Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux - Do You Have Good Rules for Conflict in Your Marriage?
Aired: 2025-07-12
Duration: 04:43


=== Reasonable Rules Engagement (04:43) ===

[00:00:00]  Now, do you guys have good rules or reasonable rules for conflict?
[00:00:02]  Like no yelling, no race, no intimidation, no name-calling?
[00:00:06]  Do you have those kind of rules of engagement?
[00:00:08]  Look at me getting all military in my language here.
[00:00:10]  Do you have those basic Geneva Convention rules of engagement in your marriage?
[00:00:14]  Yeah, we don't yell at each other, and we can have debates, and he hears me out, and I feel respected in those debates, but ultimately he does get the final say if it comes down to disagreement that lasts a bit long in the conversation.
[00:00:33]  And I assume you guys are Christians, is that where that's coming from?
[00:00:39]  Yes.
[00:00:40]  Okay.
[00:00:40]  All right.
[00:00:41]  So I'm not obviously going to try and dislodge any of that.
[00:00:43]  That's the core of your marriage, the core of your faith, and the foundation of your relationship.
[00:00:47]  I'm not going to poke at anything to do with that.
[00:00:50]  So it sounds to me, this is where I get all female and intuitive.
[00:00:56]  So forgive me if I get things completely biased backwards.
[00:01:00]  I could be talking out of my armpit and going entirely in the wrong direction.
[00:01:03]  So forgive me if I do and put me straight if I do that.
[00:01:08]  But it sounds to me like Bro is kind of pissed that the house is a mess.
[00:01:17]  And he views that as you failing at your job and he's punishing you by sending you back to work.
[00:01:22]  And what he really wants is a clean and well-run household.
[00:01:24]  But because he's not getting that, he's kind of angry.
[00:01:26]  He doesn't know how to get it.
[00:01:27]  So he's going to be like, fine, well, you just have to go back to work then.
[00:01:30]  It's almost like a going to the brick or, you know, some sort of punishment.
[00:01:36]  You're being put on potato peeling duty because you talked back or something like that, or you didn't make your bed so tight that you could bounce a quarter off it.
[00:01:43]  So it sounds like he's sort of maybe a little rigid, maybe a little focused on appearance.
[00:01:48]  And because you're not doing a good job at the home, he's firing you by kicking you upstairs into a job.
[00:01:54]  And I think that that's a bit of a power play.
[00:01:57]  And I think that comes from his anger, which is then going to generate your anger at feeling bullied.
[00:02:02]  Does that make any?
[00:02:02]  This is obviously completely intuitive.
[00:02:04]  So I could be totally wrong.
[00:02:09]  Yeah, that could be a big part of it.
[00:02:12]  I'd say that might be 80%.
[00:02:14]  And then there's, I mean, I guess to make a case for both of us, which isn't going to be a good one, and just, but let me.
[00:02:23]  Make it away.
[00:02:26]  If I don't do this job, they're probably going to hire a worse woman for it.
[00:02:33]  And no, no, no, no, no.
[00:02:36]  I'm sorry.
[00:02:37]  I just felt parts, a significant portion of my brain liquefy in my skull.
[00:02:41]  I know.
[00:02:44]  Are you saying that if you don't do the job for the government, they're going to hire someone worse to do it?
[00:02:48]  Well, it's half a joke.
[00:02:52]  I'm so sorry to keep interrupting you.
[00:02:54]  I just, I have to deliquefy this part of my brain or I'm just going to slosh around like a bag of tomato soup for the rest of the day.
[00:03:00]  So the principle is you can't quit on a job because they're going to have somebody worse do it.
[00:03:07]  Well, how about the job called motherhood?
[00:03:10]  You're quitting on that job and having somebody worse do it, which is a daycare worker.
[00:03:14]  Isn't that a slightly more important job than whatever email nonsense you're doing for the government?
[00:03:19]  Yes.
[00:03:21]  So that principle makes no sense at all.
[00:03:23]  Well, I have to have you dump her kid in daycare because we can't have other people doing a worse job.
[00:03:33]  I mean, I have to exhaust all the silly things.
[00:03:36]  If he listens to this, he has, you know, all of the things have to be knocked down.
[00:03:41]  And he's welcome to call, of course, as well.
[00:03:43]  I'd be happy to chat with him, but go ahead.
[00:03:46]  I mean, I don't know what other silly things I could knock down.
[00:03:50]  I am qualified to do this job.
[00:03:51]  I'm good for the position.
[00:03:54]  Probably not the best, but the likelihood that they'll find someone else who's better at this specific thing is not very high.
[00:04:02]  And I don't know if it's worth the cost.
[00:04:09]  You know, when the government gets more efficient, people's liberties tend to diminish, right?
[00:04:14]  The inefficient government is often the only chance we have for freedom.
[00:04:17]  So the fact that they might replace you with somebody less competent in a government job, it seems a big plus to me.
[00:04:23]  But anyway, go ahead.
[00:04:26]  Yeah.
[00:04:27]  All right.
[00:04:30]  Okay, so that's your 80% is he just is firing you for being a bad housekeeper and kicking you into a job.
[00:04:36]  Maybe 10% is this, well, we can't have a worse person doing your job, ignoring the whole daycare situation.
[00:04:42]  What else have we got?