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Jan. 16, 2024 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:53:16

E478 Shane Gillis

Shane Gillis is a stand-up comedian and podcaster. He is the host of “Matt and Shane’s Secret Podcast” along with comedian Matt McCusker, and co-created the sketch comedy series “Gilly and Keeves”. His latest special “Beautiful Dogs” is out now on Netflix. Shane Gillis returns to chat with Theo about moving to Austin, the perils of hot air balloon rides, shady tunnel activity in NYC, the upside to arranged marriages, defensive vomiting, how he got Gabe Davis to do his iconic TD celebration, and more. Shane Gillis: https://www.instagram.com/shanemgillis/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Prize Picks: Prize Picks: Download the Prize Picks app and use CODE: THEO. Prize Picks will match your deposit up to $100. Current: Go to http://current.com/THEO and use code THEO to get $50 when you set up a qualifying $200 direct deposit at sign up. BetterHelp: This show is sponsored by BetterHelp - go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Füm: Start the Good Habit at http://tryfum.com/THEO to save 10% off the Journey Pack today. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	I have new tour dates to tell you about.
	I'll be in New Orleans, Louisiana.
	We're coming back over there.
	We're going to do it at the Sanger Theater down there, down there, downtown, March 29th and 30th.
	That's Easter weekend.
	Get your tickets early with the pre-sale code Rat King starting this Wednesday, January 17th at 10 a.m.
	local time.
	General on sale begins Friday, January 19th at 10 a.m.
	local time.
	We also have tickets remaining in Charlottesville, State College, Amherst, Brisbane, Sydney in the Australia, and Atlanta, Georgia.
	Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash tour.
	We are down here in Austin, Texas today over at Rooster Teeth Studios.
	And we are happy to be here and really happy to let you know about today's guest.
	He's one of the brightest young comedians in the world.
	He is just a damn, I mean, just a long damn, just ivory flamingo of a boy.
	And he is just so humorous.
	And you know him from Matt and Shane's secret podcast and his latest special, Beautiful Dogs on Netflix.
	I'm grateful to get to spend time today with my friend, Mr. Shane Gillis.
	I'm going to stay.
	Are you ready, bro?
	I don't know.
	It's a podcast.
	Who gives a fuck?
	We can sit here and say nothing, and people will be like, unbelievable.
	The two comedic geniuses of our time have done it again.
	Legends.
	Yo, how do you jack off?
	How do you poop?
	And people like, holy fuck.
	Yeah, I'm not worried about it.
	Legend.
	Dude, how weird is it when people start saying you're a legend?
	And you're like, I just ate a Wendy's burger in the family restroom by myself.
	I'm depressed.
	That's always weird, I think.
	Because that's probably started to happen to you.
	People are like, dude, this guy's the king, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	For sure.
	I've heard stuff like that.
	Off-road Elvis, people call you that.
	Late Elvis, Vegas Elvis.
	Fat, sweaty, dying Elvis.
	That actually fires me up.
	I'll take that.
	Yeah, people say like you'd be like the baddest dyke in the world.
	People say I've heard that.
	And I mean holding back water.
	I'm not talking about.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	Stick a finger in there.
	Dude, if we win, what if we did under we did we're undercover lesbians?
	I think you and me could pull that off real easy.
	You get rid of that?
	Not all of it.
	I know.
	Oh, yeah.
	Leave a little stubble.
	Like one of those really crazy lesbians.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like the ones that are like, you know, they want you to know they could have been a man if they wanted to, but they chose this route.
	For sure.
	Yeah.
	Good to see you, man.
	Good to see you, man.
	Shane, bro, nice to see you, bro.
	Always happy to see you.
	You too, man.
	Thanks for hanging out.
	And yeah, and I was so glad that I got to do Matt and Shane's secret podcast, bro.
	Dude, that was awesome.
	Matt's amazing.
	Matt's one of those guys.
	It's like you, Tim Dylan, and Matt are the guys.
	Nick Mullen can do it too.
	It's nice to be on a podcast with you guys where you can just sit there and be like, all right, go.
	Because I feel like I'm not that great at it.
	I'm good at, you know?
	Yeah.
	It's nice to have somebody that's just like good at it.
	I think if I'm feeling pretty geeked up, then I can, you know, I can do something, you know?
	Yeah, yeah, you can.
	But then I could, yeah, sometimes the wheel starts to fall.
	I agree.
	I'm actually very similar.
	If I'm like, all right, this is fun.
	I'm having a good day.
	Sometimes I'll just.
	Yeah.
	Not many funny responses.
	Just, yeah.
	Doing it with a buddy is so fun, dude, because you have like, there's just somebody to talk to.
	Like, sometimes I'll do them by myself and I'm like, fuck, I wish there was somebody else here, you know?
	Doing it by yourself is crazy.
	It's so crazy.
	I can't imagine.
	How often do you do that?
	It really is.
	I think I do it like once a month right now by myself.
	That'd be hard.
	Yeah.
	I think it's, let me think about what it's like.
	I think sometimes it's just tough because your own, if you have a bad attitude, it's just you, you know?
	I can't imagine.
	Yeah.
	If I felt bad, I would go on there and just be like, hey, I feel bad.
	But then you don't want to be every week like, hey, I feel like you.
	I know.
	I've been in several months of that.
	Yeah.
	Every episode, I'm like, fucking hungover again.
	Yeah.
	God damn it.
	This is depressing.
	Yeah.
	Really?
	It makes you feel that?
	Like every time you show up, you're like, oh, I'm hungover.
	And so you start to notice a pattern, you mean?
	Oh, yeah, for sure.
	Yeah.
	Drinking too much.
	Yeah.
	But I love it.
	I love it.
	There's no part of me that's like, all right, stop.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's just like, no, you got it.
	That's what you tell yourself.
	You got, nah, then you're fully in control.
	Nah, man.
	Dude, one time we were drinking with my buddy and he got into the Uber, right?
	And he just didn't get his, like, he had like real kind of heavy legs because his mom kind of had heavy legs, but she'll wear tight pants and you kind of couldn't tell.
	But if you were over there a lot, you knew that she kind of had really stocky legs.
	But he was bringing his second leg into the Uber and his sandal fell off, right?
	So then we had this place we got in from he fucking just shows up.
	Yeah, everybody was just like, he just seems so much drunker than he was.
	You know, it's crazy how losing.
	Yeah.
	That's, yeah.
	Losing one piece of footwear and somebody's like, oh, that guy.
	A lens of glasses, one lens.
	You're fucking hammered.
	You're a crackhead now.
	Oh, yeah.
	That's that's insane, I feel like.
	Losing a glass is a lens.
	You got to really.
	Yeah, your kids are like, nah, uh.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Your kids are like, we're not, we're going to order pizza forever.
	It's pizza time.
	Yeah.
	What was I looking at this morning that was making me laugh?
	It was, oh, do you see that thing with the mayor?
	Do you see that thing with mayor, with the mayor of New York?
	No.
	It's a, oh, yeah, this is it right here.
	Do you see this?
	So Eric Adams, he teaches, what was he saying?
	They're teaching kids how to.
	They're teaching parents how to search your kids' room to find drugs and gun stuff.
	Yeah, did you see this?
	You can look at the jewelry box, a jewelry box of this nature, maybe a simple jewelry box, but if you look through it closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding.
	For instance, a gun.
	That's from the state of New York.
	Government is like, make it scary as fuck.
	Hold on, hold on.
	Started arguing.
	The music is crazy.
	You scared the fuck out of these people.
	It almost seems like the story before Castlevania starts it, like on a video game.
	A jewelry box is a little bit of a game.
	Yeah, this is an opening menu.
	But if you look through it closely, you don't know what your child may be hiding.
	For instance, a gun.
	Look at picture frames behind you.
	Cameras.
	Try to determine what's taking place.
	Behind a picture frame, you can find bullets.
	You should always, when your children are in the house, that's where you find bullets.
	A video game.
	Look through it.
	Look through his knapsack.
	You might find a grenade.
	In addition to a bull.
	Something simple as a crackpipe.
	Something simple as a baby dog.
	Something great as a kid.
	Secret.
	Secrete.
	Bro, this is a mayor.
	That's unusual.
	Like a pillow like this with a button is a perfect invitation to hide something.
	I felt something bumpy.
	I will reach in, see what it is.
	Just look at these dogs.
	Bro, you guys have got to stop it, man.
	You guys have to see this.
	I mean, it's just, that's unbelievable.
	Look at this.
	Wait, where's the cocaine at?
	Hi.
	Cocaine.
	You can look in the jewelry box.
	A jewelry box is more than just books.
	Coming back to jewelry box.
	Just look and see what's inside your bookcases.
	This is like black clue.
	Call me fucking Colonel Musk.
	Look behind this picture of your cousin.
	What's that?
	An eight ball, some suppositories.
	He's like, oh, look in this baby doll.
	What's in there?
	A shank.
	A picture of Andy Duframe.
	It's a good kid.
	I mean, he's got guns and a printer.
	Yeah.
	Oh, it's a nice room.
	Yeah.
	It's like, oh, oh, look under that Nintendo Switch.
	Oh, what's that?
	Bam.
	It's a 12-gauge and some Trama-Doll nowadays.
	He's got a lot of guns, dude.
	That's pretty awesome.
	That's pretty awesome, man.
	I like him.
	Eric Adams?
	Eric Adams?
	Yeah, he seems funny.
	Yeah.
	Seems good.
	Yeah, I think he obviously seems down to earth.
	He's willing to do that.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Because that seemed like it could be like a sketch, you know?
	I think that was a sketch.
	You think?
	Where is that from?
	No, that's real.
	It feels like Reno Island.
	That's real.
	That's old, though.
	I don't know how.
	That has to be old.
	There's no way New York.
	It was tweeted out like this week, and that's why it got around.
	I don't mean to punch holes in it because if that just came out.
	That looks like it's from 20 years ago.
	It looks like that was.
	Yeah.
	Check your son's Invisalign case.
	He may be hiding shotgun shells or just some.
	Books.
	Yeah.
	Look behind that autographed picture of Katy Perry.
	Oh, what's that?
	That's a Gatling gun and some oxies.
	Oh, you think it's just your child's retainer case, but open it up and bam, it's an indentured servant and some Kwaludes.
	That is good for, yeah, honky parents need to be doing this also.
	What do you mean?
	They need to find the weapons.
	Yeah, did your parents ever check your My mom came in one time and I remember I was touching myself, right?
	Big surprise.
	And she's like, what?
	What are you doing?
	That's what she said.
	Yeah.
	She's like, what are you doing?
	And I was kind of sitting on the bed.
	It was almost like very, almost as if like in the 1800s, you'd wandered upon like a guy who was like a jest, like a jester traveling in the woods and he'd taken off his suit and he's jerking off by the riverbank or whatever.
	You know, and she's like, what are you doing?
	And I was like, get out.
	And so then she closed the door, right?
	She waited like two seconds, right?
	I continued masturbating.
	She came right back in.
	Dude, I had a hotel guy do this to me like a couple months ago.
	No way, really?
	I was in Indianapolis and a fucking Indian man walked straight in the room while I was jacking off.
	A real Indian guy?
	Wow.
	No, from India.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yes.
	Oh, yeah.
	Hotel.
	Yeah, definitely.
	And he the guy at the front stood there.
	Yeah.
	He stood there for a while.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I was like, yo, you got to get out of here.
	And then he stood outside the door, waited like 15 seconds and knocked.
	Oh, wow.
	I started jacking off as soon as he left again.
	So I was jerking off again.
	I hear a fucking knock.
	I was like, dude, get the fuck out of here.
	What are you doing?
	The crazy part is imagine you walk over there with your wiener still in your hand and look through that little peephole.
	Somebody else.
	Someone different than the guy I just screamed at with my cock in my hand.
	Hey, get up.
	I was also, I was naked laying on top of the made bed.
	I didn't even get under the covers.
	It was right when I checked in.
	Oh, that's sad.
	I just stripped down and went straight to it.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	What is it that makes us do that?
	You know?
	Hotel rooms?
	It's almost like, you know, some birds, when they, after they've flown for a long way, they'll like vomit right when they land.
	It's, I don't want to, it's something like a seagull or something.
	Yeah, you know, some birds can fly almost 1,100 miles before they land, right?
	But there's some when they, right when they vomit, they land.
	Will you look that up?
	Yeah, I see defensive vomiting that turkey vultures do.
	I don't know about when they land.
	Defensive vomiting.
	I was a Phillies fan defensive vomited on a kid one time at a game.
	Yeah.
	The guy in front of him was talking shit and he puked on his son during the baseball game.
	Defensive.
	That guy's a turkey vulture.
	Yeah.
	That's a cracker barrel baptism right there, dude.
	Got puked on at a baseball game because your drunk dad with one fucking lens and his glasses was mouthing off.
	Dude, There's way too many fights at these games these days.
	Or do you think we're just recording them now?
	That's what it is.
	I don't know.
	There's always been that many fights.
	There has always been that many fights, but it's so easy to get in a fight at a sporting event.
	Yeah.
	Because you want your team to win so bad.
	And then there's a guy next to you like clapping hard for the other team.
	Well, people also.
	Yeah, that's true.
	I hate him.
	I can't control this game, but I can fuck that guy up.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	I might be losing by 30 out there, but right here.
	This is going to be a moral victory.
	I'm going to get arrested after the loss.
	Yeah, I'm going to vomit on this guy's fat son.
	Vomiting on a kid is so funny.
	Well, just be like, this game's not going well.
	There's no video.
	That's the guy who did it.
	It's from 2010.
	There's no video.
	Dude, he does have one lens.
	I knew it.
	Matthew.
	Yeah, he does.
	He's got one lens.
	He has one lens.
	You're right.
	Matthew Clemens Phillies fan vomit.
	Vomit man.
	Vomit man.
	Superhero.
	I guess he threw up on a cop and a kid.
	Wow.
	He's on a spree.
	Yeah, it says right there, what Philadelphia Phillies fan Matthew Clemens did was enough to make himself sick.
	And us too, for that matter.
	But at least now he admits it.
	Wow, good friend.
	We should call him sometime.
	The 21-year-old Cherry Hill, New Jersey, and I've been there, made love to a Native American woman there.
	Which is crazy because you were just talking about that.
	I forgot about that.
	The hotel was under renovations, and it was crazy.
	I think she thought I was bringing her to some crazy place or something because it was all that.
	Visc pumped, there was a door.
	Visc queen hanging everywhere.
	Like it was, I don't even think people should have been staying there.
	Like you didn't even have a door.
	It was just like Viscine.
	You had to hold your card key up to the Viscine and just make like a sound and then go.
	Let me see.
	Clemens pleaded guilty to simple assault and other charges Tuesday, May 25th, intentionally vomiting on a man, a police officer, and his 11-year-old daughter.
	Wow.
	Oh, so he was a police officer at the game.
	He wasn't like getting arrested.
	I wonder how much time they gave him.
	Crime Cider is offering to buy Vomit Man a satellite dish to discourage him from going to any more games.
	A satellite dish?
	He's going to be bumped.
	Vomit Man getting hold of a satellite dish?
	Let me buy you something from the past, you know?
	He got 30 to 90 days in jail and two years of probation.
	Oh, did he?
	Wow.
	Damn.
	Also, quick update.
	The Eric Adams video was from 2011 when he's a senator.
	It went reviral.
	Still a senator doing that is KFC posted it on Barstool.
	Yeah.
	Check inside of your son's baseball bat, man.
	He could be hiding a couple of Vikings in there.
	It's fucking ridiculous, you know.
	Look under your little daughter's pillow.
	She could have some hookers or escorts under there.
	Check under the bed, man.
	I didn't count you.
	There's a whore under there.
	Yeah.
	Oh, you think that's a boogeyman under your son's bed?
	That's some boogie pussy.
	That's a whore.
	That's an escort right there.
	The khakis are so nice in that video.
	Khakis in a blazer.
	It could be bullets in there.
	Oh, you think that's a stuffed ludicrous doll?
	But open up its back and boom, what do you got?
	A butt balloon of crystal and a couple of Narcan chewables.
	What were we talking about, dude?
	Vomit man.
	Oh, yeah.
	You moved here.
	I did.
	Yeah.
	You moved here since we last talked to you.
	Yeah.
	You made a big movie.
	So like, because you moved from New York.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	And was there part of you that was kind of scared?
	Was there like, what were you thinking?
	Because, I mean, I've thought about it, you know, and a lot of people have done it, you know?
	No, I'd come down here a lot because, you know, do Rogan's podcast, do podcasts down here, do comedy.
	So I've been down here enough.
	So I wasn't worried about like living here.
	I was worried about comics being like, ah, pussy.
	He left New York.
	He's trying to fuck himself Rogan's dick.
	I was like, that's going to happen.
	I know that.
	No, I was excited.
	Matt was excited about it.
	So I knew I had Matt coming down with me.
	And then we brought our other friends.
	It's good.
	Yeah.
	And taxes are.
	Oh, yeah.
	But fuck New York, dude.
	Yeah, it's crazy.
	It's great.
	Yeah.
	And, oh, what's that in your daughter's bedroom?
	What's that in the pillowcase?
	Oh, that's extra taxes.
	That's what that's there, guys.
	That's taxes in a couple of somas, bro.
	Like, damn.
	A lot of taxes up there.
	Oh, it's crazy.
	It's an extra, I think, 14%.
	What's the state tax rate in New York City up there, exactly?
	I think it's 10. Oh, he's guessing.
	What is it?
	No, I'm not guessing.
	I got it right here.
	4% to 10.9% you see here.
	Wow.
	Because Los Angeles is 13, I think, percent.
	I was hovering around that 4% range for a while when I lived in New York.
	And then you probably moved up into at least that 6.85%.
	Yes.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	So that's kind of crazy.
	So you moved.
	Yeah.
	Like, I think some people say that.
	They're like, oh, do you want to move there?
	Because Rogan's there because Dylan's there.
	It seems like the new thing.
	And I think, yeah, I kind of maybe, I don't know if I had some fear.
	I don't know.
	I don't know if I had fear of that.
	You definitely think, oh, people think you're just, yeah, you're just riding that guy wiener, you know?
	Yeah.
	Somebody.
	Yeah.
	I mean, but also he's like.
	I would say it if I was still in New York.
	Yeah.
	Somebody else moved here.
	Fucking pussy couldn't take it.
	I'd do the same thing.
	Yeah, come back and pay these high taxes.
	Pay these fucking taxes.
	Live in a shithole in New York.
	Yeah.
	But no, I just wanted to move to a place where you could do stand-up during the week.
	And forever, it was just New York and L.A. That's nice.
	now you can do it in Nashville and Austin.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, you cannot.
	It's not the same.
	I'll say that 100%.
	It is not the same as what it feels like here.
	Like even just going over to the mothership, it's like you can do three sets in a night, probably.
	Yeah, you can do four every single time.
	There's usually two shows in the small room, two in the main room.
	I mean, that's it.
	You do four sets a night, yeah.
	Four sets a night in the same building and you can go do.
	I mean, that's unprecedented.
	What's nice is watching like McCusker, because he was in Philly where you can't do that.
	And now he's been living here just a few months, and he's gotten so good.
	Really?
	Just from doing, yeah, you can do it every night.
	Yeah, I met him last night.
	Or I met him at your, yeah, I met him at your podcast.
	I met his wife too, yeah, Brittany is her name, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He got a beautiful little wife, yeah, she's great.
	Um, yeah, dude, I think having that much ability to get up is it starts to change you.
	You're like, oh, I just practiced it.
	He didn't go in there.
	Let me try it again.
	You're like right there.
	You get the bomb four times.
	Yeah.
	Take it on the road and be like, I'm not going to change anything.
	Fuck, it's still not working.
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	Yeah, that's wild, dude.
	Yeah.
	What has been like, did you find a house immediately?
	How'd you find a house down here?
	I just had a lady, a real estate lady.
	I was like, I just need a house that's furnished because I don't have anything.
	Yeah.
	So she, first house she picked out, I was like, that's it.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I didn't see it until I moved in.
	No.
	It was nice.
	Yeah.
	I moved in.
	I was like, it's fucking nice.
	Oh, it's like that show where you meet your wife the first time.
	Like Indians.
	Yeah.
	That's crazy, dude.
	Bro, because here's the craziest part about that getting married like that is you, what if you know your parents are fucking lame, dude?
	Like they've been picking shit off of you for Christmas every year and they pick out like horrible shit.
	I don't know.
	There's also the forced marriage is kind of nice, though.
	Because if I fuck like an ugly chick, I'm like, damn, people are going to find out about this.
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	Now, if it's just like, dude, I had to.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like my parents made me fuck this chick forever.
	I don't care if it's a girl's a girl.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	Oh, I got it.
	Yeah.
	It's like being on a desert island.
	Oh, I got to tell people next time I'm like, oh, what's that?
	I'm saying, like, if you're stuck on a desert island, you're going to fuck, you know.
	It's like, this is who I'm with.
	I have to.
	There's no judgment here.
	Oh, yeah.
	Or like Epstein's Island.
	Yeah.
	You know, if you're on an island, you got to fuck.
	All right, whatever.
	My bad.
	No, no, no.
	I think, look, let's talk about it.
	If you're on an island, you have to fuck.
	And there's a lot of young people running around.
	You're the only adult.
	What are you going to do, dude?
	What are you going to do?
	Come on, man.
	This way, you need to check through your child's shit.
	Check through your child's color and books easily in there.
	They could have a couple ninja stars and a bear trap.
	That guy's out of his fucking mind.
	That's good stuff.
	Yeah, dude.
	What are we talking about?
	It's the islands.
	Yeah.
	We were talking about you buying a house unseen.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's brave.
	The thing I was most worried about was the television because I thought it was like they thought they were going to hit me with like the Airbnb pictures.
	Like you get there and you're like, oh, fuck, this house sucks.
	TV's big.
	Right.
	So I'm good.
	Oh, that's good.
	Thank God it's furnished or I would have never, I'd never furnish it.
	Really?
	Yeah, I'd have one folding chair in front of the TV.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, my house was furnished when I got my house.
	Thank God.
	And then who told me?
	Oh, Tom Segur told me in this room.
	He said, hey, man, you got to start getting some art for yourself.
	You have to get something you like because it really does start to change the way that you think about your own.
	Tom's becoming like the Jay-Z of stand-up.
	He's like, you got to invest in art.
	Yeah, he's got art.
	He's got sneakers.
	He's got Yamara.
	What the car is called?
	The fastest one?
	McLaren.
	McLaren.
	Is that it?
	Yeah.
	That's wild to me.
	I think I would be scared to be like real rich.
	I wouldn't know how to do it.
	I bet you're all right.
	Oh, I think I'm okay having more money for sure.
	But I think if I tried to be real rich, I just don't know how I would, I don't know what I would spend money on, you know?
	Like, would you get a super fast car?
	No, I'm afraid to drive fast.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I think, yeah.
	I just don't know what I would get.
	Probably guns, probably.
	A couple.
	You got to get guns.
	Yeah.
	A couple for your neighbors, a couple for you.
	Give them out.
	Yeah, you don't want to shoot at your neighbors.
	You don't have to hide them in your kids' room.
	Your neighbor's kids' room.
	Start fucking planting guns.
	Oh, damn, what's this behind this child's bathing suit right there?
	It's an AR-15.
	Oh, that's a most dangerous gun in the world.
	You think that's a water weapon?
	That's an AR-15 right there with some blood on it.
	No, I understand Tom, though.
	He's doing it.
	I mean, he's got money.
	He knows how to spend it.
	Yeah, I just wonder what.
	Yeah, I guess I hadn't really thought about what I would spend, what I would buy, like if I bought myself something nice.
	You know?
	Have you started to think, I mean, well, you got yourself a house.
	Yeah, I rented it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I didn't buy it.
	Yeah.
	But that's nice.
	Yeah, that's nice.
	I don't know, hot air balloon or something.
	Cool.
	I don't know what I would do.
	That's fucking nice.
	Those are scary, though.
	I'd rather go fast than get more of those.
	Yeah, but if you really master the art of it, I got a buddy that used to fly one and he keep fucking, that bitch would show the fuck up.
	Seriously, hold on.
	You ever see these things crash?
	Huh?
	They come down on power lines and shit.
	It's so funny.
	Yeah, if you don't know what you're doing.
	Yeah.
	I think you got to get one of those D, yeah, pull up some crashes.
	Yeah, you got to pull up a D. And some of them run on diesel, I think, huh?
	They catch fire, too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's scary.
	What's that in your four-year-old's bedroom, a hot air balloon?
	Oh, look at this.
	Oh, some guy and his son.
	Hang on.
	Hang on, Tater.
	Fucking balloon crash.
	The wind's picked up.
	Sometimes if people have a really thick sun, their nickname is always like a starchy food.
	You ever notice that?
	Yeah.
	Come on, Tater.
	Tater.
	Get it done, cake pop.
	That's what the hell out of you.
	Yeah.
	Get in there.
	Pancake Batter, they'll call them.
	It's my son, Pancake Batter.
	Come on, Batter, get in the truck.
	Dude, we're going to fly balloons.
	Scratched.
	Hang on, Pop.
	Hang on, cake pop.
	Hang on, cake pop.
	Cake pop, no.
	And you know, one of their family members definitely shot that bitch down in the distance, dude.
	That's also a risk, dude.
	Anyone could shoot you down anonymously, dude.
	You can take those things out.
	You'll never get caught.
	Yeah.
	Pull that up.
	Man, anonymously.
	Shoots down hot air balloons.
	Watches like 2,000 videos of that.
	Get a Confederate flag air balloon.
	Ooh, that'd be cool, huh?
	Yeah, let it fly.
	Get a target.
	Go tough, huh?
	Yeah, go tough on them.
	See who wants to shoot it down.
	Dude, fly it past like the Bayou Classic or something here.
	Get them fired up.
	But dude, I will say this.
	If you hang one speaker out of a plane, do the stanky leg, everybody will let it go by.
	People will be like, oh, all right.
	Oh, there we go.
	Civil War, yeah.
	They had them.
	Yeah, what were hot air balloons used during the Civil War for?
	They would just use it surveillance.
	Oh, it's like.
	Spy plane.
	I think Napoleon used them first.
	Really?
	Maybe not first, but he was using them.
	It's like bums with drones like we were talking about.
	That would scare the fuck out of you if the other side had that.
	Both the Union and Confederacy used hot air balloons for reconnaissance to help determine the location of troops and artillery.
	This innovation in aerial warfare was a trailblazer for its time as it took place 42 years before the invention of the airplane.
	Wow.
	But dude, imagine that bitch starts going down near the enemy.
	Oh, fuck.
	Can't turn it.
	Hang on.
	Hold on, K-pop.
	K-pop, no.
	God, dude, that kind of shit's just fucking heartbreaking.
	Yeah, hot air balloons, you can't get, you don't want one of those.
	But imagine you run out of time.
	You've been in one?
	Huh?
	Yeah, I've been in one.
	Really?
	Yeah, I've been in one.
	I was with my buddy's dad when we were kids.
	He like proposed to this lady in one, dude.
	With kids?
	Yeah.
	And she said no.
	And so then we're like, well, what the fuck?
	That's a tough rest of the trip.
	Yeah.
	And we were trying not to like act excited because we were in there because we could tell like he was bummed out.
	It's tough to be bummed out on like the ledge of a hot air, but like looking away from them, like trying to be sad.
	Oh, it was sad, dude.
	And that guy's always, he's been sad since then.
	There's a lot of videos of him online.
	And he's always listening to that song.
	There goes my hero.
	Watch him as he goes.
	Just seeing his old self.
	That's the man I used to be.
	Yeah.
	Tiffany was his girlfriend's name.
	And she's like, I don't think so.
	And that's how she said it.
	We're like, what the fuck?
	It's like, yeah, and it was like 70 more minutes we had to spend up there.
	Yeah.
	Because the tour guy, I think he didn't really know what was going on.
	So he just kept giving us the tour of like that.
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Oh.
	It's shit like that that just makes you wonder what's going on.
	Yeah, I think that fucks people up.
	Like when you're supposed to be happy, like a cool, like a hot air balloon or like that kid jumping off the fucking cruise ship.
	Like having something like that was supposed to be fun and good get horribly ruined.
	Yeah, that kid was from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
	I don't know if we talked about that last time we were together, but maybe.
	That kid was just partying and he jumped off and never seen it again.
	Check this shit out.
	Yeah.
	But the craziest is people were like, that's a shark.
	There's like one little piece of like water and it just looks like some white and like definite shark.
	Yeah.
	People make like comments like that online.
	Oh, that was crazy.
	It was quick for a shark to munch him that quick.
	I feel like they take their time, right?
	Well, also, the odds of shark is going to be right there at that moment.
	I do think sharks follow cruise ships.
	Search called off.
	Oh, that's the toughest.
	Oh my fucking god Oh, oh, bye bye, oh shit Oh, saying bye-bye to him.
	Oh, that's the worst.
	You got to regret that.
	You know?
	Dude, something like that happened to me, man.
	It was when we had a guy who fell on a basketball court and died when we were kids.
	And when he fell, I yelled out like Reggie Lewis.
	Remember, there was that guy, Reggie Lewis, that had died?
	No.
	Reggie Lewis, look him up if you can.
	Reggie Lewis?
	That's him right there.
	Reginald C. Lewis was an American professional basketball player with the NBA.
	This Boston Celtics.
	That was it.
	Beautiful man right there.
	And he collapsed on the court.
	There was another guy that did that too.
	That was like a.
	I think it was B.J. Armstrong.
	Maybe.
	He was real famous.
	Keontae Johnson?
	No.
	Don't just name a black guy.
	Keontae Johnson.
	No, there's somebody.
	But it happens to people.
	But yeah, this happened to him.
	And so we thought this guy just falling down, just tripped.
	And so I remember yelling that out, Reggie Lewis.
	And then they tried to revive him and he died.
	Oh, no.
	I didn't jinx him.
	That's insane to say that.
	You jinxed him, dude.
	I can't believe you put that on.
	I didn't jinx him.
	Look up if I jinxed him or not.
	I don't think you jinxed him.
	Yeah, that's heartbreaking.
	I'm sorry that I did that.
	Have you felt good about moving here?
	Now, once you moved here, was it kind of like different or was it different than you thought?
	Like, what are some things that were kind of cool about it?
	I don't know.
	You know, when you move, I was sad for like a week.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, I was by myself.
	It was scary.
	I was used to having fucking, I was used to living in apartments.
	I lived in Philly, New York the last decade.
	So I was like, there's usually somebody around.
	Now I was out there by myself.
	I got scared for a while.
	I was scared.
	Really?
	You get scared at night, noises.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You think it's a noise and you just, you farted.
	Just wake myself up with farts.
	What the fuck was that?
	Yeah, I mean, I was scared for a while.
	Yeah.
	I was emotional.
	I would cry during movies when I was at night by myself.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	So that's what you have to look forward to.
	Scary and you cry.
	That's it.
	I think that's just part of the American condition these days, dude.
	Oh, you're fine, man.
	Yeah, that was all.
	Yeah, because I think I thought, I don't know if I thought Nashville would be a busier comedy scene.
	I didn't think that.
	Because they just have one club.
	It's like a functioning club there, right?
	It's like they have a headliner flies in every weekend.
	So they help you as much as they can, but they just don't have as much space, you know?
	And then there's not a lot as many other rooms around the area.
	But here, it's like, yeah, it feels like you could go.
	Like we met a guy last night.
	He'd done like five spots, you know?
	Yeah, you can do that here.
	It's like, wow.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that's crazy to think you could do that in a city.
	I mean, there was never, maybe Chicago you could do that in?
	Maybe, I don't know.
	New York, obviously, you can.
	Yeah.
	LA.
	LA, definitely.
	Those are the two.
	Yeah.
	But that was, yeah, I don't know.
	But yeah, you can do it if you want.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	This is going well.
	This is going well.
	What else we got?
	I'm trying to think of other horrible deaths I can think of.
	Oh, do you?
	What about that?
	There was something I was looking at the other day.
	It was pull up that, what's that death page on Twitter where they have a lot of deaths on there?
	It's an animal.
	I might have even sent it to you the other day.
	Oh, history photograph.
	We were looking at this picture.
	Back in the day, they had to hang an elephant.
	Oh, there you go.
	To treat the cat.
	Just to look at the judicial system in the world, right?
	So this elephant, right?
	The hanging of Mary the elephant, also known as murderous Mary, I guess a bad elephant, was publicly executed for killing her handler in 1916.
	It was meant to be a warning to other criminal elephants.
	There it goes Yeah I mean that's Yeah So it just, you got to think the judicial abilities of human beings is always.
	Why?
	But I guess if you're another elephant, you got to be like, yeah, I've seen what's going on here.
	Yeah, these motherfuckers mean business, cuz.
	I mean, the idea, though.
	Yeah.
	The guy who was like, fucking hang that motherfucker.
	Everyone else would probably fucking shoot it in the head.
	Behind closed doors, we'll be done with this elephant.
	Behind a huge closed door.
	Gotta make an example of this fucking elephant.
	Yeah, yeah, not this bitch.
	Hang it.
	Murderous Mary, not this bitch.
	Have you seen what she's fucking doing?
	She probably did some pretty crazy shit.
	Yeah, this bitch drank 200 gallons of fucking water.
	I had a friend who's a friend of their mother's was like a big elephant advocate.
	She was a rich lady, so she was like, save the elephants.
	Oh, yeah.
	Rich people do that.
	That was her cause.
	And then she hate them, so they save rare animals.
	So then she was like, all right, she went to Africa to like her first trip to meet the elephants, and one of them fucking killed her.
	Fucking killed her, dude.
	And they don't, I don't think people know this about elephants.
	They don't kill you.
	It's not fun, dude.
	They don't, it's, they ground you.
	They use their face and fucking mush you into the ground.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's like when you see people do like the stone ground flower and stuff.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Like they're artisan chefs.
	They are.
	They'll grind you up.
	Oh, that's heartbreaking.
	Elephant kills woman.
	This is a different one, but yes, this is also incredible.
	Damn, whoa, whoa.
	This is awesome.
	Is elephant a euphemism for somebody?
	Because let's go back and read this.
	Elephant kills woman and returns to her funeral.
	Elephant kills woman and returns to her funeral to attack her corpse.
	Wow.
	Odisha, India.
	Bizarre animal stories are heard often.
	Maya Mermu was collecting water in Raipai village located in the Mayurnbahanj district of Odisha, India, when a herd of elephants came her way, she tried to flee, but one of them rushed her.
	Wow, that's heartbreaking, man.
	Let me see.
	At the ceremony was taking place, the Times video reported that a herd of elephants appeared from the forest, sending villagers running.
	They left Mermu's body behind.
	Wow.
	She had a liquid death.
	One of the elephants then reportedly attacked the woman's core by picking up the body and throwing it in the air.
	Wow.
	Thankfully, there's a video.
	Should I play it?
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	Let's take a vote in the room.
	All right.
	Everybody said yes.
	I didn't want to do it.
	Oh, man.
	Oh, this is just after.
	I think this is the aftermath.
	Yeah, I don't think they were.
	Oh, that'd be the worst, I think, if it all came in your house.
	Yeah, it'd be up there.
	Because even if you go in another room, it can just come right in there.
	Oh, that'd be so hectic, man.
	I mean, especially like at your mom's funeral.
	Yeah.
	You're like, there's that motherfucker that did it.
	Yeah.
	He's come back to fuck everybody else up, too.
	You think he could do a big crime like that?
	Do a big murder?
	I don't think I could murder.
	I don't think.
	Well, now, you think it's just an empty bottle of prime on your child's windowsill?
	Well, open it up and bam, that's some homemade lean topped off with a little mini cachet of nerve gas.
	Who was that for, dude?
	That's Eric Adams, dude.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Who's fucking kidding?
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	Yeah, that actually was hot.
	Yeah.
	Oh, what's this here?
	That's a My Little Pony?
	No, that's a My Little Fenton all stash.
	Yeah.
	What else can we talk about, dude?
	I don't know.
	That's about as good as it gets, though.
	Hot air balloons.
	Yeah.
	Fucking elephants.
	But if you could do a murder or not, man.
	Yeah.
	I know God wouldn't want me to do it.
	That would be the thing.
	Yeah.
	He would be like, don't do it, buddy.
	And I would be like, I'm not going to.
	And then I would maybe sneak.
	I swear I'm not going to do it.
	Hit him under the table so God can't see.
	Little Grito.
	Han Solo.
	They should have tables that are like God resistant or whatever, like whatever happens under here, you know?
	Yeah.
	I remember a girl let me feel her back one time at the library and we're kind of horny children or whatever.
	Yeah.
	I guess she didn't want me touching her breast or whatever.
	And I think maybe I didn't even know what was going on.
	Back's good.
	She's like, you can feel on my back.
	That's real good.
	And I just remember just feeling her back.
	I'm going to be a Batman now that you mention it.
	Fucking nice, huh?
	Rubbing a lady's back?
	It's one big flat long tip.
	Yeah.
	That's all her back is.
	You know?
	Yeah, let me get that flat.
	Let me get that.
	The small, the small of the back.
	Put your hand there.
	Oh, dude.
	If you touched on the small of her back and her body, it felt warmer there.
	You're like, I don't know.
	You know, it felt like she was baking cookies in her butt or something.
	Yeah.
	It felt always warmer there.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	It was warm, yeah.
	Like, whoa, what am I doing down here?
	I remember the first time a girl, let me touch the small of her back and had some hair on it, right?
	Because her dad was really tough.
	And I was like, I don't care.
	I'll fucking pet this girl.
	Yeah, I don't mind.
	I will pet this bitch.
	I'm in love.
	Sometimes girls have really hairy butts.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I think naturally girls sometimes have, I think they have to work on that.
	I don't.
	Some of them get like man's ass.
	I don't think they do, dude.
	I don't think these are girls.
	You're getting tricked by some of that ass put.
	Search girl, hairy ass girl.
	Yeah, bring something up.
	We have blockers on a lot of our stuff, but if you can get around some of it, maybe on Twitter.
	Are you allowed to show hair?
	I was looking for a picture, but read this top Reddit post.
	My girlfriend has a lot of hair on her ass.
	How do I approach this?
	Great question.
	Let's review this.
	Do you have a problem?
	The problem is that her asshole is very hairy.
	This is on Ask Women, by the way, the subreddit.
	If it bothers you so much that you can't be with her because of it, you have to straight up tell her about it.
	Why is she getting all ratchet on a suddenly?
	Somebody just reported hair.
	She's like, you got to straight up tell her about it, period.
	Honey, your hairy asshole disturbs me.
	Here's the actual post.
	But I think you're, my girlfriend is beautiful and she does a great job of maniquering her lady bits.
	The problem is that her asshole, and they wrote it like that, is very hairy.
	It's kind of a turnoff when I'm down there.
	A few wouldn't bother me, but this is a lot more than a few.
	Oh.
	How did you all start taking care of your nether regions?
	Did you read about it in a magazine or you just do it naturally?
	How should I approach this topic with her without getting her upset?
	Stuck getting those magazines, laying them around.
	Yeah.
	She's taking a hairy-ass shit.
	You can leave one in the bathroom.
	Ew, dude.
	Hairy butt ladies.
	You hairy butt, I know.
	It's starting to bother me again.
	I don't know if I would mind a little hair like on the hips, probably.
	I just think the actual cheeks, if there were hair on them.
	The crack, dude.
	Not the cheeks.
	Like a man's attack.
	Like an Italian man's ass.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like a fucking Jewish sideburn down there, huh?
	Yeah.
	Getting in her Jewish tunnels.
	You see them coming out of the tunnels, dude?
	What?
	Oh, the Orthodox Jewish tunnel.
	Bring that up, dude.
	Jews, it's better.
	They're getting some bad PR lately.
	This might be the worst one a guy can buy.
	I swear to God, I'm not being anti-Semitic.
	A dude, Jewish dude coming out of a sword grate in New York.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's a video of that, and it's...
	Let's play a bit of it.
	All right.
	That is tough to address, though.
	I know we're moving on to Jews and tunnels, but.
	Well, let's finish it out then.
	hairy ass woman.
	Let's finish out then we'll go to this because I think well I think the tough...
	Can you look that up, Zach?
	You know what I'm talking about?
	I think, yeah, I think that's what it is for.
	Yeah, so sometimes you don't want to have a wife that can't survive.
	you don't want to put the AC at 64. She's always cold, yeah.
	Yeah, you don't want to put the AC at 64 one night, and then she fucking dead in the morning.
	It's a good trade-off.
	Would you accept your girl to never fucking complain about being cold, but she has to have a hairy ass?
	Or she complains every single fucking day.
	Now, what if it were like stuffed animal hair?
	That would be kind of fun.
	That would be nice.
	That I agree with.
	But I'm telling you, I've seen videos.
	These girls have fucking Italian man's ass.
	Like long hair?
	Like, fucking dude, it looks like a dude's ass.
	Pull up something.
	Oh, no.
	Oh, my God.
	Well, that's more than I've ever seen.
	Oh wow, that's a lot, huh?
	You can't see this video on the audio, but there's just a black girl watching it with her mouth open.
	Making the same face we're all make.
	Yeah.
	Oh, my God.
	All right.
	Holy shit, dude.
	Wow.
	I'm telling you, dude, they have Greek man's ass.
	Wow.
	And who has that?
	Who has the most hair on their ass, is it?
	I haven't found a culture.
	I would say look that up.
	And what do you do?
	How do you approach that?
	Mediterranean.
	How do you approach that with a woman?
	I don't know how.
	I would never.
	But you've obviously dealt with it.
	No.
	And South Asian descent are reported to have a relatively high amount of body hair.
	Mediterranean.
	Mediterranean, Middle Eastern, and South Asian descent.
	Wow.
	Yeah, I think, God, I just, because the crazy thing is, say if you feel her down her butt and then you feel some hair there, but you have to still be hopeful for her.
	You know, I just think, yeah, what do you do?
	Yeah, I don't know how to address it.
	My friend was talking to me about addressing his, he was afraid his girlfriend was gaining weight.
	And he was like, so I told her.
	And I was like, damn, I would never, I would let her get fat and then resent her and break up with her.
	Also, who am I to criticize?
	But, you know.
	You know, I think a lot of people do that.
	A lot of people, oh, I was, even if they're not gaining weight or whatever, I think I was in, I stayed with a girl just because I hated her so much.
	I was like, well, if I, if you, if I, if I let you go.
	You might find happiness.
	I'm going to fucking make sure you're miserable too.
	Isn't that horrible?
	And I feel horrible about that, but I was young and I was just that kind of fuck.
	You know, I didn't know how to operate or be a decent human at all.
	But yeah, pull up that ass again, buddy.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's the other cheek that gets you because that cheek's already almost done.
	I love how one of the black girls' eyes keeps closing more as she watches more of it, dude.
	Oh, that's crazy, man.
	God.
	Yeah, but then I bet here, now I will say this, Shane, think about a long time ago, 1300s, fours or whenever, early, right?
	And you get a woman and she has hair on her.
	I bet it feels good.
	I bet it does feel good.
	You know?
	I bet that's good.
	Now, if you're a fucking freak and you start petting it a little, some of it is how you approach it.
	I can see that.
	You're like, oh, let me pet this fucking little hair, hair butt.
	That's nice.
	Fucking twisting it up a little.
	Hey, let me get a little and yank it real hard, which isn't expected.
	That's fun.
	That's fun, dude.
	Dude, I got hair like on my legs and I've been running a lot, bro.
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	Today's episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
	You know, a new year and a new beginning.
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	Sometimes you need a new beginning with yourself.
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	But yeah, bring up those Jews again, man.
	What were they doing?
	Yeah, so I guess NYPD on Monday busted like a secret meeting.
	I guess they had been building secret tunnels through what?
	The financial system?
	I mean, this is worst case for the Jewish people.
	Not really, not worse.
	Yeah.
	Not even the worst thing the last few, but all right.
	This is crazy, man.
	They do get after it.
	Oh, they're crazy.
	Look at this one, dude.
	They get after it.
	This one that popped out of the floor right there.
	And he's biggie walls.
	Look at that, dude.
	You see him?
	Don't flip the pews, brothers.
	Oh, it's just hectic, man.
	Do you see how fucking comfortable that guy was walking the plank?
	Yeah, bro.
	These people.
	They were fine with this.
	This is an Orthodox Jewish group, man.
	This incident, let me read the article.
	So the incident began Monday afternoon after a cement truck was sent to the Chabad Lubavitch World Headquarters, known as the 770 due to its address in Crown Heights, according to COL Live.
	The truck was ordered to fill up an underground tunnel that had run from the main synagogue to a now closed building next door, the outlet reported.
	First reports of the tunnel surface in late 2023 after a homeowner had called authorities about a suspicious noises in his neighborhood.
	And that's dreideling, isn't it?
	I think.
	Think of hearing noises under your house.
	Jewish guys.
	It's just somebody listening to modest Yahoo.
	Like, hey, what's going on?
	You can't tell anyone.
	You can't be like, dude, I swear to God, there's Jews under my fucking house, dude.
	I know there's Jews down there.
	No one's going to believe you.
	Yeah, they're like, dude, you mean so much.
	The Jews aren't everybody like that.
	You mean underwriting your mortgage?
	Or what are you talking about?
	They're like, no, no, they're fucking in there.
	I hear them.
	They whisper.
	However, following excavation of a trench for the project, simultaneously, a construction project was in progress to install new plumbing in the 770.
	However, following excavation, the underground tunnel had been discovered.
	The tunnel had reportedly been worked on during nights for an unknown amount of time, stretching the tunnel to a next-door building women's section.
	Ah.
	That's nice.
	Yeah.
	Meet me in the fucking tunnel, babe.
	That's good.
	That's crazy, dude.
	And that's Orthodox Jew.
	Is that Orthodox Jewish people?
	It appears so, yeah.
	Those people are wild, man.
	We had a garbage man on, right, from New York, and he said the worst people that he came across were Orthodox Jewish people.
	New York, yeah.
	He said the kids would come out and tell him to just go fuck himself and flip him off, dude.
	Look at them.
	They're getting rowdy with the cut.
	They were getting rowdy during COVID.
	I think I heard maybe those tunnels were so they could continue to go to synagogue during COVID.
	They locked that down.
	Right.
	That's what, you know, that's what the media is saying.
	Well, that, right, right.
	And by the media, we mean them.
	Here's a guy coming out of the grate.
	The guy coming out of the grate is one of the most anti-Semitic things I've ever seen in my life, dude.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, no.
	Where's this guy going, dude?
	To get a rebate.
	Yeah, that's insane.
	Coming out of the grate.
	Bro, they started pepper spraying him.
	And pepper spray is not kosher, I don't think.
	Look it up.
	There's gonna be some losses.
	But no, we had a garbage man, and he said that for some reason, those people were like kind of the coldest to him.
	What did he say, Zach?
	He mentioned that the kids would fuck with his truck, and he hated going there.
	That was the main thing.
	And he also just said they were rude.
	And also, it was the new year.
	They throw all their shit out every year.
	Oh, yeah, that was part of it, too.
	I think.
	So there's probably some anger from him because they had to pick up so much stuff.
	Like they do like a cleansing, I guess.
	I can say, like, it's part of tradition to like reset everything.
	And when the new year, like, throw everything out and buy new.
	So, like, that day of the year, he would, they said they would just go up and down the same street all day.
	It goes against some stereotypes.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	That's true.
	Yeah, getting all new stuff, man.
	But they had this, is this, they had a group in, I don't know if it was in New York, it was like Orthodox Jewish people.
	They would move into a neighborhood, bring the value of the neighborhood down, and then buy off the other places and then bring it back up.
	There was some law against, it was like a lawsuit that they made or something.
	Anyway.
	It's a touchy subject, but there's no denying that there's tunnels that is funny.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's nothing we can do about, you know, we're not trying to be.
	Oh, I don't think we're being bad people or anything because, yeah, these guys popped up out of a fucking tunnel.
	Anybody coming out of a tunnel is so funny.
	It's fucking funny.
	You ever see the video of El Chapo escaping prison?
	It's great.
	Anybody going in and out of a tunnel is hilarious.
	He goes into a tunnel behind a toilet.
	He just escapes.
	Did you see the one?
	There's like some guy in his trailer, right?
	And a methad comes up through just like the vent in the floor that he has.
	And it's like looking for something.
	It's so startling.
	And the guy's like, what in the fuck are you doing in here?
	Somebody coming out of the forest.
	It's so scary.
	Because they're not going to come out like smiling.
	They're going to come out.
	Holy shit.
	It's a bunch of fucking ninja turtles, dude.
	Oh, is this it?
	Yeah, Chapo.
	The time is right.
	Super Mario is right out.
	He's gone, dude.
	He's gone?
	Wow.
	Do-do-do-do-do-do.
	Boop, boop, boop.
	Da-na-na-na-na-na.
	You got Max...
	You got to make it Mexican somehow.
	I don't know how to do it.
	That's wild, dude.
	Bro, how fun would that be to break out of prison, though?
	Awesome.
	How would you do it?
	You think you're big.
	I see no tunnels.
	Yeah, you get stuck.
	Yeah.
	I think I'm in there.
	I think I'm fucking stuck, dude.
	I think I go to jail.
	I'm in jail.
	There's no getting out.
	Fuck, man.
	Man, I can't get out.
	Laundry basket's too small.
	Yeah, but Warden, you big boss man.
	You look like the big boss man.
	I mean, obviously you're going to play him in a biopic.
	No, I think I'm in there.
	How are you getting out?
	Damn.
	God damn it.
	God damn it, dude.
	So, and look, this goes back to.
	No, you dare fade that.
	You cocksuckers.
	Just zoom in on that big one, the one you already have this biggest, please, if you don't mind.
	Let's just get a gander at this fella.
	Oh, shame.
	I get it.
	Get out there.
	Bro, that's your hot air balloon of success right there.
	Jump on that thing.
	Oh, was that going the wrong way?
	Fuck.
	I do that all the time.
	So nice.
	If I'm feeling bad at the gym or at home, mostly at home.
	It's time.
	That was some Brazilian barbershop, and they keep tagging me and shit.
	That kid was Brazilian.
	For those of you don't know, Shane put like a, he pays on this hand signal.
	It was great.
	My friend Billy sent it to me, and then I sent it to Gabe Davis who plays for the Bills.
	And it's just a hand signal on TikTok of a kid.
	Just a chubby kid doing a funny...
	It was a barbershop, so he was showing off his fade.
	That's what the next scene is.
	So the first scene is him going, and then it cuts to him with his new haircut.
	See you next time.
	It was fun.
	Gabe Davis did it.
	Yeah.
	Shout out to the boy, Gabriel.
	But yeah, this is a nice thing to do.
	It feels good.
	What does?
	doing that.
	For First touchdown again.
	So you hit up Gabe Davis and he says, okay, this is crazy.
	I'll do it.
	How many times did you hit up Gabe Davis?
	A lot.
	Okay.
	I talked to him a lot, but I didn't think he was actually ever going to do it.
	Gonna do it.
	Yeah.
	And you said, you gotta do this.
	It'll be good.
	Yeah, and he was like, yeah, I'll do it.
	And I was like, I don't know.
	Like, I figured the adrenaline of scoring a touchdown would take over.
	Yeah.
	Especially that.
	That was a nice play.
	He remembered for me.
	Wow.
	What a sweet man.
	Bro, how good did you feel when he did this?
	I was strange.
	Right here.
	I was so fucking happy.
	I was so, I don't, it's probably the happiest I've been in a long time.
	Oh, definitely.
	I like jumped off my couch.
	I was like, oh, he did it.
	Oh, you got to vomit on somebody's kid when that happens.
	There's no kids around.
	I would have.
	I almost went to the tunnels.
	I went down there and puked in the tunnels.
	Sprayed them out.
	Yeah.
	What the fuck were those guys doing in those tunnels?
	It's New York too, like you don't need, Probably just hunting square footage, dude, to be honest.
	Like, this could be another six square feet.
	That's fucking crazy.
	But that had to be unbelievable, dude.
	I think there's just something crazy if you can have an influence on sports because sports are such like this, like it just feels like such this, I guess every man wants to do it.
	Yeah.
	You know, you'd give anything to be able to run and catch it.
	Yeah.
	You know, and you just can't, you know.
	There's no part of me that can do it.
	Yeah, I wonder how I'd get out of prison probably.
	First of all, I'd go in as a woman.
	That's good.
	People are like, you ain't no woman, bitch.
	That's what somebody would say to me.
	I was like, what?
	Chappelle did that.
	Oh, you'd have to right out the gate, right?
	Chappelle does that.
	He's like, I'm going to go to jail as a woman.
	And he's like, first day, I'm like, give me that fruit cup, bitch.
	His act out of putting a fist up is so fucking funny.
	But these days, you can't say, I guess you're not a woman, you know?
	Here's what I think they should do.
	And I thought about this a lot.
	Like, especially, I don't understand why mixed martial arts doesn't start with a trans division.
	Yeah, it'd be awesome.
	Yeah, because it's like, then you can champion these trans fighters.
	You can let them embrace and share what it's like.
	Because otherwise, you're just kind of hodgepodging them in.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	And then it's a lot of dudes, if they really want to go play ball, they're going to have to go play ball.
	You can't just, you know, simp over to the woman's side.
	Yeah.
	You know, and be fucking bringing your hair butt over there to the fucking ladies section.
	You got to actually, like, if they had a trans division, I would pay, I feel like I would pay $4 extra a month to see the trans bouts.
	Or, you know, I feel like it would be, it'd be unprecedented.
	It'd be fun.
	Yeah.
	It is, yeah.
	I like to see them in the women's sports.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	Some man in there?
	Yeah.
	Just fucking shit up.
	This is fucking great.
	But here's what they should, though.
	On the TV, it should every now and then to say, have an arrow say, this is a man.
	They need to start doing like Monday Night Football intros for every female sport.
	Oh, yeah.
	So you can tell that.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	It's like, hi, I'm Mary.
	I went to UCLA.
	Frank.
	Purdue.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, that's the one there.
	No wonder he's got 48 points in the first half.
	Yeah.
	He's like, Rick, Women's College of Design.
	Wesleyan.
	You're like, what?
	That scout?
	That is a hair butt.
	That's a hair butt.
	People don't talk about that.
	Yeah, the post-game showers with the.
	God, see, that would be...
	That is a reason I think I would go experiment with transing or whatever because you get to get in those showers, dude.
	But I bet in some of the sports it's...
	You know?
	You think?
	I think some of those female locker rooms, I wouldn't be too excited as much.
	Like, if I got into like college volleyball, if I could trick my way into that, that'd be a good shower for them.
	I mean, for me, it'd be a, that's literally a nightmare.
	Me fucking naked in front of a college volleyball team is a nightmare.
	I'd be so embarrassed.
	But you'd have to get your breast pierced probably to like at least blend, you know, because some of those chicks are tough nowadays.
	And then you probably have to draw on a little more tit or use like a shadowing cream.
	Side, I'd be okay.
	But having just a tiny cock in there would probably, you know.
	Call it a long pussy.
	Now we're talking.
	And they're women.
	You could trick them.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I guess he has a long pussy.
	Yeah, well, people have been tricking a breach.
	I mean, that's easy to find.
	It's like Amelia Earhart's husband.
	He bought her that plane.
	Do you know that?
	No.
	He bought the plane.
	A lot of people don't know that.
	Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
	What are we doing here?
	Oh, man.
	What else can we talk about, dude?
	Anything else in the news, Zach?
	Yeah, you were talking about this earlier.
	You've brought this up before.
	Consumer reports found widespread presence of plastics in food.
	Oh, yeah.
	Well, dude, that's what they said.
	You know, they had that article, and we've talked about this before.
	This says, the nonprofit consumer group said on Thursday that 84 out of 85 supermarket foods and fast foods, it recently tested contain plasticizers known as phthalates.
	Phthalates.
	Phthalates.
	A chemical used to make plastic more durable.
	I've heard phthalates a lot lately.
	Yeah.
	Or however you fucking say it.
	Phthalates.
	Yeah, I've heard people saying it a lot.
	I never understood what it was.
	Well, this is one of the issues that say it says phthalates and bisphenols can disrupt the production and regulation of estrogen and other hormones, potentially boosting the risk of birth defects, cancer, diabetes, infertility, neurodevelopment disorders, obesity, and other health problems.
	Bastards got me, dude.
	They got it, dude.
	No wonder they're running off through the tunnels, dude.
	They got me, dude.
	It's over.
	Bro, but that's when you think about this, right?
	That the stuff that we're eating, and if there's so much contamination just like in the land, in the water, that's what's making like people sick.
	What else?
	ADHD, genetic disorders, all kinds of stuff.
	Like Bobby Kennedy talks about that.
	About how many things are linked to it, you know?
	Yeah.
	That he thinks anyway.
	We might have got in under the buzzer.
	You and me were, we were the last.
	Now all the kids have it.
	Oh, dude.
	You're right on the board.
	I think we both got something, but not the whole thing.
	Everybody you meet has an autistic child now.
	It's unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's almost, you know, and people have nicknames.
	Here's our, this is our little ring cam, they call them or something, you know, like, cause a lot of them are really like perceptive, you know, but they don't really say much.
	Yeah, that's unbelievable.
	But that's why I wanted to come out.
	Sometimes I think about what if we made like a product or something that we knew wouldn't have that in it.
	Like, what if we just said, hey, we want to sell you this water?
	Yeah.
	And we promise.
	Your kid will not have autism.
	We promise.
	Autism-free water.
	Because as a country, we would like to say at the very least, you deserve to have autism-free water.
	Now we're talking.
	Now that's a business.
	Although I do think we are going to need autistic kids.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	When the future is all just technology and we're going to cyber war with fucking China, we're going to want those guys.
	Yeah.
	We're going to need them.
	You know what I mean?
	Oh, definitely.
	Yeah, I think, well, a lot of the business is now run by people that some people say could have some autism.
	You know, a lot of, there's a lot of speculation that Jeff Bezos has it.
	Zuckerberg, Bezos, Musk.
	Zuckerberg, definitely.
	Yeah.
	Musk, yeah, certainly seems like he has some.
	Who else, dude?
	Dennis Allen that coaches the Saints?
	Who else?
	I'm not sure who's got it.
	Fucking Eric Adams has got it.
	Oh, Eric Adams has got it.
	He's got something.
	Oh, that guy definitely got it.
	Oh, you look peep through your child's lunchable.
	Oh, you think that's just a small stack of ham?
	No, look under there.
	That's a gram of methamphetamines.
	Like, damn, Eric.
	It's a party in that kid's room.
	Every time.
	Running a race.
	That kid lives in Las Vegas, dude.
	Do you think about moving back from here?
	You think you're settled in?
	You're good?
	I don't know.
	I don't think I'll live here forever.
	But yeah.
	I like it here.
	Yeah.
	What?
	That's just a big.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I'll probably move home to like outside of Philly.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Eventually.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I like it up there.
	The brotherly city, huh?
	The city really are brotherly?
	It depends.
	Yeah.
	It depends how shitty things are in the next 10 years.
	Yeah, what do you think the next 10 years of life is like in America?
	Do you think it gets bad?
	I don't know.
	The bums.
	Somebody's got to fix this problem.
	I don't know what it is.
	Which problem?
	The bums, dude.
	Oh, the bums.
	There's a lot of problems.
	Yeah, I say arm them.
	That's where I'm at.
	Yeah, and send them all towards the big businesses.
	That's what I would do.
	Oh.
	Is that crazy?
	That's messed up.
	No, no, no.
	Give them guns.
	Tell them.
	Not guns, I wouldn't say.
	Oh, well, even worse, like machetes and shit?
	No.
	What type of arms?
	Something if they're well-behaved, it turns into a weapon.
	So like, yeah, like a bow staff that has maybe a blade on the end, but they have to put both hands on it, and it can tell if you're being good or not.
	You can test your heart rate.
	If it's too high, you're not getting it.
	Yeah, no.
	You need low heart rate warriors.
	I don't like using the term bunks.
	I like using the term boots on the ground.
	Those are boots on the ground.
	Heroes of society and stepdads.
	Yes.
	So you're talking giving Ninja Turtle weapons to homeless guys.
	Let's just see what happens.
	Oh, I'm talking give them the fucking Donatello eye, the eye, what's it called?
	A rag for your eyes, like a thing that holds your eyes in, but it doesn't.
	A Zoro mask.
	Yeah, Zoro mask.
	That would be good.
	And lead them.
	They're going to need leaders.
	You could do it.
	You think I could lead the bumps?
	Yeah, get you a horse.
	Horse would be big.
	They would respect a horse.
	They're like fucking the Aztecs.
	You know what I mean?
	A guy on a horse.
	They'd be like, this guy, he's a god.
	Somebody rolls off on a horse.
	Yeah, definitely.
	Yeah, I'm just.
	They are impervious to a lot of fucking damage.
	Horses?
	No, the horses, but homeless people, yeah, they get fucking walkthrough tasers.
	Well, they've been infected by so much.
	They've battled so many things.
	We got tased after a show in Shreveport.
	And here's the crazy part: I started doing comedy in Louisiana, and so we'd go to sometimes Shreveport, and afterwards, this was 15 years ago, they'd say, hey, man, we'll tase you if you want.
	You know, the cops would come up and tase people in the bar because there's just not a lot of like nightlife.
	So here I am 15 years later, shows over.
	We're sitting around with a couple of officers and one of them goes with a couple of off-duty police people.
	Yeah.
	And one of them goes, hey, man, we'll tase you if you want.
	And I was like, no fucking way.
	You guys are still doing that shit.
	And they lit us all up.
	We got it together as a group in locked arms or whatever.
	Nice.
	Like a Harvey milk kind of thing.
	And then they lit us up.
	How'd it feel?
	It hurt?
	You know, it's not as bad as you would think at all.
	At all.
	It's definitely a little bit of a surprise, you know?
	It's got to feel weird.
	It feels like somebody in the fucking great beyond pressed a fucking doorbell that you didn't know was connected to you.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	It's actually really.
	But the pain is, it's not as painful.
	It's just as surprising as could be.
	It's like extremely surprising.
	They can go through the tasers.
	They can go through a lot.
	Well, they're immune to a lot of disease.
	Yeah.
	Well, at a certain point, that would be a lot of society, too.
	We'd all be out there just.
	I don't know.
	We wouldn't be...
	and you'd want to probably strike back against the rich.
	Where do...
	That's a question I want to know.
	And that's a big question.
	We're trying to think of good.
	There's good cities for this.
	Austin's a very good city.
	Where do you meet up for the revolution?
	The mothership, dude.
	6th Street?
	That's perfect.
	Half of our military would overturn us, okay?
	On fucking fireball, right?
	Before we even made it to the first 5G tower.
	There's going to be some attrition.
	There's going to be some guys going, hey, well, it's going to be tough keeping the troops together.
	Dude, I wouldn't call a guy who wants to sing karaoke all night.
	Somebody going.
	We're going to 6th Street.
	We're taking that out.
	The bum's rising up on 6th.
	Okay, now that if we take 6th Street out, that would be now that I like.
	And you're going to recruit a lot of talented young people.
	You could probably get, you know, some of the Texas Longhorns, maybe.
	Oh, that'd be good.
	Yep.
	Queen Ewers, he's staying another year.
	He'd join probably.
	I thought we were just recruiting homeless people.
	But I think other people are going to get jealous.
	When they start to see you doing well, they're like, ah, fuck, I'll do it.
	The masks and the swords and shit.
	Yeah, because SIG EP is going to be nothing against a fucking homeless battalion.
	Sig Epp might be number one.
	You might go down Frat Row and just.
	Yeah, dude.
	I don't want the boys getting into a sorority.
	I will say no sorority.
	I'll command them.
	I'll say, leave the Queens alone.
	Yeah, leave the queens.
	We're going to Queens alone.
	Now, if you want to get into some of these young fellas.
	Rock these boys, dudes.
	And that's up to you, dude.
	If you want to get into some fucking Sigma Alpha Epstein over here and see what these fellas are doing.
	The bomb army is going to be tough to control, dude.
	But I don't think control is the one to turn on each other.
	I know, but they're going to get loose, dude.
	They're going to fucking every victory.
	They're going to rape everybody, dude.
	But they're going to turn on each other right away.
	No, they won't, James.
	Yes, they will, dude.
	No, they won't.
	I've seen them support each other.
	I've seen, I saw a bum hide, like living in a sofa, like in the cushion, in the bottom part.
	And I saw a guy come and tuck him into bed one night in the park near my house.
	You don't see that in America anymore.
	Dude, they had some bums by us because we live right by a park.
	And they stole a bunch of high school music equipment, I guess.
	So all night they would be in the fucking park.
	I guess some of them stole the sheet music too, right?
	So it's 3 a.m.
	and you hear somebody on a flute just playing.
	It's like, love the way you lie.
	I like him and M and Rihanna.
	And people are like, shut the fuck up.
	That's a jam sesh.
	Love the way you lie.
	The marching man, dude.
	It's a good night.
	It's fucking sick.
	But so, dude, so the first, what do you, so, okay, so you say you meet up at the comedy mothership?
	I'm saying that, yeah, I think that's a good location.
	Okay, that's one.
	Somewhere on 6th Street.
	Okay, that's fair.
	You can get a battalion there.
	You can't say somewhere.
	You have to have a location.
	You can't have homeless or semi-homeless people storming a fucking shitty ice cream or something.
	I thought we were just meeting.
	I think it would be a good test to try to get the mothership because then you got Rogan in there.
	Okay.
	You got his team of security.
	Yeah, you'd have Diaz, probably would be the chef.
	You got to test your fucking might against them.
	What do you mean?
	It's a good first battle.
	Against who, the local police.
	You're saying send the bums into the mothership and see who wins.
	Hold on, Dave.
	We're never going to work there again.
	This is not a good choice.
	All right.
	Not the mothership.
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, I think you can meet.
	I'm trying to think of, where would you lead your bum army?
	You can meet up out front of it.
	Well, I think you have to pick like five or six places in the Americas to meet up.
	So I think you're going to have for sure.
	K ⁇ A in Philadelphia.
	That's the street.
	It is?
	Yeah.
	K ⁇ A in Philly.
	Yeah.
	Kensington.
	Kensington and what?
	Allegheny.
	And Allegheny.
	Yeah.
	You get them in there.
	Bro, crossing the Allegheny that goes all the way back to 1912, dude.
	Or whenever, sometime around then.
	Crossing the.
	Yeah, the Delaware was, yeah.
	This is the army.
	They're encamped right now.
	Oh, hell yeah, and it says no one deserves what's brewing in Kensington.
	Now, the tough part is to keep your army excited.
	You are gonna need over-the-counter meds, probably or under-the-counter.
	I don't know which one it is.
	I think they're getting over.
	Okay.
	I think over-the-counter led them there.
	But it's crazy that the people who are because society has led people to believe, you know, be in this space, you know?
	I mean, I think, you know, even just that family that sold all the drugs, whatever, the opioids.
	Sacklers.
	Yeah, you have the Sackler family who killed hundreds of thousands of people to have pills.
	That's the first place you have to attack.
	The Sacklers?
	Yeah.
	Right?
	Yeah, they kind of.
	They don't deserve to be alive, really, do they?
	I mean, no.
	Yeah, I think it'd be a fair thing to say you don't think they deserve.
	If you had to pick someone who didn't deserve to be alive, they're up there.
	Yes.
	Top.
	So you got to go get them first.
	Now, once you get them, you're going to have a lot more people are going to join the army.
	For sure.
	So, okay, so we meet up in Austin.
	What other places?
	Buffalo would be good.
	Those are some sturdy ones.
	Oh, yeah.
	Buffalo, you get those.
	You got to die that winter?
	And you get those people that do the thing where they throw the baby into the pizza oven or whatever.
	Who's that family?
	What?
	You know what I'm talking about in the parking lot?
	No.
	They like crisp and criss in them or whatever it's called.
	It's like they put that.
	Who's the family that makes the pizza?
	Can you look it up?
	Google that.
	And they got the burn-ins on the four-year-old or whatever out there.
	They burnt a baby?
	They put the fucking sauce on his back or whatever.
	Who is it?
	It's a family of whites.
	They're famous up there.
	Who is it?
	Oh, come on.
	Yeah, yeah.
	What's his last name?
	Oh, Pinto Tailgate.
	That's what I'm talking about.
	What are you talking about?
	Pinto Tailgate, man.
	These motherfuckers.
	Yeah.
	There's also a billion people watching.
	So, you tell me they're going to burn a kid?
	They don't burn.
	They fucking just, when it's kind of, when it's not as hot, when it's still warm, they fucking, there's a, I think.
	There's a video where they fucking burn it.
	Oh, they christen the kid with pizza sauce?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's nice.
	Yeah, it's Pinto Tailgate, man.
	Beautiful what they're doing up there.
	So you got to meet here.
	So that's one place.
	Where else do you meet, you think?
	That's enough, maybe.
	That is.
	It was enough information for now.
	Yeah, my bad on saying we should send the bones in to the mothership.
	No, I think, look.
	That'd be a tough one to get in.
	That's what I'm saying.
	There's a lot of security there.
	Oh, that's a good point.
	That's what I'm saying.
	It's a good first round.
	You know what I mean?
	Week one.
	I support it, actually.
	I said we send it.
	Yeah.
	You dispatch a unit.
	See how they do.
	Yeah.
	And then we test to see, say, that's like the final boss.
	Let's see how we could do against some crack security and guys with guns.
	Oh, yeah.
	You're never going to be able to beat fucking Lil Debbie or fucking Nextel or any of these Facebook if you can't take out comedy clothes.
	Do you feel like we could really end up in our lifetime as heading to a revolution or some sort of a place where people, where it all topples over, you know?
	Because all it takes is really, I've thought about this.
	All it takes is a police, like a couple of people like at a police, like police stations, all it takes is a couple of people to be like, hey, I'm not going to follow the rules anymore.
	Yeah.
	And once they, and then other people are like, I'm not going to, if this guy's, and then it's just nobody's, because we're kind of getting there, it feels like, you know?
	I feel like kind of people just kind of are like, if nobody's going to follow the rules, then why do everybody's kind of getting there, it feels like sometimes.
	Maybe I'm wrong.
	You know, maybe I'm just making it exciting for the conversation.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, I don't know how wrong you are.
	Maybe people are out there not following rules.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I don't know if that's going to start a revolution, but.
	But at a certain point, if enough people say, okay, I'm not going to drive within the lines, right?
	Yeah.
	I'm not going to follow the speed limit.
	It's almost just like that.
	Like every now and then.
	They're going to crash, usually, you know?
	But if enough people are like, well, fuck it, I'm not waiting because there's an emerge up there.
	I'm not going to wait for an hour.
	I'm just going to go do what I want.
	But it's just that whole, that attitude.
	If I'm just going to do it.
	Sure.
	Other countries do that.
	Yeah.
	Haiti.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You go in the traffic jams and shit there, like in India, you know?
	You ever watch that?
	Oh, they just do.
	Yeah, people, yeah.
	And they're doing all right.
	Yeah, you just wonder what's going to happen, you know?
	Yeah.
	What else can we talk about?
	We've talked about all...
	I feel like if we...
	What's going on with me, man?
	Not too much, dude.
	What's going on?
	Yeah, thinking about touring and just how to do it, you know?
	Yeah.
	That's been something.
	I was thinking about.
	Yeah, I've been thinking about that.
	I've been thinking about that a lot.
	Like, do I want to go spend, like, some people do a big tour, you know?
	And I like, and they go to the big cities and stuff like that.
	But I would almost rather do like a three-year tour and go as I want.
	That's kind of what I'm doing, yeah.
	And just make it as you want to do it.
	Yeah.
	It just feels like more manageable to me.
	And yeah.
	So that I think I've been thinking about that.
	What else?
	I've been thinking about getting, building like a halfway house or something like that.
	That'd be nice.
	Yeah, it'd be pretty cool.
	Yeah.
	And then those people could be in the military.
	Those are our officers, dude.
	That's our officer training school.
	Yeah, dude, definitely.
	So, I mean, honestly, that's something I've been thinking a lot about.
	What else on a person, like on a personal side?
	Not much, dude.
	Supposed to go to ayahuasca.
	Really?
	Yeah, in a couple days.
	In a couple days?
	Are you going to South America?
	Where are you going?
	No, it's just right off.
	It's right off.
	It's right.
	It's like right off the interstate in LA.
	They're doing ayahuasca?
	Oh, you can smell that.
	Yeah, I mean, there's a Popeye.
	It's like fucking probably, no joke, 600 yards away.
	Oh, that's got to be so nice.
	Well, twice a day, I guess they do the biscuit bakes or whatever.
	High shit smelling that?
	Oh.
	Oh, no, it's not.
	You're not like, it's not fun high.
	I've heard it.
	Yeah, what's god is crawling in and out of your wieners like it's just a lot it feels like a lot it feels like you're just like in therapy for like two like like what does it feel like you know like say if somebody was playing basketball you were playing basketball in an attic of a house right it would feel kind of weird maybe because you're like yeah the floor feels like oh it's a but if this feels like you're playing like basketball like in the like in a like on the first level like it's just like that make any sense but
	it feels like um i don't know it's just intense you've done it yeah and it did you feel like it went well when you got done yeah it's just crazy yeah i mean it's like god shows up and you're sitting there with him you know but it feels really real it's not like you're up like hey god you know let me see that you know i took like a ton of mushrooms once and not that that's the same as ayahuasca but i did reach the fucking like i'm not here anymore i'm seeing i'm just fully seeing things yeah yeah yeah i didn't i
	came out of it i was like i'm i'm i'm gonna be better and then that fucking wore off i'm back the exact same guy so that's the thing i think i wanted to see i yeah i just wanted to wear off it's been like a year and a half since i did it yeah so i've been thinking about that um yeah so what's cool yeah i've been thinking about that i don't know sometimes i think about maybe moving or getting a also living somewhere else i think it's fun to spend time down here austin is cool you can do stand-up it's a beautiful city yeah it's
	a nice city it's a fun city yeah there's a lot of neat stuff yeah there's a lot of neat stuff i think so that's been pretty cool just thinking about it you know even coming to seeing like your house it's like oh okay this is what it would be like to live here this seems like i could do this you know um what else man i don't know i don't know i think it's just yeah thinking about like who would be fun to talk to on podcasts stuff like that just the normal stuff yeah yeah
	i don't i'm not doing anything i don't know how to answer that either it's tough who would be fun to talk to no i mean just like what's going on yeah it's like i don't know just i don't know anything you can think of zach that you notice from an outsider's perspective about you yeah sometimes i'm just so in my own life you know you don't know what's going on um we're trying to get new interesting guests for the pod and yeah we're trying to get a carnival worker yeah we're trying to get a carny we thought about gypsy rose what did i've heard a lot about gypsy what did gypsy rose do uh
	she convinced she got a boyfriend to kill her mother like arranged it yeah and it's not funny dude i'm talking to myself because i just laughed but um yeah she and her boyfriend killed the mom because the mom made her pretend that she was like mentally challenged and stuff in a wheelchair and physically handicapped the mom had munchhausen by proxy so it was tricking her into thinking she was sick and had all these ailments i think i've heard of this from a long time ago yeah there's like a tv series about it there's been a lot of information about it
	but she's also from louisiana so i was like i wonder if it'd be interesting to talk with her and just see like what what her like what her life has been like but i know she did another podcast and i don't know if it's you know stuff like that supposed to happen then it'll just happen and that's the mom and she just kept making she just made her pretend she was in a wheelchair and dress up like a little clown and stuff like that um feels like self-defense at that point yeah i think that's what they yeah and her boyfriend i think hell she
	like met a guy somewhere and his name yeah and they made love somewhere too he's still in jail this guy's still in jail yeah that guy should be in jail he should he looks like he's growing he's growing his beard out just so he can eat it yeah that's the kind of look that he has um so yeah anyway yeah that's that that's her but we try to get a carnival worker and what problem did we run into the issue we're running into with
	carnies is that a lot of working maybe working on a weekend like usual yeah a lot of the uh the carnival industry has said like they're working dude there's no days off oh dude but still it's got to be a fun life keep it praying at night that all those little fish stay alive so you can make bank the next day those fish must how many fish are those guys going through those things must be dying so much and then if they die probably making a little little bitty like fillets with them yeah
	they probably munch those oh definitely snacking on those bitches yeah but that's uh so we've been looking for a carnivore because the problem with carnival people is carn uh the carnival's going fucking awall man they don't have any animals anymore first of all it's a lot of virtual shit and like gay guys like pretending to be animals which you can get in anywhere you can get that in miami or bourbon street yeah um and then it's very i guess more
	disney on ice or something you can't find any of the good motherfuckers you know like i remember there was a guy i was we used to live by the fair that would come through town right so if you went the day early before it opened for a quarter you could do a ride right and you were basically practicing you were people would disappear people would go fucking missing people would get wifed up you know your fucking chicks would get wifed up by a lot of these carnival workers and everything but um you could go practice you know and
	like i remember one time i was getting off of a ride and i guess i grabbed two like rails at the same time and it completed a circuit and so i couldn't i was just like this you know and this black guy i remember goes get on out of here you and he called me the n-word he put my foot he put his foot on my back and thank god he kicked me he saved you thank god dude so yeah you shouldn't you shouldn't be inward getting electrocuted is so funny oh well it's surprising and
	it's like it happened to my cousin he was laying he was he was fixing uh like the vcr laying on the floor and he's a big guy he's big yeah and he was fixing it and he was laying on a wire i guess that was exposed yeah and while he was fixing it he just stopped and was like he was huge we were all like the are you doing get up like no one was like he's dying everyone was like what the dude stop yeah that's a sad that's one of the worst things that happens when people are getting electrocuted is people like call them pussies a lot or
	like quit doing all that gay people say stuff like that you're like shaking yeah what are you shaking for?
	Yeah.
	This ain't a time to laugh, Rodney.
	Then a woman screams, and then you realize it's serious.
	I just remember.
	Unless you're having women in your house.
	Without women, they are fucking, they are an alarm.
	They're like dogs.
	Yeah.
	They scream the second something, anything is happening.
	They know something going on.
	They just scream.
	They do know something's going on.
	That's a great point.
	Men are just like, hey, what the fuck's going on?
	Women screaming during a fight.
	Yeah, it's hot.
	It hurts.
	It's hot.
	It's unfortunate.
	That's unfortunate.
	Getting your ass beat and having your girl scream while it's happening.
	Just whoever's beating you up is terrorizing your whole family unit.
	Yeah, that's the crazy thing I'll watch in fight videos is when the girl is just yelling on the side.
	You'd almost rather have your girl go sit in the car or now, what if your girl tased the fucking dude and this started and started yelling just like biggie lyrics at him as shit.
	Depends which lyrics.
	But actually at that point, if you're using a taser in the middle of a fight, that feels like a pass.
	Yeah.
	You could say all the lyrics.
	Yeah, definitely, I think.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think having your girl, knowing your girl is taser ready is fucking hype shit.
	Women screaming, it bothers me during basketball games.
	Oh, yeah.
	They scream football games.
	They get excited and scream so loud.
	Oh, it's ridiculous.
	My buddy took me to watch his son play football, right?
	And there's this band of women behind us, okay?
	One of them has a megaphone that doesn't fucking, it just makes him sound like Stephen Hawking, right?
	So it's just some lady.
	Are you fucking, it's like a $9 megaphone.
	It's like, are you fucking kidding me?
	And she's just yelling, just, they're all yelling at the ref dude, you know?
	Yeah, yelling at refs at kids' games is fucking nice.
	Because that guy's a fucking loser.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's so mean.
	That guy wants to have control in the community, though.
	Yeah, he's like, all right, I got to ref this fucking seventh grade football game today.
	And then there's some parent like, you fucking piece of shit.
	Yeah, you fucking.
	That was a hold, you fucking dumbass.
	Yeah, that was a hole.
	Get your eyes out your ass.
	Somebody will yelling around.
	Follow you to the parking lot and beat your fucking ass.
	Dude, these guys have to run to their cards after middle school football games.
	For $12 an hour, the guy has to fucking almost die in his community just because he fucking wants to work on the weekends.
	Sprint, dude.
	And own a fucking shit.
	In that dumb fucking outfit, you got to take your hat off.
	Yeah, this is right here.
	League, right?
	Look how drunk all these dudes are.
	These dudes are shit fake.
	Unbelievable, dude.
	That is nice, though.
	Getting fucking wrecked and going and coaching a game.
	Yeah.
	Umping a game, shit face.
	Have you done it?
	No, I haven't.
	I have not.
	You seem like you would be able to do it.
	I coached midget football.
	Did you really?
	Yeah.
	It was really, really good.
	We called it midget.
	Yeah.
	Eighth grade, we called it midget league.
	Yeah, some people used to call it that, and some people still do call it that.
	What do they do?
	Is there an actual little person football league or not?
	There's got to be.
	Let's bring that up.
	They're doing all types of stuff.
	Well, you know what always gets me every year is that video of the blonde guy playing football that comes up.
	I have a blind child playing football.
	It's so funny.
	It's not funny because it's, you know what I mean.
	It's not fun.
	I'm not laughing at.
	No, it's not funny because the guy's blind.
	It's funny because.
	It just goes exactly how you think it's going to go.
	Yeah.
	And the reporter pretends, this is what's funny about it, is the reporter is what makes it fucking ridiculous.
	Because they're like, hey, this makes perfect normal sense and safety for this guy.
	And then they watch the play and pretend like it's fucking not.
	Insane.
	Little people versus giant people?
	This is soccer.
	I don't see any like American football.
	The giants?
	The giants?
	That's just a regular fat guy.
	I could be one of the giants, goddamn it.
	Oh, little people are way better at soccer.
	1-3 looks good.
	Put his ass down.
	Oh, you kicked me, motherfucker.
	The little guys are going to fuck these dudes up.
	That's a foul.
	That's yellow.
	Oh, yeah.
	Big fucking dude.
	Sherbert.
	Big dudes always have new names like Sherbert.
	Ooh, he's pissed, huh?
	It's a good wall, though.
	They're going to block that free kick.
	The fat guy wall?
	Yeah, it's unfair.
	Yeah.
	Yes.
	Yeah, can we bring it up the news or just play the news story?
	Because it's just Dylan Collier, and God bless him.
	We should call him, actually.
	Let's get him on a solo episode, Zach.
	Hey, man, Chase Matthews, the guy that shit in the wigwam.
	Or what'd that guy do?
	The guy that vomited on the girl, on the baby.
	We'll get them together.
	You mean separate episodes?
	Separate episodes just to talk about.
	I just want to talk to him.
	I want to see what does this guy think about it.
	He's got to think it's fucking insane.
	You know, I can't see, and a lot of people think that a blind person can't play football.
	That's true.
	courageous youngster has proven those people wrong Bro, imagine though, this is wild, though.
	If he is blind, then he could play a total different defense you can't even expect.
	Because you expect a normal defense out of, you know, you expect certain lanes and this shit like that.
	That guy might leave the field.
	I don't know where he's going.
	That fucking game is longer.
	But if he hits you.
	Oh, that game's longer than 100 yards.
	He is going to, there is something that is true about this is if he does hit you, he is going to run right through you.
	Which is how you're supposed to like, if you want to fucking drill someone.
	Good point.
	Run right through them.
	That's a great point.
	You're going to hit him really fucking hard.
	You couldn't penalize him for some of those like poaching or whatever they get, those penalties.
	Yeah.
	yeah, I would love to see what this guy's up to and how what it was like for him, dude.
	How brave to run when you're blind, like, you know, just run as fast as you can when you're fucking blind.
	Yeah, fuck, that's brave shit, dude.
	That's the kind of shit we need in this country.
	Meanwhile, we have a bunch of fucking methadics arming themselves outside of a T-Mobile because we told them to, dude.
	You told them, I didn't.
	You told them to.
	Why'd you say that?
	You're on the horse.
	I'm never going to get on a horse.
	Yeah, you are, buddy.
	Political horses, yeah.
	Any other news, Ac?
	You think we covered everything?
	Shane lives in Austin now.
	Yeah.
	We had one other video we were watching.
	I like this.
	Oh, yeah.
	And this is racial stuff that's going.
	This is, let's start it up hold on.
	So this is so one of the problems that's happening in society is people can't afford Ubers anymore.
	And so here, this happened, I think, in this looks like New Hampshire.
	The dump's on my car.
	He's just hitching a rock, dude.
	It's right in front of my car.
	Get off!
	Oh, no.
	There's a white guy hanging.
	He's on the front of a black guy's car while the black guy's driving around.
	He's like fucking Pittsburgh.
	He's still on my car.
	Get the fuck off my car.
	Oh, don't go sideways, bro.
	Oh.
	Dude, it's unbelievable the guy didn't just stop and say, hey, senior citizen who is 60 years older than me, who may be having an episode.
	This is so funny.
	Hey, hey, buddy, why don't you fucking get off my car?
	Instead, the guy's fucking listening to Nicki Minaj or young dolph.
	And he's just like, hey, this is crazy.
	The Trump hat's so good on that.
	This is crazy.
	He dies on my car.
	Like he's a fucking, like it's a butterfly or something.
	That is how I treat bugs on my car.
	I'm like, I'll slow down, see if he gets off.
	You guys have got.
	He's a fucking bug on a car.
	This guy is 72 years old.
	He's holding on to the front of this guy's car.
	And we don't know why.
	This is that Biden shit, man, that people are talking about.
	And this is people on meds.
	This is people not having any hope, probably.
	I mean, you run out of hope.
	You're going to have to get on someone's car.
	That's what I'm saying.
	That's step two.
	You look around, you go, there's no hope.
	Well, yeah.
	And Ubers, at a certain point, it's just all, it's just going to be a bunch of lords in their castles.
	The rest of us will be all ubering each other.
	It'll be the only job.
	But everybody's Ubering, so nobody is a passenger.
	Nobody's breaking.
	We're all just breaking even on this.
	Totally.
	So you're literally going to have people holding each other at gunpoint to be their passenger.
	Oh, man.
	Dude.
	Imagine if that was your relative that you just saw that video.
	And you're like, man, he had a fucking manic episode.
	He jumped on a dude's car.
	Went for a spin.
	He just went around the block.
	God wants us to watch it one more time.
	Yeah, it's great.
	I love seeing his face.
	What's wrong with it?
	It comes on my car.
	I wish I had a view of his feet.
	Get off!
	He said, get off, but he didn't give him time.
	He was getting off, dude.
	I love just saying, get off my car at 20 miles an hour.
	He goes for the exit.
	It's a tough exit.
	Yeah, he tried to take the orthodox fucking tunnel off to the side, but they wouldn't fucking low.
	Oh, man.
	Seeing that guy roll in the street.
	Hey, let's find out who that is and let's also get him on the next solo.
	Those three guys, I want to know.
	Dillion Collier, the guy, Jordan Matthews, Chase Matthews, I think was his name.
	Puke Man?
	Yep.
	The guy that puked on the baby girl.
	And you know that guy was hoping nobody brought that up.
	Oh, man.
	He was 21, shitfaced at a baseball game.
	He's never living that town.
	Puked on a fucking little kid?
	Yeah.
	Wonder what the kid's doing now, too.
	It'd be crazy to see if that influenced him somehow.
	You know, if he worked with bulimia or something.
	To prevent anybody from esophageal cancer, maybe.
	Yeah.
	What else we got?
	Zach, anything else?
	How long have we been in here?
	A while?
	Two hours.
	Oh, wow, really?
	Oh, shit.
	Okay.
	That's good.
	Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast.
	Yes.
	With Matt McCosker, Shane Gillis.
	Matt's got to come on next time with you, man.
	I had so much fun on you guys' show.
	You do it without me.
	Just Matt.
	You guys would get along very well.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	Got similar vibes.
	Well, I just want to make sure we have our meeting of the generals that are going to be working for us.
	McCusker will be good.
	Silver Fox.
	And McCusker is a very general name.
	Yes.
	Very.
	Oh.
	McCusker's last stand.
	He's going to get...
	But still, dude, McCusker's last stand, and he fucking, we'll never forget when he fucking commandeered those three T-Mobile albums in the middle of the night.
	Yeah.
	Little Best Buy.
	Yeah, people, yeah.
	A little best buy.
	Little Best Buy.
	Yeah, this has been tried before, though.
	Not necessarily bumps, but just saying, like, they're downtrodden.
	They're going to rise up if I let John Brown did that.
	Did he really?
	Yeah, that's how he sparked the Civil War in America.
	So he was like, I'm going to start a...
	John Brown's raid on Harper's Ferry.
	he's like, if I go take the armory at Harper's Ferry, all the slaves from all the area are going to join us.
	Wow.
	And not many of them did.
	Really?
	Almost none.
	So they let him down or they were afraid?
	I don't know.
	He was a little nuts.
	So they were probably like, that's not the guy to do it.
	And he's a white guy or black guy?
	He was a honky.
	But his last name was Brown.
	Yes.
	So they give him some of that credit.
	He gets a lot of credit in the black community.
	Does he really?
	That's a great.
	Yeah, I mean, he fucking, he was the man.
	He started, so he really inspired.
	So he actually made a physical motion to say, hey, let's do this.
	We got to get rid of slavery.
	Right.
	Wow.
	And they hung him.
	He got a fucking Mary the Elephant treatment.
	Oh.
	That's heartbreaking.
	Where's he buried at?
	He's from Kansas or some shit.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	So he really was trying his best.
	Yeah, he's just out in Kansas.
	And who hung him, the whites?
	Yeah, the honkies got him.
	God.
	He's buried in the mountains in New York.
	How do you pronounce this word?
	I don't know how to pronounce that word.
	Adirondack.
	Yeah, there we go.
	Everyone had it.
	He was a beast.
	He was getting after it, though, before he did that.
	He was killing all the southern sympathizers.
	Slave owners?
	Sympathizers?
	Yeah, in Kansas.
	Him and his sons were macheteing people.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	Pretty good guy, though.
	That'd be interesting.
	If we could do a Ouija board or something and talk with some of those guys, you know?
	Yeah.
	It'd be pretty cool.
	But I don't know who does that kind of work, seancery or whatever.
	That would be a good episode.
	With a seancy?
	Get a fucking medium in here.
	Get like somebody that's like, I'm going to contact the dead.
	You think so?
	I think that'd be a great episode.
	You got to pick out some cool dead.
	They can't be like, oh, this is some guy Rich.
	Hey, we just got a call from Richard outside of Toledo.
	People calling into a radio show.
	Hi, Ma on the air.
	Fuck.
	Now I'd just swear here.
	That'd be hilarious, dude.
	He just had an open seance line.
	Yeah, this is Robert Trump.
	Long time listener, dude.
	I've been listening to you guys for eternity.
	It's all right.
	Welcome to town, man.
	Are you touring this year?
	What else is going on just so people know?
	I'm touring.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	I don't know when this comes out, but I'm going to announce I'm doing Netflix is a joke.
	I'm doing the Greek theater and the Kia Forum.
	You're doing the forum, too?
	I'm doing the forum in L.A. Isn't that 11,000 seats?
	Hopefully that sells some tickets.
	Oh, my gosh.
	I think Louis said that's his favorite place to go do a show.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I think I would like to maybe try that this year.
	That's so exciting, dude.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	So that would be exciting.
	I'll be nervous.
	That'd be your biggest show ever.
	That'll be the biggest, yeah.
	That's exciting.
	Have you done any outdoor festival shows?
	I did a bunch with Crusher.
	Oh, yeah.
	They were fun.
	Some of those looked amazing.
	Like some of those were really amazing.
	Do you like doing the outdoor one?
	We did one in Edmonton.
	It was tough.
	It was fun.
	It's just different.
	Yeah.
	I don't know.
	I've only ever done it opening for Bert.
	So I don't know how it'll do.
	Like a long set might be hard.
	I have no idea.
	Did you feel like it was fine?
	I was doing like 15, 20 minutes.
	So I was like, all right, let's just clock in, get this done.
	This is great.
	Sometimes it was good.
	Sometimes I felt like I sucked.
	Because you can't tell because it was like a minor league baseball field.
	You know, the laughs.
	Yeah.
	And it was, the sun was up a lot of the time.
	So you could see everyone not, you know, you could see everyone getting up eating drinks.
	Yeah.
	Some places you do it and some people don't even know.
	I remember I taped a comedy special in New Orleans and people had never, some people had never seen live comedy, didn't even know.
	People were yelling.
	People thought it was like a sporting event.
	People were yelling defense during it.
	Some lady was at the top just beating on the back wall, just going defense.
	Deep fast.
	Getting fired up.
	It was just fucking crazy.
	I'm like, what is going on here?
	Yeah, you get, yeah, a big crowd like that.
	They can start getting wild.
	Yeah.
	What's been one of the toughest things about getting more popular?
	You've just had such a crazy, I mean, you've, you did it somehow.
	You made it.
	I mean, I know how, but it's just like, are you, you know, you've just gotten popular?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	A lot of it's on TikTok and shit.
	I don't even have a TikTok.
	You don't like clips, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I don't, personally, I don't like them.
	I don't care if other people do them, but it's funny because like young people will see me and be like, you're the TikTok guy.
	Yeah.
	I'm like, damn, I got to get on TikTok.
	I got to see what's going on.
	That was a big thing was just clips.
	What, the hardest part about it?
	Is that what you're saying?
	Yeah, so something that's been interesting about it.
	I mean, it's just an interesting thing that happens in somebody's life when they get more pop, you know, it's like just interesting.
	Yeah, you've done it.
	It's just weird.
	I don't know how to.
	Yeah, maybe it's just.
	It feels weird.
	Yeah, I was just curious about it.
	It feels surreal.
	I don't know.
	There's just something you thought about it or noticed about it or anything that was tough about it or anything.
	I got to take pictures a lot.
	Yeah.
	Which that's not always great.
	And you're tall.
	You can't hide.
	Yeah.
	And I'm, yeah, I don't like the way I look a lot of the time.
	So I have to take pictures.
	And I have like sometimes a very embarrassing smile.
	Yeah.
	There's so many pictures with my arms up.
	There's so many pictures.
	There's so many pictures of me.
	I'm nice to meet you guys.
	Thanks.
	Don't look him up.
	Don't hold on and bring him up.
	Oh, there's one with you and Trump, dude.
	That's sick.
	We talked about that last time.
	You were there.
	Yeah.
	We talked about that last time.
	Oh, yeah.
	I don't think I was sitting.
	I was sitting further away from you guys, though.
	Yeah, you were.
	You went to like the first one Trump ever came to, I think.
	That was fun.
	Yeah, that was fun.
	You might be.
	Yeah, you were directly behind there.
	I know exactly where you were.
	Poor.
	That's probably Max Crosby's arm.
	Is it really?
	Guy with the chain right there, yeah.
	Wow.
	Max Crosby's a cool guy.
	Yeah.
	I think that was him.
	And his brother, too.
	I don't know what his brother is.
	What's his brother's name?
	Miles.
	Miles.
	I met Miles, too, one time.
	I wonder if it's cool if your brother's in the NFL.
	I bet that's awesome.
	That's got to be awesome.
	Because you don't have to do it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you get to do fucking Mahomes' brother.
	You just do fucking TikToks.
	Everyone's like, shut the fuck up.
	Yeah.
	You just get to do TikToks and fucking meet guys.
	Bother everybody?
	Yeah.
	You just get to do TikToks and just buy sweaters and shit, and your brother's fucking out there killing it.
	That's got to be nice.
	That's awesome.
	Yeah.
	Like, if your brother was Patrick Mahomes, it's cool to watch.
	Oh, it'd be so cool.
	Just watch your brother be the best player in the world.
	Dude, you'd have to be like, how the fuck?
	And especially if you knew your brother and you're like, are you fucking?
	I remember I caught you jacking off like a hundred times.
	Yeah.
	And then I left passing?
	Yeah, and then I left you alone for two seconds and came back in the room.
	What are you doing, dude?
	Like a good parent should, dude.
	All right, man.
	We'll see you guys in either Buffalo or in Austin outside of the comedy partnership if shit hits the fan.
	Because you have to recognize at some point, people will think in their head, I've thought about this.
	Where do we all go when shit, when it gets, because all it takes is that fucking one, that one night, you know?
	Yeah.
	I'm going to try to get a hold of Rogan.
	That's the guy.
	Right.
	I agree.
	And I spoke with him about this one time, and he, I think, decided he will be offshore in a boat looking back at America.
	I think so.
	And that's what a lot of people will be doing.
	Be vigilant.
	The second shit pops off.
	I got to get over there.
	Because a lot of people are going to rush.
	It's going to be like Noah's Ark.
	Oh.
	People are going to be like, save us.
	Yeah.
	There's going to be two of like every type of person.
	Yeah.
	Me and Tim Dylan walking hand in hand.
	Two fat whites you guys are in.
	Yeah.
	Me and Tig Nataro.
	Ambiguous guys, you guys are in.
	Oh, that'd be sick, dude.
	Two people with like those little things.
	Yeah.
	Jeff Dunham and doesn't.
	Dude, imagine being the other guy that's not Jeff Dunham.
	People are always like, hey, are you Jeff Dunham?
	I was doing this before him, that motherfucker.
	Shane Gillis, man, congrats, dude.
	Congrats on just being funny.
	And I'm sorry you didn't win the Golden Globe and you showed up at that.
	Oh, thanks.
	I thought you at least should have been up for it.
	Thanks.
	I appreciate that.
	And yeah.
	You guys can find him on tour.
	Dude, the fucking form.
	You're doing the form and the Greek?
	Yeah, in the same week.
	Wow.
	Hopefully I sell some riggers.
	I'm not.
	It's my agent.
	Your agent?
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, we did the Greek.
	They're like, let's, dude, you can do the form.
	Yeah.
	They're like, it's going to sell.
	I was like, oh, man.
	You sure it's going to sell?
	Because I'll make it.
	The Greek is the Greek.
	Yeah.
	Fuck, that's.
	I've never done LA, though.
	So that's good.
	That helps.
	Yeah, that's awesome.
	Well, you'll definitely do it, man.
	And fucking air conditioning.
	Yeah.
	Now that the podcast is wrapping up, it's bringing back down to 75. Thanks, Shane, for coming in, man.
	I appreciate it, man.
	Thank you, dude.
	Yep.
	Talk to you later, brother.
	Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.

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