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Sept. 19, 2023 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:08:50

E463 Bobby Lee

Bobby Lee is a stand-up comedian, actor and podcaster known for his shows Tigerbelly and Bad Friends. You can catch him on the Bad Friends tour happening now through December. Bobby Lee returns to This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von to chat about what’s new in his love life, why he might not be the best roommate, the latest with the movie they made together, dangerous Meerkats, why Bobby might secretly be a redneck, and more. Bobby Lee: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive/ ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ DraftKings: Download the DraftKings app and sign up with code THEO. New customers can bet just $5 and get $200 instantly in bonus bets. Manscaped: Go to http://manscaped.com and use code THEO for 20% and free shipping. Factor: Go to http://factormeals.com/theo50 and use code theo50 to get 50% off. BlueChew: Go to http://bluechew.com and use code THEO to receive your first month FREE - just pay $5 shipping. HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off with promo code THEO at http://hexclad.com/THEO! #hexcladpartner Babbel: Go to http://babbel.com/theo to get up to 55% off your subscription. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach Powers https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin Reiner https://www.instagram.com/colin_reiner/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	We're back with another week of football, and DraftKings Sportsbook is keeping us in on the NFL action with great offers every single game day.
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	The crown is yours.
	The crown is yours.
	I have some tour dates to tell you about.
	I'll be in Washington, D.C., October 22nd.
	Las Vegas, Nevada, October 27 and 28. Norfolk, VA, November 9, Roanoke, VA, November 10, and Huntington, West Virginia, November 11 at the Mountain Health Arena, formerly the Big Sandy.
	Get all your tickets at theovon.com slash T-O-U-R.
	Thank you for the support.
	We have a new merch drop.
	We merching, baby.
	Check out the new Be Good to Yourself tie-dye hoodies in Aqua, Indigo, and Creamsickle.
	Find that and much more at theovanstore.com.
	Also, there's a lot of other bootleg merch out there, and some of it's real neat.
	But if it's not from our store, just know that we're not the ones doing it, just so you know that.
	Today's guest is beloved in the comedy community.
	He's an actor.
	He's a podcast host, and he's an endangered species of a man.
	Today's guest is from the Far East, and we're happy to have him.
	You know him from Bad Friends and Tiger Belly.
	Today's guest is Mr. Bobby Lee.
	Shine that light on me.
	I I'll spin and tell you a story.
	shine on me I've been moving way too fast.
	Yeah.
	I go, what does that mean?
	Because it's half two erased slurs in one word, man.
	Oh, that's that crazy.
	Well, it's uncalled for.
	It's uncalled for, dude.
	Yeah.
	And I'm like, dude, I'm no chigger to you, dude.
	Yeah, that's crazy.
	And you can say chigger because you are.
	What do you mean?
	How do you can anybody?
	I didn't say it, dude.
	Some white dude comes up to me and go, yo, what's up, Chigger?
	And I go, what?
	And he's like, yeah, man, it's two racial slurs and one.
	I go, I'm not a chigger, but Tiger Woods is.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Dog, what's up?
	Oh, man.
	That's out of pocket.
	It's so hard to be racist these days because of diversity and intermingling.
	What do you mean?
	What do you mean?
	It's always been hard to be racist.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, it's always been a hard thing.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it should be.
	Yeah, it should never be easy.
	Yeah, it should be.
	But if you can do it, good for you.
	What?
	The problem is there's no way to win with racism.
	There's no way to lose either.
	That's the thing.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like, well, in between kind of thing, you know?
	Yeah.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I don't know.
	I don't know either, man.
	Sometimes I don't even know, dude, but you just do it, you know?
	Yeah, dude.
	I think the racism that I think is kind of the safest way, if I've seen any, to try and do any racism is, I don't know, this is like, I don't know, but you don't want people doing anything dangerously.
	That's the thing about racism, dude.
	It's like for me, it's like, if there's a, you know, a noose or they're going to drag me in back of a truck, you know how they used to do that?
	Yeah, these Italian Asians in the back of a truck and they just drive, you know.
	Really?
	Yeah, give us a ride.
	You know what I mean?
	Like you're like, like you're wake skating or something.
	Yeah.
	Well, it's like a reverse rickshaw.
	It's like the right version of a rickshaw.
	But like, if it's like, if comics are being racist amongst, you know, we're amongst friends, I like it.
	But if it's, if I don't know you, dude, and I'm at an airport and you're like, what's up, Chigger?
	It's like, it's like, I don't like it at all, dude.
	It breaks my heart, dude.
	Breaks my heart, dude.
	The saddest thing, I think, but also the thing that kind of like, if, say, like, you're hanging out with somebody, right?
	And you guys are different ethnicities or whatever.
	Well, give me specifics.
	Okay, because depending of what kind of ethnicity, it depends on how I would react.
	Okay, say you're hanging out with like a Muslim guy.
	All right.
	Nah.
	Okay.
	Well, say someone.
	Past.
	Say somebody's hanging out with a Muslim.
	All right.
	You know what?
	Let's.
	Okay.
	I'm hanging out with a Muslim.
	I know a couple.
	So I'm hanging out with like Fahim Anwar.
	Okay, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Right.
	So, and somebody drives by in a truck, right?
	Because it's always a truck, I guess, that raises a lot of people.
	It's always a truck.
	It always is a truck, man.
	And yells out, get out the street, slim.
	They call them slims a lot of times.
	Wait, wait, wait.
	They call who slims?
	Muslims.
	No, they don't.
	Yeah, they.
	I've never heard that.
	Yeah, I feel like you make shit up, dude.
	I've never heard anyone go, what's up?
	Like after 9-11, those slims, bro?
	They never said that.
	Bro, people, it's definitely been said.
	That has been said.
	You said it probably a thousand times.
	That's why.
	And you heard yourself say it, and you're like, oh, that's a thing.
	I've never heard Slim, bro.
	All right, so I'm with Fihim.
	We're walking down the street.
	Okay.
	Truck drives by.
	Get out the street.
	Slims.
	Now, I think we would look, honestly, I think we would look at each other and go, Was they talking about me?
	You know what I mean?
	Right.
	Or you, because we've never heard Slim before.
	Okay.
	So we would both, we both absorb it.
	Understood.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But what I'm thinking is the best way for any racism to occur, but it shouldn't occur.
	It should never occur.
	Right.
	But if it has to occur in the world, the best way.
	Sometimes it has to, right?
	Well, is that what you're saying?
	Sometimes it has to.
	I don't think.
	Look, I don't, I think a little bit keeps things, it keeps, you know.
	It keeps the engine running.
	Yeah.
	It keeps the engine.
	Yeah.
	And let's don't use the term engine.
	All right.
	But what I'm saying is that I think you, the best way for racism to occur, if it has to occur, is if somebody drives and yells it out of her, because then they're gone.
	It's over.
	It happens.
	It's a drive-by racism.
	Yes.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But you're saying that's okay.
	No, I don't think it's okay, but I think it's the safest way for it's the safest way to do it.
	Yeah.
	But then if they do a U-turn, then we got a problem.
	What's up, Slim?
	I'm like, oh, that's.
	They turn around.
	Yeah.
	Then we're running.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	And we don't even know me and Fiume.
	We don't even know who they're talking about.
	But we're both going to run just in case, you know?
	Yeah.
	You know, could I be awesome with you, man?
	Yeah, man.
	You don't have a racist bone in your body, man.
	I don't think so.
	I don't think so, man.
	I don't think so either, dude.
	I can name a few comments that may, you know what I mean?
	They kind of lean.
	You know, I want to name it.
	Oh, could I just get this out of the way, bro?
	Yeah.
	I have some resentments, not towards you.
	Yeah.
	But toward the community.
	Okay.
	So anyway.
	What happened?
	Well, yesterday was my birthday.
	So over the weekend, you know, me and bad friends, we did some shows.
	We were in one of them, what?
	Columbus?
	One of them places.
	No, we were in Pittsburgh, bro.
	Oh, yeah.
	So we're doing a show.
	Sorry, it's Pittsburgh, boy.
	And damn from there.
	Mom's going to get your Playboy subscription.
	Is that Pittsburgh news?
	Yeah, if you come down from there.
	All right.
	All right.
	Anyway, we're in Pittsburgh.
	We're doing a show.
	Halfway through the show.
	It's my birthday, right?
	So then Andrew goes, yo, dude, happy birthday.
	Andrew Santino from Bad Friends.
	Your co-host.
	I'm just making sure everybody knows who you're talking about.
	Yeah, man.
	He didn't say his name.
	He said Andrew.
	Yeah, but I said anyway.
	Oh, yeah, Andrew Santino.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	So then he goes, you know, we have happy birthday.
	I got a birthday collage of people sending in, you know what I mean, videos.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I want to say, bro, thank you so much.
	You sent in a video, dude.
	Thank you.
	You're welcome.
	A lot of people did.
	John Mayer did.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Not the musician.
	You know, I know a guy named John who was a mayor at Victorville.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, the musician.
	That was a bad joke.
	But John Mayer did, right?
	Whitney Cummings, right?
	The little handsome dwarf.
	He's in the movies.
	What's his name?
	The handsome dwarf?
	Adam Devine.
	No way.
	Yeah, dude.
	Wow.
	One of the best-looking dwarves I've ever seen.
	Better than Peter Dinklich.
	Oh, yeah.
	And they're not acting similar, but in terms of good-looking, dude.
	Oh, my God, dude.
	Divine versus Dinklich.
	Dude, that's a show, dude, or a movie or something.
	Yeah.
	It's like Alien versus Predator.
	It'll be that kind of movie.
	Don't you think?
	I wonder how much Dinklich he's got on him.
	That's got to be an old.
	Yeah.
	People say that all the time.
	Yeah.
	So a bunch of people sent in videos.
	Oh, man.
	Except, and then afterwards, I looked at Andrew and go, who didn't send one?
	You know what I mean?
	Because he requested a lot.
	I don't want to call anybody out, man, but there's a couple that I don't want to say their names, but it really broke my heart, man.
	They got requests and they never sent one.
	Can I guess who someone could be?
	I can give you some hints.
	Okay.
	One hint?
	Yeah.
	One of the guys, imagine finding a dead body in a lake, but it's been there for a month and it's bloated.
	Oh, yeah.
	It will be bloated.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Some of the jewelry, too, will be like...
	So that's one of them.
	Okay.
	The other one used to look like that.
	What?
	Bert.
	I'm not going to answer that, man.
	Okay.
	The other guy is friends with the dead body guy who used to look like that, but doesn't.
	And he claims he's Hispanic, but you don't see no Hispanic bloodlines in his face.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He's like, you know, definitely.
	Never said that.
	Okay, sorry.
	Never said that.
	Neither, neither, okay.
	But those are a couple of guys, man, that like I thought they were like my boys, dude.
	And they betrayed me a little bit.
	Like, you know, you sending a video was long.
	There were some people that I don't even know that well that sent a video.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	And, you know, that just goes to show you who your friends are, man.
	Oh.
	In this business.
	You seem like Stevie right now.
	You seem like your brother.
	This is what my brother does.
	Yeah.
	When he says stuff.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, when we get emotional, we do this, too.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	So it's like, you know, you think that like they're your, you know, you know, those two guys, you know what they're like, man?
	You know what they're like?
	In a war, dude?
	Did you ever see Forrest come?
	Yeah.
	Remember the guy, who's the guy that lost his arms and stuff?
	Oh, no, not Dan, not Dan Dan.
	Benedict Armold.
	Not Benedict Donald.
	No.
	I'm not even talking about.
	Oh, yeah.
	Remember when, who was he saving when, like, Forrest was running and in the Vietnam War, he went to go save somebody's life?
	Was that him?
	It was.
	Was it the black guy?
	Bubba.
	Bubba.
	Anyway, that's a terrible analogy, but these two guys would not run back for me in a war.
	I feel like if you were in a war, let's just make up a war.
	Okay, the war of Serbian Mantagre.
	What's it called?
	But wars are going to be sponsored probably by different.
	So it would be like the Amazon war of 2027 or something.
	Right.
	And they're, oh, you know what, dude?
	Amazon versus the Eskimos.
	That's never been done.
	There's not a lot of Eskimos.
	I know, but still.
	If it's cold, dude, they might win.
	Yeah, I don't know.
	If it's an icy environment, dude?
	Like Hoff?
	Like Amazon versus who?
	Amazon truck drivers or something?
	Yeah, dude.
	Amazon Truck drivers versus Eskimos.
	I mean, that could be a good war.
	Yeah.
	Anyway, you and I are caught up in it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Right.
	My legs are gone.
	Oh, right.
	I feel like you would go, I think you'd come back for me, dude.
	Yeah, I'd put you on my back.
	You know?
	Putting me on your back, like a backpack.
	Backpack.
	Yeah.
	Back back.
	Backpack.
	And hey, this is my friend.
	Back back.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	What I would do with you, dude, I would tie a rope to your neck.
	But not to hang you, but I would drag you.
	What?
	It sounds.
	All you have to do is put your hands where the rope is so you can get some oxygen.
	Oh, yeah, that sounds comfortable.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So, and I would drag you out.
	My point is, terrible analogies, but my point is these two fools probably wouldn't even save me, man.
	Wow.
	So it really hurt your feelings?
	A little bit.
	Wouldn't it hurt yours?
	Well, I think that if Andrew asked everybody, I don't know who he asked, you know?
	And did a lot of, were most of the, did anybody else make a video?
	Like, did a lot of your other comedian friends make them?
	I'm going to tell you, Bobby Kelly.
	I know him okay.
	Right.
	He's from New York.
	I've known him for a very long time.
	He him and I have rekindled our relationships.
	I really love the guy, Bobby.
	Oh, yeah.
	Bobby Kelly, he's sounding one.
	Right.
	My brother, obviously.
	Kalila, obviously.
	And then who else is?
	Whitney, Adam, John Mayer, fuck, you.
	A bunch of fools.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, they were just not in it.
	You know, anyway.
	Would you, so you wouldn't be sensitive about it?
	Yeah, I think, well, it depends like on who they asked and what was going on.
	If these people were, if they've been ill, if they've been in a hospital, if they've been going through like a family thing.
	I don't remember how long ago Andrew asked me for it.
	I think it was just a few days ago.
	Yeah, that's what he told me.
	And he goes, Theo responded so quickly.
	And that's why.
	Thanks, dude.
	Don't cry, brother.
	You know, brother.
	Don't cry.
	That really hit me because I was laying on the stage like this watching the video.
	And I got emotional.
	Yeah.
	But then, of course, I asked.
	But anyway, let's move on from it.
	But, you know, it's out of pocket, dude.
	It's out of pocket.
	God, dude.
	And do you feel like you're going to pay?
	How do you pay that back?
	Are you going to hold a grudge?
	Because it sounds like you have a resentment.
	Yeah, I do.
	A deep one.
	And guess what?
	What?
	I'm not going to fuck with those guys for a while.
	Wow.
	Maybe at least a month.
	One month, huh?
	Yeah, damn.
	One month off that Bobby Lee.
	Yeah.
	Bobby Lee.
	Because you've never been in the outs with me, bro.
	Well.
	Oh, fuck, yeah.
	Fuck, I forgot.
	No, I think after you and your girlfriend broke up, I think there was a moment where you thought I was going to try to make a move, I think.
	And I remember you being a little bit strange to me.
	I'll tell you what.
	I think out of all the comments that would have made a mood, you had the better chance, the best chance to get in.
	Maybe that's what it was.
	Thank you.
	I saw.
	And I did not make a move.
	You would never make a move.
	Not a chance, bro.
	I could name you who did.
	I'm not getting literally.
	Dude.
	Let me guess.
	Were they black or white?
	Oh, it's white.
	White.
	The whites do that shit, dude.
	The blacks don't do that, man.
	They don't?
	They're loyal, bro.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	I don't know.
	A crypt would never shoot another crypt.
	You don't think?
	By accident, maybe.
	Dude, you know a lot of bloods, they take C words and make them start with B. You know that?
	What do you mean?
	What do you mean?
	Like we had YG in, and he was talking about sexy red, and he's like, sexy red going brazy.
	So they say instead of crazy, they say brazy.
	He starts with a B. Wow.
	Like they say, I moved into Bompton.
	Like, they won't say Brompton.
	Yeah, I love that island, Batalina.
	Yeah, they say, yeah.
	That's pretty cool.
	They put a B in front of anything.
	So they called, hey, man, you like my bats?
	Oh, yeah.
	You want to come pet my bat?
	Yeah, but if they actually had a bat, what would they call that?
	I don't see a brother with a bat.
	Yeah, I've never seen a brother with a bat.
	I don't know.
	You're talking about Count Blackula, dog.
	I don't think we're having that, dude.
	Yeah, I've never seen that before.
	Brothers don't fuck with a lot of shit like that.
	Yeah.
	Bats, reptiles.
	You don't see a brother with a fucking lizard.
	Yeah.
	Or a spider, dude.
	Yeah, you don't see.
	I was a yo, man, my tarantula, man.
	I've never ever seen that before.
	Now, you'll see at Halloween.
	Sometimes a brother will leave his wiener out and put a fake spider on it.
	Right, right, right.
	And I don't want to be racist, but I shouldn't have even said that.
	Yeah.
	But I've never seen a brother with a cat either, though.
	Have you?
	Is that true?
	Have you?
	I don't think so.
	I've never seen it.
	All damn me either.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like, you see, like, old photos of like, yeah, of like Marlon Brando was a huge cat, dude.
	Abraham Lincoln.
	How many cats did Abe Lincoln have?
	Let's look it up.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But check it out, dude.
	And you think he freed black people.
	You think one of them would stop by and pick up a cat?
	Yeah, yeah.
	I've never even seen, like, but you've never seen Sidney Pointier with like a cat dropped around his shoulder.
	But maybe if you Google it, I've never Googled it.
	Maybe that's true.
	Yeah, you never seen him just petting a tabby in the sun, you know?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But if they have an article, then they fuck he fucked with him.
	Yeah, he was fond of dumb animals, especially cats.
	Are you serious?
	Left his dog at home in Springfield when he went to the White House and then had cats.
	Was given an unexpected gift of two kittens from Secretary of State William Seward.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	A man giving another man two kittens is hella.
	It's like, suck my dick.
	That was the 1800s.
	Give me a bee gee, homie.
	Why don't you duck below that Mason Dix?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Fuck a brother.
	It's a weird gift.
	Like, if I gave you a kitten, dude, I mean, what would you do?
	Why don't you emancipate these nuts?
	Yeah.
	That's what's going on.
	But that's wild.
	Yeah, you don't see.
	And bring up brothers with cats, man.
	Maybe I'm wrong, though.
	And I've just never seen it.
	Or Google my black friend with his cat.
	Because you want real images.
	I don't want stock footage.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yo, dude.
	All they show is black hats.
	Yeah, and black hat, that's, oh, it is a brother with a tabby.
	Where?
	Right there.
	That's a kid, though.
	That's yeah.
	Oh, yeah, there we go.
	Oh, there we go.
	There we go.
	One kid.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Wow.
	Oh, yeah.
	Listen, listen, you know, I don't want to make assumptions, so that's crazy that I would even say that.
	No, it's something I've never seen.
	You know what I mean?
	Bro, it's America, man.
	It's okay to look at things and see things you see.
	Right.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, dude.
	I would never have tried to slide on your ex- Are you still living with your ex-girlfriend?
	No, she moved out.
	No.
	Yeah, dude.
	No, she moved a couple of blocks away.
	Was it sad when she moved out, kind of?
	Yeah, because the house is so dirty now.
	Oh, really?
	When you're living with a girl, your house is clean.
	It's like its own filtering system.
	Yeah, like oysters have that.
	Right, right, right, right.
	But now it's like, there's cat vomit all over the place.
	And the other day they found maggots.
	Yeah, dude.
	Yeah.
	How many of them?
	One.
	Maggot.
	No, they found hundreds.
	You know what it was?
	It was like, you know what I've been doing?
	This is so fucking sad.
	I know it is.
	But, you know, when the girls lived up, because I had Jules live there too.
	The girls lived there, you know, we would put out the cat food, wet food, and after the cats were done, they would wash it.
	Me, I just leave out more bowls of cat food.
	Right?
	And then all of a sudden, Jules was cleaning my house.
	And then she was like, she saw one of the, and it had been there for a month.
	And there was just maggots in it.
	Yeah.
	So that's the sad part.
	But it's, you know, you know, in the beginning, it's lonely.
	It really is.
	Because when you're living with somebody for 10 years and then all the life is sucked out of the house.
	She took the dogs too.
	Yeah.
	So like the first couple of months, it was like you'd wake up, it was silent.
	You know what I mean?
	It was just silent in my house.
	It was like, I don't know how I made it through it, man.
	I was really sad about it.
	But then like, then I started bringing girls over and then eating the vaginas, man.
	Oh, wow.
	Hello.
	Down there, huh?
	Hello.
	I'll take the specs off for them.
	Yeah.
	Hey.
	I mean, you start hooking up, right?
	Because, you know, I haven't done that for a long time.
	But that's kind of sad, though, isn't it?
	Like, there's something, it gets kind of sad just some gal comes over and you, you know, and you hook up and then she, did she, now are these women, are these women sleeping overnight or are these women going home?
	One of them spent the night.
	It was, okay, so there's one girl that I was seeing, and this is maybe seven months ago.
	And I was like, oh, this is, I like this girl a lot.
	And then out of the blue, she goes, I met someone younger.
	Bye.
	No.
	And then I looked him up, dude.
	Younger than an Asian?
	I know.
	It was a baby.
	Oh, yeah.
	She's dating a baby.
	He's eight months old.
	Yeah, yeah.
	No, this dude, it hurt my feelings because this dude looked like Brandon Lee, bro.
	Who's Brandon Lee?
	I don't know, man.
	Dang.
	No, he was Bruce Lee's son.
	Bruce Lee's son?
	The crow.
	He died.
	Oh, yeah, he died.
	He's the one that got shot.
	I remember that.
	Yeah.
	He was the first one to do that.
	You know what I mean?
	Oh, wow.
	He was handsome.
	Handsome, dude.
	This dude was.
	So she goes, I met someone younger.
	I looked at him at, that's what he looks like.
	Oh, man.
	And then you see photos of them like at pool parties, and he's ripped.
	No.
	Yeah.
	So I was like, oh, you're more together.
	Then, you know, your body style is.
	I wouldn't say, I wouldn't use the term ripped, probably.
	Yeah, I mean, but what else about him?
	No, what I'm saying, though, dude, is just say that I'm fat.
	I don't think you're fat at all.
	I think you.
	But I'm the opposite of ripped?
	I wouldn't see.
	I would say you're conjoined.
	Oh, conjoined.
	Yeah.
	Or I would say your- Like a Simeon's twin thing?
	I think we could carve one off of you, probably.
	That's me, dude.
	We could carve a little twin thing.
	Yeah, yeah, dude.
	I gained some weight, dude.
	Can I be honest with you, though, dude?
	Yeah.
	I hadn't seen you in a while.
	You gained a little bit too, dude.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	And you got a weird tan.
	Huh?
	I do.
	I love it.
	You're healthy.
	You look healthy.
	Thank you.
	Anyway, so she started.
	She goes, I met somebody, and it broke my heart.
	And then I'm like, but now I met somebody.
	You did.
	Yeah, man.
	What?
	What's up, though?
	Where at?
	You met her online?
	In here, dude?
	No, you met her in the DMs.
	Remember when I saw you in that movie?
	You were just swiping.
	People were sending you wieners and breasts and everything.
	Oh, were you in that movie?
	Yeah.
	No, but I met this girl after that.
	Okay.
	Yeah, I met this girl.
	I don't want, because it's new, but it's like she's the first person that I kind of want, I'm like, I kind of like, I like her.
	Aside from the girl that betrayed me with the Brandon Lee, you know what I mean?
	But yeah, I like this new one.
	She's, yeah, she's just something wholesome.
	And you know what, dude, bro, let me be honest with you.
	Yeah.
	I fuck it.
	I fuck.
	Oh, man.
	I love wholesome.
	You do?
	Yeah, I love church going when they make sweaters.
	What do you call that?
	When they're knitting.
	No, a crocheting.
	Crochet, crocheting.
	Yeah, knitting, whatever.
	You know what I mean?
	I like it when they're like, I've never seen good fellas.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	And you can show them that and it blows their mind.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah, I've never seen the departed.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Or it's like, they only, this girl that I'm seeing, she only likes Taylor Swift.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	So then you can open her mind up to like good music too, you know?
	Yeah, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, this is good music right here.
	You know what I mean?
	The clash or whatever.
	But I like wholesome, dude.
	She goes to church twice every Sunday.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	What ethnicity, like what church ethnicity is she?
	What do you mean?
	Like what I've never heard church ethnicity.
	You know, denomination.
	Sorry.
	Oh, I see.
	I don't know.
	The one with the cross.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It has to do with the cross.
	It has nothing to do with other things.
	Yeah.
	Like an alien or whatever.
	Protestant.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's one of those mega churches.
	So it's like one of those born-again.
	You know how they do the Harvest Crusade?
	Yeah.
	In like a huge stadium?
	Jesus.
	Yeah.
	Here's a future.
	I don't know how that is.
	Loving it good.
	Jesus.
	Touch my tits.
	That's the one I'm from.
	Really?
	They have that in Oklahoma or whatever.
	What is in my skirt?
	Yeah, that's a good shirt.
	I want to go back to the crazy way, dude.
	I saw a guy the other day, a gay guy had a shirt on.
	It said, Jesus.
	Oh, it said, God is my girlfriend on it.
	And I was like, that's insane.
	That's insane.
	That's sexual, dude.
	That was a lot.
	Yeah, that's a lot, dude.
	Yeah, dude.
	Christians it gets real gay with Christ huh well I think anything the more the at the everything if you get too much No, it's too much love.
	If you get too much love going, there's...
	Something gay has to happen.
	Like, you listen to the lyrics, like, you're the love of my life.
	All I need is you, Jesus.
	It's like you're hitting on Jesus.
	It's just weird.
	Or Jesus, Las Vegas.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And they're like trying to get people to go to Vegas.
	Vegas.
	Yeah, it's weird.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	We just got to church, man.
	I don't even know it.
	Yes, I know.
	For the Bible tells you so.
	That's a classic.
	Yeah.
	That's like Freebird before Christian.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	It's a classic.
	Well, it's hard to say you're not gay if you love Jesus and you're a man.
	Because there's a part of you that's loving another man.
	Right, right.
	There is a gay vibe there.
	Well, there's just a, it's impossible to be, you have to be at least whatever tithing, 10% gay to even do Christianity, it appears like.
	Right, right, right, right.
	I get you.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And that's also, can I just say another thing about it?
	Yeah.
	They talk about, like, I was listening to some lyrics of a Christian song and they said, Jesus, hold me in your arms forever.
	Jesus has arms?
	Yeah.
	I mean, think about it.
	Yeah.
	Like, he's just up there as a human form.
	Yeah, he's yoked.
	Yeah.
	Does he shake your hand when you go to heaven?
	Welcome, sir.
	You know what I mean?
	You would think that, because there's probably millions of planets out there with intelligent life.
	And they probably don't look like us.
	So if Jesus is...
	Yeah, I'm not saying Jesus on planet Earth.
	Yes, when he was on planet Earth, he had arms.
	He wasn't a leper.
	Right.
	He was like a near guy.
	You're talking about.
	In heaven, I don't think Jesus has arms in heaven.
	But he might, he might, I mean, he got them reachers on in my bed.
	I bet he got some warm arms, too.
	You think so?
	Yeah, Jesus, yeah.
	Sometimes you can feel Jesus and you're like, sometimes I feel like Jesus is around or the love of, you know, when you feel like in love with something or whatever.
	All right, gentlemen, let's talk cookware for a second because we need to.
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	Bobby Lee, man, good to see you, dude.
	Like, we've just been rambling, bro.
	Yeah, let's get ready.
	Speaking of ladies, I sent a DM to El Chapo's wife, dude, when she just got out of jail.
	Bring her up, please, Zachary.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I sent a DM to her just saying, what's up?
	There she is right there.
	I think you can do better, dude.
	You think that, you think so?
	Yeah, dude.
	Than Emma Coronel?
	Yeah, I did.
	Plus, there's like your life wouldn't.
	I think your life would be in danger if you're in the dark.
	Del Chapa?
	Yeah, but you know, your life would be in danger.
	Yeah, dude, but it would be exciting.
	Imagine waking up every day and you don't know what's going to happen, my friend.
	And also, like, you're sober guy.
	Yeah, but I could handle it.
	I would just.
	She'd be around with a lot of Coke, don't know?
	Maybe.
	I don't know.
	She could do the Coke.
	I'll watch in the back.
	Yeah.
	She's kind of cute there.
	Yeah.
	I'll just knit in the back or something, you know?
	Yeah, yeah.
	She's pretty cute.
	You've never dated.
	I've never seen You with a Mexican, I would do it, man.
	I think you don't, I think a lot of I don't get hit on by a lot of Mexicans, but I did.
	I DM'd uh, I DM'd El Teppo's her.
	She just got out of prison.
	My friend was showing me a picture of her.
	He's like, She's cute.
	I was like, I'm a sly, man.
	I wasn't going to bring this up, but...
	We'll see what happens.
	Did you ever DM to...
	I just realized.
	Yeah, yeah, yes, sir.
	What is it about, you think?
	And this is not a lie.
	I swear to God.
	I swear to God on my life.
	Okay?
	So you know it's real, right?
	I don't know, but yeah, I'm listening.
	What do you mean?
	Yeah, okay.
	Okay.
	Whatever.
	Yeah, I'm not sure.
	Three times.
	Okay.
	On Hinge when I was on it and two times on Raya.
	I matched with a girl and in the direct message they said, yo, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm not really – Damn.
	And, bro.
	You didn't set me up.
	How hard would that have been?
	I made that birthday video for you.
	You know what I'm saying, bro?
	Dude.
	Oh, shit.
	Never looked at it that way.
	Yeah.
	How hard.
	You think so?
	How hard would it have been when you know your boy's out here?
	Yeah, looking for love.
	Oh, shit.
	My bad.
	Okay.
	Looking in the Lord's Lost and Found out here, Los Angeles.
	You know what?
	You just tell me, like, I was selfish about it, huh?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So I could have been like, yo, I know you're so hot.
	And I was excited when you matched with me.
	Yeah.
	Because I thought you liked, you know what I mean, the way I looked and my comedy.
	But, you know, you think I'm disgusting, but here's my boy's number because I just talked to him and he wants to link up.
	You think that should have happened?
	I think it would have been the move.
	I think because here's what I'm saying.
	They say if you give it, you give it away, you know?
	You give it away.
	The more people you give it away to, the more it comes back.
	You know what, dude?
	Maybe you're right.
	You know, I looked at it in a selfish way then.
	But you have to admit, dude, that hurts your feelings.
	Would that hurt your feelings?
	I think it probably, at some point in my life, it would have.
	Now, I don't think it would have.
	I've had buddies steal a girl that I liked.
	And I think it, yeah, it made me mad.
	But then I think, like, well, if they're together, then I'm not supposed to be with that girl.
	Oh, dude, you know, you're looking at it in a spiritual way, dude.
	Like, everything happens for a reason.
	I think you are, dude.
	I also put Nair in a girl's shampoo one time who broke up with me when I was in college.
	So, you know, times change.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I get it.
	I get it.
	So, yeah, I mean, so I guess those ladies, because I've been scolding them online, you know, on podcasts.
	Yeah.
	They go, hey, lady, whoever you are, you fuck you, bitch, and all that stuff.
	Damn, really?
	Yeah, dude.
	I get resentful, dude.
	You have a lot of resentment towards women, do you think, honestly, or no?
	Here's what I'm resentful about, dude.
	Girls, I used to, I hit.
	There were girls that back in the day, like, I'm talking about 20 years ago, I hit on.
	Like, no, but now they want to link up.
	You know what I mean?
	Now they want to.
	Now they want to link up.
	Now that you're the top dumpling, they want to fucking get in the sauce, huh?
	Yeah, I'm one of the top.
	I mean, in terms of dumplings, dude.
	Yeah.
	I'm in the bowl.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	I mean, I made it to the bowl.
	There's like eight dumplings in there.
	Now that you're the boss Bond Me, they want to, yeah, they want to get up by that.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But it's like, now they're like, you know, wanting to, but it's like, fuck you.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	But it's like, well, I have, yeah, you know what, dude?
	And what's great about being, how old are you?
	Me, I'm 43. You're great, dude.
	I'm 52 now, dude.
	You just turned 52. Yeah.
	Thanks, man.
	You brought that bug with you.
	I saw a bug.
	That's not from your apartment.
	Is that some of the things that you have in there?
	Is it?
	No, you don't leave those in here, man.
	You just got to leave your place.
	I didn't bring that.
	I'm going to say, you just told me your place got shut down.
	I didn't bring it.
	Well, I don't bring bugs around, bro.
	That's fucking cray cray.
	One of your stories was that your place is in.
	I know.
	But it's not like they're like, you know, being like, hey, let me hit your ride.
	Well, I just, one just flew off of you, dude.
	That's the only reason I'm asking, man.
	Yeah.
	You seem like a great guy.
	Go on.
	I just want to let you know at 52, though, fuck like at sex, dude.
	It's just not that important anymore.
	Yeah.
	Do you understand what I'm saying?
	Oh, yeah, man.
	He used to be number one, dude.
	But were you ever honestly, were you ever any good at sex, honestly?
	Like, were you ever...
	No, but honestly.
	I'm great.
	Okay.
	Then maybe you.
	I'm going to say something, dude.
	I have two forms.
	Yeah.
	Slow form and long form.
	Okay.
	Do you understand what I mean by that, man?
	Let me think.
	Slow form and long form.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Okay.
	So sometimes I go short.
	Oh, yeah.
	I go quick.
	Oh, yeah.
	So that involves rabbit sewing machine style?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	And then I do long strokes.
	Oh, long strokes.
	Like just, you know what I mean?
	Oh, yeah.
	And then I could do an hour of that.
	Yeah.
	It's like a manatee swimming.
	Ooh, like a small manatee.
	Like a minatee.
	Yeah, whatever, dude.
	Yeah, whatever, dude.
	Bro, who wants a big, huge wiener that's all cumbersome?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You know, to fucking have a buddy hold it while you tie your shoes.
	Yeah.
	I don't want all that.
	Like, I don't like checking in my bags at the airport, dude.
	I bring it on.
	You know, that's what I do.
	But to add those forms, and then it's like, back in the day.
	Do you enjoy it, though?
	Do you enjoy sex as much as you used to, you think?
	No, but I could take, I can go without it.
	Yeah.
	You know, like when I was in my 20s, I would like stay up all night hitting on a girl.
	Like, you know, you see a girl at a bar.
	What do you mean hitting on a girl?
	You mean masturbating at home?
	Or what do you really mean?
	Because I'd be at the house.
	Yeah, no.
	I mean, like, if you were out, like in your early days of stand-up, right?
	Oh, yeah.
	In the early days, you met a girl on the road and they were like on the fence.
	I would like stay, hang out with them till four in the morning.
	But now it's like, I would never do that.
	Like, if I was, like if a girl walked in right now, and this is the truth, she goes, hey, so next door, I'm at a hotel.
	Why don't you come over?
	And I'll let's fuck.
	And I'd be like, How far is it?
	Yeah, next door.
	I go, I would go, let's do it right here.
	Wow.
	What do you mean, right here?
	Like in front of the field?
	Like, let's save the moment.
	I'm not moving for it.
	Right.
	Would you move for it?
	Oh, let me think to next door.
	Yeah, I'd probably pop over there.
	All right.
	Maybe that was an extreme example.
	Right, but you're saying like NCNO.
	You're not going far out of your.
	Yeah, I'm not going to go to NCNO.
	You're not going to get out a map or something.
	Yeah.
	And then it's like, also, I've never said this out loud before, but say it, man.
	I can't.
	Look at me, man.
	I can't.
	I can't come.
	Really?
	It takes a long time.
	I'll do my brother.
	I got to do it.
	Love's doing pretty good.
	Love's doing pretty good, man.
	Yeah, you can't come, but.
	Yeah, yeah.
	But that's fine.
	Do you come easy?
	Me, yeah.
	Well, that's one of my problems with sex over the years has been the immediate ejaculation, you know?
	It's almost like somebody not, like, say if somebody knocked on your door, okay?
	Okay.
	No, all right.
	I knock on the door.
	Yeah.
	You open it and I just throw a bucket of water in there.
	Oh, shit.
	Whoa, whoa.
	That's crazy.
	That's too fast.
	That's too fast.
	It's really.
	You want to be able to know like the person and see what they want.
	But you're saying I open the door.
	It's like this.
	If you even open the little people thing, I'm watering the clients.
	Oh, I see.
	I see.
	That's odd.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	What do you think that is?
	I just a lot of nerve, just like a lot of, like, I think I just, what I had a lot of nervous energy around women.
	I was always so scared of women, you know?
	You know, dude, it's so funny.
	I've always been scared of cops and women.
	Yeah.
	And it's like, dude, back in the day before I did stand-up, I couldn't even lock eyes with women.
	Dude, same.
	Like, let's say you're a woman and I met you.
	Yeah.
	I'd be like, hey, how's it going?
	Yeah.
	Oh, I would even make love and be looking over there.
	What if, wait, like a spot, a specific spot?
	Just like in the, you know, I just, it's like to be, it's so hard to connect to what I'm doing.
	Right.
	If it's, if it's involved.
	So like I'm making love and this is her head.
	Yeah.
	You're looking over here.
	Yeah.
	I see.
	I think, yeah, it would just be like, I don't know.
	I don't know.
	It always made me so nervous.
	Like even getting in a conversation with a woman, I could feel my skin crawl off of my body and into my butt.
	It felt like.
	Yeah.
	Like I would be so nervous.
	So nervous.
	Yeah.
	I just could not even.
	Well, you'd be grateful too.
	Oh, I would.
	There's some gratitude in there.
	Oh, I'd be like, thank you, God.
	But I would ruin it.
	I remember one time this girl gave me her number and I didn't know what to do.
	And so I ran and tried to jump over this fence and cut my body open on the barbed wire.
	What do you mean?
	At a party this time.
	Really?
	Yeah, she was cute.
	And you started hurtling toward a fence.
	She like, I got her number and she gave it to me, right?
	I don't know if she was out of her mind or something or she'd been hit by lightning or something, but she gave me all seven digits of her number.
	Wow, wow, wow.
	So I'm and I didn't know what to do, bro.
	I couldn't believe it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And I literally turned this way and beelined.
	We're at this, in a, in a, at a party in someone's yard.
	They had a chain link fence.
	And I was like, I can do this.
	I get part of me was like, I'm going to impress this girl.
	Oh, I see.
	And I just tried to jump over it and I got my stomach hung up on it and got my hand hung up on it and had to go get a bunch of stitches.
	It's that's, I mean, because when I play that scenario in my head, it's like that.
	It's like, yo, can I get your number?
	Sure, here it is.
	Thanks.
	Yeah.
	It's so fucking weird.
	And she's like, what the fuck is he doing?
	Right?
	That's your style?
	That was what you did?
	I just couldn't handle it.
	Yeah, I get what you're saying.
	And I was always afraid to approach.
	I think he just had a lot, just a lot of nervous energy around women.
	So then I think even in my 20s, I would be like, instead of going on dates, I would do masturbation, you know?
	And because I would, even sometimes I would plan a date, but then I would look at pornography, do masturbation, and then cancel the date.
	It's funny.
	I get what you're saying.
	Because sometimes when I'm like, I'm going to meet, you know, Cynthia, but I don't want to go.
	Like, I met this girl, Cynthia, and I'm going to meet her at a bar.
	She wants to go to this bar.
	When I jerk off, then I call Cynthia and go, yeah, I'm tired.
	Yeah.
	I like that.
	I like that style.
	I'm tired.
	I have to help my friend move.
	She's like, it's eight o'clock on a Tuesday night.
	Yeah.
	Let me ask you something.
	When you're making love to a girl and you're like doing your, you're looking around like you do and you looked out the window and you saw her in the window, what would you do?
	If I saw her in the window, I'd be real scared.
	I'm scared.
	What would you be?
	Well, she was like, like this, like her face is, right?
	And then you look down and there's nothing there.
	Oh, that would be so crazy.
	That'd be cool.
	But you'd want to see her again because she's a magician.
	Yeah.
	She's got talent.
	Dude, if that was on America's Got Talent.
	Dude, dude, golden buzzer.
	Dude, if that was America, that would be golden buzzer shit.
	How amazing is that?
	Dude, we need more golden buzzer shit out in the world.
	There's not enough golden buzzer shit, man.
	Explain to your fans what golden buzzer is.
	Golden buzzer is, well, also a golden buzzer is a term, I think, in the gay community where someone's never made love to a woman.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	No.
	Or a golden wizard.
	What is it called?
	A horned wizard or whatever.
	It's a.
	I don't know.
	I've never heard anything like that before, man.
	Gold star gay.
	Sorry.
	And I think, yeah, and you also get free chili, I think, over there.
	No, what I was saying is I like podding with you because when I pod with you, it's like every time there's some cool, weird shit, but I was thinking to myself, are you like that with other guests?
	You know what I mean?
	Because I like it.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I think, I don't know.
	I mean, that's the weird thing about podcasting is, is that you don't really know how it's going to go.
	You can kind of have a little bit of a plan sometimes, but I don't think you can really know how it's going to be.
	You don't know how you're going to be feeling.
	You don't know how the other person's going to be feeling.
	You don't know what's really going to go on.
	You don't know if people are going to tell you sometimes about what's really happening with them or just want to talk about just, you know, the weather kind of.
	Yeah, because I had Bobby Robert Kennedy Jr.
	Yeah, I saw that.
	That was hard.
	I saw that.
	He looked so scared in the beginning.
	Me?
	He did.
	Yeah, he was frightened.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, but then once he was frightened, you know what I mean?
	Then I got kind of scared because I'm like, oh, I don't think I know what I'm doing.
	You know what I mean?
	But sometimes you're potting with people and you go, I don't think I know how to do it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's so weird.
	Well, yeah, I think you just don't know.
	I mean, I think for one, you have to, you don't know why people listen.
	And you don't, okay, that's okay.
	Let me say something.
	I'm glad you said that.
	I literally don't know why they listen sometimes.
	You know, people go, you changed my life or, you know what I mean?
	I'm connected.
	I go, I talk about farts.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, how did I, you know?
	So that's the first thing.
	And second thing is, it's like, we do it so much.
	I mean, I pod so much.
	There are times where it's like, what else can I say?
	But we keep doing it.
	But today, we talk about things I've never talked about.
	It's miraculous.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	I've learned things.
	I don't know what gold star reviews are.
	I don't know.
	There's just a lot of things, things about you staring off in the distance when you're making love.
	That's a new piece of information that so I'm learning a lot from you.
	You know what I mean?
	But what I'm saying is that it's such a strange job.
	Yeah.
	Because sometimes it's hard, man.
	Well, I think it's harder.
	Yeah.
	I think there's times where it's like, I don't know what the, like, there's times where it's tough to drop into a conversation sometimes.
	Yeah.
	Sometimes they start and go a crazy way and you don't know what's going on.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Let me see what these gold star games are.
	I want to be, I want to be for sure on this.
	In LGBT slang.
	Oh, they got rid of Q?
	LGBT.
	What's Q?
	Wow.
	What was the Q?
	Q was for queering, I think.
	Oh.
	They got rid of it.
	Wow.
	Wow.
	In LGB clang.
	You think the queers are mad?
	A gold star lesbian.
	Yeah, they're mad.
	Have you ever met them?
	Yeah.
	So I'm sure they're not geeking about this.
	In their slang, a gold star lesbian is a lesbian who's never had sex with a man.
	Whoa.
	And a gold star gay is a gay man who has never had sex with a woman.
	Wow.
	So I'm a gold star heterosexual.
	No, I've...
	Well, what's sex?
	Sex, I think, is putting your body inside of their body.
	Never did that.
	Okay.
	I've tasted some things.
	Have you really?
	You had a little bit of that front soy, huh?
	A little bit.
	You've ever had the soy?
	Yeah, a teaspoon of some fella's show you, huh?
	Yeah, you never had front soy?
	No, no, boy.
	You had a little bit off of a fella?
	Where were y'all?
	I had a rave.
	Wow.
	Yeah, back in the day, you know, instead of glow sticks, we, you know, there are other things going on.
	No, you've never, honestly, you've never had a gay experience.
	I've never had a gay experience, man.
	How close have you gotten?
	This is, I'll tell you how close.
	I was on a porch one time, and this girl told my buddy, she told him, she said, hey, if you kiss my friend, and she had a gay friend there with her, a gay male.
	She goes, if you kiss my friend, then I'll hook up with you.
	And the dude, my buddy was like, all right.
	So he kissed the dude and then the girl didn't hook up.
	Oh, so, oh, no, did she didn't?
	How mad were you?
	I just, I was like, man, I feel bad for that guy, you know, kind of, but also I think that guy's a little bit gay, you know?
	So I think it was like a mixed bag.
	Yeah, yeah.
	That's the closest you've gotten.
	Yep, close I've gotten.
	Let me think if I've ever seen anything else that seemed.
	There was a gay dude, I think, or seemed pretty gay who passed out on our front porch one time when I lived in Charleston, but we didn't, we just saw him there.
	We didn't do anything to him.
	That's just a guy who passed me out here.
	But still, you're asking how close have I ever seen?
	I mean, if that's the closest you've got, then you're not close at all.
	Oh, a fella came on my arm one time at the movie theater.
	Well, that's pretty close.
	Okay.
	Did you know him?
	I did know him.
	He passed away, too.
	Really?
	Yeah, he passed away.
	Passed away.
	Oh, that's my bad.
	In a car.
	I mean, I'm sorry, I mean.
	It wasn't your fault.
	I didn't feel that you were on the road, dude.
	You guys.
	I didn't go.
	I have a pension for causing.
	I've actually kissed a penis intentionally.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	Because I didn't, you know, what flavor is it?
	First of all, you don't, like, I know what veg tastes like.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	To me, like you said, the quality of what they taste like has kind of dropped off a little.
	It has.
	It has.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
	Yeah.
	A lot of these women, it's like, you know, clean out your purse.
	Yeah.
	It's past the expiration date, too.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You should put a date on there.
	Yeah, if you have a handbag, make sure that, you know, like, it's not just like a bunch of, but it's a different flavor badge than dick.
	So for me, it's like, I want to see what the flavor.
	And guess what?
	What?
	Don't like it.
	Don't like the flavor, dude.
	But how are you going to know if you haven't ever had it?
	You guys will eat anything though, dude.
	Asians?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I mean, you've seen it.
	I've seen some mukbangs at the pretty intense.
	I mean, because I've been to a China, like Chinese market before.
	Oh, yeah.
	And you look at some of the shit that, like, butterfly wing, what the fuck?
	You eat that?
	Right?
	Or it says like a shoulder of a meerkat.
	Yeah.
	Like, you eat that?
	Like, they fuck, like, like fucking sloth toenails.
	Oh, dude.
	They'll mix that in.
	They'll have a jar of human freckles there you can eat that you can you can sprinkle you know you want the freckle why why are why are Asian people capable of eating anything why is that okay I'll try to explain it to you because it's really true man I it was not that it's not true because let me say something I want to make the opposite argument right like I don't know if I think Chinese people is like white people they eat sometimes
	squirrel right right like you know maybe they don't with squirrel but squirrels are weird like I bet you've eaten squirrel yeah I've had squirrel Asians will eat squirrel you think so I don't maybe yeah dude you're right you're right I think I think you're right you're right but I'm just saying that there are groups of people that eat things that were like oh that's weird but it's a cultural thing I think I think they have I think their theory is that if it move we eat oh right because it's protein yeah right so if you eat like the shoulder
	of a meerkat you're getting protein right it's about survival it's about survival yeah and then it's also it's like but check it this out just check this out they don't eat certain things like you you can't go to a Chinese market and get panda.
	Oh, wow!
	Think about it, or a koala.
	Well, it's also they won't eat cute shit, but your cats are cute, meerkats are pretty cute, yeah.
	But I don't know, man.
	I think it's because of survival.
	I think it's a regional thing, like all we can get it, butterpie wing here.
	Yeah, butter by wing, yeah, butterpie wing here, or whatever, but butterpie wing, but yeah, but you know what, dude?
	Hey, butterpie wing, yeah, butter by wing.
	I would be, you think I could, do you think I could be Asian or not?
	Dude, I'm telling you right now, I dig.
	If they had a surgery, you know what I mean?
	They wouldn't have to do much.
	Really?
	Well, from the waist down, nothing.
	Yeah.
	No, I'm kidding.
	I don't know.
	No, I feel like it's good.
	Really?
	Remember, dude, I accidentally grabbed your wiener the other night.
	Remember that?
	Yeah, why'd you do that?
	I thought.
	It was an accident.
	Huh?
	Was it an accident?
	Yeah, it was.
	You gripped it, dude.
	I didn't mean to.
	Yeah, but you did.
	Huh?
	I just went like this.
	No, you went down and you grabbed a little.
	It was on stage.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Maybe that's, you know.
	So that's probably the gayest thing I've ever done.
	That was probably the gayest thing.
	Yeah.
	But I can't believe you met up with some.
	So if you get face to face with a wiener, then what do you do?
	Who makes the first move?
	That's an interesting question, dude.
	I stared at it for like a good 45 seconds.
	There's always a showdown.
	Yeah.
	Like, you know, the Western.
	So I was there.
	I backed up.
	Well, I turned around.
	I did some steps.
	Right?
	Then we both turned around.
	Wow.
	Right.
	And we just stared at each other.
	And then, you know what I mean?
	I had my fucking on my mouth.
	I mean, whatever.
	Yeah.
	And then I went, that wiener, baby, that long.
	Yeah, dude.
	Also, I was 14 years old.
	13 years old.
	Oh, wow.
	You know what I mean?
	So it's like, at that time, I was like, maybe.
	Yeah.
	And then I was like, no.
	They call it that long pussy.
	Some people call it that.
	They live?
	In prison.
	Long pussy?
	In prison.
	That's what they call us.
	Hey, buddy.
	You got to get you a cut of that long pussy.
	Yeah.
	Come here, wow.
	Get you a cut of that long pussy.
	Le esta gustando mi podcast.
	Are you liking my podcast?
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	But I feel like you don't do weird shit in bed.
	i think you're let me guess your favorite position missionary my favorite position is making love to civil war music dude okay so what are you talking about really yeah put on some good civil war hits oh i see yeah dude your dick is like a musket yeah yeah it
	goes off and the war's over quick yeah we surrender fast yeah yeah yeah it's a short one i mean the civil war you'd be the north right or the south oh i'd have to ride with the south man you know the civil war if they ran it back who would win now i don't know oh dude oh there it is yeah yeah yeah yeah something kind of nice about it yeah yeah yeah
	you want to talk about the movie we did or no yeah we could talk about it man what was i thinking about um we did a movie yeah we did a movie we talked about a little bit last time we did yeah it's gonna come out maybe maybe not we'll see we'll see well the strike is going on you see what drew barrymore what she did about her show what she was gonna do it now she can't she's gonna do it then she then she uh she got bullied into not doing it i know that's what's so crazy like i don't say i don't think bully is the right word no i don't think she i mean i don't think she should have done it what like
	how insane is that i deeply apologize to writers i deeply apologize to unions i deeply apologize i wanted to own a decision so that it wasn't a pr protected situation and i would just take full responsibility for my actions i know there's just nothing
	i can do that will make this okay for those it is not okay with this is bigger than me and there are other what do you think about it because so the reason that they're striking is because um it's like about residuals it's about the ai where they're using like there's a lot of issues right there's a lot of issues and um i believe i mean i'm supportive obviously of the strike on both writers and actors um with her it's like just
	that what in her mind did she think that like even if like if i so was supportive of her decision or not it's suicide like with bill amazon too it's like suicide like just don't work and it's also on top of it dude you're a millionaire you can wait a year like i have no idea what the fucking thought process is yeah it's crazy dude it's like i don't know dude but so what so what is the thought process that they that they just want to still be able to work but it's not we all want to work baby right
	so then why are they why would they even be able to work i think the justification is like because you know they're you can do reality shows right now right those aren't effective yeah spade just is hosting more yeah so spade is you can do game shows so in their minds they're probably but the problem with that those kind of shows with billamar and her show you need writers for bits right they're not improvising it right right so it's like um and the writers are on strike yeah so she's saying i'm gonna go back and do it and we'll just hire my own writers that are not or
	i'll improvise it wow and at that point you kind of just are pot you're you have a like if you and i if you and i yeah exactly if you and i had our own show on hbo which we should but if we had our own show on hbo you and i would have a discussion like yeah but we just make shit up anyway so why can't we do it yeah so i kind of get that but it's like at the end of the day you and i would have looked at each other yeah but just it's not gonna look good optically yeah you know what i mean so it's like no i don't i don't know it's a fucked up it's a weird thing now but also i want to say this she's
	feeling the the the pressure of people online and and the and and that heat and she's worried that maybe my career is over i think that's up too yeah you know i mean like am i canceled you know i mean i mean i'm not i don't back that at all you know i mean so it's like she apologized let her apologize because you know we have no room in our society for redemption or like you know i'm sorry you know what i mean so she apologized so we're like we're good just don't do it again
	yeah and if bill maher apologizes we're good but that's not what's gonna happen there's gonna be people in hollywood that's gonna be no fucker forever it's fucked up you know what i mean and bill maher too well bill maher i think is still going ahead with his show but his is just online right now i don't know yeah no no no they're talking about his real time with bill maher on hbo that he's bringing back without writers and they're just not doing a monologue it's just gonna be panel his podcast is on youtube ah interesting yeah yeah now is that i mean what then what are what are people's arguments
	against it if he was if he's just interviewing people well then what's the problem i don't know right because you and i are doing that now right yeah but we're not that's a good question oh i guess because then maybe it's just still on television it's like about that platform i just don't see how this just doesn't ruin or you know hinder that whole platform even more you know this is an interesting question what if comics went on strike and we couldn't do stand-up or podcasting what would we do you
	would like would we cross the picket the line i think people would cross in the first week probably i know because we're over there i know because imagine like oh so there's good there'll be a lot of comics too and i can name them yeah they'll be like no i don't work at anyway oh theo and bobby aren't doing the fucking improv this weekend let book me yeah and they would book him he would do it that's a good point yeah yeah i mean there's so
	many comics that are great comics who right now can't do clubs because now clubs are booking people that can draw yeah which is like a business thing but back in the day dude stand-up used to be this, especially with the improvs.
	We don't care if you can draw, we want quality acts.
	Is that true?
	Oh, yeah.
	Back in the day, the improv was like that.
	Like, we know so-and-so doesn't draw, but we think he's talented, so we'd rather have him than the guy that's going to sell out.
	But now it's now all corporate shit.
	Yeah, they only book people that can draw.
	That's why, like, YouTubers and shit, you know what I mean?
	They have a fan base.
	You know, sometimes I'll play a weekend somewhere.
	Oh, at three o'clock, we have a YouTube show and it's sold out.
	I get that, you know, it's a business, but it's like, yeah, three o'clock Foozie's going to come in here and overdose or something.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But 30 years ago, they never did that.
	They didn't care.
	They were like, no, we only book people that are really good comics.
	I remember when YouTubers were coming in and doing comedy clubs.
	And yeah, I think all of us were like a little bit like, well, for one, we were jealous because they were selling the places out.
	I know, dude.
	I know.
	And it was just, that was crazy.
	It was before we were doing podcasting and stuff.
	And then.
	But we took advantage of what they were doing.
	It was funny because I used to go look at YouTubers and go, what?
	I'm, my shows aren't sold out.
	Right.
	But JoJo Santana, I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Is selling it out because he's, you know, he has a.
	Yeah.
	And then it's like Lloyd Wilson or whatever is selling or whoever.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	But then I was like, well, how do they do that?
	Oh, online.
	Oh, let's figure this out.
	And we figured it out.
	And we figured it out.
	And now we did what they're doing by putting out content and grabbing an audience that way.
	And we cut out the middleman, which is Hollywood.
	Do you, um.
	Do you, do you?
	Did you see those Mexican aliens?
	What do you mean?
	You didn't see them?
	I have no idea what you're talking about.
	Mexicans found the aliens.
	Oh, I thought you were saying Mexicans were aliens.
	Look at it right here.
	What do you see?
	No hay una evolución posterior.
	They found two aliens, dude?
	Is that real?
	Yeah, they're a size nine and a half.
	They're little, dude.
	Yeah, they're a little, dude.
	They did like an unboxing.
	Aliens are Chinese?
	Like, it's a Marcus Brownlee video.
	Yeah, bro.
	And first of all, why does that one have asbestos, dude?
	I know.
	But they're little, and they have little Asian eyes, and he's doing this.
	Yeah, I'm not saying, yeah.
	It looked like a Chinese dude who was using a straw and he got hit by a nuclear attack.
	Yeah.
	That's it, dude.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Go back to it.
	Whoa, dude.
	That's crazy.
	So they found it, huh?
	Yeah.
	They found two aliens, dude, and they presented them in these lights.
	That's insane, dude.
	I love how there's like dirt around them.
	Yeah.
	Wow.
	And one of them had eggs in it, too, they said.
	No.
	Yeah.
	Dude, I mean, there we go, dude.
	Do we have any more information about it?
	But come on, dude.
	That guy looks like.
	Yeah.
	It looked like he was raised face first in a tuna can.
	What's wrong with him?
	I know.
	Yeah.
	Wow, dude.
	Wow.
	Look at the little nostrils.
	That's cute, though.
	Oh, I think aliens look like that.
	Oh, a lot of chicks, I'm sure, have already been in this aliens DMs for sure.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Did they show the dick?
	I have to know the dick.
	I mean, I bet it's pretty similar.
	To what?
	To Chinese people?
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Wow, what a cutie.
	And that looks like a government thing.
	Was that like on like Mexican...
	Yeah, they had like a government like.
	Oh, yeah.
	Zoom in that.
	I want to see.
	That's the whole body.
	Let me see.
	No dick.
	Look.
	Ooh, some dick.
	It could be a woman.
	Get in closer.
	What do you mean?
	It's a little pile of something.
	Yeah, yeah.
	God, they're so cute, huh?
	Yeah, why have people been putting cigarettes out on him, though?
	That's what I want to know.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	That's crazy, dude.
	Look at the posture, too.
	Good posture, I think.
	Unbelievable.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And it's just so like, like, dude, they can't fucking break dance.
	I'll tell you that right now.
	Imagine them, dude.
	You know what I mean?
	It's more of a macarena.
	It's something.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's a cupid shuffle, maybe.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Wow, dude.
	Man, that's so interesting.
	It's so interesting, dude.
	Who do you think is most like aliens that's already on Earth based on the looks of this creature right here?
	Based on the looks of this.
	Oh, shit.
	Here we go.
	You know, people with progeria?
	Really?
	You know what that is?
	Progeria?
	Let's look it up.
	You don't know what Progeria is, dude?
	It's that disease.
	Ooh.
	And I'm going to get in trouble for saying this.
	No, you're not.
	Yeah, watch.
	When you see it, you're going to be like, oh.
	Oh, that guy, huh?
	That guy has Progeria.
	What is Progeria?
	Can you bring it up?
	They age super quick.
	Oh.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like the reverse Benjamin Button.
	No, it's like Benjamin.
	Yeah, reverse Benjamin Button, maybe.
	Progerio, also known as Hutchinson, Guilford Progeri.
	Oh, dude, I've never seen a black one before.
	Let me just see the black one.
	Extremely rare progressive genetic.
	I've never seen a black person with Progeria before.
	Let me see.
	Look at this white guy in blackface trying to do it.
	Go down there right there, left.
	That's not.
	What?
	Right there.
	That's a black guy with a right.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	It's not like.
	Well, I thought the attire made me think that it was a white guy.
	I thought you were saying a white guy with progeria was doing blackface.
	No, I thought it was a white guy doing black doing fake progeria.
	Oh, fake progressia.
	Okay, okay.
	I see.
	Yeah.
	Well, what a like.
	What a condition, huh?
	I can't.
	So, so go back to what the condition is.
	Can I look at it?
	It causes children to age rapidly starting in their first two years of life.
	Children with progeria generally appear healthy at birth.
	Wow, so it's a surprise.
	If we're going to go down this lane, do you know what harlequin itchiosis is?
	Uh-uh.
	Don't even fucking Google that then.
	Harlequin ichiosis?
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's not a.
	It's people that.
	Are you talking about...
	Joker's girlfriend, no.
	Harlequin itchiosis is people born with like a layer of scanner or something.
	Oh.
	Look it up.
	Yeah, that's, yeah, that's what the baby looked like.
	That's so sad.
	Like a, it almost has a...
	Don't, I'm not doing a joke.
	They have almost an Aztec look.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Yeah.
	Is that what you're saying?
	A cave painting?
	Yeah, that's not bad.
	Yeah.
	Isn't that sad?
	Mom says toddler is happy, smiley, despite painful skin condition.
	Yeah, but then they grow up to be, they can survive this condition.
	Oh, wow.
	Yeah, so, you know.
	That's cool.
	That's amazing.
	Did you, are there a lot of fears in your culture of a lot of birth fears?
	Are there a lot of birth fears that don't happen in other cultures?
	Like, is there like a lot of like, you know, do Chinese people, do they have like, can I ask you something?
	Yeah.
	And I honestly believe this.
	I believe that you don't know what I am.
	Because several times in this podcast, you've referred to China and then you look at me.
	Do you think I'm Chinese?
	I don't know if you are.
	No, be honest.
	I don't care if you are.
	I don't.
	I know you.
	I know you don't.
	I know you don't.
	I know that you don't care that I am.
	I know that you don't care, right?
	I mean, I do care, but it doesn't matter to me.
	It doesn't matter to you.
	You're welcome around me.
	I know.
	You love me regardless.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	But it is information that you should fucking memorize.
	Okay, well, chill, bro.
	It's information you should fucking memorize because I've known you for 20 fucking whatever, dude.
	It's not about chill or not chill, right?
	It's about memorize that shit, dude.
	Because every time I fucking see you, dude, it's like, China, China, you people in China, why do you guys eat this?
	You know what I mean?
	How come you guys run this way?
	How come you fly?
	You don't know how to fly or whatever.
	Whatever you're fucking saying, I'd be happy to fucking answer those questions, but memorize what the fuck I am.
	My bad, dude.
	I'm Chinese.
	All right.
	I fucking knew it, dude.
	Dude, why do you do this?
	I'm Korean.
	Are you really?
	I'm Korean, dude.
	I'm fucking Korean, dude.
	So it's like, well, just admit it.
	Get it off your chat.
	It's not a secret.
	Google it.
	It's not a secret.
	What I'm saying is that ever since I've known you, you think I'm some other fucking Asian.
	Like when I came in here, what did you say?
	Mong Mong.
	Yeah, you did, dude.
	Mong Mong or something.
	I'm not from Hmong.
	And I walk into you.
	That's the first thing you fucking say, dude.
	Damn, brother.
	It's insane, dude.
	Memorize that shit, dude.
	Let me ask you some questions and you tell me what they are.
	Okay.
	Margaret Cho.
	Margaret Cho.
	Let me see.
	Cho.
	Cho, Cho, Cho.
	I'm going to say, well, I'm going to say Chinese.
	No.
	No, no, no.
	Let's forget it.
	Let's try one more.
	Let's try one more.
	Oh, you want to try another one?
	Yeah.
	This is a complex one.
	Steve Byrne.
	Pfft.
	Mmm.
	I would say chyrish.
	Chirish?
	Yeah.
	That's what you just said?
	Chirish?
	Chinese and Irish, yeah.
	No, dude.
	Really?
	Yeah, Korean, too.
	Ooh.
	Yeah.
	Koreans will surprise you then.
	We got to write this down, huh?
	Yeah, he's Kyrish.
	He's Kyrish, not Chirish.
	We got to write this down, Zach.
	You know the right.
	No, honestly, Theo, bro, let's be real, dude.
	Yeah.
	I love you, dude.
	I love you.
	My brother, dude.
	Right?
	But what I'm saying, dude, it's not something you need to write down.
	It's something that you could put in your brain.
	You know how you memorize different kinds of corn?
	Yeah.
	Right?
	And like different kinds of like conditions, like white people conditions, you know what I mean?
	Like bow-legged, whatever.
	Asthma.
	Yeah, asthma, whatever.
	You can memorize what people's, you know, ethnicity is and their nationality and stuff.
	Korean.
	Exactly, dude.
	It's not hard.
	Do Koreans do well around?
	Like, what is the who is y'all's arch nemesis in the in the like in the Asian realm?
	Do you guys have like a when you say realm, it's like you're talking about lore of the rings or some shit.
	It's really not a realm.
	It's just a part of the world.
	You know what I mean?
	Realm.
	Okay.
	Yeah.
	No, it's not okay.
	Oh, sorry.
	I'm just like, I'm just saying you're like, you, we're like warlocks or some shit.
	We see realm, dude.
	It's like, I'm just saying.
	Like, what wizards don't you fuck with?
	It's like, no, we're just a part of the planet.
	How about this?
	Yeah, don't say realm again.
	Okay.
	All right.
	It's crazy.
	But if y'all were in a zoo, let's say that.
	Don't say that.
	All right.
	All right.
	I can go with that.
	Are you with the zoo too?
	White people are in the zoo too.
	We're all the human zoo.
	The aliens have created a zoo and there's a white people, like a human zoo.
	There's two aliens in Mexico.
	Right.
	Okay.
	They created a zoo.
	I think they can mix, you know what I mean, different races in an environment.
	What you're saying to me is that aliens would go to the human zoo and go, let's go to the Chinese section.
	Yeah.
	Look at Epcot Center.
	What do you think that is?
	Oh, you're right.
	All right.
	So what, yeah, you know what, dude?
	They would probably have an Asian section and separate them.
	So they would probably put like the Vietnamese and Cambodians and the Filipinos in one section.
	Yeah.
	That's fair.
	Yeah, they would put, but I think they would put the Chinese in its own section.
	That's a lot.
	And they would put Koreans and Japanese.
	It's aftermarket too, a lot of it.
	What do you mean?
	A lot of that's aftermarket, isn't it?
	What's aftermarket?
	Chinese.
	They make a lot of aftermarket products.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like if you want a replica of like a rearview mirror or something like that.
	What would that have anything to do with them being in a fucking group?
	I'm just saying that you put them maybe in a special section.
	Go on.
	Because of the aftermarket?
	I'm not thinking outside of the box.
	You're thinking too much.
	I am.
	I think the Koreans and the Japanese would have to be separated, but I don't know because time has passed.
	But you have to understand the Japanese back in the day did some fucked up shit.
	Yeah.
	They invaded China.
	They invaded Korea.
	They invited the Philippines.
	You know what I mean?
	But they've chilled over the years.
	Now they're into like Hello Kitty and you know what I mean?
	relaxing.
	Relax.
	Yeah, they're into relaxing.
	They like to relax, dude.
	They don't have a military anymore.
	Wow.
	Japan doesn't.
	No.
	Wow.
	They don't have a military.
	I think the only kind of gun you can get in Japan is a shotgun.
	And then you have to get a bunch.
	You have to do a bunch of classes and shit, you know, to get one.
	But my point is that they've chilled over the years.
	And that's what the two bombs did.
	And, you know, shout out to Oppenheimer.
	Damn.
	So are you pro-Oppenheimer?
	No, I'm not pro-Oppenheimer.
	That was fucked up.
	But I'm just saying that, you know, I'm sorry.
	It happened.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	So.
	Oh, it feels horrible.
	It does.
	It's horrible.
	There's a lot of pain in the world.
	You tell me, dude.
	So much pain in the world, though.
	There's a lot of pain in the world.
	Is there pain in your life?
	I'm trying to think what's been going on.
	I think the toughest thing for me probably has just been thinking about getting married and stuff like that.
	Is there anyone?
	Is there anyone right now that you want to marry?
	No.
	You know, I kind of been dating some, but there's nothing I don't think.
	But I think it's just a general fear of getting married.
	Do you have that, you think?
	I think when it comes to you, dude, and at the end of the day, you and I are very similar.
	Yeah.
	And I think we have commitment issues.
	Yeah.
	I think you and I have exteri struggles that we relate to.
	I don't know how you are with porn, but is that an addiction for you?
	I don't know.
	I've watched a decent amount of it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I've seen a lot.
	You could be a critic for a newspaper.
	Yeah.
	If there was a porn critic, you could be one.
	That's how much you've watched it.
	Don't you think?
	I've seen enough over there.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I don't need to see anymore.
	Yeah, you could write articles.
	Yeah, I could read it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I think it's bad for you, but I don't think I need to see anymore.
	I've used that for a little bit.
	Yeah, I watch it a little too much.
	But my point is that, and here's another thing, too.
	It's like, I know women like you.
	I hear it.
	And yet, here you are, alone almost.
	I don't know what that is, dude.
	Are you still in therapy?
	Yeah, Tuesdays, every other week at three.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So I don't know, but because, you know, I've known some of the girls.
	I know you're not vocal about it.
	I would never, but I've seen you in situations like with people.
	Yeah.
	And some of these girls that you've seen, I've liked.
	Really?
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, there was one in particular years ago where I went, I hope that happens.
	Yeah.
	I think I remember that one.
	Yeah, I hope that happens.
	But it never happened.
	It never happened.
	So I think that you and I are.
	I think it just seems so.
	Have you been married?
	No, I've never.
	No.
	Of course I'm not.
	You know that.
	You're going to die, man.
	You're going to die too, dude.
	Yeah, well, you got to get married.
	Dude, I got somebody.
	Maybe I will.
	Maybe I will, dude.
	Would you propose?
	Where would you propose at?
	Oh, shit.
	I've never, you know, you know what I would do, dude?
	I would have Shin Lim do something.
	Shin Lim the magician?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, bring him up.
	Shin Lim.
	I love things like that.
	A lot of Asian stuff, you can just make two sounds and then suddenly you can be a magician.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I want Shin to, because I love Shin Lim a lot.
	He's so talented, that guy.
	Oh, unbelievable, dude.
	So when I propose, I'm going to have Shin figure out how to do it.
	You know what I mean?
	But I want it to be a surprise and I want some magic involved in it, you know?
	And think about how easy he thought his name up.
	Shin, right?
	And it's in a limb.
	Shin Lim.
	Yeah, but Lim is, anyway, spelled differently.
	Put that the B. Like, see the smoke stuff?
	I would like to do that, but out of my dick or something.
	Oh, you're like a vape.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I want a vape out of my dick.
	And then the ring forms, right?
	Write your name.
	And I go, stick your finger in the smoke ring.
	She sticks it in, and then vroom.
	And I go, will you marry me?
	Yeah.
	How imagine smoke coming out of my dick.
	That's how I'm going to ask Shin about it.
	Oh, I love that.
	You think that could happen?
	Yeah.
	How would you propose?
	I think I would probably get probably something old school.
	Not on a cliff.
	I'm not doing anything on a cliff.
	Wait, wait.
	What do you mean, cliff?
	I've never even heard of that.
	Just people always do proposals, and then a lot of times it's like...
	Yeah, there's an accent.
	Yeah, I don't like that at all.
	So that's too risky.
	I would do something more ground, like more sea level.
	I would do...
	You don't want to do something like where you hide it in a soup or something.
	I feel like that's kind of ridiculous.
	Dude, I've never heard that before.
	Really?
	Like an alphabet soup?
	Yeah.
	Dude, but all the letters just spell like marry me or something?
	Dude, that'd be dope, dude.
	Have shin work on it.
	And then after it says marry me, it floats to the surface of the ring.
	What do you think, dude?
	That's never happened before.
	Did you see, though, that one guy went underwater and wrote marry me on a piece of paper and he drowned trying to propose to his wife?
	You see that?
	No.
	Let's see that.
	There's no way that's a thing.
	Oh, it's 100%.
	It's so sad.
	God, man.
	Don't cry.
	I'm not.
	It just makes me sad.
	Louisiana man drowns after underwater marriage proposal.
	You never got to hear my answer, his girlfriend said.
	No, really?
	Yeah.
	That's a real thing?
	A Louisiana man reportedly drowned after he asked his girlfriend to marry him in an underwater proposal, she said in a social media post.
	They have the drowning on camera?
	I guess some of it, yeah.
	But I guess part of it they didn't.
	You never emerged from the depths, so you never got to hear my answer.
	Yes, yes, a million times, yes.
	His girlfriend Kanisha and Twin.
	Of course she's going to say yes.
	Yeah, especially.
	What she's going to say have to?
	Yeah.
	Even if she was going to say no?
	Oh, he wrote it on Loose Leaf, too.
	And Z-Rock and put it like in a Stephen Weber or Weber.
	Oh.
	Dude, it's like, might as well just do it in an active volcano.
	Like, why would that's the dumbest idea in the world?
	You think?
	Yeah, dude.
	Underwater?
	Yeah, I guess why.
	There's so many places on like earth, like on land, that you could be original with.
	Why would you do it in a place that you could die?
	Well, because then that adds an element of risk to it.
	It's like, I'm going to take a risk for this look.
	And you know what?
	I think there is something to be said for that.
	And he was in an underwater bedroom.
	Apparently, there's a bedroom that's underwater, and you get to and you can.
	Oh, so he went outside of it, wrote it down, and proposed.
	I guess he couldn't hold his breath for very long.
	Oh my god, it's so sad.
	I can't even look at it today.
	I know, man.
	He never emerged in Tanzania.
	Oh.
	How much time have we done?
	I don't know, about an hour.
	We'll do a little bit more.
	Well, you do more than an hour?
	Yeah, a little more, man.
	If I'm hanging out with a buddy, you know, because I don't get to talk to you that much.
	I'll see you next week.
	You're not coming over tomorrow.
	It's next week?
	I'm going to come to the meeting tomorrow.
	Wednesday morning?
	Yeah.
	Please come.
	Wednesday morning.
	It's at noon, isn't it?
	It's at noon, yeah.
	Please come.
	I will.
	That's awesome.
	Is that going well for you, though, or no?
	The program?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You didn't go out?
	I mean, how much time do you have now?
	16 months, maybe?
	Wow.
	That's incredible, dude.
	Because I'll have two years in January.
	Will you?
	Yeah, dude.
	January 25th, I'll have two years.
	Did you ever almost relapse or no?
	I thought about it.
	Have you thought about it?
	Yeah, I thought about it last weekend.
	Yeah, yeah, I've thought about it.
	I'm so stressed.
	I just thought about just getting me an ice-cold beer.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's not just beer.
	It's like sometimes I'll be like, people, you know what the thing is?
	When people are on shrooms.
	That makes you want to do it?
	Yeah, like, because I haven't had shrooms since I was 17 years old.
	Like, every time I relapse, I never had it.
	Really?
	Which I should have done it then.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	But I've never had it.
	So people are on shrooms now where, you know, they go, dude, I'm microdaising, dude.
	Yeah.
	You're like, oh, I don't know what that feels like.
	Or like some of these other means, things like ketamine.
	Yeah, ketamine therapy, boy.
	Yeah, ketamine or some of these things, but it's like, but it's a, it's a brief thought and then I can just move on.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	But sometimes, somebody says, oh, you're on the road, bro.
	And you're like at a bar.
	Sometimes it's hard, dude.
	But you know what?
	I've never been at a bar on the road, really.
	You never?
	I don't go to a bar, really.
	Yeah, like a couple of times I've like, I've had girls go, you know, me and my friends are here.
	We're at Charlotte's place or whatever.
	And I'll go over there.
	You will?
	I'll go if they're super hot.
	Yeah.
	Right?
	And I'm at Charlotte's place.
	And I try to act cool and stuff, but it's like, it's not good.
	And then like they're drinking.
	And sometimes I'm like, but then I thought to myself, if I did drink, I would probably do shit that I will regret the next day.
	Right.
	Like, you know, hook up with somebody that, yeah, because, you know, I'll be honest with you.
	You and I, our tastes have been sophisticated or sophisticated.
	Really?
	It's like a fine.
	You're not?
	I don't know.
	I think it is.
	What do you mean when you say that?
	What I mean is like, you know, I like to date women that are not just only attractive, but that are that, you know what I mean, are bright and cool and have all the things.
	You know, I have a checklist of things.
	You know what I mean?
	A couple of, I've had some suspect ones.
	Have you?
	Oh my God.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I can't talk about it, but I have.
	Have you met a girl off of the DMs and just went to meet her at night in the middle of the night?
	I did that a couple of times.
	Wow.
	Was that scary?
	I mean, I did some stuff I can't even talk about on this podcast that were like, wow.
	Like, I should be more careful.
	Really?
	Like, crazies.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Lady of the Nights.
	You know what I mean?
	WildEye.
	Wow.
	Yeah.
	And is this, have you been to any like sex dungeons or anything like that?
	Like you ever been to anything?
	No.
	I've never been in a dungeon, man.
	A sex dungeon.
	That's not my thing.
	Yeah.
	Have you done that?
	No.
	I don't like dominatrix.
	You know, it's so funny.
	I'm just, as a human being, I'm a very simple guy, dude.
	Really?
	I like a nice meal.
	You know what I mean?
	Do you eat the same thing every day?
	It's funny.
	If you look at my postmates and my DoorDash, there's six places that I just rotate.
	Like, what are yours?
	I like Mediterranean food about once a month.
	So I go to Mediterranean, so I'll go to Panini Cafe.
	Have you ever been to Panini?
	So I get kebabs there.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	So I'll get like chicken or steak kebabs.
	I'll get like a salad and then, you know, it comes with the balsamic rice or whatever.
	And I'll also get like cucumbers and hummus.
	So I do that.
	So I fuck with that.
	Another thing that I go to is I'll do one smash burger place.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I go to hi-ha.
	Like fatty burger with that.
	Hi-ha.
	Yeah.
	Like fatty burger.
	They always, some of the names are kind of offensive.
	It's like, hey, fat bitch.
	Burger.
	Like, and you're like, yeah, yeah.
	Like fat sales.
	That's a place.
	Yeah, fat burger.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Don't put fat in the fucking thing.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You're right.
	I don't go to those places that often because of that word.
	Yeah.
	Another place that I go to is like that, that, and then I'll do, dude, I do sushi once a month at a place.
	Have you ever been to Asanabo?
	Asanabo?
	In Studio City?
	Is it good?
	It's the best.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I got to take you there.
	And then, dude, I fuck with hot dogs, bro.
	Really?
	No, here's another one.
	It's like Glizzy Gobbler, huh?
	Hot gobbler.
	You like Glizzy's?
	I love it.
	But here's another one.
	I don't know what you're saying.
	How many have you had?
	So many Lizzies?
	Glizzy's.
	I love the Glizzy's.
	Pull up a Glizzy, dude.
	What is it?
	It's like a hot dog at a black guy's house, I think.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	You haven't heard of Glizzy's, dog?
	But you know what I'm addicted to?
	A fast food?
	Harby's, dude.
	Oh, there you go.
	There's Adam.
	What's his name?
	Adam 22 eating one.
	Yeah, there's a guy using one as a gun.
	Yeah.
	Glizzy gobbler, homie.
	Shit, dude.
	A lot of Democrats eat it, huh?
	Yeah, I guess.
	Fuck, dude.
	That's a Grizzly?
	That's a Glizzy?
	Yeah, that's a Glizzy.
	Don't you like hot dogs?
	You like hot dogs?
	I like hot dog, yeah.
	Hey, like hot dog.
	Hey, you like hot dog?
	Would you rather be, you think, you think you could be Mexican or not?
	Dude, put these glasses on.
	Let's be Mexican for a minute, dude.
	Okay.
	Hey, bro.
	Hey, bro.
	How you doing?
	Hey, homie.
	Hey, homie, how you doing?
	I'm doing good, brother.
	Hey, bro.
	Yeah.
	What you watching, bro?
	Oh, but I'm watching right now, son.
	I'm watching my Keo play Horseshoes.
	Oh, shit, bro.
	You know what I like, bro?
	What?
	I like El Mari Archie, bro.
	Oh, you do?
	You old school?
	Old school.
	Hey, bro, look at me.
	Check me out.
	Yeah, dude.
	Oh, so dude, you know what I'm like, Adur?
	What do you like?
	I like Carlos Santana, bro.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I like pistol pluma.
	You do, bro.
	I like senoritas, bro.
	Yeah, dude, and lafias.
	I like El Chicas.
	Dude, we would be so cool.
	Dude, we would be the best.
	We'd be the best.
	Oh, I want to say something to you.
	And I wasn't going to say this.
	And I'm sorry, you might have to cut this out.
	Yeah.
	But I have a dude.
	Who do I?
	Where's my camera?
	Right here?
	Yeah.
	Last night, I went to the ice house.
	Have you been there?
	You know what it is?
	Yeah.
	They redid it?
	They redid it.
	And I wasn't going to say this.
	It broke my heart when I was there last night.
	I'll tell you how.
	The Fishers used to own the, you know, Bob Fisher.
	Bob Fisher, yeah.
	You remember him?
	Great guy.
	Great guy.
	It used to be like the comedy store.
	You know what I mean?
	Like legend.
	They didn't change it when you walked in and like, oh yeah, this is the ice house from back in the yesteryear.
	Yeah.
	It felt that way.
	And I walked in there.
	It was like walking into like Andes hotel.
	They changed it.
	Uh-uh.
	Yeah.
	Not only do they change it.
	So I park in the alleyway where I usually go, right?
	And listen, I'm not, I'm not, I know I'm not Dave Chappelle.
	Right.
	I know I'm not Chris Rog.
	I know where I am in the comedy scale.
	Yeah.
	All right.
	But also, I'm not an open micer either.
	I've been around.
	I've done some shit.
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	So I park in the alleyway.
	Then I go, how do I get in the club?
	I knock.
	And there was a guy that works there.
	He's like, yo, man, what do you want?
	And I go, I'm playing in the main room tonight.
	Two shows.
	You got to go around.
	I go, can you just open this?
	Only comics I open that for.
	I go to Bobby Lee.
	Yeah, go around.
	So I finally get him to open it.
	And he goes, you better be a comic.
	Damn.
	That's what the guy says.
	So I go, okay, well, I walk around.
	I know where to go.
	So then I go to another person.
	I go, where's the green room?
	He's like, why would you need the green room?
	That's for comics.
	Yeah, I swear to God.
	You think they was doing like a prank?
	No, that wasn't a prank.
	It wasn't a prank.
	Then I walk around.
	I see a fucking waiter that had been there in the old days.
	So where's the manager?
	The manager is sitting right in front of you.
	And I look at him.
	He won't even look at me.
	Yeah.
	He doesn't say, listen, I haven't been there since it's changed.
	The assistant manager and the manager, they don't know who the fuck we are.
	Wow.
	And I'm sorry, dude.
	If you're at a comedy.
	You think we're getting too old though, Bobby?
	No, it's not about me.
	It's not about that.
	It's not about that, dude.
	It's not about that, dude.
	Because let me say something, okay?
	I was at Cleveland.
	Maybe they're like, they like Bryce Hall or they're like fans of like, you know, I don't know.
	Oh, though, so they're only Trevor, Trevor Wallace fans?
	I don't know.
	I'm just trying to.
	Maybe we only like Taylor Tomlinson and Trevor Noah.
	People that are in their 20s and 30s?
	I don't think so, dude.
	Because when I went to, dude, I went to three days ago, I went to, I was in Cleveland and I went to a restaurant and it was next to Hilarities.
	And I looked at Jesse Johnson and I go, let's go to Hilarities.
	I want to introduce you.
	When I walked in there, I wasn't playing there that weekend.
	The owner comes, gives me a hug, gives Jesse a hug.
	They give me a tour.
	They go, whatever you want.
	We love you.
	They're like family to me.
	Then Jesse Kerson was performing.
	Jessica Kerson.
	Jessica Kerson.
	I went to go say hi, hugged her, right?
	You know what I mean?
	It's family.
	That's what we are, dude.
	This is what it is.
	When I walked in the ice house, dude, it was like I went into like a place I wasn't supposed to be.
	Right.
	And then like Whitney and Natasha was there too.
	And they, I mean, I didn't get deep into it, but I feel like they felt the same way.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	So my point is, is that change your shit, man.
	Wow.
	It's disrespectful, bro.
	Wow.
	Don't act like you don't know what the, like, I don't belong there.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I think it's strange.
	If you go somewhere and you don't feel like you belong, then you won't want to go back, man.
	I'm never going to go back.
	Wow.
	And I'm sorry, you know, it's so funny.
	It's like, I have these little weird things.
	I mean, and maybe I need to go to therapy about it because I get mad about little shit like that.
	Oh, yeah.
	No, I'm being real.
	I get, there's little things.
	Like one time I was playing Bellevue Parlor Live.
	Oh, yeah, I've been up there before and that guy falls asleep sometimes.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Get a condition.
	Yeah.
	And then the second show I did there.
	So I did a show Thursday, Friday night at the first show.
	Second show, I left, came back, and they wouldn't let me in the club.
	And the doorman goes, hey, man, we're sold out.
	And I go on the headliner.
	Like, you know what I mean?
	Yeah, what do you think?
	I'm just some fucking lost fisherman.
	Right.
	When that shit happens, I don't know why, but I lose my shit, dude.
	I just, I don't know.
	Is that me?
	Is that am I too sensitive?
	I don't know.
	I know.
	Is it ego?
	It could be ego.
	I don't know, but we all have ego.
	Ego gets scary, man.
	That's a scary part about all of it.
	I think like your ego can be so dangerous.
	It's like a, you know, it's a part of you that grows sometimes when you don't even know what's going on.
	Yeah, I've been, it's funny.
	When I was reacting like that last night, I tried to like stay in the moment and go, are you overreacting?
	Let's, let's be, you know what I mean?
	Let's see what this is about.
	And then I realized, no, it's fucked up.
	Yeah.
	I do spend time and go, listen, where are you at?
	What's your part to play in this?
	Well, I think places are just having tough times hiring people.
	Like you'll go to a bakery now and the guy working there does oil changes.
	I think people don't have like people that know comedy working at comedy clubs anymore.
	Like people are just hiring whoever they can, you know?
	No, but that's ridiculous because it's like, if you go to the laugh factory improv, they cannot, there's not a single moment in my life where I've walked in the laugh actor and they go, no, you're not allowed in here.
	It's always like, they don't say anything because they just know you belong there.
	But they have a history of knowing that you've been in there.
	I think, you know, and I think this is.
	I've been going to the ice house since I was in my 20s.
	But I think that you, these people.
	I don't know, dude.
	But I think, yeah, it's like you got a guy who's working at a, you know, you got a guy who works at Jiffy Loop now working at the bakery counter.
	You said that a bit.
	I'm just saying you got a guy.
	It's a weird analogy.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	What do you mean?
	Like, I'm in a bankroom like, hey, bro, I used to work at Jiffy Loops.
	I don't know how to make bread.
	Is that what you're saying?
	No, I'm just saying you'll have a guy be like, hey, bro, you need two quarts.
	Oh, right.
	I see what you're saying.
	The people who don't know what's going on.
	Give a butcher working at the barber shop, you know?
	I don't need much, dude.
	All I need, this is what I need at a comic club, right?
	I don't need, you don't even have to be a fan.
	You know what I mean?
	I don't need people that go, I'm a big Bobby LeBron.
	In fact, there's a lot of people that don't think I'm funny at all, right?
	I know that.
	I don't care.
	But just at least treat me like I am a comic.
	That I belong to this place that like, you know, it's crazy.
	Right.
	Well, I think that it is.
	You get people that don't even know about comedy.
	It's like, I'm a door guy.
	I'm a bouncer, whatever.
	I'm a chef.
	But I was talking about the manager and the assistant manager didn't know.
	And then finally, the manager comes up to me and goes, hey, man, I heard you were upset.
	I go, yeah, I mean, I walk in here.
	This is 45 minutes.
	Now I meet you.
	He's like, well, what's your problem?
	And I go, well, I mean, I haven't been here since you guys changed.
	I've been coming for three years.
	You would think that the manager would be like, hey, this is what's changed about us now.
	Show me around.
	And he goes, well, I could show you around now.
	Yeah.
	I go, it's too late.
	Yeah.
	Well, we want things when we want them, dude.
	I got to ask you this.
	What about Joe Biden falling asleep all the time?
	How weird is it?
	Do you think it's weird we continue to put him out there as like a, like, as he's a normal dude?
	It starts to feel like really mean, don't you think?
	It's a thirst drop what you're doing.
	Not at all.
	I'm not going to bite the bait.
	You think it's a bad thing to talk about?
	I just think it's bad.
	Here's the deal.
	Okay.
	Both options I don't like.
	But to me, one guy is still the lesser of two evils.
	That's all I'm going to say.
	Okay.
	What do you think?
	I think that it's wrong to put a guy out there who is not doing well mentally right now.
	It seems like he needs, it just seems like he's suffering.
	And no matter who the person is, it's a bad look at how we treat our old people if we put a guy out there who it seems like has dementia.
	I could be wrong.
	Maybe a lot of videos I see are edited.
	I think so.
	But the other day he said, I'm going to sleep.
	I'm going to Betty bed right now.
	Yeah, because he was tired.
	That's what people.
	I see that too when I go, I'm going to Betty Bed.
	Yeah, yeah.
	So it's like, you know what I mean?
	You're right.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Is that it?
	I'll just see it.
	Yeah.
	If you don't know what you want at the meeting, if you don't have a game plan.
	He may have a game plan.
	He just hasn't shared it with me.
	But I tell you what, I don't know about you, but I'm going to go to bed.
	Yeah, that's what people say.
	That's a good point.
	Yeah, we talked about it at the conference overall.
	We talked about stability.
	We talked about making sure that the third...
	Never mind.
	I mean, if you go, hey, Joe Biden, how's life?
	I'm a Tech One Doe instructor.
	Like, if you use answer questions like that, then I'd be like, oh, dude.
	So you need another level.
	I need another level of crazy for me.
	Because even when Mitch McCullough froze, later they did a cognitive thing and other centers are like, ah, he's fine.
	He just freezes.
	Freeze every once in a while, dude.
	Oh, dude, if I've had a lot of ice cream, I'll fucking get all Mitch McCullough.
	If Mitch McCullough was the quarterback for the LA Chargers and you freeze during a play, then that's one thing.
	But you can freeze every once in a while as a politician.
	You're right, dude.
	We're kind of overreacting.
	I think we're overreacting.
	We got some pictures that we made.
	We got some AI pictures of a lot of comedians put together of being children.
	Let's check it out, dude.
	Yeah, we've been playing around with AI.
	We asked it to show us scenes from famous comedians from their childhood.
	Okay, cool.
	Do I guess who that comedian?
	Oh, my God.
	Oh, that's so.
	Can you send me that?
	We'll see what we can do.
	No, can you send me that?
	I don't know if we have a copy of it.
	They have a copy.
	That's me, right?
	That's you.
	That dude.
	This is AI, what AI thinks your childhood was like.
	It makes me heartwarming.
	Oh, look, very handsome.
	Pretty cute.
	God, you were cute.
	And look what you were eating, too.
	Go back and see what he was eating.
	Wow.
	That looks like shoulder of a meerkat.
	It looks very, I'm not going to say illegal.
	Yeah.
	Do I look Korean or Chinese there?
	Okay, let's move on.
	Next one.
	Cute.
	Okay.
	That's you?
	Yeah.
	That's pretty good, dude.
	You again?
	That's really good.
	Awesome.
	Okay, then here we go.
	Oh, that's so funny.
	It is Caleb.
	Yeah.
	That's awesome.
	Yeah, that's a great picture.
	Yeah, boys.
	Shane Gillis.
	Shane Gillis's Civil War?
	That's amazing.
	Let's see if it- zoom in.
	Who is that?
	Shane Gillis again?
	Nope.
	See the next one.
	David Spade.
	Oh, that's David Spader.
	Oh, I know that guy.
	Do you know who it is?
	Oh, I know.
	You got a guess?
	Yeah.
	Samaro?
	Oh, that's a great guess.
	It should be Mark Norman.
	Mark Norman?
	get all.
	Any guess?
	Tom Sagara.
	Oh, shit.
	That's um.
	That's uh Chelsea.
	Yeah.
	That bike is cool, huh?
	Fuck, who's that?
	Dude, I don't know who that is.
	Huh?
	It's Hannah Gatsby.
	Isn't it?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Now, that's Hannah Gatsby now.
	Who is that?
	Stavros Halkius.
	Oh, I see.
	That's good.
	Okay, I'll buy that.
	That's awesome.
	Next.
	Tim Dylan.
	Yeah, it's Timmy D, boy.
	That's it for these.
	And then we also asked it to show us older, what you look like when you're older.
	Okay, cool, cool.
	That's cool.
	I can handle it.
	Yeah, that's me.
	I took that photo.
	You did?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it sources from like what's out there on the internet.
	Wow.
	I hope you're okay.
	Yeah, that's me.
	Look at you making the sporting equipment.
	Yeah.
	And we asked it to advance to end of life.
	Oh.
	And what are the odds you were just saying earlier with you not having any legs?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Oh, my.
	That's end of life.
	How'd you lose your legs, you think?
	I didn't lose them.
	They're inside my body now.
	Oh, they are?
	Yeah, I got the operation.
	Oh, that's beautiful.
	Yeah.
	Forgot old Theo.
	Oh, damn, dude.
	It's getting bad.
	It's getting bad, dude.
	Oh, Andy.
	Andrew.
	That one looks exactly like how he's going to look.
	That's what he's going to look like.
	Yeah.
	That's what Andrew's going to look like.
	Oh.
	Oh, there's no way Whitney's going to look like that.
	That isn't Whitney, man.
	That's your ex-wife.
	Is that Kalila?
	Yeah.
	Oh, fuck.
	She's hot.
	I believe she moved out, man.
	All right, let's move on, dude.
	I don't want to talk about that anymore.
	Oh, Joe.
	But that looks like Robert De Niro.
	Yeah, that's Joe.
	Yeah.
	Oh, that's Jay, Big J. Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He looks the same.
	He looks the same, yeah.
	Looks great.
	Gabriel.
	Oh, Gabriel.
	Fluffy.
	Oh, Joey.
	This is going to be sad, though.
	Shanghai.
	Wow, it'd be sad.
	Yeah, there is something sad about it.
	You know, it's weird as we enter the second half of our lives, Bobby.
	I'm in the last...
	Think about 52. I'm in the last year or whatever.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's the end.
	Do you start to think, I mean, is there any, do you feel honestly, dude, like, really?
	Do you feel like it's time for you to have a family?
	Like, it's time for you to.
	I think it is.
	I'm ready.
	Not only am I ready for it, but it's like, I want it.
	I want it.
	And also, because I'm good with kids, dude.
	I mean, this girl that I'm seeing now has a kid.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	And how tall is the kid?
	Pretty tall.
	Wow.
	You know, and I'm really good with him.
	I, you know, we go to arcades and we talk about Pokemon.
	And then we also do these stuffed, and we play with the stuffed animals in his room before he goes to bed.
	Oh, man.
	And I like all that stuff.
	And I think that I could be a good dad, dude.
	I'm not good at the disciplinary stuff.
	I'm not good at like, I probably wouldn't get up in the morning and make lunch, but I'll pick him up from school.
	And I think that I could have say some white shit.
	You know what I mean?
	But you know what?
	The love would be there.
	I think it feels the same with you.
	I think it would change our lives, dude.
	Do you think it would change your life?
	Yeah, I think it would, man.
	I think it would.
	What do you think has been the scary thing for you?
	And I mean, I'm happy to talk about it for me too, but like, what's the scary thing you think about going there, about doing it?
	It's stuff I have to give up.
	Right.
	I got to give up Starfield and Stardew Valley and video games.
	I can't play it as much.
	Yeah.
	I think that I would have to change my sleeping schedule.
	Like today I woke up at 1.30.
	Oh, yeah.
	Texted you.
	Oh, dude, you have this sleeping schedule of a wombat.
	I feel like.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I do.
	So I'd have to change that.
	And I think I would change my language.
	Really?
	Yeah, I'm filthy.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	Like yesterday, also behavior.
	So yesterday, me and Jesse were, you know, how sometimes you have to take a, from the rental center to the airport, you have to take a tram.
	You know what I mean?
	So we were one of those shuttles.
	It was packed, completely quiet.
	And literally, I'm standing, me and her are the only ones standing.
	And I go, watch this.
	And I bent over and I ripped a fart that was so loud.
	Yeah.
	And it made it so uncomfortable.
	And me and Jesse were laughing, but everyone was pissed.
	They were pissed?
	Yeah.
	I mean, there was one dad that was like dying laughing because it was so loud.
	But it's like, I do that all the time.
	And I have to change probably that.
	Dude, I'd always, you always, I feel like the thing that that's like the, you want to always, everybody wants to really rip one in like a public setting.
	Yeah.
	You know, let the gods speak, you know?
	Yeah, why not?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So it's like, but do you think you could really do that?
	And could you live in a house where when you wake up and your wife is right there with you in bed?
	And then like, then if you go in the kitchen, she's also in the kitchen.
	Yeah.
	And also that sounds disturbing to me.
	She's everywhere.
	Right.
	That's the part to me for some reason that feels overwhelming.
	Right.
	And also number two, I noticed because, you know, the girl that I'm seeing now, she's showing her best side.
	You know what?
	That's what they do.
	Yeah.
	And I'm showing my best side.
	Like, I don't do fucking gook rippers.
	Yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	In front of her.
	What is that?
	Blowing it out your nose or something?
	No, just fart.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	I don't do like, you know, some of my nasha shit.
	Yeah.
	I say, you know, I show her the best sides of me.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	And then, you know, what happens is you commit to the person and you guys live together.
	And that's when, oh, she's in every room.
	Oh, now it's a problem that I'm playing video games too much.
	Yeah.
	All those things that come up.
	So I'm not really interested in that.
	I'm not doing that.
	But are you going to let them know first, this is kind of how I live my life?
	Like, that's a scarier thing as we get older is I hear from my friends who haven't gotten married till they're older is that it gets harder to get like like the it gets harder to match with somebody because you have too many you know uh but i but when you i've thrown my boundaries out there already i've never done this before so i've said that like you know if i ever get married we're sleeping on two separate beds yeah in two separate rooms yeah and they're like well that's weird i go i just think that it's better if i have to go on the road
	or i you know i mean or i'm playing video games all night i don't want to keep you up right and you do your own thing so it's like that's that yeah and if they don't like that well then it's not going to work out yeah i mean there's just certain things that like also but another thing that i do is you know i'm like but you know what dude every meal i pay for whatever you need you'll have wow huh whatever you need you'll have unlimited dim sum dim sum and you can do whatever you want i will support you yeah if you're like you know what me and my son we want to go to canada for like and he's never seen vancouver upfund
	it go go go go i don't give a fuck right but it's like don't get into my and tell me when to sleep when to wake up do any of that dude.
	What do you think?
	I think, yeah, I think the scary part is just like, I don't know.
	I never wanted to anybody to be at, like, I never, I don't know.
	I always like kind of being by myself.
	I always like being able to do whatever I want to do.
	Yeah.
	What about this then?
	But at a certain point, it's pretty lonely.
	Yeah.
	Let me ask you this.
	Could you do this?
	Could you do this is your part of the house and this is my part of the house.
	And then, you know, you design your part the way you want to design it.
	And every once in a while, several times in a week, we'll meet in the middle of the house, have meals, smash, do whatever, hold hands or whatever.
	But for the most part, I'm going to stay on your side and you stay on your side.
	Would that be good for you?
	Like a Red Rover, Red Rover kind of.
	Yeah, like a Red Rover, Red Rover.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like Red Rover, Red Rover.
	I'll see you at dinner.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I think I could maybe do something like that.
	Yeah, but they would never go for it.
	You'd have to meet a girl that would want to do that.
	But I also, I have a problem sometimes of being up, like saying what I need in the beginning.
	So it's like, then things get going and it's like, I don't say what I need, you know?
	And it's like.
	That's why I'm telling you to do it now.
	I've been trying to do it now.
	Like, this is my thing.
	Also, here's another thing I say up front.
	You can never say, hey, can Sunday nights be about us and not do stand-up?
	No.
	Stand-up will, and my business and my career will always be first.
	Be first.
	Really?
	Like, if it's your birthday, yeah.
	Or anniversary, yeah.
	If someone dies and your uncle Jimmy dies and we have to go to his funeral, I'll go.
	If I can smoke there, I'll go.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	And I also want to dress the way I want to dress.
	Yeah, yeah.
	You know what I mean?
	I'm going to wear my poncho and my fucking cowboy hat, bro.
	But my point is, is that there's certain things like that, but it's like, no, it's literally what I do and it's who I am.
	Yeah.
	Podcasting and stand-up and acting.
	Like, imagine a girl going, yeah, you can't do that movie because it's our anniversary and you told me we're going to go to Paris.
	No, no, I'm doing the movie.
	You know what I mean?
	So you got to say that up front.
	Do you think you would be willing to spawn your own child to hatch your own prawn, as they say?
	I have proof, but I'm not going to tell you what it is.
	My cum is strong, my friend.
	Really?
	So you can do it, Syl.
	Strong as fuck, dude.
	Wow, boy.
	Boy.
	It's good.
	You got that dim yum on you.
	Yeah, I got them yums, dude.
	How about your cum?
	I don't know.
	It looks a little risky sometimes, but I haven't really gotten in there.
	And, you know, I haven't gotten in there with like a magnifying glass or anything.
	Yeah, you don't do that.
	You can go to the fucking doctor and do it, I think.
	You don't have to do your own home kit.
	Well, I think you just put it under like a microscope.
	Yeah.
	Can you see if your semen works well just at home?
	You don't think you can?
	I'm sure you can, but I just never heard like a home kit.
	But why drive over to somebody's place you don't really know?
	Maybe the doctor?
	Waste a load at his.
	Okay, here we go.
	There you go.
	I don't know.
	And what's the rating?
	Like how much, what's the max you can get?
	We got a chart here.
	But that's on a chart, though, is it?
	Oh, normal range.
	Yeah.
	That's something I think about, dude.
	But you got to still have that.
	I have it still.
	You got to have some beef in the batter, huh?
	I still got some beef in there, dude.
	Yeah, how to test sperm count.
	Oh, you can do it with water even.
	Oh, you come in water?
	So, yeah.
	Oh, they're like sea monkeys?
	Yeah.
	Welcome to the zoo.
	Yeah.
	May I take your order?
	That's what I feel like the zoo would be like in on a different planet?
	In, well, a different country.
	I feel like an Asian zoo would be like, welcome to the zoo.
	Can I take your order?
	And they'd have great food.
	They'd have the best food.
	The photo down there, is that what sperm looks like?
	Yeah, let's get that sperm.
	Let's see a real close-up look of real sperm.
	Can you Google that?
	High-res sperm.
	Dude, that's high-res right there.
	Look at that.
	Whoa, dude.
	Whoa, whoa, dude.
	Papa got a brand new bag, huh?
	Whoa, dude.
	That's crazy.
	They look great, huh?
	They look pretty good.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Wow, it's very...
	It looks like one of those bosses on Breath of the Wild.
	Yeah, maybe.
	Yeah.
	You know?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Or when that moon comes up, you know what I'm talking about?
	Yeah.
	Looks like those yellow Asian sprouts that you eat at Korean restaurants.
	Oh, yeah.
	We had a couple of news stories.
	Was there anything good?
	And then we'll get Bobby out of here.
	Dude, how long do you go?
	For podcasting?
	Yeah, hours?
	I do 50 minutes.
	You do?
	Yeah.
	What is this?
	Why do you do it like this?
	I don't get to fucking hang out with you.
	I'm going to see you again.
	Will you?
	Yeah, dude.
	What is this?
	Why do you do it so long?
	It's fun.
	People are roasting this woman for her behavior on the business.
	I think these guys want it.
	What do you guys think?
	Call me a bitch again.
	Call me a bitch again.
	Yeah, you guys did nothing wrong.
	I said, shut up.
	No, you shut the fuck up.
	You shut the fuck up, Inger Bitch.
	Mill me.
	I'm Instagram famous, you fucking bum.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Shut the fuck up.
	Wow.
	I'm not shocked at people.
	I mean, planes are getting weird, huh?
	Yeah.
	People are stressed out and people are not used to being around each other in person anymore.
	People are starting to get, I think this is what's happening.
	Okay, tell me.
	Online, people can say whatever they want, right?
	So when it gets back, and people are online more than they're in real life these days.
	So when it gets back to being in Real life, people think they should be able to say whatever they want to online, but they can't because it's not the same setup and it makes it, it's, it creates this weird uncomfort, you know?
	Does that make any sense?
	Yeah, what she just said on Instagram famous too, I think people are entitled to like like that bitch thinks she's entitled to say mouth off like that, right?
	I think, yeah, people.
	She thinks she's better than the people that are in the fucking plane.
	Yeah.
	We're all the same, man.
	Yeah.
	You know, so it's like.
	That's why I wish everybody should have to carry a piece of their own shit with them.
	Because then nobody would think they're better than anybody else.
	That's interesting.
	In a bag, though, not like out, like in the open?
	I think in the open, dude.
	Because then somebody's going to have a nicer bag than somebody else.
	Somebody's going to have their shit been like.
	Well, Gucci could make a bag.
	Yeah.
	How about this?
	No, how about this is the best way.
	Somebody's going to have a Fendi turd or whatever.
	We have, it's a law.
	Okay.
	Right.
	It's like, you know, an Altoid box.
	Yeah.
	So it looks like an Altoid box, but it's see-through.
	It's like completely clear.
	You put your poo in there, but it's sealed.
	Then you wrap it around your neck and it's like a bling.
	Right.
	But everyone has to have one.
	I think that would humble people.
	Like some people might have like things in it like peanuts.
	Mine has peanuts.
	How about yours?
	Yeah, but you guys use a lot of peanut and a lot of sauces and stuff.
	Yeah, but yours is just a solid brown?
	No, I think mine, I tend to run a specific color like during certain seasons of the year, I think.
	Oh, spring it's different.
	But I think if you had to carry it in your hand, it would be nice.
	That's ridiculous.
	Okay, that's ridiculous.
	I mean, it's insane.
	Yeah, that lady seems like she's nuts.
	On to the next story.
	Yeah.
	Lauren Boebert is a little bit more.
	I know about this.
	Oh, yeah.
	She's the Colorado Red.
	Yeah, I know.
	Somebody was yumming on them.
	Somebody was handing on them yummers, baby.
	Yeah, so this is the actual surveillance video.
	Yeah.
	Somebody was hamming on them porch milkers, baby.
	God, huh?
	Do you think she should apologize for this?
	No.
	Here's another thing.
	Let me say something, okay?
	It's another thing of entitlement.
	She's like, I'm a congresswoman.
	I can vape.
	She's vaped in there, too, right?
	I can vape in there.
	I can mouth off.
	You know what I mean?
	I'm above everyone else.
	I can, you know, behave in a way that's out of pocket, you know, just because I'm a congresswoman.
	But do you think she should be able to get her breasts felt in public?
	That's not out of line if her and the man want to consensually do it in the dark.
	If her kitties are being rubbed in the theater, that's fine.
	If that wasn't the thing, if that was the only thing, that'd be fine.
	But she was acting a fool, too, like vaping and heckling.
	Yeah.
	Wasn't she heckling?
	I haven't seen heckling.
	I just heard vaping and groping.
	All right.
	Well, that's.
	Damn, boy.
	She got them bomb tonsils on her, baby.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	Yeah.
	She got them real.
	Would you marry her?
	I don't know if I would marry her.
	I don't know her.
	Yeah, I don't know her either, bro.
	But I, you know.
	Yeah.
	I'd probably go see a flick.
	Also, watch the movie, Beetleju.
	Why do you want to go to the play?
	That's true, huh?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, I don't know if she's my type.
	I don't know.
	Yeah, no.
	That's not my thing.
	But apparently she's got them big dippers, baby.
	All right.
	Anything else, brother, in the news?
	This is just something going on right now.
	There's a jet that's missing that just went missing.
	Oh, yeah, and they're asking the public's help for that.
	That's the weird thing.
	What's missing?
	A jet.
	Was it F-35?
	Yeah, it's a fighter jet just went missing over South Carolina.
	The pilot ejected safely, but I guess they just found debris of it.
	Yeah.
	Well, if he ejected, then he's fine.
	It's probably the fourth.
	The pilot's fine.
	They can't find the plane.
	They left it on.
	Let me see it, Zach.
	Yeah, this just came in.
	They're starting to find a little bit of debris in South Carolina, but they haven't found the whole plane.
	But it was crazy.
	They were asking the public, have you seen our plane?
	That's crazy.
	That's crazy.
	Dude, it's getting to this weird space where...
	Did you see that?
	Yeah, I haven't been on Twitter for two years because they stole my account.
	Oh, they did?
	Yeah, some guy's running my Twitter account for two years.
	I can't get it back.
	Really?
	Yeah, and then now he's selling computers on it.
	Dude, I haven't been on my Twitter and I've tried to hire professionals to get it.
	Yeah, I'll give you 10 grand.
	They're like, we can't do it.
	You're guys.
	Yeah.
	Anyway.
	What do you think about this, though?
	Suggest he will charge.
	Because he's saying this is the only way you can get rid of bots.
	Is that what he's saying?
	Elon Musk may flip the switch to make X, the social network formula of Twitter, an entirely subscription-based platform.
	Wow.
	I mean, that way maybe I can get my fucking account back.
	To your point.
	Because the guy that stole it might not want to pay for it.
	To your point.
	Yeah.
	That's what he's saying.
	He's saying nobody's going to pay for all these bots.
	And if you have to, can you scroll up some?
	Musk didn't mention the timing of his plan to charge Twitter users, nor did he say how much it would cost.
	I think that's a great idea, dude.
	Because it's like people can like, you know, like, you know, I know dudes that like comment shit, like dudes that like rip me apart, right?
	Right.
	And then like I block them, but then they just create another account.
	Because I can tell that's the same guy in terms of the language and their aggression.
	You know what I mean?
	So maybe that's a good way to do it, dude.
	Because apparently the advertising sales, I guess, because he's the CEO, people think he's, I guess maybe they don't politically align with them or they just don't align with them.
	It says 50% that ad sales have plunged.
	We're still negative cash flow.
	Advertising revenue.
	Maybe Twitter will go down like fucking vine.
	I don't think it can, though.
	Why?
	I think you got to have it stay up if people can talk on it.
	Where else would people be able to communicate?
	The one I'm doing, Truth Social, dog.
	What's up?
	W you're on?
	Is it good?
	Okay.
	It's Trump's one.
	Oh, it is?
	I do belong to it.
	But I only do it so I can read the crazy shit.
	There is some crazy shit on there.
	Well, I just love seeing people go.
	I just love the things that people say.
	The QAnon people.
	I like reading their crazy ideas.
	There's some deep stuff in there.
	I don't know enough about it, but what is this?
	Go down a little bit more.
	I just wanted to see one more thing that he said here.
	X is other benefits.
	One of the chief perks of X Blue is getting verified check mark, but everybody can pay for their check mark now.
	I think they're saying if there's less, if he will pay for it, that there won't be as many bots because he's trying to get all the bots off of the app.
	Also, can I just say about checkpoints and stuff like that?
	It's like the whole point of it was because, and I'm not, I mean, I don't care one way or another, but it's like the reason why, you know, I wanted a check mark is because 40 dudes were like making accounts with my name.
	Yeah.
	And I want people to know that this is the real one.
	But now like other people are like, I want a check mark too because it's like a sign of like privilege or, you know, being, but it's like, why?
	Yeah, someone's like, my wife died in a fire.
	I need a check.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	They think that anything, you know, I guess it's a, it's a feeling of like, I'm important.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, I know a comic that like never got a check mark because he just wasn't big enough.
	And then like, but then now he pays for it and now he feels great.
	But it's fine.
	Anyway.
	Dude, let's go.
	I gotta eat.
	This is insane.
	It's like two hours.
	I didn't know you've been here two hours.
	You've been here one hour and 21 minutes.
	That's not true.
	It is.
	Right under two hours.
	Hour 40. That's fine.
	I'm going to be on.
	Yeah, go promote Tiger Belly.
	Next week, right?
	Yeah.
	Or tomorrow.
	And let me see.
	Next week.
	Next Tuesday.
	Yeah, I don't know when it'll come out, though.
	It's fine.
	And then also, I want to also say that, dude, I mean, I'm just so proud of you killing it.
	Oh, thanks, man.
	You guys are too, dude.
	We're doing pretty good.
	I think we're all good.
	But I look at you and I go, oh, my.
	I remember me and Andrew the other day were like watching one of your crowds.
	Like, it was pretty crazy.
	Yeah.
	And we were like, holy fuck.
	I mean, it's like, you can just tell it's a completely different deal, dude.
	Thanks, man.
	But guess what, dude?
	What?
	You don't intimidate me at all, man.
	Really?
	I don't give a fuck.
	Dude, I'll fucking hide drugs up your ass.
	I know you would remember.
	I honestly didn't know.
	I'll hide drugs up your ass and throw you over the border.
	No, no, no, no, no, no, what happens, man.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'll say this, though.
	You've been touring a lot more.
	Thank you, man.
	I feel lucky for sure.
	You've been touring more than you ever have.
	I know, man.
	How is that?
	Why has that changed for you?
	Because you didn't used to do that.
	Oh, it's just Andrew making me.
	But are you enjoying it?
	No.
	But I'll tell you what.
	Here's why I like it.
	I like it because, you know, honestly, if I wasn't touring, I would just be like, oh, I'm a loser or whatever.
	But, you know, it's nice to go out because then you realize, because in LA, no one says anything.
	But when you go out in the world, like people are like, I'm a fan.
	And you kind of go, oh, well, maybe I am reaching an audience and stuff.
	So it feels good in that way.
	I like meeting people and hugging them and going, and talking to them, like, thank you for listening.
	And I'll, you know, and you get to like, because we do meet and greets.
	I don't know if you guys do those.
	Yeah.
	And it's like, it's good to hug people and go, thank you so much for your support.
	And it makes me want to keep going.
	So it's nice.
	It's cool in that way.
	We had a guy that got hit by a train and I got to meet him recently.
	Yeah.
	He came out.
	Yeah.
	He walked.
	He's walking, bro.
	Okay.
	Walking.
	Walks across a train track.
	Train hits him.
	Motherfucker.
	Had headphones on.
	Listening to us.
	Holy shit, dude.
	Got to meet him.
	There he is right there, buddy.
	That's it.
	Rail baby, they call him.
	That guy got hit by a train.
	Yeah, he did.
	He looks so, but I mean, he's so small.
	I don't know.
	There's more of him before he got hit.
	He just kind of flew off of it or I don't know.
	I don't know.
	He got drilled pretty good, man.
	He's an American hero, dude.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And, but yeah, you'll meet people that are calm.
	People let you.
	One lady, let me hold her tit with the side of my arm the other day.
	Biggest tit you've ever seen.
	You see people with, we had one guy had lost part of his skull doing something.
	And he came out.
	He had a hat on, but he took the hat off and you could see part of it was missing.
	But then he could go like this and it would fucking inflate to full, dude.
	No way.
	Swear.
	No way, dude.
	Bro, we met some of the greatest people, man.
	Yeah.
	People are doing nice cross stitch for you.
	Somebody made me a rat crown the other day with different rats.
	Yeah, also, you know, I'll be honest with you.
	It's like, I, you know, like we could, we do the south or whatever.
	And I real, I go, oh, shit, like, I might be a redneck man because it's like, they look, like, I think I have that vibe.
	But you guys have a lot of the same stuff.
	Yeah, catfish.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	You like eating pussy fish?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah.
	In fact, I'm kind of rednecky, dude, you know, but I go out there and I go, and I love them.
	It's like, we hug, dude.
	I can feel their bony bodies against my body, you know?
	They're bony, dude.
	Hell yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Well, it's sharp.
	Anyway, I got to go eat something.
	Bobby Lee.
	Fuck out of here, dog.
	Dude, happy belated birthday, man.
	I love you too.
	See you later, man.
	It's a big year for love for you, brother.
	See you later, man.
	All right, buddy.
	Bye-bye, man.
	I'm going to keep talking to you even though you're leaving, okay?
	You're good, though.
	You're going to keep going.
	Yeah, I'm just going to pretend you're here.
	Hold on.
	Why?
	No, I'm joking.
	What are you keeping?
	Now, I'm just holding on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
	I found I can feel it in my bones.

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