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July 13, 2025 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
01:15:31
How to Tame Your Inner Critic! CALL IN SHOW
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Hi there, this is Stefan Molyneux.
Just wanted to give you a little bit of background for this conversation.
There was a live stream where this caller presented a woman that he went on a date with as a lovely person, and then we found out over the course of the live stream that she was, well, I said real issues and problems and dysfunctions, as you'll sort of hear about in the call.
So I wanted to sort of explore why he would introduce a woman with a lot of problems as a lovely person.
And we agreed to have a call-in about it, which was great and I think very instructive.
So that's the background for this call.
And here we go.
Okay, so good to chat.
I guess this is coming off the live stream.
So tell me about the lady.
Yeah, so I had met her at a dance on the one Saturday.
And just by chance, you know, we both needed a partner to dance with.
So as is the procedure there, we both put our hand up.
We both saw each other, started dancing.
And I liked dancing with her.
And she seemed nice.
And I don't quite always go and ask for a partner.
So this time I decided, hey, you know, I like dancing with you.
If you'd like to keep dancing.
I'm sorry.
I'm getting quite a bit of rustling or crinkling from your microphone.
Oh, sorry.
Is this any better?
I just, yeah, try and hold still while you're talking, but go ahead.
Okay.
Gotcha.
And so, yeah, I asked her if she wanted to keep dancing throughout the night, and she agreed.
She was there alone, so she sat beside me.
We chatted throughout the night and kept doing some dancing.
At the end of the night, I decided to ask for a number.
And yeah, with what she shared that evening, I was a little suspicious, but not overly so.
And so we started texting throughout the week.
And my alarm bells started ringing a bit more with what she was sharing.
One of the first ones is the fact that she was dating somebody 25 years older than her, like eight years, which is like, holy shit.
Sorry, she was dating someone who was 25 years older than her and she'd been dating him for eight years.
Yes.
She started at 27 and it ended at when she was 35.
Oh, so it was over.
Yes.
So she had been dating, not she was currently.
Okay, got it.
Okay.
Yeah, had been.
Yes.
And yeah, this is ever since I started looking for a girlfriend about two or three months ago.
This is the first one I actually got her phone number.
We've been chatting.
I've had a couple of chats, more than a few on dating apps that haven't really led anywhere.
So I asked this woman if she wanted to go on a date the following Saturday, go for a hike or a dinner or something.
And she agreed.
And with what she was sharing over text, I pushed back on it a lot.
I said that, you know, this probably isn't something we should be talking about over text.
And I also kind of suspected that she wasn't going to be the woman for me.
And besides from the fact that she was 38, and yeah, that Saturday, I'm 29.
Okay.
And that Saturday, it confirmed pretty much everything I suspected that she was quite a mess.
Between all the men she was dating, most of which were just friends with benefits.
Wait, so the men she was currently dating?
Well, she just broke up with one.
Not the one who was single.
She was single?
No.
Yeah.
There was a lot.
It was hard for me to keep up with, but she had this revolving door of men at all times, it seemed.
And I suspected that maybe somewhere along the line, she had an abortion or a miscarriage, which was true.
She did have an abortion because she was dating this guy who was not really dating.
It was a friend with benefits.
And she got pregnant from him at the age of like 36.
And that relationship, of course, didn't work out.
And so she got an abortion from that.
And yeah, just all across the board.
I don't know if you really need too much detail, but yeah, absolute mess.
And I was pointing out that a lot of her adult dysfunctions were likely a one-to-one correlation with what she went through as a kid because she had significantly older brothers that were molesting her starting at the age of four.
And she told you this when?
On the Saturday.
And on the Saturday, you got to break it down for me a little bit more.
You met her on which day?
The Saturday we went to a dance.
So the first Saturday.
And the following Saturday is when we went on the hike.
And it was on the hike that she said she was molested by her early brothers.
Okay.
So on your first date?
Yes.
Okay.
Got it.
First and last.
Yes.
Okay.
And yeah, it was that Sunday morning after the hike date that I shared what I did in the live stream and we had our chat there.
And yeah, looking back on that live stream when I originally said she was a lovely woman, like, yeah, I could see where you're coming from because I was not familiar with the term superficial charm, but that's exactly what it was.
Like she was an absolute mess, but she came across as very peppy and fun to be around.
And she definitely was not.
So she definitely was not fun to be around?
No, sorry.
Like underneath, like she was just not a good person.
She just came across as friendly and fun, but she really was a mess.
Okay, so hang on, it's very confusing to me.
So we have fun, not fun.
We have seemingly together, but a mess.
And then you also mentioned she was not a good person.
And these are three very different categories.
And I'm getting a little dizzy trying to navigate between them all.
Right.
Okay.
Let me clarify that for you.
So, when I met her and we first started chatting, even through text, I found her fun, enjoyable to be around.
Sorry, did you not meet her at the dance?
Yes.
Okay, so you met her at the dance, and now you throw in the texting, which is after, right?
You've got to give me a timeline that makes sense.
This is jumping all over the place.
All right, sorry.
Yeah, so the Saturday.
The only reason you were texting her is because you enjoyed her physical presence at the dance, right?
Yes.
Okay.
Yes.
And throughout that week, right after I met her on a Saturday, that's when we were texting.
And yeah, I was enjoying talking to her, getting to know her a bit, seeing a lot of her art, which is really fantastic.
And the more we started texting throughout that week leading up to the following Saturday where we went on the hike, that's when I started to realize that her friendly demeanor was more of a superficial charm and she actually was a bit of a mess as a person.
Okay, so again, the language is confusing to me.
You said she was a real mess and a bad person.
Now you're saying she's a bit of a mess.
It's again, it's very confusing to follow what you're saying.
Was she just a bit of a mess?
No, I take that back.
Okay, so please, I'd love to have this conversation, but I feel like I'm just being dragged around randomly by, because I'm listening with great attentiveness, right?
Yes.
And so if you said she talked about having been molested by her brothers on the first date you had, and then you said she was a bit of a mess.
Well, I mean, I don't know.
Aren't we all a bit of a mess?
I mean, that's not a it's very confusing.
And I'm trying to figure out why this confusion is happening.
Yeah.
Because it's similar to the confusion that happened on the live stream where you said, you know, she was a lovely woman and then it turned out she had all these major dysfunctions and so on.
So help me understand what's going on in your head because I don't feel I can go on with the story of what happened with this woman until I know why we're bouncing around like pinballs in the various descriptors in your head.
So what do you think is going on in your head?
Because we've got, you know, not fun, not fun, functional, not functional, good, immoral, and now little bit of a, a bit of a mess.
So there's all of these categories that are floating around.
And what do you think is going on in your mind that it's kind of impenetrable from the outside to figure out what you're thinking is?
And it's not a criticism.
I'm just curious.
No, I appreciate that.
What's going on in my head is a good way to put this.
It's a transition of seeing her as what I thought was a friendly person.
And the more I got to know her, the more dysfunctional I realized she was.
And it wasn't like a like she said one thing and then it was, it switched right over to she was fun to be around to being dysfunctional.
It was a slow transition throughout the week that I knew her.
And on the Saturday is when it really started to unravel when we were actually talking in person again.
I hope that clarifies it a bit.
Like it was.
Okay, so sorry, let me just interrupt.
I think if I understand what's happening correctly, you are reporting you are reporting your timeline of getting to know her and you're jumping into different places in the timeline.
Yes.
So when you first met her, she seems fun.
On the Saturday of the hike, she seemed really dysfunctional.
Earlier in the week, maybe you thought she was a bit of a mess.
So is it the case that, let's say you start with...
That's really kind of distracting.
So you went from, let's say, plus five to minus 10, or plus 10 to minus 10.
really liked her and then I think after the hike on Saturday you saw things as Thank you.
Are you touching your mic?
Are you moving around?
Nope.
I'm not moving at all.
Okay, sorry.
Again, that's just maybe just check your connection with your mic.
Just make sure it's insolid.
So you went from plus 10 to minus 10 over the course of the week.
And I think what's confusing to me is you keep jumping into various times on the timeline with the plus 10 to the minus 10.
Yes.
Okay, so that's confusing.
Yeah, I think that's confusing from the outside, if that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
No, no, it's not Saturday to the Sunday.
Yeah, it's totally fine.
So when you said on the live stream, she was a lovely person, that was your plus 10 when you first met her, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, and then thinking she's a little bit messed up was probably at some point in the text, in the texting over the week, right?
Yes.
And then when we met again in person the following Saturday, I'm like, oh dear, this person's a well, but you met up with her because she was still on the plus side, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Okay, so when we were sorry, yeah, you had some, so maybe it was like a plus three or a plus four.
I mean, I assume it wasn't a negative, otherwise you wouldn't have met up with her for the hike, right?
Yes.
And how long was the hike?
Four hours.
So then I went to her place after when the sun started to go down for about an hour.
Oh, okay.
So it's a long hike, man.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
So you met up with her.
What was your number?
Sort of plus to minus to plus 10, super enthusiastic, minus 10.
Don't want to talk to her again.
What was your number over the course of the week when you decided to meet up with her for a four-hour hike?
I'd say plus seven.
Plus seven.
Okay.
So there really wasn't much that was going on over the course of the week that gave you much alarm, right?
Yeah, just little bits here and there.
Okay, got it, got it.
So plus seven, and then over the course of the hike, where did your number settle?
It went right off as it rate to like a minus seven.
Okay, and over what time period of the four-hour hike?
Roughly, I mean, I know it's it's a complicated question, but just roughly.
Yeah, it was a slow drain the whole time.
Like every like 20 minutes, it was down a point.
Okay, got it.
So then why did you go to her place?
Well, I wanted to keep talk with her a little bit more.
And we finished the hike.
There didn't really seem to be anywhere else to go to.
Yeah, like her place was so far from what were you at at the, what was your number at the end of the hike?
At the end of the hike, I would say probably a minus five.
A minus five, okay.
So again, just out of curiosity, why did you want to continue talking to her if you'd gone from a plus seven to a minus five, which is a spread of 12 over the course of the hike?
Why did you want to keep and you know, again, it's no criticism.
I'm just curious.
Why would you want to keep talking to her?
Well, you're hoping to recover the number?
Yeah, exactly.
I was hoping to take that minus five and bring it back into the positive.
Okay.
And what was the mechanism by which you thought you might be able to do that?
To try and imitate Colin's show like you do and try to help her puzzle things out.
And which I knew at the time was a pretty much slim to none chance, but I was already there.
It took me an hour and a bit drive to go to her place to begin with.
So I figured, you know, I'm already here.
I might as well at least give it a try.
And yeah, I suspected it wasn't going to work, but I figured I'd try anyway.
Okay, so the goal was to give her huge injections of psychic healing over the course of spending some time at her house after the hike?
Yes.
Okay, tell me you're thinking about that.
Well, I've spent so much time either in therapy, listening to your shows, reading books on psychology, self-help, all that stuff.
I thought I may have a chance of it.
And if not, I'll just do it.
I thought.
Sorry, your microphone is making some very loud and difficult noises.
Okay, so when you went to her house, was that with the intention of trying to give her some self-knowledge and rescue her from the dysfunction?
Yes.
And was that with the goal of continuing to date her?
Or was it sort of like a charity thing?
I'm going to throw some self-knowledge your way and bail?
Yeah, it was the charity thing because even if she did take it in and start working on herself, it seemed highly unlikely it would even be a match anyway because that would take probably a couple of years and then she'd still need to get a better living condition, get a job.
And yeah, it was a charity thing because it wasn't going to work between us.
There was no way.
Okay, sorry.
So her living situation was bad?
Yeah.
And she didn't have a job?
No, she didn't.
Do you know what she lived on?
What does she live on?
I think it's just a charity of her family.
I never asked.
She never said.
I just assume that she's just living for free with either her parents or her brothers.
Okay.
She goes between them all.
Oh, so she just kind of bungees between various family members?
Yeah.
Okay.
And when, over the course of the week, did you find out that she was unemployed and, I mean, relatively homeless?
Um...
Thank you.
I think it was the Thursday when I gave her a call.
I mean, I suspected it because, you know, she was saying we were texting throughout the week and she would say at like at noon that she was going out hanging out with a friend.
I'm like, yeah, shouldn't you be working?
Right, right.
And what are you doing buying plants at one o'clock in the afternoon?
Well, and with what money?
Yeah, exactly.
I mean, it could also be that I'm not saying it's true, but it could be the case that her boyfriends were giving her money to.
Yeah, I think that's quite likely.
Okay.
Which was also very interesting because on a Saturday, she was really upset about some of her exes referring to her as just a whole or a prostitute.
Yet that's kind of what she was in a way.
I'm sorry, what?
Yeah, she had some exes or friends with benefits that would berate her, tell her to kill herself, and call her nothing but a whole and like, oh dear.
Which is another.
Sorry, did you learn this on the hike?
Towards the end of the hike.
But yeah.
And she went into more detail when we were at her place.
Okay.
So this is the woman you introduced on the live stream as a lovely person.
Yes.
Okay.
So why?
Well, to kind of circle back to our early part of the conversation, like when I met her, I thought she was lovely.
The more I got to know her, the more I realized how dysfunctional she was.
That's why I went about that in the live stream.
That was my thought process behind her.
Well, no, but you introduced her as a lovely person.
Yeah, right.
Even after I knew her.
Right.
So help me understand that there's a reason for that because it's very confusing to others.
And how can a lovely person have all of these negative characteristics, right?
Yeah, that's interesting because that was my thought process behind it during the live stream.
Sorry, what was your thought process behind it?
I don't know what you're talking about.
That when I first met her, I thought she was lovely.
The more I got to know her, the more I realized how dysfunctional she was.
Okay.
And she's dating some pretty negative and dangerous men, right?
If they're referring to her as a prostitute and a whole, and right, that's really dangerous and destructive, right?
Yeah, it's a bit of an understatement, but yeah, for sure.
So why would you introduce her as a lovely person?
And again, this is not some big criticism, but I'm really curious.
What's the purpose behind that?
Because you knew better by then, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So that's the, because it, and you're doing that in a community of people who are, you know, trying to scan for good and bad actors and all of that.
And so how can a lovely person have all of these dysfunctions?
So it is misleading to the community as a whole.
And again, I'm not saying you had any nefarious intent, but I'm just, I'm curious why you would put that on her, like that nomenclature.
Why would you describe her that way?
Well, you had said during that live stream that it may have been like an unconscious cry for help.
And I think that may have been the case because like having really trying to think about my intentions at the time, it could have been me trying to camouflage this woman and pass her off as a good person when she wasn't.
Yeah, I think it probably has something to do with trying to explain or reason to yourself why, after you had all of these red flags over the course of the week in the texting and the phone calls, why you went on a four-hour hike with her.
Yeah.
So why did you go?
I mean, so you had red flags over the course of the week, right?
Yes.
And you avoided, like when she said she's going to go buy plants in the middle of the day, you avoided asking what she did for a living, right?
Yeah, at least till later on in the week.
But yeah, at the time I avoided it.
Okay.
So later on in the week, you asked her what she did for a living and when she said, I'm unemployed?
Yes.
Well, yes, but she said she was taking time off work for herself, like fix herself kind of thing.
Okay.
And you don't have to tell me what she did, but did you ask her what she did for a living?
She did a bunch of mixed jobs here and there, waitress, worked at a call center.
She worked briefly for one of her exes, the one that was 25 years older than her.
Yeah, just mixed jobs here and there.
Nothing dedicated.
Which, you know, by your late 30s is kind of a mess, right?
Yeah.
So why did you go on the hike?
Well, in addition to what I said earlier about maybe there was a chance, this was also the first date I've been on in like 10 years.
So there's a certain vanity aspect to it.
Because she was pretty age army.
Well, yeah.
And, you know, the fact that I went on a date, it felt good.
My therapist was happy for me, despite the fact that her and I both knew, my therapist, that is, that it wasn't going to work out.
And it could just be seen as like training for when a decent woman comes along.
And how did you leave things after the hour at her place?
I just kind of like, hey, I got to go and gave her a hug, wished her luck and just left.
And you haven't been in contact since, is that right?
Well, the Sunday after was, you know, Star Wars Day.
And so I sent her, you know, May the 4th, be with you.
She sent me a nice little gif after.
And that was the last we spoke.
Okay.
We did have plans to go to a different dance tonight, but yeah, that's not going to happen.
I'm not either of you have been into this one.
No.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
So by the time, sorry, that was the Saturday.
You texted on the Sunday.
And when did you mention all of this on the live stream?
That was the following Sunday after our hike.
Okay, got it.
Got it.
Okay.
So the purpose of saying she was a lovely person as opposed to I thought she was a lovely person, turns out there was a lot of dysfunction and so on.
The purpose of saying she was a lovely person is, was it to because, you know, in terms of self-knowledge and it was a falsehood, right?
You knew much better by then.
So why would you put a falsehood forward in a community dedicated to honesty?
And again, I know this sounds like some finger-wagging, nagging thing.
I don't mean it that way.
But why would you put forward a very confusing falsehood in a community really focused on self-knowledge and honesty?
I think one of my hopes from that was to get a bit of praise, the fact that I actually went on a date.
Because that's what I did to an extent with my therapist and some of my friends.
Oh, your therapist and your friends praised you for going on a date.
Yes, but I also did give the caveat that she was not a good woman and it wasn't going to work out between us.
Yes, but that was a little bit of a mixer's out there.
Yeah, that was a little further down in the text, if I remember rightly.
Yeah.
Yeah, if I recall correctly, when I originally sent you the message on the live stream, I did it in two paragraphs because I couldn't just the character limit kind of thing.
And yeah, it was the second paragraph that I went into, like, yeah, she's really not a good person.
Lots of dysfunctions.
What would you do in this situation?
Right.
So you introduced her as a lovely person, and then you said she's not a good person.
Yeah.
Now, you were expecting to get praise, but you didn't, right?
No.
I mean, not that you got any kind of condemnation or anything like that, but you didn't get praise.
So then my question is, why did you think that misleading the community would get you praise?
I love you.
*fart noise* Probably because I do that with myself so often.
What do you mean?
That I might say to myself that doing a certain activity or joining certain groups would be good for me.
Amin.
Thank you.
No, that's not the same category, though.
So saying, I don't know, I go and join a gardening group or a pottery group or a pickleball group might be good for you.
That's not a falsehood.
I mean, it could be that case, right?
Yeah.
But introducing a highly dysfunctional and, as you say, immoral woman as a lovely person, that's not the same category, right?
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
I mean, the answer is kind of like on the tip of my tongue somewhere.
It's a little buried, actually, not quite on the tip of my tongue, but it's something along the lines of, well, I lie and falsify to myself and it works.
So it'll probably work in the community too.
Okay, so, but what do you lie and falsify about to yourself?
I mean, joining a group that might be good for you is not that, right?
Unless it's some kind of criminal gang, which I know it's not, right?
So what do you do with yourself that involves this kind of falsification?
Well, I can't think of an example at the moment.
There's probably one in there somewhere, or probably a couple of them.
So you have to have a dedication to truth.
And that's very lax sometimes, I think, with you.
And again, it's not a criticism, but I think you do things for the sake of impression or, oh, you know, she was lovely, like I'm being a nice guy or, you know, but that's not having the same real dedication to just being honest.
And again, this is a live stream.
I'm not trying to say this is some foundational issue in your life.
I don't know.
But in terms of a commitment to just telling the truth, gritting your teeth and being honest, I think that's not as strong a muscle as it could be.
Now, I mean, this is true for all of us, so I'm not trying to single you out here.
But I think you just kind of typed unconsciously, oh, like she was a lovely person, like you're being positive and trying to put your best foot forward and so on.
But that's not a really rigorous dedication to honesty.
Right.
And there are two things I want to add on to that.
Not only my dedication to truth and honesty, but my dedication to other things as a whole.
Like I've been working out pretty solidly for maybe about two years now, but I also know I hold back.
Like there'd be times where I don't do enough of a workout, but I'll pat myself on the back.
Like, oh, I did a workout.
Right.
Or I'll do like a two paragraph journal entry when I know I have a lot more to write about.
And I'll be like, okay, well, I did a good job.
I did the journal entry.
So, which is, yeah, like it's the same pattern there.
Like I'm not as dedicated to truth, but I am to a minor degree.
And with like a lot of the other self-knowledge and improvement stuff, like I'm one foot in, one foot out.
And it's also a pattern I've seen with my parents too, although I'm a lot better at it because they'll, my parents would have like, like my father would have a project that he wants to do and he'll do it for like a day or two and he'll sit on it for like a year.
I'm a lot better on that.
Like I have a dedication to working out.
And like I said, I do it, but not as much as I should.
Does this make sense to you, Steph?
Well, I mean, I'm not sure how much you should, but if you pat yourself on the back for things that you haven't achieved, like a thorough journal entry or a good workout or something like that, then the question is why?
You say, oh, my father had these projects, but why would you not say, yeah, I could do a better journal entry, but I'm not going to at the moment.
Right.
Well, I think it's what you said about like two or three minutes ago, that it's the appearance.
This is in your own mind.
What appearance is there?
I mean, you do in a journal entry.
I mean, it's not like other people read it or you send it in for review, I assume.
So that's not an appearance thing.
When it comes to these things, I do tend to brag about it.
Like my workouts or self-knowledge and journal entry, my reading, et cetera, et cetera.
You brag about it too.
Oh, yeah.
You know, it could be friends, could be potential dates.
Oh, yeah, I like to read and journal and exercise.
Okay, but that's true, right?
Yeah.
Okay, so yeah, it is, but like I also know that I'm going easy on myself when it comes to these things.
Okay, so why are you going easy on yourself?
Which is just a kind of dishonesty, right?
Yeah, it is.
And well, my initial thoughts is because it's kind of hard to do.
I know there's probably more than that, but well, the issue isn't that you do a brief journal entry, right?
That's not the issue.
The issue isn't that you do a light workout or whatever, right?
What's the issue?
I don't have a dedication to truth and honesty.
Well, that you gaslight yourself about what you've done, right?
Right.
Right?
Like, I used to sometimes write for three or four hours or three hours.
And, you know, yesterday I wrote for like a little over an hour.
I wrote like 1,200 words, right?
Now, that's not a big writing day, right?
Yeah.
But I'm not going to sit there and say, wow, I wrote a lot today.
I'm like, yeah, I kind of did what I did.
I finished the chapter.
I didn't feel like writing anymore.
And so I stopped.
Right.
I don't even have a judgment as to whether that was right or wrong or good or bad, but that is what happened, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So why falsify things to yourself?
Thank you.
I would say it's fear of being attacked or fear of being judged for not doing enough or not being good enough.
Okay, so why not confront that?
Because you're trying to help this woman, right?
Yeah.
But you kind of have to have a dedication to truth within yourself before you help others, right?
Yeah.
So why not just say that?
Sorry, go ahead.
Well, it's kind of like you said on the live stream, physician, heal thyself.
Right.
So why not just confront that self-attack for not doing things enough?
Do you feel like you can't win against that or it's too embedded or you're just going to feel bad and lose out or what?
I think it's a mix of that and also that the inner critic might be and I don't want to deal with that.
Okay, so let's say the inner critic is right and you do two paragraphs when you have a lot of stuff to journal about and you say, well, that was great journal entry.
And your inner critic says, nah, it really wasn't.
Okay, so let's say the inner critic is right.
So then what?
Well, Ben, I'm just weak and I can't dedicate myself to what I want to do.
You know, I'm a failure.
I've always been a failure.
That's what the inner critic would say.
But the inner critic must be kind of frustrated.
Hang on, but the inner critic must be kind of frustrated that you keep lying to the inner critic.
I mean, if someone kept lying to you, you'd get kind of frustrated too, right?
The inner critic's lying.
Well, yeah, because the inner critic is saying that was not a good workout.
The inner critic is saying that was not a comprehensive journal entry, right?
Yeah.
And you keep saying, no, it was a great workout.
Or no, it was a really good journal entry or whatever, right?
So you're kind of provoking the inner critic and fueling the inner critic in the same way that you were kind of provoking the community and fueling criticism of yourself by referring to this messed up woman as a lovely person.
Yeah, that's a good point.
And it really reminds me of the Simon in the Boxer analogy you used, because I'm used to being bullied and harassed.
So I'm kind of even just doing that within my own fucking head.
Right.
Right.
And so listen, the inner critic could be right.
Yeah.
And if you keep saying to the inner critic, shut up, you're wrong.
Well, the inner critic is trying to help you by giving you an accurate assessment of your life, right?
Yeah.
You know, like while I was dealing with this ear thing, I didn't do great shows.
My inner critic was saying, these are not great shows.
They're not terrible, but they're not great.
And I'm like, yep, I can't argue with that, right?
Yeah.
And I could see from the donations that people weren't massively inspired.
I'm still glad I continued to do them, but, you know, they're getting better now, right?
So my inner critic was like, these aren't great shows.
This is not the kind of quality that you are capable of producing when you are in a great state of mind, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So if I were to be like, no, no, no, these are great shows, right?
My inner critic would get kind of annoyed, right?
Yeah.
Because I would be not taking the feedback, you know, because the inner critic, you can say it's an inner critic, but if you listen to it, generally it turns into an inner coach.
And the coach that's trying to have you be skilled and be good at something.
To be skilled and to be good at something, you have to be able to take criticism, right?
Yeah.
You know, if you're singing off-key, your singing teacher should say, that's a bit pitchy and let's work it again and try and figure out what's going on with your breath control or whatever it is, right?
If you're trying to play guitar and you're playing the wrong notes, then your guitar teacher should say, that's not correct.
Let's check your positioning of your hands, right?
So excellence requires coaching and feedback, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
And so you are treating your inner critic as if your inner critic or coach is an abuser.
Yeah.
Well, if you're calling your inner critic an abuser and a mean guy, then your inner critic is going to be annoyed.
Right.
In the same way that if you were trying to teach your kid how to jump rope or something, and they just kept yelling at you that you were just being mean and terrible, you'd get kind of annoyed, right?
Like, no, you can help.
Yeah.
And on a whole nother level, too, with the work I do with my therapist, which is a branch of internal family systems therapy, like I could actually like totally visualize and see my inner critic like he's an actual person.
And he always takes a shape or typically takes the shape of my father.
So when I see my inner critic berating me, it's pretty much the exact same situation I had with my actual father.
And yeah, it's been taking a long time to break out of that.
And I think it was around a week or two ago now, you had that live stream where, you know, you were saying to make friends with your inner parents.
Like, I'm kind of like putting those two together right now.
You know, how about your relationship with my inner parents and inner critic?
Your inner critic needs to get a seat at the table.
He's got important stuff to tell you.
Right.
Right.
And so for me, when I said over the last, you know, month or two, sorry, these shows have not been great.
I think that validates that people are like, yeah, you know, the good shows, but not great or decent shows, but not great.
So when I say, yeah, decent shows, but not great, I'm showing a comfort with my inner critic and knowing that there needs to be an improvement.
Yeah.
So my inner critic is saying these shows are decent, but not great.
Okay, but not great.
I'm like, yeah, I can't argue with that.
I think you're right.
And that gives me a gap to close, right?
But then when I talk about that on the show, I think I can say that.
People are like, okay, so Steph can listen to his inner critic and agree and all of that, right?
Because my inner critic is not abusive.
It's trying to give me realistic feedback to help me accurately assess the quality of what it is that I'm doing, if that makes sense.
Yeah, it does.
Now, I'm also curious, Steph, does you would say you'd have a good relationship with your inner critic, correct?
Yeah, I think so.
Now, has there been a time when you did not have a good relationship with it?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, for sure.
I mean, when I was younger, I'd fight tooth and nail against my inner critic.
Gotcha.
And how would that play out?
Like, would it be like your inner critic is like full-on abusing you?
Like, you're a failure.
You're never going to amount to anything, like full-on, like, verbally abusive bullying kind of thing?
No, it didn't quite work that way.
It was just that feeling that I was sort of foundationally wrong in some way.
And in a way that was just different from others.
And I mean, my inner critic kind of had a point because my thinking is very different from society as a whole.
And, you know, I'm like the bald guy from the future almost, right?
So when my inner critic was like, you are wrong, foundationally, and my inner critic was telling me that relative to social norms, I was very much in opposition or in deviation from.
And my inner critic was trying to have me close the gap between my thinking and society as a whole for reasons of obvious reproductive fitness and blah, blah, blah.
Right.
So listening to that and saying, you know what?
You're right.
You're right.
My thinking is enormously different from society as a whole.
Now, once my inner critic felt listened to, then the escalation or the aggression diminished in the same way that, you know, I mean, good customer service is, you know, if somebody's mad at you, listen, right?
Listen and agree with their experience, if not necessarily their conclusions.
Okay, because the reason why I'm asking this is because my inner critic, at times, he can be enormously helpful, whether it be in the shape of my father or other people.
But there are times when your inner critic is not in the shape of your father.
Your inner critic is in reaction to your father.
That's like saying that the antibodies are the illness.
Your inner father, so to speak, is there to protect you from your father.
He's not your father.
Your father would attack you, and then you internalize that attack to try and prevent the outer attack.
So saying that the antibodies are the same as the illness is incorrect.
The antibodies are in response to the illness and there to protect you from the illness.
Okay.
Right.
So assessing your inner father as the same as your father is to create a fractious and hostile relationship to something that is there to protect you.
Okay, because I can understand that, but it doesn't seem to help, if that makes sense, because my inner father will be really no different than my actual father at times.
It's like, how is this helping me exactly?
Because my father is telling you the purpose.
Hang on, hang on.
What is the purpose of your inner father?
Why does he exist in your mind?
The purpose of the inner father is to embody the rules and persona of my actual father.
So when I do something that I know my father wouldn't like, the inner father would attack me for it, so I don't do it.
So my actual father won't punish me.
Right.
Well, is it an attack if it is trying to keep you safe?
You say your inner father would be afraid of it.
No, I guess it wouldn't be an attack.
Yeah.
It feels like an attack, but I guess it wouldn't be crazy.
Well, it wouldn't if it's keeping you safe.
Right?
so if you think, like, let's say you're in some rural cabin, right, middle of the woods, and you see some bear prints in the ground outside, and you feel nervous about going out, right?
Yeah.
Is that nervousness, which is a negative experience, is that harming you?
No, quite the opposite.
It's trying to make sure you don't get your scalp riffed off by some grizzly, right?
Yeah.
So you are experiencing something negative in order to avoid something physically dangerous.
Right.
I mean, if you're at the beach and you see a bunch of fins in the water, like big fins, maybe it's dolphins, maybe it's sharks.
Right, but you're probably not going to go into water and find out, right?
Yeah.
So you say, well, my uneasiness about the bear or my uneasiness about the sharks is attacking me.
It's like, no, but it's not attacking you.
It's evoking a negative emotion to keep you alive.
Thank you.
Yeah, that makes sense.
My problem seems to be arising is treating my, continuing to treat my inner father like my actual father.
Right.
Which is saying my soul, the bear, my fear of the bear is the bear.
It's like, no, they're opposites.
Your fear of the bear is to keep the bear from killing you.
Your fear of the sharks is to keep the sharks from killing you.
Fear of the sharks are not the sharks.
Fear of the bear is not the bear.
They're opposites.
The bear is dangerous.
Your fear of the bear is trying to keep you safe.
Gotcha.
So it's like the kid who wants to run all over the parking lot and the parent picks him up and says no.
And the kid is like, you're such a bully, you tyrant.
It's like, no, you're going to run out and get hit by a car.
Put a helmet on your kids when they go biking, especially when they're learning, right?
Ah, yes.
You're just a bully controlling me.
Like, no, I'm trying to keep your brains inside your head.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
So when you would do something that might provoke your actual father, your inner father would tell you not to.
But then you would fight with it and hate it.
Yeah.
So if you're in the cabin and there's bear prints, like big Jurassic Park bear prints all outside the cabin, and you feel this unease, and then you say to your unease, don't you tell me what to do?
I paid good money for this cabin.
I'm going outside.
What is your unease going to do?
It's going to escalate.
That's right.
And then you're going to feel that that escalation is bullying yourself.
And screw that.
I'm going outside, right?
Well, to add to this analogy, like I'm in the cabin, there's bear prints outside.
I have no food in the house.
I need to go out and get food.
So it's like a damned if I do, damned if I don't.
I'm going to starve if I stay here.
Okay, what's massive?
What's the starvation in this analogy?
The starvation is going out and improving my life.
Say exercising more, reading more, going out, having conversations with people, like building connections.
My inner critic would attack me for trying to do that.
But I kind of want to need to do that.
Does that make sense?
Okay.
So your inner critic attacks you for self-improvement.
Yes.
Okay.
What's your relationship with your father at the moment?
It's non-existent.
He's not part of my life.
Okay.
So the bear footprints are there, which is the memory, but the bear is gone, right?
Yeah.
So the question is, why has your inner father not registered that your father is not a factor in your life?
And sorry, how long has it been since you've had a relationship with your father?
I'm four months, probably a little bit more, maybe like five now.
Okay, so that's not a long time, right?
Yeah, it's recent.
And you don't have to tell me how old you are, 30s, 40s, 20s?
I'm 29.
29, okay.
Almost 30.
Okay, so for almost three decades, your father has been a constant and dangerous factor in your life.
Is that a fair statement?
Yes.
Okay.
So to take the analogy, if we say that you have a cabin, I don't know, let's see here.
It's in the snow, right?
And there are polar bear prints.
And now it's, you know, winter might be coming to an end, but the polar bear might still be there.
Now, in summer, the polar bear is not going to be there, right?
Because it's too hot, right?
Yeah.
So it's going to take a while for your inner father to register that your outer father is no longer a vivid immediate factor, right?
Yeah.
Now, there's a way to accelerate that process, though.
Well, you got my attention.
So the way to accelerate that process is stop fighting your inner critic.
Stop lying to your inner critic and refusing to take feedback.
Stop lying to your inner critic and refusing to take a step away from the end of the day.
Gotcha.
That's a good point.
If you stop fighting your inner critic, and that doesn't mean that your inner critic is now the boss of you and everything your inner critic says is perfectly valid.
But the way to reduce the escalation or aggression from your inner critic is to listen and say, yeah, you know what?
Make the case.
Make the case.
Yeah, like you were saying earlier, he has a seat at the table.
He has a seat at the table.
He's not the boss.
He's not a slave.
He's not an enemy because he's in your head and nothing that's in your head is there to harm you.
At least, you know, I mean, maybe some extremity or whatever.
But in general, as a whole, I mean, my approach is, yeah, you know, make the case, right?
So when I was like, yeah, you know, maybe I'm not doing great shows right now.
I've been like, okay, but you know, just hear the case.
You know, maybe I'm showing some resilience in the face of, you know, a difficult situation, you know, pushing forward doing shows anyway and accepting that they're not ideal.
Maybe that's showing some kind of, I don't know, courage or resolution or something like that.
Who knows, right?
But it's like, yeah, it's a fact that my shows are not as good.
I mean, I've lacked vocal power for a while for reasons of like my ear buzzes when I talk.
So, you know, but sit down and do the shows anyway, even though it can be tough, right?
So I'm like, my inner critic says these aren't great shows.
I'm like, yes, in terms of content, maybe in terms of form, I'm showing some resolution and dedication and so on.
But I'm happy to hear the case, right?
Yeah.
So with regards to your inner critic, you acted, I think, in defiance of your inner critic by pursuing a relationship or a potential relationship with the woman you met at the dance and then introducing her as a lovely person.
I think your inner critic was probably trying to warn you.
Yeah, and he was spot on.
Right.
So the fact that you put yourself in a risky situation, I mean, let's be perfectly frank, right?
In that, listen, she could have attached to you.
She could have become a stalker.
She could have, you know, something weird could have happened when you were at her place and she didn't want you to leave.
I don't know.
But, you know, this is not a very robust and mentally healthy woman, it sounds like.
So your inner critic was probably trying to warn you and you were like, well, you're a bully and I don't listen to you.
And I'll just falsify things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're essentially just treating him like he's my actual father.
Right.
Right.
But if you have a bacteria or viruses and then you treat your antibodies as if they are the illness, you can't ever really be healthy because the antibodies are there to protect you from the illness and your inner father is there to protect you from the dangers of your outer father.
And since you couldn't negotiate with your outer father, you just had to kind of be pushed around by your inner father.
But if you actually negotiate and listen to your inner father, I think that's the best signal to your inner father that the outer father is not a direct factor anymore.
Right.
That's a very good point.
Yeah, it's like the change of the seasons.
Use the cabin analogy.
Yeah, the polar bear is gone, man.
Trust me.
And our inner selves, they're not lost to time.
They're not lost to empiricism.
Right.
So if it's summer, right, and you're still in the cabin and then you read, there's a book on bears in the cabin and you open it up and you say, they say the polar bears are never there in the summer.
Okay, it's summer, so the polar bear is gone.
Then your fight or flight mechanism should listen and relax about that.
Yeah.
That may still be a little uneasy, but...
Well, it may still be a little uneasy because it's just so used to having that bear around, but like there's reasons for it to relax.
Well, no, it won't be uneasy because there can't be a bear.
Now, maybe there's another kind of bear.
I don't know, black bear, grizzly bear, brown bear, whatever, right?
But the polar bear won't be there because it's summer.
Gotcha.
So there may be some unease because you're in the middle of nowhere and there are bears or coyotes or wolves or whatever, right?
But the polar bear, it will not be alarmed of.
Gotcha.
Yeah, that makes sense.
So with regards to your inner critic, just listen.
Now, you don't want to make your inner critic some sort of tyrant by just bowing down or fighting back, you know, for no particular reason, but it's like, if you have criticisms, let's hear them, right?
Yeah.
Let's hear them.
And then you'd be amazed.
I mean, I don't know if you've ever been in the situation where you have a criticism of someone or something, like some, maybe it could be something at the, you know, at the at a restaurant, right?
Like you get a bad meal or something like that, and they listen and they're like, you know what, we're totally sorry.
Here's a coupon for a free meal and we're not going to charge you for this one.
Don't you feel this kind of ease?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's very blissful, too.
Right.
So if you have criticisms as opposed to, well, you ordered the wrong thing and our chef is the best and, you know, we're going to charge you extra for complaining, right?
That's just going to make you more mad, isn't it?
Yeah.
If they lie to you or gaslight you or, you know, whatever, right?
That's just going to, I mean, you're certainly not going to go back, right?
So Having empathy for your inner critic, which is to say, when I have a criticism of someone, I prefer it if they listen.
Now, they don't have to agree with everything, but once I get that the person I'm criticizing understands my perspective, then things de-escalate.
Even if they may end up not agreeing with it for various reasons, but as long as I understand that they have absorbed and accepted my perspective, my criticism, then tensions diminish.
Yeah.
And even through the course of this conversation, talking about the inner critics, like I can feel a shift within me.
Like, whether it be my inner father, inner critic, or however they show up, like, there's like a renewed optimism on both our ends.
Right.
So you couldn't reason with your father and you just had to resist him, which is what your inner critic is doing.
But if you treat your inner critic like your father, your inner critic is really frustrated.
Yeah.
Right?
Like if someone has poisoned you and you're in the hospital and you fight the person trying to pump your stomach like they're trying to poison you, you're actually endangering yourself more, right?
Yeah.
Like they're trying to help you.
They're trying to get the poison out of you.
But if you say, man, this process of getting my stomach pumped is really, really unpleasant and difficult and you're trying to kill me.
Well, then you're not safe.
You're treating the person who's trying to heal you as same as the person who tried to poison you.
But the person who's trying to pump your stomach is doing it because the person poisoned you.
They are a reaction to a dangerous situation.
Whereas if you say, well, thank you, I appreciate this, blah, blah, blah, right?
Well, then they can pump your stomach and you can get better.
Yeah.
And it's all the sucks.
And it's all the sucks.
Yeah.
You know, stuff, I've been thinking about since I put in this call and request how this conversation was going to go and things we talk about.
I was not expecting this.
This was pretty much.
Well, that's why we have the conversations because if you expected it, you need to have the conversation.
It has to be something new, right?
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, because you had, so I think the mechanic was, sorry to interrupt.
The mechanic was you had criticisms of yourself pursuing a potential relationship with this, you know, sounds like pretty messed up woman, right?
Yeah.
So rather than say, you know, I didn't listen to my inner critic, I didn't, I wasn't skeptical and I kind of pursued this and then I wanted to help her, even though I wasn't listening to my inner critic and was kind of falsifying things to myself.
So that would be a statement of self-knowledge and all of that.
She's like, oh, no, no, no, she was lovely, lovely person.
Right.
That's a way of basically you're giving the middle finger to your inner critic, right?
Yeah.
Whereas your inner critic probably sussed her out from the beginning, right?
So this was kind of an F you to your inner critic, and you were responding to that rather than being direct and honest in the community.
Sorry, you were going to say, go ahead.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There are two things I wanted to say there.
For one, you're doing a little bit of a recap here.
Like my inner critic was just kind of laughing at me in a way.
It's like, yeah, I was kind of right the whole time.
And also, like when you said the inner critic was fussing her out from the beginning, like I was kind of skeptical almost the moment I laid eyes on her.
I don't even know what it was.
Well, it's the too good to be true.
It's the too good to be true.
She's attractive.
She's charming.
She's funny.
She's a great dancer.
She's a good company.
She's this.
Okay, then why is she alone here at a dance?
Well, I mean, I should have given this detail at the start, but her brother was part of the band.
So, yeah, she was alone on the dance floor, but she didn't just come there alone.
Okay, that's still not particularly relevant.
You know, she's 38.
Why is she if she's so wonderful, right?
Why is she still single?
Yeah.
Yeah.
When I shared my experience with this woman in Telegram and in locals, a lot of the members of community were asking the same thing.
It's like, okay, well, then why is she single at 38?
And even if it does work out, it's like, you know, getting a woman pregnant at that age is almost impossible.
Well, and listen, I mean, it certainly is within the realm of possibility that she's single at 38 because she's really wonderful and nobody can appreciate her value and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I get that.
Yeah.
But it's also possible to save your retirement by winning the lottery, but it's not what we bank on, right?
Yeah, exactly.
So skepticism is important and healthy.
And listen, you can listen to your inner critic and still go on the hike.
Like if you said it's important, you said you haven't been on a date in 10 years, you just wanted to kind of rip the bandaid off or go on some damn date.
Okay, so you can listen to the inner critic.
And he's going to say, look, there's these red flags, there's these red flags.
Let's not go into this blindfolded, right?
You can listen to your inner critic and say, you know what?
Everything you're saying makes sense.
And I accept that.
I still want to go on the date because I just have to get some experience in dating.
Yeah.
So your inner critic is like, look, if you want to go out of the cabin because you're hungry or whatever, right?
So if you want to go out of the cabin when there's bear prints around, what does your inner critic say?
If you want to go out of the cabin, you say, you know what, I accept that there could very likely be a dangerous bear out there, but I really want to go out of the cabin.
What's your inner critic going to say?
Well, he'll make his case and he'll object to it.
Nope.
No.
No.
Inner critic doesn't want you to starve to death if you're hungry, right?
True.
So, what is your inner critic going to say if you want to step out of the cabin and there could be a bear around?
Oh, proceed with extreme caution.
Yeah.
Take maybe the guns.
Grab the gun.
Keep your eyes peeled.
Like, go out, but be aware of the danger.
Yeah.
Whereas my approach was, you know, take like those lyrics from Rage Against the Machine, you know, fuck you.
I won't do it if you tell me.
So what you said was, not only is there no bear, there's a beautiful baby deer fawn out there.
She was lovely.
You're a lovely person.
You're a lovely person.
Yeah.
And what that does is it puts the idea into the community, people in the community's head, that someone can be a lovely person and turn out to be completely messed up.
Well, what that does is it gives other people the idea that let's say they go out to some place and they meet a woman who seems lovely, they're going to be like, oh yeah, but she could turn out to be really messed up.
But that's not fair to give that impression to other people, right?
Right.
Yeah.
And what this woman was saying.
Well, that's even what this woman was saying, too, because when I was pushing back on some of her relationships with friends with benefits, I'm like, well, what were the red flags?
Like, how do you even determine a good person from a bad person?
It's like, oh, everybody seemed great.
And, you know, there are all these great things about them.
It's to imply that there's no way to tell a good person from a bad person.
Right.
Right.
And that then transferred to you and transferred to the live stream.
Yeah.
And everybody on the live stream, even my aforementioned comments in Telegram and locals, everybody pushed back.
So what did this woman do to vet you over the course of the dance and over the course of the week before you met up for the hike?
Well, frankly, she didn't do any.
Right.
So she just sailed off.
Didn't ask you about your history, didn't ask you about your relationships, didn't ask you about your intentions, didn't ask you anything, right?
No.
And frankly, it was even worse than that, too, because there would be times where she would ask a little bit about me.
There'd be something related to something going on in her life.
And then the conversation would just flip back to her, all talking about her.
Right.
So, yeah, she didn't want to get to know me at all, really.
Yeah, and she's almost a decade older than you, and she's sailing into the land of no fertility, and she's not vetting you at all.
Yeah.
Well, that's also true for me.
Yeah.
Yeah, which is something I've struggled with in my limited experience trying to date women is there's not a lot of women that are curious about me.
It's pretty much always one-sided.
Well.
Why do you think that is?
Um...
Thank you.
Why do I think that is?
It's probably because I'm just yawing for not good women.
Well, you're dealing with women at a surface level.
She's pretty and charming, right?
Yeah.
Right?
This is what a lot of relationships, quote relationships are based on.
Fun, sex.
And maybe some shared experiences, right?
Status or whatever, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Fun, sex, and lust or whatever it is, right?
There's like the girls say about the girl.
He's cute and funny, right?
So you're dealing with these women at a surface level.
And then you complain that they're not interested in you at a deep level.
Yeah.
They're superficially charming and pretty.
And you're like, okay, sounds great.
Yeah.
And what I do is start to go a little deeper with these women.
They'll break it off, which it sucks, but it's also a good thing.
It's like, I don't want to date them anyway.
No, but your inner critic will steal you away from these women to begin with, but you got to listen.
Because your inner critic, right?
Your inner critic will say, with regards to this woman, I don't know exactly, right?
But your inner critic would say something like this, I think.
Okay, so she's pretty, she's charming, but she's too old.
And she's not vetting you.
She doesn't seem to have a job.
She complains about her exes.
You know, I mean, I know some of that was overlapping onto the hike and all of that.
But your inner critic would be skeptical to begin with and would say, why are you attracted to this woman?
Because she's fun and pretty, right?
Yeah.
Now, what does philosophy say about why you should be attracted to a romantic partner?
Attracted to her virtues.
Right.
So, at the dance, did she display any particular virtues?
No.
Over the course of texting?
Over the week, did she display any particular virtues?
None.
So your inner critic was probably yelling in your ear, and you're like, shut up.
I just need to go on a date.
Yeah.
And maybe I can get laid.
Well, that was a very rough thought, but I wasn't about to do that either.
Well, it's pretty tough if she's an attractive woman and she comes along.
She comes at you really strong when you go to her place.
It's pretty tough to resist.
I mean, the better thing is to not get into those situations to begin with.
Yeah, you're right.
Yeah, you're right.
So if you're going to engage with women at a superficial level based upon, you know, fun and Pretty as opposed to moral and honest, then there's really not much point complaining that they don't seem to be very curious about you because you're dealing with them at a very superficial level, right?
Fun and pretty.
Heavy.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
And if you're looking at a woman who's 38 and is, quote, fun and pretty, then you have to look and say, okay, she's been in the dating market for more than 20 years, right?
And nobody has snapped her up.
Yeah.
Thank you.
If a used car has been on the lot for 20 years and nobody has bought it, what are the odds it's a really high quality used car?
Oh, next to none.
Right.
Especially if to continue to use that analogy, if people just use it for like a month or two and give it back.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The odds of it being a lemon are close to 100%, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, if there's a car for sale and they're honest about it, said this car was made over 20 years ago and nobody has owned it for more than a month or so and everybody who owns it is very enthusiastic and then wants to sell it within a couple of weeks, the odds of it being a high-quality car are very low.
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
But you're cutting out a little bit here and there, little robotic sounds.
I'm not sure if that's my end or yours.
I mean, I'm on a very used data line, so I don't think it's mine.
But as long as you're getting the gist, I have a local recording, so we should be all right.
Okay, good.
So, yeah, I mean, I don't have much more to add other than, look, I appreciate the frankness that you brought this topic up with.
And none of this is a criticism, you understand, right?
I mean, none of this is any kind of finger wagging or nagging or anything like that.
But I will say that the real dedication is pretty hard for me to make out what you're saying, but yeah, I do appreciate that.
Okay, so if something's going wrong with your data line, you'll just have to listen to it at the end.
So I'll close off here and just say, just in general, you got to make friends with your inner critic.
They have real valuable stuff.
They're trying to keep you safe.
They're trying to keep you protected.
And the best way to reduce any hostility or aggression in your inner critic is to listen and to accept what the inner critic has to say, which doesn't mean to agree with everything, but just listen and you'll find that there's a lot of valuable information that you can get that really helps guide you through life.
Rejecting your inner critic is like rejecting physical pain.
Like you need physical pain in order to help you navigate safely through life.
And you need an inner critic in order to navigate safely through life.
And I think that's the better approach.
All right.
So it sounds like you can't hear me too well.
So I'll just close off here unless there's anything you wanted to say at the end.
Well, no, I appreciate that.
Yeah, you're starting to come through better now.
It's probably just Telegram.
But yeah, I appreciate that.
Yeah, it's a dedication to honesty, truth, and curiosity.
Beautiful.
Just, you know, working with my inner critic.
Yeah, like my inner critic was skeptical, like I said, from the moment I even put my eyes on her looking back.
Yeah, I would just say, you know, sit down, do some journaling, and ask your inner critic to list out everything that he saw at the very beginning.
And, you know, just say, I'm going to listen.
It doesn't mean we're always going to agree, but I'm absolutely going to listen.
Yeah.
Have the conversation.
Yeah.
All right, man.
Well, I appreciate the chat today.
And I look forward to seeing you on the live streams.
And I really do appreciate this topic.
I think it's very important.
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Steph.
Thanks, man.
Appreciate it.
Bye-bye.
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