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Intro
“Shine” - Bishop Gunn
http://bit.ly/Shine_BishopGunn
Outro
“Makin’ It” - Bishop Gunn
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Producer Nick
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You know, if somebody runs up to you, say, hey, hey, hey.
Eucalyptus?
I'd be like, what?
Who?
Who said I did?
That's what I maybe.
Eucalyptus?
Oh.
No, you heard the wrong thing.
Calyptus?
Nah.
Never heard of him.
And what else I wanted to tell you guys?
Oh, walnuts are disgusting.
Can we quit pretending like they're not?
You see them sometime on a salad or, you know, as an item.
As a written item on a menu.
Get you a little side of this, little, you know, get you a little mannequin of strawberry.
Ramekin.
Get you a little ramekin of strawberries.
Or get you a little ramekin of walnuts.
Bitch, I don't want a walnut.
They're disgusting.
You know what they taste like?
They taste like they taste like you shouldn't be eating them.
go get a walnut.
Everybody, You know, they got great public advertising, but they're damn garbage.
They're just damn garbage, man.
So anyway, let's get into it, man.
You know where we are.
gang Happy Father's Day, everyone.
Belated.
I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from that feeling, baby.
Come on.
A little time.
For me to set that parking brake.
And let myself unwind.
Shine that light on me.
I'll sit and tell you my story.
Shine on me.
And I will find a song.
I will sing it.
Just follow you.
I will sing it.
And that is it.
That is Shine by Bishop Gunn.
And I hope everybody had a wonderful Father's Day.
You know, that Father, that's that.
It's wild seeing a.
You know, I remember the first time when I was a kid when I saw my dad.
I just, I remember, you know, he had on like a dress shirt, I remember, and a and a watch or something, you know, and a pants and shoes.
And that was him, you know, and just pretty nondescript, really, honestly.
I mean, you know, he was probably 74 years old or something, but, you know, they had a guy in my neighborhood, this boy Small Allen, and he, you know, I mentioned him before.
He was a, he was not a neighbor, but, you know, could have been a neighbor if he'd have lived closer kind of person.
And his, uh, and he was small.
I mean, damn, you could barely, he'd play hide and seek for a month, six weeks.
You know, he was the only one if we were playing hide and seek, you'd see him, you know, get a bunch of food and stuff because it was going to be, he's going to be out there for a while.
He's so small.
He hid in a bird's nest or something.
You know, you'd be looking around for everybody and you'd hear somebody fighting with a bird in a tree.
And that would be small up there.
Just go and just wing the fist with a damn sparrow or, you know, a daytime nightingale.
Because sometimes you see a nightingale gets lost and that bitch is out there during the day.
And you're like, damn, this thing.
This is a damn pervert.
But small, man, he could hide in his daddy's shoe.
That's what I was telling you.
I mean, he probably weighed.
When I first met him, he probably weighed probably 14 pounds, maybe.
Or maybe, I bet maybe 14 pounds, two ounces if he had a damn, you know, if he had a couple Charleston shoes in his pocket.
But, you know, he was the kind of boy that could hide in his daddy's boot.
Just that kind of boy.
But anyway, happy Father's Day to everybody.
belated.
And if you're a father and you have a child, I bet it's pretty...
I bet it's a little bit more.
You know, and I bet it's nice to, just to have another chance.
I think about sometimes having another chance at being young.
And, you know, and that's really one of the beauties of life is that is that is that second chance.
You know, just the way that, you know, you get your own childhood as a child, but then you get one, you get to do one right.
You know, if you don't get it right, if it isn't, you know, the things that happen to you, you get to redo them.
You get that do-over.
And that's what a program.
What a program that's been designed for us.
What's going on, man?
I'm at home.
I decided I'm going to try doing the podcast back at home, not in the studio, just tonight.
You know, just tonight.
It's Sunday night.
And so, yeah, I just, sometimes the studio, like all the just the bells and whistles of it, it doesn't feel the same.
It doesn't feel as, I don't know.
I don't know.
So I thought, well, maybe I'll try it back at home where I started.
Just in my kitchen.
You know?
So if you're watching on the YouTube, you're singing that.
You're singing just the, I mean, it is damn bare bones in here.
Bare bones.
I mean, just like a damn naked skeleton in here.
Just like a skeleton that just, oh, couldn't even find a loincloth.
Like, goodness.
Look at that thing just showing off its occipitals out here.
Put on some shades, you naughty bone man.
Yeah, what's going on?
Let me think about it, man.
We got some calls.
We got things to discuss and things not to discuss.
And we have, you know, we just have the world of summertime.
It's summertime.
And that's one thing.
It feels like this year, because of the disease, it feels like, I don't know, does a birthday count?
Does summer count?
Does spring count?
It seems like, I mean, next year we better get a serious do-over.
You know, next year we better get a damn serious do-over.
Because nothing feel, it's just feeling like nothing counts, kind of.
Hope you guys can hear me okay.
If the audio or video is bad, you can only blame moi.
And that's French me, baby.
That moi.
But what else is going on?
What else is going on out there?
I mean, I don't even know.
What did I even do this weekend?
I feel like, oh, I had some breakfast with my buddy, and he got the rancheros, and I got the regular, you know, bacon, egg.
And what else?
Otto, something I was going to tell you.
I don't know.
Just all this.
I mean, we're just in the damn future.
I've been feeling like.
I've been feeling like, man, we are in the future.
This is a FR.
Like, how much more future can we get?
Have you thought of it?
How much more future can we get before you just emailing people to, you know, to Istanbul or to Rome?
I mean, that's what's next.
Really, you getting emailed.
Who you emailing with?
Oh, I got emailed with Delta or, you know, oh, I got me a real cheap email over on spirit emails.
Dude, that would be the worst.
Spirit emails.
And that's when they can transport you and they send you through.
You show up, dude.
Your luggage doesn't make it.
You're like, damn, they pressed the button and they put me through the human emailer or whatever.
And shit, my arms.
My arms didn't even come through.
Like, holy shit.
So now you got to spend the whole holidays with your family just.
You can't even hug anybody.
You just got to, well, people don't know if you want to hug.
They just probably guess you don't because you don't.
You know, you really have to have your arms to.
Otherwise, nobody ever know if you want to hug or not.
They just think you don't like them.
You almost have to get a little...
Like a signal or something.
You know, like a...
That means you need a freaking...
You need somebody to just hold you.
And just hold you and just...
But I mean, could you imagine that?
They start transport and just emailing people.
And look, and there's different types of ways.
There's like, if you get emailed and coach, it takes a little while.
Take you about nine minutes to get there.
You just, you know, you're just in the stuck in the power lines or whatever, or in the Wi-Fi.
Maybe your spouse gets lost.
Y'all supposed to be in Hawaii or something.
That bastard gets lost and it's just suddenly you're single again.
You're like, damn, all right.
You know, we went with United.
You know, it's supposed to be unlimited megabytes.
And I guess, you know, Ronnie put on weight and they just, they couldn't handle it.
Couldn't handle him through the system.
And so I guess I'm just, I got all the sunscreen I want this week.
What else is going on?
Not nothing.
Oh, we had Sugar Sean come on.
Sugar Sean, the MMA fighter.
And that was wild, man.
That guy, it's just, I mean, you guys know, you know, a lot of you, I'm fascinated by MMA fighters.
And even regular fighters, hell.
You know, I'll bet on two of these bastards in the park over by me.
And they got some, you know, I saw two fuckers over there throwing down for a damn, you know, half a pineapple two days ago.
So it's, you know, they got, you know, I've started to get more into the sport.
And I'm watching old fights.
And it's just, you know, but Sugar Sean, man, he, um, he's that high, he's that high sucrose smack talker.
And it's so funny because you'd ask him about somebody or interesting, because you'd ask him and he would be like, well, how do you think you're doing a fight with so-and-so?
And he would close his eyes and think about it.
And he'd be like, oh, I'd knock him out.
All right.
Because it's interesting.
Some people just talk shit.
You know?
Some people should have a toilet for a chin because they just saugen jot.
But old Sugar Sean, baby, he just, he really visualizes it.
And every time in his visualizations, he comes out a victor.
That's interesting, isn't it?
Because I guess I just don't have that same wherewithal.
In my visualizations, half the time, I'll get third place.
I'll take bronze in my own dreams.
That's crazy, isn't it?
So that was really captivating, man.
I'm excited for, I'm glad you guys, you know, I'm glad those guys let me interview them and learn about their space a little bit.
You know, I can feel not conflicted sometimes, but just, you know, it hasn't been my territory, but, you know, that's been one of the gifts of knowing Dustin Poirier, man.
Is that, you know, by him, you know, being willing to come on the show and then other people, it gives you a little bit of credit with the other people.
You know?
And I'm excited, man.
Dustin's got a fight this weekend coming up.
You know, I'm real excited about that.
Man, I'm real excited.
And it's funny because I used to, man, just when I first started watching them, I wasn't that into it.
But now I'm into it.
Now that I know nobody's going to die, I think I used to think people died.
Like it was like running of the bulls over there in Diploma, Spain.
I don't know if you guys have ever been there.
But every year in Diploma, they have a running of the bulls.
And basically, they take the baddest bulls in the world, man.
I'm talking a bunch of damn Horace Grunts.
You feel me?
I'm talking a bunch of Scotty Trippins, bro.
And they let those bitches loose through the city.
And people have been drinking wine and talking shit.
And people are wearing t-shirts that say like, you know, Go Pistons or something.
Or Celtics in four, you know.
And then these bad bitches come through the street at like 7 a.m.
Because I've been there.
You know, I'm not bragging, but I'm, you know, I guess I am boasting a little.
And then, I mean, you're out there and they got wine and everybody, people drinking wine out of all kind of shit.
You'll see a dude, you'll see a dude with a casket or whatever of wine, a flasket.
You'll see a dude with a basket of wine, a masket.
You'll see a dude wearing a mask.
He'll take that bitch off, drink right out of it.
You're like, damn.
That dude's freaking...
It's the Phantom of the Sloppera, dude, because that dude's getting sloppy as hell off his damn face piece.
Yeah, you see it all, you know.
And then when everybody's just liquored to the gills, I mean, your buddy's just turned into a damn largemouth bass, bro.
You are liquored to the gills when you've had as much wine as you can.
And people drinking out of everything.
You'll see a dude, he'll have installed a damn tube into his esophagus, bro.
You know, or whatever it's called, that liquid pipe that takes liquid into your body from your face.
He'll have a tube installed into his esophagus, bro, and have that bitch run right back up to his mouth.
He's sipping out of himself like just a straw.
So he'll drink some little bit of that vino and then just swallow it and then revisit that shit.
He just recycling that liquor right out of himself.
Just redoing it, you know?
And you're all good, man.
You're out there and everybody's got on white and red and everybody's got on red and white.
And then you think it's fine.
You start to forget even that it's a party.
Because it's 7 a.m.
Those bulls, they get up early for work.
You know, because a bull doesn't have a really busy day, really.
If you've ever seen a bull, you're like, damn, dude.
That guy must own a couple anytime fitnesses, you know, because that dude is.
Has that dude been eating Halloween?
Because that little bastard is Jack O'Lantern, bruh.
What was I talking about?
Shit.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know, man.
Oh.
I hope you're doing good.
You know, I hope you're doing good, and you are doing good.
You know, we got this.
We're almost through the disease, man, and we got this.
You know, and it's only doom and gloom if you don't write your own weather report.
If you let somebody else write your weather report, then yeah, they got control over it.
But if I, you know, I should wake up every day and just write 100% chance of the best me.
You know?
A hundred percent chance of life.
A hundred percent chance of peace.
You know.
I should make my own forecast, you know.
I don't know.
Am I talking about myself too much?
I don't even know what's going on.
Oh, oh, so then you're out there in the street.
You're out there in the street, boy.
You forget.
You forget it's a party.
You're starting to check out some cheeks, you know?
Some chicas, some chicaras.
I don't even know they call them.
Italian cheeks, bruh.
You know?
Some real legit Euro ladies.
And they're flirting and people are starting dancing, you know.
Oh, papa.
Oh, yono, papa.
Yono, papa.
No niños por me, you know?
And you think everything's cool, you forget, bruh, because you've been drinking.
And then about a dozen of the angriest animals you ever seen come running through, bruh.
And first, all the chicks disappear.
All the women that are there disappearing like, oh man, what happened?
You know?
Did Larry's dad come home or something?
Because we's all, we all got the parties over, you know?
Did Ron, you know, did Ronnie's grandfather find out or something?
That we're out here in the boathouse?
Because we're fucked.
You know, what happened?
Did somebody spray mace or something at the party?
Because all the chicks start leaving.
They're climbing over the fences and climbing over.
They got these big like 12 by 12s, really.
They really are.
They put them all along the streets, the streetways.
and it's beautiful streets, cobblestone.
And then you hear, boom, boom, boom, boom.
Yeah.
You know?
Because you forget because you've been drinking.
Yeah, man.
Somebody better come catch that bastard.
And then you see 11 more just.
And they keep ripping through.
And it's just, it's magical.
If you've never been there, go watch it and go see.
But here's what happens is at the end, they, the fighters, there's a swordsman.
There's a swordsman, a guy out there, really, really, it's almost like a LARPer, like one of those guys you see in the park, like if they got a real nerd, he's out there in the park or something.
You know, it's like some guy who, basically the guy that won the Renaissance fair in America, they take him to Italy and give him a damn battalion or something.
You know, like a sword, man.
You know, that blood piece, baby, that sword.
And that dude pops off with it.
He starts fighting the bulls.
And, oh, wait, first he has a carpet.
And the bulls come by and he showed them the carpet.
And they don't, every time they don't want to buy it, they just run right through it.
They're like, oh, we don't ain't buying that bitch, you know?
And he only got one carpet.
And it's kind of like a rerun a little.
It's like, oh, you want to buy this?
Like, nah, they run right by.
We don't want it.
And he'll shake that bastard out there again, you know?
Just like he's beating his car mats off over by the car wash, by the DIY car wash, the one I like to use.
And he's just, you know, like he's shaking out the floor mats of a damn 84 Ford Escort.
And then eventually the bull gets so tired and he swords him out.
And he swords him out and they drag it off.
They drag the bull off at the end.
And, man, there was some moral to this story.
There really was.
There was a moral to the story, but you know how it is, man.
And you know how it ain't.
Oh.
Man, I got this muscle stress in me.
It will not go away.
And the massagers just opened back up.
And God, I went in there.
You know, the massagers just opened up back here in California.
And I'll tell you, dude, I never really, you know, I never been in like body love with another man or anything, but man, I'd never been so happy to see this man.
And this man is, I think, he might be Filipino, I think, Pinoy.
You know, beautiful, one of the beautiful Pinoy.
And he, my God, man, I took my shirt off right when I saw him.
It was just like a.
I mean, it was.
It was like somebody just beat open a damn bag of magic right in between us.
Because it was just, man, this man, he, you know, this man, his name is Biquke.
Bique.
Like bike, if you say bike, but if you say it completely different.
Bike.
And like a bird, like the hard part of a bird at the beginning, you know, that Bike.
And he, dude, and Bike.
And also, here's the crazy thing.
They got another guy that works in there named Pique.
And so it's hard when you call on the phone if you want to set up an appointment with one of the gentlemen.
Because they say, do you want?
I'll be like, is Piquet in?
And they're like, you want Bique?
And I don't know which one they're talking about.
I'm like, I want Piquet.
And they say, you want Bique or Piquet?
And it's just, and then we both laugh, man.
It's just, I don't know.
I love that place.
But it's called Siri Foot Spa.
S-I-R-I Foot Spa.
And they got beautiful people that work in there.
And just, anyway, I'd never been so happy to see another man and just put my body in his damn hands for an hour for $40.
Praise God, man.
Thank you guys for being here today.
And we're going to get into some of this.
We got some calls that have come in have always.
The hotline is 985-664-9503.
I got to see if we have any ads tonight.
So I've got to text Nick and have him send me.
I'm going to do that right now.
Let's get into it, man.
Yeah, I just want to say thank you guys so much for supporting this podcast.
Oh, we got the new Gang Gang slides are available.
And slides are basically sandals, you know, more house sandals.
But you can check them out at theovonstore.com.
You can check those out.
And let's take a couple calls.
Here we go.
Gang.
Hey, Theo, what's going on, my man?
I just wanted to check in with you.
Make sure everything's doing good with your podcast and everything.
Thank you, brother.
I appreciate it.
Everything is going pretty good.
You know, I'm happy to have, you know, still have the podcast right now.
You know, I know a lot of people haven't been able to work.
And so I think this has been, you know, I know that people listen to this as a form of, you know, entertainment.
And so I'm glad that I've been able to do this.
And I'm so grateful for all the calls, man.
So many calls come back in.
And so I learned so much about what's going on with you guys.
So it's pretty perfect, actually.
Anyhow, onward.
Man, I have one question for you.
Do you think that everybody should start taking their masks off with this corona bullshit?
Or do you think everybody should be more conservative and leave their masks on and wait to see what's going on and happening after everything opens up?
Gang, brother.
And thank you for that verbal inquiry.
You know, I say this.
Well, you know what, actually?
This is Nick right here with the ad.
And thank you, Nick.
And this is a great time to suggest this company.
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Some of you live in the woods.
Some of you live in a damn dugout or something.
Sometimes you kick over a, you know, you'll kick over a boat and it's set with the open side on the ground.
And you'll flip it over and it'll be a damn family of two under there.
You're like, what in the hell?
I'm like, yeah, man, we don't know where to get mental help.
You say, well, look, I know a place.
BetterHelp is more affordable than traditional offline counseling and financial aid is available.
If you don't want to go to the therapist in your town, maybe they're married to somebody you know.
Maybe the therapist in town is your wife or your husband.
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Visit betterhelp.com slash Theo.
That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P dot com slash T-H-E-O and join the over 500,000 people taking charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional.
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And let me answer the question now with the masks.
I believe this.
If you want to wear a mask, then you should wear it.
You can't, other people may not want to wear a mask.
That's why you can wear one if you want to.
I don't like it when people tattletaling and this and this, you know.
Bridget don't have a mask on, you know.
Excuse me, I don't know if you've noticed or not, but there's a man over there, you know, drinking a lemonade without a mask on.
Well, have you ever thought maybe that man doesn't have a mask on because he's trying to get some lemonade in his mouth?
What do you want?
You want that guy to pay for a lemonade and then to splash it all up against a damn, you know, that cloth face piece and he can't even, and just imagine what it tastes like and waste the money.
So, just don't think about yourself.
I think when it comes to ratting out people, they don't have a you wear a mask, that's why we can wear one.
If I want to wear a mask, I can wear it.
Some places I feel like I need a mask on.
Some places I do not.
So, I don't know, man.
I'm sorry to get fired up about that, but you know, I think it's up to you.
So that's why you get to wear one because you can't control everybody else.
So, that's what I think.
And I think because a lot of people have decided, they've drawn the line kind of in the sand for themselves, you know?
And it's, you know, I don't know if you're ever going to be able to get everybody to do the same thing anymore.
I don't know if that's the place we live in still.
You know, we might, we, you know, we might just not get that.
And some, you know, there's just different types of people.
Dude, I have a buddy out here, and he, whenever, gets like food delivered and groceries, he gets them, he has them set down in his front yard.
He goes out in a hazmat suit, okay?
And a hazmat suit is, you know, you know what it looks like.
It's like, you know, it's like breaking bad.
It's like the guys from breaking bad, but they're not, they're not even making drugs.
They're just kind of afraid of something.
This man goes out in a hazmat suit and he and he pressure washes and cleans off all of his any groceries that are delivered before he takes them into his house.
And look, he can do that.
Look, if my child, and he have, I think, four children, if my child ever saw me out there pressure washing and februing a damn box of triscuits, bro, that kid's never going to be the same.
That kid is never going to think I'm a man after that.
So, you know, it just depends on what you want to do and what you want your kids to see you doing.
You know, it's the same.
I say it always with bike helmets.
Yes, a bike helmet will keep you safer.
But do you want your child to see you ever in a bike helmet?
Your kid's going to go to therapy.
Oh, yeah, I remember my dad coming in the house in his bicycle helmet.
You know, that's just.
You know, it's just, it's how you want to live, man.
So to each their own, that's what I think.
I don't think there should be any big rulings, this and that.
I think to each their own, because you can always have a mask.
So you can always prevent yourself from somebody else's, you know, spit them.
What do they call it?
Spittle?
Spittle.
You know, because sometimes your tongue is just spittling, doesn't even know.
And they say you can't see it.
Like your tongue's just jerking off all day.
Just jerking your DNA right out into the air.
It's unbelievable, man.
But thank you for calling, man.
And thank you guys for supporting the podcast.
Let's take it.
Here's a call that came in right here.
As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503.
And you can call that if anything's going on.
You want to talk about something you heard on the show.
You want to recommend something we talk about.
You know, you have constructive criticism about something that's going on.
Or if you're in a tough spot, hit the hotline, man.
Onward.
Hey, Theo, I'm a real son of a bitch.
I just wanted to let you know I fucking love your show, son.
All right, bro.
Okay.
And there you go, right there.
So there you go.
I can't even believe I said that.
*laughs*
There was his whole message, man.
Hold on, I got to listen to that one more time.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hey, Theo, I'm a real son of a bitch.
I just wanted to let you know I fucking love your show, son.
All right, man.
There you go, man.
Boy.
Dude, that makes me want to take a head out of my own wine.
That makes me want to freaking re-drink my own wine, man.
Makes me want to put a straw in my stomach and just damn have a glass of milk the natural way and then have that second glass right out of my own body.
Another call.
Here we go.
Hey, what's up, Theo?
This is Mike.
You out of Texas?
I'm sorry, man.
I messed that up.
Mike, what?
Mike, you out of Texas?
Thank you for calling, Mike.
Beautiful over there.
Tejas onward.
East Texas more specifically, because, you know, unless Texas is big as fuck.
Yeah, Texas is really...
It's so big.
You could have Texas.
You could have Mexico over there by El Paso where it gets real Mexican, you know.
Shout out all of the Mexicanos, Miamigos, Mi Caballeros.
You could have Mexico maybe, and you could have Texas.
You could have Lexus, maybe a certain area where people just drive Lexuses, you know, or fancy Toyotas.
That's all it is, you know it?
Hate to freaking just kill your buzz, but a Lexus is just a damn, you know, it's just a Toyota in sheeps, you know, in fancy sheep's clothing.
Omert?
I've been hearing you and Joe Rogan and Brendan Schwab and you know, thinking about moving over here.
And I recommend it, man.
It's a great place to live.
You know, you don't want to get into the smaller towns and shit, you know, because that's when it gets a little dicey.
You know what I'm saying?
Especially if you got kids, you know.
Oh, I like Dicey, brother.
You know?
Dude, plug a vacuum in, man.
And suck.
And just put that suck, big suction cup on my back, man, that Dyson.
That's why I like Dicey, baby.
You know?
I just...
Dude, take me to...
Let's see what he rolls, baby.
Homeward.
His parents go fucking crazy over some sports and baseball and football and shit, you know.
There's too many politics in it, you know, even as a young kid.
That kind of is the gust of it is moving to a different place, moving to Texas.
Yeah, honestly, man, I have been thinking about it.
And I've been thinking a lot about it.
You know, especially recently with just the clubs being closed down.
And I've really been thinking about a move.
Or at least having another place.
And a place that I live at and am more based out of.
I've been thinking about going to Nashville to look.
And I've been thinking about possibly Texas as well, man.
I just, I've been thinking about it a lot.
You know, it's interesting during this time of the disease that everybody, you know, you just get a different view of what's going on, kind of.
You get a view of your life.
You get really an interesting chance of reflection that, you know, I don't even know if the generation before us even got anything like this.
You know, I think there's a lot of people who've been doing something for years and now they're like, I don't even know if I like doing this.
You know, some people started doing something 20 years ago and now they're still doing it.
Maybe a certain job or a, you know, a pastime.
And now they're like, well, I don't even, you know, I was making chiffer robes for people.
I was doing unique furnitures.
And shit, I don't even know if I like it.
I just got some sand, you know, I got a hot batch of sandpaper for Christmas 20 years ago.
And so, you know, and we lived in the bend of a river, so a lot of fancy driftwood came down.
And I got into it.
And I just never stopped because it was my job.
But now you get some reflection.
You're like, shit.
I always wanted to do something different.
I wanted to do painting or something.
You know, I wanted to do photography or, you know, make homemade spaghetti or something.
You know, just different opportunities.
But I have thought a lot about it, man.
Let's take another call here.
Omward.
What's up, Theo?
My name's Deshaun.
What's up, Deshaun?
Thank you for calling, man.
And Deshaun is Spanish for also the Sean.
Omward?
From Norman, Oklahoma.
Called by, I don't know how many times now.
Oh, dang, I didn't know that, man.
I'm sorry, brother.
Thank you for calling, man.
Thank you.
I hope you've caught them because I asked a few questions.
I mean, I just hope you've maybe even thought about the question, you know.
But yeah, man, I'm going to ask you a question right now.
Have you thought about doing any outdoor venues for shows?
You know, summertime right now.
People are itching to get out of the house?
Well, people are itching.
You know, we don't know why they're itching.
And that's, I mean, anybody, people could be itching for anything, but, or, you know, for any reason.
It could be asbestos.
It could be, you know, my buddy, he punched all the damn drywall out of his bedroom.
And so he had exposed, what is that shit called?
He used to make snowman out of it.
It was like kind of pink, like, I just was talking about it.
It was, it went in the walls.
It was fluffing.
I think it was called for temperature fluffing.
You know what I'm talking about?
What am I talking about, man?
It's like temperature fluffing.
You know?
Ugh.
In the walls, man.
Well, anyway, it had something in it.
Had piece of damn, you know, glass or something, or some kind of dang, something.
You know, fake glass or whatever.
Itching.
It was basically just pieces of damn shit that would make you itch.
And this fluffing or whatever.
Anyway, my buddy would always get pissed and listen to that song all the time.
Oh, shh.
Come out and play.
Remember that song?
You gotta keep them separated.
He had a CD machine.
Single disc, that bitch.
And he'd play that song over and over again.
And he was furious at everything about his family and stuff.
And he eventually got into pills.
But this is before that.
You know, before pills, you know, BP.
And he beat all the damn walling out of his walls.
So all they had was that fluffing, the wall fluffing.
And that shit got to itching.
So, dude, we'd stay over there and Jesus.
Hard as hell to catch a few decent winks when you're just getting bodied up all night by this, you know, this shit would fall out.
Like, you think it was cotton candy or something?
It wasn't.
It's basically like somebody just, like if the devil made cotton candy.
Think about that.
Yeah.
Just like that, baby.
But have I thought about doing outdoor venues?
Yes.
That's a simple answer.
And there's talk right now of people doing drive-in shows and shows like that, outdoor areas, you know, stadium or something-style seating sort of thing.
But drive-ins are the ones that I've been hearing right now that some comedians are going out to do.
So once there's more knowledge about that, I'll know more.
You know, my thing is I don't want somebody honking the whole time.
You know, what if somebody, they're laughing, they're having a B-L-A-S-T and they have a stroke, you know, because they don't take care of their body.
They're not doing fitness or adult fitness.
And that bitch strokes out and they fall on the horn.
So now half my set, you know, the next three minutes of my set are ruined because this bastard's back there, you know, because he gots damn, you know, bad, you know, he's got that bad pump on him.
So that's the only thing I'm worried about is just, you know, people being assholes and hitting the horn or people stroking out and physically can't handle their own being alive because they don't eat well.
What else, man?
Let's get into a few more questions.
Here we go, man.
What's up, CO?
Hope you're doing well.
I'm a big fan.
Thank you, man.
I know you're going to get a lot of these kind of questions because it's kind of a hot topic right now and you're kind of close to it.
I just want to hear your thoughts on Chris Dalia, man.
I'm a big fan of his.
I'm a big fan of yours.
I'm a big fan of a bunch of comedians like yourself.
But I don't want to believe it, dude.
I really don't.
You know, I feel like that crying old man at the WWE whatever thing.
He's like, it's still real to me, damn it.
You know, that's how I feel.
So maybe try helping me feel a little bit better, Theo Vaughn.
I want to thank you for the call, brother.
I appreciate it.
And, you know, a lot of calls have come in about this, a lot.
And I wanted to wait to speak on it until I was here at the podcast and until we were all together.
You know, I just want to say, you know, how horrible this was for the girls who felt like they couldn't say anything.
You know, how horrible this must have been for the girls who felt like they didn't have a voice, you know, for a period of time that they couldn't, you know, speak up for themselves out of fear or, you know, I'm not sure what they were, everything they were going through.
I don't know.
But, you know, I'm happy that they found a voice to speak.
I'm happy that they found the courage to speak up.
I also, I wrote some things down that I want to say, so I want to be real clear.
You know, because my mind, I'm not always the most clear.
You know, I sometimes get real brackish in my brain.
So I just want to be clear, man.
So I just want to say that I know that there was a video pulled out of a podcast that may have given the vibe that I had prior knowledge of anything predatory that was going on or occurring.
I never knew anything predatory occurring.
I have never seen Chris with any underage women, ever.
I've never heard him communicating with any underage women.
I've never spoken with him about anything like that.
Ever.
I've never heard him speak with anyone about anything like that.
You know, I would never condone that type of behavior.
I would never laugh about it.
You know, podcasting, you know how it is.
We just talk.
Been talking for years.
And we give each other a good rough time about stuff.
And Chris and I have always had this, you know, to me anyway, this is my perception that we've always had this, you know, we give each other a rough time about things.
And his fans are called babies.
And, you know, I know he has a lot of younger fans.
And my brain just goes like a, you know, it's like a guy without legs in a you know in a damn avalanche contest or something.
You know, it just, I'm just, it just goes sometimes.
It's a lot of rambling.
It's what a lot of podcasting is.
But I never had any knowledge or evidence or idea or reason to suspect that Chris was ever doing anything that was that was wrong.
And I would never condone anything like that.
You know, and I hope that Chris gets the help that he needs.
And, you know, and I always hope that.
You know, I always hope that anybody gets the help that they need.
And it's heartbreaking.
You know, it's heartbreaking.
because I was also a fan.
You know?
And that's all I'm going to say about that.
What else?
I know it's hard to talk about stuff and to share more.
Let's get through this episode, man.
Gang.
Hey, what's going on, Theo?
My name's Derek, man.
And I came up on a year sober.
What's up, Derek?
And congratulations, baby.
You got that on you.
You got that on you, baby.
Wow.
That's crazy to do that for a year.
May 25th.
I mean, not much being for the day as you came and went, but I didn't even really think about it or nothing.
But yesterday, my girl gave me one of those coins.
You know, like when you go to A and you hit like a year mark, dude, I'm like cracking up.
Just saying that when you hit the one year mark, they give you one of those coins, say you made it and whatnot.
Oh, yeah, they give you a year chip, that chip.
And they give you a nice when you get that on you, baby, they give you that nice, that weighty one.
Feels like you could buy something in the 1800s with it.
Like you could get a damn mule or something with it.
Or a small, you know, a baby horse.
It was out of the blue, dude.
It was one of the nicest, most heartfelt things someone has ever gotten, man.
And yeah, sorry, just keep.
Even realize sometimes, though, that you think people could care less, you know, when they got their own stuff going on, but they cared the most.
And I really needed it at that moment, dude.
Fucking I've been having a hard time struggling a little bit with my sobriety.
But staying strong, but just struggle there, man.
I appreciate that, man.
Thank you for the call, brother.
And it is, isn't it interesting, man, that there's some reason when you're feeling like nobody cares and you get a message or a call or a gesture from somebody and it just surprises you, man.
It just takes you by a total other direction.
Yeah, man, those hit in the feelings.
They hit hard in the feelings, don't they?
Yeah, man, I'm just proud of you, man, and thanks for sharing.
I've been struggling with some of my own kind of...
With some of my own sobriety stuff.
And man, you just sharing that with me, you sharing how somebody else made you feel important.
You know, how your girl just surprised you with that chip, you know, with that coin, with that one year.
Saying, hey, you know, I see you, you know.
I see you taking care of yourself.
And I'm proud of you.
I see you.
Man.
It's powerful, man.
It's powerful when somebody does that for you.
And, yeah, man, I'm proud of you, man.
I'm proud of you.
And I know you're proud of you too.
That's what makes me, I think, feel even, you know, that makes me feel some type of way right now because, you know, I know that you're proud of you.
And I know also I could tell that you feel loved by the person that did that for you.
That's somebody that loves you, man.
You know, and people could tweet about love and say this, and we could show images and this and that, and we could post all the shit we want.
But that, that's God's Instagram, bro.
You know, that's when somebody can make you have a feeling like that.
That's powerful, man.
And look, your girl doing that for you, man, made me feel like this.
Made me feel something.
You know?
So, yeah, man, I'm just so proud.
I'm just proud of you, bro.
You know, I'm proud of you.
And anyway, I don't know what else to say, man.
Yeah, it's been a long week, bro.
But thank you for sharing, man.
Thank you for being brave enough to share that, too.
You know, sometimes somebody does something nice for us and we put it away and we, you know, we want to talk about other stuff or we want to do different things that doesn't have as much of a heart in it, but you didn't make that choice, man.
You chose to share that experience with us.
And thank you.
Gang, brother.
All right, let's get a call here.
Hey, Theo, this is Henry, Battle Creek, Michigan.
Henry up there in Battle Creek.
And I slept in a damn funeral home one time at a up in fuck, I don't know where it was.
Homeward, brother?
Homeward?
I was just having some questions about, you know, I'm a high schooler messing around with some substances.
Okay, so you're high school and you mess in with some substances, okay?
Homeward, brother?
Would you say it'd just be better for me in the long run to skip so right now?
Because I know I do have a pretty addictive mentality.
And, you know, who knows, like, later down the line, what we should all fuck around with.
But yeah, I just want to know your thoughts about if it's just better to get sober young or ride it out and really maybe like this bigger lesson to learn.
I don't even know.
Peace, man.
Love you.
Be good yourself.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
That's nice of you to say, man.
You know, I could tell you're a nice person.
You know, I could tell that you care about yourself.
You know, and just nice of you to say that at the end there.
Remember when it used to be Best Buy all the time?
Middle of the night?
Remember?
Best Buy.
Every midnight.
Best Buy.
Get this.
You know?
It's damn, you know, it'd be like, oh, you got to get this, man.
The Book of Eli is on, you know, Blu-ray or something.
Pac-Man on Blu-ray.
Anyway, sorry, man.
Obviously, I got some resentments against Best Buy Video.
Something, Best Buy, basically, which is just China, basically big warehouses full of China.
But let me get back to you, man.
I'm sorry I made that about me there.
You know, it's a good question, man.
And only you can answer it for yourself, you know, about trying to be sober, getting sober, getting into that world.
You know, recovery, so many people struggle with things.
And, you know, sometimes I think it's our test overall as a species.
Can we solve these things that are broken in us?
No matter how many centuries and decades it takes and generations.
Can we solve it?
Can we solve what they are?
And alcoholism is a big one.
Because for a lot of people, it's not even about drugs or alcohol.
It's about the way they feel.
Has nothing to do.
They have people that have never drank or done a drug who are alcoholics, who are in recovery.
So just to let you know that it's a thing going on in your brain, or in your spirit.
But man, it's your call.
I know what you're saying.
Should I wait him?
Is there some lesson I'm going to learn by being out there and partying?
And I don't know.
Some people would be like, yeah, the answer is just tell them to get sober.
Yes, I could just tell you that.
But I don't know if you're an alcoholic.
I don't know.
You can only answer for yourself.
You know, there's times where I still think I'm not.
But that could be my alcoholism telling me that.
But I don't think it would hurt you.
Now, here's something I can recommend, man.
I think you maybe go to a couple meetings.
You know, go to some different men's stag meetings that are just men only.
So people ain't geezing around in there.
You know, geezing over there at a, you know, some, you know, they got a beautiful lady over there with some tatats or something.
You know, you want to focus on the nature at hand.
So I'd recommend, there you go.
That's something I can recommend.
Try a couple meetings.
See how you feel.
There's even young meetings.
There's meetings for more youthful.
So if you're a youthful man, if you got young blood in your body and young bones and tissue, then you could do that.
But I do know, I do know this, man, that there is a solution in those rooms.
There's a solution to a lot.
There's a solution to a lot.
And if that program doesn't get you there, you might just find your way to it different.
There's other programs.
There's all types of self-help.
But I'm glad that you're calling and seeing, that you're just even curious, that you're aware enough of yourself to say, hey, should I, you know, what's going on?
What do I think?
What do I do?
And so I would give it, I would peep it out, man.
You know?
Because you can always not go.
But, you know.
But that, you know.
But it's when I hear stories like Derek that called before you.
And man, you can just tell that another part of his spirit is getting is coming alive, you know.
And that's something that you just, you can't do by yourself.
That we need others.
We need help.
And all help is a lot of times is just others.
It's just a fancy word for it.
But anyway, man, a lot of people also called in about Chris and about everything that happened that's happened with him.
And I just wanted to say thank you for the calls that were expressing thoughts for me, that were being supportive.
And just how many, just a lot of people that love him, very an entertaining man.
It was just a lot of nice stuff.
And anyway.
Let's take him one more call right here that came in, man.
This is egregious, but I'll play it.
What's up, Theo?
This is Birdman from Birmingham, Alabama.
What's up, Bird?
Down there in Beeham, baby, huh?
Bird down there, bro.
And if I see you fist fighting up in that nest with small Allen, dog, I'm going to know what's up.
You're trying to blow up his hiding spot.
Dude, we've been looking for him for three weeks, B. Listen, man, I was just calling to say I love you, bro.
And I'm really grateful for what you do, man.
And I just want you to know that there's...
I just want you to know there's other people that are thinking about you, dude.
Praying about you, meditating for you, you know, all that good shit.
And I don't know.
I don't know if you hear this enough, but I just hope you keep your head up and you keep fighting that good fight because you're doing a hell of a good job, bro.
And, yeah, man.
Also, I came out and saw you over in Europe, and that shit was hilarious being from the South and watching you do some comedy in another country, dude.
All right, man.
You were on my mind this morning.
I hope you're having a good day, bro.
Love you.
Gang Gang.
Love you too, bro.
Love you too, man.
Thanks, Bird.
Man, thank you, bro.
That's nice of you to say, man.
You know, we all need to hear that people care about us.
You know, we all need to hear it.
You know, especially, I think, at a time like this where, you know, there's a lot of uncertainty out there.
There's a lot of structural uncertainty in our country.
And even in our species, I think.
You know?
Are we as a species?
Are we right?
Are we doing, can we do this?
But thank you, bro, man.
That's really nice of you, man.
I appreciate you sharing that, bro.
Hit me in them damn valves, baby.
Hit me in them blood valves, dog, in that first and second gear, bro.
And that freaking and that ticker and that transmission, baby.
What's a good song we can go out with tonight?
Stevie Starlight has a new album, and I'm going to try to get some tune from him I can play for next week.
But yeah, you know, I don't know, man.
I just.
Everybody, we got this, man.
We can do this.
You know, a lot of phone calls came in, too, about people on Greyhound buses and things that happened to them, dude.
And man, some real, real adventures.
And I'm going to play them next week.
We'll get into it next week.
But take care of yourselves, you know, and we got this and we can do this.
And I'm talking to you and I'm talking to me.
And just thank you, man.
Thank you so much for, you know, a lot of calls this week.
I think a lot of people knew that, you know, a lot of people in the comedy community are really heartbroken.
And I know a lot of you guys are too right now.
And, you know, we just, we have to just, you know, give our love and our support to everybody, everyone, you know, everyone that struggled with the scenario and things that have gone on.
And we move forward.
You know, we all move forward and we all get better.
So I don't know what I'm talking about, man.
But that's why I got you guys.
Because y'all do, bro.
Let's do a little bit of making it.
You knew it was going to be making it, man.
But this is Bishop Gunn.
And y'all be good to yourselves, man.
You deserve it, baby gang.
*music*
I ain't seen home in about a hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul.
And I ain't made a dollar, I ain't spent but where it's going and killed me.
I still get where I'm bound to go I'm makin'it I'm makin'wrong feel right I'm makin'it and it hails where I'm headed down I'm makin'good times All
of my plans slip right through my hands and wind up next to me broken on the ground If this bottle was an hourglass I'd say that I'm about an hour past the minute I
should've put it down But I'm makin'it I'm makin'wrong feel right feel right.
I'm making it, and it feels like I'm hitting you.
I'm making good time I'm making good time I'm making good time
*music* Between the lives that I've crossed and the friends that I've lost
I'm here alone in the sea.
But I'm in pretty good shape For the shape that I mean I'm making it I'm making it I'm making it wrong To see it right
Yeah, I'm making it I'm making it I'm making good time I'm making it I'm making it I'm making it wrong To see it right I'm making it And it tells where I'm hating the end I'm
making good time Yeah I'm making it Then you look at I ain't staying home in thou hundred days.
I can almost hear mama pray for my restless soul And that is all.
That's making it.
That's Making It right there by Bishop Gunn.
And you can check them out.
And, uh...
Yeah, I think we've said enough, man.
I think we've said enough.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John Clay, and welcome to Clay Club.
On the podcast, I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
Sometimes I won't interview them.
And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
So great.
Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
Jermaine.
Oh, hi.
I'll take a quarter pounder with cheese and a McFlurry.
Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
Oh, no.
Wow!
I think Tom Hanks is a buddy.
Anyway, the first rule the Kai Club is, tell everyone about Kai Club.
Second rule the Kai Club is tell everyone about Kai Club.
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