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Oct. 10, 2023 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:47:25

E466 Anthony Jeselnik

Anthony Jeselnik is a stand-up comedian, writer, actor, and producer known for his TV show The Jeselnik Offensive, his many Comedy Central Roast appearances, and his podcast The Jeselnik & Rosenthal Vanity Project. He is on tour now, check out his website for tour dates at https://anthonyjeselnik.com Anthony Jeselnik joins the show for the first time to discuss his fascination with the macabre, his legendary school fight video, writing 100 jokes in a week, what happened to Comedy Central, blind people, why he wants an eye patch and more. Anthony Jeselnik: https://www.instagram.com/anthonyjeselnik/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp — go to http://betterhelp.com/theo to get 10% off your first month. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO to receive your first month FREE - just pay $5 shipping. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO to get 20% off and free shipping. Modiphy: Visit https://www.modiphy.com/theovon for 50% off the Last Website You’ll Ever Need. Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, visit https://forthepeople.com/thispastweekend or dial Pound LAW (#529). Their fee is free unless they win. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Producer: Nick https://www.instagram.com/realnickdavis/ Producer: Ari https://www.instagram.com/arimannis/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Time	Text
	Today's guest is a writer.
	He's a stand-up comedian.
	He has countless specials on Netflix.
	He has his own podcast called the Jeselnick Rosenthal Vanity Project that comes out every week.
	His latest special is Fire in the Maternity Ward.
	He's a one-of-one.
	You hear that term a lot, but there's, I've never met nobody like this man.
	And I've always looked up to him and admired him.
	I'm really thankful to have him here today on the podcast.
	This is one of our first times sitting down and talking.
	So today's guest is Mr. Anthony Jesselman.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I've been singing I love you!
	I love you!
	I used to do this joke.
	It was like, you heard what happened to the Fawns?
	He got AIDS.
	And how'd that do?
	And I'd be like, no, he didn't.
	No, he didn't, guys.
	After.
	I had this joke that I loved that was, my family was exactly like the Brady Bunch.
	We might not have been perfect, but my father did die from AIDS.
	And it would kill in the beginning, the first 10 years of my career, it would kill so hard.
	People would be like, I love that joke so much.
	And then all of a sudden it just stopped working.
	And I was like, oh, my audience has gotten younger and they don't know about the Brady Bunch.
	They don't know the actor.
	So I was like, oh, I got to stop doing it.
	Yeah, because I think my fear would have been that something, oh, people don't love AIDS or they're not, or they're, everybody's gotten on the side of like against AIDS, you know?
	Theo, people love AIDS.
	It's like, it's like, what other disease gets its own quilt?
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's a great point.
	Yeah, you don't see like an asthma Afghan.
	Yeah, nothing else has that hype.
	Anthony Jeselnick, man, nice to see you, dude.
	Good to see you, man.
	It's been a while.
	Yeah, it has been a while.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I would see you like at the store every now and again, like when we were doing the store, but now everyone's on the road doing stuff.
	As your friends get successful and get busy, you just never see them again.
	Yeah, is that, I mean, that's probably happened because you've had a lot of success for a long time.
	Sure.
	So did that happen like kind of, I guess you just noticed that?
	Like, yeah, was it more fun before?
	Was it, did it start to get more like lonesome?
	Like, what do you think?
	It gets lonely for sure because you come up with a certain group, you know, and you think everyone's going to make it.
	There's like 10 guys that you're with and you're like, we're all going to be stars one day.
	And then like half of them quit.
	You know, the other half are just like become writers or something.
	And then you're like, oh, now I'm on the road.
	I don't see anybody anymore.
	And you get a different group of friends and they start doing movies and shit.
	So it's like, well, I love this guy, but we never see each other because I'm on the road and he's doing movies.
	So you just lose all your friends always.
	Yeah.
	And it's hard to have, when you're touring, it's hard to even keep up friendships.
	It's like sometimes I get so exhausted, like, I hate to say exhausted, but yeah, I get exhausted with like whatever's going on or responsibilities.
	And then if even if a friend texts me, sometimes I'm like, I don't have, I'm just not dropped into a space where I want to engage in a conversation.
	Yeah.
	Or you're like, you're on the other side of the country.
	I'm not going to write back right now.
	Well, like, you ever like, you get in a relationship and you're dating someone for like a year and you don't see your friends as much.
	And then you break up and you have to like remind your friends that you're still a person.
	You know, they're like, oh, I know we haven't been hanging out, but you got to start calling me again.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, like you were on the road for a year and you don't hear from your friends for three years.
	Yeah.
	Because you'll see someone and they're like, what are you doing?
	And you're like, I've been done.
	I've been around.
	Why have you called me?
	You don't see people and they're just out of mind.
	Yeah, I think the road makes me feel like a bad friend a lot, I think, because I'll come back into society, like re-enter society or something, like a convict or something.
	You kind of go through like a re-entry where you see what you have in your closet.
	You're like, holy shit, this stuff's been out of style for.
	Oh, yeah.
	And all your stories are about like a driver you had that you didn't like.
	And then I was like, we don't, this is not in real life.
	We don't know.
	We don't know what you're talking about.
	Oh, you had a bad flight?
	Okay.
	I'd love to fly somewhere.
	Yeah, I'd love to go anywhere.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's interesting, man.
	It's interesting as your career goes on, like what it's like.
	I think what I thought it would be like, maybe, I don't know.
	I think sometimes I think I stayed in comedy because it, I think I wanted something that you didn't have any commitments like in the world.
	Like I always got to leave whatever relationship, whatever moment a girl was like, what's going on?
	You know, like, I have to be in, you know, Indiana.
	So we'll find out when I get back.
	And then eventually you come back enough and that wasn't even there anymore.
	Yeah, I think a lifestyle is a big draw to comedy, almost too big a draw.
	You know, you see the people who get into it for the lifestyle and then you watch them just destroy themselves immediately.
	The lifestyle is attractive.
	You know, people like the lifestyle more than the work.
	Nobody becomes a comic because they want to sit and write jokes all day.
	They become a comic because they want the applause.
	You know, they want to walk off stage and be like, where's the party?
	Yeah.
	That's true, right?
	Because people don't realize it's just a bar.
	It's like really just a bar.
	It's a bar business with like a dancing guy.
	Yeah.
	If you're like, I need to get a job, but I like to drink too much, become a comedian.
	Like in your set.
	Yeah.
	Two birds, man.
	Did you ever almost get married?
	Was there ever a point where you almost got where like that almost happened for you?
	Not like I about the same as like me thinking about going to law school.
	You know, when you're like at a certain age and your friends are like doing real things and you're like, oh, like maybe I guess this is where I just go and go to law school and become a lawyer.
	Yeah.
	You know, it's like, oh, my friends are all getting married.
	I've been in a relationship a long time.
	Maybe I will.
	And then I'm like, oh, wait, no.
	People just do it just because they think it's what they're supposed to do.
	You think so?
	I think a lot of people do.
	Yeah.
	You're just like, oh, I get married.
	That's what I do.
	And then you're like, 10 years in, you're like, wait, why am I doing this?
	And now at this point in my life, getting married just seems like a terrible financial decision.
	Yeah.
	It's just like, why?
	I don't know if this makes sense.
	So do you think a lot of people, they just feel like that's what they have to do?
	It's like, I have to get married now.
	It's just what I'm supposed to do.
	It's like my responsibility.
	Do you think it's to like Family?
	Do you think it's just like to society?
	I'm just wondering because I've never had like that mindset, whatever that mindset is, it's just never been kind of whatever's in my head.
	I think it's both.
	I think it's family and society.
	You know, I've got several married siblings, and they're always like, When are you getting married?
	Like, people, when they get married, they want everyone else to join their crew.
	You have a kid, you want everyone else to have a kid too.
	So you can talk about having a kid.
	And it's like, I'm not going to have a kid just because you did.
	And maybe if I lived in like a suburb somewhere and that was my life and it was like, this is my house.
	I'm staying in this house.
	Then it's like, all right, kids are, this is what I'm going to spend my life doing.
	Right.
	There's my kid in here.
	There's a, yeah, there's a place for a kid to be over here.
	We could definitely put a kid in this area.
	Yeah.
	And I definitely don't want kids.
	Really?
	I even went through a phase where I was like, if it happened, I've got money now.
	I could, I could handle this.
	But I had no real interest in doing it.
	Do you think you'd even have bad luck having kids?
	Because so many kids die in your material.
	It is a thing that I think about.
	Like I've done it, talked a lot about sharks.
	And so I would never go surfing.
	Yeah.
	Because if I get eaten by a shark, everyone's going to be like, see, I know.
	This is karma.
	This was his fate his whole life.
	That having a kid seems terrifying.
	I think every parent goes through this once you find out you're pregnant of like, you know, so many things can go wrong.
	You hear about the bad, you hear about the good.
	You know, you're counting the toes and the fingers, autism, like all kinds of different stuff that you're just like hoping.
	It seems like nice not to deal with that stress.
	Yeah.
	I don't miss it.
	And sometimes you don't know if your kid's autistic for like a couple years and stuff, I think.
	So it's like, ah.
	Dude, we both know people who are like for sure autistic and they just told us.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Undocumented autistic.
	Get them out of the country.
	Well, I think a lot of, I've had a lot of theories that a lot of the future will be of people like if you look at guys like Jeff Bezos, right?
	And Elon Musk and I'm trying to think of some other people that seem to me, if I'm listening to them, they seem like they have some sort of autism, right?
	Like, but they're also the people that are able to quantify things to like another level, like to where they can advance society.
	Like I think it's getting to the point where those are the people that are going to have the skill sets to move us to the next space in the U.S. I think you're always going to need some of those guys who are like working on the numbers and shit.
	You know, you need some people, you need some people who can talk.
	You know, you need some people who are like just sitting in the back there crunching numbers.
	But have you ever tested yourself for autism?
	No, I know that they thought I was Down syndrome when I was a child for a while.
	I had that because I was big for my age.
	Oh, really?
	So I was like, people, I look like I was four when I was like one and a half.
	And yeah, I heard a lot.
	I heard a lot of stories about me in the supermarket.
	Especially in Pittsburgh.
	Especially in Pittsburgh.
	Oh, yeah.
	Because all the babies there are really small, you know, compared to me.
	I was a huge, huge baby.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I was the biggest baby that had ever been born in Pittsburgh at the time.
	Oh, my God.
	And what did they did they do?
	And what happened?
	Did they put a, I don't even know, did they give you like a statue?
	What did they even do?
	It was a sash they put on me, and then they put me in like a stroller.
	It was like a bigger stroller, and they paraded me down the street, and people would just kind of wave.
	People were wearing Jerome Bettis jerseys out there?
	This is pre-bus.
	Oh, really?
	So like Jerry Olshansky?
	Franco.
	I think you probably all have Franco jerseys out there.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Franco Harris himself tried to pick me up, but I was too big.
	Dude, I love Pittsburgh.
	You do?
	Oh, bro.
	My friend used to work at Jack's bar.
	My friend.
	Oh, yeah.
	I know Jax.
	Yeah.
	Was a pitcher.
	He was a mascot.
	He got busted hooking up with a, I think, a underage woman in like an abandoned swimming pool or something.
	He, yeah, dude, I got Pink Eye over there one time, and I got...
	The first, yeah, I got, yeah, I got a oral sex one time behind the giant eagle over there somewhere.
	I got invited into a familial sexual kind of threesome with some people from Wheeling, West Virginia that were visiting.
	Wheeling of Freaks.
	Oh, yeah.
	Freaks in Wheeling.
	They kept saying you want that wheeling feeling.
	That's what they said.
	And I was in like a Mazda.
	I was like, I don't think we can do that in here.
	Wait, they were in your car?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I was giving them a ride home after a show.
	The girl was cute and her aunt was with her.
	And when I stopped to drop them off, they asked.
	They just asked point blank if I wanted to have that wheeling feeling.
	And I was like, I don't know.
	I didn't know what it was.
	I didn't know if it was crime or if it was, you know, like a rash.
	You know, I didn't know what the hell it was or tickling somebody real hard.
	You know, I didn't know what their modus operandi was or whatever.
	And so I just didn't do it, you know?
	How many opportunities, sexual opportunities, do you think you've turned down because you just didn't understand the euphemism?
	Oh, one time in Baltimore, I got offered a threesome, pretty sure.
	It was threesome or it was like a pyramid scheme, which is, I don't know if those are similar or not, but it was extremely similar.
	Yeah.
	Practically the same thing.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So, yeah, it was outside and it was kind of dark.
	It was at Magoobi's.
	Remember that place?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So it was over there.
	And yeah, I guess I got offered that.
	Oh, one time I got into a sexual endeavor with two women and this was in Columbia, Missouri.
	And they, one of them was like, looked like one of those bodybuilders from like, remember when they would wear the one, the singlet and they would have the thing and they would hold it up and it would say like 100 pounds written on it or, you know, 140, like at the circus or whatever.
	One of them was like kind of, I felt attracted to and the other one had this kind of like Polish kind of like bodybuilder vibe.
	And I got coerced into that and that was, that was intense, man.
	See, I don't trust three ways.
	I've never had one.
	I've been propositioned and been like, I don't believe you.
	Yeah.
	Like there's a catch.
	Yeah.
	This is too, there's something's going to happen here.
	Yeah.
	Like a random hookup on the road, you're like, I'm going to hear from you again.
	There's no free lunch.
	Right.
	There's no free lunch.
	You're getting a follow-up email for sure.
	And the next time you're in town, they're going to be in the front row being like, right?
	And so freeway is just like two of those coming at you.
	Yeah.
	Did it, when you first started out, what made you stay in comedy, you think?
	Were there times where you were ever going to give up?
	Or you've had success really since you kind of kicked it off, it seems like.
	It took a couple years.
	I found that in the beginning, I'm sure you understand this, that when the first couple years, it's embarrassing to tell someone you're a comedian.
	Oh, it's the worst.
	It's almost like, yeah, you could be like, a lot of people in my, where I'm from, they felt like you were gay.
	You didn't want to bring a wife home.
	You didn't want to admit something.
	What are you doing?
	You know, not that there's anything wrong with being gay, but there were just, you know, those were some of the things like, oh, just tell us what's going on.
	Yeah.
	You know, if you have cancer or whatever, just tell us.
	People don't understand.
	Your parents don't understand.
	Your family's like, what?
	You're doing what?
	Like, why don't you try to be more like this?
	Why don't you do last comic standing?
	I would hear all the time.
	And it's like, that's about you.
	I don't want to do that.
	And then I thought the only thing more embarrassing than saying I'm a comedian for the first few years would be saying I used to do comedy.
	Like saying that, oh, yeah, like you ever, after a show, someone's like, you know, I tried.
	I thought about doing that.
	You're just like, get the fuck out of here.
	Like, I thought that was so embarrassing that I'm like, I'm just going to will myself to some level of success.
	And I thought at the time, I thought that meant I would get a writing job and I would quit stand-up and I would just be a joke writer for the rest of my life.
	And by the time I finally got that joke writing job, I was like, I was doing well enough at Stand Up that I was like, I just want to do this.
	I don't want to write for someone else.
	I'm the only one who's going to tell my jokes.
	Why don't I just keep doing this?
	And it worked out.
	Did you not want anybody else telling your jokes to oh, you just said it?
	Nobody would.
	Like if I wrote, I wrote for Sarah Silverman, Jimmy Kimmel, and they were like, if I loved the joke, they loved it too.
	And they would tell it.
	And I was so proud to have them tell my joke.
	No problem with that.
	But then I would write for Jimmy Fallon, and he would say, this is really funny.
	People are going to hate me.
	And I'd be like, you're right.
	But I don't care.
	That's fine.
	You can hate me and still laugh.
	You can't hate Jimmy and still laugh.
	So it just didn't work out.
	But I was like, oh, I need to just write my own stuff and do it myself.
	Like, I've got my own way of telling the jokes.
	Yeah.
	That is funny.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's a horrible dance you take us on.
	I mean, it's marvelous.
	Yes, I knew what you meant.
	Okay, good.
	Yeah, it's exceptionally horrible.
	It's like, yeah, I feel like you, here's, I always feel like it's that same feeling I get watching you and watching some of your material.
	When I'm in a haunted house and I know I'm going to be scared, right?
	I'm walking through something.
	I know there's something right around the corner that's, that's, you know, and I just keep going down the road.
	And then next thing you know, again, you got me again.
	Thank you.
	Yeah, I mean, I consider myself, when I describe it as a horror film, like, you know, you're in good hands.
	You know, you're not watching a snuff film.
	This is like a real movie with real actors.
	And at the end, you'll be satisfied and there's going to be some scares.
	Like, just enjoy it.
	It's all fun.
	I don't have a message.
	Just, you know, nihilism.
	Did you ever feel like you were haunted?
	Like a lot of people, you know, think that people are haunted and stuff like that.
	Did you ever have any, like at a certain point, you have to look at yourself and be like, oh, well, I am, there's something unique.
	You know, there's something very Simon Birch about me or something, you know?
	Yeah, no, I, people ask me that all the time, like, because I have a dark sensibility that something happened to you.
	And it's like, no, I've had a very charmed life.
	Like, I've had a great life.
	My parents are still together.
	You know, there's no abuse.
	I was always drawn to violence and awful things in life.
	People just didn't talk about them.
	And I was like, why not?
	They're so important.
	Like, why is this so forbidden?
	Why does no one want to talk about death?
	You know, when as a kid, I was shamed for that a lot of like always being like, well, what about this?
	And they'd be like, stop talking about that.
	Like, we don't want to talk about the challenger anymore, Anthony.
	Like, it blew up.
	Like, you're in first grade.
	Just move on to other things.
	And I didn't understand what was unhealthy about it.
	I thought if the greatest minds in history have been sitting there wondering what happens when we die, why is it weird for a kid to think about it?
	So them pushing back on me made me mad.
	And that anger carried me through my first 10 years of comedy.
	And then you get success and you let go of the anger.
	And you're like, okay, what do I have left?
	And it's interest.
	You know, it's these topics interest me.
	And I want to find a way to make people laugh at them.
	Wow, that's interesting, man.
	Do you think like that we do it?
	Do you think a lot of people do it?
	There's a chip on their shoulder?
	Yes.
	Like they want to prove that they, yeah, what do I, what are, I'm trying to think of, what did I want to prove?
	Prove you're not a fucking loser.
	I feel like when you're in school, it's like you're ruining.
	Not only are you messing up your own education, but everyone around you.
	Everyone sitting within four desks is getting worse grade because they're near you.
	Oh, yeah.
	And everyone's furious.
	And you're like, I've got to prove.
	Like my high school put me in the Hall of Fame, the Alumni Hall of Fame a few years ago.
	And I was so proud because I gave a speech and I was like, this is you guys saying you were right.
	You know, like for 12 years of high school, they were just like, fucking stop this.
	You're throwing your life away.
	And I was like, watch me.
	Like, trust me, I've got a plan.
	And it all worked out.
	And now they're like, great.
	We're proud that you're from the school.
	And that took a long time.
	How many, though?
	First of all, that's unbelievable.
	Did you go back to the school and they gave you an accommodation of sort?
	Yeah.
	It was like this little trophy thing, like a big glass triangle.
	There were like, you know, 10 other people that all kind of gave little speeches.
	But I was like, I'm the one who had a TV show with my name in the title.
	You know, like, this is my thing.
	This other guy just, you know, still plays tennis.
	That's why he's in it.
	Right.
	He's a, yeah, Sherwin Williams manager.
	It counts, but, wow, dude, that's unbelievable.
	Did it almost, I wonder if that would make me feel like so much more rewarded than anything because that was like the battlegrounds of being fun.
	Like that was where I feel like it was the most fun to be funny.
	Yes.
	Did you have that experience or no?
	Yeah.
	I mean, I couldn't not tell a joke.
	If I thought of it, I'm like, this is too good.
	It's got to go to, it's going to go to waste.
	But my thing was trying to make the teacher laugh.
	Oh.
	Because if you made a joke in class, teacher would yell at you immediately.
	But if you made her laugh or him laugh, there's always a woman now that I think about it, then they couldn't get mad at you.
	And that felt so good because it was like, you knew you did something wrong, but you did it in the best way possible.
	So now you're the star.
	Oh, that's fascinating.
	How do you not get in trouble?
	Right.
	I understand you're going to put me in trouble, but you and I know.
	Yes.
	And all these comics now, it's like almost the point is to get in trouble.
	It's like, why are you giving me shit?
	I'm a comic.
	I'm allowed to say whatever I want.
	That's wrong, As far as I'm concerned, art always say it again, so I don't miss out.
	People think, like, oh, as a comic, your job is to get in trouble, and so if you, but they don't want to get yelled at.
	It's like it's okay to make people mad, but they don't want any pushback.
	And I think that's wrong.
	As a comedian, you want to make people laugh.
	Andy, this is a quote attributed to Andy Warhol that I love.
	It's just: art is getting away with it.
	You know, if you put out a special and everyone's pissed, like you didn't get away with it, you know, you need to make everyone laugh that they're like, yeah, he talked about this fucked up stuff, but we're all happy.
	That's art.
	Otherwise, you're just a troll.
	That's fascinating, man, because it adds another level to a lot of things.
	You're like, the superfluous level isn't enough.
	You like, I want to go to this other level.
	Even thinking of, I'm going to get the teacher to laugh.
	I never have thought about that.
	Yeah, it just happened one day.
	Teacher laughed and I was like, oh, I'm not in trouble right now.
	I would have been.
	What's the difference?
	Oh, teacher laughed.
	And it was a stern teacher.
	It was like a strict teacher who never laughed.
	It was like, oh, okay, if I can get her, I can do this.
	Dude, I used to think that if I stared at my teacher enough, that they would want to have sex, you know?
	Really?
	We had a French teacher.
	In like sixth grade who.
	Oh, French.
	First of all, even being French makes you think they're going to want to be sexy.
	Totally.
	Yeah.
	And it was a gym teacher.
	Oh, okay.
	It was like a former gymnast who was a friend.
	She was a French gym?
	No, it was the French teacher.
	She was American, but spoke French.
	And then there was a gym teacher who was also a babe.
	I think you guys teacher.
	I was like, Cirque de Soleil or something.
	I think you guys were doing like, you know.
	We did learn the basics of Cirque de Soleil.
	Okay.
	Some of the early stuff.
	Yeah.
	And she was hot?
	As I remember, if she walked in here right now, I wouldn't know who the hell she was.
	But at the time, because a lot of our teachers were busted, you know, Dogsville.
	Okay, not attractive.
	Yes.
	Some real hounds.
	One of them that was even remotely young was like, oh my God, she's a mermaid.
	Yeah, we had one that either had huge breasts or filled her shirt with something that looked like breasts.
	And she wore like a doily like around her neck, kind of, or whatever that little collar thing was.
	And we were all like, literally, dude, when she came in the room, you could feel like.
	Because it was like right around that when people were going through purity or whatever.
	And you could feel people didn't even know how to exist.
	Like all the blood would rush to like your brain, like parts of your, like you didn't even know how to stand.
	It was just, God, when there was a, because teachers are also the first woman that you're around a lot of times where you're in the same space.
	It's not your mother, but you're around each other a lot.
	They're in a position of power.
	So if they look a little attractive, I think it's like, it can be very sexual for a lot of young men.
	I mean, it's the crazy fantasy, you know, like a hockey teacher, you know, but I think when you're in, when you hit puberty as a boy, they start to send you to health class.
	You know, it's like they separate the boys and the girls and they start talking to you.
	I can't believe they don't just like put you in jail for three years because everyone, everyone from the age of like 11 to like 16 is up to no good.
	It's pure evil.
	And this is, we were before the internet, man.
	Yeah.
	Like you had to know someone who had an older brother who had a Playboy collection.
	Yeah.
	And they would like tear out like a picture and bring it to you.
	And I remember that someone gave me one.
	It was just a woman from behind.
	She was just standing up, had like a perfect ass, but it was just her ass, like her hair.
	And this is the only picture that I had.
	This was it.
	And it was like, am I an ass guy now?
	Like, I don't know.
	This is just what you have.
	And now these kids are just like, every little thing, every, every fetish, every fantasy you could ever imagine is at their fingertips.
	And it's not good.
	I can't imagine in 10 years, shit's going to go down.
	Like, it's going to be, everyone's going to have a sex dungeon.
	It's going to be crazy, wild shit.
	And no one's going to be able to keep up.
	I think, oh, yeah, I remember somebody even give you a picture of a regular chick and they'd write like hot pussy on it or something.
	You'd think, you know, like, oh, this is, and she wasn't even naked.
	It's just like somebody had written that.
	I remember when someone told me about the P word and I just couldn't even, I felt so ashamed that I didn't know it.
	I felt like I didn't know how to communicate anymore, like the world was passing me by.
	Cause like some guys like, you don't know what the, you know, he would say, you know, I don't like saying it that much, but he would say like, you don't know what pussy means, you know?
	And I'd be like, do you not like saying the word because of like the combination of letters or you don't like calling someone that?
	Like, would you have a problem calling a guy a pussy?
	Or you just don't want to describe the anatomy as?
	I think if a guy only had like one wing or something and he's hungry and he only, then I would might say something like that.
	But I don't think I like saying it because I don't want people to hear it if they're listening somewhere and they don't feel comfortable hearing it.
	I think it's probably my thought about it.
	That's your fan base?
	People who can't hear the word pussy?
	I think it's people that probably I don't want them to hear it that much.
	I don't care if they hear it once in a while, but I think that it, yeah, I try not to put that out there too much.
	My audience, I feel like I'd want them to hear it from me.
	You know, it's like I'm a trusted source.
	I don't want them hearing it out on the street from random randos.
	You know, I'm the authority figure, pussy.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's a good idea.
	I see, at least you're so confident about it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think I didn't.
	Oh, I remember somebody was like, oh, they said you don't know what a dildo is, some kid in fifth grade, and I didn't, right?
	And I could never handle not knowing what, like, I didn't want to be somebody that didn't know something, right?
	It was like a real control thing, I think, like controlling my environment.
	And when I didn't know, and then I was on the school bus and I didn't know, and I just called the bus driver it, you know?
	I was like, I'm going to take my chances and see what this is.
	How'd that go?
	And it did not go good.
	And I had to go to the principal.
	That's when they still would spank you.
	And this fella, Lawton McKee, was his name.
	And he gave me a couple good lashes in his office.
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	Remember when you, I think I was in second grade, the principal of my elementary school was named Dr. Brogui.
	BroGuy?
	Bro guy.
	Is that French or what is it?
	I don't know.
	He certainly was not French, but I don't know what it was.
	Bro guy.
	But I'm in second grade.
	I'm seven or eight years old, and I have like a Sharpie or a pen, and I write on the back of the bus seat, Dr. But guy.
	Yeah.
	And which to me I thought was really funny.
	And some kid behind me told the bus driver.
	It was like, he's writing on the seat.
	And the guy comes back and sees it and then takes me off the bus and then the principal's office.
	And they're like, you wrote on the back of the bus?
	And it's Dr. Broge being like, what did you write?
	And I'm like, just doodles.
	I just kind of just a little drawing.
	And the bus driver's like, come on the bus and see.
	And me and Dr. Broguai had to go and look at Dr. Butguy.
	It was a tough one.
	I liked going to the office in a little bit because it was almost like your first business meeting, I think, when you were a kid.
	It terrified me.
	Like knowing what I know now, I would have been like, fine.
	Like it's a break from class.
	But then I was like, I'm in so much trouble.
	In my heart, I must have thought I was getting expelled every time.
	And then my parents were going to kill me.
	And my parents were always mad at me about school.
	Like, I'm not applying myself enough.
	I'm like, I'm getting in trouble.
	Were they really smart, your parents?
	They were both very smart and knew I was smart.
	Like, I have other siblings.
	I'm the oldest of five, and they didn't get the same pressure that I got.
	It was like, oh, you're the last of five?
	I was the oldest of five.
	Oldest of five.
	So I was the first one through, and they were just like, all our teachers are telling us you're smarter than this.
	You just don't try.
	And I drove them crazy.
	Everyone else, I got better grades than my siblings, but they were like, yeah, but they're doing their best.
	Like, you're not.
	So that drove them nuts.
	So every time I went to the principal for whatever, I would have been happy if they hit me in school, but they didn't.
	They would just tell your parents, and that was way worse.
	My parents didn't hit me either.
	But I didn't like the disappointment.
	I would have taken a beating.
	Yeah, I'm trying to think if I, yeah, my mom would beat us pretty good.
	How many siblings do you have?
	I got three siblings.
	My brother's older, and I got two younger sisters.
	But we were not close.
	There was not any affection in our home.
	Like, we didn't know.
	Nobody had any feelings.
	It was very much felt like a business kind of, where you were like an employee for like very low-level allowance that you never even got.
	There was always some reason you didn't get it.
	And that's what it felt like.
	It felt like a little bit of a pyramid scheme is what it kind of our family felt like.
	Theo, do you know what a pyramid scheme is?
	Yeah, it's like it's like when you offer, you tell some, you get, you say to somebody, do you want to get like a couple shares of, do you want to get shares of like a, what do you think it is?
	I think some of the top is like, you pay me, and then you get, but for paying me, you get to come in and then people below you are going to pay you and the money's going to flow up.
	Oh, yeah.
	So you get, you get involved, and then you hope more people get involved.
	Yeah, it wasn't like it was not that.
	Yeah.
	It was more like kind of trickle down, maybe some type of rigonomics or something.
	It was something, it was something that wasn't working.
	Families weren't fair.
	Like I feel like my family, we never talked about money ever.
	It was just assumed that we had it and you would just be told yes or no if you wanted something.
	And now they say that families, you should tell your kids, like, here's how much dad makes.
	Here's how much mom makes.
	Here's what the budget is.
	Here's what the house costs.
	That way you know how much.
	So you're not always asking for things.
	That I think is very smart.
	Whereas my family was like, no, you can't have that.
	But I didn't know why.
	And then I grew up and was like, oh, we were just, we had less money than all the kids around us.
	You know, the people around us had more money for different reasons.
	They either had different jobs or fewer kids.
	But I just assumed we had everything and my parents just didn't want to give it to us.
	God, that's an insane thought.
	Yeah.
	It's a macabre, really.
	Yeah, I was like, oh, they're just being mean.
	I can't get a Nintendo.
	And I was like, no, we're trying to pay our mortgage.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Why else as a kid, you don't understand?
	Like, dude, I got a dog and my dog only wants to play, eat, like walk, and he doesn't understand why we're not doing those things.
	It's like, playing is so much fun.
	Let's go play.
	And I'm like, oh, I, and once you kind of understand that, that like simplicity, you're like, okay.
	And like, kids are like that.
	Like, they just want to consume.
	Yeah.
	They Just want to eat pizza for every meal and like hot dogs and go to baseball games.
	They don't understand why, as an adult, you don't want to do that.
	Yeah.
	Do you think you were a good brother when you were growing up or not?
	No, I was the oldest of five, and it was five kids in seven years.
	And I just wanted to do my own thing.
	I wasn't protective of my sisters, but only as much as I had to be.
	Right.
	So did you buy into the family system or were you very much like, I'm doing like.
	I'm doing my own thing.
	Okay.
	It's like I don't want to mow the lawn.
	I don't want to do any of this stuff.
	I'm here, but we're all free agents.
	Yeah, I'm doing my own thing.
	And then when I left for college, then we became closer.
	It was like the little distance coming back.
	We all kind of, we're closer in age now.
	I mean, the same level in age.
	My brother, who was, you know, born when I was seven years old, is now like my favorite person in the world.
	So yeah, we're really close.
	What's kind of interesting about that?
	Like, do you like being like now, do you like see more value in being a brother?
	What's kind of interesting?
	Because I have a brother and I love, you know, we weren't close when we were kids, but now I love having a brother.
	It's like the best thing.
	It's just, it's hard when they're seven years, you're seven years apart.
	Like I wanted a brother so badly from like the moment I have consciousness.
	And then I got three sisters.
	Every two years, I get another sister.
	And I just like wanted one.
	And I finally got that brother.
	And it was like, oh, he can't do anything.
	Like, he's useless until like for a long time.
	And then by the time I like, I went to college and I was 18, you know, he was 11. So like now we're very, very close.
	But I think it's just being closer in age.
	I think if he was like two years younger than me, we'd be much, much closer.
	Is he a Steelers fan?
	Yes.
	Wow.
	You are.
	Pittsburgh, you have to be, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's tough this year.
	It's been rocky, man.
	I wanted to buy in Pickett, right?
	And I say, you know, I think party always cheers for the Steelers.
	I mean, because I'm a Saints fan and they're black and gold.
	Steelers are black and gold.
	And I love Steelers, you know.
	I'd always go up there.
	You hear all these crazy rumors about Cordell Stewart and Shinley Park.
	You'd hear all of this, you know, people's just saying thank, thank, thank.
	You know, you'd hear all of it, you know.
	And so, yeah, I always want them to do well.
	And then I saw him with that mustache.
	And I'm like, this means he's going to do well because you don't grow a mustache, I think, unless you're planning on doing something where I'm from.
	Yeah.
	You got to plan.
	And then he just hasn't been able to really put it together yet.
	I think he hasn't been that bad.
	I think it's everybody.
	I don't think everyone's like, it's the coaching.
	I'm like, no, it's not just the players.
	It's everyone just kind of just being a little bit off.
	And I think we'll pull it together.
	I think we'll be, you know, a game over 500, maybe a game under, maybe Break Tomlinson streak.
	But I'm the kind of fan who I just want to support.
	I like the coaches.
	I like the players.
	Like, if they get traded, like, I still like them.
	I'm just, I'm just happy that the team is there.
	I don't get mad.
	Yeah.
	You know, I don't get mad about the Steelers anymore.
	I used to.
	And then I kind of just realized this is stupid.
	Why am I ruining relationships with people?
	Like, there was a game once.
	I think I just moved to LA and the Steelers played the Patriots.
	It was the year that Brady won his first Super Bowl when they had beaten the Raiders.
	It was a miracle.
	And the Steelers were really heavily favored.
	And then we just got crushed.
	And all my friends were at my place, and they were all Patriots fans except for me.
	And I got hammered and like yelled at everybody.
	It was such an embarrassing game.
	And I snapped that I was so embarrassed that I couldn't talk to my friends for like a week.
	And then I was like, I'm never doing this again.
	I'm going to be on emotional lockdown for sporting events from now on.
	It's just, it's stupid.
	Stupid thing to get.
	You put a lot into it.
	Yeah.
	And you see people put their whole lives into it.
	And they cart their wife out there and they'll paint their wife the colors of the team and they'll do all of that.
	You know what got me?
	Remember when the Red Sox won their first World Series in like forever?
	You know, it was like early to mid-2000s or something?
	And I remember being pumped for them.
	I had a bunch of friends who were Red Sox fans and I was rooting for them to win that year.
	And then after they won, I was happy.
	And then the next season, the fans were like the same assholes.
	It was like they'd be the guy from Memento who doesn't know he killed the dude and he's just like, I got to kill this guy.
	It's like, you killed him.
	You already won and they didn't bring them that much joy.
	That I don't want to be that kind of fan.
	I want to just always be happy for my team.
	Yeah, I think that's what I'm, I, I, I've struggled to have that.
	I realize it's like, am I a fair weather fan?
	I was a diehard Saints fan growing up.
	Die Hard.
	I remember when I didn't have any money, I made like Saints merchandise and I go out there and sell bootleg merchandise, you know, and I loved them, you know.
	Yeah, I love the Saints.
	And it just, but at a certain point, it just, I don't know, also got a little bit older.
	I think you start to realize like I'm busy.
	Maybe my life, I got busier too.
	I didn't have as much time to do fantasy.
	I don't know.
	I've never done fantasy.
	I've never wanted to.
	Really?
	I never want to root for anyone who's not a Steeler.
	I never want to be like, oh, you know, Calvin Ridley just, you know, ran all over us, but he's on my fantasy team, so I'm happy about that.
	Like, I never wanted to do that.
	Wow, you're really pure then.
	You're kind of a purist.
	And I also just don't want to type in all that shit.
	I don't want to sit there for the draft.
	You know, like, one of my best friends is a big fantasy football guy, like knows everything.
	If he ran your team, you would win.
	And I just, I would never give a shit.
	Not my thing.
	I don't gamble.
	Do you gamble?
	Do you put money on sports?
	I do gamble sometimes.
	I've realized recently that I need to kind of chill out.
	Not a lot.
	I'll bet like a couple hundred dollars here and there on something.
	I've never bet $1,000 on something.
	But I do realize it's like I'm getting a little like when I get like testy or bored, I want to do something, you know.
	You need to misbehave.
	I'm like that.
	Where I'm like, I haven't had to drink in like a year and a half.
	I don't consider myself sober, but I haven't been drinking, but I need something.
	I need like a nicotine pouch or like some sort of like thing that's like, this is my misbehaving.
	Yeah, watch me misbehave.
	Where does that come from?
	That's something I've always had.
	You think that's just not a malady, but just a, you know, a piece of humane.
	Like, like, do you think it's just something that you, that's in you, you know, or do you think, sorry, they got bugs in here because I think a lot of this stuff is outdated.
	We're in a Masonic temple, by the way.
	This isn't all new stuff?
	Is this, yeah, I think this is, not, this isn't the room my show is in, but I think I'm in this theater tomorrow.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you are.
	We're in there tonight.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	Cool.
	So we're switching.
	Awesome.
	Yeah, Stavros Halkias.
	Have you ever seen this kid?
	I know who he is, but I haven't met him.
	Thicker kid, nice kid.
	He's not Vietnamese.
	What is he?
	White.
	And he's performing in town too tonight.
	There's a real, I mean, comedy's everywhere.
	It's everywhere now.
	And I think we're in this phase.
	I think the second boom is over.
	I think it ended with the pandemic.
	But we're in this rock star phase where there's like, you know, 5% of the stand-up comedians are just fucking rock stars.
	And everyone else is just kind of tolling away at clubs.
	But I'll ride this wave as long as it goes.
	I mean, the fact that there's three comedians in town this weekend performing at theaters is kind of crazy, you know?
	I mean, almost every weekend I'm out in the road that's like there's someone that same night somewhere else.
	It's just, I think probably a lot of it's the pandemic.
	People are like itching to get out in the road.
	But also people are coming out to shows, man.
	I think it's, we're also, you can't get fair news.
	I mean, the news seems to be, to me, really compromised these days, right?
	Like no matter what news you get.
	Like I learned last week that you can pay like some of these websites like Billboard or some of them, you can pay them money to come out and like take photos of you and put them on the internet or write a story.
	You can just pay for it.
	And it's like...
	Right.
	Or it's not a service anymore.
	Now it's like we just need to give you your news.
	Right.
	And that's, there should be like, just at the end of the day, like, here's what really happened.
	Yeah, right.
	There should be like some dude who sneaks over like, hey, bud, let me get five minutes of your time.
	This is what's going on.
	This is actually what happened.
	Whatever your politics are, like, this is what went down, black and white.
	Make your own decisions.
	So I think people are coming to see something live, too, because they want to hear things that they, they want to hear something that's not, that doesn't maybe feel as bought and paid for.
	Do you think that's possible?
	I think the edges have been sanded off everything.
	Like every time Disney buys another company, I'm like, oh, my career has gotten shorter.
	If Disney owns everything, I'm never working again in television because they would never put someone like me on TV.
	It's like these companies that have to, they have all these responsibilities to just bad entertainment.
	It's like we just don't want to make anyone mad.
	You know, it's not about like doing something great.
	So I think stand-up, it's like the one place where you can go and just see an unfiltered, not by, I don't think it's like it's edgier, but I just think you have like fewer people worried about what's going to happen.
	And then you just want to see an artist like doing their thing instead of like a hundred artists and a corporation combining to come up with a storyline for a season.
	You know, it's just, I think TV and movies have gotten bad.
	You were one of the first guys that I heard of that takes like breaks in their life and touring.
	I don't know if that's true.
	I would just hear this is like some of the Jeselnick lore that would go around.
	I mean, there was all kind of things.
	There was the blood, you know, the drink, the plasma.
	There was all that kind of shit.
	But there was like, there was that, yeah, Anthony takes like, he'll take like a month or two off and just go somewhere and do something and spend time with him by himself or go travel, you know.
	But it would usually be a writing retreat.
	Like I would be going to write.
	Like I'd be like, I got to go away and lock myself in a cabin and write 100 jokes.
	Like I would be like, in a week, I got to write 100, no matter when I do it, but I got to leave here with 100 jokes.
	And I remember the one time I did that, I went up and got a place in Ojai and I wrote 100 jokes in a week.
	I was writing on Fountain at the time and I couldn't write it my own stuff.
	So I was like, I'm just going to take a week and go do this.
	And of all those jokes, of 100 jokes, one of them made it into my act.
	And it was like a 30-second joke that I was like, this was probably a bad use of my time.
	But I was, I always feel like, I don't know how you feel about this, but you have to get the bad jokes out to get to the good jokes.
	You know, let's say like, but when you start doing comedy, you're going to write a million jokes in your life.
	Let's say 200 of them are going to be great, but you still need to write a million.
	You can't just write 200 and stop that I'm always, I'm always trying to write just to get the bad ones out.
	You know, so that the good ones can come to me.
	These are the guys, you know, yeah, like who was that?
	Oh, Louis C.K., I was talking with him and he said, what did he say?
	He said, it's the ones you don't want to tell a lot of times.
	Like the ones that'll sit there that you're afraid to tell.
	He's like, for him anyway, he said, those are the ones that end up being, becoming his favorite.
	So interesting.
	I love that he says things like that.
	Like I remember when he did SNL one year and he was like, there was one sketch that I was like, I hate this.
	It's so stupid.
	We have to do it.
	Like, I want to do something where I'm like, I have to blow a big horn and I feel stupid doing it because that's what SNL is to me.
	Like, I want to do this.
	Where he would talk about like opening with his closer and then being like, how do I build it?
	I've got to go somewhere.
	Like, I have to work it out on stage.
	I thought that was like very brave and an intelligent way to do it.
	When it comes to trying out jokes like that, though, I always say, only try the ones you like and only keep the ones they like.
	You know, because if you try one you don't like and the audience loves it, you're stuck with that fucking joke.
	Yeah, that's true.
	Like, I don't have, I never have self-deprecating jokes, but I had one in my act like a couple of tours ago.
	And my openers would laugh because they were like, you're just having fun.
	All of a sudden you tell this joke and then you're like mad at the audience for laughing.
	Like the joke was on me and just annoyed me.
	I hated it.
	I hated the self-deprecating comedy.
	No, thank you.
	Yeah, I don't know if I like it or not.
	I don't know.
	I mean, I think, yeah, I think I'm kind of fine with it.
	I don't know.
	I think for me, a lot of times it feels like just survival.
	Like, how do I survive through this hour with this group of people to get some high that I need or something that I need that I've always needed?
	And I just, how do we get to the end of this with me, with it being a fair exchange?
	That's my biggest thing.
	I want it to be fair for their money that they spend and fair for what I give them, you know?
	And then I start to look deeper sometimes, like, why do people come to see things?
	What do we look for in people that we go to watch or that we let entertain us?
	Like what I'm putting my own attention on.
	You know, that seems to be the biggest thing that I have.
	The thing I have of my own value seems to be like my attention.
	Like, where do I let it sit?
	Who do I give it to?
	You know, I find those like websites sometimes that I'll go to.
	I'm like, why am I giving this?
	It doesn't even feel good.
	It doesn't feel rewarding, you know?
	Yeah, like the TikTok and shit where you're just like, an hour goes by.
	You're like, what am I?
	I haven't learned anything or I just feel like I've burned an hour.
	Yeah.
	And some of the, I laugh and stuff, but it's like Facebook, you know, I'll go and look and see if anybody's dead from high school, you know, and I hate to say that, but it's like that's kind of it.
	You know, if there's like a good raffle that somebody's doing, I'll do that.
	But it's like, I don't like, what am I?
	Am I here just because I'm being lazy?
	And then I start to look like at the algorithm.
	It's like, man, they've got us really on the ropes as far as to us just becoming humans, just becoming like trained, completely trained fish.
	Oh, dude, it's going to be like the fucking end of Wally.
	Remember that movie where it's like all the fat people in the wheelchairs?
	And I think we're going to, I think you and I will be okay.
	It's the younger kids that I'm like, oh, they're all fucked.
	Like they just, their attention span is gone.
	I don't even know what the world's going to look like in 50 years when they're running it.
	Like I think about the people who are in tech.
	You know, they have kids now and they all have nannies and shit.
	And their one rule is keep the kids off the tablets.
	They don't want them to have a phone, an iPad, anything.
	And everyone else is like, here you go.
	Like see you when you're 18. And they're the ones making the shit.
	That's the thing.
	And that's so they know how dangerous it is.
	They know how bad it is.
	But it seems like a bad way to, you know, experience your childhood is to always have stuff.
	Like, remember, like you'd run home from school, run home to catch the cartoons.
	You had to like sprint upstairs to the bathroom and come back down before the commercials were over to catch the second half of Dukes of Hazard.
	Like you had like where you were mattered and now everything is just at your fingertips.
	And I think it's bad for you.
	Oh, I think the value of most things, it's like, I think about this, like even with relationships and stuff, like the light in a woman's eyes, you got to see.
	It used to be that was from your wife.
	You know, it was like, or the, that was from your partner.
	It was like, that's who you, you know, that was the one.
	But now it's like there's just constantly, you know, it's like you can find anything of somebody just completely giving everything they have to a screen somewhere.
	And I just wonder what the effect of that is on like marriages and like, like, and if you go look on your phone all day and stuff's making you laugh, then if you get home and your kid makes you laugh, right?
	I'm not saying that your kids doesn't still make you laugh, but does it like debilitates?
	Does it take away a little bit of that?
	Because your dopamine has been slowly released all day.
	Yeah.
	That by the time you get home, you're like, oh, I've seen 40 attractive women on social media.
	I've seen like some kid in, you know, Miami or some, you know, they find a kid in the dirt, like in Uganda or something, and he's happy or whatever.
	He's got a diamond or whatever, and he's all pleased.
	You know, it's like you've seen the happiest kid in the world for the day.
	So I just wonder, do we cannibalize, have we just cannibalized everything that used to have meaning, right?
	And not just like the hit of dopamine for your head, but like some meaning to you intrinsically, like as a human, you know?
	I think it's taken away a little bit of community because everyone has their own entertainment that's just for them on demand.
	So you don't like watch things together.
	That's why like this summer, going to see Barbie in Oppenheimer with like a theater full of people dressing up was like such a crazy thing that hasn't been happening for a while because people would just sit at home and everyone's watching the same videos, but at different times on the phone by themselves.
	So they might like pass them around, but you don't just sit and like, you know, if people threw up 10 minutes of memes at the office every morning and they sat in an office and laughed at them and everything, great.
	But everyone's just kind of just in their own shit.
	Absorbing them, yeah, at their own time.
	And faintly, it's just like, I think that's a big part of it.
	And we've talked about that before.
	We had a guy on here named John Vervecky, and he's like a meaning specialist.
	So he's not like a specialist, but he's like a professor, and that's what man's quest for meaning.
	That's what a lot of his stuff is about.
	And he talks about like the Stoics and like Aristotle and like the past and how man has always searched for meaning kind of.
	But a lot of he talks about his shared experiences.
	That's one of the biggest things that we had as humans, like, is that we share experiences.
	Yeah, you would all, I remember, we would all watch a show, then we would go out in the street if we watched in Living Color, and we would go in the street in our neighborhood and impersonate all the characters, dude.
	Like, oh, God.
	I have my personal Damon way in.
	Like, oh, homie to clown, homie, you know, dude.
	We would, and it was like, and if you could do it good in the street, it like there was, but we'd all seen it, and it was just so, yeah, if you'd seen a new episode, it'd come out, and you'd have to, you'd be like, when the commercial break came on, you'd piss and have to get back before the, right before the commercial ended.
	Oh, yeah.
	That Monday morning in school, everyone, that's all anyone's talking about.
	Yeah.
	Like, I was, I was big into comedy as a kid.
	And I remember when I got to college, remember Mr. Show with Bob and David?
	I've heard of that.
	I've never seen a show, David Cross, Bob Odenkirk.
	And I loved it.
	It was like edgy, like hard comedy.
	It was on like midnight on a Friday.
	No one ever watched it.
	And I would make my friends come over.
	I'd be like, I'm buying the beer.
	I've got the weed.
	Just come and just watch this thing with me.
	And they all hated it.
	And I was just sitting there just trying to make them like, you don't think this is funny?
	And it was so fucking funny to me.
	The Ben Stiller show, when I was in like eighth grade, every Monday, I was like, did you guys watch this?
	It was so fucking funny.
	And no one, it wasn't like they didn't think it was funny.
	They didn't even know about it and weren't interested about it.
	Like I was always just extra into comedy because it was a way to bond with people.
	You know, I'm doing, you're doing the theater and 2,000 people are all laughing at the same time.
	And it's like, this is awesome.
	This is great that we get, I get to just see this.
	It's cool.
	Do you ever sometimes wish, sometimes I wish I was the guy in the audience having a good time?
	Do you ever wish that?
	Does that make any sense?
	And I know exactly what you mean.
	And I feel like I'm like, I'm past it.
	Like, I can't enjoy comedy the way that I used to.
	I would love to go back and to the way that I would experience comedy back in the day.
	But now I just know too much about it.
	I see too much that I'm just like, oh, okay.
	Like I just, I watch it differently.
	Like I opened for Chris Rock in Europe a few years ago.
	Wow, he's my favorite.
	He's amazing.
	I mean, maybe the greatest to ever do it.
	And a guy that I was like, I'm absolutely going to learn everything I can.
	I'm going to watch him every night, watch his whole set, watch everything.
	And after two shows, I was like, he's a fucking genius.
	Like, what I'm not, I can't take anything from him on stage.
	There's nothing I can take that would be, that would be okay to take.
	It's like he's got these things he's worked on.
	But I just become obsessed with like, how does he prepare?
	What does he do right after he gets off stage?
	What does he do right before?
	What's his process like?
	Because it's like, I can learn from that, but he's just too great of a stand-up to take anything from him on stage.
	Yeah, I think sometimes watching certain guys, Fahim Amwar, when I watch him, I love, he's so funny.
	He's great.
	He's so, everybody loves him.
	I don't think there's one type of person, like, he's so funny.
	Oh, he's just the nicest guy, too.
	I mean, so many comics, like, nice is a low bar in comedy.
	You know, it's like, he didn't, like, actively assault me.
	He's like a nice guy.
	But someone who actually you want to sit and talk to and can enjoy a conversation is few and far between.
	And he's, he's one of those guys.
	there was a comedian one night we're at the comedy store where some guy's backing out of the comedy store, hits a woman with his car.
	Like a woman's car or a woman?
	Hit a woman, a human woman.
	Wow.
	And which I don't condone.
	No.
	And so, huh?
	Can't do it.
	Yeah.
	I mean, and the guy, so then he takes off into the building, right?
	A few minutes later, I just see it from the porch.
	I'm like, what?
	And it wasn't really hard, but it was the lady fell down, right?
	And people were tripping out.
	And the guy, like, seven or eight minutes later, he, I'm in the back, other part of the comedy store.
	He comes up to me.
	He's like, hey, dude, he has no idea I've seen it.
	He's like, do I look like I just hit a woman with my car?
	And I'm like, what?
	What would that look like?
	I don't know, but I don't know if he was on drug or if somebody was like, hey, man, do I look like I just hit a woman with my car?
	And I was like, nah, man, you look totally chill.
	Yeah.
	Do you think he was going to like walk out there?
	And they're like, oh, that can't be him.
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	But comments are strange, man.
	It's really crazy to think how many strange people get together in a building and how much, like, like I was thinking yesterday about how Brody Stevens took his life, right?
	Like that's crazy because so many of us had seen him that night and there's nothing about him that seemed very erroneous.
	People knew that he was struggling.
	You never kind of knew what level he was struggling at because I think he put so much of it also into his act.
	So you were never sure how much was an act and how much wasn't.
	No, I mean, people who are like the most depressed put on the best mask.
	You know, it's like if you ever see those memes, it's like, this isn't the face of depression.
	It's one of being like crying.
	It's like it's somebody who's like, like, it's the smile's too big.
	You know, it's like, no one's that fucking happy, man.
	What's going on?
	And I'm not like Brody was always a ball of sunshine, but I mean, I was shocked and gutted when that happened.
	And most of the time, I remember Robin Williams.
	I was like, this fucking guy, this fucking guy who like everyone thinks is the funniest person of all time, like, had to pull the plug.
	Like, that was gutting that.
	I understand that everyone dies and deaths rarely bother me, but suicide is always just devastates me.
	Like, I got to take the afternoon to like process, call the therapist and just like talk it out because it's always, it's always brutal.
	Brody was a tough one.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think he was so big too.
	He was so much bigger than life.
	I think what scares me the most about it is that it's like, could that happen to something me?
	Could that happen?
	You know, how do you go from seeming just like every other comedian at the store in a way?
	I mean, of course you're individual, but just seeming like every other comedian to suddenly, you know, like does something, can something happen in your brain that just makes that happen?
	Yes.
	I mean, suicide, and I read a book about this last year, I think, amazing book.
	It was just like, suicide's almost like a state of mind.
	Like it's like, it's just like something comes over you and you can't, you can't help yourself.
	Like you're not, you're not who you normally were.
	And a lot of times if a friend of mine or someone I know, you know dies by suicide I like I have to know the details like I need to know what happened was it financial was it like I was reading a book where if people try to kill themselves by jumping off a bridge into water if they do it over romantic entanglements if they do it over a woman or a guy they almost always if they don't die when they hit the water swim to the surface they're like what am I doing this is so stupid I and they they swim out and they get saved if they're if they're jumping over financial
	shit they sink like a stone it's like thank god this is over like it's just these different things get into people's minds and just extinguish any sort of any sort of flame there's a book about that oh wow yeah yeah i just don't know i wonder if i have too much of an ego that's why i wouldn't like ego is so interesting because it's like kind of this shadow but it's like this i don't know do you when you say ego do you mean like your your body saying like you know not
	today or do you mean like you're in your mind being like i'm not gonna let people read about me tomorrow that i took my own life that's what i think i well i don't want to die yeah you know i don't want to die this is all i'm doing is being alive so if i die that's probably going to be pretty boring you know at least if i'm alive i can do any you know the things are possible i feel like death sounds great it's just like you get to sleep like i don't sleep that well so like the idea of just like you go to sleep forever sounds awesome
	suicide i'm not going out like that i'm not doing that to people who knew me i'm not gonna be that's not gonna be the end of my story and i just like refuse that i never even entertain it uh but i'm fascinated by uh by it yeah yeah i just don't and i don't know how i would do it i just don't know if i could do i don't want to do it i would do like the guy in the garage with the piping or whatever probably something casual yeah i used to think that i'd be like okay i'd be like a bathtub guy
	you know kind of thing or take some pills and go to sleep and then i would read about it more and it was like men don't do that men pull out the shotgun men jump off a thing you know like women take the pills women go in the bathtub and i was like oh well then this isn't for me you know i'm not going i'm not going out pansy style yeah you know what i mean oh yeah i was raised by my mom so i used to wear that towel i would put it up around my chest sometimes you know what i'm talking about like the bath towel yeah and then one day my buddy's like i was at my buddy's house he's like dude what
	the fuck are you doing yeah like you have the towel like above your breasts or whatever and i or and i remember sometimes i would stand and i would talk like i remember if i was talking to somebody with my shirt off i would cover my chest like this like just the nipples or like the whole yeah like the nipples and i just remember it was probably something that my mom did if she was like you know if we peeked in her room or something and she'd be like what do you you know like i don't know it just seemed kind of it seemed like more of a feminine trait you know i remember when i was a kid like we do
	yard work at the house and i was helping always helping my dad you know because uh i was the oldest and it was just like it's hot out take your shirt off like take your shirt off route we were doing yard work and i was like great and one day i'm like playing football with my friends who are like eight or nine years old and it's really hot and i just take my shirt off to play and they all just like stop and look at me like what the fuck are you doing and i was like oh got it shirt back on like never again like i'm not a shirt off guy yeah in our neighborhood taking your shirt off was a sign of respect when i was growing up like if somebody did something you know we had people that couldn't
	real you know speak really well and very you know just damn limited you know and so people would take their shirt off as like a sign of like um like respect you know like we're with this guy you know i remember that like on like you're watching 9-11 you're just like everybody take your shirts off no no it'd be something more localized like if you were watching like uh like if somebody had started like a ditch fire or something and
	you know people were supporting him or whatever he was doing if he was burning like their if it was a woman burning her husband stuff or whatever or something if you were doing if you were in support of whoever was doing something there was like a it was almost like i don't know what to say so i'm just gonna say that i'm a va i am showing myself here so it's very it felt very primitive when i think back on it so you take the shirt off and you're done or are you swinging it around or are you throwing the shirt away like this shirt's done now but
	you just hold it until yeah you just hold it you say like i'm here and then this moment of respect is over 10 minutes 15 minutes you put the shirt back on yeah things would kind of dissipate or something i think somebody you know the oldest kid would put their shirt back on and then the rest of the kids would put their shirt back on so it was like a it was an age thing i think it was like a um yeah it was something but i just remember that if you didn't know what to do you just took your shirt off if you're around an adult sometimes you took it you know just to show it was like a sign of respect somehow
	i just remember people doing it a lot i always think it's funny when you see like you see fights online like i follow twitter accounts are just like here's a fight and it's like the worst just some door some like random guy in the suburbs rips his shirt like they start arguing he tears his shirt off and starts flexing always makes me laugh why do they allow these children you ever see the fights of children beating up other children online why do they allow that to be on it seems like we created a culture that is just imitating what they see right because at a certain point you just see the same
	it's like the same exact video just new people and i'm like why shouldn't there be a block that's where i get weird about like free speech kind of i guess you know it's like shouldn't there be a block that lets us not see this the fight the kids fighting yeah i just think it's like because then some kid sees that now 20 other kids are gonna go make the video yeah like are we just perpetuating it you know i don't know i i mean there were plenty of fights before that this started happening i don't know if anyone's fighting
	for the video you almost hope it's the kind of fight that doesn't like that isn't gonna be online like i would gotta the last time i got in a real fist fight i think it was like a sophomore in high school and they filmed it they had a camcorder on a tripod what and filmed it and i won the fight was it comedy central what the uh like who was it a company that filmed the fight yeah when i was 16 years old oh you you said high school high school yeah oh sorry sophomore high school okay and uh just the guy thought he was gonna beat me up and had his friends film it
	and i won the fight and then you did yeah And people passed the tape around.
	I did one of the coolest things I've ever done before or since.
	I was, this guy's bigger than me, and I'm not winning this fight in the beginning.
	And we get to a point, we both throw in a couple punches, and he gets me from behind.
	He's like got me in like a bear hug around my arms.
	Oh, and he's trying to like throw me down.
	And I just, in this like five-second span, I remember a movie called Bird on Wire with Mel Gibson.
	Bird on Wire?
	With Dave.
	Bird on the Wire?
	Goldie Hahn.
	Yes, with Goldie Horn.
	And Mel Gibson's thing in that movie, his move when you fight, was to, someone would get him from behind and he would put his head forward and slam his head back.
	And so I just let all my body weight go, like I just went limp and I had my head drop down and then slammed it back and caught him right in the head and he went down.
	And you hear everyone scream and I was just like, and like, I think I knocked his teeth out.
	He had fake teeth in the first floor and I hit him and the teeth came out and then he was like, this is over.
	I got to get fix my teeth.
	And that tape went around school for like three weeks and I felt like a god and then all of a sudden it disappeared.
	But I was like, if that was online, I don't know what my life would have been like.
	You would have been somebody who fights.
	Probably.
	That would have been my thing.
	Yeah.
	I'm going to get in a fight and hope this guy grabs me from behind.
	And then I'm going to do my Mel Gibson head snap.
	And this is my identity now.
	Oh, you'd be doing a musical of it.
	For sure.
	I mean, that's the kind of thing that happens.
	It's like people, yeah, everything.
	You have to take it to the stage now.
	Have you been to Mother?
	Have you done Comedy Mothership yet?
	No, I actually, I was in Austin a few weeks ago, and I had like three shows.
	But then I went.
	I remember Curtis from Comedy Store?
	Yeah.
	He's like running down.
	He was like, hey, he's awesome.
	Curtis Nelson.
	Yeah.
	Curtis was like, just come over after your show and won't be closed, but I'll give you a tour.
	That's exactly what he did.
	Showed me all the memorability on the walls and showed me the stages.
	And it all seems pretty perfect.
	It's cool.
	Yeah, I think one thing that they're doing, well, one thing I noticed when I was there, I've just done, I think I've done maybe two sets there, right?
	But it's nice.
	I mean, when you go there, like, you know, if you do do a set there, they, you know, they just surprise the audience with you.
	So it's like you could just, they're just amped, you know?
	So that always feels pretty nice, I think.
	And to be a place where a comedian opened a comedy club, I think is kind of interesting.
	And that they get paid better, right?
	That's one thing I think is really cool.
	I like it.
	Is that the comedians get paid better?
	I root for that place.
	I root for, and there's no comedy club I root against, but it just seems like it's probably a little bit easier there.
	Oh, because it's kind of like a built-in, like a lot of the audience that likes like a Rogan audience or a Hanscliffe audience.
	Like a home team.
	It's a built-in approval.
	Like Joe Rogan cannot bomb at that club.
	Right.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like they- Yes.
	And I've got jokes where it's like, I want the audience to be like, oh, fuck.
	You know, I don't want them to be like, yeah.
	If I say like, you know, let's talk about trans people and everyone's like, fuck yeah, do it.
	That's not my thing.
	I want people to be like, fuck.
	And then I show them how I do it.
	You know, but that place, and this is not, it's just because it's new and people are excited about the club, but it doesn't seem, it seems like a little bit.
	People will say, come play in our sandbox.
	I want to play on the beach.
	Oh, I see what you're saying.
	You know?
	Yeah, well, I think it's a good point that I think as you get when people know you, yeah, a lot of times, even when I go on stage and I'm like, are they, am I good at this anymore?
	Or are people just being, you know, who are fans of mine or we have something in common?
	Are they just, you know, I don't doubt myself, but you start, the, the, the, the setup changes.
	It's not where you went on stage for 14 years and they didn't know who you were.
	So you knew you got to win them over.
	Yeah.
	You knew there were so many pieces of feedback that you were getting that let you know you were genuinely, you were doing well.
	Whereas now it's like, yeah, am I still?
	And then because they, they're there for you.
	So it's like, how do you know, how do you find an audience then?
	I mean, I guess you just pop on shows where people don't know you're going to be there.
	Maybe that's probably the best way.
	I mean, TV was my thing.
	TV and like, I never was, I wasn't like, I was an, I wasn't someone's opener and that's how I kind of made my bones.
	It was like, okay, got on TV, the roast kind of showcased what I did to stand up.
	That's right.
	And then it was like, you could go see me do that for an hour.
	You know, it was, it just worked out that my stand-up is very close to my roasting.
	So that's how I got everyone.
	And I kind of missed those days where I was a surprise to people because I don't have to earn it anymore.
	I just have to not let them down.
	If I don't let them down, they're going to come back.
	You know, I'll get one tour where it's like greatest hits.
	And then after that, then no one's coming to see me again.
	You know, it's got to be every time you come to see me, it's going to be all new and I've got it worked out.
	I'm not fucking around.
	I'm not like messing around trying out stuff.
	It's like, here's the act.
	And I've kind of taught people.
	But a lot of times you just go up there and hang out.
	We've all seen famous comics go and just do the hangout set.
	And Pell does that a lot, I feel like.
	And it seems unpleasant to me.
	I don't want to waste everybody's time.
	Yeah, I totally understand.
	I don't want to waste everybody's time.
	But I'll see, like, when I went for Chris Rock, or I would see Chris Rock at the store coming and working on stuff.
	And he would just, for like an hour, just stand up on stage in the main room going like, what else?
	What else?
	And I'm like, I could never do that.
	Right.
	I could never just be sitting there.
	And the audience is wrapped.
	They're like, we love this.
	We'll sit here and watch you think all night.
	I could never.
	I would start sweating if I just was like, hmm, what else?
	Like, I don't write on stage for that reason.
	I've got to have it down.
	Wow.
	I write on stage, but I'll be doing something that I know is working and it'll go a new little tributary will start off of it.
	And it's always that, whatever that new thing is, if it does well then it's locked in.
	It works good.
	And do you record or do you remember it?
	It goes so hard.
	You're like, okay.
	I'll record all the audio.
	Yeah.
	And I'll listen back.
	Because sometimes you'll just get one new angle in like the beginning of something.
	You're like, oh, this is monumental.
	Did you see those aliens, those Mexican aliens?
	The little tiny guy?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And what'd you think about it?
	I didn't give a flying fuck.
	Like space, outer space, I don't care at all.
	Really?
	I'm glad people were working on it.
	I'm glad we're going to Mars and all that shit.
	Like, go find out as much as you can about that star, but I don't give a shit.
	Like, I've never seen a picture and been like, oh, wow.
	Wow, that's what a black hole looks like.
	Like, I don't, it's got nothing to do with me.
	Like, the aliens, I was like, I don't believe it.
	Like, yeah, I know you're talking to the government right now, but this would be a bigger deal.
	And if it was, I still probably wouldn't care.
	Yeah.
	Like, this is a legit little alien guy.
	It's like, so what?
	And it's like a Mexican government, which I'm not saying is not as legitimate as any other government, but I think it has, you know, there's definitely more of like people, you know, it's like, what's going on here?
	You know, and they kind of did like an un they like pulled it out of like a they like moved open a box.
	It was like a little bit of a crypt.
	Like I think the whole thing seemed a little, I don't, I wonder if I care about UFOs.
	I don't care.
	They could attack.
	And I'd be like, I don't, like, wake me up when I'm dead.
	Like, I just don't.
	It doesn't interest me.
	Do you think our government would let us know if they had been here or not?
	I don't.
	I don't know if they would.
	I don't think they would do it to be like good, but I also don't think they would successfully cover it up.
	You know, like the government fucks up so much stuff.
	That's why I don't really believe in conspiracy theories because they would fuck it up.
	If they faked the moon landing, they would have fucked it up.
	Right.
	Someone would have talked.
	It would have been a thing.
	And I'm going to see so many comments now about like, you're so dumb if you don't believe.
	I don't care.
	I don't want to waste my time thinking about that.
	Yeah.
	It's like when crypto was a big thing.
	It's like, I don't care.
	I like money, but I don't want to sit and think about money.
	I like to have it.
	I don't want to look at the stock market.
	I don't want to look at my crypto things and see what's going on.
	If I got to buy the different coin now, fuck that.
	Yeah, I'm not a crazy investor really a lot of times because I just like to know what I have.
	I tell my business manager, like, am I doing anything wrong?
	Am I doing anything stupid?
	Let me know.
	Otherwise, like, just pay my taxes and like, and we're cool.
	Yeah, dude.
	Well, look at that NFT market.
	That thing disappeared.
	I mean, what the fuck was that?
	It sounded dumb from the jump.
	I would say it sounded dumb.
	People be like, you don't get it.
	I'm like, I think I do.
	And now it's all like, everything's been proven right.
	Like, it's all gone.
	It's all JP.
	It's all gone.
	Yeah.
	And I don't, well, why?
	The board aid wasn't, it wasn't good in the first place, but you're going to spend billions on this thing.
	It was very, very dumb.
	And I think the person spending billions, I think it's just one guy telling his buddy, hey, let's write an article that say you spend a billion.
	Yeah.
	And then we'll get everybody else to buy bullshit.
	Yeah.
	It's like the guy who said he spent a billion never even spent a fucking billion.
	I think they spent five grand paying a website to make an article.
	And computer money isn't real.
	Like, I don't believe that you have like a billion dollars in crypto.
	That's the same as having a billion dollars in real money.
	Yeah.
	I don't buy it.
	Do you think you could have been like, I've been watching Band of Brothers if you've been watching it?
	I watched it when it first came out.
	God, how good was it?
	It was great.
	Do you remember when Jimmy Fallon shows up?
	He's in it?
	For like five seconds.
	It was clear.
	It was like everyone in Hollywood was getting into this.
	And Fallon had just left SNL.
	And it's like they're about to go.
	It's the end of an episode, like episode six or something, where they're like, things are about to get bad.
	Like we've got no backup.
	It's just us.
	We're each other's brothers.
	And all of a sudden, they're like, we don't even have guns.
	And all of a sudden he's like, hey, guys.
	And they turn around and it's Jimmy Fallon in the uniform.
	He's like immaculate and he's like, hey, I found some guns for you.
	And they're like, really?
	He's like, yeah, I'm just giving them out.
	And they like take the guns and like, thanks, man.
	He's like, good luck, guys.
	And that's the end of the episode.
	It was like clear that he wanted to be a part of it.
	They were just like, well, we'll work in a cameo somewhere.
	Let's give him something good.
	Okay, he gives the guys guns at the end.
	It was so, so Hollywood cheese.
	Wow.
	Does it stand out so much from the episode?
	Yeah, because no one else is fucking famous.
	You know, you have like a couple guys who are like younger actors, but then all of a sudden it's Jimmy fucking Fallon just post SNL.
	You know, it was hilarious to see him in a World War II situation.
	Wow, I might not be to the end of that episode yet.
	I'm watching this for the second time now.
	Dude, Jimmy Fallon, when he first was doing touring, he before he got SNL, oh no, before he got the Tonight Show, he opened up for me in Miami.
	They had him.
	They were putting him on stage, I guess, to get his, I mean, I say opened up, like they just put him in the middle.
	Like special guest spot.
	He'd do as much as he wanted.
	If the crowd was good, he'd do 20. If it was bad.
	Nobody knew he was there.
	I didn't even know until I got there.
	I go in the green room and he's in there.
	And it was cool, man.
	It was cool.
	And then the last night, I think he just kind of, he was doing fine.
	I think he just was getting kind of over it.
	It was a Sunday night show.
	Yeah, doing guest sets.
	Like everyone's excited, but it's like you're just doing it.
	I totally, I would get bored doing guest sets too.
	I just couldn't believe it.
	I was so scared to go in the green room and then I didn't know what to say when I was in there.
	Green room gets small, bro.
	When you were just learning about being a comedian and you're in there with the headliner.
	Because you don't know.
	And the headliners are fucking, we're crazy.
	We're crazy.
	We're very specific and particular how we're used to things.
	Yeah.
	And some people, like, that's their whole, that's the only time they have any power.
	They don't have power out on stage, but like in the green room, they can be like, get the fuck, get out of here with that cheeseburger.
	And you're like, relax, man.
	But like, now I know enough.
	Like, have you ever just had some random person walk in your green room?
	Yeah.
	Like put their jacket down and they walk out and you're like, what?
	And they're like, no, they shouldn't have done that.
	You're like, oh, I didn't know to tell someone.
	Like, I once yelled at the comedy store's lawyer who was like eating dinner in the green room.
	I was like, are you comic?
	And he's like, no, get the fuck out of here.
	And then someone comes back and like, that's the lawyer.
	And I'm like, well, he still, he shouldn't be back here.
	He sure the fuck shouldn't have been back there, dude.
	Thankfully he's in heaven now.
	That guy passed away.
	No, he did?
	But yeah.
	But hey, that's what he gets for fucking eating in the green room.
	He should have come to my green room, bro.
	But you're not a comedian, dude.
	Bro, when you cross the dark art, the fucking last son of Transylvania, and you go to his green room and eat, you're in for trouble.
	You're going to die.
	You got about a year to live.
	Do you think you could have handled the draft or something like that?
	Sometimes I feel like we need another war.
	Do you think that's a crazy thought?
	Yes.
	Why?
	Because what the fuck did we get out of most of them?
	You know, you can look at World War II and be like, okay, like that was, we were fighting for something, but now technology's gotten so crazy with Everything that I don't know if anyone would do the draft.
	I don't know who would have the nationality to just be like blindly follow the government.
	They don't want to do that.
	If it was a real, if we got attacked, I bet everyone signs up the next day.
	But if it's just like, hey, we notice something's going on in North Korea again, I'm like, we're not doing that.
	Get the fuck out of here, bro.
	I used to think I would have just gone into the draft.
	Like my dad was in the military.
	I certainly have respect for it.
	Do I think I'd be a good soldier?
	Absolutely fucking not.
	I think you would be the worst.
	Yeah.
	Like, I'm going to drag the rest of the troops down.
	Let's head to Canada and do my part over there.
	Yeah, that's what I, I think what I want is I want something to unify people.
	I want something that makes us feel.
	I miss the days where I think when we all felt like we were part of a country, or it seemed to me like we felt like we were.
	Like, I don't know how that, all that just, I don't know if I felt like I was part of the, if I was like, if I love the government, really, if I just love the idea of our country, you know?
	You know what I'm saying?
	Like when you're a kid, like...
	Like, if you, like, I get loving the country, if you're like, this government, the fucking IRS is killer, man.
	I love them so much.
	If you love politicians, like, people were like, oh, like, fuck Joe Biden.
	It's like, okay, I'm down.
	Fuck the president.
	Always, if you're like, fuck this guy, the last guy was a man.
	You're like, get the fuck out of here.
	Every politician fucking sucks.
	I would never do that with my life.
	There's some I like more than others, but like politicians in general, get the fuck out of here.
	Like, why am I supposed to like this one?
	No.
	They're all, they're all politicians.
	It's insane.
	Yeah, I think, well, if you ever, I've always thought if you ever, my mother always let us know, if you ever think the government is going to do something for your life, then that's not how it's going to work, probably.
	I'll never get over the government saying every year, pay your taxes, figure it out, pay your taxes.
	And you try to do whatever math you have, you send it to them, and they go, you got it wrong.
	Then fucking tell me what it is.
	Send me a bill.
	Don't make me do these gymnastics and then tell me I'm wrong.
	Like, why are you making me do this?
	And that's what I think about the government.
	It's so passive aggressive.
	That's very passive aggressive of them.
	And also, you know, there used to be a box.
	You check it, you get for being blind, right?
	You get $1,600, right?
	But you have to check the fucking box, dude.
	Like, how did they even like, I just don't understand why.
	There should be a box that you don't check if you're blind.
	Yeah.
	If you can see, check this box.
	If not, you're going down.
	And they don't even tell you what it's for.
	It just says, hey, if you can see, check this box.
	That would have been the best way to know if people are blind.
	You know what's always obsessed me about blind people?
	And I used to try to turn this into a joke and could never do it, is, you know, you know what Braille is, right?
	The little dots they read?
	It's like, think about how long it takes a blind person.
	Like, let's say you lost your vision today.
	How long do you think it would take you to learn Braille?
	Like, one dot's A, two is B, this is C. I bet probably two months.
	Two months?
	60 days?
	62 days, tops?
	And you know what?
	Maybe to be fluent, I would say maybe six months.
	Six months, okay.
	How long then, once you know how to read braille, does it take you to find braille?
	Oh, yeah.
	If you're blind, you can read the shit out of it.
	How do you find it?
	Are you just always looking around?
	Like any bump, you're just like, oh, thank.
	I can read again.
	Like, you go to the bank and it's like on the ATM, but like, how do you find the ATM?
	Like, I don't know how they ever do it.
	They should have made Braille way bigger for blind people.
	Yeah, they should have made it huge.
	They should have made it like speed bumps in a parking lot when you're pulling in from here.
	Yeah, run your finger over and it's like your tires go over it and you feel like, oh, it communicates to your car or something that communicates to you, or you do, it makes a sound when you go over.
	But yeah, I mean, the blind, they've been fucking shunned by society for so long.
	I feel like, or just, you know, nobody cared that much.
	It's like, yeah, we'll give you this little series of people don't trust blind people.
	Yeah.
	Oh, no.
	You don't trust deaf people?
	You don't trust blind people.
	You're like, you can see a little bit.
	You can see something.
	You can hear loud noises.
	You're just playing this up.
	Oh, yeah.
	I remember they had a dude in our town who he was deaf, right?
	And he was doing this.
	People beat him up for doing bad magic You know They thought he was doing like Yeah, just shit like this.
	And they thought he, you know, never pulled out a quarter or anything.
	And people fucking lit into him, you know?
	That's why you got to carry a quarter.
	Oh, no matter how deaf you are.
	Get that kid a quarter.
	What's an ailment do you think you could handle?
	I mean, I think you can handle whatever.
	Like right now, I'm dealing with like back issues where like my back sucks.
	And I'm like seeing a chiropractor doing exercises, like all this stuff.
	And I'm like, I'm dealing with it.
	Like sometimes it's better than others, but I'm dealing with it.
	That anything that you just like when you get sick, you get the flu and you're like, you feel like you've had the flu for your entire life and it's never going away.
	And then one day you're like, oh, the cough's gone.
	Like it's over.
	That I think I could handle whatever.
	I wouldn't want these things, but if I lost a limb, you know, I think I could handle it.
	I've always wanted to lose an eye.
	I would love to wear an eye patch.
	I would love to have just one eye, like a black leather eye patch, a cool one, and that's my thing.
	People say glass eye is the way to go.
	I disagree.
	Eye patch.
	If it's the scar going down and then the eye patch, for sure.
	Yeah, coming out the bottom of it.
	You would be able to do that, though.
	I think there's a thing about being tall and handsome.
	There's so much stuff you get to do that you don't realize that other people don't get to do.
	Like a little guy with an eye patch is a fuck.
	That guy.
	Terrible.
	It's, well, it's just.
	Nobody's going to give a fuck.
	It's too much.
	It's, yeah.
	It's too much.
	Pick one.
	Yeah.
	Be little, do an eye patch, but don't fucking come in here.
	You know.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think I always was fascinated.
	I remember when I was a kid, I met a kid that had a stutter, right?
	This kid named Douglas, and I'd never heard it before.
	And I was so jealous.
	I was like, he sounds so unique.
	Like, I want to be, and I remember I would impersonate him a lot, right?
	Like, I was in, I mean, I loved it.
	And my teacher got mad at me.
	And I was like, no, you don't want to, like, I think it's awesome.
	Yeah.
	Like, he sounds unique.
	As a kid, I made fun of someone with a stutter.
	And the kid's mom was like, don't do that.
	If you, if you draw Attention to it, he'll have it forever.
	But if you just don't mention it, he'll stop.
	And I was like, Oh, why is this my job?
	Wow, like you guys deal with that at home.
	In the real world, we're talking about it, we're talking about that stutter, dude.
	I can't believe they tried to put that on you.
	That's crazy.
	It's like I'm eight.
	What a responsibility, but that's what you get when you're tall, dude.
	When you're tall, people, I feel like you get fucking put everything gets put on you.
	I feel like when you're tall.
	How tall are you?
	I'm just regular heighting.
	I'm six foot.
	And I was kind of tall for a little while, but everybody just, I didn't, it didn't play out.
	And, um, and then, but I, the tall kid always fucking, remember when you got tall?
	Remember just like one, four weeks, you're like, and your neck was long and your fucking chin was like.
	My neck always hurt.
	Like, there were like three years where I was always doing this.
	Like, my neck, and it was like, oh, I'm growing.
	I didn't know at the time.
	My neck just like was always sore.
	And I shot up, like, I was the tallest kid in my class immediately.
	And then I just stopped.
	So now I thought I was like, I thought I was big and I was just tall.
	I wasn't big at all.
	I was like a bean pole, but people wanted to fight you.
	Yes.
	And I was like, oh, the tall guy, I want to fight him.
	And I was like, I don't want to.
	This 40-year-old.
	And you're like, I'm 11. I'm 7. I'm 11. Yeah.
	Nine.
	What else do you think about like your career?
	Do you feel like, did you feel like success gave you a lot of the things you thought it would?
	Or were you surprised by any of that?
	I was surprised at how little I was able to enjoy it.
	Like, I didn't want to be famous.
	I wanted to be known.
	I wanted to be able to, like, comedians would know who I was.
	You know, if you're a comic and you don't know who I am, you're not a comic.
	Right.
	You wanted to be valid.
	Yes.
	I could walk into a club and they're like, oh, Anthony, you're here.
	It's pretty powerful, too, isn't it?
	When you think about like that being able to happen.
	Oh, yeah.
	Walking into like a green room.
	I go to see Doug Stanhope and I'm like, I want to go backstage.
	Maybe they'll let me back.
	And I walk back and be like, oh, hey, oh, yeah, come on back in.
	You're like, oh, that's cool.
	It almost feels false, doesn't it?
	Or does it ever feel like that to you?
	Not that you don't deserve it.
	There's no doubt.
	But even when people welcome me, like I would go to the comedy seller sometimes, like the last ones there, like, do you want to get up?
	And I was like, not me.
	Like, I don't just get up.
	You know, like, I, you know, if Colin Quinn comes in, you know, or if somebody, like a new, you know, like.
	Sure.
	But they're like, I always say when it comes to that, like, you want to drop in?
	I'm like, if you didn't buy a ticket to see me, you don't want to see me.
	I'm not a good drop-in.
	Cause it's like, you're here to see whatever else.
	And then it's like my dead baby bullshit for 15 minutes.
	And they're just like, what the fuck?
	And I'm like, yeah, you're right.
	Like, I should, I'm ruining your good time.
	So it's like, I want people to know that I'm coming.
	I'm not, I'm not a good surprise.
	But I really hated 2013 was when like the Jesslinic offensive was on the air.
	It was like right after the roasts and everything.
	I did my first special where I was for that year, I was famous.
	Then the show got canceled.
	Like I had a couple years off TV and it was like, it went away almost immediately where it was just like the temperature got dialed down, but I didn't like people looking at you and being like, I know you from something.
	I don't know what it is, but like I know you.
	That I hated.
	If it's like, I love your comedy, thank you so much.
	Great.
	I love that.
	But just I've seen you on something, I hated.
	I really hated being famous.
	Yeah, I think it's, it feels exhausting.
	It feels like a whole nother life you have to live.
	Yes, it's like you're not just doing the one show.
	You're doing shows all the time and you don't know when it's happening.
	Like you're walking through the airport and then you like get home and you see someone's been following you around taking pictures and posting them on.
	And you're like, this is just weird and it gets in your head.
	I get people who wear sunglasses all the time.
	I get the hat and like the disguise and just like, I don't want to be out in public.
	Like I stopped going to bars.
	Like it was just being around any drunk people was worse in the world.
	Yeah.
	That's one thing I love about not drinking is just not having to deal with that type of energy or like, because it's already weird enough if somebody knows you, but then I think if they're wasted, it makes you just kind of scared.
	This is too risky.
	Oh, yeah.
	And then they want to come back.
	It's like, hey, I just want to say I'm a huge fan.
	Like, thank you.
	And they're like, can I get a picture?
	Yeah.
	Five minutes later, like, I just want to tell you this one joke.
	And you're like, this is my home.
	I'm like, yeah, my sister's here.
	Yeah, dude, my fucking, she loves you.
	She wants to FaceTime you.
	Yeah.
	And I get it.
	The fans, like, it's cool, but like, you know, they pay by tickets.
	But when they're drunk, it is really tough to deal with.
	Yeah.
	One guy put me on the phone with his sister and she's fighting with her husband, like having a fucking fist fight with her husband, right?
	In some house somewhere.
	And I'm like, and the guy's like, she loves you.
	He's so drunk.
	He doesn't realize we're having like a domestic dispute or something.
	He's like, she loves you.
	And I'm just like, she's, you know, she's down two rounds to zero against Stanley right here.
	I don't know.
	I'll never do the video.
	I'll never take the phone.
	Like, if they went like, hey, can I get a picture?
	Of course.
	Sign this.
	Like, I've gotten to the airport today and these like three guys with like a stack of shit.
	And I'm just like, it's easier just to do this real quick and get out of here.
	But I'm like, this is all going on eBay.
	This is dumb as shit.
	But it's easier just to do it.
	But if you like, we do a video for my friend who couldn't make it.
	No.
	I'm not.
	I'm not doing that.
	Were you bummed when the roast kind of went away?
	Did that bum you out?
	No, I was happy to do the three and then done.
	Perch for you.
	Yeah.
	And it was all I wanted to do.
	I was like building my act towards getting on that.
	The Trump roast was like my big break.
	My life was night and day after that.
	Then the Sheen Roast came like a couple months later.
	It wasn't that long.
	And that was even bigger.
	And that I felt insane pressure because I was like, well, that was my big break.
	And those were jokes that I've been working on forever.
	Now I've got four months.
	This is my sophomore album that could tank.
	And I didn't want it to seem like, oh, I got lucky.
	So that roast was so stressful.
	And then it was like a year until the Roseanne was my last one.
	And that was a letdown.
	It wasn't to have the same hype to it that Trump and Sheen had.
	I remember I showed the next weekend and the ticket sales were just normal.
	It wasn't like I didn't get the bump that I got after Sheen and Trump that I was like, you know, I don't really want to do this anymore.
	It's like, it's just not fun telling the same kinds of jokes.
	And I didn't approach it like Jeff Ross, who was just like, Jeff Ross could do it forever to anyone.
	No one's getting mad.
	He's just perfect at it.
	My thing was like to like Darth Vader.
	Like I was coming to kill everyone there and it just, I didn't want to do it again.
	That people ask me every now and again.
	I'm like, it would take a lot.
	It would have to be money because I just feel like I've done it and I feel like I did it perfectly.
	To come back, I feel the pressure.
	You know, I feel the pressure to perform.
	Like the audience might be there to see me And they've loved my last four hours, but this fifth hour better measure up, or I feel terrible.
	So, yeah, it's just hype.
	Yeah, and I guess once you do something and doing it well, then that's enough.
	Knowing when to not do something anymore is important.
	Do you think Comedy Central, how'd they mess up?
	I mean, they were the only comedy network.
	Viacom fucked it up for everybody at a time when Disney was buying Marvel, at a time where Disney was buying, you know, like Warner Buddha's all this shit.
	Viacom was just like enriching themselves.
	They weren't investing.
	And then when streaming came along, they just wiped them all out.
	But like MTV's gone.
	And Comedy Central is still technically around, but it's like five people now.
	And they're not getting to stand up.
	Maybe things come back a little bit, but it was just...
	But it is.
	It's crazy, though.
	Like, you were the comedy network.
	You had comedy.
	Yeah, I remember it took them forever to get into like social.
	They just didn't, they were like so behind somehow.
	So behind.
	Yeah, just didn't really care that much, didn't have to.
	But they're figuring it out now.
	And they made some, they just didn't have, they didn't have that good a pay.
	Like, they only had a few shows that really crushed it for them, I think.
	And they wouldn't pay.
	To get three seasons was almost impossible.
	Even two was like a stretch.
	I mean, it's like SNL.
	You see the people who auditioned for SNL and didn't get it or got fired after a year.
	And their careers, how amazing it's been.
	Like a Sarah Silverman or something.
	Comedy Central is the same way.
	It's like all these huge stars that people think Comedy Central let them go.
	It's like they couldn't afford them.
	What John Oliver's, not John Oliver's making HBO versus what he made on Comedy Central is insane.
	Stephen Colbert had to leave Comedy Central.
	They just didn't have the money there.
	Yeah, Schumer owed Amy Schumer owed them another season, I think, of her show.
	I don't know if she ended up doing it or not.
	But remember she had the, what is this show called?
	Inside Amy Schumer.
	Inside Amy Schumer.
	I think they contractually had one more season that she was supposed to do because then she just blew up so much that she just didn't.
	And maybe they just did like a buyout of it or something.
	I just remember.
	She did it.
	She did one for Paramount Plus.
	Oh, she did.
	Oh, maybe that was it then.
	Yeah.
	Maybe that was it.
	I have friends who would sign a deal, get paid, and then hope the network forgets about it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Quibby.
	Remember Quibby?
	Oh, yeah.
	God, I wish I had taken a deal from them.
	This free money deal?
	Oh, dude.
	Yeah, they're like, here's $100,000.
	Three weeks later, they were totally out of business.
	Like, what's the best job you've ever had in terms of that?
	Like, for me, it was judging Rose Battle, where it was just like, every night I go, I show up.
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, they're paying you amazing, and you don't have to prepare anything.
	You just sit there, and then they do their bit, and then you think of a joke, and you say it, and then everything looks great.
	And if you mess up, they edit it out.
	Like, it's so cool.
	Zero pressure.
	Paid a ton and just so much fun.
	I love that.
	That was, yeah.
	One of the best jobs I ever had actually was a comedy central job.
	It was called Reality Bites Back.
	I watched Reality Bites Back.
	Amy had it all on DVD and we watched it too.
	The show was so fucking funny.
	I can't believe no one watched it, but it was great.
	I can't believe they didn't start to re-air things that they had that were great, but I guess they don't have...
	Maybe they have to rerun it from themselves?
	I don't know how that works.
	I think just no one watched it.
	No one was watching it if they would rerun it.
	They were just like, let's get rid of this.
	But it had like Schumers on it, Tiffany Haddish, Burke Christian.
	Like, if they put it out now, it seemed like it would do fine.
	Yeah, you would think.
	It's weird how comedy doesn't live that long.
	Even if it is all like the stars of yesterday, people just, they'd rather watch you now.
	But it's like, I can watch like Summer Heights High.
	Have you ever seen that?
	Oh, yeah.
	And it's still so ridiculous.
	It still gets me.
	But it's like, I mean, one of the best shows Comedy Central ever made was Strangers with Candy.
	And they never re-ran that.
	Like, ever.
	You have to, like, you had to find it online.
	I used to buy it on eBay.
	I'd buy like a season on eBay of someone who burned the DVDs.
	That show was amazing.
	My favorite roast of all time was the roast of Chevy Chase, the one that was like a fiasco.
	But it's like Todd Berry, Andy Kindler, like Mark Marin of the Roasters, and it's so fucking awesome.
	But it tanked.
	And they like Comedy Central were just like, we threw it away.
	Like you can't, if you can find it on YouTube, go for it.
	But we don't have a copy of it.
	We'll never rerun it.
	And we just got rid of it.
	That's crazy.
	It seems like if you put the roast of Chevy Chase on a network TV right now, people would tune in.
	Like, what do you think about like our Netflix specials, like things we've done, there's no physical media anymore.
	Like that can all go away and you're left with like nothing.
	Nothing.
	And that's wild to me that a corporation, who knows what you get canceled for, but they can just be like, all your work is gone.
	It's gone as if it never existed and there's nothing you can do.
	Nothing.
	Oh, it's very scary.
	I think, you know, I went to The Last Blockbuster not long ago.
	Where's that?
	It's in Bend, Oregon.
	Yes.
	And I have an ex-girlfriend that lives up there and it's a beautiful town.
	And I went in there and you know what's fascinating, the most fascinating was how you used to see, you saw so many titles.
	You're over here.
	It's like in Bruges and here's like, you know, Daddy Daycare or whatever.
	You know, here's like, you know, llama town or whatever.
	And it's like, oh, fuck, you don't know what to choose, but you see, I mean, you were here and then you were in, and you'd walk through, you'd be like, oh, I forgot about this movie.
	This is great.
	I've never seen this.
	But it was so different than when you go to a platform on your television and you see 10 titles.
	It was another, it felt like you actually, here's what it felt like.
	I'm realizing you, it felt like you actually had a choice in what you were choosing in the blockbuster, right?
	Then as opposed to on the TV where it feels like this is what we're serving today.
	Even though that's not it, you can go look for stuff, but it's just not, it didn't register the same.
	No, and it's even annoying where Netflix, I don't know if they still do this, but like if they know something's right up your alley, like they have all your algorithm, whatever.
	There was a movie that came out like a couple years ago, right before my like last special came out.
	And so I was talking to Netflix at the time.
	And have you ever seen The Night Comes for Us?
	Did you ever see The Raid or The Raid 2?
	It's kind of like a super violent martial arts movie where people are just fighting with machetes and shit.
	And it's awesome.
	And I see it and I'm like, this is the best fucking thing I've Ever seen.
	Why wouldn't Netflix tell me, hey, good news, we got this new movie for you?
	And so they told me basically, if they know you're going to see it, if they know like this is right up your alley, they won't put it on your screen because they know you'll go look for it and they want you to find other things on your way to it.
	That's like you can't, they know what you want, but they're still going to make you look for it.
	And that makes me fucking crazy.
	Yeah, it feels like privatized communism in a way.
	Does that make any sense?
	Am I thinking of things wrong?
	I mean, it's a funny way to say it.
	Like, I get what you mean.
	It feels like...
	And, you know, I'll just be like, I'll be a firefly, but you'll own the gasoline or the match.
	You know, it's like, I'll just never, I don't know.
	Stuff like that makes me feel kind of defeated sometimes.
	It all makes me feel old.
	I'm just like, I'm not really in Netflix.
	Maybe it's just an older thought of it, huh?
	I don't know.
	It could be because we're in the industry, so we kind of understand.
	And the way Netflix is secretive pisses me off.
	Again, I love Netflix.
	I'm glad I have the specials on there.
	But it's annoying that they're just like, they won't tell you.
	You don't know how good something did.
	They can say trending, not trending.
	You have no fucking clue.
	They'll be like, it's doing great.
	Like, I remember my last special, they were like, in the first week, this many people watched it.
	And I was like, that's great.
	Give me something to compare it to.
	That number means nothing to me unless you say Ali Wong got this in two weeks.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I don't understand what any of the stuff they say.
	And they could tell you, hey, most of your people watch you in Chicago.
	Most people do that.
	Like, that way you know where to tour and they won't tell you.
	Right.
	They don't give you anything.
	And they'll be like, we know.
	I'm like, well, no one's ever quit and just been like, let me tell you what happened.
	Like, I would love to go like undercover boss to Netflix and just look up my shit and then peace out.
	Well, YouTube is interesting too because it's like you can't even talk to someone in the system.
	Like they took down an episode that we had and we couldn't even, you communicate kind of with like this medium, but there's no way to email.
	You don't even know who's in the like who the levels, the boss.
	You don't even know who's making the choice.
	It's like, yes, it's this ambient sort of, you don't know.
	Because I've got a social media team, you know, and they're great.
	But they're like, we know a guy.
	We have a guy at Instagram.
	We'll get you verified right now.
	We have a guy at TikTok we talk to when all my shit gets taken down all the time.
	And like, no, it should be okay because of this, but they have someone to deal with that.
	I can't believe YouTube doesn't have that with all the, I mean, there's so much money coming through YouTube.
	I know.
	That I can't believe Mr. Beast doesn't have a guy's number.
	I don't, I bet.
	Now, maybe at that level you do, you know?
	But yeah, maybe at our level we don't.
	We have a contact there, but it's not, there's never like, you just get the verdict from the contact, and that's the verdict.
	It's very like ancient Rome, it feels like, you know.
	So what was the reason they took it down?
	Oh, Roseanne had a joke.
	She said that the Holocaust never happened, right?
	And she was being satirical, right?
	And, you know, she's also get it, you know, I think they didn't think she was, or they didn't want to hear it, you know?
	And so they said that it gets taken down.
	And nobody said anything at first.
	And then there's like some of these like baiters online.
	They put the clip out and they're like, what about, you know?
	And that's when it built up stuff.
	But the only way we can communicate it kind of is through our, we have a contact there that works with YouTube.
	But they never, there's never able to have a discussion.
	That's the strange part sometimes.
	And that's where I think you start to feel, you know, like you aren't being heard or you don't have somebody to communicate with.
	I mean, I stopped doing that with comedy where I used to be like, here's why this joke is okay.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I know it's technically about domestic violence, but if you look at the wording, no one's getting hit in this joke.
	This joke is like referencing it, but it's for tension.
	And it's always a losing battle.
	I'd be arguing with censors or something.
	And now I just, if I can't do it, I can't do it.
	Fuck it.
	I'm not going to change it, but I'll just get rid of it because I'm not going to sit here and have the argument of why this is okay.
	And now I just hope that people understand.
	Like, I've got a lot of topics that I talk about that would get people in trouble, but I've gotten away with it.
	I don't know if it's reputation or people just know now that, no, he did it in the right way.
	He got away with it.
	But like, it goes back to what you're saying.
	There's a way to get away.
	Like, what did you say in the beginning you said?
	Art is getting away with it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think there was something about get it.
	Yeah.
	I wanted to.
	For me, it was always I wanted to say what I wanted to say.
	Let me suffer the consequences.
	You know?
	But I want to say this.
	Was that the most trouble you've ever gotten?
	was the Roseanne thing?
	Have you ever had like a- And then all the like different sites said stuff about it.
	And I never replied to any of it.
	And within 48 hours, completely gone.
	I remember asking Rogan about that once.
	It was like, remember when Joe Rogan was like, I think I'd vote for Bernie Sanders.
	And the fucking internet went crazy for like a week because it's like a guy said he was going to vote for.
	And I was like, how'd you handle that?
	And he goes, I turned my phone off and hung out with my kids for a couple of days.
	And then I'd turn it on and everything's fine.
	I'm like, well, it's such a healthy way to do it.
	It's like, this is happening.
	It's not real.
	Just turn it off and come back.
	Yeah, it's not really real.
	That's what it seemed like.
	Yeah, then you still made me mad.
	When you're younger, you're like, oh, I fucked up.
	This is over now.
	Because I had some of those earlier on.
	And now you're like, it's fine.
	Oh, yeah.
	I remember taking pills after something bad happened one time.
	I thought I was going to die.
	I thought my life was over.
	Thought about moving back.
	You know, I thought everything was done.
	That still makes you mad what happened to Bernie.
	Remember when they just rid his own party, kind of railroaded him?
	You know?
	With Bernie Sanders.
	It was like, just the fact that he would have a chance to run against, I don't remember who, I don't know if it was Obama's second term and he was going to try and run against him.
	That must have been it.
	I don't know if he ran against Obama's second term, but I know he ran against Hillary.
	He ran the first time.
	Right.
	He was trying to run against Hillary and he didn't get the nominate.
	Like a lot of people thought, oh, he'll get a chance to go against Hillary to see who gets it.
	And his party just kind of said no.
	Yeah.
	It was like, what?
	I don't get the politics of it of like, hey, let's all disback this person.
	Why don't you just vote for what you want and then see how it plays out?
	Not like, let's talk beforehand.
	I wish that, you know, in Congress, they would one bill at a time.
	Like, you can't just be like, here's a bill to try to get student aid and also homeless people.
	It's like, do one at a time and do what makes sense.
	It's all, it's all totally fucked.
	And maybe it has to be that way.
	I don't know.
	That's the thing I don't know sometimes, too.
	It's like, I don't know if that's just how the business is, you know, it's like, it's too much for me to know sometimes.
	Did you ever see, I watched a documentary like, what are the happiest countries in the world?
	Oh, yeah, with Rain Wilson was in it?
	No.
	I don't know if I, I didn't watch that much of it to see who, but they had said the happiest country was like, I want to say Denmark.
	It was like somewhere in Scandinavia where they all live in like communal buildings and they eat their meals together and everyone's happy.
	And the least happy is Japan.
	Because they're just like, they work their fucking asses off.
	And then the only break they get is when they throw themselves in front of a bullet train or some shit.
	But it's fucking, it seems brutal.
	Just the culture of it.
	That maybe that's what American government has to be.
	I don't know what government is killing it out there.
	The whole government's like, our system is so dope.
	Like, it's all, it's great.
	We kill it.
	That's the thing.
	It's like, you start to wonder, is this just how capitalism tails off?
	Like, is this how America kind of starts to tail off where everything, where big corporations seem like they own everything and own all of our attention span?
	And then at some point, somebody, you know, too many cities get like, there's too much crime and the scale tips and society starts to fucking, the fabric comes apart.
	I think, I mean, being, you know, almost 45 years old now, I feel like it's just a pendulum.
	It just, it's like, okay, we're going to get Obama and then it's just going to get real racist and then we're going to get like another, and then it's going to, like, it's just going to get progressive and then swing back.
	Yeah.
	Like Trump is a direct response to Obama, you know, that I think is just going to keep going back and forth like that.
	Yeah, I think that's one thing.
	I mean, we had Robert Kennedy was on here and he's trying to, he's a, he's a Democrat and he's trying to, I think he's going to run as an independent now.
	And you almost, because you always heard that the independent, if they get a certain number of votes, then they get a share of the pool, the money pool.
	Did you ever hear that?
	No.
	Like there's like an advertise, like there's an amount of money they can budget that is divided up between the two parties.
	But if a third one gets 5%, I think, then they get part of the pool as well.
	Like before the runoff, like if there's a, I don't know, I'm sounding like just a guy in a fucking bar.
	But if I would love to see there be a third opportunity, like I would just love for there to see something change up the status quo.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I have an extra choice.
	Like they, you know, tell us what your things are and we'll figure out which one it is.
	But it's, I don't know.
	It feels like they got us so cornered, though, when there's only, you know, it just starts to feel like everything, there's so many strings going on in the distance of everything, you know?
	Yeah, it's like it's not really a choice.
	Right.
	It's like we need somebody to come through with the scissors.
	Man, you always come through with the scissors, man, with your comedy, dude.
	I just want to thank you for being so entertaining, man.
	And thanks for just sitting and chatting with me, man.
	Yeah, I'm happy this worked out.
	We were in town at the same time.
	It was fun to finally be on the podcast.
	Yeah, man.
	And to get to chat, even though I've never really talked that much before.
	This is the longest we've ever talked, for sure.
	It is cool, man.
	Thanks, Anthony.
	Thanks for having me.
	Now I'm just feeling on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be caught in stone.
	But when I reach that ground, I share this beast.

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