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Aug. 11, 2025 - Shameless Sperg - Chris Booth
13:00
Growing up with a self-hating White philo-semitic mother
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Hey folks, it's the Shameless Sperg.
Hope you're doing well.
As usual, I don't have a whole lot of time.
So I'm just trying to cram a quick video on my way back home from the gym.
So I wanted to say thanks to my 8,000 subs that I have acquired in two weeks.
That is completely insane, and I never would have imagined that that was going to happen.
You know, I just...
Let's let the world know why I'm tired.
Why I did something like donate to Shiloh Hendrix or whatever.
And just air out my thoughts.
And then 8,000 subs in two weeks.
Okay.
And my view counter is like something crazy, like over 200,000 total views.
That's completely insane.
So I thank you.
I'm still kind of processing that, trying to figure out what to do with it, but that's awesome.
But I wanted to tell a short story while I have time.
I think I have time for this story.
So my mother, she grew up, and she was a little girl in the 60s, and she, you know, grew up in a time when schools were being gradually integrated racially.
Now I'm from the South, okay?
So keep that in mind too.
And like my grandparents, I came to learn later in life, you know, did have pretty standard racial views at the time.
And, you know, but my mom, she was born just in time to be hit with a lot of propaganda in her impressionable mind of all this equality propaganda and, you know, white eat bad and we should feel sorry and we got to make up for all this.
She was definitely hit very hard with that early on.
And so she didn't pass racial consciousness on to me.
Yeah, I remember her telling me stories about things my granddaddy used to say that would make her really uncomfortable.
I mean I'm sure you can imagine what kinds of things.
Although oddly he never really talked about those things with me and he just kind of like left it to the side.
So yeah it just didn't get passed on to me.
I was growing up on the outskirts of a major major metropolitan type city and in a really diverse area.
Most of my family, most of my extended family lived out in rural areas and I kind of felt cut off from that.
Like I had my actual family roots severed and in every practical sense I did.
Because you know, for one thing, racial consciousness did not get passed on to me and there was a certain like degree of shame that was sort of being communicated to me.
It wasn't as overt back then as it is now, but it was there and you know I didn't like it.
I mean, I guess I kind of understood.
Again, I was being raised with the MLK speech bouncing around in my brain.
You know, so she just, she didn't pass that along to me.
And she always went out of her way to make sure to tell me, like, you know, I would really be okay with, you know, if you had a girlfriend that wasn't white.
If you ended up having a girlfriend that wasn't white.
If you ended up marrying someone that wasn't white and you ended up having, like, you know, mixed children, you know.
Or say you were with a black woman and you would have this beautiful cappuccino colored baby.
Like, she would just go on and on and on about this stuff.
And I'm just like, you know, because even though I didn't have, like, conscious racial awareness, it just, I don't know.
It just instinctually didn't sound appealing to me.
And I got uncomfortable with this sort of talk.
Like, why are you pushing this on me?
And I would just tell her, like, okay, I mean, that's fine.
I'm glad you'd be supportive.
But I like white girls.
She'd be like, okay, you know, I understand.
Like, she would almost seem disappointed by this answer.
And it always rubbed me the wrong way.
Like, oh, if you know, I have my preferences.
me alone and like I didn't go off on her over it but it graded on my nerves and she would do this over time I remember the last time she Did it?
I was in my early 20s or something, and she told me that she had a dream that I went on some mission trip to Vietnam and came back with a Vietnamese wife, and she was really sweet and barely spoke any English.
I'm just like, this is repulsive.
Like, it was, it was obviously this weird, you know, racially egalitarian fantasy that she was having.
And you know what, frankly, a lot of white Christians, white evangelical Christians, a lot of them have that.
They have that fixation.
Like, we have all this need here, but let's, you know, let's go do a mission trip in some bum fuck nowhere that nobody's ever heard of.
And then after we leave, whatever we build will get destroyed because they won't maintain anything.
Woohoo!
Yay for Jesus.
You know, it's like that a lot.
And so she had that same sort of like racial attitude that I encountered.
And I just, I didn't resonate with it.
I was like, whatever.
I mean, okay, fine.
If people want to pair up with someone outside their race, it's really none of my business.
But it always just kind of struck me as like, eh.
And to most people around me, I mean, even though they weren't like, you know, bigoted people, it just, you could just see that when anybody would spot like a mixed couple, you'd just kind of be like, eh.
Or sometimes we'd be like, yeah, she looks like the kind of girl that would do that.
You guys know what I'm talking about.
You know what I'm talking about.
So yeah, white girls are my thing.
Always.
Always have been.
I love white girls better than just about anything, okay, in the world.
Because the beauty of the white Aryan woman must never perish from the earth.
You know.
And, you know, so she would just drone on and on about that.
And I ignored it.
Of course, I stuck with my own.
And I'm glad I did that.
But this is all leading up to like probably the most repulsive thing I ever saw, like racially speaking out of my mother.
So she always had this, like, she's always been super, super phylo-Semitic.
Like, she has an obsession with Jewishness, Jews, Judaism.
Maybe not Judaism per se, because she's not with like rabbinical teaching.
She doesn't believe in that.
She thinks the Talmud is not good and all that stuff.
But she has just this obsession.
And she wanted so badly to find out that she would have some Jewish genes or something.
She wanted there to be like Ashkenazi somewhere in there.
And so she, you know, she got tested with 23andMe, of course, with no reason to think that there would be any Jewishness.
You can look at our family history and it's all English and Scots, Irish, and German, and that's it.
But she, you know, she just was hoping that maybe there just would be some.
She gets her DNA test results and she opens it up in front of me that day.
And I could just like, I could just see the disappointment just like wash over her face.
And I'm like, what is this?
And she looks up at me all like sad and she's like, not a drop of Jewish blood.
I am just plain old Lily White.
And I just sort of squinted like, what?
She's like, I feel like the red-headed stepchild of the kingdom of God.
Because if you study like the book of Romans, you're going to find a lot of stuff in there about like the Jews being the supporting root and you know you're being grafted in and out.
Like even though it says in one place there's neither Jew nor Greek, over here's Paul's still like making these distinctions.
Like, you know, well, don't forget, you know, they're the first ones and you're wild branches and all this other stuff.
Salvation is of the Jews and all this.
And so she felt like she wished that she had that sort of genetic linkage to the covenant, to the Abrahamic covenant.
She wanted to feel like she was by genes by birth a part of that, which of course she wasn't.
And she was so terribly disappointed by this, calling herself just plain old Lily White.
And I'm like, what mental illness is it that has my mother referring to her own ethnicity as plain old Lily White?
And so I looked at my mom and I'm just like, dude, what?
Like, you're disappointed with your blood?
You're disappointed with your genetic results?
That's disgusting.
And I told her, I'm like, I'm really proud to come from the people I come from.
You know, the Celts and the Anglo-Saxons and the Germans.
Like, these people are incredible.
They're intelligent, creative, mighty.
They did amazing things, changed the course of human history many times over.
I am very proud to come from them.
I wouldn't change anything about that.
And she just sort of blinked and stared at me.
I'm like, this isn't good that you should have it in your head that you're like of less value for this or something.
It makes no sense.
And I was just so appalled by it.
And then I finished up that conversation with her by looking at her and saying, look, like, if you're disappointed in your blood, well, you know, guess whose blood is in my veins?
And therefore, it's my blood too.
Are you saying you're disappointed in my blood?
How can you be disappointed in your blood and also simultaneously not be disappointed in mine?
All right.
So she just didn't have anything to say about that.
You know, I mean, what do you say at that point?
But it, to me, it amounted to that.
Like, if you're going to be disappointed in your blood, you passed your blood onto me, then you must, by extension, be disappointed in my blood and wish that my blood was Jewish.
But it's not.
And I don't want it to be.
I'd never have wanted it to be.
I just want to be what I am.
And this world just has a real problem with that.
You know, whether it's, you know, whether it's through the religious angle or the political angle, like just this idea that I'm content to be this white guy and be proud of my forebears and everything, that's a serious problem for everyone.
I mean, what is it?
What gives?
So that's tiresome.
It was one of the first steps along the way to like truly like racial consciousness.
Because I had to reckon with like how can someone have such severe like mental illness regarding their own ethnicity out of a belief system that's supposed to be like perfect and righteous and uplifting and edifying and everything.
And I'm thinking to myself, really, like, what kind of God made you feel less than second best, if that?
Or what kind of religion is this that you've stumbled into?
And you say it's righteous and you say it's good.
Love, love, love, and all that stuff.
And here you are about to break into tears because of what you are.
I mean, this is not healthy, right?
I can't be alone in that.
That's not healthy.
So I just wanted to share that.
Like, this is the kind of messaging that I was hit with.
You know, when I wasn't at school getting blasted with colorblind propaganda, which, by the way, if you didn't buy the colorblind propaganda back then, you were racist.
And today, if you say you're colorblind, you're racist.
So, you know, there you have it.
So that's what I got from the schools: all that crap and all the cringe, you know, posters with a picture of the earth and like a child of every single imaginable shade, color, or hue encircling the earth, holding hands.
You know the crap I'm talking about.
And so that was everywhere.
That was ever-present.
And then at home, I'm getting it through this weird religious way of it's okay if you come back from a mission trip with a Vietnamese wife, or I'm so sad, I'm only white, I'm not Jewish at all.
Blah, blah, blah.
I feel like a red-headed stepchild.
Meh, unreal, unreal.
So I guess that's all I got to say for now, folks.
I don't have a whole lot of time.
I got a couple of cool things I want to make, but I'm really going to need to sit down with some quiet free time to do it.
So until then, I hope you are all doing well.
And I thank you again.
You know, 8,000 subs in two weeks is completely crazy.
And I'm excited to see what happens next.
A little nerve-wracking, but hey, let's do it.
Let's go with it.
I gotta do it, you know.
I gotta do it.
Come what may.
Let the chips fall where they may.
I got to do this.
So y'all have a great day.
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