Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

Nov. 5, 2018 - This Past Weekend - Theo Von

02:11:58

Nutvember | This Past Weekend #145

Back from Buffalo, NY.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	Dude, I'm sitting here trying to have plans for the episode.
	Plans.
	You think about that?
	You know, I can't show up at life with plans?
	That is just trouble waiting to happen.
	You bring in plans to a life fight?
	Dude, life makes the plans.
	You show up with too much plans or you're going to be disappointed every time.
	You know, I got to stay in that flow.
	I got to stay on that flow, Kane, baby.
	You feel me?
	Just, you know, just let the Lord snort me as he shall.
	I. I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering, how could I be so far from my home?
	And my mind is somewhere else.
	But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Come on, get with me.
	Come on.
	When I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind.
	I found I can feel it.
	Come on.
	We can get the words wrong.
	It's okay.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking brake and let myself all mine shine that light on me.
	I'll sit and tell you my story.
	Shine on me.
	And I will find a song.
	I will sing it just for you.
	Wow, wow, man.
	You know what?
	I'm grateful they let me use that song.
	That's, I'm taking the headphones off on this one for now.
	That is Bishop Gun.
	And that is their hit single, Shine.
	And, man, shine your light on me.
	And that's what I need sometimes, just that warm, man, that light feels warm, doesn't it?
	You got to stay in the warmth.
	You got to stay in the light.
	You got to be a little light.
	You know, a little lighter pillar.
	And you got to go crawling in the bright parts of the world.
	You got to be a little lighter pillar.
	And you got to go crawling into the bright parts of the world.
	And look, man, that shine will hit you.
	It's going to, you know, it's going to literally brush off on us if we crawl in the light parts of the world.
	Oh, man.
	Good to be here with you guys today.
	Thank you guys for joining me.
	It is November 5 in the year 2018.
	Can you do 2018?
	We are living in the future.
	This is somebody's future.
	You realize that?
	This is somebody's straight up, just, you know, their brain outer space.
	They couldn't fathom 2018.
	And here we are.
	Here we are living in it and, you know, kind of enjoying it and also complaining about a lot of shit.
	This episode is brought to you by Gray Block Pizza.
	Gray Block Pizza.
	It's at 1811 Pico Boulevard on the way to the beach in Los Angeles.
	Gray Block.
	Get that heater, baby.
	And they got different types of pies in here.
	And they got some really choice pies.
	They got the Grecian, the Grecian, Grecian.
	They got the deep cheese, the Frenchie, the Venice.
	And Venice have spinach, sun-dried tomata with fiesta and mozzarella cheese on a tomata sauce, boy.
	And so, you know, they trying to really, if they giving you the tomata and the tomata sauce, man, you know.
	Because you got to perv a little to squeeze that tomato out and leave a little bit of his own, you know, squard out on your delectables there.
	So that's beautiful by them.
	And that's Grey Block Pizza in Los Angeles.
	And that's our charter sponsor.
	Been with us since not day one, but probably day 200.
	Happy November.
	I just got back from Buffalo.
	That B-Lo, baby.
	And Buffalo, man, it is, you know, it's a, you know, Buffalo's that resilient city.
	You know, and they want to, you know, sometimes like people want to talk about these cities.
	They fell apart and they don't have anything left.
	These Midwestern cities.
	And Buffalo says, you know what?
	Enough alo, bruh.
	We're coming back.
	We got virility, bruh.
	We still got a little bit of, you know, we still got a little bit of nut in our nuts, in our nuts, in our nuts bag.
	We still got a little bit of that newt, you know, that ba-bam.
	And that's Buffalo.
	You know, you see people walking around.
	You see a guy walking around there.
	He got a chainsaw with him.
	And he ready to work.
	You know, sometimes you used to see maybe a dude, he might have a crack, you know, a little bit of a crack pipe or like a, you know, a little empty bassinet and he looking for his son.
	Or he looking for somebody's child, a small child to put in the bassinet.
	But now you see a man walking around, he got a chainsaw, you know, or he got a, you know, he got an idea for a new app, a new mobile app.
	And that's Buffalo, man, a resilient city.
	They got a lot of call centers out there.
	They got a lot of, you know, they got, you know, they're really bouncing back in a lot of ways.
	but also, you know, they have, you know, it's for a lot of kids like to play, you know, hockey.
	It's a hockey place, so it's become a real mecca for these like specific hockey hotels and these junior leagues for hockey.
	If you didn't know that, about Buffalo, and they will, you can get hockey-ish up there.
	And hockey's a sport, you know, hockey's for people that are afraid to, you know, it's for people that are, that want a fist fight, but also, it's like boxing, but people that are kind of, want to be kind of at least a little bit nice about it.
	You know, like, let's, you know, I don't want to punch you in the face, but I will fucking hit you with this stick.
	And that's hockey.
	And, and it's friendly, you know, it's very respectable.
	Hockey, they do it outdoors on frozen water.
	A lot of sports, they come inside where it's nice and warm and stuff like that.
	Hockey doesn't do that.
	You know, hockey doesn't want to break the furniture or nothing like that.
	Hockey wants to, hockey wants to, hockey will be outdoors and say, hey, you know, we're not going to fuck up the coffee table.
	We're going to, you know, we'll beat each other outdoors on this frozen water.
	And it's really risky.
	It's almost a little bit sensual if you like real, you know, ice-cold sensuality.
	Then that could be hockey for you.
	But I had a nice time in Buffalo, man.
	Good people.
	Good people came out to the show.
	We had, you know, this dude, this dude, little Edward came out and he had something's wrong with him.
	You know, he very distant, bruh.
	And he reminded me of this kid when I was growing up, actually.
	They had a boy in my town.
	And it was this little black guy, honestly, man.
	And he was small.
	You know, he was probably anywhere from three to five and a half feet.
	And I think, I don't even know what his name was, but you couldn't really get his name out of him.
	You know, you kind of had, but you couldn't get, because here's why you couldn't get his attention.
	And he seemed really distant.
	And you had to tap him on the shoulder four or five times.
	You know, and we called him a little distant daddy.
	And he seemed, you know, he just, you almost had to wake him up like he was sleeping inside of himself.
	You know, it would have been really good if the Lord would have put like a little doorbell on his shoulder and you could, you know, press it and then he'd go get himself and bring himself to the forefront of his own existence.
	Because that's how it was trying to get him.
	You know, a little distant daddy couldn't get his attention.
	And you could do fireworks in front of his face or do a, and we wouldn't do that.
	I'm just saying you could do that as a, you know, you could put a couple of, you know, you know, couple, you could put a fox in heat right out in front of him.
	And if a fox is in heat, I don't know if you've ever seen a fox in heat, but a lot of animals try to come fuck a fox, bro.
	Because in the animal kingdom, a fox, you know, a fox is like the Pamela Anderson of animals.
	You know, every animal try to come fuck a fox.
	They got, you know, birds will fly down.
	You know, you'll see a damn nightingale come down with an erection, bruh.
	Trying to just park that thing into the back of a fox.
	Because everything wants to fuck a fox.
	People don't know that.
	And these are things that they don't teach us.
	And that sometime, you know, long ago, they used to teach children appropriate shit they could use in the world.
	And now what are they teaching them, huh?
	How to just be egomaniacs, how to think they know it all.
	We need to teach children good stuff.
	And some of the things they used to teach us was a fox in heat, that's everybody's treat.
	Dude, they'd have animals.
	You see a zebra, bro, trying to, you see a zebra fucking, you know.
	He'll paint a horse or paint a donkey to do his job for the day.
	And he'll slip out of his own cage and try to go fuck a fox that's in heat.
	And that's just the beauty of a, you know, a fox have that, is that beautiful of an animal.
	And I've eaten fox, man.
	I was talking to Jamie Kennedy today in the airport.
	I saw him, dude.
	I love seeing Jamie Kennedy, man.
	He makes me laugh.
	He makes me, you know, I can tell that he likes me and he appreciates me and he respects me.
	And so it makes me feel, you know, he makes me feel like cared about.
	And, you know, so I like talking to him.
	And I like, I just trust being around him.
	Some people, you know, I spent a lot of my life over the years when I think about it, especially being young, in conversations with people that I didn't really even trust, really.
	Just because I wanted their approval, you know.
	And man, I wish I wouldn't have done that.
	You know, I think I did it because I didn't, you know, I felt inferior or I felt, you know, I needed somebody's approval or something to feel okay, you know.
	And I would just listen and just bullshit out of idiots, you know, or people that I was afraid of.
	I listen, you know, I just fear listening.
	You ever listen out of sheer fear?
	You're just like, I'm so fucking scared.
	I'm going to hear everything.
	I used to be that nervous kind of child, you know, like that.
	That little nervous bad boy like that, you know, or good boy, really.
	You know.
	Just living through hell, man, but listening for heaven, you know.
	But I hate it.
	You know, I wish I wouldn't have done that.
	And now it's nice to be able to, in my time these days as an adult, to just acknowledge in my instincts, man, this person makes me feel good.
	You know, they might not be, you know, they might not be everybody's cup of tea or whatever, but it doesn't matter.
	They make me feel good.
	And so I'm going to be around them and talk with them.
	And I'm going to reverberate that Same vibe, you know, because I'm that fucking bloomerang, dog.
	If you're throwing out some beautiful blooms at me, man, you giving me that blooming energy, that blooming onion, dude.
	And I ain't talking about genitalia, I'm talking about you know, heart and pure emotion, bruh.
	Top four organs that I think out of somebody's body first before I think about genitalia.
	One, um, heart.
	Two, brain.
	Brain right there is second.
	Boy, you better get your fucking, you better get that heart first, bruh.
	You know what I'm saying?
	You better get that, that, that feeling, brain.
	That's what I want first.
	That, that, that, that thicker ticker, man.
	That's a heart.
	Your brain is just a computer.
	We got too many computers in the world.
	So I go brain, uh, heart.
	I go heart, brain.
	What else?
	Maybe liver.
	Because kidneys are confusing.
	There's two of them.
	What the fuck are y'all doing, bruh?
	You know what I'm saying?
	Figure it out.
	You expect us to figure out who's who?
	Who's who?
	What, what?
	Figure your shit out.
	Make one kidney.
	The fourth organ, lungs.
	I respect the lungs because they're teamwork organs.
	They're teamworkers.
	Lungs need each other.
	They work together.
	You know, they're like, you know, they're like the Eidarod dogs of the human body.
	You know, I did a rod dogs, if they're not happy, if they don't have a teammate, a partner up there, you don't see somebody running, doing the ididarod.
	And the ididarod is an Alaskan, it's basically a way to get away from your wife and family for like about a month in Alaska, really.
	And there's people in Alaska, they don't want to be, you know, they like having windburn on their face.
	And dude, people, I mean, you'll have a dude, a man start out, he'll be an Inuit, and by the end, he'll be out you it, you know, his whole face will be frozen right off.
	He'll look like fucking Michael Jackson of Alaska.
	You know, Michael Alaska.
	And this, it's a dangerous sport.
	And you basically drive across the country, let dogs pull you across the country for, I think, buried treasure or something.
	I don't know where the fuck they pull you.
	I mean, you know, dogs, dude, they don't give a fuck.
	They'll pull you fucking for two months until they find a newspaper or something and that's it.
	And you're like, damn, this d I did it right.
	I thought this was amazing.
	You know, I did this whole thing.
	You know, I just lost to a damn sports section.
	You know, they got two, you know, and you got to show up with real dogs.
	You got to show up with wolves.
	You basically have to approach some wolves and find the biggest kind of little poissé in the group and hire that one.
	And his buddy or his sister or whatever.
	Don't go out there with one dog.
	For the ididarod, nah.
	Nah, that ain't right.
	I mean, that's worse than human trafficking, dude.
	When you see one dude out there on a, you know, it's just some shady fucking, you know, some dark-skinned gin out there and he's fucking got an, you know, a little, you know, a Bishan out there out in front of him.
	You're like, what the fuck, bruh?
	No, that ain't a real thing.
	And sometimes you'll see a brother out there just trying to find some chicks.
	You'll see a brother out there.
	He got, you know, two pit bulls out there.
	And he wrote a Prancer on the side of one of them.
	And reindeer on the other one.
	He wrote reindeer on like, dude, come on.
	But he's out there and he got these two.
	He'll be out there and he's just looking basically for some snow puss, bro.
	You know, his brothers go deep to find the ladies.
	They love ladies.
	And also, you could find who else out there on I Diderado?
	You'll see sometime like they're, you know, kind of, you know, like a homo erotic type of man out there with a little Bishan.
	And the Bishan cold as fuck.
	He's got on like nine suits.
	You know, he's got on like an astronaut helmet, the Bishan.
	And he's pulling this one little, you know, and the dude, he ain't even paying attention.
	This guy, you know, little whatever his name is, fucking slippery Arthur or whatever this dude is, he's up there.
	He's on grinder.
	He's just playing grinder the whole time.
	He's out there just, you know, looking for some Eskimos, looking for some of that iced cot, you know, looking for some of that icy pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
	And that's ididarod.
	Anyway, I'm just telling you what the iditarod is, is people basically looking for buried treasure and they use dogs to do it.
	But if you show up to the iditarod with only one, you know, the good dogs, you know, the soft wolves, they won't go hard if they don't have a partner.
	And that's factual dude.
	That's one of the facts from a higher power.
	That's not me.
	I'm not telling you that out of my brain.
	That's something that's, you know, from a higher power.
	And so you can, and that's in the books and everything.
	That's in a library.
	Basically, in the library, when I was growing up, that was, it was like your dad, but it was in a building.
	And it, man, you go in there, dude, and it's, but anyway, yeah, the lungs, the lungs have to work together.
	So that's the fourth organ that I respect the most.
	After that, straight up full body wiener.
	That's that fifth organ.
	Because the wiener, you don't really need it until you're ready.
	Until you're ready to procreate.
	Because you can just, I mean, be honest, bro, we can just piss out of a little hole in our body.
	You know, we can just, I mean, man could have a vagina if he just took his wiener off and got very angry sometimes and, you know, let Mother Nature kind of push his buttons in the background, you know, once a month.
	And he also gave better hugs.
	And if man could do all of that, then I think that they could probably, if they were able to take off their wiener, they could be a they could have a shot at being a woman.
	But anyhow, but what I don't know what I was talking about, man.
	I never know what I'm talking about.
	And then for brief moments, I do, I guess.
	But I'm grateful to be here with you guys, man.
	And I just want to say this, man.
	Support the podcast.
	So many people come out and support it.
	Continue to support it.
	And I'm grateful to the people that have come out.
	You know, and I love, I'm grateful to get to go see, I get to go see Buffalo and I see people that come out, man.
	Dude, they had a guy that came out and he came out, I think, Thursday or Friday.
	And man, you could tell it meant a lot to him.
	You know, he's standing there and he was kind of tearing up, you know.
	And he was like, hey, man, you know, your podcast has really meant a lot to me.
	That's what he told me.
	And I could see it.
	You know, I could feel it in his face.
	I could feel it in his face, man, because our eyes are just, you know, they're just wet balls of fear.
	But they really want to be hugs.
	And I could see in his eyes, you know, he had just these kind of fearful hugs going on at the same time, those battlers.
	And I get them.
	You know, I get them a lot when you get those battlers, man.
	You know, when your eyes are just, you know, they just, you want to express emotion.
	You know, and this guy, he was just feeling his emotions, man, and I respected it, you know.
	And he's like, hey, man, I love you.
	You know, I really love you.
	And I just want to tell that guy, you know, I don't know if I got to express to him.
	I love you too, man.
	You know?
	And not, you know, I'm not trying to be wild with you or nothing like that.
	You know, I never, you know, I've never owned a van or nothing like that or anything.
	You know, and I babysat overnight.
	Everybody knows that kind of thing about me.
	I'm not trying to be wild with you.
	You know, I'm not trying to shake your hand and then keep moving my hand up your body, up your arm and up your, you know, into the nape of your neck and down your body like that.
	And next thing you know, I'm introducing myself to your wiener and all of that and everything.
	I'm not doing that.
	There's a lot of shady men that do that.
	Trust me, I live in Los Angeles.
	Dude, you have no clue how many, you know, men out here offering handshakes.
	And really the whole time, they just trying to, you know, know how much your balls weigh so they can be fancy back at their house and they want you to see their artwork or something.
	Dude, artwork?
	Bro, do you think I care about artwork?
	Because if I go looking at it hard enough, you're going to sneak around and try to paint a picture of your face down between my booty.
	And so I know what's going on here.
	Some boy trying to be sneaky.
	And, you know, everybody's got their desires, but don't sneak them around on me.
	You know, because that kind of stuff happens to men too.
	It's a dark, the dark arts are alive here in Los Angeles.
	People thinking they can just buy your way.
	You know, aggressively buy their way into your insecurities.
	It's crazy, man.
	They have the securities exchange.
	They should have the insecurities exchange because they got a lot of sneaky men out here and that's dark arts.
	What was I talking about?
	Man, my brain is like on a nature trail.
	My brain today feels like it's just running from the police and it's just going to, you know, it's going.
	It's ducking through the woods this way and through that way.
	To wherever.
	Oh, sorry.
	But this young man came out, man, and it just, man, I appreciated it.
	You know, because for a second inside of him, man, he was like real vulnerable and he was telling me how he felt.
	And I, you know, I needed that.
	You know, I needed that to kind of bring me into a place more of vulnerability sometimes.
	You know, because that's one thing I loved about this podcast when it started and it's going to get back there.
	And it is back there.
	It has its moments.
	You know, but there was really, you know, I was really, you know, to be honest, I came to this podcast in the beginning with some vulnerability and just talking about my life and fear and then and my fears.
	And then now it's wild because since there's more listeners, I get afraid sometimes.
	I think to, or, you know, my ego gets in it.
	I don't know sometimes if I'm connecting the same way.
	But I think that there's always going to be a level of adaptation.
	And, you know, you don't realize that you've got to turn the stove off until your house is on fire.
	When your house is on fire, you're like, oh, fuck, I can cut the stove off because, you know, this fire is going to heat up these, you know, these tostadas or whatever I'm making out here.
	These little, I like to make Pop-Tarts with peanut butter melted on them, bro.
	Don't tell anybody.
	Don't tell anybody, dude.
	If you tell anybody, I'm going to be upset.
	But I like to make those.
	You know, I get those beautiful.
	Bro, that's like a damn birthday cake.
	When I was growing up, some of my mom would slip up and she, you know, because I grew up in that household where if they had peanut butter in the house, people were hiding it.
	You know, people, I remember they had this board game about the game Clue, and I didn't understand it.
	People hiding from each other in a nice house.
	I'm like, why are y'all hiding, man?
	Y'all should be enjoying this shit.
	But then my mom, she put it to me like that.
	She's like, well, just pretend it's like somebody in our house, you know, when we got peanut butter.
	And I was like, oh, man, you don't know who's got the peanut butter.
	Because in our house, somebody would hide the peanut butter.
	If you had, dude, when the peanut butter came out of mom's thing, if she didn't fucking hide it, somebody better hide that shit.
	Bro, when you were pouring peanut butter the closest thing to a fucking steak, that's a whole, you know, that's a 40-ounce jar of filet mignons, baby.
	That's spreadable fucking, that's that spreadable, you know whatever bro that's that spreadable that's uh that's that spreadable sirloin that's that spreadable sirloin peanut butter and you wouldn't know who had it so you were constantly like you know quizzing people smelling people's breath because peanut butter is that hunt you can't some things you could hide if you're eating you could hide the smell if you've had about 40
	dude you could have 50 gummy bears you sick bastard you eating bears bruh you don't think that you don't think that mother nature's remembering that shit and next time you out there hiking or gardening you growing a couple of radishes and ba-bao bruh a real bear gets your ass that's candy karma son look out you know that's just like when you have you know you addicted to butterfingers and you at one of these hollywood meetings and
	fucking you know some soft boss out here gives you that captain lou albano or something and you're like whoa whoa what was i talking about uh oh man i was enjoying what i was talking about too um let me see what i was talking about i know what i
	was talking about dude because i'm going back in time in my head my brain is slow like that dude my brain it's like a um my brain sometimes it feels like a i don't know if it feels like it's running from something or running towards something you know what that's actually kind of an interesting question just to ask ourselves you know do
	we feel like we are running from something or moving away from something or towards something in our life and if one is better than the other you know or if if sorry i'm just thinking out loud here if or i'm not sorry i'm thinking i'm out loud that's what this whole podcast is for for me to think out loud man but
	um but yeah i'm like i'm wondering like i'm trying to get that feeling in me in my life am i running from am i moving towards something or am i moving away from something and then if i am is one of them by like am i running from something or am i running towards something like if you're running towards something there's excitement if you're running from something there's fear so i'm just i'm just rendering
	uh which one it is and maybe we'll call that rendering sometimes i render dude this said that's kind of crazy that's kind of neat that we just thought that up together i'm rendering which what am i going where am i going am i going towards something right now or am i going from something is something pulling me is something pushing me am i moving at my own will am i moving by choice am i moving by fear
	what's is there something in front of me something behind me where's my geppetto at you know where's the strings what's going on here with me and i think at the beginning you know and and i keep talking about this podcast like you know i because here's the thing i feel like this could the community in this podcast is a good opportunity i noticed that i've noticed a good opportunity my whole life and when i see groups of people coming out to these shows man it's people that are loving people i mean loving people
	in the world and i know that we are building a neat community and i don't mean that i'm building it because even just like on that rendering idea some people like oh it's a stupid idea they shut the show off that's fine but i couldn't come up with the idea i couldn't help come up with the idea if you guys weren't listening there with me and being a safe place for me to think and feel you know it's kind of sad that in the world today dude people can't even have a thought or
	feeling without feeling they're going to lose their job you know or they're feeling they're going to lose their voice dude how many people during the election afraid to probably vote or or think or ask a question because they feel that they their boss would fire them or they'd be unwelcome in their neighborhood or their apartment building you know uh and
	i'm not making it political man but i'm just you know i'm trying to think of things where you know people where we just feel like we can't do something um but man i was enjoying one of the thoughts that i was having earlier and now i can't remember what it is yeah i don't know where my train of thought is just my train of thought is just i don't know if left the station or somewhere it's lost if you see a train in your local area on the street then you know it could be uh it could be an idea that i had the other
	day uh or today right now that just left and landed somewhere out by you um but yeah it was just like this you know getting back to the guy that came out it was just like you know uh it was just nice man it's nice to see emotions i feel like emotions are going to be something that's going to be in a museum one day you know and that's why sometimes i'm like we live in this time are we scared to even have emotions of these little baby bears that are climbing around our rib cage always you know emotions
	are these beautiful little tricksters you know they're doing handstands and some of the bears are hiding behind the cage and you know some of them there's always a couple of bears down by the bottom ribs you know one of them's got his face painted up like marilyn manson's and they you know touching they little you know they touching their little candy sticks you know but but bears are you know our feelings are like these little bears that are just climbing around on our rib cage and
	this is our this is their you know this is their monkey bars and our feelings used to be more like monkeys you know and they were more like primal kind of you know and now they're more like bear bars you know our feelings are a little softer sometimes and people sensitive and the bear will slip off the bars and fall down into a lawsuit um you know but it's like you know our rib cages are like monkey bars
	for our emotions and and i don't want our emotions to be something that disappear from the world and technology is something that takes those but we have to just you know but we have to work with it so i think sometimes they should have laws on how much technology there can be people are like that's crazy that's not crazy there's laws how on how much cocaine you can do and drive around yeah they won't allow any which i think it might be a little
	off you know i'm saying sometimes a little pop will help you get you know help you get through light traffic if you feel me but if you out there just you know dusting yourself off you know if you out there just fucking doing drywall in your in own interior you know you serving your brain just fucking desert dunes then you're going that's not safe but
	is technology this shit is a hell of a drug dude i saw a kid the other day i talked to him for 40 minutes he didn't even know i was there he didn't know i was there i had to impersonate a pop-up advertisement to even get his attention for a second and then he just like kind of it's like they had an X right here and he just kind of pressed it by my head like Jesus Christ just a different time but
	yeah I think our rib cages are like these these places you know there they used to be monkey bars for our feelings and then that and I so I respect that when I see an emotion from somebody that's real you know I'm kind of a romanticist I guess in that sense I'm kind of a traditionalist and I love those things man and so I love the fact when anybody's brave enough to share some thoughts or some real emotions and I'm that's what I you know that's one thing that I love and those are the types of things those people that come out to our shows you know they're real there's a
	lot of emotional just real people and I love that man I appreciate it we had some some police officers came out up from Miami Dade bruh I respect those guys they came out everybody's always hard on the police the police dude these aren't dudes dudes aren't scientists they're out there fucking fighting bad guys and doing the best they can you go fight a fucking bad guy you can't you afraid to even you know give your 13 year old son
	a spanking you can't even watch the danielle cormier fight you know shout out Louisiana you can't even watch that without you know making sure all your doors are locked I can anyway and then here I got and I'm gonna sit there and tweet about cops or complain about cops fuck anybody that's complaining about shit on Twitter man and if I do it fuck me fuck me as well bunch of wimps you know a
	bunch of freaking wimps the world gets better we get out and make it better man and and good people are coming out to these shows and sorry I'm getting agitated about that but I really feel that and we're gonna do some cool stuff together as a group as time goes on and that's one thing that I love about this podcast group it's not just a you know I think and I don't I'm not trying to sound ego egotistical you know I feel like we're just creating so many people send me messages and emails and
	just say nice things dude I get here I'll put one of these we'll go to a couple voicemails I get like 50 of these a day man in some facet I'm not joking bro what's up CO it's Brian down in South Florida I was just listening to your podcast and you were talking in South Florida dude that's basically a hurricane that's that's a hurricane uh that's basically a summer that's a summer that is a that's Martha's vineyard for
	hurricanes when hurricanes are hatched out in wherever wherever they hatch them out there Voldemort or the Middle East or whatever you know they're making these things out in the Middle East hurricanes look where they come from every time right over there right for us dude they're manufacturing these things and then they buy you know and then they're doing all these insurance claims and shit let's liven up that is but uh thank you for calling man and thank you for being alive still if you live in south florida onward talking about
	this time of year and kind of new beginnings and i just wanted to let you know man yesterday i went to court and they let me off of probation that's what i'm saying boy we got him off who is this dude again sorry man let me go back and listen from the beginning sorry what's up theo it's brian down in south florida brian not guilty not guilty what do you even do dude i was just listening to your podcast
	and you were talking about this time of year and kind of new beginnings and i just wanted to let you know man yesterday i went to court and they let me off of probation your boy is free after a whole year and they even wiped my record clean so i feel like i got a fresh start and i just wanted to really thank you because it was a hard year and every monday you kind of kept me up and
	then on thursday you kind of got me through the end of the week and you really helped me out and i'm going to take this opportunity with a clean slate to just kind of live for my new daughter and for myself and for my family and i just want to thank you theo you you help a lot of people gang gang papa you know and i appreciate I appreciate the nice words, man.
	Dude, you help a lot of people by sharing that story.
	That's what I'm, this is a perfect example.
	Dude, we're just little share bears, you know?
	We're just little shared bears out here crawling around the rib cage looking for some real feelings.
	And then, your boy Brian, okay, free Brian, this dude.
	We don't even know what he did.
	He might have fucking, you know, two of Brian's cousins might be missing.
	We don't know.
	We don't know what's going on.
	He gets to spend time with his daughter.
	We don't know.
	But we appreciate that he shows up and he comes in on Monday and this is what we're a part of.
	Because by people listening, that's how I'm here.
	I come on, you know?
	And so it's a team effort.
	That's what I feel like.
	I really, really do feel that way.
	You know, yeah, everybody wants listenership for the shows and they want people to, you know, tune in and stuff like that.
	And yes, I've always wanted that.
	But the show's grown.
	It's grown, man.
	It's grown.
	We're going to have the listenership.
	You know, and now it's just like, what do we do with it as a community?
	Because we can do some cool stuff down the road as a group.
	We can do cool stuff in different communities and all types of stuff like that.
	But dude, thank you, Brian, for being a part of it.
	And get out there and take your girl to do something.
	You know, maybe buy your girl a little, you know, with something special.
	Get her a little shovel or something.
	Teach her how to look for treasure.
	Because you do that, man.
	You teach a little daughter to look for treasure.
	Not out here in the world by chasing, being a gold digger.
	But you give, you know, you know what they say.
	Show a woman a rich old dude and they'll eat for a month.
	But give a woman a metal detector and that bitch will seek out her own future.
	And that's what I'm saying, man.
	I wish we had a cute little shovel we could even mail, you know, to you to give your daughter as a gift.
	Because you know I respect a hardworking woman more than anything.
	And I hope you raise one of those, man.
	Because life is about hard work, bro.
	And I'm out here and I'm fucking feeling soft a lot of times, but sometimes I feel a little bit proud of myself.
	And I don't know, man.
	My brain's all over the place today, but I'm grateful to be here and be in a safe place where I can share it.
	Because these days people can't do it anymore.
	And we're lucky.
	And that's what we're keeping here, baby.
	This is the fucking hive, son.
	This is a hive, bruh.
	A curious crew.
	Heroes up in here.
	You know, I know some of this shit sounds crazy and stuff, but I feel like we can do some cool shit.
	You know, and I'm not going to be ashamed to feel hopeful.
	This is a hive of fucking hopeful bees, bruh.
	And we're going to, every now and then we're going to sneak over and stang Brandon showers, Brandon Shaubs.
	But thank you for that call, manny.
	You're welcome, dude.
	You're welcome.
	And thank you for showing up every single week.
	That's what I got.
	Let's take another call that came in here.
	The hotline, as always, is 985-664-9503.
	And I want to let you know, I'm grateful that, remember, we did Man Up a while back, and we had Josh and a few other guys that came on.
	You know, Bobby Lee came on as a guest on an episode.
	And next thing you know, we made three episodes for Comedy Central.
	Well, now Comedy Central wants to make a pilot of the show.
	And so now they are, we're going to do it again.
	So if you have, you know, if you're struggling, you're a man that's struggling with something real.
	I'm not trying to take advantage of your situation.
	This is, you know, obviously genuine.
	I want to be able to, you know, offer an experience that could be helpful.
	But you live in Los Angeles or is somewhere in America and you think it could be a good fit for this.
	You know, hit us up.
	Drop us a call, 985-664-9503 and leave us a voicemail.
	Now, with that said, if you're also a guy who doesn't want to have anything to do with that and just wants to share what's going on in his week or is struggling with something, or a young lady, you can hit the hotline as well.
	Or a young lady that might have an, you know, for the show or not for the show, but you can hit the hotline as well.
	And that's always a safe space first.
	That's a safe place first.
	You know, and then secondarily, this is something we're going to do.
	And I'm excited about it.
	You know, it's like, you know, and I've had different thoughts over the years about Hollywood and, you know, how I've, you know, felt unwelcome here at times and stuff like that.
	But here's the thing about the world is, man, you have to meet the world where it's at.
	You know, and sometimes and sometimes things will adjust and sometimes you will adjust.
	But you can't, if you're walking, if I'm walking around all the, if I'm walking, I'm saying you, and I'm sorry, I've started to say that recently.
	And that's when I know I'm getting too into my own world.
	And I need to go to more meetings and connect with more humans.
	When I start seeing you instead of saying, you know, we or when I start pointing at somebody and not pointing at myself.
	You know, because nobody should do anything.
	You know, why?
	Because nobody's going to do anything that I want.
	Because they don't know what I want.
	A lot of this shit's in my head.
	Only I know what's going on with me.
	And I got to come at the world, you know, and I have to meet the world where it's at.
	If you're sitting around bitching about the way something is, but you're so far off in a different direction that you're never going to be able to associate there or work there.
	You know, it's like if you live in Alaska, but you waiting to fucking catch some sunshine.
	And you just sitting by your window all day and you got your tannin oil.
	And you got a couple of fucking cigarettes you stole maybe from your stepmother or something.
	You know, because she's fully Italian, bruh.
	And full Italians, dude.
	They born with a cigarette in the back of their throat.
	You know, they got, you know, they got all kind of nice stuff at the house, usually a little pack of mist that, you know, Virginia slams and, you know, black olives, those Little cans of black olives, dude.
	A full Italian woman, they'll keep a couple black olives in a Brazier, bro.
	You know, they'll joke with you.
	You pull a bra off, and you think it's nipples, and they're like, ah, no, it's an old Italian, you know, joke.
	These are two black olives.
	And she hands you one, and you have y'all have a little snack before y'all get into a little breast play or something.
	You know, a little mutually agreeable breast play.
	I'm not talking about doing something deviant.
	You know, this ain't me too.
	This is meat lovers.
	You know what I'm saying?
	This is Italian.
	But sorry, see, some of my brain goes on this tangent and I can't get back to what my thoughts are.
	You know, people brush their teeth every day and a lot of people are doing it wrong.
	You're still using a toothbrush?
	What are you driving a horse to work?
	Come on, man.
	People brush too hard and some electric toothbrushes are too abrasive.
	Well, Quip has a built-in two-minute timer that pulses every 30 seconds to remind you when a switch sides.
	That way you get a full even clean.
	It's basically just like it tells you how to do it to quit thinking if you want to.
	Quip declutters your sink or cabinet and makes traveling with an electric toothbrush easier.
	Three out of four of us use bristles that are old, worn, and ineffective.
	Dude, some of us, honestly, guys, even use the one that we use to clean our shoes to clean our teeth.
	That's true.
	Well, now you can get a Quip toothbrush.
	It's beautiful.
	It's sleek.
	It's patented.
	Man, it looks so flush.
	If you like, you know, fancy looking things, then this is your thing, bro.
	This is the, you know, this is the calamari of teethbrushing.
	So go to Quip.
	All right.
	And that, it's so designer, man, it's designer.
	That's why I love quip.
	And that's why I love quip and why they're backed by over 20,000 dental professionals.
	Quip starts at just $25.
	If you go to getquip.com slash weekend right now, you get your first refill pack for free with a Quip electronic toothbrush.
	That's your first refill pack for free.
	Getquip.com slash weekend.
	That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash weekend.
	It's the future of teethbrushing.
	Could be a great Christmas gift.
	Go there and check it out.
	See how you feel about it slash weekend for your first for a free refill pack with your Quip electronic toothbrush.
	You know, that's like, yeah, if you're waiting for the sunshine in Alaska and you sitting by them and you just the whole life, you're complaining, ah, they don't, they don't.
	Well, at some point, you got to go down there with a fucking, and tell them you love sunshine.
	And then they might be like, oh, we didn't know anybody liked sunshine here.
	We thought people just liked Windburn on their face, like that dude I was talking about earlier, some of those dudes, you know, they'll burn their whole fucking face off.
	They got a dude, you know, in you it and then out you it.
	And then they, you know, William H. Facey, next thing you know, they got nine fucking faces on and they running around town.
	But what I'm saying is you got to meet the world where it's at.
	You have to meet the world where it's at, man.
	The world is in one place.
	You're in another place.
	You got to meet the world where it's at.
	And I'm excited that we're going to be able to do something great with Man Up in this past weekend.
	And we're going to be able to help out people that, you know, that can use some, you know, some extra Harump, just like myself, because I need it constantly.
	And I go out and find places to get it constantly.
	And one of the places that I get it is right here with you guys.
	And so I'm grateful to that.
	And I'm grateful for this opportunity in my life, in our lives, man.
	This is going to be, dude, what if we get to have a real show where every week we take, you know, we take somebody from that we're, you know, that wants to be a part of the podcast and wants to inspire others.
	And we get out there and make something cool with them.
	Dude, to be able to help somebody in real time, that's really cool.
	And I know we're already doing that.
	You might say we're already doing that.
	You're selling out this sort of thing, but it's not.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I trust my instincts on things and I trust my instincts on this.
	And I'm excited about this pilot and I'm excited about the opportunity because we've done it a few times and we've proven, we have a track record that there's genuinity.
	There's genuinity in it that people's doing genuine good stuff.
	Let's hit through a couple of calls here.
	Oh, let's take this call right here.
	Here we go.
	Hey, Mr. Fitzgo.
	This is Roelle from Houston, Texas.
	Hey, doc, I wanted to give you my Halloween story.
	Okay, and Halloween is over now, and I appreciate you calling because you know how much I enjoyed it.
	And man, I love Halloween.
	My God, dude.
	I mean, I just was at the house today just putting away about 40 damn witch outfits, you know, and dude, none of them's mine.
	So who knows what I'm probably going to get arrested for?
	Onward.
	So we're doing a little trick-or-treating.
	We've got two kids.
	Oh, you got two kids.
	You batched out twice.
	I respect that, man.
	That's that full-body batch, you know.
	Onward.
	And first of all, got these lazy motherfuckers raining outside.
	Got these lazy assholes driving by.
	And let the kids, you know, jump on in and jump on out.
	Oh, yeah, that was us, bruh.
	But mom had us not only driving, but the station wagon thing down.
	So not only would we get back on, it wasn't in.
	We were just standing on the tailgate, getting wet.
	Just drenched as fuck, dude.
	Just jumping off into the Mekong Delta.
	Onward.
	Get your ass out.
	Get wet.
	Let's do it.
	Let's have fun.
	Anyway, so to the main story.
	So my kids go into this knock on this door.
	And I'm talking to the old lady.
	And my daughter walks back and she doesn't say nothing.
	She seems kind of scared.
	And I asked her, say, honey, what's wrong?
	And she doesn't say nothing.
	When that's Halloween, man, children get scared of all kinds of shit.
	You know, you hear a fart during Halloween and you think it's, you know, your great-grandfather's coming around looking for bread in the kitchen or something.
	Omer?
	My son is still by the door and I see the guy peep his head through the door.
	So I walk up there in a hurry.
	I say, hey, man, what's going on?
	What you doing?
	First of all, this gentleman doesn't have a shirt on.
	Answering the fucking door like a goddamn creeper.
	You know, this is 50-50 on this one, man.
	Because you know, should somebody have to wear a shirt just because your kid wants some fucking candy?
	That's the question.
	Your kid's getting free shit, you know.
	Maybe the guy should be able to serve it however he wants.
	Now, I think he should at least have a vest on.
	I know that for a fact.
	If I'm giving anything to a child, bro, very least, I ain't, you know, maybe I'll show one of my nipples.
	Times has changed.
	When I was young, you could, you know, show both of your black olives to a little kid.
	It didn't fucking matter.
	You know, you did what you want.
	But now, everybody, you know, people's sensitive to seeing other people's black olives.
	So, a shirtless man, I got to hear more about this.
	Let's go.
	Fucking door like a goddamn creeper and hands my son two cans of fucking raviolis.
	First of all, I think I need to do a better parenting job on my son because his dumbass is standing there for some fucking raviolis.
	But my daughter's smart enough to get the fuck out of there.
	Oh, dude, two can of raviolis, bruh.
	That's called an Italian hit and run, dude.
	If somebody don't care about you, you know, and they're Italian, they don't invite you to cook, but they'll fucking hit you with those, you know.
	Gina will hit you with two cans of raviolis and they out.
	That's that Italian hit and run.
	So they might have known your boy wasn't, you know, didn't have like a real tongue for foods, I'm guessing.
	Maybe they thought that your boy didn't really have a strong tongue for foods, you know, and so they're looking at him.
	Maybe he needs to kind of, they were thinking that.
	But yeah, your boy took them snacks.
	Your girl got out of there.
	Girls know.
	Dude, women are drug dogs, basically.
	They know what's going on.
	Women know it's seven or eight years old if your marriage is even going to work.
	If there's spouses out there, you want to know your marriage is going to go work?
	Go ask your fucking seven-year-old.
	They'll tell you right now.
	You're paying all this money for a therapy.
	You got a crystal ball right there in the back room doing arts and crafts by herself and making homemade purses and shit and making dream catchers.
	You know, making all these, you know, these Ariana, you know, Pete Davidson mood ring dream catchers or something.
	You know, I don't see how Pete Davidson doesn't come out with a mood ring.
	You know, he basically was Ariana Grande's mood ring.
	I've said it.
	You know, however she was feeling, he would dye his hair.
	And I love that.
	You look at Pete's head, you'd be like, oh, wow.
	Well, I guess she's approachable today.
	But, you know, your kids, yeah, door to door.
	I love it, man.
	Your kid learns a lot.
	Because here's the thing.
	I've been a kid right there.
	And somebody handing you canned goods and they don't have a shirt on.
	I've been that kid.
	And you learn a lot, man.
	You see a lot right there.
	You see something you don't want to be.
	You know, or maybe you see something you do.
	You also see somebody giving food to somebody else.
	There's something beautiful about it.
	Somebody handing you a couple of, you know, consumable treats.
	You ain't got to do nothing.
	It's kind of beautiful, you know?
	But yeah, maybe look for the positivity in it.
	When else is just, you know, the only way you're going to get two canned goods out of a dude with no shirt on and be able to see that live in real life, I'm guessing probably a food drive after a University of Kentucky win, after a University of Kentucky football win.
	But not in the city limits, not in Lexington anymore.
	You got to go outside of the city limits for really, really to see that.
	So that's what you're looking at.
	And that's after a church food drive.
	But yeah, you got to be careful.
	They got pedophiles out there.
	They got pedophiles, pedophiles, you know, pedophil.
	It's a lot of dudes are even afraid of kids.
	That's what I have.
	I'm a pedophyr.
	I'm afraid these days to be around children unless it's my own nieces and nephews.
	And I get in there and we wrestle and everybody's legitimate.
	You know, nobody's doing anything sneaky or trying to look at each other's body or even, dude, I don't look at them from the shoulders to the kneecap, son.
	I'm not related to that child.
	You know, I'm not related to that visual area.
	I keep it shoulders and up and knees down.
	And, you know, I'm a good on, that's how I do it.
	But I have pedophiles now.
	And pedophere is just being, like, I'll see somebody with a cute kid or something.
	I want to say, hey, that's a, you know, you have a beautiful child there.
	You have a very, your child was very nice.
	He, you know, he bumped into me, but he said, excuse me or something.
	Or we saw someone struggling and I, you know, and he helped him out and I catched it, but the parent didn't see it.
	And I'll be like, yeah, I can't say anything, man.
	They might think I'm the bad one.
	Let's take some other calls, man.
	Here we go.
	Thank you for calling about that Halloween, man.
	And thank you for taking your kid's trick-or-treating even in the rain.
	Those are beautiful memories.
	You know, one thing that would be cool is maybe your kid goes to the door, you duck off getting a scary outfit with like a little hat chat or something.
	You know, one of those little native choppers, bruh.
	And then they come back and they're looking for you and you fucking, they don't know you're in that, you know, that I know what you did last Sioux Falls outfit.
	You know, that big yellow raincoat with that little native hand hitter, bruh, that hat chat.
	Thanks for calling.
	Let's take another call.
	Hey, Theo, what's up?
	This is Blake from Atlanta.
	What's up, Blake, over there in Atlanta onwards?
	I guess I'm sort of what you would call a kind of a newer listener to your show, but I love your show.
	Okay.
	Escuchin Nuevo, Papa.
	Miamenidos.
	Vallo.
	And I felt like I had to get something.
	I was thinking about something because it's Halloween tomorrow for me.
	It's Halloween tomorrow and for the rest of the world.
	Yeah, man, Halloween, that's, you know, everybody's doing it at the same time.
	You know, you know, and I respect you as a person.
	You know, you don't get your own Halloween.
	I guess if you want to, you do.
	If you own a wishing well or something like that, then you probably could do it whenever.
	You know, if you got one of those, you know, those baby gateways in the backyard that goes to the, you know, the nether's world and that, you know, that little fucking narnia outburst, you know, that little, you know, that little Shawshank retention.
	You know, if you got that little back thing that goes into a dirty pond out back of your place, you know, that magic, that wishing well, and you could jump into that and, you know, and just get all handy-doo frame up in your brain.
	You can do that, make your own Halloween.
	But yeah, let's hear more onward.
	You know, so I'm feeling kind of Halloween-y, and it's also almost November, so I'm also feeling kind of Thanksgiving-y.
	And I've been thinking about pies.
	I've been thinking about pumpkin pie.
	And I've been thinking about, you know, peanut pie, because I've heard of both of those pies.
	Oh, yeah, man.
	And I know you, I love pie.
	And I don't know if you knew that or not before you called.
	But man, I love pie.
	Because a pie is just a pie just looks up at a cake and is like, hey, look at all the fucking beautiful shit I did in just an inch and a half, motherfucker.
	You up there.
	It's like watching a Mexican dude do well in basketball.
	That's a pie.
	And he looking up all of their all these cakes, all these German chocolate hitters.
	Six story, nine story.
	They got Euro players, these, you know, Tiramasu hitting them from the threes and that.
	And doing them baby Gator shots and all of that shit off the back top.
	And then they got your boy.
	Little Ektor.
	You know?
	Ektor Piso Uno, bro.
	And he's that pie, baby.
	And he gets it all done at the bottom of the bowl.
	And I respect that 100%.
	I love pies.
	And I'm just shocked you even knew that I was thinking about him as much.
	Because it's so crazy.
	As soon as Halloween, once that pumpkin strikes midnight and Cinderella gets out that bitch, I got pie in my sky, baby.
	Let's hear more.
	So you've heard of pumpkin pies and you've heard of pecan pies, but what?
	But I've never heard of pumpkin pie.
	That's something I've never heard of.
	What do you mean?
	And that'd be like a little half and half pumpkin pie, half pumpkin, half pecan.
	So I was thinking about that pie, and I was thinking, is that something that you would be interested in?
	Is that something that you would try?
	Or are you more like a pie traditionalist and you don't think that we need to be melding different types of pies?
	So thank you for taking my call and happy Halloween.
	Oh man, I think you are on to something.
	That pump can, huh?
	And that's uplifting too.
	Because pump can, dude, that's can, that means anybody, you know, you have a piece of pie.
	Next thing you know, you, you know, you and your cousin fucking sharing whipped cream, you know, you sharing the toppings on each other.
	And that's pumped can.
	But pump can, now you and your cousin starting a small business.
	And I love that, that pumpkin, pecan, boom, boom.
	That's that diversity, you know?
	I like that little, you know, that little pie, that pie movement.
	Yeah, I love pies, man.
	And you know what, you know what's funny?
	Now that you say it, I do need to branch out because I've been so convicted to apple.
	And I've been so convicted.
	And I'll fucking do.
	You show me a peach.
	Dude, I swear to God, you show me a peach cobbler.
	You had a peach cobbler in the woods.
	Maybe I would say up to 60 feet off the interstate, even behind a couple trees.
	And I'll still be able to see that bitch driving at 65 miles an hour.
	I will still be able to see that thing, boy.
	My eyes are keen to a cobbler, baby.
	I got that cobble wobble in my face, son.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I see a dessert enough, you know, I just can't even handle myself.
	I see a cobbler.
	Dude, gas station, I'll be out full tank, bro.
	I'll be driving by it.
	I'm like, I don't need any gas.
	I see Peach Cobbler, 215, a quarter pound, bruh.
	Dude, this thing ain't even a Tesla and this bitch is doing automatic U-turns.
	I'll be U-turning up in that ad gas.
	All right.
	I'm pumping gas.
	The tank is full, bruh.
	I'm filling the back seat up with gas.
	I don't give a fuck.
	I want an excuse to get that hitter.
	And that's that collar, huh?
	Dude, my neck goes limp around a cobbler.
	I can't, dude, I got to have two, two, you know, two shorties, two beautiful little southern, you know, little biscuit babies in there to hold me up while I order it.
	Because my neck goes limp around a cobbler.
	Because a cobbler, they basically just took a peach pie, put that bitch in the streets for a few weeks, and taught that thing how to twerk, baby.
	And that's a cobbler, boy.
	And I do that cobble wobble.
	I'm a cobbler, son.
	I'm fitting shoes for my sweet tooth, son.
	I love cobbler.
	But yeah, I appreciate you calling about that.
	Let's take another couple calls that have come in here, man.
	You know, last week I shared about some different issues that I was having at the urinal.
	Because I'm that urinal, you know, I kind of turn into that little baby.
	You know, I'm really like a seahorse at a urinal.
	You ever try to look for a seahorse under the water?
	You could barely see them because they galloped off and they shy like that.
	And that's how my bladder is.
	My bladder is like this.
	My bladder is like a, you know, there's this nervous connection between my brain and my, and my wiener.
	And it's like a still lake.
	And if one thing upsets that surface, man, makes me nervous, and then it's just that ripple just goes and goes and goes.
	And man, I just, there's such an uncomfort.
	You know, just a little pebble of an idea of discomfort or anything or negative thought or something.
	I don't know, uncertainty, anxiety gets in.
	And then I'm standing at the urinal.
	And I'm not even peeing anymore.
	I'm just somebody that's, you know, I'm somebody that's just been holding on to their penis for like three or four minutes while other people are peeing.
	And I get sad about it, man.
	I get, you know, it makes me nervous.
	And I, you know, I shared about that on last week's episode.
	And so, you know, I want to, some people called in about that.
	Hey, CEO, this is Jeff in the Twin Cities.
	And the Twin Cities, he's talking about Minneapolis and St. Paul.
	He's not talking, you know, I don't want anybody thinking there's like a magical place where twins go live at or something.
	You know, there's not like, you know, like lookalike Nevada or some shit.
	He's talking about Minneapolis and St. Paul.
	And I think it was founded by men.
	I don't think they were identical twins, but they said they were.
	It could have been some type of Ponzi scheme.
	But let's hear more.
	I heard on your podcast when your urine kind of locked up on you, when you were at the bathroom.
	I've got a tip for you on that.
	And it works every time for me when that happens.
	Oh, wow.
	This is interesting.
	So you got the pop-a-lock on the U lock here.
	Because, yeah, man, once I hit that nerves, then I'm just basically straining.
	My whole body is straining, and I can't have no feelings in my wiener or in my wiener area homeward.
	And I heard this on a Henry Rollins video.
	So this is, you know, he's in a lot of public urinals, so this is like tested and stuff.
	Oh, yeah, he looks like a guy who's just spent his whole life just pissing in Berlin.
	You know, he's been through some real, you know, right there on that Mason-Dixon line in Berlin.
	He's been a real, you know, he's been on the real just front streets of, you know, urine issues onward.
	You know, it's science, I think.
	But what I do is when I can't go, I start doing the multiplication tables in my head, like 2 times 2 is 4, 4 times 2 is 8. And I swear by the time I'm at 16 or 32, it's going.
	It starts no matter what.
	So you might want to give that a try if that happens again.
	So, you know, good luck.
	Love the show.
	See you later.
	Bye.
	That's cool, man.
	I like that.
	I like that.
	I'll try that.
	Two times two is four.
	Two times four is eight.
	Two times eight is 16. You know, the problem is it gets tricky after that.
	You don't want to be the dude at the urinal fucking just nudging some brother, you know, or some little, you know, a guy next to you, you know, beautiful Laotian gentleman or something and saying, hey, buddy, you know what 2 times 16 is?
	Because in some areas, you know, out there in Math Laham or wherever, if people, you know, if they, you know, if they have like a lot of homoerotic men and they like to do math, then dude might think you're trying to duck off or something with them.
	And maybe that's fine if that's what you're looking to do.
	You're trying to just go look and add each other up and, you know, just multiply each other's bodies in your mouths and all of that, then you can do it.
	But yeah, but I'll try it and I appreciate that.
	You know, I appreciate you calling and saying, you know, this is a way that you can try it.
	Two times two is four.
	Two times four, eight, two times eight, sixteen.
	Yeah, because I guess it maybe takes your brain into a different direction so you're not feeling your anxiety.
	And part of it these days, man, we just got to take our brains in a different direction.
	And some of that direction is movement.
	Movement will get you going.
	The problem being in a urinal, you stalled out.
	They don't have these running urinals where you can run and piss at the same time.
	You know, that last of the Mohicans, you know, leaking.
	I could do that, bruh.
	Oh, I could, you run with a spear in my hand, jump off a cliff, piss at the same time.
	How's that not an Olympic sport, dude?
	We got this bitch-ass stuff, people jumping over hurdles.
	Who gives a fuck, dude?
	Do something that's really an Olympian could do.
	I don't see somebody jumping over hurdles anymore.
	That's not even an Olympian anymore.
	That's just a night.
	That's an advertisement for a company now.
	I want to see that real hitter.
	I want to see somebody, you know, you know, catching a violent sheep or something and strangling that thing, you know, at the same time that he's, you know, that he's doing a backflip off of a third-story burning building over there outside of Toledo.
	Now we're talking, that's the fucking Olympics.
	Get this other shit out of here.
	But I'll try the multiplication.
	Let's hear.
	Because multiplication to divide my problems.
	I like it.
	Onward.
	Hey, what's up, Theo?
	It's Gunter from Ontario, Canada, Toronto more specifically.
	I turned on your podcast, right, and you started talking about that nervous pee game.
	And I just wanted to let you know that I also suffer that affliction.
	I also struggle to piss in public.
	I believe it started when I was about 10 or 11. I remember distinctly, I was at a big football game with my dad, and we went to use the urinals during halftime, and there was a big line.
	Oh, my God.
	The line is the worst.
	Because the line is the worst if you know you're not going to be able to pee, or the line is if you already know that.
	Now, if you don't know that, the line is the worst anyway at a urinal, because now it's like everybody's waiting.
	Everybody, you know, you're supposed to be like the Mark Spitz of Piss or something or the, you know, not, you know, who's somebody that did something real fast, dude, and it was a bunch of bullshit.
	You know, I'm trying to think of somebody like that.
	You know, it was like the, I don't know, I want to say Lane Kiffin, but I don't think that's the right guy.
	But yeah, just some, you know, you're somebody that fucking faked it and got it done.
	And then, anyway, I'm going to quit interrupting you, man.
	Onward.
	I've grown-ass men behind me, and it made me nervous, and my dick just seized up.
	And I'm 23 now, and it's been that way ever since.
	Wow.
	Onward?
	It's very bizarre, but these days, sometimes what I do is I go into a stall and sit down and piss.
	And that probably sounds absolutely absurd, but like you already stated, the alternative is standing at a urnal with your dick in your hands for three minutes and then shaking a dry dick and walking away.
	And I figure it's the lesser of two evils to sit down and piss.
	Yeah, because then you're just like, you know, you're acting.
	You didn't really do that.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Then you're acting like you pissed.
	You're fucking Joe Pishy.
	You know, you're pretending you piss, shaking it off.
	Dude, trying to, you know, just saying things like, oh, that was a lot.
	You know, things like that to make it seem like you did a lot of urine.
	And the whole time you got nothing.
	You got that dry little, you know, that little cat's yawn down there.
	And it's like a third, you know, and a cat by the second yawn, that thing's dry as hell.
	You could raise cotton in between its teeth.
	But man, it's scary, dude.
	Onward.
	But it is humiliating and it is an affliction.
	Anyways, I appreciate you and I appreciate the podcast and everything you're doing here.
	Love the community.
	And yeah, keep on, keeping on, gang gang.
	Gang gang, Papa.
	And look, I'll be honest with you, man, when I get up at night sometimes, because my urine, you know, I got a urine or my wiener has some type of damn, you know, I think divert ticulitis or something.
	It just, the urine gets diverted right out the gate.
	And I'm pissing on something.
	I'll water a plant.
	You know what I'm saying?
	I'll fucking breastfeed a, you know, I'll breastfeed a chihuahua across the street.
	I'm fucking blowing streams, you know?
	Just like a, you know, like kind of a cheap shower head or something.
	If you ever stayed at a place that, you know, you got to bring your own shower head.
	When I was growing up, they had a motel.
	When we would drive up to Memphis, they had a motel and you had to bring your own shower head in there.
	And for $2, they had unlock the water and you could hook your shower head on there and do, you know, do your cleaning or water your plants in the bathroom or whatever.
	And so we would go in there and, but that thing was a piece of shit.
	You know, that thing is blowing everywhere.
	I mean, basically, this thing, it really didn't give you a shower.
	It basically just ruined the drywall at a fucking apartment, at a motel.
	I don't even think when I really think back on it, that thing was just a scam probably to collect insurance money or to accuse somebody of something.
	Or they probably sold them in an area.
	Some company probably bought all the apartments and motels in an area.
	You know, and then they had and then they had, you know, they ran you, you know, you get in there and they made all the shower heads in the area and sold them at stores.
	So them people got the showerheads, came into there, ruined it, fucking ruined the motels.
	And then you got to get the insurance claims.
	I bet, dude, look, the dark arts abound, brother.
	The dark arts abound.
	But don't be ashamed of yourself for sitting down and doing urination.
	You know, that's kind of a thinker's stance, really.
	That's that Filipino squat.
	You know, Filipinos, they like to sit down and think.
	They don't, you know, in their smaller targets, they don't get killed as much in war.
	Go think about 70 or 80 wars.
	Okay, think about it.
	Or think about 40. It's quicker to think about 40 wars.
	You don't think about Filipinos dying, do you?
	Because you don't see them.
	They're squatted down.
	They're thinking very wise, beautiful, smiling people.
	Personas con divertido.
	De boca.
	The people with the fun with the joy in their mouths.
	Filipinos.
	And shout out to my wine that I've never made called Filipino Grigio for the man that sits down to urinate.
	No shame in your game, brother.
	Drip, drop.
	You know, be that bad boy.
	Be that bad boy, man.
	And I appreciate you sharing that too.
	And maybe try the multiplication.
	The other guy suggested.
	That's a good thing.
	I'm going to try it.
	But don't feel ashamed, man.
	I do that stuff too.
	And it gives us a chance to sit and think and calculate it instead of standing up there with our nerves.
	You know, we make adjustments.
	We meet the world where it's at.
	You know?
	Because, dude, for most of my life, I stood there afraid acting like I could piss, dude.
	Isn't that crazy?
	Like, I'm pissed for walking, bruh.
	Why?
	Why?
	I can't.
	Oh, I pissed.
	I didn't.
	I didn't.
	But the whole time, I can't even get that drizzle, drizzle.
	You know, I can't even get that 10% of piss, you know, piss, you know, precipitation.
	But I just, you know, I want to keep living the bullshit.
	Nobody's watching that shit, man.
	Get into your comfort zone.
	And if you got to squat it out and drip drop to be comfortable, that's okay.
	That's okay, man.
	Because you make adjustments, you meet the world where it's at.
	That's how you get better.
	That's how you move forward.
	Now you're not sitting there, you know, standing there with your hand and you've jumped, you know, fake pissing forever.
	Then you got, you know, now you're sitting in a bladder.
	You can't enjoy the rest of the game.
	You got a full bladder of urine.
	Your dad thinks you hate him because you got this uncomfortable look on your face, but you're riding on two gallons of fucking, you know, boiled Pepsi that's laying in your bladder.
	It's just a world of bullshit when we start it.
	And we start it by fear.
	By the fear, man.
	So I appreciate you sharing that, making me think, man.
	We'll stick in the wiener world, man, and we'll stick with some more wiener calls that came in.
	These are all labeled wiener by my producer.
	So from here on out, I'm getting into this wiener category.
	Onward?
	Hey, Theo.
	Appreciate you.
	Appreciate the podcast.
	I just want to make a comment on Jack, who beatens me a little bit too much, can't keep it up during sex.
	Oh, yeah.
	This was a call that came in last week.
	The man was calling.
	He said that, you know, he'd been having issues.
	He'd been masturbating too much, and it was affecting his relationship with his girlfriend.
	Onward?
	I've actually dealt with that a little bit before.
	So I think he just needs to find out why he's doing that so much.
	For me, it was because of who I was with, and I found myself going to my extracurricular activities.
	I was looking for essentially what I. I'm sorry, but I lost my train of thought for a second because I looked at my phone.
	So I want to apologize, and I'm going to take your call back and start it over.
	I'm sorry, dude.
	I shouldn't have done it, but fuck, honestly, I didn't even know I was doing it.
	And then I did it.
	I mean, that's like a witch's spell, isn't it?
	This technology.
	That's a witch's spell.
	And that shit ain't illegal, bruh.
	This is hand.
	This is a fucking hand cocaine, son of phone.
	That's that focaine, baby.
	Let's start your call again.
	I know it was about jerking off, I think, Almer.
	Hey, Theo.
	Appreciate you.
	Appreciate the podcast.
	I just want to make a comment on Jack, who beatens me a little bit too much, can't keep it up during sex.
	Oh, yeah, beaty Jack.
	And he called in last week.
	He was having some issues.
	And I respect him for calling, man.
	Jack, thank you for calling, dude.
	I know it's kind of tough stuff to share sometimes, you know, but I've struggled with that a lot of my life.
	You know, they used to call me the soft boss.
	And I wouldn't have that erection, bro, but I would have that, you know, it was still kind of a choice meat.
	I had that choice meat, you know.
	I had that kind of skirt steak.
	You know, it's not really, you don't know how it's going to be served, but it's, you know, it's still kind of steak, you know.
	But anyhow, yeah, BD Jack, he called in last week and he was having, he was, he was doing too much self-pleasure, you know, and creating his own straight-up body oil out the front, that, you know, that, that skeet, baby.
	Them weenie tears, bruh.
	Them genetic weenie tears that your weenie makes and your nuts make together as a team.
	That's teamwork fluid.
	And the thing was that he was struggling with it because it was affecting his relationship.
	And that's where we were with him.
	And now you have called in.
	Thank you for calling.
	Let's hear some of your suggestions for him, I'm guessing.
	I've actually dealt with that a little bit before.
	So I think he just needs to find out why he's doing that so much.
	For me, it was because of who I was with.
	And I found myself going to my extracurricular activities.
	I was looking for essentially what I craved.
	And it wasn't who I was with.
	And now I'm with a girl I fucking love.
	And, you know, it still beats my meat, but I definitely don't have any problem keeping it up.
	Maybe that's his issue.
	I don't know.
	I don't know him.
	I don't know.
	And I just know what he said, and that's what I dealt with.
	So maybe it'll help him.
	Well, I love the way you presented it.
	First of all, man, you presented it as this is my experience.
	And this may not help.
	It may help.
	I don't know.
	But this is me being willing to share my experience with you.
	And you're not accusing him or saying it definitely will.
	So I love the way you presented that, man.
	And that reminds me of how to present things to people and how to share instead of, you know, direct, really.
	And I need reminders about that stuff.
	And so I'm, you know, man, I'm thankful that you called just now because I really, I think you needed that.
	Yes, sometimes when you, when you, you know, when you're jerking, you know, when you're jerking off, you know, it might not be because you don't know if it's the right person.
	And I've wondered that too in my life, you know, because I've struggled with a lot of, you know, I've talked about this before.
	I was struggling with a lot of, you know, being that soft boss, you know, being that, again, that, you know, kind of like a, you ever see a dude that kind of, you know, has a cane?
	He's still cruising, bro, but he gots a cane, you know, that's like my dick.
	You know, you know, he's doing it, but he also, he struggles on, you know, but he's still out there flexing, bruh.
	He's still out there wearing a crown and got a chunk of cheese in his mouth.
	But yeah, and I wonder sometimes, well, is it just because I haven't met the right person?
	And I'm just like forcing my dick into this other person that I don't want, into this haunted house.
	Because dude, fucking somebody you don't care about?
	Come on, bro.
	That's like putting your dick into a haunted house, man.
	Think about that.
	And your dick doesn't even have any eyes, dude.
	At least if we're in a haunted house, we have eyes.
	We know things are looking at us.
	We know that clock suddenly, you know, is tick-tocking with knives instead of clock hands.
	We know that there's a mummy over there, and we know those are bats.
	Your dick is just blind, bruh.
	Your dick doesn't have eyes.
	All of its eyes are feelings.
	All of it smell, it's feelings.
	It only, instead of five senses, it have maybe...
	I don't know if thinking is a sense, but it probably only has two feelings, dude, out of the five.
	Two senses.
	So you putting a two-sense animal into a straight-up fully haunted house.
	And you expecting that thing to do work, boing?
	Come on.
	So yeah, maybe that's a good suggestion.
	Maybe you just haven't met that right person.
	Now, that doesn't mean to alienate your girl because you said you love her, you know, but maybe it just, it's not the correct fit.
	But no matter what, I'm going to say you got to take the pornography out of it.
	Because I know that the gentleman mentioned that.
	And I'm going to, you know, because that's a huge issue.
	Let's take another call.
	Well, by God, there's just something in it.
	I have this problem.
	Weird things keep happening to me throughout my life consecutively.
	Literally this past weekend up in Gainesville with the Wind Star.
	Okay, thank you for calling, man.
	I think you said your name was Will, and this is at the Wind Star.
	And I think that's a casino maybe or something.
	Let's hear more.
	This 80-year-old lady told me a dirty joke after I got done telling bad jokes to this waitress.
	Oh, when senior citizens, they do, it's Carte Blanche.
	It's Carte Blanche Devereaux, dude.
	When you're a senior citizen, you tell them anything.
	They'll tell you a dirty joke.
	Dude, a senior citizen, you Tap them on the shoulder, they'll be like two dicks walk into an office.
	Did I say office?
	I meant orifice, dude.
	Senior citizens love that.
	You call them about offering them, you know, home bullshit life insurance or trying to sell them some fake gold or something.
	Next thing you know, they'll, you know, a senior, an old lady, bruh, who knows how to work a phone, she'll send you that freaking top pick, bro.
	You know, showing you that freaking bean bag.
	They're wild, man.
	Senior citizens, they're just, they're dangerous babies that kind of know what the fuck's going on, but are also really starting to bother everybody.
	Let's hear more.
	She said, 80 years old, man, it's like my grandmother talking to me.
	She said, how do you know when a woman's not wearing underwear?
	Well, grandma, I don't know.
	She said, well, you look at their shoes for the dandra.
	And I was fucking full.
	And, yeah, it's about eight years of weird shit like that.
	Just old people and soccer moms and introducing me to their kids.
	It's all very strange.
	And I'm not sure what to just go with the flow.
	I mean, shit.
	Fuck, I don't know.
	Well, hey, you know, life's a joy.
	It's fun.
	Hell yeah.
	Okay, so that was it, man.
	Look, I appreciate you calling, man.
	Look, I appreciate you calling, hitting the hotline and being, you know, brave enough to share that.
	I don't fucking know, bro.
	Life is wild.
	You know, life has these crazy things that come at us.
	And, you know, I think your story to me got wild at the end.
	You know, you kind of handled and gretled me there at the end.
	You kind of showed me the woods and then just left me, you know, standing there with a bag of fucking bird seeds, you know, and all the birds is trying to fuck or something.
	And I'm trying to chill out.
	But, but, yeah, I don't know what the thing about the daughter, you know, soccer moms, I don't know where that went.
	But yeah, senior citizens is wild, man.
	So be careful out there.
	But let them tell you their jokes, man.
	Let them share with you.
	We don't take care of seniors in our world.
	And, you know, this does bring up, this is a thing that hits me at my heart.
	And I think this is something that we can work on.
	I think next year somehow is trying to find some time to spend some time with seniors in some way and enjoy what they have to offer us.
	Because a lot of cultures do that.
	In America, somehow we forget about some of that.
	And I think we'll get infected by it more as other cultures come into America.
	And maybe it's just in my life.
	I'm accusing other people of that, but there is a big thing where we forget about our old.
	All right, let's hear more.
	Take another call.
	Hey, Theo, this is Race Williams calling out of Salt Lake City, Utah.
	I had a comment.
	What's up?
	And I'm coming to Salt Lake this weekend, so I'm grateful, man.
	We got five shows that are sold out out there.
	We're doing a single mom.
	Man, I couldn't be more excited.
	I couldn't be more excited to come there and just share some and just have people laugh.
	And that's it.
	That's it.
	We're going to create some good energy there and see what we're going to let that shit loose into the world, baby.
	Leave the windows open, dog.
	Because we're filling this big bad balloon of the universe, this balloon of some solid laughter and joy.
	Let's hear more.
	One of the young gentlemen that says he was getting soft during the frisky time and that he watches a lot of porn.
	I just wanted to say to that young guy, you got to quit that shit, man.
	It ain't good for you.
	The girls that we see on that porn, they ain't real looking.
	All these women don't all have those fake ass, fake lips.
	It's just a bunch of bullshit to poison our minds.
	And he needs to get started.
	It's no shade November.
	And it's also no nut in November.
	So we ain't nutting.
	We're not masturbating.
	The only nut you can take or give is when you have sex with your women.
	And that's all, man.
	He needs to cut that shit because it feels better to please your ladies than not please your ladies and jacking off in your hand.
	It's addicting and it's shit all of us men got to cut.
	Gang gang, have a good day, man.
	Bye.
	Gang gang, stay off that handbang.
	And we ain't handbangers, dude.
	This ain't handbangers ball out here.
	And I appreciate that, Colin.
	That's a good suggestion for dude.
	Because look, I'll say this.
	I've said this.
	This is our Vietnam, bruh.
	This is your Mekong Delta.
	And you want to stay out of it.
	This is the, you heard of the dark arts?
	This is the dark parts, baby.
	And don't keep that thing.
	Keep it off of your wang year.
	And that's, that's French for wiener, bruh.
	And keep it off your wiener, man.
	Masturbation is killing, it's killing us, man.
	Watching the pornography is just killing us, man.
	I mean, it's fun, I'll say that.
	They got some beautiful, you know, people out there doing booty tricks and all of that.
	And, you know, they got girls juggling and, you know, eating dirty Skittles and all of that off of each other's crevasses and everything.
	But what I'm saying is this.
	It's hurting us.
	It's hurting us.
	And it's no nut November, man.
	I'm going to try to commit to it.
	Dude, look, somebody told me that on November 1st, somebody sent me a text.
	And I had literally just masturbated in my hotel room.
	And I just felt so bad.
	I'm like, damn, man.
	Here I am.
	Supposed to be taking care of my nuts and everything.
	And I'm blasting out into my little hand universe, bruh.
	Sad.
	It's sad.
	Because you got this virility, man.
	You got this special spice.
	And the world does, you know, a lot of the, some of the media, some of these fucking lonely, you know, it's a lot of lonely ass people writing articles about how men aren't good.
	You know, and it's a lot of, like, I think there's a lot of lonely women too.
	Look, there's been a lot of deviant men out there, but there's a lot of lonely women out there who are afraid to admit that they want to be loved by a man.
	And a lot of them have been writing articles and just accusing all men.
	they're not accusing all men, but they're putting out this vibe sometimes that a lot of men are bad.
	And I don't believe that.
	I think a lot of men are good.
	But I do think a lot of men have been poisoned also in not knowing how to treat a woman sometime.
	You know, and so we're all in this together.
	That's what I'm saying.
	We all have a part in all of it.
	And men have a big part, though, in our own, because it affects your brain.
	Every time you leak in that a little bit of that, you know, you know, that secret white worm sauce, bruh.
	You know, that smoky yokey off the chokey.
	You know, you out there blasting, you know, you making fucking little baby, you know.
	You know, you making, you know, you just blowing baby salmon butter out there.
	It's nervous.
	It's not good because you need that in your brain.
	You need that chi.
	You need that pineapple hit.
	So, but yeah, I was just embarrassed, man, because I've been doing it, you know, and I just masturbated.
	I was like, fuck, I'm not going to do this.
	And then last night, dude, same thing.
	I thought I wasn't going to masturbate.
	I'm literally sitting there thinking, I'm not going to masturbate.
	And then bam, dude.
	Like, like Count Jerkula, bro.
	That thing just bit me in the neck.
	And next thing you know, I'm out there finning my own dolphin, you know?
	Just out there huck finning myself.
	Just, you know, just Negro gemming my own deal.
	You know what I'm saying, bruh.
	You know, painting my own fence.
	You know, two beautiful, you know, black and white friends out there touching themselves.
	And that's what I just turned into as bad.
	So, but yeah, I'm just ashamed.
	You know, and then I feel ashamed.
	That's the biggest thing.
	Then I start to feel ashamed.
	But, and I'm not saying if you're a young buck and you out there killing deer still in the woods, it's not, then you go do it.
	If you could jerk off and every, I mean, some of these young guys, they could fucking fill up a tire, a car tire.
	You know, they got that AAA out the weenie.
	They pull over and they could fucking, you know, fix a flat off of one splat.
	Sorry, this is sounding really like a bad comedy album, but, but you know what I'm saying, man.
	Some people have that ability and they, but if I do it nowadays, I feel bad because I don't want to be doing it, man, because I want to keep my chi.
	I want to keep that.
	You know, we have to retain what we have because the universe, man, this tech universe is making all of us, you know, bro, two years from now, it's going to be crazy to even have a, you know, still have semen.
	People are going to be, you know, throwing their semen off of cliffs and stuff.
	It's going to get weird.
	So some of us got to hold the line and hold on to that seed.
	One more call?
	Still love the show, gang, gang.
	Tony from Philadelphia.
	What's up, Thomas from Philadelphia?
	Thank you for calling.
	I'm going to use you as an example real quick, man.
	If you guys call, you know, and when you do, I'm grateful that you do.
	And I do want you to know that this is a safe place to call.
	And if you call, try and sit upright or something when you talk so I can hear you better.
	Thanks for calling, Thomas.
	Any tips and advice you got for us fellow men that are participating in No Nut November?
	I wanted to see where your thoughts are on it and if you got any tips for us.
	Gang, gang.
	Well, you know, I'll say this.
	If you mess up, you can recommit.
	You know, don't be afraid to recommit.
	Just because you mess up doesn't make you a bad person or anything like that.
	It makes you human.
	You know, it makes you human.
	And there's a lot of examples out there that people aren't allowed to mess up.
	People aren't allowed to say something and explain themselves or talk about it.
	That ain't the world I live in.
	And that world is dying off, man.
	A lot of these people live in this fictional world where they're just accusing, you know, somebody can't share a thought or a feeling, even if they're wrong.
	And then humble themselves and apologize.
	You know?
	I mean, people are really divided on that lady, Megan Kelly, and I don't get, and this isn't a political thing at all.
	But, you know, she, you know, I don't think what she said was wrong.
	I think what she said was very progressive in a lot of ways.
	We can't share our, you know, a child can't, you know, imperson, a white kid can't impersonate his favorite black character because of stuff that people who aren't even alive anymore were doing a long time ago to be racist.
	It just feels, it feels like what you're teaching that kid there then, then it's just, it's not about connectivity.
	You know, to me, it just feel, it doesn't feel right.
	That's the thing.
	And maybe I don't know exactly what the feelings are, but it doesn't feel right.
	And of course, I'm just a white person saying it.
	I get that.
	I get that other people might have that point of view.
	But if I, you know, if I have a daughter or something, she loves a black princess or she loves, you know, Native Pocahontas, and she can't dress up like her because it's, you know, I don't know.
	Then I just don't know if that's the funnest feeling to be, you know, if that's a, you can't be her because she's black.
	You can't be her because she's Native American.
	Now, if somebody's making fun of somebody, yeah, but what's their intent?
	You know, and then here was the thing about Megan Kelly.
	She came out and apologized.
	And I think that, you know, the shit with the network and all that and her agency dropped her.
	I thought that that was lame by her agency to let her go.
	You know, trying to save this invisible face and not be like, if a black woman says something that they think and they apologize for, it's like, or if a Latino woman says something, they apologize for it, then you listen to their apology.
	You decide if you think they're sincere.
	You know, I found that Megan Kelly was very sincere.
	You know, you let them share their thoughts, but to not let anybody apologize for a mistake that they made, and maybe it was bigger than that.
	But I don't care what color or background or anything someone is.
	Here's the thing: it's not a sustainable human way for people not to be able to apologize when they make a mistake.
	What are you teaching children then?
	What are you teaching she should know better?
	Maybe she doesn't know, but you think all adults just fucking know better because they're adults?
	Or all adults know exactly what your idea of knowing better is?
	People have different ideas.
	What about that?
	You know, a lot of these, there's a lot of Hollywood that doesn't want to just work with people, that doesn't want to meet humanity where they are, which is human.
	We're human, man.
	People make mistakes all the time.
	And those are great opportunities to learn.
	These are the things that they taught us.
	These are the things that I've learned from Hollywood and from growing up and from being, you know, teaching, people teaching me stuff.
	The mistakes are a great opportunity to learn.
	And then now somebody makes a mistake and is affront about it and apologizes and tries to be sympathetic or empathetic.
	I don't know which one.
	And they fucking are just chastised.
	It's just like, man, it's just not a cool place for anybody to not be able to make a mistake.
	Because it's not realistic.
	That's the thing.
	It's not realistic.
	And I've never held anybody to that standard in my life.
	You know, and if I ever have, man, I'm sorry, you know.
	I don't care where they're from or who they are, what color they are, what they're, you know.
	Like the other day, I was at home and I heard a kid tell a racist joke.
	You know, some joke.
	I didn't think it was cool.
	And I told them.
	But I told them why, you know, I said, look, this is why.
	I don't like hearing that because this is why.
	And it was cool.
	It was cool.
	You know?
	But to not have a chance for, and then I listened to the kid and what they thought.
	And they said, well, somebody told me that at school.
	And I understand.
	And I understood where they come from.
	That fucking kid might not be racist.
	That kid has learned something from somewhere.
	But adults should be able to, everyone should be able to make mistakes or even not make mistakes and be able to explain themselves.
	But when we live in a world where people can't have a different point of, not even a point of view, but a point of discussion, it's really strange, man.
	And I'm grateful that we don't live in that place here.
	And if you ever feel like I'm acting that way or being that way, man, please bring that up.
	Hit me on the hotline, 985-664-9503.
	And in the meantime, I'll be trying not to jerk off, dude, and not be ashamed of myself if I don't.
	But what tips do I have?
	That's what you asked about.
	What tips do I have when it comes to not jerking off?
	Dude, you got to stay off the electronica at night.
	Sexting and stuff like that, I think, or being sensual over text or looking at sexy things on text or, you know, even Instagram, looking at tits or looking at brassiers.
	You know, I used to Google, you know, rare brasiers and stuff.
	I'd be doing drugs and you Googling rare brasiers and, you know, different Roman, you know, archipelago type of, you know, brassiers from the past and all of this shit.
	And, you know, ancient, you know, titty covers and all of that.
	And next thing, you know, I'm busting out to some shit that's 1100 AD.
	So that's one way to stay off of, to make it through November.
	Stay off the electronic sexual endorsements.
	Because look, there's a lot of companies out there.
	They want you to, they're companies, dude.
	They want you to bust.
	That's all they are.
	All this sexual, you know, why are you advertising a women's bathing suit at a man?
	And then the next day you advertising pornography.
	Because the first day they got you thinking about that.
	And the second of the they got you thinking about that.
	Okay, that's the first thing.
	Number two, spend time with people.
	Don't be alone.
	If you're alone all the time, dude, nobody's jerking off in front of their friends, right?
	Except for Louie Anderson, or Louis C.K. Sorry.
	I don't know Louis Anderson that well.
	But dude, honestly, bro, I'd watch Louie Anderson jerk off.
	Dude, it seemed like it would be exciting.
	He's fucking entertaining.
	I bet he would make a great bit about it.
	And he's a showman.
	I mean, anyway, that was kind of, I don't know where I went with that, but don't be alone.
	People that's jerking off is alone.
	That mentality of like being by yourself and being secret and you fucking, you know, dealing up a little batch of hand sauce.
	That's a lonely event.
	Spend time with others.
	Interact with others.
	You'll feel the joy from others and they'll feel your joy and you feel a little bit more value to yourself.
	And I think when you feel a little bit more value, you might not go on to those types of sites.
	Third and most importantly, you can get, there's something I have it on my own phone.
	I'll show you right now, dude.
	It is called, like I Google right here, I Google Hotlanta Breast Nudie Babies.
	Okay, and I got this thing comes up.
	It's called MOBASIP, M-O-B-I-C-I-P.
	This content has been restricted for your safety.
	This is an advertisement.
	I don't work for MOBASIP.
	Okay, another one is called Covenant Eyes.
	You can put that on your computer.
	You give the password to a friend, you know, or an enemy.
	That's crazy.
	So then they know if you looking up them, you know, them jerky hitters at night, they get a ping on their phone.
	They're, you know, they might be at a, you know, maybe having a couple waffles or something over there at, you know, at Wally's Waffles.
	And then they get a ping.
	And it's like, oh, Randall, Randall's looking up that dark bust.
	And you're like, damn.
	So you don't want that happening.
	You don't want to be interrupting somebody's digestion with your, you know, infection.
	So you can, you can, you know, one way, that's called covenant eyes and MOBISEP.
	Those are two things you can have.
	And those will keep you from, you know, pleasuring yourself.
	It just is one more line of defense because to pleasure yourself, man, you get the idea and then you have to act on it.
	And sometimes if you have one more hurdle, Even though I hate hurdles, dude, lame sport jump over something, put a fucking tiger out there, bruh.
	You know what I'm saying?
	Have somebody jump over, you know, 70,000 snails or something, not just a little piece of, you know, pipe or whatever that is, plexiglass.
	I don't know what it is.
	But anyway, but you have one more hurdle between you and doing that self-batch.
	But those are my three items, man.
	And good luck out there.
	We have two more calls that came in, and then we're going to go, man.
	I'm so grateful for you guys.
	And I'm so grateful for you guys just sticking with this podcast and staying with me, man.
	And, you know, I'm learning as I go.
	And that's what we're doing here.
	And I'm trying to focus on, you know, for me, I need to go back to more meetings and get in more types of environments where, you know, it just, I don't want to feel like I'm talking at people.
	I want to feel like I'm talking with people.
	And I want to feel like I can hear really good.
	When I can really hear others, I know that I'm really connected.
	And so my hearing level has been a little bit wild in the past couple months because my life's been changing, man.
	You know, my life has been changing.
	Like, you know, finally, after like 15 years, I'm going to places and people are coming out to see my work.
	You know, it's like, you know, and I'm living my dreams in some way.
	And it's scary to think.
	You know, and I'll talk about that maybe a little bit more next week because that's making me think about a lot of stuff.
	Let's take another call.
	Here we go.
	Hey, Theo.
	This is Sydney in Oklahoma.
	Thanks for calling, Sydney.
	Onward.
	I hear you talk a lot about how you're trying to not masturbate and you don't watch porn.
	And so I thought that you would be a really good person to ask this question.
	I did find out not too long ago that my boyfriend had been watching porn behind my back.
	He does know that I am against it for my own personal reasons.
	Okay, so your boyfriend was watching the pornography behind your back.
	And that's really a fun place to watch it, I'll be honest.
	But that makes you feel more secretive.
	You know, he can't be that front yard fucking have that screen light up his face in the front yard, and they got two raccoons behind him doing also doing it, you know, touching himself and looking at them, you know, human breasts onward.
	When I found out, I did freak out a little bit, and I, you know, got really mad at him, and it didn't go well.
	It was an open conversation.
	And I did find out that that did cause him to further hide it from me.
	Yeah, and that's shame, you know.
	And we feel ashamed if we get busted for it a little bit.
	And then it's still the only thing that we know how to do to make ourselves feel good sometimes.
	And so we keep doing it.
	Onward?
	Still partaking in the porn.
	So I guess my question is just like, how do I address this?
	Let me hear that in part again because I think I missed something.
	Onward?
	Partaking in the porn.
	So I guess my question is just like, how do I address this in a way that is going to create an open conversation and maybe just like help our relationship a little bit more?
	I love him so much and it's something that I'm willing to work with him on.
	I just don't know where to start and I don't want him to close down whenever I do try to address this subject.
	If there are guys that have some advice as well, I'd really love to hear it because I'm a little bit at a loss, but it's something that I'm willing to work on.
	Okay, and I appreciate you calling.
	I mean to cut you off there, but I just, you know, the episode has been long for everyone and I appreciate what you're saying there.
	And I don't want to lose my thought that I can, you know, that I can share my experience and my strength and hope with you from that.
	You know, it's nice that you care.
	It's nice that you want to know how to present it to them because presentation is everything.
	You know, if you present somebody to, you know, if you go at something that, you know, it's like, if you show up with your, you know, presentation is everything.
	You can be angry, but you can show up with your hand open.
	Man.
	That is power.
	To be angry and show up with your hand open instead of closed, bro, that's power.
	And with the open hand, you can get something.
	And what you can get is somewhere.
	You can get somewhere when you show up like this.
	Everybody can.
	You know, and I'm sick of it.
	There's this vibe out there that only some people need to show up open-handed.
	No, everybody needs to show up open-handed.
	But with your, you know, I love the fact that you want to know how to approach him.
	And, you know, yeah, it's shut down.
	It's a shameful thing.
	And we do it.
	And I, and I say we because I've done this and I do it.
	You know, it's a form of self-pleasure and a form of self-soothing.
	I do it.
	It soothes myself.
	It makes me feel okay.
	It's one way that I can make myself feel good immediately.
	You know, and for me, those are a lot of feelings.
	I never felt good growing up.
	And so that's a way that I can, it's a, you know, it's a, it's almost at this point become a fake, you know, it's almost become a drug.
	It's like a jewel.
	I'm just hitting my jewel, you know, getting that, that, uh, that, you know, this is such a tacky term, but that nicotine, you know, I'm just getting that feeling that I'm getting that uphit that makes me feel good.
	And that's what he's doing, you know, and he's probably, there's probably some addiction to it.
	And if you don't like it, you know, you can offer, you can say, hey, look, I don't really like it.
	I'd like if you spent more of that time with me.
	You know, I'd like if you thought of me in those ways.
	And see how he reacts to it.
	I mean, if he doesn't want to change his ways, then I think for you, you got to make your own decision.
	What do you want to do?
	You know, do you want to stay there?
	Do you want to move separately?
	And that might not be what you're looking for.
	You're just looking how to present it to him.
	But if it is affecting you guys' sex life, you know, ask him what he really wants.
	You know, he might be afraid to talk about something sexually with you.
	My problems have been if I'm in love with a woman, I have a very tough time marrying someone that I really care about and someone that I'm able to have sex with.
	You know, and there's, you know, they call that the Madonna whore complex.
	There's a lot of different series of thoughts around it.
	And, you know, and that's one of the things I go to therapy about sometimes, trying to figure out for myself and get into some of that.
	But even with therapy, some of it's just practice, you know, and doing a practice with your partner.
	And so you got to ask, you know, you got to ask him, hey, you know, why don't we not watch it together and look and let's talk and be in, let's share.
	What do you like?
	What pornography do you like?
	Have him sit and tell you it's going to be really uncomfortable, maybe.
	But he'll be sharing, you know.
	and I only say that because you know, when I've been asked that, I have a tough time even talking about that kind of stuff because it makes me feel like ashamed of myself, I guess, if I share like even sexual type of thoughts and stuff.
	Um, and I don't know where some of that comes from, you know, it's like I'll be like perverted on one side of my head, but afraid to even like, you know, but like embarrassed to even talk about sex on the other side of my head.
	And maybe that's just whatever affliction is the same, you know, I don't know.
	I don't know.
	Maybe that's just who I am.
	And maybe that's just how I'll always be.
	You know, I don't always want to fight everything that I am.
	But for him, I would, you know, I'd ask him, you know, if there's ways that we could spend time together so you're not watching this.
	And how it makes you feel that he watches it.
	You know, but make sure you know how it is, why you feel that way too.
	Not just I don't want you watching, but how it makes you feel, you know?
	And then it might help him to be able to know that by not watching it, he's caring about you.
	So maybe if you can present it to him, presentation again, that that could really be something that could help him.
	Like, oh, wow.
	So then he doesn't think, oh, I'm not, you know, by not being addicted or watching it, that I'm actually doing something positive for my girlfriend.
	Because it's a powerful thing.
	This shit is powerful.
	And I'm glad that you're on the front lines of trying to, you know, help him figure it out.
	I don't know if that was helpful or not.
	But also, there's also then you can go to Sex Addicts, S-L-A-A, Sex and Love Addiction.
	You could ask him to go to that and go to some of those meetings and talk about it or just get some of the literature off the internet.
	And we'll put the link below in the episode so you can see that kind of stuff.
	A lot of men going to that thing.
	And sex addiction doesn't mean you're fucking running around town and you, you know, you're trying to ride every pony, even when the fair is closed down.
	You jump in the carnival gates to fucking get on top of this fake zebra or something.
	It means that sometimes emotionally, you just seek out comfort.
	You know, you seek out comfort from people.
	Constant comfort.
	And for me, you know, I've struggled with some of that because I didn't have a lot of comfort as a child.
	I grew up in a very uncomfortable environment.
	And I just never felt any comfort.
	And so I would go for the first place I could get it.
	It's like sugar, you know, anything emotional that makes me feel good or joy from another woman.
	And so a lot of times that would be, you know, when you're young, it's comfort.
	As you get a little older, it's sexual.
	And then when pornography comes, it's just that you can get the sexual all the time and you get right there and you just standing on the ledge, just jerking off into oblivion.
	You don't even realize you're doing it.
	Anyway, that's just some of my thoughts.
	I don't know if any of that helped, but it's nice that you love your man enough and you're thinking about him.
	But with that said, we got one more call that came in, man.
	And onward.
	Hey, Theo, man.
	I just wanted to call in.
	I'm just a regular Joe here fucking whipping that FedEx truck, waiting at my pickups.
	FedEx, man, and I applaud you guys.
	You guys are Santa's.
	You guys are Santa.
	And I won't tell the kiddies, but you guys are Santa.
	And y'all are doing a great job.
	And I think y'all should do an airline.
	Dude, some of these airlines are so shitty.
	Spirit, you got to, dude, you don't even make it.
	You show up just, you know, the idea of you shows up somewhere.
	Just the ghost of you showing up half of these joints.
	FedEx, you guys should do an airline overnight.
	Bro, if you guaranteed me I get there tomorrow, fuck for me.
	90 bucks, I'm good enough, dude.
	I'll jump on there standing room only on a FedEx, dude.
	A little bit of cigarette area in the back, right?
	Onward.
	I was just listening to your podcast.
	I've heard every one of them, man.
	I've called in a few different times.
	I just listened to that one about that gentleman in Maine that called and said that his wife for 12 years had just tragically passed away, man.
	And that hit me right in the feels, boy.
	I mean, I'm still because I'm cracking up right now a little bit.
	I'm breaking up, trying to get my words out just to even talk about it.
	It wasn't even me, man.
	But yeah, to hear that you're bringing some light to his day.
	And I mean, it makes my problems feel so dismal.
	It makes me feel like a fucking Muppet out here, bro.
	I'm emo right now over my little basic ass problems.
	And, you know, I hear his problem I couldn't imagine.
	And, man, it's just, it's real touching.
	And this isn't the only time that you got me fucking tearing up out here, boy, on your podcast over people's calls and what you are able to do for people.
	And, man, just keep spreading that love.
	Man, it's truly awesome what you're doing.
	I just can't emphasize it enough that you are making a change in people's lives, man.
	So love you, bro.
	Keep it up.
	Gang, man.
	I appreciate you.
	I appreciate that.
	That's nice of you to say.
	Yeah, man, it's funny because your call, I've been joking around a lot in this episode, and your call like really just kind of reset me into a place I really, that I think I've been longing to be in for a while now with this, you know, on this podcast sometimes.
	You know, a place that I miss and a place of just being, you know, just sharing feelings.
	You know, and sometimes with this podcast, I've gotten in a place where I feel like I need to entertain and not just be.
	And, you know, we live and we learn, and I'm glad to be on this slope.
	But, but, yeah, man, you know, that's special that you care, dude.
	And, you know, you're out there now you're delivering.
	You know, you tearing up onto those packages.
	You got me thinking about these beautiful wet boxes being delivered around the universe by FedEx.
	You know, they should charge it, dude, that should be an extra $80.
	You know, the driver washes the packages in his own tears.
	Emotes, emotions.
	Sorry, I'm not trying to, you don't sound like a cry guy to me at all.
	And it's okay if you drip a little.
	You know, every guy we, dude, I don't cry much, but I'll be a little drizzle bear.
	You know what I'm saying?
	And that's sweet of you, dude.
	It's nice.
	Because you know what it shows, man, when you can feel that way, dude?
	Or for me, you know what I've learned, man, and this is something that I learned through AA and going to these programs and stuff.
	I could never feel anything as a kid.
	And things would happen, I'd have no feelings.
	And now when I can feel something, man, and it just shows me, it makes me realize how much I can care about people.
	And that's, and then it blows my own mind.
	You know, and so you, you know, you, and by you calling this a week later, now I'm listening to this and now I'm thinking about it.
	And you got me tearing up thinking about this, about just what it's like for people to care about each other and to care.
	And, you know, I got an email from that gentleman yesterday, and he said to give him a call.
	And I'm going to wait.
	I think next year, some other calls came in about the man that had lost his wife.
	You know, and I, you know, and I don't know sometimes, like, you know, I get scared about making the podcast like too much about like sentimental stuff or not enough about funny stuff or whatever.
	But whatever, man.
	You know, I don't want to be thinking about that anymore.
	Because this is something that's cool, you know.
	I like this.
	You know, I like being able to be here for a moment where, you know, you care.
	And now you're taking some care out into the world.
	And so now you're, and dude, you're a fucking deliver, you're a damn care bear.
	You're delivering now, whatever you're delivering, who cares whatever it is, you know, Zappos or, you know, you know, baby refrigerators or something like that.
	Or little, you know, maybe some, you know, stone dolphins or something or little, you know, plastic bird baths or something that do the music.
	You're delivering all these things, but now you're showing up with care.
	You know, now you're showing up.
	Now you're going to look at some man.
	You know, you're going to see, now you're walking down the street and some man, his wife, you know, you see a guy's wife.
	It's a wife you deliver to now.
	The husband's working or something.
	She's pregnant or something.
	You're going to look at her differently.
	Your energy is going to be different when you approach her.
	Because you heard about this man that lost his wife, you know.
	And that's one thing, man, that I like.
	You know, that's what I like to be able to think about this stuff.
	And I'm glad you made me, you know, you kind of brought this shit back up and made me think about it.
	You know, because I want to be, I want to get all there is out of life, man.
	As fucking lame as that sounds to say.
	So many people say all this shit.
	They want all this money and people want to, you know, be juggling diamonds on their dick and doing all of that and feeding fucking diamonds to little, you know, dolphins that are, you know, fucking, you know, handicapped otters and shit like that.
	I want to just feel what it is, man.
	I want to hike these Himalayas inside of myself.
	And I want to stay out of my own ego.
	And yeah, dude, it's amazing, man, when somebody can care, bro.
	When you feel how much you can care for somebody else, that man hit you.
	You know, something about his story.
	You know, you heard his story and you're like, man, that guy cares about his wife.
	Here's what it did for me.
	That guy cares about his wife so much, you know, that I wish somebody would care about me that way.
	You know, and that I wish I would be able to care about, I hope that one day I could care about somebody as much, you know.
	Am I brave enough to care about somebody as much as that man?
	You know, as much as it sounds like he cared about his wife.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	You know, or am I just going to give into these dark arts all the time?
	And I don't know sometimes.
	I don't know honestly if I really ask myself, if I really answer honestly, I don't know sometimes, you know, if I'm strong enough to, you know, get to the promised land that I know is inside of my heart.
	But I know that I'm going to try, bro.
	I know that.
	I want to thank everybody for calling, man.
	You got me leaking out the face, man.
	So I email, dude, I'm Dory.
	Or whatever the other fucking little fish name is, the fucking little handicapped trout.
	I'm that one.
	You know, that fucking, you know, that, you know, that fidgety mackerel or something, the one that gots the, you know, I'm the other one.
	But here we are, bruh.
	And look, dude, you know what?
	I got that skeet out of my face, bruh.
	It's no nut November, dude.
	I'm bringing it out the eyeballs if I got to.
	But I'm grateful, man.
	I'm grateful that we are in a place where men and women can communicate here.
	We're out here on the front lines.
	We want our feelings to be alive.
	We want to live life.
	We're trying.
	We're laughing.
	We're not giving up on humanity.
	You know, we're trying to be understanding of people no matter who they are, what color they are, what gender they are.
	You know, even though I still laugh.
	Look, if I'm watching a woman try to park, bruh, don't even pretend I ain't laughing out of my fucking eyeballs, dude.
	Don't even pretend it.
	But thank you, man.
	Thank you to everybody that called.
	And we're going to keep Parallel Parking this podcast into a comfortable place where we can all be.
	And sometimes an uncomfortable place.
	You know.
	Anyway, I've been rambling.
	I've taken up enough of your time.
	But I'm grateful to you guys.
	And I love you.
	And I'm happy to be here.
	And yeah, look, we got a lot to be thankful for.
	It's Thanksgiving.
	It's no-nut November.
	We get the mission continues.
	We keep moving along.
	Dude, this is a beautiful time of year.
	This is a beautiful time of year.
	Somebody's coming at you, harking about business and all of that.
	You tell them, man, God.
	Fuck.
	You got, you know, two teaspoons of your wife's casserole in your jaw.
	You got your little niece or nephew, you know, fully clothed on your arm or in your hands.
	You know, you feeling good.
	There's a lot of beauty in the world.
	Look at that.
	You guys be good to yourselves, man.
	You Guys deserve it.
	And I'm going to try to do the same thing for me this week.
	And we'll meet up here next week.
	I think we're going to have a Thursday episode this week of a guest, but I don't know yet.
	And I'm going to try to take good care of myself.
	Dude, I'm going to go to some meetings and I'm going to get myself into a place where I just feel better.
	I've just been feeling irrational all over the place.
	But life's been changing some, but I'm grateful.
	And I'm glad you guys are still here.
	Have a good day, man.
	Be good to yourselves.
	Somebody told me that.
	He was leaving the comedy show the other night.
	He said, man, hey, man, be good to yourself.
	You know, you probably deserve it.
	We had some brothers that came out, father and son.
	A dad brought his son from Rochester.
	He just turned 19 years old.
	You know, and it was special, man.
	I'm looking at the dad and his son is right there.
	And his son was so excited.
	And I gave his son, I think, a t-shirt or something.
	You know, one of the t-shirts for coming out.
	And, yeah, and it's like, you know, my dad never got to do anything like that for me.
	My dad never even got to see me tell a joke, you know?
	But I get to live vicariously through their moment.
	You know, through this dad and his son, you could tell there's just, you know, that they care about each other.
	And I get to live like, I get my, I get one moment with my dad right there through those two guys.
	I get that because he did it.
	You know, because the dad said it or the son said it, whatever.
	The dad recognized the son.
	My son loves this.
	I'm going to go do this with him.
	Then I see it.
	I'm there.
	Right?
	I'm fucking there.
	I'm the fucking, you know, riddle pony.
	I'm the dude schlepping these freaking dirty riddles around.
	And I see it.
	And they're like, they're so excited.
	You know, he's telling me, you know, I'm his son's favorite comedian or one of.
	He included a couple of other guys who were great.
	So I respect his son's point of view comedically.
	But it just, but they don't realize what they did for me.
	You know, I get one moment of a moment I never had with my dad.
	I get that through them.
	I get to see that.
	I get to see that.
	You know, whether my dad did that, you know, through the heavens inside of me or, you know, my higher power did that, he wants to show me that, like, hey, you know, like, you know, your dad's not alive, but you can still feel the same exact feeling you would have with your father.
	My higher power is saying, hey, I can show you that feeling right here with two other people.
	So it almost has double beauty.
	Because now, not only do I get to feel it, but I get to see somebody else have it.
	You know?
	So I get to, like, I don't know, I can't explain myself fully.
	But that's okay.
	I never have been able to.
	That's a good song.
	I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my home.
	Oh, yeah.
	And my mind is somewhere else.
	But when I find it, I'll patch up where it's been blown.
	Thank you guys so much, man.
	I really needed this today.
	Now I'm just floating on the breeze.
	And I feel I'm falling like these leaves.
	I must be cornerstone.
	Oh, but when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found.
	I can feel it in my bones.
	But it's gonna take a little time for me to set that parking break and let myself hold on.
	Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my stories Shine on me And I will find a song I will sing it just for you And I I've been moving way too fast.
	Let's keep it going.
	That's Bishop Gunn, I'm telling you right now.
	Damn near gone.
	I guess now they just work to last.
	I just want to.
	I just want to live a life worthwhile.
	Don't you feel that sometimes, man?
	That's how I feel.
	You know, I just want to just give myself the comfort I know I've always really, really wanted, you know?
	I don't know what that means.
	I don't know why.
	What I'm talking about.
	And I'll give you the final song.
	I'll sing it just for you.
	And I will find the words to help you make it through.
	If you call my name, Travis has bitch of coming, ladies.
	It's okay to love him.
	Man, that man is fucking beautiful, bro.
	You look at him with some niggas.
	like a woman We got this, guys.
	Don't be afraid if you feel good.
	Don't be afraid to take that fucking feeling into work.
	Don't be afraid to take that feeling into your family.
	In this world, we feel good and we're afraid to take it out into the world.
	We're ashamed of fucking feeling good, man.
	I don't want that.
	And I'm not yelling at you.
	I'm yelling at me.
	I'm tired of feeling that way.
	I'm tired of getting all excited in my car when I hear that bishop gun.
	And then I get out and put on this different face for the world.
	Let them feel the envy.
	Let them get on board.
	Why does that man feel good?
	I want to know why.
	You know, I want to know why.
	You guys be good to yourselves, man.
	You probably deserve it.
	I love you.
	And thank you so much.
	Maybe this is the most selfish episode I've ever made, but.
	You know, sometimes you got to take one for the team, dude.
	Even if you're the only one that's playing, I don't know.
	I just got a lot out of this one.
	Thank you so much.
	Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jonathan Kite, and welcome to Kite Club, a podcast where I'll be sharing thoughts on things like current events, stand-up stories, and seven ways to pleasure your partner.
	The answer may shock you.
	Sometimes I'll interview my friends.
	Sometimes I won't.
	And as always, I'll be joined by the voices in my head.
	You have three new voice messages.
	A lot of people are talking about Kite Club.
	I've been talking about Kite Club for so long, longer than anybody else.
	So great.
	Hi, Sui.
	Is it there?
	Anyone who doesn't listen to Kite Club is a dodgy bloody wanker.
	John.
	I'll take a quarter potter with cheese and a McFlurry.
	Sorry, sir, but our ice cream machine is broken.
	I think Tom Hanks just butt-dialed me.
	Anyway, first rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
	Second rule of Kite Club is tell everyone about Kite Club.
	Third rule, like and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts or watch us on YouTube, yeah?

▲