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Nov. 26, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
56:03
How to Fall in LOVE! Twitter/X Space
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Hmm.
I don't know.
Is that working?
Sorry, I tried an external microphone on an iPhone.
I don't know that it worked.
I don't know that it worked.
Just let me know if you can hear me.
Otherwise, I think we'll have to start again.
Oh, we'll have to start again.
Maybe.
All right.
But let me just tap the mic and see if it works.
And if somebody can unmute.
I just want to make sure I don't have a headset on, but I'm actually talking through the phone.
Let me just see here.
Just do a wee quicko test.
Yeah, I know you can hear me, but I'm not sure if it's the.
Oh, the tapping was heard?
Okay.
All right.
That's good.
And if somebody could just request to speak for a moment, we'll just do a quick test on that and then we'll get.
We shall begin.
Begwin the big win.
All right.
All right.
Tyler, are you up?
Past the task.
Beautiful.
It's worked.
Lovely.
All right.
Okay.
Thanks, man.
Sorry, did you want to ask a question or shall I do my speech?
No, love you very much.
Thank you.
All right.
All right.
Just get myself sorted out here and we shall start.
Could you be loved and beloved?
Yes, we're going to give that a shot.
How to fall in love?
How to get the greatest good and glory that human beings are capable of, which is love.
And the first thing that I will say is that, as I've said, of course, many times before, virtue is required for love.
You cannot love or be loved without virtue.
We love virtue in others.
People love virtue in ourselves.
Love requires the ultimate trust.
Oh, man, it's brutal how much trust love requires.
I mean, for us as a species, for human beings.
Heaven forfend and defend us.
It takes so much.
So, as you know, human beings take 20 to 25 years to grow to maturity.
We are a slow-moving plant, let me tell you.
And because of that, women have to trust men to be the sole provider of external resources.
Men have to go and hunt, men have to go and bring home the bacon, men have to grow the crops, men have to build the houses, men have to maintain the infrastructure, and so on.
Because women are busy doing what?
Having and raising babies.
It is one of the greatest philosophical lessons that I've ever had is being a stay-at-home dad.
Because, of course, being a stay-at-home dad, I am under absolutely zero delusions as to how much effort and energy children take to raise.
Now, it's a joyful experience.
It's a beautiful thing.
I couldn't be happier.
I mean, one of the central joys, like I have four joys of my life: family, friendship, parenting, philosophy, wife, friends, parenting, and philosophy.
Not necessarily in that order, but those are the big joys.
But I'm under no illusion as to how much effort and energy it takes to raise people.
So the woman has to say to the man, okay, I, in the full flood and fire of my sexual hardiness, that's actually my morning mantra when I'm brushing my teeth.
Comes out a little garbled sometimes.
In the full fire of my sexual hardiness.
A woman has to say, at peak glory of sexiness, I'm going to give all that up and I'm going to raise your babies.
I'm going to let you make the beast with two backs with me.
I am going to grow, be big with child, get leaky around the nipple area, get stretch marks, not sleep, and be decidedly, let's be honest, a little bit less hot as a result of bearing your children.
So the woman has to say, you're going to stay with me, right?
You're going to keep loving me even when I'm less hot.
Will you still love me tomorrow?
And that's what the woman has to do.
Now, how's she going to trust a man?
Well, trust is just another name for virtue.
That's all.
Virtue is consistent behavior.
If you trust someone to tell the truth, i.e., they're not in the media, if you trust someone to tell the truth, it's because that person has a demonstrated commitment to honesty to telling the truth.
I hope I've built up a little bit of credibility low these 20 plus years to tell the truth.
Or at least as much truth as you can tell in the world and not say, die or be killed, right?
Maximum truth.
That's the goal.
I have a commitment to telling the truth.
I tell the truth, even when it's dangerous, even when it costs me dearly, I tell the truth.
That's my commitment.
And so I hope that I've engendered in you some trust in these areas.
So virtue is just another way of saying somebody can be trusted to act in a consistent manner.
I mean, it's funny because if you have a brother-in-law who's some Tom Holson parenthood super scammer of a guy, Dad, I got to get down to Venezuela and look into some oil.
I need some money for that.
Then you can actually trust him to be scammy.
Trust means predictability.
Trust in virtue is love.
The woman has to trust the man that he's not just with her for the hotness and he's not just going to cheat on her when she becomes less hot by having a bunch of babies.
And that he's going to provide because if he knocks her up and doesn't provide for her, she is shafted deep beyond the black exploitation movies of the 70s.
She's really in a deep hole.
Because if he knocks her up and doesn't marry her, she's done.
Like she's toast.
Which is why there were literally shotgun marriages, like marry my daughter or I'm going to shoot you.
Because it's such a disaster for women if they get knocked up and the man doesn't commit.
So the woman has to trust that the man is going to be there, provide resources for the next, let's say you get married at 20, you live to 85 for the next 65 years.
He's going to be consistent.
He's not going to cheat, or at least not impregnate another woman.
And when the roles reverse 20 years after you get married, right, so you get married at 20, the woman's peak hotness.
At 40, the man is at peak hotness because he's proven his worth as a resource provider.
And if he wants, he can go and start another family.
A man can have three families, 20, 40, 60, 80 might be pushing it.
Unless you're Mick Jagger or Zorro.
No, not Zorro.
Zorba!
Zorba the Greek, Anthony Quinn.
There we go.
I made it.
From M to Z.
So monogamy, right?
Woman's got to trust the man.
Now, the man has to trust the woman.
How does the man have to trust the woman?
Well, the man has to trust the woman.
I mean, other than, yes, she's got to raise his children well and this, that, and the other, but the man has to trust the woman on two major areas.
Number one.
Number one.
Hey, is that my kid?
That's my kid, right?
That's my kid.
Right?
You're not too timing me.
I'm not sloppy seconds.
We're not.
You know, one of the reasons for the existence of the foreskin is to pull other male semen out of the vaginal canal to make sure that, or to give your little swimmers, your little boys, the best chance of impregnating a woman.
It's a little gross.
Don't get me wrong.
It's kind of like regurgitated leftovers as a meal, but it is one of the reasons why the foreskin exists.
So the man has to be like, okay, that's my kid, right?
That's my kid.
100%.
Okay, good.
Number one.
Number two, women want men who are aggressive.
Not violent, hopefully, but they're pretty assertive.
They're pretty dominant.
They're pretty, you know, they're going to go out and fight with other men and not get their skinny asses handed to them on a silver platter.
So what women have done is they have chosen men with more and more and more testosterone to the point where, what, a men have like 17 times the testosterone that women have.
For me, it's 17.6.
I think I had it measured against Dwayne Johnson.
But anyway, that's a topic for another time.
So women have maxed out on male aggressiveness.
So it's like right before you become a serial killer, let's just back up a little bit from that because serial killer is not very good for the genetics, unless, of course, you're Genghis Khan.
But in the West as a whole, it's like we want maximum male aggressive and assertiveness, except when you just become some psycho killer or just too violent.
What do they call these guys?
Family annihilators.
They just, you know, destroy their whole family, right?
So women have chosen men to be high testosterone.
That means assertive.
That means dominant.
That means aggressive.
And that's good for the genes.
Now, high testosterone tends to come with a high sex drive.
You may have heard of this.
You may, in fact, have experienced it.
You might be experiencing it right now, right now, as I speak on the edge of reason.
Now, men with our, I'm clearly above it all.
Men with our crazy high sex drives, what do we have to trust the woman for?
Well, we have to trust the woman that she's not going to just bang us like Roger Taylor with a gong at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody on stage.
Boy, that's a lengthy analogy.
Sorry about that.
We have to trust that the woman isn't going to have a lot of sex with us until she gets pregnant and then only dole out sex once a month.
Maybe, if she wants another kid.
Because women choose men who are aggressive.
Women choose men who are tied to high testosterone, certainly relative to women.
That comes with a high sex drive.
And it's probably a little hard for women to understand the male sex drive.
If you haven't experienced it, it's a little baffling, a little confusing.
I understand it.
You're sex mad.
No, just a dude.
Just a guy.
Just a guy.
Don't panic.
And we are as women have made us, right?
What's that line from the spinal tap?
The hotel clerk.
I am as God made me, sir.
Well, men are.
We are as women have made us because women generally in the West have chosen men, have chosen to procreate with men or not.
And so the men that they choose, they have chosen to be high testosterone.
So we are male nature is the shadow cast by female choices, which is why it's kind of odd to me that women would have a problem with men.
Like, we are as you have chosen us to be.
And to some degree, the reverse, for sure.
So women have to trust that the man's going to stick around, the man's going to provide resources for the next 65 years, that he's not going to dump her when she gets older, that his fertility is going to outlast hers.
And that's because women died in childbirth, so men needed to have a longer fertility.
And of course, it's a lot easier to produce sperm than it is to grow babies.
So she's also going to say, listen, just, I know it's beneficial to your genes if you have three families, 20, 40, 60, but it's not great for me.
So can we just do this monogamy thing?
So she has to trust he's going to provide, stick around, not run off, not impregnate other women, not, you know, be some crazy drunk who liquors up all of the family income.
And he has to trust her that the sex life is going to continue.
He has to trust her that it's his kid.
And so there's a lot of trust.
Now, what is it that breeds trust?
Consistency.
And what is virtue other than consistently good behavior?
I know that's a little circular, right?
What's virtue?
Well, consistent virtue.
I get that.
But a commitment to honesty, a commitment to honesty is foundational because marriage pair bonding is all based upon vows.
It's based upon promises before God, before society, before community, before the law.
It's all based on promises.
So if a person's going to keep his word, he's probably going to keep his marriage.
If a woman is going to keep her word, she's probably going to keep her marriage.
So honesty, obviously, is the first thing that you need to be loved.
Honesty, of course, I talk about this in my book.
It's free at freedom.com/slash books.
In my book, Real Time Relationships, I talk about this a lot.
That honesty says, and you've heard me do this in if I'm getting annoyed at someone in a debate.
And I don't believe in rising above annoyance.
I don't believe in, oh, just be the bigger person.
Don't get annoyed.
It's like, no, no, annoyance is an important emotion.
Anger is an important emotion.
It doesn't mean you're right, but it means that something is harming your interests.
Now, your interests may be unjust.
I want to win.
And so, you know, but if assuming that your interests are just anger or irritation or annoyance, a very important emotion.
So you've probably heard me say this, you know.
I say, what you're doing is annoying me.
I'm not saying you're objectively annoying.
I'm just saying I'm getting annoyed by what you're doing, right?
That's honesty, right?
I can't say that somebody's objectively annoying.
I can say I'm annoyed.
Making sure that you talk about feeling statements, right?
Rather than judging statements.
Judging statements are false.
You're being annoying is a judgment statement as opposed to I'm annoyed.
That's an honest statement.
And this is something, I don't know, it's all over the place online.
It's also annoying.
I'm sure you've seen it.
Which is, oh, you just can't stand it when so-and-so was successful.
Or, well, you just have a problem with this woman because you're an incel.
Or like, it's just giving people these weird psychological motives, which there's no proof.
Oh, you just can't stand this, other, the other, or you can't handle this.
It's just male fragility.
Can't handle a strong woman.
Love strong men.
So weak women are dangerous.
Weak men are dangerous.
So consistently, possibly behavior, honesty.
Honesty means you can negotiate because you're not blaming, you're not attacking.
Loyalty.
Oh, this is a huge one.
This is a huge one.
I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts on this.
But the moment I found a woman who was not critical, I mean, obviously helpful and she's very virtuous and my wife.
I married her.
How many couples do you know where they don't complain about each other?
How many couples do you know where they consistently praise each other?
She's the best.
He's the greatest.
Never have a negative word to say.
How many people do you know?
How many couples do you know?
It could be friends too, but siblings or even.
But how many relationships do you know where nobody wants to change the other?
Oh, it drives me crazy when he does this.
Or she just is so, you know, she's great.
But I tell you, man, I don't want to change a thing about my wife.
I really don't.
I really don't.
And she doesn't want to change anything about me because acceptance is the key in love, for sure.
I always find it strange.
And I'll stop in a minute or two and love to get your guys' thoughts on all of this.
But I always find it strange when people have been dating for, say, two or three years, and then they spend another year being engaged.
My gosh, it's like watching glacial formations come down the Serengeti, watching people get to marriage.
And they date for a long time.
They get engaged for a long time.
They get married.
And then maybe they wait another year or two before having kids, right?
So let's say three years dating, one year married, two years before kids.
Six years.
Let's say five years.
Let's round it down.
Make it.
I don't want to stack the deck in the story time.
And then they have kids.
So if they start having kids at five, they're almost five years, almost six years.
But again, we'll just round down.
See, five years, they've got kids.
And then they complain.
Oh, she doesn't do this.
Oh, he doesn't do that.
Oh, she doesn't help.
Oh, he's too bossy.
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
She criticizes everything.
It's so bizarre to me.
I've never understood this.
Like from when I was a little kid, I'd hear people yelling.
I lived in these paper-thin wall apartment buildings throughout most of my childhood, all of my childhood, really.
I didn't have an independent dwelling until I was in my mid-late 30s.
Anyway, so I spent a lot of time listening to, inadvertently against my will, often listening to other people fighting, yelling at each other and so on, right?
And I just, I couldn't understand it.
And you'd hear people complaining, oh, my girlfriend does this, my boyfriend does that, my husband does this, my wife does that, so annoying.
And I don't understand it.
It's like you're not insulting anything other than your own choices.
That's all.
To me, it's as incomprehensible as, you know, hey, man, I need a car.
I got to get a car.
Got to get a car.
And, okay, so I've decided to get a car.
And I've test-driven, I don't know, five, ten different cars, maybe 12, 13 different cars.
And then there's one that I think I really like.
Now, what I do is I lease it at a very cheap rate for three years.
And it's a, this is the right car.
This is the car for me.
So after test driving a bunch of different cars, trying them out for a couple of months at a time, and then test driving this car, I've really liked this car.
Then you lease it for three years.
And then you finally like, you know what?
I'm buying the car.
I'm buying the car.
And then for the rest of your life, for the rest of their lives, what do people do?
Man, this car sucks.
Ah, what does this mean?
What is this?
Is this your choice?
You didn't have to buy a car.
You got to test drive a whole bunch of different cars.
You lease this one for three years.
And then when you finally buy it, you complain about it.
Ah, this car, mileage is terrible.
There's no sunroof.
The trunk is too small.
I can never get the right volume on the radio.
It's too hot or it's too cold.
It's not right.
It's your car.
You chose it.
I don't understand.
Is it a domination thing where you get to say, oh, I'm superior to this car?
It's like, but you're not.
It's just your choice.
Your car is there because you chose it.
Your husband, your wife, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, they're in your life.
Because you choose them.
That's it.
That's all.
And to criticize those people is wild.
It's really nuts to me.
You're not criticizing anything other than your own choice.
I mean, what kind of pathological artist spends a year making a sculpture and then says, this is a terrible sculpture.
This is not my sculpture.
This is a sculpture that was imposed upon me.
I can't believe that this terrible sculpture was imposed.
You made it.
You made it.
You had the choice not to carve a structure.
A sculpture.
You had a choice to carve anything you wanted.
This is what you did.
This is what you did.
Your partner is nothing but the shadow cast by your choices, and you are nothing but the shadow cast by your partner's choices.
You criticize your partner.
All I ever hear is, I have, I make bad decisions.
My partner is not right.
My partner is wrong in some manner.
My partner is deficient in some manner.
No, that's your decision making that's deficient in some manner.
Why didn't you choose someone you liked?
Why didn't you choose someone who was good?
Beneficial, positive, helpful.
So loyalty to your partner means don't criticize them.
Oh, yeah, good luck.
And especially, boy, especially being a female.
Good luck being at a stitching bitch, right?
At a hen party.
Good luck.
When you listen to all the women bitch about their husbands.
And another thing, and he never does this, and he always does that.
And he does do the dishwasher correctly.
He doesn't do the laundry correctly.
And he doesn't do this.
He doesn't bother the lawn when I ask him to.
And he sits on his back.
And there's been a hole in the wall of the upstairs bathroom for three years.
And he keeps promising to do it.
And he doesn't do it.
Right?
Good luck being a female and saying, oh, I have no complaints.
I think my husband's great.
I worship him.
He's fantastic.
I have no complaints.
Ooh, you'll get some beady-eyed car stares from the other doll's eyes.
Chicks around.
Ooh, that's bad.
That's bad stuff, man.
So, yeah, how do you fall in love?
Be honest.
Be virtuous.
Love is a form of admiration.
What do we most admire?
Courage.
And particularly moral courage.
I mean, physical courage is okay.
It's fine, but it's not.
I mean, animals display it.
But moral courage in particular, we admire.
So take on some good fights in the world.
Take on some good fights.
In the world, do good.
Stand up for what's right.
I mean, we all know this, right?
And then you will admire yourself.
You'll be admired.
You'll admire your partner, your husband, your wife, if he or she does the same thing.
That's what you should be doing.
That's what you should be doing.
There's no shortcuts.
There's no shortcuts.
So that's how to fall in love.
Be virtuous.
Be consistent.
It doesn't guarantee it.
I mean, if you eat well and exercise, it doesn't guarantee that you'll never really get sick.
But it sure raises the odds that you won't get sick.
And if you do get sick, you'll get better quickly, quicker as a whole.
So those are my thoughts.
I'd love to hear what you have to say on this or any other topic.
If you wish to raise your hands, tell me the pluses and minuses of your own experiences of love.
I've certainly been in relationships where love was not consistent, to put it mildly.
You know, those really frustrating relationships where it's like, it's good.
It's not good.
It's good.
It's okay.
It's bad.
Oh, it's good again.
That kind of stuff.
That's inconsistency, right?
And, you know, it's also a pretty scolding experience when you are loved and you realize just how deficient your other relationships are.
But enough of my syllables.
Jay, what is that?
A hand stamp on the numeric keypad.
You are welcome to speak if you want to unmute.
I'm happy to hear.
Yes, sir.
About the loyalty thing.
I was, you know, dating this girl a couple of years ago.
And yeah, that is kind of huge because she had this guy, this orbiter, who was constantly in her ear trying to get me and her to break up because I quote unquote wasn't a wasn't a good guy.
But yeah, it's interesting.
Just like even having that guy, her little orbiter around was like a serious kind of a red flag for me.
Point being, we moved on.
But my question for you, Steph, is, let's say you're.
We moved on.
What does that mean?
Oh, so I mean, I eventually, the girl, she had, we split up.
We split up.
Not emotionally stable.
She would kind of crash out and she would do it in public.
And so I just could not, I couldn't put up with that.
So the story, when we split, I had some cousins come into town.
I told her, I said, hey, look, I got family in town.
They're flying in tonight.
I'm going to go and see them like 30, 40 minutes from where I live.
And I'll spend some time with them.
And then we can hang out later, go see a movie, whatever the case may be.
Point being, she's like blowing my phone up.
And I'm like, let's call her Angela for the sake of like or name.
I'm like, Angela, like, I told you I'm going to be like with my cousins tonight.
Like, I haven't seen, they're like 20 years older than me.
So they kind of, they're like big, they're like aunts and uncles to me, kind of, right?
So she's blowing my phone up, leaving voicemails, texts, like pretty crazy.
Point being, I tell my cousins, hey, look, I got a split.
Angela's, you know, calling for me or whatever.
I'm going to see if she's okay.
Point being, we go out to a restaurant and she's like being, what's the word, like passive aggressive to me.
And I fundamentally hate passive aggressive, like passive, whatever you call it, right?
And we had already been into like different, like different little altercations prior to verbal altercations.
In the hopes of punishing you for your misbehavior without identifying it directly.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly.
And I'm like, all right, what the heck is going on?
Like, I don't have time for this.
And we had already been in like previous misunderstandings prior.
So this was just like the straw that broke the camel's back.
But how long has been going on at this point?
At this point, I'm going to say maybe close to a year.
Maybe like 12, 13 months.
Yeah.
Wait, but what did your cousin say?
Like, oh, my girlfriend is freaking out.
I've got to go with Comfort Sport.
Wait, what did they say?
They're like, I mean, no, you're young.
Go do your thing.
Go have fun.
Really?
Because they got 20 years on me.
Well, shouldn't they be then saying, girl's crazy, man?
Run.
Yeah, I mean, that's what, I mean, family is a different topic.
Yeah, they should be.
Because probably one of the reasons why she was freaking out is that she was concerned you might be talking about her.
And other people are saying, like, what?
No, that's crazy, man.
Yeah.
No, exactly.
Okay.
So you're at the restaurant, passive aggressive.
Go on.
Yeah.
So, anyways, moving on from that, my question, my concern is that, so as a guy, I'm still in my fertility window.
If I meet a girl who has, who checks off all the boxes that I want, smart intelligence, strength of character, right?
Utility in terms of like adding value to the world, her community, things of that sort.
If I'm kind of in like my peak prime and she's towards the tail end of her fertility window, like touchy subject, but is that something I should pursue?
Or just call it.
How many kids do you want?
Yeah.
I mean, ideally, I'd have three boys, three girls, but I'm willing to settle for two or three kids.
Okay, so three kids, you can't go over 30.
Yeah.
If you want three kids.
I mean, you could try rolling the dice and so on.
But if you start meeting, you meet the girl, even if you say you get married in a year or two and start trying to have kids right away.
She's a year or two away from geriatric pregnancy, and things get pretty dicey up in the mid-high 30s.
Yeah.
And I've seen that happen recently, actually.
Someone close to me, point being they had, you know, some other kids, another partner, kids are fine.
They cross that threshold, and the baby has some neurological issues.
And that's like, I mean, that would kind of really hurt my heart.
It would kill my heart, right?
If my kid had those issues, so it's just tough.
How old are you?
Loaded question: 32.
You're 32?
Yes.
Okay.
So, why are you not married yet?
Do you think?
I know.
I wasn't married at 32.
So I'm not trying to bag on you.
I'm just kind of curious.
Yeah, no, this, I would say, bad mistakes.
I would say mistakes kind of coming up.
And then I would just say, kind of falling into the trap or actively, she was in the trap of like, oh, I need to be making this amount of money.
Got to buy a house first.
I need to be stable first before I do anything.
And then just like also not knowing how to deal with the stress that I was going through prior.
So I would say I definitely passed up a lot of opportunities when I was younger to actually tie them.
Sorry, like work stress or what kind of stress do you mean?
Oh, so no, not work stress.
I had a lot of family stress.
People just pouring stuff on me like in my youth.
And then right after I got out of high school, so I had like, you know, grandmother died.
Somehow it's my responsibility before she died to kind of help take care of her, right?
How long did your mother lost a job?
Your grandmother?
Not too long.
It was kind of, it went by really quick, but it was just really devastating, like six months.
One slip, fall, dementia, kind of went downhill quick.
Why?
But I was like, why was it?
Why was it your job?
Yeah.
So it's not, right?
No, but why don't you consider your job?
Oh, I mean, I'm just kind of the that's a good question.
I'm all so because I would say because I lack the self-esteem or the boundaries, I'm always willing to help as a way to get attention.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
So don't blame yourself.
Okay, let me ask you this, right?
How old were you when you started taking care of your grandmother?
22.
22.
Okay.
Now, your mother and your father, are they both still in your life?
No.
Mother, yes, father, no.
Is that right?
Both no.
Both.
Both no.
Okay.
Were they in your life when you were 22?
I was trying to separate from them.
And I pretty much had kind of separate you well if you were taking care of your grandmother, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay.
So the reason I'm saying that is that I sort of think of my own daughter, she's on the sort of cusp of adulthood and all of that.
And if my, let's say, I was still in touch with my mother and she needed a lot of help or whatever.
I mean, you know why you can't put that on a 22.
Are we back?
Sorry, I just get a call.
Yeah, I can hear you now.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, you know, why you can't put that on a 22-year-old, right?
Yeah, I mean, you completely destroy their chances of trying to start a life and get off the ground.
Yeah, because they got to be out there mixing and mingling because all the good women are getting snapped up, right?
Yes.
I mean, you show up at the end of the auction.
There's usually not anything good left over, right?
You're right.
Right.
So it's selfish for parents to hand over elder care to a young person.
If that makes sense.
Yes, it does.
Okay.
And that's kind of cruel because, you know, in the six months and then, you know, six months to recover and, you know, it's kind of a heavy weight on your soul.
And it's tough to be buoyant and chatty, fun, and charismatic when you've just nursed an elderly woman six months into the grave, right?
That's that's a pretty heavy burden for a young person.
And it's not your burden because it's not your mother, right?
It's your parents.
Was it your mother or mother?
Mother's mom.
Mother's mom.
So my mom was the youngest of all of her, my mother's kids.
And so she was always the closest to her mom.
And so I was my mother's youngest.
And so I was my grandma.
I was closest to my grandmother more than any of her grandkids.
And did your mother sit you down and say, hey, you got to take care of my mother?
No, it definitely wasn't like that.
I just volunteered more so and it was just kind of taken.
And I think the real, kind of back to the original question, that's like I said, that's only six months.
There's definitely recoil.
But I would say also when my mother lost her job when I was in college.
So it kind of all this stuff happened all like back to back to back.
Where I'm like, all right, what the heck is going on?
Like I'm paying for my rent at my place, giving her money.
Right.
And it to answer your question, why I'm not married.
So there was things that, and I'll be careful how I say this.
There were things that I did not, was not disciplined enough to force boundaries when I was young, respectfully, right?
I'm not putting the blame on me if I'm under 18.
But that's kind of what it was.
I didn't have the boundaries to be like, no, leave me the hell alone.
Well, but also it sounds like, and listen, if I'm astray, obviously let me know.
But it sounds like you think that you need to have all your ducks in a row.
You got to have your income, maybe some property, a nice car before you get a woman, right?
Yeah, that's what it was.
And definitely after.
It's not that way.
Yeah, it's not that way.
That arises from a lack of trust in women.
Throughout all of her evolution, all across the world, throughout all of her evolution, women had to marry a man based on his potential for the most part.
I mean, certainly the first round, right?
There's some spinster who's 30 and some guy's wife dies in childbirth and she then, you know, she has some sense of whether he's a provider, but then she's taking care of his kids too.
So that's a different matter.
But most people got married 18, 20, 22.
And the guy didn't have a lot of money.
He may have had some hustle, some get up and go, some oomph, some Zim, some whatever, right?
Entrepreneurial gusto, but she had to marry him based on her evaluation of his potential, if that makes sense.
It does.
And so there's so many men that I've talked to over the last 20 years and they say, well, I can't settle down because I don't have enough money yet.
That's life.
That's our entire history.
That's our evolution as a species, is that the woman has to evaluate the man's potential and then support his ass while he goes and achieves it.
Not, hey, man, I already have all of this stuff.
Because then you're like, hang on, maybe she's just a gold digger.
If a woman grows with you in your wealth and grows with you in your success, man, it's a beautiful thing.
But if you feel like you have to prove it all before you can get a woman's affection, I think that's tough deep down.
Yeah, and I think that's so that's not how it is now.
But I think from coming from, like I said, even when I was in like high school, so tall, good looking dude, deep voice, right?
There were plenty, well, I'll just say there were enough opportunities that I could have capitalized on and at least potentially proposed.
But just for one reason or another, I think out of not being known love as a kid, I thought that the only way to get love was to actually have status, right?
To showcase the status.
You don't trust that a woman is going to see your potential, know your character, and build with you.
You've got to already prove it to her that you have all of this stuff so that she doesn't have to trust you.
Yeah.
And then also adding to that, just, I mean, every, I won't say everyone, but a lot of families have a lot of nonsense going on.
I have to then also be, you know, introduce her to my family because I'm under the impression that when you get married, you also marry that person's family.
And not necessarily.
Okay.
This is my thinking in high school, back in high school.
I'm just saying that my wife has never met my father or my mother.
But anyway, come on.
Yeah.
So coming at that age, I'm like, man, you got to really love me if you want to meet my family.
Like, these are some psychotic people to give you like meat and potatoes.
My dad came to beat me up at the park when I was 14.
Right.
Pretty embarrassing.
Sorry.
Well, hang on.
He came to beat you up at the park?
Yeah.
So point being, he had came by me and my mom's place.
Somehow he thought you disrespected me.
Like he thought I said something to him.
And then I went off, rode my bike to the park, and then he pulled up to the park, right?
Had me in tears.
I'm all embarrassed in front of my friends.
I might have been 15, actually.
Not super relevant.
Yeah, go ahead.
Yeah.
But I mean, I just remember being like, Jesus, like, you like, I hate your guts.
Like, if I can't get off the ground.
And he really did beat you up.
I'm so sorry.
I mean, it wasn't.
Yeah.
I mean, it wasn't like a clear beatdown, but I took a couple lumps and I'm crying in front of my friends and whatnot.
Cause we played basketball at the park.
We played football, be at the teen center, right?
But yeah, so it's just thankfully, I feel like, well, hold on, backtrack.
I feel as if my family would intentionally try to sabotage my attempts or like my, I guess, my talent, right?
Because I've been like athletic since I was like young.
And then I was also smart.
I was a straight A student up until like the seventh grade.
Maybe sixth grade.
So I'm getting B's then.
And so I went to play football, like the youth football for the city.
I'm playing running back, right?
First, I don't start, and then I start.
Then I start playing defensive end, right?
So I can play both sides of the field in American football.
Not like the regular football.
But anyways, so I go into high school football.
And so now we have to, there's more money that has to come out of pocket.
I go through summer camp, hell week, but you need to pay a hundred bucks for the uniform.
Oh, my dad.
Hey, Dad, I need 100 bucks in my uniform.
Nope, I don't got it.
And I'm like, how the, like, how do you not have it?
Like, I don't even live with you.
You don't give me anything.
It's $100.
So give me the team's like the school uniform.
I'll be one of every, I'll be like the other kids.
Point being, I go through all of the summer without the uniform, right?
My freshman year in high school.
And I'm like, damn, all the other kids scurried up $100.
They're all matching.
And I'm the oddball out.
And I know half of these guys from the football team in the city.
So I have some grace.
Right.
It's like, okay, you know, he's still cool.
He's still, you know, he's still fast.
Not a big problem.
But yeah, I just had my siblings.
They're kind of rambling.
Point being, I got ganked off the football team for my older brother.
And then it was like, well, if I can't do football, can I do like ASB, like student government?
Nope, can't do that.
And I gave some girl my phone number like the second day of school.
She called my house.
My mom picked up.
She was all mad.
And you're not having no girls over here.
It was crazy.
So to answer your question initially, and this was my thoughts as a teenager, I thought I had to be at a certain level financially before I took anyone serious.
And then I had a bunch of crap happen in my early 20s that kind of really bottomed me out.
And then I just had to heal from that.
But yeah, I got back dating and all that.
So right now, looking for Mrs. Wright at this point.
Next to you, by the way.
And I appreciate that story because I think it highlights something that it's not a rebel.
This is good, honest stuff.
But it does highlight a huge problem in society that's kind of under discussed, which is that if your parents are failures, odds are they're just going to sabotage you.
And that's tragically common.
And it's not just about family.
If your friends are failures, odds are they're going to sabotage you.
If your brothers, if you know, and particularly your parents, if you're struggling to succeed in something in life that your parents failed at, I don't know what the odds are, but they're pretty high.
I would say seven, eight times out of 10.
They're just going to sabotage you.
My parents had a miserable marriage.
And I've talked to lots of people whose parents had miserable marriages and they themselves have miserable marriages and their parents aren't sitting them down and saying, hey, this is where we went wrong.
Here's what you got to watch out for.
And, you know, Godspeed, right?
I mean, if I had created some business, right?
I started some business and worked at it for 10 years and then it really orgered in and it went bankrupt.
And the reason that most businesses go bankrupt is cash flow, where cash flow is king, right?
You got to have the money to pay the bills, even though you get paid intermittently.
Some companies are like 30, 60, 90 day pay, and you got your payroll every two weeks and your bills every month.
So let's say my daughter was starting a business and I knew from bitter personal experience that cash flow is everything.
And that's the number one reason my businesses go bankrupt.
And let's say I see her taking on a lot of obligations.
And the way you deal with cash flow is you've got to get a secured line of credit from a lending institution, usually a bank or something like that, where you can say, look, here's my payables, but they're not coming in for two months, but it's a lot of money.
I just need bridge financing or bridge money to cover my payroll.
And so then you got to have your line of credit as a business.
Now, if my daughter was starting a business and I saw her running up all these expenses and I also knew that her customers were going to be paying her 30, 60, 90 days down the road, and I didn't say anything, I would be actively sabotaging her business.
It's horrible.
It's a horrible aspect of human life, but it is a very, very real and dangerous aspect of human life.
So my parents never gave me any relationship advice at all.
Not one bit.
They didn't even say, look, here's the mistakes that we made.
Here's how you can avoid the bad things that happen to us.
Because, you know, we recognize that by having a bad marriage and by breaking up early.
I mean, I was a baby when they split up.
You know, you got a bad template.
And so here's how I'm going to help you overcome that bad template.
I never got any relationship advice from my parents.
I never got any good relationship advice from my friends or my brother or anything like that.
And that's really important.
People who have bitter experience and don't give you good advice are sabotaging you.
They're just rooting for you to fail so they don't feel so singular.
And when people in their failures, and when people have crossed over, when people have really crossed over into they really can't be a success anymore because it's too late.
Ooh, very, very toxic.
Very toxic.
All right.
Is there anything else that you wanted to mention about this?
Yeah, I would say, ironically, my dad sent me a text.
This was maybe a week ago.
Saying the biggest thing.
And my dad did what?
He sent me a text, like a text.
I sent you a text.
Okay.
Yeah.
So he said, oh, the biggest thing of my life is that I don't have you in my life.
And I thought about that and I started to respond and say, if you want to make amends, one, you could have gave me the Mustang GT.
It was a 1971 Boss 351.
You could have gave me that car instead of selling it.
And you could have given me a house.
Because my dad actually made solid money compared for the other people his age at that time.
But yeah, no, he hit me up and I did not respond.
I said, you know what?
I'm going to ignore you and I'm going to let you wallow in that pain because I've kind of, you know, I've had some sort of success for myself now.
And now you want to come back.
Too late.
The die has been cast.
Bridge has been burnt.
We're good here.
That's all.
You're on mute, Steph.
I don't know if you.
Why is it you might you want something that's monetary?
There we go.
Are we back?
Yes.
Hello, hello.
We're back.
Okay.
Yeah, there's nothing like success to bring people around.
Like, hey, we haven't talked in a while, but I hear Bitcoin is up.
Well, we wouldn't hear that this week, but you'd hear it as a whole.
And that's really rough.
I love that Meme is like, buy the dip.
It's like, it's the fifth dip this week.
All right.
Is there anything else you wanted to mention?
And listen, best of luck.
So do you want to, just in case there are people listening here who want to get in touch with you as a fine young 32-year-old man who's got self-knowledge and wisdom and listens to philosophy, do you want to hand out your X handle so people can message you?
Fine young ladies can message you if they're interested.
Sure.
Yeah.
This is kind of like an old profile I made back in the day, but it's just JJ235356 at Twitter.
I made this thing a long time ago.
Okay, no, no problem at all.
So just give it one more time.
JJ23356.
And I obviously can't, I can't vet everyone, but I will say this, that listeners to this show tend to make fantastic husbands.
There have been quite a lot of marriages that have come out of what it is that I do.
And because they're wise and intelligent and good communicators and have self-knowledge, they tend to be truly, truly excellent, excellent communicators and really, really good husbands.
And of course, the peaceful parenting thing, they tend to be really good fathers as well.
So ladies, give him a shout, give him a poke.
You could do a lot worse.
And I dare say you probably couldn't do much better.
So.
All right.
Well, thank you very much.
I appreciate that.
A very interesting story.
And watch out.
Watch out for the saboteurs, man.
But people, I mean, if they're success, if they're successful, they should be giving you.
They should be giving you their methodology for how they became successful.
They should be helping you with that, right?
If they're not successful, then they should be warning you about the mistakes they made so you don't reproduce them.
That's sort of the basics of how to be a good communicator and a person who cares about others, right?
So if you've got people in your life, man, either they succeeded, they should be helping you with their success or they failed and they should be warning you about their failures.
If they're not doing either, it's kind of active sabotage.
I've used this very, I say, oh, well, they're not doing anything.
It's like, well, yeah, but that's pretty important.
I mean, if you're drowning and some guy is a trained lifeguard and he doesn't come in to help you, well, he's not doing anything.
It's like, yeah, he's making you drown.
He's not helping you.
Expect help from the people in your life and accept nothing less.
So, all right.
Tyler, sorry, you're still, I wasn't sure if you were just from earlier where we were doing the mic test.
If you wanted to, I'm you're going to see.
I just, it's very, I'm 32 too and have similar, you know, an AC score of nine.
I don't know if you read my email from a couple of days ago, but I am running for governor in New York State and I've got issues with saboteurs.
I'm a whistleblower against a $40 billion company that was stealing money that was supposed to be building housing for poor people.
And that was two years ago, in which I went public in a way that I could without getting sued.
But they've come after me for two years in different ways.
It's just crazy to hear another 32-year-old guy that, you know, made mistakes, relationship.
I was in foster care at seven years old.
Oh, gosh.
I'm sorry about that.
I've suffered every form of abuse, you know, in AC.
If anybody's familiar with an AC's AC score of nine, that's pretty bad.
Yeah, that's one short of max.
So sorry about that.
That's very tough.
Yeah, it was very tough.
I did get lucky and get into a Christian foster home at a young age.
And that probably saved my life.
But I still have the damage of not being able to socialize properly because of all the moving around in different foster homes and, you know, five different high schools and all of that stuff.
So well, I'm done.
Sorry about that.
What has your dating history been so far?
All my relationships have been pretty long usually, a year or two.
My last relationship was seven and a half years, eight years.
It was, I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but she was not a very nice person.
I'm an empath and she definitely fed off me for a long time.
Sorry, she died?
No, no, no, no.
She's dead to me.
No, she was at least narcissist presenting.
I don't want to diagnose her because I'm not a professional.
And you were, so you were together with her for over seven years?
Yes.
Was that consistent or on and off?
So we broke up probably like seven or eight times, but it was always me breaking up with her.
She never broke up with me once.
Okay.
But it was short, short-term, very short-term breakup.
Was it that drew you back in?
I think it was just laziness, honestly.
Like it was like I was already comfortable with it, you know?
Does that make sense?
No.
So usually guys go back to bad girls for two reasons.
One is horniness, and the other is that was nice.
Yeah, that was definitely part of that.
That was definitely part of it.
The other is compliance with female desires, right?
Oh, I really, I miss you.
I can't go on without you.
It's like, okay, I'll comply, right?
Because men are kind of programmed to please women because we obviously had the choice when it came to survival in the West.
So yeah, it's usually horniness or excessive empathy.
Well, I will admit there was a buffet of that, and you're probably right.
Or you're right.
Right.
So it's not so much your personal laziness as it was the extreme unlaziness of your penis that probably threw you back in.
Right.
That's the fish hook within which you are reeled back into the dysfunction.
Correct.
And what was the final straw?
What got you out for good?
It just, it got to the point where I couldn't like emotionally do it anymore.
And we still live together, but it be like I started sleeping in a different room.
And the communication was like, I just, I just couldn't maintain the relationship anymore.
There was just so many things that she did that just broke everything down.
And how long did you live with her in a roommate sort of scenario?
Probably three, four years.
What?
Yeah.
Bro, that's like the worst breakup I've ever heard of.
Yeah, I was chicken shit.
This is like breaking up.
Well, I broke up with my Siamese twin.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, I will say after her, I've been single for two and a half years now.
No, no relationship.
Or I had one girlfriend for a very short period of time, but because of the whistleblower stuff, it's been kind of, you know, not safe, so to speak.
Right, right.
But I did date a girl for about a month or two in Pennsylvania.
So I felt safe dating her because she was far away.
But it went well.
I just, I didn't, I didn't love her.
What do you mean you felt safe dating her because she's far away?
Do you view women as radioactive?
No, no, no.
If you hazmat suit, you're going to get irradiated balls or something.
What's that?
No, because of the powerful interests that I've went against, there's danger, if that makes sense.
Right.
Right.
Like, for example, the week that I was starting to ask questions about, you know, money being there that wasn't supposed to be there, I was told to make sure, you know, I hope your carbon monoxide detectors are working and stuff like that.
So it was.
Okay.
Well, and what is it that you're looking for now?
Well, I'm going to run for governor.
No, but I mean, in terms of dating.
I'd like to get married very quickly.
I'm ready.
I'm more ready than I ever have been.
That's for sure.
Okay.
And did you want to hand out your vital statistics in case anybody else wants to contact you about this?
Yeah, TY7193.
That's all it is.
TY7193.
All right.
Well, best of luck.
And I hope the whistleblower stuff works out.
That's a tough gig to take on, especially if you're not paid.
All right.
Jetty the Jetty.
If you want to unmute, I'm happy to hear what you have to say.
Yes, sir.
We're going once, going twice.
Hello, hello.
Yes.
Hello.
Hello.
He came and went.
He came and went.
I'll just give him another second.
You're muted at the moment, so you need to unmute.
Let me just unmute you.
Sorry, I tried to unmute you and I think I may have muted you.
So if you can unmute.
All right.
I think we may have lost it.
All right.
Well, I'll stop here then.
If nobody else has anything else to chat about, I appreciate you guys dropping by.
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I would appreciate that and look forward to our conversations.
And thank you, thank you, thank you so much for being part of the conversation today.
It is a genuine deep and beautiful pleasure to talk about philosophy with y'all.
Uh-oh.
No, no, I think we did be told.
Yeah, we did.
All right.
So have yourself a beautiful night and we will talk to you if you're donors tomorrow at 11 a.m.
And lots of love from up here, my friends.
I'll talk to you soon.
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