[01:15:52]  Karma comes around and it slaps you in the face when you say bad things and when you think bad things.
[01:15:58]  When you're observing this war, this unfortunate circumstance that nobody fully understands yet, you need to be hoping and praying for every child, for every family, for every parent, for every innocent bystander, hopefully to not have their life destroyed, irregardless of where they live.
[01:16:14]  Being so petty and so full of hate that you're going to say people deserve to die for choosing to live somewhere you don't live.
[01:16:22]  Dubai is just highways.
[01:16:24]  I like trees.
[01:16:25]  I hope you get blown to pieces.
[01:16:27]  If you're that big of a dipshit, well then that's why you're poor.
[01:16:32]  We want everyone to be peaceful.
[01:16:34]  We want everyone to be happy and everyone to be safe.
[01:16:37]  This is our message, irregardless of whether you live in Dubai or otherwise.
[01:16:41]  So I want to make that very clear on this emergency meeting.
[01:16:43]  We hope everybody can continue to have fantastic lives and do their very best to remain unaffected by these unfortunate circumstances.
[01:16:51]  Yeah, because, you know, the idea of politics, especially in the last 10 to 12 years, has really gone out the window.
[01:16:59]  Because you can vote for who you want based on what they say.
[01:17:03]  Kier Starmer or who is the conservative running against him?
[01:17:07]  Rishi Sunak.
[01:17:08]  Who cares?
[01:17:09]  Who cares?
[01:17:09]  Doesn't matter.
[01:17:10]  And every single country in the world holds all these elections and spends millions of dollars, billions and billions of dollars every single year trying to get re-elected.
[01:17:18]  But a handful of, what, 10 dudes could just start a war that affects the whole Middle East and gets everyone blown up.
[01:17:25]  That's a great point.
[01:17:25]  For no reason.
[01:17:26]  So, you know, there used to be this accountability with all politicians worldwide where you would vote for a leader in, let's say, Romania.
[01:17:35]  And, you know, the candidate who you vote for actually gets to win because he won.
[01:17:39]  You don't get to cancel the election.
[01:17:40]  You don't get to fuck up the election.
[01:17:42]  And then he'd say, I'm not going to raise taxes, for example.
[01:17:46]  And you'd vote for him.
[01:17:47]  And then if he raised taxes, there'd be a mass riot and you'd throw the guy out or at least he'd get voted out the next election.
[01:17:54]  Instead, politics has gone so wrong that decade after decade, all of the things that people don't want and keep voting against keep happening nonetheless.
[01:18:06]  So I don't feel that this Iran situation between Iran, Israel, the United States could have been avoided by voting in Ronald McDonald or the Pope.
[01:18:16]  I believe that the global forces, the matrix that are at work to get the things that they want to happen to happen transcends all politics.
[01:18:27]  Guys, if you want to make a positive change in the world and if you want to have something very lucky happen to you this week, if you want something lucky that changes your life and puts you in a positive trajectory this week, I need you to post something positive talking about all the people affected by this war.
[01:18:46]  This is genuine.
[01:18:47]  This is karma.
[01:18:48]  It's going to show you that it's real.
[01:18:49]  Post something positive praying for everybody in every location, all of the innocent bystanders, all the people who do not leave Europe and go to Dubai, all the people who have left Europe and have gone to Dubai.
[01:19:01]  Put something positive on the internet praying for everybody who is affected and you will see something fantastic happen to you this week.
[01:19:07]  Test it out.
[01:19:08]  All of the viewers of Tate's emergency meeting, let's all try and sped positivity.
[01:19:12]  Let's all change the current rhetoric, which is trying to laugh at people for their misfortunes.
[01:19:17]  Let's all try and be positive people and we're going to benefit karmically.
[01:19:20]  So that's what I want everybody to do.
[01:19:22]  I'm going to do a tweet about it after this show.
[01:19:24]  I want all you guys on your social media to just say something positive.
[01:19:27]  Let's try and break this brick wall of negativity.
[01:19:30]  Let's try and break it down.
[01:19:32]  But I do want to say one more thing.
[01:19:36]  And maybe I'm just too much of a real nigger.
[01:19:42]  But if I had to choose between the odd drone and 50% tax, I mean, I'm going to take half your money forever, no matter what you do.
[01:19:54]  So you're never going to be able to afford a yacht or a jet.
[01:19:57]  Or you can have a yacht and a jet and a beautiful house and 10 wives because you can afford to pay for them all because you got double the money.
[01:20:03]  But there might be a little drone somewhere over there, which you're a building you're not in.
[01:20:09]  And then people on the internet are going to try and laugh, but you're going to be too rich to get it.
[01:20:12]  Well, the statistical analysis is something that I posted under one of Pavel Durov's tweets, which is very true.
[01:20:17]  In the last year, zero people in Dubai have been killed by missiles or drones.
[01:20:21]  That's still true.
[01:20:22]  Zero.
[01:20:23]  A hotel's on fire.
[01:20:24]  But the answer is zero.
[01:20:25]  There's been 14,800 knife attacks in the city of London alone in the last year.
[01:20:31]  So statistically, I've made my choice, and I think it makes a lot more sense.
[01:20:36]  Guys, this entire situation is a huge litmus test.
[01:20:42]  The world is becoming hyper-negative because people are going broke and people are angry.
[01:20:47]  They feel like they've been fooled by Trump.
[01:20:48]  They thought that MAGA was going to save them.
[01:20:50]  They can't pay their bills.
[01:20:52]  Inflation's out of control.
[01:20:53]  Crypto has tanked.
[01:20:54]  The stock market has tanked.
[01:20:56]  AI's taken their jobs.
[01:20:57]  Everyone is scared.
[01:20:59]  Everyone is mad.
[01:21:00]  Everyone is negative.
[01:21:01]  This is a test.
[01:21:02]  It is a litmus test from the universe.
[01:21:04]  If you can stay positive and wish other people well in these scenarios, you will be massively karmically rewarded.
[01:21:11]  You must be positive and nice to people when nobody else is being positive and nice.
[01:21:16]  That is how you break the mold.
[01:21:18]  It is our mission to make you laugh, to have a joke, and for everybody to have a fantastic life.
[01:21:23]  I hope everyone watching this clip or this podcast makes billions of dollars.
[01:21:29]  I hope you're all safe.
[01:21:30]  I hope all your parents and your family and your children are safe.
[01:21:33]  It doesn't matter where you live.
[01:21:34]  And if you decide to uproot and move to Japan, I wish you the absolute best when you eat those motherfucking noodles.
[01:21:41]  Eat those noodles.
[01:21:42]  You're in Japan.
[01:21:43]  You're eating noodles.
[01:21:44]  I don't want a drone to hit you in the head.
[01:21:46]  You're just a motherfucker eating noodles.
[01:21:47]  I don't want an earthquake to fucking make a tidal wave that destroys your Japanese village.
[01:21:52]  I don't want Fukushima to give you fucking radiation as you try and ingest your rice.
[01:21:57]  I want you to eat your fugu, eat your noodles, eat your kobe beef, learn your kung fu, and fucking sharpen your samurai sword in peace.
[01:22:06]  Eat your rice.
[01:22:07]  I hope your life is nice.
[01:22:10]  I might say it twice.
[01:22:15]  Give me a rhyme.
[01:22:17]  Give me a rhyme.
[01:22:18]  If you're not positive, you'll pay the price.
[01:22:19]  Nice.
[01:22:22]  If you're not positive, you'll pay the price.
[01:22:23]  So if you want to move to fucking Timbuktu with the Ngnogs, I wish you the absolute best.
[01:22:29]  No one's going to bomb Timbuktu.
[01:22:30]  They haven't even built a building.
[01:22:31]  They're stupid.
[01:22:32]  That's racist.
[01:22:35]  Sorry.
[01:22:35]  If you want to move to fucking Timbuktu, then I wish you the absolute best.
[01:22:40]  I don't want all this negativity, guys.
[01:22:42]  We need to be happier.
[01:22:43]  I put up a video of me dancing to George Michael looking cool as fuck.
[01:22:47]  And everyone's like, wow, he's so fucking cool.
[01:22:50]  But there was the odd person who was like, I hope he dies.
[01:22:53]  It's like, you can't get ahead in life if that's how you think.
[01:22:56]  You know what it is, Andrew?
[01:22:58]  I felt, even on our chat, on our emergency meetings, and our tweets, and our posts, and our...
[01:23:03]  Before we continue, guys, we're only reading Super Chats $50 and up, or we get too many.
[01:23:07]  $50 and up only for super chats.
[01:23:08]  You've got them on your laptop?
[01:23:10]  I feel like, you know, misery loves company.
[01:23:13]  And there was a time when every single piece of interaction towards us on Twitter, on Rumble, on our chat, on things that we post, on every single fan video posted of ours was 100% positive.
[01:23:26]  And you know when that was?
[01:23:28]  When there was the illusion that we were suffering too.
[01:23:31]  I told everyone I was going to make it out of this matrix attack.
[01:23:34]  I sat there under house arrest.
[01:23:35]  I'd been under house arrest for two years, complaining about it.
[01:23:38]  The Romanian system was after me.
[01:23:40]  Then England was after me.
[01:23:41]  Apparently, I was going to have to go there.
[01:23:43]  Remember that?
[01:23:43]  Yeah, so none of that actually happened.
[01:23:46]  And now I'm fine.
[01:23:48]  And the comments are getting a lot more negative.
[01:23:51]  I feel like when they thought we were down on the internet, no, the internet's just, it's nothing to do with that.
[01:23:56]  Has the internet changed?
[01:23:57]  The internet's full of hate.
[01:23:58]  The internet's changed.
[01:23:59]  The internet is full of full of hate.
[01:24:00]  That was my question I was going to ask you.
[01:24:02]  The internet is full of hate.
[01:24:03]  Okay.
[01:24:03]  And the internet's full of hate, and we're gonna relaunch positivity.
[01:24:07]  That's what we're gonna do.
[01:24:09]  I, as a globally renowned music artist, have now decided to relaunch positivity across the world, right?
[01:24:16]  So, this is a poem I just wrote myself.
[01:24:19]  Okay, I definitely wrote this myself.
[01:24:21]  Okay, from Bucharest to Dubai's gold-tipped towers, from Miami heat to London's cold gray hours, from Lagos streets where hustle never sleeps, to silent farms where midnight silence keeps.
[01:24:35]  I see you all, every last one of you, grinding in the shadows, chasing what is true.
[01:24:40]  Some wear rogues, some chains, some three-piece suits, some count their wins in crypto, some in roots.
[01:24:46]  Wait, this is fucking ages.
[01:24:47]  Why did Chat GPT write this poem so fucking well?
[01:24:50]  I thought you wrote it.
[01:24:50]  When I wrote this poem, I didn't expect it to be so long.
[01:24:53]  The point is, I wish everyone the best.
[01:24:57]  That's the point.
[01:24:59]  And we are going to start a movement of positivity.
[01:25:01]  I'm going to dance and smile and sing, even at the people who don't like me.
[01:25:06]  I hope you die.
[01:25:06]  I hope you die in Dubai.
[01:25:08]  We're still rich.
[01:25:08]  We're dancing.
[01:25:09]  No, no, no.
[01:25:09]  Think about it.
[01:25:11]  I hope you die in Dubai.
[01:25:12]  I'm broken.
[01:25:13]  I'm mad.
[01:25:13]  I hope you die.
[01:25:18]  Anyway, I've looked it up.
[01:25:19]  It's statistically impossible for us to die because there's never been a confirmed death of somebody in a Pagani or a Bugatti from an Iranian drone.
[01:25:27]  An Iranian drone has never destroyed either one of them.
[01:25:30]  I asked Grok and I put it on Twitter.
[01:25:31]  So if we drive those cars around the streets of Dubai, we're bomb proof.
[01:25:36]  We're safe.
[01:25:37]  Iran has never destroyed one.
[01:25:38]  There's a 100% safety rate.
[01:25:40]  That's good to know.
[01:25:41]  It's good to know.
[01:25:42]  So if you drive the Pagani and I drive the Bugatti, we're literally bomb proof.
[01:25:46]  Yeah, it's never happened before.
[01:25:47]  And the odds of it happening are 0%.
[01:25:49]  0% chance.
[01:25:50]  00%.
[01:25:51]  That sounds good to me.
[01:25:52]  So no matter what happens in Dubai, we're good.
[01:25:55]  Okay, we are good.
[01:25:56]  You're right.
[01:25:56]  And we can dance at people.
[01:25:57]  You're right.
[01:25:58]  We can.
[01:25:59]  We can just dance at them, you know?
[01:26:02]  Just dance at them.
[01:26:03]  Let's read the super chats.
[01:26:05]  Okay, go on.
[01:26:08]  If one of the patterns is places being hit that don't have centralized banks and rich in resources, but their aim is to decentralize banking.
[01:26:15]  Listen, set up 5678.
[01:26:17]  I explained on yesterday's emergency meeting what I believe is really happening.
[01:26:20]  Now I believe Emirates is already starting flights again.
[01:26:23]  In a week, this will be forgotten.
[01:26:25]  This whole big war, all the negativity.
[01:26:27]  That's what's so important, guys.
[01:26:29]  All the negativity you're spreading, all the hate and ill wishes that you're going to be putting on the internet towards people who decide to live a different life than you.
[01:26:37]  In a week, this whole situation will be forgotten.
[01:26:39]  But the karma that you're going to get from being a negative person is going to stick to you.
[01:26:43]  So you're saying things that aren't going to matter in a week, but you're going to be stuck unlucky as fuck for the next year because you've been wishing death on people over something that's going to be largely forgotten.
[01:26:53]  Don't be that guy.
[01:26:54]  I can prove that because I know when this started, do you?

=== Fucking Die Physics Problem (03:36) ===

[01:26:57]  I know the first time I ever saw this, it just came into my mind.
[01:27:02]  The cataclysmic event that shifted the entire world we lived in.
[01:27:07]  You're not wearing a mask.
[01:27:08]  I hope you fucking die.
[01:27:09]  You don't have a vaccine.
[01:27:10]  I hope you fucking die.
[01:27:12]  That's when it started.
[01:27:13]  Now, to prove your point, have any of these people, the celebrities and the non-famous ones, the bots who we can't find out who they are because they like to be anon because they're nobodies, has any of these people gone from, you're not wearing your mask, you didn't take your vaccine, I hope you die, I hope you die, you don't deserve hospital treatment.
[01:27:30]  Have any of their lives got any better?
[01:27:32]  No, let me ask you a better question.
[01:27:32]  Or do all their lives suck?
[01:27:34]  Has anyone with the vaccine become a globally renowned music star across the world, including Kazakhstan?
[01:27:40]  Maybe, I don't know.
[01:27:41]  No, the answer is no.
[01:27:42]  Okay.
[01:27:42]  The people who believed in COVID don't have their songs sung in Kazakhstan.
[01:27:47]  I do.
[01:27:48]  Karma loves me because I always do the right thing.
[01:27:51]  Okay.
[01:27:51]  So we have to be positive, nice guys who do the right thing.
[01:27:54]  I want everybody at home to do the same.
[01:27:56]  So this emergency meeting, the primary objective of it, is to make everyone laugh and to make everyone happy.
[01:28:02]  So Tristan, tell us a joke.
[01:28:07]  A man walks up to a bar and asks the barman for a free drink.
[01:28:13]  The barman says, Well, what guy, what do I get in return?
[01:28:15]  And the man says, I'll show you something that you've never seen before.
[01:28:18]  The barman says, I've seen it all.
[01:28:20]  Go ahead, show me this thing I've never seen before.
[01:28:22]  And he pulls out a tiny piano from his pocket and he puts it on the bar.
[01:28:26]  Then he pulls out a little 12-inch man and stands him on the bar.
[01:28:30]  And the little 12-inch man sits down and he starts playing a jam on the piano.
[01:28:34]  Now, the barman obviously is super impressed and he says, Wow, that is something I haven't seen before.
[01:28:39]  Here's your free beer and pours him a free beer.
[01:28:42]  He goes, Where did you get that piano player and that little piano?
[01:28:45]  He says, Well, I wished for it from a genie.
[01:28:47]  He says, Well, that's a strange wish.
[01:28:49]  The man says, I have a better idea.
[01:28:50]  Why don't you give me another free beer and I'll let the genie grant you a wish?
[01:28:55]  And the man says, Well, okay then, if you really have a genie.
[01:28:59]  So a genie pops out this man's other pocket.
[01:29:01]  And the barman says, Wow.
[01:29:03]  Hello, genie.
[01:29:04]  I'm sick of working at a bar.
[01:29:05]  I want a million bucks.
[01:29:07]  And the genie says, No problem.
[01:29:09]  Poof.
[01:29:10]  And the bar is suddenly filled with a million ducks.
[01:29:14]  And the man behind the bar pouring the beer is very confused.
[01:29:17]  He looks at the man.
[01:29:18]  He goes, I think your genie has a hearing problem.
[01:29:20]  I didn't wish for ducks.
[01:29:21]  I wished for bucks.
[01:29:22]  The man picks up the 12-inch pianist and says, you think this is what I wished for?
[01:29:31]  That's not on my screen, by the way.
[01:29:33]  This is just a Tristan Tate instant classic joke.
[01:29:37]  I'm that weird uncle that knows all the jokes.
[01:29:42]  Rate my joke out of 10.
[01:29:44]  So, how can we make money from this catastrophe?
[01:29:48]  Well, didn't you say on an emergency meeting about buying oil futures because Iran and Israel was going to kick off about six months ago?
[01:29:57]  Look, we always make money.
[01:30:00]  The answer to the question at the beginning of this emergency meeting is: What were you doing in Kazakhstan?
[01:30:04]  What were you doing in Istanbul?
[01:30:05]  What were you doing in the Bahamas?
[01:30:07]  What were you doing in California?
[01:30:08]  We were making money because that's what me and you know how to do.
[01:30:12]  And that's what we want everyone who watches us to do also.
[01:30:15]  That's what we do.
[01:30:16]  We make money.
[01:30:17]  That is our job.
[01:30:18]  Moneymakers.
[01:30:20]  Got a super chat here.
[01:30:21]  We're going to talk about how to make money from this war, which I've already called publicly as not a real war in a UA in an unfair advantage to the students inside of our school in the coming days.

=== Praying for a Downfall (07:48) ===

[01:30:34]  Mr. Tate, the world is full of hate because reality is collapsing from weightlessness, not society.
[01:30:40]  This is not a mindset problem.
[01:30:42]  It's a physics problem and requires a physics solution.
[01:30:46]  Now, that's an interesting comment.
[01:30:47]  I'm sure they mean something different than what I'm about to say, but I do actually agree about the weightlessness point.
[01:30:54]  Most people were tied down to a family and a geographical location, and now nobody has families, nobody has a job, nobody has a geographical location.
[01:31:02]  So everybody's just trying to do their very best floating through the world.
[01:31:06]  And they're very mad at the people who've decided to float in a different direction than them.
[01:31:09]  The reason Dubai gets so much hate is that people from Dubai and people who live in Dubai post constantly about how great it is and how happy they are.
[01:31:17]  And hate only travels up.
[01:31:18]  Nobody's pissing on Tehran or Tel Aviv for getting bombed.
[01:31:22]  They're pissing on Dubai because Dubai is a nice place.
[01:31:24]  This tells you a lot about the world.
[01:31:26]  That when it's a nice place and there's happy people who say that it's a good life here, people are praying for your death.
[01:31:33]  This is a fantastic lesson in haters in general.
[01:31:37]  People often say to me, Hey, Tate, you know, I got this guy who doesn't like me or I got haters or I got enemies.
[01:31:41]  If you don't have any enemies, you're not making any mark on the world.
[01:31:45]  If you are a happy person achieving things in life, people are going to hate you.
[01:31:50]  If nobody hates you, you've achieved nothing, you stand for nothing, and you are nothing.
[01:31:55]  The second you move to a nice place where you don't have the risk getting stabbed to death, you're going to get haters.
[01:32:00]  It is that simple.
[01:32:01]  And they're going to wish that you get stabbed to death somehow, as unlikely as it is.
[01:32:05]  So you have to really gauge your success by how many people who are praying for your downfall.
[01:32:10]  And the most beautiful thing about being successful is that you understand how much luck is involved in all things, how karma is completely real.
[01:32:18]  And when you're super successful and you're happy and you're going through life and you're nice to people, when you see people praying for your downfall, in the end, they are the ones who suffer from their own thoughts.
[01:32:27]  Praying for my downfall will not make me fall.
[01:32:30]  It will make the people who prayed for us to fall fall.
[01:32:33]  Well, people have been doing that for what, probably eight years now, certainly en masse in a large, in large groups, in their little forums, and their little private chats and their little Twitter cabals and their little Facebook groups.
[01:32:44]  They've been praying for our downfall for years and years and years.
[01:32:48]  Seven years of their life, they've dedicated and donated this energy towards me and you in the form of their physical calories being burned to type horrible things, massive threads, make videos about how the tanks are bad people and something that they're definitely going to end up in jail or dead or whatever these people say.
[01:33:07]  I'm fine.
[01:33:08]  In fact, I'm back here in my emergency meeting podcast studio by choice because I could be anywhere in the world I like.
[01:33:14]  Everything in my life is perfectly fine.
[01:33:16]  So you've been wasting your time.
[01:33:19]  And if you continue to do it, I promise you, you will waste more of your time until maybe the day that I die, the day that God decides to take me to heaven.
[01:33:28]  You'll be like, oh, Tristan Tate finally died.
[01:33:30]  While you're 90 years old, I'm 85.
[01:33:34]  And then you finally get your little bit of happiness having wasted 50 years of directing bullshit tweets at me.
[01:33:41]  That's why positivity wins.
[01:33:42]  Tristan, tell us a joke.
[01:33:45]  Ah, tell us another joke.
[01:33:48]  A black man and a black woman are in a car.
[01:33:51]  Who's driving?
[01:33:52]  No.
[01:33:52]  Who's driving?
[01:33:53]  No, Andrew, this is not positivity.
[01:33:54]  The police.
[01:33:58]  What's the most confusing day for a black kid?
[01:34:01]  Father's Day.
[01:34:03]  Tell us a joke.
[01:34:04]  Come on.
[01:34:04]  You don't mind mine.
[01:34:05]  Tell us a positive joke.
[01:34:05]  I'm out here making people laugh.
[01:34:07]  You're not fucking saying anything positive.
[01:34:08]  Go on, dickhead.
[01:34:09]  Come on, dip shit.
[01:34:10]  Be positive for the first time in your life, you fucking retard.
[01:34:12]  Come on.
[01:34:13]  An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman are all in an American pub complaining about how the pubs back home are much better.
[01:34:20]  The Scotsman says, ah, this pub is horrible.
[01:34:23]  Back in Glasgow, every time you buy the fourth pint, the landlord gives you the fifth on the house.
[01:34:28]  Englishman says, oh, that's nothing at all.
[01:34:29]  Back in London, where I'm from, every time I buy the second pint, the landlord gives you the third on the house.
[01:34:35]  And the Irishman says, ah, that's nothing at all, back.
[01:34:37]  In my hometown, you'll walk into the pub and the first drink's for free.
[01:34:41]  And then the second and the third and the fourth drink, they're for free also.
[01:34:44]  Then they'll give you the fifth and the sixth drink for free.
[01:34:47]  Then they'll take you upstairs and make sure you have a proper bit of fun, if you know what I'm saying.
[01:34:52]  And the Englishman and the Scotsman look at him in complete, complete, what's the word?
[01:34:57]  Disbelief.
[01:34:58]  Disbelief.
[01:34:59]  And the Englishman says, this can't have possibly have ever happened to you.
[01:35:02]  The Archman says, nah, but it's happened to me, sister, many times.
[01:35:11]  That's another one for you.
[01:35:14]  There's a reason no one likes you on the emergency meetings.
[01:35:16]  People love my jokes on the emergency meetings.
[01:35:18]  I might do an emergency meeting stand-up session.
[01:35:19]  Just tell my jokes.
[01:35:20]  Merzette $27, $100 super chat.
[01:35:22]  Thank you very much.
[01:35:23]  Mr. Tate, thank you for changing my life.
[01:35:25]  That's all I want to say.
[01:35:25]  You're very welcome, sir.
[01:35:27]  And guys.
[01:35:28]  You know how often we get that in person as well?
[01:35:30]  That's all we get.
[01:35:31]  That's all we get.
[01:35:32]  We have plot armor.
[01:35:35]  We have armor for the plot.
[01:35:37]  We should be in jail.
[01:35:38]  Every fucking government on the planet has tried.
[01:35:40]  We're alive.
[01:35:41]  We should be dead.
[01:35:42]  We're not dead.
[01:35:43]  Bombs should blow up our shit in Dubai.
[01:35:45]  Guess what?
[01:35:46]  All my buildings, all my investments, all my cars are untouched.
[01:35:50]  All the people I love are untouched.
[01:35:52]  I have plot armor.
[01:35:54]  The reason I have armor for the plot, the reason I am protected divinely, the reason that God loves me is because I help people with their motivation.
[01:36:02]  I change people's lives.
[01:36:04]  People don't like me because I hate on others.
[01:36:05]  People don't like me because I'm sitting there trying to drag other people down or hate on people who have less than me.
[01:36:10]  People like me because I say, guys, you can do it.
[01:36:12]  Life is hard.
[01:36:13]  It's supposed to be hard, but we can fight back.
[01:36:15]  We can resist.
[01:36:16]  I spread positivity.
[01:36:18]  People come up to me all around the world.
[01:36:19]  Andrew, your videos helped me so much when I was going through a breakup.
[01:36:22]  Andrew, I listened to your videos in the gym.
[01:36:23]  Andrew, you're such a hero to me and my kids.
[01:36:26]  I have parents coming up to me saying that their children now go to the gym and try hard in school because of me.
[01:36:31]  All this positive energy gives me divine protection.
[01:36:34]  And I promise all of you at home, you can achieve the same things.
[01:36:37]  You need to be massively positive.
[01:36:40]  The internet right now is filled with hate.
[01:36:42]  This is a serious task I'm giving you.
[01:36:44]  I know we're joking, we're messing around, but people at home, the entire internet is filled with hate.
[01:36:49]  There are people throwing hate in different directions depending what camp they're in.
[01:36:52]  This is our chance to break the mold.
[01:36:54]  You will see something fantastic happen to you in the next seven days if you stop being hateful, if you don't get dragged into bitterness, if you don't get dragged into negativity, and you simply wish everybody well.
[01:37:04]  That's all you have to do.
[01:37:06]  It's amazing how easy it is to win.
[01:37:08]  It's amazing how easy it is to be karmically rewarded by simply being a good person and wishing good for other people.
[01:37:15]  Because, what is it?
[01:37:17]  Rising tide lifts all ships.
[01:37:19]  A rising tide lifts all ships.
[01:37:22]  If the world becomes a better place, then your life becomes better.
[01:37:25]  Don't be so hateful and so bitter and so petty that you want the world to be bad just so others suffer.
[01:37:31]  No, we want the entire world to be utopian so that we can live in a utopia.
[01:37:35]  We want everybody to win.
[01:37:36]  I want everybody watching this to have lots of money.
[01:37:38]  I want you to all have lots of wives and beautiful kids and safety and prosperity.
[01:37:42]  I want you all to wake up excited for the day ahead.
[01:37:44]  I don't want any of you to be stressed or negative.
[01:37:46]  We can live in a big, beautiful world if we all spread love and positivity.
[01:37:50]  That's what we're here to do.
[01:37:52]  Everybody at home who is watching this, I want to see on the timeline positivity.
[01:37:56]  If you tag me in a tweet, I will follow you, which will blow up your account because I've got one of the largest accounts on Twitter because I'm the motherfucking man.
[01:38:02]  I will follow you if you are posting positivity.
[01:38:05]  Don't hate people in other places.
[01:38:06]  We don't have to hate anyone except for the blacks.
[01:38:09]  Martin Pixler here, real world student.
[01:38:11]  I just want to thank you both from the bottom of my heart.
[01:38:13]  Many blessings to you and your family.
[01:38:15]  You're truly an inspiration to us and all around the world.
[01:38:18]  Yeah, we have been the rising tide, not just the ship that's gone up.

=== Sips of Solidarity (03:29) ===

[01:38:22]  So in the spirit of being the rise and tide, Andrew, tell us a joke.
[01:38:29]  What did the little boy...
[01:38:30]  No, no, no.
[01:38:34]  You didn't even hear my jokes?
[01:38:35]  I know your jokes.
[01:38:36]  You didn't even hear it.
[01:38:37]  I know it.
[01:38:38]  Tristan, we're trying to be positive.
[01:38:40]  Can you just wait and see if people laugh?
[01:38:42]  Go ahead.
[01:38:45]  Fine.
[01:38:45]  I'll change joke.
[01:38:49]  What do you call a packy with a job?
[01:38:52]  As if.
[01:38:57]  My jokes are fucking great.
[01:38:59]  Your jokes are not good.
[01:39:00]  What do we think about Singapore as a place to live?
[01:39:02]  I live with a fucking noodle-y in fucking Chinese motherfucker.
[01:39:06]  Listen, fucking, everything I said about moving to Japan, I take it back.
[01:39:12]  If you want to move to Singapore, hi, hi, I'm English.
[01:39:15]  I live in Singapore and I'm eating rice.
[01:39:18]  The fuck is rice?
[01:39:20]  I hope you get drone striped.
[01:39:23]  What do you call a Russian with COVID?
[01:39:26]  What?
[01:39:26]  Ivan Nasty Chestikov.
[01:39:29]  What do you call a dinosaur with glasses?
[01:39:31]  Do you think he saw us?
[01:39:34]  What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
[01:39:36]  A licolotopus.
[01:39:38]  Nice.
[01:39:38]  I've got a few of those.
[01:39:40]  Nice.
[01:39:42]  Anyway, an Irishman walks into a bar and walks up to the bar and he orders three pints.
[01:39:47]  One, two, three.
[01:39:48]  He takes a sip of the first, a sip of the second, and a sip of the third.
[01:39:52]  All the way down, he drinks in this strange system and then he orders another three pints.
[01:39:56]  Sip of the first, sip of the second, sip of the third.
[01:39:59]  The barman walks over.
[01:40:00]  It's in London.
[01:40:01]  He says, excuse me, what do you think you're doing?
[01:40:03]  Why do you order pints in such a strange way and drink in such a strange way?
[01:40:06]  He goes, ah, well, I've got a brother who lives in New York and a brother who lives in Australia.
[01:40:10]  I can't be around to have pints with them.
[01:40:11]  So what I do is I order the three pints and I imagine I'm sitting here with my brothers.
[01:40:16]  So the English barman says, okay, well, that's a very noble thing.
[01:40:19]  I guess if it makes you feel better about your brothers, then no problem at all.
[01:40:23]  Enjoy.
[01:40:23]  Drink away.
[01:40:24]  And then one day the Irishman stops coming into the bar.
[01:40:27]  Doesn't show up for eight, nine, ten days in a row.
[01:40:30]  The English barman is, frankly, quite worried.
[01:40:32]  He walks in with this very sad look on his face.
[01:40:34]  He says, can I have two pints, please?
[01:40:37]  And he sits there, drinks the first, drinks the second, drinks the first, drinks the second.
[01:40:41]  He then orders another two.
[01:40:43]  Repeats the process.
[01:40:44]  The barman obviously understands what's happened and feels very bad.
[01:40:47]  He walks up to the man.
[01:40:48]  He goes, Patty, I can't help but notice you've only ordered two pints at a time today.
[01:40:52]  Has something happened to one of your brothers?
[01:40:54]  He says, nah, my brothers are fine, but I've quit drinking.
[01:40:58]  Poops.
[01:41:02]  Andrew and Tristan, what would you give, what advice would you give to yourselves in your 20s?
[01:41:06]  We are two brothers from London, quit our jobs and running our own brokerage.
[01:41:10]  Why the fuck are you in London?
[01:41:11]  London's a fucking shithole.
[01:41:12]  You should.
[01:41:12]  Move to Dubai.
[01:41:13]  Move to Dubai, you fuck.
[01:41:14]  You're going to get stabbed.
[01:41:15]  You're as bad as that rice-eating Singapore-loving motherfucker.
[01:41:18]  You, Mr. Singapore.
[01:41:20]  Hi, I'm in London.
[01:41:21]  And I wear a hat, bro.
[01:41:25]  You're a fucking faggot, bro.
[01:41:26]  You're a don't fucking super chat me.
[01:41:28]  I'll send you your fucking money back.
[01:41:29]  Give me your HSBC, your little brokey ass fucking bank.
[01:41:33]  Andrew.
[01:41:33]  HSBC.
[01:41:34]  Hi, I've gone to the ATM.
[01:41:35]  I've got 300 pound minute.
[01:41:37]  You fucking suck.
[01:41:38]  Okay.
[01:41:38]  You fucking suck.
[01:41:40]  Everything about you fucking sucks.
[01:41:42]  The entire chat hates you.
[01:41:44]  One in the chat, you hate this pussy bitch from fucking London.
[01:41:47]  And two in the chat, if you hate that rice-loving motherfucker.
[01:41:50]  What if I go to Singapore?

=== Can't Wait To Be There (02:58) ===

[01:41:51]  I'm scared of the drones.
[01:41:53]  You scared of a few fucking drones?
[01:41:54]  You call yourself a fucking man?
[01:41:56]  That's the place you should move.
[01:41:57]  If you're half a man, you look where the drones are falling, and that's where you fucking go, bro.
[01:42:02]  Real geese like me, we can't wait to get to the fucking drones.
[01:42:05]  We can't wait to fucking be there.
[01:42:07]  Catch them from the fucking sky.
[01:42:08]  Fucking drone Aikido.
[01:42:14]  You're crying your eyes out.
[01:42:16]  Maybe I need to go live with the Chinese people.
[01:42:18]  I fucking hate you.
[01:42:20]  I fucking hate you.
[01:42:22]  I hate both of you.
[01:42:23]  I fucking hate you both.
[01:42:25]  Okay.
[01:42:28]  Are we done?
[01:42:29]  Regarding luck-based success, the George Floyd Creepypastas book mentioned that George Floyd achieved media fame from mingling in the underground.
[01:42:39]  Logically, does that mean he has the tape mindset?
[01:42:44]  Of all the people.
[01:42:45]  I can breathe.
[01:42:50]  Stick that up your neck, George.
[01:42:56]  So no.
[01:42:57]  The tape mindset requires oxygen.
[01:43:02]  There's a joke.
[01:43:03]  And that's the one the BBC are going to print tomorrow.
[01:43:08]  For Tate Pledge, $100 Super Chat.
[01:43:09]  Thank you very much.
[01:43:10]  We'll join the War Room soon.
[01:43:11]  Wish you the best for you and your families.
[01:43:13]  You know the cool thing about the War Room?
[01:43:15]  I didn't know we had niggas in Kazakhstan.
[01:43:17]  I got there, and the War Room CEO messaged me.
[01:43:21]  These are the four dudes in Kazakhstan who are in the War Room and you should meet.
[01:43:24]  We had dinner with two of them.
[01:43:26]  Isn't that epic?
[01:43:27]  Kazakhstan.
[01:43:28]  In one city in Kazakhstan.
[01:43:29]  Istanbul, same.
[01:43:30]  Same in Istanbul.
[01:43:32]  Every country we land in, there's members of the war room who we go for dinner with.
[01:43:35]  There are real world students everywhere.
[01:43:36]  They come up and thank me and shake my hand, but there's war room guys everywhere.
[01:43:40]  Warroom's awesome.
[01:43:42]  So let's talk more about George Floyd.
[01:43:44]  Tell me the things you admire and loved about George Floyd.
[01:43:48]  The audacity to use fake banknotes.
[01:43:52]  Good for him.
[01:43:53]  Didn't work out well, though, did it?
[01:43:54]  No, it didn't.
[01:43:55]  But, you know.
[01:43:56]  Tell me why he's your hero.
[01:43:58]  Because it's the chancer in life who achieves global fame.
[01:44:04]  You know, you've started a movement.
[01:44:05]  You're a chanceler.
[01:44:06]  You've achieved global fame.
[01:44:07]  That's right.
[01:44:08]  George Floyd is a chancer, trying to pay with the fake 20.
[01:44:13]  Start a global movement.
[01:44:14]  That's true.
[01:44:15]  Globally famous.
[01:44:15]  He's achieved more than most people ever will.
[01:44:17]  Yeah.
[01:44:18]  I could show his picture to someone in China and they'd say, oh, nah, nah, not Kazakhstan.
[01:44:21]  I'm the only guy they know in Kazakhstan.
[01:44:22]  Freud so you know rest in peace up there at the at that fucking crack house in the sky You know?
[01:44:45]  You could use all the fake 20s up there that you like.
[01:44:47]  Heaven is just filled with fake 20s for George Floyd.

=== Staircase to Heaven (02:47) ===

[01:44:50]  Exactly.
[01:44:51]  Fake 20s and crack.
[01:44:55]  What do you admire most about George Floyd?
[01:45:04]  It's been a fun time.
[01:45:06]  It has been a fun time.
[01:45:07]  And that's the secret to life, gentlemen.
[01:45:09]  You need to take everything absolutely seriously.
[01:45:11]  but laugh the entire way through.
[01:45:13]  That's your goal.
[01:45:14]  Make a bunch of money, spread positivity, join the real world, be positive, join the war room, be positive, try and make people laugh.
[01:45:21]  Try and be happy yourself.
[01:45:23]  And I promise you're going to have a fantastic life.
[01:45:24]  It doesn't matter where bombs fall.
[01:45:25]  You get plot armor when you're nice enough.
[01:45:27]  Drones can't fall on me.
[01:45:29]  That's why I refuse to leave.
[01:45:30]  I'm not going to go eat rice.
[01:45:31]  I'm going to stay where the drones are.
[01:45:33]  They're going to bounce off of me.
[01:45:34]  I'm that nigger.
[01:45:35]  I'm that guy.
[01:45:37]  Just be happy and be nice.
[01:45:39]  Tune in for more of Tristan's fantastic jokes.
[01:45:41]  Tell us our last one.
[01:45:43]  Our last joke of the evening.
[01:45:44]  Go on.
[01:45:44]  Go on, Tristan.
[01:45:45]  Fucking knock it out of the park.
[01:45:46]  Every other joke's been fucking great.
[01:45:53]  An Irishman dies and he gets to the gates of heaven.
[01:45:59]  And St. Peter says, well, actually, this isn't the gates of heaven.
[01:46:04]  There's a staircase to heaven.
[01:46:07]  And every fifth step you go up, God's going to tell you a joke.
[01:46:11]  And if you laugh, you get flushed straight to hell.
[01:46:14]  It's a test of discipline.
[01:46:16]  And there was three men staying there, an Irishman, a Scotsman, and an Englishman.
[01:46:19]  Scotsman says, okay, I'll go first.
[01:46:21]  On the fifth step, the joke God tells, because God has jokes like mine, is so funny that St. Peter pulls the lever, flushes the Scotsman straight to hell when he started laughing.
[01:46:31]  The Englishman says, okay, I'll go next.
[01:46:33]  Makes it up the fifth step, 10th, 15th, 20th, 25th, all the way to the 45th step, where he can no longer contain his laughter.
[01:46:40]  And St. Peter says, sorry to the Englishman, pulls the lever.
[01:46:43]  The staircase goes flat and he gets flushed straight to hell.
[01:46:45]  The Irishman says, ah, not a problem.
[01:46:48]  I'll go now.
[01:46:49]  First step, fifth step, 10th step, 40th step, 50th step.
[01:46:53]  He gets all the way to step 97.
[01:46:56]  Bursts out laughing for no reason.
[01:46:58]  St. Peter is very confused.
[01:46:59]  He says, well, I'm going to have to flush you straight to hell now.
[01:47:03]  But you're not even on a step that tells a joke.
[01:47:07]  And you're not even at the last joke yet.
[01:47:09]  Why did you laugh?
[01:47:10]  The Irishman says, ah, I just got the first one.
[01:47:26]  Got all that boat producer.
[01:47:31]  Gonna bring the feeling good producer to the emergency BT.