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June 27, 2023 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

01:20:26

E450 Tom Segura

Tom Segura is a stand-up comedian, podcaster and the creator of YMH Studios. You’ve seen him on his shows Your Mom’s House, 2 Bears 1 Cave and more. He has a new special “Sledgehammer” coming out on Netflix on July 4th. Tom Segura returns to This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von to chat about buying workout equipment from the Undertaker, Florida fever dreams, controversial Gatorade flavors, what people get wrong about Bert Kreischer, the dangers of roid rage, new details on his feud with Garth Brooks, and much more. Tom Segura: https://www.instagram.com/seguratom/ Special thanks to Rooster Teeth for providing a location for this episode. Rooster Teeth: https://www.youtube.com/@roosterteeth ------------------------------------------------ Tour Dates! https://theovon.com/tour New Merch: https://www.theovonstore.com ------------------------------------------------- Sponsored By: Celsius: Go to the Celsius Amazon store to check out all of their flavors. #CELSIUSBrandPartner #CELSIUSLiveFit https://amzn.to/3HbAtPJ Füm: Head to http://tryfum.com/THEO to save an additional 10% off your order today. Shady Rays: Go to http://shadyrays.com and use code THEO for 50% off 2 or more pairs of polarized sunglasses. BetterHelp: This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp – go to http://betterhelp.com/THEO to get 10% off your first month. Babbel: Go to http://babbel.com/theo to get 55% off your Babbel subscription. ------------------------------------------------- Music: "Shine" by Bishop Gunn: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3A_coTcUek&ab_channel=BishopGunn ------------------------------------------------ Submit your funny videos, TikToks, questions and topics you'd like to hear on the podcast to: tpwproducer@gmail.com Hit the Hotline: 985-664-9503 Video Hotline for Theo Upload here: https://www.theovon.com/fan-upload Send mail to: This Past Weekend 1906 Glen Echo Rd PO Box #159359 Nashville, TN 37215 ------------------------------------------------ Find Theo: Website: https://theovon.com Instagram: https://instagram.com/theovon Facebook: https://facebook.com/theovon Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thispastweekend Twitter: https://twitter.com/theovon YouTube: https://youtube.com/theovon Clips Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/TheoVonClips Shorts Channel: https://bit.ly/3ClUj8z ------------------------------------------------ Producer: Zach https://www.instagram.com/zachdpowers/ Producer: Colin https://instagram.com/colin_reiner Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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	I want to thank Rooster Teeth for allowing us time today here in their studio space out here in Austin, Texas.
	We are grateful to them and we are grateful for this space.
	Today's guest is a comedian with a new special, Sledgehammer, coming out July 4th.
	He is a podcaster.
	He is the creator of YMH Studios.
	He is one of a kind, and we're grateful to have him back today.
	Mr. Tom Segura.
	I love this.
	I love this.
	Looking alive.
	Is that a Nirvana shirt?
	What's that?
	Is that a Nirvana shirt?
	No, I think it's a Basquiat.
	Basque?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Basquiat.
	What is it?
	Basquiat?
	Basque?
	Basquiat?
	Basquiot.
	Basquiat?
	The artist he overdosed?
	Oh, no.
	All the good ones do heroin, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I didn't know that he had a big collabo with Warhol, two heroin addicts going at it.
	They made some cool fucking shit together.
	I mean, it looks like drug addicts did it, but they did.
	Yeah.
	I've never seen a lot of that Warhol stuff.
	Trying to think of a good artist that I knew growing up.
	I don't know if we had any art per se in our area, really.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, no, I didn't.
	I mean, I don't think we had it.
	I was exposed to a little bit of it, I feel like, as a kid.
	And then I had an uncle who was really into it.
	I think I like it more as I get older.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I do like going into a place, like, whether it's someone's home or a business, like people that have art colors popping, you're like, oh, yeah, this is better than, like, when, like when you're young and everything's just like, like you have your apartment, it's just white walls.
	You're like, this is actually, you're like, oh, that's why I was depressed.
	Oh, yeah.
	This shit is sad as fuck.
	This is a sad place to be.
	And I remember like girls coming over to apartments when I was like in my early 20s and them being like, this is a fucking serial killer lives here, huh?
	And you're like, yeah, it's cool, right?
	You don't even think about it.
	You're like, this is sad as fuck.
	You're like, oh, you like that.
	You like that dateline-y vibe.
	Yeah, it is kind of when you look back.
	Oh, when I look back on some of the things that I considered, I guess, were art or whatever that I would hang on my wall.
	I remember I got a jump rope one time and I was so fucking excited and I like hung that bitch all along the wall.
	Yeah.
	And you're like, this is my shit.
	Yeah.
	People are like, is this a rope?
	And people would come in.
	I'd be like, yeah.
	No, and then you know what really does it?
	If you go, even if you just walk into the lobby of like a nice hotel and you're like, oh my God, like where they have like the bouquet of flowers.
	Oh, yeah.
	And you're like, oh, this makes everybody feel calm and kind of like, what it makes you go is like, I want to be here.
	I want to be in this room.
	Yes.
	Colors on the walls.
	And you're like, oh, this is nice.
	And then, and then you all of a sudden it hits you years later where you're like, oh, I can do a version of that.
	Like I could paint.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I could do something to help out.
	Yeah, I think I always, I've never, one of my friends came in my, my home the other day and he's like, dude, everything that's in here is stuff that was in here when you bought this house.
	Like you just kept this shit.
	Oh, there's nothing.
	Yeah.
	And he's like, dude, your house, it doesn't even seem like you live here.
	Like you have to start doing something to make this your home.
	Can I tell you, I don't, I, some things in life, you just realize that you have to spend the money to do.
	And like, I had to, I accepted that I am not a fucking interior designer, but I don't want the place to look as sad as those early apartments.
	It is the thing you have to call somebody.
	You just call them.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	You just call them.
	And what you do is they go, here's pictures of things.
	And you go, I like this.
	I like this.
	And then they go, like, what do you think of this idea?
	And you're like, yeah.
	And then they just do it.
	Wow.
	And you go, yeah, that's worth it.
	And it was worth it?
	Yeah, it's worth it because it's your home.
	So you're going to walk in there every time and be like, oh, this feels, this feels awesome.
	And it feels like you because you want it to be things that you pick.
	But you realize that you're never going to do that on your own.
	And I mean, you specifically just said that there's shit in there that was there, like from when you bought it.
	Oh, yeah.
	There's drawings of the previous family was a black ownership and they there's two black yeah, there's like a thing of like a business.
	You're like, there's a black owned fucking car dealership.
	Yeah, yeah.
	It's like Tulsa, whatever that thing was.
	But it was, yeah, there's like some, yeah, there's people that I don't know on the walls.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	And so you bought this place?
	Yeah.
	They had left a few things and you're just like, leave it.
	Yeah, I just didn't.
	I just never got a plan.
	I think I just, I don't, yeah, all the furniture, everything that's in there.
	What I would do, all the furniture too?
	Oh, everything.
	Beds, everything.
	Wow.
	Even awards, actually.
	I guess the man had won a couple of awards.
	What kind of awards?
	First black something or other, you know?
	So it's like, I feel bad keeping that.
	Some of them are kind of cool.
	Some of them are cool.
	Dude, what you got to do is when you have somebody help you, you know, design the place.
	But in court, like have a few of the photos or something that are still from when you got it.
	So it's mixed in.
	It's all Theo.
	Okay.
	But then when people are like, what's up with this black family?
	You're like, that's previous owners.
	Yeah.
	Do you know them?
	And you're like, nah, I just, I like to honor them.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, I want to have some honor for them.
	Yeah.
	That's all.
	Yeah, because it's, but, yeah, there'll be nights where I'm grogging.
	I'm like, holy shit, I'm the first black like, you know, commissioner of sure.
	You know?
	Yeah.
	When I'm kind of just wandering around.
	Good to see you, man.
	Good to see you too, man.
	Yeah.
	Thank you for coming and hanging out.
	Absolutely.
	Yeah, I was trying to think about what was I looking at earlier that I was thinking about?
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	Just how it is sometimes.
	Yeah.
	It's hot.
	Yeah, it's getting hot, huh?
	Yeah, it just makes you want to not think.
	Do you think there's something nice about, like, I've lived in places where I never had air conditioning, right?
	Yeah.
	And it's tough, but there's also something that's kind of like primitive and real about, like, I feel like the dreams I had at night were a little more like, like I would be sweating in my sheets.
	Does that make any sense to you?
	A thousand percent.
	A thousand percent.
	And it's, you know what the thing is, too, is that it's pretty easy to snap your head back into the hottest, physically hottest, most uncomfortable times in my life.
	Like I can actually, you say that, and immediately I go to this Florida Keys trip I took when I was 14. And we were down in the Keys and it was hot.
	It was like May, June.
	It was hot as fuck.
	And they had no AC.
	And you just, you just, I mean, I just literally remember that.
	I remember doing, I worked construction for my friend's family.
	And we were, the dad had bought an apartment complex and he wanted to, he had to redo the apartments.
	So they stripped them down and then we laid tile and grout in apartments in the summer in Florida.
	I mean, we're talking like, you know, it's 100 degrees with 100% humidity and you're on your knees just like, but there's, and there's no, there's not even wind.
	There's just right.
	But like.
	And you need children for that labor.
	You definitely do.
	You can't have actual adults.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So that was, but like, as soon as you say that, like, you just, I just immediately remember those moments.
	And then there's something about like physically, like, cause you hate it.
	I mean, in the moment, you're like, I hate this.
	But you do kind of feel like you're, I don't know, you're in a different place.
	Like you're, you really feel like you're working.
	You really feel like your dreams are just about air blowing on you.
	That's like the simplest type of dream.
	Or how, like, how amazing in those moments is a cold Gatorade?
	Like the, you know what I mean?
	When you're like, you're like, you feel it.
	And then somebody goes, they pull it out of a cooler.
	Yeah.
	It was as strong as I could be.
	And there's nothing sweeter in the world.
	Oh, it's so good.
	And you can even taste the flavor.
	If you're comfortable, you have a Gatorade.
	I don't even know.
	Some of you are like, I don't even know what flavor is.
	What flavor do you like?
	Any of them?
	I don't know.
	Who cares?
	Yeah, it's like ice, yeah, like floral ice or something.
	Gay bash.
	And you're like, that's a flavor.
	That's insane.
	Yeah, it's always now, it's like polar plung.
	And you're like, let's give it to, I don't care.
	Yeah.
	Look at what color it is.
	You have some bitches.
	And you're like, this tastes.
	This tastes actually pretty amazing.
	This is good.
	I didn't realize I wanted a gay bash, but I do.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I'll take it on ice, brother.
	Yeah, that's, yeah, those.
	Yeah, you could think of like the fucking most uncomfortable you've ever been.
	Hot and cold, I guess.
	Yeah, cold, I never really, I don't think I had too much real coldness in my life.
	Thank God.
	There's people that are just not.
	It's funny.
	Like my trainer, he's, you know, he's one of those dudes that is like, he just is, they get after it.
	They're disciplined.
	Yes.
	And like, he eats right.
	He works out hard.
	Like, come on, like, let's push, like, go.
	You know, it's another one.
	Like, that's what's who they are.
	They're coaches, you know?
	And the heat, he's like, I like to be outside when it's 100 and run.
	And people are like, you're going to fucking pass.
	Like, he likes it.
	Yeah.
	He wanted to, some people want to go there.
	They want to go there, but the dude has no tolerance for cold, which I find hilarious.
	You know, he doesn't like cold weather.
	He doesn't like the cold plunge shit.
	And like, I don't know, it's kind of fun to like.
	Catch him on the other side.
	Yeah, catch him on the other side.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Like, it's cold.
	And he's just like, man, I want to get to a warmer place.
	You see his whole personality change.
	Yeah.
	I love it, dude.
	Yeah.
	So I guess the cold really, I remember at one time it snowed in our town and people had never seen it.
	And people were yelling shit at the sky and just yelling like racial slurs at clouds and shit.
	Yeah.
	People were, you know, like just like these ice N-words, you know, just people yelling shit outside.
	And some kid went outside and got hit by an ice sickle.
	It was like the first ice cream that probably ever fell in our area.
	And that bitch fucking hit him right in the cheek.
	And his mom tried to sue the city for eight years, dude.
	It was this huge thing.
	And she's like, Ricky would have been different.
	And everybody's like, Ricky fucking was never different.
	Ricky was always just.
	Gonna be Ricky.
	Yeah, Ricky was never.
	Ricky never had a chance, you know.
	Do you think Ricky was gonna be a senator or something like that?
	Ricky was always gonna be cleaning gutters.
	No chance.
	Ricky was at best going to be a drunk driver.
	That was like if he achieved that.
	Like that's how he got his name in the paper.
	But dude, what was that?
	Oh, they used to have those cool things.
	Did you ever see that, like they had Evil Knievel?
	Remember those times?
	Yeah, sure.
	So it was probably before our time a little bit, but they had who's this guy?
	They had a guy.
	Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
	There we go.
	This is Jimmy the Greek.
	Remember this shit, dude?
	Wait.
	Jimmy the Greek, I think.
	That is fucking so stupid.
	That's so stupid, and I love it.
	We don't even get to do shit like this anymore.
	The actual fellow.
	Yeah.
	And look, they're going to rescue him, dude.
	You got to let this guy.
	Can you imagine just telling somebody about your accomplishments?
	Like, this dude's like, who are you?
	Like, I fucking jumped over 20 motorcycles in a school bus.
	Oh, wow.
	That's you?
	That's me.
	Who would hit that ramp, dude?
	There's so much kickback from that when the front nose hit the ramp.
	I think it...
	God, it was funny.
	You rubber ride the bus to school?
	Oh, yeah, of course.
	By the way, is there more than one Jimmy the Greek?
	Is that the Jimmy the Greek that we all know?
	You know what I mean?
	The commentator?
	Oh, this is the flying Greek, this guy.
	This is Jimmy the Flying Greek.
	Ah, okay.
	Very, I was like, there's no way that that guy was.
	Jimmy Snyder.
	Okay.
	Yeah, this guy.
	Yeah, I'm like, this fucking guy's driving the bus?
	Like, that would be crazy.
	Oh, yeah, he got busted for what?
	Yeah, I think it was a racial thing, right?
	Wasn't it?
	It was a lot.
	It was 70s or 80s.
	It was, yeah, racial comments and dismissal.
	1988.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, he said, yeah, that people were bred to be in better shape.
	Superior athletes.
	Yeah.
	The black is not a good way to start a sentence.
	The black is a better athlete to begin with.
	Yeah, this guy's out of his mind.
	Yeah.
	I mean, he's on point.
	I mean, he's definitely right, but you don't say it like that.
	Yeah, you got to pretend like you don't think that.
	Yeah.
	Or you just don't say it.
	But what about you see guys like...
	Oh, yeah.
	Like, you're like, it actually looks like a bus driver.
	Oh, yeah, dude.
	Bro, we had a guy in our neighborhood named Milford, right?
	And this dude never had a shirt or he couldn't be in a shirt.
	Something was wrong with him.
	And he would drive us fucking with no shirt sometimes.
	And sometimes he wouldn't even take us to school and the police would all come pick us up off the bus.
	Really?
	Take us in their cars, yeah.
	That reminds me of Ariel Castro.
	Remember him?
	That's the guy that kidnapped those three girls and kept them in a basement in Cleveland.
	Oh, yeah.
	It was a huge national story.
	He was a bus driver in Cleveland.
	And one time, before he got caught, obviously, before this whole thing exploded, he just got mad and left the kids on the bus and just abandoned the bus.
	And he was suspended.
	That was it.
	He was suspended for a year.
	But this dude was a, this guy was driving kids to school for nothing.
	Probably just picking out the best ones, interviewing them for years at a time.
	Yeah, he was.
	Like, all right, come back.
	We'll talk again next week.
	Real fucking psycho.
	I wouldn't want to have anybody kidnapped in my house, I don't think.
	Especially three people.
	Oh.
	Well, at least if you have, you know, they say if you have goats, you shouldn't have just one.
	Yeah.
	That is a good point.
	Yeah.
	My mother was going to, we were going to get my mother a goat, and then when she found out she had to have two goats, she's like, I don't want two goats.
	I want one.
	Yeah, but one, well, they get so sad that they can't stand themselves.
	Yeah.
	I don't think Ariel was thinking like that, but he was, yeah, he was a real, he was a real shitbag of a human being for sure.
	It was crazy to watch him.
	I remember when the story, it was such an unbelievable story because he had them for years.
	Yeah.
	And he was such a psycho that he would he would join the search parties.
	Oh.
	Like when they would have annual, like, he would go to those and then he would go back and tell the girls, like, people are still looking for you and laugh and stuff.
	Like, he was real.
	I wonder if when they were walking down the street, he'd be like, you're getting warm.
	That would be crazy, right?
	Insane.
	Or if they start to walk up to his place, he's like, I would take a left here.
	Nope, just check this place.
	He's just fucking doing stuff like that.
	And he had, you know, the funny thing is the way that the human mind works is that the one that he trusted, there's the three, the one that he trusted, he had a baby with when she was there.
	And so he so trusted how fearful they were that he would leave her like unchained and free.
	And she was so brainwashed and scared that, yeah, she would just stay until the day that she didn't.
	But she never.
	It was pretty wild, man.
	But he was.
	It's like Bert and Arby's, I feel like.
	Yeah, that's exactly what it is.
	That's exactly what it is.
	I feel like it's like he would stay in there.
	He will never leave.
	That roast beef is like, it's like a girl in his basement.
	That roast beef and him are one.
	How interesting that Bert has made his own sound in the world.
	How many people have made their own sound?
	Sound?
	That's a really good point.
	You're doing it.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Who started?
	That type of squirrel.
	Yeah.
	And he's so, I think you can only make that sound if you enjoy yourself that much.
	He's so pleased with himself.
	I've never met somebody who is so enamored with themselves.
	Like, yeah.
	And then he'll be like, I understand that, like, you know, people get exhausted of me.
	And I'm like, oh, really?
	He goes, unless you like me, then you can't get enough.
	And I'm like, Jesus Christ.
	He's like, I'm like, which one are you?
	He's like, I definitely can't get enough of me.
	I'm like, God.
	I'm like, how do you have this much love for yourself?
	He's got to enjoy it.
	That's true, huh?
	He probably wakes up every day and he's like, yeah.
	I'm awesome.
	I'm burning.
	It's funny because everybody usually struggles with the other side of that.
	Right?
	Like, I'm not good enough.
	He doesn't, huh?
	I mean, I don't think like, well, maybe, but it's like, it's so morphed into this other thing.
	Or like with bodies, like everybody who, you know, it goes like, ah, you know, I wish I didn't have this belly.
	And then he's just like, I look fucking great.
	You're like, wait, what?
	Like, you're focusing on the wrong thing, which is what like a psychologist would tell you.
	They'd be like, you know, because look at your great shoulders.
	And then he would be like, oh, okay.
	You're right.
	Yeah.
	And then he's just like, yeah, I automatically do that.
	I look fucking great.
	And you're like, okay.
	All right.
	I was.
	Yeah, I was wrong.
	Like, I was looking at you and actually picking everything apart.
	But yeah, you do have nice, nice delts.
	Yeah, you have legs like a snowman.
	Yeah, these little pencil legs.
	I guess I was looking pretty crazily.
	Yeah, man.
	Yeah, that is interesting, man.
	Yeah, you know, I think he has an infallible, and I don't know what that means, but he has like this ability to, he has a fucking undefeated.
	There's something about him that's unfucking defeated.
	Yeah.
	Well, it seems like anyway, I mean, you know him so well.
	Well, you're right.
	You're right.
	It is.
	It's that ultimately he really buys into, I'm going to bet on myself in every aspect.
	I believe in myself.
	And he's not going to wallow in any of the negative stuff.
	Oh, yeah.
	You know, he's somebody, like, and that's also something that you would be taught, like, just keep moving forward.
	That's him all the times.
	He's going, going, going.
	I think almost to his own detriment, where like you need to go, like, like, like, hold back, pull back a little bit.
	Be present in this.
	Cause I think he's just like the race is over, but he's still going.
	He's still, yeah, that's exactly what he's doing.
	He's still running, and they're like, this is over right now.
	Yeah.
	You can, then, yeah, he just goes and goes and goes.
	But interesting.
	He, you know, he gets like, it's funny because people just see like a shirtless, morbidly obese lunatic.
	Yeah.
	And they go, this guy's a fucking, this guy gambles.
	Yeah.
	He's a mess.
	And he is all those things.
	But he's actually, you know, I would say he's actually a lot smarter than he gets credit for.
	Because it's easy to go, this guy is just a dope and he's drunk.
	But he's actually like, I mean, I'm honest.
	Like, seriously, he, as far as ideas too, like, creatively.
	He's an idea man.
	Dude.
	And I don't think people give him any credit.
	Like, he busts out ideas.
	You could go, if you went up to him and you're like, I wish I, I want to have a television show.
	He would throw you.
	Giving idea.
	10. Wow.
	He would throw you 10. And then you're like, I don't like that one.
	I don't like that one.
	That one's.
	And then you'd be like, whoa, that's, I think that's the best idea I've heard for that.
	That's a good one.
	Yeah, he really is.
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	Yeah, you know, sometimes you see, there's only a couple things you can see.
	You don't even see people's other eyes.
	You don't get a chance maybe.
	Other things overshadow them.
	You know, you don't get to know them in other regards.
	I think that a lot about a lot of the UFC fighters.
	Some of them are so cool at other shit or so funny or whatever.
	You never even get to know because they're just seen as like this warrior.
	Well, because it's easy.
	All of us want to go, that's who this is.
	And it's easy to define people as one-dimensional.
	Yeah.
	You know, like, like Theo's a southern guy and he's a comedian.
	And like, I don't, that's all you are.
	And you should like, I want to be able to describe him in this way.
	Yeah.
	You know, I don't, I don't, if you told me he likes sailing and skeet shooting, it doesn't add up.
	So I'm not going to, they don't want to, they don't want to hear it.
	They just want to hear like this is who he is.
	This is who he is.
	And it's, and it make it simple.
	And let me, and it's, it's like when somebody goes, um somebody says they like guns, they go, oh, so you're like a conservative right-wing Second Amendment champion.
	And someone's like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
	I just like going to the shooting room.
	Like, you know, you're like, I'm just a Tech 9 fan or something.
	Yeah, exactly.
	But, but like, so many people go, well, that does, if you like this, then you are this type of person.
	Yeah.
	And what the truth is that like a UFC fighter can like the ballet, you know, like it just doesn't.
	But a lot of people just don't want to think outside of what is comfortable because then it might shatter everything that they believe.
	Oh, that's true.
	Yeah, man, because they don't want to think that somebody.
	That a redneck guy could have a black buddy that he really, that is, that he's not afraid to do sleepovers with.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	And it would fucking ruin their whole ball of wax.
	Exactly.
	And then they don't get to be lazy thinkers.
	Because that's essentially it's being lazy to go, I want to easily define everybody with like, oh, he's from here.
	He's this type of guy.
	Got it.
	That's what he is.
	Dang.
	Yeah, that's interesting, man.
	I got to keep tabs on my brain sometimes when it trusts to do that.
	We all do.
	We all do.
	Yeah.
	But then sometimes it's also funny if you're joking around as a stereotype and you have to be able to do it.
	Of course.
	I mean, I think of like these comics like Brian Simpson.
	Do you know Brian?
	He's so funny.
	And what I love is that he challenges what people will think because they want to define him.
	They go like, oh, he's black.
	Yeah, he seems maybe like a bus driver's son or whatever.
	But they go like, oh, he served in the military.
	So then somebody will be like, well, he's my guy.
	And then you go and you talk to him and then you realize, no, but he also, he has left-leaning thoughts and ideas.
	He's a blood donor.
	He's a blood donor.
	Even bone marrow, he'll go that far.
	Oh, God.
	But like, he's, the thing is, like, you can't easily just define the guy.
	You can't.
	Because the guy is an original thinker.
	He has, you know, he has moderate thoughts.
	He has left, because he's a, like everybody, he's a multi-layered, complex individual.
	And as a, like, from an audience standpoint, when you watch a guy like that, that's fun because you go, well, if he was ex-military, he must be like this.
	It's like, no.
	And his ideas are just original, you know?
	And I love that he challenges people's idea of what he's supposed to be.
	Yeah.
	Do you think, yeah, Brian is a really unique dude.
	He's interesting to hear.
	I like how he's kind of a little bit patient with it.
	You know, it's like, he's kind of that silent killer.
	He's like Emphysema.
	Oh, yeah.
	He is exactly Emphysema.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And that takes like real skill and years of smoking.
	Like you, you, you don't just get there.
	Like that's confidence.
	And you got to be good, honestly, to take your time.
	People who take their time are the most fun to watch, I think.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's a good statement.
	Ron White had this great, I think he was, he told Christina this.
	He goes, just remember, if you're doing bad up there, slow down.
	If you're doing good up there, slow down.
	Like across the board.
	Right.
	Drop it down a notch.
	Right.
	Because everybody's instinct a lot of times is like speed up, like faster and more.
	And then you get it on both sides because you're like, yeah, if I'm dying up there, I want to get like, let's just go.
	Maybe I can run through this and I won't suffer as badly.
	Yeah.
	And if you're killing, it's almost like this level of excitement.
	You want to keep the gas going.
	And it's like, just slow down.
	Did you ever get in moments where I've found like even looking back on some shows where it's like, man, I was in such a pattern of doing my material that that becomes almost a, not a problem, but it becomes something I have to contend with each show.
	Like, how do I make this feel original to my face, to my, everything?
	Absolutely.
	I mean, I call it press play performing when you get into the pattern so much that it's like you press play on the, on the, you know, on your remote.
	Yeah, right here.
	And right now it's right here.
	Here's the show.
	And you just do the show.
	Yeah, the great thing is that you have the ability to recognize that it's happening.
	And the first, what happens first, I think, is that you're out there doing show after show after show.
	You go, what is going on?
	And then you realize, oh, I'm like, I'm stale.
	I'm bored.
	And I'm doing the same fucking show beat by beat.
	And even like, like you said, facial.
	Like I turn my face here and I do this and I gesture like this.
	And it's hitting the mark.
	And it's bad.
	It's bad for you.
	Yeah.
	And so you start the first thing I try to do is go, I'm going to, I have to open that the next show differently, whether it's a joke from the act that I moved to the front or I'm going to riff at the front or I'm going to write a new, like I have to start differently because sometimes if you start the show like completely differently, it gives you this energy for the rest of the show.
	Like this whole, something inside you changes.
	I really think the key to all of it is that when you're in that zone of doing the same shit, you have to challenge yourself to create something new.
	Because there's no juice like that.
	There's nothing that feels better than a new thing.
	But it's also work that you don't have to do.
	So that's why it's a challenge because you're like, I have the, the show works.
	Right.
	It'll be fine.
	It'll be fine without me doing that.
	But it's the only way to get through that feeling of like, this sucks right now.
	I'm not having fun.
	Yeah.
	And there's a little other element that happens.
	There's some other magic in the room whenever if you can get that freshness somehow.
	It's like it's it the right word for it is magic because there's no other way to like you can only say it to other people who have done it.
	But I just remember that like when I was touring Europe, I was I'd just written some new stuff and then I opened the show and like you start with such a pop of, but it's a fresh pop because you're like, this is my new toy.
	Yeah.
	You just, you, that I was performing the rest of the show with such a level of like excitement.
	And I, and then I would get off and the people that like the tour crew would be like, they're like, man, you're having like so much fun out there.
	And you're like, yeah.
	And you know why?
	Because of the first five minutes of the show.
	That carried me through the hour.
	Yeah.
	And then there's like, you realize in those moments, you're like, well, anytime I feel stale, what I need to do is that.
	I need to like try something new.
	Yeah.
	That's what it is.
	You know, it's, and like, it kind of applies to life too, right?
	People who get like, oh, I'm bored.
	I'm like, you got to try something new.
	That's true.
	Yeah.
	If you're bored, if you're with your spouse in the bedroom, if you're bored with your buddy and you're just sitting somewhere.
	You got to order a toy.
	Yeah.
	You got to order that toy.
	Yeah.
	You got to turn on the thing that like it goes around under, like it, it, it's, like, cinches the top of your ball bag.
	Uh-huh.
	And then there's the other part on your, on your dick.
	And so you have two clamps going down.
	Oh, yeah.
	And that'll change you and your body.
	Like relationship for sure.
	You and that black guy that are doing the same over?
	Yeah.
	You're going to have the best night.
	Dude, I remember one of the first times I realized that black and white people were different.
	We were riding in a truck, in the back of a truck somewhere.
	And our basketball coach was taking us somewhere to probably do work for him for free because he was kind of like that.
	And he, we got to a stop sign.
	We've been going like 50 miles an hour.
	And my black buddy, this kid, Mike, he goes, What's it like to have your hair blow in the wind?
	That's what he asked me.
	Yeah, that's a good one.
	I was like, Wow, that's interesting.
	It takes you a second, right?
	You're like, What?
	And then you're like, Oh, yeah, you just kind of moves all together.
	Yeah, it was just, yeah, you got a dent in your shit right now, yeah.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.
	Yeah, you have like a fucking twig idea, especially that you need to go see someone to reset it again.
	Yeah, um, yeah, I'm trying to think of what else has been interesting going on.
	Did you guys, you got into fitness a lot recently, huh?
	Yeah, I mean, on this, on the last tour, you know what happened was that, like, I always like do it somewhat.
	Right, because you guys have done that sober October for a while.
	But even, like, before that, it was always like, I mean, that would be another time, but I would get like to a certain point and then I would have the mentality of like, oh, I got there.
	Like, it's almost like the race is over.
	Like, I'm done.
	Like, now I'm good.
	Like, 10 times or more.
	And so that what happens is you, when you go like, I'm done, you just kind of retreat back to old habits and you get out of shape.
	And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, fuck, how'd this happen again?
	And then you, you go, I'm going to do it again.
	And then you go, all right, I'm going to work out and eat clean.
	And then you lose weight and you start to get, and then you go, oh, I did, I got to this number again.
	All right.
	I feel, and then you just kind of pull back.
	And so it really was that I got frustrated by that.
	And I had this, I had, I had gotten, I was, I was on tour and we were working out on tour, but not really like dialed in on food.
	And the tour was like aggressive, like nonstop.
	And I remember that I got back to LA to shoot this thing.
	I was shooting this pilot I had written and I was covering the whole production.
	And I remember I was in the wardrobe fitting for it.
	And I was like, shit, this is like, I feel like I'm going back, like fitting the clothes.
	I was like, oh, this sucks.
	And then I left there, like after that week.
	And I was like, I have to take this more seriously.
	But the difference is, is that I no longer go, if I see a number that I like on a scale, that means I'm good.
	It's just, I realized that you have to do it.
	Like that there is no end.
	It's just continuous.
	It's like it's something that you just, if it's about goals, you just have to set new goals.
	You know, like if you, you can't go like, oh, if I see this number, I'm at the weight I like.
	Okay.
	You have to set new fitness goals.
	Like you have to go, well, this month is about, you know, like cardio stuff.
	Or this month, I want to see if I can do 200 push-ups a day.
	Like you have to set goals.
	That's what I, I mean, that's.
	So that's what happened for you.
	Had you been doing that before in your life, setting like, I mean, I know we have sometimes subconsciously, we set goals we don't realize and we have some of that going on in our general life.
	But had you ever done it that specifically before?
	We were like, I'm going to set a goal?
	Kind of loosely, I would say, you know, like, hey, this month, let's go, let's go after this type of thing.
	And things like, like in sober October.
	But this was also the time where I was like, you know, this really, as like cliche as it sounds, can be like a lifestyle change.
	And now I realized how much I am affected, not just physically, mentally, emotionally, by, and in a good way, by my like working out a lot and like waking up, getting myself together, going to the gym right away.
	And I'm like, I'm just having a better day.
	I'm just happier.
	I'm moving around better.
	I look better.
	I feel like, so I just go, I feel like I have better creative days, you know, like it's all kind of tied together.
	Yeah, it's tied together.
	So I just made it like part of what I do.
	It's like, you know, I just, I know that I want to eat certain types of food that are good for me.
	And by the way, I'm not saying this like I am the most strict dude and don't ever, but I'm just like, there's just so much more clean eating.
	Yeah.
	And I like the workouts.
	I like it.
	You know, I like being active.
	And I just feel like I'm very fortunate in that I have a full-time trainer.
	So I know I'm not.
	Right.
	Not everybody has that.
	I totally understand that.
	It's a huge advantage.
	So sometimes people will be like, well, yeah, of course you can do that.
	I'm like, yeah, I'm very lucky that I can do it.
	But you also just have to want that in your life.
	Yeah.
	Well, even having a buddy that goes with you to the gym, that used to be one of the funnest times when I was young, dude.
	We would go and we used to do steroids back in the day.
	Really?
	What kind of steroids would you do?
	Oh, dude, test 200, 400.
	We might have done a fucking 1,100 they came out with for like fucking a couple.
	I take some tests, though.
	Do you?
	Are you with?
	Vitamin T?
	Oh, yeah?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, we got a week.
	I've like a couple jabs.
	Yeah.
	What are you doing the butt cheat?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, it's almost, it's kind of fun.
	I hate to say that.
	But see, I take a moderate dose, though.
	Like, I was like, oh, this is going to be wild.
	And they're like, not with what we give you.
	Like, one of the guys was like, oh, he's like, how much are you taking?
	And I tell him, he goes, that ain't shit.
	He goes, I would take three times that amount in one session.
	I was like, what?
	But he was also a bodybuilder.
	I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm not trying to do that.
	Yeah, yeah.
	I just want to be recover more.
	And it makes me, I remember, well, I took, I also tried a testosterone that was like I saw on the internet.
	You know, I fell into one of those deals one night and, you know, I bought like a couple weird shirts on Facebook.
	And next, you know, I'm buying like tests from some company who's mailing it.
	Yeah, yeah.
	And they mailed it with like some ice and like a fucking, like that's what you know shit is a little weird when they're mailing you all the needles and the ice and stuff.
	Oh, yeah, yeah.
	And I tried that for a while.
	It made some of my hair fall out.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	I noticed that that was a bad side effect from it, which was a little scary.
	Was it affecting aggression?
	People always talk about Reid rage and shit.
	Like, were you snapping?
	It made me want to hump.
	No.
	It made me want to fucking hump.
	Dude, I'll fuck a mailman.
	I felt like a damn doll.
	Yeah, really?
	Oh, God.
	I found myself running to the edge of the fence if the mail guy would drive off.
	I had a guy, a friend of mine that was in college that was juicing, and the way that he would snap after a while, I was like, yo, like this guy is about to fucking rip somebody's arm out of it.
	He was, and I was like, oh, okay, I'm seeing this firsthand.
	It was pretty nutty.
	You know, he's just fucking all the time.
	I was like, holy fuck.
	Oh, there was nothing like juicing back in the day, dude.
	My buddy and I met this fellow.
	He was a homosexual and he was a prize fighter, right?
	And nobody knew he was.
	He was just like, he'd grown up fighting.
	And then, so then people would just think he was gay and around, then he'd beat the shit out of somebody.
	That was a fucking perfect combo.
	It was an insane combo, right?
	People weren't ready for it.
	Like you're saying, like people want to put you in one.
	If you're a fighter, you can't be gay.
	Never had seen it.
	So we became buddies.
	We were both bus boys.
	And we became buddies.
	And we started shooting up.
	And we'd pull over on the side of the interstate and stuff like that and just douse each other up.
	And we're just driving around.
	It was right around when Princess Diana had died too.
	And it was just a fucking lot.
	But I remember we would do a bunch of steroids.
	And I remember the first day I was in class where I guess the teacher had given me like every quarter, she had this stack of papers and she would turn them all back to the students.
	She gave me the stack.
	And I'd had the stack before and it was usually kind of heavy in my hands.
	Yeah.
	And I just remember like she gave me the stack and I was like, isn't that funny?
	You remember the weight of it?
	Yeah.
	That this is like, oh, this is light.
	This light work, baby.
	Yeah.
	This is light work, dude.
	Yeah.
	So I remember walking around with this stack and I was like, oh, I'm a fucking different guy.
	Yeah.
	It's a good feeling.
	And then I was doing all kinds of shit.
	And I would buy shit that wasn't even storage that people would tell me it was.
	And I was fucking a diarrhea for like three months one time horribly.
	I put some, I mean, there's still some stuff.
	I took some kind of oil, like, I think some illegal oils or whatever.
	There was some things that I wish I hadn't taken, you know, probably.
	But at that time where it was so rare to get it.
	One time somebody, we all went to Mexico for school year thing or something, end of school.
	And people bought it back in shampoo bottles.
	So then you were fucking doing this sudsy, bubbly fucking.
	Really?
	Yeah, like you felt like slippery all the time, but you were still doing it.
	I wish I remember being scared to try in high school.
	Yeah.
	And there was a couple dudes that were doing it in high school, which I thought was like Oh, yeah, he died.
	Yeah, and you're like, hey, steroids.
	And I was like, oh, steroids are like the worst.
	And then there's a couple of kids, like 16-year-old kids, you know, on steroids.
	And one of them looked like a fuck, like he looked like a bodybuilder.
	He had a man's, a muscular man's body.
	And you kind of were like, that'd be fucking pretty nice.
	This guy's like, I mean, just fucking.
	But I still was like, nah, if I do that, I'll die.
	Like, that's what I thought, you know?
	Like, I, so I just, I wouldn't do it.
	And then this dude went to college and got on.
	I saw him on a break and I was like, I mean, he looked like a gorilla.
	I was like, wow.
	What are you on?
	He's like, they got me on this shit called Darth Vader.
	And I was like, that's, I see it.
	Like, I was like, I fucking see it, dude.
	He was fucking so jacked.
	I remember he went to Florida State.
	Yeah, that was, that was that nation.
	Remember they had that movie that came out about Florida State?
	Yeah, yeah.
	They were doing the drugs, man.
	Yeah.
	I think there was something that was definitely, it was big.
	It was big to get if you could get on some Roids.
	And then like, yeah, you would get a girl who was like always just afraid you were going to beat her.
	Some of those women, you know.
	Perfect girlfriend.
	Yeah.
	Like she'd be like, don't beat me.
	She'd write that at the end of every like love letter or whatever.
	And you hadn't even thought about it.
	Yeah.
	You know, but they get your wheels turned.
	It was something.
	She sees what you do to tables and windows and shit.
	She's like, oh, fuck.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	There was a couple times where I fucking snap, man, where you would be shocked at some of your own behaviors, you know?
	And then your strength matches your anger and you're just able to do something insane, you know?
	Were you doing like traditional lifts when you were juicing too?
	Like bench, squat, deadlift, that kind of stuff?
	Yeah.
	A lot of that, some rows where you hit crazy crazy numbers on them?
	I probably got to maybe 260, maybe I could bench, 245 or 260, which isn't insane, but for me it was.
	Yeah, sure.
	Squats, I did okay, but I definitely remember, and I never thought I looked okay, so I really had some deficiency with my own brain.
	Yeah.
	I was always like, do I seem okay?
	I'd be embarrassed to take my shirt off at places.
	You didn't have that BERT mentality at all.
	No, the unlimited fucking like, I feel like Bert should just turn his stomach, get a nipple put on his, just make a third tit, you know?
	It's almost there.
	Like the biggest tit, like the winner tip.
	Yeah, this is the main tit.
	Yeah, yeah, dude.
	Yeah.
	Bro, how sick would that be if you went to see Bert?
	He's got two nipples and then like a little curtain and he pulls it over.
	Yeah.
	And it's like the unveiling.
	Yeah.
	God, I saw a lady last night with the craziest hits.
	Really?
	Good or bad or risque?
	It was just, you know, when they were such outrageous hits?
	Like, she was hot and they were enormous.
	And she was wearing the, you know, the, like, the top that goes here, but the top was just above the nipples.
	So, I mean, just, yeah, just a covering.
	Like, you could almost see the beginning of a nipple.
	And they were like here.
	And then she has this little body.
	And party just wants to go, like, hey, just, why don't you just take a moment in the room and just go, hey, everybody, get used to them.
	Like, why are we going to pretend like we're gazing past you?
	Right.
	Yeah.
	Like, I kept having to pretend.
	I was like, what's that noise over there?
	I wasn't looking at a fucking noise.
	I'm looking at your crazy tits.
	Your tits are insane.
	Yeah, is that an owl?
	Yeah.
	And then guys are like talking to me about other things.
	I go, we're going to talk about her tits first.
	Like, what are you doing?
	And they're like, oh, yeah.
	I'm like, what do you think we're going to gloss over this?
	Like, her tits are out.
	She has huge tits that are out in the room.
	Yeah, it is weird not to just bring it up.
	It's like when someone's in a wheelchair and they try to pretend they're not on a feeling.
	Oh my God, please.
	And tell me some shit.
	How do you go to the bathroom?
	Yeah.
	You know, like, I want to know.
	Or like, I almost hit my head on that door frame.
	It's like, no, you did.
	No, you didn't.
	Yeah.
	Give me a couple of lines about what it's like.
	I'm going to tell you shit.
	Like, I'm going to be like, hey, let's race.
	Like, Let's have a little fun with this.
	Yeah.
	We had who came out?
	Oh, The Undertaker came out to the show last night.
	Oh, dude.
	Which is pretty crazy, dude.
	I went to his house.
	Nuh-uh.
	Yes.
	I think heard he has a beautiful home, but he was just describing some of it, not like in a braggy way, just saying that they lived here.
	He is.
	You talked to him for a while?
	Yeah.
	Really nice.
	The nicest, like one of the nicest guys I've ever met.
	Him and his wife.
	And she had some bangers on her.
	And I shouldn't say that out loud.
	I mean, this is the damn Undertaker we're talking to who works for death.
	Where was it?
	Is this at the...
	At the Paramount?
	Yeah.
	And you had Ron there too?
	Yeah, it was nice, man.
	That's awesome, man.
	God, Ron looks great for him.
	I think he's a little older.
	He looks fucking great.
	He looks great.
	That head of hair, too.
	God, you almost want to fucking scalp him.
	Dude, you do.
	You might get there.
	You might have that one day.
	We'll see, man.
	Full head of white hair is pretty fucking cool, dude.
	I would love that.
	He is the coolest.
	No, I went over to, it's so crazy to say it, the Undertaker's house.
	And like, he was like, come on in.
	It was just to check out a piece of workout equipment.
	Okay.
	And the people that I was talking to, I was like, I'd like to, they're like, do you want this thing?
	I go, I'd like to try it before I go, I want this thing.
	Yeah.
	And then they go, well, we could like, I have another client that, you know, would let you.
	I go, okay.
	And then they just, like, in a text, they were like, hey, Tom, this is Mark.
	He has it.
	And I was like, what's up, Mark?
	And then like a separate text came in.
	They're like, just so you know, Mark is the undertaker.
	I was like, oh, okay, good to know.
	And then I just go over there and he just couldn't be like more gracious.
	He's wearing an apron and everything.
	I mean, he's like, here's a muffin.
	He was just like, no, but he, he was like, so, and then he was just like, yeah, try whatever you want.
	And gave us like the full tour.
	And then he was like, well, it was a real pleasure meeting you.
	And I was like, same.
	Yeah.
	And then later on, I go, thanks a lot for, you know, allowing us.
	And he sent like the most like, the most gracious text of like, it was an absolute pleasure to welcome you into my home.
	I was like, oh, that's nice.
	What the fuck is this, man?
	Like, this is wild.
	But death will sneak you like that, too.
	That's what death would do.
	That's true.
	It would kind of taunt you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	Seduce you.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	So maybe I should watch out.
	I mean.
	Yeah, because if people bet on you or Bert today, people would go, Bert, huh?
	Of course.
	Yeah.
	Of course.
	He looks worse every day.
	I wonder what a parlay would he be like.
	Yeah, I just feel like God.
	Cloted red, you know, growing.
	His head keeps growing, which is crazy.
	His head is swelling.
	Yeah, that's part of the smart money.
	But then like that guy that owns that mattress company, he'd be like, I'm going to put 10 million on Tom.
	He'd take the guy lives in Texas.
	You guys should get that guy.
	Like, who's going to die?
	He'd be like, 1,000% on Tom.
	Because the vet's going to take probably be at least a semi-decent amount of time.
	Yeah, that's true.
	He's too old for that bet, I think.
	I don't know.
	It'd be interesting.
	I mean, Bert could, if you bet the under on Burt, I think you could see some money this, you know.
	Yeah.
	You could see some money by 2028.
	But yeah, that MRI on Burt must just come back all fucking like the first part is appetizers.
	You're like, how is this that report is appetizers?
	He was doing the thing that people do who are, you know, who don't live healthy and are scared, which he was like avoiding like blood work and stuff.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was like, dude, you got to do it.
	He was avoiding it, avoiding it.
	And then he did it.
	And you could see like he was like fidgeting and shit.
	And you're like, what is going on?
	He's like, just waiting for the phone call about my blood work.
	I don't know.
	And then you're like, oh, fuck.
	Like, this, you know, and honestly, like, all joking aside, you could be like, you're like, this might be like a serious call you get.
	Right.
	And like, then I just, he FaceTimes me and he's like, what's up, bro?
	And I was like, what's going?
	He's like, just got the phone.
	Everything's fucking great.
	And I was like, wait, what?
	And he was like, the doctor told me to go celebrate with a drink.
	I go, your doctor says that?
	Like, what kind of doctor is this?
	Did you meet them at a strip mall?
	Like, he's like, he's like, I'm good to go.
	And I was like, I don't know, man.
	I'm going to give you the number of another doctor.
	Yeah.
	He was just like, celebrating good blood work.
	There's a basket in Robins in the distance of the fall of the space time.
	I just don't go drink it up tonight.
	So, yeah.
	That's interesting, dude.
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	And the sun got in them.
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	They leave the body.
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	Do you remember the first hit you ever saw as a child and how it went out?
	The first tit I ever saw.
	No, I mean, you know what I do remember is, and this is really, it's sad that I feel like this generation doesn't, won't, just can't really experience this unless they make like a concerted effort, is that there used to be just like such an excitement around a woman in a bikini.
	Oh, yeah.
	Or if you just saw a breast, like just a nude woman, you were like, wow, right.
	And then you realize that, like, if you wanted, obviously, to see something like hardcore, you really had to make a real effort.
	Yeah.
	And now, like, you know, you pick up, people have their pornography libraries in their pocket.
	And so, like, that excitement is like, their bar for it is so elevated, which I think is kind of sad.
	Yeah, really, you know, that they don't realize that, like, just like the idea of sex, the fantasy of it would be like enough for a long time.
	And then you're exposed to things where you're like, whoa, shit.
	And that's when it starts.
	Like, that's when you could really make a knock on that it's bad to have access to anything and everything.
	I remember seeing like erotic art and being like, oh, this is actually pretty cool.
	There's like these really great accounts on Instagram.
	And you realize if you like, if you see them, you're letting your mind do things.
	Yeah.
	And it's actually pretty cool.
	I think it's actually a much healthier thing to do.
	I ride a lot of myself with pornography.
	Yeah, I mean, like, and I'm very careful when I say because I never like to bash them.
	No.
	Like, I feel like they're, you know, I know people in that industry.
	Yeah, it's a great industry.
	It's a lot of great people.
	There's a lot of great people in there.
	But I do feel like there's like anything, everything requires some balance.
	Yeah.
	And like you can go overboard on anything, on food, on drinking, and definitely on pornography or something.
	And yeah, I just feel like it's much better for you if you're young.
	I would be like, you know, if you're in that age where you want to like explore that and you're, when I say young, I just mean like, you know, you know, you're getting into your sexual exploration, like, man, try erotic art and see what it does for your brain.
	Like let your brain tell you stories.
	Yeah.
	Because just like having this access to and like just your search words and just seeing it play out, it's like what'll happen is like it's actually, it's not a theory.
	Your brain starts to, with time, reduce the dopamine levels that you're feeling.
	Like you get a dopamine drip from that stuff.
	But because all you have to do is type in what you like, then when you see it, you're like, oh, here's a little less.
	And then the next search, you get a little less of it.
	And then pretty soon, the thing that was exciting to you, it doesn't even give you a thrill.
	That's why you hear people, they go, I had to raise the stakes.
	I had to raise the steak.
	I had to raise this.
	And they just keep raising and getting crazier with it.
	Getting weird.
	Because it's too, like, if it's too easy to access, you're not going to feel the excitement.
	You're not going to feel the rush.
	I mean, when we were like coming up as like teens and stuff, I mean.
	Oh, Peep and Tommy was popping.
	Dude, you just like sister's friends would come over and just seeing them lay around like by the pool or like just hang out in the, watching television on the couch.
	You'd be like, this is the most exciting thing that's ever happened.
	Oh, yeah.
	Dude, I remember a girl asked me to hold her necklace while she swam one time and I fucking masturbated like three times.
	Oh yeah.
	Yeah.
	Because I just had never even held something of a woman's for a while.
	I totally understand.
	I remember going to some girl's birthday party or something and she invited like all the kids from the class or whatever.
	And like we would all like run into her sister's room and like try to find her underpants and stuff.
	And like I remember how old her sister was.
	I might have been kind of like, we shouldn't be in here, you know?
	It was still like just being kids.
	And like, I remember hiding in my buddy's hamper at his house, just to smell his mother's bras.
	And I'd hide in there for a fucking hour and just huff those cups.
	I bet that smells.
	God, it just fucking.
	Do you still remember that smell?
	I remember the color of the hamper.
	It was like a green color that they don't even make anymore.
	Yeah.
	It was like an old green, almost like the color of the Wonder Years car, like the car that they had.
	It was like an old kind of pukish green almost that they wouldn't even market anymore.
	And it was just, God, but it was.
	And it's just like, see, those are just little moments.
	Yeah, but now it's just like you put in something, next thing you know.
	And I think nowadays, by the time you're 17, you don't even care about sex.
	You're like seeing it all.
	You have no fucking desire.
	It's not good for you.
	It's horrible.
	Yeah, it's horrible.
	What else do we got?
	Anything in the anything in the news that?
	Yeah, we're looking at this.
	The world's dirtiest man died.
	Oh, I remember this guy.
	Yeah.
	This is actually.
	And is that Blackface or not?
	It's a little bit.
	I mean.
	He has not bathed with water or soap for over 60 years.
	Wow.
	Yeah, read that caption.
	I guess he would smoke a pipe filled with animal excrement, and he believed that cleanliness would make him ill.
	Dude, that's pretty interesting.
	Because maybe cleanliness is what's killing us.
	Too much.
	Too much.
	If you think about in history of human beings, it's only in the last, I mean, not even 100 years, less than that.
	Think about it.
	It's probably in the last like, I don't know, 60 or something years that human beings were like, hey, every day, maybe twice a day.
	Right?
	With autism, too, they're saying, yeah, like a lot of autism could be caused by metals and different soaps and things like that.
	Yeah.
	Because this dude doesn't look like he has autism.
	From this photo, I can't tell, but he, I remember seeing this dirty.
	I mean, I wonder too, do you think there's just a level where you just stop smelling?
	Like, you know what I mean?
	Like, a couple weeks in, you're like, you smell like shit, man.
	Right.
	Yeah.
	But then after like, I don't know, 30 years, you're just probably like, yeah, it just kind of evens out, right?
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	Like, he maybe doesn't, I bet you he tastes real bad, but I bet you the smell just kind of, it hit a level that your body, it's just trying to tell you a signal, stay away from this.
	Yeah.
	Dude, when people can plant things on your back, that's probably a crazy time for somebody, you know?
	I wonder what I'd want to be the world's whattest man.
	Did you ever have a Guinness book of records?
	Did you ever have a record you wanted to try and get even something small to you?
	I'm just so fascinated by that.
	There's an age group where you're like an age range.
	Oh, I was in that way.
	That was the biggest.
	When that book came out at the book fair, whatever, it was like, oh, dude, somebody did this.
	Remember the Chinese kids all hanging off the bicycle?
	Yeah.
	It was like one guy had like 40 Chinese people on his bicycle.
	There's so many weird.
	Now they're even like, they're so insane.
	I remember, and also it's funny, my seven-year-old has a, because they release books now of it, like each year.
	He's like fascinated by it.
	Just like, oh, the world record.
	Yeah.
	But I was watching their account and this is, I was like, okay, this, this shows you where it's at now.
	It was the guy attempting to break the world record for the most pine needles broken at one time.
	And so he was hanging from like by his, by one hand, and he's jumping into a box of pine needles.
	And you're like, you guys are crediting this?
	But that's when you're like, I just need to be in the book.
	I just want to be, you know.
	But that makes you realize that we could definitely just come up with one where they'll be like, yeah, there's no record for that yet.
	Yeah.
	Like, I mean.
	Dude, you and Burt should get a Guinness record.
	We should get a record.
	You're right.
	That is true.
	It's got to be a tandem thing.
	It would be interesting.
	Yeah.
	I feel like I could see you guys getting something very unique.
	It's got to be, but like that pine needles thing is so dumb and unimportant and not hard.
	Like that's not hard to do.
	Like, you know what I mean?
	It's not like if you heard, you'd be like, damn, I could never do that.
	Like, you can do that.
	I want you guys to meet Larry or, you know, him.
	He did all the pine needles.
	I used to have, like, when I was younger, like crazy flexibility with my index finger.
	That's pretty good.
	And I used to be able to like lay it flat against my hand.
	Oh, wow.
	You know, and I, and I remember having the illusion in my mind that that in some way, this will get me in the book in some way.
	Right.
	Like this, like, I could, I could go, like, like, lay flat.
	That's really good.
	I'll be that little trebuchet or I'll do something.
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Yeah.
	I'll work for a castle or something.
	But I was actually, I think as little, as like young boys, we were just fascinated by, remember, like Robert Waddle, like the tallest guy ever.
	I was like, yes, I remember seeing pictures of him.
	He's like 8, 11. And then there was like the fattest guy.
	He was like, I don't know, like 800 pounds.
	Like anything that was like, this is a huge person.
	I was like, that's, yeah.
	Yeah, that was him right there.
	Yeah.
	God, he was from Illinois, I think, wasn't he?
	Was he?
	I'm just guessing, but he seems like they grow some long stuff out there.
	They sure do.
	I would hate that, man.
	That's the worst.
	You would never want to be.
	Everybody wants to be taller.
	You don't want to be that tall.
	Yeah, he was from Illinois.
	Alton.
	And was it eight something?
	Was he like eight?
	Look at him with his family down there on the left.
	Yeah, he was eight foot eleven.
	Yeah, eight eleven.
	Did you think about that for a second?
	That this dude is nearly two feet taller than Shaq.
	Wow.
	Two feet taller than him.
	That's so strange it would have been to be that.
	Yeah, it seems like.
	I mean, they are at perfect blowjob height, but it's still like it's not what you want.
	Now that would be interesting.
	Right.
	To stand there and have someone, and they're standing as well.
	I think it would feel very informed, like, or just natural, more natural than somebody having to get down on their knees or you having to lay down.
	Like, oh, here I am.
	Here you are.
	A girl told me that she dated a very well-known NBA player who was really tall.
	And she was like, yeah, we could just blow him standing up.
	And I was like, wow.
	That's got to be interesting.
	I was like, everybody's proud of you.
	That's really cool.
	What a great memory.
	Think about what he's done and what you've done.
	It's pretty incredible.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	He's got a couple rings, and you remember standing up to blow them.
	Oh, sick.
	Yeah, there's definitely Something about it.
	It would almost be like using a water fountain that you didn't have to bend over to use.
	Yeah, exactly.
	How nice would that be?
	You just go and it just shoots right down your mouth.
	It'd be a lot.
	Garth Brooks.
	What happened?
	Oh, yeah, I saw this.
	Garth Brooks is going to have Bud Light at his bar, Tommy.
	Yeah, he's not going to.
	He's refusing to ban it.
	That's hilarious.
	His explanation is right down here.
	I know it sounds corny.
	I want it to be the Chick-fil-A of Honky Tonks about his new bar in Nashville.
	I want it to be a place you feel safe in.
	I want it to be a place where you feel like there are manners and people like one another.
	And he added something there.
	Yes, we're going to go down.
	If you go down, he says, and yes, we're going to serve every brand of beer.
	We just are.
	It's not our decision to make.
	Well, yeah, it is your decision to make.
	Our thing is this.
	If you are into this house, love one another.
	If you're an asshole, there are plenty of other places on Lower Broadway.
	Shots fired, kind of.
	Yeah.
	And there it is, Dylan Mulveny.
	They're going to get in there.
	Do you want to hear something that I just heard?
	Yeah.
	So I've talked about him quite a bit, about Karth Brooks.
	I know you guys have had some issues.
	And I found out, this is, dude, I found out, first I got word about a year ago from like a hundred percent reliable source.
	Sounds seems good.
	That I was like, does he know?
	And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, he knows.
	And I was like, is he upset?
	And they're like, he's just like, doesn't get it.
	Like, doesn't know why you're talking about him.
	I was like, okay.
	And then recently, I guess, so he just blocked me on Instagram.
	And I was like, oh, it's finally, he finally blocked me, you know?
	And then another person told me, they go, yeah, I heard, this person said to me that they heard from a reliable source that when my name comes up to him, that he on his phone shows the video of me playing basketball and falling and goes, karma.
	Karma.
	Yeah.
	And I was like, that's fucking pretty amazing.
	Wow.
	That a serial killer is finding it in their heart to say karma for the other person.
	Like, this man has, I mean, people are saying this man is responsible for hundreds of missing people and he's going to say that it's karma.
	Well, yes, somebody matched up.
	I saw something where they matched up like his tour dates with missing people.
	That's the whole idea.
	That's the premise of this idea.
	Like people are like saying that I'm trolling the guy.
	All I'm doing is repeating what I've heard that allegedly his tour schedule aligns with like dozens of missing persons.
	And so it's just something that like at least you would bring up and talk.
	It's like, why do people talk about UFOs?
	You know, why do why, why have the conversation about something in the like, well, because people are saying that that could be a visitor from another planet.
	Like, are we not going to have even a conversation about it?
	Right.
	If 75 people are missing and they're all in cities that like he is just in.
	I mean, it's logical to say, well, okay.
	And look at him there.
	You telling me I'm not done anything.
	But that's the smile and the stare of a guy who has never done anything illegal.
	I don't know.
	And how much land he has, too.
	So much land.
	You wouldn't even know if somebody was missing or if you'd put somebody somewhere or not.
	So much land.
	He's the Easter bunny of bodies, kind of.
	Oh, yeah.
	And he's so, here's the thing, it's the perfect, you're so beloved that, like, we mentioned the authorities, too.
	They'd be like, I'm sorry.
	We were, this is crazy, but we actually had a dog that can smell, you know, the corpse and it was on your property and it just went crazy.
	And then he'd be like, I don't, I'm Garth Brooks.
	And they're like, yeah.
	You're right.
	You're right.
	Sorry.
	We're going to head on out.
	I don't know what we were thinking.
	You signed this for my son.
	Yeah, exactly.
	The dog actually had a seizure on your property because it never had a smell like that in its life.
	My son actually went missing on your property.
	In case he comes back, we signed this for my guitar.
	Sign the guitar.
	Thank you so much.
	Appreciate you, G. That's it, man.
	Yeah, do you think there been like a really interesting guest that came out?
	I know Brad Pitt came out to one of your shows, which had been really insane.
	That was really insane.
	That was really insane.
	Is it almost a is it a bummer meeting people that like because once you meet them, you kind of have met them.
	Is there something about that?
	I think that probably can happen, but then there's people where you're like, that was awesome.
	And they're either as cool or cooler than your brain imagines.
	Yeah.
	He was like that.
	He was rad.
	He was really cool.
	And there was so much excitement when, because they go, he's coming.
	And then like security came to like check out the place.
	Really?
	Yeah, yeah.
	Just like, not a big team, but just like, you know, it's something, I mean, honestly, somebody in his position should have that.
	Because basically I asked, I was like, so what do you do?
	Like, he's like, well, if I see that like a place is a problem, I'll just be like, I don't think you should come here.
	Yeah.
	You know, like a club or like a restaurant where like, it's not good area.
	And he's like, you know, he's just like seeing where things are.
	And he's like, so I just, I'm like his advanced guy.
	It was like, it was pretty low key, honestly.
	But then they were like, yo, Brad just parked.
	Everybody was like, everybody was like that.
	And then he came in.
	He couldn't have been, he just couldn't have been nicer and like, you know, talked to introduce those.
	The funniest was when a very famous person was like, hey, I'm Brad.
	And everyone's like, yeah, I know.
	But he was just super nice.
	And I thought a lot of times I've had other notable people.
	And what they do is they leave during something.
	Famous people go, they just kind of disappear.
	He stayed the whole show, came back after the show.
	He was enjoying it.
	He enjoyed it.
	And then it was a lot of fun.
	Then I ran into, well, I ended up befriending Jason Momoa, Aquaman.
	Oh, yeah.
	In New Zealand.
	Wow.
	And that was really fun.
	And I hung out with him for another day.
	Did you go swim or anything?
	No, we went to a bar and we hung out with like, I don't know, a group for like 10 hours.
	Dang.
	But he couldn't have been like, he's a real down-to-earth guy.
	Yeah.
	We met at the hotel gym.
	No, that's cool.
	He was like, I'll crouch down.
	You'd make you look taller.
	I was like, cool, man.
	Oh, you look pretty happy right there.
	It was fun.
	We had a fun time.
	Yeah, you know, and then Izzy came out in Opera 2. I feel like he comes out.
	He's a really special guy.
	He's a cool man.
	There's something really interesting about him.
	There's something really amazing about New Zealanders in general.
	There is.
	There is.
	Yeah.
	And I think he has a really fighters are fascinating to sign up for that lifestyle.
	You know what I mean?
	Like to be like, I'm going to do battle for a living.
	That was two tours.
	That was like in 2019.
	But yeah, he came again in this most recent tour.
	And I just enjoy the guy's energy, you know, just being around him.
	100%.
	Just being around him.
	He's very inspirational.
	Whether he wins or loses, he's very inspirational.
	A lot of these fighters are like that.
	There's something about a lot of them, whether they win or lose, because you just value so much that they even could do it.
	Because they're, they're actually really putting it.
	It's like inherently human beings, we respect stakes.
	And if you're a fighter, the stakes are very clear.
	Like you're putting your physical body on the line to win or lose.
	And so everybody, we just respect the fact that you're going to punch and kick to your fucking face.
	And this could have real lasting effect.
	So we just respect it so much.
	But I like that dude's energy.
	And I do find it inspiring to be around him.
	I like him a lot.
	Yeah, there's something real special about him.
	Yeah.
	I was trying to think about anything else I wanted to ask you.
	Zach, anything coming to head?
	You're watching this video, this short guy standing up to these dudes in a parking garage.
	What do you think?
	And I'm fucking ready.
	This is a tough guy right here.
	Uh-oh, somebody's black.
	Be careful.
	No.
	Tell me right now.
	Tell me.
	Don't care.
	Don't go.
	Don't go.
	Get up out of here.
	Go, bro.
	Get in the car and go.
	Cause you're doing this dumbass shit.
	Security trying to save you.
	Ben trying to save you.
	God bless you, man.
	Get in your car and get up out of here, man.
	God bless you.
	God bless you, man.
	Just go ahead and get in the car and make a home safe, man.
	Look how good he feels right now.
	So good.
	Fucking Lisa Ayat is like, I fucking took this shit off.
	Make a home safe, buddy.
	Damn, dude, Lisa Ayat.
	I love Lisa.
	Joey Diaz, get that guy.
	Oh, my God.
	How is there not a call to a welfare line?
	I'll tell you something, too.
	Because I love Joey Diaz, but he was actually like a virus to that man.
	Like, do you know what has happened to Lisa since party?
	He lost 150 pounds.
	Not an exaggeration.
	150 pounds.
	He's like, oh, free of Joey.
	Like, he just totally has like blossomed.
	Look at him.
	Oh, my God, dude.
	He looks.
	Yeah, he looks good.
	He looks exactly like the guy we just saw in the last video.
	Holy shit.
	Look at him.
	Congrats to Lee.
	Yeah, Joey.
	He'd be like, you're not doing well enough, Lee.
	You need another couple, 2,000 milligrams, dude.
	Lee's over there wearing floaties.
	I've never seen somebody so high.
	And here's the thing, Lee couldn't say anything.
	So he would be like, I'd be like, Lee, and he'd go, yeah.
	I was like, are you all right?
	He's like, oh.
	And he could, he'd forget to like click.
	He was just sitting there snoring, sitting down, like snoring in his seat.
	And then Joey's like, look at this fucking idiot.
	He's like, you know what he does all day?
	He watches Sports Center.
	I hear his phone go, dun-dun-nun, dun-dun-nah.
	Get your fucking shit together.
	I'm like, you are crippling this man.
	Like, sports center is all he can handle.
	He's working at enterprise rental now, dude.
	He's fucking doing good.
	Wow, yeah.
	There should be a documentary one day made on Joey and Lee and like a coming back together park by a lake.
	Is this them recently?
	That might be an old picture.
	It was nothing like those two.
	They were like, who was a better name, a better comedy?
	You know what this is like, though?
	This is like, this is like the guy on the left, Lee, gets locked up in prison with the veteran.
	You know, the guy that's been locked up.
	That's what their relationship was like.
	He's like, here's what you're going to do.
	You stay away from the blacks.
	You mind your business.
	You shower when I shower.
	And then you eat this shit.
	It's just like in another dimension.
	Yeah, bro.
	He has 84 ounces of Alfredo.
	So he would melt his brain.
	Unreal.
	He would melt his brain.
	Dude, what was a time, one of my favorite times ever, when I got there, there was, look at that fucking pillow somebody made.
	Have you done, have you seen the one, have you seen the one where Lee is, like, he falls asleep alone on the show?
	Yeah, I think he's like, he's working it, and then he's like, and he comes to me.
	He's like, oh, fuck.
	Like, he just, it's, it's, I've watched it.
	He's so fucking high that he falls asleep and wakes himself up and he's like, I don't even know what's happening.
	I don't know if he's like, he's streaming or something, like on Twitch.
	I don't know what, but it's on YouTube.
	And it's, it is, it's so amazing.
	It's like Lee.
	Dude, the Beth, one time I went in and there was a squeal in the headphones when I went in.
	Yeah.
	I was like, Lee, there's some feedback or something.
	By the end, two and a half hours later, Lee was like this.
	He was the squeal.
	Yeah.
	And we had gone full fucking circle, man.
	He kicked that mule, Lee.
	Look, look, look.
	And listen, listen to the audio.
	He's broadcasting right now.
	Oh, damn, dude.
	He's fucking out of his mind, dude.
	That's a good place.
	And that's just that is if Joey is really close to you, this happens to you.
	Oh, yeah.
	When he drugged me, he fucking tricked me.
	He's done it a couple times, but the worst one was when I was in Miami.
	And he told me I was taking a 10. And it just fucking, it ruined two days of my life, right?
	Like two days in my life.
	And I mean, I was like, just, I mean, I was crying and shit.
	Oh, yeah.
	I was on a flight with him.
	And he's like, oh, you need a baby Xanax right now.
	I was like, what?
	He goes, even jout.
	I'm like, I don't think this is the fucking formula.
	Get a chewable, son.
	Yeah, get a chewable.
	And I go, dude.
	And when I finally like recovered, I called him.
	I was like, what the fuck, dude?
	He goes, you needed it.
	I go, I needed what?
	You needed a reset.
	And I go, why did I need one?
	He's like, it's good for you.
	I saw what was happening.
	Like, this kind of what was happening?
	He's like, nah, you know, you were getting, you know, a little, it's good now.
	Now you're ready to go.
	I'm like, ready to go?
	Where am I going?
	Yeah, I'm at a Greyhound.
	Yeah, man, I was fine.
	He's like, no, no, no.
	I did you a favor.
	It was fun.
	I go, for who?
	He is, dude.
	He's the best salesman, bro.
	Yeah, he just says like these little, and he says it with his like little phrases.
	Doing great, yeah.
	Yeah, and you're like, that's.
	God loves you, buddy.
	Yeah, and you're like, now you get back to chopping up vinegar and carrots.
	And you're like, what the fuck are you talking about, man?
	What about that OWN Benjamin?
	Oh, he's fucking lost his mind, huh?
	He'll say shit like that and then fucking just disappear, dude.
	Unraced.
	Unfucking real, dude.
	Look, if that doesn't do it, I don't know what does.
	Tom Segur, thanks for hanging out with us, man.
	Yeah, it was a lot of fun, man.
	Yeah.
	Same here, dude.
	I'd love to come back on Two Bears sometime.
	That was fast, bro.
	Let's do it.
	Let's do it.
	All right.
	Thank you so much, man.
	All right, buddy.
	Thank you.
	Now, I'm just floating on the breeze, and I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this piece of my life found.
	I can feel it in my bones.

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