Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux - Sons vs Single Mothers!
Aired: 2026-04-27
Duration: 45:30


=== Genetic Revolt Against Free Will (05:11) ===

[00:00:00]  So, a couple of thoughts this morning just about the deleterious or negative effects of single motherhood on young male development.
[00:00:11]  And I say this, of course, with some real sympathy towards some single mothers who were raised themselves in bad situations or circumstances, could be runaways.
[00:00:24]  So, you know, certainly at the edges, there are cases where we can have some real.
[00:00:31]  Sympathy, but whether we have sympathy or not doesn't really change the dynamics as a whole.
[00:00:40]  For men, for boys, for males, let's say, right, being subjected to the rule of a woman you don't respect is exceedingly dangerous for long term reproductive success.
[00:01:00]  It's not so much whether there's a sort of psychological issue, I mean, there are certainly those.
[00:01:05]  But the real question to me is whether there's a genetic revolt.
[00:01:11]  So genetic revolts are almost, I wouldn't say almost, they are to a large degree for a lot of people almost beyond the realm of free will.
[00:01:25]  And of course, I say this advisedly.
[00:01:26]  I'm not saying there's no free will.
[00:01:28]  I'm just saying that for less intelligent people in particular, or less self aware people, or less self curious people, less analytical people, A genetic revolt is hard to counter with anything other than like pure rational philosophy.
[00:01:50]  There's an old saying from Pascal the heart has its reasons of which reason knows nothing.
[00:01:55]  And I would also say that regarding a genetic revolt, it is very hard.
[00:02:03]  Pure philosophy can do it, but almost nothing else can.
[00:02:07]  And we are not exactly in a society that.
[00:02:10]  Champions pure rational philosophy.
[00:02:13]  So, what do I mean by a genetic revolt?
[00:02:15]  Well, there's a study that I cited many years ago in my presentation, The Case Against Spanking, where 100% of boys with a certain gene who were physically abused became criminals.
[00:02:30]  So, that's not to say that they couldn't perhaps be talked out of it with, again, rational self knowledge and philosophy and morality and UPB and all of that.
[00:02:37]  But here we start to get into the realm of a genetic.
[00:02:41]  Revolt.
[00:02:43]  If you look at the daughters of single mothers, they tend to start menstruating earlier.
[00:02:51]  They tend to be hypersexual.
[00:02:53]  That is a genetic revolt.
[00:02:57]  Now, when I say a revolt, I don't mean that they're sort of revolting against reality.
[00:03:01]  That is a genetic revolt against K selective behavior.
[00:03:08]  So the R versus K theory is in general that there are.
[00:03:12]  Two classes of, or there are two styles to reproductive success.
[00:03:18]  I've selected is when you're in an environment where you have very little control, and then the resources are basically infinite.
[00:03:27]  You have as many offspring as possible and just kind of hope for the best.
[00:03:33]  That you don't really invest in your offspring, you just have a bunch of offspring, like rabbits, you know, foliage, grass, and so on is effectively infinite.
[00:03:42]  They don't really have any control over their environment because.
[00:03:45]  Their prey species.
[00:03:46]  So, some animal jumps on you, some hawk descends, or whatever.
[00:03:50]  It's not really much you can do.
[00:03:52]  And so, what you do is you just have as many offspring as possible.
[00:03:58]  It's spray and pray, and you don't really invest in your offspring and so on.
[00:04:03]  Because investing in your offspring doesn't really do much.
[00:04:05]  You don't really have to teach rabbits to run.
[00:04:09]  If they're chased, you don't really have to teach rabbits to eat the plentiful food around them if they're hungry.
[00:04:13]  I mean, they're just going to do it.
[00:04:15]  And so, if you compare that to something like a wolf, which has fewer offspring but invests far more into the offspring because you've got to teach them how to hunt and you've got a pair bond and all of that.
[00:04:24]  So, Prey species tend to be R selected, and K species tend to be higher on the food chain, so to speak.
[00:04:34]  And it's a genetic revolt against K selected manifestations of genetic preference.
[00:04:43]  So, when children grow up in chaos, when children grow up particularly without fathers, there's a genetic revolt against K selection towards R selection, and that.
[00:04:56]  Diminishes free will.
[00:04:59]  That diminishes free will.
[00:05:01]  The big test of K selection is sex before marriage.
[00:05:06]  And this is why highly K selected societies tend to focus on preventing sex before marriage.

=== Chaos Diminishes K Selection Traits (15:40) ===

[00:05:11]  It's a mark of deferral of gratification and so on.
[00:05:15]  And our selected societies tend to be highly promiscuous and so on.
[00:05:22]  Now, with single mothers, the question is what does it program?
[00:05:29]  The males to do with chaotic, aggressive, shrieky, loud, desperate, overwhelmed, and often seemingly confused single mothers.
[00:05:43]  Our single mothers are sort of notoriously stressed, they feel disrespected, they have trouble paying the bills, they have just this wide variety of, you know, pretty significant issues.
[00:05:55]  They tend to be shrieky, they tend to be frustrated, they tend to be angry a lot of the time.
[00:06:02]  They tend to feel burdened with the children.
[00:06:05]  They tend to be, of course, they're sexually frustrated a lot of the time because men don't generally marry them, at least the men they want don't generally marry them.
[00:06:15]  I mean, they're broke, right?
[00:06:17]  They have a lot of stress and chaos.
[00:06:22]  They're juggling too much.
[00:06:23]  And, you know, again, I can certainly have sympathy for the day to day, but we're just doing a sort of more dispassionate analysis of what the problems are.
[00:06:33]  So, a boy who's raised by a single mother, and you know, some of the worst combinations tend to be single son of a single mother, tends to be just about the worst combination.
[00:06:47]  I knew a bunch of them when I was growing up.
[00:06:51]  I was one for a couple of years when my brother was away, and it's rough.
[00:06:58]  It's rough.
[00:06:59]  Very rough, in fact.
[00:07:01]  So, what are the problems?
[00:07:03]  Well, the problem is that foundationally, When your mother is unpleasant, and in general, the single mothers tend to be unpleasant to the sons, toward the sons, or in the sons' vicinity.
[00:07:21]  They tend to be touchy, they tend to be defensive, and they also tend to be false.
[00:07:26]  I was talking about this yesterday that in a little talk about immigration, that when people's lives become a disaster, and especially when that disaster is kind of unrecoverable, They can't get solutions, so all they want is excuses.
[00:07:43]  Once you have a kid or two or three, and the father is not around, you can't fix the problem.
[00:07:52]  You can't undo the problem.
[00:07:54]  I mean, maybe you could get the father back, but probably not.
[00:07:59]  And maybe you don't even want him back because he himself is too chaotic or bad or wrong or something like that.
[00:08:04]  So you can't fix the problem.
[00:08:07]  And when people can no longer fix the problem, all they want are excuses.
[00:08:13]  All they want is that it's not their fault.
[00:08:16]  Because, and I can understand this, this is not even any big criticism.
[00:08:20]  This is just the way that things are psychologically.
[00:08:24]  I mean, if you become a single mom, let's say you have two kids by the same guy, the guy takes off or is a drunk or is a criminal or just lazy or doesn't have the money to help you too much, then you've got almost 18 years to go or you've got 15 years to go.
[00:08:48]  How are you going to survive if you're full of self recrimination?
[00:08:53]  One of the reasons that women in particular tend to look for excuses is that they tend to be, on average, more self critical than men.
[00:09:03]  And so once a woman ends up in a situation where disaster has occurred, right?
[00:09:09]  She's trying to raise kids without a man, without a father, without a husband.
[00:09:13]  Once the situation has occurred, women are extremely self critical.
[00:09:20]  And therefore, if they were to truly analyze the situation and look at all the mistakes they made, they would spend the next 15, 16, 17, maybe even 18 years, they would spend all of that time kicking themselves and angry at themselves.
[00:09:40]  And it would be wretched for them.
[00:09:44]  And they would be less functional.
[00:09:47]  Men can get mad at themselves and still function.
[00:09:50]  But women, when they get self critical, tend to be.
[00:09:54]  They tend to underfunction.
[00:09:56]  And you can't underfunction when you're a mother.
[00:09:59]  So, what you have to do is you have to find a way to make it not your fault so that you can turn your anger away from yourself and towards an external cause or enemy.
[00:10:11]  I mean, if you can imagine a situation where you are forced to either punch yourself or punch someone you're really angry at, of course, you would choose to punch someone you're really angry at.
[00:10:27]  And When women make big mistakes, particularly mistakes involving parenting or the father of their children, if they can't get angry at the man but instead hold themselves accountable, which is kind of what's necessary for their children and in particular their sons to respect them, if they do try to hold themselves accountable, then they get so self critical that they get kind of depressed and can't function.
[00:10:56]  They get so self critical.
[00:10:58]  So, they have to turn their aggression outward against the father, against whoever, right?
[00:11:06]  I mean, who's kidding who?
[00:11:08]  It's almost always the father.
[00:11:09]  So, they get angry at the father and they can't take responsibility because if they take responsibility, their self attack gets so strong that they can't really function.
[00:11:20]  So, it is, in a sense, a survival mechanism.
[00:11:23]  A disaster has occurred, and if it's their fault, they get so depressed.
[00:11:29]  And self critical that they can't function, therefore, they have to turn their aggression towards the father in order to function sufficiently to be able to take care of the children.
[00:11:38]  I mean, at least to some degree.
[00:11:41]  So, and the self criticism of women is kind of why culture is continual, is continuous, right?
[00:11:49]  And so, and also because the stakes for women are so high with regards to children, that self criticism is baked in.
[00:11:57]  It's an evolutionary advantage.
[00:11:58]  We can talk about that another time.
[00:11:59]  I don't want to go off on too many side quests.
[00:12:01]  I mean, maybe you do, but I won't.
[00:12:05]  So, what happens is that women, in order to remain functional with regards to their children, Have to turn all of their aggression against the absent father.
[00:12:16]  And again, you can imagine if they have to get angry at someone for the sake of the children's survival, it's better that they get angry at someone who is outside the immediate family and not at themselves, which again has them non functional.
[00:12:36]  I mean, certainly my mother was an extreme case, but the few times I ever saw my mother.
[00:12:44]  Be self critical, it was brutal and she couldn't function.
[00:12:47]  And again, I'm not saying that that's everyone, of course, it's an extreme case, but my mother was just female natured, turned up to 11 plus trauma.
[00:12:58]  And it's traumatic to enter into a relationship with hopes, right?
[00:13:01]  Because a woman has procreative sex with a man and she imagines this wonderful future where they're together and happy and Christmases and birthdays and Valentine's Day and hugs and all of that and birthday cakes.
[00:13:14]  And then when that's taken away, she gets angry.
[00:13:18]  At the person who has taken away all of her future happiness.
[00:13:21]  This guy's going to solve all my problems.
[00:13:23]  When that turns into this guy is now the source of all my problems or is the cause of all my problems, the anger is prodigious.
[00:13:31]  So the problem is that the survival mechanism of the single mother, which is to externalize the cause of her life's problems to the father, that gives her the ability to have the energy.
[00:13:48]  To maintain the household because she's not collapsing in self attack or self criticism.
[00:13:55]  I mean, and, you know, kind of dysfunctional moms, you know, if you criticize them and they say, well, oh, I guess I was just the worst mother in the world then, right?
[00:14:03]  And, but there's a kind of truth to that that if you penetrate their defenses and their externalization of the causes of their life's problems, then they will say to themselves, I guess I'm just the worst mother in the world and all these terrible things will happen in their minds.
[00:14:19]  And so, you know, they're.
[00:14:20]  It's obviously kind of manipulative, but in a way, they're speaking a kind of truth.
[00:14:25]  So the problem, of course, is that by attacking the father and not taking responsibility for their own lives, they lose credibility on the part of the sons because the sons know that if they internalize the mother's externalization, sorry, that's not particularly clear.
[00:14:44]  Let me take another run at that for a little more coherence.
[00:14:47]  The sons instinctively know that if they adopt the mindset of the mother, Their genes will hit a dead end because women are not attracted to men and men cannot be successful if they blame everyone but themselves for every negative thing that happens.
[00:15:07]  That is a female mindset that can work because when women self attack, men will rush in to fix it.
[00:15:19]  They white knight.
[00:15:20]  But when men self attack and therefore Say, I'm never going to succeed.
[00:15:27]  I can't do anything right.
[00:15:28]  Blah, blah, blah.
[00:15:29]  Women may have sympathy, but they won't mate with you.
[00:15:33]  Or if men take the female approach of excessive self attack leading to externalizing the cause of life's problems on everyone else, then women will not respect that.
[00:15:49]  And they will not mate that.
[00:15:50]  And they will not date that.
[00:15:52]  It's a genetic dead end for boys to take on the externalizing blame mindset of their mothers.
[00:16:02]  So they have to fight it.
[00:16:03]  It's a genetic revolt because a boy who internalizes the female mindset of blaming others for problems cannot survive from a genetic standpoint.
[00:16:19]  Just cannot survive.
[00:16:21]  And that is a huge problem for boys.
[00:16:25]  You know, like, I mean, for women, imagine that there's, you know, you're sort of some sort of primitive society where you're.
[00:16:32]  You're hunting and so on.
[00:16:33]  And, you know, your man goes out to hunt and you desperately need the food because you're breastfeeding, you need an extra couple of hundred calories at least a day and so on.
[00:16:41]  Then your husband comes home day after day with no meat.
[00:16:47]  And he says, Oh, it wasn't my fault.
[00:16:49]  The spear was faulty, or it was someone else's fault, or we went to the place we always go, but there just didn't happen to be any game there.
[00:16:59]  And it's never his fault.
[00:17:00]  Well, if it's never his fault, then you're never getting any meat because he's not going to change his strategy.
[00:17:05]  Right.
[00:17:05]  So men cannot afford to have the mindset of it's not my fault because that's extremely unattractive to women.
[00:17:16]  Extremely unattractive to women for men to say it's never my fault.
[00:17:21]  It's not my fault.
[00:17:21]  Women can do it and get away with it, but men can't because it's just too unattractive because it means that the man is going to be a terrible provider.
[00:17:28]  If he blames every woman himself, then he's going to be a very bad provider.
[00:17:35]  So this horrible, grim battle starts occurring.
[00:17:38]  Where the mother continually claims that her life is not her fault, but then holds the child, the son, responsible for his choices, like punishes him, you don't show me respect.
[00:17:52]  And all of the frustrated lack of respect that the woman is experiencing is projected onto the child and, like, oh, just it's the son, it's brutal, it's brutal.
[00:18:05]  And the battle occurs because.
[00:18:08]  Especially with the modern world, especially with the welfare state and so on, women can get away with not taking responsibility because they'll just be backfilled by governments and the welfare state and socialized medicine and so on, right?
[00:18:23]  And so the battle is horrendous.
[00:18:28]  And the battle is around this responsibility issue.
[00:18:34]  Now, for the mother to not take responsibility is kind of essential to her psychological functioning.
[00:18:40]  And I know that sounds odd.
[00:18:41]  I'm just seems to be the case, right?
[00:18:43]  And I'm certainly happy to hear arguments to the contrary.
[00:18:46]  It's sort of what I've observed.
[00:18:47]  And I think what works in general theory, but again, it's not some sort of ironclad proof.
[00:18:51]  But for the mother to not take responsibility is necessary for her psychological survival and functioning as a single mother.
[00:18:59]  But then she holds her son responsible for his actions.
[00:19:03]  Now, if you are a child and you are held responsible for your actions, By a mother who doesn't take responsibility for her actions, a single mother, it's horrible.
[00:19:18]  I mean, you have a deep foundational revolt against that.
[00:19:26]  I mean, again, this occurs at a genetic level, at a cellular level.
[00:19:30]  It's like from the very bottom instincts going up and forward.
[00:19:38]  So when your mother blames you or holds you accountable for whatever, you didn't come home on time, you're out too late, you treat this place like a hotel.
[00:19:50]  You didn't study for this test.
[00:19:51]  You don't show me respect.
[00:19:52]  You're not being responsible.
[00:19:54]  You didn't do this.
[00:19:54]  You didn't do that.
[00:19:55]  You didn't clean up after yourself.
[00:19:56]  You didn't do the dishes right.
[00:19:58]  And you just constantly nagged.
[00:20:00]  Then she's saying, Well, you as a child are 100% responsible for your choices.
[00:20:04]  But I as a mother am entirely the victim of circumstances and your father.
[00:20:09]  I mean, it drives you crazy.
[00:20:11]  And it generates contempt.
[00:20:14]  Like it's one thing if the mother says, Well, I'm not responsible for my actions.
[00:20:19]  And equally, you are not responsible for your actions.
[00:20:22]  I mean, if I'm not responsible for my actions as a child, A grown adult, right?
[00:20:27]  Then clearly you can't be responsible for your actions as a little kid, right?
[00:20:32]  That can't be the case.
[00:20:33]  But when your mother holds you responsible as a little kid and holds herself not responsible for the voluntary decision she made as an adult, then it's for men, for boys, it is a crazy making.

=== Mother's Blame Creates Contempt (07:08) ===

[00:20:51]  And of course, when you say, as a single mother, you say to your sons, you have to treat me with respect.
[00:20:58]  Why don't you treat me with respect?
[00:20:59]  It's what my mother used to say that once we were visiting my uncle, my brother and my mother and I, and he said to my brother, You left the cap off the toothpaste tube, and my brother ran up the stairs to put it back on.
[00:21:16]  And this was so enraging and incomprehensible to my mother.
[00:21:19]  She referenced it literally for years afterwards.
[00:21:21]  You flew up the stairs when he asked you, and I asked you to do something, and you just won't do it.
[00:21:25]  And, you know, there's this kind of screeching, witch like frustration, which I kind of get.
[00:21:31]  I mean, I can appreciate it.
[00:21:33]  But if the single mom says to the son, and again, I'll do the daughter's, sorry, let me rephrase that.
[00:21:42]  I will analyze the daughter's stuff another time.
[00:21:45]  But when the single mother says to her son, you need to treat me with respect after she spent years and years trashing the dad, in other words, she does not treat the father of her children with any respect, but then she demands.
[00:22:03]  To be treated with respect.
[00:22:06]  So, the man you chose to have children with, you can treat him with contempt, but the mother you never chose to be your mother, you have to treat with respect.
[00:22:18]  So, the man you voluntarily chose and loved or claimed to, you can treat with contempt, but the son has to treat the mother with respect.
[00:22:30]  I mean, it's deranged.
[00:22:32]  And again, it all arises out of the necessity.
[00:22:35]  Of, if she takes full responsibility for her own life, she will cease to function for the most part.
[00:22:40]  And also, if she takes sole responsibility for her own life and becomes very self critical, she has no chance really of gaining a mate because she's too depressed and self attacky and all of that, right?
[00:22:51]  Now, the other thing that's interesting about single mothers and their sons is that the single mothers do not teach their sons in general.
[00:23:06]  About grooming, about dressing well, about making sure your teeth are sparkly, about haircuts, about style, about gel, none of that, which is really interesting.
[00:23:19]  I mean, it's really interesting.
[00:23:22]  The causes of this are murky.
[00:23:25]  I think it has something to do with when you're a parent and you love your spouse, then you're bittersweet about your children leaving, like when they grow up and they leave.
[00:23:36]  You're bittersweet.
[00:23:37]  Because you love the time with your kids, but also a lot of your time is spent serving the needs and pleasures and preferences of your children, which is, of course, exactly as it should be and is a lovely part of parenting in many ways.
[00:23:51]  But also, when your kids become adults, leave and go off with their lives, then you get to spend more time and do more things with your spouse.
[00:24:01]  So it's bittersweet, right?
[00:24:03]  However, if you're a single mom, when your kids grow up, man, you're alone.
[00:24:08]  You're alone, you're in your 40s, maybe your 50s.
[00:24:13]  And for women, solitude is tougher on average than it is for men.
[00:24:20]  So that's a sort of basic, tangible, challenging reality.
[00:24:26]  So by not teaching their sons how to be attractive, the sons are more likely to stick around the moms and thus assuage their loneliness.
[00:24:36]  This is the substitute husband thing.
[00:24:39]  I mean, a wife who's sending her husband off to some place where there are a lot of attractive single women is not going to dress him to the nines and make sure he looks as spectacular as possible and make sure he's perfectly groomed because that's going to make him more attractive to the women who could potentially take her husband away.
[00:24:59]  And in the same way, single mothers do not work to make their sons as attractive as possible because, well, for a number of reasons.
[00:25:06]  So if they make their sons as attractive as possible, And it's kind of incomprehensible in a way to imagine that, you know, the all American, sparkle tooth, great haired quarterback comes from a single mother household.
[00:25:19]  Like it's almost incomprehensible.
[00:25:22]  Because if the single mother makes her son really attractive, then he's going to attract a more high quality woman.
[00:25:33]  But a more high quality woman will not want to spend much future time with the depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, manipulative.
[00:25:42]  Childlike single mother who doesn't take responsibility.
[00:25:46]  So the single mother, A, wants to keep the sons around because otherwise she'd be lonely, and B, the more attractive the son, the higher quality mate he will attract, and the higher quality mate will probably want to not spend much time, if any, in the future with the single mother.
[00:26:05]  In other words, the single mother wants a woman whose template is kind of like the single mother, like her mother with the single mother, and so on.
[00:26:12]  So she can't make the Son, too attractive.
[00:26:15]  The other thing, too, of course, is that the single mother, by the time, and it's a funny thing, right?
[00:26:19]  Because my teenage years were 40 years ago, right?
[00:26:22]  So remembering what's happening to my daughter in her teenage life, what being a teenager's life is quite a time trip these days.
[00:26:31]  And for a single mother, she attracted men really by virtue of being a female.
[00:26:38]  And especially women, if girls aren't all sort of dressed to the nines in this sort of debutante balls and so on, right?
[00:26:45]  Then she, as a young woman, attracted males simply by virtue of being alive, have pulse, will spread.
[00:26:58]  And so she doesn't understand as a female how men need to do more than just exist, for the most part, like most men need to do more than just exist in order to attract a mate, because she was able to attract a mate just by existing.
[00:27:16]  So she doesn't focus on it as much.
[00:27:19]  She doesn't understand things from the male perspective.
[00:27:21]  So there's that aspect as well.
[00:27:23]  And the last thing I'll say, and I hope that people are interested in this as a whole.
[00:27:29]  But the last thing that I will say is that single mothers have perhaps the biggest issue of modeling why women have value.
[00:27:44]  Two mates, not value as in they provide food and shelter, or at least they're vehicles by which the government provides food and shelter.
[00:27:52]  But how do they communicate to boys the value that women provide?

=== Modeling Value Beyond Existence (14:17) ===

[00:28:00]  Because if they have no contact with their father, then that's usually because the mother has deep and genuine contempt for the father.
[00:28:13]  So then they have the problem of processing or understanding what value the father found in their mother.
[00:28:22]  Because they exist because the father had sex with the mother.
[00:28:25]  And so if they look at their mother and they say, well, gee, you're not a particularly likable person, but I exist.
[00:28:34]  What mean?
[00:28:36]  Basic question of philosophy what mean?
[00:28:38]  So, you are not a particularly likable person.
[00:28:44]  You're stressed, you're tense, you're hostile, you're shrieky, you're angry, you're bitter, you're resentful, you're a giant blame thrower.
[00:28:52]  So, why am I here if you are not a pleasant person or a positive person or a moral person or whatever you want to call it?
[00:29:01]  Why me when you?
[00:29:04]  Of course, the answer is provided by the hormones.
[00:29:08]  The answer is provided by the hormones for the boys.
[00:29:12]  And the answer is that the hormones say, well, if the women aren't particularly pleasant or helpful, how do we reproduce?
[00:29:23]  Well, what we do, if the women are not particularly pleasant or helpful, what we do is we crank up the lust to the point where.
[00:29:37]  You are sex crazed.
[00:29:39]  So we crank up the lust to the point where you don't care about the woman's personality, you just are sex crazed.
[00:29:50]  So we have to get the sperm to the eggs.
[00:29:55]  And if the eggs are housed in an unpleasant form, we have to have you focus on the form, not the personality.
[00:30:02]  In other words, we have to have you focus on lust, not on moral evaluation.
[00:30:08]  Because that is really the only way that we are going to reproduce.
[00:30:15]  So it's like if you have to eat food that's a little gamey, you're going to pour on the spice.
[00:30:24]  Or what I was always told as a kid hold your nose and the bad food won't taste so bad.
[00:30:28]  So you have to crank up the lust to the point where it becomes like a giant wave that splashes over a seawall, right?
[00:30:40]  The seawall is there.
[00:30:42]  And the seawall, of course, in this is the unpleasant nature of the females in the environment.
[00:30:49]  I'm not talking female nature, I'm just talking in the environment, the unpleasant nature of the females.
[00:30:54]  And you have to crank up the lust until the waves can get over the seawall.
[00:30:58]  In other words, you have to crank up the lust until the man cares only about sexual access because he's sex crazed.
[00:31:05]  In the same way that if you are a fussy eater but you're starving, then you'll just eat.
[00:31:11]  You'll eat because you're starving and you won't be too fussy anymore about the food that you're getting.
[00:31:19]  So, in the same way, nature cranks up the lust until you become sex crazed and will just chase.
[00:31:27]  Anything in a skirt, so to speak.
[00:31:31]  And it's a wild phenomenon.
[00:31:34]  So then the question as to what value women provide to men well, it's not moral counsel, it's not wisdom, it's not running a calm, productive, efficient, and effective household, it's not this, it's not that, it's not qualities of moral courage and honesty.
[00:31:53]  And right, so what value do women provide to men?
[00:31:56]  Well, if you grow up with a True ish, stressed out, aggressive, manipulative, immature single mother, then by definition, really, the only value that women can provide is sexual access.
[00:32:10]  And so you have to look, I mean, what you do is unconsciously or down at your genetic level, since the model of sexual success by biological definition is your father, right?
[00:32:23]  As a male, right?
[00:32:24]  Your model for sexual success is your father.
[00:32:26]  That's why you exist.
[00:32:26]  So your goal, of course, is to imitate your father.
[00:32:30]  Because whatever worked for your father is going to work for you.
[00:32:33]  And that generally occurred when people didn't have any choice to change their tribes or anything like that.
[00:32:38]  So, whatever worked for your father is what also will work for you.
[00:32:45]  So, you have to imitate your father in order to achieve sexual success.
[00:32:50]  It's certainly your best odd on average, right?
[00:32:53]  Your best odds are to imitate your father.
[00:32:55]  So, you look at your mother and you say, well, gee, she's not particularly pleasant.
[00:32:58]  In fact, she's kind of difficult and negative a lot of the times.
[00:33:02]  So, but I need to reproduce.
[00:33:05]  And so your system just cranks up the lust, just cranks up the lust until it overcomes your distaste and a fear of your mother's personality.
[00:33:15]  It just cranks up the lust so that you just become sex crazed and will just have, you will respond to sort of visual cues or fertility signals.
[00:33:26]  It's animalistic, really.
[00:33:28]  And that's just sort of the inevitable result of these kinds of things.
[00:33:33]  So, this is what occurs with the sons of single mothers and lust.
[00:33:42]  What value did my mother provide to my father?
[00:33:48]  And the answer is me to have a child.
[00:33:52]  And so, I exist because my father's lust was so great that he had sex with a woman of doubtful moral character because he was really, really horny.
[00:34:05]  Okay?
[00:34:06]  So, I want to create another person like me.
[00:34:10]  Those are my genes.
[00:34:11]  That's what my genes are telling me to do.
[00:34:14]  And so, I will do as my father did, and my biology will crank up the lust to the point where I'm sex crazed and will not evaluate a woman's moral character or virtues or consistency or loyalty or maturity or anything like that.
[00:34:33]  I will not assess a woman's moral character.
[00:34:37]  Instead, all I will do is be primed for physical lust signals and aim to have sex with whoever I can, the most physically attractive woman or female that I can.
[00:34:53]  And there's no getting around that, really.
[00:34:55]  That's just the way it works.
[00:34:57]  Now, if, of course, the father is around more, then the father has the problem of explaining to the child why the child exists, right?
[00:35:08]  Because the child is half the father, half the mother.
[00:35:10]  And so the father has a difficult time explaining to the child why the child exists.
[00:35:14]  So if the father is not around, then the mother gets a monopoly over the child's view of the father and pours her frustration at her own choices into contempt for the father and thus programs the son to choose lower quality women based upon increased lust.
[00:35:32]  But if the father is around, let's say it's 50 50 custody, then the father is handling explosives.
[00:35:40]  For 15, 16, 17, 18 years, which is if the father says to the son, Look, I made a terrible mistake.
[00:35:51]  I was raised by a single mother or I had a bad female template.
[00:35:55]  And so I just pursued women based on lust without regard to the qualities of their character and ended up choosing a bad mother for you.
[00:36:02]  And it was a really, I mean, this is obviously what I wish my father had said to me.
[00:36:07]  What I wish my late father had said to me when I was.
[00:36:12]  Reaching at least the first tendrils of sexual maturity.
[00:36:16]  What I wish my father had said to me was that your mother was very attractive and I overlooked obvious red flags about qualities of character, and you really do need to focus on qualities of character.
[00:36:31]  Otherwise, your life becomes sort of very difficult and unpleasant because you have a sort of hyped up, vengeful woman constantly.
[00:36:40]  Going after you.
[00:36:42]  Now, as to why my father didn't say any of that, which, you know, obviously I kind of knew, I will never know.
[00:36:53]  I mean, I will never know.
[00:36:55]  He's long gone now.
[00:36:56]  So, my guess would be, though, that if the father says to the son, I chose badly, here's how to choose better, then the father, of course, is concerned.
[00:37:14]  That the son is in a moment of anger going to say to the mother, Dad said he chose badly because he was raised badly and didn't have a template for a good female and was just consumed by lust and never really loved you.
[00:37:33]  Right?
[00:37:33]  I mean, when you are a father in a separation situation, you have a big problem.
[00:37:42]  You have a big old problem, which is the more honest you are.
[00:37:48]  With your son, the more difficult and dangerous the explosiveness is with regards to the mother.
[00:38:00]  Because if the father says the blunt truth to the son and the son goes to the mother with this information, then the son is almost without a doubt in a moment of conflict going to spill.
[00:38:19]  And then that's going to cut right to the heart of the mother's self justifications and lack of responsibility and anger towards the father and her whole messed up life.
[00:38:31]  And, you know, hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
[00:38:35]  He's going to be in for a very unpleasant rest of his life because of that.
[00:38:40]  So you can't tell the truth.
[00:38:42]  I mean, it's really the crushing of honesty between father and son, which makes the father look weak in the eyes of the son.
[00:38:52]  I mean, I don't know why.
[00:38:54]  I don't know for sure why my father never warned me about women like my mother.
[00:39:00]  I don't know that.
[00:39:01]  But I assume it's because he feared her vengeance.
[00:39:05]  Or not her vengeance.
[00:39:06]  I mean, men don't fear.
[00:39:08]  Women in and of themselves, it's not like the women are usually going to come and beat us up, but men fear women's capacity to rile up other men for violence.
[00:39:19]  Men fear women plus male violence, and in particular, men fear women plus the male violence of the state.
[00:39:28]  So, why did my father not warn me about women like my mother, which would have actually been quite helpful?
[00:39:36]  Would have been quite helpful for my father to do that.
[00:39:39]  He did not do that.
[00:39:41]  And did not ask me what my dating life was like or who I was dating.
[00:39:45]  Like, I had virtually no contact with my father.
[00:39:47]  And he wrote me a bunch of letters, but I had no real contact with him over the course of my life.
[00:39:53]  He just wrote me letters about what he was doing, where he was going.
[00:39:57]  He had a compulsion, a letter writing compulsion, he once said, at least for me, quite memorably and a little eerily.
[00:40:03]  He said, I collect people the way some people collect stamps.
[00:40:08]  So, yeah, he just said it's a compulsion to write.
[00:40:11]  And his handwriting was terrible, and the letters were boring, and never asked me any questions, and so on.
[00:40:18]  And so the problem is that then it makes the males look weak because the fathers are constantly avoiding topics and not being helpful, not giving wisdom.
[00:40:32]  Because how is the father of a child by a single mother supposed to teach his son about anything other than negative examples, right?
[00:40:44]  Don't do as I did.
[00:40:45]  And listen, there's nothing wrong with don't do as I did.
[00:40:49]  There's nothing wrong with that.
[00:40:50]  It can be very helpful.
[00:40:53]  A lot of my life has been defined by don't do like my mom and my father did.
[00:40:57]  That's been very, very helpful, right?
[00:40:59]  So the smoker can say, don't smoke, right?
[00:41:04]  I remember there was a guy at my theater school who was a smoker.
[00:41:09]  And when some of the other actors were mucking about with smoking, he said, he sat him down and he said, look, here's how it's going to go.
[00:41:17]  You're going to muck about with smoking.
[00:41:18]  You're going to end up smoking more and more.
[00:41:20]  And then it's going to turn into a $6 a day habit.
[00:41:25]  And you won't be able to climb the stairs very easily.
[00:41:27]  And you're going to be worried about lung cancer for the rest of your life.
[00:41:30]  He just laid it all out.
[00:41:31]  And he himself is a smoker, but he laid it all out and said basically, don't be like me.
[00:41:35]  Your fat dad can give you diet advice as long as he acknowledges, don't be like me.
[00:41:41]  And he has to give you diet and exercise advice that is kind of the opposite of what he himself has done.
[00:41:48]  I mean, sort of by definition, right?
[00:41:51]  So, your father, if he chose the wrong woman to be the mother of his child or children, your father can give you good advice, but only at the expense of renewed, hysterical, horrible battles with a woman that he ran away from because she was a mean and low down, dirty, ugly fighter, whatever it is, right?
[00:42:13]  Too aggressive, too hysterical, too abusive, too belittling, to whatever, right?

=== Brutality of Single Motherhood (02:00) ===

[00:42:18]  And so the father looks weak and the mother looks dominant.
[00:42:23]  And the father can't be honest and can't instruct the children on how to avoid women like the mother because that puts him on a collision course with the mother, with his ex, right?
[00:42:38]  Which he doesn't want to do, especially when she comes with the power of the state and of legal aid.
[00:42:43]  So she's going to get legal aid for free.
[00:42:46]  She's going to get free lawyers.
[00:42:47]  He's got to pay for his.
[00:42:49]  And it's brutal.
[00:42:50]  I mean, if you've ever been around a man, Whose ex or the mother of his child or children is gunning for him, it's a hideous existence.
[00:43:00]  I knew a guy whose ex was gunning for him, and every time the phone rang, he went all different kinds of colors because he was just expecting some new horrible thing, some new horrible demand that was going to cost him five or $10,000 and dozens of hours of his life and stress and sleeplessness.
[00:43:19]  I mean, he basically had electrodes attached to his NADs.
[00:43:24]  That his wife could hammer from a distance, or his ex wife could hammer from a distance at any time.
[00:43:30]  It was no good.
[00:43:32]  And I mean, I remember another guy with a bad ex, and I said, Well, why did you get together with her?
[00:43:37]  And he said, Well, my self esteem was so low, I just married the first woman who would have sex with me.
[00:43:42]  And again, that's part of the drive, right?
[00:43:45]  The sort of sex drive that is what your genes are telling you to do.
[00:43:49]  So there's a genetic revolt at almost every level against the single motherhood.
[00:43:54]  And this is why the battles tend to be so brutal and desperate.
[00:43:58]  Between sons and single mothers.
[00:44:01]  And this is why, in order to find a quality woman, you have to leave your single mother behind most times.
[00:44:08]  Again, maybe she goes through some genuine revolution, she goes through some real soul awakening, some responsibility gathering, or something like that.
[00:44:17]  Maybe she does that.

=== Reforming Family Courts (01:11) ===

[00:44:18]  I mean, I don't hold any possibility really about that.
[00:44:23]  That's like saying, well, I don't need to pay for my retirement because I played the lottery once a week and I'll win.
[00:44:29]  $5 million, right?
[00:44:30]  I mean, that's not a plan, right?
[00:44:33]  That's not rational, not reasonable.
[00:44:35]  So that is the brutality of single motherhood.
[00:44:43]  And this is why a lot of, quote, misogynists come from single mother households.
[00:44:53]  There's really not much that we can do other than perhaps a complete reform of the, I mean, to get rid of the welfare state and to Reform the family court system would solve a lot of these problems, but that ain't happening anytime soon.
[00:45:08]  So there's no real way to avoid this at the moment.
[00:45:14]  It just is a fact.
[00:45:15]  And this is not because I can solve these problems, but because knowing why these problems exist can help you solve them in yourself.
[00:45:22]  Fredomain.com slash donate.
[00:45:24]  Please, please, please do help out the show.
[00:45:26]  Fredomain.com slash donate.
[00:45:28]  Lots of love from up here.
[00:45:29]  I'll talk to you soon.
[00:45:30]  Bye.