True Anon Truth Feed - Episode 292: Liar, Liar
Aired: 2023-05-18
Duration: 01:15:13


=== Subpoenaed by the U.S. Virgin Islands (04:54) ===

[00:00:00]  This has nothing to do with our episode, but I'm going to talk about it now instead of later, which is that Elon Musk was subpoenaed by the U.S. Virgin Islands.
[00:00:11]  How do you say that?
[00:00:12]  Subpoenaed?
[00:00:13]  Subpoenaed?
[00:00:15]  There we go.
[00:00:15]  Subpoenaed by the U.S. Virgin Islands.
[00:00:19]  Okay, wait, pause.
[00:00:20]  Okay.
[00:00:21]  Not in that way.
[00:00:22]  Not in that way.
[00:00:23]  Just actual pause.
[00:00:24]  Dear listener, Bryce said before we started recording that he wasn't going to say the word subpoena, and I said, please, will you say it?
[00:00:30]  I said it.
[00:00:30]  Subpoena.
[00:00:32]  Subpoena.
[00:00:33]  But I just want to say, worlds collide.
[00:00:35]  Worlds have collided.
[00:00:36]  And you know what?
[00:00:37]  Yeah.
[00:00:37]  We are the very only Jeffrey Epstein, non-Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein slash non-Jeffrey Epstein podcast to do, to cover Elon Musk extensively.
[00:00:49]  We're here before anyone.
[00:00:51]  Exactly.
[00:00:51]  Of our narrow niche that only we're in.
[00:00:55]  Yes.
[00:00:56]  We are number one.
[00:00:58]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:01:23]  She sub on my peanut to like respond to the summons.
[00:01:27]  Stop it.
[00:01:28]  She's sub on my peanut.
[00:01:30]  She's sub on my pina.
[00:01:32]  Till I served.
[00:01:33]  Till I give evidence.
[00:01:35]  She's sub on my pena.
[00:01:37]  I just gave it to you.
[00:01:37]  She sub on my peanut till I served.
[00:01:39]  But she's serving me.
[00:01:41]  It still works.
[00:01:42]  She served on my sub till I peanut?
[00:01:45]  No.
[00:01:46]  She served on my sub till I peanut.
[00:01:48]  Hello, everyone.
[00:01:48]  Hello.
[00:01:49]  My name is Liz.
[00:01:50]  My name is, you think he's going to go on, but he's not, is Brace Belden.
[00:01:55]  Or actually, you know what?
[00:01:57]  My name is Admiral Archibald.
[00:02:03]  That's it.
[00:02:04]  No last name.
[00:02:05]  And our producer, of course, young Chomsky is.
[00:02:09]  AKA Tony Rigatoni.
[00:02:12]  Uh-huh.
[00:02:12]  Italian.
[00:02:13]  Everyone needs an alias for this episode.
[00:02:16]  My name.
[00:02:16]  Oh, yeah, you're right.
[00:02:17]  You know what?
[00:02:18]  We should come.
[00:02:18]  What's your alias, Liz?
[00:02:20]  It is a female alias.
[00:02:24]  I know.
[00:02:25]  I feel like it should be something sort of mysterious.
[00:02:28]  Pickles.
[00:02:29]  Not pickles.
[00:02:35]  Carmella DuPont.
[00:02:36]  Carmella DuPont.
[00:02:37]  Yeah, you like that one?
[00:02:39]  I guess that's age-appropriate.
[00:02:41]  Admiral Archibald sounds kind of whack.
[00:02:44]  Let me say this.
[00:02:45]  Let me come up with a good one.
[00:02:48]  I am Jimmy Page.
[00:02:54]  Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin and the Yardbirds.
[00:02:57]  And this is Trudon.
[00:02:58]  Hello, everyone.
[00:02:58]  Oh.
[00:03:01]  There's the there we go.
[00:03:03]  Now, a bunch of people were like, why is the gong so soft?
[00:03:06]  Did you notice?
[00:03:08]  It's like, dummies, gong once isn't mic'd up.
[00:03:10]  We don't like the gong every time.
[00:03:12]  We might need to get a gong mic, though.
[00:03:14]  Yeah, we could.
[00:03:16]  Do they make specialized gong mics?
[00:03:20]  We are also, we are in negotiations to attain some other instrument type.
[00:03:29]  I don't know.
[00:03:31]  You guys were texting back and forth about this, seemingly like this is what we're getting later.
[00:03:38]  Did you tell her we were texting about this?
[00:03:40]  You were literally doing it in the group chat.
[00:03:41]  I just wasn't responding.
[00:03:42]  Oh, we were also texting back and forth about this.
[00:03:45]  What, you sidebarred on this?
[00:03:46]  We sidebar on this.
[00:03:47]  Why'd you sidebar on this?
[00:03:48]  Because I wanted it first of the bongos to be a fait de compli.
[00:03:52]  I learned that my name is.
[00:03:53]  Why did you put him on the bongos?
[00:03:55]  Because you're kind of more, don't you think she's like more beat?
[00:03:59]  Not, I don't mean it like that, like beat like poet, 50s.
[00:04:03]  There is so many good Latin percussion options.
[00:04:06]  But Liz, occasionally when it's cold out, I'm going to be for real with you.
[00:04:09]  You wear turtlenecked black ones.
[00:04:11]  I do, yeah, that's very true.
[00:04:12]  And so that's the version of bongo you see?
[00:04:15]  Yeah, I see you doing that like 60s.
[00:04:18]  Sometimes like Liz says something that's like wise or whatever.
[00:04:22]  And I think it would be cool if you like.
[00:04:24]  I think that would detract from what I was saying, though, and kind of would give it too much of a comment.
[00:04:29]  You think that it would detract from that, but I feel that it would add to that.
[00:04:33]  And I feel like that.
[00:04:34]  You're doing this to undermine me.
[00:04:36]  Undermine me.
[00:04:38]  I don't, I would never undermine you.
[00:04:40]  Jan Chomsky, I want, my vision for Jan Chomsky is a sort of either a full circle eventually, but a half circle to begin with of a metal bar and attached to that metal bar are various instruments.

=== Apple Store Restroom Mystery (02:21) ===

[00:04:54]  Washboard.
[00:04:56]  But I actually think it should be more like one-man band style.
[00:04:59]  Yeah.
[00:04:59]  Okay.
[00:04:59]  Well, I don't, that's a little steampunk.
[00:05:01]  No, no, but no, I'm thinking less steampunk, more hobo.
[00:05:06]  I'm going to be fully for real with you.
[00:05:07]  There is not that big of a line between those two.
[00:05:10]  No, there is.
[00:05:11]  Steampunk is not going to have like a plastic paint bucket.
[00:05:14]  It's all trains.
[00:05:15]  It's all trains.
[00:05:16]  I'm just being real with you.
[00:05:17]  No, but steampunk doesn't like dabble in plastics.
[00:05:21]  I guess that's true.
[00:05:22]  Yeah.
[00:05:23]  We also, I do want to get, you know, because I mean, sometimes I do invite Buskers back to the studio when you guys aren't here.
[00:05:32]  And I chill with them and I question them about their craft for my YouTube channel.
[00:05:36]  Brace and his buskers, but I was thinking about maybe collabing with some of them on like a solo thing where I kind of see where they're coming from, what their street music is like, how they got so good at...
[00:05:47]  How has no one done Dave and buskers?
[00:05:48]  Dave and Buskers.
[00:05:51]  Shout out to the Dave and Busters underneath the movie theater in Times Square because I do use the restroom there frequently after leaving the film.
[00:05:57]  You know, it's the best one, the best free restroom.
[00:05:59]  I got to say, I'm going to shout it out.
[00:06:01]  That Apple store uptown.
[00:06:04]  Uh-huh.
[00:06:05]  Up by Central Park, you know, across from Bergdorf's, the Apple store there.
[00:06:09]  No, but I mean, it's got the best restroom.
[00:06:11]  This is the choice in?
[00:06:13]  Yeah.
[00:06:14]  But also, if you're in the park, it's like, that's where you go.
[00:06:16]  It's got, you know, you got to go to the restroom.
[00:06:17]  It's there.
[00:06:18]  Look, my lady's, you know.
[00:06:19]  Anyway, you want to hear something terrifying?
[00:06:23]  What?
[00:06:23]  That Apple store is open 24 hours.
[00:06:27]  You're joking.
[00:06:28]  I'm not joking.
[00:06:29]  I was in there and the Apple person said, I was like, oh, what time do you guys close?
[00:06:34]  And they're like, we never close.
[00:06:36]  And I was like, I'm sorry, what do you mean?
[00:06:38]  And he was like, we're open 24 hours.
[00:06:40]  And I was like, there's something so ungodly.
[00:06:42]  What are you doing?
[00:06:42]  I was like, 3 a.m.
[00:06:44]  Hearing that, I was just like, and he said it with such glee, which I don't know.
[00:06:46]  Maybe that was part of his contract.
[00:06:47]  He had to be a little bit more.
[00:06:48]  He bumped at the genius bar.
[00:06:50]  But like, holy shit, it was the most depressing and sad.
[00:06:54]  Like, something very, very wrong and sick about that.
[00:06:58]  I don't think that's a New York thing.
[00:07:00]  I think that's an Apple thing.
[00:07:01]  No, I don't.
[00:07:02]  I don't think there's other Apple stores.
[00:07:04]  Probably in Silicon Valley.
[00:07:05]  No, I think that that is the only one that's 24 hours.
[00:07:08]  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
[00:07:09]  But like, there aren't other places in New York like that.
[00:07:12]  It's not like people are like, oh, yeah, let's go to Target.
[00:07:14]  It's 24-hour.
[00:07:15]  24-hour Target?

=== Busteds And 24/7 (09:25) ===

[00:07:16]  Yeah, that's anyway.
[00:07:18]  I mean, you go to Apple and it's so fucking weird because they sell like four things.
[00:07:22]  Yeah, I've never bought anything at an Apple store.
[00:07:24]  My thing is, for me, the best bathroom isn't free, but it's very cheap to buy in bulk.
[00:07:29]  It's finger cots.
[00:07:31]  And to me, I just, like thimbles, carrying basically a sack of those around with me, you're kind of, you can last for like six months just urinating.
[00:07:41]  You don't have to drop in.
[00:07:43]  All right.
[00:07:44]  All right.
[00:07:44]  Let's get to the episode.
[00:07:46]  We're not talking about anything that we've been talking about.
[00:07:48]  No.
[00:07:48]  So surprise, something brand new for you.
[00:07:50]  We're talking, this is a little, we're doing kind of a, well, it's going to start off a little normie politics podcast.
[00:07:57]  But then we might have to go to the next one.
[00:07:58]  Can we put Normie Politics podcast music in?
[00:08:00]  Yeah, hit us with that.
[00:08:01]  Jamie, can you pull that up on the screen?
[00:08:03]  No, this is Tony Rigatoni.
[00:08:05]  Tony, can you put that up in the stream?
[00:08:07]  Scream?
[00:08:09]  None of those are the right ones.
[00:08:16]  What are we talking about today, Liz?
[00:08:17]  Okay.
[00:08:17]  Okay.
[00:08:20]  New York representative George Santos.
[00:08:23]  He's bu-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-busted.
[00:08:28]  Yeah, he surrendered himself to federal authorities last week, May 10.
[00:08:33]  I'd be so sick if he had done a Ruby Ridge.
[00:08:36]  Yeah, he's out in Long Island.
[00:08:38]  He's all places.
[00:08:39]  He's facing a number of charges, which I love saying that because then I can actually try to remember the numbers.
[00:08:44]  I'm saying that.
[00:08:45]  And I'm going to say off the top of my head, without looking at the notes, 13.
[00:08:50]  Yes.
[00:08:51]  Taylor Swift's favorite number.
[00:08:53]  So seven counts of wire fraud, three counts of money laundering, two counts of making false statements to the House of Representatives who among us has not done that.
[00:09:01]  And one count of theft of public funds.
[00:09:05]  Yeah, now, this is from the news brief on the indictment.
[00:09:09]  This indictment seeks to hold Santos accountable for various alleged fraudulent schemes, also one of my favorite things to say on this podcast, and brazen misrepresentations.
[00:09:18]  And that's from U.S. Attorney Breon Peace.
[00:09:22]  Run that back again.
[00:09:23]  Who was that name?
[00:09:24]  Breon Peace?
[00:09:26]  Breon Peace is a crazy motherfucking name.
[00:09:28]  Peace is a cool ass name, though.
[00:09:30]  That is cool.
[00:09:31]  George War is his opponent, a defense attorney.
[00:09:36]  I don't know.
[00:09:36]  Breon is a name I've never heard before.
[00:09:39]  So these charges are basically revolving around three separate little incidents.
[00:09:45]  The first of which, and this seems to be the most serious, involves George Santos essentially soliciting, quote, campaign donations for a fake bullshit LLC he started.
[00:09:56]  And then he spent the money on designer clothing and luxury items.
[00:10:00]  Whomstamong.
[00:10:01]  Yes.
[00:10:02]  The amount is over $50,000.
[00:10:04]  And there are, to be clear, serious questions where any of his money actually came from.
[00:10:10]  Questions which, frankly, I don't really am not really invested in learning the answer to.
[00:10:15]  I'm sure it's just some fucking freak.
[00:10:17]  I don't really care.
[00:10:18]  I mean, it looks like a ton of donations came from people who had no idea that they were making donations, which is always a great move.
[00:10:25]  So it's like, you know, like his cousin was like, wait, what?
[00:10:28]  I donated $5,800 to his campaign.
[00:10:31]  It looks like Sean McElwy was contracted to the campaign and donated through several 19-year-old interns.
[00:10:38]  My favorite thing, though, is apparently what he would do, Santos, is he would spend like in $199 increments, like every single transaction for hotels or meals or whatever it was, which is just under the two, like if it's a $200 transaction, you're legally required to report it to campaign finance authorities.
[00:10:59]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:11:00]  And so he would just be like, oh, just under.
[00:11:03]  It's like when people withdraw $9,999 from banks.
[00:11:07]  But so do you guys remember, who is it?
[00:11:10]  Joshua 4 Congress, like one of those meme candidate online things.
[00:11:15]  And they got in trouble for spending a bunch of money on a gaming laptop.
[00:11:18]  Not a gaming laptop, excuse me, a gaming keyboard?
[00:11:21]  It was the accessory game.
[00:11:22]  Accessor gate.
[00:11:23]  Yeah, GPUs and things like that.
[00:11:25]  But here's the thing.
[00:11:26]  A lot of campaigning now happens on the internet.
[00:11:31]  And where as much of the internet takes place?
[00:11:33]  In the video game Fortnite.
[00:11:35]  But that seems to be one of the major things.
[00:11:37]  Like, it seems like I'm going to go out on a limb here and say he probably committed some fairly, as the U.S. Attorney Breon Peace says, brazen crimes with this motherfucker.
[00:11:47]  And it does not seem like he was very careful and will almost certainly get busted for that.
[00:11:52]  And I mean, obviously, he's already busted for it, but I feel like he's going to lose in court for that.
[00:11:57]  He also did another scam, which was the classic, we know it, we love it, COVID assistance scam.
[00:12:04]  Yeah, he collected about like $24,000 in unemployment benefits during the period when they expanded all the unemployment benefits with COVID.
[00:12:13]  He was employed about the time.
[00:12:15]  He was making about $120,000, but I guess he also filed for unemployment and collected a bunch of money that way.
[00:12:21]  So I don't think that's a crime.
[00:12:23]  Victimless crime.
[00:12:23]  That genuinely is a victimless crime.
[00:12:25]  They printed a bunch of money.
[00:12:26]  What's wrong with it?
[00:12:27]  I think it's on you, meaning you, the government.
[00:12:30]  Yeah.
[00:12:30]  You fucked up.
[00:12:31]  I will say that.
[00:12:32]  Double check.
[00:12:33]  That is your bad motherfucker.
[00:12:34]  That's how I feel about the IRS fucks up.
[00:12:36]  That's on you, not me.
[00:12:38]  You're fucking bad.
[00:12:39]  Also, we fucked up, and we've talked about this a lot.
[00:12:42]  I don't know if we ever talked about the episode, on the episode of the show we do buy twice a week.
[00:12:49]  I get you.
[00:12:50]  Remember when it came out that one, was it Mueller?
[00:12:53]  Mueller she wrote?
[00:12:54]  Yeah, yeah.
[00:12:55]  She collected a ton of money in COVID assistance.
[00:12:58]  No, but no, Mueller.
[00:13:00]  Mueller?
[00:13:00]  Mueller, she wrote?
[00:13:02]  Mueller.
[00:13:03]  Mueller.
[00:13:03]  She wrote the podcast.
[00:13:04]  Mueller, yeah.
[00:13:05]  Most likely the LLC filed for PPP loans.
[00:13:09]  Yeah, that's the one.
[00:13:09]  PPP loans.
[00:13:10]  That's not a scam.
[00:13:11]  PPP loans were just a small business assistance program.
[00:13:15]  Yeah, but they didn't have a, they didn't need that.
[00:13:18]  Well, I don't know what they needed, but I mean, people got mad at them because they didn't like the look of it.
[00:13:22]  I know.
[00:13:22]  And here's the thing.
[00:13:24]  Anybody who didn't think when they saw that that, like, fuck, I left money on the table is lying because we all left money on the table by not doing that, right?
[00:13:33]  That might, what do you think that money's going to get spent on a road?
[00:13:36]  You know, it's just going to go to Ukraine.
[00:13:39]  We should have taken a PPP loan, but I wouldn't have, we would have gotten in trouble.
[00:13:42]  I will say that.
[00:13:43]  Well, we wouldn't, we would have gotten not legally in trouble.
[00:13:46]  We would have gotten reputationally in trouble.
[00:13:48]  Reputationally in trouble, which is more important.
[00:13:50]  Which is different than Santos, who is legally in trouble because he did actually illegally file for unemployment.
[00:13:56]  Unemployment.
[00:13:56]  Yeah, correct.
[00:13:58]  The third, and I got to be real with you up front, totally from the chest here.
[00:14:03]  This is spurious.
[00:14:06]  He misrepresented how much money he was making, I think, during his first unsuccessful run for Congress back in 2020.
[00:14:13]  Which is, I think, kind of in line with some things that we'll go into about the character.
[00:14:18]  Yeah.
[00:14:19]  So let's back up a little bit.
[00:14:20]  Who is George Santos?
[00:14:22]  Which actually is a more complicated question than maybe it seems.
[00:14:26]  I'm going to be fully for real with you.
[00:14:29]  Wait.
[00:14:30]  I forgot.
[00:14:31]  You have his number.
[00:14:32]  Yeah.
[00:14:32]  I'm going to be fully for real with you and ask him right now.
[00:14:45]  Hello.
[00:14:46]  George?
[00:14:47]  Hello.
[00:14:48]  Hey, what's up?
[00:14:48]  This is Bryce.
[00:14:51]  Bryce who?
[00:14:52]  Bryce Belden.
[00:14:53]  I just want to ask you the question.
[00:14:54]  Who is George Santos?
[00:14:57]  Bryce who?
[00:14:58]  Bryce Belden?
[00:15:00]  From where?
[00:15:01]  What do you mean?
[00:15:02]  From New York City.
[00:15:04]  I have no clue who you are.
[00:15:06]  Well, I don't know who you are.
[00:15:09]  Oh, you hung up on me.
[00:15:11]  Well, there goes that.
[00:15:13]  Anyways, who is George Santos?
[00:15:15]  Who is he?
[00:15:17]  He is, he was, well, still is, elected.
[00:15:22]  He's an elected congressman.
[00:15:23]  He was elected to New York's third congressional district.
[00:15:26]  Come on, we got to the first.
[00:15:27]  Out in parts of Long Island, parts of Queens.
[00:15:30]  It's actually a new district.
[00:15:32]  It was newly created.
[00:15:33]  And so when he won, I think everyone was sort of like, oh, huh, that's interesting.
[00:15:37]  Because no one really knew how it was going to shake out.
[00:15:39]  Yeah.
[00:15:39]  Yeah.
[00:15:40]  I think it was part of that.
[00:15:41]  Listen, I got to be fully for real with you.
[00:15:43]  I don't really follow when elections happen.
[00:15:45]  Sure.
[00:15:45]  We know this.
[00:15:46]  It's not my beat.
[00:15:47]  I don't care.
[00:15:48]  It's November sometimes.
[00:15:49]  I get it.
[00:15:50]  The Democrats are the Republicans.
[00:15:52]  But sometimes it's June.
[00:15:53]  Joe Manchin.
[00:15:54]  Not really my, frankly, my business who's doing that.
[00:15:58]  I do know that, did he just text me?
[00:16:01]  No, he didn't.
[00:16:02]  Cool.
[00:16:02]  They never do.
[00:16:05]  I do know that people thought the Republicans were going to win a lot more seats than they did.
[00:16:10]  Especially if Miss Fred of the show, Sean McElwee, Sean McElwey.
[00:16:13]  He was big on it.
[00:16:15]  But they did not.
[00:16:17]  They did not, except for, I believe, in New York State.
[00:16:19]  Yeah, no, they got a lot in New York State.
[00:16:21]  And part of that sort of red wave in New York was the election of George Santos.
[00:16:27]  Someday a real red wave will come.
[00:16:29]  Yeah, a different kind of red wave.
[00:16:31]  Okay, so who is George Santos?
[00:16:33]  George Santos, George Anthony DeVolder-Santos.
[00:16:36]  All right.
[00:16:37]  Gonna pause right there.
[00:16:39]  Three is enough.
[00:16:40]  Yeah.
[00:16:41]  You don't need four.

=== My College Experience (16:04) ===

[00:16:42]  Well, DeVolder seems to be his mother's maiden name.
[00:16:44]  Okay.
[00:16:45]  I think he edited it in post haste.
[00:16:48]  He put it in post.
[00:16:49]  Yeah, he edited it in post.
[00:16:51]  He is allegedly 34 years old.
[00:16:54]  And I'm just going to say.
[00:16:55]  Chilling on rules?
[00:16:56]  No.
[00:16:56]  No, this man is not 34 years old.
[00:16:58]  Not 34 years old.
[00:16:59]  You're 35.
[00:17:00]  He is 42 years old.
[00:17:02]  He's 50.
[00:17:03]  He's not a year older than me.
[00:17:05]  I think he is 42.
[00:17:06]  You think he's 42?
[00:17:07]  I absolutely think he's 42.
[00:17:09]  I'm saying 34 seems crazy to me.
[00:17:13]  I'm just telling you, he is not 34-year-old.
[00:17:15]  That is the worst looking 34-year-old I've ever seen in my life.
[00:17:18]  He is the son of Brazilian immigrants.
[00:17:21]  He is, I'm just going to say it.
[00:17:24]  He's gay.
[00:17:25]  I don't want to add him on the show like this.
[00:17:28]  That's not how I went down.
[00:17:29]  But you know what?
[00:17:30]  I sometimes pretend I'm bisexual in order to be able to say it.
[00:17:34]  He's gay.
[00:17:35]  He is gay.
[00:17:35]  He also made that like a big thing of in his campaign because he was basically like, look, I'm gay and a Republican.
[00:17:41]  And people were like, oh my God, we have to vote for him.
[00:17:44]  That's so cool.
[00:17:46]  You're gay in a sleigh, frankly.
[00:17:49]  Honestly, he ate with that.
[00:17:52]  And that's, I don't, I'm really stretching my limits of knowledge here.
[00:17:55]  Is that boots?
[00:17:57]  Boots?
[00:17:58]  Do they say that shit?
[00:18:00]  I feel like I've said some of them saying that shit online.
[00:18:03]  Okay.
[00:18:04]  He is also allegedly a financier.
[00:18:08]  One of our favorite philanthropists.
[00:18:10]  Which I, one of our other favorite professions.
[00:18:14]  I don't think either of those things are true, though.
[00:18:17]  Well, I mean, listen.
[00:18:19]  Here's the thing.
[00:18:20]  You like all those, I'm just going to be real with you.
[00:18:25]  Do you like all those Frankfurt school men, right?
[00:18:29]  Okay.
[00:18:30]  Frankfurt school men?
[00:18:32]  I'm not going to say what you're doing with your nose.
[00:18:34]  With my what?
[00:18:35]  Your finger on your nose.
[00:18:36]  I'm not sure my nose.
[00:18:37]  Yeah, I'm just scratching it.
[00:18:38]  Yeah, okay.
[00:18:40]  But the Frank, so that's their whole thing, Pomo pause, is that truth is subjective, right?
[00:18:50]  I don't think that's really the Frankfurt school, but personally, I'm anti-Semitic, and that's about as far as I'm going to get with it.
[00:18:59]  He is, it seemingly, maybe just doing that.
[00:19:03]  He's like a Frankfurt school kind of guy, right?
[00:19:06]  Well, he does say he's Jewish.
[00:19:08]  He does say he's Jewish.
[00:19:10]  And Ukrainian.
[00:19:11]  And Ukrainian.
[00:19:12]  Which I got to be real, when he claimed he was Ukrainian, it was eerily close to the invasion of Ukraine.
[00:19:18]  I mean, so I think what he was doing there, I kind of get a lot of his lies.
[00:19:22]  I mean, his lies are pretty easy to understand why he did it.
[00:19:24]  Also, I believe he was married to a woman for a while.
[00:19:26]  He was.
[00:19:27]  Yeah.
[00:19:27]  Which you can be gay and married to a woman.
[00:19:29]  I don't know he can be gay and married to a woman.
[00:19:31]  So I think there was something funky going on there.
[00:19:34]  But he, I think the Ukraine thing, so he does say that he is the son of the grandson of Jewish refugees who fled Stalin, sort of the implication being Stalin's, the purge, fled to Belgium, which is, okay, we know that's a lie because that is not real.
[00:19:54]  Yeah.
[00:19:54]  And then when the Nazis invaded, they fled to Brazil and escaped the Holocaust.
[00:20:01]  Right.
[00:20:02]  So he escaped both totalitarian systems of Nazis, communism, and went to the undalient totalitarian system of Brazil, which is.
[00:20:12]  Where his family then became Catholic.
[00:20:14]  Yeah.
[00:20:14]  Also not.
[00:20:15]  Guys in tank tops on motorbikes making kissing noises at you.
[00:20:19]  Sort of Italian style.
[00:20:20]  Well, we'll get to that story in a little bit.
[00:20:22]  We should say some of the lies that he's told about himself.
[00:20:27]  I mean, I do think, I get where you're coming from where you say that you like understand them, but they're pretty good.
[00:20:33]  Like he lied about where he went to school.
[00:20:36]  Yeah.
[00:20:36]  Whether that was grade school, high school, or college.
[00:20:39]  Lying about high school is crazy.
[00:20:42]  Yeah, he said he went to Horace Mann, which is like a really, really expensive, fancy private school in the Bronx.
[00:20:47]  I think I've like heard that name before.
[00:20:49]  Yeah, it's got that famous.
[00:20:51]  Sorry, an institution called Horace.
[00:20:53]  You can fucking succession ass kids go there.
[00:20:55]  You know what I mean?
[00:20:56]  Horace Mann.
[00:20:57]  But he said that he dropped out or they moved to a different school in his senior year because his parents lost their jobs during, and this is a quote from him, what would later become known as the Depression of 2008.
[00:21:12]  Was that known as the Depression of 2008?
[00:21:14]  I mean, apparently later it became known as the Spanish.
[00:21:15]  That's known as the Great Recession.
[00:21:17]  Yeah, I don't think anyone.
[00:21:18]  We should call it a Depression, but we don't.
[00:21:20]  So I'm with you, Santos.
[00:21:22]  Did he go to Horace Mann?
[00:21:24]  No.
[00:21:25]  Also, his parents, like the only job that his mom has ever, I mean, no shade, but like she has worked only in like Queens.
[00:21:34]  First of all, take that back.
[00:21:36]  This is the motherfucking shade room.
[00:21:38]  Some shade.
[00:21:39]  She's only worked in Queens.
[00:21:42]  Personally, for me, I've also only worked in Queens.
[00:21:48]  So the next lie is he went to, well, this sounds Jewish at least.
[00:21:54]  How do you say this?
[00:21:54]  Baruch College.
[00:21:56]  What's Baruch College?
[00:21:58]  I don't know.
[00:21:59]  It's a college.
[00:21:59]  It's a college.
[00:22:00]  He says he went there in 2010 with a degree in economics.
[00:22:03]  So we can already know this motherfucker's a liar.
[00:22:05]  And finance.
[00:22:06]  Yeah, he also said he was the star of the volleyball team.
[00:22:09]  The star of the volleyball team?
[00:22:11]  Which I think is like really cute, actually.
[00:22:13]  It's like, okay, okay.
[00:22:14]  Yeah, I studied finance.
[00:22:17]  Also, I was the star of the volleyball team.
[00:22:18]  I was the star of the volleyball team.
[00:22:19]  It's like, I've seen that figure somewhere.
[00:22:21]  Brazilian-ass lie there.
[00:22:23]  Did he go to Baruch College?
[00:22:27]  Okay.
[00:22:27]  No, he did not.
[00:22:28]  Baruch College says they have no record of him going there.
[00:22:30]  He also said he went to NYU.
[00:22:32]  Okay, all right.
[00:22:33]  Did he?
[00:22:35]  He did not go to NYU.
[00:22:37]  NYU also says they have no record of him going there.
[00:22:41]  He did a bit of a mea culpa later and admitted, quote, I didn't graduate from any institution of higher learning.
[00:22:49]  Which that's fine, George.
[00:22:51]  Yeah.
[00:22:51]  I get it.
[00:22:52]  Me neither.
[00:22:54]  Well, he also said he worked at a couple close, and this one actually kind of stings because our relationship to these institutions, like obviously we do in-house podcasts for both of them as kind of like a way to actually, it's like a hustle thing that we do.
[00:23:08]  And we do copy for them.
[00:23:09]  Yeah.
[00:23:10]  He said he worked at Goldman Sachs and Citigroup.
[00:23:12]  Sure.
[00:23:13]  And to me, that's like super important that guys are upfront about that because that means I can trust you.
[00:23:19]  And it just seems like maybe he didn't do that.
[00:23:22]  Yeah, no, Goldman Sachs and Citigroup came out and said he didn't work there.
[00:23:27]  He said he also worked at all these business development companies.
[00:23:29]  There was one called Linkbridge.
[00:23:31]  He said he made like a million dollars in revenue in six months.
[00:23:34]  The company comes out and is like, no, that guy was just like a freelancer.
[00:23:38]  I don't really know what he did.
[00:23:40]  And then he said he worked at this other investment firm in Florida called Harbor City Capital, where he managed $1.5 billion and was getting 12 to 26% returns.
[00:23:52]  Now, Brace, before I go into the next part, what do you know about when someone claims that they're getting 26% returns?
[00:24:01]  I'm going to be fully upfront with you guys in that, like the thought of returns on things like didn't really come into my brain until we started doing this podcast.
[00:24:10]  This is like investing money, all those things seem like something that crazy people did, or like you were a billionaire that did that before we started the show.
[00:24:19]  And I realized a lot of people do that.
[00:24:21]  And a lot of people do that to people who promise very high returns on their investments.
[00:24:26]  12% is crazy high to begin with.
[00:24:29]  12 to 26%.
[00:24:30]  26%.
[00:24:31]  That range is really unspeakably high.
[00:24:35]  Unspeakably high.
[00:24:39]  And that is always a lie.
[00:24:41]  Whenever, like, this is something I've known.
[00:24:43]  And I still haven't really invested anything.
[00:24:46]  I did the GameStop thing.
[00:24:48]  Oh, sure.
[00:24:48]  And I made good returns on that, but percentage-wise, I don't know.
[00:24:52]  I could tell you that was in and out.
[00:24:54]  But anyone who tells you they can get you high returns on something is it's safe to assume they're going to rip you off.
[00:25:02]  Yeah.
[00:25:02]  And it turns out C was already investigating this investment firm for being a Ponzi scheme.
[00:25:11]  Well, he said that it took like $17 million from investors.
[00:25:15]  I don't want to be, I think now is the time to talk about my own work experience.
[00:25:19]  Well, because this is the thing.
[00:25:20]  I'm like, okay, I will say this is just his resume.
[00:25:24]  And as is the sort of theme of this episode, whomst amongst us hasn't lied on their resume.
[00:25:38]  No, just gussied up, you know, fluffed up the edges, you know, a little flower language, a little, of course I'm proficient in Excel.
[00:25:48]  Oh, yeah.
[00:25:48]  Excel?
[00:25:49]  Adobe Sweet?
[00:25:50]  I know all of it.
[00:25:51]  Adobe is so fucking sweet is what I say on my resume.
[00:25:55]  Yeah, it's it's listen.
[00:25:57]  Everyone fucking embellishes on their scene.
[00:26:01]  And I was like, I don't understand how I'm supposed to have a resume to get a job if I've never had a job.
[00:26:07]  It was like 17.
[00:26:08]  And I was like, because I technically had a job, but it wasn't a job that you, it was like I made buttons in Scotty Karate's garage out of Scotty in the sunset.
[00:26:17]  And I'm like, I don't understand how I'm supposed to get a real job with a resume that has nothing on it.
[00:26:22]  And I don't even have consistent high school experience.
[00:26:25]  Yeah, I mean, I went through this exact same thing.
[00:26:27]  I mean, I fucking remember being like 18 and being like, I don't understand.
[00:26:31]  What do I do?
[00:26:32]  What do I do?
[00:26:33]  So what I did is they won't hire me if I don't have experience, but I can't get experience if I don't get hired.
[00:26:37]  It's a classic conundrum.
[00:26:39]  I did is I made it up.
[00:26:40]  Yeah.
[00:26:40]  I had previously.
[00:26:42]  Oh, of course you did.
[00:26:43]  And as you should.
[00:26:44]  And here's my thing.
[00:26:45]  I think everyone knows this.
[00:26:46]  Yeah.
[00:26:47]  Yeah.
[00:26:47]  Yes.
[00:26:48]  I mean, that's the thing.
[00:26:49]  It's like resumes.
[00:26:50]  If you, I think every single person, unless you like are somebody who like went to very fancy colleges and like did internships and shit like that.
[00:26:59]  First of all, this podcast, not for you.
[00:27:00]  Not that's crazy.
[00:27:02]  You're listening to this.
[00:27:02]  Get away.
[00:27:03]  You're out.
[00:27:04]  I'm not a high-value male or female.
[00:27:08]  Sorry, I just was been watching a lot of Red Pill stuff.
[00:27:11]  But I don't understand how people, of course, everybody fucking fibs on their shit.
[00:27:16]  You say you work somewhere.
[00:27:17]  You say your job, you make up like you were the bad boy at a grocery store.
[00:27:22]  I was the like customer assistant specialist at a whatever motherfucking teller check thing.
[00:27:30]  Yeah.
[00:27:31]  This is another thing that the internet has ruined anyway.
[00:27:34]  Because now you can just like Google search everything and you can call people out.
[00:27:39]  Well, not really for kind of jobs I've had because that's very few places I've worked really have websites.
[00:27:47]  I just remember like, I mean, every resume I've had basically until now has been lies.
[00:27:53]  Wait, but you have your resume, right?
[00:27:55]  I do have my resume.
[00:27:56]  I was thinking, I used to have, I guess I started these, I thought I had started this email address in like 2014, but I guess I started it in 2012, 2013.
[00:28:05]  But I have my resume from 2013 where I applied to be a visitor service agent at the Botanical Gardens in San Francisco.
[00:28:17]  And it looks like I got the job a couple months after I applied to it.
[00:28:23]  But by that point, unfortunately, I had gone off of Suboxone and was back on other substances.
[00:28:30]  And I was unable to respond to emails, I believe, because I was in legal trouble and trying to get out of it through a program.
[00:28:41]  So this says that I was a cook and cashier at Crepe Express in 2007.
[00:28:46]  On Hate Street.
[00:28:47]  On Hate Street.
[00:28:48]  Now.
[00:28:49]  Wait, didn't you work at Crepe Express for like a day?
[00:28:52]  There is that.
[00:28:53]  So that is correct.
[00:28:54]  When I was 16 years old, I did get a job at Crepe Express for one day.
[00:28:58]  I remember this.
[00:28:59]  I did not know.
[00:29:00]  And this is true.
[00:29:01]  I didn't know what a crepe was.
[00:29:03]  I had never even heard of crepes before.
[00:29:06]  I thought it was a crazy concept.
[00:29:09]  I was like, it's a pancake, but with like a tomato in it, but and it's thin.
[00:29:13]  I didn't understand what it was.
[00:29:15]  And I did, I believe, so poorly on that first day that I was not invited back.
[00:29:22]  And I had a big crush on a girl who worked there, who was my first kiss.
[00:29:27]  And then it says I was a columnist slash assistant editor at Maximum Rock and Roll Magazine.
[00:29:35]  Now, I was a columnist at Maximum Rock and Roll Magazine.
[00:29:39]  That was an unpaid position.
[00:29:41]  I was not an assistant editor, although I did insist that they couldn't edit my columns and I would do it myself.
[00:29:47]  So in that way, yes.
[00:29:49]  Yes.
[00:29:50]  Sure, because someone was editing them and that was you.
[00:29:53]  And I did, there is, by the way, for Crepe Express, there is no contact number to get in contact.
[00:29:59]  Yeah, you can't.
[00:29:59]  No, you can't.
[00:30:01]  And I said, 2,000 word column due each month, correct.
[00:30:04]  Edit articles, interviews, eh, and columns.
[00:30:09]  Okay.
[00:30:09]  For content, grammar, no.
[00:30:11]  Language, no.
[00:30:12]  And style, yes.
[00:30:13]  Assistant managing subscription sales and back issue mail order.
[00:30:17]  Very loosely true in that I did pack magazines to send out on, was it shit worker day?
[00:30:24]  Anyway, I did pack magazines there.
[00:30:26]  And work with Excel Photoshop.
[00:30:29]  There we go.
[00:30:30]  What did I say?
[00:30:31]  I'm going to be fully upfront.
[00:30:33]  If you put Excel in front of me at any point in my life, I would be hitting the keyboard like an ape.
[00:30:37]  I literally have done it.
[00:30:39]  Never used Excel in my life.
[00:30:41]  Yes, yeah, yeah.
[00:30:42]  I can't.
[00:30:42]  Anyone knows involved in this podcast that the administrative capabilities are very low for me.
[00:30:47]  I couldn't even figure out how to use that note-taking program you sent me.
[00:30:50]  I know.
[00:30:51]  I do love a spreadsheet, I got to say.
[00:30:53]  And the phone number is for my friend Layla, who I recently saw, now works at, well, I'm not going to say where she works, but she lives here.
[00:31:00]  Nice.
[00:31:01]  And then florist manager at Brothers Papadopoulos Flowers.
[00:31:04]  Florist slash manager.
[00:31:05]  Now, to be clear, I had been fired from Brother Papadopoulos Flowers because a bunch of heroin had fallen out of my backpack.
[00:31:11]  That is no exaggeration.
[00:31:13]  Literally, my backpack, this same backpack, to be clear, had, no, it wasn't the same backpack.
[00:31:20]  It was just a backpack that looked similar.
[00:31:22]  Opened when I was at work and a bunch of heroin fell out on the counter.
[00:31:25]  Well, not a bunch.
[00:31:26]  Bags of kind of melted black dark hammer fell out of the counter and they fired me.
[00:31:30]  They did rehire me.
[00:31:31]  But I said I was assisted, complicated, assembled complicated bouquets and vase arrangements in timely manner.
[00:31:38]  Complicated.
[00:31:39]  Worked cash register and calculated earnings.
[00:31:42]  Took orders by phone and from walk-in customers, trained and oversaw several employees, and opened a closed store.
[00:31:50]  This is the loosest version of the truth.
[00:31:53]  All of these things are technically true.
[00:31:57]  And it did say, yeah, I worked there for about five years, and it does not exactly say I was fired, but I do, but I was in good terms with the manager.
[00:32:04]  It also said that this one, I say I'm attendee at City College of San Francisco.
[00:32:10]  That was not true.
[00:32:12]  I did go there various points in my life for about six months all told.
[00:32:15]  I believe I have a 1.0 GPA because I didn't know that you could ask to leave classes.
[00:32:20]  Instead, I just stopped going.
[00:32:21]  And I didn't know that you weren't allowed to do that.
[00:32:23]  I thought they would just be like, oh, he'd stop going.
[00:32:25]  There's no grade.
[00:32:26]  Instead, I guess they give you a bad grade and you can't get that off of there.
[00:32:31]  But on my current resume, at least the one I've been using since 2015, which I also have, says I'm a graduate from SF State with a degree in history, which I just stole from Max, which because he did that.

=== Stolen Checks and Bounced Puppies (06:09) ===

[00:32:46]  But see, I mean, everyone does it.
[00:32:48]  Everyone fibs.
[00:32:49]  Well, here's the thing.
[00:32:50]  Our buddy, George Santos, he didn't just lie about his CV, which I think, you know, I think could be, I guess unless you're running for Congress or you've been in Congress.
[00:33:00]  I mean, his lies are like gold.
[00:33:02]  I work at Goldman.
[00:33:03]  It's a little different than being like, I worked at Crepe Express when I was in high school.
[00:33:06]  He lied about a bunch of other stuff, too.
[00:33:08]  I mean, he's been accused of just like basically stealing money.
[00:33:13]  Multiple times.
[00:33:14]  Multiple times throughout his life.
[00:33:15]  One time in March of this year, a quote, friend of George Santos, which I'm going to, you know what, fact check on that.
[00:33:22]  No friend that I would under, I would understand.
[00:33:24]  Not a friend at all.
[00:33:25]  Not a friend at all.
[00:33:26]  He went to the feds.
[00:33:27]  He said that George taught him how to skim credit cards.
[00:33:31]  George Santos taught me how to skim card information and clone cards.
[00:33:35]  He taught me how to put skimming devices and cameras on ATM machines.
[00:33:38]  Jesus Christ.
[00:33:39]  In Brazil.
[00:33:40]  Should I not have called him just from my cell phone?
[00:33:44]  Why?
[00:33:45]  And guess what's he going to do?
[00:33:46]  I mean, what is he going to call you back?
[00:33:48]  You're going to go to jail.
[00:33:50]  For what?
[00:33:50]  Exactly.
[00:33:51]  Oh, but like, what are you worried about?
[00:33:53]  Just, I don't know.
[00:33:54]  If he's skimming credit cards, couldn't he give my cell phone number to like, I don't know, a guy who can get money out of it?
[00:34:03]  I don't think you can do that just from a phone number.
[00:34:05]  I don't think you can either.
[00:34:06]  But, well, what is he going to do?
[00:34:08]  I'll just, well, I don't want to say that against a congressman.
[00:34:12]  I'll just say, like, I'm the son of two people who my parents survived the Oklahoma City.
[00:34:24]  Okay, okay.
[00:34:25]  And I just, like, I am born with grit and steel in me.
[00:34:30]  In Brazil, George Santos, he was charged with stealing the checkbook of a man his mom was caring for.
[00:34:38]  He wrote like $700 in fraudulent checks.
[00:34:40]  Okay, evidence of fraudulent checks.
[00:34:42]  To buy sneakers was one of them.
[00:34:44]  Okay, now I was buying.
[00:34:46]  One of his old roommates claims that he stole a Burberry scarf from them.
[00:34:51]  And that was after George Santos appeared on the steps of the Capitol during the Stop the Steel rally wearing said Burberry scarf.
[00:34:59]  This, of course, brings echoes to our number one.
[00:35:03]  Wait, I'm sorry.
[00:35:04]  I got to hit the gong.
[00:35:05]  Do you guys know where I'm going to keep talking to kill airtime?
[00:35:07]  But do you know where I have it under my foot right here?
[00:35:09]  I have it under my foot right here.
[00:35:13]  Sam motherfucking Brinton of the Department of whatever, the nuclear motherfucker.
[00:35:19]  Oh, yeah.
[00:35:19]  Who stole the ball?
[00:35:21]  Oh, yeah.
[00:35:23]  One of the fucking most notorious skinheads in the United States of America.
[00:35:27]  Ian Stewart's cousin.
[00:35:30]  Stole those two people's luggage and then wore that lady's like home, not homemade, she was like a like a clothing designer.
[00:35:39]  Yeah.
[00:35:39]  Wore her.
[00:35:40]  Which, by the way, how do you, when you're stealing luggage.
[00:35:44]  That's what I don't understand.
[00:35:45]  How do you know?
[00:35:46]  Because every time I've stolen luggage, it's just like you just look out and you're like, yes, I got this designer's.
[00:35:52]  Because what if you like, what if, like, what if you like steal someone's bag and it's like the bag that they packed all their kids shit in and all you have is diapes?
[00:35:59]  Yeah.
[00:36:00]  And like, and put them on.
[00:36:01]  Maybe that would be a gold mine.
[00:36:03]  You're like mid-tour and you, so you put them on and they barely don't even fit because they're for kids.
[00:36:08]  And so you starve yourself practically for the rest of the tour.
[00:36:10]  By the time you get back to New York, they still don't fit because like they're like size two or whatever.
[00:36:14]  And like you got to go to Sheen to come back.
[00:36:17]  All right.
[00:36:18]  George Santos also allegedly stole money from a man named Richard Ostoff, who is a disabled veteran.
[00:36:25]  Voter Ostoff.
[00:36:26]  Who went to George Santos.
[00:36:28]  All right.
[00:36:28]  That's who Richard believed to be a man named Anthony DeVolder.
[00:36:33]  Now, again, this is his alias.
[00:36:36]  I love that.
[00:36:37]  Yeah.
[00:36:38]  Now he went there on advice from his veterinarian because he was under the impression that Anthony DeVolder could help him raise $3,000 for his dog's life-saving surgery.
[00:36:49]  So veterinarian to veterin to Anthony Devolder, a.k.a. George Santos, who did claim to have a charity that helped cats and dogs and helped over 2,500 cats and dogs.
[00:37:02]  Yeah, it was called Friends of Pets United.
[00:37:04]  And he did help Richard.
[00:37:10]  Wait, Fupu?
[00:37:11]  What?
[00:37:11]  No, Friends of Fi Pu?
[00:37:14]  Fopu?
[00:37:16]  Yeah.
[00:37:17]  Fopu.
[00:37:18]  Fopu?
[00:37:19]  Fopu?
[00:37:21]  He did help Richard.
[00:37:22]  He like set up a GoFundMe for him.
[00:37:24]  He just then never gave him the money.
[00:37:27]  And then Richard's dog died.
[00:37:29]  There was a bunch of weird stuff with this charity, too.
[00:37:32]  I mean, I guess he would hold these adoption events and he would like charge a fee for adopting that.
[00:37:38]  All these people would be adopting these puppies.
[00:37:41]  And you assume that you're adopting rescue animals, right?
[00:37:45]  I mean, it's an adoption event.
[00:37:46]  Well, it turns out that those puppies were from breeders that he wrote bad checks to.
[00:37:51]  So he would obtain, yes, he would obtain puppies.
[00:37:56]  That's kind of okay.
[00:37:57]  He was like doing like fucking arbitrage with puppies.
[00:37:59]  He would obtain puppies.
[00:38:00]  He wrote nine bad checks to eight different dog breeders.
[00:38:04]  In the checks memo, it would say four puppies.
[00:38:08]  And then the checks would bounce, but by then he'd already sold the puppies.
[00:38:12]  Oh, he sold them?
[00:38:14]  Well, adoption events, but there would be a fee.
[00:38:17]  So it's not selling.
[00:38:18]  Gotcha.
[00:38:19]  There's a fee associated.
[00:38:20]  This seems like, like, I'm sorry.
[00:38:22]  I've.
[00:38:23]  It's a crazy scam.
[00:38:24]  To be fully upfront, like, I have stolen checks and written bad.
[00:38:28]  I've written bad checks.
[00:38:29]  I've done check fraud, basically, and I got caught for it.
[00:38:32]  Not arrested for it.
[00:38:33]  I got caught at paid back.
[00:38:35]  Very forgiving.
[00:38:37]  But this seems so complicated.
[00:38:42]  You have to drive a bunch of places.
[00:38:44]  Yeah, he got charged in Pennsylvania for this.
[00:38:46]  Wouldn't it be easier to get a job?
[00:38:48]  Like, I guess I don't understand it.
[00:38:49]  Like, wouldn't you, like, how much money could you be making this?
[00:38:53]  Well, he was trying.
[00:38:54]  He created a great CV for it.

=== Pulse Nightclub Tragedy (02:58) ===

[00:38:55]  That's true.
[00:38:56]  Yeah.
[00:38:58]  But he, yeah, he got out of the charges in Pennsylvania because he just claimed his checkbook was stolen.
[00:39:02]  And then he got the charges expunged.
[00:39:04]  So they never showed up on his record.
[00:39:05]  Huh.
[00:39:06]  Yeah.
[00:39:07]  But besides all those lies about his CV and all the weird kind of scammy philanthropy work, there's a lot of stuff from his personal biography that has made a lot of headlines.
[00:39:20]  Now, he wrote on Twitter back in July 2021 that, quote, 9-11 claimed my mother's life.
[00:39:32]  Which is a thing to say, you know?
[00:39:33]  I mean, okay.
[00:39:34]  He had it also, I mean, on his campaign website, it read, she was in her office in the South Tower on September 11th, and then she passed away a few years later when she lost her battle to cancer.
[00:39:46]  So the implication being that she developed cancer.
[00:39:50]  I mean, there's so many documented cases of people who either were working downtown or lived nearby who developed crazy cancers after, you know, all of the, you know, from the fumes of the wreckage and everything after September 11th.
[00:40:05]  Now, she died 15 years after September 11th.
[00:40:07]  So there's a little bit of a, you know, okay, you, whatever.
[00:40:10]  You want to stretch that with a few and 15.
[00:40:12]  You know what?
[00:40:13]  That's fine with me.
[00:40:14]  All good, brother.
[00:40:15]  Not my problem.
[00:40:16]  Here's the thing.
[00:40:17]  She didn't actually work for any company in the towers.
[00:40:21]  Okay.
[00:40:23]  Santos claimed that she was a finance executive.
[00:40:25]  NBC says she worked, like I said, in Queens out of an import business, which, okay.
[00:40:31]  But then some reporters found documents that actually she was in Brazil in September of 2001.
[00:40:37]  She wasn't in New York at all.
[00:40:38]  And she had a visa application from 2003 that said she hadn't been in the U.S. since 1999.
[00:40:46]  Yeah.
[00:40:47]  That was kind of a sad gong.
[00:40:48]  One thing that— You need a sad—it should be, like, remember the happy foot, sad foot in Echo Park?
[00:40:53]  Oh, yeah, there should be— It should be that with Happy Face Gong, Sadface Skong.
[00:40:56]  And then sounds should be slightly different.
[00:40:58]  We should have a mournful.
[00:40:59]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:41:00]  We need a mournful, like, I feel like you could play, for instance, just like off the top of my head, bongos mournfully.
[00:41:07]  You know what I mean?
[00:41:07]  Like, like that kind of thing.
[00:41:12]  But that's like not the only tragic event that he's inserted himself into.
[00:41:17]  He also said in 2016, he claimed that he lost four employees in the Pulse nightclub shooting.
[00:41:23]  In the Pulse nightclub shooting?
[00:41:24]  Yeah, he said four of his employees died.
[00:41:27]  This man's life was devastated by Wackenhut.
[00:41:42]  Liz, that's not the only, only, those aren't the only two tragic events that he has linked his life to either.

=== Kanye's Jewish Claims (04:25) ===

[00:41:53]  Now, we mentioned before that he said he's Jewish.
[00:41:57]  And I've watched, in fact, we're going to insert some audio right here where you can kind of see the genesis of where that comes from.
[00:42:05]  Oh, my mother's family, they're originally Ukrainian, my great-grandparents.
[00:42:10]  They fled persecution.
[00:42:11]  They were Jewish.
[00:42:12]  Now, he says he's like Jew-ish, which is so fucking funny.
[00:42:18]  Because it's like, if you write that out, I guess you have to hyphen it, but you can tell that he like said that so many times and he was just like, yeah, I'm Jewish.
[00:42:27]  Jewish.
[00:42:27]  And would stop like emphasizing, I guess, the hyphenated portion there.
[00:42:32]  A little bit different than the Kanye drop, huh?
[00:42:34]  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:42:35]  I'm Jew.
[00:42:36]  Well, yeah, because Kanye's whole thing was he's like, Jewish means like a Jew.
[00:42:40]  Who is it?
[00:42:41]  I'm not going to say what he was.
[00:42:43]  I'm not going to say what race, what people, doctor.
[00:42:47]  We know I can't say that.
[00:42:50]  It was a Jewish doctor.
[00:42:54]  Yeah, Kanye is, recently some word Kanye news.
[00:42:57]  Is there?
[00:42:57]  Yeah, I think, well, there's been a, we maybe actually should do an episode on that, but there's been back and forth pedophilia claims from many in his camp.
[00:43:07]  Oh, shit.
[00:43:08]  Because his camp does just seem to be BPD gay men.
[00:43:12]  And I'm including Nick Fuentes in that.
[00:43:15]  But he, so he says his grandmother was a sort of Holocaust victim.
[00:43:23]  And that is a loose term because, I mean, does that mean she was in the Holocaust like and survived it?
[00:43:31]  Like she was sent to a camp or like was an intern somewhere?
[00:43:35]  Or does that mean like she hid from the Nazis?
[00:43:37]  Or does that mean she wasn't even Jewish at all and in fact was living in Brazil the entire time?
[00:43:43]  Yeah, I mean, look, according to CNN, and I think the foreword too, no one can find any records that anyone on his maternal, like his maternal grandmother's side was anything but Brazilian.
[00:43:57]  Yeah.
[00:43:58]  There's multiple family records that say that his maternal grandparents were both in Brazil.
[00:44:04]  Absolutely no record of any kind of Ukrainian heritage whatsoever.
[00:44:08]  Dad's side, I don't think Jewish either.
[00:44:10]  Because you could say you're like, I mean, you're not Jewish, you know, but you're Jewish if your dad's side has some Jew in you.
[00:44:20]  But I don't believe that there's Jews on either side of his family at all.
[00:44:29]  Yeah, the whole thing, like, it's pretty clear, too, where he, like, figured, like, that's the thing about Anthony DeVolder, aka George Anthony Devolder-Santos, is that like, you can see kind of why he picked a lot of these lies, right?
[00:44:46]  Like, you know, well, he does seem to be gay, a practicing gay man, but, you know, like, it's like he's trying to make himself saleable to voters.
[00:44:56]  Yeah.
[00:44:57]  You know?
[00:44:58]  Like, he's like, well, a big issue for the Republicans is they love motherfucking Israel.
[00:45:03]  And I've read his Israel position paper.
[00:45:05]  We listened to that.
[00:45:06]  I don't think we're going to play it during this episode, but he does say that Iran should be destroyed in very weird ways.
[00:45:13]  Insane language.
[00:45:15]  And like, you know, it's, it's, I mean, to be fully honest, I don't know about the makeup of his district, but like New York, you know, look at, what's that motherfucker's name?
[00:45:25]  Richie Torres.
[00:45:26]  That guy is practically Jewish.
[00:45:29]  You know, a lot of people really pander to like to the Jewish vote here.
[00:45:33]  And it looks like that's what he was trying to do.
[00:45:35]  And he got lost in the sauce and just started saying that he's Jewish.
[00:45:38]  Well, I mean, he also just lied about every single, everything else about it.
[00:45:42]  That's what I'm saying.
[00:45:43]  It's like his whole like, like having this tragic backstory, right?
[00:45:46]  Like this, like, this, like, which is such a common politician thing.
[00:45:49]  He just like was a little clumsy about it and tried to involve basically every major tragic event from the past 75 years.
[00:45:57]  I'm a little surprised that he didn't include somebody fighting in a war.
[00:46:02]  You know what I mean?
[00:46:03]  Like I had an uncle who was lost in Vietnam or I myself was in Desert Storm, one, two, and the secret third one.
[00:46:10]  But he, yeah, I mean, it's like he's trying, it's almost like he's, he's impersonating what he thinks would make a good political resume.

=== Biden's Tragic Backstory (16:16) ===

[00:46:19]  Yeah.
[00:46:20]  If that makes any sense.
[00:46:20]  Like he's like, he's like putting together this sort of like perfect like New York tragedy immigrant, you know, hardworking like life story.
[00:46:29]  Very, very successful finance guy who also is gay, but conservative.
[00:46:37]  And if the gay thing doesn't work, I'm also married to this female woman of the opposite gender of me who is straight.
[00:46:46]  I really would like to find out what the deal with that is, but I didn't really spend any time looking it up.
[00:46:52]  He, yeah, it's like, for me, Santos is, and I think it's hard for a lot of people to take him very seriously because he cuts such a comical figure, right?
[00:47:04]  He looks like.
[00:47:05]  Well, his lip filler is really bad.
[00:47:07]  That's the thing.
[00:47:08]  Physically, he's so soft looking, if that makes sense.
[00:47:12]  You know what I mean?
[00:47:14]  He's got a little bit of the pillow face.
[00:47:16]  Got a bit of a pillow face and he's kind of just like.
[00:47:18]  He seems frankly, like.
[00:47:21]  I guess to me the image I have of somebody who, who would be doing something like this, is kind of like this sharkish, like smooth operator and it seems like he's capable of that to some degree.
[00:47:32]  He did trick some people, but he's not he's.
[00:47:36]  He's not like in interviews, he seems panicked and sort of simple, not like really, not like a donkey boy or whatever, but like, you know, he's like, you know what I'm saying?
[00:47:48]  A donkey boy?
[00:47:49]  Yeah.
[00:47:49]  But he seems like he just, he doesn't seem very sharp.
[00:47:54]  And I realized like what he's doing is I think he's, he's sort of aping the behavior of all these other politicians because this, what he's doing is just an extreme version of what so many politicians in it.
[00:48:06]  that we know they do yeah, totally exaggerate their backgrounds, fabricate things.
[00:48:11]  You know, come up from a you know from, from I mean, there's that one lady in.
[00:48:16]  You know you emphasize parts of your race depending on where you're running, or like totally, maybe fudge a little and say i'm this and maybe not that or whatever or that.
[00:48:26]  I've always held this position exactly yeah, and like it seems like he was sort of doing that.
[00:48:31]  But he's this kind of like, like rather pathetic outsider who like isn't, um, sharp enough really to get it like have an airtight story.
[00:48:42]  You know what I mean?
[00:48:43]  Well, it's funny because I mean I mean obviously, you know oh, the old Cheeto in The White House that was is like the obvious example, but like Joe Biden would get away with this kind of shit all the time.
[00:48:56]  Yeah yeah, I mean Joe Biden.
[00:48:57]  It's funny because like, I feel like a lot of this has been forgotten, but my favorite, absolute favorite Joe Biden lie is that he is frequently and this was really employed in 2020 where he frequently during the fucking primaries, when I remember they were like oh, Bernie is winning, like but we're gonna get, like you know he's gonna win on Biden's gotta, you know he's gonna.
[00:49:16]  The black vote's gonna save him right.
[00:49:18]  And so he was like really going out and trying to pander super hard to people, and part of the reason that he was part of the pandering that he was doing was he just started making up that he was arrested on his way to visit Nelson Mandela.
[00:49:31]  In the 1970s on a congressional visit to South Africa is, of course, when Nelson Mandela was imprisoned on robbing Island He, apparently Joe Biden's story there is that I believe he was with the UN, the U.S. delegate to the UN, and they were on a trip to South Africa, I don't know, fact-finding mission or something, you know, one of those congressional things.
[00:49:52]  And police did not like the fact that he was going to visit Nelson Mandela sort of in defiance of the apartheid regime and he was arrested.
[00:50:02]  He has told this a bunch of different times with various embellishments.
[00:50:08]  One of the times he said that Nelson Mandela had actually visited him in Washington and flung his arms around Joe Biden and said, thank you for getting arrested for me.
[00:50:19]  Now, there is no kernel of truth.
[00:50:22]  I mean, yes, Joe Biden did go on a congressional visit to South Africa.
[00:50:25]  Everybody else involved in that visit has said that nothing even remotely resembling this story ever happened.
[00:50:32]  That it would be a major provocation for the South African apartheid government to arrest a sitting U.S. congressman.
[00:50:39]  Like, this is just completely, completely bullshit.
[00:50:42]  And in fact, reporters, even, because this was too egregious even for a lot of the Biden boosters, they were like, this isn't true.
[00:50:48]  And he would sort of like, you know, I mean, frankly, the man is a corpse, but he would sort of avoid the question and then he would go back on the campaign trail and repeat himself over and over and over and over again.
[00:51:06]  So Joe Biden has also claimed that his good son, not his loser drug addict, son Hunter, but his good son, Bo Biden, who Hunter Biden, whose widow Hunter Biden had sex with after his brother died, he claims that his son Bo Biden, Joe Biden claims this, what a tortured sentence, died in Iraq, specifically in the Iraq war.
[00:51:31]  Yeah, he's, I mean, he's claimed that so many times that I vaguely thought that to be true for a long time.
[00:51:37]  I remember somebody confronting Joe Biden about some war-related thing and says something, and Joe Biden yells back at him, my son died in Iraq.
[00:51:52]  And Joe Biden's son, to be fucking super clear, did not die anywhere near Iraq, nor temporally near the time that he was in Iraq.
[00:52:04]  Joe Biden's son was a fucking lawyer in the Delaware National Guard in Iraq for a year.
[00:52:11]  If Joe Biden's, I mean, I don't know if they have a lawyer's carrying guns out there.
[00:52:17]  That's where the name for that annoying liberal blog comes from.
[00:52:19]  Which one?
[00:52:20]  I don't know.
[00:52:20]  Isn't it like lawyers, guns, money?
[00:52:22]  Oh, baby.
[00:52:23]  Sweetheart.
[00:52:24]  That doesn't come from that.
[00:52:26]  That comes from one of the greatest songs of all time by number one rock and roller, the Bob Dylan of the 80s.
[00:52:34]  That's right, baby.
[00:52:36]  Warren, motherfucking Z-Von.
[00:52:38]  We love him.
[00:52:39]  Jackson Brown.
[00:52:40]  We love all these motherfuckers.
[00:52:41]  City Rock.
[00:52:42]  I've read Warren Zeon's giant biography.
[00:52:45]  Massive.
[00:52:46]  And it's a great fucking song, Warriors, Guns, and Money.
[00:52:49]  But it's a song for men of a certain age.
[00:52:52]  55-year-old men.
[00:52:53]  It is the number one song.
[00:52:55]  Great.
[00:52:56]  Oh, come join me in LA.
[00:52:58]  Another great Warren Zvon song.
[00:52:59]  Of course, his version of Carmelita, where he says, your big Samoan boyfriend is going to beat me up.
[00:53:05]  That's not what he says exactly, but that's what he gets across.
[00:53:08]  Anyways.
[00:53:09]  He served in the Delaware National Guard in fucking Iraq.
[00:53:12]  He did not die there.
[00:53:13]  He died of inoperable brain cancer in 2015 back in America, where I believe he was serving as, I think, assistant U.S. Attorney General in Delaware.
[00:53:23]  I think that Biden has sort of made the claim that his son got his cancer because of something that he was exposed to in Iraq, but I'm not totally sure.
[00:53:32]  Like, I think he's like kind of walked back and tried to make it that claim.
[00:53:35]  Again, this is all stuff that I've sort of just like taken in from how, like, the various reportage.
[00:53:43]  My question is, I, you know, listen, I don't know what Bo Biden's service record in Iraq looks like, but I do know that he was a lawyer in the Delaware National Guard.
[00:53:54]  He wasn't in the fucking burn pits.
[00:53:56]  All right.
[00:53:56]  And so what I'm saying is, is what did he get?
[00:53:58]  Where did he get cancer from?
[00:53:59]  Too much printer ink?
[00:54:01]  Like, from what?
[00:54:04]  From McDonald's?
[00:54:05]  And how pissed would you be if your good son died of inoperable brain cancer?
[00:54:10]  And then the son that it literally spends every day of the past 20 years ingesting some of the most foul concoctions of synthetic chemicals known to man and is just totally fine.
[00:54:23]  In fact frankly, and it pains me to admit this, packs have found a major dong.
[00:54:29]  It sucks.
[00:54:29]  It sucks dude don't, you won't understand.
[00:54:32]  As a guy, it sucks that Hunter Biden has a pretty big penis.
[00:54:35]  It's like cool, you get everything.
[00:54:37]  Then he also looks really old though, as we saw in those pictures from Ireland anyways.
[00:54:43]  Uh, Biden has also claimed and I will say this in defense of Biden's lies, you remember Corn Pop?
[00:54:51]  Yeah, he ended up being real.
[00:54:53]  Corn pop was real is.
[00:54:54]  When I knew that Joe Biden would win the general election, I was like that is that.
[00:54:59]  Corn pop is real.
[00:55:01]  He's in However, Joe Biden is all that also the picture of Joe Biden sitting in the fucking lifeguard chair with his arms raised up and all those people around him worshiping him like some kind of like C3Pio in Return of the Jedi.
[00:55:22]  Uh, sorry, I'm getting quick.
[00:55:25]  I'm just so I forgot about Joe Biden.
[00:55:28]  Biden has also claimed that he was an 18-wheeler driver.
[00:55:31]  There's a truck driver.
[00:55:32]  But I believe he has driven an 18-wheeler once in his life.
[00:55:36]  And of course, ripping off the Neil Kinnock speech where he talked about his, you know, that is day has been down on the coal mines for 18 hours.
[00:55:42]  It's crazy what this motherfucker gets away with.
[00:55:45]  It is.
[00:55:45]  It is psycho.
[00:55:47]  Fucking Delaware deregulator, man.
[00:55:50]  What we're saying here is that like, to me at least, Santos' lies aren't even like they are sort of par for the course for the world.
[00:55:58]  Yeah, totally.
[00:55:59]  Totally.
[00:56:00]  You know?
[00:56:00]  Like, he had the misfortune for lying about financial stuff, which, by the way, they all also do.
[00:56:08]  But I think Santos' real crime is just being dumb.
[00:56:12]  Like, I mean, I've seen many political campaigns, at least in San Francisco, right?
[00:56:17]  And I've seen the way that like people, I remember this one woman who was running for supervisor was basically like, I mean, a lot of people, especially for lower level local political positions or whatever, like if they're going to be appointed to something, if they're going to run for something, they sort of like try to boost their resume and their backers who might already have political power, like the mayor or something, will point them to something like a no-show job, essentially, that will look good on their resume, you know,
[00:56:44]  kind of like a fake thing that you're putting on there to have your first political job, right?
[00:56:49]  And so people will like be appointed to like be head of this like maybe kind of like do nothing program.
[00:56:56]  Totally, totally.
[00:56:57]  And so when they're running for office, it looks like they've given these years of service to the city when really they've been groomed for the position by powerful people.
[00:57:04]  Yeah.
[00:57:05]  And like I've seen just the way like firsthand that people like, you know, will massage their resumes or emphasize certain things or kind of like fib in these ways.
[00:57:17]  And of course, that's lower stakes.
[00:57:19]  You know, that's just like a city supervisor or whatever, even school board elections.
[00:57:23]  But for Congress and stuff, one of the main things is that people will make up that they fought in Vietnam.
[00:57:29]  Sidney Blumenthal famously did that, but there's been a host of other motorists who've done that as well.
[00:57:35]  I mean, fucking John McCain.
[00:57:37]  I mean, that was my God.
[00:57:39]  You're right.
[00:57:40]  That was so funny when Trump called him out for that.
[00:57:43]  But McCain was one of the worst fucking pilots.
[00:57:46]  I mean, it's true.
[00:57:47]  He was a dog shit pilot.
[00:57:49]  He was.
[00:57:49]  Didn't he practically sink an aircraft carrier?
[00:57:52]  Yeah.
[00:57:52]  I mean, the man was, and it's like, listen.
[00:57:57]  Because this is all on a, you know, look, it's a spectrum.
[00:58:00]  Politicians lies are on a lie on a spectrum, I suppose.
[00:58:03]  They do, yeah.
[00:58:04]  But like, it's certainly not out of pocket any of the stuff that I think Santos.
[00:58:09]  I mean, except for stealing old ladies and old guys.
[00:58:12]  That's the thing is, like, Santos.
[00:58:13]  It's leading to a dog dying.
[00:58:15]  Santos is essentially, like, I've never been scammed in this way.
[00:58:20]  Like, I've been junkie scammed before, but like, that's very common.
[00:58:24]  You know, like, wait, what's that?
[00:58:25]  It's just like someone will be like, and I've done this to other people too.
[00:58:31]  Yeah.
[00:58:31]  Well, that's that, that's kind of just a straight up lie.
[00:58:35]  But, like, you know, someone will be like, like, like, you know, you'll be running with somebody for a little bit and they'll be like, I can get you.
[00:58:43]  Like, you'll have built up some trust.
[00:58:45]  You'll have got cop together or whatever.
[00:58:47]  Like, you'll help them out.
[00:58:47]  They've helped you out.
[00:58:49]  And then they'll rip you off for like something.
[00:58:50]  Oh, okay.
[00:58:51]  I've done that to dealers and stuff before.
[00:58:54]  That turned into me getting my ass beat pretty fucking badly next to Ananda Fuara.
[00:59:01]  Remember that weird cult vegetarian joint at Civic Center?
[00:59:05]  No.
[00:59:06]  Well, still there.
[00:59:08]  White people in saris and pretty nasty fake meatloaf.
[00:59:12]  Although real meatloaf is gross too.
[00:59:15]  But, you know, it's like those like those scams I'm familiar with, but like this, this kind of stuff is like really like, it seems like low to mid-tier scam.
[00:59:23]  Seems like with Highbridge or whatever, the Ponzi scam, he was working his way up there.
[00:59:28]  Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:59:29]  But didn't quite get to the promised line.
[00:59:32]  He was still the guy who's working for the person whose scam it is rather than the person whose scam it is.
[00:59:37]  Totally.
[00:59:37]  In terms of like that much money moving hands.
[00:59:42]  And it seems like he just wasn't prepared.
[00:59:44]  Like he should have spent more time grinding his skills, basically.
[00:59:48]  He wasn't ready for the big show.
[00:59:49]  He wasn't.
[00:59:50]  I'm not even joking.
[00:59:50]  Like if he had like spent like five or six more years until he was 48 or something, like actually grinding that out and like learning how to really fool people and building up this like what spies call as legends for themselves.
[01:00:04]  I think he actually could have made a pretty effective politician.
[01:00:07]  Like what Elon Musk has done.
[01:00:08]  Yeah, 100%.
[01:00:10]  I do think one thing that's different though is the inserting himself and his family into like every traumatic event that he can kind of like think of off of a kind of, I mean, you know, the top three or something.
[01:00:29]  You're going to say, oh, it's the Holocaust.
[01:00:30]  Oh, it's 9-11.
[01:00:31]  I mean, and it's a mass shooting.
[01:00:32]  Totally.
[01:00:33]  Yeah.
[01:00:33]  Those are three like big tragedies that like every American will instantly recognize.
[01:00:38]  Yeah.
[01:00:39]  But almost so broad too that no one would think to fact check, which is kind of interesting.
[01:00:43]  Yeah, yeah, which we've been talking a lot about people inserting themselves into things.
[01:00:48]  And we'll have something, I think, more on that at another time.
[01:00:51]  But I think I like, again, like I understand why he essentially did all of this in like this like really vulgar way.
[01:01:00]  Like I get the thought process that he's making here, right?
[01:01:04]  And like I think in him, there is a, there's a, of course, he's padding his resume.
[01:01:10]  Right.
[01:01:10]  And he's trying to make himself saleable to voters.
[01:01:14]  And I also think that he's trying to create sort of like a story for himself.
[01:01:18]  And I want to be clear here.
[01:01:19]  Like, obviously, George Santos holds pretty reprehensible political positions, the ones that I even know about.
[01:01:26]  Yeah, I totally.
[01:01:27]  I'm going to be fully for real, keep it 100 with all of you.
[01:01:31]  I think nearly everybody in Congress in the Senate, Republican or Democrat, holds really reprehensible political positions too.
[01:01:39]  And like a lot of them are fucking liars too.
[01:01:42]  George Santos has entertained us, right?
[01:01:47]  Like George Santos has become an object of mockery.
[01:01:50]  And for that, I think he's innocent.
[01:01:53]  So I think people like Santos, obviously they invent to pad their resumes and to create this narrative for themselves, but I think they do it to bring a little mystery to modern life.
[01:02:02]  And I love them.
[01:02:04]  Every single one of these bullshit is like this.
[01:02:06]  I love them for that because even if their stories are fake, the fakery is real.
[01:02:11]  And that fakery is beautiful.
[01:02:14]  And it's also very tragic because his story is absolutely tragic, even taking just the actual factual things that have happened for it.
[01:02:22]  And that's made all the more tragic by the fact that he is one of the people, one of the very few people on this fucking planet who can't appreciate the beauty and tragedy of his own real story because he is actually living it.

=== Body Mod Tales (12:37) ===

[01:02:35]  In fact, because of that, he's actually something of a martyr because he can't partake in this like sort of group joy that the rest of us can.
[01:02:44]  He's a martyr because of that.
[01:02:45]  And martyrdom is, of course, itself very beautiful, very noble, and very heroic.
[01:02:51]  And so to me, George Santos is a hero.
[01:02:54]  And I think George Santos should be canonized as a Catholic saint or become the president of the United States of America.
[01:03:14]  George Santos, you are the last American hero.
[01:03:18]  You are, well, Brazilian.
[01:03:20]  Oh, well.
[01:03:21]  Wait, he can't be president.
[01:03:22]  He can't be president.
[01:03:23]  Well, I don't know where he was born.
[01:03:25]  I wonder if he knows.
[01:03:26]  Yeah, God.
[01:03:27]  But you know what?
[01:03:28]  I can't wait to find out.
[01:03:30]  I just realized something, too.
[01:03:31]  What?
[01:03:33]  You know how everybody thinks I'm 5'6?
[01:03:36]  Yeah, because you started saying that on the podcast as a joke?
[01:03:39]  Yeah.
[01:03:40]  Or not a joke.
[01:03:41]  Not a joke.
[01:03:43]  You know.
[01:03:44]  I feel 5'6 sometimes.
[01:03:46]  Yeah, sometimes I do.
[01:03:48]  Spiritually 5'6?
[01:03:49]  I feel 5'.
[01:03:49]  I mean, I'm going to be just, I'm going to keep it, again, 100 with you.
[01:03:54]  I always keep it 100 with you.
[01:03:56]  My knees aren't real.
[01:04:00]  Wait, before this, dear listeners, we were discussing extendoids.
[01:04:04]  Yeah.
[01:04:04]  The Chad surgery to make yourself taller.
[01:04:07]  I will say, for 10 years, for 10, no.
[01:04:10]  I would, you know, I would even get my friend Megan on the fucking horn right now, George Santos style, to be like, when did we come up with the concept of extendoids?
[01:04:18]  It was like 15 years ago, and we called them extendoids, and it was like limb lengtheners.
[01:04:23]  That's totally called stilts.
[01:04:25]  But we call them extendoids.
[01:04:27]  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[01:04:28]  And that's 100% what they should be called, because one, funny.
[01:04:31]  Two, you remember it.
[01:04:33]  You do.
[01:04:34]  Three, sounds ridiculous.
[01:04:36]  Four, can happen.
[01:04:37]  My question is, Liz, do you believe extendoids, because you didn't, I want to be clear, Liz gesticulates wildly often while we record.
[01:04:44]  Sometimes they're unspeakable symbols that bring to mind tragic events from George Santos' grandparents' life.
[01:04:49]  And sometimes you're like, are you making the okay sign?
[01:04:51]  You can't do that.
[01:04:52]  You cannot do that.
[01:04:53]  Remember that.
[01:04:53]  Can you remember that?
[01:04:55]  God, what a stupid fucking time period that was.
[01:05:01]  And will be again in life.
[01:05:02]  A lot of people made careers on that.
[01:05:04]  Ah, God.
[01:05:05]  I'm an anti-scientist.
[01:05:06]  I'm not naming and shaming, but maybe someday I will.
[01:05:08]  Yeah, well, I can't remember their names.
[01:05:10]  But so, Liz.
[01:05:12]  Yes.
[01:05:14]  You did arms when you said extendoids.
[01:05:16]  Well, no, extendoids had always been legs.
[01:05:19]  Well, it had been either.
[01:05:20]  But I was saying, obviously, what I'm referring to is the viral video of a guy who got extendoids, Chad surgery.
[01:05:30]  Oh, yeah.
[01:05:30]  And he went from like 5'8, and then there's sort of like a time-lapse compilation to them being like 6'2 ⁇ .
[01:05:36]  I saw one the other day where this dude, yeah, he got some fucking height onto him.
[01:05:42]  Yeah, he got extendoids.
[01:05:43]  I feel like when I read that main article about extendoid surgery, that it was like two inches.
[01:05:47]  But some of these guys are getting like four inches.
[01:05:49]  Yeah.
[01:05:49]  Or maybe the doctor's on the side.
[01:05:51]  Sounds dangerous.
[01:05:53]  It's crazy.
[01:05:55]  I mean, watching him have to like relearn how to walk and shit is like nutty.
[01:05:58]  My thing is, if you can't get no wicked, wickapoon pang as like a 5'6 dude, you're not gonna get it at 5'10, brother.
[01:06:07]  You know, here's what women want.
[01:06:10]  Severe eye contact, cheek twitch, neck movements, rapid neck movements.
[01:06:18]  Wait, what were you gonna ask me about extendoids?
[01:06:20]  Oh, no, I wanna be.
[01:06:23]  So Liz's thing is you should get surgery to make you taller, right?
[01:06:27]  Yeah.
[01:06:28]  My thing is, if you can't afford that, because it's probably pretty expensive.
[01:06:30]  Sure.
[01:06:31]  Get in a wheelchair.
[01:06:33]  Oh, yeah.
[01:06:34]  And that way, that's, I'm telling you this.
[01:06:36]  Get in a wheelchair and grind.
[01:06:38]  Do drop shipping.
[01:06:40]  Do fucking online copywriting.
[01:06:42]  Do a course in how to seduce women from the chair.
[01:06:50]  And save up for your Chad surgery.
[01:06:52]  Get the Chad surgery.
[01:06:53]  You're still in the wheelchair, but when you arise from that wheelchair, people will be like, oh, he's always been 6'4.
[01:07:00]  And he miraculously healed himself.
[01:07:02]  No one will know that you changed heights.
[01:07:04]  Like, you got to really plan this out.
[01:07:05]  I think they need to expand the extendoid surgery universe to include arms so you can go kind of like, yeah, expand the wingspan, Durant mode vibes, but also neck, go-goya mode.
[01:07:18]  Oh.
[01:07:19]  Well, so I'll tell you this.
[01:07:21]  I do do that shit.
[01:07:22]  Like you guys, you know, when you met me, like I was doing the rings thing.
[01:07:26]  Like rings around my neck to elongate it.
[01:07:29]  And that didn't work because people made fun of me too much because they said it's whack for a guy to wear more than one piece of, or two pieces of jewelry.
[01:07:36]  What's the maximum amount of pieces of jewelry guys can wear, Liz?
[01:07:40]  I mean, it really depends on what we're talking about.
[01:07:42]  And it also depends on the man.
[01:07:44]  Depends on the man?
[01:07:45]  Yeah.
[01:07:45]  Well, you guys all know that I am, of course, bedecked in jewels, right?
[01:07:49]  I got rubies.
[01:07:49]  I got diamonds.
[01:07:50]  I got emeralds.
[01:07:51]  I got amber.
[01:07:53]  I got gold, silver, platinum, et cetera.
[01:07:57]  Most of my body is encrusted in jewels.
[01:08:00]  But my thing is, like, you should be able to elongate your fingers.
[01:08:04]  You should be able to elongate your toes.
[01:08:06]  And you should be able to elongate one limit at time.
[01:08:08]  So if you want one longer arm, possibly, because you know I dunk with my left arm.
[01:08:14]  Like, if I just had a longer left arm, because I don't really need the right arm to be longer because I usually just use my right arm for most things in my life, left arm basically solely for dunking.
[01:08:23]  My left arm should be made dunker and it should cost half as much as getting both my arms dunking.
[01:08:27]  I see.
[01:08:27]  Yeah.
[01:08:30]  I think that makes sense.
[01:08:31]  I think that makes sense too.
[01:08:33]  One time a girl I know, this is a true story, not joking, a girl I know went and hugged a guy from behind that she knows.
[01:08:41]  And like she put her hands like here, kind of like mid, what would you call this?
[01:08:48]  like the middle of the ribs.
[01:08:49]  But the pertinent thing is several— His transverse?
[01:08:53]  —several— Several inches below the nipple, nipple region.
[01:08:57]  And she felt what felt like two wormies there.
[01:09:01]  What?
[01:09:02]  And was like, what?
[01:09:02]  And like recoiled.
[01:09:04]  And he had been wading his nipples down.
[01:09:07]  And he had like five-inch nippies.
[01:09:09]  Wait, but why?
[01:09:10]  He was fucking rocking down there.
[01:09:11]  I don't know.
[01:09:13]  It's just a thing.
[01:09:15]  I mean, God.
[01:09:16]  Wait, is this a thing that people do?
[01:09:17]  I don't think it's a thing that most people do.
[01:09:19]  Like, oh, this is like a body mod.
[01:09:20]  It's like a body mod.
[01:09:21]  It's got to be like a finish.
[01:09:22]  Man, I do not miss that about San Francisco culture.
[01:09:25]  Dude, I saw some funky.
[01:09:29]  Oh, my God.
[01:09:29]  I'm not a fan.
[01:09:30]  Can I tell you something, Liz?
[01:09:31]  You can't listen to this.
[01:09:33]  You and your Crepe Express, imagine working on Hay Street for like seven years dealing with these Burning Man motherfuckers.
[01:09:39]  Oh, but yes.
[01:09:40]  Yeah.
[01:09:40]  I mean, first of all, I was working there.
[01:09:43]  I was one of the crusties that was spanging on the street.
[01:09:46]  I just want a 40.
[01:09:48]  But yeah, that's, dude, can you, can I say something on the podcast, but you can't listen because you'll get grossed out.
[01:09:56]  But it's something I saw once when I was like 17.
[01:09:58]  I don't want to know.
[01:09:59]  Please.
[01:10:00]  Okay, I'll just say it into the mic and you won't be able to hear maybe.
[01:10:03]  I once saw a guy in front of the city hall on rollerblades naked with a crazy – by the way, if you're with kids or like don't want to be grossed out, don't listen to this part.
[01:10:14]  Fully naked, he was rollerblading around.
[01:10:16]  He was so greased up, so shiny.
[01:10:19]  And he had a crazy like scimitar-like curved-up penis that was like gravity towards his belly button.
[01:10:25]  But he had balls that were like huge, like grotesquely huge.
[01:10:33]  And I was like, what the fuck, dude?
[01:10:36]  And I was like, what's wrong with your balls?
[01:10:39]  And he like, he was like, did not respond to me.
[01:10:42]  And I thought about that for years because I was like, what was up with that dude's fucking nuts?
[01:10:46]  Like, because I was crazy gross.
[01:10:49]  And then I had asked so many people I knew that I thought might know about that, like what that could have been.
[01:10:56]  And I finally found out it became more common, I guess, later.
[01:11:00]  Because this was like 2006 or 2007 when I saw this.
[01:11:03]  Dudes will inject saline into their fucking balls.
[01:11:07]  Wait.
[01:11:08]  Oh, yeah, I know about this because a friend told me about and Young Chomsky said that's like what bodybuilders do, just different parts.
[01:11:18]  And that is true.
[01:11:19]  I have walked into the studio and I've been like, I'm going to get there early.
[01:11:22]  I'm going to be able to do my fucking kundalini before we fucking do it instead of while we're doing the podcast.
[01:11:27]  And I come in here and Young Chomsky has a comically large needle injecting synthol into his left peck.
[01:11:33]  And it's the size of a Pamela Anderson style boobet.
[01:11:37]  And he's just jiggling that motherfucker around in like a whirlpool.
[01:11:42]  Chinese balloon mode.
[01:11:43]  Chinese balloon.
[01:11:43]  That's why they call him Chinese balloon down at Equinox Men's Sauna in Soho, where he and I go after every recording.
[01:11:51]  All right, everyone.
[01:11:51]  I'm Liz.
[01:11:52]  My name, well, you thought it was Brace.
[01:11:55]  But no, my name, of course, Michael Feldman.
[01:12:01]  And I'm just a normal guy.
[01:12:03]  Michael Feldman?
[01:12:04]  Michael Feldman.
[01:12:06]  Is that someone I know?
[01:12:08]  No, it sounds very close to Michael Phelps.
[01:12:11]  I'm Michael Phelps.
[01:12:12]  I got a fucking freaky skinny body.
[01:12:14]  My shit's like a worm.
[01:12:15]  You put me in the middle of the body.
[01:12:16]  Wait, he's got a big body.
[01:12:17]  He's a swimmer.
[01:12:18]  Yeah, but it's freaky skinny, right?
[01:12:20]  Isn't it?
[01:12:20]  Because isn't he?
[01:12:21]  He's got a triangle bod.
[01:12:22]  But he's a mutant.
[01:12:23]  He's Pizza Man.
[01:12:24]  He's a Pizza Man?
[01:12:25]  Yeah, so it's this Pizza Body.
[01:12:28]  So he's got the shit.
[01:12:29]  He can't be calling him a Pizza Man if he ain't packing.
[01:12:33]  He got flipper feet.
[01:12:34]  He doesn't have flipper feet, but he's got the triangle body, pizza body.
[01:12:38]  I feel in my head, I'm going to tell something that sounds like a lie and it almost certainly is a lie.
[01:12:44]  But in my head, I dated a girl or maybe, well, to be polite, dated a girl very briefly that had flippers.
[01:12:55]  But I don't think I did.
[01:12:56]  I think I just think that.
[01:12:57]  I think you've said this story on the podcast.
[01:12:59]  I feel like I maybe dated.
[01:13:01]  I feel like I might have.
[01:13:03]  Did you make this up?
[01:13:04]  No, I definitely have known people who've had webbed shit, like overly webbed shit.
[01:13:08]  Are you lying?
[01:13:09]  But I don't know if I like, certainly, I don't know if I've had sex with anyone who've had webbed.
[01:13:12]  I think that you've just said it so many times and now you believe it.
[01:13:14]  Well, that's just like, that's why I will never write an autobiography because I'm like, did I actually know someone with web feet?
[01:13:21]  Sounds like it would be the best autobiography then.
[01:13:23]  I guess it would just, if I was.
[01:13:24]  I was the way to write the autobiography.
[01:13:26]  I fucked up with the chick who had flipped.
[01:13:27]  You should just impersonate your own biographer.
[01:13:32]  That is a good idea.
[01:13:33]  So you're like, oh, it's a biography.
[01:13:35]  It's not an autobiography.
[01:13:37]  It's a biography.
[01:13:39]  I guess I should just.
[01:13:40]  What was your alias name?
[01:13:42]  For this?
[01:13:43]  Yeah.
[01:13:45]  What did I just say?
[01:13:46]  Oh, Michael Feldman.
[01:13:48]  But have I told you guys the name of the biography I'm going to write of myself?
[01:13:53]  I can't say it on the podcast because it's a rude word, but it's really good.
[01:13:57]  All right.
[01:13:57]  Tell us after.
[01:13:58]  I will tell you after.
[01:14:00]  And totally unsaleable too, which is how I'd want it to be.
[01:14:03]  But yeah, it would be a good idea to just write your own biography, but not remember anything and have to ask everyone.
[01:14:07]  Like, well, Mark says I did this during this period or whatever.
[01:14:10]  That's called passing the buck.
[01:14:12]  And that's the American way.
[01:14:14]  My name is Michael Phelps, and I had my medals taken away from me because, yeah, I got high on a little bit of endo.
[01:14:20]  I smoked a little kush and they took it from me.
[01:14:22]  And yeah, I smoked out of a fucking bong like that one congresswoman who had to vacate her position because that picture came out of her eating chicks, chips with her titties out.
[01:14:31]  And now you're stuck with Pizza Body.
[01:14:33]  And of course, producer Jan Chompsy, I think we already said that because I remember, no, that was the synthal thing.
[01:14:38]  It's Tony Rigatoni.
[01:14:39]  Tony from motherfucking Rigatoni.
[01:14:40]  He is, you can't see him right now, but he comes to this shit doused in Meira Nebra.
[01:14:45]  Like he's about to set himself on fire.
[01:14:48]  And what's the podcast called?
[01:14:50]  It's called True Not.
[01:14:51]  We'll see you next time.
[01:14:52]  Bye-bye.
[01:15:11]  Come out.
[01:15:12]  Come out.