True Anon Truth Feed - [PREVIEW] Episode 34: Douche Bank Aired: 2020-01-10 Duration: 04:58 === Liz and Hot Lady Money (03:51) === [00:00:00] Uh, hello. [00:00:02] Hello. [00:00:02] Patreon. [00:00:03] Hello, Patron. [00:00:04] First Patreon of the new year. [00:00:06] It is. [00:00:06] Well, I've done several. [00:00:08] Yeah, Liz doesn't know about it because I don't give her access to the accounts. [00:00:11] But subscribers, I've had a really good time with you and Vanessa and Noelle and all my other female co-hosts. [00:00:21] Blondes, redheads, no brunettes. [00:00:25] And it's been a blast, but unfortunately, we're back to normal. [00:00:30] Oh, I'm so sorry. [00:00:31] She looks so sad. [00:00:33] And just. [00:00:34] What if I just cried right now? [00:00:36] I cannot think of a time we've hung out that you haven't cried. [00:00:41] From laughter. [00:00:42] Yeah. [00:00:42] Be like, it's so funny that you call me that phrase. [00:00:45] It's so funny. [00:00:48] Greetings. [00:00:49] Welcome to Truan. [00:00:52] What he said. [00:00:55] We are. [00:00:57] We're talking money today. [00:00:59] We're getting into the big bucks. [00:01:01] Money talk with Chris Hayes. [00:01:03] Hardball. [00:01:06] Chris Hayes. [00:01:07] Chris Kaliza. [00:01:10] Whatever. [00:01:11] We're all named Chris. [00:01:12] Yeah. [00:01:13] We're talking money. [00:01:15] We're talking money. [00:01:16] We got Hot Lady Money reporter on. [00:01:21] Alexandra Skax. [00:01:23] We're going to be talking to her in a bit about what is going on with the Fed. [00:01:29] Uh-huh. [00:01:30] Are we at it? [00:01:30] Listen, if you've ever wanted to hear two women with vocal fry talk about ending the Fed, tonight's your lucky night. [00:01:38] But before we get to that, I will say that a bunch of people have asked us to get into some more fun little economic, political stuff. [00:01:52] Some hijinks. [00:01:53] Yeah, so we're going to try and do some of that today. [00:01:55] I just want to give a little background on this. [00:01:57] I hang out with Liz fairly often, unfortunately. [00:02:00] I've don't, I tend to be kind of a lone wolf cruising the streets at night, cruising parks at night. [00:02:09] Also, sometimes cruising, you know, parked cars. [00:02:14] Yeah. [00:02:14] Anyways, but whenever I hang out with Liz, she starts fucking yapping about bullshit I don't understand. [00:02:22] One thing, derivatives, don't know what those are. [00:02:24] Another thing, literally don't understand what the Fed is. [00:02:27] A third thing is the central bank. [00:02:32] And fourth thing, et cetera. [00:02:33] You know where I'm going with this. [00:02:34] So today we are doing a little role play where the podcast, me and Liz, are Liz and the audience, all of you out there, are me. [00:02:44] Yeah. [00:02:46] We, yeah, I think it'll be fun. [00:02:49] I mean, I do really love this stuff. [00:02:51] And to be clear, this isn't some like boring planet money, money splane. [00:02:59] This is Truanon. [00:03:01] This is lady money. [00:03:04] So you know we got to start off with suicide. [00:03:08] So if you work for a bank, there is about a 45% chance that you're going to kill yourself if you [00:03:40] work there right now. [00:03:42] Not if you work at a bank, like if you're a teller or if you're just a low-level account manager. [00:03:50] Money shoveler. === Watch Your Back (01:06) === [00:03:52] Just no. [00:03:53] Then you're fine. [00:03:54] Go ahead. [00:03:55] Make your money. [00:03:56] Go home. [00:03:56] Have sex with your wife. [00:03:58] If your name's Laura, think about changing your name to Lauren Dukat, which would be a more money-centric Lauren name, but would also be a pun on my ex-girlfriend, Lauren Duca. [00:04:07] But if you are the head of, let's say, wealth management, risk assessment, or the securities division, you might want to watch your back. [00:04:21] Yeah. [00:04:21] Well, actually, watching your back won't really help either. [00:04:23] Watch your back. [00:04:24] Watch your back. [00:04:26] Okay, I don't know saying it differently will change my life. [00:04:28] I said wash. [00:04:29] No, don't wash your back. [00:04:31] It's like, what? [00:04:31] Well, I mean, we're talking about Italians here in some cases, so generally can't get to their back through the hair. [00:04:37] All right. [00:04:38] Let's just get to the chase. [00:04:39] So there's been a string of banker suicides. [00:04:42] And before you get too horny, actually, no, that's good. [00:04:47] Are we against this or for this? [00:04:49] I just realized usually we're talking about crimes, but I'm like, that kind of, this is all. [00:04:53] Well, we're going to use suicide in quotation marks, right? [00:04:56] That's sweet. [00:04:57] That's the Tronon way.