True Anon Truth Feed - Episode 126: Merry Cryptids Aired: 2020-12-23 Duration: 01:05:00 === Believe in Tall Elves? (14:27) === [00:00:22] Ah, Liz and young Chomsky. [00:00:24] So nice of you to meet me on my secluded mansion filled with many silent women traips across furniture with their heads lolling lazily into their open palms who I've had sex with. [00:00:40] And it's so nice, all the stockings up and the trees and the chimneys and things like that. [00:00:46] You love Christmas, right, Liz? [00:00:48] Oh my God. [00:00:49] You know I'm a Christmas freak. [00:00:51] I mean, I don't know. [00:00:52] Viewers can't see her now in my mansion, but she is wearing a Santa hat. [00:00:58] In fact, she actually, when Liz and I talked about an episode the other day, Liz went out of the room. [00:01:04] She held up one finger and she's like, wait, check this out. [00:01:06] And went out of the room and came back wearing the Santa hat. [00:01:09] Grinning. [00:01:11] know i i have i've been listening to christmas music for the past like 12 days Yeah. [00:01:19] The lights, the tree, everything has been up since right after Thanksgiving. [00:01:25] Many batches of cookies ready to go. [00:01:31] I got all my plans for all the meals I'm making. [00:01:34] Presents are wrapped. [00:01:35] Stockings are hung. [00:01:37] I'm in, oh, it's a winter wonderland out. [00:01:41] By the way, we're recording this of September 15th. [00:01:44] Yeah. [00:01:44] And Liz is saying this. [00:01:47] I like to plan ahead of time. [00:01:51] I'm personally, well, I have a little confession to make. [00:01:55] I'm Jewish. [00:01:58] And my whole life, I was raised to believe that Santa wasn't real. [00:02:02] Young Chomsky, you're also Jewish, right? [00:02:05] Yeah. [00:02:06] And did Santa factor into your young life? [00:02:11] We had the Hanukkah Man in my home. [00:02:13] Wait, what? [00:02:14] What? [00:02:14] Wait, hold on. [00:02:15] Did you? [00:02:16] You guys have a Hanukkah man? [00:02:18] My parents told me. [00:02:19] Stop laughing. [00:02:21] My parents told me. [00:02:22] The gifts were laughing. [00:02:23] I'm laughing. [00:02:24] I'm laughing. [00:02:25] That the gifts were from the Hanukkah man. [00:02:27] What was the Hanukkah man's like, did you, when you picture him in your mind, what like. [00:02:30] Completely featureless void, just like just like the Jewish god. [00:02:34] Yeah, Okay, all right. [00:02:39] For me, Hanukkah, growing up, my family actually does pagan Hanukkah, which is where we, well, I can't really get too into the details, but let me just say, we do not keep kosher on that night. [00:02:52] A lot of dairy. [00:02:54] A lot of dairy and meat, Nixon. [00:02:56] Jesus. [00:02:58] But growing up, you know, I always thought Santa wasn't real. [00:03:01] And obviously, Young Chomsky had Hanukkah Man. [00:03:04] Liz, I know that you still might think he's real. [00:03:09] But after a lot of requests from viewers, I kind of decided that we should really look into that. [00:03:18] And I think our research over the past few, I mean, honestly, past like five or six months has only pointed in one direction. [00:03:27] Santa Claus is real. [00:03:29] And we've proved it. [00:03:31] Wait, proven it. [00:03:33] Santa Claus is real. [00:03:35] And we've proven it. [00:03:47] Hello, my little ho-ho-ho. [00:04:03] Merry Christmas. [00:04:04] Oh, my God. [00:04:05] Jesus Christ. [00:04:07] That's right. [00:04:08] Because Merry Christmas. [00:04:09] Uh-huh. [00:04:10] It's back, baby. [00:04:11] Happy holidays is fake because Jewish people are never happy. [00:04:15] And so I don't know why you guys keep trying to appease us. [00:04:17] You know what? [00:04:17] I got to say, just for everyone, we got to be clear here. [00:04:20] We are very, you know, we've taken a side in the world Christmas. [00:04:26] Pro-Christmas. [00:04:27] Absolutely. [00:04:28] Pro-Christmas. [00:04:29] Who's not? [00:04:30] I don't want you saying happy Hanukkah to me. [00:04:33] Have you ever had a Happy Hanukkah in 31? [00:04:35] Happy Hanukkah's fine. [00:04:36] I don't mind. [00:04:36] What I don't like is secularists. [00:04:39] Oh, oh, awful. [00:04:40] But no one, yeah, it's terrible. [00:04:43] Pagans. [00:04:44] Pagans. [00:04:44] That's well, that's very different than a secularist, but understandable. [00:04:48] I think pagans love this time of year. [00:04:51] Too much. [00:04:52] I mean, do you remember that solstice party we went to last year with the GOAT? [00:04:55] This is a lie. [00:04:55] This is a lie. [00:04:56] This is incredible. [00:04:57] Hello, everyone. [00:04:59] Hi. [00:05:00] Welcome to Truan. [00:05:01] My name is Liz. [00:05:03] My name is Father Christmas, and we are, of course, joined by Morticle Shecklegrubber, aka Young Chomsky, our producer. [00:05:12] And we have a little holiday episode for you guys. [00:05:15] I mean, we got it. [00:05:16] You know, we got to do it. [00:05:17] We love it. [00:05:18] We love it. [00:05:18] This is not just Christmas. [00:05:20] We got all of them. [00:05:21] Yeah, we'll talk about all of them. [00:05:23] But I do want to say that Frays is right. [00:05:25] I am like a Christmas freak. [00:05:28] I don't know how else to say it. [00:05:29] I love Christmas. [00:05:30] It's like famous among my friends. [00:05:32] She is a Christmas hat. [00:05:34] Yeah. [00:05:34] Incredible. [00:05:35] I mean, yeah, the brain of the woman. [00:05:39] You know, you got to respect the woman who loves Christmas. [00:05:44] Because stockings, you know, from what I understand, all right. [00:05:48] So listeners know that I'm sexist. [00:05:51] And most of the ideas that I have from women, because I'm too afraid to talk to them, come from old movies. [00:05:57] Because in my mind, people used to be more sexist. [00:06:00] So if I watch movies from the top, like madmen time period of the 1950s, then I'll learn tips from them. [00:06:07] And the only thing I really learned is that women like three things: rouge, pumps, and stockings. [00:06:15] All three of those are combined in Father Christmas. [00:06:17] That's true. [00:06:19] He just kind of wears pumps. [00:06:21] Like, you know, when you see these little boots. [00:06:23] Yeah. [00:06:23] They're kind of like little pilgrim shoes. [00:06:26] But I thought, so, okay, we're nailing up the stockings. [00:06:31] We've got the tree decked out. [00:06:33] We are slitting the throat of a goat that we caught to appease, well, it's a Saturnalia thing. [00:06:41] And Liz and I have been doing some deep research into some Christmas lore. [00:06:46] Yeah. [00:06:46] To be clear, we're not proving Santa Claus is real. [00:06:50] No, there was a big argument about that where ironically, the two Jews here came out on the different side than Liz. [00:06:57] Liz says that Santa isn't real, but I say that I myself, anyone can be Santa Claus. [00:07:04] This is such a lie. [00:07:05] This didn't happen. [00:07:07] Okay, well, then how come you got mad at me for the chimney thing with that family? [00:07:12] Stop it. [00:07:12] You said Grinch is real. [00:07:14] Grinch is real. [00:07:15] I don't want to. [00:07:16] Yeah, yes, yes. [00:07:17] We'll get into that. [00:07:17] I think we're going to have to get into that. [00:07:21] But we've been taking a look at some, what I like to call Christmas hobbits. [00:07:27] Yeah. [00:07:28] So, you know, we, you know, we thought, okay, we could do for a Christmas episode, we could do perhaps a little play where we act out some things. [00:07:38] We could, well, that was our only other idea. [00:07:43] But, no, that was too much work. [00:07:45] Yeah, we were like, no way. [00:07:47] Also, it's a bit corny. [00:07:49] We're not going to do that. [00:07:50] Instead, we're putting on our investigative hats. [00:07:56] Liz, that's just a regular Christmas hat, but yes, no, we're putting on investigator glasses. [00:08:03] We're putting on Christmas tinfoil hats. [00:08:07] Uh-huh. [00:08:08] Because we're taking, you know, this is the true and on look at some of your favorite Christmas creatures. [00:08:16] Well, as a Jew, I do got to ask, what's up with the elves? [00:08:23] Is that a Christian thing? [00:08:24] I know you guys have like the fucked up, you guys have like the other angels kind of thing, but are elves like angels? [00:08:30] What's up with elves? [00:08:34] No. [00:08:35] They're just like not related at all. [00:08:37] Elves are like Santa's helpers. [00:08:39] I know, but what I don't get is. [00:08:40] This is like a bit problematic, by the way. [00:08:42] Well, so those elves seem short. [00:08:45] Yeah, That's the whole thing. [00:08:48] Well, give me a description. [00:08:49] Give me a description. [00:08:49] Okay. [00:08:50] Well, so look, I want to say that, you know, Bryce and I have done some research because we basically picked a bunch of different things and we're like, okay, we're going to look into this. [00:08:58] This is the true non-look. [00:09:00] And so, as you may have realized, the first one is elves. [00:09:04] And I got to say, I didn't know a lot about elves. [00:09:10] And I feel like now I know too much. [00:09:12] I have often described you in the bodybuilding forums that I use several. [00:09:16] Pseudonyms on as Elven. [00:09:18] Uh, when I fake review our shows and try to get bodybuilders to listen to it um, i've gotten a lot of pushback on that. [00:09:26] But that most of that comes to seem from comes from like a fault line where some people think elves are short and slaves and other people think that elves are really tall and like kind of like magical. [00:09:36] Wait, people think elves are tall. [00:09:38] Well, the whole thing is that they're short. [00:09:40] Well, so you'd think so, but in in other uh sort of cultures, I guess elves are really tall. [00:09:48] Okay, so here's, the thing is that I feel like elves, like traditionally elves, short guys, Ultimi right yes yes, I mean well, so no, for me elves are really tall and good at magic and they can do spells, but what I think is that youtube culture and gamers have totally appropriated elves and made them something that they're not. [00:10:13] Well, I think actually it was Jr Tolkin who was Catholic, and so that's why I think that elves are tall, because that means he's closer to Christ, but yeah no, so they're little guys that work in his his wood. [00:10:27] Have you ever been to the? [00:10:28] UH, MUSI Mechanique? [00:10:30] Oh yeah, they have a little elves uh display there and and they they're they appear to be factory slaves. [00:10:37] Yeah, it doesn't seem to be the best um arrangement, we'll say, but but some people actually believe in elves, right? [00:10:46] Yeah, this is the thing. [00:10:47] So apparently um, I didn't know this, but like a lot, like 62 of people in Iceland believe in elves. [00:10:57] So, all right, I did a little scientific survey of that and I asked our Truan listeners that live in Iceland. [00:11:03] You know there's four of them. [00:11:04] Wait, how do you know them? [00:11:06] Because I uh they said on the true and on twitter, does any of our listeners live in Iceland? [00:11:10] Oh, you did yeah, and then four guys said yeah, And I checked them out. [00:11:15] They look like, I mean, they got a bunch of words that I didn't understand on their profiles. [00:11:19] Oh, nice. [00:11:21] Yeah. [00:11:21] Like, do you know what 1488 is? [00:11:24] Is that like it? [00:11:26] I didn't get what that meant. [00:11:28] They spelled it out. [00:11:28] No, no, no. [00:11:29] For I talked to four very nice Icelandic men who, I gotta say, skew it as a younger crowd. [00:11:35] And I was like, do you, I, I opened with all of them. [00:11:38] Do you believe in elves? [00:11:40] And one of them was really confused, but the other three were not confused. [00:11:45] And while they themselves didn't believe in elves, they did say that people do believe in elves there. [00:11:51] Some people believe in elves. [00:11:53] See, so some people do. [00:11:55] Well, I guess the thing is, is what Icelanders will do is they'll go out to their little fairy. [00:12:01] Don't get me started on Iceland. [00:12:02] Actually, you will. [00:12:03] You're about to get me started on Iceland, by the way, because I've been there. [00:12:06] They'll go out to their little stone circles and they'll find like a particularly moss-covered stone. [00:12:11] They'll be like, oh, elves live there. [00:12:14] That's just something they say? [00:12:15] Yeah, yeah. [00:12:16] Like, that's like an elf's house. [00:12:18] Like, it appears that they just like, someone's trying to build a highway, like some old person will just go to the side of the highway and see like a mossy rock and be like, that elf, that's where elves go to church. [00:12:29] I see. [00:12:31] Which, if elves are worshiping the same god that everyone else does, I see some confusion in that. [00:12:39] But apparently, if you cross the elves, if you do build a highway or if you do, you know, I don't know what else Icelanders do, build a very expensive restaurant that Brace goes to and needs to get food because he's on a fucking 18-hour layover, which is perfectly timed to make him just spend money in Reykjavik while he's on his cheap flight to Germany. [00:13:01] And he has to spend $40 on a sandwich because he doesn't understand how the money works. [00:13:06] And then he is too embarrassed to go back on it. [00:13:10] By the way, my pinky keeps falling asleep. [00:13:12] Anyways, if you do something like that, if you build there, the elves will hurt you. [00:13:18] Yeah, that's what I've heard. [00:13:20] So I was looking into this. [00:13:21] And so I was like very confused because I was like, okay, as we started off, elves are just like tiny people, right? [00:13:30] But not totally. [00:13:32] So they say they're 36 inches high at most. [00:13:37] Okay. [00:13:38] Always wear old-fashioned clothing. [00:13:41] So they're always old-fashioned-y. [00:13:43] What, like jeans? [00:13:45] Yeah, like 70s-style. [00:13:47] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:13:49] Or they're like steampunk elves. [00:13:52] Yeah, they've got like big goggles on top hats and like the like, what's the bicycle with the penny farther? [00:14:01] Penny farthing. [00:14:02] Penny farthing, yes. [00:14:03] They all write for current affairs. [00:14:06] Yes, correct. [00:14:07] They do. [00:14:09] There's no way that guy's taller than 36 inches, anyways. [00:14:12] But yeah, so so I'm saying they're three feet tall. [00:14:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:14:16] Big ears. [00:14:17] Everyone knows class sick. [00:14:18] Old-fashioned clothing. [00:14:21] But these elves differ, from what I've read, from the typically depicted assistants to Santa Claus or assistants' slaves, however we want to say this. [00:14:32] Guest workers. [00:14:33] Apparently, in Iceland or Iceland imaginary, the elves live and look very much like humans, which this kind of like freaked me out a little bit. [00:14:45] This is some according to an elf expert, okay? === Elves and Livestock (06:44) === [00:14:49] Which don't get me started on that. [00:14:51] Elf spurt, yeah. [00:14:53] You've got to get right up close before you can be sure it's an elf and not a human. [00:14:57] Which that makes no sense because if they're 36 inches high, I mean well, maybe like you're if you're far away, they just look like they're further away than they are. [00:15:06] Oh, like a monet. [00:15:07] Yeah. [00:15:08] Well, I don't know what that means, but yeah, probably like that. [00:15:13] What does that mean? [00:15:14] Oh, Monet the person? [00:15:16] I don't know how tall he was. [00:15:18] They say also that their behavior totally similar to people. [00:15:22] Uh-huh. [00:15:23] So they've got, there's like the elf economy, livestock, they cut hay, they row boats. [00:15:31] They pick picks. [00:15:32] What livestock do they have? [00:15:33] Like squirrels? [00:15:34] That's what I don't understand. [00:15:36] They're three feet tall. [00:15:37] Are there elf sheep? [00:15:40] So wait, is there just a whole... [00:15:42] This guy is out of his mind. [00:15:44] So he thinks that there's just every other animal, but smaller, that just for elves? [00:15:49] Yeah, I don't know. [00:15:49] It didn't make sense to me. [00:15:52] Yeah, so they say, like humans, they have priests and sheriffs and go to church on Sundays, which that's what confused me because I'm like, they're reading the Bible and they're just like, I guess everyone else in the world is really tall except for us. [00:16:07] I mean, if they're going to church on Sundays, that implies that they're Christians. [00:16:11] Yes. [00:16:12] That and what I think of elves as an affront to God. [00:16:16] Well, apparently, to be clear, the first mention of elves in Iceland were like Viking era poems. [00:16:25] So this is pre-Christian. [00:16:28] Or, you know, I mean, given the geography, they don't really, these like texts don't really tell us what the elves were doing. [00:16:35] And they kind of like just focus on the activities of the Viking gods. [00:16:41] So like, I guess more of the more elaborate kind of elvish. [00:16:44] Is it elvish or elfish? [00:16:46] Well, elvish is the language they speak. [00:16:48] Oh my God. [00:16:49] Wait, do you know this stuff? [00:16:51] Well, I mean, is that a Lord of the Rings thing? [00:16:52] I just read Lord of the Rings when I was younger. [00:16:55] Yeah. [00:16:56] Once? [00:16:56] I don't know. [00:16:57] Like, I didn't read like the other one. [00:16:59] I can't even pronounce it. [00:17:01] The Simple. [00:17:01] Hobby? [00:17:02] No, there's like a nerdier one he wrote that like if someone's read that, they're like they're deep. [00:17:08] It's not a big pussygetter. [00:17:13] Yeah, so I guess like more crazy elf stories emerged like in the 16th, 17th century, which are the ones that I think kind of remain in popular imaginary. [00:17:21] But something I thought was like very funny was that, like it, a bunch of anthropologists think that the that, like the Viking settlers used the, the idea of elves to kind of like create an other because they weren't actually colonizers and they wanted to be to infect him. [00:17:49] So like, they basically said they had they didn't have any natives or indigenous people to conquer. [00:17:54] Oh, my god, we got to decolonize elves. [00:17:57] Yeah, so they they, they made up elves and we're like, actually there's tiny, invisible people and guess what? [00:18:04] We're racist against them. [00:18:05] Yeah yeah, we don't like them. [00:18:07] Yeah yeah, we gotta give these like everyone's like pretending to have a disease, that like, oh no, elves can catch this one. [00:18:13] Yeah, he says, like everyone else in western Europe, they in the middle ages, in the early modern period, they really wanted to be invaders. [00:18:21] Yeah yeah, such a low blood, I mean, they're known for that. [00:18:24] If they'd only they would know, if only they had known. [00:18:27] Rather, that we only think of Vikings as a brutal, savage race of invaders. [00:18:32] Uh yeah, barbarians in fact. [00:18:35] But uh it's, I mean, but thank god, because then we wouldn't have the story of elves, true? [00:18:40] Well, you also sent me a link to something called the ELF School and at first I thought this was the place you went to high school, because you always, you know, you're always playing tricks and doing spells. [00:18:48] But uh, but no, this is something that actually exists. [00:18:52] Wait, side note, I don't think elves are magical. [00:18:56] Hold on like they don't do spells. [00:18:59] They're literally related to fairies. [00:19:01] You wrote the word fairy here, even if you didn't say it. [00:19:03] Wait, but do you think they do like spells? [00:19:06] It doesn't matter if they do spells, they're a magical creature like a goblin. [00:19:11] Okay, I do think they're a magical creature, but you, you insinuated that uh, that they do spells. [00:19:17] Well yeah, I think they do spells, because that's how they keep out of sight. [00:19:22] That's almost every magical creature that other people can't see is mat is, is is out of sight very well, because they're tiny. [00:19:29] That's basically magic. [00:19:32] Lying is magic, Liz. [00:19:35] And concealing your existence is a form of lying. [00:19:38] Okay, so the elf school, which by the way, you can check out at the elfschool.com, is what it says, which is a school that you can attend to learn about elves by the anthropologist. [00:19:54] Now, I'm going to need some help here, first. [00:19:56] Magnus, and of course his name is Magnus. [00:20:00] Magnus Scarfednensen. [00:20:03] Magnus Scarfednensen. [00:20:05] I would like to see this man's anthropology degree in his credentials. [00:20:09] I did see a photo of him. [00:20:11] Very jolly. [00:20:12] I can imagine. [00:20:14] Is it possible that he himself is a Santa type figure? [00:20:17] That's what I'm trying to say. [00:20:19] It was, you know, I'm going to say it's a little too close to home. [00:20:23] So I will say the Icelanders I talked to said these were just stories cooked up to fool tourists. [00:20:29] But that's what people said that Jews were before Israel was invented, too. [00:20:34] Oh my God. [00:20:36] And look how that turned out. [00:20:38] I don't know if we should keep that in. [00:20:41] No, so this guy, Magnus, he spent decades collecting witness accounts. [00:20:47] And he says that elves are 1,000%, 100%, 2,000%, 200% real. [00:20:55] Does he have any photos of the elves? [00:20:58] I don't think so. [00:20:59] I don't know. [00:20:59] Well, that's okay. [00:21:00] Eyewitness account is basically, they call that a verbal photograph. [00:21:04] Yeah, that's a mind photo. [00:21:06] Yeah, exactly. [00:21:07] Photo of the mind. [00:21:08] Yeah, he's got a couple of, he's got a couple of cautionary tales of elvish warnings. [00:21:13] One in this, by the way, this doesn't seem, this seems like you could have gotten a couple others in the intervening years, but one's from February 1921, which, by the way, probably, okay, I will, don't get me into the 20s, but fishermen were able to see elves that were also out at sea fishing. === Shadow People Mystery (10:19) === [00:21:34] Which I'm like, they're three feet tall, man. [00:21:38] Like, they're smaller than a salmon. [00:21:40] Also, good vision. [00:21:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:21:43] It's like, oh, it's like a little rat. [00:21:45] Maybe he thought again. [00:21:46] Maybe he thought the boat was far away. [00:21:48] Yeah, so he notices one day that they're not going out there. [00:21:51] He's like, the elves aren't out at sea. [00:21:53] They must be, you know, I don't know, afraid of something. [00:21:55] He asks his boss, hey, boss, boss man, don't make us go out there and catch these beautiful salmon, which we sell to really high prices to tourists who the only reason they're flying on a budget airline is because they can't afford a regular plane ticket. [00:22:07] Now they have to buy a $40 fucking fish sandwich. [00:22:10] The boss says, no way, I hate Brace Belden. [00:22:14] I'm sending you out there to, you know, I mean, I know Brace isn't alive right now, but, you know, eventually if we do this enough, we'll get him. [00:22:22] But that day, there was an insanely violent storm, and everyone who stayed on shore lived and everyone who went out died. [00:22:30] I don't know about that story. [00:22:31] I gotta say, I mean, I believe people died at sea, but I don't sure that elves were out there. [00:22:38] You know what I bet happened? [00:22:39] I bet like three guys were like hungover, and they're like, Yeah, I don't want to go fishing today. [00:22:45] There's no elves out there today, boss. [00:22:46] I'm not, I'm not gonna go fishing. [00:22:48] And then they were like, you know, they stayed home and all their friends died. [00:22:52] And their boss was like, What the fuck? [00:22:54] How did you know? [00:22:55] We just lost a fifth of Iceland's population. [00:22:58] Holy shit. [00:22:59] Yeah, and they're like, It wasn't from drinking, it was the elves that told me. [00:23:05] Yeah, oh no, Britain invaded Iceland during World War II. [00:23:10] Wait, really? [00:23:11] Yeah, when? [00:23:12] During World War II. [00:23:15] Why? [00:23:15] It's true. [00:23:16] Yeah. [00:23:17] Did they need it? [00:23:18] No, it's because just because they could. [00:23:21] No, so Iceland, or excuse me, Denmark got invaded by the Nazis and the British were like, you will never get the most beautiful tropical island in the world. [00:23:29] And then invaded Iceland with basically, I think, zero casualty. [00:23:33] I think they just kind of showed up in Iceland and like put a couple of guys there. [00:23:37] Then left afterwards, which I'm a little surprised about. [00:23:40] But yeah, and so, I mean, here's the thing, though. [00:23:44] If you're an elf, I feel like a mild wind would blow your tiny boat over. [00:23:49] Like, you couldn't. [00:23:50] What are you? [00:23:51] What are you out there in like a big squall? [00:23:53] Absolutely not. [00:23:55] Also, what fish are you getting? [00:23:56] Yeah. [00:23:57] Yeah. [00:23:57] You're too small. [00:23:58] Yeah. [00:23:59] It's like you're an animal, basically. [00:24:01] Yeah, you can't get anything. [00:24:03] Okay, so the other one he has is a woman in her 80s. [00:24:09] So, you know, first of all, this little red flag. [00:24:13] Woman in her 80s who in 2002 ran into a teen who said he knew her. [00:24:22] She asks him where they had met, and he gives an address that she lived at 53 years ago. [00:24:33] The same house where her daughter claimed to have played with an invisible boy. [00:24:40] The daughter, when the mom described the teen to the daughter, says, Mom, it's Maggie. [00:24:47] Maggie spelled with two G's and an Ipparet. [00:24:51] Like Icelandic way. [00:24:53] Yeah. [00:24:54] So Magnus says elves age five times slower than a human being. [00:25:02] So the idea being this teen that knew her was the elfish boy that her kid played with in the house. [00:25:11] Incredible. [00:25:12] I mean, this woman is clearly suffering from dementia and is being taken advantage of by the elf school guy. [00:25:20] This is what I don't understand. [00:25:23] So I just assumed that they stayed tiny and then they age. [00:25:30] Well, I guess, yeah, that doesn't make sense. [00:25:32] Like, they started. [00:25:32] So maybe he's like a short. [00:25:33] You never met a three-foot-tall teen? [00:25:36] No. [00:25:37] Oh, I feel like I used to know a lot in high school. [00:25:40] I don't know. [00:25:40] This doesn't make any sense. [00:25:41] Anyway, he also says that in 1971, elves made an agreement after negotiations with the Icelandic government over a construction site, which actually I did read about, and there was like, actually, they did kind of, I mean, they did, I don't know if they basically had negotiations. [00:25:58] Wait, I'm sorry. [00:26:00] You're saying that elves, you read about elves having an agreement with the Icelandic government in 1971? [00:26:07] No, no, no. [00:26:08] I'm saying, first of all, I did read about this, and what I'm saying is that's a bit of a gloss over what happened, which was that the Icelandic government decided not to build, or basically it was like a forced removal of a boulder. [00:26:22] And after all these like kind of upsetting things started happening and a bunch of people were protesting, they said, okay, fine, we're not going to, you know, remove this boulder. [00:26:31] And a bunch of people are like, yeah, that's going for the elves. [00:26:34] What the fuck is wrong with these people? [00:26:37] I'll tell you what. [00:26:38] I'll tell you what. [00:26:40] It's a very cold place. [00:26:42] And I understand that you get cold, you get, they call it frost madness. [00:26:47] But these people were like, they really thought the elves were really real? [00:26:51] I don't know. [00:26:52] I guess there's elves in other countries, not just Iceland. [00:26:56] But this is, I felt like this was kind of a burn, but this was pretty funny. [00:26:59] Magnus says that Icelanders are just more receptive to seeing them and believing in them. [00:27:07] Because, and she says, the real reason is that the Enlightenment came very late to Iceland. [00:27:14] I mean, at least it got there, you know? [00:27:17] In other countries, enlightenment is scientific arrogance, the denial of everything, they have not discovered themselves. [00:27:24] They say that witnesses are subject to hallucinations. [00:27:29] That's what I'm saying. [00:27:30] It's magic. [00:27:31] This is obviously magic. [00:27:33] Yeah. [00:27:34] Remystifying. [00:27:36] Well, I want to talk about something now that's very close. [00:27:39] Wait, hold on. [00:27:41] Before we get to that, I just want to mention one thing that I could not. [00:27:44] And, you know, if we do have Icelandic listeners, please reach out because I read this one line and I have no idea what this means. [00:27:51] And I need some clarity. [00:27:53] Not to be confused With Iceland's, quote, hidden people. [00:27:56] Oh, shadow people. [00:27:58] Yeah, so who are the hidden people? [00:28:00] Please let me know. [00:28:02] Those are shadow people. [00:28:03] Where did all the shadow people go? [00:28:08] What are shadow people? [00:28:10] So if sometimes if you do enough of something and are up for a long time, you see a hidden race of people that are like in the shadows and sometimes like just out of the edge of your sight or sometimes like they're in the corner of your room in the dark and they're like messing with you and they play pranks. [00:28:30] It's shadow people. [00:28:32] They're real. [00:28:32] It's like mole people. [00:28:34] I mean, I have literally encountered shadow people like several times. [00:28:37] I told you I saw a mole person once. [00:28:39] Yes, you did. [00:28:40] Yeah, yeah. [00:28:41] I'm telling you, I have actually no shit seen shadow people. [00:28:45] They are, it's, if you do enough of a certain magical drug called methamphetamine, you summon them. [00:28:51] It's like if you drink a potion or something. [00:28:54] Well, when I saw a mole person, I was totally sober. [00:29:00] You told the mole person story before. [00:29:02] I believe you. [00:29:02] I want to be clear. [00:29:03] I believe you. [00:29:04] Thank you. [00:29:05] It's true. [00:29:06] I did see it. [00:29:07] Tell them about it. [00:29:08] No. [00:29:33] so there's another thing i want to talk about which is the abominable snowman You found a little tweet by the Indian Army, right? [00:29:46] Yeah, I guess, I think this went like a little viral, but I don't remember it. [00:29:50] I guess, so in 2019, the Indian Army, like literally the Army of India, the country India. [00:29:57] Very proud army. [00:29:58] Yeah. [00:29:59] They spotted 32-inch footprints in Nepal. [00:30:03] And they tweeted, I mean, they literally tweeted this. [00:30:07] This is the tweet. [00:30:08] For the first time in hashtag Indian Army, it's a very popular hashtag. [00:30:14] Mountaineering expedition team has sighted, S-I-T-E-D cited, mysterious footprints of mythical beast Yeti measuring 32 by 15 inches close to Makulu base camp on the 9th of April 2019. [00:30:33] This elusive snowman has only been sighted at Malaku Barun National Park in the past. [00:30:41] By the way, I like saying snowman as opposed to snowman. [00:30:45] I will say there are follow-up tweets from thousands of people calling the Yeti anti-national tool of Pakistan intelligence. [00:30:54] I will piss on you, dog. [00:30:56] Also, yeah, some other kind of unmentionable things. [00:31:01] So the Indian Army, of course, very proud recent history, many great battles. [00:31:07] I will say, I'm lying about that, but if you guys fucking put one hand on the Yeti, I will come there and I will be a tool of Pakistani intelligence. [00:31:19] So you're telling me Yeti is real? [00:31:20] Yeti's absolutely real and I can prove it. [00:31:25] So the Yeti they're saying is a part human, part creature thing, right? [00:31:31] People also think that mistakenly, mistakenly, that the Yeti is a Bigfoot. [00:31:37] Bigfoots are different and also probably real. [00:31:40] Like, I do think Bigfoots are real. [00:31:41] So wait, Bigfoot is Sasquatch. [00:31:44] Bigfoot is Sasquatch, yeah. [00:31:46] And Sasquatch is North American. [00:31:49] Yeah, Sasquatch actually is proudly Californian. [00:31:53] That's very cute. === Searching for Sasquatch (02:21) === [00:31:54] Yeah. [00:31:54] When they say keep Santa Cruz weird, they mean don't kill the Sasquatch. [00:31:58] Yeah, he's very like frontier-ish, like mountain man kind of. [00:32:03] Yeah. [00:32:03] I will say one time I was in Ojai, California when I was 16 years old, hanging out with my buddy Worm and a couple of other guys. [00:32:11] And this guy, I think Greg was his name, he's selling acid and we're in the field behind Ojai high school. [00:32:21] And we're cutting up this acid and like he just got it from this guy. [00:32:25] He doesn't know how big a tab is. [00:32:26] And so we end up taking a little too much. [00:32:29] About 30 minutes into taking, this is the first time I ever took it. [00:32:31] 30 minutes into taking, we got a 12 pack of beer. [00:32:33] We're all teenagers. [00:32:34] A cop comes in. [00:32:36] We're in the middle of the woods. [00:32:37] This cop comes out and it's like, what are you guys doing? [00:32:40] And we literally just, you know, we had just thrown the beer down. [00:32:43] We're like, nothing just sitting here. [00:32:44] He's like, okay, just clean up afterwards. [00:32:47] And we're like, what the fuck? [00:32:49] Nothing like that had ever happened to any of us. [00:32:51] We're like, all right, we got the blessing. [00:32:53] And so our night ended up being, we took a lot of acid. [00:32:58] Our night ended up being in search of a guy called the Yeti. [00:33:02] And whenever I take acid, I walk like the guy in the keep on trucking like drawing, like the R crumb drawing. [00:33:09] And like, you know, that picture of John Lennon like walking all fucked up? [00:33:13] Yeah, that's like my favorite. [00:33:15] Everyone used to walk. [00:33:16] Yeah, that's how I walk. [00:33:17] I'm not kidding. [00:33:18] I keep, my brain like makes me think I'm the keep on trucking guy. [00:33:21] So we, this, it's this really fucked up night. [00:33:25] We end up like stumbling through like a vineyard and we're hearing like the sounds of a party. [00:33:29] And we go and we go like through the leaves and we find this giant mansion. [00:33:34] And there's like 50 foot tall ceilings and this huge mansion. [00:33:39] And just three like young women in fur coats, mind you, it is high summer, fur coats, and like really pale skin doing cocaine off of like a marble table. [00:33:51] And I'm just from LA. [00:33:53] That's fucked up. [00:33:55] Well, turns out one of the guys I'm with knows one of these chicks. [00:33:58] And so we come in and there's a whole party there. [00:34:00] And my buddy, this guy, well, my buddy Maher, he's playing like, it's a uniform choice. [00:34:08] It's like a Southern California straight edge band, songs on guitar. [00:34:11] And I'm like all fucked up and I don't think it's real. [00:34:13] And I'm like, I need to find Yeti. === Yetis and Gulags (16:08) === [00:34:15] I need to find Yeti. [00:34:17] And we leave the party and we're like walking for hours and hours. [00:34:20] I'm covered in sweat. [00:34:21] At one point, I thought I shit myself, but it was just my back was sweaty. [00:34:26] And we get to this convenience store and we were like, fuck, we will never find Yeti. [00:34:32] And Yeti's at the convenience store smoking cigs outside. [00:34:36] And I, in my brain, in the time since I heard about Yeti to the time I met Yeti, had convinced myself that he was an actual Yeti. [00:34:43] And then when I saw he was merely a man, it just like totally transformed the nature of my trip. [00:34:48] And I went down a really dark place. [00:34:52] Yeah. [00:34:52] Anyways, so the Yeti is real. [00:34:54] That guy wasn't Yeti, but Yeti is real. [00:34:58] So I want to tell you guys about a little book slash movie called The Long Walk, aka The Way Back. [00:35:06] And Liz, I believe this was written by a relative of yours, judging by the amount of W's in his name. [00:35:12] Slawomir Rawics. [00:35:15] Beautiful. [00:35:16] Am I saying that right? [00:35:16] Slawomir? [00:35:18] Just keep going. [00:35:20] Anyways, this guy, he's the son of a landowning family. [00:35:23] He joined the Polish army. [00:35:25] If you guys think also, by the way, that that's a rude thing to say, that is actually an important designation about people from Poland at that time. [00:35:31] In the 30s, absolutely. [00:35:33] Yes. [00:35:34] Yeah, he is a bit of a little, I think maybe a little money there. [00:35:39] He joins the Polish army as an officer. [00:35:42] Also, always a red flag when someone joins an army as an officer. [00:35:46] Yeah, that's not what you're supposed to do. [00:35:48] Well, anyways, Germany invades. [00:35:51] You know, Russia comes in on the other side. [00:35:53] This guy says, by the way, this is his story. [00:35:56] I'm telling his story right now. [00:35:58] He goes back to his house and he's arrested by the brutal NKVD on charges of espionage. [00:36:06] He's given a show trial and sent to the gulag. [00:36:09] Well, not a show trial, but a kangaroo. [00:36:11] When did this book come out? [00:36:12] This book came out in the 1950s. [00:36:14] Yeah, okay. [00:36:15] I know what this book is. [00:36:16] Yeah. [00:36:16] There's a whole rash of these books that came out in the 1950s. [00:36:19] That's all I'm going to say. [00:36:21] Well, let me tell you, this guy, he escapes from the Gulag. [00:36:24] He's all the way out in Siberia. [00:36:25] He's above the Arctic Circle, baby, and he escapes. [00:36:29] Wow. [00:36:29] Incredible. [00:36:30] Yeah. [00:36:31] He goes on a 4,000-mile 11th-month trek with eight other people, including an American named Mr. Smith, which, yeah, and a 17-year-old Polish girl. [00:36:42] So, his other thing is you were in the gulag with him. [00:36:45] Well, so the other, the American was, and there's some other, it's like a Latvian business owner. [00:36:51] It's like a fucking real, like, you know, rainbow coalition of Eastern Europeans. [00:36:57] It's like a Latvian, there's a Yugoslavian, even he's not an Eastern European, but it's like there's people from everywhere, and there's a couple other Polish people, and they run into a 17-year-old Polish girl who the Red Army had been raping in the middle of Siberia. [00:37:10] They don't, she's like not at their camp, they just like run into her on the road and she escaped from the Red Army. [00:37:15] By the way, if you guys don't know what I was getting at before, in the 1950s, late 40s, 1950s, there was a whole genre of anti-Soviet propaganda books that were pushed. [00:37:26] Yeah. [00:37:27] Particularly in America and in Western Europe. [00:37:31] But they always were like stories of people escaping and telling their tales of the Soviets. [00:37:36] There's a lot of famous ones. [00:37:39] You know, people defecting from the Communist Party, etc. [00:37:43] It's a very famous one by a man who doesn't like Jewish people very much. [00:37:48] The Gulag Archipelago. [00:37:49] Yeah. [00:37:50] That was actually at the, when I got sent away to that like fucked up boys, not boys' home, like kids' home when I was a kid. [00:37:55] They had that book there. [00:37:57] They actually had a bunch of Gulag books there. [00:38:00] Well, anyways, they go. [00:38:01] That's crazy. [00:38:02] Yes. [00:38:03] This girl dies en route. [00:38:05] So did like, I think four of his other companions. [00:38:08] They march through baby the Gobi Desert and the Himalayas. [00:38:15] I'm just like, why did you guys just keep going into China? [00:38:20] Yeah, why did they go that way? [00:38:21] Well, I don't know, but it did lead to this. [00:38:25] There is a passage in the book where he describes vividly, although somewhat offhandedly considering the rest of the text, seeing a pair of Yetis in the Himalayas. [00:38:36] Two. [00:38:37] Two Yetis. [00:38:39] Uh-huh. [00:38:39] Possibly husband-wife. [00:38:41] Possibly a pair of podcasters. [00:38:46] This is a tragic tale where many people die, and he still makes it to, I think, Calcutta, where he's nursed back to health by the noble British. [00:38:58] And he goes through Via Iran back to the USSR where he joins General Anders' army and then gets transferred to Britain, where he writes this book in the mid-50s. [00:39:08] Now, Liz, you might be thinking, did this guy really see a Yeti? [00:39:13] Two Yetis. [00:39:15] Two Yetis. [00:39:16] Well, the answer is the book was actually written by a daily mail writer in 1956. [00:39:23] And I think that mid-2000s, the BBC tried to track down any sort of verification that it had happened. [00:39:30] And then very quickly track down the fact that this guy actually had killed an NKVD officer before like in the early stages of the Soviets coming into Poland and then was sent to prison and released like eight months later as part of a general amnesty where he just regularly joined the regular Polish army and was sent to Britain. [00:39:47] So he did not go to the gulag nor did he escape from the gulag. [00:39:51] However, it was written in 1956. [00:39:56] Two years prior to that, the Daily Mail had sent a million pound and modern money, million pound expedition to the Himalayas to catch a Yeti. [00:40:11] What? [00:40:12] Yes. [00:40:13] There's this. [00:40:15] Well, apparently, and I didn't know this, the British had like Yeti fever in the 50s. [00:40:24] They were like really, yeah. [00:40:27] Say that again. [00:40:28] The British had Yeti fever in the 1950s. [00:40:31] They were crazy about Yetis. [00:40:33] They wanted to catch a Yeti. [00:40:34] It's the only thing the British had in the 1950s. [00:40:37] Check this out. [00:40:38] Check this out. [00:40:39] This is a quote from an article about it. [00:40:42] They've been gone for 15 weeks and they were accompanied by ornithologists, zoologists, and 370. [00:40:48] I can't do the action anymore. [00:40:49] 370 porters. [00:40:52] This is on almost 400-person expedition who carried tranquilizer guns in a cage. [00:40:58] If a live abotable snowband was caught, says author Graham Hoyland, it was to be shipped back to London to be examined. [00:41:05] Unfortunately, the team, which included the paper's poker-playing foreign correspondent who appeared at base camp wearing a silk cravat, a golfing jacket, and a pair of plim soles. [00:41:16] I don't know what almost any of those things are. [00:41:18] Returned home. [00:41:19] Young Chopsky perks his head up. [00:41:23] Returned home empty-handed. [00:41:26] But yeah, I guess Brits have had Yeti fever since the 1830s. [00:41:30] Hold on a second. [00:41:31] So 15 weeks. [00:41:37] Yes. [00:41:38] Zoologists. [00:41:41] 370 porters. [00:41:42] This is in the 1950s. [00:41:44] Because this sounds like some kind of like weird British Empire colonial thing. [00:41:50] Yes. [00:41:51] But this is for Yetis. [00:41:52] Well, they sailed Yemen back then. [00:41:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:41:55] It's, I mean, they, they had their first, like, dude. [00:42:01] This had all started because this guy, Eric Shipton, who is a mountaineer, he'd actually taken a photograph in 1954 of a Yeti's footprint that looked a lot like the Indian Army's one in the snow. [00:42:15] And he was, he was an actual mountaineer. [00:42:17] He was near Everest. [00:42:19] And this had caused a sensation in the UK. [00:42:21] This had launched the Daily Mail's expedition. [00:42:24] Turns out, though, that this was just a fucking snowshoe that he put. [00:42:28] I mean, imagine a photograph comes back of just like a large track in the snow, and you're like, I need to spend a million dollars on this. [00:42:37] Well, I just keep thinking, like, imagining some poor guy who is like leading the expedition, like thinking that he's having his kind of like, you know. [00:42:46] His Yeti moment. [00:42:47] We're just like, you know, going to Injure moment. [00:42:50] Yeah, yeah. [00:42:51] You know what I mean? [00:42:52] Where it's like, you know, oh, we're bringing back Ivory. [00:42:55] You know, he's like so excited. [00:42:56] And they tell him, like, so we need you to get the Yeti. [00:42:59] Yeah. [00:43:00] He's like, I'm sorry. [00:43:02] Well, so actually, I thought that too. [00:43:06] But it turns out, so this guy, Eric Shipton, who does the Yeti hoax, he is kicked off an expedition by a guy named Edmund Hillary. [00:43:12] He's like a famous mountaineer, like climbed Everest. [00:43:16] Edmund Hillary kicked this guy off the expedition. [00:43:19] I mean, obviously this footprint's a fake, but Edmund Hillary, four years, excuse me, six years later, uses the photograph as a pretext to launch another expedition for the Yeti in 1960. [00:43:31] Love it. [00:43:32] Amazing. [00:43:34] Came to the conclusion there was likely a Himalayan bear. [00:43:37] I will say I came to the conclusion that there actually were Yetis or still are Yetis living in Asia because in the I think 70s, a reporter visited the Royal College of Surgeons in London and found a withered finger which had been found like not too long before in the college's Hunterian Museum. [00:43:58] And that finger was labeled Yeti finger from Peng Bosch hand. [00:44:04] A Yeti's finger. [00:44:06] And it turns out that that actually could have been a finger of a gigantopithecus, which is baby, an ape that was nine feet tall and weighed 500, or excuse me, 1,200 pounds. [00:44:18] Wait, what? [00:44:20] Yeah. [00:44:21] It's a giant, giant, giant anthopithecus or whatever. [00:44:24] It just means giant ape. [00:44:26] Wait, so do you think Yeti is ape or bear or man? [00:44:29] Well, Yeti means man-bear in, I guess, what, the Nepalese. [00:44:36] But yeah, no, it's, it's, they, dude, they found out about this thing originally because a German like a paleanthropologist just walked into a pharmacy in Hong Kong and found a giant fucking tooth for sale. [00:44:50] He bought it. [00:44:51] And then in the like the years after that, other anthropologists found giant teeth for sale in Asia and they put them together and they realized that there was a 10-foot-tall ape. [00:45:01] So you think that's the Yeti? [00:45:03] Absolutely, that's the Yeti, and they're absolutely still alive. [00:45:07] Where do you think they are? [00:45:08] Somewhere in the Himalayas? [00:45:10] Yeah, they're just hard to find because they have white fur. [00:45:13] But if they're so big, do you think they kind of look like mountains? [00:45:17] Yeah, I mean, that's how people think they're like craggy rocks or something. [00:45:21] I think it's real. [00:45:22] Oh, that's absolutely real. [00:45:24] You know, they said, or you started this thing talking about the abominal snowman. [00:45:30] Abominal. [00:45:30] That's cute. [00:45:31] What? [00:45:32] It's abominable. [00:45:33] What did I say? [00:45:34] Abominal. [00:45:36] I was just probably. [00:45:41] Wait, what if I can't say it right? [00:45:42] Abominable. [00:45:44] Try it a couple more times. [00:45:46] Abominable. [00:45:47] Say it again. [00:45:48] Abominable. [00:45:49] Young Tropski, keep those in. [00:45:51] No. [00:45:53] Okay, at the beginning of the segment, I don't want to call it a segment. [00:45:58] What are we, a TV show? [00:46:00] Centipede? [00:46:02] You mentioned abominable snowman. [00:46:06] Now, that is the same. [00:46:08] Do you think that's the same thing as Yeti? [00:46:10] Absolutely. [00:46:11] Yeah. [00:46:12] People think, people often mistake apes for men. [00:46:16] I've worked alongside guys for years and then found out that they were some variety of ape, like an orangutan. [00:46:22] Because you said that Yeti means man-bear, but now you're saying it's an ape. [00:46:26] People don't know the difference between bears and apes. [00:46:28] They're both big. [00:46:30] What? [00:46:30] Yeah, people only see size. [00:46:32] Like, most people's eyes actually can't register shape, just size. [00:46:36] So wait, I have a question. [00:46:38] One last question, Brace, because you're kind of, you seem like the yetiologist here. [00:46:44] We mentioned Sasquatch. [00:46:46] Yeah. [00:46:47] Now, Sasquatch is North America only. [00:46:55] Yes. [00:46:56] However, do you think related to Yeti? [00:47:00] Absolutely. [00:47:00] Yeah. [00:47:02] The ice bridge. [00:47:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:47:05] I was going to say, it's got to be a Bearing Strait thing. [00:47:08] Absolutely. [00:47:08] Sarah Palin's house. [00:47:10] She can see the Yeti from there. [00:47:12] That was a really bad joke. [00:47:13] I didn't mean to say that. [00:47:14] No, that was terrible. [00:47:15] I shouldn't even mention her. [00:47:16] No one should mention her. [00:47:18] I still think she's fucked. [00:47:19] Dude, did you see the video of her where she's like fucking methed out? [00:47:23] No. [00:47:23] Oh, I think she is actually on meth now. [00:47:25] No, no, no. [00:47:26] There was like that video of her and she's like going nutso. [00:47:28] She's got like a handheld camera in the middle of nowhere. [00:47:31] Yes, I did see that. [00:47:33] She's got that skinny meth face. [00:47:35] You know what I mean? [00:47:36] Good. [00:47:36] Yeah. [00:47:37] She used to be sort of like a plump MILF and now she is a sallow wretch. [00:47:44] People were obsessed with her. [00:47:45] Yeah, I mean... [00:47:46] Even, like, liberals thought... [00:47:48] Remember how people were so excited about Tina Fey? [00:47:51] Yeah. [00:47:51] Oh, Christ. [00:47:52] What happened to Tina Fey? [00:47:53] I hope she's dead. [00:47:54] No, I think she, remember the cake thing? [00:47:56] She like, she made a cake joke and everyone got mad at her or something. [00:48:00] No, I don't know what you're talking about. [00:48:01] That was a long time ago. [00:48:02] Yeah. [00:48:02] What was the... [00:48:03] Oh, the sheet cake. [00:48:05] God, that was so stupid. [00:48:07] Oh my God, the Trump ears were so fucking dumb. [00:48:09] God, I know. [00:48:09] Thank God Joe Biden is president now. [00:48:12] So I can just go back to thinking about Sarah Payland. [00:48:42] So I want to read Liz's preliminary notes on this real quick. [00:48:46] Liz, first of all, had not heard of Krampus before. [00:48:49] She liked Liz is blissfully unaware that it became like a Reddit meme, and I think they made a couple horror movies and stuff. [00:48:55] I don't know anything about genuinely scared Liz. [00:49:00] Her notes say, what the fuck is this? [00:49:04] Absolutely not. [00:49:05] Christmas is for joy, not mayhem. [00:49:10] Described, I'm just going to read your notes real quick. [00:49:12] Not all of them, but she says, described as half coat, half goat, half demon. [00:49:17] Krampus is a Christmas creature who punishes children who have misbehaved. [00:49:20] This is the devil, right? [00:49:22] Pagan shit is so fucking insane. [00:49:24] I do not fuck with pagans in all caps. [00:49:29] I really don't. [00:49:30] I don't, dude. [00:49:31] Liz is scared of the devil. [00:49:34] As you should, as one should be. [00:49:36] It's the devil. [00:49:37] Literally, what could you be scared of more? [00:49:40] Are you fucking kidding me? [00:49:41] Are you fucking kidding me? [00:49:42] Are you scared of the devil? [00:49:44] Are you scared of the Liz? [00:49:46] All right. [00:49:47] Bluesmen, first of all, are not scared of the devil. [00:49:50] Other guys who are good at guitar aren't scared of the devil. [00:49:53] And people who get really good at basketball aren't scared of the devil. [00:49:56] I think there was a movie about that too. [00:49:58] Now that I'm saying that, I might be making that up. [00:50:00] I have been, you know, I've been to the spot where Robert Johnson sold his soul to the devil. [00:50:06] There is a Sonic there, and I ate it at the crossroads. [00:50:12] Really underwhelming. [00:50:14] I tried, we tried to summon the devil there, too. [00:50:16] It did not work. [00:50:17] Yeah. [00:50:19] So you're just encountering this for the first time. [00:50:22] You're freaked out about this. [00:50:23] This is so weird, man. === Devil Summons Fail (05:40) === [00:50:25] I swear to God, like, I'm not joking. [00:50:27] I really did not know this was like a meme internet thing. [00:50:31] And I just texted you. [00:50:33] I was like, wait, do you know about this Krampus thing? [00:50:35] And you were like, yeah, she did. [00:50:36] I was like, yeah, of course I do. [00:50:38] Like, what are we, are we doing? [00:50:40] Are we like a science nerds podcast now? [00:50:43] No, go on. [00:50:44] Go on. [00:50:45] I want to see how you react to this. [00:50:50] No, I'm just laughing at my notes. [00:50:52] One of it, it says he beats kids with sticks. [00:50:54] Excellent. [00:50:55] What? [00:50:56] Dude, he beats kids with sticks. [00:50:58] That's so fucked up. [00:50:59] I'll be honest with you. [00:51:00] I never really. [00:51:01] Krampus knocked. [00:51:02] Yeah. [00:51:03] That's a snake bad. [00:51:06] Yeah. [00:51:06] Ooh, he's got him in the little basket there. [00:51:09] Yeah, this looks like the devil. [00:51:10] He's got horns. [00:51:11] No, that's what I'm saying. [00:51:12] Devil's half man, half sword. [00:51:14] Dude, he is the devil, which is really weird. [00:51:17] Why is the devil fucking with Santa Claus? [00:51:19] Well, I mean, Santa Claus is a Christ figure. [00:51:22] No, Santa Claus is a- How do people who are really religious explain away Santa Claus? [00:51:26] Santa Claus is not a Christ. [00:51:28] What does that even mean? [00:51:29] Christ is born on Christmas. [00:51:31] Santa Claus is an old man. [00:51:33] Doesn't make sense. [00:51:34] Sweetheart. [00:51:35] Sweetheart. [00:51:37] What do you think happened to Jesus Christ? [00:51:39] People think he died. [00:51:40] He did not. [00:51:41] He became Santa Claus. [00:51:42] That's literally what I assumed. [00:51:44] Because he's old. [00:51:46] And like, he looks like Jesus, except fat. [00:51:51] Yeah, you haven't thought of this, have you? [00:51:53] This is none of this makes any sense. [00:51:56] I'm sorry. [00:51:57] So apparently, my religion. [00:51:59] So I tried to look up this. [00:52:01] There is no definitive date of Krampusnach. [00:52:05] Which, can you say that in like a German? [00:52:09] Krampusnacht. [00:52:11] I used to yell mock Schnell at this German part at the Geary Club. [00:52:17] I made out with her once. [00:52:18] She was like 70. [00:52:20] Oh, yeah. [00:52:21] That was a crazy bar. [00:52:22] Yeah, that's fucked up. [00:52:24] I could smoke in there. [00:52:25] Anyway, there's no like definitive date. [00:52:27] It's like some people, it's November 30th. [00:52:30] Some people, it's December 5th. [00:52:32] Some people, it's December 6th. [00:52:34] It's like, it's not even. [00:52:35] So this is like a fake thing. [00:52:37] And basically, all these crazy Austrians, which is still a country. [00:52:45] Invented peoples. [00:52:47] It's a German Bantustan. [00:52:49] Yeah. [00:52:50] So we're just going to say Bavaria. [00:52:52] Bavaria. [00:52:53] There we go. [00:52:54] Dress up in like devil horns and like hairy suits and mock like mock kidnap children. [00:53:05] What the fuck is this? [00:53:06] I don't know. [00:53:07] I mean, listen, have you understood what Bavarians have done over the past few thousand years? [00:53:12] It's not great. [00:53:13] This is one of the best things they've done for humanity. [00:53:16] And I don't say that it's a good thing. [00:53:18] I'm just saying on the scale. [00:53:21] They dress up in horns and hooves and run around and scare children. [00:53:25] about don't the Dutch dress in blackface for Christmas yeah there was like a whole thing there was um Was it David Sederis that wrote a story about that? [00:53:34] I can't remember. [00:53:35] I don't know. [00:53:36] Hope he's dead, too. [00:53:37] You don't hear about these guys for... [00:53:39] No, he's alive! [00:53:40] People got really mad at him the other week, right? [00:53:42] No one knows because they don't encounter his books at airports anymore. [00:53:45] Yeah, true. [00:53:46] Is he really Amy Sederis' cis brother? [00:53:49] Yeah. [00:53:49] It's a fucked up looking family. [00:53:52] Anyway, I just don't. [00:53:53] I don't think Krampus should be a thing. [00:53:55] This is really, it's freaky. [00:53:57] I. [00:53:58] I think that anything Bavarian should probably be kept in Bavaria for the next, let's say, how long was the Reich supposed to be? [00:54:05] 1,000 years? [00:54:07] That long. [00:54:09] The other thing, too, that's like, if you look at photos of this shit, it does look like black metal kind of stuff, but it's like Austrian. [00:54:18] And you're like, come on, you're not Norwegian. [00:54:20] Yeah, yeah. [00:54:21] You're not. [00:54:22] You can't get away with this stuff. [00:54:24] I gotta. [00:54:24] Have you looked at Varg's Twitter? [00:54:27] Yeah, he's going ape recently, isn't he? [00:54:30] He's been horny recently. [00:54:31] For those of you who don't know, Varg Vikernese was a black metal musician who famously killed his bandmate. [00:54:38] Yeah. [00:54:39] And is now out of prison. [00:54:41] Extremely racist. [00:54:43] Very racist man. [00:54:44] But in a way that, like, you know, all that stuff we were talking about earlier about elves and stuff? [00:54:49] He is literally, he believes in elves. [00:54:51] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:54:52] I mean, black metal. [00:54:53] So it's all metric stuff. [00:54:55] I mean, you know, people were into Burzum, weren't they? [00:54:59] Wasn't that a thing? [00:55:00] Yeah, it was like a big t-shirt band. [00:55:01] I know. [00:55:02] Yeah, it was a t-shirt band. [00:55:03] I don't think anyone listened to it. [00:55:04] Grind Cole without. [00:55:05] You know what we used to do when I worked at a shop? [00:55:07] What? [00:55:07] Like 10 minutes before we were about to close, 15 minutes before, like people would still be in the store. [00:55:14] And all we wanted to do was get people out. [00:55:16] So we would put on Burzum. [00:55:18] Like really loud. [00:55:19] That makes sense. [00:55:19] Yeah, yeah, yeah. [00:55:20] Without fail, everyone would leave. [00:55:22] Burzum's like a big girlfriend t-shirt band. [00:55:25] Like you always got a girlfriend who's got a Burzum t-shirt. [00:55:27] Not like in your early 20s you do. [00:55:29] It's like Death in June. [00:55:30] Yeah, yeah. [00:55:32] Let me tell you. [00:55:33] I had a girlfriend who's wearing a Death in June shirt, putting her in the trunk and fucking driving off a fucking bridge. [00:55:43] Sorry. [00:55:44] Parody. [00:55:46] Parody. [00:55:46] A bridge on the off-ramp to it and be like, well, get out of the trunk. [00:55:50] What are you doing in there? [00:55:50] I love you. [00:55:52] Do you know what the song All Pigs Must Die About? [00:55:54] It's about me. [00:55:55] Do you think I must die? [00:55:56] No, you must die. [00:55:58] And then I'm closing the trunk again. [00:56:00] This is a freaking shit. [00:56:00] And then I'm putting an Emin song back on. === Monkey Fever and Binkies (04:10) === [00:56:05] Oh, my God. [00:56:06] And then I'm driving to him. [00:56:08] Oh, he did a. [00:56:09] Didn't he do awfully hot coffee pot? [00:56:11] Yeah, yeah. [00:56:12] Awfully hot coffee pot. [00:56:13] It was like a big. [00:56:14] He rhymed those words. [00:56:16] People didn't like that. [00:56:17] Yeah. [00:56:18] great rapper. [00:56:46] There's a couple other things I want to hit real quick. [00:56:49] One of them is Jews. [00:56:52] We exist. [00:56:52] We're valid. [00:56:53] We're real. [00:56:55] Why is this in here? [00:56:57] Well, because I couldn't think of other Christmas things. [00:57:00] I got too stressed out from the other stuff I said. [00:57:02] I've been stressed out all day. [00:57:04] I've been stressed out all week. [00:57:08] Yes. [00:57:09] No. [00:57:10] I know. [00:57:10] But and the other one is the Grinch. [00:57:16] Okay, can we talk about this? [00:57:17] Because, like, you know, I think a couple months ago, I talked to you and I said, what's up with everyone in the monkey photos? [00:57:26] Seeing monkey photos everywhere. [00:57:27] Everyone's going ape for monkeys. [00:57:29] Monkey fever for a little while. [00:57:30] Yeah. [00:57:31] Monkey fever hit the internet. [00:57:33] It was a thing. [00:57:34] No, like really, there was monkey fever. [00:57:35] Yeah. [00:57:36] It was a thing. [00:57:38] No, I mean, look, people listening, if you're not on the internet, let me just tell you, it was a thing. [00:57:44] Monkeys everywhere. [00:57:45] People are posting monkeys, yeah. [00:57:47] Now all I hear is Grinch. [00:57:50] Well, so I've been thinking about the Grinch for a while because I found a Grinch filter on Instagram. [00:57:55] Oh, yeah, it's very funny. [00:57:56] Yeah, but there's a couple. [00:57:58] The Binky, they're called. [00:58:00] They're Binky. [00:58:01] Well, a lot of people don't know that, but I'm like a big rave guy. [00:58:04] And so I'm a binky. [00:58:06] Like Liz always, Liz is. [00:58:07] I don't do this in front of you. [00:58:08] Chomsky because I feel like it's anti-it's like he'll think it's stupid. [00:58:12] But like, I wear a binky sometimes when Liz and I like work on. [00:58:15] I don't think you wear a binky. [00:58:17] Well, I don't know. [00:58:18] I put it in my mouth and I suck it. [00:58:21] I just like the idea of saying, I wear it. [00:58:23] It sounds like very funny. [00:58:25] I do like daddy-dom, little girl stuff, except it's just there's no daddy dom and there's no little girl. [00:58:30] I just act like a baby. [00:58:31] And but like I just complain a lot. [00:58:34] But but no, there's a Grinch filter. [00:58:36] And I will say, Grinch, Grinch has been on the mind for a while. [00:58:42] Because Grinches are real. [00:58:44] Like, people don't think it is. [00:58:46] Well, de Blasio, Grinch. [00:58:49] Absolutely a Grinch. [00:58:50] But no, like, actually, there's little green men. [00:58:53] Oh. [00:58:54] Is Grinch little? [00:58:55] I don't think he's little. [00:58:56] Well, I mean, he's smaller than me. [00:58:58] But he's bigger than the Who's, right? [00:58:59] Yeah, by the way, though, I'm 6'3, so that's not that crazy. [00:59:03] Okay. [00:59:03] But he is just 5'8. [00:59:04] But the other ones are tiny. [00:59:06] Yeah, they're small. [00:59:07] I don't like them. [00:59:07] I don't like Dr. Seuss. [00:59:08] I find him non-does Grinch have a hat? [00:59:11] I think I'm confusing him with cat in the hat. [00:59:13] Yeah. [00:59:14] Well, no, he's not a cat. [00:59:15] He's like a monster. [00:59:16] He's like a goblin. [00:59:17] I know, but does he have a hat? [00:59:18] Well, that's what I'm saying. [00:59:20] Yeah, he's got a hat. [00:59:21] He wears one of the hats that the Smurfs wear. [00:59:25] I actually have been talking to a guy from Pod about List. [00:59:30] I don't know if you know that podcast. [00:59:32] But I'm financing his expedition to actually find a Grinch. [00:59:36] Where do you think it is? [00:59:38] Midwest, somewhere probably. [00:59:40] Oh, in America. [00:59:41] Yeah. [00:59:41] We got to kill it. [00:59:43] No. [00:59:44] Absolutely. [00:59:45] No, you just have to change him. [00:59:47] See, the whole story of Grinch is that his heart is too small, two sizes, too small. [00:59:56] And what we have to do, the lesson is that we have to show him the magic of Christmas and giving and charity and community and friendship and love. [01:00:05] Connection. [01:00:08] And then his heart will end up growing two sizes thicker and he de-grinches. === Grinch's Heart Growth (04:02) === [01:00:16] I'll tell you what. [01:00:18] I've Grinched a lot of people in my life. [01:00:21] I don't regret it. [01:00:23] In fact, some of the Grinching I've done, I'm proud of. [01:00:26] But the actual Grinch himself has to die. [01:00:29] No. [01:00:32] We can save him. [01:00:33] I can save him. [01:00:35] Every time I've tried to, every time I've said I can save them about somebody, it's gone terribly wrong. [01:00:41] You know about what happened. [01:00:44] The killings. [01:00:45] The killing fields. [01:00:47] Oh my God, please stop it. [01:00:50] I am losing consciousness. [01:00:52] Yeah, we've got a little nutso. [01:00:54] You guys, I'm sorry. [01:00:55] This is very silly. [01:00:56] Yes. [01:00:57] Well, we felt like we had to give you guys a little Christmas episode. [01:01:00] Yeah, I like, first of all, like I said, crazy about Christmas. [01:01:03] We've got to do a Christmas thing. [01:01:06] And I literally did not know about Krampus, so I learned something. [01:01:10] I didn't know about Christmas either. [01:01:13] I live on like an Orthodox, I live on what they call a kibbutz. [01:01:17] A lot of people don't know that. [01:01:17] I'm actually from Israel, and so I do most of my recording on a kibbutz. [01:01:21] It's like a poly, but it's not like a kibbutz, but it's like fan, it's like it's just a poly thing. [01:01:26] I live in a Tel Aviv apartment with seven other swingers. [01:01:30] Silent night. [01:01:34] Holy night. [01:01:38] All is gone. [01:01:43] All is bright. [01:01:47] Run young virgin mother and child. [01:01:56] Holy infant, so tender and mild. [01:02:04] Sleep in heavenly peace. [01:02:12] Sleep in heavenly peace. [01:02:21] Well, that wraps up another. [01:02:23] That's our second Christmas episode. [01:02:26] I'm very impressed with this. [01:02:27] Yeah. [01:02:29] I cannot wait until our Valentine's Day episode, our Mother's Day episode. [01:02:34] Easter. [01:02:35] April Fool's episode. [01:02:36] Oh, actually, I'll do an April Fool's episode. [01:02:39] Oh, my God. [01:02:40] Well, what do you guys? [01:02:41] So, for listeners, if you've made it this far, we will be returning in the new year. [01:02:48] And I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, a post-happy Hanukkah, and a happy new year. [01:02:54] And I want to ask my fellow Truanon team here, what do you hope for in the new year? [01:03:01] What is your wish for the new year? [01:03:04] World peace. [01:03:07] No goodwill towards men. [01:03:09] Noted. [01:03:10] Yeah. [01:03:11] Okay. [01:03:13] How about you, Jung Chomsky? [01:03:15] I hope for a PS5 and a small titty goth GF. [01:03:22] Oh, okay. [01:03:25] In the new year, I hope to be able to move on from podcasting to no longer know Liz and Young Chomsky. [01:03:33] And to finally become an adult male TikToker. [01:03:39] That actually makes me sad. [01:03:40] I know you're joking. [01:03:41] No, but I was thinking about that. [01:03:42] I would never. [01:03:43] No, I would never. [01:03:45] I don't. [01:03:45] I pretend I'm a much younger man on TikTok. [01:03:50] Can you guys? [01:03:51] I think you need to get off TikTok. [01:03:53] I'm not on TikTok. [01:03:56] I am not on TikTok. [01:03:57] I am not on TikTok. [01:03:59] Sounds like a person who's on TikTok. [01:04:01] I just use it sometimes. [01:04:02] I talk to my friends on there. [01:04:05] they don't even like you guys yeah they think you're well they think they don't exactly know my age either but they think you guys are just like old mean people Well, everyone, we're going to miss you. === Liz's TikTok Farewell (00:41) === [01:04:19] We'll see you real soon. [01:04:21] Have a happy holidays. [01:04:25] A fantastic new year. [01:04:27] And I'm Liz. [01:04:30] My name is Brace. [01:04:33] And this is Young Chomsky. [01:04:36] We're Truanon. [01:04:38] And we will see you next time. [01:04:40] Bye-bye. [01:05:00] Come out.