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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Greetings you proud sons of Skyrim Guess where I'm at Day Spring Canyon and it's a nice day back in Skyrim. | |
| We're not in Solstheim anymore. | |
| Why are you nervous? | |
| That's not a very good attitude to go into a job interview. | |
| Basic advice right here, don't be nervous, be confident as fuck. | |
| And then there will be like foi mirin Myron. | |
| So yeah, Fort Dawnguard, and we're here, like this place is just so beautiful. | |
| I don't even can't even find words to describe how beautiful Skyrim can be. | |
| Sometimes. | |
| Hello, Mite. | |
| Looking juicy. | |
| there is one juicy pale orc i'm uncertain of it oh wrong way So, yeah, we're gonna slay some vampires. | |
| And I, I, for one, true friends, I cannot wait to get my hands on a crossbow. | |
| And I don't know if you can see it, but I'm so fucking excited for this. | |
| I'm excited that you're watching this and I get to game this with you. | |
| So it really feels sickening that you're here with me in fucking Skyrim that we all love. | |
| And we're going to get a crossbow and we're going to admire me when I slay fangs. | |
| The vigilance of testosterone. | |
| Water. | |
| Yeah. | |
| Not worth it. | |
| How dare they talk to him like that? | |
| Greetings, true friends. | |
| So who are you? | |
| That is an Indian true friend, actually. | |
| I'm here to join the Dawnguard. | |
| You're so silly. | |
| I do. | |
| I fucking hate vampires. | |
| No, like, I don't. | |
| I don't believe vampires at all. | |
| I like vampires just started. | |
| But not the gay, sparkly ones popularized by the Twilight Saga. | |
| Not those kind of vampires. | |
| I'm your guy. | |
| Vigilance. | |
| They tell the Dim Hollow. | |
| Hey, main hollow crypt. | |
| Brother Adelwald was sure it held some long-lost vampire artifact of some kind. | |
| We didn't listen to it. | |
| For those of you who play Warhammer, this actually looks like a warrior priest of Sigmar. | |
| Ah! | |
| What? | |
| We were all waiting for. | |
| Cheers, Main. | |
| That's it, Main. | |
| That's it. | |
| Okay, we're gonna go there, and then I will tell you some fun awakening. | |
| Dim Hollow Crypt. | |
| Okay, let's head there. | |
| Okay, cool. | |
| So I have actually been to 4chance slash Pol. | |
| Okay, politically incorrect quite some time, because I know my my fuck feminists video got linked there, So I checked that place out and obviously some good discussions, but it's so fucking unnecessarily aggressive and I don't really like that. | |
| It's almost like you wanna be rude and aggressive before somebody else can be rude and aggressive to you and that whole attitude is just so. | |
| So I mean everyone, everyone is uh, degenerate and it's wrong with everyone. | |
| There's not single people that is cool like, and every is. | |
| Everyone is hating on each other. | |
| Like, obviously I appreciate the, the freedom of speech and that you're, you know, keeping it real and you know you have the. | |
| You can think for yourself. | |
| But like, don't don't be negative and aggressive just for fucking sake of it. | |
| You know your quality of life will not be increased by being mad constantly. | |
| All right cool, I utilized a quick little edit there to get on the proper path and also to adjust my hair. | |
| I can't take myself seriously if my hair isn't perfect. | |
| So yes, talking about politically incorrect. | |
| And now obviously they got raided hard by Tumblr, so Tumblr will have to pay for that. | |
| And now obviously I like, look at this, you know politically incorrect just because you are politically incorrect, but a bit, a bit aggressive and a bit hostile. | |
| I mean, I saw one thread where the Celtic culture was described as degenerate and then I just I didn't even know what to say or think, like I haven't written anything on 4chan in in about a year. | |
| But yeah, I mean, how can you say that Celtic culture is degenerate when it's standard, like in the time of the Romans? | |
| Ireland was not conquered by the Romans and they had a high fucking standing culture and then like, Celtic isn't even an, it like that's cultural thing and they had, you know, survive till this very day. | |
| So how can you say it's degenerate? | |
| It's not degenerate at all, it's fucking glorious as fuck. | |
| I mean Celtic jewelry, how about that? | |
| Like so? | |
| Uh no, this one it was not the true friend who wrote those hurtful things oh fuck uh yeah, I'm not with vigilance, though. | |
| How dare you talk to me like that? | |
| You didn't really talk, but but anyway okay, let us do like this, true friends. | |
| Now I got all riled up because the hurtful words said against my Celtic true friends, I, I think the Celtic culture obviously, since it was dominant Wow, that that was powerful, but it was only a fledgling. | |
| So look at that light armor. | |
| That's cool, I like it. | |
| I'm gonna take it and see if I okay, I um, I regret that I will not do that, and This red god. | |
| This red god and 74. | |
| Oh wow, so it's quite fucking bad to be honest. | |
| Hello! | |
| Hello, vampire. | |
| Do you want a box with me? | |
| That, true friends, is exactly how you deal with vampires. | |
| And this place is just awesome. | |
| As I said, like, that's why I fucking love Skyrim. | |
| Oh, look at that. | |
| Orkish sort of flames, but I don't want to get over-encumbered. | |
| So I'm gonna leave that be for now. | |
| There we are. | |
| Ah, sickening. | |
| Some juicy potions of wisdom. | |
| That would be cool though, if you're studying and then you can take like a potion of wisdom so you learn. | |
| Like you remember everything. | |
| I know there actually are some like a few techniques you can do if you chew like bubblegum or or you know eat something while you're reading a thing and then later on if you eat the same thing you will be better at remembering it sick sickening Is that actually? | |
| No, I suppose that there are. | |
| Oh hello hello, hello hello. | |
| She actually said that, hello gorgeous. | |
| That's also cool. | |
| I wish that they were just better so I could utilize it. | |
| Now I'm gonna go with my Elven armor of sickeningness and glory. | |
| Perhaps I get a New Dawn God armor, though. | |
| Ah nice, I'm gonna enchant some fangs right now. | |
| Disenchant disenchantment yes yeah, I'm gonna just disenchant everything here so we can make something nice later on. | |
| Ah, look at that, I'm just leveling away. | |
| Perhaps I can can actually level up. | |
| That would be ah yes yes Merkwood yes, and then obviously, speaking of politically incorrect and you know, internet forums and stuff like that Sweden yes, yokes. | |
| I've talked about them before and I mean a lot of it is not true at all, but a lot of it is also true. | |
| So I mean yeah, double check the source or just take it from a Swedish person. | |
| If you hear something, you can ask me. | |
| Elven boots superior. | |
| Okay, cool pickpocket no ah, that's brilliant, I want, I want that. | |
| Ah sickening, sickening. | |
| Elven superior restoration okay, so we don't really have anything. | |
| That's decent, I suppose. | |
| And now do we have a greater soul gem item. | |
| A gold ring perhaps, and enchantment block. | |
| Yes, there we go. | |
| How about that, true friends? | |
| Okay where um, where were we even before I digressed? | |
| Don't really know if you say, did you say digressed? | |
| Oh fuck ah fuck, how dare you. | |
| Okay, time for time for a shout now Utilize a quick save. | |
| Okay, come at me, come at me Bre, come at me Brue, fucking some scary, scary shit right there. | |
| But that's, that's what I love about the dawn. | |
| God, that is fucking nightmarish mode. | |
| ah look that a color dog meat Cool, I'm gonna utilize quick weight so I heal up my hair is yeah okay, it's um, it's good enough, I suppose. | |
| I hope it looks good either way, let us, I'm actually gonna switch to my sword now, so I don't. | |
| So don't find myself in one of those situations where I have a fucking dog charging coming at me, bruh and fucking juicy guns as well, and I don't really have anything you understand from crossbow and getting charged. | |
| That was unpleasant unpleasant, I tell ye, my true friends. | |
| now this will be epic ah fuck it thalos i love you Hello, Vampire brah. | |
| Okay, I should probably not even have blocked there. | |
| Ah look at that. | |
| Because that gave me that gave her more time to utilize her blasphemous magic on me Which obviously wasn't good at all was it Okay, I'm gonna stop caring about the hair now I ask I suppose that that is only me that is caring about it. | |
| There's only I think oh fuck, bye. | |
| You will actually have to come out and fight me here. | |
| Come out, you blackened tans. | |
| Come out and fight me like a man. | |
| Show your wife how you won medals down in Flanders. | |
| Tell her how the IRA made you run like hell away. | |
| That's some good old Irish rebel songs. | |
| That's all actually also something I listen quite a bit to, Irish rebel songs. | |
| That's oh fuck I had almost forgotten that you can't really do shouts when you are crouched. | |
| Fuck off, dog! | |
| You insolent dog! | |
| That actually is quite scary. | |
| You know, they're coming fucking charging against you, and your shout doesn't work. | |
| But, it is what it is, man. | |
| I'm gonna see if there's any No, not there Okay then I'm here come at me fight me Talos I love you How about that? | |
| How about that Do you think she regrets her blasphemous ways now? | |
| I think she does I brought the Imperial fucking truth to her And what do we hear? | |
| What do we have up ahead was what I was gonna say, hello, a chest Fucking poverty, chest Son. | |
| I'm disappointed. | |
| Oh, that was actually... | |
| Oh, they're fighting Foi. | |
| Vampire bra got him good there That's exactly how it goes | |
| No, you bloody well do not come back here come back here you yeah a horrendously bad play there at the start for me Just letting him not getting in a single hit while I was in all actuality. | |
| Oh look at that look at that Rubrance. | |
| That is beautiful. | |
| Yeah, I didn't get any not a single hit when he was downed, and that's something I would never do again. | |
| I'll never tell you anything, vampire. | |
| My oath to Stender is stronger than any suffering you can inflict on me. | |
| I believe you, bitcher, and I don't know what you found here. | |
| So go and meet your bloodstead. | |
| Are you sure that was wise, Lokio? | |
| He still might have told us something. | |
| Fuck. | |
| Come on, Lokio. | |
| Fight me. | |
| Vampire troll. | |
| Ah, beautiful, Marcus. | |
| Beautiful shot. | |
| I am amazed by my performance. | |
| I knew exactly! | |
| I knew exactly what was going on there. | |
| A decapitation. | |
| How wonderful. | |
| Can't even find words to describe how glorious that execution was. | |
| Oh, a chest. | |
| Perhaps we can celebrate with some juicy loot. | |
| No. | |
| The juicy loot isn't for me, is it? | |
| Ah, we're nearing the... Amaret Austin. | |
| We are nearing... | |
| Okay, cool. | |
| It's... | |
| is actually in all actuality it's a it's a puzzle | |
| okay bear with me as I as I do this this fun | |
| sickening And we have this one, and you as well. | |
| Ah, how quaint, how glorious. | |
| Now. Now. | |
| Hello, hello. | |
| I mean I'm gonna adjust my gains before I where is who sent you here Hello gorgeous expecting someone like me at least Are you a vampire? | |
| Vampire, yes. | |
| I can see that. | |
| You're also gorgeous. | |
| I like this girl. | |
| I think she's beautiful. | |
| But if people are after me, there's something bigger going on. | |
| Perhaps it's your father. | |
| Where do we need to go? | |
| My family used to live on an island to the west of Solitude. | |
| I would guess they still do. | |
| By the way. | |
| Serana. | |
| That was her name. | |
| Your guess is as good as mine This place looks pretty different from when I was. | |
| Let us do it, Fairmaiden. | |
| Yes, it is. | |
| And it's mine. | |
| May I look at it? | |
| It's complicated. | |
| I can't really talk about it. | |
| I'm sorry. | |
| Okay, it's fine. | |
| You don't. | |
| I have saved you and all, but you know. | |
| I'd rather not get into that with you. | |
| Well, um, what in all actuality are we supposed to do then? | |
| You silly girl. | |
| You can trust God's sake. | |
| And I'll have a better sense of where they'll stand. | |
| It's on an island near Solitude. | |
| Hopefully we can find a boat to take us there. | |
| It's my family home. | |
| Not the most welcoming place, but depending on who's around, I'll be safe there. | |
| Let's just say that my mother and father had a bit of a falling out. | |
| Don't worry, I'm not in any way. | |
| Oh, yeah, I think I remember her father was crazy. | |
| Sick. | |
| Good question. | |
| Hard to say. | |
| You're not very talkative, are you? | |
| I can't really tell. | |
| Okay, that's fine. | |
| I feel like I'm a long time. | |
| That's fine. | |
| Who is Skyrim's high king? | |
| Jarl Ulfric El Sif of Salt. | |
| You know, Ulfric Stormcloak is the true high king. | |
| Never heard of him. | |
| Is he well supported? | |
| My true friends and I support him at least. | |
| Empire? | |
| What empire? | |
| I suppose most of you true friends support. | |
| I must have been gone longer than I thought. | |
| Definitely longer than we planned. | |
| Indeed, let's hurry. | |
| I need to get home so I can't. | |
| Yeah, well, sure, we can go whenever you fucking want. | |
| Women can be so silly sometimes. | |
| Okay, cool. | |
| She's actually actually with me. | |
| Fuck. | |
| Come out, you're good. | |
| Come out, you're good. | |
| Ah, TALOS! | |
| Done and done. | |
| How, um. | |
| Oh, look at that. | |
| Ebony. | |
| Ebony Garnet. | |
| I can smith three days later. | |
| Alright, come with me, Fair Maiden. | |
| Come with me. | |
| Ah, now then. | |
| Iron Sword. | |
| Hmm, how do we escape this horrible place? | |
| Fair maiden. | |
| Ah, it's up there. | |
| I found it. | |
| I have found it, true friends. | |
| We are all safe again. | |
| You're safe with me. | |
| Now, let us see where we actually are. | |
| I bet my life that something or someone wants to box with me here could have been useful with some light. | |
| Something in here, perhaps. | |
| No. | |
| Oh, there we are. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Oh, look at that! | |
| A poverty skeleton. | |
| You have been visited by the hungry skeletons. | |
| All your gains will disappear unless you type. | |
| Greetings, skeleton. | |
| No, it's fine. | |
| I only do stuff like that on my Facebook. | |
| Where I post a picture and then I promise gains. | |
| Sickening. | |
| Oh, look at that. | |
| It's like an ancient lecture hall or like an arena. | |
| Hello, mate. | |
| Oh, that's actually a skeleton. | |
| I thought it looked like a draughter. | |
| You proud sons of Macedon! | |
| Talos! | |
| Come on, then. | |
| fight me oh god Where is my sword? | |
| I can't believe this. | |
| Where is my sword? | |
| True friends, please. | |
| Why have this happened? | |
| Oh, here it is. | |
| Can I equip it? | |
| Draugr Whitelord Talos, I love you! | |
| How dare you talk to me like that? | |
| Hello, skeleton. | |
| I like to kill skeletons because they're so helpless, they can't really do anything against you. | |
| That's what I like here in life, killing skeletons. | |
| Stamina, okay. | |
| It's cool enough, I suppose. | |
| Dun-dun-dun, to Skyrim. | |
| Sickening Okay doesn't she look good though with her red eyes and stuff I I think she looks uh looks good actually But that's just me you you're you can feel free to To disagree if you want | |
| I haven't I haven't discovered anything here and not even Solstime hmm oh well oh well Alright, I utilized a little edit there so she didn't have to see me running across half of Hovel Skyrim, but yeah, | |
| I took a courage to solitude and then had a little cardio session with Serana so now we are actually here. | |
| Look at this beautiful weather always nice so the little ferryman is just behind here and we're gonna meet her father trying to make a good impression. | |
| Hello, I'm gonna get a business information. | |
| Now move along hmm, that's cool. | |
| Might be a fun place to investigate. | |
| I bet it's something to do with the Talmor. | |
| The blasphemous Talmor, they um they they control uh the media of Skyrim. | |
| No, but yeah, they have to be killed. | |
| Ice water jetty. | |
| Oh, look at that. | |
| Foi. | |
| That, true friends, is sickening indeed. | |
| Okay, let's meet our father-in-law. | |
| Our new father-in-law. | |
| Our old one died. | |
| Fuck. | |
| This is Sparta. | |
| No, not Sparta, but a vampire castle. | |
| Come on, girl. | |
| God, you're slow. | |
| What do you mean I'm not welcome? | |
| I just brought home your daughter. | |
| You should treat respectfully, you can't. | |
| Yeah. | |
| What up? | |
| What up, Girl? | |
| Nothing. | |
| It's fine. | |
| Don't you dare leave me alone in this place. | |
| Don't you dare. | |
| Yeah, I will, because they would probably wreck me. | |
| They would probably tear me a new one if I start swinging about in there. | |
| Alright, let us admire this place. | |
| It is so glorious, I suppose. | |
| How dare you talk to me like that? | |
| Who the fuck are you? | |
| Yes, I brought her here, so you should show me some fucking respect. | |
| Look at this, though. | |
| Foi. | |
| Shredded as everyone! | |
| Serana has returned! | |
| I speak to Harkon. | |
| Hello, mate. | |
| You wanna have a go at me? | |
| That's not a good father at all. | |
| He doesn't care one bit for his daughter. | |
| Must I really say that? | |
| Ah, if only your traitor mother were here, I would let her watch this reunion before putting her head on a spike. | |
| Not a very loving husband either, apparently. | |
| I'm her boyfriend. | |
| The one who freed me. | |
| For my daughter's safe return, you have my gratitude. | |
| Tell me, what is your name? | |
| Golden one. | |
| Who the fuck are you? | |
| Lord of this court. | |
| Lord of this court. | |
| I can see quite well enough. | |
| Not just vampires. | |
| We are among the oldest and most powerful vampires in Skyrim. | |
| For centuries we lived here far from the cares of the world. | |
| All that ended when my wife betrayed me and stole away that which I valued most. | |
| The Elder Skrull I was about to suggest that very thing. | |
| Yes, you must certainly deserve a reward. | |
| There is but one gift I can give that is equal in value to the other. | |
| I don't want to be a vampire, not with this character at this time tremble at your approach and fear death again. | |
| Okay, hmm. | |
| And if I refuse forgiveness, he actually no so be it. | |
| I don't. | |
| Can you accept that? | |
| Like all mortals, I banish you. | |
| And thus, the first dinner with my father-in-law was concluded. | |
| Okay, I'm coming to my senses. | |
| Alright. | |
| That will have to conclude this glorious episode. | |
| I hope you're all as excited as I am to commence this epic questline with the vampires. | |
| So thank you so much for watching. | |
| And who am I? | |
| I'm Talos. |