Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux - How to Get a Girlfriend in Your 30s
Aired: 2025-07-08
Duration: 05:35


=== Regret in Relationships (05:35) ===

[00:00:00]  And I was saying this on X Today.
[00:00:06]  That if you get early, mid-20s without a girlfriend, what do you signal to a woman?
[00:00:18]  What is it like to be, because what are women looking for?
[00:00:20]  What is it like to be on the receiving end of a guy who's 24, 25, never had a girlfriend?
[00:00:26]  Well, first of all, she's going to assume that you're a pornography addict, right?
[00:00:30]  And she probably is right.
[00:00:32]  Not always, but probably.
[00:00:34]  But she's also going to say, okay, so Bro has had like seven, eight, nine years to get a girlfriend.
[00:00:41]  He's been unable to get a girlfriend.
[00:00:42]  Either all the women are saying no, and if all the girls and women say no, well, there's probably a reason, or he lacks that elemental courage to just ask girls out, get knocked down, get back up again, ask some other girl out, get knocked down.
[00:00:58]  I mean, God, go learn from our Arab friends, right?
[00:01:04]  So it's really tough.
[00:01:07]  It's really tough to get, because women are looking for courage, right?
[00:01:10]  They're looking for courage.
[00:01:11]  I mean, instinctually, they're looking for courage, assertiveness.
[00:01:13]  They're looking for directness.
[00:01:14]  They're looking for maybe even a certain level of aggression because you had to historically fight with other men for the resources.
[00:01:22]  And she's not going to want to mate with a guy who doesn't display any particular signs of courage and directness.
[00:01:30]  And I see something, I go for it.
[00:01:32]  If I get it or not, it's not as important as the fact that I saw it and went for it.
[00:01:38]  So you don't have a long time.
[00:01:41]  You don't have a long time.
[00:01:42]  The quality women are getting snapped up left, right, and center, of course, right?
[00:01:46]  And from, I don't know, when people start dating, 16, 15, 16, 17, you've got eight years, nine years.
[00:01:56]  And this is not an absolute rule.
[00:01:57]  There's exceptions and so on.
[00:01:59]  But you don't have as long as you think you do.
[00:02:01]  And it's not a straight line and then a drop-off, right?
[00:02:05]  You have sort of fairly significant sexual market value when you're young, late teens, right?
[00:02:09]  For men too and women, right?
[00:02:11]  And then it goes down.
[00:02:13]  It doesn't just and then pop doesn't drop off a cliff.
[00:02:15]  It goes down.
[00:02:16]  Every day you don't ask a girl out and get her to at least get on a date at some possibility.
[00:02:23]  Every day you don't do that, your sexual market value declines.
[00:02:27]  Every cigarette you smoke increases your risk of cancer.
[00:02:30]  And every day you let go by without talking to a girl, asking a girl out, doing the manly business of continuing the line and falling in love and having children and a legacy and people to take care of you when you're old.
[00:02:48]  Every day you don't do that, your sexual market value diminishes.
[00:02:51]  I'm just being straight up with you.
[00:02:53]  I want to help.
[00:02:55]  I want you to panic a little bit.
[00:02:57]  I want you to panic.
[00:02:58]  And again, it's not an absolute hard and fast rule.
[00:03:00]  There's exceptions, but don't count on being the exceptions.
[00:03:03]  That's like not saving for your retirement saying, I'll just play the lottery.
[00:03:07]  There are exceptions, but don't plan on them.
[00:03:10]  Grandma Moses became a famous artist later on.
[00:03:13]  *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh* *Sigh*
[00:03:27]  And it doesn't guarantee, of course, that you're going to get the love of your life, but it's guaranteed that you won't if you don't try anything.
[00:03:33]  That I guarantee you.
[00:03:35]  If you don't try anything, you get nothing.
[00:03:40]  And I'll tell you the last thing the devil does, and I'll make sure I get you your questions.
[00:03:43]  So the last thing the devil does is when it's beyond fixing, he lifts the veil.
[00:03:48]  It's also called a midlife crisis or perpetual regret.
[00:03:54]  When it is beyond fixing, the devil will lift the veil and regret will come pouring in.
[00:04:03]  Ah, shit, I should have.
[00:04:06]  Come on.
[00:04:09]  There's literally a meme for this or a trope for this, and it's way older than memes and tropes, but the one that got away.
[00:04:17]  Don't you have if you're a man, some girl, a woman, if you're a woman, some boy or man.
[00:04:25]  I should have.
[00:04:27]  I wonder if I let her get away.
[00:04:30]  It'll slip through my fingers.
[00:04:31]  I mean, I've got tons of messages over the years from the guys who are like, man, she was flirting with me.
[00:04:35]  I didn't even realize it.
[00:04:37]  She kept hanging around and laughing and touching her hair.
[00:04:39]  She touched me on the knee.
[00:04:40]  She asked me to start a fire for her when we were camping.
[00:04:42]  And I was just like, okay, I'll go get the wood.
[00:04:47]  And I sympathize because, you know, we're not raised well.
[00:04:51]  I sympathize.
[00:04:53]  But don't be, you know, it's a long life to have regret in, man.
[00:04:58]  It is a long life to have regret in.
[00:05:00]  And you may even curse the longevity of life if you have too much regret.
[00:05:03]  I don't regret the things I've done.
[00:05:06]  In general, people regret the things they don't do.
[00:05:17]  Regret is not for what you've done.
[00:05:19]  In general, regret is for what you haven't done.
[00:05:24]  All right, so let me get to your questions and comments.
[00:05:31]  All right.
[00:05:35]  Hi, Steph.